Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-18-21

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

Bill rambles about the Rich Bitch Tour, Catholics during WWII, and pink month.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Barr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday for Monday October 18th 2021 what's going on? How are you? How's it going? How's it going everybody? I hope you're having a better day than I am. I have a splitting headache Jesus Christ, I got a headache I've had it for like a day now or two days or something like that. It's just um, I

Don't know what it's just this fucking lingering cold. It won't go away. I get tested for COVID. It's not COVID I don't know what it is and every time I start to like Get on the other side of it like an asshole. I'll go smoke a cigar Thinking I'm on the other side of it and then you know Fucking comes back again But I had I had an amazing time in Atlanta, even though I didn't even go out really Really, I didn't really even go out. I just fucking stayed in my hotels And not even because I was quarantining like a good little liberal wagging my finger at you guys and your four-wheelers on your way

To your waffle house. I Had all this fucking work to do I Have so much fucking work to do That That instrument rating is slipping away from me I just don't know if I'm gonna have time to do it because I wrote a script and people might buy it And I have to do a rewrite on it and I just But that was just thinking like you know what well

All I gotta do is just fucking take the written test again And then I got another two years to do it and I'll just time it out But until then I'm still gonna fly three four times a week doing approaches. I'm still gonna look at fucking All this shit my flashcards and all that stuff. So I'll just be ready to go I'll just be ready to go. I'll stay sharp on that fine-tuning. I don't know when the fuck it's gonna happen But I feel like a fucking loser, man, but it is what it is If I try to do all of this shit something's gonna suffer and it's gonna be my dad time with my kids And I'm not doing that because speaking of that speaking of that one of the best fucking holidays to be apparent with little kids

Is coming up 13 days away baby Halloween. I Cannot fucking wait You know, I think the kids are gonna be able to go out this year, you know, they're wearing masks, right? They'll be fine. I hope I just remember how excited my daughter was a couple years ago. We got My my wife bought this little like dinosaur suit for my son Fucking the cutest thing ever the little spikes going down in the tail and all of that And he just walks around look at adorable as hell Yeah, it's gonna be awesome, man, I'm really

I'm really excited for that and I have that weekend off and I'm not doing shit I'm making pumpkin bread and I'm hanging with the kids Doing what I'm supposed to do so I don't lay in a death bed someday fucking thinking I blew it So anyway, let's get back to Atlanta What a great city great state great people and all of that and the universe has a way of balancing that if you're gonna go to Atlanta and see all those beautiful people and Eat all that wonderful food and see that whole night life and all that great shit that's going on The universe is like all right. Well, you got to pay for that. I'll be paying for that the most hellacious traffic

You'll ever sit in Other than LA trying to get from one side of the 405 to the other around fucking four o'clock It's actually worse at four than it is at five because everybody leaves around 3 30 thinking they're getting a jump And then not Five still sucks, but I don't think it sucks as bad as four. It's kind of weird. So We played three different venues me and Dean Dell right oh And then I have a couple of friends that live down there one of them Todd Parker He jumped on two of the three nights hung out every single night and

He's a guy I started after him in Boston He's only like a year older than me But he started like three four years before me or three years before me I think and the first time I ever did stand up he was I Was in that comedy competition find Boston's funniest college student and lo and behold he was one of the judges So that was pretty cool. We always talk about that. Whatever. We had a great time Do we always do hanging out laughing busting each other's balls talking about our kids and everything so it's great to see him And then another comic

That I've been friends with forever Vanessa fraction Who's been crushing it in Atlanta a lot of people don't know Atlanta is like sort of like a mini Hollywood You know that Tyler Perry stuff going on there. They shoot movies there all the time Obviously the show Atlanta is shot there. I believe unless they just take the exteriors. I believe it's all shot there, but Yeah known her for forever and she she jumped on the last night she absolutely killed which was great So a nice wide variety Bunch of different like four comics on you know the last two shows that I did which by the way was the worst traffic that night Because the venue was right next to where the Braves play

Their new one that they move closer to the people they had to move it closer To the white people so they wouldn't be sitting in that fucking traffic Like they literally weren't sure I just thought they didn't show up because they're like well the Braves are in it every year I'll wait for the World Series Having sat in that traffic. I will never trash Braves fans for not going to a game. I would never go to a game. I Would never go to a fucking game. Oh My god, dude, we sat We sat at a light I swear to God

For about 25 30 minutes trying to get through it and then the next light was like another 15 minutes and The whole time I could see the baseball stadium and the venue Yeah, nobody's going anywhere and everybody's getting frustrated and everybody starts driving like the way they drove in Boston, Massachusetts Back in the day. I don't know if they still drive that way. I was there for a week this summer They didn't seem nearly as aggressive as I remember but Yeah, there was definitely fuck you I'm blocking the intersection because I'm not waiting another light I'm just not okay. I'm just not I ain't doing it fuck off man

Don't beep at me. I got a gun too, right that type of shit, but was kind of cool though like the the The NLCS Dodgers first the Braves was going on As we were coming in people going in you could hear the crowd you felt the excitement and all of that it was really awesome And had I known it didn't I don't think it sold out I would have tried to dip in in between shows I definitely stood out there to listen to the crowd at one in between shows. I just literally just walk out The door stick my head out. I felt like I was in

You know those old baseball stories Billy crystals error, you know, and they had all three baseball teams were in In New York City and the fucking players would take the train to the ballpark or whatever like I felt that sort of felt like I'm just walking out of my house or something There's a giant baseball stadium and he had the sound of the crowd and smelling the food and all that so it was really Really awesome, but I will tell you that fucking traffic No, thank you No fucking thank you. I remember that years ago

2017 I did I Did a movie down there called the front runner and I remember one night we were we wrapped we got in the van and I was sitting in the van and for a half hour I could see my hotel and I kept asking the driver if I could just get out and walk and he said unfortunately I can't because if you get hit It you know, I'm gonna lose my job. The production's gonna have to stop up a ba-ba-ba-ba-ba So I just had to sit in this fucking van

Just sitting there like it's right there. It's right fucking there But I always once you get where you're going in Atlanta, you always always always have a good time Everything in Atlanta is a good time Even that titty bars back in the day when I went there was more like a party rather than the creepiness of Of the other titty bars, you know, I don't know that's But go every time I go there I think about doing the rich bitch tour With the late great Charlie Murphy rest his soul and Don L. Rowling's and That one. Oh my god. I gotta I gotta have Don L on one time talk about all these fucking stories

He got so fucking mad at me He got so fucking he got mad at me and Charlie did it too. It was fucking hilarious. He went on last And he was just going and going and he was just feeling it He just kept going and going and we had merch we wanted to sell the merch and the thing is if you go too long You burn out the crowd. They're not gonna buy any of these fucking t-shirts these stupid itchy t-shirts that we made And he just kept going and going and going to me and Charlie go. What the fuck is he doing? Show she went over a half hour ago. He's still going so we get into the sound booth And you know, it's all black in the sound booth. He can't see so the guy the sound booth turned the light on

And he looked and he saw the light come on both me and Charlie stood there put her arms up like dude What the fuck and he just did the big, you know with the hand like get the fuck out of here He did like another fucking 20 minutes He got on stage he was so fucking mad, you know, give me the lights on Nobody gives me lights on, you know, that's shit, right? I'm sitting there going like donnell the fuck It's like a fucking three-hour show. We're not Led Zeppelin. We got we don't sell these t-shirts We got a fucking bring them back with this big fucking fuck you fuck you fight and then like

20 minutes later we were in a bar laughing about it and that was that tour We had such a fucking great time one time donnell We were in Nashville And we went to this country-ass bar and he fucking went up on stage and did karaoke He's got a really good voice and crushed This country song Just like I never saw that coming Went into this total fucking everybody in there had cowboy boots on and wranglers, but us and he went up there

He went up there still remember it He had a cigarette he grabbed the microphone and me and Charlie were already laughing and then he just fucking killed it fucking killed it God damn it, man. I miss Charlie. That was such a fun tour. Just being on that show was so much fun I actually saw donnell What was it a couple nights ago a few weeks ago, I don't know what the fuck it was. It was Sunday night chocolate sundaes I Sweating I was the name of the show at the lab factory I went down the store and they weren't having a show so I came back and I I did that one and I've needed to

To do a set I forget why I think I had all I had shows or something on the road. So I wanted to You know shake the rust off phone one out here and Dude he was up there Murdering and I went up and had to work my ass off to just have a mediocre set Had some of the best shit that he's I've ever seen him do the best shit. I should say so check him out if you get a chance Look at me spreading the fucking love on this podcast Giving shouts out to other even despite the fact that I have a headache In a little bit of a fucking cold

You know this fucking cold is like some relative that you know, I'm gonna stay a couple of days and it's just been like a month It's just like dude You know, you don't know any chicks in this town. You can fucking sleep on a couch Fuck out of you. So tonight. I'm gonna try to like Gonna try to knock this thing out. I'm gonna try to knock this thing out, man That's what we're trying to do. Um, so anyway, let's talk alcs, baby the Boston Red Sox. What the fuck is going on? Their bats are on fire fucking grand slam In the first inning I of course missed it cuz I had shows and I was also watching the LSU

LSU Florida game Which was like madden football No field goals just touchdown next team touchdown touchdown touchdown. It was like 42 to 42 With like nine minutes to go I can't remember the last thing the LSU scored the last touchdown and then picked intercepted the ball and was able to Run out the clock after that it was like 49 42 something crazy like that And then somebody texted me said dude the fucking socks and I looked and it was eight to nothing after two innings and people were bitching

that the The fuck we played the astros they were doing some sneaky shit. That's funny thing The astros now have that fucking snake on them you know Anything they do now they're gonna be like oh, they're cheating They're fucking cheating, you know, I love that. They're cheating All these fucking asshole fans, you know They're fucking cheating. What about the steroid error? Everybody was

You know What about the fact that we have bottled water Because corporations don't give a fucking they pour it in the river to the point you have to buy clean water Which isn't really clean water the ones in the plastic bottles. They sit in fucking warehouses for years Um I don't know. So somebody bitched about it On the red red sock side and then somebody made a deflate gate comment Hey, don't get upset

You know, don't don't let these don't let the astros let all the air out of your ball is what they said Which was funny, but I really sat back. I was like, wow, that is the greatest one of the great smear campaigns of all time The deflate gate thing like that was actually legit. That's right up there with mama cats choked on a chicken boat From the mamas and the poppers everybody said that when I was growing up Everybody said that and then years later. It was like, no, she had a heart attack. That's what happened She wasn't fucking eating chicken too fast and choked on a fucking chicken boat. That's not what happened Anyway, so we will see what happens. I mean, uh

That's fucking nuts if the red socks can get by The astros It's great because if we play the Dodgers, there's a rematch Right and the Dodgers also have a chance to go back to back and it's also boston vs la beat la. That's a great one Or we play the atlanta braves who used to be The boston braves and then became the milwaukee braves and the atlanta braves And I think there was something else before that before they were the boston braves So they'll say all of that and they'll bring up fucking how babe ruth finished his career with the fucking braves

I think the boston braves believe it or not I'm not sure they're gonna bring up all of that stuff and it's gonna be fucking wonderful And if the red socks win the world series, that's number 10 and we are in double digits With the championship You know It's just pretty cool, you know for a little fucking city with four teams 17 NBA titles nine world series six daily cups

Six super balls, that's pretty fucking good Not like everybody says, um, sorry Um, so anyway this morning we get to the uh, we get to the airport And this is this poor kid just freaking out like it's been a while since I've seen a kid freaking out like this And then this asshole in a dodger's hat he must have gone to the game Looks at his girlfriend or his wife and just goes like Fucking kid better not be fucking sitting next to me I just looked at him

I love people that get mad at children I just don't understand it I was joking about that on stage, you know when I was a kid I I saw Like men yelled at babies when I was a kid. It was fucking hilarious or yelled at their wife guys. Yeah shut that fucking kid Just don't understand it so This kid was was fucking this kid went in was having a temper tantrum and uh Yeah, everybody was sitting there going like oh my god, this is going to be a loud ass flight

But uh, but also kind of you know laughing like you know, that's what happens when you fly There'll be a kid and the kid's gonna freak out it happens and at the end of the day it's a kid So why would you get mad? at a kid right so, um I don't know I just sort of stared at the guy I was I was like, what am I doing? Why am I staring at this guy?

This guy's half my fucking edge. You could throw me down to fucking baggage claim Maybe because I had a fucking headache. I didn't want to be just like really dude. It's a kid man The fuck are you doing? Fucking keep it a fucking fuck. Who says that about a kid? Huh? I'll tell you who a dodger fan Oh, I'm already I'm already warming up the shit talk for the world series if it happens a dodger fan The kinds of fans that kick a father to death in front of their kids. All right. It's been said

How come they don't get more shit for that? Jesus Christ people bring up to flake gate all the time. We didn't kill anybody Um, oh the west coast Someday they'll learn to just you know Stop it just shit talking having fun that nobody needs to get fucking stabbed Um All right, now we're gonna have all the fucking la people crying at me. All right That's kind of what happens nowadays. Um, so anyway, the kid was totally cool the whole time on the plane and uh

Until we started descending and then like, you know, our ears are bugging her So she was getting upset by that but she was yelling so much I'm like, she's actually gonna clear it out and I think she did and then she was fine And I was really happy for and I was just really happy that nobody yelled at the kid because I've seen that happen I saw a guy do that on the red line one time the subway in Boston We were fucking somewhere near like Quincy on our way out to like, you know on the brain train line And this guy got up this woman's kid was crying he got and it was only like five people on the train

And he got up Walked over to this mother just by herself a young mom with the kid It said can you shut that kid up and blah blah blah blah and I was sitting there going like, oh my god I can't believe he's doing that, right? But I didn't do anything And then this woman this black woman got up and just fucking laid into the guy go what the hell's we have? It's a baby get over there and sit down. She would damn I would sit down and then I just felt like the biggest pussy ever that I didn't do anything

Uh, but I didn't all freckles kept his fucking mouth shut That was like, I don't want to get into a fight on this fucking train I don't need that This guy's gonna yell at a baby and then beat me up. I don't fucking you know Just want to get to my fucking piece of shit car and get home So anyway, oh another thing like there wasn't enough traffic This is so funny. We go to leave and we go to go to the airport And there's a fucking marathon. I'm like you got to be shitting me but fortunately

Where we were at all the people that were gonna run it had already gone by So it was just sort of the walkers and like the old people you cannot fucking believe the shape that some people are in And they get through a marathon I was looking at some of them. I'm like, oh my god In my shape, I wouldn't want to walk five miles I walk five miles in the bottom of my feet, you know Start getting like whatever you call those things They start getting like uh, start peeling and shit like I can't fucking handle. I mean, obviously you go out

I guess you get a new Sneaker you get some fucking inserts or something like that But I was looking at these people like uh, you know good for you. Jesus Christ It was the fucking, you know, it was the hojo crowd I saw them walking along They'd run a little bit and then they would walk And then I saw like there was a clock and it just said 20 miles to go I was like fuck me

Has anybody ever done that I don't want to talk to somebody that oh if you ran one, let me know But also like you're just out of shape, right? And you just say I'm gonna fucking do I yet. I'm just gonna do this Like I guess if you just keep you know, just keep going you can do it, but oh my god You know I've been really dedicated to a few things in life, but everything else I never had a problem quitting it And that would be one of them, you know what I think I could run like half of it and then I'll just walk And then I'll just walk the rest of it and then what I would do is I would run like maybe

Two or three miles and then I would walk maybe you know, I would be like all right. I'm quitting at eight. I'd quit at eight miles Then I'd be in traction Oh my god, if I walked fucking eight miles that would be the end of my week And these fucking people like I keep thinking people are older than me and I forget how old I am You know because now I see people because I've taken care of myself, you know, I use lotion and shit But you know, if you didn't use lotion and you just kept fucking eating cinnabon and fucking shotgun and beers By the time you're 53 years old, man, you you can look like a fucking sea captain

Like some fucking lobster fisherman, man, like All fucking weathered and shit. I've seen a few people. Well, I'm just like God damn. I'm older than I got you by five fucking years You know, it makes me feel good about myself because I'm vain but on the other side I'm like, you know, this guy's really actually showing me how old I am. I'm really not fooling anybody Just as I keep painting the house I keep putting lotion on my face is what I do like the fucking fighting irish. They keep they paint their helmets before every game So they look special. I think that that's why they do it. So everybody knows that they're coming

Um Or is that they're not You know, they're they're wearing their sin on top of their head Having gold helmets and they spray paint the gold before every game reminding All the parishioners of The the the gold that you know

was found After world war two that they had somehow gotten from the nazis that were taken from jews Isn't that what happened? Can you imagine what what kind of side deals was the vatican making? When that whole thing is going down Okay And they're running this business now who's kidding? The catholic church is basically netflix before netflix. It's like netflix with religion

They went global with that shit And now they're sitting there And all their customers are killing each other, right? And they're sitting in that sovereign state vatican city Now there's no fucking way they weren't talking to both sides Right that had to have there was a lot of that from what I heard Even on the allied side. I've heard talks about america doing it

Fucking england doing it. There was a lot. That was a lot of chatter. There's a lot of chatter people trying to position themselves. Let me see catholic church position in world war Two all right. I wrote war. W. O. A. R. I don't know why I wrote that like bore World war two. Here we go. What do we got here? All right Vatican records, why do they always keep records? I don't understand that

If you're doing fucked up shit, why do you write it down? And why don't you just lie and say oh, you know We were on the allied side pope pious the 12th was silent during the holocaust Yeah, I mean that would be like if one streamer You know against another streaming company if they find out that All the customers for their streaming company were getting fucking murdered. They would be like hey, that's more fucking less competition So many layers to this especially if you're dumb like me and you just plug in your own theories without really reading about now

The Vatican records may reveal whether he collaborated With the nazis. Well, I think the fact that he kept his fucking mouth shut I Think he was sitting there at the very least going like all right. I don't know who's gonna win But I want to survive And this little sweaty guy with this silly little mustache doesn't seem to be mad at us yet so why Start that okay, this guy obviously does not fear the afterlife considering what he's doing

so And he has tanks with fucking Porsche engines in them. Uh, we need okay. It was a saturday Shabbat, what does that mean shabbat? Shabbat ranks in october 1943 the nazis have been occupying Rome for a month Which is where the Vatican is for other morons out there like me and hour before sunrise They surrounded the jewish ghetto and began La razzia the roundup Evil bastards within a few hours more than a thousand italian jews mostly women and children heartless fucking bastard

Had been herded together a few blocks from the walls of Vatican city as one Why wouldn't they let them go into the walls? Why wouldn't they save themselves? preservation as one nazi ambassador later put it the jews were loaded into trucks and taken away under the pope's very windows Whether the pope witnessed the deportation or not. He said nothing Only 16 of those jews would survive. There you go There you go. I looked up one thing and I read it I didn't even read the whole thing

And now I will tell that story Until I eat too many trans fats and forget it. All right, so Yeah, there was a lot of uh, there was a lot of that There was a lot of that uh You know or the other way to do it was you remain neutral Like you know, I don't want to get involved in this. I don't want to get involved in this like sweden. Don't want to get involved Okay, we're just you know, we're just

conscious Consciously, uh, none of you know objectors. We're just Just sort of watching this Watching it unfold. Do you know I've told this story before that Sweden wasn't an economic power at that time Before the war but after the war They became an economic power for the fact that they were just they were still standing and their city was functioning Uh

Because everything else had been fucking laid to waste and one of the things that they did was they looked the other way whether nazis came in to sweden to go into norway to uh Take those guys over and they look the other way and let them use their own train system and uh If I remember correctly, this is how the swedes told me this

that norway Sweden had used to own the the lower third of their country And norway through whatever negotiations or whatever they they'd finally gotten it back And then world war two happened and sweden let the nazis get on their trains and go into norway and fucking You know fuck shit up over there And the war ends sweden's still standing so there are massive economic power just because their lights are still on norway is in disarray and at one point they actually tried to sell What they got back back to sweden just to get out of just to get the fucking economy going in sweden said no

You know really cunty move said no but then the irony of all ironies Is they discovered a bunch of oil. I don't know if it's in that part of the land And now norway has a ton of fucking money and this The swedish guy said yeah now we go into Norway and we do the jobs that norwegians don't want to do How fucking funny is that? Look at bill. Look at this like becoming a little More on history for you here. All right. Let me read the uh

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Hey, billy red sack. I love that one. That's like right to the fucking point. Hey billy red sack Uh, i'm a few weeks behind but you've asked for examples of people dying in the midst Of living out their worst fears. Did I ask for that? I have one of the worst With a link to the news story too. Oh jesus Oh jesus There was a nurse who was prepping a patient for an MRI the patient was very claustrophobic So asked for a sedative to help her relax

Yeah, those MRIs man you know I've had a couple of those I just I always just say I could breathe and there's nothing on my chest so it doesn't bother me But I know I don't suffer like from claustrophobia like You know you got to do like my older brother used to sit on my chest and I can't breathe and you start freaking out I hate that shit. So I can't imagine people that are claustrophobic going into those things. So anyway, the doctor ordered Versed which is like a volume the nurse couldn't find versed in the medication dispenser

Probably because that is a brand name so she got Vecaronium instead Vecaronium is a medication used in surgery to paralyze all the muscles of the body So the patient doesn't thrash around while being operated on It also paralyzes your muscles of breathing Which is why in surgery you have to have a breathing to put in. Oh my god I asked you to send this in this is fucking horrific

It only paralyzes your muscles. It doesn't sedate or knock you out So it is never given alone as it would be a terrible feeling to not be able to move speak or breathe On your own but to be able to feel everything happening Well, that's what happened to the woman in the MRI. Oh my god. She couldn't call for help She was already claustrophobic and then when she slid into the narrow tube She was given the drug to help her relax She became fully paralyzed and couldn't call out or squeeze the panic ball. They give you to signal for help So she died of suffocation in a small enclosed place helpless and fully conscious until the end. Well

Oh my god, well, how quick does the medicine come on? I mean if she couldn't call out from help in the very beginning, maybe it came on quickly And if I've ever seen those UFC members one time watching stevo get choked out like he was out immediately I hope for this person. I'm not claustrophobic but in terms of living through your worst fears And having the worst happen. I think that one takes the cake. Jesus christ Here's a story about it tennessee.com Jesus christ, there's one for tennessee get your MRI in kentucky Or go south down to georgia. Uh lady listener

Oh, this is the lady that just fucking rips me a new one rips me a new one Uh, and what I love about it is she already like She's so emotional and so mad That right above she goes lady listener dash fucking above your pay grade You know so her egos in check Dear bill bow tea baggins Uh Wait, is this the one no, no, no, this isn't the one is this the lady there was a couple that ripped me this week

No, no, I think this is the lady Wait a minute, wait a minute, is this the one Wait a minute Where the fuck is this email it didn't come in I'm gonna have to edit this part out because I'm just sitting here babbling Wondering where the fuck it this thing is. No, there was some woman giving me shit about Saying stuff about the fucking pink stuff in the nfl. Where the hell's that one? This other woman's just giving me shit saying I'm un-fuckable

Like I didn't already know that it's like, you know, I go out in the world with this face. I you know, I Went up to bat With this hand that I was dealt Um Where's fears? Oh pink shit coming. Okay. Yeah. Oh here is. Okay. Okay. Okay Pink shit comic comment dear billy clueless I was incredibly surprised by your ignorant comments about breast cancer awareness events in the nfl during the commercial read of your mmp

um Well, then you're obviously not a regular listener. I always Was talking about how they wore that pink stuff and then that whole That wasn't I'll wait till the end. I'll wait till the end about Talking about this shit first your sexist comment About it being the month of the lady No, that wasn't a cute thing month of the lady Okay, I'm sexist

I mean I am According to other women. So I guess you're another woman say that completely degrades women in general How If I say the month of june is gay pride month does that degrade? Gay people I guess because I said the lady what was I supposed to say the warriors Okay, don't say you were just kidding. You weren't I can say whatever I want What the fucking why are you talking to me like you're my parent Now don't say you just you were just kidding. You weren't this is this is what it's like

To do stand up now How they took it is how you meant it and you can tell them I didn't mean it that way you're lying All right, evidently, you know what my thoughts are. Okay. This was evident by your next dumbass comment Wait a minute My next dumbass my whole podcast is one dumbass comment after another Why are you fucking dying on this hill? You could have chose all of these other? Well, you could have got outside yourself and had empathy for somebody else that didn't suffer from something But no, no, no not you but wait, you're a better person. All right

This was evident by your next dumbass comment I kind of like this like because half the times I forget what I said Saying what's up with all the pig shit? Well, I'm a comedian. I mean, that's how we get into subjects. What's the deal with pig shit? Now you have no idea what that moment is about Oh, I can explain that to you Yeah, that whole cancer awareness and holding that thing up. I believe it or not People are aware that there is cancer and people are aware that people have died of it

Do you know how many fucking friends and family I have lost to cancer? Do you have any fucking idea? All right, if you were at a party, I wouldn't fucking bring a sign and hold the guy's fucking name up in front of you And ruin your fucking party You know, I this is that the I watch sports to escape that I do benefits all the fucking time for this shit I meet the people I see them in the beds fucking withering away. I saw my buddy like that Yeah, like I'm watching a football game Everything on facebook all of this shit is all gloom and doom all the news is gloom and doom

The weather channel is gloom and doom I have one oasis to watch a bunch of people Have a ball and try to get it across to fucking goal line and people have to bring up gloom and doom again That's what I mean. Like why are you doing that? Why are they doing that? Anyway, and if you knew anything about the nfl, which I don't think You uh, not that you don't know about this sport like they have had a sort of a like a checkered past when it comes up

Comes to these types of things where it looks like they're doing these things And they're actually making a fuckload of money off of it Which I believe the first time they did the pink thing Um for what I read allegedly remember those pink jerseys you'd buy and you think way my you know My aunt or uncle died of cancer. I'm going to buy this pink jersey And this is you know, so nobody else that has to go through it evidently like half of one percent of the money for the jersey Went to cancer and the rest of it went to the nfl. That's what I read It's kind of like when they did the support the troops thing and they would cut to a troop sitting in the crowd

And you thought oh look at them they're patriotic and then you found out that they when Whoever they were showing be at a marina or a Navy guy or whatever they charged that branch of the service for a commercial So All right, but whatever but I you know, let's get back to her ripping me a new one It's about educating women about a disease that kills far more women than covet 19 A virus you relentlessly talk about Well, wait a minute now i'm offended

Okay Are you saying that all of those people? I mean, how many people need to die? Before I don't talk you're doing the same thing to me So not enough people talk died of covid So you find me talking about it relentless All right, I'll try to ease it up Uh early detection is vital to surviving enter cancer really? Oh, there's some new information. Everybody knows that

I got yet another colonoscopy. I got fucking jacuzzo going up my ass here in another fucking month But but that you know, I almost forgot That that was that there was gonna camera was gonna go up my ass I I almost forgot but thank god that guy had a okay. I got it. I get it. I get it now. I see your point Um as a person who has seen breast cancer completely destroy families Well, who hasn't It could have been prevented with early detection. I applaud the nfl for trying to make a difference. Okay now there right there Your heart is in the right place

Okay You ever go out on a date, ma'am And you dated you go on a date with the guy And you just think he's a dream boat and then after your date you're talking him up To your friend and your friend just has this look on her face or his face And you're like what what's going on? Yeah, you know You might not want to have a second date with that guy that guy, you know, he's a little shady

I'm sure he I'm sure he was nice. I'm sure he was polite. I'm sure he held the door. That's what the nfl is You just have to know that. Okay Um I'll leave it at that and you could enjoy yourself thinking that their heart is in the right place Their heart is at the bank always Um, if you if having quote the pink shit on the field helps educate And encourage women viewers on their or their significant others to discuss early detection and save lives Then yeah, it's worth your clueless ass being annoyed by it

All right Okay, I mean Look, I've been watching the nfl and I've seen what they've been doing for the better part of a half a century And uh, you know, okay I mean, these are the same people also knew that the players were getting brain damage and they they suppressed the fucking information and now they've settled out of court for these

like Pathetic sums and now they're fucking with people's money and i'm reading this thing that they Grade on a racial curve as far as the they're just using all these fucking flim flam ways to try to get out of paying it But i'm sure they're I'm sure their hearts in the right place here And I am a clueless idiot and i'm sexist and i'm a fucking moron And uh, I shouldn't can relentlessly talk about covid because not enough people have died of that And it hasn't led to yet another great small business down the road going out of business. That's great. Yeah, so i'll shut up about that

um Anyways, think of it this way if the if the pink shit caused you and the lovely neah to have a conversation That leads to her being more aware of the disease and how to prevent it You should be thankful for the pink shit now first of all like this is really condescending. How fucking dumb do you think I am? That I just sit there and I go, I don't know breast cancer exists and then some pink fucking sweatband goes by oh wait a minute I need to have a talk with my wife Anyway, she goes I know this your children will be thankful That it may have saved your mom's life

Jesus how hard is this person trying to sell their point bringing my my family right into it my wife gets checkups Okay, I get checked for the ass cancer. I have people look at my heart I do all of this shit because I've lost like three friends to heart attacks. I've lost countless people to cancer all right Okay, and it's really sad And I miss all of those people and it would be nice to watch a football game and not be reminded of it It feels like more it should be on the news Or a billboard sports are supposed to be an escape

I feel that's just my own opinion and I'm entitled to it and I can have that Okay without you coming at me and calling me sexist um Anyway, and you're also really late to the party because I did a bit about this on the talk show one time And it fucking killed as far as I remember. So anyway, all right. Well, you know, maybe someday I can fucking be as enlightened as you are And set aside this pandemic Okay Lady listener

Fucking above your pay grade. Oh fucking above your pay grade. All right. So now I read this in a different Contest this woman is talking about banging somebody I guess better than you are um Dear bill bow teabaggans I'm a lady listener Now, why would you say you're a lady listener that is sexist and offensive to women? And I'd like to share a female female perspective to help balance out your podcast. Oh jesus Well, yeah, I've been asking you guys to write in

You know, I mean granted I don't say anything that makes you want to write in other than tell me to go Fuck myself like that pink lady did by the way, this is my favorite podcast. So thanks for your workout. No problem Anyway, I often hear men complaining how hard it is to make To make women like you I think you miss something here Yeah, you kind of miss something I often hear men complain how hard it is to make women like you what bang them

Uh, because the next sentence is that you need to trick us into fucking you I can understand that it's hard to woo a woman No, you can't unless you're a lesbian Unless you've actually had to hit on a woman to have sex You have no fucking idea. I had this conversation with my wife one time She was telling me one time she goes, you know guys just say the dumbest shit You know to you at a bar and blah blah. I said, all right, let's flip the tables. Let's say I was controlling

I was in control of my desires and you had to come over and wow me Hit me with an open in line and she had nothing And I was being a contour and she goes she just making this difficult more difficult than it needs to when I said, welcome to my world Anyway, who is more attractive? Okay I can understand that it's hard to woo a woman who is more attractive than you Uh, but if you try to fuck someone as ugly as you are, I'm pretty sure they'll say, okay Um, no, that's not how it works However, if you men want to date a woman who is

At their level physically and I respect that preference But let's flip the script and see if that argument still holds water Well, I mean first of all you're talking about something you don't know anything about which is hitting on women And actually hitting on women who are better looking than you is not a hard thing. It's a confidence thing All right And then the the PED way of getting a better looking woman is to make a bunch of fucking money But that doesn't count. I'm talking you're sleeping on a futon. You're going in there You're like demone. You don't care if she comes stays laser prays. You got the fucking attitude, right? That's shit

Yeah, I know some legends Legends Who are probably I mean at best sixes That are absolutely they've been crushing it for decades Because they're confident And they know and they they just worked on they worked on it the way you work on a fucking jump shot and they are fucking amazing at it So I think a lot of men they don't want to put the work in and they can't get past That's like people do in stand-up the reason a lot of people want to do it

But they never do it because they're so worried about bombing and the pain of that you have to push through that until You're you're bulletproof. You don't care You don't care Who gives a fuck you just move on to the next show Um, that's what I would say, but what do I know? I'm just a sexist guy So she goes let's flip the script which is fair because that's what I do with my wife when I made her hit on me Oh, she bombed

Oh, she bombed She's like, hey, how's it going? I just looked at her like Anyway, but let's flip the script and see if that argument still holds water. I'm a woman Uh, do you think there's any way in hell I can convince a guy who wasn't already 100% physically attracted me To want to fuck me Um, I have no idea. I'm not a woman let alone date me I have no idea. It's way harder for women to impress a man with anything other than her looks Oh, absolutely

Absolutely, I mean, that's why you guys walk in with half you fucking who are hanging out So you get some drinks Um, I Assume that wasn't a joke. You meant that I assume your next point is probably that I'm I assume that your next point is that I'm probably ugly Why would I say that? So that's why I'm saying this I wouldn't say that that's just listen. I'm a dick. I'm not fucking mean at least I don't think I am I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world

But I do get some attention. I'm cute enough to get by you sound like a keeper to me You know You're not the most beautiful girl. So, you know what that means. You probably got a great personality And then, you know, not everybody's coming up to you. So when somebody does you appreciate him I mean, that's you know He did some hearty Jesus Christ. They're walking around like, you know I remember going on dates a few times right a few times when I actually got a beautiful woman to go on a date with me Before I met my wife not saying my wife isn't beautiful. All right, but by then I was in my 30s and I just didn't give a fuck

So that's when I started, you know doing all right, but in my 20s Couple of times I went out on dates This one beautiful woman in particular and the entire time I was in the restaurant She was just looking around to see who was looking at her And I had I put it all on me going i'm not holding her attention and blah blah blah blah and then years later I was just like She couldn't help it You know, we were like 21 or something like that You know, all of a sudden the whole world's paying attention to her that must feel amazing

What's she gonna do look across the table at me? Uh, so anyways, she goes, so I'll put it to you and your lovely loudmouth wisdom Is there anything a woman can do to fuck? Or date outside of her lane? I've seen men do it frequently. Yeah, we do. We usually do it one or two ways. You're either funny Or you you have a level of success I've seen women do it less often but how

I'd love to get your perspective and also that of the lovely nea. I gotta have nea on here It's just hard, you know, she has to watch the kids when I come out here Uh, it would be even cooler if she agrees with me on some of these points Well, I'm not going to debate any of your points other than like hitting on women But that other stuff, I don't know what it's like to be a woman. Um Um Thanks and go fuck you. Fuck yourself pussy perspective

Detective well, why don't some other women write in about this? I would think Universally speaking the hardest thing is finding somebody that deserves your love You know what I mean Because I could give you an easy example of something that will make a guy hang around Is if you cook for them Because no women do that Because just even suggesting that Is considered sexist when the reality is cooking for somebody is one of the nicest sweetest loving things

You can do for them now if they don't appreciate it. They're like where the fuck's my fucking club sandwich Yeah, then you start Feeling like that, but like, uh, I love cooking for my wife. I love cooking for my family And Because it's the way that I show that I care about them. So I would think things like that Or uh I don't know if you're into the same type of shit if you're into sports

If you're into something where there's an overlap or something like that or if you're like funny or something like that I'm just going by me, you know, my wife was fucking hilarious um And she was just into this all of this stuff You know, she's the one who got me into steely dan I'm fucking in harlem with an african-american woman and she she's playing me a steely dan album I was just like, who is this? How many layers is going on? She just was really interesting

so, um I don't know. Yeah, so you want to date a better looking guy. Yeah Why would you want to date some fucking slob or some bald bastard like me? I would say yeah, uh I also think like if you if you do activities, which is hard during this pandemic You know, I mean, I always find like it was way easier if everybody's supposed to be there That everybody kind of had their guard down and you could kind of feel the vibe of who somebody was Whereas you go into a bar and everybody's kind of got their guard up, right? The guys are on the prowl the ladies leg out. Jesus. Look at this fucking creep over in the corner with the chest hair, right?

those places are not good to meet people but I've got to be honest with you like I can Only give you advice from the male perspective. So I imagine there's a bunch of women rolling their eyes But I can't tell you that You know, I don't know maybe I'll get Nea to come on here at some point like how to do that Because I don't know. I'm not gonna fucking be a hypocrite here. No act like I know What the fuck you need? I don't know. I don't know what you can do this, but gotta be a book on it, right?

That's what I don't understand about incels there's books on how to get women like why would you hang out with a bunch of other people who aren't getting pussy It's like I don't know how to fix a car neither do I hey, let's sit around and talk about it The car will never run. All right sugar in the house debate Hey, hey there billy birthday cake tics. I know I still got him I'm a huge fan and just saw you at one of your sold out shows at the fox theater in st Louis you fucking nailed it and it was a dream come true now down to business Nice. Thank you for coming out to the show. You know, I did that movie. I stayed right across the street at that hotel

Recently I cut out all added sugars. I noticed I had a serious addiction and decided I really needed a change I got a baby girl the same age as your son. I want to make sure I'm around for her as much as possible Yeah, nothing like kids to get you to fucking straighten up to my problem in perspective I drank three tall cans of arizona arnold palmers every day Anytime my girlfriend had sweets in the house. I always ate it all Sometimes even before she got a chance to have some I had a hard time with self control Oh, yeah, dude. I've been there. I've been there. I have a 600 pound person inside of me. I just Payed my wife brought all these chocolate fucking

croissants There was two of them sitting under the little cake thing, you know And that was glass things stands you put a cake on and I saw them And not only did I think of eating one I thought of taking both of them and putting ice cream in the middle of it Making a fucking sandwich I just don't do it. Anyway Person goes on to say I made it a rule To keep out all sugar from the house

As well, so I wouldn't give in to any temptation within two months of simply cutting sugar out of my diet I dropped 20 pounds. Wow. No exercise or anything. I was really fucking proud of myself after a while a little while my lady Started bringing candies back into the house. Yeah, you're a couple of junkies Somebody's gonna go score some heroin that he's gonna be back on the fucking junk I asked her several times not to or at least hide them in a spot where I'm never in at the uh, never at In the house or where I can't get to them at all. She kind of bit my head off saying well, you should have better self control Well, there you go. Well, that's nice. Uh, well, that is true I think putting sugar back in the house is the equivalent of stocking up the fridge with a recovering alcoholics favorite beer

Months into the process Um This is what you should have done when she said well, you should have had better self control You shouldn't have sent anything back and you should have just walked out of the room I'll be just going for a walk And then come back and then just be chill and wait for her to bring it up again And then just be like, all right, can we talk about this now like adults? All right, like

I want to be around for my daughter. Why are you getting mad about that? You got to come from that place But if the discussion starts with well, you should have better self-control You wrote like five exclamation points out of it. Like it's not you're not going to work it out I'm big on going for walks. It's another way to drop weight Just go for a walk. You just walk out of the room. That's what I try to do now Anyway, the guy said I said that same thing to her several times But she gets mad and makes a big deal out of it going as far as saying fine. I guess

I just can't have anything I enjoy in the house anymore. Yeah, she's feeding no matter how careful or nice. I'll ask her She'll always make it all about her I've told her a ton of times that she should respect my addiction But she always gets pissed off and turns it into a huge argument for some reason Well, probably because you dropped the weight and she doesn't have your willpower yet And uh, you know sometimes, you know when you're in a couple situation and they're They're cool with the fucking

Dad bod or the the fucking, you know Little extra pounds you have as a woman they can get like insecure if you start losing weight and looking good They they get you know, the shit is changing. It makes them feel like You're gonna get rid of them like all kinds of shit happens, dude like dropping 20 pounds Like fucks with the balance of your relationship. It's really weird Um, anyways, he says this shit really pisses me off and I can tell mentally I'm starting to break Yeah, because She's able to go off on you and you have to sit there and act like you're trying to figure out which wire to cut

So the bomb doesn't go off So you can you settle the debate for us? Should she respect that I have an addiction and keep the sugar hidden Should she respect that I have an addiction and keep the sugar hidden or do I just need to suck it up and have better self control? Uh P. S. The east st. Louis woke bits were the funniest jokes I've heard in my entire life much love to you and your family um Oh, he was in st. Louis not Atlanta. Okay, um

Well, let me ask you this sir If your wife had a sugar addiction And she told you not to put any sugar in the house and then you brought it in after a couple of months And then she said she was willing to let you have it in there if you hit it Would you do that for her? If the answer is yes, then I don't think what you're doing is out of line um I also think you need

To have better self control also like I have booze in the house. I don't drink anymore I gotta tell you after a while I don't even see it anymore. Like my wife told me I asked her where something was she goes. It's underneath the bar And I was and I was thinking literally like a bar like a like a like a Ballet bar something what would bar in the kitchen. What are you talking about? She goes the bar I was like, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Because I go in there and to me it's I don't even see the booze just underneath. I know there's batteries

Right. I got kids and they're fucking toys need a bunch of batteries. So That's where I'm at. So um It's a little bit of both But you know, I don't think it's fair that she's Going off on you like that and you have to sit there You know, especially when you're making a choice That's going to be better for everybody that she should be reacting like that. I don't think that's a very mature thing for her to do And uh, yeah, she needs to be more mature about that and that's just something that you know

I don't know She'll either accept that if she's an adult Or she won't or maybe she will in a few weeks But like that my big question is if you're asking for something that you would willingly do Without a fight for the other person and it's something you really need and it's going to not only make your life better But everybody else is I don't think that's too big of an ask Uh, but I'd be considering she has such an emotional response to it. I think I would Ask her what what is going on because there's something else going on

beyond that you know Women are so funny how they always do I guess I can't have anything I like ever again Yes, that's it christmas is canceled. All right prostitute or normal woman. Oh jesus Hey bill. I don't season my chicken enough burr. Oh neah would love that I'm going to be straightforward And ask for your advice. Do you think I should continue seeing this one particular prostitute? Or should I just start fucking a regular girl?

Is this a joke I feel like fucking the prostitute because I don't have to worry about her getting pregnant And the head is amazing She look at the look at the drop off on intellect when the second a guy writes it Although i'm scared of catching a disease I'm in my early 20s and lots of women consider me attractive The issue is I don't like dealing with people in general It takes a lot for me to actually go out of my way to speak to people

I find even I find It even harder to find a woman. I want to fuck just because I find most of them To be just plain boring And you find the prostitute to be exciting. All right. Well, I think you maybe have some Issues you might need to talk to somebody about Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, you hang out with the prostitute. There's gonna be a lot more drama Keep in mind. I don't want a relationship right now. I just want to clap cheeks Unfortunately, even that comes with drama

Although if I really like a girl, I wouldn't mind a relationship. Dude, you are not ready for a relationship In any shape Or form should I continue to fuck the prostitute or should I stop being a bitch and be patient with these other women? Thanks for the advice and I wish my hair looked as good as yours when I get older All right, he's already see breaking my balls. Um, I don't think you should do either I don't think you should continue banging this process to it. I don't think that you should Be in a relationship. I think you should maybe go to therapy and figure out Why, uh, you know, like being around people

Why you find, um Going to a prostitute better than, you know, why you find people boring and shit like that, uh, I'd say, you know I don't know. I don't want to superimpose my bullshit on you, but like, I don't know seems like maybe a little depression Maybe a little abuse growing up. I don't know what the fuck it is. I'm not a doctor. So I would, um The best thing about your email is that you're not In a relationship with anybody Um So what I would do is I would maybe go into therapy and try to figure out

Why You've ended up in this place All right, talk it out figure it out Figure yourself out What do you feel like you're fucking ready? Go and be ready, but don't like get into a relationship just because that's what everybody else is doing at your age Because you're just gonna break somebody's heart You know and god knows, you know, I would also get tested to see if you didn't you fucking didn't catch anything

I would do all of that, you know Yeah, all right. That's it. Okay. Jesus fucking deep emails this week. All right. That's it everybody. That is the podcast um Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on thursday