Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-2-17

Episode Date: October 2, 2017

Bill rambles about the Fall, the Sun Belt Conference and fatties.

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I wasn't going to call you. Information and information on Proximus.be. Proximus. Think possible. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October. October 2nd.

Oh my God, get out your fucking Barracuda, dude. It's the fucking fall. It's officially the fall. Isn't it lovely, huh? The leaves turning different colors and falling off the trees and crunching under your feet. Halloween comes and then Thanksgiving and it'll be a good 75, 80 degrees with whatever. But the ocean's rising or whatever. It's going to be very interesting.

It's going to be very interesting falls, I feel, coming up. Oh, do you feel it, Bill? Was this your own idea? Did you stick your head out the window and assess it? Or did you listen to a bunch of shit on TV? All right, you got me. You got me, but it is the fall. The fall is one of my favorite seasons.

What I loved about the fall was the beginning of the school year and I absolutely love school. I just, when I was a child, I just, I crave knowledge. I don't know what it was. Of course, the other kids wanted to go outside and play and engage in contests of sport, but not me. Now I just wanted to curl up in the corner. Just couldn't just, my mother just couldn't get me enough books. I know. That was obviously, it was obviously a non-truth.

None of that was true. What I liked about the fall was I got new clothes for school, you know, which back then was you got your hand me down some of your brother and you got a new pair of sneakers. All right, and they were new until that first time it fucking rained or something happened. And then they were just, you know, that was it. And those were your sneakers for a year. You wore sneakers for a year. Your mother bought them like a half size or a full size, too big.

Dependent of, you know, she was trying to gauge, you know, when your balls were going to drop to considering how big your feet were going to be, right? It was one of those, you know, one of those things back then. There was like nine grades all in one class. No, I'm fucking with you. I like the new sneakers and the new clothes and whatever hand be down shit that I got from my older brother. And then, and then it was football. And then also it was starting to get cold.

So I didn't have to deal with anymore. Dude, look at what your fucking legs are. I didn't have to deal with that with the summer. I didn't have to deal with sunburns. I liked it. It was more of a fucking winter guy. But other than that, everything else sucked. I fucking, oh, 180 days of school to go.

Can you believe it used to think that that was hard? And he actually used to fuck up in school if you were like me. I was back. It's just like, why don't I just come home? Why don't I just pay attention, come home and just do my homework? I could have gone to like a really good college. Like, and to me, a good college is it has it has a sports program that I can follow. It's division one.

And, you know, they battle for fucking at least to win their conference. You know what I mean? I don't fucking, I don't know. I don't fucking like these colleges should go to where everybody is. I don't know what it is. Like to take Vanderbilt in the SEC, by the way, who played a hell of a fucking game this weekend, right? Scared the shit out of Florida. I always thought that, you know, I always, I always assumed that that school sucked

because their football team was no good for so long. Now they're actually halfway decent, but I judge schools by how good their sports program is. And, you know, there's a lot of people on real sports. So one of those shows that, you know, everybody wears suits and for some reason they have a pen, but they're never really writing, you know, those shows that take it really seriously. And they're like, what does that say? What does it say? Well, the educational system that people judge a school by their sports programs.

Well, know this, you fucking pencil-pushing nerd. There would be no campus without sports. Okay? A hundred thousand fucking freckled drunks like me fill the stadium. That money goes right back into the school, doesn't it? God knows it's not paying the players. All right? And that's why when you go to the University of Michigan, it's its own fucking city.

It's not because of the science department. Well, the engineers that know how to build the buildings, it's because a big blue down the fucking street, pulling what they pull in, a hundred four, a hundred five, a hundred ten thousand people, a goddamn game, that's what pays for it. You know, even if it's not all that money, the level of attention, and that makes people all around the world, you know, know that song. Hail to the victors, valiant hail to the victors. Fucking get on a raft, get over here and go to that school.

Right? Isn't that how it goes? I don't know. I don't know what the fucking boys are talking about. Why I like the fall? Yeah, I just want a fucking nice study. So fucking stupid. I can't believe.

I can't imagine if I actually understood calculus, what my world would be like right now. But I just took the time to fuck. I mean, it's not like they just dumped it all on you the first day. I forget when I stopped paying attention somewhere around seventh grade. I just was like, it's not into this. Oh my God, I could have studied and then I could do one of those extra curricular things and got like a scholarship, you know, participated in a bunch of other shit. Then I would have had that all fleshed out.

So you're on the debating team, you're on the swimming team and all that shit. Remember those fucking kids? The kid next to you is locker was like neat, you know, it wasn't all dented and shit. Fucking always had his homework more like sweaters. You know, you just be looking at him like how the fuck does this person is like my age and they have their shit that together. I was at a thousand papers falling out of my fucking that just was a mess. And every year I'd be like, hey, this is the year I'm going to study.

I'm going to fucking I'm not drawn all over my books. I'm going to pay attention. I'm going to try to get all A's and B's. That's all that's all I wanted to do. And I just I couldn't do it. I put up a good fight through about I get to about September 10th. Then I get like that first fucking C. See, see, see, what's that?

What's that a reference to speaking moving movie lines? See, see, see. Is it summer rental or summer school? That was the guy who's been on TV for 40 years, but never does interviews. So people kind of mark Harmon. Is that his name? It was that guy like chainsaw or some shit. Of course, it made the Latino girl pregnant because you could still do that back then.

Can't do that now. You get called out on it. They would never do that now. Now they would make the white guy pregnant to show that they're progressive. That's how it would work. You know what I mean? There's nothing wrong with having a Latina woman be pregnant. But when she's the only Latino in the fucking movie, that's when it becomes a problem.

Oh, so she's going to summer school and she's knocked up and she's dressed like fucking Z. Breman in heavy metal parking lot. Do you know I'd never seen that? I thought that was an entire fucking movie. And I used for years, I was like, I can't get around to watching heavy metal parking lot. I never fucking saw it. And finally somebody referenced it again. Oh, I know why.

Dean Delray from the Let There Be Talk, All Things Comedy Network podcast. He sent me a link. And one of Judas Priest's guitarists, who was KK Downing and Glenn Tipton. I think it was Glenn Tipton. He bought, I hope I'm saying his name right, he bought a fucking Porsche in 1985 or 86. He went to the factory when he was on tour and that's back when they made him. It was hand built. None of this robot shit.

None of this outsourcing it to fucking whatever the fuck they do it now. They were hand built. And by the same people that brought you audio tape in World War One and World War Two. All right. It was fucking, they were hand fucking built. That's right. The same people that brought you October Fest and the Holocaust. You know what I mean?

They're all over the map over there. That's why Germany is still such a scary country. It's like, what's going to happen over here? Are we all going to get drink beers and get shit faced? Or are you guys going to try to take over the world again? You know, that's what's on their weather channel. They monitor all the psychos over there. What is the general population planning right now?

Or possibly a small group of really motivated people within Deutschland. So anyways, I had never seen Heavy Metal Park in a lot. I thought it was a full movie. I sat down to watch it. Right out of the gate, I love it because the concert's at the Cap Center. And that's where I used to watch the, you know, whatever the Bruins used to play. When they'd go down and play the capitals and they had Rod Langway, who looked like my math teacher back in the day.

Man, my math teacher was a dead fucking ringer. Flunked his class two fucking years in a row. It was two summers, I'll never get back. Actually, my senior year, I didn't fucking go to summer school. I was like, well, what's the point? I can't get into a school that has a good football program, a basketball program. They don't have no sports here. So fuck it.

Anyways, what the fuck am I talking about? Yes, I'm watching this thing. So they had the Cap Center, which I never really saw what it looked like. Because I never really showed the outside that I can remember. There's the Bruins that I had at the Cap Center. Barry Peterson leading the league with 40-something goals. That great year he had. Then we traded, I believe.

So I go to watch this fucking thing. And I've got to be honest with you, like the memories that came flying back. First of all, my first concert ever was Judas Priest with Dawkin opening up. Of course it was Dawkin. They fucking opened for everybody. They opened for everybody in Tesla, opened for fucking in Cinderella, opened for fucking everybody. That was my first on the Turbo Lover Tour, right?

And I guess I found out all these years later that that Judas Priest guy, Glenn Tipton or whatever, bought a fucking Porsche that was a turbo and he loved it so much that he fucking was inspired to write a song. And then Rob Halford took it in whatever direction he wanted to take it in, you know? Do you remember that song? I'm your Turbo Lover. Made no sense, right? You won't see me something But you feel me

All that crazy music, right? I saw them on that tour. So anyway, so I watched that heavy metal parking lot and it was fucking great. That's exactly, I mean, whoever fucking filmed that, I know I'm way, way, way past the whole everybody knows it by now. Whoever filmed that thing, thank you so much for filming that. I don't do the first time I ever saw anybody do blow. I went to an AC DC concert. I remember I pulled up my big stupid red fucking hair, right?

You know, and I can't grow it long. My hair just grew out. So I was like, I missed it, man. I should have come up in the 70s. I would have been fine. We've been rocking that Bernie from room 222. But you know, everybody kind of had their shit. You know, I don't know what the fuck it was in the 80s.

It wasn't short, but it wasn't long. It was right before the mullets feathered. Everything was feathered. Fairfoss, it was so hot. Even the guys tried to have their hair like hers, right? That's what was going on. And me, I was just like, you know, I was a man without a fucking country. So I would pull up, you know, not a whisker on my face.

I'd fucking pull up my stupid fucking looking like I swear to God, looking like a giant OP Taylor. And I was totally into the music, but I just looked like a fucking freak. You know, I should have grown my, I go, I actually couldn't grow my hair. I should have at least gone the Malachi route and just been drunk enough and just got out of the car and screamed outlander. And then everybody will left me alone. I remember I pulled up to the, the AC DC thing and this fucking guy was doing blow. I think he had a Toyota pickup truck rusted out of course back then. Everything fucking rusted out, especially the Toyota hunks, hunks of shit, but the engines would never die.

Right. You'd be driving down the street. You could literally see the fucking engine still working. So this guy gets out of the car. And I'm like looking at him like, I know we like the same kind of music, but we are not the same person. I remember he was fucking, yeah, this blonde hair, like, look at him cut his own hair. It was like some, like a fucked up page boy haircut and like a perm all at the same time. And like he turned around to do the line and then fucking came right up to my window as I pulled up looking like a fucking, like, I don't know.

I felt like I was in one of those zoos where the animals aren't in a cage. You know, he just came up and he was like, yeah. And I was kind of like, Hey man, fortunately I was with somebody else. I think that we were listening to who made who at a very respectable volume. Yeah, that was a who made who one in loudness opened up a Japanese heavy metal band. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about here. Let's, let's, let's get into the podcast. I'm just sort of me entering here.

Why don't we talk a little bit NFL football? We got to talk college first. All right. So what I watched, I watched, I watched Texas Tech against Oklahoma State. What a fucking great game that was. And what an atmosphere out there in Lubbock, Texas. I got to go to a Texas tech game. And so I was actually out there.

I was looking up theaters to see if they had a little theater I could play maybe next year or whatever during football season. You know, anybody can go to Dallas. Right. I've already been to Texas A&M and I've been to the Texas long or is the next big program is Texas Tech. Right. Of course, they'll give you shit at Baylor SMU. They never recovered from the fucking death penalty. But what else they got out there?

I think that's it. So I was rooting for Texas Tech because I just, just because they were the underdog, but it was such a fucking great game. And I was flipping back and forth. You know, my adopted college team, LSU fucking Tigers. You know, we lost again, but you know, we lost to the Trojans. So that's okay. You know, that's how I say it to people. You know, we lost this week to the Trojans.

I thought USC lost too. All they did. I was talking about the Troy Trojans from the very formidable Sunbelt conference. I was embarrassed as a new LSU fan. I became an LSU fan about nine years ago. And as a adopted team to see all those fucking people leave the fucking stadium emptied out with eight minutes to go. All right. Granted, they needed three scores, but I didn't like that at all.

I hate seeing that. And then I was at that point just rooting that they came back and won just so all those fucking cunts would have to lie on Monday and say that they were part of the 40 people that still stuck around. But I'm trying to think what was worse. Watching LSU lose to Troy or the Troy Trojans helmets. You know, you know, everything has to look like fucking, I don't know, you know, that awful candy at movie theaters. Like they only sell it at movie theaters, whatever those fucking things are. I don't mean gummy bears. Do you have a good friend of mine that loves gummy bears?

Guy friend. It just, I don't know. It just, it almost fucks up our friendship. You know, like when he's kind of bugging me, whatever, I just kind of think every once in a while it gets fucking guy likes gummy bears. Oh, dude, I love going to movies. You know, I fucking love going to movies. I take my kids, you know, get a box of gummy bears, gummy bears. Yeah.

The fucking Oregon ducks. All right. Those green and yellow cunts, they fucked it up for everybody. They were the first ones to put the disco ball in their head and now everybody's doing it. I'm calling it right now. Those fucking things are going to look, they're going to look fucking ridiculous in years to come. People will be like, what in the fuck? Is that electric?

Is that thing like plugged in or some shit? Some of them are cool, I guess. I don't know what, but I love how the MLB this year, they went back to the, like they went to like this non gloss matte color on the batting helmets. They look fucking mean as hell, man. So anyways, that's what the fuck I watched. And then I watched pro football today. Oh, the New England Patriots with their second loss of the year. Part of me enjoys that they lost twice because it keeps all the fucking pride.

It'd be nice to have a nice fucking anticipation free season. You know, and when you're two and two, God knows nobody's fucking looking at you now. How about that defense, huh? The fuck? I'll tell you, I'll tell you right now, if you want to score 30 points, you got to go to New England. I'm trying to, I should look this up. Like we gave up, I think we gave up 75 points in the first two games and then we added another 30 today. Is that what happened?

Let's look at the Patriots here. Let's look at the sad. Sad tale. And I can't figure out what the fuck is going on. I mean, how many yards have we given up this year on just like blown coverages? That fucking fake screen pass, like the entire defense on that side bites on it? You know, if we look at our corners and our safeties, it's still Butler, Chung, McCordy. Those guys have been playing together for years.

I don't know how long we've had the Gilmore guy, but I like that guy. That guy hits hardy, knocked somebody out of the game. He had another good hit. He had a bullshit hands to the face and then a brutal one. But we shouldn't have been in that situation to begin with. But our offense is fine. Me, of course, I would love if our offensive line could give him a little Brady a little more time. He's definitely taken too many hits.

But we're still scoring points. But our defense, Jesus Christ, not really stopping the run, not really getting pressure on the quarterback. Blown fucking coverages, but I just feel like the blown coverages. That's something that, you know, Matt Patricia can work on, right? He can get those guys like three of the four of them. It's just like you guys want to fucking Super Bowl last year. I'm not. I don't know all the Patriots.

So I don't know where we're going. Get on the fucking team. All right, let's look at Patriots here. Patriots.com. I should have gone schedule, right? Is that what I should have done? This is going to take for fucking ever. Patriots schedule.

All right, here we go. Patriots schedule. They're going to go download the schedule. What? Okay, so we let up 42 points the first week. Then we were on the road. Patriots.com. Patriots.com.

Patriots.com. That's the first week. Then we were on the road. Only let up 20. Then we let up 33. And we let up 33 again. Those are all it fucking up. No, two of those were home.

Three of those were home. Jesus fucking Christ. All right, 33, 36, 42. I think I don't know. I just to glance at those numbers. All right, 33, 33, 42, 20. Thank God for the 20. All right, 42 and 20 is 62.

So that's 31. So we're averaging like fucking, I don't know. 30, I guess 32 points of fucking game. Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you right now. You're not going to go far in the fucking playoffs. By the way, my fucking football pick came in. I called it. The fucking Giants getting three against Tampa Bay.

Dude, I fucking called it. I told you. Granted, the Giants didn't fucking win, but they only lost by two. And as a Patriot fan, I hate that the Giants are over four. More so than I hate the fact that we're two and two. Because I wanted to play the Giants again in the Super Bowl to fucking beat those bastards one time.

We got nothing to lose. The Giants got everything to lose. They got shit talking rights right now. You just got to say, hey, you guys fucking own us, right? By the way, somebody tweeted like, dude, when was the last time you guys even fucking beat us? I went to a home game. Oh, in a way game.

I'm sorry. Giants, we fucking beat you. I don't know. The last time we played you in the regular season. In your fucking house, you cunt. This fucking guy's bragging about preseason games. It's like, dude, you won two Super Bowls. That's all you give a fuck about.

So anyways, that's my one pick. So now I'm going to make another pick on Thursday. Every Thursday, I'm going to do my NFL pick of the week. Now, what's what you have to think if you're a fucking degenerate gambler? You know, good and goddamn well, I have just as much chance with the information that I'm using of picking a winner as a housewife who doesn't watch a game. So this first week, I'm not going to say it was dumb luck.

I was going on fucking how many points the Giants scored against the Eagles. I know they scored them late. And then Eli Manning, who's ripped my heart out twice, showed it to me and then very politely ate it and didn't get any blood on his dockers. Right? I was like, there's no fucking way that these guys, I thought that they want to come away with a win.

I did. Buccaneers look great. God bless them. By the way, who the fuck is this Ron Funches guy on Carolina fucking Panthers? That was killing us all day long. I don't pray for injuries, but when his leg cramped up, I was like, thank God, then he came back out again,

caught another first down. He's like, we get that fucking guy out of here. So anyways, that's what I was basing it on. So I'm going to pick another one Thursday and then you, the degenerate gambler, you got to be wondering, will all freckles, will he get lucky two weeks in a row? Because now I'm in your head because I won last week. This is like playing roulette.

Like owner, right? The last time was black. Is it going to be another black or is it going to be a red? Do I sit out this week, see if it goes two blacks in a row, then I know it's going to be red. All right. No, it was red this week. I'm a fucking goddamn ginger.

All right. Remember that guy fucking didn't pay his taxes, always been on black, always been on red. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that might be the Photoshop of this week. That's too fucking easy. Right? That's a movie poster right there.

Always bet on red. I don't know who's playing next week. So how about those fucking LA Rams? Not your same old Rams. Fucking winning, winning, winning beat the Dallas fucking cowboys. Jesus Christ. They're going to have their fucking heads in a noose out there. All right.

Well, let's get down to it. Oh, Billy fucking booze bag is back. I fell off the wagon. I couldn't do it. I'm fucking with you. I'm still on the fucking wagon. I went to Vegas and I passed that test. I was at the Monte Carlo, not the race, the fucking casino.

I stayed over at the MGM grand because they're doing some construction, I guess, on the Monte Carlo. So they had me across the street and oh my God. What a fuck. There's no better people watching than when you go to Vegas. Holy shit. I went down to the pool. Yes, I went down to the pool.

I was working with Bartnick. He's an Italian guy. He actually has pigment. So he wanted to go down the pools. I got it fucking. I'm not going to stay in the room the whole time. So I go down to the goddamn pool dude. And it was like right as the sun had already started to go down.

It was on the other side of the casino. So there really wasn't any sun on the water. So there was maybe five or six young people there. And everybody else was my generation or older and holy shit. I know this is a hacky topic. I know this is. But thank God I never got a tattoo. Thank fucking Christ.

If you saw these fucking people and they're my age, man, 49 years old, no shirt on, all these fucking chicks with their ankle sorority tattoos, telling kids what to do with tattoos. You know what I mean? And then that good death. What it kills me about the tattoo becoming mainstream was the incredible like lack of research that most people did, their total lack of respect for the art form and the complete lack of respect for themselves to go out and

try to actually find somebody good at it. I got to tell you. I must have seen 500 fucking tattoos on about a hundred different people down there at the pool. Everybody just tatted up. Shit show. Man boobs are just pecs sagging down. You know, women, you always got to give a pass because they have,

they have to bear children. All right. But guys, man, there's no fucking reason. Keep doing the pushups. Keep the chest high and tight. What the fuck are you doing? Lay off the pizza in the booths. Fucking guys just walking around their saggy chest and the fucking tribal band,

the tramp stamps, those sorority ankle tattoos, just fucking horrific. I went down there was just sitting there just reminded of my own mortality going like Jesus Christ. I really want to fucking act like I'm above these people. But like, you know, smartest fucking thing I that I didn't do was I never got a tattoo. Jesus fucking Christ. Thank Christ.

I never did it. You know, I like it used to be back in the, you know, because look at me. I'm not a tattoo guy. All right. Tattoo. They got to go back to bad asses. You know what I mean? Guys in biker gangs or in prison or like chicks who know how to shoot pool and

wear leather pants, right? Maybe I'm out of my fucking mind. So we went down there and we just looked at that fucking sea of humanity. And then this guy just comes out just screaming about how he lost 20 grand and he had a big grin on his face. He goes, throw me in the pool. I can't swim. Maybe I'll drown.

I just lost 20 grand. I just lost 20 grand in there. And I looked at him and was like, that fucking guy doesn't have 20 grand. There's no fucking way he's got 20 grand. And who fucking walks? He's just acting like he's a big shot, right? But maybe he did. I have no fucking idea.

So we went over, we did the show. And after the show, we sat out by this giant air conditioning duck behind a wall on a picnic table and smoked cigars. And it was great. And I didn't participate at all in the Vegas shenanigans. I knew enough when I walked through the lobby and I saw the people, all the young people was like, this is their time. Don't be the creepy guy hanging around ruining it.

Get the fuck out of here. So I went back over to the MGM, walked back. And I got back probably about 12, 30 at night. And that was that first wave of women that had had enough, you know, two out of three of them are walking barefoot carrying their horseshoes. Right. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and they just had dirty feet just walking to the with a giant fucking drink.

And I was glad that I stayed. I didn't stay out of that. And I didn't booze. Although I did smoke a fucking cigar and I kind of did it on an empty stomach. And I got a minute, I was a little fucking nauseous because it was this giant Cuban. And the next day we took the helicopter out and back. And on the way back, there was like a 17 to 30 knot wind, depending on what altitude we were until we really got down low flying over the 15.

It got down to like nine knots. And we kind of getting pushed around a little bit up there. And there was a couple of times I was just like, oh my God, feel a little nauseous up here. You know, that's not what you want to see from your pilot asking for a puke bag. I mean, the most comforting thing he can say at that point, you know, it's all right. It's all right. I drank last night.

So anyways, but I got to tell you, man, flying out there, taking the helicopter and going over the Mojave Desert was fucking incredible. The desert is so, it's like beautiful, terrifying, boiling hot and freezing all at the same time. It's just fucking, I swear to God, I don't know why. You know what's something that people thought we faked the moon landing. That's probably where they went, right? They probably just went out to the desert, you know, a lot of mountains though. I don't think they faked it, man.

I think they, I think they got up there. I don't give a fuck. Maybe they did. There's so much shit for me to fucking babble about. Did you guys watch the formula one at all? Huh? Did anybody see it? Did anybody see it at all?

What do I have it here? Let me get to the fucking standings. I know what's his face one from Red Bull. Red Bull had two fucking cars. I can now, I always want to say, I always fuck up that guy's name. The fuck is his name? Who wanted this? Who won the race today?

The fuck's his name? What is his name? Max Verstappen. Once I think Sebastian Vettel, I can't think Verstappen. Cause that V, like my brain can only handle one V word a minute or the same letter. I'm telling you, I don't know what the fuck my deal is. But this is the first race that I saw where Lewis Hamilton or Valtteri Bottas and the Mercedes teams, either one of them, if they're in first fucking place going into the turn,

the Mercedes cars are just too goddamn good. Maybe a Ferrari can run them down. I've never fucking seen it. But Red Bull, this was their day. This was their track. They were amazing. Lewis Hamilton got into fucking the first, it was the first person that came out in the lead.

I can't even talk this fucking podcast. I apologize. Came out of the first turn in the lead. And as far as my year and a half of watching this shit, that means you're going to win the race, especially if you're in a Mercedes. And Verstappen actually came right up on him and went right around him. There was nothing. And then opened up like an eight, nine second lead on him.

I've never seen that. A Mercedes humbled like that by Red Bull. So congratulations to them. Daniel Ricardo came in third place and Lewis Hamilton fucking steady, steady Eddie there. Still got second place. He's got 281 fucking points. Sebastian Vettel for whatever fucking reason. Ferrari, I don't know what they're doing.

My daughter had her first cold man. So I was kind of watching her. I was watching the beginning. All of a sudden Kimmy Rakin had something going on with his turbo and he didn't even fucking drive. And Sebastian Vettel was way in the back. So I'm going to guess he either fucked up during the time trials and got some sort of penalty or they had to switch out a gearbox or some shit that put you at the back of the

race. You're only allowed to use so many parts, so many engines or something like that throughout the season. So he was all the way in the back. He was able to work himself all the way up to fourth place, which was really impressive. But now he is, he is, what does he got? He's 34 fucking points. I mean, I don't think that they'd make it up after that debacle in Singapore, that absolute

fucking three stooge is fucking debacle. I don't think that they make it up, but it was very exciting as a new fan of Formula One to actually see somebody in first place and get passed, actually see a Mercedes Benz in first place and get passed. It gave me hope that Formula One can be more like that the way MotoGP is. All right. Anyway, so let's get to some of the reads here for the week. Some of the, actually some of the advertising here, shall we?

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What else did I want to talk about? Did I handle everything? I think I did. By the way, I'm going to be in St. Petersburg, Florida at the Mahaffey Theater. They added a late show this Friday night. It's going to be me. Rose Bowl Tailgate Legend, a.k.a. The Crown Royal Kid.

Joe Bartnick. That's his new nickname. The Crown Royal Kid. He just got signed to a three-year deal. Paul Verzi. Paul, dude, I called it Verzi. Whatever you do, do not bring up that his giants are 0-4. He's very sensitive.

We're going to be down there. In Thursday night, I'm going to the Patriots first Tampa game. I'm going to be respectful. I'm not wearing my Patriots gear because I don't listen to everybody giving me shit. I don't need all that shit. Even if we were undefeated, I still wouldn't wear it. I've learned. I just, I just go there.

I silently root for my fucking team. If Tampa wins, I say congratulations. Who gives a fuck? This is the last NFL team that I need to see a home game of. And then I'll have gone to all the baseball and all the football at a professional level. And in my world of doing horrible in school and going to colleges, an numerous colleges during my college career, none of which, oh, I went to NC State for my first, my freshman year sort of was in the off-campus program.

I literally fucking drove into the library and watched the classes on cassette tape. Like I had some sort of fucking terminal disease. That was my first semester and second semester. I had two classes, both of which I flunked because by then I decided I didn't want to be in North Carolina. So I sort of went there. This is back when NC State Wolfpack had like Chuck E. Brown and Charles, I think it was Charles Shackelford, I believe.

They still had grass seats in the end zone. I went to a Carolina state game there. Then I went to a couple of other schools, ended up at Emerson. Emerson, I don't even know what a fucking mascot is. I have no idea what it is. Anyways, it's like a final draft software or some shit. The fuck am I talking about? Yes, I'm going to be in St. Petersburg and then I'm going to, on Saturday, we're going

to the Florida Gators versus LSU, Mighty LSU. So I will be silently rooting for, I like Florida too, but I'll be rooting for LSU, man. I can't fucking, just because they lost to the Sun Belt Trojans. The fuck. But I get to go to the legendary swamp and I actually love both those teams, but I decided to hitch my wagon to LSU so I can't just like fucking jump. I'm not going to be a cunt on either one of those. I'm just going to be happy to be at that legendary field at the swamp and then also to be at the

Pirates of the Caribbean stadium that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers playing. All right. Lewis Hamilton on HBO. Hey, Bill, big fan. Just wanted to let you know that Lewis Hamilton is going to be featured on HBO's Real Sports Tonight. I got to watch that. If you miss it, I'm sure you can, I'm sure you can watch it later on demand.

Keep doing your thing. Love Epis for Family and the podcast is a weekly ritual for me. Best wishes to you and your growing family. Oh, thank you very much. I'm going to try to check that out. I saw, I follow Lewis Hamilton on Twitter and I saw that he had some announcement to make and it looked like he was wearing some MotoGP suit and he was walking towards a motorcycle. Now there's no fucking way the Mercedes team is going to let him do that, right?

I don't think so. So I don't know what the announcement was. Maybe it's that he got another diamond stud for his other side of his nose. I have no idea. I don't pretend to live in that man's stratosphere. I live in the troposphere. He lives in the stratosphere. All right.

The Buccaneers logo, everybody, a bullet bill. The original Buccaneers logo was taken from the school I went to, Beloit College. They settled in court and Beloit won because the school has been around before the NFL. The school is big in the liberal arts culture and the conversation of changing the mascot due to the barbaric history of the Buccaneers. The school actually has two mascots, an official and unofficial. The unofficial is a turtle and they're trying to see if they can make it the official mascot over the Buccaneer.

Good Lord. I could give a fuck about it, but how would you feel if the Patriots were to change to a pussy animal? First of all, I fucking love turtles. If you don't like turtles, man, there's something wrong with you. They're awesome. They don't bug anybody. And if you think they're pussies, go out and go get bit by one. I fucking love turtles.

I had one as a pet. I went to church and I came home and it drowned. His name was Ralph and I buried it in the fucking woods. I never got another one. Thanks for bringing it up. Anyways, some pussy animal because they're associated with white nationalists or whatever grotesque historical events that is beyond our control. The funny thing about that is all the liberal white people that go along with doing that

shit do not want to give up their land or their flat screen TVs. So as a half-assed gesture, they're going to get rid of the mascot. Obviously, I feel the redskins. It's literally like a racial slur, so I get that one. But this other shit, I mean, I don't know, liberal people want to get rid of it, but I feel that's kind of a way of getting away with being cunts is you're kind of getting rid of the evidence. You know, if they have the buccaneer on the side, they'll be like, well, who's that?

And be like, oh yeah, that was a group of white people that came over here and just massacred a bunch of fucking people, just took a bunch of shit. They were evil. They were evil and for all I know, you are one of their descendants. But if you just make it all go away and there's just a turtle, I don't know. I think they give human beings too much credit. Like you have to understand that we're kind of out of our fucking minds. Some of it has to do with power.

I don't know what it is, but I don't know. We get too much power. We behave like those fucking chimpanzees when they go out and hunt other monkeys. You know what I mean? I'll never fucking get over watching that. It's the way they get excited and the way they torture the other fucking monkey rather than just kill the fucking thing is a level of sedate. That's why I don't like cats.

I don't like how they just won't kill the mouse or the fucking things freaking out. Just put it out of its fucking misery and they want to still want to have fun with it. Like if somebody said we're descendants of cats, I'd be like, yeah, I fucking believe that. We're always sneaking up on each other trying to stab one another, you know? Anyways, I respect cats though, you know? I respect them all. I'm just saying, you know? Just that behavior is just fucking weird.

Anyways, he says, love the fuck out of the podcast. Been listening since 2011 and followed your comedy since. Why do I do this? Thank you for all the laughs. Hope your family's doing well. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, my baby girl had a little bit of the sniffles doing a baby as a cold and it sneezes. This is the funniest shit ever.

They don't cover their mouth and just it's fucking unreal. It's like poltergeist and what's that Nickelodeon slimed? So if you got a baby, somebody told me this is good advice was just to get like a face cloth and have it wet and just, you know, dab at it so you don't make their nose all raw and all that stuff. Obviously, frequently rinse it out, change it. I know this is disgusting, but it was kind of what I was doing. I feel like I gave her the cold because I came back from Toronto and I felt like I had was fighting off something. And I'm not going to not hug and kiss my daughter.

Is that my daughter in there? Right. So I was hanging out with her and Nia was out with some friends this weekend. So it was kind of, I got to be the single dad and I got to tell you, man, I fucking loved it. You know, I don't know what these single parents are complaining about. I did it for about eight hours and I didn't have a problem at all. No, it was awesome. She watched the Formula One race with me and she watched the Patriots game.

I got our Patriots onesie. I think it said little but awesome or something like that has the Patriot logo on it and whenever it's football Sunday. And what's cool is Nia is not into sports and shit. So she didn't want her to have a bunch of sports shit, but I just bought it anyways. And she fought for like two seconds. He's like, all right, if you're into that, fine. She gets it. She gets it.

So that's what it is. Football Sunday. I come home. She's got two different Patriots onesies. I got to get her a Bruins one for the season coming up. And oh, it's playoff baseball. Joe Bucket is finest. F is for families, Joe Buck.

Ed is finest. Looking forward to that. Cross in my fingers for Yankees Red Sox matchup. Another classic series. Who knows who wins this? You know, I don't know how many times we played this year, but we were dead even. You know, if we played 18 times, we went nine and nine. And I got to be interesting series because I haven't seen price be able to beat the fucking Yankees at least in the second half when I was paying attention.

So we'll see. How many home runs did judge end up with? All those people that was giving him shit, I was so happy that he got fucking 50. At least fucking cunts. Dude, I'm telling you, did they say that the home run derby fucks up your swing? Oh, is that what they say? Is that what they say? You're not a football scout, are you?

All right, Aaron Judge, all fucking rise, quarters in session. Have you reached a verdict? We get it. His last name's Judge. Aaron Judge stats. Here we go. I know we got 50. What did he finish with?

Home runs. 50 fucking two. Holy shit. That is fucking amazing. 52 home runs. I know everybody give him shit about his strikeouts. Gives a fuck. 114 RBIs.

127 base on balls. 208 strikeouts. 52 home runs. He had 542 at bats. And he hit two, he still hit 284. With 208 strikeouts, he still hit 284. That's fucking amazing. What a season.

Congratulations to him. I hope he beat you. I hope he beat you if we fucking, you know. I'm not one of those cunts that can't recognize greatness. That's fucking amazing. All right. Dear Billy Buttnos, I thought this was interesting. A new French law says that photos must come with a disclaimer that they're photoshopped.

I love the French. I fucking love the French. You know what I mean? You know why? Because they fucking going around having threesomes and they're sick of being excited about bringing somebody else into their relationship and they don't look like the fucking picture. You know what I mean? I get it. Anyways, it's being done to discourage unhealthy extreme thinness among people trying to emulate unrealistic body shapes that were faked with a computer program.

All right, so I was a little off the mark on that. This could really change the landscape for models, right? There's a sports equivalent in there somewhere. Love you. Love me. Keep up the good work. Yeah, I mean, I think that's probably that's not for adults. That's for more.

I think that's for kids. Because I noticed, you know, when I went to Toronto, I couldn't believe how good looking the people were. And I've just been going around in general, just noticing how good looking people are. And I was just like, what the fuck is going on? And what I think it is, it's, I think it's a result of everybody being on social media and you post a picture yourself. And, you know, all the stuff that you didn't like about yourself and then shit that you didn't even recognize that that evidently people, other people noticed in comments. You know, hey, dude, you fucking nice new profile picture, but I got to, I got to ask. What's up with your right ear?

What's up with that shirt? What's up with the blah, blah, blah? You know, and then it's unreal. And then you start getting like a fucking complex. Social media is other than promoting. Anyways, I just feel like for me, social media, I promote gigs and I go on and I try to make people laugh. That's it. But to actually go on there and look at comments, it's just not a healthy thing.

I don't think it's healthy for anybody. Even if you're the most beautiful fucking person in the world, because you know at some point you're going to start to go down the other side. And then the comments, hey, you're still hot, but you starting to look starting to show your age there. Lol, just kidding. You know, I love you. That's all somebody who's got nothing, nothing but fucking compliments needs to hear. And then it's just a downward spiral into fucking Botox and all of that shit. If I could promote anything, just fucking just act your goddamn age.

That's the best way to do it. Just as you're in your 40s, dress like you're in your 40s, keep yourself in good fucking shape. There's a certain number you hit and the best you can be at that point is you look good for your age. And if somebody says that to you, it's a fucking compliment. You got to be young. You weren't cheated. All right. Stop trying to fucking hang on by your fingernails.

It's fucking over. Let young people be young. Let them have this whatever the fuck it is they're doing with those goddamn DJs. I don't get it, but it's their shit. Let them have it. Stop showing up with your Botox face, asking if anybody has any Molly. Okay, you're creeping people out. All right, it's over.

My public service announcement is over. All right, apocalypse prep. Hey, Bill, recently my girlfriend got mad that I don't have anything prepared in case of a hurricane or a massive flood. I'm not naive, but we live in Kansas City. I told her that while I have a flashlight, extra cases of water and a generator, not bad for a 25 year old homeowner. That's pretty fucking great. And you own a home at 25. Congratulations.

I don't have a box titled apocalypse shit. She said, I never think about the future. Oh boy. I told, you know, well, you know, at least she's not asking for a kid. What do you mean? I don't think about the future. I bought a house. You dizzy broad.

I told her that a gas powered generator is literally a symbol for the future. You talk about this stuff all the time, but have you actually got anything ready? Thanks. P.S. Love the music and the throwbacks. Well, thank Andrew. He's the one who picks out the music. Um, I, I bought some shit. I bought some bucket of fucking food that, you know, would last forever.

And like the lid on the bucket also doubled as a toilet seat and you could shit in the bucket, but then I don't know where your food went. I went down the rabbit hole, you know, about 10 years ago, thinking about, you know, going off the grid and fucking buying gold and silver coins and all of this shit. And then I was just, then I just went the other way. And I was just like, you know, I don't think I want to survive the apocalypse. I'm fine if I'm laying in the street. You know what I mean? Cause then I would just live this unbelievable quality life. And then once the apocalypse hit and everything sucked, I wouldn't have to fucking live through it.

You know, you know, like when a fucking player like, uh, say like Doc Rivers, like, you know, you want a championship with the Celtics. And then they totally dismantled the team. He's like, dude, I'm too fucking old to go through a rebuilding year. That's how I feel with like society. Okay. It's just been great every fucking day of my life. Okay. I just, you know, my fucking dresser drawer is full of championship rings. I got to live in this country looking how I looked.

I fucking lucked out. I'm not going to fucking lie to you. I lucked out. So if all of that shit goes away, you know what I mean? And everything just collapses and then fucking prisoners of crime. I'm not going to fucking survive that. So that'll be it. You know what I mean?

I'd fucking down a bottle of booze and then just turn this. I guess it's different now that I got a family. I don't know. Maybe I'll buy a generator. All right. Movie lines. Movie lines. I gave you one this week.

She, she, uh, dear Billy bass drum. Uh, this is the best line from a sub. Come on. Can we talk bass drums here for a second? Everybody I know has a different fucking way of tuning the goddamn bass drum. What is your, what is the way that you do it? Do you get a good sound out of it? I just had somebody blew my fucking mind when I thought it was you just tuned the,

the batter head. You know, that was the one that I thought you put a little tension to. And then I thought the other side, you just fucking, you know, just, you know, tightened it past the wrinkle. All right. Cause hey, you want to, you want to move that air, right? You also want to have, I don't know, the fucking beater have something to rebound off of. And, uh, then I met somebody and he fucking tells me the exact opposite thing.

And then I met somebody this weekend and he goes back the other way. I don't know what the fuck to do. All I know is my bass drum tuning sucks. So, um, whatever, I'm going to give it another shot. I'm just going to, you just have to have the balls to just, just keep undoing it and doing it back again. And they're just dealing with whatever shit sound you come up with. And each time hopefully getting in a little bit better,

but I'm always open to listen to people. Um, any ideas you have, please let me know. All right. Dear Billy bass drum. This is the best line from a supporting character in a movie is from Wayne's world too. There's nothing vulgar. So you can play it on air. Wayne and Garth had brought a roadie back from the UK to help put a concert,

put on a concert while hanging out. He tells them this crazy story, rock and roll story about Ozzie, Jeff Beck and Keith Richards. Give it a listen. All right. Let's hope there's no fucking racial slurs in this like there was last week. Um, for some reason the link isn't working. Oh, why won't the link work?

Where is it? Oh, you know what? I have to go over here. Hang on. I'll hit pause. You don't have to torture your way through this. All right. We're back.

Here we go. Here it is. Here it is. Come on. No one's going to be able to hear this dude. I don't know why it's super fucking quiet. What's going on here? I got all the volumes up.

Oh, I know this thing. And that's when he in the end, he said, uh, you know, he goes into the store to go buy him. He would need to buy chocolate M&Ms to fill up into Ozzie's brandy glass and he goes there and the place was closed and they had some dog. He fights off the dog and then he had to murder the owners with their own shoes. Right. I think that's what it is.

I'm sorry dude. I don't know if anybody can hear this. Can you hear it? It's a little sweet shop on the edge of town. So we go and it's closed. So there's me and Keith Moon and David Crosby breaking into this little sweet shop. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big bingo tiger. Well, I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shop owner and his son,

that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business. There you go. Nasty business, isn't it? I never watched it. I know I never saw Wayne's World. That was right when I started doing stand-up, so I fucking missed out on it. I was too busy trying to get on stage. Oh, by the way, the ticket link for the All Things Comedy Podcast Festival is in Phoenix.

It's up at billbird.com. For the first time ever, I am going to do a live Monday morning podcast. Now, the first thing you should be asking yourself is like, you're going to have a guest? No. Are you going to address the crowd? No. I'm going to go out there. I'm going to get a bed and I'm just going to lay down in it. You guys are fucking sit there and watch it. I don't know if it's going to work, but we'll see.

We'll see. It's going to be more like a play. It's going to have headphones on. I'm going to block out people laughing. I have to react to the crowd, but I'm not going to be fucking going out there doing stand-up or anything like that. I'm going to sit down and I'm just going to fucking do my part. You're just going to be able to watch it. I got to have some sort of commemorative t-shirt or a poster, some shit, but that is going down in Phoenix, Arizona. I've never done the video thing.

I did it one time at the All Things Comedy Podcast, I guess. I did it one time. Have you ever wanted to see what the fuck this shit looks like? Who knows? Maybe it won't work. Like rap. Like rap live. Remember when the...

No, I'm sorry. Rap with a live band. Remember that when they tried to do that unplugged? The only guy who ever pulled it off was LL Cool J. He pulled it off. Everybody else, it just never... It just didn't fucking work. You got to add the guy on the turntables.

I'm probably wrong about that, but I just said it and I'm going to stick by it. Fat phobic. Dear Billy Backbreaker. I'm a 28-year-old white male living in Ohio. I've been single for nearly four years now. Congratulations. I consider myself to be an active guy, rock climbing, going to the gym. Is this like your Tinder fucking bullshit you're sending me?

I like to rock climb, go to the gym, cycling, et cetera. Anyways, I used to be overweight at 250 pounds. And over the course of a year, I was able to get down to 172 pounds and maintain that due to the activeness and eating a plant-based diet. Good for fucking you, sir. Making me fall. You're inspiring me. Good for you, man.

What a great thing you did. My situation is this. I have some ladies that have expressed their interest in me. However, the majority of them are overweight and have no self-control when it comes to their diet and exercise. I'm not attracted to bigger women, which puts me in a difficult situation when they very openly flirt and invite me out. Why? You're not attracted to them. That's totally fine.

And it's totally fine to not be into overweight people. I don't know why you have to pretend that you're into people that you're not into so the person, you know, eating the fucking Drake's cake can feel good about themselves. What about you? There's still a victim in there. Okay. And considering being on a shape is curable for most people. I'm not saying it's not a disease, but for most people, they do what you do.

Plant-based diet, they get active and it fucking falls off. Plus, considering you are a fatty, this is like an alcoholic, you know, who got sober. You're going to go hang out with an alcoholic. I guarantee you'll become a fat fuck hanging out with them. All right. And then where are you going to be? You're going to be laying down and she tries to ride you on top. I hope you got enough to fucking still get it in there.

You're two bellies slapping together. You don't want to be part of that, do you? The ladies can turn down men, no problem. But when a man turns down a lady, some of the ladies I work with in there are close friends I've known for years. Some of the ladies I work with in our close friends I've known for years. Why the fuck would you date them anyways? They know that I've been single for four years. Honestly, I am picky and I've also learned to be happy after multiple bad relationships.

Dude, you are fucking crushing life right now. Don't fuck it up by dating some fatty that you work with because society is telling you that you're not progressive if you don't. Anyways, so when I deny a date request or don't flirt back with them, they say that I'm fat phobic. Is this what this has come to? Like if some fat fucking man-titted douche came walking up to them, pressing his dick up against them. I mean, that's what the fuck they're doing to you. Sticking their fucking clam in your face. Smelling like a Jim Dandy Sunday at Friendly's, right?

What the fuck? Fuck off! I'm not fat phobic. I just weigh 172 pounds and I know I'm fat. I just weigh 172 pounds and I know that I can get a better fucking cut of meat. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go that mean. I'm just saying because that fat phobic pissed me off. All right, you should respect everybody. Just say, listen, I used to be fat like you and I started rock climbing.

Why don't you rock climb? Okay, or at least maybe just stare at a bunch of rocks instead of eating rocky road ice cream every fucking weekend. Maybe I'll throw you a bang every once in a while as Dice Clay says. I'll throw you a bang. Yeah, dude, can I tell you something right now? This fucking woman's movement thing is completely out of control. It's completely out of control. They are not all of them, but so many of them are everything that they're fucking preaching that they don't want guys to do to them.

Okay? You have the absolute 100% right to date whoever the fuck you want to date. You have the right to be as shallow as you fucking want to be. You can date for looks for 10 fucking years if you want to before you want to settle down and get serious. If you wait too long, you're going to pay the price, but it's your life. This is your fucking life, dude. You're going to date some fucking fatty and you don't want to just so what those constant work will look at you in a better way. I wouldn't do that.

Just be like, yeah, my dance card is full. All right, these are the measurements I like and I'm not ashamed of it. Okay, that's what I find attractive as do you. Can I tell you something? All of those women at work, if they could be the size that you find attractive would be, you know what I mean? And they ate their way into that position. It's their job to eat their way out the same way you did. So you had to get on a bike.

You had to climb a bunch of rocks. You had to do all this shit. Now you're in game shape, right? You're fucking in Kobe Bryant shape and they're showing up like Shaq and they want to try to play their way into shape. Remember Kobe used to always give Shaq shit for doing that? Yeah, fuck that. Anyways, he says, I've never pointed out their weight, but when I have openly expressed interest in other women while talking to the other guys at work, the women start to shame me. All right, dude, you know what?

I was on your side until you said shame. What the fuck happened to people? They shame you? You just fucking laugh at them. Saying that I only like bones and twigs. I get along with everybody, so I never strike back. What's your problem with anything in fear that I might be taken to HR for God knows what in days. Also, having denied some of the women, they've gone as far as to not speak to me.

As much and tell other female coworkers how horrible of a man I am, leaving them to have bad attitudes against me just because I won't date them. Dude, what do you look like, Bert Reynolds? What the fuck's going on here? I would, yeah. Listen, this is the deal. Women go to HR, guys just laugh at it. So just laugh at it, dude. You know what I would do?

I would be overly friendly to the ones that hate me. You know? Morning, Sue. You look lovely today. Kill them with kindness. And then I would bring the most smoking hot fucking chick you could find to the fucking Christmas party. That's what you got to do. Anyways, he says it's true.

I'm not attracted to bigger women. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But women sit around all day talking about guys having to be this tall, have this fair shill hair, wear these clothes. But when a man has any sort of criteria, we get shamed. Dude, stop saying that. Okay? Being shamed is totally within your own power at the age that you're at.

Okay? If you're a fucking teenager or younger, I get it. All right? But at some point, you got to be comfortable with how you look. Okay? You got to get comfortable with yourself. And then someone can't shame you unless you actually did something shameful. Yeah.

If you kicked a puppy across the room, you know what I mean? You got to be comfortable enough with yourself that you can handle the criticism and have it not affect you. You should feel shame. All right? Anyways, he goes, I'm writing to hopefully get your take on the matter and hear what you would do in this situation. I will never see desiring a fit, healthy person who cares about their body as a bad thing. No, you shouldn't. And that's something that all people should aspire to be fit and in shape, healthier than they were yesterday.

As much as you can. You know, obviously the aging process, you're getting older every second, one step closer to the grave, right? But, you know, in the meantime, yeah. Thanks for all the good laughs. You and Nia are the friends I wish I had in real life. That's so nice. Have a good day and go fuck yourself. Yeah, dude.

And by the way, that goes for women, too. Goes for women, too. All right? Yeah, date with the fuck you want to date. And if you want to be shallow, you know? And dish date hot people, then just do that. See what that's like. It's up to you.

I don't understand. You know what I mean? Like, you know what you have at work, dude? You have a bunch of busy bodies, you know? And there's these people out there that want to be the person to say, I introduced this person to that person. Oh, dude, I swear to God, man. I swear to God, you find the hottest fucking chick you can fucking find. You can fucking find.

Take her to the goddamn Christmas party. And by the way, let her know what's up. Let her know what's up. I would tell some fucking, I would tell some hot chick that whole fucking story. And you know, hot chicks love being hot. Nothing that they would make them feel hotter than to go down there and have a bunch of women look at her and just hate her because how fucking hot she is. There you go.

Find that chick. Maybe she's into sports, too. Next thing you know, you guys are running the country, not the country, the company. That's perfect. Oh, it's a fantasy, but maybe you can make it happen, sir. Good luck to you. Good luck to you. And that's it.

And by the way, there's plenty of guys out there that like big women. You know what I mean? There's plenty. It's up to you to be happy with your own fucking body. All right, I'm telling you. Telling you just fucking have a salad, have one fucking salad a day, start fucking working out, read up as much as you can on nutrition, try the best you can to eat the best food you can, which is really difficult.

You know, that's all you could do. Then other than that, leave people alone and let them date who the fuck they want to date. All right, that is the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves. And I'll give you my fucking pick of the week on Thursday. That's it. When I'm in Tampa, but Thursday night football. Oh God, they're going to be wearing those ugly under root fucking jerseys.

What do they call them? The full court press jerseys, whatever the fuck they call them. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday.