Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-14

Episode Date: October 20, 2014

Bill rambles about Ebola, animal testing and homophobia.

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Trust your Instinct, follow your license. Information and information on bmw.be October 20th, 2014. How you doing? How's it going? How are you? I'm actually in a hotel right now on a Sunday afternoon recording this on a Sunday afternoon. Out in Santa Monica here.

I know what you're thinking, Bill. What the hell are you fucking staying in a hotel room out in Santa Monica? I thought you lived in Los Angeles. I do. I do. You know what I'm doing? I'm taking a little stay vacation. One of the most annoying phrases that's come up in like the last seven or eight years.

Stay vacations, you know, after the bankers completely fucking robbed the American people of all the goddamn money and then said, fuck you, you pay for it because we're not going to pay for it. What is Howie Long having his hair? Sorry, I got the TV on. Is that his gray hair fucking glisten in there? Is his Grecian formula not working?

Yeah, so anyways, after they fucking robbed everybody, ripped off fucking everybody and didn't go to jail. Nobody could afford to take a vacation anymore. So then they came up with stay vacations. We're finding that more and more people are doing what's known as a stay vacation. Rather than going away and spending all that money, they don't have that money anymore because it was stolen

from them from the banker cunts. But they're too big to fail. So now when people go on vacation, they stay where they live. Isn't that cute? No, it isn't. It's not cute. I'm out of that saying. That's why I did it. You know, I just don't have a lot of time right now and I wanted to fucking do something.

And anyways, whatever. So I'm out here having a stay vacation. I love how they fucking do that shit. Anytime they fucking rob everybody of everything, they always come up with some cute little fucking phrase that's supposed to appease you. Stay vacation. Well, we earned the money.

We went out and worked our fucking asses off and we had the money to go on a real vacation and then these cunts stole it. I'm really pissed off. Why don't you have a stay vacation? Oh, that sounds like a good idea. And all your anger goes away and then they keep your money, right?

And then they go out and they fucking blow it on hookers that you can't even imagine what they look like. A level of beauty that does not exist for the person on this side of the teller window, right? Sorry, I'm combining like 12 conspiracy theories. Anyways, you can tell I'm getting over something. Whatever everybody had, I got, all right?

And I want just for the record, at no point did I think I had Ebola, all right? I'm fucking believable. I'm so fucking ashamed of my fellow man and the absolute fucking panic that six people with a head cold can cause the entire herd to start stampeding towards a fucking cliff. They got to outlaw airplanes.

Just freaking the fuck out. You know? Jesus Christ, people, AIDS. All right? Act like you've been there before. Did that take us down? Well, did it? Look at Magic Johnson.

That guy is in better shape than 99% of people. Okay, please. Some professional athlete's going to get Ebola and he's going to have to retire and everybody thinks he's going to fucking die, but he's going to have the fucking money. All right? I'm seeing one of the best South Parks ever

when they showed Magic Johnson's cure for AIDS and he had a blender and he was just shoving golden cash into it, blending it up and then drinking it. Anyways, I'm all over the fucking map here. All right? Act like you've fucking been there before. All right? It's not going to take us down. Ah, shit. Hang on a second.

Hang on, hang on, hang on. I got to answer this. Hey, Georgia. Sorry about that. I had to answer that for two seconds. Anyways, that was I talking about. Yeah. Okay. We survived that one. We're going to survive it. We're going to be fine. We're going to be fucking fine.

The great thing about Ebola is it kills you so fucking quickly. Bang, bang, boom. You're gone. You're done. All right? Over in Africa, when it would start to spread like wildfire, everybody just ran into the woods. You stayed out there, you shit in the woods for a couple of weeks, and you came back and everybody was dead.

Then you threw them in a pile, you lit them on fire, and you just fucking got on with your life. Everybody running around like the sky is falling. One of my good friends, Paul Verzi, he was freaking the fuck out. Dude, why do they keep letting people get on planes? Look, you guys have seen my shit. I know that I know that the world needs a good plague.

It needs a good one. All right? We're too smart for our own good. You know, there's always shit out there wiping out animals, and then they survive. Not all of them, a lot of them die or whatever, but they still survive, and then they go on, and it's balanced. Look at us. We're all over the place.

Who the fuck is knocking those goddamn cabinets around? It's probably the broad next door. This fucking lady next door, I swear to God. Her and her stupid ass friend. They were up at 7.30 in the morning. Okay, and I'm a morning person, believe it or not, even though I have this job. Oh my God, look, I got the TV on in the background.

It's this fucking no more commercial. Am I the only football fan who gets fucking annoyed with this stupid commercial? I don't hit women. I don't need to be brow-beaten and get a fucking lecture in the middle of my goddamn game here because one running back on one fucking team knocked out his wife, not during a football game.

He did it in Atlantic City, so why don't you run that commercial down in Atlantic City? Show it on the fucking boardwalk. It's so goddamn annoying. You can't get away from it. Constantly, giving you a fucking lecture on how to be a better person. I love how they look at that stupid commercial,

like that's gonna stop a wife-beater from hitting his wife. Like he's about ready to do it, and then fucking iced tea. Yo, no more. Where's my money, bitch, right? And then he's gonna be like, oh, okay. Everybody's dressed in black, like they're doing a fucking Beatles album. I swear to God, I just, you know, I'm God.

You know, I thought I was in a good mood. This is pathetic. Everybody watched the Indiana Hoosier game yesterday, the football game. I can't even remember who the fuck they were playing. It was hilarious. Indiana Hoosier is like the University of Indiana, I should say.

They are like the whitest fucking school on the planet. All right? And one of the most racist fucking states on the planet. That's somebody who fucking grew up right outside of Boston. And I can say that because I'm a Republican. I just did that with like race relations. So anyways, I'm watching the game. And you know them, they have their classic, you know,

fucking Gene Hackman Hoosier fucking uniforms. It's as white as white can be. It's as corny as extreme whiteness is. But the influence of those disco uniforms that the fucking Oregon ducks are wearing. There's people literally signing with Oregon because they want to wear the uniform. There's athletes making that decision.

Fucking unbelievable. You know, like it's a goddamn fashion show. I like playing football, but let me tell you something, honey, those helmets are to die for. There's literally people signing. They're signing their football lives away to go play with that program.

So now everybody's got to have some sort of fucking disco ball football helmet now. So, you know, I put on Indiana, which is the last fucking team you'd think would ever change. They're stupid, all red with the dumb white. I think they just had the eye for Indiana. You know, classic fucking old school trombone, goddamn school.

And even they had to give into it. They had to address the fact that they were losing recruits because of that disco helmet that the fucking Oregon ducks have. So they actually got themselves some shiny fucking lantern helmet, but they kept everything else. They kept everything else totally like the corny fucking old school win one for the Gipper. Like the, like the, even like the text that they had Indiana University.

Look like it was written like pre-war or something in the end zones. And then they got these fucking disco helmets on. It looks like they stole them. I don't know. That was a long way to fucking go to say like, look, if you're going to fucking do the uniform, you got to go the whole way. You got to have the flashy fucking helmet.

You got to have chest hair showing between your fucking shoulder pads with the medallion, right? Zip up fucking pants and then no, tear away pants is what you got to have. And then you got to have some hoary cheerleaders. You got to go all out. You can't just have the helmet. Right?

I don't know. Anyways, is it true that like the cheerleaders on the Indiana Hoosiers, like their pom-poms are made out of like recycled clan sheets? Sorry. I'm telling you, I'm saying they're racist people. Oh, this podcast sucks this week. I'm just not on my game.

I have good ideas. I'm just not, I'm just, you know, I'm just not, it's all in the execution. I'll tell you right now, when the X's and O's are all done written on the board. I mean, the coaches can only do so much. I mean, the coaches coach the team, but at the end of the day, the players go out and they play the game. And if they're not out there, if they're not firing on all cylinders, if they're not out there acting as a cohesive unit,

if they haven't bought into the system, then, you know, you're going to have problems in your national football league. I actually have the Packers Panthers game on in the background. And Packers are kicking the shit out of them 28-3. You know, no, here we go. Here's a little highlight. Saints first. The Lions.

Well, there's a long pass. Where the fuck is it? Big, big, big scores. All right. 17-3. I went to a Lions home game a long time ago. Beautiful field. Ford Field.

Great name for it, you know. And every time they made a play, a decent play, they had this awful sound of a lion roaring. Sounded like that, you know? Like it was getting prison-raped and it just ended. Every time they make a play, watch a home game. If you've got the NFL package, watch a Lions game and listen for it. Every time they do something good, you just hear,

Oh, I guess that's supposed to be a lion roaring. Why didn't they just buy the rights of the 20th Century Fox lion? It was probably overdoing it. Like, if you've ever watched a Nature show and you see how a lion roars when it's trying to, like, say, this is my territory and I want any of you young bucks coming here trying to fuck my 30 fucking women, you know? Jesus, Packer fans are fat. Jesus Christ.

Every time they cut to the fucking, there's not one treadmill in that goddamn state. Um, sorry. Anyways, any time they cut to the fucking lion, not cut to the lion when they show him, they just, they just go like, roar, roar, roar, like over and fucking over again. I'm always disappointed. I'm like, that's what they sound like. I thought they sounded like that 20th Century Fox one. You just, I didn't know that they stand there sounding like they're going to fucking hurl.

You know, like they, like they, you know, those fucking things eat, they eat everything. Shit, they got a couple of bones in there. You think they got a yak every once in a while? That's what I thought it was going to do. But they were like, no, it's, it's marking its territory. Oh, is that what you think? Is that what you think you're going to have one be a pet? I saw this YouTube video the other day and this fucking guy goes over these people's

house that have like a pet lioness. And the thing pounces on him playfully and, but like, you know, weighs like 600 pounds and it's like digging into this fucking guy's dress shirt. The guy doesn't have a t-shirt underneath it, right? He's fucking walking around like he's a Gabe Kaplan or whatever, right? That's a Clark Gable's woman to say, right? And he fucking, it's digging into his back, which causes him to cry out, which excites the predator in the wild animal.

And it's fucking hilarious because like when wild animals, yeah, like they get excited, causes them to just fucking snap your neck. Like you ever know, like dog toys, you know, those little squeaky dog toys and all that. Do you know why they squeak? It's not because it's cute. It's it's supposed to excite the predator in them, which gets them to play with it. It's supposed to sound like a fucking animal dying. And you know, when they pick it up and they shake it around and shit and you're laughing

thinking, oh, he's playing, he isn't. That's their natural instinct. When they grab something, they shake it like that and it breaks the neck of the prey. But we've pretty much bred that out of all dogs. So they just sit there in the corner with that stupid look on their face. But every once in a while, you get him one of those squeaky toys and you see it. You see it in their eyes again, you know, it's like when I was in that Italian restaurant in San Francisco one time and I look over and I saw Joe Montana sitting there on a double date, right?

The fucking Joe Montana and I got up to leave. And as I walked out, you know, it was like a crew of like, you know, five of us or whatever. So there's motion in the restaurant. He looked over at us and I was looking at him and he looked at me and my fucking stomach dropped because he still had that look in his eye, you know, that two minute offense. I'm going to cut your fucking heart out. He can't help it. He's sitting there with a fucking risotto in front of him and he still has that look

in his face. Every once in a while, you get a little squeaky toy. You put it in front of your dog and you'll see it. I don't care how little foofy little prissy dog you have. You give that thing a little fucking chew toy that squeaks. You'll watch it fucking shaking it around. And the owner's going, look at that. She thinks she's big.

She doesn't understand how small she is. She takes on all the big dogs and whatever. It's like sweetheart, she's not cute right now. She's trying to kill something and she doesn't even know she's doing it. Get her fucking DNA. She's trying to break the neck of that fucking thing. All right. Put some shoes on.

Anyways. Yeah, so there's broad next door, right? I mean, just the stereotypical awful fucking female talk. The kind of thing that if I actually did it in my act, I would once again be branded a sexist. Okay, which I'm not even saying I'm not. All right. The definition of the word.

By the definition of the word, I think I am. I mean, basically in this, in this climate, this culture, I think basically if you publicly call women out for anything at this point, then you're a sexist because it no, no point could they ever be doing something wrong. Right. I mean, they're human beings. They're just as good as us unless they're doing something wrong. If you're doing something wrong, you call them out on it.

You're obviously a sexist and you don't think that they should be allowed to vote, correct? I mean, that seems how the math works in comedy clubs. Anyways, so I'm such a cunt this week. So I'm fucking sitting there and this fucking woman is talking to this other woman and they're literally just talking about shit, not literally shit, but just like stuff, stuff that they bought. Oh, I got that at Nordstroms. Yeah, it was a good deal too.

And blah, blah, blah, blah, shoes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, belt, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, pocketbook. Like the level of fucking excitement that they had for that was the same level I have when I talked to Verzi, when like the NFL season week one is about to begin. Equally fucking stupid, equally not worth getting excited about, but because I can't relate to it, I have to make fun of it. You know, kind of just killed my whole point of view there, but you know, whatever, whatever the fuck you want.

So anyways, so I'm staying at this hotel and lo and behold, oh, there he goes down the sideline at the 30 and 25. Green Bay Packers just kicking the shit out of the Panthers. This cannot be Cam Newton's fault. Cam Newton looks like a fucking superhero. You know, he looks like a war hero, a quarterback and an astronaut all at the same time. So it can't be his fault. I'll tell you, I got to blame that offensive line.

I don't care how good you are at the quarterback position. You cannot play if you're laying on your back 60% of the plays, Mike. Well, you know, absolutely, absolutely. But you know, when it comes down to it, you know, you held out for a bigger contract and you know, you're going to get all the glory and all the criticism. Sarah is a high ankle sprayed touchdown Packers. Jesus Christ. It's going to be 35 to three here.

Hey, you know, I don't know that this is actually a movement in the NFL, but according to Paul Versey from the Versey effect, there's discussions about getting rid of the extra point. And Versey's claiming it's so fucking stupid because 99.9% of them are made. And it's just a big fucking waste of time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blue. I mean, it just fucking blows my mind that a guy who loves the, the NBA, right? Can watch a fucking NBA game with the final two and a half to four minutes can take as much as 45 to 50 fucking minutes. Okay. That this fucking guy gives a fuck about a play that takes 30 seconds and takes no time off of the clock.

You know, I love the extra point. I love that play for the simple fact. This isn't even my opinion. I just somebody else said this and I totally agree with it. It's the one thing that really happens on a football field that people in the, if you fuck it up, people in the crowd legitimately can get mad. Because who can't make it? Like most of the people in the crowd, if you're remotely in shape, you can make an extra point. So when they miss one, it's like, how the fuck did you miss that?

And then what I love is whenever you miss an extra point, it always seems to be like you lost by one. I'll tell you those extra points though. The missed extra points will come back to haunt you. I fucking love the extra point. All right. Keep it in the goddamn game. They got rid of the extra point. That would be like the American League with the fucking DH rule.

Okay. Have the pitcher hit. Well, it's a fucking waste. It's an out, you know, the pitches always strikes out anyways. What the fence, the fun thing of the game. I like it. It also keeps the pitcher fucking honest. You're going to go out there and throw at somebody's head.

Then you got to go up and you got to come up to bat. How much more fun would it have been to watch Roger Clemens pitch if he also had to hit? Do you remember when he fucking threw at Mike Piazza? Then they finally played the Mets in Shea Stadium and he had to come up to bat. Do you remember how he went up to bat? He went up to bat with nothing other than a batting helmet. He went up there like a man after throwing at people's heads for 20 years. He didn't give a fuck.

He was so roided up. Bring it. Hit me in the head. It'll make me throw harder the next day. He shouldn't even have on batting gloves. He just walked up there. His big, roided up Texas ass and the fucking pitcher threw at him and he missed him. Amen at his hips.

I don't fuck do you miss something like that? You know what I mean? That's got to be like fucking up cow tipping, right? You can't hit Roger Clemens. All that Tex Mets in his belly and all those roids in his fucking ass. You can't hit this guy. It's unbelievable. Actually, he was acquitted of it, so I shouldn't say that, right?

I can't even say a legend now. Can I? Accused steroid user, Roger Clemens. I remember when I lived in New York City every fucking two weeks. They did a before he got busted or accused. They used to do a fucking local news piece on Roger Clemens workout routine. It was perfect. Because then when people were going like, dude, did you see his, you know, I think that

guy's doing roids to that guy's on Roids and everybody would be like, dude, you see how much the guy fucking works out. It was perfect. His people put that out there first. You know, they're in the locker room. They know people are going down. They know people are going to get busted. We got to get out in front of this thing.

Let's do some pieces on how much you work out. Dude, look at all the sit ups he's doing. He's doing squats and everything. Whatever. All right. Hang on a second. I apologize. This is rude.

Jesus Christ. I was actually going to tweet that I was fucking sick, you know, and make a joke about it, but I didn't want to listen to everybody's fucking hacky Ebola jokes when I had my own anyways. You know, so anyways, I'm staying at this hotel. And you know, when I'd be staying in a hotel, they have to have a fucking steam, a steam room, right? Oh, you know what?

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All right. And we are back. We are back. I don't have the advertising yet. So I got to edit that in. I hope that came back smoothly. Yeah. So I go downstairs to take a steam, right?

And I walk into the steam room. There's nobody in there. All right. Thumbs up number one. It's early in the morning. So a lot of times they don't, you might be the first one down there. So the steam isn't on, which sucks because you got to wait like 20 minutes for it to fucking heat up.

I walk to the steam. It's fucking not only is it on. It's cranking. All right. Thumbs up number two. So I fucking, you know, I get ready. I bring my own fucking flip flops. Okay.

Because you cannot walk around in that slime barefoot. God knows what the fuck is going to be growing on your feet the next day. And I'm not using people's flip flops that they give you because I don't know how well that they wipe them down. Okay. Think about that. That's somebody's job to fucking clean off the fungile free slippers at a spa. All right.

I don't want to judge anybody who listens to this podcast, but there's no way you dreamed about doing that job when you were a child. So I would imagine if you get that job, you're not exactly exactly like enthused about doing that fucking job. Right. So what I'm saying is there's probably a lot of bullshit that's left behind. Hence, I bring my own fucking flip flops. And I have them where the fucking, you got the thing that fucking goes all the way across

your foot, not that thong between your toes. So it goes full flip, full flap, full flap on the bottom of your feet and you ignore the shit out of somebody. All right. I'm courteous. All right. So I got my flip flops on. I got my towel and I got another towel to wipe off the fucking sweat when I'm in there.

Right. All the toxins and I fucking go to the goddamn steam room. I fucking the steam thing. Right. I open it up. I go inside and immediately sitting right next to the door is a dude completely fucking naked. Once again.

Right. Dick out for fucking days. Just sitting there and you know, I'm just getting in there. My eyes are getting adjusted. So I'm like, okay, you know, fucking naked guy nine o'clock. And now I'm like, how big is this steam shower? How many fucking people are in there? I'm feeling my way through here and I'm walking away from this guy and his fucking shlong.

And so I'm taking like baby steps as I'm walking through kind of feeling my way in and this guy's opening fucking line to me. First words out of his mouth. You know what he says? He says, it's just us. Oh my God. If it wasn't so creepy, I would have burst out laughing. It's just like really that that's you're coming out of the gate with that.

That is so creepy and fucked up. I almost have to applaud it. It's just us. Oh my God. So then he goes, you want me to warm it up more? Right as I sit down, I'm like, yeah, sure. You know, staring down at my fucking sandals. So he fucking stands up.

I don't know what he did. I don't know what in the knob or he threw some water on it. He just goes, he goes, watch your feet. And I said, I'm cool. I got sandals on. I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about, but the steam comes out. You're going to burn your feet. So he fucking cranks the thing.

All right. And now it's like hot as fuck, but it's great because it creates like this cloud where I can't see him anymore. So now, now it's great. There's like this divider of steam. So, you know, I don't have to sit there staring at my feet, right? And then after about like 90 seconds, the steam starts to dissipate. And as it does appearing out of the mist, the guy is standing up in the shower.

Like if you took a picture of somebody like mid jumping jack, jack except his feet were on the fucking ground. He was standing there like arms up the side, like doing this like heavy breathing and shit. And it's just like, I don't know what, I don't know. I like to think I'm not homophobic. I'm not homophobic in the sense of I don't give a fuck. You know, I don't give a shit. You know, if that's what you meant to go, you know, God bless you or whatever.

But is that homophobic to when I'm sitting there like, when there's a fucking guy like that was like, what are you doing? Why don't you just fucking bend over and grab your fucking ankles while you're at it? What's wrong with you? Sit down. You're sitting in steam. The steam's going to get you, you know, going to stand up and what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing?

Sit down. How about some fucking etiquette? You know, or maybe I'll, you know what? Hey, whatever. I'm open to change. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I should have stood up and just faced the guy and started mimicking his fucking actions, right?

And then, and then, then do I pass the test? Jesus fucking Christ. So then he leaves. Thank God he fucking leaves. You know, and I just start, you know, laughing and then I have to fake like I was coughing just in case he could hear me because it was echoing in there. And he fucking goes and then I look and I see his hotel key. There's locker key is still there.

So I'm like, ah, fuck this guy's coming back or whatever. So whatever. So he comes back in, you know, sits down like you get leaves fucking doesn't even take his towel just walks out naked as a fucking J bird just walking around. Right. So he comes back in. Now I'm done. So I was like, all right, man, have a, have a good day.

And he's like, all right, thanks. So I leave. Right. Immediately go into the shower, ice cold fucking shower, close up the pores, you know, wash away all the shit you sweat it out, you know, bang, bang, boom. And I'm thinking, all right, no more naked guy. I'm good. I get out of the shower.

Who's standing there over by the lockers fucking naked as hell. Dick out. Same fucking guy. Okay. Once again, maybe I'm homophobic. What is this guy doing? What is his fucking obsession with just being in my line of sight with his fucking junk? Look, you were there first.

You're naked in the fucking steam. I'm good on you, but I show up. All right. Hey, how you doing? Whatever you throw a fucking towel. Cover yourself. You fucking animal. Right.

He doesn't want to do it. All right. He's naked in the steam room guy. Fine. Then he walks out without a fucking towel on. You know, he doesn't give a fuck. He comes back. Then I leave staying in the fucking steam room.

I put a fucking towel. You guys walking around like it's this house. Why don't you just take a dump? Right. I mean, just I don't, I don't know. I don't know. I don't want a lot of you guys to say, well, Bill, why do you keep taking those fucking steams?

Because I like to. It's one of the perks of the fucking hotel. There's always something's got to fuck it up. Right. There's always going to be the guy with his dick out in the steam room. There's always going to be somebody peeing in the hotel pool. Right. There's always going to be somebody down at the hotel bar that can't handle their liquor

and either pukes or starts a fucking fight. There's always just going to be that guy. And this is why, you know, like when you see lifestyles of like the rich and famous, you know, and they're always doing that shit, they have their own movie theater. They have their own bowling alley. It's because they have the money to not deal with the guy with his dick out in the steam room. They have their own money to not deal with the person who can't hold their fucking alcohol.

You know, if anybody's going to pee in their pool, it's going to be them. You know, they got the money. To basically just exit the society. And I understand the older I get. Jesus Christ. Look at St. Louis. Beat in Seattle. Get the fuck out of here.

I don't see this holding up. Oh my God. Pete Carroll is going to beat his family dog tonight if they fucking lose this one. They lost last week to the, to the Cowboys. It's so, this is what it's so fucking hard to repeat is Super Bowl champion because the second you win the fucking thing, every coach. Unlike the team immediately thinks that they're a head coach. They're not the best defensive coordinator in the game that year anymore.

Now they're a fucking head coach, right? The offensive coordinator, the defensive coordinator, both of them. I don't even know if they lost them, but it's inevitable they're going to, if they don't lose them this year, they're losing within a couple of years. I was under Pete Carroll and, uh, you know, now I know shit, right? That's what happened to the Patriots. Charlie Weiss, Romeo Cromel, all of those guys, that fucking baby face kid who's back coaching with us.

He got a head coaching job at, um, in Denver. Romeo Cromel got fucked. He went to Cleveland. Charlie Weiss got a head coaching job and Notre Dame and then all your players, you know, you're going to have a couple, two or three that are going to take the money. Maybe they feel like their body's breaking down or they don't feel like they're getting it. They got respected for their part and what they did to, uh, win the championship.

And then they take some money elsewhere. It's so hard to keep the, uh, the group together, which is why one of my favorite speeches ever, which I had never heard. I didn't know how I didn't hear about it watching the Celtics Lakers rivalry. I didn't hear about it until I read Bill Simmons book on, uh, basketball, basketball, the, uh, the, um, Patrick Riley speech, the disease of more when he wanted them to repeat. He said the disease of more when everybody, when they win, everybody wants more. People want more playing time.

They want more money. They want more screen time. They want more of this. They want more of that. And if totally fucks up what got you there, um, you know, what do they always talk about? They always say, well, you know, they played a lot of games this year. And they, uh, you know, last year in the playoffs, you know, they didn't get as long of his break. And then they celebrated too much and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, which obviously I

think plays a role, but, um, I don't know. I don't know. That sucks. Cause back in the day with like free agency and that type of shit that didn't really exist, you could actually hold a group together and you could have like those big time dynasties, you know, like that's Seattle. Like that's Seattle defense should have been doing that for like a good three, four years. Um, and would have been one of the legendary defenses.

Had they done that, you dominate a Super Bowl like that. I mean, that was like, I, that's like, I didn't see anything like that since the 85 bears. That's just, it's a shame. It's a fucking shame. Um, but anyways, what else did I want to talk about? I already talked about Ebola. I'm not afraid of that. Even if there is like a fucking up, it's a win, win.

It's a win, win. Either it doesn't, um, you know, either they contain it, which is a win or they don't contain it and, uh, we have a much needed burn off of the population. I know it's brutal to fucking say, but you know, if you take out, if you take the emotions out of it, I mean, people, you get 7 billion people on the fucking planet. We're on our way to 14 billion. Everybody's going to have a couple of kids. What the fuck are we doing?

We got man made salmon people. I mean, if anybody needs a fucking plague, it's human beings. Jesus fucking Christ. How many more casinos can they build out in Vegas and they keep getting filled up with mouth breathers? They just keep coming in and in. If you don't believe that we need a plague, then I would say you did not watch that FSU Notre Dame game yesterday, which for my money was the best college football game of the year.

Unbelievable game. I took my wife out last night. So I missed a lot of the second half, but I kept peeking in when we were in bars and shit. But, um, it was just an instant classic. But the only, and as much as it killed me to miss the game, what I, uh, or a lot of the fun I loved was that I didn't have to listen to those mouth, breathe and fucking morons. I mean, they play that goddamn whoa. Every fucking, they play it for every occasion.

If they do something good, they play it. If the other team does something good to get their fans psyched up to, to try to get back into the game. It's like, why, why don't you just write like two or three of those songs and just switch it up a little bit? Like I don't, I just can't imagine as a fucking fan. I can't even do once a game. The fucking Boston Red Sox play that stupid sweet Caroline.

I've never sung it. It was stupid from day fucking one. And I never fucking sung it. And just to sit there and watch those people. And that's just once a game. Can you imagine if anytime everything went good during a Red Sox game, everybody just went like a hundred times in nine fucking innings. How could you possibly still be a fan?

I don't know. I have no idea what I feel like someone's just walking into the hotel room right now, probably complaining about me cursing and shit in here. Yeah, that's the type of shit that I see. And then I'm just like, you know, is a, you know, is a plague really that bad? A thing. Jesus Christ, Bill. Jesus Christ.

All right. What are we 37, 38 minutes into this fucking thing minus whatever the hell, however long it took me to read these fucking advertising. All right. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take a break right now because I'm waiting, still waiting for the advertising and the questions to come in. And you guys didn't need to know that, did you?

Hey, what game I want to watch this week? The big game I want to see is Cowboys and Giants because I'm actually a closeted Cowboys fan. I never quite got on board once Tech Shram and Tom Landry left. It was so fucking different. It was this stoic, classy franchise, which of course I know the players are like they were brutal and cutthroat, but I didn't see that part. I just saw the propaganda and they went from that to how about them Cowboys, right? And this guy with a facelift and everything and it became, I just felt like I was watching

like Falcon Crested or literally the show Dallas became like a reality show. So I never quite got into, I don't know. I just never got into him after that, even though they won all those times and I was psyched that they won, but I don't know. I never quite was, I was a rabid fan when I was growing up, but now that they're back again and because Tony Romo took so much shit to finally see this guy getting protection and playing great and everything, I'm really hoping that guy wins one. There's certain people you just have to root for after a while, Tony Romo, Don Mattingly,

just people that I think are just good guys that have just taken a fucking truckload of shit and I don't know if they could use a break. So anyway, so I'm looking forward to watching that. Plus, I also believe it or not, even as a Patriots fan, I love the Giants. I always love teams that are like defensive minded and I just feel like ever since the Harry Carson, Lawrence Taylor days, when they revived what the Giants were before my time, when they had Sam Huff, the violent world of Sam Huff. I don't know, like I like those teams that are allegedly like boring that win like games

like 17 to fucking 9. And Eli always steps up during big games and I would say that the guy has a horseshoe up his ass, but he did it twice. So at that point, you know, once you're lucky, twice you're good. So, you know, I don't know, I'm really looking forward to that fucking game. And that is it. So I'm going to take a break here, wait for this shit to come in and I'll be answering your questions, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

All right. Okay. Taking a break. Why am I saying I'm taking a break because you're not going to hear the break. It's just going to come right back. You know, see, watch. And look at that. I'm back.

Just like that. And it didn't take any time out of your life. Just like a fucking extra point. Just like an extra point. I was actually sitting there waiting for the questions to come in for my buddy to send him to me. And I saw that stupid commercial. Have you seen that commercial?

The no drinking and driving commercial where the dog is sitting there waiting for his master to come home. And it's sitting there and the dude doesn't come home. So they make you think that, oh, maybe he died in a drinking and driving accident or whatever. And then the kid comes home in the morning and he's like, you know, hey there fluffy. I couldn't drive last night, but I'm home now. How are you doing?

You know, I just want the dog to be like, hey, dude, it's great you came back. But FYI, I took a shit in the kitchen. You know, you haven't been home for like fucking 15 hours. So don't even look at me like that. I peed on the carpet. I shit in the kitchen and I need to go out right now and I need some fucking food. All right. Next time you're going to go out boozing.

How about leaving some food out? Maybe some water. You know, Jesus Christ. Every time you fucking come home, I greet you like you accomplished something. Even if you just went to the store, would it kill you to leave out some food? Would it fucking kill you? Um, anyways, you can't do that anyways, because fucking dogs would eat all of it in two seconds and then yak.

If you left out 15 hours worth of food, they'd have it done in 15 seconds because that's what they do because they're dogs. They're fucking animals. All right. Let's read some questions for the week. Uh, stinky coworker. Hey, uh, Billy switchblade. I work in a small office with another girl who is really nice and helpful.

Helpful. Her and I share a small cubicle and I've noticed since the first day she does not shower and she smells like BO. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Um, anyway, since we are so close together for eight hours a day, it seems to be ruining my concentration. My question is, how do I tell her to get rid of the smell without offending her

or without getting my boss involved? It seriously is making me think about switching jobs. Thanks for the help. Big fan of your comedy and the podcast. P.S. go fuck yourself. Dude, I don't know. If it was a dude, you could just say it. How do you say it to a lady?

All right. Well, let's, let's just brainstorm here. By the way, 2119 and they go up for two points. Seattle. Oh, and they don't get it. They don't get it. Gives a fucking 2119. Seattle's going to win this fucking game.

Anyways, let's see what the fuck would I say? Hey, listen. I'm not trying to be a jerk. You know, you know, I love you. I love working with you and everything, but you know, you just kind of, I don't know how do I put this? You just kind of like smell really bad. I mean, how the fuck do you, there's no way to say it.

Dude, you stink. Hey, listen, let me try this one. Hey, listen. Samantha, come here for a second. No, no, that's close enough. Come over here, but stay there. If you know what I mean, I want to hose you down. What the fuck do you say?

I don't know what to say. You fucking smell. There's no way to say it. Like, listen, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you don't smell good. You need to bathe more often. You're coming in here and you smell like body odor. Ah, dude, there's no, there's no way to fucking do it. There's no way to, the only way to do it is you go to your boss and then you look like

a bitch or you, you can go passive aggressive. You could just bring in like a ridiculous, you go out and you buy a bunch of air fresheners. All right. And you just stick an air freshener in the cubicle. Okay. And if she doesn't get the hint the next day, you have two air fresheners. Wednesday, there's three, you get the point, right? And you just keep bringing in more and more air fresheners until she finally takes debate

and says, why do you have all those air fresheners? Why do you keep putting all these air fresheners in there? And without saying a word, you look at her, you hold your nose and then you just pointed her and then that's it. And then you turn back around and you go back to work like it never happened. And then when she runs out of the cubicle crying, you quickly take all of the air fresheners, you throw them in the basket, you tie them off, you hand them to a coworker who's obviously been informed, you know, of what to do.

You hand it off to them and they spit to the trash bin and they throw it out. Then when the boss shows up and says, why did you tell old stink toast over here that she smelled, you're like, I never said that. I never said anything. She says you have a bunch of air fresheners. There are no air fresheners here, sir. I do not know what you're talking about. You just fucking deny all of it.

Did you at any point pinch your nose and point in her direction? I have no recollection of any type of behavior. I was at my cubicle doing my job. Did anyone hear him pinch his nose and point in her? Absolutely not. No one can hear that, sir. Even if he did in your cupboard, you just have to realize at that point, you're going to be crashing your working friendship.

What if you just went out and you bought some ladies deodorant, right? And you put a little pink ball on it. And when she walked in, you bowed your head and Jen you flexed it as you held it up to her. I'm trying to give a nice way of telling somebody that they stink. A female. Here's another one where you get your other coworkers involved. It's like throwback sports fan day. And you decide everybody's going to do the wave.

And then the one person conducting them also has this little spray bottle of perfume. When it comes by her, she raises her thing. People on either side just spray perfume into her armpits really quickly. Then everybody runs away. And then she'd start crying again. Just ask her. Just say, listen, is there a way for me to tell you that you have body odor that won't make you cry? Is there a way for me to do that?

Isn't there anything worse than when somebody puts you in a position to have to fucking do that? You know? Oh my God, you fucking stink. You know what's the worst is the air freshener thing. Because there's going to be this tipping point where the air freshener and the BO are competing for your fucking sense of smell. And if you can somehow tough your way through that day without puking, you're a better man than me. Is there anything worse than when you're watching your own fucking team and a guy catches a ball and you're just watching the quarterback sort of just escort him down the field?

At that point, are you going to try to take a proper angle or at least dive at their fucking shoelaces? What are you doing? Sorry. All right. Animal research. Dear Bill Nye, the scientifically illiterate guy. Oh, he got clever there, everybody. All right. I'm curious if you have any thoughts on performing research on lab animals for the benefit of humans. We're not talking about testing lipstick on bunnies here, but serious medical research using flies, mice, primates and other animal models of devastating human diseases like cancer and Alzheimer's disease.

I bring this up as I recently made the difficult decision to leave a prestigious genetic lab. Nobel Prize winning researcher, no shit, real deal. During my PhD training as I couldn't rationalize subjecting mice to painful procedures and an all around shit life anymore. I'm currently refocusing my career to only performing research on human patients that give informed consent. This decision has already helped me sleep better at night. So what do you think? Do the costs of animal suffering ultimately justify the means of increasing our knowledge of human disease? Let's get fucking philosophical here. Thanks for your comedy and the podcast. Best regards.

All right. First off, I take back making fun of your Bill Nye, the scientifically illiterate guy. Sometimes it pisses me off when I know morons are writing me just as dumb as I am and then they're going to make fun of me for being dumb. But you with your background, you had the right to do that. So my apologies. All right. Secondly, secondly, who would know better than somebody who actually did the job? There's no way I could fucking do that job. But selfishly, I reap the benefits of it. I think what you're saying is ultimately the way we should do it is that it should be human beings making an informed decision that they want to be tested. And you know what? They'd still figure out something evil.

They go to the third world and they would find people don't have a fucking pot to piss in and they would somehow flimflam them and get them to sign some shit that they didn't even know what the fuck they were signing. But that's what human beings do. But yeah, I would say that, yeah, we should not be doing that. We shouldn't be doing most of what we're doing. And then a lot of times I think, you know, I go back and forth on, you know, whether we being a vegetarian or eating meat, I just love the way steak tastes and chicken and all that shit. But I definitely think that, you know, we shouldn't shouldn't be killing as many animals as we do. Or if we're going to you got to be like raising them like cattle and then you kill them. You know, but I don't know, I saw something recently about how Vivian Campbell was been playing in death leopard for a while has cancer.

And so I was reading up on him and I saw a picture of death leopard and one of their guitars the guy with the short hair who's been in the band forever. He's standing there in his 50s shirtless and the guy's absolutely fucking shredded. So I'm like, what the fuck is this guy doing and I looked it up. And for the last 20 years he quit boozing and he's eating a vegan diet. And he's kind of on a mission to tell people that, you know, that you can get shredded and be fucking ripped, eating vegetarian and all that type of stuff. So that fascinates the hell out of me because as much as I love cigars, I love booze and steak and all that type of stuff. You definitely feel fucking awful afterwards. The next day hung over.

You got that cigar fucking awful taste in your mouth. And you know, when you eat a steak dinner, especially if you have like potatoes and you eat it with something that, you know, it's going to be difficult to digest. You fucking you just need to take a nap. But if you eat a vegetarian meal, you'll, yeah, I don't know, I always still feel light and I feel fucking energized. I feel like I'm in a great mood. And it's one of those things where like, I know that I should be doing that most of the time. I just kind of like doing the wrong thing more of the time. And also I'm stuck in my ways.

And I'm too lazy to read up on, you know, learning vegetarian dishes. Like tonight I'm going out and I'm getting a pork chop. I know I am. And I've been thinking about it all fucking day and I'm going to smoke a cigar later. I already know I'm doing that. But every once in a while, while I'm doing it, I picture myself 30 years in the future sitting on one of those hospital examiner things, you know, with the fucking that frontal covering smock with my ass hanging out the back, waiting for the doctor to come back and I'll start thinking about all the pork chops and cigars I smoked. And I'm thinking I don't want to be that guy either. So I got to, I got to do something here. But getting back to what you say. Yeah, no, I don't think that they should do it.

Ultimately, no. I think that the fact that we've always put human life ahead of everything else is why there's 7 billion people on the planet and the polarized caps are melting. Now, do I have any sort of background to make that statement? Absolutely not. But that's what podcasting is all about. So go fuck yourselves. All right, calls after a date. Hello, William. I went out on a date with the girl. Congratulations. We both seem to have a great time.

At the end of the date, she initiated the hug and said yes when I asked if she wanted to go out again. That's wonderful. Well, I called her a few days after the date and left the message. No call back texted her the day after no reply. Should I give her a few days to reply or move on? Move on, dude. Move on. Eps, the fucking Lutely. Move on. And that sounds like somebody who doesn't know how to say, hey, I had a great time, but I don't want to see you again.

I think you, you know, what does it say? You asked her. Yeah, you asked if she wanted to go out again. She probably initiated the hug so you wouldn't try to kiss her. And then she just said what you wanted to hear so she could get the fuck out of there. That's what I would guess. But either way, who gives a fuck? You asked her out. She said yes.

You know, you're in the game. You know, they're not all going to be hits. But if you bet 300, you make the fucking all-star team. Don't ever forget that. So keep, keep swinging away there, buddy. There, fuck oh. All right. Jesus, I thought that was going to go on forever.

Should I dump her? Dear Barbarossa. The fuck does that mean? And hopefully Nia too. I'm in a fucked up situation right now. I've been dating this chick for the past six months and it's been going fine and dandy until a few days ago. We were at the house having crazy sex. But just as she was about to climax, she kind of yelled her ex's name.

Get the fuck you. That did not happen. I'm calling bullshit. Get the fuck out of here. Dude, that's hilarious. That is fucking not only what I have laughed. I would have kept fucking her until she was done. I just be like, hey, look, I understand.

Sorry, I'm getting on a cough drop here. I understand, you know, you're not ready. You're not ready to get into a relationship, but you're ready to fuck somebody else. That sounds like a perfect situation for me. I don't give a fuck yell out anybody's name you want to. I'll ghost write this fucking, this blowjob. I don't give a fuck. Sorry, Jesus Christ.

Anyways, he goes on to say I was dressed up and just left and we haven't talked since. Now I know for a fact that she can't be cheating on me because her ex is dead. He died like two, oh Jesus, he died like two years ago when they were still together. My rational side is telling me that I'm a dick and should just forgive her, but my instincts are telling me fuck that bitch. What should I do best regards from Italy? Oh, first of all, I can't, I had a great time when I was in Italy, went to Rome. I can't wait to come back.

I know Rome is kind of like the basic place you go when you first went there, but that's the first place they ever went. I wanted to see the column, the Coliseum. Where else should I go? Milan, Florence, Venice. Where should I go? Person from Italy or anybody from Italy listening. Let me know where I should go.

But getting back to your question, should you move on? Absolutely. You should always listen to your instincts. They're always right. Or there's a reason. You know, there's a reason. I mean, dude, your rational side is telling you that you're a dick and you should forgive her. There's nothing rational about that.

Let me ask you this, dude. If you were banging her, let's just say her name was Maria, right? And right as you came, you went, oh, Antonella. What the fuck would she do? Do you think she'd be back with you? Would you even question her if she didn't get back with you? You totally agree with it. If she actually got back to you with you after you did that,

wouldn't you be sitting there going, what the fuck is wrong with this person? How low is your self-esteem that you're going to put up with that? And if you have low self-esteem to that level, how many dicks have been in your... Sorry, that's how guys think. Yeah, dude, no. The only thing I would say is don't say fuck that bitch. She went through something unbelievably traumatic. You know, and she obviously loved the guy.

I feel bad for her, and so should you. But you shouldn't get your heart mixed up in that shit. All right? That's what I would do. Yeah, in a very nice way, I would just say, I just don't think you're ready to be in a relationship. And no matter what she says, you just hold it to the fact that you called out your dead boyfriend's name

when you had an orgasm. There's really no... You should just stop talking and come in for the hug right now. And I will not let go till you tell me to. I'm sorry. I'll make love until you say somebody else's name. All right, let's plow ahead here. I'll tell you one last story.

I did a benefit this weekend for Alzheimer's. Now, the jokey guy at the office would be like, for what? Alzheimer's. For what? Duh? You see what I did there? You know that guy?

Whenever you say, yeah, my grandmother's hard of hearing. He goes, what? You get it? Fucking joke book, Larry. I fucking hate people who do that, unless you're doing it because you know I hate it. Then I love you. Then that's funny.

But if you're actually doing it for real, it just gives me joke douche chills. Like I, oh my God, look at the fucking tits on her. Woo. What kind of an asshole still brings a defense sign? The D and the fence. We get it. It was a funny joke in NFL films in the 70s.

Holy shit. St. Louis is up 2819 with 530 to go. What are they down by right now? Was that nine points? Seattle's got the ball. What do you think, Bill? I think if they didn't win the Super Bowl last year, they would actually win this game.

But I got a feeling they probably lost too many guys that they're going to come up just short. Oh, but there he goes, Russell Wilson. I just don't see the Rams being able to hold on though. I got a route for the underdog. Oh, Bill, quit being a bitch. Just pick a team. You know what?

I say, I say fucking Seattle comes back. They come back now that they're past midfield. Gee, Bill, really going down on a limb. Anyways, so I did this. I did this benefit for Alzheimer's for what? And it was for Seth Rogen put it together. It was this fucking amazing lineup. And I didn't realize.

I mean, usually when you do those fucking things, nine times out of 10, they're fucking, they're outside. And it sucks. And it's a bunch of fucking, you know, rich people walking around trophy-wise with their red bottom shoes and nobody paying attention. And then it's a benefit. So if you call them assholes, then you're the cunt or whatever.

I actually, it was not outside. It was at the Palladium right on a sunset strip. And that's actually where Richard Pryor recorded live on the sunset strip, you know, way back. And I think around 1980 he did it. And it was a bucket list of mine to at some point do a show there. And it was so fucking amazing to be able to perform that. And unfortunately I was really sick.

So I couldn't be as social as I wanted to be. But it's a fucking awesome show. Craig Robinson and his band were the house band. And they were hilarious plus an awesome band. And Seth hosted the thing. And what the fuck was the point of my goddamn story? Weird Al Yankovic was on it. Sarah Silverman was just a fucking awesome show.

And I can't remember what the point of my fucking story was. What's the point of my story? Just that it was awesome to perform there? That it was a good cause? Oh my god, it was for Alzheimer's. I'm literally doing the joke. You see what happens? It's not my brain fucking works.

I started watching the Ram Seattle game because it's getting exciting. It's Russell Wilson runs for a fur- oh, they stopped him. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Anyways, I want to thank Seth Rogan for putting me on the show. I had a great time. Anytime he wants me to do something like that, I'll definitely do it. Cause I'm such a fucking asshole. And I live such a great life.

And I'm still a dick that I need to do benefits to somehow balance out my karma. I'll definitely do it. But anyways, it was a fucking amazing. What's amazing about that place is it still looks like the prior special when you walk in there, even if you didn't know that they recorded it there. Get the fuck out of here. It goes Seattle all the way down to the nine yard line. Saint Louis, same old fucking Rams.

Come on. I always got a roof for the underdog. But my money says Seattle. Jesus fuck. The guy slips on the turf. Anyways, it was fucking amazing. And I'm hoping to someday do my own show there. That is definitely one of the bucket list.

I never told you guys the bucket list theaters. They're all just theaters where my favorite stand up specials were recorded. I already got to do Constitution Hall where any Murphy delirious was. And then the Palladium is Richard Pryor live on the Sunset Strip. Then there's a theater in Long Beach. I don't know what it's called now, but that's where the greatest one was Richard Pryor live at this, just live and concert that one. I'm going to perform there.

Whoever Bill Cosby did Bill Cosby himself. I can't remember where that was. I did Carnegie Hall. That's where Lenny Bruce and George Carlin both did specials. Well, Lenny Bruce was an album. Where else? I want to do Red Rocks. I did stand up there one time, but it was before like a film thing.

And that place was unbelievably cool. It was not a good show. That was outside and everybody was there to see the movies and they just brought me out. No one knew who the fuck I was. And I sort of survived it, but it was still cool to perform there. So I got a bunch that I want to do. Oh, I know. I want to do wherever Sam Kinnison did his stand up special on the Sunset Strip.

I don't think it was at the Roxy. I want to do a show there. Whatever. I have all these different things. But anyways, let's close out here by talking about Patriots Jets. That was a fucking ridiculous that we were actually able to win that goddamn game. And I felt vindicated by watching that where all my friends was trying to say that the Patriots turned around and that that team that I saw that got pounded by the chiefs

that now somehow they're not that team. They're this team this week. And I was trying to say, no, they are somewhere in the fucking middle. And I don't know, statistically, we didn't deserve to win the fucking game by a long shot. I guess that was the first time anybody ever controlled the ball for more than 40 fucking minutes and still lost the game. You know, as much as I want to credit the Patriots defense that we stopped them in the red zone, I felt that they were stopping themselves a lot with bad fucking penalties and shit like that.

And I got to admit, as much as I can't stand Rex Ryan, because I think he talks a bunch of shit when he has a good team. And I thought he was really disrespectful to a lot of people around the fucking league. I still think he's a great coach. And if they if the Jets didn't fire him and wanted to start all over again, because he's not the GM of the team, so he doesn't get to pick the players as far as I know. I think the guy, I think he's a good coach is not a lot of good coaches out there. I think he's a good coach.

The Jets just fucked up with their player personnel or whatever. I don't know that guy that I think that that guy if he gets fired, that's a that's still a good pickup. Even though I don't like the way he conducts himself when he has a good team and he talks all that shit. And I don't know, it just always clearly comes across to me that you're insecure when you talk like that level of shit. You know what I mean? Like my wife watches this fucking reality show.

I don't know if it's called love and hip hop. I don't know what it is. But it's this chick who has like this ridiculous fake fucking tits and a ridiculous fake fucking ass. She looks ridiculous. And she walks around talking about herself like she's fucking God's gift. And I'm sitting there watching this shit. And I said to my wife, I was like, do you realize how truly fucking stupid you would

have to be to be that confident? To just be walking around like that, thinking that you're the be all end all and that you fucking know everything like how truly fucking stupid you would have to be. Because whenever I listen to people who act like that, you're either unbelievably insecure and you're trying to overcompensate it, or you're just unbelievably fucking naive. You're fucking moron. So that allows you to be that confident. And then every once in a while, you'll meet somebody who just is just the man.

And they're confident and they fucking know it. You know what I mean? Which to me is like 1% of the population, basically that benchmark person that everyone's trying to be. Then when they're that fucking confident, you know, it fucking makes sense as far as confident, but only confident as far as like what it is that you do. Like if you're an athlete or an actor or a musician, or you're running a business like, you know, you're the best at it, you know, you're the best and you're fucking confident.

That I understand. But just straight across the board walking around like you're the shit. And you know, you like moving planets and shit with your mind like walking around like you fucking know everything. You're fucking truly dumb. You have to be to be that confident. So I could never get into Rex Ryan when he was talking all that shit. I'm like this fucking guy is actually good at what he's his job.

But I don't know if it's because he has to live up to his dad or whatever. I just feel like this guy's beyond fucking insecure and it's uncomfortable to watch. And I don't know. I don't know. He just, I don't know. He just always looked like if you punched him in the belly, he'd cry and make like that Pillsbury. Doughboy knows noise.

You know what I mean? Knows noise. I don't know. I'm fucking rambling at this point. Go fuck yourselves. All right. That's the podcast for this week. Thank you for everybody who's been listening.

I'm psyched. The new hour is coming together. You know, it was looking bleak. I've been writing on this show. I haven't been getting the stage time I wanted to. I got a couple in there, a couple reps. All of a sudden you got the Ebola thing coming out. I got some new material.

It ties into some other bullshit. A couple of random thoughts. And it's all starting to come together. And I can't wait. I've got a gig coming up down in, down in Florida because I'm going down for the FSU. Then I'm playing against a university of Miami and oh, 2826 Sherman just knocked down, just knocked down a pass. And believe it or not, he walked around nodding his head as quickly as one possibly could.

He can't believe how good he is. He just can't fight. Can't get over himself. The guy is in awe of himself. And that's always fun to be around. All right. Listen, that's a podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves.

All right. Cowboys Giants. My prediction. Yeah, they lost Victor Cruz. All right. I'm going to make a gambling prediction. Not even knowing what the fucking spread is. Rams with the first down.

Rams with the first down. Where's Sherman now? Nodding his head. Oh, wait. Now the Rams guy is nodding his head and he's walking around. Everybody can't believe how awesome they are. Jesus Christ. Oh, wait.

No, I'm sorry. It was a fake fucking punt. That was the punter. Hilarious. The punter is walking around. He can't fucking believe how awesome he is. I knew it. I knew I was better than this position.

I used to do a joke about that way back in the day that I was going to start celebrating after fucking jokes worked. Like the way they do in the NFL. When you run for a first down, you start stomping around like Jerome Bettis. Anyways, I'm rambling at this point. By the way, all you FSU people, okay, I know I'm coming down on your team, but you guys really need to come up with a couple more songs, okay? Before you give me shit because I performed at your school, I had a great time at your

fucking school. But you know what? You know I had a great time because you guys showed up and during my fucking show you weren't going blah, blah, blah, every fucking two seconds, all right? So don't be a bunch of whiny cunts about the constructive criticism that I'm giving you. I'm not saying stop doing the turbohawk job. That's up for the Native Americans to try to fucking enlighten you about that. But why don't you get a couple, you know, switch it up?

F.P. did he come down there and do maybe a couple of remixes on the same fucking idea? You know, just to, you know, just for the viewer at home? Anyways, that's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. We'll talk to you next week. Thank you.