Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-21-19

Episode Date: October 21, 2019

Bill rambles about these damn kids today, mom skanks, and sports fans.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, October 21st, 2019. What's going on? How are you? How are you, man? How's your goddamn day going in that type of bullshit? Oh, I woke up. I woke up in such a good fucking mood. I just, I just blew a gasket. Yeah. What else is fucking new? How many gaskets do you have left, Bill? Do you know if like the last 10 days, these fucking Google cunts, every time I go to open my, my fucking email, there's like, I swear to God, like eight different security like things I have to click on and then go through all of this crap, basically to give them a permission to monitor me. It's unfuckably. Of course I hit no to as much

as I can to try and figure it out. I still haven't worked my way through the whole fucking thing. And I know there's all this fine print and all the shit. I just don't, I don't understand what people's fascination is with spying on other people. Like how fucking paranoid you're fucking Google. I think you got it wrapped up. We're just gonna do it. And just to let you know, hitting, I love pause. I can't say no. I can't say no. Stop fucking paying attention to me. You fucking weirdo. Follow me down the street. You know, I can't say no. Best I can do is pause it. And then they go, just to let you know by hitting pause, you know, it's going to be a little more difficult to look up some of the YouTube videos you've

already seen before. It's like, Hey, cunts, I know what I want to see. And I know that type. What does that take me an extra four and a half seconds to write Stevie Ray Vaughn tight rope, Austin city limits. How fucking long does it take to fucking type that as opposed to having you fucking weirdos? I don't know. I just don't know. I don't fucking get it. I don't get it. It goes right down to all of these fucking morons out there who sit there and they watch CNN and Fox news. And then if you watch CNN, all you do is yell about Trump. And if you watch Fox, all you do is yell about the Obama's in the Clintons. People who fucking sit there and pay attention to the news. They think they're so goddamn

smart. They're a bunch of fucking morons. I used to do this bit in my act. Getting mad at the president is like when your flight's delayed and they're not giving you any information and you start yelling at the person behind the counter going, I'm never flying your fucking airline again. It's not that person's airline. Their job is to tear tickets and to stand there and get yelled at when shit goes sideways. But they're not running anything the same way the fucking president isn't. I just don't understand. I don't understand. Like how much little money does the president have to make a year before you realize the dude has no fucking power? Fucking mouth, breathing morons. What? Because he doesn't have to sit in traffic.

That's the most powerful man in the free world. Is it? Is that why we're in all of these fucking wars to go save people? To go rescue people who happen to be sitting on fucking gallons and gallons and gallons of oil? You fucking morons. Is that why when a liberal bleeding heart fucking Democrat goes in there, he fucking bombs more goddamn people with fucking drones than any Republican ever did? They're all the same guy. They're all working for the same fucking fucking people. Jesus fucking Christ. I swear to God, these fucking news junkies, if you just say any fucking thing about what's going on currently in the country and they support Trump, they'll be like, well, Obama did this. It's like talking to a fucking sports

fan. I talked to some of the other day and I was just like, you know something, I can't believe the fucking Giants got rid of Tom Coughlin. That was such a fucking dumb move. The guy owned Bill Belichick. Why the fuck would you do that? And you know what this giant fan said? Well, I mean, that's not as worse as what the Red Sox did when they got rid of that fucking guy who went to the Cubs. I'm like, yeah, that was a dumb move, too. What the fuck does that have to do with what I'm talking about? I'm talking about the Giants and you're going to do this tit for tat fucking horseshit. I wasn't saying it was the dumbest move ever. What the fuck does Theo Epstein have to do with Tom Coughlin? So rather than

addressing something, we're not we're now going to fucking play the blame game all the way fucking back. And then what am I going to talk about? How the Knicks fucking through what's his face out of the garden? Charles Oakley? Then I do that. And then what are we doing? I don't get it. I don't I don't fucking get it. I don't understand like how fucking long how many fucking political candidates are actually going to come along that call out these corporations and call out these banks, and then you allow these 24 hour news fucking networks to then say that they're socialists. Half of whom are fucking owned by the same goddamn people who are making money off of all of these fucking scams. I just

don't understand how long people can sit there and fall for that fall for it. I don't get it. And then I'm seeing this. Oh, I'm off the fucking rails this week. I swear to God, dude. And now living out here in LA, you know, and going to New York and being in cities like Miami and all of these fucking places, dude, I have to fucking tell you something like what is happening to people right now? This is all basically people don't think the way that I think therefore they're morons. That's what the theme is going to be here because I'm air quote enlightened. I'm thinking I'm beginning to see the fallout of like close to 20 years, not even 20 years, say like maybe I don't know, we'll say 12 years of social

media. The effect that it has had in reality television that is had on the average person walking down the fucking street. Like I got to tell you something. I went to a pumpkin patch yesterday, right? One of the great fucking things that you can do with your kid, you go to a pumpkin patch and then they have like a petting zoo. You know, you learn stuff from the goats, right? You see the young ones all happy. You see the fucking older ones that are all jaded saying it's all bullshit. We never get none of this pen, you know, but the young ones have hope, right? You see a lot of metaphors as you're watching it, right? Or is it a simile? I don't know. So I fucking walk into this pumpkin patch. Okay, this is

it's all about the kids, right? You go into a pumpkin patch, Halloween, you're a parent. It's all about the fucking kids. I show up to this fucking thing. By the way, it's a fucking phenomenal fun. This has nothing to do with the pumpkin patch. It's about the people there. I first thing I walk in the first thing I see is mom booty cheeks hanging out of a pair of Daisy Dukes. It's like you're a mom. Where are the rest of your pants? I saw another woman she was walking around. She had on a fucking leopard print slip. No bra. Just walk like walking around like like that trolling for dick at a fucking pumpkin patch. Like what are you doing? And then the guys had like fucking like super expensive sunglasses

and fucking sneakers and shit. And it's all I was like the whole fucking thing was did you remember back MTV Cribs, right? And all of these these musicians, you know, half of them that was like a rented house and they would have their whips and they'd have their giant fish tank. And like their entire fucking house looked like perfect. Right down to the selection of fruit and the way it was placed into the thing. Like everything was ready for a photographer, which by the way, I saw somebody there who brought a photographer to take pictures of their family that had literally like a paparazzi level lens. And then I'm seeing all these people clocking that being like, Oh, we have to fucking do that.

Yeah, everybody was walking around looking like a foot, not everybody, but like there was this core group of people that were walking around that looked like a fucking Instagram video, our picture or whatever. I just I don't know. I don't even know what my fucking point is, but like people are starting to walk around and they look like they're photoshopped and they're not. I don't I don't understand I don't understand the hot mom. Like walking around with your goods hanging out with your kids. This is what kills me that there was like a husband there. There was a dad there. Like when do you let that go? It's like it's over. Okay, you fucking you got a guy. What are you still campaigning for? And I don't want to hear this for sure.

Of course she does. I'm just I'm just saying. Okay, I don't I don't I don't understand it was fucking it was weird felt like I'm at a pumpkin patch and I had this weird divorcee vibe like swinger vibe to it. You know, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck I was trying to say there. I just maybe it's just I went out to dinner this past week, you know, my lovely wife and I shut my phone off because I don't want to be the guy on the phone because I definitely do that. I'm bad about that. I'm not saying I'm perfect in all of this. So when he sat down, I didn't have the phone on and then everybody else I noticed that sat down around me had their phone on and did

what I would have been doing if I had the phone on and they're just sitting next to each other not saying anything staring at their phones and I'm just sitting there going fuck that's what I look like. Yeah, just I don't I had a really weird week. If you're going to a restaurant, you have the people next to you, you know, they're talking about what you just ordered and they're staring at your food and you just sitting there going to just ask the fucking question. Then they asked the question, what did you get? What is that? Oh, is it good? Yeah, fine. You know, I'll give you one. These fucking people did it the whole meal. What is this? Do you like like, I ordered something and it was too hot, too spicy.

And I go, yeah, it's too hot. And I hear the guy at the table next to me go, he said it's too hot. It's like, do you work for Google? Is there a reason you're spying on me like right, fucking sitting right? I know you're looking at it. Stop looking at my food. It's fucking rude. You know, but I think that goes back to that Instagram fucking thing where people like you get you get food and you fucking take pictures of it. I started doing that. And then I was just like, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? I'm not into food to this level. Why am I taking pictures of this fucking food? Because I saw other people do it. And this is what you do, right?

Right? Why the fuck am I into this? Why am I into that? Why am I into this? I think it goes back to your goddamn this, this fucking account that I can only hit pause to. They just keep, you know, the big boys, whoever's fucking getting all the goddamn money, right? The Rothschilds or the fucking internet. I just, they just keep fucking pushing you down the same goddamn lane. Why is my only option to hit pause? Why can these fucking guys sit here and read my goddamn emails? Why am I dumb enough? Or why were we all dumb enough collectively to start communicating over the fucking internet? This is the dumbest fucking thing ever. Who came up with the internet? Al Gore? No, who came up with it?

I think all of these fucking things, and this is obviously not a groundbreaking thought, it just finally dawned on me. This is just all so they can know exactly what you're doing, what you're thinking. I don't know, because you know something, this fucking Google thing, it gets more aggressive every time. It used to be like, Hey, do you want to make it more secure? Give us your phone number. And I would opt out. Now you can't do that. Now this, it's like, literally this 10 minute thing that I have to go through and just basically say everything's fucking okay, or it keeps sending me back to the first fucking page. You know, back in the day when you sent the letter out, all you had to worry about was

some fucking creep down at the post office might hold it up to a light. And what the fuck was he seeing? I mean, the letter was folded over three times. You know? I don't fucking know. I don't like fucking people telling, you know, I have this weird thing where I'm all about the deal, you know, whatever the deal is, I'll go along with it. I'm fine with it. But like, when you start grabbing me by the back of my neck and giving me no fucking option other than pause, you know what? I'm bound to have a hissy fit on my own fucking, on my own podcast. Ladies, what do you think about that? Don't you think once you have a

fucking kid and you're there, you know, with your kid at a pumpkin patch, why are you stealing focus from your kid having your titties hanging out of your fucking shirt? You know, actually, you know, looking back at the punk patch, I don't think it was that bad. It was just when I walked in that was the first thing that I saw. Come in and there was some mom. And listen, she wasn't bent over. She was standing upright and her butt cheeks were hanging out of her fucking kind of a fucking mom dresses like that ever. Maybe on her anniversary in the goddamn bedroom, what are you walking around with your ass cheeks hanging out? Oh, well, this old man ran to every end. I don't think it's gonna, you know,

half of these fucking broads, I swear to God, like, I can't say that they're dressing like hookers when I was a kid, but they're damn close. I don't know what it is. It's skank chic. Is that was that what it is? I don't know, but I gotta be honest with you, sitting at that restaurant and actually finally turning my phone off and taking my own fucking nose out of my phone and then seeing other people on their phones and actually realizing what the fuck I look like. I don't know, it's just the things and you know, it's funny, but before we sat down, now when we sat down before the food stairs, the Google food people sat down, there was this group of like young kids, you know, in their 20s or whatever. And they were sitting there and it was the end of the meal and they

were all just sort of talking to each other all while looking at their phones with the thumb going like scrolling before like an Uber pulled up. And I was just like, wow, man, I am like, I am literally looking at kids knowledge, look at these kids today and they're in their fucking 20s as far as like what the fuck they do versus what I did. I actually kind of feel lucky that I grew up without a phone instead of the big like rotary one, because I was already dumb enough. The last thing I needed, I'm just trying to like, I'm trying to pay attention to some of this shit that I sit here and the dumb shit that I think of, and then I immediately go to my phone to look up that information and just tap out of a conversation with my wife. Like somehow we'll bring up somebody

and then it'll be like, how old is that guy do you think? I don't know. And then I put it in there and then sometimes we both look it up and then we just both sort of stop talking to each other. And then the next thing you know, I'm on a fucking going down a rabbit hole to see who came out first the Jackson five or the Osmond family was actually the Osmond family. I got to give Keith Robinson shit about that because he tried to say in sync and all of them stole the let's turn our children into professional musicians and ruin their childhoods. You know, he was saying black people deserve the credit for that. And I was like, you know, I don't know about that. He goes to Jackson five were the first ones. It was actually

the Osmonds. You know what? I'm calling him up. I'm gonna call him up and ruin his fucking day and say, you know what? You don't get credit for being the first race to have parents stupid enough to destroy their kids childhoods by making them fucking rehearse 16 hours a day. Doesn't that sound beyond evil and cruel? Why wouldn't you guess white people? You know, it's funny and there's a bunch of you guys right now listening to this. You probably just went on your phone to fucking look that up. All right, whatever. You know what? I'm a flawed human being. You know, I guess I draw the line at fucking, I don't know. You know, when your mom is dressed like a stripper on the afternoon shift, I mean, you know,

but it's like, it's so fucking acceptable. I can't get off the subject. My wife, she watches those fucking real housewives and the way that these fucking brats are dressed and the way that all this shit they're shooting into their faces. I had it so fucking, I don't get it. I don't know. Other than dying, being old is the shit. You know, if you stop giving a shit, people start holding doors for you. They call you sir. Like you accomplished something. Good afternoon, sirs. There's something I can help you with. Like a paracord of Roy's. We don't make those anymore, old man.

All right, sorry. Plowing ahead here. Plowing ahead, plowing ahead. Oh, Billy, the old man, the old man who doesn't approve of it. I'm not listening. I'm not trying to be that old guy that fucking shits on everything that young people do. I'm just a little more concerned. I'm not saying you guys are. Yeah, I don't think you're dumber. I think with all this fucking information, you can look up. If you use it correctly, you're probably way more informed on a lot of shit. And you know, back before the fucking internet, you know, what was I doing? Was I reading books? No, I was shit face riding on the hood of my buddy's car is he had the wipers on and fucking swerving down the street trying to knock me off the car.

That's what we were doing. Re-enacting Raiders of the Lost Ark. I guess what the fuck? I was just sitting there watching TV, wasn't I? So anyway, I've still been studying for this fucking instrument exam and I just keep going back and forth from fucking like, I'm never going to pass this to I got this to I'm never going to pass this to I got this. I will tell you what is great is I've been able to use the internet in a positive way. I've been really turning like Google's like, what the fuck's going on with this guy is I've been watching all these videos on, you know, different gauges and how to read them and that type of shit and weather maps and all of that. I can't fucking believe I'm actually

getting into the weather. It's actually fascinating now. Now when I fly on planes, I'm looking at the clouds. I'm trying to guess, you know, at what level we're going to start hitting some turbulence. If I see some cumulus clouds at or below that level, I should start feeling some bumps, right? Because there's a lifting force. But if there's not enough moisture in the air, you won't see any cloud development. But the fact that the air is clear, you know that it's an, you know, it's a chance that it's an unstable atmosphere. And it doesn't have a standard lapse rate. I've actually gotten into all of that going to like the Winsor Loft shit. This is the fucking crap I've been looking at. And it's actually really fascinating. Like I'm

looking at this, if you go to the Aviation Weather Center, the graphical forecast for aviation, open your pages, open your textbooks to page eight. The fact that I can actually fucking read these things now, you know, know what direction the winds coming in, how many knots it is, what the gusts are, to know what the visibility is, it's pretty fucking cool. And I actually kind of get into all of these symbols and stuff as far as, you know, the precipitation. Look at this thing, VOR checks and ID, private pilot lesson. Just doing all this egghead shit. And I got to tell you, I'm not really feeling any smarter, but I've been enjoying the shit out of it. All right, let's start, let's talk a little sports. Let's get out of this shit. Let's get out of fucking

Uncle Bill telling everybody that they're wrong. I'm not saying I guess none of this shit is wrong. Maybe this is a part of getting, let's look at from your perspective. Hey, old man, you're just getting scared. Maybe that's what it is. Just walking down the street, seeing all these laminated people is kind of weird in me out. But anyway, I'm 47 weeks in to no booze trying to go a year, 52 weeks, ladies and gentlemen, I am five weeks away. I'm almost to the point you remember when Lance Armstrong would have the race wrapped up and he won those fucking races, by the way, the same way the roided up Red Sox beat the roided up Yankees. I mean, everybody was on roids in that race. Anyway, remember when he would be fucking like heading into Paris,

you know, and people were already congratulating him. There was no point to try to beat him that day because he was so fucking far ahead. I feel like I'm getting to that week on the, on the no booze and it's weird. I wasn't thinking about booze at all. And then lately, lately I did a couple of gigs and afterwards I was just like, Oh man, but I like a nice glass of bourbon right now. I did a great fucking gig up in Saratoga. It was just outside, like fucking theater, you just outside was hilarious because it was for it was pretty damn cold out. I came out work wearing a jacket and a hat on. And it looked like it was kind of like, I never, I think I performed at Red Rocks one time. I was

opening, there was an animation festival there and I got, I got to do a set there. Didn't do well, but I did get to perform there. So me and Dean Delray, Dean Delray, by the way, Dean Delray, not getting opener laughs. This past Friday night was getting headliner. Jesus Christ, this guy's murdering. Same thing with Joe Bartnick and Asheville. And it's right where Paul Versey was right before his special came out. And I, you know, I lost Paul. Paul Versey no longer opens for me. I'm so happy for him. He's moved on. He's become a headliner in his own right. And people are coming out to see him and I'm getting all these emails like, dude, you said, you know, I went out and checked out your boy. You were right. He was fucking hilarious. He's absolutely

killing it out there. And now I feel like I'm going to lose Bartnick and Dean Delray. Because this is the thing, when I picked an opener, I picked people obviously that I liked, but also that I knew we're going to be, you know, working towards being headliners themselves. I didn't want to like fucking, you know, walk, work with somebody that was just happy to be opening for me. That would slow me down. I would be depressing. But the other, so it's great to see these guys grow. But what sucks is eventually you lose them to the road. Now they're out headlining. So I'm wondering, you know, because there's a lot of comics that I, you know, watched when I was growing up, they had the same opener for basically their whole career. And, you know, which is one

way to do it. But doing it this way, I don't, I think it's a good thing because I think it's going to keep me young as far as knowing who the new people are out there. But, you know, I got a few few more gigs this year coming up before I hit the road hard next year. I got a big year next year and like almost everything is built around sporting events. It's going to be like, and I'm talking everything from college football, NFL, NBA, NHL, MotoGP, Formula One, Kentucky Derby, I mean, yeah, horse racing, the whole fucking thing. I'm going out and I'm doing a gig and seeing a sporting event and then coming back. And I'm so excited where my hour is already. Especially a couple of bits, you know, the bit I had with those chicks,

fucking yelled at me and I told them to go fuck themselves. And they're this big thing. Now like the exact group that was getting mad at me is now coming up to me saying how much they love the joke, which making me feel real good. So anyway, so I'm 47 weeks into not fucking drinking and all of a sudden now I want to fucking drink again. I'm going back to the thing where I want to drink. But however, I had like four people this weekend asked me what I was doing as far as working out. And I just told them, I was like, I literally, I just stopped boozing and I've been watching what I've been eating because I've been rehabbing my shoulder, which has been going great. I joined this gym where I can swim, which I'm telling you, I'm telling you is the

old man move swimming. It's amazing as far as, you know, the lack of wear and tear on your body. And if I can give an old man tip to all the laminated Instagram younger people out there, the sooner you start swimming, the better your life is going to be. You guys who are out there crossfitting and running down the street carrying tables, whatever the fuck it is that those people are doing every time I look at that stuff and I wince. And here's the thing. I don't give a fuck. How fucking strong and how many abs you get. You are simultaneously destroying your joints. You're wearing them out and you need your knees for the rest of your life and your hips and your shoulders. Trust me, I'm finding out the fucking hard way in swimming and granted,

there's a way to get hurt and everything, but swimming. It's like you're, it's like you're working out on the moon, you know, as far as like, uh, I don't know. It's weird because it's totally exerting yourself while it's like you've, you've taken the gravity knob and turned it down. You know, I don't know. I think I'm totally, I'm 100% sold on it. All right, Bill, shut up. All right, enough with your fucking shit about society. Sorry. And working out. What else do you know, grandpa? Congratulations to Honda, MotoGP. They win the builders championship, whatever they call it, you know, whoever built the best bike. They won in Formula One, Mercedes won. It looks like, uh,

uh, you know, uh, Mark Marquez has already won the championship in, uh, MotoGP and it looks like obviously Lewis Hamilton is going to win again. Um, I don't know. And I'm going to try to go to one race each next year, a Formula One. I haven't been in a couple of years and, uh, and my first MotoGP race, I'm going to go to that one in Austin, Texas. I cannot wait, cannot wait for that. Um, I'm literally going to freak out. Like the same way that when I went to Formula One and I actually saw the cars, it's funny because the cars become like celebrities. Just looking at those things, uh, weekend and week out, you start to get to know them and stuff like that. And I can't wait that first time they come around the track.

You know, David Sioso, Marquez, Valentino Rossi, uh, all of those fucking guys, like, I don't know, that's going to be fucking crazy. It's going to be crazy. Um, so that's what I got going on. Um, so the World Series is now in place. You got the fucking Washington Senators, who knew, who knew with them? Congratulations to them. And you got the Houston Astros, uh, just an incredible series, uh, against the New York Yankees. Yankees showing a lot of heart, the young Yankees being down three to one as the Astros just imposed their fucking will, three games in a row after going down 01 to come back to be up three to one. The Yankees scared the fucking life out of them, almost forcing a game seven and, uh, I know there's a lot of

bummed out Yankee fans out there, but you know, there's a, that was an incredible season for them and to lose the way they did, you know, heartbreaking loss and everything, but just the heart that they showed, uh, they're definitely going to be a problem for my Red Sox. I can tell you that for the, the, you know, the near future. And unless they make a bunch of dumb moves, which back in the day when you had George Steinbrenner, they would have, because he was, he was impatient, you know, so he would just get frustrated and fucking trade away guys. Um, when he shouldn't have, the fuck do you hit pause on this thing? All right, sorry, I'm back. I'm back. Um, fucking clear my throat. I'm sick of doing it on. I know it's bugging

people doing that. Um, anyway, and I, uh, what the fuck is they talking about? Oh, the Yankees, the Yankees and all of that type of shit. So I think they're going to be a, a, a fucking problem back in the day at George Steinbrenner would get all impatient. Like I've always maintained yet the greatest thing, because he always tried to buy it. And I feel like in the 70s, that was the move cause that fucking dope out in Oakland wasn't going to pay any of his players. So they all became available and Steinbrenner was like, well, I'll fucking pay him. Got catfish, honey, Reggie Jackson and all of those guys. And, um, they ended up going back to back in 77, 78. And then I felt like in a lot of ways, the Yankees were like the, the 74, 75, like flyers

or the flyer organization where that's the way they won in 74, 75. And then they just tried to, they ignored how the game changed and they just kept trying to win that way. And I thought the Yankees, uh, Steinbrenner was like, that's how he won. So he just kept trying to do that right through the 80s. And then that weird fucking relationship he had with Dave Winfield, he ended up getting suspended from baseball. And that was the best thing that happened to the Yankees because they've had ridiculous scouting for a hundred years that, um, for whatever reason, George didn't have the patience to let develop. And I think if, if he didn't get suspended, those five great Yankees that came up, uh, Jeter, Bernie Williams, Jorge

Posada, uh, Mariana Rivera and Andy Pettit, I think he definitely gets rid of Pettit shit. He tried to get rid of Pettit. Even when Pettit showed, he was a champion. Uh, Jorge Posada, I bet he would have traded away. And then, you know, Bernie Williams, I don't think so. Obviously not Derek Jeter, but Mariana Rivera was sort of struggling as a middle reliever. He was just sort of doing okay. Um, so who knows what would have happened if that guy was actually around. Remember that shit? They would lose like three games in a row and he would like issue a statement. Let me guess, George, you're not happy with losing. It was really weird, but his son doesn't seem to have that. Like he's actually being patient. So

that sucks for me as a Red Sox fan because that's really proven to be effective. So, um, I don't know, we shall see. And then you got the Houston Astros who did I call it or did I call it? I felt that they, uh, they were pissed off the whole year that they lost to the Red Sox last year and didn't go back to back. Maybe a little bit of a hangover. God knows the Red Sox had one this year. Jesus. Um, so it's really cool to see, uh, to see them come back and then go up against the senators, which is an amazing thing. They came out of nowhere. They lost that kid with that Bryce kid clown question guy. They lost him and somehow, uh, I don't know where they have this amazing pitching that I had no idea. This is just typical me. I missed the whole season and

then I discovered what teams are in October, but, um, yeah, October baseball fucking rules. And, uh, little disappointed with, uh, how out of hand some of the Yankee fans got. I've never really seen that with their fan base. Like they've always been aggressive east coast fans or whatever, I've always been like that, but that was, uh, that was a new level. But I also know that that's not most Yankee fans. I was just sort of bizarre. It's almost like they knew they weren't going to win. So they acted like that, you know, fucking frog in my throat. The hell it is getting up too early here. The old man didn't, didn't stay in bed long enough. Um, but I know that's not all of them. And God knows, I mean, I can't as a Boston fan. Some of the shit we've done.

I always loved that too. Oh, real classy Boston. Keep it real classy. It's like, what city has class? You know, I'd say St. Louis, they seem to have really classy fans. I would say that if every person of color wasn't shoved over in East St. Louis, a lot of shit going on down there. If you hang out for a week, start to see it. Um, San Antonio Spurs fans, I think are really cool. Um, but generally speaking, yeah, we're all a bunch of animals. Um, all right. And with that, your LSU Tigers win again. They win again. And, uh, now they got, they got two huge weeks coming up. We got Auburn next week and then Alabama and, um, what are we, six and oh, seven and oh,

and I do say we, because I do follow them. I follow them and I follow Michigan. Michigan, fortunately had to go out to, uh, go do some standup. That's not unfortunate, but I, I missed the game. I forgot to tape it. And one of my buddies who's a big Michigan fan said they got a couple of tough calls early, but then, uh, late in the game, they missed some sort of holding call or something like that on a big play, but, uh, Penn state, look at Penn state. They're undefeated. Now, when is Penn state play Ohio state? That is the game that I want to see Penn state versus Ohio state 2019. When the fuck is it? This is the game. This is the game you got to watch. Oh, is that the rivalry game? 1123. Wow. Penn state ranked six. Ohio state ranked third. All

right. I got more fucking sports to talk here, but I got to do the, uh, got to do the reads here. Actually had my, the fuck is it? I had it sent to a different email account. Maybe this one will let, ah, there it is. It opened up. Okay. Oh, look who's here. Everybody. It's old zip. Um, hiring can be a slow process. Cafe, Alteras, C O O chief operating officer, whatever, have an executive, uh, Dylan, misco wits, Dylan misco wits. I love it. Look at that. That's a millennial name. Dylan misco wits, um, needed to hire a director of coffee for his organic coffee company, but he was having trouble finding qualified applicants. Isn't coffee beans, aren't those organic? Those are natural, right? They're not made out of plastic. So he switched to zip.

Zip recruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you. It finds them for you. It's like a roadie at a rock show, pointing out all the hot chicks, bringing them backstage. Who's going to be the winner? It's techno. It's technology identifies people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job. So you get qualified candidates fast. Dylan posted his job on zip and said he was impressed by how quickly he had great candidates applied. He also used zip recruiters candidate rating featured to filter his applicants so he could focus on the most relevant ones. And that's how Dylan found Dylan found his new director of coffee in just a few days. It's kind of a cool job title. Uh, what do you do? Hey,

I haven't seen you since high school. What are you doing? I am a director of coffee at Cafe El Turro El Turro. Wow. Six figures. Um, with results like that, it's no wonder four out of five employees who post on zip, get a quality candidate within the first day. That can't be the end of the copy. It is. Where the fuck's the rest of it? Go to zipprocruiter.com slash burr. That's zipprocruiter.com slash burr. I'm pretty sure that's what it is. All right. Untuck it. All right. Oh my God. This is, this is a good idea. Ever wonder why traditional button ups look so long and baggy? That's because they were never meant to be worn that way. Exactly. Untuck it shirts were specifically designed to be worn untucked.

I love these fucking shirts because you can wear them untucked and they also keep you in shape. Okay. Cause when you wear an untuck it, if you kind of a fat fuck it, your ass crack is going to be coming out the back when you squat down to pick up your keys. Or maybe that's what you want to be showing at the fucking pumpkin patch. Maybe that's a new millennial thing. You want to show off your waxed man butt crack. Your Botox butt crack. I'm getting rid of the wrinkle in my ass. Untuck it is the brand you've been looking for. It's the original untuck shirt, a modern solution to an old problem with isn't amazing. It took somebody so long to come up with this idea, considering people have been wearing their shirts untucked since the grunge era,

which was almost 30 years ago, with no talking or tailoring required. By the way, the day they play a Pearl Jam or a fucking Jane's addiction or Nirvana, whatever the big bands were out there, Jane's addiction was the best, by the way. I know they always talk about the Seattle band, but James, it's come on. There was no, that ritual album smokes anything that any of those other bands put out. I'm sorry. They just says, but the day those bands are played on an oldie station, the generation of music after my generation of music. Oh, I'll tell you, it's going to be a rough one. All right, no matter your size or shape, their shirts are perfectly untucked length. Oh, so maybe they add extra material. If they get

like a wider body thing, they figured it out, right? They designed it. All right, you got some big bitch hips and you fucking, you know, squat down and get your fucking phone, right? Your butt crack doesn't come out. Motivate or it doesn't get exposed. Trying to think what that's like, you know, where the pants go down and the shirt comes up. It's like an old, what do they call it, a dummy waiter? You know, that thing fucking opens up. You got to watch out for that. Back fat is on my mind. Motivate your audience. Talk about your personal experience with the product and service. I just did. I love it. It looks cool and it keeps me in shape. Anytime I feel that cool breeze going down my San Andreas

fault there, I know I got to lay off the fucking creams, sickles. Have you been frustrated with shirt buying in the past? How is, yeah, every time if you wear like a regular shirt that's designed to be tucked in, you wear that untucked, you look like the fucking roofie guy at a fucking corporate Christmas party. Like Jesus, he's already that hammered. It's 11 in the morning. What do you like most about untucked compared to the other brands? It looks, it looks like it's supposed to be untucked. Okay. Enough with the questions. What are you, Google? Huh? You're going to fucking figure out all my personal information about my shirts. With more than 50 fit combination, untucked shirts look great on tall, short, slim and athletic guys

of all ages. Try it on in person. Didn't say fat. Try it on in person. I guess you can't say fat. Can't you say husky? Is husky like politically incorrect? Let me actually look that up after this read here. The politically correct way of saying fat. What would they say? What would they say? Hibernation ally or something? Hibernation weight. I don't try it on in person at one of untucked 50 stores or go to untucked.com to get started. They even offer free shipping and return on all orders in the US. You can save 20% on your first order by using my code burb. You are a check, a check out that's untucked.com. Let's check out these shirts.

Oh my, yeah. These, these are the ones. These are beautiful. You know what? God damn it. God damn it. I'm going to have to get some of these fucking things. Those are good stage shirts too. You know what? The big thing too is you got to fucking, you got to get a goddamn, well they have a Los Angeles location. Look at me. I'm literally shopping in the middle of my fucking ad reads here. Now watch every fucking advertiser. We like it when Bill goes to the website during the read and says he's going to buy the product. I actually finally learned how to iron a shirt. One of my buddies I go out on the road with used to be in the Navy and he was watching me iron a shirt and was driving him nuts. He goes,

I can't, I can't watch you do this. You know, when your shirt gets shiny, I never realized it. Like I was ironing the wrong side of the shirt. You're supposed to iron the inside of the shirt. You know, and like the part of the collar, like I was ironing the inside of the collar, but it folds down and that's what you're going to see. So I'd have a shiny collar and my shiny mantits coming out on the fucking stage. He turned the thing inside out. He ironed the right part of the collar, you know, the part that gets that you don't see. And I guess he, when he was in the Navy, if he came out with shiny fucking shirts and pants and

shit like that, you'd get, I don't know what to have you go peel potatoes, whatever the fuck they do, keel hall you, whatever they do in the Navy. All right, stamps.com everybody. You know what I hate more than anything, man, being bothered with little daily annoyances. Why are they speaking for me? I mean, they're right, but I don't like this. You know what I'm talking about. This is like 80s stand up here. You know, boy, you know, daily annoyances really bother you. Hey, this guy knows what I'm talking about. Being stuck in traffic, waiting in line, going to the dentist, difference between cats and dogs, or just having to do things I don't have to do. Well, guess what? I can get rid of some of those annoyances just by using stamps.com. You know about stamps.com.

They've been sponsoring the show for over seven years. Is that right? Wow. It seems like just yesterday. And if you haven't tried it, what are you waiting for? The holidays are coming up quickly and get static with stamps.com today so that you are ready for the holiday rush stamps.com brings all the services of the post office right to your computer. You can buy and print us postage for any letter, any package right from your home office. Now you can even schedule a pickup with the mail center so you never have to deal with LA traffic like me or wherever the hell you're at going to the post office. All right. I haven't even gotten to the best part yet with stamps.com. You get five cents off every first class stamps and up to 40% off priority mail. Why would anyone pay full

price when they don't have to right now? My listeners get a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without any long-term commitment. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Burr, B-U-R-R, that's stamps.com, enter Burr. Stamps.com, never go to the post office again. All right. Before I get to the questions for this week, I got to talk about the Baltimore Ravens. You know, I got to give them props going into Sneaky Peaks' home. Let me look up this guy's fucking name. I don't know the quarterback. What the fuck is his name? What the fuck is this guy's name? Lamar Jackson. I mean, they basically were making it out like this guy single-handedly went in there and beat

the fucking Ravens. I mean, he did. The Ravens defense was great. And this Lamar Jackson guy was just running all over the goddamn field. And you know what? They hyped him up once again, as they always do with the running quarterback. And I got to ask you, how many times can you fucking see this? How many times can you fucking see this? How many times does it have to go the exact fucking way it always goes in the NFL? And these guys on ESPN, I get it now. Their job is to sell me the game. This guy was trying to make this argument. And he made a very convincing argument that he actually felt that what's his face? Lamar Jackson was actually better than Michael Vick as far as a running quarterback. And he said Michael was faster in a straight line,

but this guy has more shake and bake or something like that. And what I wanted to say was like, oh, you mean Michael Vick, the guy that they eventually caught up to and then slowed him down with injury? He's a little different because he did go to jail there for a couple of years. But like these running quarterbacks, there's a reason why a guy who runs like Tom Brady can still have the success at that position that you don't need to do what this guy's doing. And if you do it long enough, your career is going to be as short as a running back. RG three and people like that. It's like you can't, you can't be out there. You can only do that. There's a finite amount of time. This guy is

going to be a pain in the ass for fucking three years doing that. And then, you know, defenses fucking hate playing against a guy like that. And that's shit where you have the receivers covered and there's nobody open and you did your goddamn job. And this fucking cunt takes off and still gets 18 yards. It pisses him off with every fucking game. It pisses him off more and more. And then one day, you know, somebody slows you down and they get an opportunity to take a hit and they fucking hit you. And then that's all she wrote. So he actually looks like he can throw too. So I don't know. I never believe in these types of quarterbacks, but you got to respect the Ravens. Haven't already having a fucking defense like they do when they lost Ed Reed

and Ray Lewis to come back this quickly. Like they really are. They've established themselves since they became the Ravens. Like just one of those teams that just always seems to have a great defense like the Steelers for so long. The who else is another one that always seems to have a great defense? The Bears and the Ravens have really established themselves since the late 90s, early 2000s. It's just being one of those teams. So they look like they are going to be a problem. And the worst thing in the NFL this past week was seeing Patrick Mahomes get hurt. Oh, look at that. We have the Ravens. Is that next fucking week? We play tonight, Monday night. Let's say the 20th. No, that's in a couple of weeks.

We're going to play them. Jesus Christ, that's going to be a fucking tough game. And we're, it looks like we're in Baltimore. Oh, oh, that's going to be a big game. Oh, they, they fucking is. They were another wine and franchise that fucking bitched about us. I cannot fucking wait until, you know, all I can, I mean, I can wait because I like to continue it to win, but 20 years down the fucking road, when they look back on Belichick and the, uh, Tom Brady and all that, I can't wait for all these fucking football coaches and owners that wind and all of that shit. I really want to see them still bitter. You know, it's the best that they could come up with like, you took a little air on a little ball.

They were on your field looking at us. What the fuck up bunch of goddamn broads. You're not, you're not as good as they are. Okay. Fucking step up your game. Um, all right, let's get into the, uh, but anyways, congratulations to Ravens. I wish I, I actually was, I was studying yesterday, so I didn't, I didn't watch any of the games. My team wasn't playing and I've just decided fuck direct TV. They still haven't given me the fucking NFL package. And at this point, I don't give a fuck. And you know what? I kind of like going back to only having a couple of games. Why do I need all of the fucking games? You know, what am I scouting for somebody? I don't need to

fucking do that shit. Although I will tell you the great thing about having the NFL package is you don't have to go into a sports bar because bar stool sports as always posted a hilarious video. They posted this video of, uh, of when the Yankees lost on the walk off by El Tuve. And there was one Astros fan in there and just how obnoxious this guy was clapping. Like I got to hand it to the Yankee fans when they did that. They didn't turn around and fucking punch that guy and throw something out. It was fucking amazing. It was hilarious, but it's why I don't go to a sports bar because like watching them, the level that you care about something that really has no effect on your life and doesn't, it's fucking ridiculous. Like being a sports fan is literally

a fucking disease. And if you want to see somebody bottom out on skid row, watch that fucking bar stool sports thing. It's one of the reasons why I don't go to sports bars because it hurts enough when my fucking team loses. I don't need that fucking guy. He literally announces the home run. Oh, and that's it. And your Houston Astros are going to the world series. It is just devastating to these Yankee fans. I mean, his level of shit talk was tops. Johnny Walker blew. I got to give it up to him. It was phenomenal, but it's also why. Um, but having said that, fuck the NFL package, not fuck the NFL package, fuck these fucking cunts at direct TV. What I'm going to do, I heard that YouTube, you pay 70 bucks. You can get all the cable channels for

fucking that you want. I'm going to do that or whatever. I'm giving it. All right. I'm going to have my fucking butt cheeks hanging out at a pumpkin patch. I'm going to get some Botox and I'm going to go get a little fucking iPad and I'm just going to, I've already watched MotoGP on my computer because they're not on Fox sports anymore. So why not? I'm just going to say, fuck it. I'm just going to watch it all on that. Um, all right. Here we go. Oh, hot red head alert. Hey, Billy Brickhouse, long time female listener here. I notice you always ask, when is there going to be a major red head on the big screen? Oh, I always say that we're never the lead. They let us one time they gave Eric stole some work and then they gave the guy

for NYPD blue and he did Jade and it didn't do well. And then if they put us back on the freckled bench, um, when is he going to be the lead or any screen for that matter? Other, uh, all right. Here we go. Anyway, there's a show on HBO called billions. Amazing show. You should check it out. The boss is a redheaded billionaire. He has brains, brawn and is hello a billionaire. Yeah, but that's on the show and it doesn't sound like he's the lead either. Another redhead on the rise is Oliver Stark. He plays on a show called 911 or is it 911 with Angela Bassett. Uh, this guy gets so much ass. It's ridiculous. He's super hot. I guess the ladies love his milky white skin. Uh, you're not the only one turning heads, Billy boy. Yeah, that's that

that ship is fucking sailed. Uh, keep up the funny and we can't wait to see you for three seconds in Star Wars. Uh, hey, Nia with an N. All right. Uh, yeah, you are going to see me very quickly. By the way, that Star Wars comes out, uh, it's November 9th, I think November 11th, November 9th and November 11th on, uh, Disney streaming service. And it's going to be a juggernaut. I'm already having like Star Wars fans coming up to me and I got to tell you, I really like them. Um, they're nice. They're respectful. Uh, totally different from, uh, my sports fan comrades. I mean, those are the people I am. Hey, fucking Billy red tits. Fuck Tom Brady. Love the podcast. Like that's how I get. That's what I usually get. You know, it's funny is when

um, I meet podcast listeners around people that don't listen to the podcast. I've had that a couple of times. I've been on acting gigs and I'm walking over to play a fireman or a cop. What else am I going to play? Right? Uh, something with a temper and I'm walking over to go do my lines or whatever. And I'll just be, you know, we're shooting whatever and I'll walk by and they'll just be somebody walking by the set and just go, Hey, Billy red tits. Go fuck yourself. And I just go, Hey man, how you doing? The person with me is like, that person's a friend of yours. It's a, it's a podcast thing. That's how they talk to you. Yeah. It's actually, uh, endearing. And when they do it,

it makes me feel good. It's weird. All right. Movie influence. Uh, dear Bill, well, to all the talk about the Joker being a bad influence on lonely white men. What? That yielded no issues. Uh, it got me wondering a bad influence on lonely white men. They are really just reaching for this shit. Huh? Like this is why I kind of tapped out. I don't pay attention. Everything I've heard about the Joker is it's a masterpiece. And you kind of knew once, you know, when they casted Joaquin Phoenix, I mean that guy's fucking amazing. And then he gets to play the Joker. It really is crazy how that role seems to bring out the best in people that were already amazing actors. Um, all I've heard it's a, it's a masterpiece. I heard

that and, uh, kill the Irishman. Those are the two that I want to go see. Um, anyways, it's got me wondering, has a movie ever influenced you to do anything yet? Uh, they influenced me to want to be in movies. I guess even if it's not something dangerous or violent, have you ever walked out of a theater, a different person? No, not at all. And I, and to put that level of weight on a movie is fucking ridiculous. You walked into the movie theater with issues. It's the same thing they try to do with standup. Like the fact that you could like walk into a, uh, a comedy club, not misogynistic and then listen to my act and then walk out and then like hate women or walk in, not be homophobic and then walk out and be homophobic or be homophobic. And then somebody

tells a joke, uh, that is supports gay people. And then suddenly you're not homophobic. That's it. That's not how it works. That's how it works on Dr. Phil. Oh, you need to stop by in misogynistic. I'm going to do that. All right. We fixed them. It's like to really change as a person. It takes a lot of work. I mean, I remember seeing, you know, music videos as a kid and they influenced me that I wanted to play drums, but I didn't immediately play drums or like just walk out. I knew how to play drums because I watched it. There was an unbelievable amount amount of work involved to do that. I mean, I think something can influence influence you to like, you know, maybe start you in the direction of something, but like it's going to wear off

within 24 hours. And then it really comes down. And then I think if you stick with it, it was in you anyway. If that makes sense. Yeah, I just don't like, I listened to some of the, you know, most lunatic comedians growing up. None of them influenced me to do anything other than to want to be a comedian. I was into, you know, the art form. I just thought it was fucking amazing and comedians were amazing. And I watched all of these fucking guys and like that said all kinds of crazy shit. I watched, I listened to Richard Pryor talking about free basing and lighting himself on fire. My parents told me to stay away from that shit. And I saw them every day. I didn't live with Richard Pryor. So I never free based cocaine or ever had a desire to. I didn't. My parents told

me that that shit is the fucking devil stay away from it. And they told me that all the time your parents influence you. So I think you can be, I don't know. It's a weird sort of like you can be inspired, but like I really draw the line on that it can make you a bad person. I think you came in like that, or you were fucked up to begin with. And then you go to court and you're trying to get out of it. So you blame a movie or Judas Priest or something like that. And then, you know, parents co-sign on it because they don't want to feel like they did a bad job bringing you up. I feel like movies and comedians and shit like that and athletes or scapegoats for bad parenting or kids that were just born that were just, I don't know.

They just were born with something wrong with them. Does that make any sense? I don't know. And actually, I remember there was a kid that I knew in my neighborhood who was really into Tom Cruise and whatever Tom Cruise did, he, whatever his job was in a movie, he would then go out and do, but then like two weeks later, he would quit the job. So he would get influenced and he would try to, you know, I'm going to be a bartender that spins bottles around. Top Gun, I'm going to enjoy the ROTC and he fucking quit all of that shit. Because eventually he had to find out who the fuck he was. I think that's what you learn. It's like, oh wait, I'm not Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise isn't even that guy. He's just pretending

to be that guy. I think, I think they can like influence you to try to be, oh, maybe I should, let me try this. And then if you go there, but if the passion isn't there, then you're not going to do it. So maybe that, maybe that's what it is. I don't fucking know. Not a psychologist. All right, cruise ships. Bill, you're right about cruise ships being floating piles of shit. I never said that. I just said there's too many people and I would sink them if I was the dictator, but you're more than right, but you're more right than you know. All it takes is 18 of the biggest class cruise ships in the world to mash the polluting power of every car currently on the road. Please repeat sentence. I don't want to. What do you Google? Don't tell me what to do.

Now you can look it up if you want. Politicians know this, of course, and so does the media, but they're all buddies with the rich guys that own the ships, but you also know it and I know it. And what are we doing about it? We got to stop using rich people and politicians scapegoats. I really believe if you want change, you have to do it, right? I'm starting with the freckles in the mirror and they know it's spilled over to airlines. Plus what politician wants to tell the city getting all the tax money from the port that they can't collect dirty money dirty Mondays, what you wrote anymore boohoo. Yeah, it's bad. The whole thing is the way politicians are so I don't know, they have their arms tied behind their backs. Like I have actually empathy for

that position. They're underpaid. They need money from these people. And then they have to do what these people say when they get into office or else they won't get reelected. And then how do they make it to the blood money tour that Obama is on and fucking a bush and all of these fucking guys, Bill Clinton's, all the Clintons go out and just fucking give speeches to the same people that donated to their campaigns. The whole fucking thing is gross. Jimmy Carter, man, was the last fucking human being. Look at that guy. He's out there building houses for the fucking homeless. All these other cunts are on the fucking blood money tour. All right, carbon credits, Billy boiling water. While people argue whether or not climate change

is real or man made, the elite have already figured out a way to make money off of it. They're going to create a system where countries, governments, and eventually individuals will have a limited amount of carbon they can admit. They'll get a certain amount of credits, which will be measured by, of course, by a group of by a group started by bankers. They're going to create an exchange and trade these credits the way they trade real estate bonds, government bonds, and gambling on futures. So a country like China will sign onto something like this, knowing that they can buy credits from someone not using all theirs and pollute even more. Dude, where the fuck did you read this? How do you read this and fucking walk down the street with

a smile on your face? In no way does this stop pollution or address the pile of trash in the ocean. It just monetizes a global issue. The whole thing traces back to Rockefeller and the dude behind NATO. Of course, see Club of Rome. I'm not saying the world isn't changing. I'm just saying I'm just saying no one in charge is going to fix it because the money is in charge, not us. Like you always say the dollar is failing and they're going to keep figuring out ways to suck the life out of us. No, what I'm saying now is we all have to like, you know, we have to figure out a way that we can do it at a mom and pop level. And finally address, I don't know, the fact that this is our place too.

I don't know, man. Why this shit is just so fucking depressing. I got a young kid here, the world that she's going to be in is crazy. Anyways, but the Patriots play Monday night tonight. All right, mother has new boyfriend. Oh boy. Hey, Billy, Billy Bob, bitch tits, huge fan of the podcast stand up, et cetera. Recently, my mom dropped a bomb on me. She dropped a bomb on me, baby. She'd been married to my stepdad for over 10 years and I always thought they had a good marriage. My stepdad is a great man and we have always gotten along very well. About a month ago, my mom calls to tell me that she is divorcing my stepdad. Oh wow. She was caught at a bar hanging on another dude

by friends of my stepdad. She's been cheating with this guy for several months. Oh boy. Needless to say, I think this is pretty fucked up and my stepdad is absolutely crushed. Within a few days, my mom starts hinting that she wants me to meet him, which I have no desire to do so, especially since I am still very close with my stepdad. I expressed how I felt to my mother and she said that when I was ready to meet him to let her know. Well, that was cool. At least she didn't try to force the guy on you. Despite this, she is still basically trying to force me to meet him. That's not cool. Sending me pictures of him telling me what a good guy he is, what we have in common, et cetera. Wow. I'm sure he's a good dude and all, but this shit is still pretty fresh

and it's just weird for me. My question is, do you think my mom is being a little selfish here? Yeah, or else she's also maybe feels guilty for the way she got out of the last relationship and she needs you, the love of her life, her own kid to let her know that it's okay. Anyways, and am I wrong to feel some sort of way? No, not at all. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you for all you do. Keep crushing it and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I think yeah, you're 100% in the right. And maybe you just need to say, listen, I understand this guy is important to you, but you got to respect my boundaries here. You know, you kind of hit me over the head with this. This is a shock. I still like

the last guy you were with and I have to process that. I'd appreciate it if you would allow me the time. I don't need to see any more pictures of him. And I will come to you when I'm ready. Just basically tell him everything just told me, just tell him, tell her, you know, you'll meet him when you're ready. That's a tough situation though. And you know what? That's her life. It's not your life. And you don't have to repeat those mistakes. All right, you're a different person. So don't think that this is going to have any influence on your fucking relationships. All right, overrated underrated. Dear Billy, break your booze record burr. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'm on my way. I'm on my way.

What is the actual date when I'm going to do it? I need to hit 200 368 days would be my new record. So I'll be at 341 by the end 342 343 350 357 364 365 666 768. Oh, there it is. November 27th. I'll hit my new record. I don't know if people keep telling me how good I look. The vanity might keep me off the fucking. That would be that would be a goddamn shame for me to go right back you know become a fat fuck again. I don't want to do that. All right, underrated freezer mugs. Great to have a frosty glass come out of the freezer for a refreshing cold soda. Four weeks sober. Good for you. There you go. There you go. Be careful with the soda though.

You know what I mean? That's another thing too. Then you got to fucking, you know, I actually have drank more soda this year than I ever have in my life that includes when I was a kid. I was never really a fan of it. I can never I can never finish it. Just made me feel like I was bloated. But yeah, my cigar smoking and soda drinking terrible. So now I've got both of those back under control. I got rid of all the cigars in the house. I have a humidor, but there's nothing in it. And it's been a great, great thing for me. So now I look forward to smoking a cigar. I do it maybe twice a month once or twice a month now. That's back to where the where I needed it to be. All right, unoverrated open open bar weddings.

Although that's overrated. I went to two open bar weddings within the last month while trying to get sober. As tempting as it was, I still had a great time sober. People use it as an excuse to get loaded. I woke up the following day without a nasty hangover. I got to enjoy the wet wedding and the following day. Oh yeah, I'm telling you, man, you go to a wedding and you stay sober. Like as the night goes on, all of a sudden you look like the catch in the room. Like you got your shit together. You like Gleason and the hustler and everybody else's fast Eddie Felsen or whatever his fucking name is. I go, yeah, I'll tell you underrated eight hours sleep, waking up feeling like a fucking champ. All right, I got to upload this podcast. I got

to end here. I got to go swimming like the old man that I am and go play with my lovely daughter before these bankers and oilman fucking destroy this goddamn planet. All right, go fuck yourselves. And I don't know. I don't know what to tell you about the world. Those emails really fucking upset me. I didn't need to hear that shit. I got to get some solar panels. All right, I'll see you.