Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-23-17

Episode Date: October 23, 2017

Bill rambles about considering taking mushrooms, dying and his Austin weekend.

De speckle van Albert Heijn Tradities en gewontes, anders maar ook niet Zolang dat je het ma viert me wie dat je gaar is Paas Brunch of Eftel, chocolade eitjes Dar al zien de promo, dusie hip ik op mijn luisje Van alles neem ik twee nummen, noem ik mee te erg Van ons hier zal ik passen Ramadam oe berek

Geniet van Pase en Ramadam met het verrassend en divers assortiment van Albert Heijn En kijk zeker ook naar de tweede aflevering op de wereld in het klein.be Dap is het lekker van Albert Heijn Hey, wat's goin' on? It's Bill Byrne, it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast For Monday, October 23rd, 2017 What's goin' on? How is ya?

I am in Atlanta, I am back in Atlanta To continue on my acting gig on a rainy day here Oh, rainy days and Mondays always get me down Who the fuck would write a song like that? You know? It's like, isn't the world depressed enough? Rainy days and Mondays always get you down Oh, how do you feel on Tuesday when it's partly cloudy, you miserable cunt

You're playing music, isn't your job supposed to be to cheer people up? I should talk, I remember one time Beck put out an album And I guess it was supposed to be like something when he was going through a depression And then he had a happier album And I bought them one where he was more depressed And I remember my wife was like, well, why would you buy that one? I don't know, cause I'm gonna relate I don't fuckin' know

Anyway, so I'm back here In Atlanta Just landed in this fuckin' rain and all of this shit And we were up there in the holding pattern and all of that It's gonna be another 25 minutes, all that stuff People all huffin' and puffin' and all I'm thinkin' is Take another 55 minutes, just don't fuckin' crash I don't care how long this takes

So I get back to the hotel, everything goes great Somehow this guy fuckin' lands it I don't know how they do it It's fuckin' amazing that they're not freaking out I couldn't see anything out my window I get back to the hotel room Fuck, I gotta do the podcast Let me order a little bit of room service

So I call up and get a little grilled cheese sandwich A little turkey BLT What do you got on your lunchtime menu? When I call the guy up, right He's like, hello, room service And I said, yeah, I'd like to order some food to the room And he goes, oh, I'm sorry We don't have any rooms today

I forgot we said it, but he went like this happy tone Oh, you know, unfortunately We can't do that right now Oh, I'm sorry That's what he said, oh, I'm sorry We can't do that right now You sound kind of chipper Why don't you have the proper tone in your voice?

Could you at least pretend To sound a quarter as disappointed as I am right now That I have to do my fuckin' podcast on an empty stomach This podcast is gonna suck right now Cause all I'm gonna be thinking about is the grilled cheese sandwich That I'm not eating All the sun just came out Here comes the sun

You know what's fucked up? George Harrison wrote that and he's dead I bet the rainy days and summer Mondays Guy is still alive You know why? Cause God doesn't want to hang out with him He listens to George Harrison Here comes the sun

This guy sounds alright I did a good job on this one, huh? Must not have been sleepy And nod and off like when I made the rainy days and Mondays Cunt Jesus, I hope he kills somebody So I have a reason to set him down God, I can set him down there anyways

You know what? Fucking kill him Anyways, plowing ahead here I'm back in Atlanta Gonna knock out a couple more days on this What I'm telling you man, it's really looking like a great one Film that I'm working on And then I go back

To go see my wife and my daughter Is that my daughter in there? I get to go back, hang out with them Before The fuck am I doing this weekend? Oh my god, I'm doing the first ever All Things Comedy Podcast Network Podcast Festival

In Phoenix, Arizona Did I say podcast enough in that? By the way, I'm supposed to mention that Bud Light Will be the official beer Of the All Things Comedy Festival Alright, we got a little booze in there For Billy Booseless 67 days

Oh, 67 days 67 days, no booze Let me tell you something, just because I'm not drinking Doesn't mean you can't come to the All Things Comedy Festival In Phoenix, Arizona This Thursday, Friday, Saturday

And listen to some of the best podcasts In the world In the universe, I'm gonna go Donald Trump here While enjoying an ice cold Bud Light There you go, how do you like that? A little fucking commercial there I'll be doing my podcast for the first time I don't know how I'm gonna do it, because I'm gonna do it just like I do this So I just fucking lay down on a couch or a bed

I feel at some point I do have to address the crowd I think the fact that I have no idea What the fuck is gonna happen Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do The crowd doesn't know what they're supposed to do I think something good's gonna happen That is my That is my prediction, or something bad

Or maybe it sucks But, you know What is the internet like Better than something that's amazing Something that sucks So no matter what, I feel like it's gonna be a win Anyway, 67 fucking goddamn days, no booze I feel great

You know, I look better I've lost weight You know, my liver's happy Sure, all of those things But I gotta tell you something, I really miss it I definitely miss it, you know I had such a fucking amazing weekend Played Austin City Live

The best-sounding venue I've ever fucking been in The sound was Well, they shoot Austin City Limits there The sound was fucking incredible I worked with Dean Delray He murdered all weekend I recorded when I was there There were such pros, they handed it to me

They had all three sets All of them already mixed And also, I said something about pro-tools Like, I could just hook it up into pro-tools And switch the mixing Adjust stuff if I wanted to It was the most professional Best-sounding, coolest fucking venue

That I've played in the States, I think It was unreal They had all these fucking photos From back in the day All the way back to the first Willie Nelson was the first guest that they had In 1974, I believe this is their third venue But of course, they had the Stevie Ray Vaughn one

Neil Young, just everybody Everybody played there And so that was incredible So anyways And then there was this place Lambert's Barbecue right around the corner Which might have been the best barbecue I ever got Just not only the taste

The quality of the meat I went there the first time And I got the pulled pork It was fucking incredible I got to give these guys a shout out And then I went back there again Yesterday And one of the people that worked

At the Austin City Live Goes, I used to work there Get the ribeye And I got it I forget what they I don't know Put it in coffee And something else was the rub

And it was fucking outstanding Incredible food and all that shit So anyways So I went out there I scheduled this weekend Out there around the Formula One race Right? That's all I was going to do

I was going to go there Play Austin City Live And then go to the F1 race And then that was it That was going to be my fucking Make-A-Wish weekend It was going to be perfect However, I get there

And somebody tells me Hey, you know, Jimmy Vaughn Is playing What the fuck was the name of the venue? We just went there Something sky Something sky venue or something This little bar

Cool ass fucking bar It was like Jimmy Vaughn Is going to be playing down there I only had one show Saturday night I should go down and check them out Went down and checked them out Sat in a booth Like five feet away from the stage

So the great Jimmy Vaughn He had this unbelievable fucking keyboard player And drummer And I just got to watch them play a set It was this big CD album release party That they were having We got to meet him in between sets Could not have been nicer

More generous Just really warm Great guy And I got to tell you about this There was this one asshole in the crowd The more I go to like music shows Like they always talk about

How comedians get heckled Like we get heckled You know, most times we deserve it We say something that isn't funny Or we annoy somebody Right? This guy's up there He's playing music

And he's killing it And it sounds great This asshole in the crowd He said something I don't want to fucking hear that shit I want to hear my blood Like five feet away Yelling at him like he hired him

For his private birthday party And I don't know how I don't know how Jimmy kept his composure I don't know how he did Like I couldn't believe it And smashed the fucking guitar over his head He just was like, nah man

I'm up here playing music This fucking loser Who's never done shit with his life As far as I can tell He was some woman who literally Falling down drunk Fell down drunk And he got her another fucking beer

And they, you know Other than that It was like this perfect evening And I just was As a performer Was astounded The classy way that he handled that guy Because God knows I wouldn't have

But Other than that Asshole It was just this incredible night And me and Dean were just sitting there Like, you know A couple of kids could not believe that We got to see him

And got to see him play like It was just classic old-school musician You know We were out in the fucking parking lot And he just pulls up Drove himself to the gig You know Just old-school shit

Goes in, walks up on stage Look fucking great Plugs in, tunes up He's tuning up his own guitar You know All of that shit People like, hey Jimmy He's just started looking non-whatever

He's all tuned up Walks off stage 10 minutes later And just proceeds to absolutely murder it For like 90 minutes Right So Like that wasn't great enough

I would go, dude You believe we're going to be seeing this guy And we're going to go to this race the next day So Anyways We're with some of the people from Austin City Live And I go, by the way

I go, who's playing your venue Who comes in there next And they go, Primus I go, when? They go, Sunday night I go, get the fuck out of here I've never seen them Alright

Tim Alexander is one of my Favorite fucking drummers of all time I got to see this guy live So I changed my fucking flight And they go, alright man We'll fucking hook you up And We go to the race

I know this is probably annoying To a lot of you guys That I got to do all of this shit But I have to tell you What am I going to lie And act like I didn't have a great My soul's to tone down my joy Because you're in a goddamn

Cubicle right now I'm sorry I'm sorry That I fucking humiliated myself For the first eight years Of my stand-up career Before I finally figured out How to be funny

And that I'm a 25-year Overnight success Can I continue Without pissing off too many of you I know how the fucking I know how the internet is I know how it works Well fuck you

Alright Just know this If I ever get sick I don't need to have a fucking Make a wish Because I already I lived it this weekend So we go to the goddamn race

And we sit We were sitting in turn 12 Which was the fucking place to be You know The first race I went to Up in Montreal I was on the star finish line And it was great to watch them

Go flying by At 170, 80 miles an hour But you can barely see them You want to be in the turns Where they gotta You know Stomp on the brakes And that's where the racing happens

That's where the passing happens Dude, we were there We saw fucking Lewis Hamilton pass Max Verstappen The two best drivers in the world On the two best teams You know Mercedes and Ferrari

Right in front of us And on that same fucking turn I think Botas passed somebody We got to see Hamilton pass somebody else After he had pitted And he had to try to get back

In the first place again We saw him pass again And then on the final lap We saw Max Verstappen Going around Kimi Rakinen Right as they were disappearing Around the fucking Was at 12, 13, 14, 15

I think 16 We could see 12, 13, 14 And 16 turns And then up the hill You can see Turn one And then over to the left You could see like turn

I don't know what it was Five or six It was ridiculous If you ever go there You got to sit and turn 12 I'm telling you Or somewhere around there Where you get to see all of

Like just get a map of the Of the track And from here on out I don't give a fuck What race I go to I'm going to look and see Which turn has the sharpest fucking turn After a straightaway or whatever

And that's where I'm sitting Because we actually Saw a little bit of an accident I believe one of the The American teams The Haas car got spun out That was right in front of us And dude, Dean Delray

Was flipping the fuck out Like three times during the race During those passes He fucking held up his forearm And he had goosebumps Watching these guys Slamming on the brakes Going around each other

You know, he's a motorcycle Fucking car freak He was losing his shit And he was so going nuts I was like laughing Half of the time You know, when you bring somebody To something and you want them

To have a good time You're so afraid Like that they're going to Look at you like You're into this shit, dude I'm bored, you know They got any more fucking Cheese and crackers for me to eat

He was losing his mind Freakin' out So anyways As if the race wasn't good enough Max Verstappen is right on Kimi Reikinen's ass Through 12, 13, 14, 15 The whole time

And everybody is on their feet Going fucking crazy And then at the last second Is it going like Up the hill he got around him And everybody was going nuts And he ends up coming In third place

He's on the podium Everything is great We get out of there Oh, I forgot in the beginning Of the race When they did the whole Michael Buffer did all the announcements Which some, you know

Some racing fans didn't like You know, because they're all Fucking snobby and shit I saw a couple American fans Apologizing Fuck you, this is America All right, we overeat And we're loud, all right

If you don't like it Don't have a fucking race here You asshole Jesus Christ Do you get all upset When the fucking Italians Cry every time a Ferrari Is in first place for a lap

Fucking stuck up cunts Anyways And they actually When they brought out Daniel Ricardo They actually Oh, fuck, is this on right now All right, sorry A little technical difficulty there

When they brought him out Will Buxton had written all the The intros And when they brought out Daniel Ricardo They fucking They had Michael Buffer Say Ricky Rocket

Remember when I couldn't remember The guy's names And I was saying Ricky Riekenberg And all of that shit Because I, you know So new to the sport One time I called Daniel Ricardo

Ricky Rocket Obviously knowing that That was the drummer from Poison So he actually said that Fucking nuts as that So anyways At some point I gotta get a picture

With Ricky Rocket And Daniel Ricardo See if that ever fucking happens Who knows, who knows Maybe Ricky Rocket Cares his shadow Next thing you know He gets into the race

He goes to fucking Austin He's also sitting in turn 12 But Daniel Ricardo will be like You know what It'll be dracing at that point It's never gonna fucking happen Whatever So anyways

This morning I wake up And I'm looking at the final Results and everything To see who won what And I notice that all of a sudden Max Verstappen is down in fourth place And there's all this Whole fucking days of thunder

Ricky Bobby fucking controversy I guess he fucking went off on this I guess it's this racing steward Who fucked him over in Japan, Mexico And now in Austin And he was so mad He said he hoped that the fans Don't show up in Austin next year

It's just like dude Dude, he's kind of fucking you Around the globe He's gonna single us out Right? Did you not like your nickname And the fucking intros? Sorry

But anyways It was a phenomenal race I'm actually blowing through So much of this shit I should probably try and slow down here But I have to get to the next thing So then we left there And then we went

My wife better not listen to this podcast She's gonna get annoyed with me Then we went Back to the hotel Dropped off our shit And we went back down Over to the venue And we got to see

We got to see Primus And they basically opened for themselves Played like for an hour And then took a half hour break And played for another 90 minutes And I gotta be honest with you I am not a drug guy

But I actually With all the video shit That they had going on And the whole psychedelic vibe Oh by the way Another heckler at that show Like Larry's one of his pedals Or something wasn't working

You know So Les is talking to the crowd Talking about He's actually talking about that What is that blue You know those damn blue color Tweakers This whole town

That fucking song He was talking about How he came up with that Tweakers I thought he was talking about meth You know I didn't know it was about the waters Being stolen from Northern California

So he's sitting there talking about it Cause they're trying to fix Larry's pedals And this guy in the crowd goes Stop fucking preaching Can you I was beside myself I would think everybody in the crowd

Would just beat the shit out of me But Les Once again They're both of them Just handled it like a pro He joked his way out of it He said something fucking hilarious About

You know presenting Any questions he had Please present them in written form True or false questions Work best for me I'm butchering it But it was like really funny To the point I was actually kind of happy

The guy heckled him Cause you know Les is fucking hilarious So I finally got to see Tim Alexander play live His fucking kit is It's fucking

He has like a double bass pedal On like a 20 inch bass drum And they had all of this stuff Going on in the background And I'm sitting there You know Trying to figure out You know

What Tim is playing And all of that shit And After they opened for themselves They took a half hour break Then they came out And they started playing All this stuff after their new album

I hope I say this right Desaturating seven And they had all this video stuff Going on And I actually looked over at Dean At one point I believe when they had Elephants jumping on trampolines

And In the way that the filter was on it It looked like What was that really cool movie Vin Diesel did Where he couldn't see Just how you would look I keep thinking Riddick Bow

I know it's not that That was a boxer I forget what the I can never remember the name of the movie But it was like Sort of in that sort of filter And it was an elephant Jumping up and down on a trampoline

And then it became three And then one of them started doing Summer salts And what I loved when it came down Like the trunk would like Would be like Fluttering in the wind As it came down

And I literally Looked over at Dean I go You know what? I've never had this thought before But I really wish I was on drugs right now I'm not a drug guy You know?

Or I've stayed away from You know I smoke weed every once in a while Usually when I'm not drinking Because I'm so fucking bored I don't know how straight edge people do it I really don't But I pretty much stayed away from

All of the evil drugs Other than alcohol I think alcohol is an evil drug It's an angry drug Like You know what I mean? Like Weed is cool

Mushrooms are cool But like coke is evil Alcohol is evil I don't know I feel like the shit that just makes you Kind of sit around You can't really do anything Just giggling yourself

You know? I don't know why anybody would just choose To Stay in the dark side I don't know Maybe you're just a fucking dark human being And you relate to it But you'd think you'd want to go the opposite way

I don't fucking know But I've never taken mushrooms Or anything like that But I don't know That was the first time I was just like You know I wouldn't mind

I wouldn't have minded being in like An altered state Throughout this If I could have just given my I just always would have worried that I would freak out That's why I never You know

Like my generation always They were always like You know Had to think telling your stories About people who took LSD And they pulled their eyeballs out And fucking jumped I mean I would never fuck with LSD either

But like I don't know Was actually going like You know I think This would have been one of those times I mean if I just did mushrooms once Every 49 years

I mean it's like Be like Haley's Common You know Sort of Right? I don't fucking know All I know was they were unbelievable And

I can't even I don't even know which was my favorite I think Was Southbound Pack-a-derm Was probably my favorite It was just

An unbelievable Well the whole night Was just fucking incredible And that was my weekend I got to do three shows At Austin City Live The best venue As far as sound

I've ever performed in I then got to see Jimmy Vaughn In this small little bar Like doing the world a favor He doesn't need to do that It comes down Right? And then I got to

Go to a F1 race And then I saw Primus after that Now I come back to Atlanta To do a fucking Movie to pretend to be somebody else I swear to God There's a piano Waiting to fall on my fucking head

At some point during this week Something's gonna happen And actually already did I'm not even gonna talk to you about it With some other fucking bullshit Getting some work done on the house And the workers came there And somebody said

Hey, the door to your house was open And I was like Oh fuck Somebody break into our house So I'm dealing with that But you know what? That's what happens That is what happens

When you have all this good stuff going on Something, something happens You stub your fucking toe Sound like you get audited Something's gonna happen I don't fucking know So anyways Doing all of this shit

I missed pretty much All of the football And all of that crap For this weekend I do know that the Patriots beat the Falcons So that's cool Four and two Dude, we actually have a strong division

Bills are four and two Patriots are four and two Dolphins are four and two Jets are, what are they? They three and What would that be? They played six games Three and three

I don't know what, I don't know what they are Well they might be three and five Because I think we might have had a bye week I don't know what But AFCE After all these years Of being so fucking weak

Is actually a really competitive division this year So that's pretty exciting And I watched What did I watch? My apologies By the way My apologies to the fucking Houston Astros

I love your uniforms I just haven't watched baseball in so long I thought they still had those shitty ones That Jeff Bagwell had to wear Your fucking uniforms are great And I got to give a shout out To Sports Illustrated Some guy

I was watching this pregame Because I watched game six and seven You know, when I was Waiting to go on And I thought I was convinced C.C. Sabatia game seven I thought the Yankees were going to have that one But anyways

They were talking about before Like game seven That some, I don't know who wrote it In Sports Illustrated In 2014 The year the Astros went 70 and 92 He put them on the cover Of Sports Illustrated

And said You know Please welcome your 2017 World Series Champions He said that in 2014 When they were 70 and 92 Or in the midst of being that He or she said that, right

And then they come back from the story And the guy hosting the Sports program goes Yeah, that was a pretty good prediction It's like pretty good That was fucking unbelievable Like anybody right now Can look at the Yankees and go like

Hey, I think they're going to win it next year Or they'll win it the year after Or sometime within the next three years That is not a big prediction All right, they got all this young talent They're fucking playing great They way overachieved As far as what the organization

Thought they were going to do this year They came one game away from the World Series Anybody can say that these guys Are going to win another one You know, that's what I think I think they're going to win another one Here in the next few years

But to fucking look at the Astros Who've never fucking won In 2014 And then pick the year I think in the next three years Blah blah blah That would have been great But to actually nail the year

I mean they haven't won it yet but The guy goes, yeah, it was a pretty good prediction I don't know if that the guy was a little jealous My nuts I'm trying not to talk all sports Because I know people to fucking Get nuts with that sometimes So let me fucking go

First of all, I'm really cursing a lot I don't know why Probably because I was on a plane today And I always suck after I've been on a plane But let's get back to drugs and booze All right This is what I realized I like getting fucked up

I do I really enjoy it I like getting hammered Or fucking, you know Maybe once in a while smoking some weed I do And I'm not an addictive personality

As the cops show up To see what's under my bed right now I hope you guys could hear the siren In the background I hope you didn't think I was alluding To the fact that I killed a hooker or something I was talking about drugs A siren went by

Sometimes this fucking thing doesn't pick it up Anyways So like now I haven't drank But done anything for like 67 days And I could go for the rest of my life I could do it But it's just It's like really

I don't know, it's boring I don't know I have to commend everybody Who gets into a program And just fucking does that I don't know how you do it But it's amazing And I feel like in a way

By me saying how fucking boring it is I'm actually fucking with your sobriety So I apologize But Have you guys been watching Burke Kreischer by the way Going sober for October I believe Tom Segura

They always do like those battles Like losing weight And being sober And all that shit And I think Joe Rogan is doing it too So all I know about From what I know about the three of them November better get in the fetal position

Because I have a feeling They're going to come back strong I know I am I think I am I don't know I don't know I like losing the weight And that type of shit

But I think I'm going to be I would like to be more of someone Who picks his battles When I drink You know Like I got to tell you Austin is a hard place

Not to be drinking We went to go see Jimmy Vaughn Like we were sitting at this table With some other people that knew Jimmy And they were the nicest people ever And A couple of them that were at the table Were fucking

Just doing shots And I swear to God They did like three shots in an hour And these people could drink Because they were just totally Like Fine And

I would be lying to you If I wasn't looking at them drinking Going, God damn it I would kill for one of those right now And I was trying to rationalize it Like what if I just did one And this is the weird thing about me I'm a habit guy

So and I'm not like a chemical person I don't think So but if I just do that one How I work is I immediately have to order a water After that And let the buzz start to fade Alright

Because if I don't Then I'm going to get another Then I'm going to get another But I got this weird thing with the water It fucking It's almost like I threw it in my face And I wake up going like Alright dude

Settle down, settle down But if I don't do that I definitely put a dent in a bottle But I don't know Last night man At that premise show I'm not blaming premise here

When I fucking Go off the wagon But I was just like You know what Am I going to try mushrooms? The fuck is Who tries mushrooms for the first time At 49

Just had a kid I can't have that on my resume Right now Plus I also think The first time you do them You should probably be in your house Where you feel safe But I can't do that now

Because I'm a dad And I don't think it would be smart To do it at a concert While I watch the fucking elephant Doing somersaults on a trampoline I don't know I'm just throwing this shit out here If anybody has any suggestions

How to walk that line Anyways Now that I've talked about Recreational drugs here Those recreational I don't even know what I just always hear that word On the fucking news

Let me promote The All Things Comedy Festival This is the podcast read Okay We're having our first All Things Comedy Festival At the end of this month October 26, 27, 28 and 29

Oh I'm sorry So that goes right through Sunday In Phoenix, Arizona Alright 26, 27, 28, 29 So it's Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday I'm going to be there Recording my first ever Live Monday morning podcast

Alright Doug Stanhope The great Doug Stanhope The legend is doing his podcast At the Orpheum Theater Bert Kreischer Soberbert Ari Shafir

I think he also might be sober The Crab Feast Are also on the lineup We're taking over Downtown Phoenix With a pop up podcast studio And the whole network Is going to be there

If you're in the Phoenix area Come hang with us Go to the All Things Comedy To get your tickets Yeah I don't know what time I'm coming in Because I'm coming in from Atlanta Actually I'm going out to LA

To see my wife and kid And then I'm going to fly in The day of I'm going to be walking around Fucking taking pictures And thanking everybody For coming out So if you guys bought tickets

It came out I really really appreciate it Thank you Alright Let's get to Some of the more of the Podcast reads here Oh look who's here

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Like splash cymbals on one side He's got like the rack Dude I'm a drum geek So I was videoing the drum kit Watching all of this stuff Dude one of the most fluid fucking players Do you know he was the player That actually got me out of my John Bonham

Initially got me out of the John Bonham Like death spiral And I was like All I'm doing is listening to John Bonham This isn't good I'm never gonna sound like him I'm never gonna play like him I need to listen to other people

And the double bass guys So many of them Like what they were playing I just couldn't hear a groove And then he came along And the way he applies the double bass When he puts it in And what I love about his playing

Is how fluid it is in the space That he has And just grooves his ass off I can't believe I finally got to saw him Saw him, got to see him It was just amazing Anyways Stamps.com everybody

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Like the poster that will be available This weekend For the first ever Live Monday morning podcast Go to Stamps.com Click on the microphone at the top The homepage and type in Burr that's Stamps.com

Enter Burr, Stamps.com Never go to the post office again Alright Where are we here? Let's get to some of the questions Here for this week Alright you're not going to believe this I accidentally hit stop

So then I had to press record again And somehow I hit stop again Without realizing it And I just talked for 40 fucking minutes That nobody heard Alright let me start this over again With your questions here Alright I'll try to act like I'm still excited

That I'm not fucking starving Do you hear that? That's my stomach growling Alright Robert Plant everybody Oh freckles Just wanted to let you know Robert Plant was interviewed

On the Howard Stern show on Tuesday He goes through his whole career And up to the present Because he has a new album coming out Incredible interview Thought you might enjoy it Thank you and go fuck yourself I have to hear this fucking interview

The problem is Is I only have serious satellite radio In my car My car is in Los Angeles I'm in Atlanta Howard Stern fans Please send me a link Let me know where I can see it

Watch it Whatever the fuck goes on However you kids do it Because I'm not going to be able to figure it out I have to listen to it I have to listen to him Go through the whole thing Band of Joy

Into Zeppelin John Bonham dying Coming back within the mood And then what else do they do Honey drippers The whole fucking thing I can't wait to listen to that You know when I was at the Austin City Live

They had an incredible picture of him too You know he's another guy You know just age naturally Now look at him He's a badass All the wrinkles on his face He just looks fucking amazing I don't know why people would choose

Botox and all of that shit Oh he's a great one 38 year old bus driver Makes college hoops team Billy girl Did you see this article on Barstool Sounds like someone You would commend on a job well done

You're always telling people it's never too late On the flip side What are the negatives here Does anyone lose out Hey man if you can't beat out a 6 foot 8 380 pound fucking 38 year old guy It's on Barstool sports Which by the way is you know

That's gotta be the best Combination of being hilarious And then also letting you know What's going on in sports How old, let's see this guy 38 years old It's gonna be 39 in November He's 6 feet 8

And weighed 380 pounds He's 38, weighs 380 You know what's funny To get 380 pounds All you have to do is just gain At 38 years of age All you have to do is just gain 10 pounds a year

You know For the first like I don't know how many years People are like oh my god The kids are machiated Then all of a sudden Right You're 9 years old You're 90 pounds

Like what the fuck 10 you're 120 you're 200 You know 380 He just kept getting like Giantism But you just keep eating You're asking me What is the down size

The down side, sorry Down size A little slip there What is the down size Maybe he is Blowing out his Achilles I mean I don't feel bad If somebody can't beat out

A fucking soon to be 39 year old 380 pound 6 foot 8 guy You know what that division Whatever division that is That's amazing Good for him man

Good for him You know what is He said his basketball dream died And he's 38 years old He's gonna be 39 He has two teenage kids It's like there's where you dream died Fucking had the kids man

And you're a good dad I bet you say you're just like I gotta take whatever job I can get Alright the fall guy No sorry brain activity after death Oh my god I can't believe I already did this I talked to

I hope I can do this justice again Brain activity after death Alright let's reminisce about this one Because I've already read it before Alright When I first recorded this But didn't realize I wasn't recording Let me check again to make sure this

Fucking thing is on That freaked me out Brain activity after death And I was just like Because in my will I'm gonna get cremated So I'm like you know Even still if you have

Brain activity after death I'd rather just get thrown in an oven To just finish off the rest of me Like ah it's over real quick As opposed to laying in a coffin Feeling worms going into my ears Dear Billy Ripper This article absolutely fucked me up

Not only is death gonna suck But also I feel the need to know I feel the need now to make sure People don't talk shit about me As I'm dying Or here let's get a pizza As I'm about ready to check out for good Alright this freaked me out here

Alright Scientists say your brain Still works after death And you know when you're dead Now I saw a thing a long time ago Where this scientist was on TV With this religious guy Who was talking about people who died

And then came back to life And then they talked about what they saw And what they heard and all that And it was all this fascinating stuff About watching people working on them And floating above the table And all of this type of shit And then the scientist guy

Just killed all of it by going like Nothing Has ever been dead And has been brought back to life What you're talking about here Is people having a near death experience Just because your heart stops It doesn't mean you're dead

Your brain is still working You can still And he basically was saying If your eyes are open You can still see some shit We're not sure how much You're still alive It's not until your brain has no functioning

That's the final The final part of it I remember reading when I read that book A perfect storm They went through all of drowning And now your brain is sitting there Firing and all that That last bit of life

All this brain activity is going Trying to get your heart going And it just doesn't happen And then that's it For the lack of oxygen Then your brain dies last And then that's it But you don't like fucking live

I mean, you're not dead You're not dead yet Right? Anyway, scientists may be Interesting closer to answering One of the greatest mysteries of life What happens after you die? According to

What happens after you die? Don't you hate those fucking websites Where you skip past the advertising And you scroll down And then they show a T anyways? Fucking annoying According to researchers in New York A person's brain is still active after death

Meaning in many cases They can be aware that they've passed away A team from New York University Langone School of Medicine Has been studying patients Who've suffered cardiac arrest Or a heart attack Which stops their heart

For a period of time Quote, technically speaking That's how you get the time of death It's all based on the moment When the heart stops Yeah, but you're not dead You're not dead Your heart just stopped

That's why they can bring you back to life Because you're still alive They just get the fucking thing going again I learned all of this from one scientist They'll describe watching doctors And nurses working They'll describe having awareness Of full conversations of visibility

Yeah, but your ears didn't die If you scream in an ear It's still going to fucking vibrate Because it's still alive It's still working The heart stopped Anyways They knew all this shit

That they, even though I wouldn't know What was going on According to Parnia These recollections Were then verified by the medical staff Yeah, this is all stupid Because you're not dead yet, sir You're not dead

So just fucking let go of that You know what I think happens when you die? I think it's a beautiful experience I think it's what my idea Of what fucking mushrooms At a primus concert is like I think you're laying there I think you're totally relaxed

You let go of all of the bullshit And if you're lucky enough After your heart stopped To kind of be aware of a little To be aware that you're dying I think it would be a very humble experience And I would give thanks For the amazing life that I had

And if there was nothing after it I would be good with it I would be fine with going into the ground And enriching the soil With my carcass I don't need to go anywhere after this I went to fucking I performed at Austin City Live

I then saw Jimmy Vaughn I then went to an F1 race And then saw Primus I need to go to heaven after that? The fuck are you talking about? Yeah I don't think it's this big fearful thing I don't think it is

I think if somebody tortures you to death The torture is bad That's the bad thing How you die is bad But I don't think the death That being dead is bad I think it would be fucking amazing I think it's going to be amazing

Why would you think anything else? You can't stop it Might as well look at it in a positive way Remember when... Who was that guy? Lou... Jesus Christ He's only a legend He was in that band that sang about fucking heroin

Lou Reed I remember they said when he died This woman said she was looking at him And he had the most, like, amazed In, like, inquisitive look on his face Like, he was totally enjoying it And just taking in the fucking experience That's how you want to go out

You don't have to go, oh my god I'm sorry, oh god Doing all that shit, fuck that Don't fight it Just give it to it What are you, special? Are you going to keep fucking living? Like a vampire?

The fall guy Dear Bill, big red balls of fire I don't have a question More of an observation on Harvey Weinstein's situation Harvey Weinstein is banned from the Oscars Little Elite Club It's not a little club, it's a fucking... It is a very elite club

And I could tell by... I already said this shit before I knew this guy has issues with Hollywood I believe, you know He's saying Little Elite Club The same club that Roman Polanski A pedophile who pled guilty He did not plead guilty to being a pedophile

What he pled guilty to Was improper behavior That's what he was willing to plead guilty to And then he ran and got the fuck out of the country Because that's what innocent people do Although, if I was brought up on those charges In another country, I probably would have got the fuck out of there too However, I would never be in a hot tub

With a fucking 13-year-old girl In her booze or whatever the fuck was going on And Brian Singer Who's been accused of molesting underage child stars And feeding them drugs Are a part of The big Hollywood Elite Club That these sick bastards want us to believe

Is honorable I don't know if anybody ever said it was honorable You said on your previous podcast That this was one of the most... I guess they say this is for film Or maybe they do I don't pay attention to this shit, I watch sports You said on your previous podcast

That this was one of the most disgusting God-awful situations You've ever heard of, the Weinstein thing Yeah, Weinstein fucked up, sure But so far, none of his accusers were underage I swear to God I know what you guys are thinking You're thinking what I thought the first time I read this This guy is not going to downplay what Weinstein did

Hey, you know, he fucked up Allegedly did I should still be saying allegedly And the guy fucked up A lot of them were aspiring stars Who were willing to do anything for fame Objection, speculation Dude, you're just creating this fucking argument

Because you have issues With Hollywood And their careers failed And now they're bitter So they, yeah, okay You sound like the defense attorney For Harvey Weinstein right now No one, all in capitals

Mentioned the pedophilia cases Involving other tinseled moguls Because it would completely ruin the industry That's not true, it's been mentioned People have said stuff like that They don't have evidence to bring charges Okay, this is what happens It's the same reason why Harvey Weinstein

Probably won't go to jail Like the level of fucking evidence that you need In order to bring charges Okay, it's a difficult fucking thing When you're dealing with people with that level of power Trying to catch them in the act You know, how long did they know That these mafia dons are doing what they're doing

How often did they know that these fucking Oil companies and insurance companies And all of these people, the Catholic church And all these people, they have money They got money, dude, okay So I don't know why you're just singling out Hollywood, what are you, Fox News? You know, or CNN

When they just single out fucking Trump For grabbing pussies I don't understand If you're gonna fucking lay waste You gotta go straight across the board here Anyways, it's made this... But, okay Watch this documentary if you can find it

Called an open secret Alright, well, meaning what That I'm out in Hollywood You don't know that this shit's going on I guess it means It's an open secret to people that know those people This is a classic fucking guy Who watches a goddamn documentary

He's not a fucking lawyer He doesn't even know how to present his fucking argument It's all speculation That are willing to do anything for fame Like, where did you get that? You just pulled that out of the air You're asked to support your fucking argument here I'm not saying this shit isn't going on

But like, you know There's all kinds of people That fly over to these third world countries evidently And are doing God knows what With underage kids So I don't know why you're just singling this out I mean, if you're gonna attack this Shouldn't you be against it

Straight across the fucking board? Or maybe you're just saying this Because the Weinstein thing came about I don't know what you're doing It's the fact that you're downplaying What Harvey Weinstein allegedly did That's what's weird in me out here Anyways, that documentary

An open secret It's made by the same director Who made Deliver Us From Evil Which is about the pedophilia In the Catholic Church Well, this director is either fighting the good fight Or picking low-hanging fruit here That movie was released in theaters

And got for the most part Major distribution from film companies But an open secret hasn't had a wide release In its two years that it's premiered Yeah, why do you think? Why don't you make a fucking documentary About how fucked up the oil industry is And try to get the oil industry to put it out

They're not gonna shoot themselves in the foot Because at the end of the day, money wins Alright? Same way why the NFL acted Like they didn't see that Ray Rice fucking thing It's still unknown by a majority of the populace Weinstein is taking the shitstorm While the real monsters are saying

Phew, good thing we're not in the forefront It's bullshit Okay, I can't understand if you're saying Weinstein shouldn't be He should be taking a shitstorm But not the whole shitstorm I think that's what you're trying to say here Corey Feldman and Elijah Wood mentioned Pedophilia is running rampant in Hollywood

But no one gives that issue the time of day I would actually argue that they're trying to investigate it But people have such high levels of power Because what I've learned from the Harvey Weinstein thing When I listened to that disgusting tape of him saying I'm used to this Knowing that that tape wasn't enough to arrest him is I mean, you borderline have to catch somebody in the act

When they have that level of money Because then it becomes your word against their word And then they have money to tie it up forever in court It's terrible Anyways, Harvey is equivalent to a nerd Who's desperate to get laid Alright, dude, I'm done with this fucking thing I'm done with this thing

You know what's funny, sir? In all of this, you're going after these So you feel that pedophiles should be punished I agree But you feel that creeps like Harvey Weinstein Are the equivalent to a nerd who's desperate to get laid That's how you view alleged rape I don't know

I don't know where you're going with that, sir But you wrote a lot of words Alright, Milf question Hey Bill, you fucking cunt Alright, Guilty is charged You know what, the guy who wrote that Harvey Weinstein I think we were sitting down Sometimes people writing isn't the best way

For them to communicate Maybe if we sat down And we actually talked I could understand what the fuck he was saying Alright, Milf question Hey Bill, you fucking cunt I love your podcast and all your stand-ups Efforts for family is fucking great too

Thank you Anyways, I need some advice I'm 24 and I work at a bar as a sound guy Until I graduate Which is this December Anyways, last week a beautiful red-headed woman Who's about 40 starts to hit on me I give her my number

And lately I've been texting her Banging a Milf has always been on my bucket list That's just fucking gross to me I don't know why I just think that's fucking gross Why you have to bring up the fact that she's a mother And has a kid And you want to fuck her It's just weird

Why can't you just say she's hot However, this woman is starting to seem like She wants more than just a night Or two of fucking She has a kid Which I don't fucking want to deal with Whatsoever So here's my question

How do I deal with this? You fucking walk Walk away Walk away And I understand that you're not understanding these red flags Because you're 24 years old And your dick is just running the situation I'll read the rest of this

He goes, I mean, I want to hook up with her But I don't really want a relationship With a 40-year-old broad with a kid We haven't done anything yet Great Great time to ask for help He said, but we're going on a date this Friday As always, fuck your own face and go Bruins

Yeah, dude I would walk away I wouldn't even go out with her I wouldn't even go out with her I would just walk the fuck away Because I'll tell you right now You know she wants a relationship Alright, so right now

If you're just going to fuck her and then leave That's kind of bad Doesn't mean bad karma Not that I really believe in Well, I kind of do, but I don't know I actually believe you have to believe in karma For it to come back and get you Because in reality, bad shit's going to happen anyways

And you'll be like, oh, that's my karma I would, yeah I'd either break that date off or I would tell her Beforehand Which is going to piss her off And then she's not going to bang anyways The time to have had that conversation in the future, sir When you meet an older woman

And they know what the fuck they want When they're hitting on you or whatever You just let them know you're single And you're just trying to have fun You're not trying to get into a relationship And you just throw that out there And if they still jump on the fucking hook Pull them into the boat

If not, you catch and release Catch and release Alright, is that it? Is that the podcast for this week? Goddamn it, did I do enough friggin' time? Alright, I have a lot of people to thank this week I want to thank all you guys for listening I want to thank everybody who's going to be coming out

To the podcast festival in Phoenix I want to thank Primus for putting on a fucking amazing show We got to go backstage, me and Dean And meet them for a second They were the nicest, coolest fucking people ever Everybody around them, everybody was awesome Jimmy Vaughn, another great guy Another amazing show

Thank you for the amazing show Thank you to him and his wife for being so cool And being such great, just great people Everybody at F1, I just had a fucking great time Got to give a shout of thank you to Will Buxton For throwing in the Ricky Rocket For the Daniel Ricardo intro And that's it

I'll check in on you guys on Thursday What about the fucking Rams? The Los Angeles Rams What would happen if they actually sold out That giant fucking stadium for a regular season game? Come on Los Angeles, they're from there They left once, you got your old girlfriend back Treat her right, treat her right

Alright, that's it, go fuck yourselves I'll check in on you on Thursday As long as you love me, who do you like to see? Paz Sprünj or Ift, chocolate eggs All in the promo, so I see hippies on my list From all the snimmick 2 and no man, no way with the Eric From us, we'll pass Ramadan Mubarak

Enjoying Paz and Ramadan with the amazing And diverse assortment of Albert Heijn And check out the second episode on TheWerldInHetKlein.be That's it, nice from Albert Heijn