Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-24-16

Episode Date: October 24, 2016

Bill rambles about emergency landings, not checking out and 60 minutes.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast. October 24, 2016. Oh, we're getting down to it. Oh, those little kids are going to be coming by for the candy, right? Oh, those cute little kids. Yup. Cute until they're about seven. And then they start thinking they know shit, right? And then they fucking start showing up. I swear to God, you know, if they're almost eye level, you know, you ought to be able to just get the fuck out of here, go buy your own goddamn candy, get a fucking paper, root your bum, right? The first hour, hour and a half of Halloween is great. The kids are so fucking cute. The parents are all excited. It's really what it is. Like the cutoff for fucking Halloween should be roughly about eight years old.

And then everybody else should just go fuck off, go put your fucking, you know, put your virtual reality glasses on and go shoot a bunch of people. Whatever it is these kids do nowadays, I don't pretend to understand, you know, I understand they can't go outside. You can't put sand them outside. Because, you know, there's a pervert behind every fucking tree evidently. So don't don't have them outside, have them inside, put on some virtual reality glasses and let them just walk around in this world, you know, just shooting up people where they're nice and safe, right? I don't know, I was just reading this, there was this psychology magazine that I picked up during this fucking, unbelievable ride back I had from Nashville. And it was all about narcissism

and that type of stuff and just how easily that word is thrown around now. How everybody, you know, who isn't a psychologist, myself included. Somehow that word like hit the mainstream. I don't know when it's been around my whole life. I think the article said sometime in the early 70s, and then everybody, oh, this person's not narcissists, narcissistic, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I guess it actually true narcissists, it only affects a really small portion of the of the population. And they were just talking about there's different kinds of it, like everybody thinks it's the person taking a selfie, it isn't necessarily that person. Someone could be a total fucking narcissist, but like goes the other way. And it's really depressed and withdrawn and all that. And basically, their

pain and all of that becomes their narcissism, just fucking sitting around talking about them. I don't know how miserable they are. I have no fucking idea. All I know is I read it and I was just going, yep, I do that. Oh, I do that too. That's what I read shit on fucking psychos, narcissists, fucking lunatics, whatever the hell it is. I'm, you know, it's like, it's, you know, it's like, it's like reading a fucking horoscope. I swear to God, you know, when you sit there and I've always maintained people who are into astrology, you always go, you believe in that shit? I believe in that shit. And if you got the fucking paper, just say, when were you born? I was born on May, May the 6th. Oh, you're a fucking, you're a

Taurus, right? And then go read the fucking Gemini or the Sagittarius or the fucking blue bonnet bowl, whatever the fuck sign they are. You just read that one instead and you watch them I know exactly what that means. Yeah, that was for September. See, you know, it's people like, why can't you just let me believe what I want to believe? So I'm actually recording this Sunday night. I was going to record it tomorrow morning, but my lovely, beautiful, gorgeous wife is upstairs and you know what she's doing, she's watching the reality fucking shows and I sit there, I try to hang in there. I fucking try to hang in there. I can't fucking do it. It's like, it's so fucking depressing.

I don't understand how she and Michael Rappaport can watch that fucking shit. It's just, it's, it's fucking, she's watching one right now. All they do, they just sit around talking about stuff, bags and shoes. And this one wants titties because her sister's got bigger titties. I wish I had tits like you and they get sick. These are like, they, they don't do anything. And then they're always going on vacation to clear their head from doing nothing. I guess being on the show and having, being in front of the cameras and stuff. Yeah, I guess that would get fucking annoying after a while, but they, they don't fucking do anything. And then there's this guy with the beard and he comes walking in and he's always acting like he's fucking

got all these businesses going. He's not fucking doing anything either. I get, they do the show. That's what the fuck they do. And so I'm hanging in there and I'm trying to watch, I'm trying to watch and then they do that horrible, like you watch them talk about the shit and then they cut to the people who you just saw talking about the shit. Then they talk about the, they just talk about what they just did. So the one of them wants to get a fucking boob job and they probably just had her do it, you know, just so they can get a fucking episode out of it. All I know has been the end when she goes to talk about it. This is what I tapped out after listening to these fucking people sitting around talking about themselves, you know, and just walking

around with these fucking $10,000 worth of clothes to walk into a fucking living room and sit down and talk about other clothes, right? They cut to the one who was going to get a titties done and she sits down and the first thing that she comes out of her mouth, she just goes, for me. And I was just like, I'm, I gotta get the fuck out of here. I gotta get the fuck out of here. I can't like, what do you mean for me? We just listening to you talk about like they should just, why don't they should just go down to a fucking soup kitchen, go lay it all out some shit for a while. And I don't even, then they would just talk about how fucking amazing, it's so amazing to meet all these different people and it's just like really, really poor. And I just, it just,

I just felt for me, it was just so great to connect with people and they would be doing that in full on fucking makeup with love bracelets going all the way up to their fucking goddamn neck. And I don't know, just after helping people like that, I just really feel like I need to clear my head and go to Sam, Louis, Abisco, whatever the fuck those goddamn people go. Jesus Christ, I just, I don't know why she watches it. Why does she watch it? She likes great movies. She's a very smart pride. I don't know. I guess, you know, for me, I guess I watch fucking football. You know, that's just as fucking stupid. I watched people sitting there talking about, I guess, I guess that's the female version of it. And I have to accept that's the fucking fact and

that we are staying in this fucking house right now. And you know what's, you know, what's going on with this house? We thought this fucking creepy ass house was haunted. All right. We looked at it during the day, during the day, look great at night, it feels like there's somebody fucking watching you. And you're hearing all these weird sounds and everything. And you know, I kind of figured out, we kind of figured out what it is. There's, there's rodents in the walls of this place, like a lot of old houses. If you have an old fucking house, you know, there's inroads there, like, you know, if you lived in Buffalo and you bought an old house, would it really surprise you if there was some prohibition error tunnel underneath your fucking

house? I mean, you know, the component fucking characters were there, you know, right across the river was Canada, they bring the fucking booze in. Well, out here, you got all these fucking old ass houses, mine included, which by the way, I just went over there to see where the fuck they were and trying to rewire the thing. So I won't blow up my house someday. And they told me they were done with the wiring and I was all excited and I gloated that there was no more fucking cloth wiring in the goddamn house that I went on and I look at me now I'm talking about my stuff. I go to turn the fucking light on turn the light on and they go, what do you call it? The fucking lights that are on the wall that are under the ceiling, right? Whatever the fuck you

call it, it's fucking sitting there, right? And I turn on the light and it just go, I see this spark just go like right out the side and landed on the dog bed. And I just shut it off. I was like, hi, I'm going to bring that up tomorrow. But no, I got in there and they got the floor and now they're starting to build the cabinets. So I'm seeing the fucking light at the end of the tunnel here. So, you know, I'll tell you the cloth wiring never did that. But once we get this done, then the fucking house is it's done. It's fucking done. And I can just live there quietly and just, you know, stare at the fucking wall and know that there's no more squirrels in there. Like this fucking place. I don't know what the fuck are in the walls. I remember that story I

told you a few weeks ago about I was over buddy's house and there was a mouse in the house. That was this house. And the reason why I said it was a friend of mine's house, because I didn't want to tell my wife that there was a fucking rodent in the goddamn house because then she'd be freaking the fuck out and I'd have to deal with that shit. All right. But my father-in-law was over. It was three weeks later. We had a couple of beers. It was a funny story. And I just finally just said, you know, you know, my wife brought up that it was haunted. And I finally just said, no, honey, it's not haunted. There's fucking rodents. And in the walls, I just heard one came walking by and I heard a bunch of shit fall down the plaster. And I know that's what it is, because when I was

a kid, we had that problem in our house. And I remember we had these squirrels were in the fucking walls. I don't know how they got in there, but they were fucking in there. And so we somehow cornered one. It was behind the cabinets. And there was like a whole like, not behind the kids, like it was in the wall behind the cabinet. So all I remember was I had like this mop handle. And I'm fucking, you know, rattling it in the hole is my dad had this, you know, the fucking giant butcher knife trying to find this fucking thing. And he's fucking jabbing the knife in the hole. And I got the fucking mop handle going trying to flush this thing out. All of a sudden this fucking thing, like a rocket runs out of the hole right up to the fucking mop handle,

up my arm, jumps on my shoulder and just leaps off. And I do, I was just like, in the fucking thing. And it had nowhere to go. And my dad cornered it and he finished the fucking thing off, you know, that's it was this is before Peter, you know, now I guess we would have been, you know, accused of some sort of hate crime against squirrels. I have no idea when my dad finished the fucking thing off. And you know, we dealt with that there was bats in the fucking, you know, there was an old house, the house was older than the house that I guess was made earlier. I don't think it was old, it was like 70 years old, mine's fucking 90. Anyways, these old fucking houses, it's just,

you got to have guests. All right. I'm not a big ghost guy, like I always think it's rodents first, and I don't these fucking things are all over the goddamn place. So I don't know, at least I can say that about my fucking piece of shit of a house. You know, at least I don't have, I don't have squirrels in the walls. You know, I mean, you turn the fucking light on. I mean, I'm not saying a spark won't come out and singe off half your fucking mustache at this point, but you know, you know, it's a process. That's what it is. All right. So anyways, as you guys might remember, I was taping a stand-up special on Friday at the Ryman and I did it. It went great. Now I have the horrible thing where

I have to go back and look at myself, which is not something I, I don't know, it's the weirdest thing. Like if I, if I just taped a set and I'm just going to watch it, I can look at it. But if I know that this is going to go on to Netflix and that the general public, if they want to, can look at it, then every fucking thing that I hate about myself is just like sticking out like a sore thumb. So I'm going to have to try to plow my way through this as quickly as possible. But the shows went great. It was such an amazing night. And I got to tell you, you know, if I don't sound excited, it's kind of like a letdown a couple of days later, because now I have no fucking act. And I had such a good time and it

was so weird, like coming up to that, I was like, Oh my God, I'm so sick of these fucking jokes. I got to record these and move on because I'm past these jokes. And then that night I was doing them. I was having so much fun when the night was over. I was like, Oh my God, I don't get to do this bit anymore. I don't get to do that bit anymore. I guess I can't for the next couple months before the thing comes out. But another one in the can, another one in the can Joe Barton had killed. It's going to be cool. I think we're going to have a hopefully have a nice look to it. I don't know. I already looked at some pictures of it. And I, you know, I'm already just going Why did I do this? Why did I do that? But I think I think it looks good. I fucking hate this. This

is the this is the worst part of it. It's the worst part of it. I wish I could just take a fucking drug that would make me forget that I was watching myself and I could just sit down and be like, Okay, this is somebody else's special. Put this here. Put that there. Big bang boom. And it's done. Then I could fucking walk away from it. So I don't know. It's the only thing I don't like about it. But other than that, it went fucking great. So listen to this shit. So I oh, and thank you for everybody who came out to it really was an incredible, incredible night. Yeah, it was, it was fucking awesome. And now I'm just sitting in the basement of this fucking rat infested fucking house. I had my year is done. I got nothing to do. I got the comics come home

is my last thing and then I'm just fucking in town because I've been out of town all year. And we got to finish in editing efforts for family. And you know, I feel I feel like, Hey, there's the lovely Nia. What do you know? So I'm going to tell him the story here. Do you want to jump on? I'm going to tell him the story of that flight that I had. You want to meet I'll hit pause here if you want to grab a mic. Okay, well, do people really want to listen to you unwrapping that shit? All right, I'll tell you stories. So anyways, so Nia was supposed to come out and see me. Right. And then for whatever reason, you weren't able to make it out. Right. For whatever reason, whatever reason, the doctor said you're not allowed to fly

in your current condition. Yes. So I'm like, All right. I guess I'm out there by myself. And so I was going to I was going to hang out with her on Saturday, you know, go around doing all the dumb shit, you know, barbecue. Yeah, we're going to get barbecue and then we're going to go to that fucking restaurant that every fucking person goes to that was in that show Nashville that you loved. All right, the bluebird cafe, we're going to do all of that shit. And then at night, I was either going to go to the penguins, predators game, or I was going to go to the Vanderbilt football game. But you weren't allowed to go. So I said, fuck it, I'll come back Saturday. Or as they say in

Boston, say, right. So I had a hang on, let me turn your fucking mic on it. You good? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So like how I'm able just to put the thing together, like I know how to do it now. Yes, you do. What I didn't like is that you've been driving that wonderful car that I got you for a year. And you've never checked the oil or had anybody check it. I thought you knew to do that to at least I mean, I think I knew in like as a general concept that that's the thing that needs to happen. But yeah, thank you. But as a concept, this is the thing that I didn't know shit about cars or engines really, I just concept. I knew that you had to do it, but I just I just went on YouTube. I went on YouTube. How does an engine work? I just started with that. And then I got

all the way up to like, you know, I started watching gas monkey. I started watching Eric, the car guy, Eric, the car guy is great. And you just learn Eric, the car guy, you'll even learn about electrical. I mean, that guy fucking knows everything. And like you can you know, get your head around what's going on underneath the hood. It all needs to stay lubricated. And it needs to stay cool. Those are the two big things cool and lubricated cool and lubricated. If it gets too hot, the block could crack, you know, or the fucking the pistons and everything, you literally just seize up the engine. Okay, so you haven't put a lot of miles on it. So here's the thing. So I go out there and I'm going to show her

you know, I'm going to show her how to check the oil. Right. So I go into the cockpit of this fucking thing and I'm trying then it's not even labeled where to do it. I finally find the piece of plastic, because you don't want to tug too hard on any of it. Some of it's just parts that come apart, you know, and then there's like the fuses underneath there. So I finally find it, I popped the hood, and I clearly see where you put the oil in. And for the life of me, I cannot find any dipstick anywhere. And I'm like, where the fuck is it? Where the fuck is it? Where the fuck is it? And I finally googled, you know, you're making model where is the dipstick? And it's just, it's all on the dashboard now.

Yeah, it's good. If you're low on oil, it's going to tell you, which I guess is more convenient or whatever. But I don't know, I get told me that my tire pressure was too low, but I get nervous as far as like, if that fucks up, like, yeah, the dipstick is great. You stick it in there. Well, actually you pull it out, you wipe it off first. That's what I was doing. Then you stick it in, you pull it out, and it'll show you if you need, you know, add, it'll say full. And then there's this little round thing where you're going too high and you have too much oil, a little round circle, as they say, a little shape of circle. That was it. And it's just not fucking there. So anyways, let me tell you, so leave a Nashville. So I go, all right,

you know, she can't fly out. So I'm going to, I'll fly back Saturday and I'll hang out with her, right? So I go to over the airport. I get there nice and early. I drop off the car, the rental car. I'm all zippity-doodle because I'm nice and early. And I get all the way to the gate, long ass fucking walk. And I realized that I didn't, you know, I didn't give the car keys to the people there at budget. I'm like, God fuck. So I had to walk all the way back. I wasn't on the other side of security. I just walked all the way back. And then I came nice and like thinking in my head, see, this is why I leave plenty of time. I'm not losing my temper. Everything's fucking fine. This is the new bill, right? I'm not going to be the new bill. I'm not going to be

a man. I'm trying to find the humor in things. Okay. All right. Like I had my checks for my gigs this week. I go down to the bank tonight because I don't want to deal with the cluster fuck of the bank during the day with a bunch of people who don't understand how to handle their money. Their money is fucked up and you're standing behind them in line and it takes for fucking ever. And they're always yelling through the bulletproof glass at the other person, as if that person went out and bought too much shiny shit with their money. Basically speaking. All right. I'm not talking about that Wells Fargo crap with those cunts, what they did. And then they paid off those 5,000 people like, all right, get the fuck out of here.

Here's a little confidentiality agreement. You guys all collectively yet individually came up with this fucking scam. It wasn't me. Anyways, plowing ahead. So I went down, I go down to the bank and it takes, you know, I had like three checks, it takes two out of three, and it won't take the last one. And I started to lose it. I distinctly remember slapping the ATM machine and hearing my wedding band ring when I did it. And I was just like, I went up to eight, eight for me, 12 for any other normal person, but it was an eight for me. And I was like, Bill, just fucking relax. It's all fine. And I thought about my flight and what the fuck happened. And I was just like, this is really pales in comparison. So here's what happened, my flight. So I get on this fucking

flight, right? Sitting up there, first fucking clash, right? First place, but I have the stressful first class seat, it's the fucking front row. So you got the bulkhead in front of you, which means there's, I always just have a backpack. I always shove it under the seat. So I get on the plane, fucking relaxed. I don't have to worry about overhead space is somebody shoves 15 coats up there in a child seat. But I had the stress because I didn't have the fucking thing in front of me. Once I got past that stress, I sat down, it's all fucking good. And we're flying back. And all I'm thinking is, ah, fuck, man, I'm getting back. It's fucking football Sunday tomorrow. I'm going to watch the fucking the Formula One race. I'm going to watch the Patriots game. I'm going to

maybe watch a little Buffalo, Miami, you know, I got the whole fucking, I got my whole thing laid out, right? Maybe catch a late college game. Shit, by the time I land, it's only going to be like eight o'clock at night. So we fucking go up in the air. We're about 45 minutes into the flight. And I start smelling what smells like burnt popcorn. That's the smell first. And then it gets a little more fucking intense. And I'm kind of looking at the store to see, I'm on the first fucking road going, did one of them burn a meal? Like I'm smelling a burning smell and it's starting to fuck with my eyes a little bit. And I'm not seeing any panic on their faces. So I go, it must be food because I know I only have a few hours flying with my license, but I know, you know,

smoke in the plane is not, it's not a good thing, right? So everything's going about normally. And then all of a sudden, I feel us descending. You know, when I feel like the fucking wings are doing that shit. And I'm like, Oh, wow, we must be hitting some rough air. Because then the smoke wasn't as bad. And I was thinking like, we must be hitting, it wasn't like visible smoke. You could smell it. I could kind of feel it in my eyes a little bit. How old did I just sound? I could smell it. I felt it in my eyes. It was very uncomfortable. So the fucking wings are like doing that shit. And I'm taking like, Oh, he probably got it, you know, a report that there was some rough air up and he's going to go underneath it,

and then we'll go back up again. And then like all of a sudden, my glass with the water started sliding forward. Like all of a sudden, I was kind of realizing that my chair was kind of, we were at like a, like not a 45 degree angle, but we were at a significant, we were fucking descending rapidly. And all of a sudden the stewards just came up. She goes, can I take your glasses? We're landing. And then I was just like, Oh fuck, something's on fire. And the pilot didn't give any like announcement. Like, no, because we were like at 30 something thousand feet. And the second you smell smoke, it's like, I don't know. I, I, I guarantee you, there were lights lighting up on his little dashboard there. And it wasn't saying, check

the tire pressure. I don't know what warning lights they have. Probably didn't want to make, he didn't want everyone to panic. So he's just like, you know what, let me just land this thing. No, I think he smelled smoke. Like there's something on fire and I'm 30,000 feet and I have to get this thing on the ground immediately. I mean, but that's why he didn't say anything. Cause wouldn't they normally tell you like, we're going to like descend really quickly because of this, that and yeah, I had nothing to do with scaring us. And he didn't have fucking time. Okay. So he just fucking goes down and I'm just like, Oh shit, here we go. Right. So the late, late, the stewardess, you know, I didn't know we were landing because they,

everybody had the shades pulled down and I wasn't until my glass fucking slid forward. I was like, this guy's like, this guy's really, he's really dropping down here. Like what's going on. But so when she came over and she said, Hey, uh, we're landing now, right? We're literally 50 minutes in the flight Nashville to LA, right? The woman next to me goes like, Oh my God, we're here already. And I was like, I laughed and I was like, no, no, I go, we're landing. She goes, where? And I said, well, I looked at my watch and go, I don't know. She fucking lifted up the shade. I saw a river. I go, maybe that's the Mississippi. I'm going to say St. Louis turned out it was Little Rock, Arkansas. And she goes, well, why are we landing? And I was

like, well, probably had to do with that. Did you smell that burning smells? She's like, yeah, I go, probably has to do with that. And so she's looking around. I go, yeah, but he really has, he had total control of the airplane. But my thing that I was worried about is, you know, I don't know about the mechanics on planes and shit, but like if there was some sort of something, whatever it burned through some wire, some hydraulic thing, and all of a sudden he can't control it. And next thing, you know, we're upside down like in that Denzel movie, you know? Yeah. Yeah. When you lose the rear stabilizer, the dumbest shit ever that he's able to flip it back over and land, you know, Hollywood movie. Yeah. He wants it's up like you're fucked.

Nobody can land that not even sully, right? So we start fucking coming in and we're in Little Rock. I don't know. It's Little Rock. And all I see is this fucking river. And, you know, those things you can only see out the side. And I'm just thinking, get it on the ground, get it on the ground, just get it on the fucking ground. And all I'm seeing is this fucking, that's the, that's the rodents in the wall. Okay. There's one, there's one like right above your fucking head or it ran by. I think it's a quarter. I don't know if you guys can't hear it. You just hear plaster falling. I think they ate through the air conditioned duck and they just sort of run back and forth. Do you know? Okay. All right. So anyway, so I'm almost dying in a plane crash,

you know? So the fucking thing comes down all in all, all I see is the river. And that's what I started thinking of. Like it's this motherfucker puts this thing in the water. All right. All I'm thinking is stay conscious. You have to fucking stay conscious. And that fucking doors right around the corner provided, you know, he doesn't smash the whole thing up and you can't open the door. And then I got to fight my way through all these other fuckers. And I'm going to drown. But then I see the runway, he lands the thing and then just like, please reverse engines, reverse engines, those things kicked in. Then once we stopped, I was like, okay, all right, fine. I live, right? So we go over, we taxi over,

there's a fire engine, one of those, and there's only one because it's little rock Arkansas, right? It's a little fucking fire engine comes over, we go to deplane, like deplane, there was smoke, blah, blah, blah, the captain came on and he finally says, he said, I have my hands full up here me. I'm sorry, I didn't make an announcement, meaning like it was a serious fucking thing. So as we go to get off this two guys in the giant fucking asbestos suits, they look ridiculous. They look like they were beekeepers. So they didn't look like firefighters. And we go to get off and as we get off, you know, the ticket agent person, like, okay, they're going to check to see if the plane is still fine and blah, blah, blah. And all I'm

thinking in my head is like, dude, the fucking thing was on fire. Someone was on fire. There's no fucking way we're getting back on that. There's people walking in with the beekeeper super suits. It's over, right? So we sit there for about a half an hour. And they finally come on. They say, okay, here's the deal. We need to get a new plane. The plane that we're going to get is two hours away, but the crew is an hour away from getting to the plane. So it's going to be about a three hour delay. And you know, people are kind of cool, but there's those, you know, 15% are giving them shit. Yeah. Okay. Giving them shit. It's like, dude, the fucking thing, I don't know what was on fire. What was smoldering, but it was smoldering at 30

something thousand feet. And the fucking pilot just got us on the ground and we'd like a stud and we didn't die. And now you're fucking bitching. Yeah, go up to the bar and shut the fuck up. Right. So there's one guy there with his purple shirt and he's fucking was breaking his neck shaking his head. And you know, the deal, you know, the deal, if they say it's going to happen in three hours, that means it's about, it's going to be about 12, right? So we go into the bar and I watch Auburn kicking the shit out of the razorbacks. Then I watch the Cubs get into the World Series and they just keep going like, well, it's not now it's looking like 9 30. And then they do that. It's looking like 10 10. We're thinking 10 46 and people just eat more.

Ah, freaking out. Then they changed the gate and everybody just is gradually more and more like freaking out. And then they're vacuuming up the airport. It was the Hillary and Bill Clinton airport, the bill and Hillary Clinton airport, which was, you know, it would basic seats, you know, the Clintons, they stole so much money. There's only so much left for the airport. Right. So long story short, we landed about four o'clock this or five o'clock or something like that. The plane, we didn't get on the fucking plane. To get out of there until like, uh, like a little bit after 1 a.m. And this is the thing, like the lady, the person goes, okay, so the plane's here and then everybody's

just like, so it's going to take us to LA now. And then later in the person, the guy just goes like, uh, no, the plane's going to take you back to Dallas. Everyone's like, no, everybody's like, Dallas, we came from Nashville. What kind of way is it to run an airline? They're like screaming at this guy. And, uh, and I was, I sat the whole time. I just sat there laughing my ass off going like, who gives a fuck as long as we're not dead. Right. Like I just couldn't like, I mean, it was fucking scary. Right. So they ended up flying us into Dallas and, uh, we land and we're like, this is the plane. We're taking LA, right? They're like, absolutely. We landed in Dallas and they go, okay, we're going to need everybody to get off the plane and everybody says, oh,

yes, guys, gotta fucking kick me. There's one guy here. This guy, they can't possibly think we're ever going to fly this airline again. Right. I'm like, I'm absolutely going to fly it again. The one of the guys who works for them just flew a plane that was somehow on fire from 30,000 fucking feet down to the ground. It's a great airline. It's a great fucking airline. So we get off the fucking plane and I slept on the fucking floor waiting for the get back on. We ended up getting back on and, uh, we ended up landing at like, I think like 10 in the morning and actually figured it out. It took 16 hours for me to get back from Nashville and from here to, uh, Sydney, Australia is 14 hours. So I literally could have flown to Sydney, got a connecting flight, got my

ass down to Melbourne, but you know what, Nia? I didn't fucking, I didn't burn up in a plane. That's all I just kept thinking. The fact that you didn't flip out is still like kind of amazing to me, but the thing is with you is that when big things like this happen, you are so calm. Like you are just very like relaxed and you have like a lot of perspective about it and you're like, well, but this and this and this, so this and this and this, but like, you know, God forbid there's a new operating system on your phone. It's like you have the meltdown of like, you know, I would put everybody, everybody who flipped out about all of that airplane shit, I would have put all of them to shape over, you know, a new operating system

on your phone. I can lose it. I can sit for 16 hours in an airport. I had a great time. I went in and I sat down, I watched the Cubs like I'm sitting there going like the Cubs literally have not been to a world series. They've even been there as bad as Cleveland is. They haven't even fucking gotten to the world series in 71 years. That's, that's almost impossible. If it wasn't for them, it isn't possible because I don't think anybody else has ever fucking done like just not been there. I would have been crying out of frustration. I would have been so tired and hungry and frustrated and like all the things, the fucking plane was on fire. No, I get it. Or whatever. It was smoldering. Something was burning and everyone was sitting

there going, who had one of those fucking Galaxy seven phones in there? Right. Exactly. Yeah. That they checked. That's what I was thinking because there was that thing with value jet was something caught on fire underneath there and it burned through whatever controllers they had and that thing crashed into a fucking swamp. Did you say some of the bodies got eaten by alligators? Did you say that somebody fucked that I'm sleeping on a floor? Did you say like at the airport, somebody asked about that phone. Like they were asking people if anyone had that phone. Oh, when we got, when we got back on the plane the second time, they said, if anybody has a Galaxy seven phone, can you notify the stewardess? Yeah. Which is hilarious to me. Like, okay.

Well, that happened on a plane. You know, that guy's phones are smoking in his pocket. He went to turn it off. He put it in his pocket and then or something like that. It started smoking. Yeah, but that's not going to take down a plane. If it's in your bag and it starts smoking and then ignites with the shirt or some shit like that and you have a really, I guess a bad canvas suitcase and it eats its way out. Then I think you're in trouble. But what's, what's he going to do? Just stare at his pocket as it slowly catches on fire going, oh my God. I think that's Oh my God. What do I do? It's on fire. We're all going to die. Yeah. I think that's exactly what happened. He's dude. There was a guy that literally tried to light his fucking shoes on fire and

everybody just beat the fuck out of him. Like that's what, what happened to this guy. And he was trying to take the fucking plane down. Yeah. Those phones are like, they always exaggerate. They always exaggerate. Like you went through, if there's anything smoking on a plane, on a pressurized fucking enclosed, you know, thing in Vietnam vehicle, but you know what I'm saying? Vessel. You got to get everybody out of there. Better safe than sorry. I know, but it's like, okay. So your phone starts catching on fire. It's starting. I mean, how long are you going to take it out? Like, Oh my God, what the fuck? And then take your little complimentary glass of water and dump it on it and it's over. You know, I don't know what he did after that. I'm sure he took it

out and was like, Oh shit. I know exactly what he did. He grabbed somebody else's phone and took a selfie and said hashtag fuck my life. And then he got a deal. He got some sort of internet deal. And now he makes 400 grand. He's the fuck my life guy. And he runs around. He does, he does splits in front of people like to do with the blonde hair. That fucking 60 minute segment really chaps your ass, didn't it? Bill, no, it didn't know I got a little backup. Bill and I just watched the 60 minute segment right about social media influencers. And so there's these kids on there because, you know, they're millennials or whatever, with the exception of Kim Kardashian, but the other people on there

are these young people that, you know, have all these viewed vines and snap chats and everything. And so companies are paying them insane amounts of money to do advertising for. And one of them is this blonde kid whose name I don't remember. He's fucking hilarious. And he does these splits in front of people random locations. He's like at the wall of China, Eiffel Tower and everything. And he has all these like views. So he gets no, no, I thought all those kids are funny. What drove me nuts about it was how the reporter just couldn't get his head around it going like, so then you get six million views. And people want to advertise in that. It's like, it's like fucking head.

You're on a TV show. There's advertising on your TV show. The amount of viewers that you have is how much you can charge for ad space. Why would this be just couldn't get his fucking head around it? He's explaining it to the people that are watching 60 minutes, which are older people generally. They have older correspondence. They're explaining it to our parents. They're not explaining to us. You're letting them off the hook. You're letting them off the hook. They're not. They're doing it. I'm telling you, they're doing it for like 60, 70 plus year old people. That reporter was exactly who I thought he was. No, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, there is a reason why they're so like, all right, well, maybe, maybe because,

maybe because I get it, maybe because I get it. Yeah. You get like impatient with it. That's for old people that are like, you do have your phone. Yeah. I fucking have a podcast. It's a radio show on the internet. Enough people listen. People will advertise. I know, but explain that to like an old, I shouldn't even say six. My dad's 65. And I think he would grasp that concept. But like, think about the most older people who are not LA, New York or just not savvy about that stuff. Like they don't get it. And they probably don't necessarily get it. Oh, and then I fucking do this and I wear a Jimmy John shirt. Yeah. And he's like, and they, and then, and then they pay you for that. It's like to have to fucking bans. This guy's going to see like there's advertising at

the shows. The Rolling Stones have like Bud Light in the background, right? I know. I just think they're, I really think that they're explaining it for older people who don't understand what it means to go viral. They don't even know what that word means. It's a new phenomenon for them. They don't get it. That 60 minutes is not for people. No, it's a new word for what the fuck they've been doing. Yeah. 60 minutes went viral in the sixties. It was a hit show. Right. It just wasn't viral. It went fucking. There was no internet TV. Oh, whatever the fuck you call a hit TV show. Right. And do you think there was, there was people from the 1800s still alive going like, so you're in that box and a lot of the more people that watch it, you make more money.

Yes. Yes. That's exactly how that works. Yeah. It was fucking like, but he said it to every one of them. I know, but every single year he was explaining it for the older people at home that don't understand these things. And Kim Kardashian couldn't have broke it down anymore for him. And he just couldn't get his fucking head around. He's like, so you don't sing, you don't dance. He's like, no, I just like, it's a lifestyle. I'm a brand. And it's like, dude, you're literally interviewing around. You're taking the fucking time to interview her. She obviously has some sort of fucking clout. I've never seen a guy so in the eye of the storm and he's out there with like sunglasses on, like

looking for the sun. It's windy out and a tree can hit me in the head. He just couldn't get his fucking head around it. It was driving me up the fucking wall, driving me up the wall. And then also like people acting like these little things were these high concept fucking bits. They're not the quick little fucking things like that dude going, I can do the whole Batman, Superman, what if in four seconds? Yeah, of course. Yes. Everybody said that. Yes, Superman would just fuck them up. That was it. And then the old guy was going like, so like that's, that's what you think would happen. Sorry. That and when you were watching your reality show, I tapped out when that girl finally just goes for me after she'd just been

talking about herself. And then she's going to talk about herself talking about herself. I had no idea my mom was that frustrated that it affected her that way. And I just feel like for me, I know I really do hate that. Just for me, I just feel like for me, I just feel like it's not a great way to start a sentence. You should just say, I think I feel for all of that. All of that reality show speak that you watch, you know, and that made me feel a certain kind of way. Some type of way made me feel some type of way. It's always so fucking vague, but some type of way never means happy. Why can't you just say it fucking pissed you off? Maybe because this is a nicer way to say it.

Right. Maybe because you don't want to get into your specific emotions. So you're like, it just had me feeling some type of way. Oh, no, no, no. There's not one woman on any of those shows that does not want to get into how they're feeling emotionally. That is what the entire fucking show is. I don't know. I think it's just the way young people are speaking now. They don't say that made me frustrated or I was really angry. No, that was like, you just say, I'm in my feelings. You say, no, I'm really in my feelings. This is, she was really in her feelings about it, or I feel some type of way. That's what people say now, instead of saying, well, those, those real housewives were talking like that and they're like,

they got like 20 year old kids. Well, because they're trying to be, you know what I'm being right now, I'm being the old guy in 60 minutes. I just can't get my head around it. Why anybody I feel some type of way instead of saying I'm so no matter how great their lives are, they're always going to yell at each other and pull each other's hair. I'm doing that. Yes, Bill. That's what the fucking show is. And you enjoy this. Yes, Bill. That's why I watch it. All right. Hey, hey, Nia, you know what? Fair enough. Fair enough. You feel some type of way about all this? Oh my God, that guy in 60 minutes, it was like, I swear to God, I wanted to eat the glass I was drinking out of explaining to your dad

that whole concept. Listen, that's what that man was doing. Yeah. And my dad would get it. You'd have to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, he wouldn't listen. Yeah. What'd you say? Okay. Christ, Bill, I'm tired. Okay. I don't need to hear this shit. Oh, I shouldn't tell this story, but I'm gonna. What story? All right. I can't tell it. I can't tell it because there's too many people I have to fucking protect. All I can tell you is that the authority figure called the house and said, ah, shit. He said, listen, I can't prove it, but I know your son

did some, you know, X, Y and Z. Oh, right. And then my dad goes, what do you mean? He goes, what do you mean? You can't prove it, but you know, he did it. And he goes, oh, Christ, I don't have time for this shit. And he hung up. He was the exact opposite of I'm going to get involved with this shit. Like, I really love that response. No, my family, we're all loners, big family, but we all just do our own shit. And we, I'd last thing like the same way I don't want to like, like the way I've been paying for three cell phone numbers for the last, I didn't even realize it to do the back story. One time I was on the fucking road and Nia calls up, she goes, why do you have like three different cell phone numbers with the fuck? Are you living a double life? Yeah. And I go, I don't,

I got one. She goes, no, you got three. I go, no, I don't, I got one. She goes, I'm looking at the bill right now. And what it was, was it was back in the 2000s. I was like, I was so confused slash angry slash annoyed slash, okay, maybe it's just not what I think it is or whatever. But I'm like paying all the bills since you're on the road. So I'm like going through everything and I'm like, this motherfucker has three numbers. Why? Why on earth would he have three phone, three numbers? I've only seen one phone. Does he have a secret phone, like a secret cell phone? I got a little flip phone because I know men do that sometimes they have a secret little bat phone. All right, this is what it was. This is what it was back in like 15 fucking years ago.

Wasn't that maybe 12, 12 years ago? It was when I was with you, I would go on the road and this is before like smartphones and all of that and you had to get the internet and you'd, I go to these hotels and they would charge me like 12 99 a day, 15 99 a day. And I wasn't making shit on the road and would fucking, it would add up. And that was still back when, you know, you'd get sides for your auditions, email to you. Then you had to go down to the fucking, the thing in the lobby and business center and print it out. So they came up with these little things. They look like hockey pucks, these little round things that you, you'd get your own internet. I think Bobby Kelly, dude, you got to get this dude, right? Oh yeah. My dad had one of them. Yeah. And it

plug it in and it came with like a phone number or something. Okay. So I got one of those. They explained how to do it. I did it one time. It worked. It didn't work again. And then I forgot about it to the point. I forgot, even had it. And then I got another one. And then that one, I just, you know, after a while, I just got a smartphone and I never look at my bill. I just look, what does it cost? Yeah. So then, you know, years later. So you've been paying for this number. I've been paying extra $50 a month and they're still on my bill. What are you going to take it off then? I don't want to, I would rather pay $50 a fucking month than have to sit there and I'm not going to get upset. I can't fucking deal with calling up

and going. I need to cancel this. I am no longer using it. That's not how it works though. You go in and they, and it goes like, you know, what, you know, it's the robot. And then it's going like, you know, if you want to do this, press one. If you want to do that, press two. And you always are existing at like one and a half. It's like a little bit three, but a little bit four. You're just like operator, operator, operator, operator, press zero. I'm sorry. That doesn't fucking work. And then the worst thing ever is you get on and you say, yeah, who am I speaking with today? William Burr, can I get your zip code? Can I get you your fucking first, first goldfish's name? Can I get this? Can I get that? Can I get that? And then you tell

them what the problem is and they go, okay, I'm going to have to transfer you to somebody else, Michael, and then they go, okay, who am I speaking to? What is your zip code? What is the name of your goal? It's like, I just fucking told you, here I go. I fucking told you all that shit. And yeah, I don't want to deal with that shit. See, you'd rather continue to pay this bill for the rest of your life. No, I want to take them off. Of course I want to take them off. I just, you know, that's not my top priority. Nia is not fucking cool. You saw when I tried to get the NFL network, I was on the phone for fucking 90 motherfucking minutes with people in Southeast Asia who didn't even know what was hockey. Yeah, you did really good. I'm very proud of you that

day. You were so calm. You were so polite. You didn't like freak out. You missed part of it when you left. I was just like, listen, yeah, you know, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but like, this is your second language and you don't even know what the sport is. I'm talking. This would be like if you called me up and I, you know, Rosetta stoned how you speak and you want to watch Cricket. Rosetta stoned. Yeah. And they would just, she just goes, I'm sorry, I'm in Asia. Is that going to be a problem? And then I felt bad. I'm like, no, it's not a problem. You know what I'm saying? She goes, no, I get it. She was actually great. The first person was a fucking idiot. It wasn't a fucking idiot. He just was not a smart person. He lacked the tools for that

situation. So no, I have, I have to do it. There's so many fucking, if you knew the amount of fucking money that I throw away because I don't want to deal with the infrastructure, right? The amount of times I've bought a plane ticket. Okay. I buy a fucking plane ticket and then the thing gets canceled and I don't go. I don't call up. I just eat the price of the ticket. I do it. You do all the fucking time, all the fucking time because I am not going to www.delta.org. I'm not fucking doing it. You have to let your travel person do it. Like when I wasn't able to go to Nashville, I emailed her and I said, I'm not able to go and then I'll get it. Oh good. I thought I ate that ticket. No. And she's like, I'm going to cancel it. And I said, I'm going to get a note from my doctor.

And so maybe we'll be able to get reimbursed. And she's like, yeah, I just canceled it. Like, let me know and we'll do what we can. I literally like, I think I'm paying for, I paid for a hotel room Sunday night because we were going to be there through Sunday night. And rather than just stopping at the fucking front desk and just dealing with that, I just leave. You never check out. I don't check out. You never do like the, hi, I'm leaving. How was your stay enjoyable? You just fucking walk out the door. And I'm just like, wait, don't we have to check out? You're like, eh, don't send me the bill. Don't figure it out. You never take the time to check out. You're the first, the only person I know that doesn't go down there and is like, okay, goodbye. I'm leaving.

Here's the key. See you later. You just fucking walk out the door. No, I just leave. I've done that with like rental cars. One time I got so shitfaced so late into the night and I didn't realize I had a six a.m. flight. I got up and I was still drunk and I was like, I can't fucking, I tried to drive as I can't drive. And my GPS wasn't working because I was in like fucking, you know, elk deer fucking Montana or some shit. I was up in Canada. Elk deer. Yeah, yellow knife. You know, they have all that shit. They're like, they're like us, you know, they wiped out the Indians and then they just named shit after them to make themselves feel better. Right. No, we didn't do that. Like us Canadians. Well, like white people. Right. Yeah, you're not

included. No, I was just watching Trump rally. You're not, you're not a part of that. So anyways, like, yeah, I remember what Thomas and I just, I gave the keys to the guy at the hotel. I go, Hey, can you take that back for me? I'm too drunk. Yeah, I don't fucking worry about it. I was so fucking shitfaced that like when two weeks later, they called me up going, yeah, where's the car? I was sitting there and I always give a fake number. Right. So I'm like, what do you mean? I brought it back. How the fuck did you get this number? Leave me alone. They're like, sir, it hasn't come back yet. I go, I fucking dropped it off. I just kept hanging up on them. And I don't know, there's something like the third time they called,

I finally was just like, started thinking, I was just like, wait a minute, did I bring that back? And I called up Verzi. And I was like, Verzi, did we bring that car back? And he was just like, Oh, dude, I don't know. I don't remember because you know, because he was, you know, we were all pretty fucking, we were out there and Barton couldn't remember. And then I was just like, wait a minute, dude, there was a gig I did. And I gave the keys to someone at the hotel. It was that, that gig. And then we figured out that it was that gig. And then they drove down and it was sitting there. That cost me like 1200 bucks. Do you realize the house we could be living in? No, I do it. I do it all the fucking time because I don't give a shit. I don't get to money to me

is just, you're just writing a number on a piece of paper. And it's just like, just, if you just get past the fact that it actually has value, do you know what a privilege position you're in to be even to be saying that? I've always been that way. $50 a month is a lot to a lot of people to just be throwing away. You know what I mean? Like that's the thing about it. Listen, don't kill me because Nia, I fucking out. Time out. Time out. Oh, fuck that, Nia. Fuck that. I didn't know anybody in this business. I didn't take the safe fucking route. Okay. And go for the fucking, I'm going to go do something else. I've earned the right to blow $50 a month on numbers. No, it's my fucking money. I don't want to fucking deal with that shit. I tried to be in the office area. I wore a fucking

tie. I tried to do it. I sat in on meetings and I literally just all I would think about is like whoever was talking, I wanted to run right at them, dive over their shoulder right through the fucking window and nose dive into the fucking parking lot. I can't live in that fucking world. So I picked this shit where 99.9% of people fail. All right. So I took all of my chips. I put it on the fucking zillion to one shot and it fucking came in. And one of the perks of my fucking business is I don't check out. I walk out. I walk out. I don't want to talk to you. I fucking hate when I get into the fucking just leave me alone. That's the thing. You don't want to leave me the fuck to anybody who's like, hi, can I help you? Let me get this right. You just, you don't ever want to deal with any type

of customer service on any level. Leave me alone. They're helping you. You don't even want to deal with them. No, just leave me. I hate when I check into a hotel and then there's a phone call and you pick up below. Oh, hey, Mr. Burgess checking to make sure everything was all right with your room. This is so much. You hate room. You hate the housekeeping services. Turn down service. You hate all of that. Oh my God. When I'm my last one, like the lady was coming in, I'm like, she's knocking on the door. Yeah, I'm so I'm like, I'm all right. I'm all right. She just kept coming up. I'm like, I'm all right. Like get out of here. I feel like I paid for that fucking room. I got the sign hanging out on the other side. What do I have to have a guard out there? He wants to be left

alone. What the fuck? What the fuck does that mean? Is everything all right with the room? First of all, I'm an adult. If there was, yeah, this, I'm glad you called this water pouring in. I didn't know what to do. The fucking room's fine. The bed is on the ground. There's a mattress and I lie on it. I know how to use everything in here. That's it. Oh, that's it. Whenever we go to hotels, if we're on vacation or anything, and I'm like, Bill, can you, especially if we're in a foreign country, I'm like, Bill, can you call down and, you know, ask them if they can make reservations or whatever? If it's like a different language, Bill always goes, no, no, no, you're better at that stuff than I am. And I'm like, all you have to do is ask them to do

something. And he's like, no, no, no, I can't. I can't. You have to do it. I'm not doing it. I'm not good at it. You know, it's funny. I actually, I got to Nashville so early, right? And I went into like the sky lounge thing. I'm not going to say the airline. I always fly, right? But I've, you know, I finally, somebody convinced me to fucking, you know, go into the sky lounge area, right? So I go, all right, I'll fucking do that. But then the stupid, but that thing's fucking stupid, because then you have to get to the airport early to make it worth it. It's like, I don't want to be here. I want to get here as late as possible, immediately get on the plane and get the fuck out of here, right? So anyways, I got really, they're really early to Nashville. Didn't know

that my fucking plane was going to catch on fire. So I go in there and they go, I go, yeah, I got, you know, I don't have my card on me. And then they go, you know, what's your name? What was the name of your goldfish and all of that fucking shit? And I go through all of that and then she looks up, she goes, Oh, here you are. And I never use miles either. That's another thing. I always get miles, but I've never used them. Yeah, because I don't want to go on the fucking website and deal with all that. I just, how much does it cost? I'll write it on this piece of paper and fuck off, right? So she looks in and their eyes just go like, like biggest saucer. She goes, you have 824,000 freaking miles. I thought you have your water because I ain't going on the fucking website.

I thought you use miles in the past when I first started flying with you to gigs. Didn't you use them? When I was making no money, when I made no fucking money and then we were going to go on vacation and I wanted to fly first class, I would use up, they would use up all of my miles. But then once I started making money, it's like, I don't have to fucking deal with that anymore. I hate it doing that because I call my travel agent and say, Oh, I'm sorry. I can't do that. You have to log on. Just go to fucking content. I used to fly continental out of Newark all the time. You'd have to go to, I'm not good at it. I fucking hate it. I would rather just give you the money. You have to ask our travel person to do it. Do you know that when I went to meet,

no, when I went to Chicago, if I get over a million of the pilots come back and say hello, like they did with George Clooney in that movie, maybe I'm getting up there. You are getting up there. But I got, I got bumped or something like that. And so they give, they give you the voucher like it's a $300 voucher and whatever, whatever it is, $300 voucher. Do you know, I took that, I scanned it and I emailed it to her and I said, by the way, I got this voucher. So if you can use it towards Bill's next flight and she was like, Oh, great. Actually, I can. I'm like so on top of that shit. You would have been like this fucking voucher. I got a voucher. I've never, no, I lose it. I don't even know where it is. Yeah. No, I have some old lady and cat food. Once again,

this is something that like most people would be like, Oh, good, I can use this towards the next thing. And you're just like, wipe your ass with it. I'm not wiping my ass with it. Yeah. Look how I dress like I live like a quarter. I'm dressed like Malcolm Young on the power age tour. Some old white dudes get that reference. I just, I live within my fucking means and it affords me an ability to not have to sit there. He got a voucher. Stand there. All right. Sorry. The batteries just died there. I had to cut this out. Yeah. First of all, you're making it seem like I'm this spoiled rich kid who goes around burning like lighting $100 bills on fire. I've always fucking been that way. I've never like, when I, when I wasn't making any

fucking money and I was staying at the Ocho de la Super way back in the day, right? And they'd always have like the continental breakfast and you got to get down here by 10am. And I did it like one time and I'm standing in line with all these people with these fucking old loafers, hoping they're not going to run out of batter for the walking waffles. And I'm just sitting there going like, I can go to Denny's like a gentleman and just sit down and order a fucking waffle. I don't need a free fucking waffle. You know what I mean? That's like miserly shit to me. And get a voucher. All of that shit. I'm not, I'm like, I'm one time I was so fucking mad. They fucked me over so bad on this plane that I actually did that old lady shit. And I walked in and I was like,

I've been waiting and I paid for this and blah, blah, blah. My bag took all this fucking time. And then they were just like, all right, all right, you know, you got to go on the website. And I was like, I know what you cause you don't think I'm going to do it. You don't think I'm going to do it. I went home and I fucking did it. And I took all of that time. And then there was, you know, they just kept calling, you know, emailing me back and I kept having to confirm shit. And then I finally just said, ah, fuck it. I just, I don't have the, I don't have that fight in me. You know what I mean? Like I don't wait for sales. Or any of that shit. And so if I need it, I go in and I fucking buy it. And whatever it cost me,

if that means I can't do something else in my life, I just won't do that. But like you, for me, you cannot put a price on getting that over with as quick as fucking possible. Yeah. No, I'm giving you a hard time, but you do have a very healthy attitude about money. You're really good with money. You've taught me a lot about being responsible about money. But I think I have definitely that mentality of taking advantage of little stuff like that and like, oh my god, this costs extra. Like I have to like cut it out, even if it does inconvenience me in some way. Like I just have that. I am a coupon person. I am a sale person. I'm always like, but it was on sale. It's discounted. Like that's still the way my mind works. I love that shit. Yeah, it was on sale.

Yeah, it was still 700 bucks. So you go the other way. Yeah, but it was on sale. All of your fucking shoes and shit, all of this shit that's everything that I buy for the most part is on sale. I use so many discounted websites. Yeah, but it's still expensive as shit. Yeah, but it's not as expensive. Jesus Christ. I walk around and like American Airlines is going to give me a free peanut butter and jelly sandwich because it was 20 minutes late. And I'm like, hey, dude, you know what? Keep your fucking sandwich. I'll buy my own sandwich and you make a me act like I'm a fucking, you know, a Trump or some shit. And you're over there buying like a thousand dollar pair of shoes. Oh, it's on fucking sale. Drive me nuts with that shit. All

right. I got to read some of the, I haven't done any of the advertising. Let me see something. What have you been doing down here this whole time, huh? Listening to the rats in the fucking wall. Um, for me, I just feel like for me. All right. Where's the advertising here? Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. I will tell you, like, I don't know, like, you know, something that there's people that I grew up with that were really miserly like that, you know, and they didn't, they didn't leave good tips and they just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just, it's just fucking paper. Just give it to them. Make them happy and let's get the fuck out of here. But when you don't,

let's just get the fuck out of here. You don't have a lot of it. You have to be miserly. You have to find a way to like, survive and get what you want and still have some to live. I moved to New York city. I ate spaghetti every night. I had a chair that became a fucking table. I ate, I did that all the fucking time. I can live on fucking nothing. I did it. But you know something, I still had money in the bank because I saved up for my day jobs because I knew New York was going to be expensive and I wasn't going to be that fucking guy going, Oh God, you know, I'm down to my last 20 bucks. How are you down to your last 20 bucks? How did you get yourself into that fucking situation? Okay, I'm talking about white male heterosexual. How the fuck did you get yourself

in that situation? You fucked up. You fucked up your money. You're an adult. Right. So you know how much money you're making. You know what your fucking bills are. But you know, you start making money and for the first half of the month, you're walking around acting like you make three times as much. And then the end of the fucking month, you're going to come to me and act like a fucking pound puppy. Like you're, you know, like the world did you wrong. It's like, no, you fucked yourself over. I believe you guys say you played yourself. That's why I hate going to the bank at the beginning of the month. I hate it. It's a bunch of people whose money is fucked up. Okay. And it's depressing to see because they should have been

educated on how fucking money works. What do you mean? The first of the month when people get paid and there are paydays, Saturdays, the day when the general fucking public goes in there, every fucking fifth person is in there yelling through that bulletproof glass and can't understand. It's, it's, it's basic fucking math. You put 200 in there. You withdrew 200. So you don't have any money left. I don't know. It's very rare that I fucking stick up for the banks. But when there's fucking people in there, I mean, there's all this information online. You know what I mean? There's all this, this, I don't know. I don't know. I always had a job. I had a paper route since I was in third grade. And then I had money for my football cards

and my candy bars. I had my overhead was fine. And I remember my friends were always like, oh, I'm broke. Oh, fucking broke. I'd be like, get a fucking paper route. Oh, I don't want to get up. Well, they go fuck yourself. It's supposed to feel bad for you because you can't get doubles at lunch. You got to go to your mother. How old are you? I mean, we eight years old and we eight years old. Oh, I'm on my fucking soapbox. Everybody should live the way I do. A little enterprising BB. I wasn't enterprising. I just fucking made money. And then I always had it. And I didn't blow it off. The idea of you with a paper route. So you had money with for football cards and candy is the cutest thing I've ever heard. Oh, it's the greatest thing.

I love football cards. And I used to go down. I used to ride my bike up to the corner store. And I would be like, I would sit there a little freckle face, me going to top football cards, come on. And they'd be like, no, I'm sorry. I would check every single day. Oh, my God. And when they came out, oh, cute. When I came out, me and all my friends would buy them. And then we'd sit there, trade them and stick in the big fucking piece of shit gum that they had that always fucked up the football card, usually the best one in the pack. And you'd sit there and cut the roof of your mouth. And you're trying to chew it down. And we would just sit there and yeah, root beer, candy, just all fucking sugar. Yeah, just going through. I got Bob greasy.

I got OJ Simpson. I got Walter Payton, all these guys way back then. Randy White, Jack Lambert. I still remember all their names. It was fucking great. Robert Newhouse. So cute. Yeah. I used to make like $6 a fucking week. I was loaded. Oh, that's a lot. I was fucking loaded. How old were you when you started the paper route? Third grade? Third grade. And I kept it all the way to like freshman and high school to the point of like, you know, when the child star is just not cute anymore. No one wants a six foot paper boy. I wasn't, I'm not six feet tall, but that's just a funny number. Yeah. So then, then I, and then I immediately went from that to then I just had like a, there was this weird time.

I just didn't, I didn't have a job because I was too old to be a paper boy. I felt, and then I was, but I was too young to have a job. Yeah. Did you have a job in high school? Well, then this, so when I quit my paper route, I didn't have any fucking money coming in, and I was not used to that. I hadn't dealt with that since I was way back in the second grade. This was a crisis. This was my first 2008 that I went through. So I actually went down, I think it was to the principal's office and I got a workers permit that allowed me to work underage. Is that what I did? Yeah. To get this job that I wanted. And during the summertime, I used to caddy. I used to caddy and I used to try to get doubles, you know, which is two bags.

And, you know, you'd just be running from one guy to another guy and hopefully, you know, it was always really bad when one guy really fucking sucked, but if they both sucked, it was brutal. If one guy sliced the other guy hooked and they both were fucking righty, that was going to be a long afternoon for you. And, um, yeah, I used to do that, you know, there was a couple. I love hearing about like your childhood stuff that you did. I just like, it's just so funny to me. Cause now I'm picture, at first I pictured you little cutie freckle face with your cards and your bubble gum and your, my orange hair. I look like a little fucking, there's such thing as an adorable scarecrow. That's what the fuck I look like. And now you're like a high school kid running around

the golf course with two golf bags on you. So you literally have worked your entire life. Yeah. Then I got this job at this place called more shoe and we were doing the shoe. Yeah. And it was like, we, I just meant this was the worst fucking job I ever had. As far as just like mind numbingly fucking, it felt like 20 hours. It was like a two hours at the end of every school day. I'd take the bus over and then I would fucking walk home like two miles or some shit like that. Back when you just do that as a kid, just walk along a fucking highway and nobody gave a fuck, right? And, uh, they had like these little cards, these computer cards with numbers on them. And you had these order forms and you had these little manila envelopes. I still don't know what

the fuck it was. It was something for them to then feed into this computer. This was like 1984 or some shit. Um, I hated that job. Um, then I, then I got into warehousing and when I got into warehousing, then I got my first loan, my dad cosigned the loan and I, for the car, for the car. Yeah. But I put all the down payment. He didn't pay a dime of it. I bought the whole fuck. I got a three year loan from Danvers Savings Bank, one Conan street. I still remember right in the thing. It was 138.63 a month. Still remember that shit. Paid that whole fucking thing off. Uh, ended up getting another paper route with the truck where I would, I would drive in the morning. You just went back to the paper route was all like your fault. But I did the warehousing during the

day. No, then I had two jobs and, and I was also, uh, then I got rid of that thing just because my friends teased me. Oh, what are you a fucking paper boy? And it felt stupid. It was great. You're like, yes. No, but it's like an extra 100 bucks a week, which is huge, right? So I ended up quitting that. And, um, the fuck did I go from there? I tried selling newspaper subscriptions. Didn't you have a telemarketing type of job? Yeah, I had that. But when I went to college, I went to college part time and I paid for my education. And, uh, all the way to like my, my last year, uh, my parents helped me out with that. And I also got a loan from another family friend, but I paid all of them back. I paid all of them back before I moved down to New York.

Now, then I started, once when I started doing standup, I also had a day job and, uh, and I was still living at home and I was still driving that piece of shit truck that I bought in 85 red truck, right? Right. And I drove that thing for 10 fucking years. And I remember when the engine died and I was at work and somebody was going like, so now what are you going to do? Yeah, what are you going to buy? And I was thinking of buying and I was going to buy like a Toyota Corolla, just something like a comic car that could, you know, go like 200,000 miles. And I finally was just like, fuck this man. I know I want to move to New York. I can spend like, you know, like a new car, like a Corolla back then was like this early nineties was like 1112 grand,

which was a ton of fucking money, especially for me at that time. And, uh, or I could just spend 1500 bucks and have them rip the engine out and put a new one in. So that's what I did. And I just remember this woman at work. I've told this story before she just said, she goes, where's the new car? They'll be a new car. I said, oh, you know what? I just, I just had a new engine put in my truck instead. And she just made this face. She was just like, that was stupid and fucking walked away. And she was really beautiful too. And I was just like, you know what? It probably was stupid. Because I guess if I got the new car, it could have banged you. I don't know. So, um, so I had that truck and that that was the

one like the last, my first three years of comedy, I drove around doing that thing. That's when I met Patrice. He wrote everybody that knew from back then wrote around that thing. And then, uh, long story short, there was an electrical fire and it burned down right before I moved to New York, which was fine because having a car in New York is a pain in the ass. So when I moved down to New York, I had no debt. I paid off my student loans. I had no credit card debt. I had, I got myself out from, I had like 700, the revolving 700 bucks with the credit card debt. I just got myself out of it. And I didn't buy anything. I was like, Jimmy the jet, take it back. Don't buy anything. Don't fucking, if I can see any advice to any young person out there,

okay, when you're young is when they give you those credit cards, man, do not fucking rack those. And if you have, you got to knock those, knock those fucking things down. Yeah. Okay. You know, figure out what the fuck you want to do before you're involved in some sort of serious relationship, which is going to be like, but I want to live here. Fuck all of that. Get on the path you want to get on, eat your fucking spaghetti in the morning, you know, whatever you got to, whatever you got to fucking do, if you got to live with papers in the fucking morning and all this other shit to do it. I don't know. Maybe then you too can have fucking nine cell phone numbers and not want to get on the phone. Can you help me with that? Can you seriously help

me with that? Can you just, can you just, can you just like do that for me? Yes. I mean, I'm, I can, I can get through half of it for you, but then eventually I'll just be in the background and when they asked the questions, yeah, I will help you do that because it's ridiculous that you're continuing to pay for that. That's, that's, but I also thought too, because I thought I signed a contract on them. So I'm worried that I can't get out. There's always, there's always ways to negotiate your ways out of that. Like I'm good at that stuff. Tell them that I died. No, I'm not going to do that. You're taking over the thing because then they'll feel bad. We're going to, we'll figure it out without telling anybody that you died. Okay. Well, I'm done for the

fucking year as far as gigs. You want to do that? Let's, let's, let's get rid of those other two. Yeah. I want to see what my bills going to do. Let's get rid of any like extra shit you're paying for because you don't want to deal. Yeah. Let's, let's take care of that, please. No, I have a lot of shit like that. There's other things that I, I remember when I bought, when I bought this laptop, I was just, they were like, do you want to take any classes or anything like that? And blah, blah. And I signed up for all of them. So what do you mean? Like the Apple store classes to like teach you how to fucking get better at this shit. Oh God, like you were ever actually going to do that. Nope. Never even went once. Oh, did you tell, did you tell the listeners how you ordered

like 20 of those adapters for your new iPhone seven? No, what I did was I was so mad that I ordered five of them. And then they were just like, yeah, it's going to be 10 business days. And I was like, fuck, I can't listen to my music for 10 days. How am I going to get through my workout? And then the next day I went, I drove down to the Apple store and then they had a bunch of them. So I said, fuck it. And I bought five there. And now when I came back, I got another five. So now I got 10 of them. This is what you're married to. A complete waste of money. Again, it's not a complete waste of money. All right. Well, good. Well, it's a good thing. I got advertising here so I can fucking blow it on all my cell phone numbers and adapters. All

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She did the white girl version of it. You know, well, you know, JLo kind of looked like Selena in real life, right? Yeah. Was it just when she was on, she was one of the fly girls, right? Yeah. And then when, then when she was going to go mainstream, they said they lightened her all up, right? Well, she did the same thing. What are you talking about? I'm saying she was all brunette and she was just kind of walking around the kitchen and no one was paying attention. Yeah, you gotta have a glam. And then she, she liked it. You gotta have the little bit, you gotta have the blonde streak in your hair. Yeah, you can't look the same as when you started out is when you get famous. That's why Aerosmith made it because Joe Perry had that little blonde

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To mailbox, et cetera. Yeah, we'd sit there and like fill out all the little padded envelopes and put them in there and like you'd be doing like 20, 40 or something at a time. We'd go down to mailboxes, et cetera, right? Like you did it all yourself. Yep. Yeah. That was fun. It was fun. That's what you got to do.

All right, here we go. Website suggestions. Sorry about that, Nia. I just realized this thing's really long. This podcast has been really long. You're sitting there reminiscing. I was like, yep, I enjoyed that. That was a wonderful moment that I had with you. Moving on. It was in those moments that I knew I wanted to marry you. All right. Is that true? Is that true?

You know what, Nia? Some shit I don't tell the listeners. I know when I was going to decide to marry you, all right? And they're not going to hear when. That one's for us. All right. Website suggestions. Oh, I said, you know, I always go to the same fucking five websites and now that I've been kicked off Facebook, unless I give them my fucking passport number. That's the thing. This is the thing I'm telling you, Nia. You always walk. You fucking walk.

Did you talk about the whole fingerprint thing? Oh, when I bought the car? Yeah. When I bought my Jaguar, they asked me for a thumb print. Like a fingerprint. Why the fuck? I almost laughed. For dealership. I really wish you guys could have seen this guy's face when Bill told him no. He was, he didn't know what to do.

Like he was really, his brain kind of broke for a minute because he was just like, and you're like, yeah, I'm not giving it to him. Yeah. What are they not going to sell me the car? Because I'm like, yeah, no, of course they're going to take it, but he was just so used to people being like, oh, okay, well, that's weird. Okay, whatever. And just getting it over with. And you just kept being like, no, no, I'm not doing it. No, I said, I'm not, I'm not giving my fingerprints to a car dealership.

Yeah. He's like, no, no, no, it's for your security. And this and that. And you're just like, I'm not doing it. And you were right. There was like, there's no reason. No matter what they say about security, someone coming in pretending to be. No, that's when I have fun with them. I go, look, if you can give me, if you can justify why I'm going to give you my thumb print, I'll do it. And then they sit there and they say, dumb shit. Like, okay, someone tries to impersonate you and buys the car.

No, that's not going to fucking happen. You dealt with like five different people at that dealership. They know who you are. They're not going to like, no, it's, it's, it's insane. Even if I didn't do what I did for a fucking living, I still wouldn't worry about that. I'm not, you don't give you a fucking fingerprints to a car dealership. Yeah. Because people lie for a living. What are they going to do with that thing? And then we met a woman who was like, oh yeah, they asked you that too.

And she just did it because she was just like, okay, there it is. That's what they asked for. And now it's out there. And he's like, he was like, I've never had anybody say no to this. And what did you say? Oh, I say, yeah, you never met anybody like me before. I was just talking shit to make you laugh though. I saw you smile. It's very hard to get you to laugh though. I was just talking shit. I love that. I was actually very much and usually when you get into like difficult BB mode and you are just like giving the other person like the hardest time,

I prefer to say I'm informed, but go ahead. Yeah. Well, when you're like unnecessarily giving somebody a hard time, who's just trying to do their job and they're already tired, take my fingerprints. No, like when you call up the, the time life people to order the, the easy listening set and you're so short and rude to them when they're just trying to like do their job. I find it very, no, that's fucking asshole. I forget what he asked me for. They're always trying to upsell. Yeah. No, no, no. He was trying to get all this information out of me,

like all this extra information. Like, you know, like just send me the CDs. Just send me the CDs. And the guy goes, well, I can't send you the CDs unless you fucking, there was like some ridiculous thing like my social security. They're all doing this because they stay sharing the information. Yeah. They do sell the information. Yes. Yeah. And they don't give a fuck what they expose me to as far as identity theft. So I go, I'm not fucking doing it. And the guy goes, this conversation's over. I go, yeah, well, then it's over. Go fuck yourself. I hung up. I was totally within.

You always paint me out as a bad guy. And yeah, my, my world, I'm always a victim. Always a victim. That's certainly. All right. Website suggestions. Cause I was always saying, I always go to the exact same website. All right. Reddit. Oh God, no, they've, uh, they've also mentioned that you have a Reddit sub page and would love for you to do a AMA something. Ask me anything. They've asked you to do that. Yeah. I'm not fucking doing that. You can't ask me anything.

Yeah. I'm not fucking sitting there. Hey, you've always been a douchebag. I'm going to fucking sit through that for two hours waiting for like one legitimate question. Yeah. No. Hey, Billy Redballs. Yeah. Bill's never going to do and ask me anything. I'm not saying never say never. If I got, if I got maybe an efforts for family, ask me anything. I'll do that. I just don't understand. Like I, I, I, they can just go very, you just have to know. I mean, or maybe you'll just have to ignore a lot of like bullshit. But there I had, I'm walking by the front desk. You're not checking out. I'm just fucking, and if that hurts my career, it hurts my career.

I'm not fucking genuine questions. Yes, they are. Yes, Sarah. And those are few and far between the world. Nia, the world has a sweaty hand and a really hot armpit. I'd be very surprised and they're going to put their hand around you when they go to take the picture and you're going to feel their hand drying off into your shirt. And your other shoulder heating up. That's what you're going to run into. And then all the cool people that you really want to talk to are going to be like, Oh, I don't want to bother. I don't want to bother this person and they leave. Those are the people that you want to talk to. Yeah. But if Netflix asks you to do it, would you do it?

Do what? An AMA. Yeah. I mean, I'm in business with them. If they think it's going to sell the show, you can't be a, that's a jerk off move to get in business with somebody and then not fucking promote it. I mean, look, if they want me to sit on like a Duncan stool. Oh, if I had, if you know what, if I could do like that guy drowned the clown, that guy saw years ago on the opening Anthony show, we went to one of those metal fucking festivals and they had this guy was called drowned the clown and this dude just sat there giving people shit. Right. And he'd make them so mad. It was like bull Durham and they couldn't fucking hit it. And he just had like that crusty, the clown doing that laugh. And I remember,

no, he would do the laugh. He would give them shit and make fun of how stupid they were. And then they would miss and he'd be like, ah, and they'd be like fucking grabbing three and he just kept going, ah, it was so fucking obnoxious. Yes. And, uh, like, he just really was walking by. Hey, look at the fat guy. Look at the fat guy. Hey, fatty, you ever going to work out? You in the purple shirt? Yeah. You're fat doing that. And he would just piss them off. I forget who I was with. No, Nia, I'm telling you, I'm doing a bad impression of it because it was so long ago. Dude, I was fucking, I was the combination of crying, laughing and, and then also sitting going like, is this the greatest street performer I've ever seen in my life?

He was fucking amazing. Fucking amazing. I was actually, I was kind of jealous of the job. Like, I was like, that's a fucking great job. Oh my God. Rest is soul. Can you imagine Patrice in that job? Oh my God. People wouldn't want to drown him just so they could hear what the fuck he was going to say. He'd be too good at it. All right. Here we go. Barstool Sports. Well, Barstool Sports, I go to that one. Uh, here's one, uh, www.slashfilm.com and easy to read non snarky movie website. Okay. Tumblr. Hey, Bill, search for, I thought that was a dating site. That's Tinder. Oh, I don't need that with all my cell phone numbers. If you're into antique cars, you can follow accounts that post pictures of classics.

I use this to follow music photography and arts. It's endless and having the app on your phone is a more stimulating way of killing time instead of Twitter. Tumblr is a, is a good one. I like Tumblr. Okay, cool. Uh, yeah. And by the way, um, I'm not the only one who's sick of the same 10 websites to go into. So if anybody, you know, in the future, if you guys, uh, if you guys know, find some cool websites or whatever, let me know, be a bunch of self promotion here. Um, what was the Kardashian thing? What? You know, for me, for me, for me. I just feel like. All right. Uh, last, I was saying, I was getting into punk rock, how I kind of missed that. Uh-huh. And I've always wanted to get into it, but I just don't know where to go and who's good or whatever.

And, um, I down, I was watching this rancid video that led me to watch one of the guitarists gave an interview and he talked about this one band, which I already forget the name of something, something 69 and they were, the front man blew me away. And I just don't know shit about punk rock. It always sounded to me like I was joking. It sounds like angry karaoke. You know what I mean? Where they weren't quite in tune, singing and shit. And I just read up on all of this stuff. And, uh, it just interests me. And, uh, so people would tell me bands. Okay. Um, all right, punk, punk rock bands, obviously the clash. I've heard of them operation Ivy, dinosaur, junior, dead Kennedy, kings of nothing, uh, leftover crack, the meteors. All right. Well,

you know something, the dead Kennedys I listened to, I left to check out, you know, black flag and all these bands, like my, my brother, some of my brothers used to listen to this shit and I just couldn't get into it. And now I'm really finding that I'm liking it. So I'm definitely going to check them out. I'll definitely check out kings of nothing, leftover crack in the meteors. Cause I never heard of any of them. I've heard of dinosaur, junior. I heard of them too. I thought that they were more like a, uh, like a college band. Me too. All right, Nashville, maybe somebody's fucking with me. Maybe that's, that'd be funny too, by the way, Don, Donnie and Marie. All right, Nashville. Hey there, Billy benchmark. I was

at your 9 30 Nashville taping and it was amazing. I remember every minute of it like it was a Super Bowl. Can't wait till it comes out. When does it come out? Are you watching South Park this season? Go fuck yourself, buddy. Uh, thank you. Yeah. The 9 30 show, uh, was fucking crazy. And, uh, I just hope it all comes together. Well, I've already looked at some of the pictures and shit and I'm just, I fucking, I hate going through the editing process. You gotta do it. I gotta do it. All right. Applause or laughs. Are you watching South Park? They asked, um, my brother said it's, it's been excellent this season. Just, I know why you always take the Simpsons. I love the Simpsons. Can we take South Park too? It's like the best social commentary for

almost 20 years in a row. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I should be watching it too. I completely, I forget about it. Okay. All right. Applause or laughs. Hey Bill, I was watching one of your older specials because I fucked up and forgot to get tickets to the one you filmed on Friday. Uh, by the way, congratulations. I can't wait to see it. Thank you. Um, why is my stomach grumbling? Yeah, I bought all this fucking eight. Oh, cause we can't see. Yeah. We should not have. No. Um, well, I ate so well up to the special. I kind of went off the rails this weekend, but starting tomorrow, I'm getting back into it. All right. On this particular special, why do I do this? I noticed a lot of people in the crowd cheering versus laughing. So here's

a simple question. While on stage, what gives you a greater sense of accomplishment, laughs or applause? That's a really good question. Thanks. And fuck those people who tell you to fuck yourself. Oh, well laughs, laughs. It's a really interesting question. Well, the applause is an applause break. You usually got laugh goes into an applause. It's never like you just say something. If you just say something and nobody laughs and they just applaud, then you kind of made a statement. And that's, that's like the douche chill moment. Like, I mean, what they really need to be doing is spending more money on education. Right. Yeah. If you're doing that during a comedy show, oh, that's a rough one. You know, um, so you'd rather laughter. Yeah, I'm, I'm much. Yeah,

I like, I like when they're laughing. I will say that, uh, applause is great too. But sometimes during like a taping, then that's when it just you, you'll, as a rookie, you'll feel weird. Like, oh my God, they're clapping and they're all overly amped up because they know they want you to have a good special. So they're clapping and then you don't know what to do, but they'll always edit around it because they can make it shorter. So for the comics out there, don't worry about those moments. They can also, if you have a dumb look on your face, like please stop clapping. So I can get to my next joke. They'll just go to a fucking the master shot and they won't see that look on your face and you'll be fine. You'll be fine.

But yeah, I definitely like, I like making people laugh to the point that they can't clap. That's what I would prefer. Um, you know, I of course don't always do that, but uh, there are guys out there that I've seen like, like it's hard for like a Brian Regan level funny guy. When I would watch him live to, uh, for the crowd to even be able to applaud because they're laughing so hard. He's the first guy I ever saw made somebody slump over. Like there was an empty chair next to this lady. I think the other person fucking went ran to the back of the room. He was killing so hard. And I like that kind of laugh. The woman was just fucking, I like that kind of laugh where you like, you've seen when I laugh really hard. And if I'm sitting down, I get up and I

like run away because I'm laughing so hard. It's too much. I love that kind of laugh. That's like that, that Apollo laughter. Cause you know how like black people, like the Apollo, if they're laughing really hard, they're like freaking out and like getting out of their seat and just like waving towels and shit. Like, yeah, the whole hitting each other. Like, well, we think something's funny. We think it's really fucking funny. Yeah. And when you don't think it's funny, you really don't think it's funny. Yeah. That's what I learned during those rooms. Black crowds going to have fun with or without you. So you, you bet. Basically. Yeah. They're going to laugh with you or they're going to laugh at you. There's no pity laughter. There's

no pity applause. No, we don't do that. You better be funny. Oh, some of the fucking heckles I got in those rooms. The worst is when they would just be talking to each other about how not funny you were. I don't forget just on stage, just bombing. It was just dead silence. I just heard this woman in the middle of the crowd. She just goes, she just looked around at everybody. She just goes, I ain't laughed yet. And I'm just like, Oh my God. Oh God. And there was no, there was no, Oh God. I love black audiences. There was no much of fun because yeah, there's no point. Yeah. If you're in the crowd, if you're in the crowd, of course I was on stage so rough, but it's so enjoyable to be a part of it because nobody cares about your feelings. Oh, not at all.

Not even fucking remotely. Whenever I did a black show, no, just so hilarious, but terrible for you. No, she was right though. Whenever I did those shows, yeah, I always felt like in the end, whenever I did the uptown rooms, as they call it, you'd get off stage and you asked yourself one of two questions. Why am I not world famous yet? Or two, what the fuck did I ever do? Why the fuck did I ever think I should have even been in this business? Because it went one way or the other. You either murdered or you wanted to crawl out of there. Talent used to have this room, LeBar bat on the fucking upper west side. It was after work, black crowd. And it was every other

fucking time. Every other time I killed, every other time I fucking ate it. And oh man, I saw them fucking Jimmy Mack, Uncle Jimmy Mack, rest his soul. I saw him one time he was having a tough, he was having a tough set. I think I bombed it was just one of those fucking crowds that just weren't laughing that week. Every other week they'd laugh every other week they weren't and he was having a tough set. And I just remember he he was bombing so bad and this woman was heckling so bad he had to bring up his career. He started talking about his IMDB. Yeah, he goes, he brought up how he did comic view or something like that. And like, he goes, I don't give a shit. Say, bitch, I don't give a fuck. You don't think I'm funny. You know, I got a career and she just

went like, I came about she said she said N word what career and then just dressed him down. I remember I had to go on after it and like, Jimmy was the man, right? He was the fucking man. I'm just like, this guy's got 10 years on me. If he can't handle this fucking crowd, what's going to happen to me? And they would just like, he got off and then I went up talent went up and talent had this this tag where he would get the worst tag that talent could say after you set was with when he would go up, you go, come on, y'all comedy ain't easy. When he said that you were the guy who bombed was just like, Oh, fuck, right? So he already did for Jimmy. Come on, y'all comedy ain't easy, right? The only time ever someone has to do it for Jimmy,

because he always killed. And then he brought me up that Oh, God. Oh, I thought about that fucking show for like a month. I would just think of the shit that people said to me, I'd be in the shower thinking of it and just it would pop into my head and I'd do that thing. Like trying to shout it out of my head. There's a thing though, Bill, because you always talk about how heckling like is a part of standup comedy, right? Absolutely. It is. But the thing is though, I don't know, maybe I just don't get it. But I, I just feel like you don't do that. You don't fucking heckle. You let people go up and do their thing. And then like, that's it. Like you don't heckle people at a play. You don't have, well, I guess people do heckle people at concerts and

shit like that sort of. But for the most part, you don't. Why is it that standup? That's what makes standup awesome. This environment where people really feel like they need to interact with you to that level. Cause you're standing there and you're, you're not given a speech. You're talking to them. Okay. So like, I think it's that like the bands get heckled and all that. I love hecklers. I did that to me like, but you're not, but you don't want to encourage people to be heckling to a point of disruption. No, no, like not, not to that level, but like like those, those, it's, I don't know. It's, it's, I always thought it was, it was the most terrifying thing when I started out, like, what am I going to do? Cause you knew it was going to happen.

What am I going to do when I get heckled? What am I going to say? And blah, blah, blah, blah, like what the fuck is going to happen? And, um, but watching season vets handling it, handling hecklers was, uh, was like this art form. It was an art form within the art form. So. And you're real, you're really good at handling hecklers, but I can see why some standups wouldn't, would want those people tossed from the place because they're disrupting the shit and what you're going to spend an hour, but it's always been that way material that you're working on so hard on, Richard Pryor got heckled fucked up by somebody and Richard Pryor got heckled in his own standup special. Okay. If he didn't whine about it,

like, I don't think anybody else should be. Okay. If the crowd's going to heckle him like, what are you, what are you fucking special? Like I, I look every, every comedian can run their shit the way that they want to run their shit. But like, I look at it like, I say a lot of fucked up things on stage that are going to make, you know, I always fucking give women shit. And like, are they really supposed to just sit there and not say anything? You know, when I go down south, I'm always talking, you know, I'm always fucking around going, you know, when you guys came here, you took a shit in your outhouse and you came down here at some point, somebody's gonna, somebody's gonna, yeah, like, you like, you definitely like to push people's

buttons that way. That's for sure. Yeah, because it's fun. That's what people did. You're a provocateur. No, I'm not. It's just, it's breaking balls and then they bust your balls back and then it's funny. Okay. Yeah, I guess I understand that. I don't know. I don't, I get, I do get annoyed when some people like they'll say like, do they heckle at a Broadway play? It's like, dude, you're not doing, this isn't Broadway. That's the way I look at it. All right, twinkle toes, go fucking put on your tap shoes and get a cat suit. That's the way I look at it though. You wouldn't, you wouldn't heckle a Broadway show. Why are you heckling a comedian? But you don't go to a Broadway show in somebody way. Look at this fucking jerk off. What do you do for a living?

That's a good point. Yeah, they don't do that either, right? How long is this podcast? I don't want to be torturing people with. Oh, who gives a shit at this point? I got to read the rest of these things. All right. Getting off heroin. Oh, by the way, you know, they will mention all those, those, they will mention all those punk rock bands. I actually found a band that I thought was pretty cool because I was watching YouTube video. Let me see if I can remember this. This is, what do you call, what'd you call this kind of music, Nia? Trick hop? Trip hop. Trip hop. I don't know what the fuck. This is mid to late 90s, early 2000s.

Mid to late 90s. This is my college years. It was all about trip hop, ambient. The supreme beings of, of leisure. It was like them. It was like Porter's head. Wait, wait, wait. You just finished that like you knew who the fuck they were. Now I downloaded this. It was one of the few times you didn't know who they were. Then you just know, but you just chime in like, you know, because I'm trying to, oh, Jesus Christ. No, no, no. Yeah. I know what you're doing. You know massive attack though, right? No. You know Porter's head? I've heard of them. Yes. What about sneaker pimps? Yep. Yeah. Was there a reason for any of that? I was just listening. They all sort of like lived in that same trip hoppy electronic. All right. Let's see what I've downloaded recently.

Supreme beings of, of leisure. Oh, I pre ordered the, the pretenders new one alone. Just got Jim on drums. The fucking album sounds crazy, man. Leonard Cohen has a new album and I was listening to some of the songs and I really, I love Leonard Cohen now. Well, if you're two years old, if you're a pretenders fan, this is a fucking great album. I was listening to that shit when I was getting your chicken. I downloaded rancid. The pretenders sing the theme song into friends. Green day. Is that them? I thought I'd download. Oh, it didn't fucking transfer. And then I downloaded that fucking punk band. Wait, oh, you know, I downloaded it because I was working with T Rex Todd Rex. We were laughing about that song dream weaver and we were singing it. So

no, that's dream on. Oh, you know this song, right? Am I going to pay for this? You know, I just close my eyes. This fucking song after you did cosmic man. This is the shit like after your days done, the thing you didn't want to do and you finally fucking got through it, right? You take your drug of choice, you get behind the wheel of your car. I'm joking. You don't do that. This is he's so intense here. Jesus fucking Christ. This guy. I've heard this song a million times. I don't know the words. You know the deal and then it kicks the fucking drums. Can we come in, right? Wait, did the pretenders sing the theme to theme

song to friends? Was that them? Who was that? What? Who was it? Wasn't that a kind of? No. All right. I don't know the pretend to Chrissy High. If Keith Richards was a fucking if Keith Richards was a chick, never minds. How dare you? Chrissy lives in her own lane, though. I mean, she did model herself after like rock stars, of course, but like she exists in her own space. That was a nice recovery. If you suggested that she did the fucking friends. Didn't she do like third rock from the sun? I didn't realize that she that was her back. All right. Well, you're, you're almost a millennial. That's like, that's a new excuse for older people. I'm fucking with you. All right. Let's get through here. Getting off heroin. Oh,

here's a good one. Hi, Bill. Just wanted to say thank you. Your podcast is a big reason that I am finally having some success in getting off the dope. Thanks. P.S. Brotherhood slash TV series equals fantastic. That's great, man. I don't know what I'm doing to help you get off dope, but if you're listening to this helps you, please keep doing it. I told you I met a medicaid. You know, it is because he now he doesn't have to take dope because he listens to one. Hey, hey, you'll be here all week. I told you, I met this kid that told me that he was in a recovery and that you listen to your comedy and stuff really helped him get him through because he was having really dark days. And so to be able to laugh is really helpful. I thought

that was amazing. It is not necessarily funny, but we'll continue on. I got like three more days. I got to fucking read. Well, why don't you just save them for Thursday? Lady, because you know what? Oh, great, great tease. Great that you brought that up. Fucking guess who I'm having as a guest? Who? Joe Rogan. Oh, is he going to bring some elk burgers? Elk meat. Finally, making his first appearance, his first appearance. He'll be on the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. All right, lady in law school. All right, Nene, maybe this is for you. What's up, Billy Butterballs? I'm 27 and a fellow Haka Maka alum. I just moved down to CT from to Connecticut, okay, from Boston for law school.

There's this girl who I hit it off with right away. She's beautiful. And we really click. I found out she had a boyfriend about two weeks into school, about two weeks into school and backed off, but there was little still little subtle hints that she was into me. Fast forward to our school Halloween party mid October. She gets hammered and tells me to man up and make a move. Me being the sober guy that I am denied her advances because she's still in a relationship. The following day she breaks up with a boyfriend and we ended up making out a couple days later. She soberly confesses her feelings for me to which I affirm my own. This is going good, right? This is all quality. Everything was above board. Literally two days later,

she tells me she doesn't want anything romantically and needs to focus on herself. No disrespect to the ladies, but I've been through this shit before. We're a newly single girl flip flops with their feelings. I think everybody flip flops when they're newly single. My question is, what should I do? I feel like an idiot for telling her I feel and then getting rejected. You shouldn't. You shouldn't feel. You know, you were a man. You said how you feel exactly. And you were very respectful of those relationship boundaries. So I don't think you've done anything wrong here. You said, on the one hand, I want to say fuck her, but on the other hand, I want to remain friends. I also literally can't avoid her. If you're ever in New Haven,

check out the owl. It's a solid cigar bar looking forward to all your new material coming out. Thanks and go fuck yourself. I like this guy. Yeah. Here's the deal, dude. It's going to take way too much energy to fucking sit there and try and not to look at her in all of that shit. So just, uh, you know, you said what she's fucking felt about her. She's not in that place in her life. So, you know, that's where she's at. You were both honest. Just leave it at that. When you see it, you say, Hey, how are you? How are you doing? I mean, just keep it at that. How was your weekend? Oh, that's great. And just keep it like that. And, uh, keep it light, but don't get sucked into the cause who knows? Like she might try to suck you into the course she's going to. She feels

lonely this weekend. Of course she's going to let's make out. Oh my God, too much back and forth. Like you, it's a slippery slope. So don't get sucked back into it. So be cool. Don't like ignore her. Don't be weird, but don't let you know how women are going to be. Don't try to be friends with this girl. And the more he fucking stays though, don't try to be friends with her. The more friendly, the more he fucking does that though, the more she's going to fucking want them. That's how it works. If he's just, if he's just like, look, I respected what you said the other day. I feel like you're in a very highly emotional state where you're going to be flip flopping and I have to protect myself. So no, I'm busy. But you know, I definitely want to be friends with you. Well,

let's just, just leave it at that. That will fucking drive her nuts. Of course. And when if she keeps saying no, she'll end up blowing somebody else in that class just to get back at well, that's what I'm saying. Her spiral and her, you know, I probably shouldn't have said that last shit. I'm just fucking, I'm trying to be funny, but no, dude. Okay. You went in, look how, look at her. You got two seconds into knowing that chick. You want to fucking know her for four seconds? You want to keep coming back? I would, I would just stay friendly with her and I would leave it at that. Friendly, but not friends. There's a difference. You don't need to be. That sounds like an Oprah book. Friendly, but not friends. I like that. That's how you get yourself

friend zoned as a, as a male or a female doing that thing. We're like, oh, but we're still friends. No, we're really good friends. And we're actually like really good friends. And it's like, no, someone has feelings and someone doesn't, or someone has feelings and someone's flip-flopping. You can't be friends only with that person because it's uneven. A friendship is when two people have mutual respect for each other and you're on the same wavelength. You can't fully be friends if one is always pining for the other. That shit just doesn't work. So like at this time in her life, she, he can't be friends with her. Friendly, what's up? How you doing? How was your weekend? Great. Boom. Moving on. That's it. He wants to fuck her. That's the problem. Yeah.

Well, let him deal with all of that shit. You know, we just give out information. The one of us are professionals. If you want to listen to it, you can. Not at all. All right. Killing it at warehouse job. Hey, Bill, a while back, you talked about working at your old warehouse job and going in every day and killing it. Well, it inspired me to seek out one of those jobs. And I've been at this job for about a month and a half. Let me tell you, I fucking love it. The physical work is great. Unloading trucks and taking big pallets of products to stock at them in the back room. I fucking love that job, man. I love that job. I've been doing so and the truck drivers are fucking hilarious. There's so many like artists

and shit that work in warehouses. Like there's so many people that played in bands and were just funny. It was fucking great. All the suits in the carpet area. It was terrible. Anyways, he says, I've been doing so well that one of the leaders told me that my boss was bragging about me in a meeting with the corporate headquarters. They even support me in my music and concert photography career as well. I told you, it's always artists out there. He said, I photographed Metallica up close and personal here in Minneapolis in August. I worked my way up to getting 40 hours a week and I'm loving the progress. Now, my question is, when do you think it's an appropriate time to ask for a raise or ask about benefits? I've only been

there a short time, but I think I proved myself valuable to the company and want to move forward as quick as I can. I would like to hear your thoughts. Thank you for the inspiration. Well, it seems to me that you got this other fucking thing that seems like a way better job. If you're taking pictures of Metallica, isn't that the direction you want to go in? I mean, I would use this day job as a way to keep yourself afloat financially until you get your photography business to a level where you can do that full time and not need to worry about anything else. But either way, no matter what you want to do with your life, you don't kill it for a month and then be like, Hey, all right, I did something for you. Can I do something for me?

I was going to say, I mean, not to be cynical, but I'm sure they love you now. But as soon as you ask for more money, I think that's just going to flip on you real quick. Yeah, you got to be there. Careful. They're not your friends. Wait, what it is is, you know, you got to figure out when the review is. Yeah, some places have a six months, some have a year. That's when you ask, you don't dictate your own, like this guy's acting like he was like a fucking one month free agent. Yeah, don't don't mistake their like encouragement for them wanting you to now like, and while we're at it, let's give this kid like 10 more dollars an hour. Like, yeah, but that is going to tell probably be like, maybe we can move this guy up for a position or something like that.

So it's all good that they're saying that stuff. But yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I would definitely positive, but just, I don't know. All right, press bills advice, press feeding in public. Dear, dear Billy Crimson tits. Let me see this. I don't do ask me anything because this is all it's going to be. There are so many Billy, like when you're on the sims and someone wrote, oh, Billy yellow nips is going to be up. Yeah. Let me say congrats. I like it. I think it's funny. Let me say congrats on the past having early season success. I am from the Bay Area and we are hoping the Giants get into the playoffs again to win their fourth even year world series in a row. The Bay, oh, the Giants, the, okay, I see the baseball. Well, this is an old one,

then knocked out of the playoffs. Recently, I was traveling through Columbia with my girlfriend. We were in the airport when we randomly saw a woman breastfeeding her baby just out in the open in one of the terminal waiting areas. What was weird is as she was doing it, she was looking around making eye contact with everyone who was walking by the way a dog looks around a park while it unloads a dump. My initial reaction was saying to my girlfriend, oh man, that's gross. She is breastfeeding. Apparently this opened the floodgates of feminism. My girlfriend responded, why is that gross? That's hypocritical. You men love to see boobs. But when it's for you, when it's for nature's purpose, you complain, I then responded, well, the ass purpose is to shit. And men are turned on by

a nice ass. Are women now going to start taking dumps publicly since that is the butt's primary purpose? That's a great fucking point. No, it isn't. Yeah, it is. She's not the same at all. What are you talking about? Shitting in public cannot be compared to breastfeeding in public. They are not the same thing at all. That's what's called a false equivalency. Yeah, I don't know. It's both, it's both you're, you're excreting something from your body and people don't want to look at it. She responded that there is an obvious difference. Yeah. Since then, my girlfriend has been sending me all these pro-public breastfeeding videos of moms defending the action. I find it amusing how women all defend it and encourage it, but they know how

creepy it is. So most of them won't actually publicly breastfeed with their own kids. I explain to my girlfriend that it isn't the rack sighting that annoys us, obviously, since most of us guys enjoy a nice set. It's more just the public nature of witnessing a baby drink its dinner off its mother's udders. Yeah. He goes, I felt like a chump because I was having trouble explaining why it's not okay to publicly breastfeed. No, it's okay to do it, but like you have the right to look at it and be grossed out. Could use some ammo in this argument and I'm interested in hearing my favorite comedian rant about this subject. I have a feeling you just can't have a difference of opinion. Hey, can you be an adult? Can you be an adult and let me finish reading this? I always

gotta put it like he needs ammo in this thing. Like you just fucking disagree. It's fine. Are you done? Can I use some ammo so I can slap my girlfriend upside the head with some facts, man? Some male facts. Oh yeah, as opposed to what? Female facts? Yeah, we're the ones doing it. Hey. And let me just, I'm just, no, I'm just gonna. Can I just finish the fucking thing? No, I'm gonna say right now. Okay. Just because you have found that there are most women who wouldn't just whip it out and breastfeed in public. And it's the same. A lot of women I know wouldn't feel comfortable doing. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it. I would want to cover myself up. But if a woman is not covered up, I support her right in doing that. So just because we wouldn't do it ourselves personally

doesn't mean that we're not going to want it for other people. Shit happens. That kid's hungry. You don't always have your scar for your cover up or whatever. And this kid is screaming and crying and you're stressed out here. Put a tit in its mouth and so it'll be quiet and be fed and move on. It's not that big of a deal. You can avert your eyes and keep it moving. What is the problem? No, I'm just saying it's fucking, it's weird to look at. It is a little off-putting to be like, oh shit, she's breastfeeding. But like, move on, get over it. It's literally a second of your life. Well, that's what the listen, listen, that's what he did. He doesn't need ammo. So then why is he writing? Hey, hey, take your voice down. Yeah, take your voice down.

Don't act like me in order to come back to his girlfriend with, you know, these, what these pearls of wisdom because no, because he's young and he thinks he's actually going to change your fucking mind. Like, cause he should have just said, Hey, fair enough, agree to disagree. Look, all he did was he fucking looked at it and he had the natural for his natural fucking reaction, which of course feminists are going to say, no man, that's not the natural reaction that was put into you by the fucking males that run society and all that fucking shit. Like this shit that guys do in public, I am sure that is totally fucking legal. That is disgusting. Like when you adjust in your balls, do men even realize when they're doing it? Like sometimes they're just having a

conversation with you and they just like tug on their balls. Some men know more than others. Some don't. Some, you know, more than others. But like here's my thing, you know, if they're going to sit there and talk about man spreading, like the way we sit on trains, but you can fucking whip your titty out and we're supposed to be like, Hey, you know, blah, blah, we can't have a comment on that. You guys are just so fucking. And when I say you guys, I mean feminists, like you guys are just so fucking like looking at shit, just one fucking way that it's, it's, I don't know, like it gets you doing that classic fucking thing where it starts off, it's a good cause. And then by the end of it, you come out the other side. You're not a hundred percent what the fuck you were fighting,

but you have all like a lot of the same elements of shouting people down, not wanting to hear the rest of the fucking guys stuff, you know, you want to be listened to, but this guy here is just being honest to how he feels. And it makes you feel a certain type of way over the fuck you say it. And then you fucking shout it down and all right, fair enough. Yeah, there you go. Fair enough. And you're right. I did shout it down and I did like cut it off because I was annoyed by it. But I think what it is is that there is just this, this feeling of such like, I don't know. I feel like the reaction is disproportionate to what they are reacting to. I feel like a child, you know, being fed from its mother, which is a very natural thing and the

reaction that, that some men have to it is so disproportionate. It's like, it's ridiculous. What is the reaction to the point? What to the reaction is that he's comparing it to shitting in public. That to me is disproportionate to a child feeding off its mother. Really? You think it's like shitting in public, sir? Really? No, he doesn't think that was a clever fucking comeback to what she said. It's not that clever. It's fucking hilarious. It's dumb. That just means you don't have a good comeback for come on. You guys play, you know what? I'll tell you, not to like a fucking feminist to come along and take the, suck the laughter out of the room. He was the one asking for ammo about how to deal with this fact that like, I, listen,

his, yeah, his girlfriend probably when she, Jesus Christ, we did another hour since I turned this fucking thing on. This is like a fucking two hour podcast. This is like the longest one ever. Oh no, that's not good. That's too long, right? People don't want it to be that long. Yeah, it's probably too long. Anyways, yeah, the end of the day. Okay. You know, people have a right to fucking react. They certainly do. They do. Like they look at something. They're like, okay, the same fucking, like you're not allowed, you know, with, with all of that type of shit that falls on the other side of the fence, you're not allowed to have your natural reaction to it. It's automatically considered that there's something fucking wrong

with you and something like that. Dude, there's a lot of fucking like, here's another thing too, like there's also, there's also like, but there's also like teenage kids walking around and all of that type of shit. And you're whipping your fucking titty up. You can't walk around topless. It's considered indecent exposure in this fucking country. Okay. There's kids walking around, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're pulling out a fucking titty. And then you take a little mini me at you and you stick it on the end of it. I mean, yeah, there's something like very alien about it, but I'm not guys. It's just weird. I know, but the thing is, and we have a right to feel that way. I'm not saying we're right in what we're thinking shit on Bourbon street during

Mardi Gras. And that's not as natural as it is to feed a child. Not to me. What do you mean? No, he says shit. Nobody says shit on Bourbon street and Mardi Gras when girls are flashing their tits for some like two cent plastic beads made in China. Then it's all good. Then it's like shots for everybody. No, but that's what it's like. Someone's feeding their child. That's not legal. Damn airport. It's not legal, but you don't see men being like, can you believe the way she just like, they're, they're into it, but a woman is feeding her child at the airport. And all of a sudden it's like shitting in public. No, because all because I can't even fucking give I got such a great example, but I can't fucking say it. Why not?

Yeah, you're looking at the breast and when they're just shaking their tits or whatever, it's like, yeah, okay. And then all of a sudden there's a baby eating off of it. It's like, whoa, what the fuck to people who don't have babies. It's weird. It freaks you out. Like, oh yeah, that's right. They also do that. And it's also kind of fucking weird. You just sitting there eating a sandwich and then you look down the thing. I know Nia, I know the whole fucking world needs to just be like, Oh, okay, fuck all our feelings. Like that's, that's how this, this feminist shit is going where it's just your guy's side is 100% right. The way you see shit is 100% right. And a lot of times most of the shit you bitching about guys had wrong and I agree with it, but,

but this whole fucking thing that men cannot have fucking opinions, you guys can tell us how to sit down on a fucking subway, but we can't have a fucking reaction to, I don't give a fuck if a woman breastfeeds. I don't, but like when I see some guy who has a reaction to it and then he gets yelled at, like he wants women not to be able to vote anymore. I just think it's a bit of a fucking overreaction. I just think that it's interesting that there are certain men who are more comfortable with seeing breasts sexualized than they are for what they are. It's not saying sexualized like they're being exploited. They are more, they are more accepting of seeing a woman's breasts being used in a sexual manner than they are for like the purpose of what breasts are for, which is like

basically to feed children. That's not all they're for. Because otherwise they're just like fat, like fat deposit. No, that's not all they're for. What do you mean that's not all they're for? That's for the survival of mankind in that nice Iraq attracted a fucking male and he comes over and he bangs you and then when you guys die, there's still other people. There's also that. So in other words for like procreation. Listen, there's, there's no way to win this fucking argument because women want to be attractive. You want attention, but you want it when you want it, you want it how you want it. And guys have to know exactly when that is or and when it isn't. And if they don't, if they don't fucking guess right, it's like the end of a Tom

Cruz movie when he's trying to clip which fucking wire one's going to blow it up. The other isn't. And if you don't 100% know when that fucking thing is, then you are like, I don't know what you're the worst fucking person on the planet. So what are you saying? Just shut up and take it? However you get it? No, that's not what I'm saying. Why do you have to go to that level of extreme? And your, your Tom Cruz analogy, like the red wire or the blue wire is not extreme. No, I'm saying it's just like no matter what the fuck we do, we're wrong. It's like you want to fucking put on a fucking pushup bra and have your tits and everybody's fucking face. So, wow, ladies, we're not paying for drinks tonight, right? Your fucking little skirt barely covering your

fucking hoo-ha. Okay. And then all of a sudden in a blink of a fucking eye is what the fuck are you looking at? I'm talking about that shit. And you know that shit. You know what I'm saying. I know what you're saying, but I don't know what that has to do with breastfeeding and any of that kind of stuff. Because that's not what we're talking about. Well, you let it into the whole thing. Like, you know, you, you, you look at like sexualized breasts, we're all, it always comes steering around. Well, because that is more acceptable than a child being fed off of like the breasts. And I don't understand why that is, why that's more comfortable. Because you're not a man to be like, you're not a man. Well, then fine, maybe that's what it is. But like, you,

that's something that I feel like people need to get over. I would not breastfeed in public without being covered. But if a woman needs to do it, I get it. And it shouldn't, I think people can just think what they think. I think people can just think what they think. Okay. I don't feel that the way I look at shit, the way that they think and progress a little bit. That's how we get to find a little bit more understanding between the sexes. So we don't have, yeah, but you know how that works every year. It's like, you know, that works argument. Like we're not getting anywhere. I don't understand. All right, but you know how because you know how that works, that progressing thing works. The only way there's progression in it is if men see the world the way women want them to

see the world. That that is the so called progression between the sexes right now. That's what's fucking annoying. Because all of my shit is just considered ignorant and not valid. And I'm a cave man and all of your shit is applause break talk show shit 100%. And women can literally do exactly to men what the fuck they don't want done to them in different ways. And it's just, and it always, if a guy gets completely fucked over by a woman, what do they say? Well, he picked her, shouldn't have married her. You know what I mean? You guys aren't necessarily held accountable for your actions. When you pick a bad dude, if you pick a bad guy, and he's a fucking piece of shit, then it's, you know, not only not your fault, it's the guy's fault and it's all men's, then all men

have to sit down and listen to a fucking lecture or read a sign on a fucking subway, like we're all walking around dragging women down the street by the fucking hair. But there's no signs on the subway or anywhere else about the fucked up behavior that a lot of women display with men. Okay. So that I can accept that. Okay. So that's all I'm saying. So this is another fucking thing where it's like your guys reaction literally to how men sit on the fucking subway is 100% validated. I can't be like, listen, I got balls. I don't want to smash in between my thighs, fucking get over it. I don't, I don't have that option. You can be like, well, fuck you, I got to breastfeed my kid, get over it. The way you look at it is fucked up. But

our whole shit is we have to be like, Oh, really? Is this, is this, is this issue 9,863 of this fucking month that bother you like you guys are these faultless fucking human beings? Like I said, yeah, most of that feminist shit, I fucking agree with it. But like, it's just every fucking day now, every day now, there's some new fucking thing. It's a fucking lecture. It's seeped into the comedy clubs, everything is just so fucking precious. Now, it's stupid. Well, I know political correctness is like, across the board is like can be I'm gonna edit out like nine hours of the shit, the enemy of like creativity and stuff like that. I definitely agree with that. It's childish. But I just feel like when it comes, I just the political correctness is is is yet another thing.

It's heart was in the right place, but it solves absolutely nothing. No, I understand that. But all you did was you get you gave truly horrible people a roadmap of words where they can navigate from one side of the river to the other and still have their fucking job. But what's in their heart is still in their fucking heart. But they can say Native American, African American, whatever you whatever the fuck you're supposed to say, post post person milk person. It's just fucking annoying to be like, hey, give me some ammo so I can tell my girlfriend why women shouldn't breastfeed in public. Like that just sounds like some ignorant shit to me. It sounds to me like he's losing the argument and she's probably affecting the mood of the fucking.

He's too dumb to just let it go because he's young. That's what he's doing. And I imagine right now that she's probably using sex as the lack of sex or whatever to now punish him. And now he's walking around like a fucking little puppy that gets slapped on the snout with a fucking newspaper. Like a lot of guys in relationships, people that are just modest about that kind of stuff. I had a friend over not too long ago and she brought her six month old with her and she had to breastfeed him. And when he was off the thing, you know, when he would drink some and then he'd be sort of like looking around, she was like covering her boob. And it was just her and I in there. And there was a part of me that wanted to be like, you don't have to like cover your breasts in front of me.

But that was a natural reaction. I'm not arguing his thing. I don't give a shit if women breastfeed in public. Yeah, I don't give a shit. I'm just saying that there are women who are and I'm sure the reason why she was looking around like, you know, a dog taking a shit is because she's thinking, Oh God, who's going to judge me? Who's going to judge me when she should in an ideal, perfect world, just be there with her baby. What if she gets off on it beating and then just why is she is saying this? See how you just said that? Oh my God, oh my God, you're going to judge me. She lives in Colombia. She lives in Colombia. Who knows what the culture is down there, what the opinion is. I don't know shit about Colombia. Do you know?

Yeah, would you watch Narcos and all of a sudden you know what these fucking people are thinking? No, I would never try to speak for Colombia. I have no fucking idea what they think. They might, it just might not be that might be totally fucking normal and she was just people watching or she might have been a freak and she was trying to see if anybody, you know, she's a little exhibitionist. Who knows what the fuck she was thinking. She was probably like, oh Jesus Christ for people looking at me like I'm crazy because I'm breastfeeding without a cover. She's probably really like having some sort of anxiety about it, I bet. It's probably socially acceptable. That's what I would guess. So she's just fucking looking around.

She's just looking around like normal. Yeah, we got to end this fucking thing. This is like two podcasts. All right, sorry guys. I know this was really long, but we hadn't seen each other for a while. We like to talk. All right, go fuck yourselves. I'll see you on Thursday. Working with the OVAM.