Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-25-21

Episode Date: October 25, 2021

Bill rambles about California rain, high profile gangsters, and Pope Pius XII. Limited Edition Halloween Edition Merch ➡ https://silkshopstores.com/anythingbettermerch/shop/home

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday October 25th 2021 what's going on? How are you? How's life in your world? How is it going with you? It's gonna be fucking raining like a motherfucker out here in Los Angeles all day long it never Never rains in California During this time of year, but there's plastic bottles in the ocean. Yeah, we're having weird weather

weird weather I was at the gym the other day beefcake And You know, I they got the weather on right they usually have the news on not saying that weather isn't news Okay, I'm not trying to make it seem like people are more important than mother nature Isn't that typical? What is it cuz mother nature is a woman? This fucking weatherman is basically describing the end of the world Big smile on his face. He's like well with climate change We're gonna have what's known now is a whiplash weather

The droughts are gonna be more severe like the rainstorms are gonna be more punishing And the ladies just like okay. All right great, you know the fucking lady at the desk like everything was fucking cool And no point disease like hey, you know, maybe you don't need fucking 50 flat screens in your house You know, maybe you should stop post-mating shit and you know So you can get your fucking burger and it comes in a plastic container and then you throw it out You just had a fucking burger and then the plastic container is gonna be in the ocean for fucking 800 a thousand years Nope can't do that. We don't want to upset our listeners So I don't know there's a few things I heard there's like some fucking

Grocery place out here That will bring your you your food and everything and it's all in like I don't know Glass containers and then you return it like the old-school days I want to say most of those companies that are doing that are younger people Thank God, you know, because they know that they're gonna have to try to fucking live a full life here and You know older people don't give a fuck I've been using plastic my whole life. Why does he have to be southern bill? All right, dude I've been using fucking plastic my whole life. Listen how fucking raspy my goddamn voice is

I Smoked a cigar last night and I Feel right back to being run down this fucking cold I can't shake cuz my kids keep giving it to each other and you know what I realized I'm gonna after this fucking podcast. I'm grabbing all my cigars Sticking them in a bag and I'm throwing them in the fucking trash. I'm done with them Bill say it ain't so it is so I'm done with them. I'm not having them around my fucking house You know, like I'm fucking WC fields or some shit, right from here on out if I want to fucking cigar

I have to go out and go get one go down to a goddamn cigar bar But I am not having these fucking things laying around like cheez-its, you know Oreo cookies or some shit that I'm just gonna fucking devour I mean I gone like nine days, this is the weirdest cold ever nine fucking days and One I only had a nub. I just had a little nub Not hurting anybody Fucking cigar the size of your thumb Then I was wired I couldn't fucking go to sleep

Fucking playing some stupid game on my phone till like 2 30 in the morning and now this whole day. I'm not gonna be worth a shit I mean listen to this podcast. It's fucking terrible. No Um No, I'm done. I'm done with these fucking things in my house. That's it I have to do it now when I'm fucking done as opposed. Oh, look at that. They're so beautiful I know somebody's going like why why why why are you gonna throw them out Bill? Why don't you give them to one of your friends? You know why cuz there's a million fucking cigars. That's why all right? There's a million fucking cigars

You know and why would I give them to somebody else so they can fucking go through what the hell I'm going through I I'm all in your goddamn house and shit Anyway Let's talk NFL football Fucking Jets man Jesus Christ They got the living shit kicked out of them by the New England Patriots Winning 54 to 13 somebody explain to me

When the Jets are ever not gonna be the Jets those poor goddamn fans. I Mean, I don't even know I They're thinking okay Tom Brady's gone We got a shot here Mac Jones. He's he's a rookie we can we can fucking you know You can make this guy nervous right Passing. Let's see. We got the let's see what let's see what Mac Jones did yesterday. I'll be honest with you I saw about two seconds of this game

307 yards 24 for 36 370 yards Two touchdowns They even put the backup in in the end I think went three for four for 79 yards. He almost got to triple digits Spread the ball around nice Not one 100 yard receive. Look at that. He's fucking spreading it all over the goddamn field Tremendous How about

Bentley That guy's looking like a fucking all-pro. I don't know how the hell somebody let him go. I think we picked him up as a free agent Guys all over the goddamn field every time I've been watching Bill Why didn't you watch yesterday because I have to do a whole rewrite of a script by Thursday? 120 pages you got to get it down to about 90 still have the story makes sense. So I've been fucking busting my ass on that Which is literally what I'll be doing After after the podcast today, let's just go right into that shit, but then it'll be done on Thursday

You know the clouds part a little bit, you know, I did last night because of this fucking rain, right? So as they say it never Reigns in California. Well, what happens is When it does rain because the soil is so dry, that's why we get like these mudslides and shit and You know, they've they fucking block up your drain pipes and all that shit So yesterday as the Sun was going down. I heard about this fucking epic storm that's supposed to be coming I was like, oh fuck So I was up there cleaning out the gutters

Digging up all like trying to figure out each each yeah I swear to God each little drain thing had a different cap and I had to figure out how to get the thing off You know only broke one of them So it's cleaning the things out, right I Got two screwdrivers a couple of spoons and a big fucking ladle looking thing From the kitchen hoping my wife doesn't come out like you're using the stuff we eat with Yeah, sorry Sorry, I don't have the fucking

Equipment I need you know, I had to go I had to go with one of these plastic Where those those spoons that got the holes in them. I want the plastic one It didn't fit down any of the drain so that was all right, but I gotta tell you something We're just living out here the reptilian fucking Presence It's pretty scary to stick your hand down one of those things and I'm just thinking no spiders no spiders no spiders I pull it out. I see this spider go running by, you know those little bastards too, man They'll give you a fucking wealth. They'll climb right up on you while you're sleeping the next day

You don't know what you got you go. Why what is a? What is it looks when we put a fucking cigar out of my arm? It's a spider crawling up on you, so It's kind of unsettling. I'm not gonna lie to you like I was doing it at night, you know, and I could barely see Because I'm an idiot do it yourself dad. So I hope I did it enough. I Mean the drain out in the front of our house Literally had like little fucking Flowers starting to come out of it And I was just like why do I always wait?

Until the storm to look at these fucking things so We'll see what happens Marty picture my wife later on today bill Bill the water's coming up. Oh Yeah, you can't push up room You can't make it go down the driveway Um It's one of those dams a little in distress moments when the water is coming up. Yeah, so last night

I'm sitting out on my porch and have just a little time the tiniest little fucking cigar The size of my intellect right and I'm just sitting out there and I noticed when I went by my my trash barrel That there was These weird paw prints You know on the You know near like the trash barrel, and I'm sitting there going those don't look like like cat paw prints What are those things like I think that's a fucking raccoon

You know and I'm thinking like those things come down I Gotta get simply safe Because I want to I want to I want to do a reality show or the varmints That come down near my trash can we got opossums opo Jesus we got possums We got Raccoons I got coyotes. That's a canine. It's not a varmint And then you know, there's a couple of mountain lions out here one or two in Los Angeles you thinking like all right. Well, I'm not up in the hills

I'm not gonna see these fucking thing, but then like I saw this YouTube video or somebody like the thing Well, they were on the second floor and this thing was walking across From balcony to balcony like right on the edge where you would look over like a friggin house cat so Last night I'm sitting out there smoking my cigar like an idiot like an idiot step you idiot And all of a sudden I see the shadow of the biggest fucking cat I've ever seen in my life and I go Oh my god, that's it It's the fucking mountain lion and then I look down and it's some fucking house cat that just walked in front of this light And it threw a big shadow on the wall

Every time I go out to my garage at night I think about that mountain lion every fucking time So anyway Yeah So I'm sitting there and oh my god, it's just a house cat. It's just a house cat cat, right? And I'm sitting there smoking my cigar and Lee Nia was out there, right? and We were just fucking talking right checking in with each other Because that's like something that can happen, you know, I noticed once you get married and you have like two kids

Like if you don't check in with each other after ten days, it's you're gonna become like strangers It gets fucking It can get scary really quickly. Look, I really see how people How it all falls apart It's so fucking it can happen so fast and then I got that thing like if I'm not connecting with somebody I just go I'm you know remember Revis Island speaking of the Jets. I go to Billy Island, right violent bill violent I just go out of my little fucking thing my little loner I'm out here by myself. Nobody can hurt me all the fucking shit

I did before I became a comedian I go right out into that fucking thing and I just become like a like a self-sustained unit And then I start passing my wife in the halls like I'm like a fucking Ikea or something So like what are we doing what do we have we got to have fucking lunch every week That's what you got to do reconnect, you know, we got to get it going so We ended up hanging out laughing having a great time and I was like, ah, it's good. We're connecting again Fucking lover. This is awesome. And then all of a sudden we just hear this thing growling

Like a little fucking roar not a big one but enough to make the fucking if you had hair on your head Which I don't stand up make the stubble Stand up right next time. I'm gonna I wish I recorded that fucking growl Next time I shaved my head. I would play it I Get the closest shave ever and I think it was a fucking raccoon and I wasn't sure if it was upset that we were out there Because it was fucking with its ability to come down

And check out, you know, if we threw out anything yummy in the trash or if it was, you know Dealing with its territory It saw something else. I have no idea what it was You know, I don't think a possums make that. Let me let me let me fucking look this shit up I gotta find out what that was Fucking Billy raccoon hunter here raccoon growl Jesus Christ, I can't even spell growl

G-r-o-w-l Raccoon growl Stabs and growls rack tutorial what? Jesus Christ, I didn't even spell raccoon the fuck, you know You got when you put your fingers on the keyboard, you got to make sure it's the right sound. All right, let's listen listen to this shit here All right That's what the fuck it was Yeah, that's what it was. I'm just sitting there smoking a cigar talking to my wife and all of a sudden we hear this

That's it I got an I got a little fucking growl, you know, which I know probably doesn't sound like much to you as you're sitting there You know with your suit on and no pants waiting to start your fucking Zoom meeting or whatever the hell you're doing. Yeah, that's what I heard in the trees, you know and My wife was like, all right, I'm going inside It was a deaf jam bit the black person was like, hey, I'm getting the fuck out of here and I was the white guy going That's up in the trees. It'll be fine Hey, Nick, give me a piece of bread. I want to try and feed it and I'm not that dumb. I really don't I don't

All freckles does not fuck with nature Okay, it's not something That I'm into All right, I know all of these goddamn things squirrels or anything man if they jumped on me the damage that they could do How quick they are? Okay How quick those fucking things are the amount of my ear that could be gone by the time I even my brain was like Bring hand up to knock whatever that is off shoulder

Yeah, I don't fuck with that stuff at all so Any who Yeah, so this guy was just sitting there just describing You know I'm on at the gym, you know, because I'm fucking dropping two pounds a week That's my deal until the end of the year then I'm gonna be in shape And I know I've been saying this for a year, but now I have the time to do it. So that's what's gonna happen It's not a question. I'm only trying to do two pounds a week What I usually do is I try to do three pounds a week and then what ends up doing it gets me dehydrated

I'm fucking doing all this fucking elliptical, you know, and I get burned out and I got to go on the road I'm like I've been good Do they have a late-night menu, right? Can I get the steak and cheese and the fucking banana split, please? I've been good You know and in one meal I Negate all the fucking cardio I did that week and then I come home and I'm like why are my button downs? You know making me feel like I'm in a relationship. I have to get out of

You know like, you know, you're coming on too strong. This is suffocating. Okay. That's just I'm not saying I don't like you but It's kind of just stopping there. Oh God where were those lines when I was in my 20s, you know what I mean? We could just fucking make it quick and easy. That's a great line Listen, it's not that I don't like you. I like you. Okay. It's just not progressing past that Well, what if I learned to juggle or what if I started like cooking if I added some skills to my resume? Ma'am what if you went out and found the person

That's gonna love you for who you are Bottom lip is quivering You know, I'm sorry, it's not me. I wish it was but it just isn't and You know, I Want to find that and I want you to find that Okay So that's it see that's the heart the last line is always hard and I'm out, you know, you got to have that smooth That

Smooth transition and you just don't do speaking of smooth Fucking transitions wait, I got to finish this weather thing All right, I Got to finish this fucking weather thing. So All I was thinking when I was watching that when I was watching that weather Aside from the obvious what kind of world of my kids gonna be having with whiplash weather and how much not crazier is this gonna get I Was just thinking like You know, what is that gonna do to aviation?

You know when this weather really starts getting fucking crazy super fucking hot Super windy and all of that shit, you know, it gets too hot. You can't fly the air molecules there. They're all fucking spread out right, you can't get lift and Severe turbulence and all of that will these are these planes designed to handle whiplash weather Which is what they're gonna call it and then everybody's gonna say it enough times Just like climate change and like, you know, they say it well, you know with climate change It was literally something that fucking they were saying wasn't happening people were denying it

And now these fucking cunts are just now saying it on the news Like it's no fucking big deal like we don't all need to make a fucking hard left or right here before we hit the brick wall So anyway, I'm sitting there Thinking about this and it's just like this is really gonna affect travel that is what I do for a living What will that mean to me and I was just like Thank God, I'm a frugal son of a bitch because I have my biggest tour of My career next year and I told my wife. It's like I'm buying one pair of pants in two shirts. Oh Billy Bank in it You know, whatever they let me fucking keep out here in California

You know But you know, I'm not moving to fucking Montana or Wyoming, I'm not doing that shit I'm not going to they don't want me there and I don't want to be there. I respect that but they don't want me out there You know what I mean? They don't need no East Coast guy coming out there with his entire racial family. I'm not doing that. I'm staying out here So I'm fucking just gonna bank as much of that shit as I can bank and Yeah, that's it that's fucking it And and as I said that I

Got a friend of mine who builds cars specifically trucks and I've been toying with this idea, you know of getting myself a An F-250 high boy, you know with a displaced transfer case like one of the real ones And he goes, you know, why don't you just make let me build you one? I'm making these fucking Brand-new F-100 dude, you should have seen these fucking trucks The suspension it was called a coil over it doesn't have leaf springs, it's just these giant springs like you'd have Like a motorcycle or a dirt bike. He said it rides like a fucking Cadillac and the whole thing

Looks like an old truck and then all of a sudden like brand-new technology like you put it in reverse I can't even I don't want to give away all this guy's secrets. It's fucking amazing and I was looking at these trucks and they're like I can't even tell you how much money these fucking things are and All I was thinking is I Want one of those fuck whiplash weather fuck the fact that I already have a car in an old truck You know fuck that my carbon footprint is the size of my head That truck

Would make me so fucking up with that truck fill the void With that truck be the one That finally makes me I Don't know end the search whatever the fuck I'm in searching for And we all know the answer Yes In

The moment yes without a fucking doubt. Oh My god, I Gotta tell you some of the fucking work that these guys that build cars the men and women out there that have built in fucking cars, right? It's just it's fucking unbelievable every time you just sit there going like you know what I think I've seen Every fucking car that I like I started following something last night Well, this guy just basically has you know people would call pimp rides But you know I grew up in like the suburbs. So it was I those pimp rides were company cars You know minus all the flair that the pimps would put on them

You know before they realized you know That you know before gangsters realized that basically If you drive something flashy you attract the attention of the police the next thing, you know, they start Bugging your phone you go to jail for tax evasion You know that was funny one time I was doing stand-up and I heard it's really funny comedian and Which you mentioned he or she I can't remember was talking about Al Capone and And I was just thinking about how that guy that guy's reputation is one of the great gangsters of all time

He's one of the most famous ones But like if you really read up on that guy all the other mob guys were looking at the guy like this guy's an idiot You know He's in the papers He's courting the media and he's walking around in a canary yellow suit like this guy's days are numbered He was sort of like the first, you know Teflon dawn It's kind of funny when there's like a mafia guy that also wants to be on like the OC, right? Like I really feel like Mafia dawns were sort of the first like, you know reality TV, you know show stars

where You can't say they were famous for being famous Or whatever they were, you know, they were the ones, you know, if you look at reality TV so much of it It's just basically people fighting with each other and if you look at the mob like that's basically what they were doing It was like the real housewives You know meets I Don't know the saint the Valentine's Day massacre or some shit

Yeah, and I just feel like it's it's amazing that like that guy got all of like this credit And there was all of these other people that were around during that time You know a Handful of them I should say that evidently kept their profile so low people never even knew what they were doing I mean dude, that is when you have you to quote the Seinfeld show You are master of your domain that you can literally be running this criminal enterprise Okay, and you're living next door to a banker who is also running a criminal enterprise, but his is on the legal side of stealing So he gets to drive down the street wearing a top hat with the Cruella de Vil fucking long

Thing with this with the cigarette right and just driving down the fucking street In one of those, you know the ultimate I'm better than you limousine where the rich person is covered in The chauffeur has a windshield, but no roof over him So he has to be out in the elements getting a sunburn or get rained on or whatever They had him in some sort of thing that you could put over the fucking driver And then the gangster next door had to just sit there Knowing that he was he had more money in the walls than this fucking asshole had stuffed in his fucking bank account And just buy a more modest car probably not even live near the banker

And the smartest ones From the beginning were trying to go legit am I gonna sneeze God damn it. Why did I smoke a cigar last night? So The smartest ones Yeah, they weren't trying to get further into You know Breaking the law and that shit they were trying to gradually go legit

And I heard like rumors that there's a couple is like one major bank And I'm gonna go scorsese here and I'm gonna change the name and not it You know like when he says when you watch casino, he's always going our friends in Kansas City Because he didn't want to get in trouble with the mob in a certain major city That maybe doesn't get to respect it deserves all the time Yeah, this major bank evidently is was started by the mob Because they were like why the fuck are we over here, you know loan sharking and when people don't pay us We got to go out and break their legs and do all of this shit and worry that they're gonna go to the cops

Why don't we get on the legal side of loan sharking and just become a legitimate bank And then if somebody defaults our enforcers are now the police and they can come over there and kick everybody out And put their fucking couch on the sidewalk And we'll get some other suckers in there, right? And that's the way it was 2021 So Anyway

But I haven't said all of that Like Yeah, so they had these things these company cars basically is this Instagram account that I started following. I mean the picture was a 1977 Lincoln Continental Okay, now who the fuck is paying attention to that car? All right, but I remember when I was a kid I remember those cars and I remember when I saw somebody

driving a Lincoln Continental or a Cadillac that meant one thing you were rich Your wife stayed at home The meal was being taken out of the oven as you pulled into the driveway Your children were afraid of you You were probably banging your secretary. I mean it was status I remember when I was a real Really little kid the guy across the street always had a company car and every year or two he'd get a new Lincoln Continental

And I remember in the early 70s. That's how old I am. I remember when he pulled in and He put the brakes on when he got to the top of his driveway It's parks and spotty at a green Continental and It had like, you know, the brake lights and then it had extra brake lights up near right underneath the lower windshield Lord the lower part of the rear The fuck the rear window Jesus Christ, I'm gonna sit the rear windshield the rear window and I remember just thinking like wow My dad has two brake lights that guy has four brake lights Everybody in this neighborhood has two brake lights, but that guy has four

That guy is the most successful man in the world I mean Jesus, where are those perks is that those perks exist anymore That you get a company car actually what am I talking about the gap between you know They pretty much destroyed the fucking middle class. You probably get your own goddamn yacht Anyway, I want to thank everyone that came out to the terrace theater this weekend That place will always be You know, that's Richard Pryor's place man, that is his stage and I gotta tell you the first night I went out there like I really thought about that special a lot

I was having a great time and I just couldn't believe that I was walking That same place and if you ever see that that special I brought this up in the last podcast I was Always forget who the fuck open for him Wasn't glad this night. It was somebody else be able to gee I forget but They had done a set and they got off stage And he just wanted to go out and they're like now people aren't there seats yet

He goes no man. I got to go now. I got to go now and you watch being that's his special He just walks out on stage And when he takes the mic out of the mic stand the spotlight isn't even on yet And he just picks it out. He's like, hello. How you doing? He's just waving to people. What's going on? And then the spotlight comes on and people are taking their seats And he's just fucking with the crowd like he's hosting his own show like special or something like that But I want to thank everyone that came out and I had such a good time a Lot of friends came out and hung out afterwards man. It was great

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That's 25 off anything you order when you get better hydration today using promo code burr at liquid iv.com There you go Conspiracy theorists are going to be all over that one, huh? I don't know about that man. We ain't taking the vaccine and now they got this liquid iv hit fucking walmart Seems like they're trying to inoculate the rest of us Um response to last week's who wants Hot uh those of the girl who wants a hot boyfriend. Oh, here we go Here we go. Billy nutsack brains

You had a lady listener write in about being a six or something Around that and wanting to be with a guy That's a 10 being a lady listener and rate my looks as a four Hey, welcome to my world while my younger hotter husband is a nine. I felt the need to write in Girl, it's no different for us as it is for men who date hotter partners. It's easier It's either you are a sugar mama or got confidence through the roof Guys are not going to run after you like they do the nines or tens But if you play the long game like the funny ugly guys do

You will bag a 10 Uh, what do I mean by this? Don't act so thirsty for attention when you are out with your much hotter looking girlfriends Be the comic relief and not in a self deprecating way. Do it in a i'm smarter and wiser than everyone Look at this Yeah, like I'd make a great mother. These whores will fucking blow you In the parking lot. That's all they're good for why they whores because they're better looking because you're jealous bill Okay, maybe guys are just as attracted to confidence as women are

It just doesn't happen right away because they are slow and take a while to see it You know, just when I thought you were going to compliment men um No, it's because we're we're fucking visually We're wired that way All right, and uh, yeah, we get taken to the cleaners because of that Lastly get your own damn interests and focus on you as women We get told all kinds of fucked up shit like you'll never get a husband acting like that exactly

Or this will make men like Like you if you stay skinny or dressed this way or whatever Fuck everyone And do you and you will get your 10 Right there exactly This is what i'm waiting for every fucking feminist out there to do to stop fucking blaming guys Like that's all empowering shit That's like I that's what you just said for women out there is what I fucking tell young comics

Stop trying to write your fucking acts so the industry notices you go out and do what the fuck you want to do Go find your audience and let these cunts come to you This is i'm reading this shit. You're talking to women and i'm feeling uplifting I'm gonna go smoke a cigar. No if all that fails make a shit ton of money and men will want to be your trophy husband Yeah, you don't want that go fuck yourself chubby chubby girl with a hot younger husband Well, there you go. All right Oh jesus speaking of cigar smoking Cigar smoking to pipe smoking. I got to go back to what this woman just wrote. I'm telling you

All right men and women can learn a lot from what she just said there That is the secret to success All right Stop fucking thinking about what other you go out and do what the fuck you want to do like you're not hurting anybody Do what the fuck you want to do Believe in yourself All right, and stop walking around trying to find another fucking parent You know looking for everybody's goddamn approval. Just fucking relax

Figure it out Baby steps each day And next thing you know, you're up the fucking mountain. All right cigar smoking to pipe smoking Dear b for bandetta I don't know what that means. I'm a new listener. I know v for bandetta. I am listening I'm a new listener within the last two years. I am a south jersey guy A had a fuck you do it and most of my knowledge of you was your 2006 reprimand of the local Philly crowd was that that long ago 15 years ago? I've really come to enjoy your podcast

Yeah, it'll grow on you if you keep listening I have a five-year-old son and being an older parent can relate to a lot of the same things I lean conservative, but I appreciate rational thought rather than party politics myself included Something that americans seem to have moved away from lately I tend to lean left But like yeah, if something makes sense to me, I don't give a shit what color the tie is that's telling it to me So, um What is he says I'm an occasional cigar smoker, but really love

Briar pipes and tobacco Aside from looking like an old man. It's a great way to sit back and relax and force yourself to slow down Yeah, I know But then you have a never ending cold Uh, I'm not sure if you're ever if you ever considered pipe smoking. I tried it. I can't keep it going There's an art to it that I couldn't figure out and then I was like do I really want to figure this out um, because both my grandfather's smoked pipes And uh, it was funny. They would just bust that thing out

You know, we'd be walking around fanuel hall when they were in town My grandmother would go in, you know, with my mom or something to go look at clothes or something And he would just stand outside, you know, find a bench Just pop a little tobacco in he would just sit there huffing on it was great smelled amazing too There are hundreds of tobacco blends both aromatic and non Uh, lots of taste to explore

Collecting the different styles of pipes is a lot of fun as well But again, socially society ranks tobacco smoking just below apartheid in terms of defensiveness All the best to you Yeah, I um Yeah, it looks cool as hell to me and shit like that, but like I just have to stop I'm not going to throw my cigars out. I'm just going to bring them down to the comedy store And get a bunch of other people hooked on them. That's a stupid thing. I should just throw them up I don't know, but I'm getting rid of them. That's it. I'm done done. Fuck you

See you later. All right hitlers pope And saratoga Dear billy the brick long-time listener first time writing in Was at the garden show the real one Uh, plus mgm in dc Um, I don't know what the real one means Uh, the td bank north garden. I mean that's I mean the boston garden was the real garden

That's where the most championships were won All right, don't get it fucking confused. There was 21 championships won there 16 nba titles and five Stanley cups Okay, I don't know what happened in in your garden if you're trying to talk sports You know, or you're trying to talk about respect. It's just like it's just location It's in manhattan and everybody wants to fucking live there I guess that that's what it is because it's certainly not because of the success of those two sarias franchises that are okay Going to the show in saratoga springs this august couldn't believe it when I saw That place on your tour. Yes, sir

If you've never been it's a beautiful place a true oasis for Deegan horse racing fans like me de gen I don't know what that means. Uh, you wait. Well, let's look it up. Let's see if that's a spelling error Well, that's okay deegan Horse racing that's not coming up at all Inside nature's giants race horses I see just a big rack of ribs. What's that a fucking glue factory? All right. I don't know what you were trying to say there

You're going at the peak of racing season two fun time with a bunch of bars in history And if you have time to go to the races, it's a great experience filled with beautiful ladies beautiful women It's uh, the one horse track where you don't feel like a complete degenerate But rather a high-class gent transported back into the roaring 20s. Well, what about uh Churchill downs. That's how I felt when I went there um A lot, you know, when you go to horse racing, I just felt like when you went to the kentucky derby there was a lot of people like

Dressing the part of a degenerate gambler Then it was actual like I probably think like The kentucky derby is like st. patrick's day for alcoholics like man. I'm just going to stay home and drink I ain't going down there with all those fucking yahoos You know, they don't know how to spend their college kids college education They're doing it ironically I recommend old bryans in for a meal Cool little stone tavern with great food building is from 1773 and the rumor is that george washington himself

And alex hamilton. Oh, you're in a sort of fucking um familiar Relationship with this guy. You mean alexander hamilton stayed there while surveying battlefields That's just a rumor. That means they didn't stay there Really right writing in though to discuss hitler's pope Eugenio pacelli Pius the 12th and the vatican position during world war two as you were talking about it on the 1018 podcast Oh, yeah, they kind of were uh

I don't know. I think they were they kind of were in the middle And sort of probably rooting for the germans Because they were going to try to put a religion out of business And that's the business they were in right super interesting topic And one that I actually wrote a massive paper on way back in college that I got an a for Yeah, yeah, look at me a history major in college. Why I don't really know but it was fun at the time, especially Being high during lectures Um, anyway, my stance ended up being that he actually did all he could to help the jewish people and just

Treaded carefully around the nazis I mean imagine being smack dab in the middle of italy not only surrounded by crazy Mussolini, but you've got a front row seat to watch the nazi steam roll through the continental Through continental europe in months with dive bombing planes monster tanks and methed out superhuman soldiers Yeah, you mean people choose their own survival. Yeah He did a lot for the jewish people. Look at this Included secretly sheltering jews in various churches libraries and monasteries held by the catholic church Well, then why didn't they give the gold back?

Why didn't jewish people have to knock on the door and be like, I believe you got something that belongs to us Uh, well approximately 80 of the jews in europe Parished 80 percent. Oh my god During world war two 85 of italian's 40 000 jews were saved. It's reported no fewer than 3000 jews Were hidden away at castel Gandolfo the pope's summer residence Uh, well, all right. Look at that. That's one's a good thing for my religion. Who knew didn't want to send the whole paper as an attachment, but here is

Was my closing paragraph from it that illustrates my position Well, where did you get this information? Is this from the vatican trying to rewrite their history or is this true? I have no idea, but you're the history major. We'll see overall Well, the argument can be made that pious the 12th in calling him hitler's pope There is simply too much evidence that suggests otherwise Well, then how the fuck did he get that fucking nickname the right Conquered that he made with hitler Was done to protect the catholic church and prevent the violence that hitler would have taken out against

German roman catholics had pious the 12th condemned nazi germany Uh, and gino pacelli never spoke out in defense of the jews during the holocaust because he knew It would only lead to more innocent deaths. He also. Yes, it's like fucking cancel culture. Really bill. You really gotta go Sorry, he also never needed the publicity defend the jews Because he needed publicly sorry to defend the jews because he was secretly protecting them the whole time under hitler's nose Perhaps the best way to defend pious the 12th's action during the third rike Is found in a speech made by albert einstein albert einstein a jew ironically ended the war The hitler started with his creation of the nuclear bomb only the catholic church stood squarely across the path of hitler's campaign

For suppressing the truth I never had any special interest in the church before but now I feel great affection and admiration because the church alone Has had the courage and and persistence to stand for intellectual truth and moral freedom I enforce thus to confess that what I once despised I now praise Unservedly well, he also didn't know that they were raping kids either There's a lot of there's a lot of angles to this If one of the more brilliant men Uh in human history not to mention a man of jewish faith said about said about the catholic church

Uh led by pious the 12th, then how could anyone argue otherwise? Oh, they can't believe me. I have follow-up emails coming in I bet Uh in gino paselli or or pious the 12th was not hitler's pope or an anti-semite But a man who came into power during the darkest days in human history and navigated through hitler's nazi regime With prudence morality and genuine concern for the jewish race Well, I hope all of that's true Um keep up the great work on all fronts Your podcast is a great way to end the work day twice a week and I find many of your takes insightful layered

In most important helpful. Look at that Would you look at that? I do matter I am doing nice things Oh Now I fucking picked four fucking games last week Against the spread and once again, I'm three and I'll going into the final fucking game

The goddamn 49ers Fuck me Just fuck me. I don't know what I don't know what to deal with. I don't know what those fucking corners We're doing in the first half Getting all confused on a little fucking little razzle dazzle behind the line. Um, how to ask out a bank teller Dear billy balding balls Come on guys, can't you be a little nicer to me, man? It's it's the holiday. It's the holiday season a doobie doobie do

First I'd like to say that I recently discovered your podcast a few months ago and have Tuning in every every week Dude, this is what the guy writes first of all, I'm going to read exactly what he wrote First I'd like to say that I recently discovered your podcast a few months ago and have tuning ever week since then I enjoy listening to you rant when I'm at work. I don't feel like I'm ranting

Dude ranting is short for ranting and raving. I mean I got a little fucking upset about global warming Whiplash weather Climate change, but I mean yeah I swear to god you I don't maybe that's why I'm so fucked up because your guys idea of yelling is me just you know making a point Um, but getting to the point. I'm 18 years old and started working out this summer And things have been going well. That's great. I've gained some weight can visibly see the change in my body with that being said When I still have my shirt on I still look relatively skinny Dude, that's great

You know someday in the future you're going to wish you was still wiry and skinny Um, I say all that to say that women don't line up line up to be with me dude. You're only 18 You're already going to talk yourself out of the game There's this cute lady who looks around my age who works at a bank That I see every week and we've had a few good conversations I'd like to know your advice on how to ask her out without being awkward or embarrassing her in front of her co-workers Thanks and much love from Arkansas. All right, you go in there with this ski mask Freak her out like you're going to rob her and then when she reads the note you're just asking for her number

I mean, that's one of the easiest ones ever I would uh Yeah, I'd slip her a note right under the thing who gives a fuck You making you deposit it and everything Oh, you just oh I got one more transaction or something like that. Whatever you just fucking write it out Either ask for her number Or give her your number Well, I don't know what if you give ask for her fucking number

I've been out of the game for a while, man If you give her the number then she has to write hers down Do they pick it up on the security camera? um But I really think you got to write something down because you don't want to be trying to yell through that bulletproof glass You know, do you have a boyfriend? you know You don't want to sit out in the parking lot and wait for her to come out on her lunch break because that'll freak her out

I think you just you know Let's see. What did you say cute lady rome age boy? You've even you've even had a few good conversations Let's just picture and you ask for her number and she says no And just listening to you scream whore from the other side of that bulletproof glass But it also is it's arkansas Is there even any glass there because everybody's packing? Good take your gun out. I'd like to see you try Yeah, how to ask her out without it being awkward or embarrassing in front of her

I will be honest with you the awkwardness and the embarrassing is just all how you carry yourself You know, who gives a shit you like her you're telling her you like her You think she's attractive and you want to take her out. It's flattering All right, get up to bat and take a swing But I think I would definitely I think I would write something down You know Why don't you do that man that bulletproof glass is a real fucking barrier I mean, you don't want to like turn your head sideways and try to yell through where you put the money

You just want to do a boyfriend. Oh, you know, okay, I'm sorry. All right Can you flip 50 only checking account I'm not going to make eye contact for the rest of this No, I would I would just write down on like a deposit slip You know or something like that, I don't know I guess I don't know that's a tough one. That's a tough one for me. All right I'm feeling like shit. I'm gonna tap on it. We'll make excuses here All right, but I definitely think I think I would write something down. I would just ask for a number I write on like a fucking deposit slip

no With drawl you write it on the withdrawal you're making withdrawal You're taking her out of the bank If it's a deposit It's only gonna go one way it's gonna go on the other side of that glass and nothing's coming back Okay, you okay for the you need the mojo here. You got to ask for her You ask for her number on a withdrawal slip. There you go final answer I'd phone a friend, but I don't have any

All right, that's it. I got to go fucking finish writing this goddamn Punching up this script If you're in california try to stay dry today Don't stand in front of a big dry dirt hill because you might get washed away with all the mud All right, that is it Um go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you On thursday, maybe I'll do some shows this week and I'll just hand out cigars like I had another baby or something That's it and that's not you know

It's not like I'm I'm fucking trying to give you a little hint here. All right. I'm not There's no gossip. All right Okay, I'll see you