Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-26-15

Episode Date: October 26, 2015

Bill rambles about Germans, weed and gabagool.

...to them all now. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, October 26, 2015. What's going on? How are ya? Is everything good with you? Did you have a good weekend? Oh, God bless ya. Everything good with the family? Oh, God bless ya. I am in beautiful downtown Detroit, Michigan. I know some of you probably laughed because you hear all that fucking shit about Detroit all the time. This fucking city is awesome. It can't be scary. I'm not going to lie to you, but every time I come here, it gets a little bit better. And, you know, it's kind of a fucking exciting thing, you know? It's one of our great cities here.

It sits here right by the lake, right? Lake Erie, you know? Beautiful goddamn city. You know what I like when you go through Detroit is you always see a bunch of Cadillacs, Buicks. Even though those fucking cunts left this place. I swear to God, man. You know, I don't know who's at fault for that shit if it really is just the corporate greed or if the unions became just such cunts that it was cheaper. I always go with the corporate guys being assholes because, you know, basically if you didn't have the unions, we'd have sweatshop labor in this country, right? So then they just went up, but then the unions became, oh my God. The unions have horrible reputations, which is well-earned, isn't it? Oh, it always starts off with a good idea, doesn't it? You know?

Some theaters go to a union, some aren't, and sometimes the unions are cool, and sometimes they're not. You know? Fucking guys just sitting there on a chair. You know? It's like, dude, why would you do that? Just go in the back and play cards. I'm sitting there looking, knowing that I'm fucking paying you and you're not doing anything. I don't know. Look at me. I'm all over the map right now. Anyways, that's one of the worst fucking things we ever did was, I don't know. We allowed all of that fucking industry to leave this country. So fucking stupid. We should still be here making those cars, right? You can feel good about it.

You know what? I saw more goddamn Buick Regals, you know? They brought that car back, you know? And it looks fucking cool, right? Buick's always had cool front grills, but you know, just grossly underpowered. That'd be a great car to fucking redo. Just pull the whole fucking drivetrain out, put a new suspension, and it just, you know, have yourself a fucking sleeper, right? Keep those granny-looking fucking tires and rims. Just like that. What was that movie? What was that movie? Ryan Gossin was in it. He would pause 30 seconds to deliver his line. He had that Mona Lisa smile he always has. What was that Mona Lisa? It's Muzarela. Regat, right? I always thought of Ricotta Cheese.

I guess Regat. I'm learning all this shit from fucking Verzi and Joe Bartnick, the two half-Italians that are on the fucking bus. Dude, listening to Italians talking about food is one of the funniest fucking things ever, but then after about like 15 minutes, it's as annoying as listening to somebody who's talking about their kid that you don't give a fuck about. You know what I mean? Like, oh, you can't believe. So then little Joe, Joey came in and he had his little slipper song. He was so cute. And I said, Joey, do you know what time it is? And he said it was 14 o'clock. Isn't that funny? That doesn't exist. You just got to sit there and be like, I don't give a shit about that little snot nose kid, right? Then you got fucking Bartnick and Verzi. Bartnick and Verzi, when we were in Pittsburgh and we played Heinz Hall.

They went to some fucking Italian deli in the morning and came back with all these cheeses and they came back with this, was it Capicola? AKA Gabogoo, which was fucking unreal. I guess it comes from the neck of the pig. You wouldn't think that would be any good. They came back with spicy Gabogoo and it was fucking amazing, but they wouldn't shut up. I guess it comes from the shoulder of the neck, I should say. They wouldn't shut up about it. They're going, Bill, and in the corner, they had a whole section. It was just cheeses. They had provolone, mozzarella, Gabogoo, fucking going on and on. Okay, and then we're standing there and then Joe, I pull out this piece of bread, Bill, and I hand it to Joe and he squeezes it. And he nodded at me, dude, it was like a mafia hitman telling somebody it was going to get whacked.

Right, and then you think it's over. And then we go over to the other side. Then they had all these olives. They had spicy olives. They had olives with garlic in it. And I was like, I'm getting the spicy one. And then Joe was like, oh, I'm getting the fucking garlic. And then they had all these wines. You're like, all right, I get it. Jesus Christ. I fucking get it. I see it. It's right here. Try that. Try that, too. Try that. Chop provolone. Go ahead and take a piece of that. No, no, no, put it on the bread. Put it on the bread. Put a little Gabogoo on there. I'm fucking around. It's actually hilarious, but they just wouldn't shut up about the place. And the food was unbelievably delicious.

They're fucking great. Okay, but you kind of stand, I'm German Irish. All right, we just put shit in a pot. You boil it and then you think about either drinking or eliminating a race of people. That's that's that's the family tree that I come from. All right, there's nothing about food. It's probably just all jealousy, man. The fucking food was unreal. You know, it's funny. Verzi made me a plate. We're on the bus, right? And he makes me a plate and I can tell. He's got his back to me and I can tell just the way he's laying it out. He's so fucking excited. He wants me to love it as much as he loves it, right?

So I fucking, he gets me, I started eating and it's fucking delicious. And I didn't realize he's waiting for me to say it's delicious because I'm so busy eating it because it's delicious. And then he just sort of like just was looking at me and he goes, how was it? Is it good? And I just I spit take bursted out fucking laughing. It's like, yeah, dude, it's delicious. He was like, all right, good, good. Like he was almost like, I don't know. Why do Italians give a fuck that much about food and everybody else doesn't? They pretend, dude, nobody gives a fuck.

That's why their food is so fucking unbelievable. It's the best food on the planet. You know, fucking, if you start to make a meal and there's an Italian person in the fucking room, if you start fucking it up, they'll get emotional. Like, oh, no, what do you do? No, no, you want to put the fucking, what's your job to do? You decide to just, you just do it. You just get over it. You know what I mean? It'd be like if I started playing drums in a black guy walked in a big, all right, dude, here's the sticks. You just do it. You just, I don't know why you just better. So anyways, I never heard a Coca Cola before.

You know, I heard a cabbage, you know, bratwurst and sausages and all of that fucking shit. You know, it's funny, as much as I love Italian food, I would love, I'd love some fucking, some German food right now. Some crowds, fucking giant goddamn Bierstein, dressed like I'm going to walk out of a cuckoo clock. You know what I mean? The other thing about Germany is we're never going to shake off that World War II shit. We're just never going to do it. You know what I mean? We went too hard. You know, it's over. There's no way, there's certain things that you do there's no comeback from. I don't give a fuck how good a car you make. You know what I mean? I don't give a shit how good your beer is. I don't give a fuck how good the watches you make. You know what I mean?

You pick one wrong guy. He ruins it. He just fucking, how fucking long? You know what I mean? What about a till of the hunt? Where was he from? That's what happened. He was from some fucking, I don't know, empire, right? Where was that guy from? Was he from Jersey? Let me look at this guy. Who's the guy, the fucking guy, the impaler? Vladimir the impaler? Who the fuck was that maniac from? You don't know. Or wherever the fuck he's from doesn't exist anymore so people can move on. Vladimir the impaler, that's how they, who they based like Dracula on. Where is Vladimir the impaler? Here we go.

Oh Jesus Christ, I gotta tell you something right now. This fucking Detroit Wi-Fi. We've something to be desired. You know what is exciting about fucking? Yeah, it's not gonna come up. Let's do that stupid pinwheel. Spin it wheel, turn it round Giving me no internet you fucking cunt Trying to read about a douche who stuck wood up your ass We got no, alright. Vladimir the impaler was a member of the house of Dracula, some shit. Yeah, this is how they based Dracula. Where was he from?

What street? What country was this guy from? Transylvanian, noble woman. That was his wife. House. House of Dracula, father, where are they from? Buster, Vladimir. They have a fucking bust of this guy. You know what I mean? You go to Germany, you don't have a bust of Hitler do they? By our lounge. Bust of move right? Fucking have a little hologram of fucking Hitler doing the running man you know.

The thing about it is, is every other country, you know, wherever the fuck they're from, it doesn't exist anymore. Look, I'm imprisonment and hungry. Alright, so there's a country. They put that guy in jail, they didn't fucking impale him. Dude, do you ever hear about impaling? I'm not even gonna go through it really quickly. They basically split you up your backside. Alright, grease up a fucking steak and basically use your body weight to have it go in through the outdoor. Sometimes it pierces your body weight, it pierces you through your gut.

Sometimes it would come all the way up through the person's fucking mouth. Take like fucking, I don't know, 12 hours to days to die that way. And he used to do it all the fucking time. He had like a whole fucking field of people there. And he'd be sitting there eating some gabbago with the fucking cheese, a mozzarella. No one knows where he is. Was he from Romania? You know, they were able to shake it off. If you say, hey, I'm Romanian, what do they think? They think you're a gypsy stealing a fucking wallet in fucking Rome. That's all they think. You know what I mean?

You say you're German, do they think about the beer? They think about the cars? No. It's always like, what are you, a Nazi? No, I'm not. I'm a drunk. I don't know how to make a car. Anyways, I don't know what I'm talking about here. Let's get back to Detroit. So I guess the owner of the Cavaliers is some shit. I probably should have got the guy's fucking name. He bought like fucking like 70 buildings out here.

He's giving major companies breaks to come in here. I guess Google has some offices, Twitter or something like that, and it's starting to build back up again. Now, whether he did it for financial reasons or what, it's the most patriotic thing that's been going on here in a long fucking time. And another cool thing was when I went to Cleveland. Cleveland, like every time I go there, every two years, it looks, it's making a major comeback. I was joking when I was on stage. They had like flowers going right down the center of the road on one of the roads. That was unheard of 10 fucking years ago when I was out there. I told you, I used to get an escort from the fucking.

I don't mean to, I had like a cop have to walk me over at the end of the night from the club over to the hotel to make sure I wouldn't get jumped. And Hilarities was the only, you know, only show in town right there. And now that whole fucking street, it looks like the Vegas Strip. And I'm telling you, everybody out there, if you're making some money, don't sleep on the so-called rust belt. It's coming back. You can make your fortune there. It'll be cool if there was a way to fucking do it and not displace the people that already lived there. You know, you could somehow buy a fucking building, fix the fucking thing up, and then help out the people that were in it. But it never works out that way, does it?

It's got to be a way to do it, right? If you did it, you'd end up on Oprah, right? And she's saying your name! I don't even know what I'm talking about here, so we've been rolling through here. I am on a fucking bender. All right? Every fucking show I go, I'm not drinking afterwards. And then it just happens to me.

I have to break this fucking habit. You know what I got into on this trip? I got into light beer from Miller. I was never a Miller-like guy. I fucking hated it. But they brought back the old-school bottles that they used to have, those short squat ones. And when I was coming back from the Notre Dame game, we had them in this fucking ice chest, and they were so goddamn cold. So fucking delicious, it just turned something on. Now I'm like craving it.

Last night, I was just like, all right, guys, I just want to go home, and I'm fucking right outside the Fox Theater. By the way, which is one of the top three theaters I think I've ever played in my life. I'd probably say Carnegie Hall, Chicago Theater, and the Fox Theater in Detroit. Oh, but the Tabernacle in Atlanta is cool. There's so many cool ones. But this one was, you know, we got to the show a little bit late, so I didn't have time to go out and, like, look at it before the crowd came in. But when I came walking out with the lights down, it was reminding me of, like, Royal Albert Halls, like, fucking gigantic. It's one of the biggest places I ever played. And the crowd was amazing, and afterwards me and Bartnick were hanging out in the lobby, Bartnick selling a CD, and I was taking some pictures and shit,

talking to the people down there. And so, you know, we're all talking about, oh, we're going to be good boys. We're not going to go out and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then, you know, I give Verzi a look. He starts fucking laughing. And the next thing you know, you know, right around the place, they had a place to get tacos, and they had another place to get fucking drinks and shit. But I was like, no, no, no, man, let's get in the car. Let's just go back to the fucking hotel. All right, they have a little hotel bar there. We'll get one quick one. We'll watch the end of the Panthers fucking Eagles game. We'll go to bed. We'll call it a night.

So then we show up. We sit down at the bar. There's some guy sitting there. And it looks like he just sat down in a four-top just left at the bar. And I found out all of the drinks were his, and he was a chef, and he was trying every drink that this place had, was sapling him or something. This guy, Manny. So the next thing you know, we start doing what he's doing, and it was stupid. I just remember Verzi with, you know, you don't mix liquor, right? And we're doing it just because we laugh and because we know it's stupid. And I remember we drank this fucking, this coffee flavored tequila. And as Verzi's bringing it up to his lips, he goes, ah, I'm definitely puking tonight.

And then he just throws it down the hatch. So the weird thing was, there were so many different kinds of liquors in me. He had a Moscow mule. I had some Patron. I had some like this fucking, that coffee flavored Patron. I had one light beer from Miller. Then I had this other shit that had like an orange in it with bourbon in it. And the funny thing was, is I didn't even feel drunk. I'm going to Verzi like, I think this shit's watered down. He goes, yeah, it's a good point. I don't really feel drunk either. And then I went upstairs, I got on FaceTime and I got into a big fight with my wife.

And I woke up this morning and I was like, yeah, I guess I was drunk. I was just being mean for no reason. And I'm not a mean drunk. I'm a happy drunk. But when you fucking, you know, cross pollinating all of those things. I was, I wasn't mean. I was, I was surly. She was like, you, have you been drinking? I was like, no, it's been an asshole. You know, it's funny. She's such a sweetheart. She hung up on me and she apologized to me. So I got to wait till she wakes up because I'm still on East Coast time. I'm going to find, I'm going to apologize to her.

I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry. So sorry that I drank 50 different kinds of booze. And then I called you and I was a red cunt. Can you ever forgive me, my lady? Hey, just late. All you guys know, I have still have some leftover posters from that tour that I did up the Northwest. That tour where I got the inner tube standing in the dry riverbed, that one. They will go on sale tomorrow morning. That's Tuesday morning. October 27th, 2015, because God knows you might be listening to this five years into the future. How's California doing? Person in 2020? Does it still exist?

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554 a.m. All right. This is going to work out good. I got to be on the bus at fucking 11 a.m. And then tonight we're in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and I got some relatives coming out to that. As I mentioned, I got I got relatives in Indiana, Ohio, Michigan. I'm from out these here parts.

And also I got my I got speaking of underwears there. I actually did my laundry or had somebody do it for me. You know, I walked like a mile and a half through downtown Detroit yesterday, which is a scary thing for anybody to do. Forget about when you look like a sickly Ron Howard. And I went down and found a laundry man. It's like the greatest fucking feeling when you're on tour is when you get your laundry done.

I mean, as it's starting to pile up in your bag, you know, and you got it all fucking twisted up in your fucking grocery bag, you know, and all of a sudden you're looking in your suitcases getting all empty looking because everything's fucking dirty. I mean, I went over there gave every fucking thing that was dirty. And I am elated now. So that's going to get me through the rest of the tour. But when I get to Chicago, I'm going to get my laundry done again, because I hate having dirty laundry in my fucking luggage.

It's just fucking gross. You know, and you just pay somebody else to do it. Don't be a cheap cunt. All right. I went down there. It was minimum. It was a dollar 50 a pound minimum 10 pound thing. And I went down there with just my fucking me on these me on these and my mother fucking

socks. Right. That's all I brought down there. Right. Because they're going to dry everything on high. You know, they're going to dry everything on high. So you can't give them anything that's going to fucking shrink. So you don't give a fuck about your underwear socks.

So I'm just bringing that shit down there. I mean, it probably weighed two pounds and they still charged me $12 and 50 cents to do it. And you know what? I don't give a fuck. I would have given them 20 bucks to do to pay another person to do your laundry. I mean, Jesus Christ, you're living like a king. They got it all folded, you know, washed my compression socks.

I wear compression socks. It's really helping as I'm getting this fucking varicose vein treated in my left leg. It's really helping it out. The guy told me to get them. It's like, dude, I'm not wearing those fucking socks. I might as well get sock garters at that point. It's basically like the Allen Iverson sleeve that he wore for the last three quarters of his career, except it's on your legs.

And it feels weird at first, but I got to admit on a cold day, it's kind of nice to have socks that go up to your kneecaps. But when you put them on and you're standing in your underwear and you got them on like last night, I had the old man once like I went to, uh, I bought some from Nike that were actually they're kind of nice, but I bought the old man ones from the fucking like the right aid of the fucking CVS and they just jet black and they went up to my knees and I was standing there in my fucking underwear and I just burst it out laughing. I look like that fucking 50 year old married white guy that gets busted, you know, get

thinks he's getting a hooker and it's some undercover cop. And then I just start crying. I was just trying to talk to her right being that guy. By the way, I apologize for putting that image in your head, but it was just too fucking funny not to share it with you. So anyway, so I went on a nice walk this morning. It was a nice mile and a half walk there and back and then I did it again this morning and you know, it's cool.

It's cool to be in downtown Detroit and there's people coming to work down here. Excuse me, hiccups here. People coming down to work. It's great to see Cleveland coming back and all those. I swear to God, man, I got to buy something out here. I think it's a smart move and it's really, I think it's a patriotic thing to do to invest in a fucking city that was the shit and it should be the shit. Detroit should be the shit.

It really should. Cleveland should be the shit. All of these fucking places. So you can, I'm going to be the real estate agent for these fucking cities and I won't take a commission. How about that? Yeah, you can buy something for nothing, you know, and you can help this fucking place come back.

I mean, I don't know. You figure, you know, you start buying up buildings and then they legalize weed, right? And then somebody buys the old Packard fucking factory and you just start making weed in there. There you go. That's the fucking move. You come back to Detroit and all those, you know, grandsons and granddaughters are the great auto workers in this country. Right?

They go back to work in the same factory except you're growing weed. Come on, man. That's like that Michael Keaton movie from way back in the day except you got weed in it. Right? I don't know. These are just ideas. I'm just throwing it out there.

All right. Let's talk some sports here. Let's talk some sports. And we'll start with the greatest fucking sport that's ever been created. NHL hockey, goddamn motherfucking cocksuck and Frenchy sons of bitches. The fucking, I can't even shit on them at this point. The goddamn Canadians are nine and Oh, nine and Oh, have won 18 out of a possible 18 points. And for the longest time, nobody in the East looked like they could fuck with anybody in

the West. I don't know. It's looked at me. They were the best record out in the West. Who do we got? Los Angeles is five and three after a slow stat. They're turning it on Nashville. Six and one Dallas.

Dallas is looking good. Huh? Six and two Winnipeg. You know what it is though? The Habs don't have a tough guy. I don't know if that's because we got rid of Lucic or whatever. From what I heard, I was talking to a Canadians fan last night. I actually took a picture with them too.

You know, it's just like, and I actually made his girlfriend, her wife standing between us because it's dude, I can't put my arm around you with that fucking shirt on. But he was saying that they don't have, they don't have a tough guy anymore. And so I don't know. I think that might come back to haunt you if you end up playing whoever the fuck makes it to the finals out there, right? Kings are tough. Winnipeg's tough.

Chicago, you have a fuck with the Blackhawks, right? I don't know. Who the fuck knows? But anyways, congratulations to those cunts. I mean, you gotta give respect to that. And I don't know what's fucking insane. But the Bruins, they're doing all right. 3-1-1.

That's a winning record. I think the tie there. We fucking blew it against the filthy Flyers. And then we came back and we beat the Islanders. You know, Craigie's having a fucking career year. I think he's leading the leading points. I don't know. I'm psyched.

And you know, it's gonna be great when I get back. Even at the games that we lose, I don't give a shit. I'm gonna have all these games on my DVR. I'm gonna sit down and watch all of them. I get to watch a game at night, you know? Sometimes two games at the Bruins have a game and I'm gonna get all fucking caught up. And the NFL yesterday, the Patriots beat the Jets. I gotta tell you, man, Jets were getting 11 points.

I loved that fucking, I loved that fucking bet. The Jets getting 11. I was actually thinking that we could possibly lose to them just because we had, we have no fucking offensive line and they got a great defense. You know, Revis is gonna shut down his whole fucking part of the field. And what did we end up winning by? We ended up winning by seven points.

But Edelman dropped that pass. Then you always go, If you didn't drop that pass, then it wouldn't be a lot of blood. Yeah, but if he caught it, maybe they would have done something different. They never know. So, you know, we beat the green cunts. They're not the green cunts anymore because Rex Ryan isn't there. But I gotta admit, it's, I'm kind of, this is the German in me.

What do they call it? Scheidenfreude? Is that what they call it? Taking pleasure out of somebody else's suffering. Seeing the bills struggling. Not because I don't like the bills, just because Rex Ryan talks all this shit about what he's gonna do to the Patriots. It's kind of fun to see the Jets be a quality squad

with a class act for a coach, you know, and to watch him fucking lose into Jacksonville all the way over there in England. It's fucking great. But to some about Rex, I still love the guy. I'm feeling bad for him. He looks like he's putting on weight again. I think he's stress eating, you know.

He talked all that shit. There's always people talking shit. There was somebody on the Jets talking shit. But what they were gonna come up and do to the Patriots is like, why would you do that? Why would you give them extra motivation? I hope people continue to fucking talk shit. You know what I mean?

We know you think you're gonna win. We know you're going up there to win. And we know you're not scared. You just don't say it, you dope. We're gonna go up there. We're gonna fucking blow up there. Is that what you're gonna do? You're gonna go up there and play football?

How about the Dolphins? Jesus Christ, talk about making your former coach look like a fucking jerk off. They came in there and absolutely raped the fucking Texans. You know? Or they went like fucking 97 to 2. Where is it? As you can tell, I was on a bus.

I barely saw anything. I watched the Dallas game and I watched the Patriots. That's all I saw. And I also saw the end of the Panthers. It's pissing me off that I keep missing the Panthers play because I feel like I'm missing the emergence of the next great quarterback in the league and for the life of me, I can't remember his name.

He has those Michael Jordan ears where they're really tiny but they look like the tops are stapled to the side of his head. And he's also one of those guys that he yells a lot. You know? He walks up to the camera and for some reason he goes, which is really gonna, it's gonna be difficult for me to enjoy watching. I don't, I just, that's the generation gap. For the life of me, I don't fucking understand that.

Johnny United is through for 41,000 yards in the 50s and 60s. He beat out the next guy by like 15,000 fucking yards. I don't think there's any footage of him throwing a touchdown pass and walking up to a camera with his flat top going, oh, that's back when you could fucking hit the quarterback until the end of the play. You can keep hitting the guy. Maybe if he ever did that, it was because he was screaming in pain.

I was kidding who I'm an old fucking white guy. What do you want from me? I want the game to be the way it used to be, where you established a running game and then you threw the ball. But anyways, the fuck did I want to talk about? There was something, I'm all over the map because I'm stressing because I got to finish this fucking thing. And hopefully this internet won't suck.

And I can try and upload it here. So I figured the next thing, first people are gonna play in our division will be the dolphins. And I imagine one of them is gonna talk shit about how, you know, they don't think the Patriots are as good as they used to be. They're fucking sick of this. They're sick of that. All I know is the Patriots are on a collision course with the New York football Giants to be undefeated.

And I said to Verzi last night in my drunken stupor, I go, can you do me a favor? Can you just have the Giants beat us during the regular season this year? And not in, not in fucking, not in the Super Bowl. I don't know, I'm really praying for the Packers this year to knock off the fucking Giants because I do not want to see them again. I don't. I'm good. I'm fine with just losing to them twice. I'm good with that.

Rather than rolling the dice, risking losing a third time, even though it'd be great to come and beat them, you know. And this is why I don't play professional football because even as a fan, I'm a little fucking girl. I don't want to see them again. They always win. But what I was going to say, the, you know, Odell Beckham that they got, and then they got the fucking guy who does the salsa dance. He's coming back. That guy's coming back.

Then they're going to, you know, it's going to be a fucking nightmare. Fucking nightmare. Hopefully we get healthy. Our offensive line gets healthy, but who knows who the fuck knows what's going to happen. But anyway, so let me get to some of the reads here for this week. All right, who versus whom. People always try to explain this to me and I'll never get you. I'll never get it. All right, Bill, I have the solution to your who versus whom dilemma

that will solve the issue for the rest of your life. Okay, I hope you're not one of those snake oil salesmen. I feel like I'm in your tent right now. You're starting a religion, you know, when you're fucking putting your hand on my forehead, exercise in the demons. If the statement could be answered, if the statement could answer the question with him or her, then use whom.

Whom did you say that to? I said it to him. I said it to her, not he or she. So it's whom. Example two, who told you that? He told me that. She told me that. No fucking way. It's that. That's that easy. Who told you that?

She did. Whom did you say it to? I said it to him. Wait a minute. So now using it. Wait, so if I told whom do I owe this pleasure to? You owe it to him. So it is whom. Who fucking did it? He did it.

Jesus Christ, it was that easy? What the fuck were you 40 years ago when I needed you? Maybe I could have passed the class and gone to Notre Dame and become a lawyer. Hope that made sense. It totally made sense. I just hope I can remember it. You know what, I'm actually going to take a picture of that on my phone. Speaking of which, the phone starts ringing. Hang on.

Oh shit. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hello? I thought I said 11. Is Paul and Joe down there already? All right. Well, I'm finishing up my podcast. I'll be down there 11. Sorry about that. All right, buddy. See you. Ah, I fucked up.

Thought I said 11 o'clock. That was the bus driver. Going just checking. We did say, it's fucking hilarious, 10-10, because we've always been on time, so he knew. So anyways, God damn it, you fixed it. You fuck, I gotta take a picture of that. Whom did you say that to? Who told you that?

That's all I have to remember? I wish there was more fucking sentences, and then, you know, you gave me 10 of them, and then I had to try to guess. All right, good fellow scene explained. Oh my God, I feel fucking smarter. You know what the thing about whom is? You can't use it without looking like a douche. The only time you can use whom is if you write something.

The funny thing is, if you use whom, you know what I mean? You sound like those, you know, when you stepped on the bull, those guys from fucking trading places. But if you're writing an email or even tweet something, people will call you out on it, because if you don't use it, then you look like a douche. So I think that's the other rule. You know what I mean?

Like, hey, who would you say that to? You can't be in a barbie like, hey, whom did you say that to? I said to them, you fucking douche, right? You can't do that, but you write it down. Everybody sees it. You know, they just break your balls. So there's another rule, all right? Good fellow scene explained.

Okay, last week, I thought that the reason why Joe Pesci in the end, Scorsese just brings back Tommy's character, and he just points the gun at the camera and starts shooting, was because that was Tommy from beyond the grave, shooting fucking Henry, because he was a rat and ratted everybody out. So somebody said, good fellows, that was my theory. Good fellow scene explained, hey Bill,

you mentioned in your recent Thursday morning podcast, your theory on why we see Joe Pesci, Joe Pesci, Joe Pesci fire a pistol. Fucking brain is always three fucking words ahead of my mouth. At the screen, at the end of Goodfellas, it's actually an homage or a homage, if you're in a bar, to the 1906 black and white film, as opposed to the color films back there,

the Great Train Robbery. It was the first film with the narrative storyline, and at the end, there is a shot of a cowboy looking at the camera who fires his pistol at the screen just like in Goodfellas. I actually watched the clip, it's pretty fucking cool. It was very jarring to the film audiences who had never seen anything like that, and in many cases, moviegoers would duck

or shout thinking they were actually being shot at. Isn't that fucking hilarious? Because everybody had a side-iron back then. Just a little film history from a film nerd to you. The funniest red, to you, the funniest redhead on the planet. Keep up the good work and go fuck yourself. Here's the movie. Definitely post that clip.

All right, election. Bill, you've been pretty quiet about the election. Seems like they got their start early this year, and people are going to be tired out by February. If you had to vote today, do you know who you'd vote for? Also, is there anyone less stable looking than Hillary Clinton? She can't be getting any good sleep. Love you and your wife, thanks for the weekly laughs.

I thought Hillary crushed it on that stupid inquiry. I don't understand what the fucking problem was. She admitted that it happened on her watch, and she took full responsibility for it. So what was the fucking problem? That seemed like deflategate type shit. Honestly, what are you supposed to do to stop a terrorist attack? Have they said that forever?

Even the Secret Service said, if somebody doesn't give a shit about dying, the only thing they can sure is instantaneous death after you do whatever the fuck you're going to attempt to do. You know what I mean? Once you take out the fucking, I don't give a shit whether I live. It's over. So what are you going to do?

Was it a way game? It's fucking horrific that it happened, but I'm out. She should have done this, she should have done that. The same people say in that, say George Bush kept us safe after 9-11, but they don't bring up the fact that 9-11 happened when he was fucking president, right? The same people breaking fucking Hillary's ovaries,

or fucking rubbing George Bush's balls, and then vice versa. The same people finger banging Hillary, or fucking twisting up what's his face as nuts, rather than giving him a pair of meundies. What are you supposed to do when somebody doesn't give a fuck? You know? What are they going to call you up and tell you what they're going to do?

You know, I don't know. By the way, we met a professional pilot, commercial pilot, by the way. And he knew some of the people on those flights, some of the pilots and that type of shit. So all these fucking people that are trying to say that it didn't happen, that they were actually fucking these missiles, or something like that, that was shot in there. I mean, I don't know.

And that's coming from me. Who's a fucking conspiracy theorist? All right, Genghis Khan, everybody. Hey there, Bilderberg. Just checking in on you from fucking Southy Kitt. I listen to your podcast almost every day in the sea of cubicles I work in, and you are the fucking... Oh, thank you, I appreciate it.

I also saw your comments come home, blah, blah, blah, last year, and there were a bunch of cunts in front of me who were getting offended at the things you were saying, and it made it funnier for me and my girlfriend. Anyways, oh, I remember that. That one was a little bit of a rough one, you know? Anyways, I just came across Dan Carlin's Hardcore History podcast,

and the first one that is free on iTunes is the Wrath of Khan series on Genghis Khan and the Mongol Empire during the Middle Ages. This dude was one of the greatest men and conquerors who ever lived, and his story is incredible. The fear and loyalty this man instilled in people of his day is unparalleled. Although he is responsible for 20 to 80 million deaths, he completely changed the world and built the largest empire the world had ever seen, and I thought you might be interested in it because you've talked about other great men

who have lived in the past, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks for a great show, and go fuck yourself. Yes, see, there's another one. You know what it is? There's no footage on, like, Vladdy the fucking Impaler and fucking the G-man there. Fucking Genghis Khan. So, you know, nobody got, what are you a fuck? You don't get that, what do you a Nazi thing?

You know, I got to check that out. I got to listen to that. I got to be in the mood to listen to a fucking podcast. Like, I love being on podcasts, I love doing them, but I just, my brain is, I can't handle just sitting still that long. I guess I could have it on in the background as I was doing something else. Maybe cleaning up or freshening up before a show. Alright, my roommate is a pervert.

Okay, here we go. Dude, let's go back to it. Do you realize the work it is to kill 20 to 80 million people? I mean, you can do it today with just a push of a button, but back then, I mean, you, that's like before they had, like, the fucking lawnmowers with the engines in them, and you had to push the fucking thing yourself. Do you know I'm so old that we actually had one of those when I was a kid? It was the fucking worst.

And if it was too, if the grass was too long, I just didn't have the strength to do it, so you'd push it forward and then had to go back. And you had to get like a running start, you know? That was a mess. It was so hard to keep it fucking straight. That's basically like if you had like a push mower that didn't have an engine in it, I would think that you'd have to like be cutting it every day like George Michael did with his beard. And then it'd be like nice and easy, right?

But if you went on like a bender, you know, or you went away to some place that they used to vacation back in the day like Sarasota, Florida, you know, a Myrtle Beach, or some of the classic ones that they used to go to way back in the day. Reno, you know, those old school places. Palm Springs, you know, when you came back, your fucking lawn was through the goddamn, well, I guess you do in the wintertime, right? All I'm saying is that you were out there all the time. That's probably why a lot of people weren't as fucking fat.

Although, you know what? The big thing was back in the day, everybody was scared about was just having a heart attack because they couldn't do any of those fucking... I'm gonna send Rhino Plasty, which of course is your nose, gets getting a nose job. Do you know there's something called Rhino Rea? I learned that by reading it about heroin junkies and shit like that. That, uh, of some of Ryo Rea. See if I can look it up. I know you guys think I'm full of shit. It's like diarrhea of the nose.

It's just fucking when you, uh, one of the symptoms when you're, you're quitting cold turkey. Rhino, let's see. I used to call it diarrhea, D-I-A, D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A, something like that. Oh, there it is. Rhino Rea. Rhino Rea, Rhino Rea is a condition where the nasal cavity is filled with a significant amount of mucus fluid. The condition commonly known as a runny nose occurs relatively frequently. Rhino Rea is a common symptoms of allergies or certain diseases such as the common cold or hay fever.

Oh, I thought that that's when you were, uh, I thought you, I thought you said you were all right, spider. Um, I thought, I can't even say it because I've done it so many times, I always stutter. Imitating fucking, uh, spider. I thought that Rhino Rea was an next level runny nose that you got when you were kicking heroin. Um, I've kind of got interested in all that, like the whole heroin epidemic that's going on here in this country. Um, oh, by the way, I keep forgetting to bring up how great the Indianapolis gig was. First of all, I got to come back and play this theater. Um, you remember that story I told you guys and I put the video up where, uh, I was playing a theater upstairs

and downstairs was that totally Elmo show, whatever the fuck it was, keeping up with the Muppets, whatever the fuck it was. I don't know what to come, you know. Um, and when I walked by the door to the backstage of their theater was open and like all, like the count was sitting there and Bert was there and Oscar the grouch, like these actors in these suits and they were just chilling out, you know, and they looked tired from doing a bunch of shows. So it was hilarious. So I filmed them and all of a sudden Bert got up and came walking over and was waving his hands. I thought he was saying what's up and like, oh, look at Bert. Hey, he's coming up here.

And he fucking reached out and slammed the door. And I was just like, wait, wow, like he really is a cunt. But it really is the happy go lucky one. I was joking in Indianapolis that, um, that Ernie's Ernie's parents like or accepting of his homosexuality, right? Where Bert's weren't like they kicked him out of the family. So it caused him to be like sad and bitter, you know what I mean? Um, but thank God he had Ernie in his life, right? Cheer him up.

Um, anyways, and then I posted the video and then Sesame Street told me I had to take it down. The children's television workshop was like, you got to take it down. That's not legal footage, which I think it was. I mean, I didn't understand what exactly were they going to do to me if I didn't take it down. I don't know. So I took it down. I was like, all right, whatever. You know, it was was they were going through that shit with the Elmo guy.

They said, you know, fucking was grab ass and with some kid. I have no fucking clue. But anyways, so this time around, I got to play downstairs where the Elmo theater was. And it's one of the great theories I've ever played in my life as far as the crowd was just on top of you. They had like those, those little balcony things. They had like four of them on each side. It was like an old hockey arena. It was just fucking awesome.

Um, just been an incredible, incredible fucking, incredible fucking tour here. And we went to one of the sickest fucking cigar bars I've ever been to, which of course, because I was fucking an idiot. I just walked into it. I got to look it up right now. Indianapolis cigar bars. All right, let's see. Let's see. Blend this fucking place might have been the greatest cigar bar I've ever been to.

It's fucking incredible. You have to go to it and they're opening one in Nashville and Dallas. All right. Just six selection of fucking cigars. They had the Davidoff, Davidoff, Nicaraguan, um, all these other just amazing cigars. That's the one that I smoked. And then they had to like all these whiskey's limited edition whiskies and bourbons that, um, that I thought I mean, did you know they had, they had Jack Daniel's Sinatra. I'd never even heard of that.

Me and Bartnick were like, what the fuck is that? Like that was his drink. I'm like, he just saying Sinatra because that was his drink. They're like, no, that's a limited edition. I'm looking it up right now. Jack Daniel's Sinatra. Where is it here? Yeah, I never, I never fucking heard of this shit.

And of course they were sold out of it. Let me do the old wiki here. Wikipedia, Jack Daniel's Sinatra wiki. Did you mean that? Of course I meant that. You know what I meant? God damn it. They always do show them.

Sinatra Select. That's what it was called. Anyways, it was fucking just an amazing, amazing place. And, uh, don't you hate these fucking websites when you go there and you got to fucking put in your birthday? All right, I'll give you my birthday. We'll say November 11th, 1892. Enter. Please enter a valid year.

They don't think it. 00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:01,000 Let's see what year they'll actually let 1893. They won't let. Let's see when they believe in 1890. How about 1899? Do they, they don't believe anybody's alive. How about 1900?

See, that's what it is. Anything with an 18, go fuck yourself. Enter. Sinatra Select. A bottle of 90 proof and made with unique Sinatra barrels. It sounds like fucking bullshit to me. Jack Daniel's Sinatra. What is that Sinatra barrel?

Did they got a fucking toupee on it? Sorry. Select pays tribute to Jack's biggest fan, Mr. Frank Sinatra. These Sinatra barrels have deep grooves on the inside of their staves, which exposes the whiskey to extra layers of oak. Ah, God damn it. Now I got to get a bottle. But you can't just get a bottle.

They got a video here of Frank Sinatra pouring it. I wonder if his fucking next to Ken gets any money. Dude, they got a picture here sitting at the bar of Sinatra laughing while Jackie Gleason's laughing with them. Frank Sinatra and Jackie Gleason were close friends. In fact, it was Jackie Gleason himself who introduced Frank to Jack Daniels. And as the story is told, it was sometime in the 1940s. Jackie and Frank were sitting together at a bar in New York City.

Frank was forlorn over a woman. Probably wrote a great song about her and was sharing his troubles with Gleason. Frank informed his good friend that he was in need of a serious drink. Turning to Sinatra, Gleason responded, Jack Daniels, that's a good place to start. And the rest, as they say, it was history. Oh, Frank said he needed a drink. Well, there you go.

All right, what the fuck am I talking about at this point? All right, let's get back to the podcast. So definitely check out Blenden if you live in... If you live in Nashville or Dallas, they're on their way over there. All right, let's read a couple of fucking advertising and then I'll get the last fucking thing in there and I'm out, all right? All right, Dallas Shave Club, everybody. Stop shaving with old razors.

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Print the postage you need. Put it on your letter, or package, and then hand it to your mail carrier. And you're done. That's it. I use Stamps.com to send out all my posters. I'm a moron. If I can figure it out, so can you. Right now, sign up for Stamps.com and use my last name BRR for this special offer, a four-week trial. Plus, they give you a $110 bonus offer.

Plus, a $110 bonus offer that includes a postage and a digital scale. Jesus, Bill. Don't wait. Go to Stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage of type BRR. Stamps.com. Enter BRR. All right. Lastly, but certainly not leastly. All right. My roommate is a perv. So Sir Billiam of Boston.

I'm a long-time listener. Love your shit. Anyway, my roommate just started dating a girl. A lady, and they're getting really couply. They even talk about having sex with each other in front of people, including myself. I have a girlfriend, but I try not to be overly couply or discuss our sex life in public. The worst part is that they have taken to having sex throughout our shared house, including our living room couch and our kitchen. I think that their behavior is annoying at best and disgusting at worst,

but I'm uncertain, but I'm uncertain as to how I should proceed. Do you have any thoughts? Also go fuck yourself. Yeah, I have some thoughts. Why don't you sit them down and say, hey, can you guys do me a favor and not fuck on the sofa? All right. This isn't your house. This is our house. I don't need your bodily fluids all crusted up, you know, on the couch. I would just do, I would just, you know, they like openly talking about sex. Just say, listen, you have sex in your bedroom.

Don't have sex on the couch where we all sit. It's gross. I would say that and I would just, and I would just stare at them until they talked. I just, I go, I just say, is there a reason why you guys feel it's okay to have sex all around the house? I live here too. You know, I make a sandwich on that kitchen counter. I don't need to know that her ass and drip and pussy were fucking laying on there. You fucking pig. You guys are both animals. I have no respect for either one of you. All right. Go ahead and have a kid. It'll be a fucking who? No, you don't get to be that mean.

Just be like, listen, I'm not trying to be a jerk. I think it's great that you found somebody that you can connected with, but could you not have sex on the kitchen counter please or in the kitchen? I eat in there. It's gross. See that sofa over there? I sit there and I watch TV. All right. I don't need that. See that table? I eat there. All right. If you want to fuck all over an apartment, you're going to need to get your own apartment. But until you do, this is our apartment and don't fuck anywhere where it's, you know, where it's ours.

I feel like I could use who or whom here. Maybe you should bust out a whom. See if I can do it here. All right, whom? Whom did I say that to? I said it to him. Yeah, that's what you say. You come out of the gate using whom to freak him out. Call you, the guy on be like, can I ask you, can I ask you a question? You be like, sure. Whom did you fuck on that counter? He's got to be like her or my girlfriend. What if he says my girlfriend? You got to say that.

I would just be like, whom did you fuck on the counter? Whom did you fuck on the table and whom did you fuck on the couch? That almost sounds like Bill Cosby. And why would a children? You can't bring up Bill Cosby, especially when you're talking about a woman, right? It was consensual, everybody. All right, that's the podcast for this week. I'll check in on you on Thursday. And once again, thanks to everybody that came out in Indianapolis, Cleveland, Detroit and Pittsburgh. Just four fucking great cities, man. Four great cities.

And it's great to see all of them are having a resurgence. Every time I've gone back, they always get a little bit better. And I think it's great because, like I said, I love this part of the country. I like all the parts of the country. I'm a patriot when it comes down to it. So it always made me sad to come to Cleveland and Detroit and Indianapolis and that Cincinnati and that shit at five o'clock where everybody just screws and goes out to the suburbs and the fucking place looks like a zombie movie at night. It's nice to see some nightlife and that type of shit because they're beautiful cities.

All right, there you go. Legalize weed. Open the plants again. Let's grow some weed. Let's get the world high, right? And maybe they'll give us the oil for the price we want. We don't have to blow people up. You know what I mean? All right, go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you on Thursday. That's Albert Heijn's assortment. And check out the second episode on TheWerldInHetKlein.be. That's Albert Heijn's assortment.