Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-26-20

Episode Date: October 26, 2020

Bill rambles about the weekend games, a spree killer, and dumb lawyer questions.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast. For Monday, October 26, 2020, what's going on? How are you? Now, the first thing you're probably noticing is just like, well, Bill, you know what? I'm not here in the energy that I'm used to. I'm not here in the light. I'm not here in the positivity. I mean, here we are. We're rolling into the holidays and you're coming with this glum tone. I kind of fucked up my voice. As I mentioned last week, I got caught up. I was four episodes behind with Epis for Family and I recorded last week on Tuesday and Wednesday and knocked out four episodes of

Screaming like Frank Murphy. So forgive me. My voice is a little rough here. So I got the Throko tea. I finally learned how to drink tea. You know, I used to pour it on my leg now. I drank it like a fucking American. The water was piping hot and the bag was still in the fucking cup and it finally dawned on me that the heat, because I always hated like coffee and tea. I'm like, it's too fucking hot. It burns my mouth. It just tastes like dirty water, scalding dirty water. Why would I want to do this, right? And then the other day, I finally actually used my brain. It's like the hot water is to activate whatever the fuck's

in the tea bag and then you take the tea bag out of the thing. It's so funny that tea bag has just become like a sexual thing. There's an actual tea bag and you take it out of the cup, you throw it away and by then the fucking, it's drinkable. It's actually enjoyable. So I like to apologize to everybody in England. All these years I've been making fun of fucking sitting around drinking tea. I get it. It's way better than coffee, I would say. I'm not a big coffee. Ah, Jesus. Why would you do that, Bill? You already shit all over golfers on the Bill Burt podcast. You know, people all up in arms with that fucking activity. I

stand by it. It's not a sport. It's an activity. If you're an athlete, you will excel at it more so than the average jerk off out there without a doubt. Yeah. I mean, that's just like anything. That's like you're sitting at your desk and you fucking throw a fucking piece of paper into a waste paper basket. Is that a fucking sport? I don't know. No, my difficulty with golf, especially with all the fucking assholes, you know, sports fans who just sit there and they talk about cheating with the Astros or the Patriots or fucking whatever, you know, big college programs. They talk about cheating and it's just like, oh,

yeah, what about you and your golf score? Huh? With your mulligans and your breakfast balls and your gimmies, you know, and that fucking whatever you're supposed to stick your arm out and drop it. You sort of kick it with your foot or whatever the fuck you do that caddyshack shit. It's a dishonest sport played by dishonest people who, you know, I don't know. I don't know. I just I just like shitting on it. He's fucking assholes. You know, every fucking two weeks, my asshole from my friends with this stupid asshole game golf be all dude, I got my new drive out, dude, I got this new set of wedges. It's just like

every fucking year, every two years, they got to go out and get a brand new set of clubs. They go into these fucking stores, right? And they analyze your swing. And if you hook in or if you're slicing, they like twist the clubs. So you don't have to improve as a player. The club adjusts to your fucking swing. That's just like, I mean, and you're going to get on the Astros for banging on a fucking trash can. I have no idea. Speaking of that, my internet's all fucked up, of course. Let's see here. Yeah. Why would you load? I only pay $9 million a month for fucking

everything. I couldn't believe it. I was talking to a buddy of mine yesterday who's older than me and he's a cord cutter. It's just like, holy shit. You know, what do you got a fucking 19 year old girlfriend now? What are you waiting? What are we doing here? Let me see here. I wanted to look up who won last night. The Dodgers were looking to go up three games to one. I've been watching that series, man. Unbelievable game on Friday. Holy shit. Three games to two. The Dodgers won last night. Oh, so the Rays must have tied it

up. Oh, I forgot they played every single night. I watched Friday night. I missed Saturday. Oh, wait, did the Rays win Saturday? Wait a second. That back and forth game because I had to leave right at the end. So it's three games to two. Oh my God. Can you imagine if the fucking Dodgers lose it again this year? Jesus Christ. I don't know. I like both teams though. I just think it's going to be cool for

LA or for Tampa Bay that they win two championships in one year. And I got to tell you, the greatest fucking thing you can do as a sports fan is be happy for other people's championships. The sheer joy of just watching sports is ruined by your hatred of your rivals. You know, look, I'm never going to root for the fucking Canadians, the Yankees, the Lakers or whatever. But I mean, if they win a championship, they won the championship. So what good is it for me to sit here and waste all this energy resenting it? Hey, good for them. Good for them. They won a championship.

Fantastic. I hope it happens for us next year, but I'm not going to fucking be mad at your championship. Congratulations. That's great. And then you know what else it does? It annoys the fans of the other team. So it actually works. But back to the tee, everybody. Back to the tee. I mean, you know, I'm not a big tee drinker, you know, I'm not going to lie to you. I never get that. That's one of the smart fucking things I did for all the time. I've wasted watching sports. No, and I've wasted a lot of time. In fact, this whole fucking weekend, this whole weekend, I just decided I wasn't

going to do shit. All right. I watched. I got all caught up on MotoGP, although I didn't watch yesterday's race. I, you know, comes on too fucking early. And I was waiting for him to upload the race to my, my stupid internet isn't working here. And I'm hoping, dude, if Alex Mark has won a race, I mean, I'm so, I'm excited to see who's going to win the championship this year. All right. But the king, Mark, Mark has is hurt. Right. So what are you going to do? It is what it is. So next year, it's like those two Houston rocket championships. I mean, Michael wasn't playing. He wasn't

playing the first year. And then the next year he was, he was getting his legs back. Oh, they're not going to like me and Houston with that one. But next year, to see both Mark has brothers, both riding Hondas competing against one another and then watching their dad freaking out is just going to be, it's going to be amazing. It's going to be amazing. I can't, I'm already looking forward to next season, but I'm telling you, that's where it's at. That's where racing is at because I actually watched a little bit of the formula one race yesterday and happened to be on. I turned it on about 20 laps in,

and it was just more of the same. Lewis Hamilton out in front, no one's going to pass them. You already know he's going to win the race with 40 laps to go. All the racing is going on for like fifth, sixth, seventh place. Like that's where you want the camera to be. And that's what happens on a lot of those fucking races. Like they won't show Lewis for like fucking four laps because he's so far ahead of everybody. But it is what it is. The guy's the greatest driver ever, but it sees so much better and Mercedes is so much better than everybody else that it's just fucking boring. It's like watching the NBA with like pylon teams. Oh, Bill, can't you just be positive?

So anyway, I watched, I got caught up with that. And I also, I watched Indiana versus Penn State. Holy shit, what a game that was. It was funny. I text my buddy in the middle of it when Penn State came back, like you knew they were going to. And I text him, I was like, why does, why does the University of Indiana have a football team? Because I'm always rooting for him every year. It seems like they're going to upset Ohio State or Penn State or Michigan or somebody fucking big. You're in there, you're watching the game. And then like if the game was three quarters long, Indiana would be fucking big 10 championships. So I'm watching them blow it, right? Penn State scores a fucking touchdown, a minute and a half left. Indiana's not going to

score, right? So we're fucking just sitting there talking about them. Like it's like, it's like watching Charlie Brown trying to kick the football and all of a sudden Indiana goes down the goddamn field, scores a touchdown to win it. Not to win it. Sorry to tie it up to go into overtime, right? So then Penn State gets the ball, of course, and they drive right down the field and get a touchdown. I was like, ah, well, at least, at least, you know, Indiana turned the corner. They turned the corner and they were able to at least not lose it until fucking overtime. And then they marched down the field, not only scored the touchdown, have the balls to go for the two point conversion. And who knows, people might dispute it or whatever,

but there was that was ruled a touchdown. The nose of the ball could have gone across before touched out of bounds and then hit the corner pile on fucking amazing, amazing game. Congratulations to the University of Indiana. My condolences to Penn State because, you know, you guys losing to Indiana is actually just good for Ohio State. And for some reason, Ohio State drives me up the fucking wall. I really like the team, but their fans are just the biggest whining fucking babies. Every year they think that they should be in the playoffs. The amount of times they've whined and actually got in the playoffs only to lose by 40 fucking points in the first round. SEC can't play with us. You know, I'm not saying that, you know, I mean, some years they do,

but every year they think that, you know, some years they are better. I'm not saying that, but like, you know, not saying they're not, but like the amount of times they whined and cried and got in there. And then the whole country had to fucking sit there and watch a terrible fucking football game. I don't know. I got issues with them. And one year they won, somehow they won the big, the big 10 championship over fucking Penn State who had like a better record and beat them. It was something fucking insane like that. They still fucking whine and cry. Or maybe it's just the ones that I know. I have no idea. I shouldn't paint that brush. I just said that I was letting go of all of that shit, right? Anyway, sorry. So I watched that and then I just

watched a bunch of pro football yesterday. I watched the Pittsburgh Steelers who are looking fucking looking great. There's some great names, by the way, in in sports right now. CD lamb. And who's a juju Smith Schuster? The whole game I kept going throw it to juju Smith Schuster. I just wanted him to say that name again. Then there's a guy in the fucking I watched the the first half of the Alabama Tennessee game. I'd look the guy's name. It's like Henry Oyo Oyo or something fucking crazy like that. Let me find this guy Tennessee. It's one of the best fucking names. It was some good ones when I was growing up. Billy Joe Robodeau, Buck Balu. All right, Tennessee

falls. Is it Henry or is it here? Oh, it's Henry. It literally just came up. Henry, it's T O apostrophe O T O apostrophe O. Tuolto. Oh, I can't even I don't know how to say it. I gotta get the pronunciation. Whatever, whatever. Watch the game. I was watching to play Alabama, which it's just like, you know, you only need to watch the first half of a fucking Alabama game. It's like their entire team is like number one draft picks for the fucking NFL. I mean, the Tennessee couldn't even fucking tackle them. They were just running through them.

So I just watched the first half of that. That's right. Then I switched over to Indiana Penn State. So anyway, I watched the Pittsburgh Steelers sort of handle the Titans. Titans came back a little bit there, but they just sort of fucking handle them. And I saw one of the best collisions at the goal line. I forget the guy's fucking name. Met Derek Henry just blasted through the line. It was sort of a, I mean, I don't want to exaggerate, but Jack Tatum, Earl Campbell, old school kind of football, he got up claiming he's hurt his shoulder. My buddy said that that's what they do when they get a concussion. They just claim it's a fucking shoulder. But I enjoyed the hell out of that game.

And I was also watching a little bit of the Cleveland Browns and the Bengals to, you know, young stud quarterbacks there and Baker, Mayfield and Joe Burrow and Baker, Mefield, five fucking touchdowns and the one in the late, you know, what's great is my boy Colin Cowherd is still dying on that hill with Baker Mayfield. He just won't give it up to him. He won't give it up to him. So that's sort of the game within the game is I like Baker Mayfield and I want to see him be successful because I want to see I want to see his next appearance on the great Colin Cowherd show. I just want to see how that plays out. If they could eventually just sort of, you know, become friends,

you know, like the end of a sitcom episode. But anyways, congratulations to them. I'm telling you, I know, I know Cleveland got to live in shit kicked out of them by the Steelers last week. But other than that game, that game's a fucking, that's an exciting, fun fucking team to watch as are the Bengals, even though they don't have a great record or whatever, they just stay in games. And I think you're seeing, especially with Joe Burrow, like that guy is going to be like, I'm really looking forward to him have them building a team around that guy and then seeing him going up against Patrick Mahomes, you know, I'm thinking maybe that's like the AFC going to be QB rival there. There's so many great young quarterbacks coming up.

And I think, you know, when I was a kid in the AFC, I would watch, you know, in the 80s, it was Elway and Marino. And then out West, what was it? It was Joe Montana and it's kind of just Joe Montana fucking guy was winning all the time. What the hell were the quarterbacks in the 80s out there? Do you know what? I can't even think of anybody that really stands out. Randall Cunningham, Eagles had Phil Sims, sorry, the Giants had Phil Sims, Redskins after Joe Thysman was Doug Williams. Who else was in that division? Jim Hart was out. Then it was Neil Lomax. I know, I know, I can't remember. Oh, speaking of that,

oh, I watched a great fucking movie yesterday. My wife was getting so sick of me watching sports or whatever. And I loved my wife. When I hang out with her, I said, you know what, I stumbled across this movie. I want to check it out. It's called Badlands starring Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacic. And I got to tell you, you watch that, you're like, oh, now I see where true romance came from. And it was based on this fucking serial killer. Let me look this up here. Sorry, I don't know. I got to do it on my phone here. Badlands 1973. Let me see here. It was based off of this fucking guy who went on this rampage. He killed like fucking 11 people. He killed like 10 of them in like two days. He went on

this rampage and when he got arrested, you know, he had a girlfriend and shit and she was with him. She claimed that, you know, he forced her to do shit or whatever. So she got 17 years. He got the fucking electric chair and the guys' murders were fucking brutal. I mean, as most murders are, but just like, you know, old people, kids, just horrible shit. And but this kid looked like James Dean, people said. So it was the first time people sort of got enamored by image. You know, TV was young. This is the 1950s when this shit went down. And I got to get you the fucking guy's name. Yeah, so you can look this thing up. But the most amazing thing was was it's all like, you know, you know, the broads, they love a bad boy. So they fucking sitting there going nuts for this kid

in the cop who pulled like one of the cops that arrested him actually knew who the guy really was beyond just being like a murderer, right? A serial killer piece of shit. He said when they were shooting at him, they shot his windshield and the glass went into his face. And he pulled over because he thought he was bleeding to death. And the cops said, because that's the kind of yellow son of a bitch he was. And I was like, there it is. There's the truth of the guy. He's out there fucking killing kids and old people and just just all these innocent people. You know, walking around like he's just fucking, you know, I don't know what. And then he gets a little glass on his face like, Oh my God, I'm bleeding to death. Take me to a hospital.

What is his fucking name? God damn it. All right. Badlands. I really appreciate you guys sitting through this badlands serial killer. Based on here we go. Here we go. No, Charles Stark weather. That's what it is. Charles Stark weather. Listen to this fucking asshole. All right. Mugshot, not a good mugshot. Looks like a Dick Tracy character, but you know, back then people weren't good looking as they as good looking as they are today because with with each cycle, we keep getting more and

more mixed up with each other. And it just, I don't know, it just works. If you notice that, you know, it's very rare that you get like a fucking, I always look at the royal family, you know, they've been all fucking banging each other for hundreds of years and they're all weird looking. All right. Charles Raymond Charlie Stark weather was an American spree killer who murdered 11 people in Nebraska and Wyoming between December 1957 and January 1958. This fucking guy was killing somebody like every three days. When he was 19 years old, he killed 10 of his victims between January 21st and January 29th. If you do in the math at home, that's eight days. He killed 10 people. This guy was doing two days like he was fucking playing Texas football here.

January 21st and January 29th, 1958, the date of his, the date of his arrest during his spree in 1958, Stark weather was accompanied by his 14 year old girlfriend, Carol and Fugate. Just started curiosity. Is she still alive? Is she this the woman's she's still alive? Where the fuck is she today? My God. Still alive, but I mean, she was 14 or whatever. I don't know. What are you going to do? Born Stark weather. Both Stark weather and Fugate were convicted on charges for their parts in the homicides. Stark weather was sentenced to death and executed 17 months after the events. Fugate served 17 years in prison, gaining release in 1976. Stark weather's electrocution by

electric chair in 1959 was the last execution in Nebraska until 1994 when the people of Nebraska demanded the return of capital punishment. They don't fuck around out there. All right. Her relationship with care, his relationship, Carol Ann, 1956, the 18 year old Stark weather was introduced to 13 year old Carol Ann Fugate by her older sister, whom he had previously dated. That's just going to be nothing normal in this story, people. He dropped out of Lincoln High School in his senior year and was working at Western Union newspaper warehouse. He sought employment there because the warehouse was located near Whittier Junior High High School in Lincoln where Fugate was a student giving his working schedules. Stark weather began to visit

Carol Ann Fugate every day after school. He was considered a poor worker. His employees later recalls. Sometimes you'd have to tell him something two or three times of all the employees in the warehouse. He was the dumbest man we had. I love old school quotes. They just fucking say what the fuck they're thinking. Stark weather taught Fugate how to drive and one day she crashed his 49 Ford into another car. However, Stark weather's father guy was registered on the vehicle. He paid the damages but argued with his son about it. And his having led his unlicensed girlfriend drive, refusing to condone his son's behavior. Guy banished Stark weather from the family home. The young man quit his job at the warehouse and became a garbage collector for minimum wage.

He began to develop a nihilistic worldview. Is that when the sun goes around you refers to a number of different views of philosophy, all of which express some form of negation towards common philosophical concepts such as knowledge, existence or the meaning of life, different forms of nihilism. All right, I guess I'm never going to know what that word means. An nihilist, a nihilist, a nihilistic. I thought that meant you were sort of self-involved. Did he give a fuck about other people? I don't know. He used his time on the garbage route to begin plotting bank robberies. He settled on a personal philosophy by which he lived the remainder of his time. Dead people are all on the same level. That was his philosophy, whatever the fuck

them. All right, first murder late in November 30th, 1957. Stark weather became angry at Robert Colvert, a service station attendant in Lincoln for refusing to sell him a stuffed animal on credit. He returned several times during the night to purchase small items until finally brandishing his shotgun. He forced Colvert to give him $100 from the till. He drove Colvert to a remote area where they struggled over the gun, injuring Colvert before Stark weather killed him with a shot to the head. All right, and he's off. Then doesn't do shit for like a month. Two months, actually. On January 21st, 1958, Stark weather went to Fugate's home to get his girlfriend, Fugate's mother and stepfather, Velda and Mary and Barlett told him to stay away.

He fatally shot them, then strangled and stabbed their granddaughter. You don't even want to hear this. This is just, it just gets worse. Just check out the fucking movie. It's fucking brutal. I mean, not the movie, the movie. Okay, what this guy actually did is fucking brutal. The movie, the movie, basically, there's so many movies that when you watch Badlands from 1973 starring Martin Sheen and Sissy Spasic, my movie pick of the week. There's so many movies that you see that relationship. There's a Brad Pitt movie, California. There's, I always forget the name. I just had the fucking name of it, the Oliver Stone movie. One there with the natural born killers, true romance. The whole style of the movie, the music,

the narration over, you know, reminded me of some of the stuff I saw in the 80s and 90s and stuff. Very influential movie, Badlands. Check that out, 1973. If you can't, if you have the time, if you have the time, it looks like everybody's sort of back to work at this point. Speaking of which, everybody, would you guys like to hear my presidential election picks? Picks, picks, picks. I voted. I did the whole thing. I stuck it in one of those yellow boxes near the library praying to God somebody wouldn't fucking come by and just praying to God it was a real one or whatever. All right, so here's my presidential picks. Presidential picks, my presidential pick here. My thing is this, do not listen to these stupid fucking polls.

The polls are not accurate. All right, you got to understand what's going on here. Here's the deal. Conservatives are conservative. They consider it rude if you ask them who they're voting for. So they just say they're undecided, right? Liberals can't shut the fuck up about who they're voting for. So it's never going to be accurate. Liberals, all they want to do is tell you who they're voting for and how you should be living your life, right? Conservatives, on the other hand, they keep their fucking mouth shut while they secretly plot all of their bullshit. So there you go. It's not a poker game here. Well, I guess it is, but one person's saying what they have. The other person is not saying they might have garbage. I don't know what I have no idea

what's going to happen, but I will say that the orange dumb dumb did himself a service by actually behaving like a fucking adult. I mean, I didn't really watch it, but from what I saw, he wasn't like interrupting. I just love that they have them on a split screen now. So you can like look at both of their reactions. I call it the Trump camp. I don't ever remember them doing that. I thought they always just, they put it on the person. Maybe they always did. I have no idea. So anyway, don't listen to those stupid fucking polls. I remember the last time they were like, oh, Hillary's going to fucking trounce them. It's going to fucking trounce them. It's like, no, no, liberals just said who they were voting for and conservatives don't. I mean,

how many times can you fucking fall for this? So we shall see. I just look at it this way. Worst case scenario, I'm halfway done with this fucking guy. And I have to be honest with you, a lame duck Donald Trump. That is a scary scenario. What the fuck is he? That guy can do a lot of damage in a month. But we shall see. We shall see. All right, with that, with that, but you know what? Good luck to both people running. You know, like I said, I'm done. I'm done giving a fucking, getting all fucking emotional about this shit. All right, if half the country wants a scarecrow with the facelift, he'll be the president. The other half likes a fucking race bait and fucking, I don't know what the hell he is, then I guess we'll have that guy. But you know what? There's

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but in covering sports, it's usually about who's going to win and what team they should bet on. Is this supposed to be me talking? You got the Patriots or the 49ers this week, but I didn't even talk about that. I watched the Patriots get the shit kicked out of them by the 49ers. Yeah, it's been a tough year, but I gotta tell you, I love the Patriots uniforms, and I'm going to keep watching them because I love them. I love, I love the pets. I love the past. We're going to get through this. We're going to get fucking get through COVID next year. We'll have a better team. I just, just need to protect Cam Newton. That's all. All right, you got the Patriots or 49ers this week, bucks or Raiders. Well, the best piece of advice I can

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reads. Speaking of voting, you know, one of the hardest things is those fucking props, you know, prop this, prop that. It's like, if you vote yes on prop 62, you know, bus loads of children will be bus to wonderful schools with computers. And then there'll be somebody like, it will be like, if you vote yes, I can't get kidney dialysis and I'm going to die. Just like, what the fuck do I do here? I want the kids to get to school to a great school, but I don't want this person to die. Or do I? I don't want them to, but like there's too many people. So I got to go with the kids. I got to go with the kids, you know, a no vote on this means that, but a yes votes going to make this happen. Why can't they just, I don't know.

Why can't they just tell you what's going to happen? So I just defer to my friends who are way more into politics. I call up my buddy Jimmy door. I ask him what's going on here. He gives me some advice, you know, I get a little sage advice. I call them my bookies of fucking the prop questions. All right, let's get into the, what are we here? We got like 45 minutes and let's get into some of the questions here as I read them off on my phone. I got to tell you something. I have really good looking kids. Thank God I married a beauty. You know, all I did was lighten them up. God damn the good looking kids. Every time I turn on my phone, I can't believe those are my kids. All right, here we go. I listened. Okay, here we go.

I listened to 12 years of MMP in six months. What? Hey, Billy, legs as white as Muzarel Burr. I'm a 23, 23 year old guy from Egypt. Dude, what's going on? Other side of the world. Can I crash at your pad and I'll go look at the pyramids? Hey, does anybody in Egypt go and look at the pyramids or is that like going to fucking Times Square? I bet if you live in Egypt, every time one of your friends comes to visit, it's like, all right, let's go ride a fucking camel and go over to the goddamn fucking pyramids. Jesus Christ. You know, and then when you can actually take them to like the cool part of Cairo, I don't even know where the pyramids are. I know they're in Egypt though.

I am a 23 year old guy from Egypt and arguably your biggest fan in this part of the world. Well, yeah, I don't think you have a lot of competition. I would like to thank you for your help throughout one of the roughest patches of my short life. I graduated last spring from my college as an architect. That's amazing. That's a really cool job, by the way, being an architect, designing that. I love the combination of like when science meets like art at the same time. That's what I like about watching people like customize anything or build cars or design buildings and shit. I think it's amazing. So congratulations to you. You must be a really talented person. Let's get to the tough part of your life. My last

semester was spent during the pandemic and I spent all of it at home. It was a six month long semester which included the most important part of my degree, a part that requires hours upon hours of work. I would imagine you're designing buildings. People are going to be in them and you don't want them to collapse. I would imagine that that is quite a skill to learn. You wouldn't want me designing it. I basically worked myself into a zombie. The average work day throughout this period was 18 hours in front of a computer screen or until my eyes started to twitch or my hands start to shake. You know, you can get those blue glasses, blue tinted glasses, to look at computer screens. It's a little late to tell you that, but in the future,

if you further your studies, I heard that those things work. To make it work, I couldn't go to the gym or work with a friend due to the pandemic and my only friend during these terrible nights was you. Oh, Jesus. Oh my God. All right. Your podcast was always playing in the background of my computer. I went through 12 years of the MM podcast in six miserable months and it was the only thing that would make me smile or laugh. Jesus Christ. You could actually learn how to be an architect with my dumb ass talking in the background. That's amazing. I know this sounds horrible, but on the bright side, I finished this semester with a 4.0 GPA because you put the fucking work in. You didn't whine about it. You got down to when you got it done. Good for you.

That's inspiring and graduated top of my class and got a scholarship for my master's degree. And I wouldn't be kissing your pale ass if I told you that I couldn't have done that without your podcast. Look at that. Look at the juxtaposition of the smart thing he's doing versus the ignorance of this podcast. It all comes together. I remember several nights when I had no more fight in me and I wanted to sleep so bad, but I just kept telling myself, just play some clips from the MM podcast and push through the night. Dude, this is starting to feel like a paid ad. This guy's kissing my ass so much. I hope this makes it to the podcast so that I can hear you read it. And so that maybe 20 years from now, one of your kids may stumble upon it on YouTube and know that their old freckle

cunt of a dad helped out a guy he doesn't know in a country he probably can't point to on a map. What are you talking about? I like that you trashed me in the end. I know where it is. It's right there on the northeast of Africa. And then you got the little canal there. You had the six day war with Israel. Anwar Sadat was one of my favorite world leaders. And I hated when he got assassinated. I know a little bit about that over there. What is that? Not the Red Sea? I used to know the name of that little channel there because back in the day, you'd have to sail all the way around. All the fuck way around. See, I'm not that bad. Is it Algeria and Libya is all up there? For all you guys know, I'm looking

on a map now, but I'm not. I'm kind of into geography. I was doing this thing for a while. I wanted to learn every single country. And then I discovered how difficult that was and I didn't stick with it. But this guy did. And now he's a fucking architect. And he got a fucking, what did he get? He got a scholarship for his master's degree. That's amazing. Can you imagine the podcast studio this guy could design? All right, Halloween advice. Oh, wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Come on, play it. Play it. Hey. That's me. From somebody else. All right. It's time for advice on Halloween. Halloween advice. Okay. Well, how can you have Halloween? We're all, well, I guess because we're all wearing masks,

it's safe. Where I got to throw the candy at the kids this year. Come on, people. Is this microphone on? All right. Here we go. Hi, Bill. Hello, person. Hope you and the family are doing well. I am in need of your advice on a controversial subject. And who better than you? I have a few nephews ages two to 12 years old that are into superheroes. One of my nephews is about four to five years old and wants to be Black Panther for Halloween. He's inspired by the story and likes the character. My sister-in-law wants to get him a costume, but her white friends are telling her that she cannot have her son as Black Panther because he's white. Well, do they have like, well, wait a second, what sort of mask does he? Wait a second. That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

Wait, is it just a suit? And then his white face sticks out the front and then you got to put him in. You're not going to put, don't put him in whatever it is. Do not go blackface on this one. Please, white people, for the love of God. All right. My nephew does not understand racism, nor truly understands why someone would discriminate against someone else's based on the color of their skin. It almost seems wrong to tell a child you cannot be a character based on their skin. Should my nephew be Black Panther for Halloween? Yeah. If it's just the costume, I would do that. All right. I would don't try to make, don't do the blackface thing with his face. Okay. Is this whitewashing or racist? Just want to make sure myself and my

family are not ignorant to any racist actions. All right. And who better to ask but a fucking white guy on this one? Wait a second. Let's see. Black Panther. Let me see what this costume looks. The first one. Halloween. God damn it. Not Galloween. Halloween. Halloween costume. All right. If it's just his face, point not. I don't see why he can't do it. Oh, what a surprise. Look at this. It's not going to load. This internet that I fucking pay a million dollars for, you fucking cunts. Let's go. All right. I won't pull up. So here's the deal. Yeah. If it's just like, you know, if it's just like a fucking, like an Iron Man costume, I gotta be honest with you,

I saw Black Panther. I can't remember them. I can't remember movies. I don't know what it is. I see him and I just immediately forget him. I imagine his face had to be obscured somehow. You know, some sort of mask or something. I just put your white kid in the costume and that's it. Just don't put any fucking blackface shit on his face and you should be fine. I think you should be fine. I think if that's all you're doing, then I think your white friends are wrong. But what you should do is ask one of your black friends and when they're done laughing, I'm sure they'll give you an answer. All right. Marrying step-sister been through the same. All right. Billy no shoulders. I like that one. By the way,

Billy no shoulders is up to fucking three pounders, 11 reps, no pain, no pain whatsoever. I'm cruising along here. I figure once I just need to just keep doing this, get up to about 10, 11, 12 pounds and it's going to be pull up time again for me. All right. If I could just somehow get to a lat pull down machine somewhere during this fucking pandemic, Billy no shoulders. You had a listener email in on Monday the 19th about a guy about to marry his step sister. This also happened to me when I was 20. Jesus Christ. Who knew that this was like a fucking thing? I've been going out with my high school girlfriend for a few years. One day her dad had dropped off, had dropped her off at my mom's house.

Wait. Okay. So just to refresh people who didn't listen to last podcast, this guy was dating this chick and his dad ended up marrying his girlfriend's mother. They were both single, obviously, and they hit it off. They got married while he was still dating this chick. So his girlfriend then became legally his step sister. Okay. So this person is saying this also happened to me. One day her dad had dropped her off at my mom's house where I was living at the time. No issues with this or so I thought over the next few weeks, he started to drop her off more and more being young and ignorant. I didn't think anything of it until the day came when they, my mom and her dad,

sat my girlfriend and I down to tell us they were now an item and that he would be moving in. Oh my God. To say that my mom is a selfish cunt would be an understatement. Every one of her friends, her family, and even my dad, her ex-husband, tried to tell her this was a fucked up situation, but she was having none of it. No more than a month of him moving in, they broke the news to us that they were getting married. Imagine marrying a guy you've known for the best part of three months. You can see how this is going to end. Well, it seemed to work back in the day, but then again, people just didn't believe in divorce. Anyway, he put the S on it. Thank you. Anyway, my girlfriend and I broke up because of this situation. Then things

became more fucked up when my now ex-girlfriend's mother kicked her out of the house and guess where she had to come and live? You guessed it with us. Now I'm getting confused. I told my mom that I wouldn't be going to the wedding and that this entire situation was going to take a toll on my relationship with her, to which she replied, if you don't like it, go and live with your dad. So I did. My mom and her new husband to be went and bought a house together and got married. I stood by my, I stood my ground and didn't go to the wedding. Fuck them. The marriage lasted two months. Wow. I'm now 29 and haven't had a relationship with my mom since. Fuck her. Anyways, hope you and the family stay safe. Stop blowing out your shoulders,

lifting up a pint of water. You bald pussy. Thanks and get fucked. This person's a fellow private pilot and a drummer, drum lover from Scotland. All right. Yeah, fucking drum loving cunt. Well, she is your mother. So someday, someday you're going to have to patch it up, but wow, what a whirlwind of shit that was. And the fact that it just lasted, I got to commend you for not just showing up, being like, Hey, what did I say? I do what I called it and giving her all kinds of shit. You know, at some point, you just have to understand that your parents are human. You know what, that doesn't work with this. Yeah, you got a nut job for a mom. I don't know what to tell you, but she is your mom. So at some point,

you know, if you don't like it, go live with your dad. Wow. Wow. I, my advice to you, I would just, I would try to find the humor in it. And I would just, I wouldn't let it go for a long time, but I wouldn't be nasty about it. I would just be making jokes, just be like, Hey mom, you know, I, I got a new job. Do you want to come down and start fucking my boss and maybe marry him? And then two, two days later, divorce him. I don't know. I would just do that. I mean, what else can you do? But I will tell you this, don't fucking turn to alcohol to fucking help it. All right. Cause that'll be a whole other problem and you'll end up having a two

month marriage also. All right. Where to move to? Hey, Bill, Bill Bowe Naggins. Here's the top five states to live in. One, New Hampshire, lowest crime rate, poverty rate and pollution levels in the country. Great scenery and very few people. Health system is one of the best in the country and schools are exceptional. No state income tax or sales tax and not to mention it's close to Massachusetts, Minnesota. I know you love lakes and here you can buy the cheapest waterfront property with more than 11,000 lakes. I love Minnesota. It's just cold as shit. Both global warming. Who knows third safest state with excellent schools and fourth lowest poverty rate. However, very cold in the winter. I mean minus 30 degrees. All right. That's out. Idaho.

I can't go Idaho. That's where every Hollywood douche ends up going. It's in the middle. So you won't have to spend a lot of time in planes, very low crime and good. Yeah, but I'll have to have a lot of connecting flights in good schools and very beautiful. But costs of houses are rising because most Californians are moving here. Yes. Houston slash Austin, Texas. I am not doing Texas. Texas had a biblical level fucking drought a few years ago and you have fires just like LA and hurricanes. So I'm just substituting earthquakes for hurricanes. Surprisingly liberal with low taxes. You can contact your friends there about the level of racism, good schools, but not good healthcare system. Five, Ohio. I love Ohio. You can move next door to Dave.

He can tell you about Ohio, especially the experiences of people of color. Bye bye and good luck. But we know you aren't moving now. I'm not fucking moving. I'm not moving. I actually think I'm going to stick it out here and watch LA go down to the fucking population. It should be be able to cruise around. All right. Abuse of girlfriend. Hey, Billy, the baggy balls burp. I'm a 23 year old from Malaysia. Hey, I like the internationals. This is great. No one people are listening. You're all the way in Malaysia. You're listening to this. It's amazing. Yes, I can't find Malaysia. It's down on the South, the South Pacific, right down near the Philippines, right? Singapore and all over there, right? I've been with my girlfriend for over a year.

She was fun and pleasant for the first six months of our lives. Probably hot. I feel like every chick down there is like every chick in like the Philippines, Malaysia, Singapore, they're all beautiful. She was fun and pleasant for the first six months of our relationship. I quit my job at our national border, which is three hours from where she lives. Things were wonderful until I lost my hair from radiotherapy for my acoustic neuroma. Acoustic neuroma. Second I hear acoustic, I'm thinking guitar. I didn't know what that is. She started getting verbally abusive and calling me names like ugly naked mole rat. Holy shit. She threatened to murder me anytime she would think I would fuck up

and she'd get angry anytime I made a small mistake like turning into a wrong alley. I say sorry now more than I say I love her. Yeah, dude, dump this fucking douche. I would just lower myself just to avoid getting into arguments. Yeah, buddy, you're in an abusive relationship. You need to get some self-esteem and get out of this thing. And don't even think because of what you went through, no other, you're not going to get another woman. You are and you're going to get someone who's actually a fucking human being other than this fucking twat. In the last three months, she just started to get physical. She justified her actions by saying that she came from a broken home. Her dad left and her mom were barely home. They live with her stepdad now and things are okay at home

and they all like me. Whenever I tried to break up with her, she always says that she would kill herself if I ever left. Well, that's her fucking fault. I don't want that baggage to be put on me. What do you think I should do? Apologies for the bad grammar. Your grammar has been great. Big fan. Thank you and go fuck yourself. You should break up with her. You should break up with her. You should absolutely break up with her. 100 fucking percent. Her fucking suicidal bullshit is not your problem. And she's calling you a naked mole rat and getting physical with you. And she has all these fucking excuses. Do you want to stay with this broad? It's got to be like, look, you got to go to therapy and fix yourself or I'm leaving. All right.

Dude, fuck that. Fuck that. I would just, I would fucking, I would just, this is like poker. I would just match what she's saying. You know, if you leave me, I'll kill myself. All right. If I stay in this relationship with you, I'm going to kill myself. So what should I do? Do you leave? I'm going to kill myself. What are you? What are you fucking reading? Shakespeare? Grow up. Go fucking, fucking be an asshole to some new guy. If you want to go passive aggressive, you could just stop apologizing. How about this? How about you stop apologizing and then she gets so mad she breaks up with you. Now you're playing a game. You can't, I'm not trying to belittle the

fact that she's saying she's suicidal, but I kind of lost any sort of empathy for her when she said what she said about you, considering what you were going through with your acoustic guitar cancer there, whatever the fuck it is. All right. Top five stupid questions. Yeah. Break up with a dude. Break up with her and go find the woman of your dreams and live your fucking life instead of being held emotionally hostage by this lunatic. Thank you for listening, listening, listening over there in Malaysia. Shout out to everybody in Malaysia except for that fucking cunt. All right. Top five stupid questions from a lawyer. Oh, this is, this is a new segment. If you work with the general public, we have the top five stupid questions and I'm guilty of it. I went to Joshua

Tree and I asked the park ranger, where is the Joshua Tree? All right. So I'm not looking down on anybody, but I do love reading these. All right. Hello, Bill. I have worked in the legal field just picturing that park ranger's face when he was looking at me like, is this guy fucking with me? And then the realization that I was serious and is in, and then which slowly turned into excitement on his face that he had a story to tell his friend, his fellow coworkers. All right. Hello, Bill. I have worked in the legal field. What is that thing? I just went to inhale through my mouth and then all of a sudden it's like, you know, somebody pulled the choke on you. I don't know what that is. All right. I've worked in the legal field in various capacities throughout

the last six years from investigating sex crimes, oh Jesus, to transporting federal prisoners, to being in many courtrooms. My experience, my experiences have not lacked any excitement or stupid questions. All right. Number one, I was reading off my first warrant I ever served in a county jail. This warrant was for a battery charge and she was in solitary confinement during this time. The young girl asks, so does this mean I can't go home right now? That's fucking hilarious. You're being charged with hitting an old woman over the head with a safe. So like, does that mean I can't go home right now? Oh, Jesus. While investigating a sex crime, oh boy.

The person who was believed to be extremely guilty of committing several crimes at a daycare admitted many of these atrocities to the police on tape. When I asked him about the question, he says, does this look bad? Oh boy. He admitted to doing that at a daycare center. Like, dude, they should just take that guy out back and once they try him and convict him and just shoot him in the fucking head. I have no sex offenders. That's it. It's over. It's a wrap. See you. Don't need you. Number three, while in federal court, a resentencing hearing was taking place for a man who had been in prison for seven years for production of meth. An intern sitting next to me while the man was in shackles and a prison uniform actually asked me, is he under arrest?

Wow, dude. These are great. During my first autopsy, I thought you were a lawyer. A sheriff deputy asked me, so do we just throw the whole body away when we're done? Oh my God. Oh my God. I mean, and that guy has a gun, right? He had a gun on his hip and he said that. All right. All right. Okay. Number five, following a court hearing where a mother who was high on meth, a family court hearing and the mother is high on meth. I mean, that alone. The mother's parental rights were terminated. The mother asked the judge, when do I bring my daughter back for the next court thing? Thank you, Bill, for bringing many much needed laughs for me during the week. Also, best to you, Nia and the two little birds. Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. That's such a great segment. You

guys are really writing in a bunch of killer stuff. Speaking of which, my daughter made my son laugh for the second time. My son has laughed twice in his short little cute life and she's made him laugh both times. They absolutely love each other and he was laying on his belly and he's really like coordinated and he's already like figuring out how to crawl. He's absolutely the most adorable little baby boy I've ever seen in my life. So she does this thing where she was just doing like, you know, blowing on his back, making the fart noises and he just thought it was hilarious. He was doing those squeals and everything and then she started cracking up laughing and he laughed too. And I got it all on video. It's the greatest thing ever. And I don't know, we've been

having the best time. We've just been having the best time. So I made some pumpkin bread last night because I'm a holiday guy. Do be do be do. Somehow I fucked it up. I don't think I put enough sugar in it. But anyway, I'm totally, I got to figure out how we're going to do the Halloween thing with my daughter. I'm thinking me and my wife maybe can just be in different rooms, bedrooms and she can just keep going back and forth knocking. I'll just have different hats and act like I'm different people until we fill up her candy or something. We'll have to do something. She gets it because everybody's sick. She gets it. But she already has her costume picked out. She's getting excited and stuff. So it's kind of going to suck. Like most people,

you got to tell your kids, there's no Halloween this year, but something that they'll get to guilt their kids about. You should be happy. I remember when I was a kid one year, they canceled Halloween. Sorry. All right. My voice held up here. Sorry for the low energy podcast. That is it. I don't know who's playing Monday Night Football. I didn't even talk about the Seattle, Arizona Cardinal game was fucking incredible. And I got to tell you something. I think Russell Wilson, I know they lost and everything, but I don't think I've ever seen a guy. You know, I've seen throughout the years, great quarterbacks make difficult throws, but I've just never, this guy makes the hardest fucking throws. He makes them look like a screen

pass. Like he's just dumping it off to a running back that touchdown that they got that I thought was the dagger and was going to put Arizona down for the count at the back of the end zone. It was basically like the Montana Clark. He just, he every fucking time like, I don't care if the guy's fucking 10 yards away or 40, 50 yards down the field. I've just never seen a guy just put the ball right over the defender and right on his receiver's fingertips. The guy is, he's one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. Forget about now when they're talking about him being an MVP. That guy is fucking unbelievable. And having said that, the Arizona Cardinals are fun as hell to watch. I hope Kenyon Drake is not hurt. I hope he gets healthy.

But even then they had some other kids step in for him and he ran for a bunch of yards, but that is an exciting fucking team to watch. And they have sucked so many years more than they've been good. I know they had that one time when they went to the Super Bowl there with Larry Fitzgerald and Kurt Warner. That was a great one. I think that was against the Steelers, I believe. But that is a fun team to watch. So I'm having a blast. As much as my team is struggling, I'm really having fun watching it this year. And I know the, I know my paths are going to be, you know, you know, we had some guys opt out because of COVID or whatever we were learning a new system. Who knows, maybe we'll get some good draft picks. Bill Belichick with some good

draft picks. That's a nice, I like that scenario. So we shall see what happens. All right. That's it. I will talk to you guys later. Have a great couple of days. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. you you you kids to ensure the hands wagon or instinct or interpret they're the kids or a meaner with them be a premium section certificate but it یucicle 함께

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