Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-28-19

Episode Date: October 29, 2019

Bill rambles about the fires, wagons, and amphibians.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday, October 28th 2019, what's going on? How are you? How are you doing? How was your football Sunday? Did your team win? Did your team, your college team, win on Saturday? If it did, are you in a better mood? If it didn't, did you take it out on your wife? God damn it, Sally. I told you not to get up out of that chair.

Second you did, they threw a fucking interception. God damn woman, so fucking stubborn. I didn't watch much of any football this week, and I didn't. I watched LSU. Dada, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Beat fucking Auburn on SA. It's a great game. I think LSU finally wore down their dayfeds. I don't know. The big thing, they got to be fucking Alabama. They just got to go in and they just got to take Nick Saban by what's left of the hair on top of his head.

And they got to swing them around like a fucking weapon in the goddamn middle ages. I don't know what they have to do. But it's just, no matter, I know they're undefeated. I know they're playing well. I know they got a quarterback. But until you beat Alabama, you know, it's in two weeks. They got next week off. They got 14 days to stare at that goddamn game on the calendar. Did they have too much time? Do you think they were overprepared? Is this a case of overpreparedness? Coach, would you say that?

Excuse me, coach, I've never coached even at a little league level. I was just wondering, do you feel that you overprepared your professional team? I guess college isn't professional. You wouldn't know by the amount of money they're making off of it, huh? Goddamn, big business, isn't it? The fuck was I just going to look up? I was literally trying to think my way through that thought as I subtly went to the search. It's going to look something up. Ah, fuck, it left. It left me. Where did it go? Anyway, guess what? I had some shit to do today, but there's a fire.

This time of year, there's all the fires, and this year there's also crazy winds, so it's fucking scary. I don't know. One of these years, I'm telling you, I just feel like the whole fucking thing's just going to go up like fucking flash paper. It looks worse though. It looks worse when you watch it on TV. I always have relatives calling me up being like, hey, you all right out there? It's just like, I can't even see the smoke. It's that far away, but I had some business to do. I had business in Santa Monica today, and I just said, fuck that. I'm going to stay out of the way of the people that have to go out and go fight those damn pigs. Can you fucking imagine

since 2 a.m., the thing broke out. They've been sitting and standing in the fucking hills on uphill fire, you know, bad enough on level ground. You got to go on a hike with all of that gear on, and then you got to go up there, and the fucking winds are whipping it around. It's amazing that they ever even get the things out before everybody dies. So anyway, it's really weird that it's over there again, because they just had a fire there last year, and I was thinking the upside of that is if you didn't lose your house, there was a fire there, and it kind of burned everything down, so there was nothing else to catch on fire. I thought because last year it jumped the highway. I tell you, I absolutely love Los Angeles,

but I'm telling you, you definitely pay for the weather out here. It's the yin and the yang. You can't have your fucking cake and eat it, except the weather's going to be this nice. So you think you're going to miss out on winter? Here's a firestorm. How about that? You still think hail? Is that bad there, buddy? Um, so anyway, it was obviously, I hope that they put that out soon. So I'm actually feeling guilty now, because now I fucking canceled everything that I had to do this afternoon out there, and I found myself as people are like evacuating their houses, and people are risking their lives. This is how selfish human beings are, or maybe I just am. I was literally in the

kitchen as I was making myself a couple of soft crook eggs. I just started singing to myself, I got the whole day to myself. I got the whole damn day to myself. I got the whole day. That's what I'm singing because literally like fucking whatever 15, 20 miles away, there's people going, okay, I'm screaming through fucking those fucking air masks that I'm singing. See that? You know, maybe it isn't because I'm selfish, maybe because I'm just that positive. Ah, fuck, I realize I got a couple of friends who live over there should do this. I hate doing that shit, like when someone's going through some major shit like that, and you just like, well, I guess anything you need in this would be good, because they could actually come and

state your place, you could actually do something, you know, when someone's going like, you know, they had a death in the family. You know, if there's anything I could do, could you, you know, let me know. Yeah, could you bring the person back to life? Yeah, I didn't think so. All right then, thank you. We got enough fucking fruit cakes. I hate those moments because I refuse to write like a sound bite, and then you got to sit there for like 40 minutes, how do I write something sincere? And then you realize that this is why this thoughts and prayers go out to the survivors. You want to go out tonight, maybe hold your kids a little closer. I can't believe people say that with the fucking look of sincerity on the fifth. The most insincere thing you can

probably say at this point, considering it now, it's just a total cliche thoughts and prayers, go out to the survivors and the victims of the surviving victims for survivors with the children being held closer during these times of this current climate, living our truth, being warriors, you know, just covering all your fucking bases. So I actually thought for half a second, I was like, you know what, maybe I'll go see the fucking Joker or kill the Irishman. I was thinking maybe that you know, it's crazy, we're watching all these fires and all this fucking bullshit and just sitting there watching them, they're going to shut the fucking power off for like a million people out here because they're worried with the winds,

a wind condition, like 90 knots or something fucking insane like that, which is almost, you know, 50 knots is a jet stream. So this is almost twice that. They're worried what it's going to do with these fires. And if I guess if the electricity is turned on, it can cause even more fires, it sounds like a smart thing. But somehow I got to feel like the rich people don't get their power turned off. You know, I'm telling you, man, I got there's a guy down the fucking street who has solar panels. I got to talk to this guy. I got to get it, man. You know, you got to get off this shit. The fucking oil companies are not all billy's preaching them. Oh, look at him. He doesn't even fucking read. If maybe as an individual, that's what you need to do. If you got, you know,

I don't know if you got to do something. It's just sitting here waiting for politicians to finally stand up to banks and oil companies. I'm realizing it's just never going to happen. No matter if the president has a red tie, a blue tie, a clam, a cock, a combination of both a him, her or a day, it's just not going to fucking happen. Okay, they sent the message in the 60s. If you rock the boat, a crazed lone gunman comes in and fucking takes you out. So what I think it has to go from the bottom up rather than the top down. So I don't know. Fucking assholes. Like how much more crazier does the goddamn weather have to get? And then

people keep sending me this fucking information. I hate talking about this because then people send me all this crazy fucking information with like no solution. Just to let you know, this is happening. So now I think I'm doing the same thing, whatever. I'm just going to try to be nice to people, get some solar panels and, you know, not brandish a weapon. Although I don't think it's the worst thing. I think if you're a good guy, oh my god, I'm doing the NRA. A good guy with a gun. I'll tell you right now, there's nothing. The only thing that stops a bad guy with a bazooka is a good guy with a bazooka. The only thing that stops a pedophile is a good non-pedophile fucking adult consensually.

What? Oh, bring back the insane asylums. They got to put people in there. They got to get them back. They got to get the rubber rooms back in there. You know what I mean? We got to bring it on home. We got to bring it on home. If I was running for president, we're going to bring everything home in the next four to eight years I'm in office. We're going to bring it home. We're going to stop trying to save the world. Wink, wink, nod, nod. Save in the world. You know what I mean? We're saving the world. Why don't we come home, take care of our own people? I think that's what Trump wants to do. I think he wants to bring all the troops back so they can sweep the

forces so we stop having fires. I don't fucking know. I have no solutions. Let's talk about sports. Is there anything better than sports? Because it keeps your mind off of what's really important that you have no control over. How about those Green Bay Packers? All of these fucking people acting like the Patriots are just this nomad. I don't know what their fucking deal is. Green Bay looks great. New Orleans look great. 49ers. I think the 49ers are sort of the Patriots of the West. Now, before 49er fans get excited, what I mean is you have a very impressive record. But who have you played? I don't know. Kevin Hart? All right, 49ers. There we go. Up with the schedule. Let's see who they've played so far this year. All right, of course, all they have is the rest of

the goddamn fucking year. Come on, man. Can't you just tell that I'm too dumb to fucking search for what I want? Wait, 49ers, 2019 regular season schedule. All right, they played the Cleveland Browns. Not impressive. No offense. They played the Rams. That's impressive. Went to the Super Bowl last year. It's impressive in week two, right? No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I started the wrong time. Okay, they played the Buccaneers. You know, Buccaneers, they're a Jekyll and Hyde team. I mean, I gotta be asked myself, which Buccaneer team is showing up this week? They beat the Bengals. The Bengals stink. They beat the Steelers in a close game. But you know, the Steelers are the Steelers just show up and like, this is what we're doing. And then you

adjust to it some, even in the second quarter, and then they come out in the third quarter, they're like, we're still doing it. Beat the Browns. Not impressive. Beat the Rams. Actually, they beat the Browns way easier than the Patriots did, although we had a pretty easy game yesterday, even though I didn't watch a fucking second of it, because I refused to get the NFL Sunday ticket. I don't give a fuck. I've tried enough times. I'm not fucking doing it. Fuck Direct TV. And you know what? I kind of like going back to only having one or two fucking games. It's kind of a nice thing. And having time to contemplate my life. Anyways, then they beat the Redskins. That's a weird game, nine to nothing. What? Redskins have only won one game this year

against the hapless barely in the league Miami Dolphins. Then they kicked the shit out of the fucking Panthers yesterday, 51 to 13. All right, they got the Cardinals. They're a good team. They got Seattle Seahawks with old sneaky Pete. They got him. They got the Packers. They got the Saints. See, I'm telling you, they got the Seahawks again. They got the Rams again. See this there right here. I'll tell you right now, these San Francisco 49ers are as far as the schedule goes this year, which is a really weird year. There's like four good teams. The parody this year is everybody sucks, generally speaking. Nobody's really that good, it seems. So I was going to say, as far as the being the Patriots of the NFC West is the NFC West, the NFC. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking

about is they've had like this Alabama Crimson Tide sort of fucking schedule where there's a lot of fucking bowling greens, you know, no offense, Ohio State of Miami type of games. And let's see what the who the Patriots got. And we got the Ravens, we got Kansas City, Kansas City with three fucking losses all of a sudden. Jesus Christ, it's almost like if Patrick Mahomes gets hurt, they're not the team that they were. But I guess people were already talking about their defense saying it wasn't that fucking good. Jesus Christ, what a goddamn throw by Aaron Rogers. Huh? I'll tell you if Tom Brady wasn't so much better and better looking, I'm kidding, they're both fucking amazing. But come on, Tom Brady, you know, if they were making a movie,

all right, I'm not saying Aaron Rogers would be a bad guy. I would say that he would be like Tom Brady is the lead, I would say Aaron Rogers is the second lead. All right, and that dude down in Jacksonville would be the guy they're trying to catch. And his fucking, his bad guy mustache. Kansas City Chiefs, I don't know, five and three, I think they're a little better than that record. Despite some steps forward, the Chiefs defense has to do more arrowhead pride, arrowhead pride. Okay, you got to believe that night. That sounds like some hardcore fucking Chiefs fans. Have you ever been, by the way, is anybody listening to the podcast other than people who live in the Kansas City, Missouri area?

Have you been to Arrowhead Stadium? That's one of the great ones I ever went to. And that really is the loudest stadium in the league. Um, there is loudest Seahawk fans in an old school stadium where you actually, you had to have, you had to be loud because of how much you cared, you know, not cause Bose built your fucking stadium. When am I going to let it go? Never, never. Um, all right. And then I watched that F1 race yesterday. I got to watch the MotoGP. Unfortunately, I already saw the highlight of the, of the last lap. Um, I mean, I, I'm telling you, I'll tell you right now, if you're in the racing, MotoGP is where the fuck it's at. I know it's over. I know Mark Marquez has

won the title. I know that Honda has won the builders championship or whatever, but still, it's just the best fucking racing out there. But I watched the F1 yesterday and, uh, uh, it's, it's literally, it's becoming a sport to watch Ferrari fuck the whole thing up. I just don't get like, I don't understand. Like you have pole position and you have second place. You maintain that through the first three fucking laps. How does neither one of those cars cross the finish line first? How do you know that Lewis Hamilton and Mercedes are going to somehow figure out, they just, they just fucking, it's like Bill Belichick shit where the other teams better, you know, they got this, they got

that, they got a home field. They already beat the Patriots once he just goes in and he's just smarter. He just comes up with a better game plan. That's what, that's what Mercedes did by looking at exactly what Ferrari could have looked at. How well Daniel Ricardo was doing on the hard fucking, whatever they call it, hard surface tire, whatever they call it, the hard tire. It wasn't getting chewed up at that altitude. I don't know what the fuck they saw, but they saw it early. They had him pit early. I was like, what the fuck are they doing? And then a few laps later, like, oh my God, they did it again. They did it again. They, they absolutely 100% deserve it. And I, I, I actually lose my mind

rooting against Lewis Hamilton just cause it's fun to do. I'll tell you, if you want to be bored and watch F1 root for Mercedes and Lewis Hamilton, you're going to not off during the fucking races. All right. Unless, especially if he has pole position, but, uh, rooting against them, you'll be off your couch as you're screaming about the inevitable that he's going to come back and win the fucking race. It's really, it's really incredible. Um, I don't know. I think Enzo Ferrari needs to come back from the fucking grave and he needs to start treating the fucking team the way, you know, they used to where it was. I told you, I read that fucking book and it's like, oh, you're right. You're

our driver now. Why is there a hole in the, in the floorboards? Oh, cause the last guy got decapitated in this car and he bled out and we had to get the blood out of it. All right, you're up next. That was like the running thing when, when, uh, when, uh, he would hear that one of his drivers died. He would nod and then his first question was, how's the car? He can't do that now in the progressive world of sports. Um, anyway, last night I did a live podcast that I actually thought was going to be, uh, that was also filmed and all of that shit. Um, that's going to be, uh, coming out sometime this week. I'm very excited about it. I went out there and I was like, uh, it's weird. It's like you're doing a comedy show, but you don't have

any material, but, uh, the crowd was amazing. Uh, thank you to Andrew Thamelis for setting the whole thing up. Thank you for everybody down there at dynasty typewriter that, uh, it was just an incredible event. It's something that I think I want to maybe start doing. I think I want to maybe start doing this. I sound like the chicken chicken your life. Like, God, what is she saying? Where is the solution that I can give her to end this conversation as quick as possible? Um, yeah, I'm going to start doing those things. And I'm thinking maybe, uh, I'll do the next one. You know, if I have like a road gig or something like that, I'll try and figure out a way to do something like, I'm thinking my next one. Oh, is this, see, this is why I'm my fucking,

this is why everybody who's, you need to become a standup comedian because you get to fucking do searches like this. All right, Bill Burr, Las Vegas. Okay. When the fuck am I playing? What the fuck is my whips? How do I get fucking cunted out of all of these goddamn cunted? Is that a new word? Yeah. Tordates December 21st. Jesus Christ. I'll have to be there in a fucking Santa Claus hat. All right. So I'm in Vegas, December 21st. All right. Now let's look at something else here. Okay. Um, Vegas nights schedule. Okay. This is right here. This is,

I'm not going to convince all of you guys right now to become a standup comedian. Cause this, cause what, this is what your life, this bread and circus right here could be your life. All right. Their next home game, they have one on Monday, the 23rd. So, okay. Fuck. God damn it. Saturday, Sunday. I'm like a static kid. I could possibly do the Saturday, do a fucking podcast on Sunday and then go to the game on Monday. I don't know. Seems like a lot of time to meet. Maybe I'll do that. Who knows? All right. Maybe you don't want to be a comedian. That whole thing was supposed to fucking work out and it did not. And I blame the conservative Democrats of the Republican Party.

Why do I keep talking in a Southern accent? I don't know why it's soothing to me. I don't know what it is. I, I, I actually, uh, I like the South, you know, I'm white. They don't have a problem with me down there. I feel welcomed. I'm joking. All right. Let me see here. I allegedly had some reads for this week. I apologize. This whole podcast has fallen apart because I've already, I've already, I feel like I've already worked and then they called me back in. All right. Oh, here's a bunch of fucking questions. Oh, I don't have any reads. I don't have any advertising.

Oh, I got a little loose with the lips and all of a sudden everybody goes to the fucking runs out into the streets and I have nothing to talk about. Here's the deal. This podcast, as you can tell, is going off the rails. It might be a little bit short this week. All right. Might be a little bit short this week, but know that I'm going to make it up with a live video podcast this week. Okay. Plus the Thursday afternoon podcast. Bill, we don't need excuses. We need laughs. We're stuck in traffic. I have fired jumping over my car from one side of the four or five to another. Could you please come with a little bit of funny? All right. Mercedes wagon.

Hey, that Merck wagon you were talking about. Check out Lewis Hamilton on Letterman, on that Letterman show on Netflix. He gets Hamilton to do some laps in that wagon and let's loose. Get the fuck out of here. That's amazing. Why don't I, you know, I'm done. I'm done rooting against Lewis Hamilton. I'm done. Like I said, it was never fucking personal, although he's a little bit of a baby sometimes, you know, what he expects out of his teammate versus what he's willing to do for his teammate. All right. Lewis Hamilton, Letterman, Mercedes. Lewis Hamilton in the fucking station wagon.

Oh my God, look at that thing. That's, oh, that he just, Lewis Hamilton just said that station wagon is a great car. Fuck this. I'm sending this to Verzi right now. The greatest Formula one race car driver of right now. Who knows by the end of his career, whether he's going to be on that. Just said that station wagon is a great fucking car. God, damn it. Although he also works for the company. All right. Now I'm less excited. You know, if it was a Ferrari station wagon, be like, yeah, you know, I don't know. We should probably check what kind of tires they're going to be running on today.

Oh, that was a low blow. Anyway, I like, I fucking love that car. I mean, it's an exciting car to look at. It's like one of those cars. You look at it. It's like it's moving when it's just sitting there. We get it, Bill. You enjoy the car. Well, fuck you. I get excited about things like station wagons. I'm a dad now. I can do that. Right. Don't dad shame me. All right. Let me get back to what the hell was I okay. Obama's speeches. Dear Billy plant-based tits. Do you realize the thought that just went into that insult?

It's like, I can't call them Billy fat tits anymore. I can't call them Billy boozebag anymore. So now he's going to shame me. You know what? I got to tell you something. I've been getting more goddamn compliments about how good I fucking look. You know, I have great genes. I'm aging or the way I'm aging and all of that. All I've done is, uh, well, I changed my diet too, but I basically, I just fucking laid off the booze. Booze fucking kills you, man. You know, we'd make sure look sleepy, but booze that just fucking, it takes the fucking life out of you. You know, you start looking like some fucking Macy day fucking red faced, I don't know, something that scares children on Thanksgiving. Um, all right. Dear Billy plant-based tits. I'm telling you, that's,

that's up there. That's top five that I can remember recently. Not all of, uh, Barack and Michelle speaking tours are to receive kickbacks from their corporate overlords. I never said that. I never said that. I'm just saying that they go and take that blood money. That's what I'm saying. Before you sit there and tell me about the other fucking things that he does. Um, and how come you didn't take time to fucking look up some of the speeches that somebody with a red tie looks at? For example, my mother and brother saw Barack Obama at the downtown arena in Winnipeg downtown fucking arena. Winnipeg earlier this year, it was a sold out event and full of people from all walks of life. It was more of an opportunistic cash grab on Obama's part than something nefarious

as you're constantly suggesting. I'm not suggesting it's happening. Just another perspective for you to consider. I fucking give up with you fucking people or people like you. I fucking give up. Do you really think we're over there saving the Iraqi people? Do you really think Iran is picking a fight with us? Do you really think that they would be picking a fight with us if they weren't sitting on top of a product that was worth billions of fucking dollars? I just, I don't, I don't fucking get it. I don't know how many times these fucking politicians on both sides of the aisle can fuck you over. I don't know how many speeches they have to give to these fucking people,

and then all they need to do is just do one fucking gig. This is to cover their fucking, their basis. He should be Iran. All right. You know what? Yeah, you're right. You're right. There you go. Yeah. Okay. Fuck it. You know, he just gave, he just gave a speech to a couple of fucking banks that were part of the 2008 scandal, took their fucking blood money, which was retirement money from hardworking fucking people who never really fucked over anybody nearly to the level that those cunts did, but he did a show and win a peg. So that's cool. All right. I'm cool with them. Great. Great research. Anyways, you should come to Kello, Kello, Kelowna. Jesus Christ. K-E-L-O-W-N-A. Kelowna. British Columbia. Next time you hit

British Columbia, Jim Jeffries sold 4,000 tickets in a city of 120,000. Well, Jim Jeffries is a beast. Jim Jeffries has a hit television show there. He's an international actor. It's a city that appreciates good comedy. That's all. I love Jim Jeffries. If I said that enough times in this podcast and fucking, I had so much fun with him on David Spade show. You know, I felt like I was the, like, I don't know. I feel like when I went on that show, usually if I go on a show, I'm the person saying something that's going to get me in trouble. And then there's somebody like from a sitcom sitting next to me like, Hey, I ain't going to die on that hill, buddy. And then I end up feeling stupid. Like, why did I say all that shit? I should have been like that guy next to me. I felt like the guy

next to me on the show, sitting next to Jim Jeffries. Jim goes in and I love it. All right, Kentucky war video. Dear Bill, didn't hear you talk about this. ABC aired footage to show how bad things are in Syria, but turns out they used doctored footage of an explosion in Kentucky. Just an honest mistake. I'm sure what the fuck. All right. Now this is in the New York Post. I mean, the New York Post and the Daily News. See, there are a couple of rags that lean really hard. ABC News airs purported Syrian war video, but it's really from Kentucky. Oh my God. I mean, Jim, what's his face? Vince McMahon wouldn't do shit like this. ABC News issued an apology after mistakenly airing purported footage

of Turkish forces bombing the Kurds in Syria. Video that appears to have originated from a Kentucky gun range. But what gave it away? All the white people in the trees? How the fuck does Kentucky, you know what? I don't even know what Syria looks like. Hang on a second. I am a product of Western schools. You know, I know what George Washington's fucking bell buckle looks like, but I don't know what Syria looks like in 2019. Syria. Images. It's all going to be fucking war and shit. All right, let's be a little more fair to Syria. Be a beautiful, beautiful places. Oh my God, look at that. That looks like the fucking strip on Vegas.

Okay. Yeah, this does not look like Kentucky. I got to see this fucking footage. That's hilarious. It's not hilarious. It's actually kind of sad. Sadder than you not knowing what Syria looks like. Where the hell did it go? I lost it. Is this ABC breaking into my computer trying to cover its tracks? I literally just fucking lost everything. Jesus Christ. This is part normally where I would fucking hit pause, but I don't give a shit because I got, you know what? I got a backup. This is like I have a shitty starting picture, but I got a fucking hour long video here coming your way. Kentucky war video. Okay,

here we go. All right, well, let's fucking see it then. I want to see it. You know, in defense of ABC, I don't know what the, I mean, that looked like anything. That's going on in Kentucky. That took place at a Kentucky gun range. Jesus Christ. It was just a bunch of redneck shooting at some bottles of bourbon. You know what's funny is we all make fun of them. And as the weather gets crazier and crazier, I think that people are going to act more and more crazier. And those people, who's kidding who? They're the ones that are going to survive. Okay. All you fucking on your

high horse liberals, you're going to want to know a couple of fucking Trump supporters. Hey, that's a TV show. Somebody make that. All right. Set a little bit in the future and two fucking phony liberals have to fucking, well, then I'm just saying that phony because they're liberal, but two liberals have to act like they like these Trump supporters so they can fucking survive the apocalypse. I mean, right there, I mean, you got fish auto ads, and the woman's got to sit there and act like she hates Hillary and she talks to the fucking chicken, the overalls. Where y'all from? You didn't grow up in the goods. All right. ABC issued an apology after mistakenly airing

purported footage of Turkish forces bombing the Kurds in Syria, a video that appears to have originated from a Kentucky gun range. How did somebody figure that out? The dramatic clip first aired on Sunday's world news tonight. This wasn't local news. This wasn't some Ron Burgundy shit. This is the made man with the headline slaughter in Syria. You know what? I bet the fucking dude who shot the video, I ain't no goddamn Syria. Shit, that's Cougar going nuts on a tractor. We put some C4 in a border town bombed by Turkey, Turkey military anchor, wait, a border town bombed by Turkey military anchor Tom Lamas says this poor bastard, like he picks out the video. This video right here appearing to show Turkey's military bombing Kurd civilians in a Syrian border town.

The footage which shows heavy gunfire aimed amid a dark night sky also appeared on Good Morning America the next day, but an eagle-eyed sleuth pointed out on Twitter that the fiery scenes appears to be of taken from a 2017 night shoot at the Knob Creek. I knew there was bourbon involved, gun range in Kentucky. The red-faced network, hey, don't get mad, man, you just fucked up. Oh, they mean embarrassed. Network issued a correction on Monday on Twitter. Okay, let's see how they just fucking glossed over this really quickly. Correction, we've taken down video that aired on World News Tonight Sunday in Good Morning America this morning that appeared to be from the Syrian border immediately after questions were raised about its accuracy. ABC News regrets the

error. You know what else I regret that you didn't bring up that it was actually from Kentucky. You get out there, you apologize, you leave Kentucky out of it. But isn't Kentucky an important part of the footage? Any, I don't, I don't know, whatever. Is this podcast is gradually starting to just fucking depress me? Like, I don't understand like, there seems to be like no standards anymore in like journalism. And I have to think that I'm part of the problem considering something like myself can reach so many people and not really read anything. All right, Kanye. Hey, Billy global tits. Love your Netflix special paper tiger. Thank you so much.

I recently listened to Kanye West's new album, Jesus is King. My wife, my wife just downloaded that and she was watching his live concert at the forum and really enjoyed the music. Just so you know, I'm not Christian or black. I'm Asian. All right, this just took a left turn. What did that have to do with anything? But people around me are giving me shit for liking his music. Here's what they say. He's black. He can't say things that dismisses the oppression of the black community and still thinks he'll thrive. What? He can't say things that dismiss the oppression of the black community and still think thinks he'll thrive. I don't know what that means. What does he word? Trump had and you can't separate him from his music. His beliefs

are what he projects into that and he probably believes people should do the same or shouldn't care. His nonchalant. He's nonchalant and you shouldn't support him as an artist. Hey, buddy, you got to get some better friends. It's like, Hey, man, I'm just listening to some music. This guy goes on to say or lady. I wasn't really said either way. He says, I totally disagree. I think he's a great artist. He is for sure a crazy person ranting all kinds of stuff that doesn't make any sense. But that's personal. When I listen to music and when that music affects me emotionally, I think it's great. Yeah, there you go. Can I appreciate his music and condemn all the crazy condemn all the crazy shit he does would love to know your thoughts. Yeah,

absolutely. You can't because for all the stuff he's been, you know, crazy shit, whatever the fuck he's done, like, what is it affected? People got upset on social media and then made it about themselves. And then after that, what happened? What legislation was passed because Kanye said some crazy shit? Nothing. All right. Nothing, which is why I don't know why celebrities do shit like that. Here's what I think about this as I talk about the Middle East every fucking podcast lately. All right, whatever. I'm a hypocrite. Okay, the Monday morning hypocrite. Okay, meeting girl at church meeting a lady. Hey, Billy bitch tits see everybody. What are you talking about? What makes me what makes me have bitch tits? I bet I'm in better fucking shape

than you are. I love the podcast and think your comedy is great. I'm a 25 year old guy. All right, yeah, you're in better shape to me. And my girlfriend of four months recently broke up with me. All right. That probably stings a little bit, but you're 25. You're fine. Get out there. I have a couple of rolling rocks. Start talking some shit. You'll be back in the game. It's stung, he said. Look at that. I called it, but I probably would have broken up with her eventually. Anyway, well, then that's just your ego's hurt. It's not you had because we're very different people and she never wanted to do anything out of her comfort zone and didn't put much and didn't put as much effort in as I did. Anyway, I'm looking to get back out there and meet more women. I'm in a new

city and have a few ideas about how to do it. I'm fairly confident I can still get laid going to bars or clubs, but I kind of want to meet a girl I can build a relationship with. I've always believed in doing some sort of activity rather than going out to bars. Because there's always that chance you meet in a booze bag, right? Smoker, fucking lunatic or whatever. If you joined like literally just stupid shit, a softball league, stuff like that where there's other co-ed, by the way, if you're looking to meet a lady, shit like that. There's all kinds of fucking, like I never knew this because I always just went out and acted

like an idiot, but like there's all kinds of fucking young adults that are out doing healthy shit and they put together groups because they also want to meet somebody and get laid. You know, you ever see those clusters of people riding bikes? I mean, someone could meet their wife in the middle of that cluster. She's staring at her spandex cover to ask, going, you know what? I picture a couple of kids coming out of there that kind of look like me. The next thing you know, you know, you ring your little fucking bell, ding, ding, ding, ding, you fuck up the peloton. No fraternizing in the peloton, right? You get up there. Hey, can't help but notice that you got a Univega. I also have a Univega. You know, he's just strike up a conversation. That's what that's

what I would do. Anyways, this idea of meeting them at church popped in my head the other day while I was driving. I like most of the ideas church preaches. Don't cheat. Don't kill anybody, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, every religion starts off the seven deadly sins of the greatest, the 10 commandments. You can't know the biggest atheist in the world cannot argue with those. Well, I'm sure they could. Anyways, the problem is I'm an atheist. He says, do you think it's a good idea to try to meet a girl at church if I don't believe in that shit? Well, you're kind of presenting yourself in a way if you show up there. It's kind of funny. Maybe if you're up front, just say, listen, I'm actually atheist, but like,

I like the way people that go to church carry themselves. Oh, that would piss her off in the first date though, I would think. I don't know. You're kind of going in a little, that's a big surprise early on. You know, that's right up there with the third nipple. So, so I would have to say, I don't know that I would do that. Or I would go into there saying that you're an atheist. I wonder if you could actually join the group and just be like, yeah, I'm an atheist, but I just, I'm trying to meet a nice woman that I can settle down with. Then she might want to take you on like, you know, she can solve your spiritual dilemma. I don't know. The comedian me wants you to do it. I don't want you to

hurt anybody. Just come in there, you know, like a gun slinger. I don't believe in your Christ stuff. But I do believe in how you live your life. I won't snicker when you talk about curing lepers and you don't give me any advice when I take out my pouch at Tobacco. Anyway, anyways, or do you have any tips to meet a nice girl for a relationship? Buddy, I have been with my wife forever. I wouldn't even begin the amount of technology that has changed. I met my wife before social media when you actually had the ball. He had balls to f***ing walk up, which I did. She rejected me like f***ing nine times. I was hilarious. Then finally I was like, you know, I f*** this, Jack. And then I went to a bar, I saw her, I was just like, add a hell with her.

And what did she do? Came right up to me, right up to me. F***ing ridiculous. You know, women are like cats. You know, if you try to f***ing pet them, they run away, but if you f***ing ignore them, they're all over you. My ex was my first real girlfriend and most of the girls I've been with have just been hookups or short flings. I got a late start in the game with women. Thanks and go f*** yourself. Dude, let me tell you something. You got your whole f***ing life ahead of you. All right. I would go to bars. I would play softball. I'd ride a bicycle. I'd go to church. I'd f***ing do it all. Who gives a f***? Who gives a f*** with some old 51-year-old bald redhead has to say to you, go out there and have a good f***ing time. All right. You're in a mature place

if you want to try to meet someone to actually be in a relationship with. But you know, don't limit yourself. They might be a gem in one of those bars. Who knows. But I, you know, that's all I knew. I sort of was about sports when I was growing up. And that's how I, you know, I used to meet women on the subway. I don't know why. Somehow I could f***ing hit on them in the subway. I was always good at the gym, but I sucked in bars. I was bad in bars because I think they knew it was coming. And then I can, you know, so they came in there to get hit on, and they didn't want to see me coming over here with my f***ing red afro. Hey, overrated, underrated, underrated, amphibian pets. Who doesn't love something that thrives on land and water? Well, get a f***ing Range Rover. Why

does some frog have to live in a f***ing beer stein? Sure, the upkeep is terrible, but who doesn't love a good scene? I think Patrice loved fish tanks. Would you ever get any lizards? No. I wouldn't get any fish either. That's like, you know, I don't know. Anything that involves water. It's just like, it's just an expensive f***ing hobby, or it's expensive with your time. I mean, the amount of f***ing time, once you get that f***ing fish tank, and then you got to get, you got to clean it, you got to get the s*** out of there, and then is this fish compatible with that fish? And what's the f***ing pH balance of the f***ing water? You know, I'll tell you right now, anybody who has a f***ing fish tank out here in LA with earthquakes is out of their

god damn mind. F*** all of that. I, you know, I don't want to, you know, I would never have a lizard. Alright, I grew up around enough people who were shut down emotionally. I don't need to recreate it in a human f***ing reptile relationship. Okay. I like dogs. That's what I like. I like cool ass f***ing dogs. You know what? I actually had a buddy of mine. He, please tell me this didn't shut off. Oh, thank God. A buddy of mine, I was hanging out, basically had the chocolate brown version of my dog Cleo. Well, I got to see for a week and a half, which was f***ing awesome. Technically, he stole my dog because I still pay for her. It's a long f***ing story. Oh, Jesus. But I like that, you know, I love a f***ing friendly pit bull.

I'll take that over a lizard any god damn day. I'm not like that. I got, I don't get f***ing snakes and all that shit. They f***ing slimy. They don't give a f***. They kill you if they could. Dogs are actually, you know, dogs, you know, are your friend. And you know, if they're not your friend, a lizard, you have no idea. And that's why, you know, if you went over a real big insult on a, on a person is that they're like a, they're a lizard person or they're, they're a f***ing reptilian and all of that. It basically means that they don't have any, uh, you ever like say, say a little bit about that. Like if I was ever going to get killed by an animal, I would want it to be a mammal, because at least they show f***ing emotion when they're doing it. They f***ing

making all this god damn noise. They kind of put you out of your f***ing misery for the most part. Just grab you by your throat and chomp down until, you know, they put you in a f***ing rear naked choke with their mouth. Um, as opposed to, I gotta tell you that f***ing, you know, I'm still trying to shake off the last time I went on the Rogan podcast and that s*** that he shows about animals, that one, that one of the Komodo dragon swallowing that f***ing monkey hole. And it was just like the, the lack of expression on that thing's f***ing face and the way that they, they go after those, those giant god damn bulls over there. You ever see that one where he just f***ing, the bulls just standing there like an asshole, rather than running away

from the thing. He kicks at it a few times and it comes up and it bites him on the leg. And once it bites him on the leg, the dragon knows the thing's going to die in like f***ing, I don't know how many days, but it just knows that there's so much bacteria in his mouth that things f***ing legs going to get infected. The f***ing lizard doesn't know this s***, it just knows, I bit it, it's going to die. It doesn't know about bacteria. Sorry. So, and then what ends up happening is, is the bull gets weaker and can't stand anymore. There becomes this critical point where the bull can't defend itself anymore and the dragon feels it's safe enough to go in and begin eating and the f***ing thing isn't dead yet. So f*** reptiles.

I know you guys are all going to f***ing send me, try to send me videos of that f***ing bear attack and that goddamn deer. I already saw it. I don't give a s***. I'm not watching any of them. I, I don't, I don't like watching things suffer. Anyways, all right, that's, that's going to be the podcast here for this week. It's a little bit short, but know that you got a little over an hour of a video podcast coming. I'm very excited about it. And, and that's, Hey, maybe I'll go to Vegas and I'll bring the whole family. That could be fun. Right. We could all be out there having a good time, you know, my wife and kiddo hanging down by the pool. I'll check out the Vegas night against the York, Colorado, Avalanche, who are

having a hell of a season already. Maybe I can do that and knock it out. You know, I got some gigs coming up, man. I got two more NBA teams. I'm knocking those out and I got three more NHL teams to see and I've seen a home game of all, uh, every franchise and all four professional sports. I haven't been to every, every stadium because like I said, last time I went to a Phillies game, they were still playing in the vet. That's how long ago that was. So I still have to see their stadium. I saw the senators at the f***ing, uh, at RFK. Wait a second. By the way, what is that series? I'd last I saw it was two one, two one f***ing, uh, what the f*** was I going to say? Two one Washington. Jesus Christ. I get it.

I got some text messages. Washington post. No, national. Did I say senators? National. Sorry. Oh my God. Houston is tied it up. No, they didn't. It's three two. Jesus Christ. This whole f***ing series is flying by. Wait a second. So the nationals won the first two. Houston must have won game three nationals win game four and then Astros win game five. F***. I'll tell you right now, Josh Adam Mayas is dying a thousand deaths watching this f***ing one. All right. That's the podcast. I'm going to upload this f***er and go f*** yourselves. Enjoy the live podcast. I'll be posting when it's going to come out and I'll check in on you on Thursday.