Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-3-22

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

Bill rambles about the Louisville Slugger factory, his super hero idea, and punk kids. Fenway Merch: https://silkshopstores.com/billburrmerch/shop/products/all?page=1 Butcher Box:  Sign up today at www.butcherbox.com/BURR and use code BURR to get one 10-14lb Turkey FREE in your first box.  Roman: Just go to www.GetRoman.com/BURR today for generic Viagra (aka Sildenafil) for just $4 per dose.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, for Monday, October 3rd, 2022. What's going on, how are ya? Oh, I am having a fucking day. I'm having a day while trying to be spiritual, while just noticing that a light went out in my fucking bedroom here that I have to fix. You know, I'm having one of these, I made a list, I have a bunch of stuff I have to

do today. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to make a list and I'm going to knock it out. I like making a list because as you knock it out, it makes you feel like you're accomplishing something rather than looking at everything that you have in front of you, right? So I wake up this morning and I make some fucking, you know, I say to my kids, what do you want? And they're like pancakes.

I said pancakes? They're like, yeah, right? Oh, it's funny, my son too. He has a Snoop Dogg shirt that he got from, passed down to him, hand me down from his sister. And he saw it and he's like Snoop. I go, yeah, I go Snoop Dogg, he goes Snoop Dogg. I go Uncle Snoop.

And he's like, he can't say Uncle, he's like, ah, Snoop. And I'm like, I go, Uncle, he goes, Uncle, I go Snoop, and he goes Snoop, I go Uncle Snoop, and he goes, Apple Snoop. Anyway, so my days obviously going great, you know, they're already cracking me up. I go downstairs and I ask them, I go, okay, what do you guys want for breakfast? And they said pancakes. I go, you want healthy pancakes? You want yummy pancakes?

And they were like yummy pancakes. So I say, all right. So they go to the cupboard. There's not enough biscuits. I go, all right, got to call the fucking audible here. Yummy pancakes. No problem. Right.

But that was the foreshadowing. If this was like a movie, they would have been like, you know, when I went in to look at the box, they'd be like a weird little flutter of music. And then I would hear a noise and like, I don't know, whatever, the fucking laundry room. And then I'd be like, what was that? And then you just see like a cat running away like, oh, it's just a cat. It's not that there's an ex-murder in the next 90 minutes of this movie are going to be horrific.

So anyway, I take my daughter to school and then I had to swing by the bank to get some cash for the fucking week because I like walking around with the fucking cash. Actually, I don't, but I just didn't have any cash and I go to the airport all the time and then I go to tip somebody and I don't have any fucking money. So then I got to run into the house or go stop at this ATM. So it's like, I'm going to get organized. All right. Cause this weekend I'm going to Windsor, Minnesota and Des Moines, Iowa, Iowa, Iowa, right?

So I'm like, why don't I get that out of the fucking way? So what do I do? I go to the ATM. They don't have any fucking money cause it's the weekend, right? And everybody's like, I need more smack, right? So they go to the fucking ATM. So there's no more goddamn money. So I was like, all right, no big deal.

They'll fucking, I'm sure the Brinks truck comes. You know, I'll, I'll put this at the end of the list. And then my truck is leaking oil. It needs new gaskets on either side of the transmission. So the guy tells me to bring it by the fucking place. He's going to pull the transmission and then they're going to bring the transmission over to the fucking guy. So I get there, all right?

And I'm driving behind this really slow guy for no fucking reason, which means he's Uber driving. He has nowhere to go and he's trying to stay in that general area cause he likes the clientele. That's what happens, you know, and they're constantly like touching their cell phone that they have mounted up on the dashboard. So I'm dropped behind this guy for three excruciating miles where he makes no lights, no lights and is like ridiculously careful. Like these two fire engines went by.

I mean, he let them go nine football fields before he started driving again is if he was somehow going to, I don't know what rear end, one of them from fucking three stadiums away. You know, I'm sure this guy wasn't doing any of that. You know, I bet he's a philanthropist and does stuff for under the privileged kids, but I'm late. So I'm building this narrative for this person. So you get behind somebody fucking slow like that and you just, right as you, you know, you're coming up to make your left, you just know it.

You pray to the fucking automotive gods that the cunt isn't going to make a left. Of course he does. And then you make the left after he misses another light and you're like, I want to be in the left lane, not the right lane. Don't be in the fucking left lane. Don't be in the left lane. Don't be in the left lane. And he went to the right lane.

Thank God. So I fucking get by the guy. I go down to the garage. It's a little garage where they work on these old cars and it's just jam packed with people. There's some sweet old lady in front of me for some reason she won't pull into the driveway. She stops on the street and gets out of her car. So now I'm behind her and I'm like, what the fuck? And I'm waiting for her to explain.

It was funny. She was like, you know, like jutting her head around trying to make the noise that her car was making. And then this little fucking asshole goes around both of us and just drives in. Just went around her. Right? No respect. I'm sitting there.

I got a turn signal on. You know where the fuck I'm going? Just drove around and then got out of the car. Didn't even have the fucking decency to look over like they just made a fucking slick douche move. And she gets out and just starts talking to him. So I found, then I drive around, I finally get in and I'm looking at, and it's just one of these, you know, one of these moments where you just can't, you can't say anything.

You can't say anything because it's cell phone cameras and she's a fucking woman. So I can't say, excuse me, you squat little cunt, you're going to sit there and act like you didn't see the goddamn line and you're just going to go around it. You know, it's like when you're at the fucking airport and all of these fucking assholes like, like when you fly Southwest, this literally, it's a numbered system. It's fucking simple genius. And these fucking people act like they don't get it, like they don't get it. And they put you in this fucking position.

So here's the thing. I mean, what, what was I going to say to her? What the fuck can I say to her? Because I, you know, and she pulls out the cell phone camera. He's being toxic, aggressive, male, masculinity, cis, fucking whatever. And I, so I got to fucking eat that. I got, I, you know, I, I slammed the door really hard. She doesn't give a shit.

She doesn't fucking hear it. And I just probably fucked my door up and something else I have to get fixed. So I'm losing big time on this day. So then I fucking get there. The guy says he can pull the transmission. He goes, how are you going to get it over there? I go, you guys can't bring it over. He goes, no, I can't bring it over.

I go, well, can the people that are going to fix it, can they come and pick it up? He's like, I don't know. I'm like, you gave me their number. Like what the, it's a fucking pickup truck. This is the vehicle I have to bring it over. If you take it out, I can't bring it up. Fucking. And I was so pissed at that woman.

I just said, fuck it. Forget it. I go, you don't have room for this thing. Anyways, I just got in. What I should have done was been fucking relax. I'm like, listen, just pull the thing. I'll figure it out. Worst case scenario, I'll rent one of those U-Haul trucks for $19.99, those pickups, and

I'll drive the fucking thing over there. I don't know. And then on the way back, I was going to have the truck dropped off, be in the Uber and practice my French because I've been fucking killing it. You know, I'm doing all right, right? My daughter's learning. I've heard, she has like no accent. It's fucking unbelievable.

I was asking her something like, uh, uh, was it a Esca Tupu Mokampinyay or something like that. And she was like, two, and I was like, two. She's like, two. Oh my God. I'm saying like the number. And I was like, wow, man. She has all that, like that whole, like, you know, the whole fucking sounds all down and

like, hey, she gets that in there. Like, it's really amazing. So, um, I was going to do that. That was out the fucking window. So I just went, oh, for three, oh, for three. And, um, you know, so then, you know, you're pissed and I'm thinking to myself, well, who can I call right now and just dump this on? And I went through the roller decks and I'm like, well, I can't do it to my wife.

You know, she lives with me and she hears it all the time. So I'm not doing that to her. I called a buddy of mine. He didn't pick up. I'm like, I'm glad he didn't pick up because I'd ruin his morning. And I was just like, oh, wait a minute. I have a fucking podcast. I'll dump it on you guys.

Oh my God. I am so happy though. I didn't say anything to that woman. You know, maybe she didn't notice. Maybe that's what you're supposed to do. I don't know. Am I an idiot? Like, was I supposed to back up and drive around the old lady's car?

I wasn't going to do that to her. And if I did, I would have missed her trying to make the noise. I think the thing was lurching forward or something. Maybe she had a stick. I don't know what it was like. Anyway, so that was my morning. But I'm back on track because right now I'm knocking this out. You know, I also went to the gym the last three, four days in a row.

I'm getting back in shape. You know, the movie's almost done. So I have some free time, which is fantastic. And I did like three really, really cool cities this weekend. I was in Louisville, Kentucky, Bloomington, Indiana, and Cincinnati, Ohio. And just all three were absolutely incredible crowds. And I had so much fun performing at all of them. Louisville, I swear to God, I could retire there.

It's just something about the pace of that. That's like another one. Chattanooga, Tennessee, all right, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Louisville, Kentucky. It's like, it's the perfect, you know, there's a city, there's an art scene, there's food going on, but there's not a million motherfuckers. And because there isn't, you probably can't get a direct flight to a lot of places. But who gives a shit because who wants to spend their life on an airplane, you know? So anyway, we go there.

Oh, here's another thing that fucking happened was I downloaded the new stupid ass operating system for this goddamn fucking phone. And now, you know, I always send like voice texts, you know, that way, like there's no misunderstanding of your tone or whatever, and you can make somebody laugh. And you know, as of yesterday, I knew how to do that. I now don't know how to do it anymore. So now I just send, I'm just going to start sending those texts, those voice memo things. I'm just sending those now because I'm not going to waste my time learning how to do

the new fucking thing just to have them change it again and fill up my fucking phone. I just don't understand like why they have to change it every time. What the fuck? You know why? For money. I'm going to buy the next one. What was wrong with the other one? Why do I need a camera that's even clearer?

Like now they're showing like the commercial for the new iPhone, they're showing a guy shooting an action movie on the phone. It's just like the average Joe, you know, shooting a video of his kid getting hit in the nuts with a wiffle ball bat, need to fucking be on the same level as Matt and Scorsese. It's really, uh, it's overkill. I don't know. I'll be honest with you. I was fine with the flip phone.

It was fucking amazing and kind of sucked because then people could call you, but hey, I called you. You didn't pick up. How come you didn't pick up? You know, I missed that, that sort of, uh, you know, like whenever they have those space movies, there's that part, you know, where they're re-entering this, there's a moment where they won't be able to communicate with them. We used to have that.

It's called like going to work, going to school, going out, where you going? I'm going out. That was it. That was it. And you didn't have to talk to anybody in your fucking life. You didn't want to for hours. You know, if you were like someone of these fucking made men guys with your own secretary, I guess they call them mad men now, those advertising guys.

But if you weren't those fucking people, man, like, and you had like a secretary, you could literally have your secretary that you would probably bang and screen your calls. Speaking of that secretary, you probably bang and you guys ever see that Jack Lemon movie, the apartment, um, credible movie that still holds up. It's like 60 years old, 62 years old now at this point. Um, and when you watch that movie, you realize like nothing has changed as far as like human behavior and just shit the people. Cause I watched that back then.

I'm like, like, I thought like all fucking around and being an idiot and doing drugs and just, you know, doing all that dumb shit that you see adults doing nowadays. Oh, I mean, not my whole life, basically. I thought that that started at like Woodstock. Like they would, the way they, they like frame shit, um, with like movies and stuff and the way that they retell history, there's like so much shit that just is not like accurate. Like to say the sexual revolution happened in the 1960s. And then you, you're like, you read to what the fuck they would do.

They were doing during the Roman Empire that like, you know, some of that shit, like some of the shit they were doing back then, you would have to only be on the dark web. Um, what is my point? My point is, is if you blow up a building, don't slowly walk away while not looking at it. You know, uh, what are some of the other things like all that shit that like defies physics that in after a while you just see it enough times, it becomes like a law. Like I was, I was told what the fuck was I talking to, I was talking to my wife last

night and she brought something up and I laughed and I was going, you know, that isn't actually true. That's just, we've seen it in movies enough times that now we just sort of subconsciously. Um, oh God, what is this text message that I just fucked something up? Oh, okay. Oh my God. I have a guest coming up. I have two guests coming up on my Thursday podcast that are two of my favorite people

in this business. That's called a teaser people. When you're in show business, what you learn to do is you don't give all the information. Like I saw this guy, you know, now, you know, after 53 and three quarter years, I start drinking coffee, right? And I love it. By the way, I got an incredible cup when I was in Louisville. Might have been the best cup I've ever gotten.

Um, I, oh shit, now I got to find the name of it now that I said, oh fuck it, you figured out. I fucking, it began with an S, I think, um, and then I went to this place, hopscotch in Bloomington, Indiana, that was great. I got the best burger I might, maybe possibly the best burger I've ever had in my life at this place, Bub's Burgers and ice cream in Bloomington, Indiana. In Louisville, I also, I went to the Louisville Slugger Museum, had like a make a wish weekend, right?

And they gave us a private tour and they brought us in to where all these, the prototypes for all these Hall of Fame baseball players bats were. And I was there with Bartnick and he said Mickey Mantle first and the first is fucking hilarious. The first name I thought of was George Foster from the big red machine who hit like 54 homeruns or 53 homeruns in 1977. And you have to have gloves on, they don't want the oil from your hands or anything to mess with the bats. And it was, everybody's bat felt like a bat except for Ted Williams where Bartnick was

saying it just felt like a piece of lumber, which it was like he tore off like a banister and just started, you know, hitting 400 and clubbing clubbing home runs. No wonder he still hit one of the farthest, I think that's ever happened at Fenway. That was swinging a fucking telephone pole. So anyway, we did that. We drove over to Bloomington, Indiana. And then we, the only place to get something to eat was right behind our hotel. It was this place called Bub's Burgers and the first bite, I was like, oh my God, it

had like this smoky char and a crust on the outside and then was like softer on the inside because I got it medium rare, but it wasn't like, you know, a lot of people are doing that now, you know, you get the crispy edges or whatever. This thing, the whole thing on the outside was crispy and it was like a big one, like, you know, like when your mother or your dad would make a burger. The big ugly, I got the half ugly, the half pound one, it was fucking delicious. It was so good. I went back there the next day and just had a great time.

And then we played, we played assembly hall, which is where the great Bobby Knight coached them to three titles, one in the seventies, two in the eighties. And I went there in 2000, the 99, 2000 year, and I saw Indiana beat Michigan State and over time, I got to perform there with Bart Nickham, dude, we were just sitting there like cheese and ear to ear, just couldn't fucking believe. I couldn't believe that I was there, right? And then they treated me great. I don't come back anytime.

You want to go to a game. They gave me some Indiana Hoosier gear. So now of course I'm like, I'm going to fucking watch Indiana this year, fuck it. And the next day when we woke up for our workout, we walked from the hotel over to the campus and walked around the football stadium. We were hoping maybe we could get in there, but it wasn't open like every once in a while you go to one of these big programs and the fucking stadiums open. They just let the students go in there and they can chill out or run the stairs or whatever,

which I think is cool. That's how it used to be when I was a kid. And then we went over to Cincinnati, speaking of George Foster, Riverfront Stadium, which is no longer there, Great American Ballpark and wherever the Bengals play, whatever that one's called. And they were all psyched because they beat the Dolphins, kind of beat them up. I haven't seen the play, but somebody said it was a fucking cheap ass hit. You know, somebody said to me, you know, this Antonio Brown's got to stop this guy, you

know, because I don't know, I guess he exposed himself or accused of it or something. And I was saying, listen, man, I go, the guy, he probably has CTE and that fucking Bengals hit that guy should have been put in jail for that. I mean, I don't know how he didn't take his fucking head off. They basically threw one high and out of the way over the middle, like the ultimate nightmare for a receiver. And this guy in the Bengals came by with an old school like Oakland Raider from the 1970s, the sole patrol, Scott Stevens shoulder to the fucking head.

And I sent it to the person I said, this is hard to watch, but like, I don't think this guy's been the same since this hit. And I got to give Versey credit. He was the guy, the first guy who, when Antonio Brown started acting a little erratic was saying that. And what I fucking hate about it is how many people just like look at that behavior and they just take it at like face value and they, they get some sort of perverse joy out of watching somebody, an elite athlete or something like that, like messing up their life.

And then the same people, when they actually do the make for TV movie after whatever tragic ending this seems like it's going to have, will then act like, you know, they weren't like staring at it and joining. They remember a long time ago, there was a fucking celebrity that was just fucking basically, you know, on some hard drugs and was tweeting and did all of this shit, did like a tour and all of that. And everybody was just going there to watch the train wreck. And I remember like morning radio and everybody like trying, you know, when you'd call in,

they try to get you going on it was like, Hey, what do you think about that? It's like, I think it's terrible. And I probably imagined his parents and his siblings are really worried about him. Like, like what the fuck are we doing here? I'm not kicking somebody when they're down like that. You know, I like fucking with people that it's kind of doing our right or whatever. Unless you do, unless you, I don't know, I shouldn't say that. I probably, I've probably done it too.

Haven't I, I'm sure you guys can give me some examples of me doing it. No, Lord knows the ladies can. I saw a couple of good movies this weekend too. I saw speaking, I saw like just like the middle of nowhere and stuff, you know, these out of the way places that I fucking love so much. You know, as long as I'm in like the in town area, I feel he going to the sticks and he got these fucking, you know, conspiracy theory, racist lunatics. Like, I can't, that's, you know, it's so fucking funny.

If you live in a city, you're around like all these, all like these different types of people and because of that, all these different opinions and, you know, you get this heightened sense of humanity, but you can't fucking do anything because everybody's on top of each other. Then you get out in the middle of nowhere and these people have like this amazing like peace and quiet if they want it and this connection to nature that really helps reset your brain. But then like, there could be like a clan rally down the fucking street.

Ah, there's, you can't have your cake and eat it. You know, that's, that's basically what it is. You either fucking live in the city, fucking slowly go insane or, you know, you got to duck the clan coming up your driveway, seeing if you want to make a donation. It's probably a little extreme. Yeah, that's what I do on this podcast. So anyway, I saw this movie called the California kid.

It was a made for TV movie. Check it out. It's on YouTube. You don't have to pay for it or nothing. It's an hour and 10 minutes. It stars Martin Sheen, Vic Morrow, Morrow and Nick Nolte, one of his first roles. And, you know, it's the classic, you know, good looking guy comes to town in a hot rod, gets pulled over by a corrupt sheriff, gives him a bullshit ticket.

The kid fucking senses there's something going on in the town and he starts to poke around and the sheriff wants him out of town. It's just fucking great. It's just a great, great car movie. And, and all of that stuff. And then I also saw, I watched Steve McQueen and Ali McGraw in the getaway, which was an amazingly shot movie that I think by the guy who also did the wild bunch, like the beginning of the movies, just how they set up the whole movie.

And they just kept stopping the film. And then they show you a little bit more and they would stop the film or whatever. Like, I don't know why they did that. I was trying to think what the metaphor was for. But it was really fucking amazing. And, you know, a bunch of great actors in that one, obviously. And that was essentially, that was essentially my weekend. You know, I only had one cigar.

I've cut back on that. I went to the fucking gym. I got, I'm back on my ab workout here. My shoulders feeling good. How many times have I said this? Probably more times than I said, I'm quitting cigars. Um, all right. And then I got home in time.

You know, I took a four a.m. pick up to get home in time. And I watched, uh, you know, I watched some of, uh, what did I watch? I watched the Bill's Ravens right up until the third quarter. So I missed the bills coming back. Then I had to take my kid to a birthday party. And then I caught a little bit. The second half of, uh, Kansas city first, uh, the Buccaneers.

Um, yeah. So I got to, I got to watch a little bit of football. I saw a little bit of, uh, the Michigan game too. I can't even remember who the hell they were playing. Cause I also watched a little bit of Indiana and Iowa. And Michigan was playing, it's somebody in the big 10. It's October. The game started to get a little harder.

Um, all right. I'm just babbling here. Uh, this is why the podcast is great. Cause now I really don't give a fuck about what happened this morning and everything. I'll, I'll, I'll figure it out. It always works out what is nobody going to fix the car bill. Eventually they'll fix it. It'll be fine.

All right. Um, butcher box. Let's do a little advertising here, butcher box. There is no substitute for free range Turkey without any antibiotics, antibiotics or home or hormones. Why was that so hard to say? There is no substitute for free range Turkey without any antibiotics or hormones. I was saying hormones, hormones, but it's not always easy to find.

Luckily there's butcher box, the benefits of butcher box, peace of mind. Butcher box takes the guesswork out of finding high quality meat and seafood. You can trust a hundred percent grass fed beef, free range, organic chicken, pork, raised crate free and wild caught a seafood. You don't know what it's going to do to mainly raised, no antibiotics or hormones. Ultimate convenience, get just what you want delivered right to your doorstep, free shipping, no fucking standing in a line and having some little squat, twat fucking cut in front of you, uh, the squat, twat, uh, on CBS, free shipping,

free shipping for the continental United States and no surprise. Choose from a variety of box plan options from curated to customized and change your plan whenever you want. Incredible value. Enjoy a range of high quality cuts that are hard to come by at the grocery store and an amazing, amazing value. The main course for Thanksgiving dinner can be a main source of stress, not anymore. Butcher box is offering our listeners free Turkey with their first order.

Yeah. And it's hormone, antibiotic free. So, you know, you're not poisoning your loved ones or maybe, uh, you don't like a lot of people at Thanksgiving. Maybe you want to get your Turkey somewhere else. I don't know, but if you love your family, but your box is for you. Sign up today at butcherbox.com slash burr. Use the code burr, B U R R to get 10 to 14, to get one 10 to 14 pound Turkey free

and your first box. Look at that. The butcher, uh, that's butcherbox.com slash burr. Use code burr, B U R R to clean this deal. Um, all right. Nextly, it's not even a word. Uh, Roman, Roman is the digital health clinic, digital health clinic for fucking God damn it.

It's the Schaefer song. Sorry, Roman is the digital health clinic for men. There are no waiting rooms and no hassle, just a straightforward and discreet digital experience, all from the comfort of your own home to achieve your healthcare goals. Get started by completing a free online visit. A U S licensed healthcare professional will work with you to find the best treatment plan. If medication is appropriate, Roman ships it to you directly in a discrete

packaging for free, uh, with free two day shipping. Right now, Roman has an offer for our listeners, generic Viagra, generic, just regular old, make that dick stand up and get the job done. A fucking straight six. Easy to work on, AKA. Sild. Sildefna, Phil, S I L D E. It would be slide if the L was the other way around.

Is the I still long? No, you can't cause there's an L there. Silden, Neville, Silden, Neville, AKA Silden, Neville is just four dollars a dose, uh, per dose. Oh my God, four dollar hooker, uh, four dollars. That's less than a cup of coffee. Four dollars. Oh, I'm supposed to ask a question mark for dollars.

That's less than a magazine at the newsstand. Just go to get Roman.com slash bird today. That's get Roman.com slash bird, B U R R generic Viagra, ACE, AKA Silden, Neville, Tua, Tunga Viola Viola. This is a hard fucking names just for just four dollars per dose. Jesus Christ, that fucking brain needs a tune up. You should have pulled my brain down there and put it switched out the gaskets. All right, here we go.

Somebody talking to me the way I want them to talk to me, talking about the shit that I care, loud stadiums. All right, to do a recap, I went to the Arizona Cardinals game. And it was one of the loudest stadiums I've ever been to, but it wasn't the fans. The fans were regular. It was the sound system. I essentially had two Marshall stacks pointed at me and it was like Randy Rhodes, Mick Maas and Eddie Van Halen were all playing at the same time.

Like the sound system was literally taking the crowd out of the game. Um, and I was bitching. I was just like, maybe I'm just too fucking old. I have no idea. It says, Bill, you're not an old man when it comes to loud stadiums. It's as you would say, horrific. I hate going to basketball games now. And they, and they used to be my favorite.

I hate every music choice. And even if I liked the song, I wouldn't want to hear it here. Three and a half seconds of it while the ref walks the ball a few feet. Yeah, that's so bizarre. Like you just can't have a moment of people just talking about the game. It literally takes the crowd out of the game. There's like no personality in the stands. No feeling of like, wow, I'm in Cincinnati.

I'm in Bloomington, Louisville, like the tour I just did. You would hear different accents. You'd hear different shit. You'd hear sports history heckles from games that went past. And now you can't hear any of it because there's some DJ playing the same five songs, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Beardy. Beardy.

Beardy. Beardy. Aye, aye, aye. All right, no one likes this except losers who want to feel like they're at the club. I really think I don't even think it's that I don't think that people had that choice. I think that they. I think that it's just an algorithm. They're like, everybody's walking.

You don't even care. Sorry, everybody's walking around with their whole fucking music collection in their pocket, these kids, you know, with these devices. We got to, you know, I think once again, it's, it's they're trying to react to something and they're not doing it the proper way. Like I remember, um, somewhere in the late 80s, early 90s, that whole quick cutting everything, quick cut, quick cut, you know, everything you saw, cut, cut, cut, cut, different shot, different shot.

They started shooting movies and TV shows like that because they were like, because they couldn't get people to stay on the channels because they had so many options and people were channel surfing and they weren't watching and they weren't watching the commercials. So they weren't making as much money. So they thought that if they did a bunch of edits, it would give you the visual experience of changing the channel and that would make you not change the channel. Okay.

Now I've said that out loud. That sounds pretty stupid, right? Like because you're doing all these quick cuts, I don't notice that I'm watching the same actors and it's the same TV show or movie. It was fucking dumb, but that's what they did. And I think with, um, these sound systems, I don't know what they're doing because they, they, it should be illegal to be doing that or at least without warning people to bring earplugs to the games because people are going to get

tinnitus, um, you know, whatever, keep going there. You know, it's too loud. You're too old, man. You don't want to end up like me with a ring in your ear that never stops until you fucking die. Uh, no one likes this except losers who want to feel like they're at the club. It has nothing to do with the sport outdoor football stadiums in the cold and some ballparks on a summer day are acceptable.

I don't think so, dude. I think the crowd should be making the noise. And if you're not, I also think it's a way of the owners hiding the fact that they don't have a good product and it just sounds loud. You know, even though it doesn't deserve to be loud because they're not playing well, you said hockey is getting to be bad to tennis and golf are pure pool and billiards are probably fine too. Pool and billiards are not sports.

Um, golf is not a sports. All of those are activities. Tennis is a sport. You're competing against someone else who's trying to stop you. None of this shit that you give you competing. Get your mind. I'm not getting one on that fucking rant anymore. Anyway, it's just tennis is golf for athletes.

It's just another way in which TV and media represent what the public wants less and less these days yet, while still dictating it because the mouth breathing morons will listen and they can still move the herd. Oh, wow, Bill. That was like a dystopian tale of deepness. You dumb cunt. Sorry. All right, punk kids, dear Bill, uh, my kid is nine year, nine years old and

attends a good public school. One thing that has changed since I was a kid is that kids are way more entitled to authority than in the eighties. Yeah. Once again, cause there's cell phone cameras. They can't get smacked. Um, I'm amazed at how little, you know, the, the new superhero should be somebody that when somebody deserves to get slapped and

you can't, the superhero arrives. And I used to think, well, as the superhero comes and arrives and slaps the offender for you and leaves, but that's like a bitch move because you should do it yourself. And then if the person fights back, you should be able to handle it. So I think that the superhero should come there and has the ability to knock out all the cameras, like put them on pause. And then he just looks at you and says, all right, go ahead.

You know, you want to hit this guy? Go ahead. Let's get it on. Like Mills Lane comes back, right? Superhero Mills Lane, rest his soul. He comes back and when he shows up because of the shine off his bald head, like mine, it blocks all the cameras. Are you ready?

Are you ready? Let's get it on. Right. And then you fucking walk up to the person that cuts you in line and you just slap him across the face and then they can be horrified or they can react. You can win. You can lose just like the old days. And then when it's over, it's over.

You're done. You give it's up. That's it. Mills Lane flies away. The shines off his head, you know, and both people limp away. Anyway, this person continues and says, I'm amazed at how little say the adults in their lives have. My kid brings it home too.

Occasionally. She was doing something she shouldn't have been, she shouldn't have been doing. And instead of being slightly ashamed of their clearly wrong behavior, she started saying that I wasn't acknowledging her feelings on the matter. Oh God, that's psychological bullshit. We sat down with their mother and talked about it. She explained that a teacher gave examples of when it's okay to talk back to your parents or authority figures when your feelings are being ignored.

She used words like emotional manipulation. Oh my God. She told your kid that we had to explain that we always want to hear her feelings on things, but her feelings on something don't overrule what's right or wrong. Wow. Killer fucking answer. Can I take that? Yeah.

Cause I'm having that right now. My daughter, uh, with her iPad, like I'm, I'm done with that fucking thing. And she can't handle it. I was like, you're not going to spend your childhood, you know, staring at this thing and she gets mad. And then we go outside and we have a great time. Like, uh, we went out to, you know, out to the garage where they got all their bikes and stuff and she still likes messing around on the balance bike.

And I couldn't get my son to do it. So, um, you know, she got on the balance bike and she was doing it. And that's, that's it. It's over once, once the little kid sees the bigger kid doing it, you know, they want to do it too. So now my son loves the balance bike and he kept calling it his motorcycle. So I'm going out there with that kid every single day until he, uh, he gets it down. And then they're going to be able to ride bikes together.

It's going to be fucking great. Hopefully my truck will be finished, you know, and I can take him somewhere to ride their bikes or up and down the driveway. You know, I'm going to keep playing catch with them. You know, I still underhand the ball. They got to know none of that t-ball shit. They got to hit it that way. Like all of that stuff that they're getting t-ball, I don't know.

I didn't like a balance bike. Then I like a balance, but maybe t-ball is good for a minute. Then after a while, it's like, eventually, you know, it's just in golf. It's a sport. Okay. Someone's going to try to get the ball past you. Sorry. Um, I actually really enjoy golf and I think it's a great activity.

Uh, my kids, um, so I'm going to say this again for other parents out there. We had to explain that we always want to hear feelings on things, but her feelings on something don't overrule what's right and wrong. Um, my daughter is a sweet kid and always owned up to when she did things wrong. Something me and my wife were always proud of. Yeah. I'm not one of those psychos that needs to control everything that goes on at my kid's school, but how about a little respect for the real world?

I heard one of her friends say that, that another kid's parents were toxic and negative because they wouldn't let her, their nine year old daughter go to a co-ed sleepover that wasn't, that was supposedly supervised. Give me a fucking break. Every kid I knew growing up would be more than willing to rob a convenience store. Then even suggest that to a parent. What that was that they wanted to go to a co-ed sleepover or that they were being toxic and never listen, we're on the same page.

And I'm assuming you're younger than me, even though your kids older than mine, cause I started so late. So that's good to know that younger people still feel that. Yeah. Fuck all this shit. All of that shit that like, um, these beta social media liberals, what they've done is, you know, I guess they wanted to make the world better, but then they just immediately took that power and now it's like, you can't say

anything like, I couldn't say anything to that woman today that went around the line, that she was a selfish cunt. Back in the day, you could be like, you're a fucking selfish cunt. You don't see the line. You know, you could say shit like that. You can't say it anymore. Now you have to be like, excuse me, did you, I mean, I don't, I don't know, I mean, I mean, those words exist for a reason.

You can call a man a cunt too. I wouldn't call her a cunt. I would have been like, yeah, but I would have been dropping some F-bombs. Like, hey, excuse me. Am I at him? You don't see the fucking line. You just drive around. You think you're better than anybody else.

But this is the thing about that. You could never, you can never win an argument with a woman. You just can't win an argument with a woman. So you don't argue with them. That's how you win. That is the only way to win an argument with the woman. Okay. You can win temporarily by beating the shit out of them, but then you go to jail.

Right. Fucking with you. Um, you can't, you just can't win. So how you win is if you're wrong, you say you're right and you apologize. If you're right, you can't keep arguing. Like if a woman's right with the man, they can keep arguing. And then you're like, all right, you're right. But if you're right, they're not going to fucking give up.

They just did like, they're fucking badgers. They have Wolverines. They just, they, they don't give up, right? Varmits. So what you got to do is you, you don't argue with them. If you say, you did this, this and this, and then they say, you know, and it made me feel like this. And they just say, no, I didn't.

Or what you should have done that. You just go, oh, all right. And then that's it. That's it. And you just walk away. And then they know, they know, they know they're fucking wrong. So then they're going to come down and try to talk to you to try to feel you out. And the big thing there is don't be an asshole to them.

Cause if you're an asshole, then they'll use that, that you're being an asshole. And then the argument becomes about that. Don't be an asshole to them. Don't be overly nice cause then they won't apologize. Just be fucking neutral. Just be neutral. That's the only way, that's the only way. So with that woman who did that shit, we don't have a relationship.

We don't have the time. And you can no longer call a cunt a cunt. So you just have to let it go. And hopefully you have a podcast. So I'm actually proud of me for not saying, oh man, I fucking said it. I fucking said it. I said it in the truck a whole bunch of fucking times. When I drove away, when an asshole, I should lift my truck there and fucking

had a cooler head, but that's not the way I'm wired. Anyway, if the dollar goes digital. Hey Bill, there's talk of the U.S. adopting a completely digital dollar in the next 10 years or so. I was wondering how you would react to having to use completely digital money all the time. Also, there's a clip that's going around where a fat Italian man from a bank is saying that they'll be able to control how people spend their money. Would you adopt this new dollar or wrap the phone cord around your neck and make the jump? I mean, yeah, you can't fight any of this.

You can't fight it. It's all of this stuff is going to happen. And they're just going to keep speaking the cord around your neck. They're going to keep yanking it tighter and tighter and tighter and tighter until someday somebody way smarter than me takes out like the 1200 people that are doing this to everybody else. Until somebody does that, but the bottom line is everybody wants to join the club and everybody gets paid by the club. That's why these people who are wrapped up in red ties and blue ties and actually think

that it makes a difference and actually think that these people are there for you and actually think that they're public servants. They are not public servants. They are private servants and they work for those 1200 or whatever there is. They work for those people. They work for the people that literally dump shit into the water supply. If you and I dump shit into a water supply, we are fucking terrorist and we are going to jail for the rest of our lives.

They do it. They pay a fine. They don't clean up. The government makes us pay for it because those are the people. Those fucking assholes are the ones that sign their goddamn checks and every once in a while you have a politician who will actually try and stand up against those cunts and that person is immediately labeled a communist or a socialist and for whatever reason liberals and conservatives, you know, people that are loyal to those parties believe it.

I mean, you look at Bernie Sanders and the shit that that guy wanted to do, like the Democrats literally boxed that guy out and gave the nomination to Hillary Clinton. They've done it to him twice and the liberals on the left spoke and said, this is the person we want and they fucking ignored it because all of them are on the fucking take just like all the ones on the right are on the take probably except for a few a handful of them. So that's basically what it is. You know, it is what it is.

What the fuck are you going to do? You know, whoever organizes the thing someday who's way smarter and knows how to do it, I will join that to try and fight it. But until they do, I'm not going on a Reddit page and just sit there talking about gloom and doom with a bunch of other people with no fucking solutions because you slowly go insane. So, you know, I think the only way to combat this type of stuff is you really have to work on yourself to become a better person, a more empathetic person. And, you know, as I'm sitting there telling some somebody a squat twat on this fucking thing,

but like, you know, all of this shit that they stir up your feelings about other countries or the racist that Trump stirs up, you know what I mean? These fucking like just straight up people that walk around saying the fucking N word and shit. And like, you really have to try and not listen to those people and get caught under their fucking bullshit because they're they're they're they don't have your best interest. And, you know, Hillary Clinton, I don't think there was there's no difference. She's just as evil as Trump. She's just smarter. She just knows how to say what she's saying.

You know, but you know what she's doing. Okay. Look, you know, I don't want to get into this shit, but like, you know, that shit that people are saying online going, hey, so you got the Epstein guy and you got the person that booked the island. But what about that list of people of all the people that went there? And they're protecting those people. And they got rid of the people that were going to expose them. I mean, I mean, it's it's really not conspiracy theory. It's kind of right there if you want to see it. Yeah, it's and, you know, liberals love a guy that I got to be careful. So I don't get in trouble, but like liberals love a guy

that like went there allegedly like 20 fucking times. They still love the guy. They they love a guy that drone bombed weddings. So like, I don't see them as liberal progressive fucking people. And then on the right, you know, what they're showing me is fucking toothless racist. So I don't even know where the fuck I stand right now. But, uh, you know, they can't stop me from enjoying my day and trying to be a nice person and enjoying being a father. You know, if that's what you want to do, you want to stick all my money on my phone and fucking control where I spend it. Fine. Does that make you happy? Does that make you dick hard? I don't give a fuck because life is flying by.

And all you can, they can't, you can't stop time. You know, all you can do is enjoy yourself. So just don't be a cunt. There's a fucking line weight in it. Fucking asshole. All right. 1970s commercials. Um, high bill, we are roughly the same age. And I figured 1975 would be some of our earliest memories of commercials. And I was right. See how many of these things ring your memory bell? By the way, I listened to you on the treadmill at Planet Fitness and I find it helps lower my rage. So thanks. Oh, that's good. That makes me feel good. I'm glad my anger helps out your anger. So am I supposed to sit there and watch these commercials? Can I watch this on my podcast?

Is this interesting? All right. Here we go. Fred Fix presents. Wow. That was a Cologne commercial for chicks perfume. I remember this commercial. Oh, that's when American cars sucked. That was the old catalytic converter. Standard four speed shift can't get out of its own fucking way. We'll die at 60,000 miles. It's good to know this old says another Oldsmobile. What do we got here? Oh my God. A lot of little Oldsmobile. That's a good looking car. Probably underpowered. Oldsmobile Omega. Yeah, I remember all of those things.

1975 was a great year. I loved the seventies, man. I had a great fucking time. I was basically 10 and under the whole decade. So it's just all about football cards. Got a paper route. I started making money. I had my first job. I didn't know football players wore shoulder pads. I thought their shoulders were that big. I mean, it was a great time. There was no tablets or any of that shit. You just went outside and you played. It was fucking fantastic. I didn't realize the Vietnam War had just ended. I had no idea what the Vietnam War was. I didn't know anything. All I knew is that riding bikes and I learned how to throw a spiral by myself by just throwing the ball and going after

it because that was the seventies. Everybody was a fucking latchkey kid. Both your parents worked. That's how I learned how to throw a spiral by myself, throwing to nobody. If that isn't 1975, I don't know what is. And I remember it spun and I was like, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. And I ran inside to tell my mom who was sleeping on the couch because she worked the third shift so she could watch us during the day over the summer, which she didn't really. She just was asleep on the couch. Like her parenting, the poor thing was she couldn't sleep in the bedroom. She had to sort of be where we were and she would just send us outside and she would sleep on the couch

in the living room. All right, overrated technologies. Bill, you've talked about overrated technologies in the past and I'd like to submit my own candidate for this category. All streaming services. I miss cable TV. It's so funny, man. When cable TV came out, everybody was just like, this is too many channels. I miss when it was just three channels and everybody watched the local news, not this new CNN stuff. Now people miss this. I miss cable TV, lots of movies and weird shit to choose from. Now channels can be boring and have nothing on them because they just want to give the illusion of things on TV. Most of all, I miss responsive remotes, analog shit bill. Is that what the problem is? When you push the button, the channel changed

immediately. No fucking menus. I'm only 42, by the way, so this is an old man's shit. That's hilarious. Is that what's going on? Yeah, I remember those big like, it's like that when you buy like homemade butter or you buy like cream cheese, it was like the size of one of those packages. I remember I used to make like a big noise when the original ones. Yeah, they were great. I can still remember it was like, it was like a purple brown was the remote that we had. And there was a big thing with like kids at school going like, what movie channels do you have? And the movie channel was, that was what Cinemax became when it became Skinnamax. The movie channel was the one that had the

dirtiest movies and HBO and Cinemax were sort of like the best movies and then HBO pulled ahead. And then I think Cinemax was like, well, we can't fuck with HBO. Let's fuck with the movie channel. And then they started showing all the soft core porn and became known as Skinnamax. And somewhere in there was Showtime. Yep. And MTV had just come out. You guys are making me feel good about my childhood with this, with these, these emails this week, because like, it was really, it was just like, like yesterday as a dad, I had such a great time because my kids were doing the shit that I did when I was a kid and they weren't on the tablet and they were having a fucking blast.

And they were riding around on their bikes. So the, the, the balance bikes and shit. And like, I was telling my wife and thank God, Nia is totally on board with that. It's like, like, we're going to be like our kids are going to be like outside kids, like they're going outside, they're going to play catch, they're riding bikes, you know, I got my drums they can mess around on. We're going to go out to eat as a family. Yeah, you know, we're going to go to the movie. Like I can't wait till they're big enough when we can just like go to the movies if they weren't so fucking loud. Those things are too goddamn loud too. But just doing stuff like that, as opposed to like everybody's in the same room and me and my wife are staring at the phone

and the kids are looking at the tablet or watching the fucking flat screen TV. I'm going to make a point of doing stuff like that. Because I remember there was like little things that meant a lot to me as a kid to just like family moments. I remember like once a week we would all go out to dinner and we would go to McDonald's. And I probably I think I told this before, but I always say that, but I don't know. We used to go to McDonald's. And I was living on the North Shore Boston when I was a little kid. And I remember there was a couple of like pro ball players that lived in and around the town like Rico Petracelli who played a shortstop for the Red Sox and Kenny Hodge. Great Kenny Hodge played for the Boston Bruins. He was

like a town over or something like that. You drive by the house like that's Kenny Hodge's house. You couldn't believe it. And it was just McDonald's and it was by like a train track, like an elevated train track that went over like this viaduct. And we would sit there and we would eat outside and I don't, you know, all the kids got a cheeseburger small fry and a chocolate shake and then my parents would get a Big Mac large fry and they'd get a Coke. And it was all it was always the same order and we'd all be excited. We'd pile in the station wagon or I think we had a Buick Regal like a 72 or 73 Buick Regal that we were renting from this place, Bob Breast Buick. I can't believe I remember that shit. I can't remember shit from yesterday. And we would drive

over to this McDonald's and in the summertime we would get it and we would eat outside on the little plastic tables and shit and there would be like seagulls and you could throw them like fucking french fries and shit. And every once in a while you'd go there and the train went by and it was like the most amazing thing. You know when it goes by and it's sort of gliding by and then that bell is ringing and you'd be eating McDonald's and it was the summertime when you were a kid and you had a shirt on that had a number on it. Nobody's name, none of that Mitchell and Ness shit. It was just a random shirt with a number on it. It was just like a couple of stars on the sleeves and it was like the greatest fucking thing ever. Yeah, I'd like to have my kids have that moment

rather than being like staring at a fucking tablet playing Minecraft, whatever the fuck that is. My kid just wants that thing so bad and I have this crushing need to be liked which is why I'm a comedian and I do what I do. So I have to be cognizant of that to not give into that so my kid air quote likes me. You want to talk about manipulation getting back to that like I got to watch out for that last night like she was just having like you know a real hard time with it but I know you know in the end when she's grown up hopefully she'll understand that as she's talking to all her friends who are going to be fucking scatterbrained from this overload of information. So that's it people. I want to bring you know if I was a politician I'm gonna I want to bring back

playing catch with your kids. I think I think it's a great way to connect with them you know it's good for hand-eye coordination and you know it's a big thing for a kid you should know how to throw you know not ride a bike know how to throw know how to whistle the little you know the little starter kid of being a kid so you're not the kid that doesn't know how to do it right. I don't know probably overcompensating on some level. Anyway that is the podcast look how fucking relaxed I am. I started off calling somebody a squat little fucking steaming cunt whatever the hell I said and in the end of it I'm talking about trying trying to be a good dad you know there we go. I think you know when you really think about it everything works though. All right that is the

podcast go fuck yourselves especially that woman that just drove around. Oh whatever maybe she was right to do it I bet her dad's proud that she's a go getter maybe she's a go getter maybe she's not a cunt. Hey you know what you know how does that expression go? Hey one man's cunt is another man's go getter and there you go we learned something all right god bless her I bet she's nice and she'll find love and be a great mom someday. Why does she have to be attached to a man to get satisfaction fuck off see you Thursday