Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-5-15

Episode Date: October 5, 2015

Bill rambles about Jake and the Fat Man, paranoia and scripted titties.

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This is the level of talking that I'm going to be able to do because I have a couple of guests here in my house and it's 8am. And I'm trying to be courteous, unlike the cunt that called me at 6.58 in the morning. I thought it was some fucking radio guy, you know, for some gig I had back east I had no idea. I was like, hey, what are you doing? I was like, what? And he was like, I guess my wife scheduled some fucking shit here at the house on Saturday.

She wasn't even aware of it. I don't know, something about the fucking alarm. He goes, is there any way I can reschedule it? It's like, well, I don't know about this one. I get away until my wife wakes up and he goes, oh, okay, something I woke you up to. It's like, yeah, it's 6.58 in the morning, you cunt, with your fucking morning DJ voice. Hey, it's Eddie in the Bulldog. We got Bill Burr coming up here in a bit as he's going to be doing two shows here in

Maryland. Sorry, that was a bad morning DJ voice, but you know something, I'm trying to be courteous to the other people in the fucking house here. All right, whatever. Let's plow through the podcast here. I got to say something. I got to get something right off my old freckled fucking chest here to start this thing. All right, the W Hotel, I am fucking done with that place.

Had a great weekend, right? I did a couple of benefits out in DC, and I wanted to take Nataro set up for the Planned Parenthood, and it was such a fucking cool crowd. My whole set, I just kept telling them that they didn't like babies. One of my favorite things to do when you do a benefit is you go out there and then you act like you don't understand the point of view of the people that are doing the benefit, unless it's something fucking horrific. You know what I mean?

Like if it's kids with cancer or something like that, then I behave myself. But it's like Planned Parenthood or the right to life. If it was the right to life people, I would tease them that they haven't looked at a census and how many people are on the planet. Hey, let's keep having more babies. I would just do something like that, something, anything, to just kind of kill the fucking tension of the one subject that you're not supposed to talk about. So it was just an awesome crowd, and I kept going back to that, and they had a great sense

of humor about themselves. They kept laughing when I was saying it. The rest of my act, it was a little touchy. DC is really fucking touchy, by the way. What I found, if you perform at the DC Improv, though, it's a great crowd. You'll get a couple of uptight people there or whatever. But like if once you get out of the clubs and it becomes a bigger event like that benefit that was at like a theater, it's just this really weird sort of pay attention to what

you laugh at kind of thing. Like it feels like a political fundraiser for whatever fucking reason. But Friday night, they were cool. And then on Saturday, did the addiction benefit that Marion Gereldo, Greg Gereldo's wife put together. And Jesus Christ, what a fucking show that was. Everybody murdering. Tom Papa putting on a clinic, Nick DiPallo, Judy Gold, Tig was on that one, too.

Gary Owen, I mean, it was just a fucking, just a monster show. I know I'm going to forget a few people, but everybody was what was really cool was just a bunch of different styles and everybody with their own style, absolutely fucking destroyed. And dude, I got to take something, Nick DiPallo, man, is probably the most underrated comedian out there, man. If that guy's playing in your area, you got to go see him. He's fucking, if you want to see just like completely uncensored, somebody just saying exactly what they're thinking.

That's the guy to go see. And he does not take an ounce of shit from anyone in the crowd. Not like you should be giving him shit, but I'm just saying, he addresses growners put it that way is the best way to put it. But so it was great working with all those guys. And just had a just had a great fucking night. So anyways, so after the show, Saturday night. You know, meet Tom Papa and you know, Al Madrigal, we all go out to, we all go out to dinner

or something like that. Right. Have a couple of drinks. And then we head back to the fucking W hotel or me and Tom did anyways, because that's where we were staying, dude. And it was just an absolute fucking shit show. That hotel, I'm not saying is a bad hotel, but that hotel is for young people. It's not for a 47 year old fucking freckled douchebag like me.

I just couldn't get over the level of shit faced. This is coming from a drunk. How fucking hammered these people were. First of all, I walked by the W hotel at like, uh, who the fuck was I with? I was with somebody the whole weekend kind of blended together. But I swear to God, it was the afternoon and these fucking these three like hot chicks come walking out with, with tattoos on their titties, like script writing. They were horse, horse, just walking right out.

I'm not saying professional, but you know, if that's your daughter, you're just, you're just talking to a wall for the rest of your life, being like I completely fucked up script writing on your titties that I mean, I'm telling you right now, if you are a man and a woman walks up to you with script writing on her fucking titties, I'm telling you, you run in the other direction. All right. Nothing good is going to come from that interaction. Okay.

And if there's any ladies listening out there, I challenge you to find a wholesome woman who's going to be a good mother with script writing on her titties. All right. I'm sure you can find one just like I can find a white guy that can dunk a basketball. There's always fucking exceptions. All right. But I'm just saying generally speaking, not even generally 90% fucking speaking, my favorite percentage, 90%.

You just, you just run in the other fucking direction. So anyway, so we come back from the, from the fucking dinner and do it like this woman was so okay. Outside, this woman was so fucking drunk, like the kind of drunk you get when you're in your twenties, you don't know how to stop, right? Leather pants, right? Dressed like, you know, she's going to be in a Rihanna video. She's so drunk, the guy she's with is trying to hold her up and she's got her head buried

into him. Like she's in like a rugby scrum. Just sort of trying to walk into him. He's going, sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart. We kind of was like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck as all these, you know, fucking tattooed titty hose are walking out of the W. What's so funny is when you check into the place during daylight hours, like it seems like a nice hotel, but they always had like the fucking club or duck club, DA apostrophe,

whatever the young kid's saying, somebody's up there spinning, right? When the fucking, it turns into an absolute fucking shit show and nobody can hold their alcohol or, or fucking did too many drugs. I don't know what it is. So anyways, this fucking, this lady is like buried her head into this guy and it's like she's trying to like, uh, get a first down and we looked away and then all of a sudden you heard, boom, the unmistakable sound of a head hitting something solid. And she had fallen down on her backside and, and her momentum carried her into the cab,

the side of the cab that she was, they were trying to stick her into and she fucking banged her head. And then she got up and was laughing. And I want to say it was because she was a dumb cunt. All right. Now, somebody can say, well, why don't you look at it like, you know, she's got a sense of humor about herself, like the right to life people. You know what?

She was too pretty to have a sense of humor about herself, you know, and that's probably my, you know, issues with those types of fucking women, um, which of course most of it is. But yeah, I would just say, no, she just was like, Oh, this is funny because there's no consequences to anything I did because as drunk as I am, I probably only paid for one fucking drink this night. You know what I mean? Oh, there's a stupid laptop. Let me know.

I got a fucking message. Um, so, uh, yeah, I think she just was enjoying the attention and their boyfriend finally snapped and was like, you shut the fuck up and get in the fucking cab and she was still laughing. You know what I mean? And I bet when it happens again, she'll laugh again because no one will ever slap the shit out of her because she's a woman and it's against the rules. You know what I mean?

So anyways, so then me and fucking, um, Tom walk into the, uh, not saying that you should slap the shit out of a woman, but you know, there is something to be gained every once in a while. When you're truly in the wrong and somebody just slaps you in the fucking face and, uh, you know, all you have to deal with is this stinging pain for like about eight seconds. There is kind of a, uh, let me, uh, what do I think about, uh, some of my behavior over the last couple of minutes. Um, another great advantage to being a guy also, you can have a beard so you can kind

of cushion the sting of the slap. Is he advocating domestic? Um, so then we go into the, uh, the W hotel. Um, by the way, what I just said there is most bloggers fucking thought process. Before they sit down to type, um, anyways, so we go into the fucking W hotel and we're standing there just like weaving our way through unbelievably fucking shit face people. Um, there doesn't seem to be any sort of concern as to how these people are getting home if they're driving.

It is a city. So I guess everybody was sort of cabinet or Uber ring it. I don't know what the fuck they were doing. So we're weaving our way through these people. We get to the fucking, you get to the, the elevators and they got three elevators. One of them goes up to the top where the bar is. It's basically the shit show elevator. And then the other two is for fucking old people who just want to go to their room and

go to bed. And of course the shit face people keep getting on the wrong elevators and all that type of stuff. Right. So as we're standing there, all of a sudden there's sea of fucking guys walking and wearing tuxedos and for some reason they have these little stuffed animal ponies with them. And they just all come filing in to go to bed and I'm looking at Tom going, oh fuck these guys and they're fucking drunk as hell.

And the guy shows up next to me goes, do you want my pony? This fucking guy, right? These guys were like over the top gay and they had like these Hitler youth haircuts. It was really fucking bizarre and they had tuxedos and these stuffed animal ponies or some shit. I don't know what was going on. I have no idea what the fuck was going on. So we skip an elevator and then wait for the next one to come.

And by the time the next one shows up, there's another fucking herd of Hitler youth gay guys with ponies trying to get in this as you have scripted titty drunk girls trying to figure out how to get up to the fucking top of the place so they can get even more shit faced. So anyways, we finally get on the fucking elevator and, you know, I, ah fuck hang on, I gotta take this, I gotta hit pause here. Hold on, hold on, hold on, all right I'm back, sorry about that, sorry about that, I got some fucking, ah, you know, I had a relative pass away so I gotta go to the fucking funeral. Sucks, sucks, I moved up and everybody moves up, you know?

Somebody in your family, you know, passes away, everybody moves up a spot, everybody sad and then everybody moves up a spot, you know what I mean? Who's next? Who's next, right? Fucking brutal. Anyways, so let's get back to the scripted titty horse, all right? Titty who is, all right, and where did I leave you guys? Scripted titty horse, gay Hitler youth guys with ponies all dressed in tuxedos like they

just gave a piano concerto or however the fuck you say it. So I finally get all the way up to my room and then I walk up and of course my key doesn't fucking work or maybe I have a key from the wrong hotel because I'm always on the fucking road, I have no idea so I gotta go back downstairs, get back on an elevator that's actually empty and I go downstairs, doors open up, more Hitler youth, gay guys, more scripted titty horse, more fucking rugby scrums and get my key and I get back up there and I was just like, it's a shit show, I'm not saying it's a bad hotel, you know what I mean? It's a fucking great hotel if that's what you're into, you know what I mean?

Like stay there during the week, I think it's fine if you're an old man like me but on the fucking weekends it is an absolute fucking shit show, like it was literally, it looked like a convention for reality shows, you know what I mean? Stop writing script on your titties, you know, on VH1, gay show pony, World War II, piano concerto for the straight guy, whatever the fuck you want to call it. And you know, dumb cunt rugby chicks, whatever the fuck you want to call it but it was, tonight man, I'm done and you know what's funny, it was during the day, I was already starting to get that feeling like, you know, the second you know, you get into the W and

they have like that fucking, that option where you can have like that neon aquarium lighting around your fucking bed, you know, because young people think that that like enhances their sexual experience, what they're really doing is they're trying to cover for the fact that they don't quite know what the fuck they're doing, you know what I mean? Or maybe it's part of the drug thing, I have no idea, but I remember that when I was young and I was going to hook up, it was all about like the lighting and having the right CD, it was all this extra shit that you needed to cover up for the fact that you didn't quite know what the fuck you were doing, at least that was for me, whatever, I'm just a grumpy old man,

don't listen to me. So anyways, I fucking, so the food sucks at the W and it's fucking like a zillion dollars, so I'm like, all right, I'm going to walk down the street, okay, and I'm going to fucking maybe find something. So I'm walking down the street, it's Saturday afternoon, and holy, Alabama is going to play the Georgia Bulldogs between the hedges, right? Georgia is favored, because Alabama lost to Ole Miss the fucking week before, and Georgia is actually given two points. And in the back of my head, I was like, if there was ever a fucking gift, it would be Alabama getting points. But fortunately, I don't have access to a fucking sports book, so which is good, because that saves me a bunch

of money, because anytime you're sitting there thinking like, oh my God, this is a fucking gift, you end up losing. So I walk down the street like two blocks, not even a block and a half, and I see this problem, like, all right, I'm going to go in there. Turns out it's this fucking insane cigar bar slash sports bar. I pop in there, right? There's this fucking guy sitting there, this southern dude with the Georgia Bulldog logo on, and then there's like this old Jewish dude sitting there. Old Jewish dudes are the fucking best, man. They're the fucking best. Give ridiculous, ridiculous fucking life advice at the most easy going pace ever. Are you married? Are you in love? Well, that's good, right? They just walk you all the way through fucking life.

They're the best, right? So anyways, so I'm sitting with that dude, and then there's the other guy, you know, and they both got cigars going, and I'm thinking like, well, I'll fucking smoke one later tonight, I'm not going to smoke during the day, but I'm going to watch the fucking game. So they put the game on, the crowd's going nuts, right? Fucking Georgia Bulldogs are jumping up and down, Alabama comes out, they get right in their fucking face, I'm getting amped up like I'm going to play the game, right? And it's a cigar bar, so it's a chill fucking vibe. You can hear the game, everything's great. All of a sudden, right, it literally is the fucking game's going to start. This tabletop of five or six people walking with this fucking smug jackass,

who just has a fucking opinion on everything that he thinks is so goddamn fascinating, which is kind of funny to hear me say, but at least I know I'm a moron. God knows I got an opinion on everything, but I know I'm a fucking moron. I also know that when you go into a fucking cigar bar, it's an old man vibe, okay? Inside old man voices, right? This fucking fat cunt, I swear to God. Remember that show, Jake and the Fat Man? He looked like the Fat Man. He sits down and proceeds to start speaking as loud as you could possibly fucking talk without yelling. And he keeps talking about these, he tells this fucking story like three times about these cigarettes he got in London that for some reason are not legal in the United States. And he kept going like,

it's London, but you cannot get him here. I've tried to order them, but they are not legal. And he, it would always end at the same way. They are not legal. Then he'd go, why? I don't know. Told that story three times. He only told it twice, but I want to say it felt like fucking three. And uh, is he's fucking screaming? I finally look over at the old Jewish deal. I'm like, if you, it's like, you believe this guy? And the old Jewish guy said something like, you know, I feel the same way like when you get on the plane and there's a baby crying next to you. And I laughed. I go, yeah, but this guy should know better. And then the guy goes, all right, he goes, and he fucking, he just got up and left, you know, because he, what he had on him,

he had this beautiful fucking cojiba and he knew better. He's like, I'm not going to fucking sit here and smoke this unbelievable cigar with this fat fuck screaming across the goddamn room. Right. That'd be like, if you had like a great glass of wine and the whole time you're drinking it, there was some guy yelling in your fucking ear. So he gets up and leaves and I sat there and watched the whole first quarter while simultaneously trying to think of a nice way to ask that guy politely to shut the fuck up. Could somebody please help me with this social moment? Because I was literally muttering over in the corner. Like I'd be like, and no matter how much I tried to be nice, like by the time I got to the end of the sentence, the rage would

come in and I would drop the F bomb. I'd be like, excuse me, sir, you know, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but you're sort of yelling and you know, you're in a fucking cigar bar, you dumb cunt. No, you can't do that. Can't do that. Back it up. Sir, I'm not trying to inhibit you from having a good time, but for some fucking reason, you don't give a shit that you're doing that to me. You fat fuck, right? I mean, just kept going like that, right? So I never ended up saying anything. And I finally, I don't know, I left after the first quarter and I went back to the fucking W hotel. And by the way, Jesus Christ, huh? Alabama coming back, answering the bell. Absolutely fucking kick the shit. The only, the more they could have done was rip the

hedges out of the fucking ground. And God knows I was rooting for Georgia. I don't even, I don't even hate Alabama. It's just you have to root against them. They're so fucking good. And you know what? I forget the guy's name. Who's that number two that running back that Alabama has? Jesus Christ, that guy's a fucking beast. I don't know the names. I know number seven on LSU was a monster. This guy number two, like they're making these new kinds of fucking running backs. I don't get it. They're built like full backs, but they run as fast as running backs. And then they lower the shoulder and they just absolutely destroy people. But um, unbelievable, uh, college matchups this weekend, but none of them turned out to be the

games like the, the back and forth that you thought they were going to be, huh? Fucking Alabama kicks the shit out of Georgia. And then Florida, who was also undefeated, but was getting no respect, was playing Ole Miss in the swamp and everybody's thinking, well, Ole Miss beat Alabama, right? They're going to have their way with Florida and Florida absolutely kicked the fucking shit out of them. I got to see that game too. I watched the replay last night and, um, and then Notre Dame Clemson. I was rooting for Notre Dame because I'm going to the Notre Dame USC game and I was obviously hoping that Notre Dame would win. So they'd be undefeated and the game would mean even more when they played USC. And as far as I can tell, they got handled

because I haven't seen that game yet. Um, that game was going on while I was doing the, uh, the Geraldo addiction benefit and, um, but one of the stage hands had the game going. I just know it was like 14 to three forever. They kind of went out early, but, um, the only game that was really fucking close and exciting was probably a game nobody thought was going to be, which was, uh, Ohio State versus Indiana, which I ended up turning on towards the ending because Alabama was just, Georgia just couldn't answer the fucking bell. Um, so I ended up putting that thing on and, um, what a fucking game that was. I love how OSU kept thinking they put Alabama to bed and put them to sleep. Like they had that one touchdown pass and the guy does the old slick the fucking throat

thing. Like that's it nailing the coffin, which, you know, I felt it was too in Indiana just kept coming back. I didn't know Indiana was that good. They were also undefeated. So, uh, what I'm trying to say is that when I wasn't weaving in and out of scripted titty horrors this fucking weekend, uh, as I watched a lot of goddamn football, I'll talk NFL here in a minute. Let me, uh, let me get back to the, uh, gotta do a little bit at advertising here. Sorry. I have to hum my password. I forget. Oh, Jesus Christ. You gotta put in 50 fucking goddamn things now. And of course it's wrong. And of course it's fucking wrong. You know, it's just my fucking podcast. Why the fuck? I mean,

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I actually took an early flight out so I could get back in time to watch the NFL football, which I was able to do. By the way, by the way, when I was on the plane, I watched a guy in dress socks. They weren't gold toes. They were whatever. I don't know if they were compression socks. I don't know what they were, but they were porno socks, dark colored socks. And I watched this guy walk into the bathroom on the airplane in socks, which in some weird way is actually as gross as fucking walking in with your bare feet. You know what I mean? Because there's something about socks that they're like absorbent

to take fucking urine and fecal matter and have them up against your feet for the rest of your fucking flight. I mean, what the fuck? What kind of a fucking animal? I just want to say to the guy like, dude, do you realize you just walked into a public bathroom in your socks? Are you out of your fucking mind? At the very least, there's like 20 people's fucking urine in your socks up against your fucking skin, animals. And then I'm also thinking like, you know, maybe this guy is preparing for when the dollar collapses or whatever. And you just got to start eating squirrels and everything. And maybe maybe your neighbor. And as I'm sitting there puking, you know, like Henry Hill, when they dig up fucking billy bats and I can't handle it, you know,

and he's just sitting there. He's ready for you and give a fuck. He walked into a public bathroom in his fucking stocking feet. Absolute fucking animal. I had this really nice male stewardess on there. But every time he went to talk to me, he put his hand on my shoulder. I don't know why I think his name is Stanley. It's an old person name. I need to make a human connection. Would you like some more peanuts? Um, so anyways, I landed in time. I only missed the first half of the first game and I went in and I watched the Giants vs. the Bills. This makes no sense because I am a Patriots fan, but I fucking love the Giants. I love the Giants. They always got a great fucking defense. You see

that maniac they got on defense? The guy's 5'10". 10. The guy's 5'4'10". I'm so impressed. My voice is cracking. The guy's 5'10", playing on the defensive line, plowed through two guys and got a fucking sack. The guy's a fucking animal. You're literally watching Rudy. And you know what's funny? Unlike the movie Rudy, where the dude playing him looked like an absolute pussy who shouldn't even be playing fucking volleyball, this guy looked like a fucking animal. It's like he was 5'10", but was built like he was fucking 6'4". Um, you know, they got Odell Beckham. You see that catch the guy made? It didn't even count. It was so fucking unbelievable. It still made the highlight real. And um, I don't know. I was watching what Rex could do against a team like that. Plus,

you know, Rex in our division. And I know that we're going to be playing the Giants. I don't know how the fuck we're ever going to beat them. We never beat them. They beat us in exhibition. They beat us in the playoffs. They beat us in a regular season. I don't think we've ever beat the Giants during the Tom Coughlin, Eli Manning era. I wonder when the last time we beat, we beat them was. I'm sure some fucking nerd will go out there and let me know or tell me that I'm wrong. Oh, actually in fucking booboo or any significant game. They always kick our fucking ass. So, but I, I always love defensive minded teams. So even though they beat us, I mean, what am I going to get mad? Cause they always beat us.

That's on us, right? Figure out how to fucking beat them. So anyway, so, and I also love watching Rex lose. It's fun, you know, and if I can watch him lose while he wears a pink hat and headsets, I mean, that's even better. So, uh, I watched that, uh, still Buffalo look pretty good, man. And I think they're, uh, their quarterback there. What is it? Travis Tritt, the black version of that name. Uh, I don't know. Trayvon third guild. I don't know what his fucking name is. Sadelle Threat. Um, he looked fucking great. He looked great, but he looked way better than when we were playing him when he was throwing it like 90 miles over everybody's head. Looked like he settled down and everything. So I got to watch the bills lose and then I watched the Packers,

uh, actually play a surprisingly tough game against the 49ers. I thought that they were going to crush him, but, uh, as much as the score looked like, it was, uh, a one-sided affair. Listen to me using all the sports cliches. Um, I thought 49ers played really tough. And, uh, then I watched the fucking Saints game, uh, Cowboys game and I had that game fucking recorded. What a goddamn game. Watch it all the way to the end. And the one time, I don't add the extension right as they're lining up to take the field goal to tie it up. Um, my fucking, uh, my, my recorder cut out. So then I had to go on TV and I was just sitting, all right, it's a 30 yard, you know, they hit the fucking thing. And it turns out they missed it.

And evidently they missed it cause some guy with a giant white belly, what I looked like a few months ago, lifted his shirt up and fucking distracted him. And, uh, but Saints still ended up winning the fucking game. But, um, I don't know, you might just realize that I don't know anybody's name. I could sit there when I can watch the whole fucking game. I don't know anybody's game. Who's the Cowboys backup? He's one of those unfortunate guys who's a quarterback, you know, who does not look good when he wearing it, when he was wearing a helmet. He's got those baby fat cheeks, you know, so it all mushes in together. It looks like Stan Humphries. You know what I mean? That's just so unfortunate because, you know, if you're going to stand back

there and have six foot four, six foot five inch guys who run four forties coming into fucking lay out, you can at least be getting a ridiculous amount of ass, right? You know what I mean? You can have, you know, you can have a cute little face like a little Tony Romo there. You know, as he's sitting there wearing the Tom Landry hat, he's got his arm in his sling. That's all women give a shit about in Dallas. Oh, I just want to rub his shoulder. What did he break? Um, was it his collar bone? White gold. Um, anyways, whatever that guy's name is, I thought when the saints went ahead, I was like, ah, they don't have it in him. This guy's a game manager. They don't have it in him to come back and score. And lo and behold,

they went right down the fucking field and they scored and it was great to see Tony Roma really being happy for his backup. Right. He knows, he knows he still has the job. He knows he's better. He knows he looks better in a fucking helmet. He's going to sell more merch, right? I don't think I would look any worse in a football helmet on a closeup on HDTV than that poor son of a bitch that's playing for the Cowboys, but God damn it. He got the job done, drove him right down the fucking field, right through it to that tight end that's been there forever. JJ Witton, JJ Stokes, whatever the fuck his name is. I don't know anybody's name anymore. I don't play fantasy football. All right. I'm a man. I'm over 40. I'm actually thinking about starting to play fantasy football

just so I can fucking learn the player's names again. I actually, I'm embarrassed to say that I went on the, on the internet to see, you know, look at some of the stats of like the top receivers and I didn't know anybody's name. I didn't know anybody's name as far as running backs went. I know Marshawn Lynch. I know Ray Rice. And I think that's it. I don't know anybody else. I kept hearing names from the SEC going, didn't that guy play for Arkansas? Didn't that guy win the Heisman Trophy, Darren McFadden? He won the Heisman Trophy in 2009. I think he was on the Saints and then the fucking,

the guy from Arkansas was on the Cowboys. I don't, I don't know fucking anything anymore. I don't know what happened to me. I don't know what happened to my fucking life. I know all of this. You know, I used to collect football cards. That's what, that's what it was. That's what it would. Anyways, but it was a great whole fucking, a great weekend of watching football. And then as always, I tell you what I do is I taped a one o'clock game and I taped an extra one o'clock and an extra four o'clock game. And I also still have the Notre Dame game to watch. So tonight is Monday night football. I can watch that Tuesday night. I can watch the one o'clock game. I don't give a fuck that I know what happens.

It's still fun to watch Wednesday, Wednesday. I can watch the four o'clock game Thursday. You got Thursday football Friday. I'll watch the Notre Dame game. And then Saturday it starts all over again. There you go. And if you want the woman in your life or the man in your life, whatever your deal is to feel underappreciated, you will record football games the way I do. Then you sit there at the whole fucking week, watch like you're some coach watching game tape. I gotta, I gotta learn the names, guys. I apologize. I apologize to anybody who had a great fucking game. I should at least know your goddamn name, right? Drew Brees. I know Drew Brees. I know Aaron Rodgers. I can't even remember the name of the fucking quarterback from

Seattle or the cornerback. What the fuck's it? Richard Sherman, Collie Kaepernick. Who's the guy who's trying to be like the Waltons with 52 kids there for San Diego? Philip Revis. I know him. Andrew Luck. I guess quarterbacks, you know. Or I know. I don't fucking know. I know there's some guy in Atlanta who's unbelievable. An unbelievable receiver. Odell Beckham, I know. Bill, why don't you learn the fucking names instead of torturers? All right. All right. Sorry. My mistake. Oh, hey, listen, I gotta give a, I gotta give a, a shout out here to when I was in DC, now that I shit all over the W hotel, which is a great hotel. If you're in your 20s, okay, and you got scripted titties or your gay guy with the Hitler youth fucking haircut and a little

show pony, you know what I mean? Or you're some fucking hottie with leather pants who's into rugby when you're drunk. I gotta give a shout out here. One of the great things that I found when I was in DC, this is for everybody out there, anybody who plays professionally or just is like a drum nerd like me. I found a great place for 15 bucks an hour that you can go play drums at. It's called Seven Lessons Drums in Washington DC. I showed up there. I played for two hours on Friday and two hours on Saturday. I could not have had a better time. I went to two different drum rooms. The drums were top notch. They were tuned up. They sounded great. And I mean, that's to me of when I'm on the road, you know, and that's one of the greatest days of my life. If I can be on

the road and I can just for two hours during the day, you know, to combat the fucking loneliness and all the bullshit that goes on when you're out there just sitting there, you know, sitting there on a Thursday when there's nothing on TV. Dude, an ESPN at two o'clock in the fucking afternoon is one of the funniest things you're ever going to watch. Like, did you see that former jet making fun of Tom Brady? It was hilarious. He gave it up. He said he's arguably the greatest quarterback of all time, but he's a nerd. What did he keep going? He kept saying corny. He guy's corny. How many air of high fives does this guy get to miss? Just trashing him. It was fucking hilarious. I would think if Tom Brady heard it, he would laugh. And then they went back

to Skip Bayless and you would have thought somebody spit on the fucking World Trade Memorial. He's like his comments were despicable. I would guess that they're possibly born in jealousy. His people know I am a huge fan of Tom Brady. I don't, I don't agree with those comments. It's just like, dude, are you fucking serious right now? And what it is is it's two in the afternoon. They've already shown you the highlights. Nothing new has happened and they just got to try and milk it for all it's worth. So there's nothing worth to do. People, uh, you know, if you're a fan of this podcast, if you go to my website and you see the cities that I'm going to be in, if you guys know cool studio places where I could

just sit down and chill out and fucking play drums for a couple hours, by all means, let me know. If you run one, let me know. I'll give it a shout out on the podcast. It is, it's my favorite thing to do when I go on the road, if I can actually find a place like that. And I found a great one. I know there's a lot of comics out there that play drums, you know, you bring your iPhone, you plug it in, you pretend you're fucking John Bonham for two hours. How much fun is that? Seven lessons drums in Washington DC. If you guys know some other places, give me the heads up, because, um, I got to be honest with you, it's frustrating, you know, to learn some shit and then go on the road for a week and you come back and you're fucking,

you know, one step forward, two steps back. It's a great fucking way. I feel like I got four hours better or at least maintained it. So, uh, thank you to everybody over there. Seven lessons drums. All right. Before I get into the questions, unfortunately, you guys got to listen to me read out loud again here for a couple of, uh, a couple more meundies. We did that one. Okay. All right. Legal zoom, everybody. You know what? You shouldn't have to choose a random lawyer who charges expensive hourly rates when you need legal help, but the legal system is so complicated. What other choice do you have when you need help with your business or want to protect your family? Well, start with legal zoom. They make it easy. They make it nice and easy.

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save at least 50% compared to a postage meter and you'll avoid all the time consuming trips to the post office. I already read that. Right now, sign up for stamps.com and use my last name, Burr, for this special offer four week trial plus $110 bonus offer that includes postage and a digital scale. Don't wait. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Burr, that stamps.com enter Burr. That is correct. I got my atomic holds and I got a buddy coming in who's going to do everything the right way because even though I have a stud finder and I got a drill, I do not trust myself to put as a standup comic to put this thing up correctly and not do unbelievable damage to myself. I don't be hanging by all my

body weight swinging from one hold to another, you know, as my pasty legs are out in front of me and then that thing fucking gives way, you know, I'm at that fucking age where then I'll have that pain for the rest of my fucking life. I'll finally know what it's like to be sacked in the NFL to fucking be horizontal four feet off the ground and land land on concrete, right? Feel like that's what astroturf feels like. All right, let's get to the questions. By the way, if you want to, you know what, I don't even have the email. What is the fucking email? God damn it. Bill at themmpodcast.com. That's where you send all your emails to. If you guys know a better way to fucking learn the player's names nowadays, other than playing that fantasy stuff, I guess I

just have to keep going to the website. All right, Boston. Hey Bill, me and my wife are headed to Boston for the first time. Any tips on the best places to eat? I hate when people do this to me because I moved away from there in 1995. So half the shit I'm going to tell you to go to is probably not even there anymore. How about things we shouldn't miss? I'm going to Fenway for sure, but after that we are clueless. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks and loved the podcast, except for the disparaging remarks about Sacramento. Come on, dude, you know Sacramento. Sacramento is a weird place. You know what I mean? It's either totally shady or you feel like you're in a Donnie Osmond fucking Christmas special. I'll be honest with you. I don't know much about Sacramento, to be

totally honest with you, because every time I stayed there, I didn't have a car and I was working the punchline there and I stayed at the comedy condo across the street and then they had dirty McDonald's that I would go to. So that's what it's based on other than the fact one time I went to a Sacramento Kings game and I went to the downtown area and I felt like I was in Utah in the whitest Mormon sense of the word. She doesn't mean it's bad. I mean, I'm white. I don't know when it's so white that I'm uncomfortable though. You know what I mean? I don't know. I probably don't know shit. I will tell you this. Have I been telling you that I've been watching The Ultimate Fighter with Conor McGregor, Conor McGregor and, and fuck.

What an asshole. I was just going to give him props of how fucking funny he's been. Uriah Faber. Jesus Christ. I got to stop talking on cell phones. Dude, that guy has been fucking. I knew Conor McGregor was going to be funny. That's why I was tuned in to watch, but who knew how fucking funny Uriah was. Haven't I already talked about this when McGregor was talking shit to him about what the fuck he would do to him and then he just looks at him. He goes, he goes, Conor, do I strike you as a fearful man? And he keeps making fun of Conor's big fucking head, which I don't even think he has a big head, but I think it's starting to fuck with them. Anyways, it's funny, man. It's, it's, you know,

it's a great goddamn show and it's fun watching two guys talking shit, knowing that neither one of them is full of shit, knowing that both of them know how to fight. You know what I mean? So many times when you sit there, you're watching guys talking shit. I'll fucking do this. I'll do this. Hey, you don't want to fuck with me. It's usually people bluffing like me. You know what I mean? Oh my good friend, Joe DeRosa. I'd never seen a guy who knew how to fight less, talk more shit in bars, but he just did it with supreme confidence as he was backing up and the person would never take in that information. He'd always kind of psych him out. Joe's got this way of scrunching up his fucking eyebrows and making this face even though he's got glasses on, you know, and he looks

like he works at a library. You can think, well, maybe this guy knows some shit. Maybe this guy's fucking crazy. So anyway, so it's great to watch them talking shit. Just professional fighters. Anyways, it's not even like they're not talking shit. They're not talking shit. They can do everything that they're saying. Anyways, speaking of that, what's the next UFC thing? Okay, I'm I'm I'm Jonesing for one. I think I missed the last one because I was on the road. So, uh, alright, whatever, I'm babbling here. Let's get to the questions. Alright, this guy's asking me what's a good thing to do here in Boston? Well, let's see, I used to love to go into Dominic's to get a slice of pizza that does not exist anymore.

Um, you know, it's there now at W hotel. I'll tell you what to see scripted titties go to the W hotel right there on fucking warranted street on the corner warranted street used to be a parking lot. Do I even know anything anymore? Combat zone is all fucking hotels. I just know touristy shit. Oh my God, this is terrible. The swan boats. I don't know anything about my city anymore. I know that if you go to Fenway, they bought up like the surrounding block and you can't go down there. You know what, sir, you stumped me. I'd say go to Harvard Square and go to the tasty, get yourself a burger that doesn't exist anymore. Oh my God, see, this is what's so fucking sad, man. This is what's sad. This is why they say you can never go home again because you move away

and you come back. Everybody moved away or fucking died and everything closed up and is now a fucking Arby's. You know what, sir? You stump me. I have no fucking idea. I have no idea. Definitely take in a sporting event. Fortunately with the internet, I'm sure you can get some ideas and hey, dude, if you learn anything, if you go to someplace cool, why don't you let me know? Here's a touristy place you can go to is the Union Oyster House. That's like fucking Paul Revere went in there and had a fucking Sam Adams back in the day. And by that I mean he had a gay relationship with them because the beer did not exist. That's a real touristy spot. I'm sure that's everybody's rolling their eyes right now like, oh my God, dude, don't fucking send him there.

Tell you what, I'll retweet places if people know some good places. Other than that, I just know go to the Kowloon. That's why I used to stand up. They got some good Chinese food. I got nothing. Go to the New England Aquarium. Go look at the sad fish that want to be back in the ocean. Oh, I know the North End. Go to the fucking North End. Go right down. What is it? Hanover Street? I don't even remember the name of the street begins with an H. Go down that fucking street and find somebody who looks really Italian from the old neighborhood and be like, listen, I don't want to eat on this street. What's one, a couple of blocks over that you go to? I swear to God, I won't tell anybody. It'll be the best fucking Italian that you can get

in Boston, at least I think so. Oh, God, that said, that really made me feel fucking old. Oh, here's another. Here's another one. Black Mass. Hey, Billy Bulger. Nice, nice fucking call back there. Not call back. Nice reference there. Billy Bulger, he was the politician. Did you see Black Mass? He said, I'm usually a pretty easy critic, but it was pretty rough. Nothing really happens. And what does happen has been refuted by everyone who knows the story. Well, you can say that about every fucking movie. I don't mean things like getting the color of his shirt right, but major events and motives really disappointing. Well, you know, you can kind of say that about good fellas. The way, you know, me and Verzi were talking about that, how they made Henry Hill look

like Ray Leota. He's this great looking movie star. And then when you see him, he was a little fucking worm. So, you know, it is a movie. I haven't seen it. I know some people liked it. Some people didn't, but I'm still going to go see it because I love Johnny Depp. And also, I remember when no country for old men came out and everybody's like, hey, what was the ending? The movie sucked. And it ended up being like my favorite one ever. So, I did not see it. And I don't go to see movies to get a history lesson. And I don't think you should. I think you go there to be entertained. I don't know. It looks fucking great to me. So, I'm definitely going to go see it. I think that's one of those ones that everybody thought

it was going to be a big shoot them up kind of thing. And they did it in a little bit of a different way. So, they're like, what the fuck? And I'm calling it right now when it fucking goes on Netflix, everything's going to be like, you know what? I actually liked it. Verzi liked it. You know? So, I can't tell you this, though. That is a scary guy that you did not want to fuck with. That's all I knew when I was living in Massachusetts. Unfortunately, I lived out the safe suburbs and played street hockey in a cul-de-sac. So, I didn't have any sort of Southie goodwill hunting upbringing whatsoever. You know, we just drove around and shit cars with a case of beer in the weekends. Drove around trying to find other kids,

drive around and fucking with cases of beer, you know? That's what you did. That was the excitement in my town. And you know what? We knew enough to stay away from heroin. It's fucking killing me now seeing all these kids on heroin after they get on the painkillers. It's unfucking believable, man. It's unfucking believable that that has made a comeback. And you don't make a comeback from that fucking drug, dude. That's one of those drugs that even when you get clean, you know what I mean? Every day, you still want to fucking do it again. I mean, that's what a thing to do to yourself. I don't think that that's worth it, you know? To put it through the biggest understatement ever. Major fucking problem though. Major, it's a fucking

problem in Massachusetts, problem in Vermont, Maine, all these places I'm going to that were like the kind of places you used to go to to get away from that shit. It's out in the suburbs, man. It's a fucking epidemic. Anyways, alright, wife thinks I'm nuts. Hey, Billy Da Vinci, my wife thinks I'm losing my mind. Well, join the club. A couple of weeks back, I told her that I at the ripe age of 49 want to learn how to paint. Dude, that's fucking great. That's fucking dude. This is the thing, man. If you want to stay excited in life and if you want to fend off depression, like this is a really depressing week for me, man. My uncle passed away and he's just the greatest guy ever. And there's that thing, you know, knowing I'm never

going to see him again. And then that other thing as far as like, like that level of my relatives, one of them passed away, like he's the first one. And like, I'm the next wave. And you just start doing the math in your head. And how quick the last decade went by. And it's like, Oh my God, I'm going to fucking be that guy in like two months, you feel. So what's, you can't stop the clock from ticking. But, you know, nobody can stop you from enjoying yourself or having a good time unless you let them. So, you know, I think that's how I ended up, you know, I just, I don't know, I am a big fucking believer in learning how to do shit. And then holy jack of all trades, master and non go fuck yourself. I do stand up. All right. I do that thing. I'm never going to

master it because the second I think that I've mastered it, I'm going to stop growing. And then the depression comes back. Like for me, when I'm standing still, and I got time to think and contemplate, like however I'm wired, it just, it puts me in a fucking funk. So I'm always chasing that next fucking carrot thing, like I'm learning how to smoke meat. You know, I was going to try to smoke some ribs this week, but I got to go to the funeral. I'm hoping, you know, I can maybe give that a shot this weekend. But you know, playing drums, I learned how to fly a helicopter. I got into old cars and stuff, you know, and I have like, you know, I don't have a tremendous amount of knowledge in any of that shit. But other than obviously, I got my pilot's license,

I had to know what the fuck I was. I kind of know how to do this. I'm doing, oh, by the way, I'm doing a flight this week where I'm going to land at El Monte. And then I'm going to do a lap around the Rose Bowl, which is so fucking cool. I'm starting it like my big thing right now, before I get instrument trained is I really want to get comfortable on the radio. And you know, I already did the advanced auto rotation class. So I know I can get that thing to the ground with the fucking engine cuts out, which was the big thing for me. So now I'm past that fear that I know if something bad happens, I know I can get to the ground and I have fucking confidence in that. So now my next little hurdle is I got to get comfortable on the radio, you know, and know

what to say and just get better at listening and looking for traffic and all that type of shit. And the only way to do it is to go fucking do it. So getting back to what you're talking about is you want to learn how to paint at the ripe age of 49. Like I just love even the way you're writing that. I mean, I don't want to put words into your mouth, but the tone underneath that is that you shouldn't be trying new things or learning new things at 49. You should be set in your ways. You should have your fucking routine. And for some people that is comforting, but to fuck that, if you want to learn how to paint, I don't give a fuck of you 89. They'll keep your mind active as opposed to sitting there rotten in between your ears. So anyways, he said, you know, I'm ripe old

age of 49. And then let her know that I want to want to paint. She immediately changed the subject to shed that. Oh, she immediately changed the subject to the shed. Okay, that needs cleaning out. I explained to her that one has nothing to do with the other. I can clean the shed and learn how to play paint. I'm self employed. I brought it up again. And she rolled her eyes. I love my wife. But this has me wondering, what are the things that she shot down in the past that maybe I just accepted? You talked about you talked about that in your last specialist special. What's my move here? I don't want to pass over this. I'd rather address it and fix it. What's your next move to go down to the art supply store and get yourself a fucking easel. It's some paint. And I would learn

how to paint. This is okay. This is the deal, dude. She has no fucking argument here. This is like literally you want to learn to do something that's going to make your life more enjoyable. And that's what I would say. I would say, listen, I want to learn something that's going to make my life more enjoyable and fill me with happiness. And doesn't involve me fucking another woman. So what exactly is your problem? Lady, right? What is your problem? If you want to address it like, dude, you're going to destroy in this. Just sit down and just say, listen, I need to talk to you about something. All right. All right. And immediately she's going to be off guard because she didn't because you

know there's going to be a talk and you've had a time to fucking get your ideas in order. Just say, listen, the other day when I mentioned to you that I wanted to learn how to paint, you immediately said that the shed needed to be cleaned out. When I told you that I had enough time to do both, you rolled your eyes at me and don't say it the way I just said you rolled your eyes. See, I get the anger. You got me. You rolled your eyes. You go back, you bring your head back. So you're not getting in a grill so she can actually hear you and she won't be on the defensive. Just be like, like you rolled your eyes at me and that hurt my feelings because if there was something that you ever wanted to do that was going to make you happy, I would never

come at you in a negative way. I would encourage you to do it. So I was just wondering what was behind that and you know, just let her talk and talk your way through and just say, listen, like for the rest of my life, I'm going to be trying new things because it makes my life enjoyable and it would crush me that the woman that I love would somehow get in the way of that. All right. The shed is going to be cleaned out and I'm going to learn how to paint. All right. And I don't want to paint a picture of you being a cunt to me. So why don't you light up there, sugar, take a seat right there. See what happens always in the end. I get mean. That's why I couldn't talk to that guy in the fucking cigar bar.

All right. All right. Okay, Bill, aren't you paranoid? Hey, Billy B, aren't you a bit paranoid with all this tracking and surveillance? I think he's talking about the microchipping and all that shit. He said, I noticed that this is a typical American psyche. Jesus Christ. Here in Europe, we are a bit, well, a lot more relaxed about those things. I don't know if people are doing this just to try to get me all fucking fucked up, but I noticed that about people from other countries, like they are so fucking arrogant with like they think they know, oh, the American psyche, like, what do you know about the American psyche? You don't fucking live here. What the shit you're watching the BBC. You're fucking dope.

Over in America, we're a little more relaxed. Really? Based on what? Based on what? Isn't that where the last two world wars started? Oh, what do you go way back to then? Look what happened when would fucking Russia pulled out all those because the Bosnian Serbs Russia, you're not more relaxed. You're not any more fucking relaxed. Fucking maniacs. You can't even go to a football game without beating the shit out of each other, getting all fucking hammered. You're not more relaxed. All right. I don't see that at all. I'm not saying we're better than you or what like, you know, and also you're not a bit more paranoid. I love how Scotland shot down Monsanto when they wanted to have their fucking genetically altered food come into their

country and they're like, you're not fucking doing that. I don't think you're more relaxed. I don't think Greece looks that fucking relaxed right now as they got in bed with the evil fucking bankers. And now I don't know what the fuck happened over there. Their whole fucking economy collapsed. I don't see many relaxed things over there. Yeah, nice and relaxed. You draw a cartoon and then somebody comes in and sprays the place with bullets. Oh yeah, it's so fucking chill. God, it's so refined and relaxed over there. Fucking neo-nazis. Can't even go to a fucking football game without being reminded of Hitler. Jesus fucking Christ. What? Because you got a king and a queen riding around in a carriage. You think it's all fucking chill? Anyways,

my question here is why? I see that you will reject anything that makes your life easier and more convenient. Well, it all depends on how you define convenient, which you spelt incorrectly. He goes, but it's collecting any data, whether it's purchasing habits, location and such. I prefer to see personalized ads rather than random ads for moms. If I buy something all the time in a market, why not create club card? You will pay less. Oh my God, what a dope. It doesn't matter that you will receive an email every once in a while, which will land in spam anyways. Dude, you're not paying less. Do you want to stand? You're not paying less. Do you know anything about corporations? They're never going to make less money. They're going to create this whole thing

like, hey, join the club, man. And look, you'll get 40% off this shit that we can't fucking sell. That's what they give you a discount on. And then if they actually got some, whatever their prime rib is that they're selling you, all they do is jack up the price, go, hey, it used to be this, and now it's this. So you give the perception that you're getting a lower price. And I don't have, I'm not paranoid, dude. I am informed, believe it or not. And I always call myself a fucking dope. All right. Cause I know that I am, and I don't think that I know everything, but I do understand how corporations operate. Okay. And they literally sit there and they go, dead babies or more money for us. And they actually debate going like, well,

how much will the parents suing us for their dead babies cost us to set a lot of court versus how much money, you know, to have these lead infused fucking pacifiers. And if the pacifiers, I mean, using this obviously is a fuck, I know you're rolling your eyes because you fucking think you know everything, which you certainly do as you're shitting on my country, a country you don't even fucking live in. They will choose the fucking the product auto companies did that. You know, where they knew like fucking police, like with the crown Victoria, when they knew cops were getting rear ended when they're on the road and were burning to death, they fucking squelched all of that fucking information and they took the fucking lawsuit. All right. They're not on your

side. They're not trying to make your life any easier. What they're trying to do is they're invading your fucking privacy. Like, look, dude, I don't have a problem that you don't have a problem with somebody invading your privacy. Okay, but you should have to give consent to that. And what I don't like is I have not given my consent. Okay, I didn't give my consent for you to put my fucking bank account information online. They just fucking did it. I don't want to bank online and they just put it up there anyways, then I had to go down to the fucking bank and go through this whole fucking maze. And they were very hostile before they would let me take my own banking information off of the fucking internet that they exposed my entire fucking adult life of working to getting

hacked into. They exposed all of that. They made the choice and not me. I think that that's fucked up. And if you think like when you go through history, how human beings have handled any level of power, I'm talking about the average person just getting their own fucking sitcom, what that does to their fucking psyche. Okay. When you're trying to take over shit, the thought of rebellion and all that is always in the back of your head. If you fucking microchip everybody, and you know where everybody is, you can fucking just and you put all the money is then on the microchip and all your shit is just on that. All you got to do is just shut somebody's chip off. And you've killed any sort of rebuttal to anything that you're doing. That's it. In the future, when you go to

a protest, they'll just fucking they'll just have they'll have some sort of satellite, everybody's chip number will show up and they'll just shut it off and they'll starve you for fucking 10 days. So you learn the fucking lesson, they won't kill you because if they kill you, that'll cause more people to get upset. They just sort of kick you back and the people like, yeah, you know what, I'd love to go to a fucking protest. You know, right now it's like I'd love to go to a protest, but the cops are going to beat the shit on me, which is so fucking ridiculous. You can't go to a protest. There is no protest. You go to protest and the cops beat the shit out of you. That's basically what happens. Then they always try to act like, oh, well, these guys got

out of line, give me a fucking break. They've been doing that since the fucking beginning. So I don't think I'm paranoid, sir, if you want all of your fucking information and all that out there to make your life more convenient, and you don't have to think you have to think less, like I don't, I don't think that's good. I don't think that happened like that fucking app on my phone. This is my own personal thing. And I'm not going to shit on your fucking country. I only shit on you after you shit on my country. All right. Okay. I don't think there's anything wrong with your continent or your country. And I don't think there's anything fucking wrong with the fact that you don't give a shit about this. So you think

it makes your life easy. That's fine. All right. But I mean, I'm not, I don't want to be microchipped, dude. I don't. I also find that on my phone, the little GPS thing that fucking tell make a left and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I've never had more fucking problems getting to when I had the map and I had to use my brain, I was made way more effective, way more effective. I start fucking looking at the picture, they'll go make a right. And then there's like a lazy right and a right and I'm looking at it. And I can't, you know, as I'm fucking driving, it makes me more dangerous and driver. I don't know. I like using my fucking brain. I'll figure out my own shit. And I don't think that this stuff makes my life easier because it's

constantly has to be updated and replaced. And then you replace it, and then you throw it in the fucking ocean and you're polluting the environment that you're in. You know, and I know a guy like you is probably rolling your fucking eyes right now because all you give a fuck about is your little flat or whatever the fuck you live and having them. Oh yeah, I like soft t-shirts. Oh, thank you for that ad right there that I can click on. Like if that's how you want to live your life, God bless you. But I don't think I'm being paranoid at all. You know what I mean? Anyways, you said I'd love to see in Poland maybe the next time you were in Europe. I would love to go to Poland. I actually heard that up along the coast is beautiful and actually a South of Poland is

great places to take vacation. Who fucking knew? I didn't know that till I went over there. So my apologies to any other part of Europe. I just so sick of people like not seeing how fucked up their places and just constantly, you know, I'm gonna tell you I was flying across the country and there was this chick from Australia. We're literally in the United States flying from one US city to another and she's shitting on the US to me a US citizen. I'm not saying we don't have our faults. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know what I mean? I don't know what the fuck we're doing. We won a world war in four and a half years. We spent 15 fucking years, 14 years over in fucking Iraq. I don't know what we're doing trying to put up Starbucks. Anyways, I'm not saying

we don't have our fucking faults, but I mean, just this is just a common level of decency. You know what I mean? Like to sit there and go to another country and shit on the country to somebody from that country and then say what country you're from. I don't know. There's a fucking level of ignorance there that I just feel like Americans are always getting accused of and everybody else is patting themselves on the back about how fucking amazing their country is because it's not the US. And I'm just saying, you know, you guys got your fucking warts too. All right? So fucking relax. I like going to your countries. I like meeting the people over there. And I know I tease you and make fun of your sports and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I know I compared Sydney,

Australia to Sacramento, California, but you know, I'm being, you know, just busting your fucking balls. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive. Maybe I'm the cut in this. I have no idea. All I know is I got to get on with my fucking day here because obviously I got the bullshit I have to deal with. You know, fucking annoyed this shit out of me. I got to say this really fucking quickly because I don't think it's going to get a laugh in the comedy club because when I was watching CNN and that fucking horrific shooting at the school happened and this fucking lady, all right, she looks like Mary Lou Redden is flipping out because she can't get the right number of dead people at the school. It's like, isn't it enough that it's a fucking tragedy?

What are you flipping? Like the sheriff on favor fucking nine people at 10 people. It's like lady, fucking relax. The tragedy happened. The tragedy is going to exist tomorrow. All right, maybe law enforcement is trying to figure out who fucking did it, why and all of that shit. Stop acting like you're solving the fucking case. You're freaking out because you want to get the right amount of dead people. So you have the accurate shit so people will go to you when there's a fucking tragedy so you can sell get make more money when you sell your fucking fruit loops, your fucking your cunt. Oh, it fucking annoyed me. She's sitting there screaming and yelling. It's like, sweetheart, just go to bed. All right, just go to bed. I don't need to see and I don't

understand people who sit there and they watch that shit. And then they show the pictures of the relatives and the friends crying, hugging and all that. Every time I saw it, I would turn the fucking channel. I don't want to see what the guy looked like who did it. I don't want to know his fucking name. Fuck that piece of shit. I don't know if he's alive or dead. If you know, if he's alive, they should kill him. They should be out. This is the guy. This is the guy who did it without a doubt. We know this. Okay, you just take him right out the fucking street to buy in the air. That's it over. I think they should do that with all sex offenders, all pedophiles, all of that. You can't cure those people. Just take them right out to buy in the fucking ear.

All right. Drag them off, throw them in a pit, bulldoze over them. And then, I don't know, fucking turn the music on. All right, that's the podcast for this week, everybody. Well, it got a little sideways there at the end. Got a little side, I look, obviously, I'm a little fucking paranoid. I'll give you that. But I think it's a healthy fucking paranoia. You know what I mean? You know, when you're watching cigarette companies going like, I don't take cigarettes. I don't think they're addictive at all. Ignoring all of their fucking information, right? Government spraying Agent Orange over its own fucking troops, ignoring it, denying it, right? What's the latest one? Oh, that fracking that fucking absolutely destroys the

drinking water. And then those corporation guys that they're going like, I would drink that drinking water. Well, here's some, would you like to drink it? No, I don't think I'm fucking paranoid. I don't want those types of people to go around having more information on the public because they're absolute fucking psychopaths. Dude, the head of Nestle doesn't think water is a basic human right. He wants to, he wants to own the rain. These people are out of their fucking minds and the president only makes 400 grand a fucking year and needs that guy's money. So they're not going to talk about those guys. Oh, but God forbid, God forbid you make fun of Caitlyn Jenner and a fucking strip mall. You're going to make the fucking national news. Oh, I'm on my soapbox. Go fuck

yourself, your console. Talk to you on Thursday.