Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-7-19

Episode Date: October 7, 2019

Bill rambles about the end of the decade, rivalries, and climate change.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, October 7th, 2019. You know, you would think, you would think 10 fucking months in, I wouldn't remember what goddamn year it is. But you know, this is a weird century. You know, as I was growing up, it was like it's the 70s. And then it became the 80s, then it became the 90s. And in the 2000s, in the 2000, the odds, is that what you called them? I know I've made this point before, but this is the last year of a decade and nobody is saying shit. That used to always be a big deal. Politicians would always be, and as we head into the 80s, I envision a new

America where people who do the work actually get the money. Yay, you know, then 10 years later. And as we move on into an uncertain future as the 90s are upon us, I think it's time for people with vaginas to finally be heard, right? And then as we got to the 2000s, it was just like, it is a person who was this person and now wants to be that person. It is the odometer flips into a new millennial. Right. And then when it went from 2009 to 2010, it was just, Hey, happy New Year. And I'm, this is what I'm saying. It's going to pick up again in 2029. And as we enter the 2030s, I envision a future where robots tell humans what to do and

not the other way around clap, clap, clap, clap. Sorry, you know, when you stay in a fucking nice hotel and their whole deal is this place is nice. So it's going to be nice and expensive. And then you go to the fucking room and they have one ply toilet paper in the bathroom. You know, one ply toilet paper, it should be illegal. It's like what you I don't even know what, like when you first start carving a baseball bat and it's still kind of square, put it on a lathe and just imagine if you stopped and just said, okay, that's a fucking bat. That's what one play toy. I don't know why because it's playoff season playoff in baseball. That's what I don't know. I'm trying to

think of a fucking example. It's like toilet paper that isn't done yet. It's like a punishment. You know, and you really start to understand the brilliance of people in France with the bidet. Now, I don't want to get crass here, but I got to be honest, hosing off your staff is just way better than taking fucking notebook paper and trying to get the job done. I mean, why don't you just leave the fucking three ring binder spiral in there while you're at it, you cunts. Um, and if elected, I will keep the robots at bay and make sure people of all walks of life, all colors have access to three ply toilet paper. Um, anyway, um, I was down at the MGM the second time I played it for the back to

back years, two years in a row, um, right there right outside of Washington, DC had a great time. Thank you so much to everybody who showed up. Oh, Billy freckles. Oh, fucking a fucking polka dot shoulders over here. I, uh, tried out my new hour and it went great. Okay. Now all I have to do is continue doing it. So I'm in New York city. I don't know if I'm going to be able to get out tonight. I'm a press boy for the next three days promoting my special and you're probably thinking, well, Jesus Christ bill, it came out fucking a month ago. Well, that's the way it's done now. You start promoting after it's out. I promoted on the West coast. Um, and who's cutting who? Why don't you do, why don't you do Joe Rogan's

podcast? I mean, you kind of got the word out. So, um, but I'm trying to do some different shows this time through rather than the same old, same old that I've been doing. Um, gonna try to get in front of some different, uh, peoples. So I'll let you know, I'll be texting tweet and know whatever about the, the different shows that I'm going to be doing. So, um, but not all different, not all different. Like, uh, what are you doing today, Bill? Um, today I, I'm doing, uh, by stool sports. Some of my favorite people on the planet. And, uh, did you see that one with, uh, fucking, uh, Portnoy and, and, uh, Mr. Katz there were fucking talking about gambling. It's like, if there's, if there's three football games

on in one day, you have to have money on all three of them. It was the most pro gambling thing I've ever, my whole life, even though they knew everybody gambled, they tried to, they, you know, they always tried to be lame ones like Jimmy the Greek. They tried to like act like you were just doing it for fun. You know, that it was this thing to stay away from and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm loving this new world where people just fucking don't act like that, you know, cause everybody's gambling. Okay. We already tried to fucking hold people's hands and say, don't do this. It's just certain people like the game isn't enough. They need more action. I was never a good gambler. I couldn't fucking, I couldn't take it. And then I'm already

paranoid and I'm already into conspiracy theory. I don't need to start putting money on fucking games and start connecting the dots like Mel Gibson when he was driving the cab in that movie, right? So I kind of stay away from it, but I always, I don't know, I do enjoy the sports book. Um, I actually gambled yesterday. I lost money. I took the fucking redskins and the points against my Patriots and I went to the game. I mean, I knew the Patriots were going to win, but I was just like, this is going to be one of these fucking games. We kicked the shit out of them in the first half. And then there's going to be no more points scored for the rest of the game, which seems to happen a lot in football games, whatever reason. It's like, Jesus Christ, they

keep this up. They're going to score 5,000 fucking points. And then nothing happens in the second half. Maybe a field goal. It just had that vibe. Plus everybody I knew was like, dude, you got to bury the patch. They're totally going to cover. And whenever that fucking happens, that's my gambling theory. It literally has nothing to do with the game. It's just too many fucking people who look like there is dumb as me are saying it's a lock. So I always like, I'll throw fucking, I'll throw a little cash on the other side just for the fuck of it, just to see if my theory is right. And I ended up being wrong. But watching the game, I can be honest, I have no idea how good or bad the Patriots are right now.

Is everybody there? Five an hour just gotta be just a year they go undefeated, defeated, defeated. I know we had a lot of guys out yesterday, but I don't know. If you're really honest about the Patriots, we had the same September schedule as a top ranked college football team like Alabama. They'll just play three shit bum teams and maybe somebody kind of ranked like you got to understand the Patriots played. Okay, what do we got? We got we played three. Well, I guess the first week did not. Okay, the combined record of the people that we played last I checked, we played three oh and three teams, a three and oh team and an oh and four team. So we've only played

one fucking team that's actually one, but that team was undefeated. And when we played them that was not like an easy victory. So it's kind of hard to gauge where they're at. This is my theory. I think the Patriots are where they're at every year this time of year where Pat's fans would be nervous going like what's going on with our offensive line can't protect Brady. And what's going on with our defensive secondary seems like if we're running back gets into the secondary, there's a little lazy technique there with the tackling sometimes and running backs are getting big fucking gains. And then every year in November, Bella check tights it tightens it down all the screws down everything gets in line and then we go on a great run here. I think that that's

actually where we're at. You just can't see it because we've been playing such shitty fucking teams. The Patriots already in week five are the last undefeated team out there. And that's why I think that that fucking 72 dolphins thing I don't think it's ever going to be broken. Because the 72 dolphins had to win two less games. There wasn't the 24 hour fucking media circus that the 15 ESPN channels and all Fox Sports and podcasting and all this shit is. And lastly, but not leastly, there was no parody in the NFL when the 72 dolphins won. You know, they just wasn't. There was just like there was like three big teams and they beat the fuck out of everybody unless they played each other. And if you look at the

you know, the 70s right through the 80s, it was just all about dynasties. You know, the Cowboys had their run. The Steelers won four. Dolphins won two. The Raiders won three. Then the Redskins they won three. I guess into the 90s we count that one. All right. 49ers won four. That's kind of the way it was. As opposed to now where it's weird because the Patriots are a dynasty, but like I'm just saying as far as like, I don't know, we win a lot of close games. It just, you know, when the Steelers came to town in the 70s, they just beat the shit out of you and it was over. The Cowboys came. They beat the shit out of you. 49ers came. It's like it was like fucking 28 nothing before you

before, you know, you even got to the half it seemed. And then everybody, and if your team sucked, you just fucking sucked. You weren't like in it at the end of the game. You know, if you were down by seven and you sucked, your team went out there and it was three and out and it was fucking over. But now you're down by seven with two or three minutes left and every, every, seems every fucking team drives right down the field. I don't, you know, I don't know. I really kind of realized how fucking old I am yesterday when I went to that Washington Redskins stadium, which I actually really like. It's weird. It's like only 22 years old, but it seems a lot older.

And you know, they're the only NFL team that still has like a band, which is a nod to how long they've been in the NFL, obviously, including their logo. The fact that they would fucking come out and be called the Redskins really amazes me that there was never a team called the slaves. We were going to fucking whore out that part of our history. Why we didn't continue on that route is actually like maybe commendable or surprising. I don't know which way to go with that. But anyways, I was there and I got to be, the fucking sound system in that thing was so goddamn loud. I was actually hanging with this Redskins fan where I was sitting and he really knew the

game and he was fun to talk to, but he was shouting over the fucking loud speaker right into my, you know, like when you're in a bar in some meat market and you're trying to hit on some chicken, you're just screaming in her fucking ear and then she yells back at you and you got the high pitch thing and it's like you feel it in your teeth. That's what it was. I literally had to move down. But it was just, they were playing like Twisted Sister and all this metal from like my, for whatever reason, my age group along with like, I guess they did all three, they had the fucking little John, yeah, shit going on. And then they had a lot of this weird shit that I don't even understand, you know, that's fucking albums that get produced in

somebody's apartment type music. They had that all going on underneath. They would be playing Twisted Sister, you know, I want to rock. They'd be playing that as some guy over the top yelled over the music. And he'd be like, ah, that's our red skater. And it was like, my ears are so fucking shot from loud music and playing drums and stuff that I was joking with my buddy that I was ready to give up whatever information the Redskins wanted from me by the second quarter. So I hate missing any part of the game when I'm at a game. And finally, I just had to walk away from this guy yelling in my ear and I just went out and I got a couple of napkins, tore off a few pieces and shoved them in my fucking ears

so I could go back in. And then after that, I really enjoyed the game, but I had to get it's kind of a sad moment in my life. I had to admit that a football game is too loud for me. I had to, I got to remember to bring my earplugs that happened to me when I went to the Brooklyn Nets game. The thing about it is too is the worst of franchise's record is the louder it's going to be as far as fake noise pumped into a stadium. And it's kind of weird, like all these, all these franchises that have gotten busted for pumping fake crowd noise, you know, into their arenas or their stadiums or whatever. And so I think the loophole is anytime there's a stop at your play, there's not going to be one second. There was a few times where they, the guy didn't hit play

and it was so nice. Like your sense of smell came back, you could smell the grass on the field before they just cranked the music again and your teeth started fucking chattering. It was like obnoxious, but having said that, it's a fucking great stadium. It's a great franchise and it has a really great fan base. And overall, just a really positive fucking experience. So if you're older like me, if you went and saw too many fucking bands when you were a kid and played drums and that type of shit, I definitely suggest bringing the fucking earplugs because they got the sound system fucking cranked up past, I think when you get the odometer, it gets on the other side of 50, just, you should always have earplugs with you. It was embarrassing, man. I tried to tough it out

through the first half going, I can't be this old. It can't be too, a football game can't be too loud. Come on, man. It just, you know, it just was playing hot for teacher and music from my fucking generation that was now too loud for me. So there you go. There's a new, this is what this podcast is coming. I think I've, I've begun the dying process. So anyways, Patriots came out, you know, we led, we led up a horrific run or an incredible run if you're a Redskins fan for a touchdown where it was just like, it almost looked like, you know, one of those make a wish kids runs for a fucking touchdown, you know, and no one's really going to try. You got to let the kid, you got to let the kid win. It's his fucking fantasy. They kind of, I feel like there was make a wish level tackling

on that run that that fucking guy did. It was like literally two defensive backs were on him, like had their arms around him and just sort of slid down like it was a grease pole. That's the second time that's happened. I think it was in the Buffalo game where this running back got into our secondary and then like one of our defensive backs, you know, like when somebody scores a touchdown, they jump up in the air and they bump shoulders. That's basically what he did to him. Like he was anticipating the touchdown. This guy was going to score 80 yards later. So in the words of Peyton Manning, I think we had protection issues. And other than that, you know, I don't know, I don't know how to gauge the Patriots beating an 0 and

14 and three 0 and three teams and then having a tough game against a three and 0 team. So I would say we're pretty much middle of the road here in this weird world where the fucking Baltimore Colts and their franchise quarterback, like two seconds before the season starts, says, yeah, I'm not playing anymore. They somehow beat the Kansas City Chiefs in an away game. I got no idea. But all I know is somehow we have home field throughout the playoffs. If the season were to end right now, we have home field. So I don't know who we have fucking next week. I think we play the Dolphins again. I mean, it's fucking, it's ridiculous. And this is what's so fucking funny about Verzi telling me that it's over. Totally. Paul Verzi has seen enough.

He's calling it early people. Patriots schedule. Let's see what we got. There's got to be some tough games coming up. All right, Thursday, we got the Giants. Now who are the Giants? Who knows? They got a new fucking quarterback. We play this Thursday. I said we got the Giants, then we got the Jets. Maybe their quarterback doesn't have mono anymore. If he stops taking chicks to the prom, maybe he can get over that. Then we got the Browns. Browns are sort of middle of the road. Then we got the Ravens. They always got a great defense. They always play tough. Eagles are a good team, I think. Cowboys, who knows who the fuck they are. Are they good? Are they bad? I don't know. Texans Chiefs, there you go. That'll be a tough game. Bengals stink.

We play the Bills. They're a good team. And then we play the fucking Dolphins. I think we have like four tough games this year. I don't know who the fuck knows, but we shall see. But I know I do take a lot of confidence in the fact that Paul Versey told me it was over. Speaking of Paul Versey, your New York Yankees, 2-0. 2-0, just fucking mowing down the pitching of your Minnesota Twins, scoring all kinds of fucking runs. I've been working and everything, so I've just been kind of glancing at the TV. Basically, the series that I've been waiting for, because I love October baseball, even though I've been too busy to watch a lot of it, is the Yankees versus the Astros. That is the World Series to me. And I think that's going to be some incredible, incredible baseball.

You got the Yankees who are firing and all cylinders. And then, how weird is that to say in a Boston accent? And then you got the Astros who I think are fucking pissed off, because even though they won one two years ago, I don't feel like they feel like they're respected. And they're not. They're from Houston. Nobody gives a shit. People do not give a shit. We were talking about that quarterback there that the Seahawks have. The fuck's his name? Riley O'Hara? How come I can't remember anybody's fucking names anymore? Once you get past a certain, it's over. It's over. It's the football games are too loud. You can't remember players' names. Seattle, Seahawks, QB, his name is Russell Wilson, of course. Jesus Christ. That fucking guy, if that guy played in fucking New

York City or Los Angeles, you'd never hear the end of him. You know, the Astros, same fucking thing. I've always, you know, I've been saying this for a while. If the fucking San Antonio Spurs won five fucking titles in a media town, it's weird. So I think the Astros feel disrespected. You know, they're like a bag of hornets right now that got shook up and they're about ready to let them out. So I think that those guys are like, you know, fuck the Red Sox. They think they're pissed that they got beaten by us last year. And everybody, you know, you just, if the Yankees are playing, well, the whole media world just looks to that. They just start fucking showing those black and white films from back in the day, right? Then it goes into Reggie hitting his three home runs,

and then Derek Jeter's run. And then the Astros are over there like, oh, I think we won some games this year too. You know, we got some barbecue down here. Why don't you show black and white footage of people with the smoke? I think Babe Ruth got some fucking fat. So I think that they feel disrespected. And it's just going to be an amazing, amazing series. That's what I am hoping for. And I think the winner of that series is going to win the whole fucking thing. That's not really taking a big risk. But that's the series that I want to watch. And I'm on the road here for the next fucking week. And I feel like maybe next weekend, the series will start. So I'll get to what, and I'll be back in LA, I'll get to watch the whole thing. I think it's going to be incredible.

And as I've mentioned before, in case I know people dip in and out of the podcast, the New York Yankees are such a successful franchise that if they don't go to the World Series this year, this is the first time since the 19 teens, you know, 100 years ago and 100 years that they, there was a decade went by that they didn't at least make it to the World Series. And only one decade, the 80s was the only one that they didn't, they made it to the series in 81, but that was the only decade they didn't win a World Series. That's one of the most, the sickest fucking stats in sports for some reason that isn't brought up. Like people will bring up, you know, name one of the most impressive stats that have been fucking broken or whatever.

You know, for a while was that guy who did the long jump in fucking Mexico city and people were bitching about the altitude. And then somebody came along, you know, with the new robot legs and fucking, you know, vitamins that these guys take, and they ended up breaking that. They'll talk about Dimashio's fucking 56 game hidden street. They'll talk about the 72 dolphins and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all that fucking shit. But I got to be honest with you, this is one that never gets brought up. I think it's amazing when you think about ownership and how free agency and all, how many people come and go and all of that to consistently, you know, just be there as much as I hate it. I hate, I gotta be honest with you,

I don't fucking hate it anymore. You know, I saw somebody fucking put out a county, Red Sox fan put out a country tweet about the Yankees and actually disappointed me. I was like, come on, man, you're better than that. All right, it's fun. It's, it really is over the money, the waste of energy, rooting against another team's success when your team isn't even in the fucking playoffs, just the fucking pure waste of fucking energy that that is. Like, I remember this a few years ago when the Red Sox had a big league and then choked it away in the, in September and this Yankee fan, I heard, hadn't heard from him in 10 years, called me up, you fuck balls. It was fucking, it was pathetic. It's like, because he let me into his world.

It's like, oh my God, your team isn't in it and you're actually sitting there. Like your fandom now, you've been reduced to just rooting against my team's success. I just saw it. I saw his sad life. I saw the weight he was putting on and you know, standing up, you know, that dumb shit you do walking around your apartment. Like, I gotta be honest. It is a huge sports fan. I can't tell you how liberating it is to let go of hating your fucking rival. I just, I don't, I don't want to do it anymore. I just don't. God bless them. If they do it, it's an amazing sports feat to watch. I'm still always going to root for the Red Sox, but when my team isn't in it, I'm not going to fucking sit here and root against

other fucking teams. I don't give a shit. I'm rooting for the fucking Dodgers to finally push through as much as I'm not a fan of LA sports fans and how people, you know, just, I don't know, that's that whole fucking, I'm going to stab you after the game vibe out there with the combination of not being able to intelligently talk about the game. I'm still rooting for them. Who else? Who else is in it? I like the Astros. I like everybody. I like the twins to great fucking baseball. I don't give a fuck. God bless everybody. It's liberating. It's liberating. And I was thinking like, how the fuck did I get so wound up in all of this sports shit? And it just finally dawned on me why growing up outside of Boston is such an

unbelievable like sports intensive experience. Aside from the fact that we used to lose all the time other than the Celtics, I just realized that the number one baseball rivalry is the Boston Red Sox versus the fucking New York Yankees. The number one hockey rivalry is the Boston Bruins versus the Canadians. The number one fucking, I mean, historically speaking, there's been errors, you know, I'm not trying to disrespect the great, you know, Red Wings avalanche rivalry, but as far as the overall arc of the history of the game, it's been the Boston Bruins, Montreal Canadians, basketball has been the Boston Celtics versus the Lakers. So three out of four, we are involved in the biggest fucking rival rivalry out there. So the hatred is like through

the roof. So we have like Michigan, Ohio State times three. And there really is no let up. I guess when you get to football, and, and I'd say the Patriots sense like, you know, the spy gate thing, it's just been kind of like, since then, it's just, I don't know, I guess we had the thing with the Colts for a while. Now we got the thing with the Chiefs. We had a thing with the Jets for a while, but there is no like clear cut. Like I asked Keith Robinson the other day, hilarious Keith, we were trying to figure out what's what, what do you think the biggest fucking, what's the Lakers Celtics of football? And I don't mean like right now, I just mean throughout history, what's the biggest one? I actually, I was thinking is it Cowboys Steelers? It was that when I was

growing up, then it was sort of Cowboys 49. I had 49ers for a little bit. I kind of think it's Cowboys somebody, but the Cowboys has just not been good enough for so fucking long. I think it kind of died down. Like people used to fucking hate the Cowboys. Their whole clean cut image is half their players are getting busted for hookers and cocaine on the side, very Notre Dame-esque, you know, holier than now, clean cut, hottest fucking cheerleaders, greatest fucking cheerleader outfits ever. No one's ever going to come up with better fucking outfits than them. You know, it's hilarious. You know, the Redskins probably tried, but they were sort of saddled by their, their, their name. You know what I mean? I think you

are the Cowboys. You can whore that up, right? You can't whore up Native Americans. We've gone far enough. We can't fucking do this. Anyways, I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about here. So I watched a ton of sports. I had a bunch of my buddies from high school came down and hung out and we all went to the Patriots Redskins game. We had such a fucking great time. And I don't know, that's a, that's a good one. If you want to go see your team on the road, just check out that fucking stadium. It's weird, man. It's like a new old stadium. And when the band comes out and starts playing hail to the Redskins, they have literally have a fucking band. I wish more of the old school NFL teams did that. It gave you more of a sense

of history because NFL is weird with their history where it's just like a bunch of people played and did some great things, but fuck them. Nothing counts until Super Bowl one. Fuck our first 30 years. See you later, everybody. Sammy Bogg, great job. Jim Brown, great job. Fuck all your records. Fuck all your championships. We're not even going to address them. We'll mention them as an aside. And then they won the NFL title, but the first Super Bowl. Joe Namath gets more fucking love than fucking Jim Brown. It's unbelievable. No disrespect to fucking Broadway Joe. It's because they're all about the money. Because when he fucking won, the greatest thing that have happened in the NFL was him beating the fucking Colts,

and then they married those two leagues and then they went from being millionaires into billionaires. And that's what they give a fuck about right now. Jesus Christ. By the way, how about fucking Mason Rudolph getting knocked out? They bring the goddamn gurney out there and the fucking thing breaks like it's the XFL or the USFL, the World Football League or something. And then he's got to stand up, this poor bastard, and walk off the field wearing a helmet without a face mask, which by the way, I think they just solved the helmet to helmet hit. If they would just get rid of the face mask, actually, they should just go back to leather helmets. You don't see a lot of helmet. There's no helmet to helmet hitting in rugby.

I mean, obviously the loophole there is they're not wearing helmets, but generally speaking, yeah, they lead with their shoulders. If you have a helmet on, all of a sudden, you're fucking going to use your head as a goddamn weapon there, right? Does that make any sense? Have I bored you to tears with this yet? I'm getting bored with it. Did I just talk? I just talked for a fucking half hour about nothing. Sports, Jesus Christ, let's get to the fucking advertising here. More nothing. Hail to the, I mean, let's see what the fucking the lyrics are to that. Hail to the king, the chief, the Redskins. There we go. One of the odds is going to be some questionable lyrics. It's usually comes during the second verse. All right.

All right. Here we go. Where the hell is it? History. Nobody cares the lyrics. Hail to the Redskins. Hail victory. Braves on the warpath. Okay, gets a little weird there. Fight for old DC. Runner pass and score. We want a lot more. Typical Washington DC. Yeah, a lot more for yourselves. You're not going to spread it to Joe Sixpack. Are you beat him? Swamp him. Give him the old 23 skidoo touchdown. Let's the points go soar. Fight on, fight on till you have one sons of Washington rah rah rah. Oh, wow. This is really old. Sons of Washington rah rah rah. I don't know how the melody goes here. Hail to the Redskins. Hail victory. Braves on the warpath. There you go. The song's original first stanza is often mistakenly thought to have ended with

fight for old Dixie. But in fact, this line was only used between 59 and 61. Whoops. As a glance at contemporary game. Okay, yeah, there's always there's always that fucking line. Make it great again. All right, let's get let's get to the advertising here. What the fuck am I? What the hell's my fucking? Oh, there is Gmail. Gmail. Okay, where are we here in inbox? I couldn't copy and paste it this week, everybody. All right. Oh, look who's here. Old zip recruiter. Hail to zip recruiter makes hiring easy. Somebody just walked out and quit. You'll have a replacement in five minutes. Hiring can be a slow process. Cafe Altera's COO. What have happened to CEOs?

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All right. And with that, let's read some of the, the questions here for the week. Oh, wait a minute. Yeah, we got, we got it. Hey, that's me. All right. I love the little production value that I have. By the way, everybody, how about a shout out to the CIA, man? How sloppy are they getting with their fucking work? I ran, uh, flew some drones and blew up some blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Jesus. Can you tighten up your game? Come on, CIA. It used to be better at it than that. All right. Fat people in Houston documentary. Oh, Jesus Christ. I would love to watch this. Hey, old bean town, Billy. I stumbled across this video about a documentary on obesity in Houston

and reminded me of you ranting about fat people at airports. Just wanted to hear your opinions on this documentary. Thanks and keep up the great work. I got to see this thing. I'll give you the name of it here. Well, it's 51 America's fattest city, obesity, full real documentary. So just how have these larger than life Texans ended up so big? And what is it about Texas that produces the fattest people in the fattest country in the world? You know, I think that's a real negative way of saying the greatest company in the world. You know, I mean, come on. Every, you know, back in the day, if you were fat, that meant you were rich, right?

America's fattest city meets some, uh, meet some larger than life locals to find out. Oh my God, how do you not watch every fucking frame of this one? Uh, all right. Uh-oh. Whoever's a sound engineer for this documentary was should be fired. The background music is annoying. You can't even hear what's said. 600 pounds and cannot walk is not okay. Poor woman is deluded if she thinks she looks all right. Fat kid. He has a faster metabolism so he can eat more without gaining weight like I do. Skinny kid. He eats all the food plus half of mine. Okay. I'm in. I don't give a shit how bad the music is. Do you guys want to hear a few more of the reviews?

All right. Okay. Here's a solution here. This must be a doctor weighing in or just some typical douche on YouTube. The solution for weight loss is not doing a temporary diet. It's about changing your eating habits permanently. Exclamation point. Well, there's the Oprah Winfrey talk show fucking applause break right there. The strangest thing in this whole documentary is driving your kid 50 feet to the bus stop. Oh my God. Do they put them in the back of the fucking tractor or some shit like they do when they bring the pigs to slaughter? I love how they're all delusional. I may not carry the people are fed. I like that one. The music is draining out the narration. Again, background music is far too loud and

distracting. That's weird that they didn't mix it correctly. Maybe it was mixed correctly and then got compressed. Hey Bill, stop talking shop. All right. You're right. I apologize. Well, I'm definitely going to check that out. Fat people in Houston. They are fault fucking foods are goddamn good. They got Texas toast. We got Houston pancakes. We slather the fucking barbecue sauce. All right. You're back and shoulder. Dear Billy broke back mountain. I can only imagine listening to you talking about your shoulder and back ailments for so long before I have to help. I was reluctant at first to offer solution, not advice. I like this person talking shit here because it involves big words and things in the gym you'll find queer,

meaning weird or odd. You need to use that big stupid foam roller lying around the gym and roll out your piriformis. That's the muscle. That's part of your pasty freckled ass. I do use that. It tends to get tight and pull your tailbone down to the side. Your shoulder is fucked up from your chest and your latimus dorsus. Big words scary. Having knots and adhesions. Basically both muscles are pulling your shoulder from its socket. You can search on how to do those on YouTube just like everything else. I hope this helps feel better. You freckled fuck. Yeah. I kind of learned that over the last few years when I had a sciatic nerve. It was just basically from doing the road for 20 years, sitting on planes and then getting in a car

and driving four hours and not stretching and not having a masseuse. Then also in the 80s, you did your back a little bit, but you missed back day. You did your legs, but you missed leg day, but you never missed benching and fucking curling and triceps and all that shit. Basically, the front part of me got tighter than the back and it wasn't balanced. It's the weirdest fucking thing because you don't have to be this gigantic fucking muscle bound person, which obviously I'm not. I don't know if you guys have ever noticed. I do blend into a crowd, except for my macy day head floating down the fucking street. Other than that, you don't have to be overly muscular to fuck up your shoulders doing shit like that. You just

have to not be balanced. So I learned that the hard way, but I appreciate that, sir. I do have a foam roller. I got those little fucking ball things that are different sizes because actually, I would say the foam roller isn't as helpful as one of those little hard balls because then you can kind of like, this is great. Put some hard balls on your ass, everybody. You can control like the pressure and you can also roll it out. And the foam roller where you have to watch out is on your side, whatever that the top of your femur is right there. Don't roll over that because that'll get you'll fuck that thing up. You got to make sure you go around that. But I'm sure they explain all that, but I really appreciate what you're doing. So you're actually trying to improve

my quality of life. People like let's take time. Is there anything more important than your health when it comes to your mood, the way you treat people around you? All right, climate change either isn't real or doesn't matter. All right, I like this person. This person's going hard. Hey, Billy Balderdash, I didn't know how willing you are to, I don't know how willing you are to change your opinion on global warming. Dude, I hope you're right. But I thought it would be fun for you to get a different look on the subject. All right, exactly. Fuck what scientists are saying. I'm going to listen to a podcast listener who's not even smart enough to not listen to this podcast. All right. So as the title suggests, I think that man made climate change isn't real. And if it is,

it doesn't matter. Okay, you've made some big statements there, sir. So far, this is all reading like dialogue that a stenographer picked up at a bar about three drinks in. First, let's get into why it doesn't matter. Basically, if climate change is truly man made, there's no reason to worry about it because there's nothing at all we can do about it. The reason for this starts with China and how we could model world carbon output based on their development. You mean the environmental disaster that is China? They have way too many fucking people. You know, I feel bad for the people living over there the way they have to live unless it's all propaganda. Seems to me their fucking air is filthy over there because they got too many people for decades because

they were stuck in pre in a pre industrial revolution era. China was a carbon negative country. I don't know what that means. Over the decades as they began to develop develop, oh, because they didn't have machines that they weren't really producing a lot of pollution. Over the decades as they began to develop, they started producing more and more pollution. As it stands right now, China spews out more carbon dioxide than the US. Wow. European Union and Russia combined. Here's the source. All right. By itself, that might be a problem we can deal with. However, India, a country with just as many people, is just now beginning to industrialize. The Asia Pacific region of the globe, which includes China and India,

now produces 50% of all global carbon emissions, and it will only continue to grow as India develops like China did. Yeah, that's scary because I learned when I traveled over there, when I did Singapore, Hong Kong and Mumbai, India, there was more people in that geographical circle, within the circle of that flight, which is more like a triangle, but whatever, there was more people living within that part of the world than there was in the rest of the world. So if they all start living like fat Americans, yeah, we're in trouble. This is because as each undeveloped country begins to industrialize, it immediately starts using the cheapest forms of energy, producing the most readily available

available to accommodate a massive spike in energy needs. Wait, immediately starts using the cheapest forms of energy production that are most readily available to accommodate a massive spike in energy needs, which means gas and coal. So India, with its billions, with its billion people will start producing as much carbon as China and Africa is quickly following behind them. Yeah, we're kind of fucked. I don't understand why oilmen won't just convert to solar, just convert your business model. God forbid you don't fucking make a zillion dollars this month. And then you could own the sun, you have enough money to produce legislation that you own all

solar power. People would still be under your thumb. You'd still have all the power. And you just keep getting more power throughout history, except we could continue living. So I don't understand why can't oil companies just oppress us with solar energy? Anyway, so unless we are willing to just nuke their population and sterilize the survivors, there's no way to stop the climate change process. Well, I have to be is over the top and as crazy as that is. If what scientists are saying is going to happen, then at some point, that won't be a crazy over the top joke or a sci fi thing. That's going to be like,

you know, at some point when people are just getting down to being able to survive on this fucking planet, what human life will mean will be no more than when a fly comes into your house and you just grab a swatter and what bash. However, that leads me to explain why I think man made climate change is a hoax. When it comes to climate change research, the common complaint that research that tries to challenge consensus is that it's funded by the oil company. That begs the question, though, who funds the climate studies that support it? If you take a look at most climate research and note who paid for the studies,

you begin to notice a trend in the list of finances, and it just so happens to be our old friends, the international bankers. If you take a look at the World Bank page regarding climate finance, you'll notice that the group that dedicated $30 billion in climate change, climate related activities in 2019 alone, a significant part of which is dedicated to climate research. This is just one banking group of many doing the same thing. So why are the banks financing people who claim that humans are affecting the global climate? Wait, why are they financing people? Okay, there are two main reasons. Jesus Christ, I feel like I'm on fucking 60 minutes. First is financial gain. Not only will the banks get

trillions upon trillions of dollars in financing the infrastructure changes made in the name of climate change, but there is something called emissions trading, where individual companies buy and sell what are essentially stocks that are meant to offset the amount of greenhouse gases they produce. I hate fucking people that worship money. They could be bought from the big banks and sold on the market based on the price. I can't, this is too fucking depressing. It's too fucking depressing. Do you know something? I'll just read the rest. I'm sure this interests you guys more than the dumb shit that comes out of my mouth. Considering I wasted 30 minutes talking about stadiums and fucking fight songs of sports teams. These can be bought from the big banks

and sold on the market on the price changes caused by changing environmental regulations. It's more complicated than what can be said here. So you can read more here. All right. Second, I guess I'll post these fucking links. I never do though. Second is that they are trying. It's actually a Wikipedia carbon emissions trading. If you search that second is that they are trying to shape people's minds. They want people to not only accept lower living standards, but to want lower living standards. They want people eating bugs and dead bodies. What? Seriously, there's dozens of articles about this. See this example. Dude, I am too fucking paranoid to read this. Edible insects save planet global warming, tasty trend, trendy.

Tasty, trendy. I'm supposed to read a fucking article that says tasty, trendy, and it's about eating bugs. Here's my question. Why won't they just fucking implement some laws to try to curb the population growth? And this is from the New York Post. Scientists suggest eating human flesh to fight climate change. Wow. I mean, this has to be like how far this is how fucking bad it's getting. And they want them to accept everyone. This can't be fucking. I have to click on that one. Scientists suggest eating human flesh to fight climate change. Well, I'll tell you right now, this brings us back to Houston because if you want to eat anybody, you want those fucking marbled, rib-eyed people down there and they don't exercise. It'll be like eating veal.

A Swedish scientist speaking at Stockholm Summit last week offered an unusual possible tactic in combating global climate change. Eating human flesh. Oh my God. Is there fucking video footage of this speech? Stockholm School of Economics professor and researcher Magnus Sotterland. There you go. Reportedly said he believes eating human meat derived from dead bodies might be able to help save the human race if only a world society were awakened to the idea. Sotterland's argument for human cannibalism was front and center during a panel talk called, can you imagine eating human flesh? Oh my God. So they have a triple-decker sandwich with like doll arms coming out of it. That's fucking hilarious. Sotterland's argument for the human

cannibalism was, okay, blah, blah, blah, at the gastro summit. Conservative taboos against capitalism. Conservative taboos against cannibalism said, can change over time if people simply tried eating human flesh. Some, they're going to start farming people. Some of the talking points at the seminar, I remember vaguely reading animal pharmacists, the same thing when the animals started eating us or rebel against us. Some of the talking points at the seminar included whether humans were too selfish to live sustainably and if cannibalism is the solution to the food sustainability in the future. This is the direction we're headed in, that this is somebody is anticipating we're going to run like all the animals are going to be dead. We have to eat each other.

When asked during an interview after his talk, if he personally would try human flesh, Sotterland said he was open to the idea. I feel somewhat hesitant, but to not appear overly conservative, I've had to say I'd be open to at least tasting it. So was Jeffrey Dahmer a fucking environmentalist? Because he was helping the world population and then also not eating animals? I'm fucking beyond confused here. He suggested more plausible options such as eating pets and insects. Before human meat becomes the next cuisine trend, however, history shows that there are potential health risks to cannibalism. A tribe in Papua New Guinea practiced eating

their dead as an alternative to allowing them to be consumed by worms according to the standard. The cultural practice led to an epidemic of disease called Kuru, also known as laughing death. Why is it called laughing death? I have to know that now. Okay. Why is Kuru called laughing out disease? Okay, let's see. The term Kuru derives from the four words Kuru to shake due to the body tremors that are classic symptoms of the disease. And Kuru itself means trembling. It's known as the laughing sickness due to the pathological bursts of laughter, which are a symptom of the disease. Videos, cannibalism, and the shaking death. Okay. What part of the internet am I on? Did I just

get put on some fucking watch list here? Potential serial killer? You know, it's fucking hilarious. I don't know why I just clicked on this and it's advertising me this beautiful green Irish sweater, a jumper. And when I looked up cannibalism and the shaking death, a new form of disease and a possible epidemic. All right, let's get back to the comedy, everybody. What the fuck? What the fuck did I go for the last 10 minutes? Hail to the Redskins, eating other humans, start fucking shaking, laugh yourself to sleep. All right, advice on settling for less. Oh, you want advice? Hey, and I'm ripping off this from somebody else. All right, I can't even sing with my own fucking song. How do I shut this off now?

What is this? That's an outtake from what do you call those guys with the big fucking heads, Charlie Browngang, what do you call those people? No, that was, I just lost it. It was Yousef Kamal. I believe that's or Yousef Daze for some, I don't know what his name is. He went Yousef Kamal, now Yousef Daze blacked out if that if that interests you, because I know that will just fucking drive you up the wall. I heard this song, I need to know what it is. You know, it's really funny about Shazam is how you can just fucking steal somebody else's coolness. Somebody's listening to a cool song and you're not cool enough to know what it is,

then you just steal it and then within 10 minutes you play it around somebody in your life that you want to impress, you know, there has to be a new English word for that fucking guilt that you feel afterwards. Hey, man, who's that? Oh, you know, like I know about that song because a podcast listener wrote into me, and then I like downloaded some more of the shit. It's not like, I don't have an eclectic musical taste as people used to always say on fucking my space, I have eclectic musical taste advice on settling for less. I love how eclectic was used to say what everybody else said about their fucking musical taste on my space advice on settling for less. Hey, Billy, Billy, no vice. Hopefully he's still on the wagon by this time this gets to you. Yes,

I am 45 weeks in. I told you I was taking a year off. I am seven lucky seven weeks away before the booze and the tap and the fucking liquor starts flowing again. I actually don't see myself going back anytime soon. I'm not saying I won't return someday. I will return, you know, like one of those fucking movies. But I don't know, I was talking to people and I just really see like how bad it is for you. I was talking to somebody and the person told me what their job was and went really in depth with it. And like, I don't know, fucking 10 minutes later, retold me the whole thing. And they didn't even seem like they were that shitfaced. I've wanted to be a doctor for a while and I went back to college to finish my undergrad for that

reason. But I just can't seem to shake the feeling that everyone's smarter than me. Medical school is also a huge financial commitment and I'm broke. I feel like I could be just as happy going back to being a paramedic. Am I making excuses or thinking rationally? PS, you read like a fourth grader. Ouch. PSS jokes about first responders and military are hilarious. Fuck anyone who gets offended on my behalf. Thanks and go fuck yourself. All right. I think your answer is in the beginning. You said you wanted to be a doctor for a while, so I think you should be a doctor. You should try it. All right. I think you got some self-esteem issues. The only way to feel if you're not smart enough to be a doctor, I think if you become a

doctor, you're smart enough to be a doctor, right? I don't know. But I want to have some dummy fucking operating on me at some point. You said I've wanted to be a doctor for a while. How long is a while? Your whole life? Did you dream about it as a child or the last six weeks because you changed your mind a lot? I have no idea. But if you want to be a doctor, I would say go be a doctor. But you know, going for shit like that is hard. I'm fucking doing this goddamn instrument shit and I'm trying to figure out this whole the HSI gauge when it reverses on itself. I don't fucking get it. I don't get it. It doesn't make fucking sense to me. So I'm watching these YouTube videos and gradually explain it to me. I'm just inching my way through this shit. And if a dummy

like me, if dude, if I'm a fucking dope like me can actually have the balls to get his instrument rating on his pilot's license, I think that you can handle becoming a doctor. Now, the huge financial commitment, that's another thing. I mean, I don't know. It's a crazy fucking world that I guess. Look, I look, I think there's going to be a lot of money in it. Okay, if we're going to be eating each other in the future and laughing ourselves to death, I think you're picking the right vocation. All right, need advice on asking out a young woman how young whoa, hey, hey, dear, beliterate Burr, ha ha, get it. I get it. And guilty is charged. I'm a 28 year old guy and I recently got my haircut at a new salon. The young woman that cut my hair was beautiful and sweet

and funny. Aren't they always fucking hairdressers? They're always fucking hot and fucking cool as shit. You know, I find very rarely do you get your haircut by a cunt, you know, we had a really great first interaction. We grew up in the same small area, had things in common that I won't bore you with. Sorry, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and make each other smile and laugh. Well, if this isn't all in your head, sir, I'll tell you, you're doing great so far. At the end of the appointment, she gave me the salon number to make future appointments. She also gave me her personal cell phone number to make appointments with her specifically if I prefer. So here's my question. Do you think it would be inappropriate to call this girl to ask around on a date? She

technically gave her number as a stylist, so I would hate to overstep my bounds. This is an easy one. I just can't look her up on social media either because I'm not on there at all. I know, crazy for someone in their 20s, right? I don't trust any of that shit. Haha, you're a smart person. By the way, love your new special pay, but tiger and look forward to many more. You old fart, you old red fart. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Here's the deal. I would just go get my haircut by her again. You know, if you're smooth, I would fucking do the personal appointment because now you're in a more relaxed environment and it's not weird where you got to try to ask her out as the next fucking dope's trying to sit in the chair and she's sweeping up.

I would do that way. I would call her number like all of these, all of these hairdressers always get fucked over by their shop. So they're always trying to cut hair on the side. So that's not necessarily a fucking green light that she's digging you, but it kind of seems like you guys hit it off or whatever. Who knows? Who knows? There's a lot of variables here. Is she being that nice and smiling and laughing because she's trying to get her side business going here so she can get out from under the thigh. I have no idea, but it sounds like she's fucking cool. That's a quite a thing to pull off throughout a whole fucking haircut if you're good at reading people. So it seems like you're in the game. I would just do the personal appointment. She'll

be in an even better mood because she won't have to cut any money in for the salon. And whatever, you're going to keep needing haircuts so you can just gradually fucking in a very seamless way, work your way, the conversation over to where it needs to go. I think you're in there. Your biggest problem is not jump cutting too far ahead where it becomes, whoa, hey, what's going on? I thought I was just asking you out. I mean, I was just cutting your hair and now you're asking me out and what the fuck. But you're 28. You shouldn't know how to fucking do that by now, right? That's what I would do. I would get the personal fucking haircut and I'd fucking charm the goddamn pants right off her. All right. And that's it for advice

with your hoes, Billy Burr. And I've done an hour and 11 minutes. So I got to go do something else. All right. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. I don't know who's playing tonight. I think the Yankees are playing. I'm going to watch them. I believe the Astros are playing too. It's inevitable. Two heavy weights coming together. All right. And advice to sports fans. That's right. If your team isn't in the playoffs, just sit back and enjoy stress-free playoffs. Your team isn't in it. It's fucking great. I can sit back and watch all of the drama of baseball and just enjoy how great a game it is. Enjoy how fucking amazing the athletes are and just not give a fuck. Where last year, my team was in it and I hung on every pitch and it worked out.

My football team was in it. I hung on every fucking down and it worked out. My hockey team was in it. I hung on every fucking shift and I got my fucking balls fucking kicked and they don't even know each other and they got kicked so fucking hard in that game seven that they still haven't come back together again. Doesn't always work out. So, you know, when your team doesn't make the playoffs, you can really see it in a positive way. That's how I look at it. And that's one to grow on. Go fuck yourselves. I'll see you on Thursday.