Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-9-23

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

Bill rambles about Niagara Falls, golf clubs, and American tourists.

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Or just through the next rep. It's total 360 support for a real difference. That's any time fitness. That's really 360 support for a real difference. That's anytime fitness. That's really f. Visit anytimefitness.com. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast. For Monday, October 9, 2020. 20,000 and 20 tree 2023 I am back home my tour is fucking over Um I had a great time on it, but before I get into that

Before I get into that what the fuck happened to my Patriots yesterday Jesus Christ. 34 to nothing at home against the fucking saints. The David Carled saints David the new kid on the block. Via fucking Oakland and Las Vegas. You know, you're thinking he'd go down there and be like, oh my God, good all these beautiful women, you know, he's out, he's not, he's not being dumb, he's not on Bourbon Street, you know, he's out there.

He's getting a layer of the land, right? Alvin Camaro, I just, look, hats off to the fucking saints, but I gotta tell you something, man. I fucking defense, dude. There was a couple of times, like guys just like, not only do they take bad angles, they just like, just, and then just sort of ran away from the play, it was just a complete fucking disaster from the beginning to the end.

I mean, all I just kept thinking at the end of the game, was that classic. We didn't do diddly poo. Our offense sucked. Our defense sucked. We couldn't get it first down. We couldn't tackle. I don't know.

Well, I guess I got a long season ahead of me. I kind of thought last week, I was like, all right, we need to, Mac Jones needs time, okay? And, you know, or whatever, I don't know. Or we need a combination of a better offensive line and maybe give somebody else a shot at quarterback. I don't fucking know, but I can tell you after this week, I don't know what we need. Um, that was a Chicago bear level fucking performance before their Thursday night game.

Congratulations to them. And whoever that wide receiver was, I've already, you know, I'm old, I forget people's names. Fucking guy had 240 yards receiving. That was great. I was very happy for the Bears. And also, you know, in honor of Dick Butt Kiss passing, that's a biggie, man. That is a biggie, man. That is a biggie. Him passing.

In honor of him, I think that they went out and played their best game in a long time. And it's just a shame that, you know, I don't know, the last 16 games of his life he had to watch him fucking lose. But you know, he played on some tough teams too, I think. A re-sought before Walter Peyton got there. I don't know, whatever. Whatever, rest his soul.

So anyway, I'm still in Milwaukee right now. I'm just saying I'm back home because by the time you hear this, I will be back home or on my way. I'm on my way, hey. I got the fucking Kansas City Chiefs Minnesota Vikings game on. It's kind of a weird year, man. Every time I start to think I know who people are, just fucking weird, man. In other words, I'm getting my fucking ass kicked this week on. I think I'm o and 2 at this point. I had the Ravens and I had the Patriots getting one at home. And I was like, all right, we got a nice defense that Bill Bellichack

who confused the shit out of David. Our fucking defense looked like melted fucking butter. I refused to believe that with this bad of a football team. I just, I don't know what happened, but we just got a fucking fanny spanked. Anyway, I don't know what happened, but we just got a fucking fanny spanked. Um, anyway, oh no, what the fuck happened to Kelsey? Is he hurt? Jesus Christ. Through Kelsey just went down on that fucking plate.

That looked like me when I threw up my back, opened in the fucking freezer. He turned his ankle. And yep, you know, I'm telling you, he starts dating that fucking model and he can't stay healthy, right? Or whatever she is, pop star. That's what people get to say.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Anyway, let's get to talking about the tour. I'm trying to think where the hell I was since the last time I talked to you, I'm just gonna pick it up and we'll say Syracuse. Right? I was in Syracuse and I went to this place to get coffee. The, oh, I already talked about that.

So it was after that. I did Penn State. Right? Did I just talk about Penn State? Yeah, Did I talk about Penn State yet? When the fuck was Penn State? I don't know people. At some point I did Penn State and I walked the campus. I think I talked about that. I think it's after that.

Then we went up to Niagara Falls, which I hadn't been to since I was a kid. Like 40 fucking years ago. And I went on stage in Niagara Falls and I don't know what happened. I started riffing and I never stopped. I think I did about maybe 10 minutes of my act, 15 minutes of my act and did about an hour and 10 and hour and 15 minutes. It was funny, the bus driver,

I got a really good compliment from him. He goes, how do you do that? Just laughed like dude. I've been doing this a long time. This is called avoiding your act. When you have a bunch of gigs in a row, you can't be doing your act every night. Are you gonna burn it out

and you're gonna wanna kill yourself? And Niagara Falls is right there. It is a viable option. Do you know they said like, I don't want to say it because the cops say, we don't really publicize it, but let's just say, you know, it's not the most unique idea. I fuck it. People are doing it anyways. They fucking, um... Look at Travis Kelsey. Now he's fucking hurt.

He's dating this fucking rock star. He grew a Freddie Mercury mustache. Is this his fucking brain isn't on the game? That's what people will say, like turning up that, that's out of bounds right there. Not a catch. So they say like they average like 20 to 30 people a year, fucking go over the falls,

either by accident on purpose. And I was talking to the cop and he's going, yeah, he goes, we find him in the spring they start coming up So I'm gonna go down there It fish people out. I mean what the fuck it has to be like that has to be so fucking surreal You know when you're going over the falls Like I mean it's pretty fucking iconic. I mean if you're going over the falls Like I mean it's pretty fucking iconic. I mean if you're gonna do it

right Golden Gate Bridge Niagara Falls Grand Canyon. I Mean I don't know It's pretty fucking I can't't imagine, but I don't know. It seems like if you go over on the American side, like you have no shot of living because there's just rocks and shit down there. But if you go over the other, the Canadian side, you know, Canadians, they're evidently supposed to be nicer, even though horseshoe was nicer. You know, it doesn't seem to be a lot of rocks there.

There was some guy who went over and he didn't die and they fucking went down there. He was just sitting on some rocks next to the waterfall. I was just fucking sitting there. Like, what are you doing? I can't imagine that. Because a lot of times, this is the thing why you don't want to kill yourself. Because I watched that golden gate bridge one.

And everybody who like survived, they all the same thought, the second they let go, they were like, why did I do that? And whenever a problem you're going through, it's gonna get past. It's just a funny fucking story. You're gonna tell later when your life gets better. You know, or you go over and stuff, Niagara Falls.

I mean, come on, what are you doing, right? I can't imagine though, you go over and stuff Niagara Falls? I mean, come on, what are you doing? Right? I can't imagine though, you go over the falls. You fucking don't die. And you're like, Jesus Christ. I can't fucking do anything right. And then you're just sitting down there and you're like, well now what the fuck do I do? Or maybe you think, and as you go on over the falls,

I'm like, why did I do this? You know, what if this is the year of the Leafs finally win the cup and I fucking miss it? Right? You go over the falls. And then you live you like, oh, thank God, you know, maybe they have a balance to tack this year, maybe they're going to fucking win it. I don't know. Here's something that's weird to me. You know, you never see a business called Hitler's, right? You never meet anybody called Adolf. You never see a business called hitlers right you never meet anybody called eight off you never see a business called hitlers that was all fade out that phased out but there's still an oil company called

Hess you know all fucking Rudolph has slipped through the goddamn crack um i don't sorry i've been i've just been looking at shit on the internet i don't i don't know what i don't know what sorry, I've been, I've just been looking at shit on the internet. I don't know what, I don't know what you want for me, but I've been playing drums every single night, which has been, which has been really amazing. And you know, after I did Niagara Falls, which I think was one of my favorite memories

of this trip was I was hanging with Nate Craig and he goes, hey, you wanna get a gelato and I'm like, I don't need dessert. I don't fuck with that shit. I've been eating really good, right? And he goes, come on man, he goes to gelato and then I press off and I was like, all right, fuck it.

And we were sitting outside the casino. We were just looking at, you know, the advertising, the shows and just eating. I got pistachio gelato and I had this espresso and it was fucking amazing. And then we were laughing because there was a prince cover band coming to town. And we were like riffing on it saying, oh, Prince is here. P R I N T S. But I saw Paul anchor. Paul anchor is coming to Niagara Falls, Falls everybody and I'm going to tell you something right now. Do not miss that guy. He absolutely destroys and he will show you that life is to be lived, not just when

you're young, not middle aged. The whole thing is to be lived. I have, you know, I got to do a podcast with him and that guy's energy. He has the energy of a 22 year old. He has the excitement of it and it's, I'm telling you, it beyond being blown away and how great he still sounds. Beyond being blown away about all of these songs that he wrote that you didn't even know that he wrote.

He wrote them for other people. Beyond all of that, what's gonna make you feel great is that life is to be lived. You know, I mean, sometimes you go out to go see a band and you start thinking like, ah, fuck, I'm gonna die soon. You know, looking at these guys, not him. He's gonna come out there looking like a million bucks

and he's gonna absolutely destroy it. And it'll be worth every dime you spend. I cannot recommend him high enough, highly enough. All right, so after that, I went out north. I forget the name of this. I don't know, I forget the name. It was Casino, Roma, like an hour and a half hour or so north of Toronto. And we went to Tim Hortons. That's that' Donuts up there. We got an ice coffee and we sat outside smoking cigars, drinking ice coffees. Bust drive is smoking a pipe and people were just walking in,

looking at us like, hey, we're coming to see tonight. We shooting the shit with people, taking pictures, laughing, busting chops. Just had a great time. Went in, one of the most beautiful show rooms I've ever been in. Great time there, great people. They were funny, man.

They were like super, super like really nice in polite. Canadian people was farty. So I had to get them to kind of loosen up because they were groaning about things. And I'm like, this is hypotheticals. You don't give a fuck about this. Come on. And then they loosened up. It was, it was just a great time. And then last night, I don't go through the whole tour. I hope I'm not born. You hear last night, I got to play the football stadium next to the, uh, the, uh, can't football hall of fame. And we rolled up there, this is the same fucking family trip I took,

like 40 years ago. We went to Niagara Falls and we went to the Canton football hall of fame. And it was funny to remember my mother was driving at one point. And we had a Caprice classic station wagon with the wire rims, the V8, the fake wood on the side. And it was maroon man, the thing was the shit and cloth interior, right? I loved that fucking car. I would have liked it better in this sedan. You know what's hard

about that car is everybody gets them and they either put those giant wheels on it or they lower them, they turn them into like low riders so it's really hard to find one of those in like original condition. I actually found one in, I think in Syracuse, it was this faded green, but it had a V6, which really surprised me. I didn't know that they just thought they all came either with a, you know, a smaller or a slightly larger V8. Swainway would go there, me and Nate, we go into the Hall of Fame and we just go right to

the gift shop. I bought this Patriots hat and then they hooked me up with the old school Pro Football Hall of Fame logo sweatshirt that I'm still wearing right now like a little kid. And I went in there like, like going to the pro football hall of fame for me is like when some nerd that watches X-Men goes the X-Men movies or Marvel shit goes to Comic Con. All right, this is my nerd shit. You know, I actually saw some comedian did a fucking hilarious bit. Always, you know, so many great young comics coming up. He did this hilarious bit about like, you know, how like people that are into comic books and that shit

get made fun of by sports fans. And we do the exact same shit they do. Like we dress up when we go to games, you wear in the uniform, they dress like the superheroes. He did all of these parallels, it was fantastic. But anyways, like this shit was my, this was my thing, man, like when I was growing up, I did not study for tests, I didn't read,

I had football cards, and that was my thing, and I just sat there looking at them, not realizing that I was looking at them, like I should have been looking at like my math flashcards or learning how to spell or doing something. I didn't, instead I I sat there and I still remember just stupid shit. It's just in my brain. Louis Keltcher, for the San Diego Chargers, had a size 16 quadruple E. I still remember the cartoon. I still remember D.D. Lewis was named after two

to World War II generals, Dwight Eisenhower. And then I think it was a, what the fuck was the other one? I'm not good with generals. There was Patton, and then there was the other one. I don't know, one of them had a D or whatever, but that's what he was named after. D.D. Lewis, number 50.

I still remember all of that. And when, you know, the original guys, like I know, like, Autogram, the 1950s are hard, like Bobby Lane and that type of stuff. But like, once they get into the 60s, I watched all of those NFL films. So I knew like 80% of the guys from the 60s, 70s, 80s. 90s is where it starts to kind of fade for me, where I didn't know as many players because I started doing stand-up and I was an adult and I had to figure out how to pay for shit.

So I couldn't sit there. I still wish that top football cards just let you buy a complete set, but they have to try to make them rare so they have value. But to me, I feel like now if you play fantasy football, that's the best way to know everybody's names. But I just couldn't get enough of it when I was growing up. It was RC, Thielman, all of these Lyman and shit

names that are just in my head. Anyway, so we went through there. We took some great pictures. I went to the football hall of fame, then I smoked a cigar in the stands and then I went downstairs and played drums and then I came out. It was like a make a wish day for me. I came out and it was cold out. It was like great football weather. Everyone was bundled up. I had like a hall of fame like pom pom had on him, my new sweatshirt. And I went out there and I came out, I told Nate, I said, I told Nate Craig, I said, don't bring me up. All right, just say Bill will be out in a minute. And I had him queue up that great NFL films,

The Autumn Wind is a reader. We played the whole poem in the music and I came out, bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada And we played the whole cities in the country, which is Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And two months ago, I made sure that I booked a time for their unbelievable steam room here at my favorite hotel, The Fister. I swear to God, it's called The Fister. P-F-I-S-T-E-R R it's a family name. Um, and, uh, it's just unbelievable. It's just like,

it just keeps gradually getting hotter and hotter and hotter. And you're in this fucking room. And then they have like, you know, you said, you got a, the key is you got to set it up beforehand. Um, oh, look at the bangles. Look at the bangles. By the way, the rattler, Kenny Riley, who should have been in a long time ago for the Cincinnati bangles. What a beautiful pass. Look at that. Beautiful pass. Man, I didn't pick anything this week.

How about the Eagles? Come on, man, I got the Eagles. They're showing the Rams. Oh, it's 17, 14 Eagles. Is that the final? If that's the final, I fucking lost that one too. Come on, get in there. Get in there. You fucking assholes. I need it. I can't go. Oh, I went for it. Well, I do it every year, one weekend. Maybe they covered. I didn't see the final score there. Son of a bitch. Anyway, when you go in, the key is the overhead shower. You got to put that thing on fucking ice cold

because you stay in the steam for like a half hour and it just keeps gradually getting hotter and hotter as the steam comes in. And also the temperature starts going up too. Or maybe because it's the steam. I don't fucking though. But I came out of there feeling like a fucking million bucks, you know, sweat everything out of me and I'm you know, I'm going home and You know, I got the kids so I go home. I don't smoke cigars. That's a fucking lie.

I don't smoke around when they're around them, but I'm gonna try to take a little time off for the nine millionth time, because I feel like, then I don't know if they've had a hold of me since the end of July when I went on that family vacation. It's just how it is. I just shit gets out of control.

Paul Verzi had the Cincinnati Bengals. I told him, I said, I don't know about those Arizona Cardinals. They keep fucking hanging with people. You know, good for him. And good for the Bengals too. I fucking love that team. Somewhere along the line. Like, I loved him when I was a kid. When they had that old school helmet that kind of looked like the Browns helmet because Paul Brown went down there and they made him write Bengals. So it wouldn't be too confusing. And I used to like Isaac Curtis. I loved and he was one of the people by the way that there was the precursor to the Mel Blont

rule because Paul Brown was like, what's the point of having a fast receiver if these guys are just gonna hold onto them? So it was like no more holding, I think there was that. And then I think when Mel Blunt beat the shit out of Golden Richards, how do I know this shit? That's so fucking stupid. I literally lose my cell phone 12 times a day. It's just never gonna go away.

That's all I did as I just fucking watched NFL films that looked at football cards and everything else that you were supposed to learn in life. Like I just, I don't know. I have no idea. So I'm going back to LA and I'm gonna get myself some glasses finally. I was really of the belief that like once you get glasses

your eyes just get weak and they get weaker and then they got you. You know what I mean? It's like taking a hit of fucking crack. And so I don't know, it's pretty good. There's two things I'm really proud of in my life. I've never bought in glasses. Got some readers, but I haven't got any glasses.

No, no, I did buy them. But I only got them for far away. I didn't realize up close, I was also fucked up. So I did buy. I'll tell you what I'm proud of I'm 55 years old. I'm a 55 year old bald white man and I've yet to buy a set of golf clubs. I think that that is an accomplishment because every time that game starts to get me I think that that is an accomplishment

because every time that game starts to get me cause it's just a game, right? It's not a fucking sport. It's an activity, it's an, you know, whatever. It's adult miniature golf or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, right? As every time it does, I'll go on like, I don't know, I always seem to like get like these fucking golf videos on Instagram.

And you know, it's because it's the whole fucking guys guys, cigars and all of that. So it's sort of my wheelhouse. I will just see some guy like absolutely livid. There's a guy like absolutely livid. This guy hits the ball and he's just like, fucking goddamn hate this fucking cock, fucking fucking motherfucking game, right? And he's like, fuck! He yelled at it to camera and I'm just sitting there going,

like there is no other like, there's no other game like that. Even like say like pool, pool is in the sport. I kind of put pool, bowling golf, where it's like this, it is this muscle memory thing, but it's not like, you don't have to catch, you don't have to throw a fucking ball. And I guess you're rolling it and bowling.

I don't, all you have to do is just look at the fucking people that are playing it. All right, you can be an absolute fucking physical mess and be the best fucking pool player in the world, the best fucking golfer, the best bowler, right? Fucking die of a heart attack in the prime of your goddamn career from like eating, they all look like they're sitting on a fucking couch. So many of them, right? But all of those things and all the four major sports and all of that, like I never see somebody playing hockey

and saying, like I hate this fucking game. I don't see people playing football saying that. I just, I never see that. But those fucking ones, but golf is the one. The number one where someone says, I fucking hate this game and I'm just going like, you know, I got enough fucking issues. There's enough shit that drives me nuts. Traffic, morons, you know, fucking a group of women all talking at the same time in a restaurant. Enough of that can get me going.

I don't need to add fucking golf to it, right? I need to do shit that makes me fucking chill. Like aviation makes me fucking chill. Occasionally it scares the shit out of me, but that's part of the game, right? But like it makes me fucking chill. Plan drums makes me chill, driving around, you know, in my car or truck or something like that.

I like doing what, getting a cup of coffee. I'm already, like, I do those things because I'm so fucked up, right? Like, I don't need to add the golf thing. But what happens with golf is I like the hang. And, you know, not this last time. I played like shit the you know not this last time I played like shit the last time but the time before that I actually played really good

It just feels so good to fucking just do what you wanted to do with the ball Hit in a mile and it's going at least for me half a mile and it's going straight But I always just something about me just always says like you know what? Don't fucking do that Don't do that, you know what I mean? It's kind of like my brain when I used to be drinking. And like there was certain times when I just like, you know, there's certain things you don't wanna fucking start drinking. You know what I mean?

Like here, if you're like a neighborhood party, right, and there's parents there, and you're, near as your kids there, and there are kids there. That's not one. You don't drink that. You don't drink. That's not a good time to start drinking. You don't want to get into argument

with another parent or just like, there's just too many, you don't want to be, you know, bump into somebody's kid or not notice that your kid fell into a pool. You got to be on your game there. It's sort of like afterward. Oh come on Kelsey Get back in the game. I don't want to see this guy get hurt. All right. There he is. All right. He's back. There we go so

Anyway, I keep getting that fucking video where whatever the name of that woman is that he's dating I know I know it I just can't for some, I can't pull it up. Taylor Swift, bang! Woo! Taylor Swift, watching her fucking fans losing their minds. When her songs come on, it's one of my favorite fucking things ever. You know, and I hate all these old people going like, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?

What do you mean what the fuck is wrong with these people? It's part of being young. Everybody, you know, you need your rock stars, you need your comedians, they need their movies, just let them be young. They're gonna laugh at it someday, but also be like choked up, cause that's like their whole fucking universe. I fucking hate old

people that do shit like that. I've been guilty of it, you know, ruining young people's good fucking time. So good for them. Good for them losing their fucking minds, you know. I'm gonna sit there and be like, what the fuck's with them? And I'm all excited to see AC DC. They're going out for the 50th fucking year in a row almost, and I'm gonna go see them, you know. Can't be an asshole, right? Well, you can be. That's one of the easiest things to be as a fucking asshole. And God knows I'm good at it.

All right, well, I don't have my reads right now, so I'm just gonna say that I have the reads, and then we'll just edit them in. All right, now let's do the reads for this week. All right, coming out of the reads here. Let's see, Niagara Show and Carpool Lanes. Oh yeah, I did, I did, I was doing my show, my shoe. I was talking about HOV Lanes

and I was explaining them because I was in Canada and I found when I was talking about HOV lanes, and I was explaining them, because I was in Canada, and I found when I was going through Europe, you know, people, it's not like they don't know what it is, they just, maybe they call it something different, the commuter lane or something like that. So I was explaining to a, and this Canadian dude, all the way up top, just, he's like, we've had those for years!

Made me feel like an asshole, What a fucking lucky throw that was. Underthroam. I got it. The only thing I cannot stand is the self-congratulations that people do every time they make a fucking catch, thumping their chest, acting like they're going to war. You're not fucking, that wasn't underthroding. That was perfect.

It's fucking tapping himself on top of the head. Yeah, yeah, I'm fucking amazing. Yeah, why don't you fucking do that when you drop a pass, nodding your fucking head vigorously. It's so fucking dumb. And the only reason why they're doing that is because they see other people doing it. So then they think that that's what they should be doing.

Um, I never saw Jerry Rice do that. He just caught the fucking ball and you couldn't catch him. And then that was it. I didn't have to fucking watch him be in awe of himself. But I'm doing that, right? I tailor swift. Don't be a dick bill. All right. Yeah. Be amazed with yourself. All right. So Niagara show and carpool lands hey bill just saw your show at the ol g stage in Niagara Falls Canada great show as always saw you last year in Toronto by the way a lot of us Canadians are Bruins fans not the maple maple laughs because I was talking about them I thought you'd be maybe Saber fans before Leif, I mean, Bruins fans. I can relate to your story about the HOV Lane.

I was in California on a baseball road trip back in 2012, after San Diego, LA, and Anaheim headed north for San Francisco and Oakland. Oh, that's cool. Look at that. You're going to see all the ball parks. San Francisco and Oakland. Oh, that's cool. Look at that. You're gonna see all the ball parks. San Francisco and Oakland games. I left LA at 9 a.m. The PCH was a nightmare.

Construction and accidents. I was dying to get to the hotel in San Francisco for a shower and a meal. As you know, the HOV lanes are time specific in most areas. Do they have one on the PCH? I thought you had to be on the five. 745 AM and 345 to 445 PM for rush hour. It was about 430 and I said I was spent. So I figured what the hell? Another 15 minutes won won't hurt about three minutes into sailing past Backed up traffic. I saw the CHP

Charries in my rearview mirror busted the cough asked me Do you know why I pulled you over? I was like, uh, yeah when he saw my registration rental California and my Ontario driver's license, I explained that my vacation destinations Told them I had left LA at 9 and I was beat tired and figured another 15 minutes wouldn't be a problem He laughed and no ticket for driving in the HOV lane There you go ticket for driving in the HOV lane. There you go. Right now people of color listening to this are like you can fucking do that. Yes you can. That's another one of the things we can do. You just admit it and you make them laugh. Sometimes

they let you go. I did that one time when I fucking I made an illegal U-turn and then fucking went to a post office right in front of this cop and he pulled me over. He goes, you know why I pulled you over and I said, yeah, and he goes, why? I go, because I made an illegal U-turn over a double yellow line in front of traffic. And he goes, why did you do that? I said because I'm impatient and sometimes I have a sense of entitlement He fucking He laughed. No, he didn't laugh that guy didn't laugh The fuck did he say oh so long go what the fuck did he say? said, I'm impatient and then I have a sense of entitlement. He goes, didn't you see me there?

That's what he said. Didn't you see me there? And I said, yeah. And he said, well, then why did you do that? And I said, because you weren't faced at me. It was the back of your car. And I thought, you know, maybe I could get away with it. I'm impatient.

I have a sense of entitlement. Oh, what a, you know, I'm gonna give you a ticket. I can't even remember what he said. He said, well. I'm impatient, I have a sense of entitlement. Oh, what a, you know I'm gonna give you a ticket or something. I can't even remember what he said. He said, well, I'm not gonna write you up because I have to go somewhere. And I said, you're awesome. And that's when he laughed. And he said, don't do that again.

I said, all right. And you know what, I did. That can happen sometimes. But that's the best way to go in the cop, pull you over. Oh, you know, they know you're fucking lying. Don't lie. Just be like, yeah, I'm a fucking asshole. You know why he pulled me over?

Yeah, because I'm an impatient asshole that made an illegal U-turn right in front of you over a double line. It's much better than being like, no! I thought I could cut across four lanes of fucking traffic. And what? All right, Bella check is a meat, is mediocre at best. Yeah, this is, this is like one of these things where like,

the amount of people that watch sports all the time and they just still don't even understand sports. This is like, is he really mediocre at best? He like dominated the league for 20 years as everyone was stealing from him. Well, everyone was saying, oh, he did this and he did that and blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, all they were doing was watching game film stealing from him. And what usually happens to every great coach and what usually happens is because they steal from you literally meaning offering ridiculous amounts of money

to your players and all your coaching staff and you're constantly rebuilding. And then you have to like, if you don't change up what you do, your little run will last at best three or four years. Instead, his lasted for 20 years. Okay, he went to nine Super Bows. He won nine AFC championships and he won six Super Bulls. I mean, now the guys, you know, always overrated because now,

now, you know, when our fucking Joe Montana leaves, we didn't have a Steve Young to fill in. So now you're going to say the guy sucks. All right. Hey, Billy Boston, can you please stop referring to Bill Belichick in such positive words as a genius and the greatest of all time? That's not what I said. I said he's the second coming of Paul Brown and he is. And if you knew your football history, that's 100% right.

Paul Brown dominated the league for 20 years as did Bill Belichek, both of them changed the game. I mean, Bill Belichek was so fucking dominant. The fucking Colts had to get their owner on the competition committee. They literally made how we covered their receivers illegal. And then they stole our offense and beat the bears in the Super Bowl. Finally got past us and beat fucking Rex Grossman in the bears in the Super Bowl. All right. I said that to a Baltimore to an Indianapolis Colts and he put his head down and fucking

laugh. They know it's fucking true. So don't even start with this fucking bullshit. He's the product of a lucky guess. Oh, so he just luckily guessed. Okay, he's the product of a lucky guess on a late draft pick who turned out to be the greatest quarterback of all time. So it's not him at all. Oh, yeah, I could have coached him. Anybody could have anybody, you could take any any any of these fucking bum ass head coaches that fucking come into the league if they get the fuck out of here without Brady

He's clearly just another mediocre head coach Now he isn't you're you're a fucking moron You're just I I don't want to fucking read I fucking hate when people do this Okay It's like the quarterback needs the head coach and the head coach needs the quarterback and don't act like fucking Tom Brady went to a fucking week team down in Tampa. All of those weapons that he had, he fucking hand selected that fucking team. All right. Fuck out of here. But what I know, whatever, I get it. If you want to go that

way, yeah, you're a moron uh... without bradie he's clearly just another mediocre head coach i mean how long was he supposed to dominate for you know it was funny early in bradie's career everyone was saying bradie stunk in that he was a system quarterback it's just a system you could plug anybody in there that's what they said and then we started winning's what they said. And then we started winning and then they said, they're cheating.

And now that he's not good, now they're saying he's just a fucking mediocre coach. I got to tell you something right now. You guys, non-patriot fans, you haters are the biggest fucking bunch of whiny bitches. I've ever met in my fucking life. When the Steelers were dominating, I was like, they're a great fucking team. When the Cowboys then had their run, I was like, when the 49ers, I never sat there.

Oh, the fucking Cheeing. Oh, Bill Walls, she's actually fucking overrated. He's nothing without Joe Montana. Now, they're all fucking great. They're all fucking great. And you know what, whoever wrote this shit, you know what, you haven't found out what you're great at yet. You know what you're great at?

Hating it, hating on people that are fucking successful. There is not one fucking person in the NFL who's going to agree with you on. This is like listening to young people saying the Beatles are overrated. There's not one fucking musician out there that's going to say that they're fucking overrated. They're not. Okay, it's just it is what it is. You just don't get it. And that's all it is.

Anyway, here we go. Without Brady, he's clearly just another mediocre. Brady goes to Buck and Ears as a gentleman's move to prove it is him and not bella check that is the reason for the rings. Oh, yeah, the Tom Brady call you up. And that's what he said. Is that what he said? He goes and does it.

Goat move and I hate Brady. This is one of these things where you fucking trash Joe Biden and then you go and I'm a liberal. But the numbers do not lie. I cannot think of any possible way you can prove otherwise. Okay, well, I don't understand what you just proved there other than that you, that all you do is watch the ball. You're a ball watcher.

I remember hearing like the worst sports shows. There's a lot of them too. The worst sports shows all had this take that when Brady left and went to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and succeeded, they were like, well, then was it Tom Brady? Don't hold that. That moron take. What you guys seem to forget is that when Tom Brady lost all of his options at wide receiver, we became a mediocre team while he was still here. Then we had Cam Newton. Cam Newton didn't have any luck. Mac Jones has not been having any luck. We haven't replaced the Edelman's, the Westwalkers, um, um, amandolas. We just haven't had anybody for them to throw to. And then all of a sudden, Tom Brady looked pretty fucking beatable. Tom Brady

and the Patriots were pretty fucking beatable his last year there, but you're going to fucking ignore that. And then he goes to a loaded buck and heirs fucking beatable his last year there, but you're gonna fucking ignore that. And then he goes to a loaded Buckeneers team. I wouldn't say loaded, but like had a Brady won, first of all, Brady won and Bella check one with way fucking less. Here's something else you dumb fuck. If you knew your fucking history, you're sitting there thinking that Bill Bella check only has six rings.

How about this? He has eight rings. How about this? He has eight rings. How about this? Bill Parcell's never won a Super Bowl without Bill Belichick as his defensive coordinator. How about this? He shut down three of the greatest fucking offenses of all fucking time. How about this? He fucking owned Peyton Manning and that three-headed monster until they had to fucking cheat. Okay, one of the most cheat-nass bitch ass fucking franchises out there.

The Indian Apple is Colts, who I don't know how a team owner being on the competition committee is fucking legal. All right, he shut down John L. Wei and that high-powered fun bunch of offense, Giants win in 86. He shut down the run and gun, Jim Kelly and all of those, he shut them down. And then the greatest show on turf. Before when we played the fucking Rams, he did that with, he coach a backup fucking quarterback who was a six round draft pick to beating what everyone was saying was the beginning

of a dynasty. What you're doing is you're forgetting. You are fucking forgetting all of those early ones. And that was Bill Belletcheck. And we would fucking take away and everything that he did, he stopped all of those guys. He's the one of the greatest defensive minds that ever fucking existed. And he was able to do it in the 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000, 2000 teams. One eight Super Bowl rings, he's almost out of fingers, you fucking moron. How did part cells do without him?

Huh? How did he do? What the fuck outta here? So is Bill part cells overrated? Cause I don't think he is. I don't think he is. So I think your take is a shit take. And I think because as you sign your thing that you're a fucking dolphins fan, signed a fucking dolphins fan, yeah, you're just fucking dolphins fan, signed a fucking dolphins fan. Yeah, you just fucking butt hurt

because you fucking assholes haven't won a Super Bowl in 50 years and all that you have every year is being excited that somebody doesn't go undefeated. That's how pathetic you're fucking franchises. You know, and you completely ignore that back in the day there was no ESPN. You went undefeated when there was only 14 regular season games and you had two white running backs. Oh, fuck outta here. That fucking bullshit. That That is the worst take ever. You are a fucking moron.

You really are dumb. That one of the worst takes I've ever heard my life. Tom Brady is the greatest fucking quarterback as far as like how long he did it, you know? But here's another thing too. I would never say that Brady is better than Dan Marino. You know, Dan Marino had Don Shula, but Don Shula was not like Bill Belichek, where people caught up to him, people caught up to him and then passed him and the game passed him by. That did not happen to Belichek for like 50 fucking years. This guy has been crushing it. But whatever, we have two,

three bad fucking seasons. And now you're going to flush all that down the fucking toilet. Dude Dan Marino had no running game, his whole career. And he had no fucking defense. And his 1984 season, when you could beat the fuck out of a quarterback, those numbers are the Wayne Gretzky level fucking numbers. And I would never sit here. I would never say that like, that he was better than Brady. I wouldn't, I wouldn't say that Brady's better

than Joe Montana. I think there is no greatest of all time. But for you to like go out and accomplish great things and then for you to wait for a couple of week seasons, everybody had bad drafts. What about Chuck Knowle? What about towards the end of his career when how ridiculously beatable the Pittsburgh Steelers became?

Do you give all the credit to Terri Bradshaw? Is Chuck Knowle's fucking, on three years, unbelievable drafts in a row. Is that all bullshit? Because at the end of his fucking career, he wasn't winning. You get the fuck outta here. You, sir, are a fucking jerk off. All right, with that, I'm gonna go get some fucking dinner.

I'm gonna go do my show and I'll finish this fucking later. No, geez, I'm back here. Just when I thought that fucking asshole, you probably just wrote that Bill Bella check stuff just to listen to me lose my mind. There's no way anybody is that stupid. You know, he's also probably that dolphins fan was the entire, when early in Brady's career was saying

he was a system quarterback, then he said he was a cheater. And it's just like, just, no, I get it, you hate the patriots. That's all you're fucking saying, all right? And I bet those awful sports talk shows, the reason why they were saying shit about Bill Bellichack is because, you know, they commercial fish, so they need to get the mouth breathed more on fucking sports fan. You know what one of the things that I hate the most about sports is that athletes get old and coaches get old and all of that stuff.

And then when that happens, all the jealous people, all the haters, all the fucking sports writers, they relish it. They relish an old Brett Farve, an old Muhammad Ali. They were so fucking bad to Muhammad Ali, so racist to Muhammad Ali. And then once he got like fucking Parkinson's and all of that, then all of a sudden they were super nice to him and shit. But like when they're in the prime of their career, it's just so many people are so fucking unhappy with their lives that they can't. They just can't appreciate greatness, you know?

Like whatever you're doing down there in Florida, why don't you fucking, you know, be inspired by what Bill Belichek has accomplished rather than trying to rip the guy down when he's in his fucking 70s. And, you know, working on his like, I don't know what, trying to try into when is fucking ninth ring. That's a weak fucking move and I think it says a lot about yourself. Oh, I went, I went extra on that one. Fucking irritated the

shit out of me. Fucking idiots. The guy's belly, I just basically been getting shit on his entire fucking career. It's just what it is. It is what it is. He can't win without parcells. He's fucking, you know, he got lucky with Tom Brady. He's fucking cheating. It gays past him by the time that he did it. Meanwhile, he got lucky with Tom Brady. He's fucking cheating. It gays past him.

Bye, the dead of the meanwhile. He's the most fucking successful guy in the longest run in the modern times, but yeah, he's overrated. Okay. All right there. Yeah, good luck winning a Super Bowl. Miami Dolphins.

And you look great this year. I'm not gonna shit on the Dolphins because I actually, I love him this year. I love him playing spoiler. And nobody even brought him up. It was all about the bills and the jets and here they come. So I am enjoying that. But I do have to say that it's been a really weak thing that every year, you know, not only, okay, you want to fucking pop the champagne in private. Okay. But the fact that they do it publicly, you know what I mean? And they take enjoyment

in other people's failures. I always just thought that was such a weak fucking move. That'd be like me. I'm an old comic now. I don't root against younger comedians. Don't have a better special than me. American tourists. Hey, Billy, two kind.

You're take on American tourists a few weeks ago was a bit self-hating. Catholic guilt-driven? How do you feel that? Oh, because I trashed the Catholic church and you still like J-Star. I've been a tour guide and a server to tourists in two European countries and American tourists are by far the most generous and friendly. What's because we come from a tipping culture?

For starters, no one can tip like Americans, yet. Call it a cultural thing. It is. They don't pay waiters in our country. But hey, when they get AI fucking waiters, do we have to tip them? Call it a cultural thing, but even when they know it's not expected, they do so. It would be the difference of me making enough money to pay my rent or not on some days

when an American would throw down 50 euros or on a 300-year-old meal. As fat as giving a kid, as fat, did you mean in fact? Giving a care about me and who I am is a human being. No other country, tourists, actually take interest in me as a person. Dude, we don't give a fuck about you as a person. Okay, get over yourself.

It's part of the meal is tipping. It's just what we do. You know what I mean? It's like English people. They're gonna have a fucking pint. And if the beer you can see through it, they're gonna say it's weak piss and they're gonna send it back. It's like English people. They're gonna have a fucking pint. And if the beer you can see through it, they're gonna say it's weak piss and they're gonna send it back.

It's they're not being rude. It's just what they do. I'm not saying it never happened, but never in the numbers the Americans did. Okay, this is a little jumpy. All right, so you say them when not as bad as we are. All right, well, I didn't think we were that bad. I was just fucking being self-deprecating.

I don't think it's Catholic guilt. I can't remember the last time I went to church or even believed in anything. Those fucking murderous rapist lunatics had to say, why would I give a fuck about their rules at this point? All right, Bill, relax. When I gave tours, they would ask questions about me and my story that were relevant and not just pandering polite.

I won't name the countries that looked at me like I was some object to be there for them in any way they needed. I can take a few guesses. Also when it comes to their children, Americans are far more aware of what their kids are doing and how they are acting, unlike the Scandinavian countries who just let their kids scream and do whatever they want. Now, see, I never saw that when I was in Scandinavia. I will say I got dirty looks with my kids from an English couple when I was in France.

Also Americans don't light up cigarettes anywhere they want and adhere to the local culture and rules far more than most countries. All right. Well, maybe we're coming around. Arkansas, light up cigarettes anywhere they want and adhere to the local culture and rules far more than most countries. All right, well, maybe we're coming around. Take it easy on your people, Bill. They got me through university and I am forever grateful for their kindness. Well, maybe you're meeting the top ones. Because I'm not gonna lie, we're fucking animals over here, man.

That's why we're funny. We're animals, the English are animals, the Irish, the Scottish, the fucking Australians. As far as white people, we're fucking lunatics. Lunatics, views alcohol, getting arguments. We're funny. We're fucking lunatics. I would not call this refined. All right, I already read this one. Belichek is mediocre at best. All right.

Drummers here, song for first time. Oh, I've watched these. These are really interesting. All right. Hey, there, Billy's these are really interesting uh... alright hey there billy scrot billy scrotum scroo t so that's what you like bond scott that should be bill billy bond scottum scottum billy bond scottum i think that that's what you like that one

uh... i stumbled upon this absolute gem of Chad Smith drumming to his song he's never heard before. This is a series on YouTube. You know what I watched that? It's a really popular song too. I love that he had never heard it. I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm an old guy. I don't fucking know what these kids are listening to.

This is a series on YouTube, but most drummers listen to the song three or four times and take notes before trying to play along to it. Chad dives right in, not even giving it one full listen though, and it's incredible. Anyway, I thought you would enjoy this as much as I do. It might be too long to play on the podcast, but give it a listen and let me know your thoughts for next week. Yeah. To Chad Smith has been playing live. I mean, I would think he was doing it before he got in the chili peppers and he got in them in 1988.

89. I mean, that's 34, 35 years ago. I think after a while, it's just like breathing. I've seen that guy play live a number of times and what strikes me most about him is the high intensity level that he plays at for the entire show. He is definitely the engine that's running that band band. He's an incredible drummer.

So I watched a couple of those. I watched like a, I don't know, this black drummer, right? I was gonna say an R&B drummer. I'm not gonna assume that that's what he plays, but he was like listening to some like Metallica song or something like that. And there was like time signature changes and shit. I might have been something often justice for all.

And he made a couple of notes, oh, okay, oh, that's in five. And he just like, nothing. Like, he was listening to a language. And he went and murdered it and threw all this extra stuff in there. I don't think it was Metallica, but it was definitely something not like, it was definitely something not like it was definitely

in the metal arena and not mainstream either. It was really cool. All right, you set days. This is all fucking drum stuff. I love it. Hey Bill, firstly, I've been following your stand-up as well as your podcast for a few years now after hearing you on Joe Rogan. You make me smile, laugh, and thank.

Thanks. So thank you. Look at that. Oh Billy, Dr. Su's over here. I took my 13-year-old son to see the Eusev Days experience. Oh man. He must have blown his mind. Last night in Bristol, England, Jesus, he and his band are incredible live. Yeah. I'm so happy. I got to, I got to see them in New York, man. Really, really incredible band and like exciting because you can see like, it's like 80% they know what they're doing and then there's 20% looking at each other in each song. I feel improvising and stuff, which really makes it, I don't know, I don't know how they, I don't know how they do that shit. It's amazing. Anyway, we had to use my son's older brother's birth certificate to get him in. The venue had an age restriction. All right. The security guard asked my son his name and date of birth and he gave his brother's detail without batting an eyelid.

You must have been proud and also nervous. My sphincter tightened as the huge security guard asked his questions and my boy was as cool as a fucking cucumber. I may have trouble telling when he's trying to pull the wool over my eyes in the future. Yeah, and you just got him to pass a big test. So unless you're 300 pounds, I think he's going to be walking all over you. We watch from the front of the crowd as you said in his band, Toradop, my son's drums, drums a bit.

My son drums a bit. He likes to play, but hasn't been interested in lessons. Last night, as our heads bobbed in unisonison I could literally see the uh pedals of his mind open up and them get blown away by what he sat and watched. Pretty fucking special. Dude, that's awesome. If you took him to that show imagine that and then it inspires him. Maybe starts playing drums and next thing you know you're watching him up on that same stage. It's pretty cool. Anyway, the the person says my question is have you taken your kids to many gigs if so what and how did they get on if not what would be the artist you'd like to introduce your kids via live music? I have not taken my kids to a concert. There's six and three my wife has taken my daughter

to go see Beyonce, which, you know, I was telling her, I was like, wow, that's really cool. And I was like, you know, is an unbelievable responsibility. Somebody's first concert, because that's the question people always ask. What was the first concert you ever saw?

And for her to say, Beyonce is amazing. You know, it's cool. My mother, you know, what her first concert she ever saw was, she saw Elvis Presley right before he did Ed Sullivan, so he wasn't even famous. She's somewhere in like Sarasota, Florida. I've told this story before. She saw a matinee show in a half-filled theater. And I

remember Ask Nows go with a women's scream and the you know the teenager's screaming when he was up there or they just like who is this weirdo guy. She goes no they were all screaming going crazy. I go well you doing that too and she was like no I was sort of observing. What was observing, what was going on? It was so my mom, you know. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. She comes to my show, she sits there and she fucking, she doesn't laugh, she's looking at other people to see their reaction.

Like that's, I don't know, it's just how she's wired, it's funny. So I'm definitely gonna take my kids to concerts and stuff. Both my kids love playing on my drum set and everything. And, you know, I bought that big kit where I got, you know, it's two up three down. You know, I never set them up like that. I usually just set them up, just one up two down, but down, but I can go bigger or smaller with the drums I have. So my kids have really taken to playing drums,

so I was like, well, I have enough racked homes to get another kid here, and I have a couple of extra snare drums. Why not just buy another bass drum, so that's why I did it. I just bought a small 20. And I'm going to put that together and just have them, you know, my kid and the kids kid facing each other. Someday if we can play like some bruise and trade for and stuff,

that would be unbelievable. Really looking forward to that. And at the same time, not forcing them to do it. Like my son's always like, like, dad, boom, boom, bap, play boom, boom, bap. He's kind of getting bigger now. So now he's saying, dad, up, play drums. I do miss boom, boom, boom, bap though. It was so freaking cute.

And when he plays, he like dances. He does like this shoulder roll thing as he's playing. And my daughter has a different style. It's funny what they gravitate towards. Like my daughter really liked the symbols and my son really liked the drums. And then they watch each other play and then they sort of get ideas from each other. And I just sit there totally geeking out as a dad. It's awesome. All right, that's it. Okay. Well, all right. and I just sit there totally geeking out as a dad. It's awesome. All right, that's it. Okay.

Well, all right. So I guess it's gonna be a long season for me as a Patriots fan. But that's not like a fucking whine about it. I mean, I saw unbelievable successes and I've been here before as a Patriots fan. The people are gonna have a problem are kids who are like under 30. Like wait, the Patriots lose, yeah, that's how it used to be. So we shall see how that goes.

The Eagles won, so that covers. So now I'm one and two, I just need the jets to hold on. And I'll go two and two once again. That would be cool at this point, considering I started off, all right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everybody who came out to all of these shows from Portland, Maine, Manchester, New Hampshire, Springfield, Syracuse, Penn State, Niagara,

North of Toronto, Cantno, Ohio. Thank you to everybody at the Hall of Fame, how great they treated us. Thank you to the crew putting the stage together. I know tonight was like a big deal with a basketball game and they had a way to that was done and then they were gonna load it in. So they've been busting their ass for me. And thank you to everybody, Mill Waukey and the City of Mill Waukey.

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