Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 11-1-21

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

Bill rambles about the name 'Bill', climate capitalists, and loud cats.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast. For Monday, November 1st, 2021, what's going on? Oh, yeah. Holy shit, people. It's November 1st. This is like election week for people who pay attention to politics. It was almost a year ago. We got rid of that orange racist in favor of a warmonger with dementia. I think they're a combined 236 years old or something. Who knows, people? Who even knows what's going on? Why am I fucking headphones so quietly, but the volume appears to be so loud? I don't know what it is. Who knows? Who the hell knows? Anyway, it's nice to be here. Good to talk to you. It's super Tuesday tomorrow in the local election for your managerial gubernatorial

lame duck. When will that be considered offensive? He's a lame duck candidate. I don't think talking about a wounded bird is the proper way to try and describe the human being. I mean, don't we have enough advantages over ducks? Isn't it bad enough that the French don't let their models eat while they force feed these fucking birds? So the managers, the fat fuck managers of those skinny models can eat the fat duck in front of the quivering model? Isn't that enough? Do we have to say lame duck? Why can't we just say not elected, not reelected or not seeking. I will not seek. Nor will I seek. I do not desire it. Nor will I seek another term. I'm LBJ. I'm getting the fuck out of here. You enjoy your war with the Vietnamese people. Anyway, I hope you guys had a nice weekend.

I had a great weekend, you know, because it was Halloween yesterday. Do be do be. Do is the beginning of the holiday seasons. And mom and dad are taking their kids out to go trick or treating. Man, I heard some fucking crazy names when I was out there. Somebody called their kid army. I swear to God. Leo, where's army. You called your kid army. What I support the troops. Army, yeah, I mean just, I mean, I mean, Bill Bob Joe, that's just fucking eons ago. I feel like my name at this point,

like pretty soon people are going to know just by hearing my name, my first name being Bill, they're going to be like, oh yeah, that guy's like 70, right? Like it's like Ebenezer. Oh, let me look that up. I got to see how popular is the name Bill. Let's see if I'm still hanging in there. How popular is the name, like, you know what name I think is going away like Doug, you know, Doug, I think that's going, most viewed bills. No, how popular is the name Bill? Boy name Bill Trends, popularity of bills. Okay, it fucking, there was nobody, 1880s, it was very few, 1898, all of a sudden around World War One, everybody right through World, oh yeah, right through World War Two, man. It just kept going

up and up and up like it was never going to come back down again. And then it plummeted in the 50s. It came back in the 60s and oh my God, it's just what? It just fucking dropped off the, it dropped off the charts. In 1880, it was a, you know, like 50 kids were named Bill. I can't believe that. William Shakespeare, you know, that wasn't enough. Well, he was before that, right? Wow. It's after like 1988, looks like in the mid 90s, it just died. The greatest number of people who were given that name is 1947, when 4,680 people in the US were given the name Bill. Those people are 20 years old. So wait. Okay, here we go. Here's a quote. I never hear anyone say the name Bill

anymore, except with friends and family. No one in their 20s or 30s is named Bill, just baby boomers. So I guess guys named Bill are a rare thing nowadays. Long live the Bill. That was February 21st. My granddad is called William, is but called Bill. I love him. I was in 2008. All right. Three neutral. Those were the positive comments, three neutral comments. I love the name Bill. I'm 12 and I'm naming my baby this when I have one, LOL. Jesus, that person got knocked up pretty young. It must be Mississippi. My name is, no, I'm kidding. I can't do that. Please don't do that Bill. My name is Bill and I love it. It's a strong, intelligent name that can age with you. That was in 2009. My brother-in-law is Bill.

I find it strange that my in-laws did that because people assume it is short for William, but it's not. Okay. What do you think about the name Bill? What's the question? All right. I have a fucking old name. I'm old and my name is out of style. All right. I guess, you know, I'm just a Bill. Yes, I'm only a Bill and nobody wants to do it no more. Anyway, yeah. So I took my kiddo out. Me and my wife took our daughter out for Halloween and we had a blast and she met up with some kids, you know, from the neighborhood and they all went out together and, you know, it was fun. You know, some houses weren't participating. Some people had like pipes. These like, you know, plastic piping, whatever the fuck you call it, PCP piping, whatever,

BVC, whatever the fuck you call it. They were dropping the candy down and none of the kids could get it down. It would just fall into the driveway. It was kind of funny, but I get it. No one wants to breathe on anybody. I don't even know why. I don't even know anymore, but like, like half the houses weren't even fucking participating. She's kind of a barber, you know, because I was telling my daughter last night, I was going like, we are going to go to a million, million houses, gonna fill up that little bucket of yours. We did pretty good. We filled it up three quarters of the way. But you know, I did the whole thing. I made pumpkin bread. We went to a pumpkin patch with a corn maze

and a frigging tractor ride. You know, I carved a pumpkin. I took the seeds out. I shelled the seeds by hand. Holy shit. I never did that. I used to just make them whole. But then I was just like, oh, wait, you're supposed to shell these things or you can, you know, when they put them on your salad, they're shelled. So I don't know. I just kind of got involved in that. And like the rain man, I couldn't stop doing it. And when I finally stopped, like trying to like shell all the seeds you get from one pumpkin. Holy shit. My back was killing me because I did legs the other day at the gym. And I was thinking like, you know, all the ego weightlifting exercises, I always try to increase my weight.

But I never do. I'm always yawning on the podcast. I'm sorry, guys, I either do it early in the morning or late at night. The kids either have to not be up yet, or they've already gone to sleep. So with legs, I never did it. So I did like, you know, what do we used to call it? Pyramids? Pyramid sets, you know, you do 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, you know, increasing the weight. I did that on the squat machine. And Jesus Christ, I don't know what it feels like to play an NFL game, but this is the closest I ever want to feel. So I'm going to take an ebb since salt bath. Tonight after, after the podcast here. So anyway, let's talk a little NFL football here. What?

Oh, wait, I gotta keep talking about Halloween. So we went around in the neighborhood and that's what I was hearing like, I heard this woman just going like, we need an adult leader and we need a kid leader. We got to do this for the army. Tell Leo to tell fucking, you know, some other weird name that began with a T and I was just listening to these names that made me think like, what the fuck? What are those names? Then I was just thinking when I grew up, when I grew up, it was like, there was a bunch of bills that were Jason's. I bet let me see Doug. Doug must have fell off. Let me see here. How popular is the name Doug? Douglas has been in a free fall decline since 1990. I called it dropping almost 400 positions

on the charts in 20 years. No longer in vogue. People are beginning to consider this name outdated and a little boring. It's still an interesting choice for Scottish American parents or those who appreciate the mystery of a dark stream. The hell does that mean? Let me see. What's the meaning of the name Doug? Name Doug meaning Doug. It means she knows what? No, in English baby names, the meaning of the name Doug is dark water. In the 17th century, this name was as popular for girls as for boys. In Scottish baby names, the meaning of the name Doug is from the Gaelic. I don't know how to say D-U-B-H-G-L-A-S, meaning dark water, dark stream or from the dark river. Oh, what does that mean? Like,

you knocked up some chicken, then you realized she was a psycho. So then you named the kid Dark River. I don't know. American baby name meanings. In American baby names, the meaning of the name Doug is from the Gaelic, meaning dark water. Yeah, dark water, dark stream. I don't know. Who gives a fuck, Bill? All right, so we had a great time and there's nothing better. There's nothing better than taking a kid out on Halloween, seeing how excited they get. Every house, she'd be like, oh, dad, look, I got a starburst. Oh, dad, look what I got. What is that? What is that? And some of the candy, I didn't even know. Somebody was giving out $100,000 bars. I was like, wow. And a couple of people were giving out almond joys, which have coconut, which is a

very divisive ingredient when it comes to candy bars. I mean, personally, you know, I draw the line at Nugget. I fucking hate Nugget. I don't know what it is. It's fucking gross. It's filler. It's the coleslaw of candy fillers. Three musketeers. Terrible, terrible fucking candy bar, which pound for pound, I feel. I mean, it's all Nugget. It's chocolate wrapped fucking Nugget. Ted Nugget. That would be fat Ted Nugent. All right. So, who, by the way, I saw a clip, a buddy of mine got of him playing cat scratch fever, just playing the riff with Chris Layton and Jimmy Vaughn. Holy shit. Ted Nugent can still fucking play. My God. I mean, everybody sounded great, but his fucking passion, he was amazing. All right, let's get on to it. I watched

the World Series. I watched since Game Two on specifically because it annoyed me that some people on Sports Talk Radio were saying that Houston versus Atlanta. Sorry, I figured if I just get the yawn out of me, it would stop. Houston versus Atlanta was a ratings nightmare. And they were blaming the cities and saying the cities are boring and blah, blah, blah, blah. Houston and Atlanta are not boring. You can have a great, great fucking time in both of those cities. Those cities are the antithesis of being boring, right? The problem is not the cities. It's the way the MLB runs their fucking league with the luxury tax. They just made a haves and have nots. That's basically it. And not to mention that I remember when they had the Subway Series and it was the

Yankees against the Mets and they thought the whole fucking baseball community was going to give a shit and nobody cared except people in New York. So who the fuck knows? So anyway, I'm like, you know, I'm so fucking sick of them shitting on these so-called B-level cities that I am not going to, you know, I'm going to watch this goddamn series. So I've been watching it and the Braves bullpen was basically saving their bacon in Game 3 and 4 and they only got a couple innings out of their starting pitchers and then their bullpen pitched a ton of innings but got them through it. And Dusty Baker switched up the lineup tonight for what could have been the clincher for the Braves. And I don't understand how switching up the lineup, other than if you're

more at the top of the order, you're going to possibly get an extra at bat than somebody batting, you know, fifth on down, depending on how the other team pitched and how many hits they led up. Well, I guess no matter what you're going to, because you're at the top of the order, but they put a thumpin' on them, nine to five in one game five. And possibly just blew the fucking series. I don't know why, there was something about tonight, it just felt like that the Braves had to win it. And they started the game, I think it's because it was the game clincher and they started it with a grand slam in the first inning. In the first inning, they hit a grand slam. And you got to think, you know, if you're up three

games to one, okay, in a game five, all right, you shut down the other team and then you go out there and load them up and hit a grand slam. The crowd's going crazy. This series is over. But then to not score any more runs for like another fucking, I don't know, four or five innings and the other team just chips away at it and all of a sudden you get down one. And then you have, you know, you tack on another couple, next thing you know, you're down four. And the Tomahawk chop, you know, sounds like there's only three people doing it at this point. I just feel like it was a really demoralizing loss for the Braves. And now they have to go into Houston and try to win one, they got to split. You know, game six is Tuesday night. And

I got to be honest with you, I don't think they're going to do it. And this whole series, I didn't know who to root for. You know, I wanted to root for the Braves because I always liked watching the Braves when I was a kid, when we first got basic cable. And they had Bob Horner and, you know, Glenn Hubbard and Dale Murphy. I used to fucking love watching them because I love watching National League Baseball. Back when they used to play and was at Fulton County Stadium. And they didn't do the Tomahawk chop back then. It's just a Tomahawk chop thing. It's just so fucking, you know, overtly ignorant, you know, and then I love it. Whoa. We don't mean anything. Bye. We don't mean nothing. Bye. Shit. We don't mean nothing. Bye.

I used to do a joke in my act that doing like, you know, the Tomahawk chop. Doing that. I'd be like, you know, that would be like if the Germans won World War Two. And then like, you know, at sporting events, they would chant, oh, I don't know. But I think the South, I don't know, they get like a bad rap for that shit. As far as like, I think they're a convenient scapegoat for fucking Northern whites. You know, and I really think that like, if Northern whites treat Southern whites better after the civil war, this is the theory I have, you know, because I was watching that shit and I was, you know, hanging with somebody of color that was in Atlanta. I go, can you believe they still

do this shit? I just thought it was funny as a comedian too, where I'm sitting there going like, you know, if I do like a transgender joke, you know, I could get in a lot of trouble, but like, but I could do the Tomahawk chop and that's okay. I just don't know where the line is anymore. So I was talking to this person and she was like, I go, can you believe that they're doing that? And she goes, yeah, I lived there. She goes, they know what they're doing. They don't care. I was like, you didn't like living in Atlanta? She goes, I hated it. I hated it. I wanted to get the fuck out of it, which is funny to me because I remember a long time ago, a buddy of mine got into a debate with a guy on the radio

where he was saying he didn't like, you know, something about Atlanta and this guy was going to Atlanta. He goes, it's the other white guy was like, it's a bastion of liberal ideology. That's what he said, which is fucking hilarious because that's that class of thing. It's like, I went down there as a white guy. They treated me great. So I don't know. I was kind of thinking that. I'm like, why did they do that? Why did they do that with the fucking Confederate flag? And they're like, no, it has nothing to do with that. It means this, the Tomahawk chop is that thing. And I'm thinking like, all right, it's very easy to be like, yeah, because they're all fucking morons down there. And I can go kneel young on this shit, right? And fucking act like, you know, ignorant white people

are only down there. I don't know if you really trace it back, if you see how bad Northern whites treated Southern whites, you know, because they were fucking pissed at them for trying to secede from the union and we were at war with one another. I think if we were a little more empathetic towards them, you know, and haven't tried to make them feel less than his my theory, do you think if Northern whites, you know, had not talked down to Southern whites since the civil war right up until like, right now, would they be, this is my question, would they be more empathetic? Because it is like totally okay. Maybe that's their thought. Well, it's okay for some talk show host, or some stand up a committee like me to shit all over us. And not only do you not get in

trouble, you get applauded for it. You know, then why should I show fucking empathy for other people other groups? I have no idea. I have no idea. But like, I was just actually thinking, you know, if the Germans want, and then you could have like Berlin talking to Frankfurt, like looking down on them, you know, like, you shouldn't be doing the OEV chop. That's a soccer match. You know, because I think there is that thing, especially, you know, being out here in Hollywood, all these fucking liberal assholes who pat themselves on the back that they'll say like Native American, and then then that sort of, you know, they're even with history at that point. So I don't say Indian, I say Native American. So like, yeah. So I guess it's cool that my

house in my infinity pool is on top of your murdered ancestors. I'm showing concern by using the proper terminology. And like the three like Native Americans that I've actually met, you know, because you don't run into them that often, at least in my world, I don't said they actually preferred to be called Indian and that Native American was some shit white people came up with. So I didn't, I was like, really, I didn't know, you know, so you'd rather be called that. And they were like, yeah, at least these three guys that I've talked to said that. So then I'm thinking like, so what's the philosophy there? Like, probably ideally, I would know the name of your tribe. But if I'm not going to take the time

to learn that, then why don't you just call me the dumb ass name that you thought I was, you know, or your ancestors thought I was or something. I don't know what I don't know what the fucking, you know, logic of that shit is. But anyway, it's just something like I, you know, because I'm looking at the fucking Astros, I'm all over the map here, I'm looking at the Astros, I'm like, how the fuck can I root for these guys? All right, as a Patriots fan, I can't fucking root for them because they're not getting the shit that they fucking, you know, like tonight was the first time I kind of heard a few people before the game talking about, you know, the whole scandal and blah, blah, blah, and all that shit that they went through.

But it's like, at the end of the day, it's like, dude, they still count that thing. They still count that thing. And as a Patriots fan, the fucking trumped up horseshit fucking charges against my team throughout what the fuck they did. All still sticks. I still have people come up to me going, yeah, you tape the Rams practice. It's like, we never did that. It was fucking bullshit. It was completely debunked. ESPN ran with the story. And when they did their detraction on their Twitter, it like two in the morning after fucking 15 years of saying it happened. And then the Patriots gave them a sarcastic, thank you. But the Astros can fucking shake off, you know, having a camera filming the fucking signs. It's

just, I don't know. I don't know how the fucking, I don't know how it works. But anyways, it's been a great series. And I gotta take some, that Al Tuve guy is just fucking, that guy's the shit. He's just the shit. It's been a great series. But I gotta be honest with you, man, I think that that fucking series is over. I think the Braves have one last burst of energy in them. And if the Astros survive that, the beginning of the game, they go up a couple of fucking runs, the Astros, they're gonna lose six and seven. It's gonna be over. And if you think those people eat in Houston now, wait till they actually win a legitimate World Series. Because you know those tubbies down there, they're dying for that to happen.

So they can tell everybody to shut the fuck up, you know? But I gotta be honest with you, all the way through this, I've supported the Astros going like, well, look, you know, they, you know, they finally brought a gun to a gunfight. They had to sit back all those years, not have the money to win a World Series and watch teams like my team have roided up free agents and fucking win the goddamn thing. So why can't they bang on a fucking trash can to try to level it out? Who knows? So what do you guys think of that theory, you know, about Southern white people? I mean, I think Northern white people should be fucking, I mean, I think people in general should just treat each other with respect, but this whole fucking idea, ideology or whatever the

fucking word is. First of all, that racism is only in the South and in Boston, Massachusetts. I was like, you know, is bullshit. It's unfortunately everywhere. But I really think that I don't know. I have no idea there's nothing behind this. I just thought I was just, I was just watching the game going, why would you just be that fucking overtly disrespectful? Why do that? And then I thought about it, just going, well, look at the level disrespect that they get. After a while, you get a chip on your show, then you're like, you know what, you say, fuck me, well, then fuck everybody else. Maybe that's why I don't know why just trying to get my head around why you would fucking do that. I don't know. Anyway, but you know what,

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cigars to folks deployed overseas worth looking into if you haven't tossed them yet. Just need to drop them off at a local, at a location near you or ship them. It's called cigarsforwarriors.org. That sounds like a fucking scam to me for people to get, you know, skim the great cigars and then send the troops fucking Dutch masters. But all right, cigarsforwarriors.org. If you're like me and you're thinking of taking all your cigars and throwing them and done the fucking trash, you can go to somebody. Let me click on this. Let me see cigars. For warriors. So what does that mean? They only give them to the people on the front line. Look at this.

There's a bunch of fucking guy, bunch of troops smoking cigars. All right, I have to do this. Who can turn the world on with his old cigars? Who can send some fucking sticks to the troops in the Middle East? Well, it's you, Bill, and you should know it with each little stoke in cigar. You show it, send your fucking shit to cigars for warriors. Sorry, cigars for warriors, everybody. There you go. Or you can just buy a box and send it over there. All right, Capitol Hill, Bill. I'm just a bill. Hey, Bill, I'm a climate geologist for over 20 years of fieldwork research and five published books.

All right, I know you wrote that sentence. I don't know if any of that's true. I'm a geologist first and foremost, but I study the macro effects on climate, of climate on earth. Do I really want to read the rest of this? The current climate crisis discourse has been dangerously hijacked by corporations who are looking to profit from it. I will try and be brief and provide clear examples. Congress is about to pass a huge spending bill that's almost $2 trillion and a significant portion of the bill's spending is meant to fight against climate change. The problem is that most of the money is going to subsidiaries of oil companies and other groups that have no identifiable role in meaningful change. Why do they do this?

Why would they do that? I swear to God, is it really just greed? Self-preservation so they get reelected? I don't know. No mention of tapering back on resources or creating standards to reduce the need for a new iPhone chargers every year. For reasons I cannot explain, there's been a push to get away from nuclear power. This makes absolutely no sense. Every time a plant gets shut down, we rely more on fossil fuels. In the last year, there's been huge moves by members of the European Union and the US government to stifle nuclear power research and innovation. So like oil companies, the blue blood families from like the 1800s, they really just been running shit for the better part of a

century and a half. The US oil prices this year have gone completely backwards. Instead of maintaining our own oil production, that can be overseen environmentally regulated and of course more beneficial to the US economy, we're now relying even more on oil from overseas and empowering Saudi Arabia and Russia with the fate of our resources. I'm not an economist, but I can confirm that over the last 80 years, there's been a positive correlation between the low-cost reliable energy and quality of life for lower income brackets. Puerto Rico is a great example of this. Their quality of life has vastly improved with reliable energy. Despite this, US politicians have been lobbying to shut down domestic energy operations for no discernible reason

other than the people that put them in office told them to. Imagine a career politician from New York having strong feelings about where Puerto Rico gets their energies. It's so fucking evil. Nothing adds up with any of this. I appreciate you mentioning all the flat screens that end up in the ocean. Yeah. Well, I think like here's my positive spin on that, is you can sit there and bitch about these fucking greedy politicians and these corrupt corporations or you can do something in your personal. The only way to do it is to combat it with your own life. As I'm sitting there bitching about liberals the way they treat Southerners, maybe making them more closed-minded, I don't fucking know. Or maybe I could just be a nicer

fucking person. Climate change, maybe I could use less. I could try to fucking recycle. I could try to pay attention where it's going to take actually individuals getting involved in giving a shit and stop watching 24-hour news networks because if we all started doing that, they would then through corporate money start putting out false stories about how doing that is eroding at the fiber of this country. Unbelievable. Why would you fuck with Puerto Rico? You know, beautiful people, beautiful place. I just don't understand it. Never understand that. Why people do the horrible fucking things that they do. But then again, I'm also a cunt. So maybe, you know, if I actually had political aspirations, I'd be doing the same thing.

Who knows? Who knows? This is all too fucking big for my little brain. All right, losing weight has lost me clients. Wow, dear Billy Freckleflute. I should have made a list of all these. You guys are in the hundreds of quality trashings of me and my name, you know, in my orange complexion. I'm a lady listener. That makes it even funnier that a woman wrote that Freckleflute. I'm a lady listener and need your wisdom. I've been working as a house cleaner for 10 years with many long-term regular weekly clients. I have recently lost a lot of weight because I got sick of being a fat fuck, lost 55 kilograms. But I've noticed since I'm thinner, many of my married female clients have become

less friendly towards me and I've been canceling a lot, especially on days their husbands are at home. Yeah, you know, women just don't get along with each other, man. Maybe because it's men are weak. I don't know. I'm sure it's our fault. Anyway, they've never ever complained about my standard of cleaning and in fact, or maybe, you know what, maybe it doesn't even have to do with their husbands. Maybe they just get mad because you're going to the gym and they're not or have the time to, I don't know. They've never ever complained about my standard of cleaning and in fact, have told me how great I am at my job. My personality hasn't changed. I'm still the same person inside. In fact, my cleaning has probably improved as I'm so much fitter and faster

now. I suspect it's simply because they see me as a threat now, which is so petty and upsetting. I can't fill these cancellation spaces with other jobs as the time slot is allocated for specific clients who are regulars. But every time they cancel it, it costs me income, which is extremely frustrating. Any advice you would have would be awesome. Thanks and go fuck yourself. First of all, congratulations on losing weight. Okay, that's going to make you live a longer life. So do not put weight on to work for these fucking assholes. I would start having a cancellation fee. All right, I would gradually work that in. But the first thing I would do is I would be out there and I would shop for other clients. And now that you look the way you look,

the first time they meet you is how you look. All right, so fuck these weak people that aren't happy for you that you've made a great change in your life. You know, and one of the great things about making a positive change in your life is you really get to see who your friends are. Your friends are the ones that are happy for you. All right. Anybody can be a friend to somebody when they're down. You know, even that song, nobody knows you when you're down and out. I don't know, there's two sides to that. There's a lot of people that will be really encouraging when you're down and out. But then when you actually get where you want to fucking be, they can start

acting weird. Reminds me of a cornerback in the NFL, where he was a complete fucking asshole when he won. And then when he lost to us, he ran up and he's shaking Brady's hands. Oh, what a class act. It's like, well, what the fuck? Anybody can do that when you lose. Tell you act when you fucking win. All right, boyfriends cat screams all the time. So what I would do getting back to that, you need to expand your business and get new clients looking the way that you look. And you know what, you can expand your business and then one day just not have to clean those fucking jealous cunts houses, homes anymore. But good for you. Congratulations. All right, keep doing what you're doing. I'm very happy for you. All right, boyfriends cat screams all night

long, all night, all night, screams all night long. Hey, Bill, I'm a 30 year old lady listener who's been dating my boyfriend now for almost three years. You're 30 years old, you've been dating for three years. What the fuck's going on with that? You know, you don't got all day, shit or get off the pot. When we first got together, he would stay over at my place, eventually leading to moving in about a year into our relationship, he moved his cat in as well. Oh God, you're dating a man that has a cat. All right, he has had this cat for approximately 10 years and I can understand his attachment to the fiend, his feline friend. Yeah, that thing's going to live to be at least 17 years old cats fucking hang around forever.

That said, ever since he moved her in, she has proceeded to meow all night long and this is not your regular cat meow. This is more like a screaming meow like someone is killing her. He's tried numerous things to try to calm her and nothing seems to work. I personally work in mental health where my focus and engagement is critical in working with people. However, I have not had a restful night's sleep for the better part of two years and it seems to be getting worse impacting my abilities at work. What would you do in this situation signed sleepless in New Mexico? I fucking break up with the guy. This guy's choosing his fucking cat over you. Fuck this guy. I'd break up with him. I'd say, listen, either that fucking cat goes or you go.

You know, why doesn't he pay to get some fucking cat whisperer to come in there and figure out what that stupid fucking things problem is? All right. I would give him the option to do that or I would break up with him. That's what I would do. Okay. And I would also look at yourself that what the fuck is wrong with you. I don't mean to be an asshole that you would put up with this shit for two fucking years. Like you need to put a value on yourself and you're nice sleep. You know, better part of two months. I can understand two fucking years of this shit. I mean, I'm not even your situation. I can't even tell you how much I hate that fucking cat. This fucking guy is choosing that cat over you and fuck him. You know,

you can go the passive aggressive route, you know, start fucking with the cat's food, but I want to get into all the pita people with that one. Wife came out as asexual after 15 years of marriage. Dear Billy blue balls, I've been a fan of yours since Sipel show days, but new to the podcast. Last Christmas, my wife came out as asexual parentheses, fuck you 2020. She said sex has always been at shore. She's not doing it anymore and I can handle it myself from now on. Wow. Wow. We talked about options and she doesn't mind oral a couple times a month, but that didn't last. The last time we had any kind of intercourse was back in July on our 15th wedding anniversary. She said, I know you're expecting something. So let's get

this over with and proceeded to just lay there. Wow. In September, I was rubbing her back and she just turned off her table lamp and leaned more into it. I pressed my luck and kissed her on the shoulder. She jumped out of bed and slept on the couch for the next three nights. I gave it another couple of days and said, we need to talk. She said she felt sexually assaulted. Okay. Well, if I was you, I'd go to the luggage store and pick out myself a nice set. I would fucking fill those things and I would just leave. She then accused me of being very selfish because I hadn't checked in on how she's been feeling since her revelation. This is true, but what is there to check in on? She seems to have found herself while I have basically lost an appendage.

Yeah. She's expecting you to do all of the fucking work to respect where she is. And she's not even considering the fact that you just found out that she's been living a lie for 15 fucking years of your life. And of course you have to take her into consideration. Listen, I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to put yourself in her shoes, but if she's not going to do it the other way after she lied to you for 15 years, then what are we doing here? Anyways, he said, I mentioned opening up our marriage and she just shut that down because she claims I would be spending all my free time looking for other women ignoring our family. She offered me articles about marriage between sexual and asexual partners.

And basically the sexual spouse has to live as asexual to, which I find to be very one-sided, as you should. As she would, if it was the other way around, she says, I can leave at any time. And I asked her if she had really thought that through and what it would do to the kids. Yeah, this seems like a fucking loophole to get out of the marriage. We have three kids, 11, 9, and 5. Her reply was very matter of fact. We've been married for 10 plus years. So I am entitled to half your retirement and I'm the primary caregiver. So get out of the house. I'm not going to lie. I could have strangled her in that moment, but I went to for a walk to cool off. Yeah, I mean, she's really coming at you with just no feelings at all.

I never thought I would be in this position considering a separation and the guilt of what it will do to the kids is killing me. I'm trying not to become resentful, but her, my way or the highway mentality really makes that difficult. Obviously, I'm not going to force her to do something she doesn't want to do, but I'm only 42 years old. You spend a small fortune on therapy. Let's, I think, hear your thoughts on this. I mean, she's a first ballad hall of fame cunt. To just be honest with you, I mean, she has no, the way you're writing this, she has no consideration for your feelings whatsoever. And is upset with you that you can't read her mind. She doesn't care that she's been lying to

you for 15 years. She doesn't give a fuck about her behavior, what it's going to do to her kids. She's all about herself and it's not going to get any better. And it seems like she's going to be better. What does primary caregiver mean? Does that mean she makes more money than you? Let me see. I got to get this told. What does primary caregiver mean? It's a person assisting an underage child or a sick elderly, a disabled relative. Any adult can become a primary caregiver for a relative in need, regardless of education. Okay. So she's the one taking care of the kids. So I'm entitled to half your retirement and this is what happened.

Okay. She lied to herself for a long time about who she was. Okay. And she went along with what society said. She had to get married and have kids. And she never wanted to do it. All right. And she made that choice. And now she's blaming you. And she's taking no fucking personal responsibility for the fact that she lied to you and started a family with you. And now you have all of this connection. And in the process of lying to you is now going to take half of your retirement and feels that she deserves that because she lied to you. Now here's the thing. Unfortunately, she has a vagina, which means she's going to go to court and she's going to

fucking win. So what you have to do is get the fuck out of this. All right. And all you have to do is work on, you know, maintaining a positive relationship with your kids. Never bad mouth this cunt. Okay. Never bad mouth her to her kid, to your kids. All right. They, when they get older, they're going to figure out who she is. Okay. And, you know, I don't know, is she entitled to half your retirement? I don't know about that. I have no idea. But I know your kids are 11, 9 and 5. So you're going to have to pay child support for the next 13 years. And you're just going to have to man up and just realize that that's what you're going to have to do. Okay. And she can take your half

your retirement and she can take the house and she can do all of that shit, but she can't take your happiness unless you let her. And you can go out there as a 42 year old. All right. And go out there and you can find a woman that actually is, is, deserves you because this woman doesn't. And I'm sorry that this happened to you. And, you know, I don't know. The only empathy I can have for this woman is maybe, you know, society looks down on asexual people. So she felt she had to do this thing. I don't know. But the fact that she's fucking angry at you is ridiculous. She owes you an apology. Unless, you know, you're some overbearing son of a bitch. And I mean, I can't tell that in your

email. I have no fucking idea. But if you're just being a husband and you're thinking she's loving you and enjoying having sex with you, um, I don't know. I'm not even convinced that she's fucking asexual. Okay. Maybe she is, but you know, when you fucking get out of this thing, if you decide to, because you listen, I'm not an expert on this shit. I'm just fucking get this is just barroom fucking advice. All right. Brace yourself that there's another guy. There's a possibility of that. But what you are in the way you have described it is un fucking winnable. You know, like when you just, a team just realized like, we're not going to win a championship this year. And they just dump all their stars. This is what you got to do. You just got to pack it in.

You ain't winning the title this year. But, um, you know, 42 is, is plenty of time to turn this whole fucking thing around. And, um, if you just really work on that, and like I said, stay positive with the kids and never bad mouth, your ex, you know, you can turn this whole thing around and then it just becomes a funny story. And I got to be honest with you, here's a, here's a positive thing. Who the fuck is going to top this story in a bar? When guys start telling that, oh, I dated this chick, she fucking did this and that. Oh yeah. I was married for 15 years. My wife out of nowhere told me she was asexual and fucking, you know, I went to kiss her shoulder and she accused me of

sexual assault. And then said she was entitled to half my retirement and she's going to take the fucking house. I'm sure you could tell it in a funnier way. Um, yeah, I mean, I would just, I don't know, I feel for you, man. That's fucking terrible. That's fucking terrible, man. It's, you know, it's just so much shit people go through. We have women, she loses weight, she looks good, she feels good about herself and then people stop fucking using her because they can't fucking handle that she's in shape. I swear to God, man. I swear to God. Every time I start to turn the corner and I start to think positive about life and people, you know, you guys write in, you send me these fucking stories. I just don't get it. I don't know. Maybe because I sat there

and I watched fucking 27 innings of people going, whoa. I'm psyched. I don't know. Maybe it put me in a fucking mood. I have no idea. But anyways, happy Halloween. I hope you guys had a great Halloween. I hope you have a great November, right? The holiday season has started. Really try to pay attention to it. It always goes by nice and quick. Thanksgiving's coming up next. And, uh, you know, don't bite any cunts over, you know, just trying to enjoy a nice day of just sitting down and fucking eating or whatever. Oh, by the way, didn't bring up the New England Patriots, man. They beat the fucking charges again. We just fucking, I don't know. You think, maybe I did bring that up. I can't remember. I'm

so fucking tired. Um, I gotta be honest with you, watching that game, okay, and watching our QB there and watching Bill Belichick adjusting to him and watching them kind of, you know, getting on the same page and seeing how our defense is playing, the little bit that I saw, as you can tell. I don't know. The Mac Jones era is good. I think I have very, I'm liking it. The only thing I don't like is how old Bill Belichick is, but I just, you know, we are a very solid football team and I feel we are way better in November than we, you know, than we were in the end of October, I should say, than we were in September. And, uh, uh, I know what that means with Bill Belichick teams and I am excited for the future. All right.

Anyway, that is the podcast and, uh, yeah, and that's it. You guys put value on yourself and in your time and don't let people treat you like shit like that and stay in fucking relationships. Don't do that shit. Don't fucking do that. Just move on. Same thing like friendships. I'm telling you, you get to a certain point in life. You know, some people get there way quicker than I did and it's just, you're just really like, if somebody is work, if they have fucking work, just it's it, it's over. You already have a job. You're hanging out with friends. It should be easy. You know, if it's fucking work, if you got to think like, well, I want to say this, but if I say that, then I'm going to have to deal with this. Yeah. Get out of that. Get out of that bullshit. All

right. Okay. That's it. Happy Halloween to you guys and enjoy your week and I will check in on you on Thursday. Bye.