Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 11-14-16

Episode Date: November 15, 2016

Bill rambles about Pats/Seattle, lingerie and having a platform.

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How are you? My voice is a little messed up here because, you know, I've been traveling, traveling, traveling. I've been taking my vitamins as they say over in Europe. Oregano, vitamins, tomatoes, basil. I don't understand why with ingredients. You know, everything else we pretty much pronounce the same as fucking Great Britain. Just as spices, everything is different. We say oregano, we say basil, they say oregano, basil, whatever the fuck they say, tomato, vitamins.

The only time I really experience that in the United States is we say Carnegie and Pittsburgh says Carnegie. Bill, what are you talking about? I don't fucking know. I just got off a goddamn plane and I watched all the football on the way out. Oh my God, underrated, flying on football fucking Sunday when there was two fucking games back to back with seven fucking lead changes. The boring NFL with their ratings down. How great was Sunday? Fucking amazing.

Fucking amazing, man. That Dallas Pittsburgh game was incredible. And the Pittsburgh Seattle game was great. And I know a lot of people think like the thing, you know what the thing I was most upset about? It wasn't the final score. It wasn't the lack of a call on the last play with Gronk. It was the Tom Brady picture. What the fuck was that with his hand on his hip and his other hand up underneath his jaw?

What in the fuck was that? That's what happens when you date a supermodel. She's in his goddamn ear. Just be like, Tom, you're just standing there like everybody else. You need to establish your brand. Have fun with it. Be a little sassy. Yes, you're probably not going to hear this from a lot of Patriots fans, but I love the no call at the end of the fucking game.

I'm forever sticking up for cornerbacks in the NFL when it comes to their right to be there to try and prevent a score. You know, you know how this all started. Jim Ursay out there in Indianapolis couldn't beat the Patriots defense. So he's the one that created the whole, hey, the quarterback can't even look at the receiver past five fucking yards, you know. So I love the no call. I thought Gronk did that thing where he ran right into him. He didn't quite push off, but it was one of those gray area things. You usually get a call on that.

I feel like 70% of the time I'll just throw that stat out there. You know, I don't read, right? I love the no call. I wish that they would do that more. But other than that, it was just a great fucking game. And I liked it too because Seattle kind of just played the game rather than doing all that peacocking around every time they do something. There was one guy, that fat guy, that knows tackle for Seattle. I was fucking dying laughing on the plane.

That first drive the Patriots had where they just went right down the field and gave him the all right there. Fred, every fucking play was positive yardage except for one. So we had like six, seven planes in a row where we're just crushing it. 15 yards, 10 yards, eight yards, 20 yards, right down the field. If you judge the game on that first fucking drive, you'd be like, oh my God, this is going to be a fucking landslide, right? And then one play, I think they handed it off to like Ligaret Blunt and he just runs in to the offensive line for no gain. And that fat dude stands up and he wags a finger like Matumbo over at Belicheck in the Patriots bench. Hey, all those other plays are going to work, but not that one.

Don't try that one. It's the funniest shit ever to me. But, you know, it was an amazing game. And I actually liked the fact that we lost to him, even though they didn't have Bennett, you know, they were kind of hurt and we still lost to him. And it was in our house, you know, did I just say our house? I'm sorry. It was in our stadium. That didn't bug me because if we meet him again in the playoffs, I'd rather have lost the regular season game. You know, they would say that shit like, you know, you got to always learn more during a loss.

I liked way better losing, you know, I think the biggest thing that fucked the 2007 Patriots undefeated regular season Patriots was the fact that we were undefeated. Also, Spygate, everyone was just rooting against us. I would have loved it so much more if we went into the playoffs 14 and 2 or 15 and 1, just to, you know, so everybody didn't have such a chip on their shoulder to fucking play you. I can't even remember why the fuck I just made that point. Oh, I know why. Because I've seen so many times like it's like you beat them in the regular season and then they see you a month or two later and then they come back and beat you. Giants did that to us. The Jets did it to us.

We beat them first. No, they beat us first. Then we destroyed them at home and then a month later they beat us in the playoffs and it's just kind of how it goes. So I'm all right with it. I'm still not too thrilled with our defense and can somebody, by the way, for the love of fucking God and I don't want to hear this from a fan. I need it from a football coach. Can somebody explain to me the prevent defense? I know I've asked this before, but for the love of God, can somebody please explain to me.

At the half, the Patriots score a touchdown. We're playing with these guys. We're covering them. They're not getting any big plays. We completely abandoned that. There's 59 seconds to go in the half. We completely fucking abandoned that. We start playing a zone defense.

Maybe we're playing zone up until then. I don't know. Whatever the fuck we were doing was working. We were in a zone defense giving them a 20 yard cushion. Basically, you concede a field goal. Okay. And we just, in 59 seconds, these fucking guys, seven plays 75 yards in 59 fucking seconds. And the last play for the touchdown, watching that wide receiver going from one zone of the defense to another.

You know what he looked like? You ever see when a fan just runs out on the field and he's just running by players and they're just looking at him? You know what I mean? Because that's a fan security. We'll handle that. This fucking guy, because of the prevent defense, was standing by himself like a yard out from the end zone. If not on the end zone line, waving his fucking arms. I mean, he might as well have been dressed in street clothes.

The level of like non-coverage that is. And I understand the concept behind the prevent defenses is basically we'll give up the middle of the field. We'll protect the sideline. And they'll make completions. We'll tackle them. And then they're going to somehow eat up this 59 fucking seconds. It never happens. I swear to God, I think it's a conspiracy.

It's a business move by the NFL. It's to increase scoring slash add to the drama. If another team is only up by one fucking score and the other team goes into a prevent, the game is going to end with three or four shots at the end zone. Or they're going to kick a field goal to try and win it. It just, it just doesn't fucking work. And you know what's funny? So we go into the fucking prevent and they go right down the field. Give us the old right there, Fred.

Score a fucking touchdown. All right. Very deflating. No pun intended for the Patriots as we go into the locker room. All right. Now we got to kick off to Seattle. We kick off to Seattle. We play defense.

They go three and out. It's like, why the fuck didn't we do that before the half? Sorry. Half of this is emotion. The other half is I smoke two cigars, two nights in a row, which I can't fucking do. I don't understand that on any fucking level. I also don't understand when the end of the game, Seattle scores a touchdown, they go up by seven points. Why wouldn't you just kick an extra point, go up by eight?

You're acting like a two point conversion. Is it done deal? Which isn't, which we saw when Seattle went to go for it and didn't get it. Right. Am I nuts there? Cause I kind of looked away from the screen. Um, they went for two there, right? And they didn't get it.

And then they were only up by one. Maybe I'm, maybe I'm wrong here. I might be wrong. If that's what happened, could somebody explain that move that they went to go up by two. So they'd be up by a touchdown and a field goal rather than just going, let's go with the fucking 90 something percent thing and kick a fucking extra point, go up by eight and make the Patriots, not only have to score a touchdown, but then convert a fucking two point conversion.

If that is in fact what happened, like I said, I was on a plane and, uh, you know, there was shit to fucking look around at. Um, and also kind of like what I like to do is I like to, uh, I like to listen to like AC DC and shit like that when I'm on a plane. So I listened to like the whole flick of the switch album while I was watching the game. It's actually pretty fucking cool. Um, and also you, you can actually just sort of watch the game and not get nearly as emotional, you know, because when your team is losing, you start thinking that the announcers are

against your team and vice versa and all that type of shit. So I, um, I don't know, but I thoroughly enjoyed that game. I'm not one of those fucking fans that fucking, you know, his team loses and then thinks, oh, we got fucked and blah, blah, blah and all that bullshit. Okay. I don't, uh, I don't think that it was a fucking great game and I know you guys didn't have Bennett and, uh, you know, and it was great seeing two of the most fucking, uh, the two biggest cheaters facing off with one another.

One guy gets all the press. The other guy doesn't. Do you know Seattle since like 2010? Um, I think they recently got passed by the Redskins. They were the most, they had the most, um, people busted for, uh, taking Royds. You'd never know that they're in Seattle, man. They make coffee. Nobody gives a fuck.

You do that where there's a little bit of foliage and all of a sudden it's a fucking national story for a fucking year and a half. Cause you let a cunt's hair is what the air out of a fucking ball. It's hilarious. It's amazing to me. Um, anyways, let's plow ahead here. I, uh, I also got to do one of my favorite charitable events, um, other than the Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit, um, tickets are on sale.

They are on sale. I will tweet out the link again today. It's going to be at the New York city center. I believe February 21st. I think it's a, uh, Tuesday bill. It'd be kind of nice if you had the actual fucking information, wouldn't it? Clicking on the camera, camera, clicking on the calendar. All right.

Going in. It's yes. February 21st. Bam. Um, I got to do the, uh, the comics come home event. And, uh, this is a really special event for me because I got to do, I did it 20 years ago. The first time I did it and I think it was at the Orpheum and I got to meet Cam Neely.

Chris Nyland was there. I got to meet Dennis Leary and I mean, I was literally three and a half years in my career and, um, it was such an unbelievable event to be a part of. And I went out and thank God I, I, I had a good set. And I remember Leary called me and left a message. I was so bummed that wasn't home when he called me. This is like 20 years ago. So I didn't have a cell phone.

I had an answer machine. And, uh, you know, I actually remember listening to the message like over and over again. And he was like, uh, Hey Bill, it's, uh, Dennis. Uh, I just want to say thank you. Uh, you're really fucking funny. And, uh, you fucking killed this is thank you for, uh, for doing it. Right. Fuck off.

And he just hung up and I listened to it like fucking 20 times in a row. It was so fucking cool. And, um, and I was also in a panic, like, Oh fuck, I didn't pick up the phone when he called. Was that my big break? We would have talked. Who would have became friends. He would open all the doors for me.

You know, that those, those over the top panic moments that you have when you're trying to make it in this business that you think you, every, every little thing you think you blew it. Um, and you actually, what you end up realizing is this is not one thing. It's a series of things all just building this fucking snowball that rolls down the hill before you finally get there. Um, so anyway, so I got to do it. And, uh, it was Jay Lawson.

It was his first one. He did great. Randy Liebman, uh, Lenny Clark with his fucking lime green pants. Uh, probably going to forget some people. Wanda Sykes, Nick DiPallo, then me, then Bobby Kelly. And, uh, that was cool because me and Bobby were closing it out and he's part of my standup graduation class. And I remember when we both first got to do it, we were, we were in the Jay Larson spot.

The first guy out, the new guy, which is really hard because nobody knows who you are enough and you got to go up. And that was just the Orpheum and Larson went up at the fucking TD bank, North Garden where the Bruins and Celtics play and he fucking killed, looked totally relaxed. And I remember watching him going like, I wasn't that relaxed the first time I did it. It was just in a theater and, um, you know, it was cool. I had some friends there too. That was, that was their first, uh, comedy show they'd ever been to.

And let me, let's just say they saw the gamut of everything that can possibly happen. When you go on stage, man, it was a fucking, uh, it was a fun night. It was a fun fucking night. And, uh, you know, and then afterwards everybody hung out and, uh, and I had these cigars that I brought and I was going, I was saying to the people, hey, man, is there any place we can smoke these? And one of the guys connected with the Bruins is like, okay, there's a room we can go to. So we ended up going to this like half ass locker room.

It wasn't the visitor locker room. I don't know what the fuck it was. And we went in there and we just let these things up and just told stories for like fucking two hours. The entire reason I love smoking cigars and we were in there so long by the time we got out like, uh, they had broken down the stage and everything and they were setting it up. I think for a Bruins game, I couldn't tell if it was going to be Bruins or Celtics. It was sort of midway and just watching the bull gang or whatever they could, they're

called, just setting it up was so fucking cool. Our, uh, our little Uber fucking our little car service back to the hotel had left. I mean, like, ah, fuck it. We were staying at the Liberty. So we just fucking walked around the corner and, uh, it's fucking hilarious. Just walking down the streets of Boston. It fucking two in the morning on a Saturday night and every these fucking people hammered almost a fight here, people screaming and yelling and shit.

And it's just like, I don't know. It's like, God, I remember this shit fucking the energy of Boston. It's just, it's so fucking unique. It's really just like, uh, I, it took me a long time to pick up on it because I was just in it. You know what I mean? It's kind of like if your car stinks when they, the commercial where they say you go nose blind, you don't see it.

I kind of was like, I don't know. I couldn't see how fucking nuts Boston is, but I've said it before. Boston is like the sucker punch, like capital of the fucking world. Like when you go into a bar, you just passed a certain hour. And it's this anger that settles it in the bar. And you just feel it. Somebody's going to fucking, something's going to happen. Right?

You always do that. Dude, you hear about OB? Uh, dude, he got fucking suckered in a bar last night. Um, some kid suckered him. He was wearing a fucking clattering kid. Um, not saying it's all like that, but there's just this that at two in the morning, that vibe exists. I remember one time walking back from the Wilba theater.

I can't remember where the fuck I was staying. I was walking with DeRose. I was like, man, I just want to walk, you know, just walk the city a little bit, man. I miss it in all the memories, you know, back in the day, going to Emerson college and commuting and taking the train in to go to fucking Bruin Celtics, Red Sox games and shit. And, uh, I was walking and like, there was two of the angriest fucking kids I've ever seen in my life. There was like these homeless people laying over the subway grates and they will fucking

walk up by him and they would, they would just screaming, wake up, get a fucking job. Like they were like so angry. They were like 30 yards in front of me and I was continuing to slow down because I was like, if I'm even anywhere near this guy's orbit, he's going to want to fight me. He was like that level of angry. And of course it's got his girlfriend who's trying to calm him down. Oh my God, stop it. Just, just go to the car.

What are you doing? He's fucking screaming and he's all fucking angry. She's trying to fucking hold him and he's pulling away and shit. So of course, eventually he fucking sits down and he's just mean mugging everybody coming by. And yeah, remember he yelled at me into Rosa. I'm just like, just keep walking. Just keep walking. Just fucking, I don't know what it is.

I don't know if it's in the water. I don't know what that is, but we felt that vibe. And it was funny. So we were actually walking back with me, Bobby, and a couple of his buddies and connected with the show, right? And we fucking walking back and we did that thing, you know, where it said, don't walk and we were kind of standing in the street a little bit. And these kids come around the corner in this car and they jam packed with kids, you know,

like everybody fucking piled in. This kid's fucking in the back seat. He's got this awful fucking mustache. And he comes, if you're driving by, he's like, Hey, you're standing in the street as he went by. And I could tell me and Bobby hadn't lived there in a long time. And I just looked at Bobby and I was just like, you know, we were standing in the street and he's like, Yeah, he was right.

Now back in the day, that would have been fuck you. You fuck a mustache. He owed whatever. And then they would have pulled over and then you want to go. You will fucking go and everybody's taking their gold chains off. That was the 80s. Remember the 80s when you had gold chains right before the fight, everybody's like taking their gold chain off and handing it to your girlfriend.

Keep your rings on. Take your chains off, dude. Yeah, so it was always great to be back there. And I didn't get to, I came up there so quickly, I didn't get a chance to go to some of the old food haunts, but my mother made some beef stew before I left. So that was great. I hung around for like a day. Like an asshole.

I hung around to like six at night thinking the, I didn't look. I thought the Patriots game was a, it was an afternoon game, but I got, like I said, I got to watch it on the, on the, on the fucking, on the plane, on the airplane there. So anyways, all right, let's get into, let's read a little bit of advertising here. I have not watched the fucking formula one race yet. I know Lewis Hamilton won and he's closing the gap. So you people who have not watched fucking formula one all year. I think the last one's in Abu Dhabi or some shit with Dubai.

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You got yourself a good game. I thought that this was going to be a landslide one way or the other, like Hillary Clinton. I still can't believe Donald Trump won. I still cannot fucking believe that. A reality show TV star got fucking elected. Oh, Jesus, dear. Two of the worst fucking candidates ever to fucking face each other in my humble fucking opinion. What the fuck do I know?

Evidently, I know a lot considering a lot of the fucking emails I got and all the shit on Twitter. I got a lot of shit for my appearance on one, uh, Conan, which I got to be honest with you guys was not a fucking easy one to do. It was the day after the election. Everyone was in shock, I think, including Trump supporters. Because I went back East and I talked to a couple of friends of mine and they voted for Trump. And I was like, dude, I can't believe that guy won. And they were like, yeah, I can't fucking believe it either. I don't know. Maybe this is like when the Patriots beat the Rams.

I have no fucking idea. But anyways, that was not an easy, uh, an easy spot to be in, you know, and I stayed true to who I was. An uninformed jackass who can't fucking read out loud, who's into conspiracy theory. I talked about Hillary dressing up like a yak and fucking people under a mountain. I talked about Trump being a dope and that whole ridiculous shit about building a fucking wall. I trashed them both equally, but you know, people who vote for colors, right? You got a blue tie, you can say nothing wrong. You got a red tie, you can't do anything wrong, right?

I got so much fucking shit. It's so amazing how people hear things. I actually, my point in all of that was like, you know, it'd be kind of cool if we all just stopped yelling at each other. All right. All right. If you guys, if you want to hear my fucking theories, this is my theory. Okay. I think Trump got in because of eight years of Obama and the progressive left. And I think they got in because of eight years of George Bush and I think Bush and Cheney. And I think they got in because of eight years of Clinton.

And I think Clinton got in because of 12 years of Reagan and Bush. It just, it just keeps, it goes like way conservative and then it goes way fucking liberal and then it goes way conservative. You know what I mean? I mean, think about where America was, right? Where when Bush and Cheney were there. All right. And then six years later or so, during Obama's presidency, like Bruce Jenner transitioned, got her own show and was named Woman of the Year.

Okay. Now that is not something that you would think could happen in 07. Six years later, boom, that's where the fuck it's at. And I don't know. And what I, my problem with both sides is the way they've rammed their ideology down your fucking throat. And that if you have a difference of an opinion, you know, on the right, it's usually it means you're against America. You don't support the troops and you're a socialist and on the left, if you don't agree with them, you're a caveman. You're a fucking sexist, you're a racist, you're a homophobe, you're any of those fucking things. But both sides equally try to get you to lose your job and they try to destroy your ability to earn a living because of your beliefs.

And for the life of me is confusing as the prevent defenses. Can somebody please explain to me how if somebody says something politically or socially that you don't agree with spawning a movement to get them to lose their fucking job, how that makes that person more supportive of the troops, America, less of a socialist, whatever the fuck it is you think they are, or how that makes them less racist, less homophobic, like, I don't know. That doesn't work yelling at people taking away their jobs. You know what I mean? It's like a way back when the Dixie Chicks criticized George Bush, the fucking right all of a sudden that they're they pressured radio stations to not play their music. They were fucking running over their CDs with steam rollers.

And, you know, people like to what the fuck you're going a little far. It's like, no, they had a right to say that we had a right to respond. It's tit for tat. It's like, that's not tit for tat. You know, tit for tat is they trash George Bush, you defend George Bush and you trash them trying to systematically destroy their career and their ability to make a living is not tit for tat. That's like somebody flicked your fucking ear and then you took out a fucking knife and cut that trying to cut that jugular. So, and personally speaking, I think both sides are really guilty of that. They're really guilty when you get really far left and you get really far right.

They're really guilty of just a bully people. And they're so fucking wrapped up in that they're so goddamn right about everything that they really become condescending insufferable assholes. And I don't know. So I try to I try to stay in the middle because I would never tell you who the fuck to vote for, nor did I ever. On this thing, unlike what most people saw, dude, I got people on fucking Twitter. They just sitting there. First of all, they think they know me because they watched me on a talk show and then they think they know how I voted. The amount of people that thought I voted for Trump and then the amount of people that thought I voted for Hillary.

All the Trump people think I voted for fucking Hillary and all the Trump, all the Hillary people think I voted for Trump. I didn't vote for either one of them. I told you guys right along. Bernie Sanders was my fucking guy. That was my fucking guy. And watching him getting boxed out by the media because they felt Hillary had more of a chance. And they didn't give a shit that they were just voting just more of the same, more of the same. The only thing I will commend with the right is they got their Bernie Sanders in.

I mean, the guy is a fucking shit show. But at least, you know, at least they stuck by their rebel. I wish that they had done that with I would have loved to see Bernie against fucking Donald Trump. I think Bernie would have had a better shot. I just think the Clintons had too much fucking baggage. You know, and even as a Clinton supporter, you know, that's fucking true. How little did Bill Clinton talk during that whole fucking time? He didn't talk at all.

This is a former fucking president who had a successful presidency. I mean, even though he got impeached for sticking a cigar line about, you know, Monica Lewinsky, he didn't talk like Al Gore lost to George Bush. You know, he didn't use Bill Clinton. He goes, I got to get the fuck away from you, dude. You're a fucking nightmare. You're a fucking nightmare. You're a political fucking nightmare.

And the dude's own wife had to do the exact same fucking thing. I don't know. They had a ton of fucking baggage, you know, and Hillary supporters won't fucking look at it objectively at the same way Trump supporters won't look at that. I mean, I don't know, it's just it's a fucked up time. But I will tell you this, though, at the time for screaming and yelling at each other is over, I feel, and it would be nice is if those people who aren't crazy fucking left and crazy right could kind of maybe break bread a little bit. Which I don't think is going to happen because of eight years of Obama and eight years of progressive,

the progressive left becoming word police and social police and idea police and all of this stuff telling you what the fuck you're supposed to think about everything and what you're supposed to say and what word you're supposed to use. And I really think it's overly simplifying saying that the right voted the way they did because they want to say homophobic and racial slurs just turning people into a that's like both of them. They always turn each other into like a cartoon like you ever noticed like whenever like a Democrat gets in the right totally overreacts and like it's going to be socialism. It's going to be like communist Russia. There's going to be terrorists running down the fucking street, you know.

And then whenever anybody in the right gets it. It's always like this is like Germany in 1935 every fucking time. They say that every fucking time I'm not saying that one of those times it won't be fucking true, but they say it every fucking time and they completely freak the fuck out and I don't know. And then when they get in they ram their ideologies down the other person's throat. They have zero empathy for somebody else. They have zero empathy for how people want to raise their kids and they just both sides. They just like we're 100% right and you're going to fucking take this right down the throat.

And I don't know each election. I think the pendulum keeps swinging farther and farther. But even if you're not fucking Democrat, you have to be proud of the last eight fucking years. I mean, at least there was no cigars and pussies. There was no they have weapons of mass destruction. Oops, we can't find any. Oh, now it's a liberation. There was none of that shit, right?

Who knows who the fuck. I don't know what's going to happen, but you know, I'm no comfortable with this result than anybody else. But you wouldn't know that from all these fucking things. These emails these I'll read you to try to get through these next two emails that I got. This is classic like political shit, how people like they just hear what they want to hear. Right. So this guy writes me and this guy is basically I think blaming me in a roundabout way for Donald Trump getting in. Because God knows that's the kind of power the Monday morning podcast has, you know, a couple hundred thousand downloads.

I mean, that's it, dude. That's it. I can't believe I don't have secret service security right outside my door as I do this. Literally a podcast where I talk about fucking sports 90% of the time I talk about conspiracy theory. I say I'm an idiot. I can't read out loud. You know, this guy for some reason is choosing to ignore all of this. I'm going to say because the person he wanted didn't get in.

So here we go. Dear freckles, I'm no rocket scientist. All right, immediately going self deprecating. Neither are you. Okay, agreed. I think it's assumed it's safe to assume the large majority of your listeners aren't either. Unlike you, I would never speak for them. I don't know.

I don't know who they are. Okay. But you know, if you want to assume that to continue on with your point, I'll go along with it. Most are like me. Average middle class person has not done one fucking ounce of research for this. But this is this is this is how we build points. This is how I build a point. Most are like me.

Average middle class folk who laugh like a laugh twice a week from our favorite comedian. See this? This is laying the groundwork. I feel an overhand right coming. You have swayed my opinion on several things over the years. Oh, Jesus, most notably, I went from a patriot hater to someone who supports them and agrees they are unfairly scrutinized by the league and other teams. Well, isn't that amazing?

So I guess if I could sway you on the amount of air that should be in a football, I could sway you on who you're going to pick for the leader of the free world. Yeah, I can. That's the same. You know, I, I totally see that point. I don't think there's any sort of giant body of water that you're leaping over there. I don't. Okay.

Here we go. When I realized when I realized how much your opinions of influence me, I realized how much they might influence others. Okay. Here's, here's the big failure here, buddy. Okay. You didn't agree with me on the Patriots. I brought you around.

You didn't agree with me with my, my political opinion on Hillary Clinton. You didn't change. You know, I think that I can bring your fucking opinion around about using those savey save fucky fuck cards in your everyday bullshit life. But when I think it comes down to electing the leader of the free world, I think you go a little bit beyond the Monday morning podcast or the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast where I scream, I'm just checking in on you like a fucking idiot for half a minute.

All right. So here we, here he goes with this to see he's laid. See he came out. No rocket scientist, self deprecating. Okay. Then he goes, uh, hey, and then he just goes, well, I'm going to assume that this is what your listeners are without doing any sort of research. And then I'm going to go, oh, you swayed me on this fucking basic bullshit horseshit

that means absolutely nothing. Therefore, you could sway me on something that means, you know, Jesus Christ, dude, you walk through the mall and there's somebody sitting there going, Hey, buddy, can I talk to you for a second? This is a self fan. Look at this. You can spray some spritzer in and blah, blah, blah, and all of a sudden you buy some little impulse buy thing.

Then with your theory that guy could also get you to vote for who the fuck he wants you to vote for. Anyways, continuing on, when I realized how much your opinion influenced me, I realized how much they might influence others and how these influences might have much larger implications than the NFL. Call me crazy, but it seems like you're going into paranoia now. After your polls said that your person was going to win and now you're sitting there with your jaw in the ground and now you're looking for a scapegoat.

And here I am, a 48 year old bald, pasty fucking redhead, there's an easy target. Let's go after him. I love it, buddy. Let's do it. Fucking tar and feather me. Here we go. You have consistently and foolishly bashed Hillary so much more, so much more than you have Trump.

Hilarious, right? So much more than Trump. I have an entire chunk of material on Donald Trump and Trump was so fucking easy. I felt guilty when I was on stage. I did it when I was on Conan about building the fucking wall. How ridiculous an idea that is, how much money that was going to be. I did all of that. I always called him a dope.

I always called him a reality TV show star, didn't even remotely respect him as a businessman. I said, I didn't believe that he was a billionaire. I said, I don't think that he could get you six grand in cash. If he gave him six or seven weeks, I thought he was completely leveraged out. I made fun of his hair. I made fun of how he didn't say anything to anybody. He never said anything. It was the most fascinating thing I've ever seen.

He would go like fucking, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, and some would be like, how are you going to do that? And he would be like, Oh, you'll see, you'll see. I was doing a bit in my echo and I want to use that with my wife. Just make all these outrageous claims about what a great husband I'm going to be. And then when she gives me shit, I, well, what are you going to do to improve yourself? Oh, you'll see. You'll see.

No, you need to tell me, well, I'm not going to give away my strategies. Then you'll steal them. I did all of that, right? And then Hillary, I said that she was part of the Bilderberg group. I talked about the Hillary foundation and how they fucking been living off of that shit. They threw a $3 million wedding for their daughter, all of that type of shit. All of her fucking felony charges and everything, which of course all Hillary supporters are like, those were unfounded.

They were not proven yet with fucking Donald Trump, six or seven people say that he sexually assaulted them, which I fucking believe. I believe that too. That girl when she went, get real, which I also said on the podcast and I was like, dude, he definitely did that shit. You didn't hear all any of this shit. Did you, sir? You know why?

Because, because you got fucking blue ties stuck in your fucking ears. All right, let's go continuing to blame me. All right. I evidently, it's so much more, I trashed Hillary. The entire election, you have unfairly focused hate on her. And at the end of your tirade, you tack on, oh, and he's a cunt too. You don't seem to realize the influence you have on people who listen to you twice a week, every week.

You've done nothing to prove that I have influence. This is, this is all something that you built in your head when you were hyperventilating that this fucking monster got into the office. All right. And Hillary's a monster too. Okay. And that right there was my, oh, and she's a cunt too. I didn't like either one of these people and that was my message throughout all of this.

Okay. And that's just my fucking opinion, which I'm allowed to have. Aren't I? All right. You most likely, you most likely influenced at least one voter to vote for Donald Trump. And for that, you should be fucking ashamed. Dude, this is all fucking conspiracy theory because you chose, you got somebody to cast one vote for the person that I didn't vote for.

You should be fucking ashamed because I only see the faults of the guy with the red tie. And I don't see any faults with the person with the blue blouse. All right. You are, you are so stupid. Here we go. This is always great to get somebody, somebody to listen to your opinion. Usually what you should do, you usually should end with the insult, say your point and then you tag on your fucking asshole, because then they'll at least hear your point.

But if you start this, if you front end load, all right, you are so stupid that in one sentence, you go from saying how they never talk about this issue or that issue, then can conclude by saying, but I haven't watched any of the debates are kept up on this at all. You fucking idiot. Yeah, exactly, exactly. You don't think that Trump supporters didn't say the same thing. They did buddy. Cause I got the, I have the exact same fucking email from the other side.

All right. Which with my theory that I'll now use that also has no research behind it, I would say that you guys all sort of canceled each other out. So whatever influence I had, I influenced somebody the other way too. So I am completely exonerated here. And if you look at the popular vote, it was almost right down the fucking middle. So there you go. So you, he calls me a fucking idiot.

All right. They never talk about climate change is something you've said on Monday, the day before the election, you have no clue what you're talking about. Well, first of all, I said they never do. I didn't say that one or the other. So that was an even-handed one, right? She goes, Clinton Clinton has made it a major point and supports the Paris agreement. Nothing I ever saw.

She made it a major point. She's commented on it. It goes to the Paris agreement. Not that you even know what the fuck that is. You freckled fuck. Of course. See this guy once again, making assumptions. I know what the Paris agreement is.

I've seen it on the daily show. I saw when they all talked about it. I saw when they went there and the right finally said, and I actually talked about this on the podcast, sir, when the right went there, then they finally said, okay, after denying it, they finally said global warming does exist, but it's too late to do anything about it now. All right. I believe I compared that to when Pete Rose finally admitted that he bent on baseball

and said, now can you let me in the hall of fame? I distinctly remember saying that. Not that you remember that, sir, because you got your blue bonnet stuffed in your fucking ear. All right. I also actually looked up weeks ago, like when did people first start talking about climate change? As I was driving down the street and I was listening and they were saying, you know,

I drove down the street that morning. I heard that on NPR, they say scientists say the Great Barrier Reef is now dead. And then they went on to talk about the Cubs, which of course struck me as funny that the whole rest of the report should have been about that or that swirl of trash in the Pacific Ocean and all that shit, which none of these guys really talk about. They do a little bit of lip service. That's about it, but they're not going to fucking do anything about it. And even if they try to, they can't because these corporations own them, which is why

I like the fucking, the lunatic guys. I never vote for the fucking main people. I don't know, whatever, whatever. Let's just plow ahead. So anyway, yeah, I actually looked it up and the first time climate change was brought up, somebody had like a theory before it was even happening, was projecting that the population kept growing, that it was the theory was that we would heat up the planet. They did that in the early 1800s.

I couldn't believe it. And then there was a few more things about it. I can't remember, it was weeks ago, but like in the late fifties was the first definitive paper saying since the 1950s, scientists have been telling people that the pollution and shit that we've been putting in the air or whatever, like, I'm not a scientist. Okay. I am just a regular guy, but I read they have known about it or had the attention called to it since the late 1950s.

Okay. So I'm not as, I am a moron, but I'm not as dumb as you think I am, sir. And one of the reasons why I underplay myself is because I don't want to be another fucking jerk off who's just fucking, you know, getting in your fucking ear like some people in my business. Okay. So anyways, he goes, um, Trump has said repeatedly that climate change is a hoax that was created by the Chinese.

He said, he said it repeatedly. Um, I'm going to look up the internet, see how many times he repeatedly said that. Um, usually when people say repeatedly, it means it's a quote that somebody said like seven years ago, um, one time. All right. And yet you blindly and ignorantly spew your unfounded bullshit, dude, you just defined this podcast. Why are you acting like this is meet the press?

He goes, I'm not a genius. Oh, he's back to being humble again. I'm not a genius as you call me a fucking idiot. All right. I'm not a political scientist. Now he's doing humble pie. He's got his hands up, but I took just a few hours out of my life to research both of their positions on crucial issues and get an understanding of them.

Oh yeah. I never did that. I didn't do that at all. And I'm not the one speaking to thousands of people twice a week. You should truly be horrified at the thought you had anything to do with this fucking train wreck. I love how you do. Why do you think that Hillary has any responsibility for the campaign that she ran?

I mean, from day one, her campaign could not use an unbelievable asset, which was former president Bill Clinton because of all of the shit show that that guy was both professionally and in his personal life. Her husband, it was a former president that was wildly popular. She couldn't even use the guy because of all the fucking skeletons in his fucking closet. You know, and together they both had skeletons, you know, it's a very polarizing candidate that you picked. And I thought in key moments, you know, where she really could have come up with something

clever to say she didn't have it. Look, sir, be honest with me. What really gets you into office, your policy or playing the saxophone on fucking our cineohall or not sticking your head out of a tank and looking like a fucking dope or getting too excited and going, yeah, I mean, that's the kind of shit that brings people down more so than anything else. And dude, that's not my fault if you want to fucking blame me for that. But that is the truth.

So you can actually win an election like you just saw that fucking dope Trump do without saying a fucking thing, but but being good at trash and somebody's fucking shirt, which is basically how he got it promised in a bunch of shit, not saying what he was going to do. And then go look at that guy down there. He's fucking clueless and everybody just laughing. Hillary didn't have any of that. She had no fucking swagger.

She just, dude, I remember when she did that hot sauce moment on that fucking radio show. And the host was going, everybody that was African American and she goes, what's your word? You know, once you go to thing, what do you always carry around with you? And she said hot sauce, which evidently was true, okay, but immediately looked like she was pandering and the guy said, are you just trying to pander? Sounds to me like you're just trying to pander to black people. And rather than just saying like, no, man, I like it.

I've been blah, blah, blah, blah. She goes, is it working? I mean, that right, why the fuck would you say that? Why would you say it? And when I saw her say that, I immediately, I assumed, I said, she is, she is pandering. And then people were going like, oh, actually it's true. And then I looked it up and I go, oh, it is fucking true. But still, this is the thing.

If I was really in the fucking hot sauce and I was fucking running and I was on an all black radio station, I wouldn't have brought it up because it would have looked like pandering. And then if I did bring it up, sorry about my voice, I was like, what are you doing here? Even if I did brought it up, then I would have been honest about it, been like, no, I know it sounds like I'm pandering, but there are some crossover things. I actually really enjoy it. So you mean, you got, you got, she has to take some sort of the responsibility that, you know, she couldn't beat this fucking nitwit.

All right, over 300 of the top economists, not saying that she's not an evil cunt too. Over 300 of the top economists, including eight Nobel laureates came together to say, I didn't know if I said that right, that a Trump presidency would mean turmoil in the American and as a result, the world's economy, over 350 of the best scientists in the world came together to say his presidency would be a disaster for the entire planet because of his dangerous stance on climate change, not to mention Russia literally threw a party in the parliament building as soon as Trump was elected. That actually, I'm happy.

I like when Russia in the United States are unfriendly fucking terms. It would be nice that we're not going in a direction to fucking keep pointing missiles at one another. And, you know, for as much as Al Gore, Al Gore, I loved his stance on climate change. He wasn't able to get a fucking thing done. He wasn't able to stop it. He wanted to fucking, you get a few policies in there. They just ignore it.

And these guys are only in there for 48 years. They just wait them out. I remember when Al Gore went to have a car that got a hundred miles to a gallon. I was excited. I was in my twenties. I wanted to buy the car. They just kept delaying it and delaying it and delaying it. And then they got out of office.

Al didn't beat Bush. And then they just scrapped it and it was fucking over. And that's what they do because they don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. You honestly think Hillary Clinton would have stopped global warming? If you talk about those 350 scientists that are all experts, you know what else they've said? They said it's too late.

It was too late by the 1980s. It was or something in the 90s. It's been too late. It's fucking. It's almost like not even a fucking issue anymore. I mean, it is an issue, but the only way to do it was we would all have to fucking go back to living like cavemen and 90% of us would have to die and just kind of sit there and not do jumping jacks to add to the fucking heat and hope this thing could heal itself.

Other than that, I don't know what the fuck you're going to do. Because everybody's running around just having to get a flat screen TV in every fucking room. You know? It's like the political candidates are responsible for it's like, we're just as responsible as anybody else. Aren't we? I don't know. Jesus Christ.

This is like meet the press here. Anyway, so the next time you open that stupid fucking freckle crusted mouth, this guy's like more enlightened than me, by the way. Remember your words have power. You are an influential person, whether you want to believe it or not. I don't expect you to read this tirade on the podcast, but I hope you read it and realize what a fool you've been. Why?

Because I don't agree with you. Because you have all of this admittedly that is none of this was researched. If you just did 45 minutes of research earlier, you told me a couple hours. You could see that. Yes. Hillary made mistakes with the email and Benghazi. Yeah. She made mistakes.

Okay. But nothing she ever did was criminal. Exactly. All right. Well, Trump, he made some mistakes with women. But none of it was ever criminal, or he would have been fucking in jail, right? He would have been brought up on charges, right? The charges would have stuck.

You can do the same thing. You're going to completely, I like how you don't bring up the fucking Hillary foundation or any of that type of shit either, or any of the other fucking, all that other, whatever the fucking white water, all of that fucking crap. You don't bring up any of that shit. You don't bring up the fact that they're both worth hundreds of millions of fucking dollars. And that's not a red flag to you. These down-to-earth Democrats, who are men of the people, they're worth a couple hundred

million dollars. The presidency pays 500 grand a year. How do they do it? And don't give me that horseshit about, they give political speeches, the fucking political speeches that they give, okay? Can you at least agree with me on this, sir? That is just, that's just those people washing their bribe money. Those are the people that put them in office, and then they go back and they give a speech,

and they give them 300 grand, 250 grand to fucking speak there for, and give me a fucking break. All right? All right, so there, that's his fucking thing. So he thinks I'm a moron, and I got Trump to be fucking elected. Okay, now, now here's something exact opposite. Bill, you really are uneducated on Trump. Bill, you need to run away from the progressives.

This person thinks I'm a progressive liberal. Listen to the exact same podcast, sir. Move the fuck out of California, or whatever liberal spot you're living in. Now this is what I can tell you immediately, is the last person who wrote this email is not listening to this at all. It's just, he's already yelling at his fucking windshield about what had doped this guy's. He goes, I just heard your podcast about your, the tearful Democrats. Yeah, he listened to my podcast, and he thinks that I'm a progressive liberal.

And for instance, you had no clue who was going to pay for the wall. Dude, I've said all along, I have no clue. I don't know shit about football. I watch fucking Patriot CL, I can't name half the fucking people. All right, here we go. You have no true, this is the funniest thing I've ever, one of the funny things I've read. You have no clue who's going to pay for the wall. Trump had a hundred rallies where he, he asked the audience, who's going to pay for the wall,

and everyone would shout Mexico. Do you realize, sir, that all you were doing was just repeating what he said was going to happen, but he never said how he would get Mexico. Sir, just imagine you didn't like your next door neighbor. Okay. And you were sick of him cutting across your lawn or whatever the fuck he was doing, you know, cutting across the corner of your lawn and making the grass go flat and you were fucking sick of it.

Now, let me ask you this. Let's say you decided to build a wall and you decided that he was going to pay for it. How would you go about doing that? Exactly. Now let's move it up to a fucking country level. So we're going to build this wall and we're going to, how are we, how is he going to make Mexico pay for it? And if you tell me it's only a guess, because as far as I watched, he never said how economic

sanctions, you're going to pressure them into fucking doing it. Okay. Anyway, so here we go. How is it that those mobs mobs, great word, dude, are more educated than you? Who the fuck is saying that the benefit of the walls will be jobs? Who are you listening to? And who said Trump doesn't want healthcare? He's been really left on healthcare saying people with no insurance should be able to

get treatment and care from way back when he was running in the primaries. See, now this guy thinks Trump is left on this seat. This is why this is why, sir. The first person that you think I had influence, it's like people just hear the podcast. You guys already have your fucking minds made up. And then you listen to the podcast, okay? And you, it's like watching a football game and you're listening to Chris Collinsworth. I met him one time when I did inside the NFL, Chris Collinsworth goes, everybody thinks

I hate their fucking team and like the other team better. And that's, that's what you guys are doing with this podcast. All right. You guys are listening to this shit. You lean left or you lean right. And when I trash your guy, you think I'm only trashing your, your man or woman and I'm, and I'm trashing it more than the other people. And then if and when your person loses, you then blame my podcast.

All right. You guys went out and you voted for who the fuck you wanted to vote for and you listened to the information that you wanted to listen to and you listened to whatever the fuck you were receptive to that vibed in your life, which is the exact reason why when I, I was doing this bit on stage talking about Trump's supporters going, how can you support this guy? He's got people openly yelling the N word at his rallies. This video of that.

Doesn't that bother you? And this is what they would say. Well, you know, I'm not, I'd sit this on Conan. They would be like, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not into that. I'm not into that. But, but Hillary. And what it is, is what tracks for people is what's going to affect their fucking life. And unfortunately, when it comes to fucking racism, it doesn't track with white people

because it's not a factor in their life. White people are not victims of racism, despite the fact they say that they are when they talk about like affirmative action, that that's racist because they don't understand that the reason why affirmative action came about was because racist white people would not hire people who were not white. So they literally had to come up with the law to force white people to give other people a chance. And then what people do is they just look at that moment.

They don't look at the history of it. They just look right then and there. So I don't know. I think that, look, I understand that right now, believe me, do I understand going to comedy shows and seeing the way the fucking crowd is reacting, that this is a very volatile fucking time. This guy goes on to talk about how fucking people thought Republicans were being dramatic when they said no to World War three vote Trump.

But the Democratic National, the DNC, I don't even know what the fuck it stands for, forced Russia to, why isn't it DNP, Democratic National Party? Make my life easier. Forced Russia to dump tons of money into hypersonic nuclear missiles. They have these fucking hypersonic carriages that can hold 16 nuclear warheads that they can penetrate our missile shields, blah, blah, blah, blah and all this type of shit. All scholars were saying that moving toward, we're moving towards World War three. If you elect Hillary, now they're all changing their tune.

Thanks to President Trump, former host of the apprentice. Get on board with Trump. Your annoying voice should be on our side. See he doesn't think I'm fucking on his side. You don't think I'm on your side. Both of you have scholars and scientists that say your point of view is right because what you guys do is you go to omrite.com and you memorize a bunch of horseshit. And then when your person doesn't win, you then fucking blame a podcast.

So there you go. I don't know what to tell you guys. I respect both of your opinions. I don't agree on either one of them. I usually don't say who I vote for because I think it's a private matter, but I did not vote for either one of them. I voted for somebody else. Bernie wasn't on the ballot.

I voted for somebody else that I thought was the best candidate, not who the fuck I thought was going to win. And I think that's a major problem is that people don't want what's right. They want to win, you know? So they will go with a candidate that is a warmonger or a fucking racist or a corrupt piece of shit and they don't give a fuck as long as they're wearing the right fucking color tie. All right.

And now I'm done. All right. Let's be some advertising everybody, but I do have to say this is let's just say whatever Trump is going to do. All it's doing for me, you know, he appoints this guy and he's got this fucking past where he allegedly said something about Jews, you know, wasn't proven or whatever, but he's got this fucking background. Like all that does for me, it just inspires me to become more of a fucking understanding

person and try to listen to people. And as long as you just take that like that attitude, you know, I don't really don't think a president should make up your mind on who you should be afraid of and what we need to do and what these people are going to do to us or what they're not going to do to us. Just because they fucking said it. I don't, I don't listen to that. What I like to do is I listen to what the president says and then I go to the country and I go to their fucking thing and I try to find some English story about what the fuck

they're saying about us and then I try to, to figure out what the middle is. All right. I don't know. I don't give a shit what color your fucking tie is. All right. So white people, if you're nervous, okay, liberal whites, if you're really a fucking good liberal white, you'll become even more fucking understanding of people that aren't white and, and, and that are going to, you know, bear the brunt of what this guy might

fucking do. I think it's your responsibility to become even more understanding. You know what I mean? And stop making everything about yourself and your fucking world because the mainstream is already about that. All right. There you go. I'm off.

You need to take that. Take it or don't, you know, it's up to fucking you. All right. But I don't want you. I don't want you to be crying about fumping somebody taking your fucking, I can't stand listening to white people talking about, oh, they're taking the country away from us. It's like, if you looked at a fucking census, you idiot, you know, you're fine. Okay.

All the water parks, they're made for you. No one gives a second look when you show up. Like what's, what's his element doing here? They're excited you're there and within two seconds there's someone in a mascot outfit fucking hugging you. There you go. All right. You're going to be fine.

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Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Bert. That's it. All right, cool. All right. Anyways, that's sort of the podcast. Here's another thing. You know, I travel a lot, so I get to talk to all of these fucking people out there. And I know somebody that voted for Trump and was like, I think it's exciting.

I think it's exciting that he's going to be present. Obviously, he's a white dude. He's excited. Right? And this is the same guy. He said Obama's a fucking idiot. All right? Which, you're free to say that.

You think he's a fucking idiot, but you can watch fucking Donald Trump. Oh, I'm going to do it. It's just, I don't know. That's what I learned traveling in this country is just people hear what the fuck they want to hear. All right. Lingerie. Let's get off politics.

I'll give you guys a breather here, all right? But please, guys, just stop fucking yelling at each other, all right? It's just stop blaming everybody and just fucking, just be human beings here, all right? Let's be honest with you. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are not out for you or for me. They're out there for themselves. And that's why they're worth hundreds of billions of dollars. Make no mistake.

All right? Fucking show up in a radio station with the hot sauce for what, just during the campaign and we're the fucking going to be the rest of the time. You're going to be in the White House buying up fucking land on aqua first. All right. Hey, Billy nipple slip. I recently started dating this girl and we've been messing around for a few months now. Congratulations.

She's pretty cool and a really sweet girl and sex is great with her. All right. Tri-factor. However, she's been doing a lot of lingerie shopping and wants me to go with her one day so we can shop for her lingerie together. Personally, I never got the point of lingerie nor am I a big fan of it. Really? You just like when they just show up with like your fucking old basketball shorts on.

You're one of those guys. As long as there's a pussy underneath it. I don't give a fuck. All right. Personally, I never got the parking didn't see the point of buying something that was meant for you to take off almost immediately after you put it on. All right, sir. This is the thing about.

All right. So you're, you're, you're one of those no foreplay guys. All right. If you really want to take it to the next level, dude, like you ever, you ever make a meal for somebody and you set it down and you turn your back to the stove to set the pan back down and when you look back, they're already halfway done with it and you're like, what the fuck did I do all that work for? I would let her buy that.

It makes her feel sexy, right? And then, you know, gets her all even into the, you know, the mood a little bit more down. You do. Yeah. You're striking me as somebody who never takes the downtown six. If you know what I mean, he just fucking rips the clothes off, puts her on her back, fucking rolls off, turns on the fucking TV.

All right. Also, I'm not that great at faking my reaction when her or a girls have broke out their sexy lingerie and I'm unenthused by it. You know what, dude, you're an asshole. You really are an asshole and that could be a good thing. You're going to get what you want in life, but you're going to miss out on a lot in life. It's even got me in trouble a couple of times. The girls I've been dating for the most part have been pretty sexy, but when it comes to

lingerie, I just think it makes things awkward. And it's the most overused word on the planet. It's the default emotion of this entire fucking world now. I don't even know what the word means anymore. It's been applied to everything. Everything's awkward. I don't know what that means. Same goes for things like sexting, role playing, vagin, tit picks, and anything else that's

kind of puts you on the spot for things involving sex. Is it weird that that stuff does nothing for me? No, it isn't. You shouldn't make the other person feel like an asshole. Should I try to do my best to, you know what? I preempt, I shouldn't have called you an asshole this early because now you're asking questions. All right. I apologize.

I'm wrong. All right. I should, should I try my best to continue pretending that my wiener isn't shriveling up like a sock? When you pull the strings out, the strings out of it, oh, the lingerie. Huge fan of the podcast. I haven't, if you haven't yet, please come out. I'm not going to say where he's from, just in case his girlfriend recognizes this, um,

you know, dude, you could just kind of go along with it a little bit. Like, look, I think like just saying you're not into sexting and role playing and shit. That's like next level shit. If you're not into that, that's fine. Okay. Um, lingerie, I think it's a simple thing you could put a happy face on. I mean, as much as guys think the lingerie is for them, and for the most part, the way women dress, like guys, oh, look at her.

She's hot. She wants it. I mean, they're dressing for themselves. They like to look pretty. All right. It makes them feel good. So I think they'll, hey, Nick, can you come in for a second? She's giving me a look here.

Come here. Oh, Jesus. She literally walked by, stopped and look at me. All right. So this guy, this guy is, uh, oh my God, it's 10 36. I got to get off my fucking day. So this guy, could you look less enthused? Yeah.

You shot me a look. I thought that meant you wanted to come in. I'm just listening, but go on. What is it? What do you, Henry Hill? I'm just listening. What is it? What do you want me to say?

Then my wife, two times me, all right, so this guy, he's with this great girl. She's fucking cool. She's sexy. This is great, but she's into wearing sexy lingerie. It does nothing for him. She wants to fucking him to go along on it. And like, he thinks it's just stupid. So she puts it on and she fucking pulls the strings like, ba-da-da-boo, and he said, I'm

supposed to sit there. Act like my drink dick is not shriveling up like a sock. What? What should I do? He don't think, he doesn't think lingerie is sexy. He's just done it. He goes, I don't understand the point of just buying that and I'm just going to take it off like two seconds later.

Yeah. It makes her feel good. Just go along with it. It's not going to kill you. That's my advice. Yeah. It's just, just go along with it. Now he said, what about like sexting, Vaj and titty pics?

He goes, I'm not into any of that or role-playing. You are so boring. Whoever wrote this in, he's really just, it's like a job. Fucking prude and you're so boring, like loosen up a little bit, send a dick pic to your girlfriend. No, that's a bad idea. Yeah. I mean, you probably should.

Yeah. You never send any of that shit because it exists forever. Yeah. He'd be the one, it would come back to haunt him somehow. So maybe don't do that, but just open your mind a little bit. It sounds like you're in a little sexual box and maybe you need to. No pun intended. No pun intended.

And you need to break out of this box and explore something different and you know, here's the thing on the dick pic, Nia. People think, okay, I'm going to send a dick pic to you from my phone to your phone. Just think of the journey that thing takes. My dick goes to outer space, goes off a satellite and comes back down. God knows how much shit is between that and that. I mean, how many miles does that thing just travel and to think that that's just going to go there.

And then if you're on like Twitter or they say like, we want permission to have access to your photos. And I never say, yes, that's like, you can have access to this photo. You know, yeah, I mean, all of a sudden, somebody, you know, your avatar is your dick pic. Yeah. Somebody else's avatar is your dick pic. You have to send the dick pic, delete the dick pic, and then ask that person to delete

the dick pic too. No, you never send pics. You just don't send pics. No. What you do is say, where are you? I'll show it to you live, like in the old days. In color. Yeah, like the old days.

No satellite dick pics. Yeah. But yeah, in terms of this guy, I think he should just kind of open his mind a little bit. Like I said, he seems a little, a little prudish. And that's fine. You don't have to like lingerie and all that. But I mean, if your girl's into it and you like her and she likes lingerie, like, what's

the problem? You know, just like I said, I don't see any problem with how do you not like lingerie? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. He's boring as fuck. I'm saying he wants to show up wearing his basketball shorts. He's just like, just be naked. That's what I was saying.

You know, it's comparing it to like, you know, when you cook somebody a meal and they eat it in two seconds, you just like, dude, what the fuck? Like you do. Huh? But not in the bedroom. Oh, I do wolf down food. You do. Huh?

But that's not the only thing you wolf down Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, Nia. Why would you say that? No, that's disgusting. You take your time. A woman in your, in your condition. In my condition, speaking this way, speaking this way, it's terrible. What if other people were to hear it? I know.

What would they think? What would they think? All right. That's the podcast here. That's it. That's it. Oh. Oh, no.

Well, you got me here now. Well, I, I got to go edit my special. I got to see how my, my special where I trash both Hillary and Trump and still get shit for it. Yeah. No. And then Trump can't win. And that's why I never, I don't tell people who to vote for and I, but I mean, it is like,

you know, it's going on. So I'm going to fucking talk about it because it's fun. It's fun to shit on him. Yeah. But like, I think this one, people are so upset that they, that their person didn't get in that now they're looking to blame. So evidently the Monday morning podcast has the ability to sway a presidential election. Right.

Well, you know, you do have a platform and you have to use it responsibly. I'm going to start using this platform. I think it's time everybody buys me a new car. This will be good for America. Yeah. It's, it's completely ridiculous. People know who the fuck they're going to vote for. Yeah.

And then it just needs, just needs some time to, I don't know. I don't know if anyone's ever going to be fully okay with what just happened, but. Well, Trump supporters are totally. They're great. They're totally okay with what good right now. Yeah. But oh well, I'm glad she's fucking gone, but I'm, I'm not happy that he's here. There was a, there was a lose, lose situation.

It's definitely depressing. No matter how you slice it, it's fucking depressing, but life goes on. It has to. Yeah. And you know something I don't think people should just fucking like it says, it doesn't change who you're going to be as a person. Yeah. I think if anything, you just do what people are saying, you stay here and you pay attention

to what's going on and you support the causes that mean a lot to you and just put all your effort behind that. I feel like that's the way to like really make change. Should you not move to Canada? And no, they don't want us. That was another funny thing too, where they all acted like that they were going to be so accepting. Yeah.

Canada doesn't fucking want us like, and I like how I feel like it's really arrogant to just be like, Oh, I'm just going to move to Canada. Canada's like, Oh, okay. Do I have any say in this? Like why do I become the place that you come to after your country made a horrible? I know, but these are, these are some of the great artistic minds on the planet would be gracing their country with their songs and their standup comedy. They should be happy.

They should welcome them with open arms. Okay. Wow. You know the ones that I like the celebrities were like, today my heart is tonight, my heart cries, but tomorrow I fight and they get the little fucking muscle thing there. It's like, you probably go to your personal trainer first. I would think maybe have your personal chef make you guilty of that. I put on Twitter that way.

I cried, but I felt hopeful because I did. I've never cried after an election before and I did, but I'm done crying. I'm over crying and I'm ready to move forward. Yeah. And you're going to, I'm just picturing somebody crying with their fucking downtown to ocean views. What's going to happen to me? Yeah.

Isn't it like midterm elections or something come up like a year and a half or something like that? And it's going to go the other way. Yeah. No, we'll see what happens in four years. If he gets reelected or somebody else comes, I don't even know how, I don't even understand how the process works. I'm going to keep throwing that out there because it annoys that fucking Clinton supporter.

Can Bernie run again in four years? Do you think? No, Bernie cannot win because he's not owned by the same seven corporations that you need to be owned by. I'm just throwing seven out there. What if he comes back and he runs in four years against Trump? I would say the media will, the left media will fucking take them out again. They'll take, but can he win?

Can he really win? That's what they did. They fucked him over. And they left us with this polarizing person and then she fucking lost. And now people are all going, what the fuck happened? And they're blaming podcasts. It's my fault, Neil. It's my fault.

Trump got in. Also, it's also my fault. What have you done this fucking Trump supporter guy goes like, you sitting there talking about the cost of the wall, how, how can you be so ignorant about the cost of the wall? He goes, the mobs of people that show that must have been so fucking dumb. I actually think somebody, uh, uh, Democratic supporters sent that in. He said every time he said, and who's going to pay for the wall, the whole mob would yell Mexico.

Like, how can you be so dumb that you didn't realize that? Now that I'm saying that again, I think that that, I think someone was trolling me there. I can't believe someone was that dumb. Well, but Trump said that he was like, we're going to build a wall and Mexico is going to pay for it. I know who would be dumb enough to think that you can make another country pay for your shit. We're going to build a wall to keep you out and you're going to pay for it.

I was saying that would be like, if you're not, if you didn't like your next door neighbor and you built a wall, then you sent him a bill and you'd be like, uh, make a paper airplane and just throw it back over. I have no idea how he plans on enforcing that. I guess we'll see. You know what I do love is the, the first lady has fake tits. How do we know they're fake? I thought they were, they were just too round.

How would we, how would you possibly know that? I don't know that. I don't know anything. I don't know anything. I mean, I've said that for fucking years. Yeah, that's true. He has put it out there that he's got a, he's got the president as a trophy wife. It's fucking hilarious.

He's on his third one. Hey, if you fucking act up, don't even think you're going to be, you're going to be sitting here picking out plates during my second term lady. His wife like doesn't even, I don't know. She doesn't even like register for me. I mean, yeah, she's beautiful and all that, but I don't really care. I like that she plagiarized Michelle Obama's speech, which I think is really related to the millennials, the way they curate, you know, shit that they didn't do onto their

Facebook pages and YouTube pages and fucking make all this money off of stuff that they didn't really do. Oh, you mean like sharing of memes and things? Sharing of standup specials and music and videos, shit that they didn't do when they just take it. Oh, I thought that was very millennial of her grandpa. Is that what the young people do? Yeah, that is what they do.

Oh, I fucking hate how you just exonerated all of them from stealing all that shit. Those specials cost me a bunch of fucking money and everybody just takes them. Anyone should steal your special and are downloaded illegally. Of course I don't believe that they should do that. You have to understand that you have a platform on this podcast and all of those people that were already doing it anyways. There's now a bunch of others that are now going to do it because you said it was okay. Hey, you know what's weird is the windscreen is red.

Maybe I am a Trump supporter. Oh, maybe so. Maybe that was a subconscious decision on your part. I like the orange one, but Cleo ate it. Oh, reminded me of fucking ABC's Wild World of Sports with Jim McKay. Who knew you were an elephant? You seem like a jackass to me. Nothing?

Oh, I didn't get it. Oh, I didn't get it. Well, those are the animals, right? Oh, Jesus. Democrats are really donkeys. Yeah. Why would they pick that? I don't know.

There's a reason behind it. We just haven't Wikipedia yet. It did Google it, whatever. Well, I'm sure someone will tell me why preempting it. Hey, you fucking moron. All right. That's the podcast. I'm sorry for Donald Trump.

Next time I will try to, I haven't made up my mind who I want to be president yet. The next time, I think I'm already over Trump and I will figure it out. Yeah, I hope so. So this doesn't happen again. You fucking election, rigor, you, rigor, you. All right. That's it. I gotta, I gotta fucking upload this shit.

I gotta go edit. My God. Damn special. This is going to be the worst fucking thing ever. All right. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you on Thursday. In the mountains, in the kitchen, even in the living, they really are everywhere to drive

that empty boat. But now we're going to the finish. Bring them to a Bebath-inside meeting point. You'll always find one in your neighborhood on Bebath.be. Bebath. Together, better for nature and for all of us. Campaign in cooperation with the OVAM.