Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 11-26-12

Episode Date: November 26, 2012

Bill rambles about Thanksgiving, Fireman Ed, and creepy gynecologists.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, November 26, 2012. How are you doing? I hope you are fine. Okay. I hope you are fine. I hope during this holiday season that you and yours and any pets you have from mammals all the way down to goldfishes are just doing great and thinking about prostate cancer. Alright, I'm actually I'm psyched to be back here in LA. I kind of have to keep my voice down because the lovely Nia is still sleeping upstairs. I am basically holding two microphones right now because I've learned how to shut off the external microphone on this thing and I didn't have time to go back to get us and figure out how to just use one mic on this and have it come

into both my fucking ears. You know, I don't know how to do it. So I got to go down and talk to one of those fucking guys. Sorry. Alright, I'm not good at this shit. So I'm sitting here holding two microphones like kind of like John Bonham. You know, if I could compare myself to him when he played the track four sticks, two sticks in each hand, right? I got two microphones. He's got four sticks. Go to a little bottom this week. Alright, I got a ton of shit to talk about this week. A lot of sports stuff. By the way, just to get you know, just for all the people that fucking hate when I talk sports, this might be one you just want to shut off. Okay, and just fucking walk away and be like, Oh, why doesn't he talk about Middle Earth? Somebody informed me by

the way that Lord of the Rings, that Middle Earth thing, it's not in the middle of the earth. It's not like between our world and the center of the earth, like I thought it was. They're like, Hey, shit, it's actually another fucking play. Well, what does it mean? You know, that that writer sucks so bad he couldn't come up with another name for a planet. They did that with fucking Superman's parents, didn't they? Then he then he come from like the fucking the planet of Zog, or Zorg, that was always big and sci fi, like if there was a planet or a guy's name, it always had to started with a Z, because that just sounded like so fucking alien, because nobody ever named a kid like it was a couple of Zaks, you know, what else is there other than Zach Zelda? That's it for

me. Zippy, you know, ah, Jesus. Anyway, so let's let's get into the let's get into the sports here. So fucking weird to be holding two microphones. I feel like one of those divas singers ever see that back in the day when they would have to be singing into one microphone, then they'd have another microphone taped to the other one. You know, you know, you did you know you did you know you did. What was that song? And the Z was for the people. Remember that? You used to say live and let live. Sorry. That's what I'm thinking of. Axl Rose with his fucking white bike shorts. You could actually wear white fucking bike shorts. You know, not under your pants, just that's what you could

wear. He could have worn that with a hat on backwards with the one size fits all strap, making that red mark on his forehead and no and just done a concert. No one had a fucking problem with it, which I guess makes sense because Freddie Mercury used to kind of walk around like an adult diaper. Then he do like shows like barefoot and like tidy whiteies. And he had like that microphone like stand that was sort of cut off. She was sort of like a major at and like singing a song. Did that happen or did I just dream that? Anyways, let's get to the let's get to the sports this week. I think I watched the most football out of possibly anybody in the United States on Thanksgiving. I went back to my hometown because I was going back

for my my 25 year high school reunion. Oh, Jesus. 25 fucking years. Can you believe that? I graduated high school 25 years ago and I stayed back in the first grade. So when I graduated I was 19. So do the fucking math. I'm 44 years old. I'm fucking they even spotted me a year and I'm still I'm still at my 25 year high school fucking reunion. And I gotta admit I was pretty nervous going on that thing. You know what I mean? I haven't seen a lot of those the kids that I went to school with a lot of them literally since the day we got our diplomas. And then that was fucking it. So you know, you know the deal you want to walk in you want to see everybody looking good. You want to see everybody happy and everybody living a

life that they want to be living. That was my biggest fear. I didn't want to walk in there. I didn't want to be reminded of how fucking old I was. And I didn't want to see a bunch of beating down like 20 years and she walked out on me. You know that I didn't want to see that, you know. And I got to tell you my fucking grade held up great. You know, everybody was looking good, man. Everybody looked all right. Everybody looked like they were happy. And it was a great fucking time. So so there's one for you underrated going to your high school reunion. There's a lot of people have like, like, hilarious react like, like, it's visceral. Is that the right word? Like if you mentioned that you're going to your reunion, you know what I mean? People just you go into your

high school reunion, and then they just go off on this rent. Dude, I don't give a fuck if I never see another fucking person. I fucking hated everybody a fucking with the back. You know what I mean? And it's just like, All right, what happened? Who stuffed you in a locker? You know, who broke up with you? What did you wish you did but you never did? You know what I mean? You know, Fersi was like that. Fersi was trying to fucking go on and on and on and on and on about dude, I have no desire. I don't want to fucking go back. I was getting trashed. I was at the I was at the stand. You know, that little fucking Euro trash comedy club that just opened up over there on the east side. Well, what is it on third Avenue 20th Street, you know, with

their little she she food and a kind of little stage downstairs. You know, I was there and one of the guys fucking one of the owners of the club fucking hilarious. I told him I was going to my high school reunion. I was excited because you know, I hadn't seen these, you know, I like the kids I went to school with, you know, I was excited to go. And he goes, you go into your high school reunion. And he starts laughing. He goes, what do you need closure? That was probably the best thing that anybody said. I thought that that was fucking hilarious. But yeah, but I just kind of found like everybody was just saying that they had no lot of people going I have no desire. I don't know what happened. Like those are the kids who got like bullied.

You know, I don't know. Just fucking. What's his photo? Verzi end up saying Verzi just trying to say he had no desire to go to high school. He goes to go to his high school reunion. He goes, I hated high school. And then I asked him, I said, all right, well, who fucking beat you with your own gym towel? What happened? He goes, no, dude, that never happened. Never happened. You guys just didn't. I didn't like getting up in the morning to have to go to it. You know, like seven in the morning, quite possibly the dumbest reason ever to not go to high school union. It's like the fucking high school reunion is going to be at night. You asshole. You don't have to go back to your homeroom. Paul Verzi. And then I talked to him a little bit more than I

dragged it out some chick fucking. I don't know what I don't know what happened. Dude, you couldn't fucking pay me to fucking shut up. Shut the fuck up. The people I think, you know, something I bet Verzi when he goes back, he's going to fucking, he's either going to rent a flashy car or he's just going to get himself in way over his head on a car he actually owns. You know, why am I talking about this shit? Anyway, so I went there and just had a great fucking time. Didn't drink because I didn't want to be the fucking drunk guy. You know, and God knows I really felt that my tolerance was going to be way beyond most of my classmates considering most of them are normal got married and had kids

and even if they want to booze, they kind of got to wait till you know, the coast is clear. Whereas I can kind of still drink like I'm still in fucking not even like I'm in college. Like it's like it's spring break. I could fucking drink like that whenever I wanted to, which is not a good thing. It's not a good thing for old Billy fat face here. So I decided, you know, I'll just start off with the cranberry juice and a fucking lime and I'll endure somebody doing the fucking departed joke. What do you get your period? And then I switched the waters and I had a coke and I was just like, you know what, I'm not going to fucking drink and I had a I had a great time. But the fuck was I just I was leading towards something.

Oh, you know what? Everybody did and I thought I was going to be taking out pictures of their kids. I didn't see one picture of anybody's kid. Everybody was just talking about shit on all the dumb shit we used to do. And it had a great time. Just had really had a great time. You know, a great story that I had never heard. There was a buddy of mine. He used to fucking gamble. Like big time used to bet on like baseball and he had like his own landscaping company. And whenever like the baseball team would win whatever team wanted money, he would then try and cut somebody's backyard or front yard in the same design as the outfield of that team. And it never looked like it. It just it looked like some sort of fucked up design,

but he didn't know what he was doing. And he was high probably when he did it. So somebody told me a story about that kid. He had bet the fucking Houston Rockets way back in the day and Houston had lost like two games in a row. So he thought it was a gift. He fucking buries the team and they end up they just shit in the bed. Nobody's playing or whatever. And he got so mad. He picked up the phone and he called long distance. And he said, yeah, in Houston, last name Elijah one. And he wasn't doing it to make the other person laugh. He literally thought that he was going to get that I don't know if he was high or whatever. He was trying to get this guy's number to fucking bitch him out for losing or whatever 50 bucks or 100 bucks on the game.

So it was basically just shit like that. And all right, are you guys getting sick of this? Okay, whatever. I had a great fucking time. So if anybody who was at the high school reunion is listening, it was great seeing you. And I'm glad everything seems to be going great in everybody's life. So anyway, let's get on with the sports here. Here's one for you. First of all, oh, I forgot to mention, yeah, I watched all this football. I went to my my high school rivalry game. I went to that. We were two and seven. The other team was like fucking, what are the eight and one? And we actually beat him in overtime. It was an away game. You know, sent the other team fucking fans home with their heads hanging on turkey day made me feel fucking great. And then I

watched I watched the first game was at the Lions Texans. Then I watched the next game Cowboys. And then I watched the Patriots. That game was fucking unbelievable. And don't worry, Jeff, fans, I'm not going to fall. You know, if you've noticed, I really haven't trashed you guys this year, despite the fact I really could have. I just haven't. The only reason why I ever really fucking trashed you guys was because Rex Ryan talked all that shit, you know, we hasn't talked shit in two years, and I laid off you. Okay. So anyways, you know, that guy always make fun of the fireman. I always say he gets on his boyfriend's shoulders like he's some hot chick at a Bon Jovi concert. Fireman Ed fucking retired. If you haven't heard about this,

he couldn't fucking take it anymore. Why? Because the Patriots beat the team so bad. No. Because he has to endure another fucking jets rebuilding. No. Because he got sick of the country fucking jet fans getting in his fucking grill because he's wearing a Sanchez jersey. The same fucking people who are going calling Mark Sanchez Sanchez Sanchez a few fucking years later, they jump off the fucking bandwagon. Now they get into the face of this old fucking retired fireman on Thanksgiving getting in his face. And he finally just decided, what the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? Fuck these people. And you know what I say? I say good for you, fireman Ed. Don't take no shit off nobody.

Here's the article. New York Jets superfan, fireman Ed, who for decades has fueled home crowds with his famous J E T S cheer has decided to R E T I R E retire. I don't name names. I won't say his last name who created a stir Thanksgiving night when he left MetLife Stadium at halftime of the Jets 49 to 19 loss. Yeah, along with half the fucking crowd. And then he deleted his Twitter account. He announced on Sunday night that he will no longer attend home games as fireman Ed. Good for you. Good for you. You got to go down there and dress up like a fucking clown to get these people going only to have these people getting your grill in the fucking bathroom screaming at you. Shame on you Jets fans. And I know what you Jets fans are going to say. It was a select few people.

No, it wasn't. It was it was probably almost all of you. And you know why? Because you're horrific human beings. And that's why God only let you win one. Anyways, he says the stadium has become divided because of the quarterback controversy. He claims the fact that I chose to wear a mock Sanchez jersey this year, and that fans think I'm on the payroll, which is an outright lie, have made these confrontations more frequent. Whether it's in the stands, the bathroom or the parking lot, these confrontations are happening on a consistent basis. Wow. So he just said, fuck it. And then Rex Ryan, who I actually hung around and watched his press conference, where he just kept saying the same, you know, we're going to come out next week,

we're going to play hard. I mean, that's, that's all we know how to do. You know, we're just, you know, that that same fucking shit. You know, the same guy that one year when they lifted the salary cap and the Jets went out and fucking one bought everybody, he's like, we'll kick the shit out of any fucking team in the league. It's just great watching him eat a big slice of humble pie. And the final question of the press conferences, Rex, do you think you'll still be here next year? And he just goes, yes, I do. Yes, I do. Any more questions? And there was nothing. And he had to walk off on that one. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thoroughly fucking enjoyed it. So there you go. But this guy says he's going to keep going to the, to the games. He's just not going to the game,

you know, as fireman Ed, the guys wearing the Sanchez jersey, according to him as like, he's being loyal. So this guy really is a fan. You know, some two people go, dude, the guy used to be a fucking dolphins fan, you know, all right, that works if he jumped on the bandwagon and became a Patriots fan when the Patriots got good, or if he jumped on the bandwagon, you know, with the Giants or the Steelers or any other team that was good. Dude, he went from the dolphins to the Jets. Okay, no, and he did it in 75. That was a major step backwards. All right, according to what I've read, okay, in 75, the fucking dolphins, they had, they had won two, two Super Bowls back to back Super Bowls had a perfect season, went to three

Super Bowls in a row all in the early 70s. They still had Bob greasy. I think Larry Zonker was already in the WFL or maybe he came back with the Giants at that point. Fucking rain man here. This is all for my football cards that I looked at a zillion times when I was a kid rather than studying in high school. And who the fuck did? Did they even have Richard Todd at that point? Joe Namath was gone. Yeah, I think they just got Richard Todd. That was it. So this guy, this guy paid his fucking dues. He went to a zillion games. He's the only guy who still had the balls to wear a Sanchez jersey. This guy was actually a fan and he got trashed by other fucking fans. I find that really fucking interesting. And it really actually taps into this, this question

I got this, this week, somebody said, Bill, do you give a shit? He said, Hey, Bill, love your work, but do you give a shit about your fans? Doesn't look like it and sad to see. I don't know what the fuck what does that mean? Doesn't look like it. This is my website subpar. I know the audio was bad last week, but you know, sir, you're going to have to elaborate a little bit more. What happened? Did you had did you keep sending emails and I haven't read one yet? Did you have a cold last week and asked me to send you a fucking card and I didn't. What does that mean? Do I give a shit about my fans? First of all, I don't know. All right. This is what I feel like. I feel you have a fucking responsibility to give somebody a goddamn show. That's what you have. Go out there,

give somebody the fucking money's worth. All right. And I like to think I do that. So where the fuck is that coming? What more? What more do I got to do for you? Wear the t-shirt of your company? You know, you think that's sad? You know, I think this fucking sad. I think that fucking email said, what are you doing? You know, what the, I don't even know where the fuck that comes from. Do I give a shit about my fans? No, I don't. I want to go back to standing in a fucking function room in a hotel room in front of 80 people who didn't even know there was going

to be comedy. Give me a fucking break. Okay. I don't know what your level of I have to give a shit. Let me ask you a question, sir. Do you give a shit about the people that you're fans of? You know, because I got to be honest with you, I don't. I thought I did, but I fucking love AC DC. Absolutely fucking love them. Oh, they're a bad example because they've never really fell off. They've always sold a bunch of albums. I loved a lot of bands in the 80s. Loved them. All right. But when they fell off in the fucking 90s, I didn't keep going to their shows. I didn't send them cards going, Hey man, hang in there. I didn't. I totally fucking flipped and made fun of them. I make fun of hair metal to this day. I guess I make fun of myself too, saying I

can't believe some of the fucking shows I went to. But you know what I mean? It's those people who are still fucking going to those shows with their hairs teased up, acid wash jeans, this fireman Ed sitting there, we're still wearing a Sanchez, Sanchez Jean fucking jersey. I guess that that is a true fanatic. But the rest of us, I think are, you know, we're fucking hot and cold. Isn't the real relationship most fans have with the musician and actor, a fucking whatever. And athlete, don't you really kind of just a fan as long as they're good? You know, they sold a lot of Sanchez jerseys. Okay. And everybody loved them until he didn't start playing well. And now everybody fucking hates them. You know,

I think that's, that's more, that's the reality. You know, so you don't sound, well, I don't know. I don't know where that's come in front. So I can't really judge you. But I do give a shit about the people who come to my shows unless they have some sense of entitlement where they feel like, you know, I bought a ticket to your show. And despite the fact that you then did a show, so I already got my money's worth that I definitely deserve more shit. You know, they don't consider the bonus round, you know, taking pictures and signing whatever the fuck they want. They don't consider that like, Oh, hey, this guy's actually this guy technically doesn't even have to fucking be out here. And he came out here. Most people appreciate that. Oh,

glad he came out. You know, thank you for coming out right that fucking little tit for tat thing. Those people who fucking sit there and they come up hammered and they have like, you know, signed 500 fucking things and I want to have a 20 minute conversation with you despite the fact there's another 40 people waiting behind you who also have jobs and shit to do. And when I say, Oh, I'm sorry, there's other people. And then you flip out and say that I'm some prima donna cunt. Yeah, I don't give a shit about them. I hope I answered your question, sir. You have me wondering what I need to go redo my fucking website, maybe update some more fucking photos. You know, look, there's people out there, there's comedians out there who are funny and

are really good at recording themselves and have really interactive websites. If that's what you're looking for, I hate to say you stopped at the wrong kiosk. Because I'm kind of not that guy. All right. Okay, there we go. All right. Hey, you know what? Why don't we, why don't we drop out of that? We'll do a little bit of all things comedy, everybody. Would you like to know what's going on on the all things comedy network? The podcasting network that I was started by myself, Al Madrigal and a couple other people's there that will eventually take over the podcasting world. Here's some updates. Tom Segura, absolutely fucking hilarious. Tell you this guy is going to be one of the guys. All right, he's doing an hour long comedy special

December 4th at Flappa's Comedy Club in Burbank, a great old school comedy club in Burbank, plenty of parking, not a bad seat in the house. He wants the club packed. Please, let's see, says please extend an offer to be placed on Tom's guest list. Tell your audience to email Tom at TomSegura at me.com. It's T-O-M capital S-E-G-U-R-A at me.com. And then how many tickets they want and be sure to write December 4th in the subject line. So I guess these are free tickets. You guys want to go to a free show? Great up and common comic here telling you going to be one of the guys free show Flappa's Comedy Club December 4th. Email TomSegura at me.com. How many tickets you want with December 4th in the subject line. All right, a couple other ones. Randy from the Bone Zone. The Bone Zone,

a new podcast added to All Things Comedy on a recent episode. He had the creator of the Cartoon Network show Adventure Time. Penn Ward as a guest, if you'd like to listen to that. And Greg Barrett of The Walking Room, his band The Raining Monarchs start an indie go-go campaign to make a record tomorrow. It'll be going on for the next 45 days if you could plug. That would be awesome. If not, I'll hang myself. Okay, that was the part he wrote. Anyways, go to All Things Comedy. Barrett's fucking hilarious. And check that shit out, okay? And that is it. All right, now back to the fucking, oh wait, I got to read a little fucking advertising here. I got to grease the palms here. What do we got here? What do we got here? Oh, Stamps.com, everybody. Hey, you want to stop going

to the post office? And would you just like to be able to do everything you do in the post office at home? Just go to Stamps.com. You can avoid all the hassle, man, of going to the post office during the busy holiday season. Oh yeah, this is even more of a bonus. You don't want to be going down there because you know you're going to shop late and then you got to ship all your crap back to these people you don't even care about. Okay, it wouldn't be nice to not have to stand in line to do that. Everything you want to do at the post office, you can do right from your desk or at home sitting in your pajamas. You can buy and print official US postage using your own computer and printer, print postage for any letter or package the instant you need it, then mail, then the mailman

picks it up. So easy and convenience. I use Stamps.com to send all of my DVDs to any of the road gigs that I have. You should do it too. Right now, you get a special offer when you use my name Burr BURR. No risk trial plus $110 bonus offer includes a digital scale and up to $55 in free postage. So given you 55 bucks during the holiday season. So don't wait, go to Stamps.com before you do anything else. Click at the microphone on the top of the homepage and type in Burr BURR that Stamps.com enter Burr BURR. Okay, back to the podcast. So all right, here's a, here's another fucking thing I got a bone I have to pick. Hey, you know, something I really came down hard on the jets. I have fans. I know a lot of your fans didn't

leave. You guys are the real fucking fans. And towards the end of that game, if you looked around, if you really want to see the real fans, yeah, if you were still fucking there and not wearing a Patriots jersey, I always hate people who fucking leave early when your team's taking an ass kicking from the other team. Cause then the other team's fans get to like air quote, take over your, your, your stadium. You should never let that happen. Okay. You should have them walking out with their heads down nervous that they're going to get beat down by 60,000 fucking fans. That's, that's what I feel. All right. Okay, as always, okay, we fucked with the East Coast. Now how about the West Coast? Did you guys see Kobe Bryant the other night? I forget who the fuck they were playing.

They lost another game. Things aren't going well out there. So there's 10 seconds left in the game. You know, there's no way the Lakers can come back to down like by eight or nine or something like that. So the other team has the ball, they get it inbounded. They're at half court and they're just standing there dribbling it out. Right. And you just stand there, you wait, then the horn blows and then everybody just goes and shake hands. Then you go in the locker room. Well, Kobe, you know, he had scored 30 points that night and evidently thought he was God's gift to fucking everything. He just walks off the court, left his teammates there. Right. One of the most diva fucking things I've ever seen in my life. Just fucking walks off court with the whole,

hey, I scored 30 points. I don't know what's wrong with the rest of you. Totally setting himself apart. Just an absolute fucking cancer. Right. So I'm watching ESPN going, Hey, let's see what they're going to do is he's, they finally going to fucking criticize this guy. Stephen A Smith, who I love, who will rip somebody a new asshole whenever it is deserved. He goes on and he goes, and they go, Stephen A Smith, what do you think about that? How he just walked off? You see Dwight Howard looking at him like, are you serious? What do you think about that? And Stephen A Smith was just like, well, Kobe Bryant has a very high basketball IQ, which I don't even know what that fucking means. He has a very high basketball IQ. So what does that mean? He, but he can't use a fork.

You know, I mean, the guy has been the best guy in the league for like, what, 10, 12 fucking years. But whatever, he has a very high basketball IQ. And this is just evident, evidence of the level of frustration the man is feeling about the current state of the situation. I mean, Paul Gosol, he could not hit a shot. And he's such ripping all the other fucking Lakers. Hey, that's the type of shit I can't fucking stand. Just sitting there kissing the ass of a fucking star. Kobe Bryant is a fucking cancer. The guys, he ran Shaq out of town, you know, they won three fucking titles and he still wasn't happy. He goes right, go. Remember that? Shaq, gone, goes to Miami, won a title. There's another one the Lakers could have got that year. You know,

no, no, no, don't want to win. I'd rather have it all be me. It's all about me, right? He should have been benched, benched for the first quarter of the next game. And this is the same guy that they talk about in the same breath as Michael Jordan, the Magic Johnson's, the Larry Bird's. Let me tell you something. Those guys never would have done that shit. It's fucking ridiculous. Fucking ridiculous. That guy, can you imagine that? Now you got to go walk in the locker room after Kobe just left, left you out there like, yeah, you guys all suck. Go fuck yourselves. And then you got to walk into the locker room and you, what, you can't say anything to him? You know what they should have, they should have fucking

gone in there and all of them just hung them by his fucking shorts. Give him a big wedgie. How high would that hook have to be? I mean, what is he fucking six, eight? I mean, what, give me a fucking, you just walk out. And then Stephen A. Smith doesn't say anything about it. He just starts talking about how smart he is at the game of basketball and how he's really frustrated, like the other Lakers aren't frustrated. Let me ask you this, Laker fans, how many fucking, this is a great thing about Laker fans too, these fucking morons, the very next game will be chanting MVP at a guy who's run coaches out of town, ran shack out of town, fuck the team out of another fucking championship, most likely.

He had shack in his prime. That's another thing too. This fucking guy has had the Lakers organization. He hasn't by the short hairs, hasn't by the fucking balls. He does whatever he wants to do. It's embarrassing. Dan Tony should have sat him. He should have walked right in the locker room, he should have walked right in the locker room just like Kobe, what the fuck was that? You know, this is a team. You're not playing the first quarter tomorrow night. Hey, I don't want to hear it. Shut your face for once in your fucking life. Do I have to say it in Italian too? And you know what? He'd be a better player because of it. They should have a team meeting and address his cuntiness, you know? And you know, he'd get all emotional, you know, when he

does, when he puckers up his lips, you know, like we did when, uh, when they got beat by the pistons or you got beat nothing, the, the conference finals or that skank out and fucking Denver said the shit he said about him. He did that thing with his lips. That's what you do. Yeah, Kobe, you're kind of a cunt and he's start making that face. Look, the guy's a beast. He wants to win. I totally respect that. You know, you don't do that to your fucking teammates. And, and Stephen A Smith, you know what? Shame on you. You have a very high broadcaster IQ. You, you know what the fuck he did and you know why you didn't hold his feet to the fire. Then you go at fucking power saw. You go up to

the guy who looks like a giant Kenny Loggins. Come on. I don't know. I don't like that. I don't like that star ass kicks it because you know what happens is if you shit on him, then you can't get the interviews anymore. You know what I mean? Or maybe he played some sort of pickup game at your son's eight year old birthday party and you don't want to jeopardize that for the nine year old birthday. It's just something going on there where I was just, I couldn't fucking believe it. The fucking guy walks off court, the court with 10 seconds left. Fuck all you guys. This wasn't my fault. It's your fault. What else could it mean? You guys take the fucking loss. You take this embarrassing loss. I'm above this.

And Steven A. Smith. He has a very high basketball. Oh my God. Disgusting. That was, it was borderline offensive. I never get offended. All right. Here we go. Hello, Bill. My name is Stephanie. Malo Malazi. Okay. Why did I just read your fucking name? Well, you know what? You said it. My fiance and I are fans. We saw him in New York, in New Haven. I'm looking to find more information regarding booking Bill for my wedding in 2014. All right. Now this email was sent to me because they thought that I would think that this gig was funny and was beneath me, but 2014 is a long ways off. So who knows what could happen?

You know, ma'am, you know something? There's no way I would ever work a wedding because just out of respect for your grandmother and everybody else who's going to be there. And you know what I mean? But I'm definitely not above it. A long time ago, I got a trash and from the late great Patrice O'Neill, Kevin Hart, Rich Voss, Jim Norton, Murderer's Row, Keith Robinson, everybody trashed me because I was basically debating whether or not I was going to do this gig. The gig was basically, I think I've told this before, but just for new listeners. I'll go through it real quick. The Yankees were playing the Atlanta Braves in the fucking World Series. I'd never been to a World Series game.

And so they called up the comedy seller and they wanted two comedians. They wanted two comedians to do this fucking gig, which was basically they had rented two buses and they were going to drive up to the stadium. They wanted a comedian to do stand up on the bus. And they offered it to me and Jim Norton. And me and Jim sat there going, you're going to do it. I'm like, I don't know. You're going to do it. I don't know. It's going to be rough. They both wanted to go to the game. So unbeknownst to me, he told SD he wasn't going to fucking do it. And I was still hemming and hawing about it. And I made fun of his shirt and he said, whatever bus boy and the whole fucking table stopped and everybody was like, what? And he goes,

Bill Burris doing a fucking gig on a bus to get a World Series ticket. And there just wasn't enough time for me to try to explain, well, I'm just contemplating it. They offered it to him. It was over. And I took a fucking about a 50 minute pounding, 50 minutes straight, like a headlining set of just getting trashed. And so anyway, so they sent this fucking, and you know what, I actually, I didn't end up doing the gig. But still, I don't think the gig was that bad at a gig. That would have been such an easy fucking gig. You just get on the bus. And you just trash the Yankees. And when you run out of shit, you make fun of somebody. Hey, look at the tits on her. That's all you'd have to do. You make fun of yourself. This has got to be the great, you know, a lot

of you will probably think that this is a horrible, this is one of the greatest gigs. Just make fun of that. This is actually a good gig in your career. You could be drinking with them. Having chants, fuck the yags, fuck the yag, you know, just getting him to yell at other people on the side. You can just anything to distract. You just fill a buster for a fucking 20 minute ride up there and you go to a World Series game for free. I stand by it. I stand by it. I still don't think it was a bad gig, although the person who did the gig, but he was less experienced than me, who actually, maybe I'll have him on the podcast someday. He actually has his own TV show right now. See that? And I don't. So there was magic on that bus. He actually did it. And I finally,

I told him I took the pounding and, uh, you know, took it like a champ, just sat there and took it, fucking killed, killed me for 50 fucking minutes and I never gave up his name. I was like that guy in casino getting his eye popped out. I didn't even bring it up that I actually, I could have just said, I'm not doing the gig. I gave it to somebody else. Or maybe I hadn't given it to him at that point. Had I? I can't remember. I just remember in the end, I was still going to do it until it finally had died down. And Patrice just said to me, Bill, he goes, I will stand in front of that bus. You can't do that gig. All right. You want to go to the World Series, buy a ticket. And I was just like, wow, I guess I should have some sort of fucking self-esteem.

Smash cut the fucking eight years later, 10, whatever, how many years it is and being offered a wedding gig. Yeah, I'm going to say no. I'm just because even even if you know, I needed to fill the calendar, it's just like it's your wedding day. You want it, you want it to be nice. You don't want somebody going, I mean, you just saw my act. You saw what I talked about. I'm talking about the fucking apocalypse and people eating puppies. I mean, you really want me to, I don't have like a wedding set. That's what you're asking me. I really wouldn't know. I really wouldn't know what to do. So, but I'm glad that you had a good time. That new Haven gig was the shit. And that's something I definitely want to do again. Like I

said, I want to come back for the Harvard Yale game, go to a home game there. And I just want to listen into some of the conversations and who knows, I'll probably be sitting next to one of the future president or maybe someone who's in the future will be the guy who has the on high like cloaked robe before he stabs a virgin. It's some sort of Bilderberg cookout. All right. Apocalypse. Hello, William. I am a dedicated podcast listener. I've noticed your recent musings on preparing for the apocalypse buying guns. I haven't done any of it. I just think about doing it. And then Nia just looks at me and just shakes her head like you're out of your fucking mind. Buying guns, learning how to hunt and survive when the inevitable human population

bubble bursts and we run out of food and water. Well, I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. It eventually will happen. And it may very well happen within my lifetime. Okay. Well, I guess you plan on living a long time then, sir. Because I don't think it's going to happen at any time soon. But probably in my lifetime, when you think, you know, in the overall history of how long man has walked the planet and woman, that that's kind of soon. We've been around. How long we've been around? 100,000 years? I don't fucking know. We haven't been around that long. Have we? Jesus was walking the earth 2000 years ago. He didn't have an iPad. Look what the fuck he did. They went to kill him. Did they did they use lethal injection or electric chair?

They tied him to a fucking stake. If you believe in that stuff, you know, I'm not trying to offend anybody. Some people don't believe it even happened. Some people only believe that the guy even existed. Some people think it was just all made up. I'm not trying to offend anybody, you know. Anyways, like you, I grew up in a big city with them with middle class parents, relatively sheltered, and didn't learn a lot of the basic survival skills as a kid. As an adult with children, I think it's vital, capital vital, that they learn basic fundamental skills of survival, building a fire, making shelter, hunting, etc. I picked up hunting as an adult, and I have to say it has changed my understanding of the, of the natural world, man's role as a

predator on the planet, how we evolved, where we fit in, etc. I cannot underscore the appreciation you will have if you actually get out there, harvest your own food. You have to use the word harvest when you're killing a living thing. That's really creepy to me. Just say, fucking blow the brains out of a fucking elk. Prepare it, and then feed yourself and your loved ones. It's an experience someone who sees the world as you do will surely appreciate. Yeah, I think that's awesome. But what am I going to do? Am I going to go shoot a fucking deer and then tie it to the front of my Prius and drive back down to LA? Do you understand what will happen to me? How fucking liberal it is out here?

I'll get fucking stabbed to death with horseshoes on Hollywood Boulevard. If you want to get really back to basics, you should learn to hunt without a gun. I actually think that's cool. Hunting without a gun is great. You said bullets make life easy. I keep the bullets for people. You said bullets make life easy, but when the shit really hits the fan, you're going to need to save those bullets and all likelihood to protect yourself from other people. I actually already read that, so maybe his ID was already in my head. Don't kid yourself. The most dangerous animal on the planet is a hungry human who wants what you have. Forget about lions, bears, etc. They don't compare. Yeah, that's goddamn right. I don't live

next to a lion, but I live next to a bunch of human beings. Learn to hunt with a bow and arrow. The arrows are recoverable and reusable. If you want to get really fancy, have someone take you out to hunt with dogs or birds of prey or both. Dude, I gotta say, birds of prey freak me out. They really freak me out. They don't look, they're not domesticated. I don't like how you gotta put like that fucking special needs helmet over their fucking heads or else they'll, I don't know what they'll do. I don't like those talons. It's like they got a butterfly knife attached to both foot. They're like Freddy Krueger. And just one day, I don't know what's going to happen. You know, they confuse my face with some sort of red-chested robin or something.

I don't know. Claw out my eyes. And they always look angry. Like owls always look pissed off. You know, it's got that Dan Dierdorf line right above his nose, his beak, I mean. By the way, just in case you think I'm a fringe wacko, a wackadoo, I'm a board-certified physician and my wife went to both medical school and law school. Well, that really didn't prove anything, sir. You just said that. By the way, if you think, and if you think I'm crazy, I also flew the space shuttle, sir. Well, tell me, how do I do it? How, where do I learn how to hunt? I want to, you know, I want to kill, I want to kill a varmit. I could kill a varmit. Um, could I though? I'd have to be really hungry. I know I could do it. Anybody could do it. You

just have to be hungry enough. Unless you knew about berries. You know, wouldn't that be the worst? You're fucking out in the wilderness, right? And you don't know how to survive or hunt, but you're with somebody out there who knows how to survive and is like a fucking vegan. And you just sitting there eating nuts and berries and shit, right? Sticking your face in a beehive, trying to lick up some honey, getting stung in the face like a goddamn brown bear instead of just killing a rabbit. And you guys got to deal with this guy. You know what happened eventually? Eventually, you just, you just, you pick up a branch, pretend it was like a walking stick and you just, you'd club them over the head just in a moment of frustration and then have that panic

of being alone in the wilderness, not knowing how to get out. Did I just pitch a short film? You know, I smoked a cigar last night and I got like a third of the way through it and I was like, I'm done with this fucking habit. And I got a stupid fucking, what do you call those things, humidor? Anybody want to fucking humidor? You just want one. You want to just take this fucking disgusting habit out of my life. I don't want to do it anymore. You know, fucking horrific. It's a horrific fucking habit. You know how I know it is, because there's not a bad smell to a dog. A dog will walk up to another dog's fresh pile of shit and stick his nose right in it and can have it there. It doesn't gag or anything. All right.

If I'm sitting there with my cigar, it won't come anywhere near me. Now, what does that tell you? Cigars smell worse than poodle shit. Okay. All right. The truth behind pink. Bill, you should check out the outer documentary titled Pink Ribbon's Ink. It discusses the culture and popularity of breast cancer awareness month while exposing some of the hypocrisy involved. In case you don't watch it, let me give you a couple of highlights so you can talk about the film without actually having seen it. Well, thank you, sir. You got right down to the core of who I am. Give me the cliff notes. What do we got here? What do we got here? The woman that

invented the pink rhythm as a method to raise awareness. Quickly, one of the most annoying phrases out there. Raising awareness. Could it be any more fucking vague? They achieve it. I am aware. It's breast cancer awareness month. I got it. Everyone's in the NFL is wearing pink. I am aware. Job done. Now nobody can fuck with all the money that you took in. Is that the loophole? That's what I'm trying to guess. Then you go out and you buy a pink Bentley, but they can't get you because it's pink, right? I'm raising awareness. Okay. And I spent this amount of money on this car to show how serious the problem is. Raise awareness for breast cancer. It was approached by self. Sorry, the woman that

invented the shit was approached by the magazine self. A magazine aimed at the ladies and Estee Lauder. How do you say that? Estee Lauder. That's one of those things I've heard people say at zillion times. I don't know. In the early 90s, to partner with these corporations, knowing that these greedy cunts were only interested in the pink rhythm as a way to increase their bottom line, the creator of the original pink rhythm refused to collaborate and told self and Estee Lauder, Estee Lauder to go fuck themselves. So these corporate fucks created a pink rhythm that was technically a different color and the pink saturation began. Another interesting point the film makes is that companies like, why did you have to pick Estee

Lauder? I just said it right. Estee Lauder. There it is. Promote breast cancer awareness by turning pink the labels of products that contain carcinogens. Isn't that fucking hilarious? Of the money that buying all this pink shit raises, apparently only 15% of it is used for researching prevention of breast cancer. Most of the research goes to figuring out which cancer drugs work best for treating the disease once it occurs. Yeah, and nothing preventative because the money is not in the cure. It's in the treatment. Anyway, check out the movie Pink Ribbon, Inc. It's available on Netflix Instant. Thanks for the podcast and all the free funny. Well, you're welcome, sir. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm at that read that book that I'm reading. I mean,

take it for whatever you want. I mean, obviously, I'm not a nutritionist, but the that eat to live book where it talks about vegetables and that type of thing and fruits and all the anti-oxygen and how it helps regenerate some damaged cells from all the shit that you do. I really believe it just once a day. If you just have a giant fucking salad and eat a couple pieces of fruit, you can offset all that other stuff because I gotta tell you, there's no way I'm ever gonna 100% just never have a steak again. You know what I mean? Sorry. There's just some steer out there that's gonna have to fucking die. By the way, why do they have that in the commercial? Why do they have a cow saying eat more chicken? They don't feed your cows, it steers. And a steer is basically

a bowl with its balls lopped off. As far as I can tell, that's what I was told back in the day when I would do college gigs. And I would see both randomly see a bowl, and I would see a bunch of cows and then I would see steer and I'd be like, All right, a bull's a male, a cow's a female, what the fuck is a steer? And they said it was a bull with the balls lopped off. So what are they like? Unix? They don't hit puberty? I don't fucking know. Anyways, next question here on the podcast. Gaino. Gaino, hey, Bill, what's your opinion on this? My wife recently had a Gaino appointment, I hate that, just gynecologist. Gaino makes it sound like it's all goopy and gross. That's disgusting. But that's what I think. A gynecological appointment as a thoughtful husband,

I remembered. So later in the day, I casually asked my wife, Hey, how'd the appointment go? She said the doctor said everything looks great. I was incredulous. I don't know what that means, but I think it means you're upset. He said, I said, What? What did he say? She said, he said, everything looks great. I said, No, no, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, really? What were his exact words? She said, those were his exact words. Everything looks great. Then he writes, motherfucker, are you kidding me? Bill, does that comment seem completely unprofessional to you? I mean, he's a freaking doctor. He should have said something like everything looks in order, or everything looks healthy. These goddamn doctors, remember that Dr. Mancini from Melrose Place?

He was a real SOB. They're all like that, especially these creepy gynos. What kind of guy becomes a gyno? Stop saying that word, sir. What the fuck is this? What the fuck just popped up on my goddamn computer in the middle of a critical moment? Get the fuck out of here. Anyways, get back to plus. My wife is very attractive. And now he's telling her that her pussy looks great. The guy says, Hey, I know her pussy looks great. That's part of why I married her. What really fucking frost me, though, is that I had to pay this guy a $50 copay for his observation. It's like he's laughing at me. Anyway, what do you think about all that? I wouldn't mind his opinion as well. Should I get involved here? Thanks. Don't mention my name.

You know what? What you should do is just do what you just did to me. Because what you say it is funny. You just say it to your wife in a funny way. And just be like, what does this guy look like? Does he look like this Dr. Mancini from Melrose Place? I don't know what he looks like, but that guy sounds like a fucking sleazebag. You know, why does he get to just look at you? You know, I had to buy you a ring. I had to wine and dine you. I had to do all this type of stuff. I actually love you. And I only see it a couple of times a month. You get on there for just something. There's got to be something funny there because there is something actually, I don't know, women might not agree with this, but there's something caring about this.

You know, I see how much, you know, you're into your wife, you know, like some other guy just looking at it without saying something, you know, ah, shit, my fucking phone. Who is this? Who is this? And what do you want? I'm in the middle of talking about gyno. Yeah, I think, you know, if your wife's a hot shit, she'll get a kick out of it. Like that's the kind of thing that would make me a laugh if I ever said something like that. Oh yeah, how long was he checking you out? Did he have you laying your belly? Yeah, I got to check the other side of your vagina. Just lay on your belly and sort of just point your buttocks. They'd use like those words so it didn't sound perverted,

you know, with the ceiling. Oh, speaking of perverted, I can't even get into this. Let's just say early on the podcast, I mentioned that I went to something and saw some people that I hadn't seen in a long time and let's just say some older creep from the faculty showed up for whatever fucking reason, you know, there's always one. It's always one. Creepy, okay, overrated, underrated, underrated, going to your high school reunion, and overrated, getting fucking blitzed at your high school. I think if you're like, if you're five year, you're 10 year, you can go in there and get a little bit fucked. You definitely get drunk at your five year, 25 year, you know, get a nice little buzz going. Plus, you know, I don't know,

if you like the kids you went to school with, you want to be able to remember what the fuck you said, you know, anyways, underrated, having a tight ass for a boss, as much as everyone wishes that their boss wasn't such an asshole, it's about 20 times worse to have a cool boss that cuts corner, cuts corners and doesn't do their part. Yeah, then the company goes under and then you're looking for work. Overrated, Bill, whenever you see a list of the greatest movies ever made, you will always see Gone with the Wind on that list, right? My family and I decided to watch it for the first time on Thanksgiving. It was fucking horrible. It's basically a three hour movie about a self centered cunt. Throughout the movie, you watch this bitch gold dig her way through without

any remorse for anyone else. Besides the protagonist being unlikely, unlikeable, the plot is fucking stupid. It really has no point when the movie ended, I yelled, that's it. That's the big fucking ending. Avoid at all costs. None of us liked it. I got it. I have to watch it now. Is that the one way he ends? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. That was basically the 1940s version of saying, why don't you go fuck yourself your cunt? All right, you're going to be old and your tits are going to fall. And then where are you going to be? Huh? Do you hear teased up and all those goddamn noodles sitting here on the fucking plantation? What are you going to do then? Not even the non hired help will listen to you. So go fuck yourself right there soon to be flabby tits. Okay, if you're not

coming with love, all your guts is your looks. Okay, there's no Botox at this point in history. You're finished. All right. So why don't you get over here and suck this dick while you still can and then roll the fucking credits. All right, neolog preview here, everybody. This is sent to me. Hey, Bill, love the podcast, back cataloging it like crazy. Thank you. Here's my fucking problem. I got a roommate who was wonderful. We're buddies. We watch stupid shit. You know what, fuck this. I got to make this larger. This print is too small. Here we go. I've actually learned how to do this. Select everything. Go up here, go from 12. Let's make it fucking 18 like a grandmother. There we go. All right. I got a roommate who's wonderful. We're buddies. We

watch stupid shit and laugh together about it. All right. He's got this girlfriend who's a drain on everything that is fun in the world. I'm not talking about the regular guy girl argument crap. I mean everything. Quick example. We were watching that BBC Planet Earth series and we were just joking at the most beautiful shit in the world, literally. And all she could do is bitch about how ugly the birds were, complain about David Attenborough's voice, or get mad at some animal just because it's killing another animal to fucking survive. After we finished, she said she would love to be on the crew of a nature documentary shoot. She's got no soul. The guy loves her. They've been together for over a year, but it's so clear he can't stand to be around her. They only ever

argue. Oh, they only argue and not in that great way that you and Nia did in one of the podcasts where you all laughed with each other. It's unbearable and she's at my apartment five days a week. Yeah, dude, you know something. I get it. You're in a relationship, but either move in with this bitch or let's have a fucking two days here, two days there. You know, you got eight home games of the year, you got eight away games in the NFL. Let's try to set it up the same fucking way. So this is like baseball. At some point, you got to have a fucking road trip. Okay, there's sport. Anyways, most nights I eventually either drink or smoke or just so I'm not in the same world as her. And I like smoking. Who am I kid? I want to talk to him about it, but he's a really private guy.

We've never talked about his relationship stuff. He tends to, he tends to steer away from it. It's becoming pretty obvious that I can't stand this girl, nor can any of our friends. I'm afraid that she's going to drive us apart, then feast on his soul. She can try and find some kind of personality for herself. How do you think I should approach this with this guy? I got a right to complain to him about this girl, right? Got to do it tenderly or something. All right, this is the deal. I almost started singing when a man loves a woman, but I'm not going to do that to you. But it's true. Okay. When a man loves a woman, there's no other way to get into this point. I can't believe I was able to say that without singing it. Even, even I as much as bad as I

sing. No, I can't even, you want me to do it? All right. There's no fucking way you can approach the cunty things that annoy you about them. What you have to do is just walk into another room and just like literally just grab a pillow off of the couch, you know, after she says something, you just walk in the other room, you just go, and then you just come back in and you go, oh, so what are you majoring in? All right, you just do that. But you do have a right as a roommate to have some sort of parameters. All right. The problem is, is you've let it get out of control. All right. So here's the deal. Either this dude's going to marry this girl or he isn't. Okay. He's going to marry this girl. Your guys, your friendship is fucking over. You're not going

to hang out with him because he's, he's with this colossal cunt. You're going to meet somebody else, then eventually you're going to get married. You're going to have kids. You're barely going to have time to see this person anyways, even if you liked his wife. Okay. But the fact that she's a cunt, she's just going to fade out anyways. Okay. So there's nothing to worry about there. Losing this friendship. If he's going to marry this girl, it's fucking overdue. Okay. It's a done deal. All right. And if he's eventually going to break up with her, whatever you're going to say to him now, he's eventually going to come around and he's going to be saying all this shit that you're going to say to him or want to say to him. So you don't need to say it. You just get you all,

what you really have to deal with right now is just trying to cut down the amount of time that that fucking, that, that, that hell cunt comes into your apartment five days a week. Dude, I don't care if he even liked it. Just say, listen, I respect you and your relationship. You know, I'm really happy for you. You seem really happy, but you know, you know, it's just, this is fucking hard. She's coming over here five days a week. Ken, is there any way you can, you can kind of cut that in half, couple nights over her place? Because I like to come out here. I like to smoke a fucking bong and I like to watch the fucking TV. Oh, you can do that. You can do that when she's here.

Yeah, but see, I like to do it in a, a, a country atmosphere. There's no fucking way to do this. Um, you know what? You're just basically going to have to ask yourself, what's more important to you? Your friendship with this guy or your, your fucking, uh, you know, your ability to fucking have a beer and smoke a joint without this bitch fucking ruining your, you know, five nights of your week. Okay. I would suggest this. Okay. If you still want to be friends with this guy, you don't want to rock the boat, then I would look for another place to live if you could, which is fucking sucks. You got to pay to move, but I'm telling you, you're going to be psyched. How old do you do? Maybe it's time you should fucking live alone, you know,

because you might jump out of this, out of the fire and out of the fire into the, what, and out of the frying pan into the fire. Dude, this is fucking rough. I don't know how to just say, listen, dude, I don't know how to say this to you, because I feel like however I say it, you're going to feel like I'm attacking you and that, you know, you're going to say something to your girlfriend and she's going to think that I don't like her, which I don't. Just say, listen, she's coming over here five days a week. She's not paying rent. You know, I like hanging out watching TV. You know, I'm coming over here. She's taking up half the couch. I just need just, can we cut it down to four days a week, three days a week?

I don't mind her coming over here. Just not five out of the seven days. All right. I want to come out of my underwear, rub my balls, drink a fucking beer and watch the game. I don't want to come out here, you know, dressed like I'm on father's nose best, you know, back in the day that fathers would walk around the house in a goddamn suit, right? You know what, dude? Sometimes you just got to burn a friendship. There's all different ways you can do that. You could just, you could just be honest and just say, listen, dude, if this fucking girl comes over here one more time. So do you like mommy to cut it down to like three days a week? No, how about zero? How about you break up with her and realize you can get somebody better? How about that? You know,

I don't know. So that, that is definitely a rough one. I gave you a number of options. I would in no way say how you feel about that girl, the of buddy, you can't do that. You can't do that. I mean, you can't, but there's just going to be ramifications to that. But I would definitely try to get that, you know, try to get that number knocked down. All right, did I just say the same thing for fucking 20 minutes over and over again? All right, there's an hour, there's an hour for you. All right, that's the Monday Morning Podcast for this week. I'm going to be at the Brea Comedy Club in Brea, California. Let me get to my fucking website that evidently that guy's got me feeling bad about. Do you give a shit about your fans?

I hope you do. Because if you don't, it's really sad. Oh, Jesus shows. Here we go. I'm going to be at the Brea Improv November 30th, December 1st and December 2nd. All right, Friday, Saturday, Sunday of this week. This is my last headlining gig of the year. If your dream was to see me at some point in 2012, this is your last chance. I guarantee you're going to see a great show because I'm loving my act right now. And I took last weekend off and I'm chomping at the bit to get on stage and I got a bunch of new fucked up shit that I want to talk about. And I watched something the other night that I got really inspired by actually watch the documentary of the making of Michael Jackson's Bad. And it just made me feel like I don't work nearly,

you know, I don't work hard enough was really fucking inspiring. And also killed me as I got off at that subway stop where they where they shot the whole dance thing for bad. And it's weird. It's like you come down the stairs and there's a middle level and then you go downstairs again. And the amount of times I ran through there, trying to fucking catch a train and didn't even look around. I wonder if I looked around, I wouldn't have noticed it. I think it would have to be like nobody in there. If it was a bunch of people, I don't think I would have noticed. But if I was there late at night, and I was looking around making sure I wasn't going to get jumped. You know, I wonder if I would have noticed. I probably wouldn't have. I probably wouldn't

even noticed if I was fucking coming down with my iPod listening to the song bad. I would have walked right by it. Anyways, all right, that's the podcast for this week. Thank you, everybody for listening. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. And that is it. And thanks to the person who organized the high school reunion. Like I said, I don't name names here. I had a great time. And I think I'm going to go to the next one. Alrighty, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you next week. Oh, Jesus. Bye.