Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 11-6-23

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

Bill rambles about room service, iconic Vegas fountains, and sign language at comedy shows. Zip Recruiter: Try Zip Recruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR  

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday November 6, 2000 and 23 what's going on how I How the fuck are you oh my god? I'm wiped out man. I'm fucking my voice is tired. I Did two shows at Foxwoods yesterday and it is the woods just the middle of fucking nowhere. Not really the middle of nowhere. I always thought it was further out into the woods but it's definitely a drive off the highway. I was wondering why the hell they put it away out there. Maybe it's a reservation. I have no idea.

But I had a great time. I want to thank everybody that came out to the shows. Yet another corporate stupid fucking thing trying to penny-pinch and make more money, right? We fucking drive there from Boston and I get to it like two three in the afternoon. No menu in the fucking room Nothing on the TV. No nothing All right old freckles is hungry. Hey want some grub So I call up the fucking, they push the button for brum servers. They say, thank you for coming.

You can't put it back. I'm rump. Just immediately goes just to let you know we have a limited menu. Right? Like it's one in the morning. I'm like, what do you mean you have a limited? We have a limited menu until like five o'clock. And she's like, you can get like a ham and cheese

fucking hand roll roll up thing or a turkey one or like a cheese pizza and I literally just go like how much how much money did she suck it's not me I go I know it's not you I go to the make you get they got you making the food yet too answer the phones I'm making the food yet? Two, answering the phone, saying, making the food and she laughs and she goes, not yet. It's fucking unbelievable. Like it's just, when is somebody gonna step in with these corporations and just be like, okay, you guys,

you've taken it too far. You've exhausted the ways that you can just fuck people over. Now you're like barely even doing your job. Well, what if we don't have the cook come in until after five o'clock and during the day, we'll just feed people like they're in a fucking airport. Anyway, I ended up going down to that

junior's cheesecake thing. Fucking assholes. So fucking sick of that. I didn't want to get into it. I'm going to stay in a good mood. Okay? I got a nice, I have a day off on the road here. I'm on my final fuck.

We have a limited menu. Three in the fucking afternoon. I'm trying to think what the fucking angle is. You know they're going to blame COVID in the Taliban or some, you know, whatever's going on in fucking Israel. They always come up with some sort of fucking excuse. And it's all bullshit. It has to do with the fact that if they do it that way,

if there's a limited day, we can have the fucking, the cook at night, make all the fucking sandwiches, he can fuck off and we can keep selling food, but nobody down there. We'll just have one person answer the phone. By the way, it was like fucking 50 rings before anybody even picked up. Hi, welcome to Foxwoods. Just to let you know we're not really going to fucking, you know, do our jobs until fucking five o'clock. Tell you what's funny, is they do all of these

goddamn things about the mafia and all of the shit that they did and every fucking old dealer I've ever met in a casino said it was way better, way better when the mob ran it they were way less greedy I'm not saying that they were good people all right I'm not saying that I'm just saying you know even they had a fucking line you know what it was was that they what they were doing was illegal most of their you know I guess in Vegas you know the gambling was legal, but most of their scams

were all fucking illegal. So they kind of had, you know, they had to watch it. But now the corporations basically are on the legal side of stealing and they took all of their scams. And now they can just go as far as they fucking want because nobody in politics has any backbone. No one's looking out for fucking people. It's like, isn't it enough you turn the fucking food supply

into poison like what I'm eating is gonna be full of some sort of fucking hormones that's gonna give me a disease at the end of my fucking life? Isn't that enough? Can't you have somebody fucking there to prepare it? Oh Billy grumpy. Oh grumpy Bill. Um Anyway, you know what's funny is how uh

People look at people in cars and they just sort of sum them up What kind of car you have is who the fuck you are, you know, just on Instagram, because I'm addicted to my God damn phone. And this guy caught this woman using his charger for her Tesla, or some shit like that, right? Which I didn't know they had Teslas over in England. I don't really remember, but that was the comment in the thing. And the guy was remember, but that was the comment and the thing. And the guy was, I guess, was at work and was looking at his fucking security. He must have had England simply safe and he's like, right, right, what you're doing? She's like, right, I'm using, I'm using the charge, I'm charging, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, me calling, I'm charging my car, my car needs a charge.

He's like, right, but it's me charger. She's like, yeah, but you're not using it. He's like, right, but it's me charger. And she just kept coming up with these, I'm seeing my friend across the street. Right, what's her name? Lucy, I'm seeing Lucy, I'm using, you know, my car needs a charger and She couldn't get it through a fucking thick head that what she was doing was fucked up So of course in the comments somebody writes

typical entitlement Of a Tesla driver And I'm laughing going like, have you ever even fucking talked to a Tesla driver? There's like people, they just fucking, I remember when I drove the Prius, like the amount of fucking stereotypes that came with driving a fucking Prius,

but I do it too. This guy fucking annoyed me last week and I was talking to a friend of mine as I got like that fucking G wagon ice bath fucking cunt, you know, and I didn't even see his car. I just assumed with his fucking attitude he drove a G wagon. You know those jerk offs that drive G wagons, he stupidest fucking car in the road, that big dumb toaster driving down the street. They all think it's like a badass vehicle. That is a goofy, it's looking fucking truck on the goddamn road. Everybody look at it, it just looks like three books.

You know, they're standing up on a bookshelf. It's just a big fucking, it looks like a kid drew it, you know? And I was like loud and like driving fast. And I just, I always put those people like, and you know, these fucking idiots that for some reason think they need to take an ice bath after they're very like mediocre workout down at the gym, you know, and you can't just like take a fucking ice bath, right? You got to make a video and you got to put it on social media. And the whole thing is about when you get into the ice bath, you don't make a noise, right? And they all act like they're trying to

help you going like, you know, it's the end of my workout, you know, gonna take a little ice bath here. Well, just fucking take the ice bath. The fuck are you talking to me about it for, right? You know, this is good for like inflammation. It's like, what did you do with the gym? That you gotta treat your body like a bag of frozen fucking broccoli. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was one of those dumbasses. I did it. I did some ice baths. I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel any benefits or any of that shit. All I knew was you just got in it and it sucked for fucking

40 seconds and then you just sat there and your body acclimated and it was kind of no big deal. The more you did it, the less it bothered you. I probably did like seven or eight of those six. Before I realized that it was fucking stupid, like there's no fucking way I need to be doing this with the amount of time that I'm working out. I've gone this far in life without doing an icing. I'll take a fucking cold shower. Just sitting there. It's really really great. It boasts your immune system. It's done it then. All

of these fucking assholes saying this shit. How many even like researched it? They're just saying what the fuck other people say because at the end of the day, an ice bath, okay, is that's the guy version of like these fucking workout horrors that try to act like they're showing you how to get abs and what they're really doing is just showing off their bodies. You know what I mean? It's like, oh I'm working out. It's like, oh yeah, were you going to put on any workout clothes? Why are you in your underwear with your fucking clam peaking out?

You know, to sweatpants really get that much in your way when you do squats. Right, this is good for your bum. If I'm just self-involved, fucking const, you know, why can't everybody be like me? What the fuck am I doing here? Now I just turned on the flashlight. Oh, thanks for falling apart here. There we go, shutting it off. I don't know.

Yeah, so my thing is that if you drive a G-Wagon, I think there's like an 80% chance you take an ice bath. All right, oh, this is good. This is like, let's do car stereotypes. You like right in, I don't know, whatever you think of each person. There's a committee, many, did a hilarious bit on people that drive 4F150s

and I whenever they park it, they pull the mirrors into the side of the truck rather than looking into them and figuring out what's wrong with them as a person. And I could laugh at it because I drive an F250, which means I'm 100 points better than someone that drives a 150. And every once in a while, I drive my 250 down the street. And somebody pulls up next to me in an F350. And that always bugs me because I know that there are 100 points better than me. I don't mind an F450 or an F550.

I don't mind those because those people are going to work. All right, but when I see it and have 350 pull up with nothing in the bed just like me, I know that he's 100 points better than me and that I lost. You know, and if my wife is there, I try to distract her so she won't look over at that other man that I know is better than me.

Anyway, I had an incredible fucking night in Boston, Massachusetts. First of all, I went to that fucking, what the hell is it called? Tattei? I don't even know what it's called in Boston. I looked up the word. It's the Hebrew word for grandmother. So I'm like, all right, now I'm starting to get it. Because who cooks better than your grandmother? Maybe your mom, your grandmother sucks at cooking, but just in general.

You know, if you have a grandmother that's still fucking cooking for people, right, she understands life. So I'm like, all right, this is great. You know, I'm gettin' the Jewish version of their grandmother's cookin' and everything, but I don't even get the food when I go there. I went to Charles Street and went to this place. It's the best fuckin' espresso in the country.

It's the most ridiculously flavorful. It is the, you know, Starbucks espresso is the fucking antichrist. Like, I don't even know what they're doing. They just burn the shit out of the beans and just throw it in one of their stupid cups and they have the nerve to charge you for it, right? Just, you know, the balance of the universe. I got to get the name of it. I'll figure it out. I, post it later, whatever.

There's two locations in Boston, there was one over near with a new Emerson College as Justice Delicious. I like the one on Charles Street better. I just like that street. So I get that coffee. It's fucking delicious, right? First of all, I'm standing in line and I said,

the pastry lady goes, can I help you? I said, yeah, can I get a double espresso? And she just looks at me and she goes, you order up at the register. Pastries here only. And I just started fucking laugh and going, I know by the way, she just said that there must have been at least three signs telling me that before I said that shit to her. And I went back the next day and she wasn't there because if she was there, I was going to order coffee again just to see what she'd do. So anyways, it was fucking delicious. And I walked up Beacon Hill, I think that's what it's called there. Because I wanted to look at Lewisburg Square

because I'm always reading my kids make way for ducklings. You know, there's a lot of like, you know, the Swan boats, Lewisburg Square, which I never even heard of. It's this own little, it's almost like Grammar Sea Park in New York City where it's like, that's, this is our park, our bronze, brown stones like face, because you went up there, you're not allowed to go in

the park. The park is private. And there's a gate that goes around the whole thing. There's only one entrance that I saw and it was locked and there was a little sign with a little doggy bag on it that said, this is fucking private. This is our park. Okay, you're common. You go to the Boston Commons, you go down there, you deal with people with mental problems that we no longer try to help out. All right, that's where you belong. So I was a little disappointed that you couldn't go into the fucking park. So I took some video for my kids,

and then I went along the Charles River, and I tried to find that little island, you know, next to, what is it, Mass Ave Bridge or something like that, where the fucking mother is, and the feathers start to molt and all of that shit. I was just having a great time, right? the feathers start to molt and all of that shit. I was just having a great time, right? So, in the afternoon, I had to do sound check

because I was doing comics come home and I was playing double drums basically with Charlie Dennis Lerie's drummer on the asshole song. And Mark Marin was playing guitar and Mark and fucking play. Like, he can really really really really I don't think people understand how fucking good a guitarist that guys he gives him a ton of time he's just ripping with the band man it's fucking fantastic.

I'm you know I'm a guitar center dad I can go there I can play when the levy breaks and I just don't ask me to fucking do anything beyond that right. So I went down there, you know, we were all just fucking around. We ended up playing like Zeppelin the ocean, we played a little walk this way, just dicking around and then figuring out like what we were going to do. I went back and I don't know, I got something to eat and then we came down and did the show. I had to go on last. It's funny because people, oh, you're closing it? It's like, no, on those shows, you go on last.

I remember talking to Patrice about that a long time. On a show like that where everybody's doing 15, you're not closing it out. You're going on last. You're not headlighting. You go on last. There's no meat left on the bone. And everybody fucking murdered. And before the thing even started, they no meat left on the bone, and everybody fucking murdered.

And before the thing even started, they brought a bunch of the brook, you know, Camnelia is always does this great, heartfelt speech, and then they brought up all of these brookens, and we're gonna try to remember each era. So from the 2011 Stanley Cup era, they had, and like the last 10 years they had, Milano Cheech, they had Patrice Bergeron and

Tukarosk, and then they had, from my era, they had Ray Bork, Ken Linsman, the original rat on the Bruins, Ken Linsman, and Raymond Bork, and then they they had from pre-Babbey or through Babbey or they had John the Chief Bucic down there. I couldn't fucking believe it. Got to meet all of them, shake all their hands. It was just insane and then the show started and I mean everybody fucking ripped Tammy Pasquitelli, Rachel Feinstein, I'm trying to remember everybody's fucking name on the thing, Lenny Clark, Pete Davidson, everybody, Bobby Kelly, Mark Maher, this kid Orlando Boston guy, forget his last name, everybody just had a fucking great time. And like the next day, you know, I ended up smoking, I smoked a cigar with Jay Miller,

my favorite fucking Bruin, you know, during the Cam Mealy era in the 80s. And I'm smoking a cigar, I'm fucking sitting there with Jay Miller and he's telling me about all of his fights and shit, just fucking insane. And the next day, like I'm sitting there drinking another delicious coffee, right? I was just thinking about how awesome my life is. I was just like, how the fuck did all of that happen? You know, so thank you to Camille and Dennis Leary

for giving me yet another fucking make-a-w wish day in my life. It's always an honor to come back. Thank you to everybody that came out to the show. It was fantastic. Yeah, and then I went down to Foxwood's last night. It had a great time. Two shows. And that one, I had a bunch of people. I used to work a long time ago. It took you to my whole fucking life here. I used to work at this place called Corporate Software.

Way back in the day. Way, way, way the fuck back in the day. I'm talking 1986 to like 1989. I worked in this place that was sort of like an Amazon before Amazon. Instead of having to go to 5,000 different stores, you just go to one location and they did computer software. We just ordered software in bulk from all these different companies, had it in the warehouse, and then people would just call us, and than just put in all their orders for software rather than having to call all these other ones, right?

It was ahead of its time, the company totally blew up and the people that bought it ended up going public and they sold it and they made a ton of fucking money. That's not what I did. I unloaded the trucks. That's not what I did. I unloaded trucks. And unloaded trucks. So my old boss from back in the day, he came there and then two of my,

he came out to the show and two with his wife and two of my former co-workers came down and we were just fucking talking about the old days. It's funny, they all drive trucks and one of my buddies switched from Ford to Silverado and I just can't believe it's like how the fuck could you do that? It's like if you're going from like the Red Sox to the Yankees or the other way back. That's another thing that I don't fucking understand. Like the level that Ford and Chevy truck drivers fucking battle with each other and shit on it.

And then like what's funny is nobody gives a fuck about Dodge trucks, you know, like they're never like brought in. They just sort of like, I don't know what they are. They're like that team that never wins it. Never wins the championship, like the royals back in the day before they finally got another one, you know. And then nobody gives a fuck about a Toyota Tundra or those full-size trucks that the Japanese people make, you know, what's the Nissan one? I have no fucking idea. But like Ford and fucking Chevy, I don't know what happened back in the day, but the, I remember the commercials, like they'd show a Ford truck driving up a hill,

going over all these speed bumps, and it would be carrying like a, a fucking Chevy square body. They'd have it on the back of the truck and then drive it up there, or they'd fucking put a bed liner in a Chevy Silverado and have no bed liner in the Ford. And they take like the fucking suspension out or something. They just drop all these bricks in there and be like, see, this is what happens if you drop a fucking Ford. It's like, I think that would happen any truck if it didn't have a bed liner.

I think you would fuck it up. So anyways, I'm fucking babbling here. But this week I have, what do I got? I got no Fuck Virginia on Tuesday tomorrow. I have Atlanta, Georgia on Wednesday on Thursday. I have Hollywood, Florida, and then Friday I fly in and I got Madison Square Garden and then I am done. I am fucking done And I have a bit that I'm gonna do at Madison Square Garden Then I'm gonna tell you guys about afterward. I hope it goes well. It's shit non-New Yorkers. So I'm kind of excited to do it

I was speaking a shit non-st stuff. There's some account on fucking Instagram that it's just been doing this thing, trying to get people upset that they're gonna have a Formula One race in Las Vegas. That they can have a Formula One race in Las Vegas at night going right down the strip with all those casinos lit up. I can tell you right now,

whoever's directing that thing, if they shoot it right, it's going to be the sickest look and race. You know, there's some really good ones. It's the one in Mexico where they drive through an old baseball stadium. That's a cool one. The one at, but the ones at night, the one at Singapore are amazing. So there's some woman there just going like, but the ones at night, the one in Singapore are amazing. So there's some woman there just going like, they're just destroying it. It's an absolute failure. And she's sitting there going like, you know, usually this is what the Venetian looks like.

And I guess they drain the water out of those front pools so they could put the grandstands there. She said, and now look at it, they've drained the water out of the iconic gondola rides at the Venetian. It's like iconic, but that's not iconic, you know? You go to Venice, Italy, that's iconic.

Not those two stupid pools at the front of the Venice where they make it seem like when you get on the ride, they take you through the whole fucking casino. They don't, those are two separate rides. They got two kiddie pools out in front of the thing and they bring you around. It's like all the three minutes, the fucking ride. And she's acting like they're just gonna leave these

grandstands up and they're never gonna fucking put them back. Then she's showing these they're just gonna leave these grandstands up and they're never gonna fucking put them back. Then she's showing these palm trees going like, they've taken the trees out of the side of the road. It's like, yeah, they know what drivers hitting trees and dying. And she's like going like, how long is it gonna take to grow those things back?

It's like, they're not gonna, they're gonna buy full size ones and stick them in there. And I guarantee you, F1 is paying for it. You can't get to the fountains at the belagio, you know, the bridges that go over the thing, they've put these, this paper up so you can't watch the race for free. It's like, yeah, yeah, that's what they do. It's an event. You're not going to get to do it for free. And it's going to come in there.

It's going to be an incredible success. And they're going to do it year after year. I think, I don't know. You think they're going to rip the trees out year after year? I have fucking no idea. But I know they're going to put the trees back. I don't think the iconic gondola rides are over. I don't know, just making a big fucking deal. It's like I get it. You don't like the race you live out there. Fucking iconic.

I'll tell you right now, if you don't have the money to travel the world like most people, just go to Las Vegas. You can knock out like 10 of the biggest fucking tourist attractions ever. You get to see the skyline in New York City. You get to see the pyramid. You don't get to see the pyramids. That's some aristocratic shit. You got to go to Egypt for that.

But you can see the pyramid. All right, if you like the castles, you know, of the French countryside, you can go to the Aladdin. You can see the Eiffel Tower over at fucking the Paris. You could take Gondola Rice. Oh, another thing she was talking about was the stupid fucking volcano out in front of Treasure Island. That's like 25 years old. That was fucking stupid. The day they put it in, it's just stupid. It's not a volcano.

They've shut down the volcano, wake. Yeah. It's 25 years old. No one cares. If you can't go to Seattle, you know, you can just go to that the fucking space needle thing that they got at the start is what the hell do they call it? The stratosphere. It's fantastic. You can knock out most of Europe. You can say you

kind you went to Africa adjacent when you go to the luxur, right? It's fantastic. You can you can just do the whole goddamn thing in a day See some whores walking down the street. I mean, it's a great time to go to why can't they have a fucking car race there? You miserable cunt Jesus you guys watching the NFL football yesterday? The fucking Baltimore Ravens beat the fuck out of the Seattle Seahawks. I had the Seahawks. The Las Vegas Raiders beat the fuck out of the Giants. I had the Giants. Those fucking games are over before they even started.

How about the Raiders, man? They fired their coach, Josh McDaniel, right? I'm psyched, I hope he comes back to the Patriots because the way we fucking played yesterday, it's Agbe, honest with you, for the first time this season, I'm actually really concerned. Like, just watching the bonehead play that we were doing, we fucking stop a drive, we intercept the ball in the end zone.

The guy runs like 22 yards east west and then takes it, I'm yelling, you know, get on a knee, down it, down it, get on the ground, runs like fucking 25 yards east west, takes it out of the end zone, gets tackled on the nine or the 10 yard line. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? zone gets tackled on the nine or the 10 yard line. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? Taking stupid penalties on special teams, we're down by three, we stop them, three and out or whatever, we kill a drive, they go to punt the ball, somebody lined up in the neutral

zone, and we got a holding call holding called the client. Oh Jesus Christ and then they take the fucking off sides penalty, which gives them five yards at a first down and they get to chew up the clock even more. We just kept doing shit. We just kept doing shit like that. So I don't know, it is really, really hard to watch. I don't know. It is really, really hard to watch a bunch of people playing that level of disrespectful football for fucking Bill Belichick because there's no fucking way, you know, any team I've ever seen that he has coached has ever made that many of them, that, that amount of fucking stupid mistakes.

And what's funny is the locals are blaming him. Like did the game pass him by? It's like, dude, are you guys out of your fucking, I don't, I can't, I don't even want to see that. Just watching these idiots talking about that shit. That's like, that's like the New York Knicks when they threw Charles Oakley out of the fucking garden. Certain things you don't do. But anyway, how about the fucking Raiders?

I don't know who that new coach is, but I already believe in that guy. And the Raiders were always so fucking confusing to me. It was like they have an unbelievable amount of talent on that team. And I'm still going gonna watch my pets. I fucking love the pets. I don't give a fuck. Good or bad, I'm still always gonna watch them. But, the late game, I'm gonna be watching the Raiders,

you know, they got the red-headed ginger coming in there on fucking defense, giving us a good name, max whatever the fuck his name is. Christ, am I catching another goddamn cold? This isn't even, is this even possible? Oh by the way, do you know what the fuck I did? I did the, I did that raw ginger shit. I told you guys that with the honey and the lemon, you know, it didn't stop me from getting a cold, but I'll tell you, it neutralized it. I kept it from going down on my throat. Bill, we don't give a fuck.

You know what I said? I didn't do. I didn't fucking say congratulations to the Texas Rangers. I don't know if I did that yet. That was so great to see you guys finally when a fucking world series. You know, Oh, look what the court is everybody. Old sip for Cruder.

You know, it takes a team, everybody. It takes a team to make this show successful. No, it does, it takes me and Andrew Themales. Just like it takes a solid team to make any business successful. So if you're hiring, how do you find the best people for your team? Oh, zip. And right now you can try it for free at zippercruder.com slash per. Here's why you'll be grateful you tried zippercruder for your hiring. Matching technology, matching technology, zip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, uses smart technology to scan technology. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Z website, I'd be grateful. I'd have my hat in hand if you go to this web address right now

to try out Ziplocrooter for free. It's Cypriotrcrooter.com. Again, that's Cypriotrcrooter.com slash burr. Oh look at they cut down the fucking copy finally. My favorite line ever. Cypriotrcrooter. The smartest way to hire. Okay and we're back. And we are back. I was just wondering, I just glanced at this one. If this isn't like a sign of the time of how busy people are, how much they're working, and how many different things they're doing it, doing it on, you know, at the same time, this person said, talk faster.

No one has ever told me to talk faster. I've had a lot of what? Can you repeat that? You mumble and cut. Talk faster. Suck it, you white pasty-cut. Now that that's out of the way, love the podcast bill,

but listening since 2011, I usually run it at 2x speed because you actually sound like yourself 20 years ago. Yeah, well, as you get older, your voice gets fucking deeper. That's why singers can't hit the fucking high notes and shit. All right. Listening to you at normal speed now is like strategic grill locations versus Mitch altogether. Oh, those Mitch Hedberg, I have no idea what that is. Okay, anyways, keep

up the good work and stay out of Indianapolis for fuck's sakes. BR, some asshole from New Jersey. Well, dude, that has to do with you. All right. Two times faster, you tell me I'm talking twice as fucking slow. Or you like the way that I sounded back then. All right, well, maybe I'll just place some of my Robert plant records a little faster. Talk faster. You don't want me to talk faster. You want me to talk at a higher pitch voice, I believe, like Michael Jackson.

Maybe somebody's, you know, every stupid fucking week, I look at the thing and I end up hitting stops, so I gotta send two of these things rather than one. I don't even know what I just did here. Anyways, Reno show. Dear Mr. Bill and Bird, I was there last night at the Reno show. Well, that was last week, okay. I had a blast, was so much fun to laugh that much.

It was great to see you in person. A nice fat tip helped me avoid that dreadful line in the cold. Yeah, I do not understand what the fuck was going on with the line outside the Reno show. It's like the show was at eight, and it was like they didn't open the doors until eight. And I like how this person's not gonna tell anybody what the tip was.

He said, and I am a long time lady listener and big fan. Gotta tell you what I enjoyed most. The sign language interpreter who was off to the left for a deaf couple. I sat right behind them to see her interpret your foul mouth was absolutely hysterical. I love how she signed the story about your son talking about balls which grew into a larger ball bit. Then on the massage story she was on fire with their hands making all kinds of lured motions. It was the best. I wish I saw that. Question is she part of your crew? If not, you should consider bringing her along when that service is needed. Love your hurry back. No, I had no idea. And I'm glad wherever

they put her, because I find people signing unbelievably distracting, because they always like stick them up on the stage. So now you're on stage with this other fucking person, you know, I don't know, they has to be a fucking way to do it. Because I just get like ADD, and I'm just looking at the person, and I just want to be like, are you deaf too? Can you talk, would you get that sport coat? And then it just kind of makes me actually have a worse show. All right, so if you're deaf, if you could just stay home for me, for me, you know,

um, kidding, of course, before somebody gets like, Bill Burr says, fuck you to deaf people. Alright, avocado trade. Oh boy, here we go. Dear Billy Gwakomoli breath, Burr. I'd love some fucking Gwakomoli right now. That'd be a great way to start the goddamn day, huh? Some guacamole chips. Anyway, during your rant on Monday's podcast, you mentioned your dissatisfaction with paying for extras like fries or guacamole. Okay, I don't like the way you phrase that, paying for extras. What I was saying is, why is that extra?

I understand that guacamole would be extra on the East Coast, but when I live in California and I have an avocado tree in my front yard, it's not exactly a rare thing. Why am I paying extra? French fries always came with a sandwich and all of a sudden I go to Reno and they asked me if I wanted to upgrade from potato chips to French fries and all of a sudden trying to like make me feel like they're trying to like like the way they've pulled off this scam with with guacamole is fucking our avocado is extra. You know what they wanna do now? They wanna have everything is, if we can get every, it's not these corporate guns think, if everything could have avocado status.

And we could just fucking talk to people like potatoes of these rare fucking things and that french fries are like this high level of fucking cuisine. It isn't, it's blue collar fucking food. It's plate filler horse shit. Okay, it's one level above coleslaw. I'd say it's a little higher than that.

Although, you know, something people's coleslaw game is fantastic. When I was growing up, like you didn't even eat coleslaw. It was literally, I had like wallpaper paste. It was all milky and just disgusting. And you had to put a napkin down next to it because they used to make it so fucking runny. And then finally, the food network came along. Back when they used to teach you how to cook,

rather than sit there competing with each other. You know, you got, you know, here's a couple of pork chops. Make pancakes. How am I gonna do that? Figure it out. You got 10 minutes. It pork chops, make pancakes. How am I gonna do that? Figure it out, you got 10 minutes. It's such, that channel, the food network is absolute fucking garbage. It's fucking garbage.

So you used to teach you how to cook, and you would watch these fucking great chefs cook. It was fantastic. Multimario. Say what you want about what he did at the after party. During the fucking day, Multimario watching that guy cook was fucking amazing. It was fucking amazing.

So anyway, that's what I'm talking about here. My dissatisfaction with paying for extras. They're not extras. They're not extras. They've just for some reason, all of a sudden been labeled like they're these special things. He said, you correctly asserted, this guy's getting all legal, that most avocados we consume are from Mexico. 80% come from the Mexican state. I'm going to fuck this up. It's M-I-C-H-O-A-C-A-N.

Yeah, I mean the closest thing I can say to that is Mani Machado. I know I'm gonna fuck it up and I know it's got some badass fucking way of saying it. I don't I don't want to fuck that up. There is an unsavory reason prices consistently are going up. The cartels increasingly are controlling the avocado trade. Well look at them. Gradually becoming a legit business. Yeah, why the fuck are we involved in this cocaine and all of this stuff having to go around killing people? Let's get in this avocado shit. We don't have to fucking hide in the woods.

They say this shouldn't be a surprise considering that Mexico exports 2.8 billion in avocados to us each year Of course the cartels won it in what I'm worried about now is the price of lives Which have gone up a lot recently much in part because the cartels are getting into that business It's a sad state of affairs to know that our grocery store purchases now come at the cost of innocent Mexican farmers lives. Well where did farmers get killed in that? But I'll tell you this, dude, you're still kind of like letting corporations off the hook because whatever American corporations don't give a shit

about the cartels down there. If California could give them an avocado cheaper, they would just go over there. So I'm sure to keep the price down that the Mexican farmer, the legit honest dude, isn't barely getting paid anything anything and the cartels make sure that you know They're able to make their money and the corporations are able to fucking you know they stay under The price of California Avocado's it's so fucking filthy man Sorry for the downer all the best to you when your family go fuck yourself. Yeah, man

Sorry for the downer all the best to you when your family go fuck yourself. Yeah, man That was a downer because that really I just like watching what's going on in all the people suffering over there in Israel and Palestine It's just fucking Brutal and it just blows my I just blows my mind that war is still legal You know what I mean? I just blows my fucking mind that people can kill kids in husbands and wives and just regular fucking people. Like the shit that goes on around the world, us included, it just blows my fucking mind. And then meanwhile, there's all of this fucking virtue signaling about not making fun of fat people and all of that fuck, but all of that fuck.

All of that stuff can't do any of that. Make sure you say they and all of this stuff. And we're making the world better. It's like, we still go to war. We still shoot fucking missiles at people and people go in and they blow up fucking people just go into a festival and stuff. It's just it's unbelievable

Well, you know, there's probably a whole bunch of money behind that too, right? All right, this is getting depressing How the fuck do you bring up guacamole and then just end up going down that rabbit hole? I'm sorry. All right hockey accident High-built, the first responder. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ah, shit. Did you hear about the death of noddingham Panthers forward, Adam Johnson? I didn't.

He was killed in a freak accident during a game in England recently when his throat was cut by escape. Yeah, man, that's every once in a while. A kid I went to high school with, he caught escape right to the neck and he was bleeding profusely and it just missed his jugular. He could have died too. The English ice hockey association, are introducing neck guards as mandatory starting next year. I know there have been accidents in the US, but you guys don't use

neck guards, do you? Thanks and go fuck. Thank you. Thank you for your service and go fuck yourself and thanks for all your work. The goal tenders do. We're like you guys. Like somebody has to die or almost die. And then we go, oh, we got to stop doing that. Like, you know, the nets that they have to protect the crowd from deflected pucks. Like, they didn't put those things up, even though they were already up in Europe.

They didn't put those up until that poor girl died in Columbus, Ohio, one of the worst fucking things I saw. And Goalie's didn't wear neck guards. I want to say Tom Barasso, I forget who it was. He fucking, you know, it was a bunch of guys came down, crashed in the net and somebody lost their lost an edge and came in with one skate high and caught him right in the neck And I'm doing doing I'm telling you it was like a fucking sprinkler

He put his hand up to his neck and the shit was like The blood was coming out between his fingers like every thought he was gonna die Like he was like, you know like a centimeter away from just bleeding out right on the fucking ice, so then they were like all right um I Don't know. I think that that might be a players union thing. Like they'll, and I think a lot of players will be like, well, you know, what are the odds? It's going to affect my performance, the comfort, you know, of it or whatever. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I wonder what happened. He obviously was down on the ice. He fell down and somebody else came in. Oh my God, that's fucking terrifying. I was speaking in which I got to talk to Ken Linsman about the brawl in the hall.

Chris Nylon, because Chris Nylon pushed him when he went down the hall and then Linsman chased him down there. And then that's when the fight happened and then that's when the benches faced each other and then the Canadians came off and I was at that fucking game. Look it up, look it up on YouTube. The Boston Bruins, the Brawl and the Hall. All right, odd question.

Here's an odd question for you. Right, this might get a little odd. What do we got here? I was watching I can't say the movie not a lot to promote it last night and when shocked to see mr. Burr wearing a Newark Wayne Copilot's t-shirt the new work copilot's played in Newark Small town east of Rochester, New York from 1968 to 1979. Hall of Fame, a Robin Yout, one of my favorite players of all time, and one of my favorite teams, the Milwaukee Brewers. I love them back then. Ben Oglevy, Robin Yout.

Who the hell was I was getting the Kansas City Royals and Brewer's storm and Gorman Thomas was he on the brewers and Vukovic was on Kansas City I can't remember anyway Paul Molita Hall of Famer Robin Yow was a 17 year old rookie for the co-pilots in 1973. And God called up to the brewers in 1974. That's right, it's 18. The co-pilots played in the New York Penn League. I know Mr. Burr's character had co-founded a vintage sportswear company so I can understand him wearing something vintage. It just seems that like the co-pilots were such a deep dive that I

was wondering if there was a conscious decision to have him wear that shirt or was it just a random pick by the costume designer? Was anyone on the crew of Brewers or a co-pilot's fan? As long as a lifelong resident of Newark, it was something cool to see. Yeah, well, we were supposed to have like a Mitchell and Nest type of company and we couldn't get we didn't have the money to get licensing from from major You know the major sports leagues. I'm trying to remember basically what happened was we found a company that made all of that stuff and they had old like Negro League baseball uniforms and made all of that stuff. And they had old like Negro League baseball uniforms. And isn't that weird saying that?

Like you're not supposed to say that word anymore, but you can say it if you say league after it. It's kind of weird. So, and then they had like all these, yeah, just basically these defunct semi-prote sports leagues and a lot of them look cool and it just look cool hanging from the rafters. So that was how we ended up with that and all those other jerseys. And the reason why I picked the newer co-pilots is because I have a pilot's license.

And I like that. And then I also, you know, what a lot of people don't know is that the Seattle pilots, you know, there was the Seattle pilots before the brewers. So there was the co-pilots that must have been their minor lead team. Wow. Just sort of figuring that out.

I don't know if that's true. So the co-pilots were their minor minorly team and the pilots for like a year There was a team in Seattle called the Seattle pilots. They ended up moving to Milwaukee and were called the They became the brewers And now you know the rest of the story, man Now you know the rest of the story, man. I saw some guy that was trying to claim that the fucking Yankees came out of a, basically a slur for people from Denmark.

And he delivered it with such confidence that I, but I have watched I went like, I think that's bullshit. I don't know why there was something about it. I just didn't believe it. But I also didn't do any research. So he was claiming that, you know, up in New England, it was mainly people from like great Britain, English people, and then down in New York, the Manhattan area initially was settled by people from Denmark. So, of course, even though both groups of people are white, they still can't even get along, right? They have to come up with some sort of fucking slur for fucking people from Denmark. So, what did they do? They just took like the two fucking The two fucking most common names.

It's like, you know, they call Irish mix because of, you know, McDonald and all of that type of shit, right? So they basically did that to them. And one of them was like, Yanns and something else was whatever. And from the Yanns came Yann Kays, Yankies or something like that. I don't know. I don't believe it. There's a bunch of different like And then Yankees then they did then when we started to break away from them Yankees just became the name

For like a country bumpkin that thought he was fucking culture was but what was too stupid to realize that he wasn't Human beings are just fucking awful You know and all of this shit that they did back then, you now see it with like, you know, typical entitled Tesla driver, and I sit there walking around. Look at this fucking guy. I bet he drives a G-wagon and takes fucking ice baths. Fucking jerk off, right? You know, why is that?

You know, why doesn't God do a better job making people? When is he gonna get it right? You know occasionally, you'll fucking meet somebody that's actually a decent human being, but it really is just so fucking rare. And I'm definitely part of the problem. I was doing the second show last night at Foxwoods and I was just on stage just saying all of this shit and I just started thinking like, what the fuck happened to me?

You know, I don't think there's one ounce of, I just sound like a moron up here. I was really going in this fucking nice, this nicer direction with my comedy and now I was up there. You know what, it just stemmed from the fact that that that that that just that feeling of fucking hopelessness that that corporations are just completely out of control corporations and banks and corporate news. And they're just they're

just keeping us all in each other's fucking throats. And every week they come up with a new scam as fucking throats. And every week they come up with a new scam where something that came with something is now extra or it's more fucking money. And then these fucking politicians, meanwhile, are voting that they can't get fucking tried for insider trading. I know I keep talking about,

this blows my mind and everybody knows that and they just fucking roll their eyes and that's it. And meanwhile the New Yorker not the New York Times did an investigative report on a stand-up Comedians act so they couldn't get the daily show It's like that's where you that's where you're putting your fucking efforts All right, whatever So Anyways the Boston Bruins finally had their first loss the other night. I think it was to the Red Wings, but we're, I think we're 9-1-1. And I'm really excited

about that because a buddy of mine who knows a bunch about hockey was trying to tell me, you know, I was like, hey, you know, they signed van Riemes like for a year, what I mean, I don't think we're going to be that bad. We got this kid coming up wherever his name is. He's been scoring some goals. He goes, not I'll be fooled. He goes, this is a rebuild year, but just to get people to buy tickets, they're going to act like they're really fucking trying here. And then we went out through the West Coast, and we fucking smoked everybody out there.

And he goes, all right, but you know, you know, only one of them you're going to see in the playoffs. And now finally, this dude had to admit like, all right, man, you know, only one of them you're gonna see in the playoffs and now finally this dude had to admit like All right, man, you know they're better than I thought so Very excited about that, but I will tell you in Boston the big excitement is the Boston Celtics And I've had a number of NBA people go up tell you right now They're gonna win the NBA championship just fucking telling you right now that that's gonna happen I mean obviously I hope that that happens, it's a long ass fucking season and I Don't know shit about

NBA basketball But I know they they just a couple of guys out there That like I don't give a fuck if like the Miami Heat last year You know like what they were ranked versus the way that they played, they were just killing everybody. Like, I don't know. The regular season is just the regular season. All right.

And I will tell you this, the Boston Bruins have absolutely crushed the regular season since last season and right up until now our record is just app, it's ridiculous. And we end up losing in the first round to the panthers. So, yeah, what does it mean? I don't know what, but at least you know, at least we're not fucking Nick fans, those poor bastards every goddamn year. It's so fucked up, it's so fucked up that the Nicks have gone this long without winning a championship.

Like it's like the amount of unbelievable players that have come out of New York City, Hall of Fame, fucking players. I think Dr. J was from here, New York City, Karim Abdul-Jabbar when he was Luel Sender. I don't know, a zillion fucking guys have come here and they just can't, like they got least back in the day. I don't know what it is. They used to talk about, they would have guys playing on courts, out and Brooklyn, and up in Harlem that could actually play against NBA players.

It was just some guy in a park. You know, just out of the respect for the talent pool of people, like it just doesn't make any fucking sense that they've been this bad for this fucking long. You know, now, tell you what else doesn't make sense. It's the fact that the, the, the, the, the nets moved from New Jersey to Brooklyn and all those Nick fans became net fans. It's really bizarre to me, like how you could abandon the Nick's.

I mean, as much as they haven't won championships, I mean, that's a fucking legendary franchise. It's a great name. And they play in Madison Square Garden. Why the fuck would you want to go out to the Barclays Center in Brooklyn where you could go to fucking Madison Square Garden? I don't know. Anyway, what are you going to do? So I went one in three again, after going two and two every single week and then going three and one one week, I've now gone, and I was two games above 500. I've gone one in three, I think three fucking weeks in a row.

I am now four games under 500, if you're paying attention on the anything better podcast. All right, I'm going through a fucking slump here. It happens with everybody. I got a fucking turn it around. Hopefully it'll happen this week. All right, I'm going through a fucking slump here. It happens with everybody. I got a fucking turn it around Hopefully it'll happen this week. All right. All right, so that's the podcast everybody once again Thank you so much for everybody who came out to my shows at Foxwoods Thank you to anybody that's going on my shows this week. Thank you to everybody that came out this year

once again, I get to live my dream as a stand-up comedian. It's a ridiculous privilege and dream is a stand-up comedian. It's a ridiculous privilege. And I wouldn't be able to do it if you guys didn't show up. You guys make my life awesome. Alright, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I will check in on you on Thursday. you