Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 12-10-12

Episode Date: December 10, 2012

Bill talks to Michael Rapaport about doggie shit bag, Kobe Bryant, the Boston Garden, the Knicks, Brooklyn, True Romance, Giants/Patriots, True Romance and the Beats Rhymes & Life Documentary.

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How's it going? For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you guys know that I have a special guest this week and we're going to get right to it because he's already bugging me with this fucking giant shirt We have the one and only Michael Rappaport from every film that you've ever fucking watched Nice to have you on here You're reinventing the podcast because you said podcasts, your accent, P-A-W-D Cast And I'm talking shit about accents

That's the Boston podcast I know But I like... That's the Boston accent I know I got it I got it Because a lot of people, when they do... You actually pick up on that, it's that we say P-A-W...

We say Boston, B-A-W, like Boston And people always go, where are you from? And I say, you know, I grew up outside of Boston And then they go, oh, Boston? It's like, no dude, Boston Yeah Like Saw with a B No, I got you

Yeah I know I'm not one to talk about accents But I like the Boston accent I like it because it's more fucked up than the New York accent That's why I like it It just all depends It all depends I have to adjust these levels

It is like apples and oranges But I like the Boston accent And I like the Chicago accent Their shit is way out there Yeah, and that's one that I can't even duplicate I haven't been out to the Midwest enough, like in Chicago, to even try and do a bad... It sounds like everybody's doing an SNL character The Chicago accent is just, it's just, I love it

You like the Chicago accent? I just like working class accents Like Boston, New York Well, what I think about you is you've lived out here forever And you never lost your accent Yeah, I haven't lost it You must have had the voice coaches and all that saying like Yeah

Michael, if you want to work more in this industry Yeah, they warned me But you know, all the actors that I really admire They never truly lose their accent So I was like, if they don't have to do it And of course as good as them I'm of course referring to the De Niro's and Pacino's Because when you mention De Niro, Pacino, Rappaport

It's like De Niro, Pacino, Rappaport, Brando, Rappaport Sometimes they put De Niro, Pacino, Brando, Rappaport And that's fine You don't get upset? No, I don't get upset But you know, I've lost it a little bit here and there You could tone it down, you could do variations on it But when you go back, because when I go back to Boston

And I run into some people who really have it hardcore I burst out laughing going like Especially when it's a beautiful girl Back in Massachusetts and that heinous accent Like are you sure? They'll say stuff like that and it's coming out of their mouth And they sound like they're fucking Like there's something, they have brain damage

And there is those times where I'm just like Wow, I used to And I never thought I had it that bad I have some old stand up tapes that I will never show anybody Oh, where you could really hear it? Oh dude, I'm brutal I would win an Oscar Like if it was for a Boston accent

How bad it was I still have it pretty bad Yours is good, but when we were working in Boston Yours, because we were playing Of course, my Boston accent is It's pretty You just sound east coast I was the black sheep of the family

So I was like, he must have left Boston Yeah, he went upstate But yours was hard, I was like Because it was you and there was other Boston people I was like, they really got that shit down You know, people were really in their native Their native tongue Yeah, no, no, I didn't get anything down

I was from there I don't do any work But just to let people know, we did a movie This summer called The Heat With Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy And the director of Bridesmaid, Paul Feig It's comedy, R-rated comedy

Bill's really funny in it Curses a lot Everybody curses a lot We're a dysfunctional family Yeah, we all play And we all play brothers, which is Of course, when I tweeted out That you were going to be on the podcast here

And I was just saying, if you have any questions Let me know, and I knew it was going to be a bunch of What are you guys, brothers, the pigment thing and all that The redhead The sun cancer twins All that shit, they weren't even that good And that's the thing, they send them to me Like they're going to make me laugh

And they think they're so fucking clever And it was basically 70 of the exact same joke I should actually read the funny one What were some of the highlights? You want to hear some of these? Sometimes I set myself up on Twitter To see if I'm going to get some good stuff And people make me laugh, even if they're insulting me

I'll see if I can Fuck you if you insult me on Twitter, by the way I don't respond back I might just retweet because I got kids and it's just not What good does it do? When I first got on Twitter, I would get into arguments with people Oh, and you're making that day?

Yeah, I'm actually interacting with them Yeah, he told me to fuck off Fuck your mother And they put that on there Alright, well this may as a good one Why did stupid fox cancel his show The War at Home? So that's a nice one, they were a fan They were a fan, they were a fan

Politics, man, politics Politics and show business, just like politics and politics Let's see what we got here Everything good? Do you think you were separated at birth? That's funny We're going to discuss Sunblock I thought you and him were the same guy

There's another one Ask Rappaport if he realizes he's white I love that, just because you're from Brooklyn And you have an appreciation for A culture other than your own Yeah Where are we? I don't know, it's just going to be more I'm not going to waste time fucking blowing through this stuff

But What was I going to ask you? I was going to get into this thing The whole way this whole podcast You being on the podcast came about It wasn't just that We're working together We both have dogs Right

The big thing is to curb your dog If you have a dog, like in New York City I think they were the first ones Pooper Scooper Where I was from Basically to get the dog shit off And then that became A thing, because when I was a kid

If your dog took a shit, it just took a shit It was just outside, it barely had a license So now you're supposed to pick up after it So I never owned a dog in New York But I own one out here, and I always pick up after her And you had this Interesting duality as far as When and where you pick up after your dog

Yes, well, here's the deal I grew up, I never had dogs So when I actually got my first dog I lived in Los Angeles, and of course You want to follow, you got the dog a license And pick up after the dog And I was good And I would carry the shit bags

And I would pick up the shit, and then I had two dogs So it would be, you know, you'd have to bring Three or four shit bags per trip Because each dog, who knows what's going to happen But The thing is, then I moved To Los Angeles, then I moved back to New York With my two dogs, and in New York

What kind of dogs? Muts, two months But this is where the conversation Between me and Bill about dog shit And shit bags got interesting Because I said, I don't use shit bags anymore Now, I'm back living in Los Angeles And Bill, there was

Just a sense of judgment You don't use shit bags In LA, I don't use shit bags And the reason why, here's the deal In New York, I use shit bags I clean up all the dog No, no, no, no, no That's not why

No, I would pick up the shit, and then be able to Walk to the corner, and drop the shit bag In the garbage pail Okay, in Los Angeles There's not, and so in New York, there's garbage cans On every corner There is, yes there is There's garbage cans

Sometimes they're filled all the way to the top And the garbage is spilling out, but at least it's the place to get rid of the shit Bag, full of shit In Los Angeles, for those who are not familiar With Los Angeles, there are not garbage cans On every corner So, therefore, when you are walking Your dog, and two dogs

When I made up my own rule about this You pick up the dog crap I don't want to keep saying shit You pick up the dog crap in the shit bag And then you carry it And you could be walking 3, 4, 5, 6 blocks With it

Now I'm carrying, I have two dogs on a leash Medium sized dogs, 50, 60 pound dogs With two Shit bags Buy my side It's not like you could take the shit bag and put it in your pocket And then dump it out Like a candy wrapper

That's not cool That we have to walk around with two shit bags It's not the picking up, it's the carrying of the shit It's the carrying of it Now I could change my rule and pick up the shit Put it in the shit bags and then throw that right on the side of the street And then someone else has to deal with it But a person

But just to play devil's advocate Play it You got the two fucking dogs Alright You live in a nice upstanding neighborhood You're considered a good citizen Of this city Not by anyone who knows me

Do your neighbors like see Like your dogs take shit And you just walk away So when you're in LA Do you at least put your head on a swivel and be like Oh there's a basket over there I will pick this lump of shit out I do not buy shit bags anymore

I have zero tolerance I don't fuck with shit bags anymore And the reason why I don't fuck with shit bags anymore Is because I'm not walking around with bags of shit It's just not cool It's degrading How is it degrading To walk with

A steaming hot bag Of shit for like You don't hold it from underneath I got two While I have one dog, Stanley died R.I.P. Stanley She was old Even now I have a big dog

Dog takes big Shits And then I can't walk Text Because you got to text when you're walking your dog That's when you get good text That's good text time when you're walking your dog I can't walk the dog

Who I sometimes take off the leash She's trained and then carry a shit bag I'm just not doing it And I'll tell you something You say upstanding citizen And I'm like this The game, I'll refer to it as the game The shit game

You don't get mad Nope, you shit on my yard It is what it is My dog shits in your yard It is what it is Sometimes there is a tinge of guilt Because I know some of my neighbors So I'll be like oh shit

There's a six year old there He's probably going to wind up stepping in it There's a six year old girl Do you least like when your dog takes the shit Do you stand there defiantly like I know my dog is taking his shit I tend to be talking on the phone And not notice it

Are you a worm about it I'm a worm about it I'm not going to front Listen, there's sometimes I'll fain Like I'm bending over And I'm doing something to pick it up Or if somebody goes hey your dog just went to Oh you know he's sick

I ran out of shit bags I'm not going to Because I've had confrontations One dude I took a shit Because now that you have You've had fame for a while but you're not some random You can't believe what this fucking asshole did

You can't believe I will accept that I will not argue that It's part of the shit game I got to turn this down man because we're fucking getting into this I think I got the levels too high here If you want to insult me, criticize me, judge me On my policies with shit bags

Fine, it's not a Los Angeles thing I love Los Angeles, I'm from New York If you put a garbage can on every corner This will go out the door You got a problem with me, put it on So you have demands Listen, I'm not walking more than a half a block With a shit bag in my hand

Who's the most famous person you've seen walking with a shit bag For a good six blocks You ever just been driving around And you'd be like oh there's Mary Tyler Moore With a shit bag Have you ever seen somebody with a shit bag? Somebody famous? No I think that they have their assistant

That's what your problem is You need like an assistant I need to walk the dog I need that text time I need to clear my head I got two kids, get out of the house for a few minutes And I do my thing But I will tell you one time

Do your kids know that you don't pick up your shit? Unfortunately, yes And I say, you know, don't So this is a three prong problem And then it's creating other little kids But I explain to them the reason why If you carry that shit bag You even have to make it back to your house

Say you're ten blocks away from your house Dude, I live it every morning You walk with a shit bag eight, nine, ten blocks You know, it's almost, remember that Tom Hanks movie Where he was like talking to the soccer ball Like literally, like it's to that point And doesn't it disrupt Once you pick up the shit and you have the shit bag

That's the only thing you're thinking about And then sometimes you get so relaxed It's just like you forget that it's even in your hand And it's like just dangling You know what it is when she takes a fucking horrific shit This isn't going to be the shit podcast here, by the way When she takes one of those horrific Shit steamer that you can literally

See through the bag and then you're Walking with it and then some hot shit comes Jogging by, you just, you just feel like an asshole It's degrading, man, it's degrading And that's what I think, I had I loved degrading, it is I've had people say pick your shit up You know, I had one guy

My dog, and I told this guy I shook his hand afterwards, my dog At his yard, I kept walking I told him that the dog is sick This guy's a prick anyway This one he first moved in the neighborhood And I didn't know he was much more prick No, I respected that

We got into some other thing later He cursed out my kid and some other kids Called them really bad names And it was bad No, it wasn't even that He was just, you know, one of those guys Like it was whatever But my dog shat in his yard

And then he said something I said the dog is sick or whatever One of my two or three Excuses I had, I kept going This fucking guy I was walking three, four blocks away Picked up the shit in a shit bag Drove up to me, so he picked up the shit

In a shit bag and brought the shit bag in his car I respected it And he came up to me in your dog's shit And he handed me the shit bag and I said, you know what I respect that I took the shit, I said He didn't want to shake, he didn't want to shake me I said, please, please, I shook his hand

And he went on And then I dropped the shit bag right there But you're acting like you're noble That this guy had to go pick up your shit You be like, you know what, I respect that I respect that you just picked up my dog's shit It's good for grass It's good, depends on what you feed him

If you feed him the human food Then this shit is as healthy as our shit It's fine, it's good for the grass Have you noticed that by the way? Except for a human being And I've shat on my own yard Okay, we gotta get into this No, no, no

That's my shit bag No, no problem I bought these fucking human cigars And I put them in the fucking humidor And I had it turned up too fucking high And it fucked up the cigars Like, they get this fucking acceptable There's like fucking little bug eggs in there

And if it's up too high They like hatch, I don't know what I have in them, I think I got a virus in me It's gradually This is the most disgusting First ten minutes I think of a podcast I don't want to discuss people, I'm not like one of these people Who likes to talk about shit

Alright, so on a scale of One to ten As far as your upstanding Citizen count, ten being the best One being like, I can't wait for that motherfucker To move out of this neighborhood Where are you? Aside from dog stuff, I'm a good neighbor

I consider myself a good neighbor It's like Manson say, aside from Getting people killed, I'm a good dog No, no, no, aside from my dog My dog is harmless, the dog couldn't hurt a fly Listen, my house got broken into The fucking dog was sleeping It said on the police report, it said the dog was sleeping

Oh, you freaked me out about that You were home and somebody came in And just like the boldness of that Just came into your house at night Took like whatever, laptop or some bullshit Took stuff and my dog Didn't wake up Cops come

Dog fucking bolts out there Cops pull a pepper spray No, don't pepper spray him When he had his moment to shine To bark, attack, do something He was sleeping I made this reference the other day He's like that dude Bobby

In Saturday Night Fever Driving around the crowd What were you guys, I was looking for you Exactly, I would have done something You actually made me, I got They fucking got Gus in Saturday Fever Remember they beat up Gus, that's why they went back And got them

I've only seen it a couple of times Saturday Fever? I know, I know that's a big one For you guys, you guys in Brooklyn You're from Brooklyn by the way I'm from Manhattan I went to school in Brooklyn, I have a lot of friends I have a lot of affiliations in Brooklyn You know people, you go to Brooklyn, they know you

I got a Brooklyn pass Let me ask you this Let me get into this shit, are we done with this shit topic here? I'm fine with it, you brought it up I'm comfortable with it, you were fascinated by it I'm comfortable with my stance on it Because you know what it is, I have such a Fucking need to be liked

When we come back after this You're gonna talk about your needs to be liked? I'm gonna talk about that and how I just found out From my fucking neighbor how loud I am I had no idea I have that problem too I think it's an east coast thing, we're just loud The man great system everybody

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Oh, I thought you saw him around here? No, no, no, no, sorry That's cool. Yeah, and I had never seen him And I was one of those guys going, dude, I don't get it All he does is sing about Jersey, but like so many people I know who work borderline Did he do his southern accent? Because he's from Jersey, but he does his southern accent sometimes Which is weird to me

He didn't do that. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'm just, you know, he does like a southern accent But he's from Jersey He's the common man But you're from Jersey Go ahead, go ahead, I don't want to shit on Bruce He went, and I was down there like Alright, man, you know, alright

I wasn't gonna say born to be wild, born to run Or whatever, I'll listen to this shit Dude, I gotta tell you something, man The fact that I ever think that I gave a performance After seeing what that guy did Dude, four songs in I'm already blown away He's blown away bands that are in their 20s and 30s that I've seen

Just fucking killing it, his voice sounds unreal Goes out to the middle of the crowd He's standing on this stage out there People are going fucking nuts And then he just lays back Into the crowd and crowd surfs Like 70 rows Up to the, as the band keeps playing

And right as he gets onto the stage Boom, they go right into the closing verse Dude, that's on-core That's, you know, that's somebody Closing out a great concert That was his fourth song And it didn't peak there, it just kept going He wore me out, dude, I was sitting down

Three and a half hours of that energy Yeah, that's crazy He is no joke, dude It was sick And the thing about that that I love so much Is that he doesn't have to do three and a half hours He loves to perform Totally, you totally get your money's worth

Like that, he was like Whether you like it or not, like Bruce I got longer than Schindler's list What the fuck, Bruce, I gotta go, man I gotta take my dog out to take a shit Every time, I'm so old And they do that shit where they have like They hit the final note of the song

And Weinberg's doing the simple watch And they're playing a chord And you think he's gonna be like, thanks a lot, Anaheim You were great, and he always just goes One, two, three, four, and they go into them I'm like, oh my god You just kept thinking that this guy couldn't get Dude, and it's fucking Anaheim

One of the cheesiest like He said it, not me That's Bill talking about Anaheim Dude, it doesn't even look real Back in the day when they had like all the orange groves And stuff, they could have been some sort of personality It's just one fucking strip mall After another, it looks like a giant

It's Disneyland down there, right, Anaheim? Yeah, like there's no There isn't that Feeling of any sort of culture Either way And he's down there performing Like he's in giant stages Yeah, I respect that, man

So anyway, so today That fucking born to run song I never was into, so I'm up in the bathroom And I'm singing it, but I'm doing different lyrics And I'm singing to Nia And it's all vulgar Were you born to come? No, no, no, I was just saying how

I was starting off saying I was just singing about what a great guy I was And that Nia doesn't appreciate it And all the shit that I do for her But indicate it's a born to run? Yeah, and then somehow there was something about banging you in the ass That's cool That's cool

Like maybe hey, I don't need a Christmas gift I'll bang you in the ass She'll never let me do that But she'll never let me do that So I was singing that And I got all the way to the Loudest fucking out So I walk out of the bathroom

I didn't realize my bedroom window was open I go, hey Nia, did you like that Bruce Springsteen impression? And before she could answer I heard somebody just in a talking voice goes No, and I was like oh shit It was your neighbor? And I was thinking like holy fuck How much have they been hearing?

How loud am I? And then Nia, I kept wanting Nia To make me feel better, but she just goes You know, you're loud There's times I pull up in the car And I hear you on the phone And it's making me really self-conscious Like fuck, I'm that loud

And I felt bad until you fucking come And you hit the buzzer And I pick it up and I'm like hello And you start screaming Derrick cheater And I'm like this is fucking Maybe it's just an East Coast Well as far as upstanding citizens And loudness

I've come to terms with the fact that my neighbors Know everything about me If they wanted to like, you know Start a scandal on me or They know my whole life I got this buddy of mine Becky's big giant Yankee fence We have these epic fucking

Arguments About sports where I'm just like And I'm yelling like we're in a crowded bar I can't imagine, I feel bad for my neighbors And what they've heard I know they've heard me doing Dude, my neighbors on this side have kids And the stuff that I say cunt all the time

She doesn't give me dirty looks But I look at it like she has a toddler And I can never hear her kid Well if you never hear the little Loudmouth kid screaming and crying You should ask her You ever hear me say cunt Or fuck you

I don't want to offend your kids You should just ask her I don't know, I think that would get Whatever It takes a lot for me to be embarrassed At this point, you know In general you become immune to humiliation Every audition you go into

And you eat your balls after a while You just don't feel it anymore But that I literally got That made me feel I was embarrassed, I was like wow She heard all of that The way she said no to This was not the first time I heard

My loud voice You just opened the window up for her They opened the window literally for her To get involved with the conversation And I was fantasizing about all these cool Comebacks that I wished I said But in the end I just had to realize You know what, she was right

I've come to terms with it I got a loud speaking voice But I'm in my house, I'm not bringing it down So you hear what you hear But I turn music up, I got a pool And I turn the fountains on when I'm there It's not like It's not a fault that fucking houses are two feet

I could literally take a running leap out If I could leap through my bedroom window And I could land on the roof of the house next door Right, I know we're on top of each other Not the house, I mean it's slamming to the side You'd be there I would definitely be there Some sports questions

I know people want to know about your movies and shit But I just figured that you've answered I'll answer whatever Before I go into more sports shit We haven't started, but I always end up talking sports Right out of the gate dude You were in one of the greatest movies Of my life

True romance And I was wondering You were basically roommates with Brad Pitt Brad Pitt at that point? He was almost Brad Pitt at that point He had done Thelma and Louise The movie with Robert Redford

He had done stuff He had done California He wasn't the superstar But you knew that he was going to be that He was very well liked And he was About to be Brad Pitt You knew that?

Yeah, he was good looking son of a bitch with his abs No, no, no, he was real He was totally cool The thing about true romance First of all, the script was so great When you read the script Quentin Tarantino's scripts They just read so easy

And you're just laughing And it was so irreverent I'd say about 95% Of what wound up in true romance Was written It's so actor friendly It's hard to screw it up I had heard

Initially it was like Christian Slater And Patricia Arquette I had just seen in Sean Penn's movie Called Indian Runner And she was great in that And I was like, this is going to be dope And Christian Slater was right at that time He was perfect

And then you heard Gary Oldman's playing Whatever The Pimp That's cool And then Val Kilmer's playing Elvis So you were already I wasn't cast I had been going in for another part

I had been going in for one of the mobsters And Actually I got cast as one of the mobsters As one of the younger mobsters So I was kind of like You would have been in that scene With the classic scene I would have been in there

Around there So then you heard Walken's playing The mobster, holy shit And then Dennis Hopper's playing his dad Holy shit And I'm 24 years old I had done Zebrahead A little part in Poetic Justice

Tupac I just wanted to meet him And then a little part In another movie And then True Romance I was such a fan of all these guys And I was so sort of Everybody was

How big was Tupac by the time He was Tupac He was doing Poetic Justice He was like a star I thought he kind of came out Who's that guy? The Humpty Dance Guy In like 90, 89, 90 Then he broke out on his own

I would think he was still on the ride He wasn't what he became He became this iconic I loved him though, this was after Juice I loved his music He wasn't the star that he became After Death Throw And he really took it to the next level

But he was big And I thought Juice's performance in this movie Juice was just incredible At that time, I mean I was still a huge fan of movies And huge fan of actors But at that time I would become enamored With people's performances

I liked his music and I had a funny Kind of relationship Following him because I was friends with Jada Pinkett And she kept telling me before he did anything My friend Tupac, he's going to be a big star Tupac, and I had heard his name And then he came out with Humpty Dance And he came out with that one verse

On Digital Underground Then of course his solo album And I was just like, damn, this guy is special And so to do that It was John Singleton who was just off of Boys in the Hood And Janet Jackson When Janet Jackson was like, Janet Jackson You worked with everybody

By the time you were 24 you were with Just about every icon out there And it meant a lot to me I get excited now, but at the time I was young and I was like Really excited And it was Quentin Tarantino Who had done Reservoir Dogs

Natural Born Killers had come out I think He didn't direct this And I had met Quentin originally At the Sundance Film Festival Because the year that Reservoir Dogs was there Was the same year that Zebrahead was there And that was a big deal for me

It was a big deal for him, he was nobody I was really nobody And that was a really exciting time For independent filmmaking The script was being passed around Hollywood felt like a smaller community Everybody was talking about True Romance

I got cast as one of these mobsters And this one was in it and that one was in it And then they cast you They cast me as one of the mobsters So what happened? In the script Dick Ritchie The character I wanted to play was written as a black It was written as Dick Ritchie, black

Young actor, blah blah blah So they were looking at Black actors It was just written that way And they weren't finding them And Tony Scott The great Tony Scott, rest in peace Great guy

So much fun to work with They called me and they Mary Vernu Who is a casting assistant Who is now a huge casting director I gotta fix this Because the other casting director I can't remember her name That's alright, I never remember it

They gave me a big break Anyway, but I remember From my agent that Mary Vernu was like She thinks you're Dick Ritchie and you should play that And it was very true, but I never considered the part Because it wasn't even important She was like, the way you are And I was like that, I was looking for my big break

And I was just Really sort of wide-eyed I don't know how actors do it It's the hardest thing ever, I don't know how you guys do it It's so much easier as a stand-up You're sitting there doing an hour-long commercial That's your special You just do it enough, eventually

You know how I finally got little parts That I've been getting lately was just going through that The shit that you guys do I've done a couple of pilots And the second the pilot is over I'm going to go tell jokes And these other guys are like, well, unemployed again And she's like, I don't know how you do that

It's rough, I don't want to handle it I want to talk to you about it Because you said something when we were working together about the stand-up thing Which is like, if you're good at it Which you are, and you're successful at it You're never unemployed It's a beautiful thing I don't have that level of strength

To do To try and make it just as an Well, I mean, I had a passion for stand-up But just sit there and be like, alright I'm going to fucking wake table And I'm going to get a bit part And be in this movie, this giant production And then, you know, every fucking movie you see

There's like a hundred, whatever About 40 actors who don't work on that But there's like two people that continue on Exactly And then maybe somebody In the other, whatever, 38 Get something, and then everybody else goes back To fucking waiting tables

You were in a movie, which is the biggest thing ever To everybody in your hometown and stuff And I don't know how fucking Hard that is It's tough, it's tough I'm not saying like You know, as opposed to digging a ditch It's not physically hard, but emotionally it's hard

Emotionally to go from that It's emotionally, it is hard To then fucking going back to Waiting the tables I don't know, and just knowing you're good enough Just having And it's being proved, because you got a part But it might not pay the bills

Much longer than You know, when you're If you were quarterback and you came out You threw 300 yards And for some inexplicable reason You sit on the bench again For two fucking years, it's just crazy Like that's like Brady's thing

Sitting there, sitting there You know, being an actor The emotional highs and lows are tough I could never do it It sucks, it's the worst part of it Because that's so much of it It does, it seems like it sucks That's why it always makes me laugh

When actors, they'll be like Stand-up has this weird sort of like It's respected and they also look at you Like you're slapping yourself and they have with a rubber chicken Where it's like it's It is obnoxious, just ask my neighbor It's fucking obnoxious But then like there is this respect for it

But like the balls it takes to get on that I feel like There is a lot of humiliation, but the level I just couldn't handle the fucking stress Like I would be doing a movie God willing, and I would just be Thinking the whole time as I'm doing this I have to be so fucking unreal

In this thing or else I go back to Applebee's Fuck that I don't know how they do it, it's tough That's why when people ask me What do you need to be What do you need to do to be in this business And I always say you have to It has to be something you

Have to do It can't be something that you kind of want to do This business If it's not something that you have to do If it's intrinsically in you That you have to do it Don't even try to do it Because there's too much

It takes too much out of you, you have to do it It has to be something that's within you Like what do I have to do to be a writer Keep going Just because you're not on Writing on the Sopranos It has to be Something that's organic

I think you just have to have that Psycho Once you start down the road There's no way I'm stopping No matter how many times I gotta tell you what's crazy I know a couple of comics Throughout the years, they're these legendary guys

Who never got beyond doing open mics Or doing the occasional spot And they fucking bomb 98% Like bomb Like quit the business, bomb And they've stuck with it For 20, 25 fucking years

And you see all these funny people That you run into on the road There's people out there that write Really funny shit That's funny than half the comics I've heard But try going on stage Dude, I can never do it Because it's a whole fear of bombing

And then you see this guy just night after night After night Basically living the horror that everybody doesn't want And he just keeps fucking coming back And I always look at those guys and it's like Dude, if you could take that stick-to-itiveness And actually apply it to something you're good at You'd be great

Yeah, there would be no stopping you But anyways, let's go back Because I know people will probably upset that So true romance I mean, this cast was compiled So anyway, so on a Saturday They needed to cast this part Like it was like a week or two weeks away from shooting

So on a Saturday, which is unusual for Show business and in general To do anything on a Saturday because it's fucking Saturday You know, show business They take all of December's off The 4th of July is like a three week holiday You know, like this business Half of September is Jewish holiday

Any holiday in this business So for them to do something on a Saturday It wasn't necessary, you know, like there was some urgency So I go in there and they're like You know, we feel like you're this guy Who you are and just reading that And it was with me, Tony Scott and the casting directors And I went through all the Dick Richie scenes

And they will, and I said to them Because I, once that door opened And I was like, once I started thinking about tomorrow I was like this, I love this part And I love this character, and I remember I said to them, don't let me leave Until I get it right And I went in and I kept reading

And I knew to say that at 24 Because I wasn't any hustle It wasn't any hustle Like now you could say that's like Oh, that's a smart thing to say Because once I locked into the idea Of me doing it, I was like, I had blinders on When I was younger

I would go in there with blinders on I would be like, yo, I'm going in here I'm getting this shit, I'm doing this shit And that's it But it was genuine That psycho focus It was really, you know, it was like I wanted it, and it was right there

So I went in there, I did a good job And I remember, I remember One thing is that behind me When I went to go set up in the room All the people that had been cast Their head shots were sitting behind me So it was like Christopher Walk and Samuel Jackson Gary Oldman, all their head shots

Playing this part, I remember seeing that And I was just like, you know Trying not to pay attention to it But I remember walking over to the thing Like, I got to fucking do this I got to get this shit And then they called me Two or three days later

And they said, you got the part And it was like the character in the movie Because it was like, you got the part, I got the part And I just was so happy And then I remember I went to A rehearsal with me and Kristen Slater And Patricia Arquette was fine At that time

I had a huge crush on her Me too, and she was beautiful And really sweet, and I was tripping out I was like, she's fine And I just saw her in Indian Runner And Kristen Slater was like a part of my youth Watching him, so, and I'm just starting To be in the show business

I had done a few things Wasn't he kind of your age too, because he started so young He might have been a little older Maybe not, but I mean he was Kristen Slater He was a huge star, so I'm like tripping out And they're like, you know, yeah, you know We're like having this like bonding sessions And we're like, I don't know, we go out to eat

And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing here You know, and we're reading scenes and it's Tony Scott And he directed all these movies And Tony Scott was Just such a... Tony Scott The way he treats actors And the way he treated me at that time was a big thing Because I was the lowman

On the totem pole, at least I looked at myself like that And, you know, but I was also Had ideas and thoughts about the character And he was so open And some things he would say Great, great, do that, and some things he would say But he gave me a voice and it was the first time Where I felt like, the first time

I had only done four or five things, not like I've been trying to do it To straighten you like you were pro Like you know what you were doing Your ideas were worth listening to Exactly, and some of them he liked and some of them he didn't But it really gave me confidence to go forward Like, yeah, I have a say in these things And he just was so positive

And so much energy And so enthusiastic every day And his energy would supersede everybody on the crew And he just was Like, you know, the guy that I actually Was such a huge fan of Was devastated when he passed Was Chris Penn

He was fun You were in that final show Where you were covering up and everything And you know what, the day this goes out I'm going to send you a picture You could treat with this, I found these cool pictures From on the set I'll send it to you

Like personal pictures that I took But Chris Penn, Tom Sizemore And these guys were like, Tom Sizemore Was in everything at the time And Chris Penn, these were dudes And they were in a lot of shit And I'm like, with them, and they're treating me like I'm one of them And Chris Penn and Sizemore, they're like regular dudes

Chris Penn, you know, rest in peace Also, he was just a sweet guy There was a reservoir of dogs Like anniversary DVD That I watched with this buddy of mine, Jarosa And it had all of them Like telling stories And Chris Penn's stories were just like

He was just that hanging out guy He was a sweet guy Yeah, yeah, just sweet I always felt like the way he did I loved him in Reservoir Dogs At close range And I went on this whole like Chris Penn tear

That anything he was in He did some obscure movie Not obscure, but it was one with Harvey Keitel I can't remember what it was He was somehow his landlord or something I just remember him running up the side of the house I can't remember what the name of the movie was But this is back when Blockbuster video

I'd be going there every day And I'm around this Keitel Reservoir Dogs was like Ground Zero for me And every actor in there I just went off-shoot Just watching all of that And I became Not like I stopped, I was just such a huge fan of that guy

Were they like hilarious? They were just hilarious and fun And warm And big personalities You know, Victor Argo, he's another guy Passed away, Victor Argo was one of the mobsters He was in Taxi Driver He was the guy in the store

When Travis shoots the guy When he tries to rob the bodega He's in a lot of scores, he was in mainstream So I'm bugging out That I'm working And then Samuel Jackson, Sam's Treating me like he knows me And Val Kilmer's there

And I walk into the makeup trailer And Val Kilmer's doing his Elvis And he's talking in the Elvis voice Finding the character I remember having a conversation It was crazy It's crazy, I'm tripping out I'm tripping

And then Brad Pitt comes So what did you do? How did you not feed into that And go oh my god I'm not worthy to be here How did you keep yourself settled? This is becoming like inside the actress studio What I would do and what I always do Still to this day when I worked with somebody

I had to get myself together Shut up My ego actually entertained that For half a second I was on premium blend Maybe it was a thrill for him At the time I used to What I would do

I would enjoy and be a fan When it was time to be a fan I would never invade space or talk to them about And I never would go up to somebody And sort of Do what I'm doing to you right now Kevin Corrigan who wanted to play the young gangster And we had worked together

On my first movie Zebrahead And we had worked together on something else And we were both like he got cast Now we're friends now And I always looked at Kevin like he's a real actor He's really good He's been in tons of stuff He's on twitter, we could tweet out Kevin

And we saw Christopher Walken In his wardrobe For the first time By the craft service Christopher Walken is his number one I love Christopher Walken But I would go like De Niro is my number one And Kevin was like

I'm hyping him up to Go talk to him And I remember he went over and talked to him And the conversation he would tell it better Was kind of anti-climatic Because Chris is bugged out Chris is so much more funnier than you would think At the time he was younger

So he really had that spooky look And that dark black hair So he had this suit on with this long trench coat What was his character like? Oh it wasn't Vincent Vega It was De Blonde Coralitae I don't remember

He was the anti-Christ re-incarnated But I remember seeing him by craft service By the truck and I was like oh shit I mean it was just Such an exciting time and Gandolfini In our boat That was his first thing He was even less than

Like he had done stage So he was really nervous He was really freaking out So he was playing the mobster And I remember being there watching that scene With him and Patricia Arquette Oh you hung out Oh yeah we'd go to the set

Just to go Just to watch it The scene with Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper I was there watching it It was a set And it was a small little Crazy Yeah you knew

That was the only movie that I've ever done Where I could say And I have a pretty good track record The only movie I've ever done where I knew it was going to be great To all the movies that I've done Highs, lows, good or bad You knew it was special When they would

Go ahead whatever So when they would say cut After they did a run through of the scene Would there be any laughing and joking around Or was it real serious It wasn't serious like I'm taking myself seriously But I think the tone of the scene Because it was serious

I remember a couple of times a line would get messed up And you know there would be a little bit of giggling And Tony I was behind the monitor Being super quiet And literally saying to myself I can't fucking believe I'm here Tripping out That was word for word

You knew what it was going to be And just to hear them You could hear them Just to hear them and be around it You knew you were watching something special I remember feeling like this is something special And then when you see the scene you know Like I was there

I remember sitting there watching it This is special Each time they did it a little different They had their choices down They had their choices down Walk and fluctuates a little bit But I think the scene was so well written This is like almost 20 years ago

But the scene was so well written You didn't need to really Once you made you're locked in you locked in Because it was just the writing So many moments in that scene I love when Walken clasps his hands together Like please don't make me Whatever he says there

It's been a while since I've seen it But that point where Hopper Just like You know can I have one of those Chester Fields And he's just like you know what I'm going out Fucking swinging He sees that look on his face Where he's like preparing himself

I'm going to get killed now And it was just It's just one of the greatest scenes It really is It's special And you knew it was going to be special When they got cast you knew it was going to be great How long did it take them to shoot it?

They probably had a whole afternoon Or maybe the whole day But they might have had the whole afternoon Because the thing about the scene Other than the acting there's not much Logistically going on So it might have been a whole day I know I was there for a few hours

Where did they shoot that? It was on a sound stage It wasn't Warner Brothers It was a sound stage I can't remember exactly where But it was a stage I feel like it was Culver City It might have been Sony

I think it was Sony It was cool man I watched that again immediately Because I also like Not that I've been out in LA here for like five years The same way I like watching old movies About New York City And seeing stuff that's still standing there

And that shit that changed I'm starting to get like that for LA out here To go to the locations? Sometimes, yeah It bumps me out where they shot Reservoir Dogs out in Eagle Rock Doesn't exist anymore I just want to at least

I'm a geek For old sports stadiums And I'm a geek for like There's probably 20 Guy movies I don't give a fuck about What women want If there's a place where they shot

Goodfellas Reservoir Dogs The typical hacky guy list There's no left turns In my films Me neither I want to talk to you about Hooper real quick

Unless you have something more to add It was a great experience It was everything that you would imagine Everybody was great It was special It was a special film To be a part of It was a special time for me

Yeah, you were in one of those rare movies Before I described that Two people continue on You were in one where it seemed like Everybody worked out of that In fact, one of the guys Who played In the scene

The walk-in scene with Hooper The guy was over at the fridge He speaks in Italian Paul Ben Victor is a good friend of mine He's in tons of stuff He was in the wire He's in day works all the time He was in there

And he was in the scene He would have been back in the day The blockbuster video was still around He'd be one of those guys that you gradually Like who is this guy How the fuck Back in the day did you figure out What other movies they did

Before IMDb You just had to muscle it through Maybe you'd buy that book You'd buy the book But you wouldn't be able to keep up You'd have to have a conversation He was in this and you'd call friends And now you could just text

In that conversation the other day The art of conversations and figuring things out Is gone because you could just be like Hold on and you look at your phone On the new download On the iPhone where they have That GPS thing Which is great now

You don't have to look down at the phone You could just sit there mindless Make a right now That I don't mind But sometimes you know Like what was he in Maybe now Oh yeah and it gets rid of the debates

20 bucks says he was in that fucking movie Then it would get resolved six weeks later But now you can't even get to the bet now Speaking of betting We gotta talk sports here This is a fucking question here What is it? About the nicks?

What about the thing you were saying to me about Red Orbeck you heard that he was gay You said that I was like I don't know that's your guy I heard you heard that he had a bungalow In West Hollywood and I was like That's a big scandal you should break that You know what I know where this is coming from

This is coming from you being a nicks fan And you have two little championship banners That have to be turning yellow at this point They've been hanging up there so fucking long Yes that's true But you did say something about Red Orbeck Having a bungalow in West Hollywood And there was a whole scandal

I understand it's the jealousy Somebody brought that up to me That's a badass fucking nicks fan I was surprised I was like how could Red Orbeck have a bungalow In West Hollywood and there was a whole other thing I heard that's how you got into true romance I heard you gave him a favor

You gave him a fucking handy That's why we met on a saturday Got one of his cigars so to speak Fucking New York Yes basketball fan Nicks fans All these fucking nicks fans They live die hard fucking nicks fans

All of a sudden the New Jersey Nets move into their burrow And then all of a sudden they just All Brooklyn net fans Are they all Brooklyn net fans? Enough of them are that it's shocking to me The fact that when they were beating The nicks in the end

When they played in Brooklyn and you knew That the nicks were going to beat the nicks That all those people were standing up going Brooklyn Yeah yeah yeah Like taunting the New York nicks That's like some Benedict Arnold shit Here's the thing Please explain me what the thing is

I don't fucking get it Let me put it in Boston terms Let's say a team became The Dorchester Ducks A basketball team Like I don't know Boston so well But I know that Dorchester is like There is a place in Dorchester and there are ducks up there

You're on the right path Let's say a team became Like a sub team of Boston And it was Dorchester and it was like this neighborhood That's like very close knit And it's in a lot of pride And a lot of people have come through there And it's a working class neighborhood

Brooklyn is that And I think it's cool that there's a team Go ahead So I think some people flipping are Is because of that Because it's like yo this is Brooklyn Like if you're from Brooklyn And you grew up a nicks fan

For me I'm curious Who are the Brooklyn knit fans Well here's my question The nicks are on a fucking tear They beat the heat last night They're like what 12 and 4 Something like that 13 and 4 Something crazy right

I don't count my chickens with that shit By the way Hypothetical They finally pushed through this year And they won a championship And all those people in Brooklyn Who've been sitting there With the nicks

And all this You're not going to be roof falling Years and years and years I guess I get it to a certain extent If you're a kid Like I get little kids If you're some guy And he's 30 years old

So whatever you started watching when you're 6 You got a quarter of a century Of fucking just rooting For this team And then all of a sudden The New Jersey Nets The fucking It's an interesting thing

I don't know It's going to be a conflict of interest Because the crazy thing is they're both doing well And if they play each other in the playoffs It's going to be interesting I would be curious like At the Brooklyn arena Which I haven't been to

How nice that place is I just saw it on TV It's fucking ridiculous The little weeds that they have up there They're like little mini brown stones That's what the floor is supposed to look like Like I guess if you have a nice brown stone That's the pattern of the wood on the floor

And then you look at the fucking Celtics We have the parquet floor But it's just a bunch of cinder blocks You knock that shit box down The Boston Garden You get the fuck out of my house You knock that shit box down You knock that piss hole down

That shit hole I know what this is coming from I'm standing up now This guy is about to assault me No, no, well you guys could never win I get it Bernard King Patrick Ewing

They all came through and they all lost I just want to say You guys knock that shit hole down And then you have a new arena What's it called? The fucking fleet center You should have done that You know made it

But you cut corners Make it nice Make it nice Do something nice to it But you want it to make a shit box Knock the one down and then make another shit box That fleet center I've never been there

You sound like a guy who's never gone to the Boston Garden Did you think Did me and you go on that tour Fenway Get on with your insult That fucking place The history is great I could go to the museum for a history

It was a piss hole If they sold mouse ears there Like you were at Disneyland, you would have bought them You told me you loved it Aside from the history Is it not a shit box I couldn't even fit in some of those seats There's poles blocking

It's a shit hole It's character Barclays wanted to revamp there God bless them I'm not giving them shit I think it's great that they did that But what I'm saying is that you went from Oh the fans

You went from the Boston Garden This place that was If you consider winning 16 titles there I didn't say what they were I'm just saying the garden itself was a piss box Listen, I'm not going to say I didn't need a coat of paint I'm not going to say that the electrical Didn't crap out on you every once in a while

I'm not saying that It's better than the fucking Madison Square Garden My friend, they don't call You can't even compare What do they call it? What do they call it? The most famous arena in the world It'll never get knocked down

And we revamped it First of all, that's the second one They already knocked down the first one I know that Secondly The fucking most famous arena in the world You know who came up with that The people who fucking own the thing

They're good marketing people That's all I'm saying is If I anoint myself a fucking nickname You should call them to cover Some kind of something about the fleet center Because that is a shit box It's almost not even in Boston I went there and I was like

Where is this place? It's in downtown Boston It just seemed weird We've won a bunch of titles I liked it We're working on the heat The swan boats I like the food

I respect the sports I love Larry Joe Bird It's his birthday today Real big Boston fan It's Larry Joe Bird's birthday We're taping this on the 7th It's his birthday too I asked him why didn't you like him over

Magic Johnson Because Larry made me feel like I could make the league too I feel like anyone could do it So Larry I'll tell you a thing about the Boston Celtics I'll tell you something after your thing I grew up hating the Celtics

I couldn't even appreciate how good they were And how good Larry Bird was Everybody I hated them My nickname in Brooklyn is Larry Bird Because of the way I look Dude, if you could grow one of those awful mustaches It's just my coloring

I don't look like Larry Bird Just because I play basketball But I never had a f***ing What if you have a shag He had the haircut every white dude Had in the 80s I didn't have a mullet But I was feathered

Of course you did You had some sort of With your liking of hip hop You probably had one of those thin Puerto Rican I wish At the time when Larry I was too young to have one But I'll tell you something

I told you this I really love the Celtics team that they have now And what they did to Miami last year Pushing them to game 7 That was one of my favorite Celtic teams of all time Me too, all hard I was rooting for them so hard And I've had mixed feelings about Kevin Garnett

Especially now that he's a Celtic I respect him, I love his career He's awesome, the way he plays Inspires me in what I do He plays at the same level all the time I almost beat those motherfuckers Because I don't care who it is The Nicks, the Nets, the Utah Jazz

The fucking New Orleans, Pelicans Whatever they're becoming Somebody needs to beat the heat See me, I feel that way about the Lakers I hate the Lakers And I actually think Kobe Bryant This will get me some fucking emails I think he's one of the most overrated

You're crazy What can you say? He's been on nothing but pile on teams Like everything that they give LeBron shit for doing Going to Miami Kobe has been living, he just hasn't had to leave Because they bring everybody in Dude, what he did the other night when he walked off the court

With 10 seconds left, did you see that shit? Yeah, dude, you know what? It was 4 seconds 4 seconds, whatever you did You left your teammates sitting out there All that does is breed resentment That guy is a cancer, he's one of the greatest individual One-on-one players ever

Since Jordan, I would say he's number 2 behind Jordan He breeds fucking resentment I agree I love Kobe He's a blood, he's an animal And that's what he has over the rest No, no, no, no I have to say this before people say it

Do you think Kobe would have played with the 5 stitches? Do you think Kobe Bryant would have played with the 5 stitches? And I'm not disrespecting Carmelo, I love you But do you think Kobe Bryant would have played with the 5 stitches? Kobe Bryant could have been missing a leg And he would play He would have played against Miami last night Between him and everybody else

But this is my criticism of the guy The guy does not know how to get along with other fucking people He's a savant He's the Bobby Fischer of basketball He fucking ran Shaq out of town Like he said the other day, you're gonna score your 30th thousand Did you ever think you'd do that? And he says, I'm not into individual stuff

To me, it was always about champions That's why you ran Shaq out of town At the height of his fucking powers You'd won 3 championships in 4 years Shaq leaves the very next year He wins one with the heat But you got your 50 a game I'm not saying that he hasn't done

Some things that he probably regrets He would never say this, but I'm saying I love that guy and his game And I've learned to appreciate him And his tenacity and his intensity Listen, Carmelo sat out the other day You're not saying anything that nobody hasn't said All they do is blow Kobe

I'm not blowing him I'm a niche fan He deserves a fucking hand job And you know what? I was at that Wait, let's go back He would have played with the stitches that Carmelo Carmelo, I love Carmelo is retarded

He's sick and he's becoming a great Great team player and a winner And all that shit I've definitely seen that And his talent is immense But last night while I was Watching that game, he might play He might not play, you know who would have played

Last night with 5 stitches on your non-shooting Kobe Bryant would have played I'm not questioning The guy's heart I'm saying his inability To get along with other fucking guys Has fucked the Lakers I feel like, dude, the amount of times

I'm trying to think, all those championship runs In the finals, when has he just taken over A fucking series? Has he ever done that? Didn't he do that against you guys? When? That series that we just Not we, they just beat you This was his quote Last time he said, I don't know how we won that game

The MVP of the game 7 of that series Who was it? Was the fucking Officiating crew They beat you They fucking beat you Yes, they did, they won, this is my thing Dude, if somebody beats me like the fucking giants They fucking beat us

You mean in the Super Bowl last year? In the Super Bowl before that You mean when they beat the Patriots twice They beat them twice You mean when they beat them When you guys were 18 and 0? I just gotta let you get through this, go ahead And then they beat you in the Super Bowl?

Are you talking about that year or last year? I'm talking about last year When they beat you in the Super Bowl, was that last year? I'm sorry, I get confused I'm not through with time But you're talking about when the giants beat the New England Patriots In the last two Super Bowls I know it's hard for you to remember because it happened twice

I give it up I definitely give it up But my thing about the Celtics, this is, I'm just saying as a fan here Celtics Lakers finals Should be decided by the players You put your fucking whistle away You don't call 35 fucking files on one team

I agree And I watch the Lakers Make a fourth quarter comeback against the Celtics From the fucking foul line I remember If you tell me one memorable fucking shot In that fucking game, there's only one Was meta world peace

He hit a three pointer and the only thing that made it memorable Was he was so fucking high on whatever the fuck his Therapist gave him He was waving to the crowd Like he was already at the fucking parade That was the only memorable Other than that, it was Rashid Wallace Just standing there as Kobe jumps into him

Which I can see in no call But to call a fucking offensive foul And Kobe said at the end of the game, he goes, I don't know how we won that game Alright, so I'm saying that this guy He's sick He's a motherfucker One of those guys probably thought Peyton Manning was better than Brady No, no, no, no, no, no

I'm not saying there's not flaws I went through my hating My hating Kobe phase two Listen, this is sick You would think that I hate the guy I don't But my fucking thing about that guy is

He's really In a very openly way, a fucking cancer He's the Bobby Fischer of the NBA He's like You know what he is? He's reverse Magic Johnson Where Magic Johnson could walk into A locker room and look at me On his team

Inexplicably and he could somehow Figure out where he needed to give me the ball Which would probably be right under the fucking net And I would somehow get Eight points Kobe would walk in and would fucking Be like, get that fucking piece of shit out of here He wouldn't tell you to get the fuck out of here

And people think that's because He gives a fuck about himself Dude, those championships He doesn't go to the front fucking office Because he wants the Lakers In the team to win a championship That winning championships is another Individual stack for him

It's all about fucking him That's my complaint about that guy I'm not gonna argue or debate With you about any of that shit I think the guy is retarded though I'm gonna say that in the best way In an individual One-on-one

The fact that he's never You're never gonna see him dip He's never gonna dip Absolutely, but the thing about it is though If you really give a fuck about winning championships You don't walk out on your team Dude, he made everybody on that team His bitch at that point

I know When did it become DeWyte Howard, by the way? Everybody's saying that DeWyte Howard That's that LA stew and those guys on the Lakers They were saying it last night on TBS When I was watching you, Nick's beat the heat DeWyte Howard

I don't like his headband I think it's fucking with him How old are you? What are you doing? Put it on straight, do something I don't like the headband They've brought everybody in Short of Jesus Christ to help this guy

Get five fucking rings And then they compare him to Kobe Bryant Who had Luke Longley and Bill Cart To Jordan That's who he won with The rings of the rings The ring is the thing That's not it, it's different

It's like the steroid era and not the steroid era This is the pylon era Oh, it is the pylon era Miami started it Miami started that bullshit And if you guys in Boston That was a pylon championship So I can fucking admit that

That's a pylon championship Miami's was a pylon championship Shack, Phil Jackson and all those fucking guys That was a pylon They're like the Yankees of basketball Every year they're going to be signing These giant fucking guys I'm not a Lakers fan

I'm not going to sit here and defend the Lakers Like that I want somebody to make sure they beat the heat I love the showtime Lakers And as much as I hated those guys Back then when They had a crew too But it was like draft picks

But the whole NBA was different then Back to that where it was just like Year after fucking year When the Sixers came in You knew who was coming to town And you had three years of fucking hate Now it's like the guy you Fucking hate the most the next year

All of a sudden he's on your team Putting the fucking hat on Ray Allen did I'm with Kevin Garnett I'm on that shit I as a Boston fan don't mind what he did Because he wasn't ours to begin with You have to go there

To Miami They all fucking hang out And drink pina coladas What if you and you and me All got on the same team And then we're like Larry in magic See you're coming around to my side It's all that AAU shit

They all grew up together That's the problem with the NBA They all grew up together playing basketball Since they were 11, 12 years old You're not going to fight them I met Bill Lamb here on a basketball court Moses Malone met Dr Went against Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

When they came out there magic and Larry The first time they went out Face to face was playing against each other This shit they do now They travel and they're 11, 12 Everybody's kissing and hugging That's what's wrong with the NBA You think the fucking Lonnie Shelton

Was hanging out with Darryl Dawkins Hell fucking no Lonnie Shelton is Seattle Superstar He was like a goon You think that Bob Lanier and artist Gilmore Were like yucking it up during the off season In Cabo, fuck no

These guys were all kissing and hugging So my thing is Even in the NFL I'm seeing them do it I already sound like a fucking crabby old man With a tampon But my thing is If that's how it's done now That's how it's done now

But don't fucking put these people This category is Larry Bird We played like a bunch of sissies last night No fucking layups this game That type of shit is gone It's gone now You'll never see the two When Doc and Larry fought that was shocking

You will never see that happen now LeBron and Kobe won't get into a fist fight What Dwayne Wade did to Kobe Last year during the All-Star game See that's why I like Kobe Bryant I like him too I like him but I'm just saying He's on that old school shit

If you ask like a fucking asshole Like Stephen A. Smith was still blowing the guy It's just like dude he walked off From his fucking team call him out I agree, I agree But Kobe's on that old school shit Like he's like fuck these guys He's literally like fuck these guys

And I like that fuck these guys I think he's like fuck these guys When he's playing you and at the end of the year He goes fuck this Those guys just beat us get us their best guy I don't know about all that But I like that he's like fuck these guys And I like that Garnett is like fuck these guys

And you want to go to the Miami Heat Then fuck you Jesus Shuttlesworth Fuck you I like that he's like that I see what you're saying Kobe is a hard guy to hate even as a fucking Celtic fan But it just pisses me off When they compare these guys today

He's the closest comparison you can make though No he isn't Yes he is Not even close I didn't say He's the closest and you're saying not even close He doesn't make anybody around him better He's all about himself

He's not about the team Like magic wasn't like that Larry wasn't like that But Chamberlain was like that Yeah well that's a whole other story I'm just saying I'm just saying New Russell is the most overrated icon

In sports Like it was like when LeBron was playing in high school You know those clips of him playing high school The pimple faced You know the 17 year old That's what Bill Russell was when he was playing in the NBA I'm not saying he wasn't great But he never got to compete against

Consistently good competition If you're only playing Jerry West These are not centers Of course you're going to block every shot You're seven feet everywhere I know we beat you guys a lot I'm just saying

That whole 11 championships Whatever man I'll go with this What would Bill Russell be now He'd be like You know what he'd be in the NBA today He'd be like Sergio Baca If he was lucky

No that's if you teleported him But if he actually came up in this era With his talent With basketball knowledge I'm going to get so much trouble for saying that They'd all be bulked up You can't compare different eras But I will say this

Early on Every sport has that team That went on a run Back during the 23 skadoo years You know what I mean And it's just like you Skadoo I probably could have made the league back then

Me too The Yankees are a team As much as I hate them The greatest franchise ever More so than the 27 That they talked about Is that they went Babe Ruth to Lou Gehrig

To Joe DiMaggio to Mickey Mantle You're talking like 40 years Of getting Jordan In a row And everybody else is scouting people I mean we fucking sold Babe Ruth We were morons That's why I hated the curse of Babe

I felt that was a cop out It was just you guys fucked up Unbelievably And deserved every Not the fans But the organization They could have given Don't give us what titles

The two titles you won This makes me feel Like any Laker fan that listen to me bitching about Colby How happy that made them feel Those titles don't even count to me They just don't count Because they're just We were just down three games to none

To a $215 million team You know we came back Do you know that'll never happen again Unless the New York Yankees do it To have another $215 million team With like four first Ballad Hall of Famers choke away four games in a row

You're never gonna see it again unless the fucking Yankees do it because they're the only ones who can afford That $250 million fucking team Yes That's all I'm gonna say yes But you gotta take that one The same way I gotta take your giant shit Oh you mean when they beat their fucking

Patriots? Speaking the curse of the babe Somebody wanted me to ask you this Go ahead Let me see here Evidently you were on one of those ghost stories Celebrity ghost stories thing And they bluntly asked

What the fuck is this It was totally real That's what they said Hang on I gotta see this here No but we got part two The part two is even better It's coming up on um Fuck I don't know the name of the new show

But it's uh Something something and we went back to school Me and the friend that it's pretty good Well tell me what happened because I missed it I know I'm familiar with the show where it's like Celebrities I had a encounter with a ghost man And I went and I told it

And it was real There I can't find the fucking thing Wait a second so Take me through this because I think I think you're just afraid of the dark No no no I'm not I went to a really old high school

Billy Cunningham went to Doug Moe And Barbara Streisand And the rapper Special Ed Wow that's a pretty eclectic It was eclectic A Rasmus Hall High School in Brooklyn I thought you were from Manhattan I went to high school I had gotten kicked out of every

Dude we're at an hour and seven Tell me how effortless this has been Oh shit are we really? Yeah yeah I gotta hear you go let's we'll wrap it up with the ghost story No it's not worth it trust me it's not Because I want to give you shit about this No I promise you it's not there's other things No no fuck you you saw a ghost

I want to hear this When we were in high school we got locked in a room We were 15 years old And we got the shit scared out of us You know my friend We talked about it but the parts No no no no slow it down Where did you're in you were in this high school

It's really old It's a really old high school There's ghosts in there like it's known There's known that there's ghosts so you're in there And you're going to your science class Is this after hours? It was after school it was like during Dust ghosts never come out during the day

We had detention It was like the urban version Of the breakfast club The Brooklyn version of the breakfast club So you know it was like that So instead of weed he had coke He had coke crack You know we were sniffing it

And we were drinking beers in 40s But you know They make things seem heightened on the Celebrity ghost stories So it's You okay? I don't want to talk about it Oh my god

Okay Okay alright well we just It's too hard to talk about It's emotional I don't want to get so It brings you to a bad spot I don't want to bring up Your true life ghost story

The reason I wanted to tell you The reason why I'm wearing my giant The reason why I'm wearing my giant t-shirt And my matching giant sneakers Is because my son has his playoff game today You look like a make a wish kid with that matching Shit on but go ahead I have a playoff game today

I have to get to the field an hour and a half Before to check the grass To make sure everything's good Football Football But you know he's 10 I'm not the coach But I'm the inspirational leader of the team

And I have to get there Exactly Exactly what I am Exactly what I am Of the Barrington Of the 10 year old League We won the Super Bowl last year

And we have our playoff game today And you know there's other You yelling at the other little kids That's right bitch I'm actually very good in that way But I will say one game That we played It wasn't Tony Gonzalez's kid

But Tony Gonzalez's kid was on that team this year We were losing And I was like we're going to win this game The first time we'd scored a touchdown Not Tony's a Gonzalez's kid But he was on their team But this fat kid Not Tony's kid was like

What's the big deal You just got one touchdown And I ignored him the first time This is a kid in the crowd? No on their team Because I'm going nuts So this is a fat kid on the other team A fat kid on the other team

A fat nine year old at this point What's the big deal I don't say anything to him And then we scored again He said this to me This is a little kid This guy's getting so excited every time they score I'm looking over and I'm like

Don't speak to me You're not allowed to talk to me And then when we won the game I'm like you fat fuck Listen get off the Twinkies And then stock up And you could say that back in the day too And then you could literally duke it out

With his dad And in the end even though it was blood and teeth in the ground There would be no lawsuit Anyway we won the game and after the game You'd line up in the handshake And Tubby saw me Because he was like this guy's nuts But I'm always really

You're in the stance so why are you out on the field shaking hands I'm the inspirational leader So I was actually because we were losing They brought me at halftime to come over there and give a speech Oh there you go My version of Hoosiers every week I love it But anyway so I gave Fatso a nice

A good five and a pop on the ass After the game and said good game Did he get mad or no No but he knew that we had a little thing It was like That moment in the hangover When the little kid was like But I was the little kid I was like fuck you

So hopefully we'll play them in the playoffs They're the chiefs Where are they at right now Is it the first round of the playoffs Today's the first round of the playoffs And we're playing a kid I have a speech plan out today And it's about us being a team and being brothers

And them having just one good player And are you going to let one good player beat You brothers Something like that I don't want to blow my load right now But it's a really good speech I haven't written down Dude you know what we're at the end here And you know what I completely forgot to bring up

That I love was the documentary And there was a question that If people didn't see it I'm one of those people came way way late to the game When it comes to all Rap, hip hop So like there's a bunch of stuff That you know

I was obviously familiar with them And I knew a lot of their stuff Yo MTV rappers But I didn't know to the level Even if you're not a fan of that music You'll love it You'll love this documentary Like me you'll start downloading all

Their music is for everybody I call them the Rolling Stones of Hip Hop Their music is you can't not like their music Or the Beatles of Hip Hop Their music is just that accessible All ages, Tribecaw Quest It was a pleasure doing it The name of the film is Beat Troms and Life

The Travels of a Tribecaw Quest And everything's good, everything's smooth over I know there was a little bit of drama there Everything is smooth, I mean I think That was all because they are very And you know, they understand What the legacy of a Tribecaw Quest means To the fans, I do too, that's why

I made the movie, I came at it as a fan I love the group I didn't know anything about them and I didn't think It showed them in a bad way, it just made me want to Download their stuff and respect them That's why I made the movie, that's why I made it It wasn't the first time A documentary director got into

With the subjects of a documentary It's not going to be the last time I think people freak out right before it comes out Oh my god, is this going to ruin me I understand Do you know Bert Reynolds I heard before Boogie Nights came out He walked out of a screening

Yeah, maybe even fired his agent He was just like, why did you put me in this piece of shit Now it's like everybody loves it Trust me, if somebody was filming a documentary Of my life and they were doing this segment You think I'd want this segment and our celebrity Ghost story thing to be, I'd be like, no That can't make it into the fucking movie

So I understand, I understood I thought about a lot, I'd be like, how would you feel If somebody was making a doc that was beyond Just me being the incredible Incredible, you know, highly Achieved actor It became this personal thing, if they just didn't want To go into it, me as a highly, highly, highly

Achieve actor, now I'm just playing But when it gets personal and you start to see Like the intimacy and you see Yourself in moments that you forgot about Because they're being filmed, they're on screen It's a vulnerable position, so that's all it was And I made the movie out of love And I think at the end of the day, they know that

And the movie's gone on to You know, it's really like What else, you got anything you want to hype before we Nah, man, the only thing I want to hype is Is the New York Knicks, I want to hype the Giants You know, starting to do their little mid-season Fumble, and you know, we got a movie coming out And I think it's April 5th

The heat, Sandra Bullock Bill Burr is incredible And he's funny, he's good, he's got red hair And a red beard Now, yo, there's going to be Bill Burr is going to be doing his thing in this movie It's going to be, it's a funny movie Alright, dude, I'm really psyched that you came on this

I'm glad to do it Definitely, we might have to have you on again To talk shit when the Patriots finally beat your ass In the fucking Super Bowl We'll do a thing for the heat That'll be after the football season It'll be going into the playoffs For basketball and baseball

Just be starting, we'll do it I'm always a pessimist, I hate our defense I hate our secondary for the Patriots I think the best thing we have going for our secondary Is our fucking running game Because it keeps them off the goddamn field I'm going to tell you this right now I think we're going to lose to the Broncos

In the playoffs, I really do Would that be the first round? They're not wild card, right? No, Broncos are going to win their division And we're going to win ours So maybe like second round I think, you know, because Belichick knows How to get into Peyton's head

But I just don't believe In our defense And also when we played the Broncos earlier this year Peyton had only been with them for 60 days Yeah, that doesn't count Now he's gelling with them And he's going to have another 120 days He'll be like 200, 300 fucking days in

240 days in or something He's something else And I'm so glad that he came back Because who would have wanted him to end You know what I ended up realizing that I never really hated Peyton Manning What I really fucking hated was the disrespect The fucking argument

And at the end of it, you know There's no way he's a football fan You can't love that guy But I think that that defense is good enough With Brady and Belichick He can never count us out That's going to be a brutal game But what about Gronkowski?

Is he going to come back? I love Gronkowski, by the way I don't know, it's what he breakers for I guarantee you he'll be there I love him Oh, you're not wearing that giant Do you talk about that little loop that barely Come on, man

Listen, you lost the game We fucking cut your throats And blood spilled twice First time it happened, you came back You got surgery, rehabilitation And then we slid them again You left us on lights to fall We got to play you again

Michael, thank you so much for coming on You're fucking awesome I appreciate it The Leuze presents Kokme with your My The Leuze App From now on, it's for recipes that are delicious, easy And are cheap For those of you who are interested in something else

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