Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 12-2-19

Episode Date: December 3, 2019

Bill rambles about the weekend games, SLAYER, and appropriate gifts.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, December 2nd, 2019. What's going on? How are you? December 2nd, everybody, it's official. Get your Christmas lights up, because it's the holiday season. Do-bi-do-bi-do. You know, it's funny. They don't even have to do those fucking stories anymore of like, it is absolute pandemonium down here at the mall. There are no parking spots, people are screaming, and they're trying to grab the last Micronauts. Remember Micronauts? They don't have to do that anymore, right? Because everybody just orders from Amazon. Okay, and if you think Santa's elves are overworked, I don't remember the last time a Santa elf got crushed

to death by a forklift. Here's the thing, everybody, why don't you think about all of these poor people who have to work like double time, 14-hour shifts, whatever the fuck it is they're doing over at that goddamn hardware store. You know, go to the mall. Huh? Just get in the SUV that you didn't need, go down to the fucking mall by the shit you don't want, give it to the people you don't like. So some of these people over there at Amazon, you know, could give their lower backs a break for a second. Jesus, what a fucking slave driver, that guy must be a legend, an alleged slave driver. I don't know, I don't remember the last time a slave got benefits. Next question. Have you

ever been to Epstein's Island? Make sure she accidentally chokes to death in the next 24 hours. Thank you. Anyway, so that's the deal. I'm an asshole. I still drive around and I go to toy stores. That's my, that's my big fucking move. It's actually, you know, it's finally paid off after doing it for half a fucking century. That's not true because I got my driver's license at 16, I'm 51 for 35 years. 35 years. I've been driving down to the fucking malls. You know, December 2nd, everybody just sits at home clicking on this stupid bills, driving down to the fucking stores. I just don't, I don't know. I can't, there's like the internet, it's fucking overwhelming to me. So I just stay, I stay on like three

different sites. I go to YouTube, I do the Twitter, I do the Instagram, and I think that's my world. Oh, and I do Google News when I run out of shit to talk about here on the podcast. Other than that, I stay away from it. That's not true. I go to Stubhub. All right. I go to the MotoGP, then I go to the four major sports websites. I do that. All right, whatever. It's still, I was born in a small town. I can breathe in a small town. So yeah, I gotta, I gotta start my Christmas shopping, but I am up to my fucking neck. I turned the corner on this fucking exam. I've been studying my ass off. Trying to watch some fucking football. I did watch Ohio State versus Michigan. Started off great. Michigan scored first hail to the victors there. We missed the

extra point. You know, there's a lot of people out there calling for Jim Harbaugh's head. And I don't know. I don't know about that. I don't think that's right. You're talking about a guy, he brought an NFL team to a Super Bowl. He's talking about a guy he saved Michigan fans. He saved that fucking program there where that program was. Okay, he's still paying for that's what I think. I think that that Michigan football program was so in the fucking toilet, it is affected Jim Harbaugh's ability to recruit. Because if you looked at the offensive line of Ohio State, they outweighed Michigan by like fucking 50 pounds a guy. That's why they were running the ball down their fucking throats. I mean, what are you supposed to do at that point? Roids.

So I don't know. Okay, so you're going to get rid of him. Who are you going to replace him with? There's a lot of emotion. There's a lot of emotion. But I don't, I don't fucking understand how Ohio State became ranked number one when LSU beat number one Alabama in Alabama to become number one. LSU didn't lose and Ohio State, what they fucking, they beat an overrated Penn State team and then they become number one. Fucking ridiculous. I don't know. I'm just glad Alabama lost again. Not really. I kind of miss rooting against them. But I don't know how many times are they going to throw Ohio State into the fucking final four just to watch them get fucking shut out and get their asses kicked. I don't understand what it

is these people have over the fucking NCAA and these fucking Buckeye fans. All they do is bitch moan and complain if they don't fucking get in there. I don't know what's going on. Every year they put the boring ass Buckeye. Let me see what the last time they fuck them. They won it once this decade, right? Let's see. Ohio State playoff record. Oh, that's not, not on a football, football. Remember that one fucking year? They shouldn't even, they didn't even fucking win the big 10 and they got in and then they got fucking shut out. Let's look at the powerhouses in their division. Rutgers, Maryland, Michigan State, Indiana. Let me get the fuck out of here.

They're the number one team in the country. I'm not saying they're not good, but it's fucking annoying as an LSU fan to see your team not lose, knock off. We actually knocked off a number one. Who the fuck did Ohio State bill be? Well, Jim Harbaugh ever beat Ohio State? My goodness. It's going anyways. All right, the Bruins. Oh, LSU won. No one gives a fuck, right? They beat Texas A&M by like fucking 90 points. Does that enough to make us go up and over? I guess when Ohio State scores 70 points on Maryland, that's enough to make them the number one fucking team in the country. Combining that with a win over Mighty Penn State, get the fuck out of here. I can't wait to watch them lose in the playoffs. That's really going to make me happy.

Fuck it. You know, they're like the fucking rich kids, even though they're a state school, every fucking year those cons are in it. How the fuck did they get to be number one? It's fucking beyond me. Maybe this is why they do it. So you fucking lose your shit. It's making me hate Ohio State and I don't hate Ohio State, but now I do. Um, Bruins. Beat the hated Habs once again. Beat them once again. Have to go down one nothing on a wild deflection of first period. No goals for the next fucking 40 minutes. And the Bruins explode in the third period. You see, Passenark's fucking goal. Absolute fucking rocket. Nothing Carrie Price could do about it. Top shelf.

Making it one to one. And who was it? Back is scored next. I actually watched the game. I had a great fucking time. I missed the Celtics, but they played the Knicks. I know that they won. Even though Marcus Smart hurt his oblique. And then your New England page, it's what? Too little too late against the Texans. Even that last touchdown, I mean, they were just going into a prevent to help chew up the fucking clock. But I don't know. Tom Brady doesn't have anybody to throw to somebody on the New England Patriots, receiving court needs to step up and be a definitive number two so Edelman can get open and not be double covered every fucking second of the game.

You know, they got to start getting first downs because what's happening is as great as our defense is. They spent too much time on the field come third, fourth quarter. They're a little tired. There you go. That's my brain. That's my assessment before everybody says Tom Brady is too fucking old. He is too old to be playing tackle football, but somehow he's doing it. But the man simply does not have anybody to throw to other than Edelman. It seems the other team knows that. So they just double up Edelman. And then that's that's been the fucking problem. We got some protection issues. We shall see. It's late in the season, but I would never, I would never doubt Bill Pelicek's ability to turn a team around. But it is getting,

it's pretty late to have a game like that from what I've seen during the Belichick era. So we'll see. But as of right now, my picks for the Super Bowl are, I like the Ravens and I like the Seahawks. I think an amazing matchup in the playoffs would be Kansas City versus the Ravens. And I think defense wins that game, which you got to give the nod to the Ravens. I just think they got the D, they got the QB, they got the coach. They got a running game. They got a good offensive line. They're looking great. And they're fucking tearing through the NFC, beating everybody, beat the 49ers yesterday, beat the Rams, beat the shit out of the Rams on Monday night,

defending Super Bowl runner ups counts for something. I know they're having a tough season. And 49ers get their second loss. So I think that that puts them, Seattle has two losses. Seattle won, Seattle won their head to head against the 49ers. So would they get home field? I don't know. I have a kid. I don't know what's going on anymore. Let me look it up real quick. Where the fuck is it? There I click on that. There we go. All right. NFL standings. Sneaky Pete Carroll. I think he's the best coach in the NFC. I think they get through. All right. NFL standings. Yep. All right. Patriots 10 and two, only one game ahead of the Buffalo Bills. They're letting them hang around. We're going to have to beat them again. The game will be in New England, if I

remember correctly. All right. What about the Dolphins? I don't know where they got three fucking victories. They're like, we don't, we don't, oh, wait a minute. What are you trying to give us a number one pick in the draft? We don't want that. Give that to the fucking Bengals at one and 11. One and 11. All right. Why won't you give me all the fucking teams? Why can't I get the fucking NFC? You cunts. All right. NFC standings. NFC, UFC, world champion. Jesus Christ. Would you look? What the fucking fuck? Oh, my wife's going to get me on that one. What in the fucking, I don't get this shit. Why does it keep going to the fucking AFC? Oh, because you click on national. See, that's why I don't just don't fuck with computers. I type in what I want and it still won't

give it to me. You don't realize how fucking pathetic it is that the fucking Cowboys are six and six and they're in first place. Do they still make the playoffs? All right. Oh, the Seahawks play tonight. So the Seahawks win tonight. According to my public school math, they are going to be tied with the 49ers having won their head to head. And one of these sons of bitches play again. When did they play again? Seattle Seahawks, 17, nine over the Eagles. Seattle Seahawks. Come on. Give me your fucking scout. They just won't give it to me. They will not give it to me. Seahawks player Russell Wilson. Oh, you motherfucker. Seahawks schedule. Do I got to look this up? Seahawks schedule. When did they play the 49ers again?

When doesn't Siri jump in when you ask the, I swear to fucking Christ. Oh, the last game of the year. Oh, wow. Who do they got left? They got the Vikings tonight, then they got the Rams, then they got the Panthers, then they got the Cardinals. I think that they won the rest. I think they win the rest of their games right to the 49ers. And then we'll see. Then we'll see Rams are at home. It's a divisional rivalry. Those games are always close. Who knows? Who knows what happens? By the way, you know what I finally saw? The movie I finally saw. I saw the Irishman. Matt and Scorsese is the Irishman. Another classic started a little slow and I got worried and right around 40 minutes in, forget about it. Forget about it. I hit out that Johnny

Barasco ruin, forget about it. Cause I always grew up saying that. And you got all these hipsters thinking you're quoting that movie. It's like, I'm not quoting the movie. The movie was quoting people I grew up with. Anyway, Jesus Christ, the performances in that movie, also two great stand-up comedians in there, Ray Romano and Sebastian Manuscalco, both crushed it. I'm not going to talk too much, but I don't want to ruin any part of the movie, but I'm trying to think the last time there was a movie with that caliber of actor in it that laid in their careers. I did get a little sad in the end where I felt like they were all saying goodbye. Jesus Christ. The amount of screen time, De Niro and Pacino share is, it's just,

I have to watch it again. It was so fucking good. Absolutely incredible movie. I just can't, I don't want to ruin it. Dominic Lombardozzi in it, crushed it. I got to know him this year doing that Pete Davidson movie. Please, please, please sit down and watch that movie. Give yourself two and a half hours to just sit down and enjoy. It's absolutely incredible. I had an amazing weekend. I saw that. I also went to go see Slayer's last concert. They're retiring. What a way to go out. Two sold-out shows at the LA Forum. I believe they were from Orange County. I remember growing up, my relatives were really into Slayer and all of that shit and I just couldn't make the leap. I was like, the shit's just too fast. It's too

fucking crazy. I couldn't hear it and it wasn't until he used to always bug me, come on man, you got to get the second bass drum. You got to play double bass and I was stuck in my Phil Rudd, John Bonham, single bass drum horseshit and then years later, the early 2000s, I finally gave in and I bought a fucking double pedal and I started trying to play some of that primal shit, who by the way was also on the bill. It was Phil Anselmo who I missed. He played such a fast set. I tried to, you know, when I got there, I said hello to some people. I ran out there and I missed the whole thing. I heard it was fucking amazing. Then I saw a ministry. Didn't want to miss that. Al Juergensen absolutely crushed it, played my favorite song of this, Stigmata. So I was a happy camper there

and then I saw Primus go out there, fucking destroy it, give Slayer their props and then Slayer came out. The flames going, the upside down flame and cross. They opened with South of Heaven, ended with Angel of Death and just watching the drummer. I honestly think after the hardest part of that drumming, you know, someone was saying to me, he goes, he goes, the feet are hard enough, but like the fucking hands just blowing around the toms, the whole fucking set. They just played 90 straight minutes, just snapped your head back and it stayed there for 90 straight minutes. And then they said, good night. No encore, which I thought was the shit. I did feel a little bit sad. You know, I don't know. I always get a little bit melancholy around the holidays.

Anyway, you know, you start seeing people, you know, you usually only see for once a year, they're older, you're older. I watched the Irishman. I felt like they were saying goodbye. I go to see Slayer. He's saying goodbye and he stood there looking at the crowd. That's really sad. Look on his face before he wave goodbye. And I was just like, oh my God, you know, I had a fucking brutal year this year as far as losing a couple of friends. I was just like, I need to go see like 21 pilots now. I got to go to a show with his young people with their whole lives ahead of them. And you know, whatever, but I got it. I got to hand it to the older fans there. I mean, I would I never did this in my life. I've never went to a mosh pit in my fucking life. I was like,

that is some stupid shit right there. But it is fun to watch. And there was a nice mosh pit going during ministry. And I got going again, of course, during Slayer, but I actually got chills in the end when they were saying good night, and they were just standing there letting the crowd cheer and the whole crowd started cheering. Thank you Slayer. Thank you Slayer. It was awesome. And also when we were in the parking lot, it's the Jim Brewer bit. If you never saw Jim Brewer's bit on the Slayer fans climbing over the chairs going Slayer, it's a climber. You were out in the parking lot. You just heard people going like Slayer, fucking Slayer man, Slayer. Like nobody has ever said Slayer. It has to be screamed

with a certain level of frightening urgency. Slayer. But anyways, it was a it was a great time. And I saw nothing but killer drummers all night. I got to stand to the side of the stage and and watch all of them try to figure out what the fuck they were doing. Of course, I couldn't, you know, Tim Alex and I was trying to watch like, you know, they had all that the cool video going on behind him. So it was kind of making him in the dark a lot. So I had to wait till the screen lit up so I could try to peek at his his bass drum work. But they just fucking incredible, man. Every band that night was incredible. So I hope you were there. I hope you got a chance at least

to see check out that lineup on that tour because I believe that was the last night for all of them, not forever. I think they all promise and I'll then break off and do their own shit after this. All right, with that, let me you know, as funny as I went home the next day, right? I was home the next day and I tried to play South of heaven, which I used to be able to keep up with. Just can't do it, man. It's like fucking taking time off from the gym. All right, tipsy elves, everybody. All right, it's officially the holiday season. And no party is complete without getting your ultra festive holiday clothing from tipsy elves. Tipsy elves is one is a one-stop shop for all your holiday clothing needs. Oh man, I saw this guy at Slayer. He had a Slayer

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commitment. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in burr that stamps.com enter burr stamps.com never go to the post office again. You know what I was watching that Kerry King bang in his head while he was playing the original guitarist when the original guitarist and Slayer and that's what I knew I was old when I was watching him and I was actually worried for his health. I was like, I heard the lead singer had to get spine surgery from like all the years of like doing that helicopter move. You know, that's why that guy Chris Slade, one of the many drummers for AC DC, he never had to get spinal surgery because he didn't have that hair to whip around to do the helicopter move. You know, one of the advantages

of male pattern baldness. I did think it was weird that the guitarist Kerry King, right? He fucking, he went bald, he shaved the head so he looked cool and then he got like male pattern baldness tattoos like he tattooed like the horseshoe back onto his head. I don't know. It's like he solved the problem and then he highlighted it. Maybe I don't know, like if I was starting a band, that would be a red flag. It's like, okay, this guy faces his problems head on and then he, he's free of them before steering directly back into it again. And now it's worse than ever. Sorry. Anyway, all right, I'm still not boozing. Can't you tell? Can't you tell by the fucking joy

in my voice? Oh my God. It's just my life. Everything food tastes better. I got to do some stand up this week when I'm not fucking studying. I got to get back out there because I tried to do a couple of stand ups sets last week. I tried and I succeeded. I did do some stand up, but it was definitely a little bit of work there. So I'm actually going to be doing a, I'm putting together a benefit. There's a band that I'm a fan of and one of their members is going through some, I don't know, some health issues later on in life. So he has a charity. So I'm going to try to put together a show and send the money for that thing. That's what I'm trying to do. I try to be a good guy. Do you don't mean my wife will watch and wheel of fortune the other night,

right? That's one of the things that we do. We watch wheel of fortune, right? You watch Jeopardy, you feel stupid, and then afterwards you watch Wheel of Fortune and you feel really smart, except if you mean you have a slight, some sort of dyslexia, or maybe you just fucking dumb, is I can't solve any puzzles. And I actually find the more letters that are up there, the harder it is for me. So anyways, I also thought it was bubbling brook, not babbling. It's bubbling brook. There's bubbles in the brook. A babbling brook would be if the the the fucking water was talking to you, right? I have to solve this bubbling or babbling brook, because the because the woman said bubbling brook. Bubbles and babbling brook, a small tribute to Doug's court. Come on. What

do you got only video here? I want all Urban Dictionary, babbling brook. I don't want that. Knowing what kind of drugs that means. Is that crack for them? You know, they heat it up and the fucking starts to bubble. A brook's water flows and constantly traps air. Bubbling brook. Bubbling, babbling brook. Anyways, the fucking answer was babbling brook. The lady said bubbling brook, and then Pat C. Jack was fine. It's not what it is. Then the other person hits it and says babbling brook, right? So they win the fucking puzzle. And you know, Wheel of Fortune has always been fucking notorious with not only their cheap ass fucking gifts, in the end, when they're actually going to owe you money, they come up with the most bizarre, you know, this is a saying. And it's just

like, you know, all right, see, or whatever, and they got it, and you got 30 seconds, they can't fucking figure it out. And then they go, the answer was Crescent Wretch toast. Something fucking bizarre, whatever we that's a bad example, but whenever we read it, we're like, what the fuck is that? I'll tell you what the fuck that is. Wheel of Fortune doesn't want to have to give away their 100 grand. Oh, no. Oh, look who's down here just in time for the Wheel of Fortune part. Bye bye, buddy. You going to dance class? Yeah, we'll be back later. Hey, Nia, do you want to tell the Wheel of Fortune story? Yes. Oh, I can't do it now. Save it for Thursday.

Why? So I can be there. Are you going to be there? Yes. All right. All right, ladies. Bye. Jesus, now you guys have fucking Wheel of Fortune blue balls. All right, I'll make sure I'll get Nia on there for the Thursday one. It was fucking ridiculous, though. All right, I'll tell you if you don't, if you don't fucking, if you don't say anything, which I know you got, you know what, you know what, you guys will, because whenever I fucking make fun of shit, you guys always take the clips and then you send it to the person like I really give a fuck about them rather than I'm just by myself trying to fill up a whole fucking hour. Huh? Stirring up all these fucking broads in the internet that I don't even, I don't even know

their fucking names. I don't know the fuck these people are just making fun of shit. That's all. And I stand by it. Yeah, I got all that fucking shit. You know, you can generalize a headliner, but you can't generalize a feature act. Then it's, oh my God, how could you fucking do exactly what was done to you? I don't feel safe. Anyway, let's plow ahead here. Got my shoulder going. That's going, you know, fuck this. Let's just get to the goddamn stool. Let's get, I'm not gonna try to fucking stretch it anymore. I was gonna, I was gonna tell the wheel of fortune story and she just fucked that whole thing over. Didn't she? Yeah, she did. You know what is great about my daughter though? She fucking loves, uh, she's kind of a car guy. Like she likes riding in

my truck and, uh, you know, and in, in my, uh, in my daily driver, she's always, I want ride Dada's car and you sit over here and I see here. Okay. That's a big thing. Okay. And of course she has me sitting in the passenger seat and she thinks because now that she knows how to ride a tricycle, that she knows how to drive a car. That's a big thing. You know, that and trying to delay going to bed. I want brushed teeth. Sweetheart, you already brushed your teeth. I need brushed teeth again. It's, it hurts. It's stuck pointing at her teeth or something. Then when you finally get her in a crib, she's like, okay, tomorrow we're going to watch puppy dog pal and have smoothie. Okay. Dada. Okay. Okay. Okay, buddy. I'm just planning it all out.

You might have to check with your mother. All right. International holiday overeating. All right. Here we go. Hi, you pie bacon ginger. You know, I tried a, a, a pumpkin pie. I got a great recipe for it. I, although it said leave it in there 35, 40 minutes. I would have gone 45 minutes. I kind of had to stick it back in. That's what she said. Uh, that's what he said. Right. Um, hi, you pie baking ginger. Um, been listening to your podcast for years and finally caught my first live show in Berlin last January. Uh, first time running to you too. Okay. We may not celebrate Thanksgiving in Greece, but we do try to kill ourselves by eating a lot every Easter Sunday. Oh, there we go. Although I would love to hear Janis Poppins tell me how Greek Easter

Thanksgiving has nothing on Greek Easter. That's why I love following him. He's always talking about how everything that Greeks do. I guess they're Easter Sunday, but no matter how good their Easter Sunday is to have to go to that 14 hour mass that they have to, I, one of my best friends growing up was a hundred percent Greek and he would just sit there like they had like a room you had to, you go out and you take a break from as they go on and on. I think they killed Jesus again in like real time during Greek Easter, something like that. Anyways, although the Christmas period always involves a lot of eating too. Easter Sunday presents a tougher challenge since we have to sit through two heavy meals

in a period of less than 15 hours. The challenge is even harder for those who may have been fasting before that for as long as 40 days during Lent. The first meal is to be had after midnight. That's actually really dangerous to come off a fast and then shout out like that, isn't it? Typically right after returning from church and involves, all right, the first meal is to be had after midnight, typically right after returning from church and involves, he put a capital letter in here to help me out. Magarrista, is that an I? Magarrista? A soup made mainly of lamb entrails. Oh boy, can't believe I'm missing out on that. Greek chitlins. But since that's a bit of an acquired taste, there is some, there is usually some other type of meats too. Salads and dressing, salads and eggs,

dessert is optional. Now when cooking guts, entrails, I know they boil them, but isn't the shit still in the water? Do you then take the guts out and then hose it off? Anyway, the second heavier and usually much longer in duration, a meal starts around midday and may go on for several hours. The centerpiece is the obelias. O V E L, capital L I A S. He's trying to help me out. Ovalias, lamb or young goat roasted on a spit, but there is a ton of other meats, salads and desserts since family and friends who visit all bring some of their own. The feast can go on for hours and there's always leftovers for Easter Monday when the whole thing is repeated, thankfully at a smaller scale. Greetings from

Greece and go fuck yourself. I gotta get, I gotta do a gig over there. I'm not going that weekend though. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. I got to look up how to cook, how to cook entrails. Bring a large pan of water to a boil and add the diced meat and radish. Wait, wait, wait, how to properly cook chitlins. Let's try this. Oh my god, this just makes me fucking gag. Chitlins or poor contestants are a favorite among Southern families. No, they, they, they

they were oppressed and they got the worst part of the pig. That's what it is. Traditionally, they are prepared during the holiday, but deep freezing makes them available year round. Oh boy, be sure to wash any surface in your hands thoroughly with a bleach solution to avoid contamination while handling raw chitlins. Chitlins are very good and are allowed in moderation under some popular low carb diets. Be certain to pass the vinegar and hot sauce and joy. Okay, soak the chitlins in cold water throughout the cleaning stage. Each chitlin should be examined and run under cold water. All foreign materials gross should be removed and discarded. Chitlins should retain some fat. So be careful to leave some on after each shit.

No, thank you. Okay. Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh boy. You know what's hilarious? You notice when like white people appropriate black culture, they kind of leave chitlins behind. Jesus Christ. All right, girlfriend, considering spending Christmas with her ex. Oh, there's an easy one. I didn't have to read this one. That's a fucking big see you later, sweetheart. You go do that. And be sure you slip and fall onto his cock when you've had too much spiked egg knock. All right. All right, yo, Bill Burr, it's freezing out. I've been dating this girl with a kid for a while now. He's five years old. We get along great. I love this girl. I love this kid. And they both love me. The kid's father is a douche. Is a douche bag and they currently trade the

kid off to each other every week. Months ago, my girlfriend was ecstatic about spending every holiday together. But recently when I asked how we were doing Christmas, she said she didn't know. Then this morning, she casually threw out the idea of sleeping at her ex's house Christmas Eve. So her, him and the kid can have one Christmas and not have the kid have to do too. I am not at all comfortable with this and was speechless when she mentioned it. Me and my girlfriend don't have a place yet. We both live at our dad's house late twenties Burr. I want us all to do Christmas at my dad's place. But she said the feelings wouldn't be right for her kid. Now she's saying her kid. I don't get it, Bill. We have plans to be together forever. Both of us agree on that. I don't want her

to shack up with every with her ex every holiday just because it will confuse the kid when plenty of parents are split up and it's perfectly normal for them to have two Christmases. I don't want this to become a thing. Christmas is all about traditions. And I want us to build one together. How do I express this to her without seeming like I'm worried about it? Well, you are worried about it. I wanted to know I trust her. But at the same time, it's weird, right? Her sharing a magical Christmas morning with her ex and not the man she's with now. It fucking hurts. Well, there you go. I take the fucking out of there and just tell her that you just need her to explain this to you. And you need her to listen to you and hear how it's making you feel.

And then you guys have to talk it out and you got to figure it out. That's what I would say. That's basically what I would do. I didn't understand all the shit that was involved in there. You got the kid there. I don't know, but the guy's a douchebag. Is he going to at least try to bang his ex while she's there? I would think if you have a kid, there's a lot of guilt when you go through a divorce. It might be something like that. It could be anywhere from she's slowly getting back to this with this douche to she feels guilty. I don't know, but you need to sit down and talk it out with her. That's what I would do and just say what you're feeling without getting mad and without saying fuck. Which is really hard for a guy

because you're not allowed to cry. See, a woman could just sit down. How do you think that makes me feel? Then you'd feel fucking horrible and that would be it. But you can't be like, why are you being so mean? You become the mean person. So it's a very delicate, delicate thing. It's like the end of a Tom Cruise or a Will Smith movie where they cut the red wire, do I cut the blue wire? I don't know what to do here. I'll walk away slowly from the explosion. You know, it's that type of shit. But I got to be honest with you. I think she anticipated that you would not be comfortable with it. By the way, she did it just casually went from like, yeah, we're going to fucking hang together to like, you know, I don't know. Yeah, you know, I'm thinking

I'm just going to kind of fucking yank it out. You guys need to have a talk about that one. Because what does that mean? Is this starting this tradition that they're going to put together? Just sit down and just say, listen, that relationship failed. Okay. It's a failure. Why would you go back to a failure? You know, I can't do that. Just sit down and tell her what you think you're without saying fuck or getting mad. And just tell her in the end, all right, just let you know this is really hurting my feelings. Why would you say that? Because that's what I'm feeling. And you do what you're feeling and say what you're feeling. And I'm trying to be more evolved as a male and tell you what I'm feeling. Not saying you can't go. You're just

ripping my heart out. Merry Christmas. Should I buy my crush a Christmas present? No, creepy. They don't know that you're fucking crushing on them. All right. Hey, old Billy Freckles, big fan of yours shown a longtime listener. I have a little dilemma with the lady. I have a crush on a girl that I have known for three years now. She is a wonderful person, but we work together. I was thinking of giving her a Christmas present to show her that I'm into her. After hashtag me too, I'm a little scared as you should be. And I don't know what to get or what that fucking lunatic at the morning show would get those chicks. I bought you a dildo. Merry Christmas. I was hoping you and the lovely Nia

could give me some advice, less suggestions, if it's a good idea. And if so, what would be a good gift? Thank you and go fuck yourself. Oh, look at, look at, come on. All right. Let's see. What would I do? That's very difficult. Does she know on any level that you like her? You've been crushing on her for a while now. I think you just, you got to, you got to move your conversation past just being friends at work. You got to start. I don't, I mean, I don't know how this works in today's age. I mean, day in age, I think you got to start hitting on her. You know, I mean, I know that there's a lot of hairy leg women out there that resent that, you know, maybe if they shaved their legs, it would happen more often than they

wouldn't be so upset about it. Oh my God. It's like so annoying when like a guy likes you. So fucking it. That's not the kind of attention that we're talking about. Shut up. Yeah, God, that fucking bitch moment and complaining. I want you initiated, but not initiated, initiated. I want you to be confident and strong, but I still want to feel safe and fucking in control. You want everything, right? That's, is that what you're, is that what you're fucking saying? You want the whole thing to go exactly how you want it to go is basically what you're saying. This is how nuts women are. They routinely write articles. Can women have it all? That's how fucking nuts and selfish they are. No, you can't have it all. There's always a sacrifice that's made.

Okay. How many fucking times do you dumb broads got to ask that fucking question? No, you can, can I become a mom and it won't hurt my career? No. If you want to have a kid and you don't want to hurt your career, it's going to hurt you as a parent. You have to make fucking sacrifices. And so does the guy. Fucking dopes. Can we really have it all? I don't know, but God knows you're going to try. Should I buy my crusher Christmas present? I would not. I wouldn't. I, you know, I would somehow get it. I mean, I don't know. It's been three fucking years at some point. I mean, you got to fucking tell her how you feel and then ask her out. Yeah. Because what you're going to do is if you ask her out, she says, yes. And then

you guys are dating this time next year, the level of Christmas present that you're going to have to buy because you already bought her a certain level present when you guys weren't even in a relationship, you know, when she's going to be reading all these articles, can women really have it all? Can I have four kids and also work 80 hours a week and everybody's happy? No. What a fucking dumb question. Yeah, that's what I would do. I think rather than buy her a gift, I think you need to verbally communicate on some level that you're interested in taking her out on a date. All right. Rather than coming out of nowhere with no, no, uh, conversation to that effect and just show up with like a clattering. I think that would be a little weird.

All right. Time for advice. Oh my God. Time for advice. This person just did the layup. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to fucking, I'm going to have to play it again. You know, we, I'm sorry. It was a layup. Was I supposed to do? All right. Hello, Billy, the sober dad. I love, I love that title. I don't enjoy it at night, but I do love it. All right. I'm a big fan of yours from Portugal and I need your advice. All right. I started, oh, Lisbon. Are you from Lisbon? I started college two years ago and I'm not doing great. Well, guess what? I can relate. I used to be in the top of my class and now I flunked a bunch of subjects. Well, I never did that. I sucked in high school and continued the tradition in college. I'm in college from

mechanical engineering thanks to my love for physics and math. I started writing a book and it's been hard to do both things and stay motivated for college. I'm also trying to convince my parents to buy me a drum kit since I can't afford it out of my own pocket. Well, you better get your grades better before that, or get the drum kit before your grades come out. I want to learn the drums, write my book and finish college. How do I find motivations and time for everything? Oh, look at this guy. He wants it all. Thanks for the podcasts. You've cheered me, cheered up my Mondays and Thursdays. You're a dear fan. I can't say the name. P.S. It's okay if you can't pronounce my name. Most Americans fail at that.

That sounds like the wrestler that loses every week. Jose Estrada. Okay. All right, sir. Well, thank you so much for the kind words. It's cool that you want to learn drums. It's cool that you want to write a book, but your priority right now is finishing college. And if you're not going to drop out, you're just going to prolong this thing, which is going to get in the way of you eventually finishing your book and your drums. Your parents are probably helping you out with college. You just have to prioritize things. All right. The priority every day is you get your schoolwork done first. Okay. And then you figure out what's your priority, writing this book or drums. Okay. Then maybe writing the book is second in line. And then the drums

is how you blow off steam. That is how I would do it. All right. I wouldn't try to convince my parents to buy me a drum kit either if I wasn't doing well in school. So I think you got that creative thing where you got a little bit of ADD and you just need to, you know, if you just let it ping pong in your head, it's you're still going to be confused. This is how it works for me. I have to like make a list every day and just prioritize the things that need to be done. And I just knock them out and have an ADD is a great fucking thing. It gives you fucking energy or something. It just has you, you can do a lot of shit. All right. And a couple of adjustments, like a list, because then you can get all ADD or fucking OCD about the fucking list.

And I like checking shit off because it makes me feel like I'm getting stuff done. So I would just prioritize your schoolwork, get that done first, get your grades up. Then I would write your book and then I play your drums. That's how I would do it personally. And not to mention, you can also, you can also buy a pretty cheap drum kit. You could find a cheap one, you know, then your parents can't hold it over your head. You know, that's just, that's my own advice. But it seems to me like you're going to, but I think you're going to do really well in life because you're not doing well in school and you're writing a book and you're also interested in music. It seems like you're going to have a very passionate, like you're going to follow your

passions in life, which is great. And the fact that you can actually handle, you love physics and math, but you can also write a book and you're into drums. You're very well-rounded person. You just got to dial up the study in a little bit. I think you should be fine. All right, buddy, good luck to you. And I hope you get that drum kit. All right, overrated, underrated, underrated, being prepared, always having napkins and toilet paper slash clothes in your car. Sorry, but you're the punchline there. Underrated, being prepared, always having napkins and toilet paper slash clothes in your car. Wow. All right, I don't even want to know what that's about. Overrated, stockpiling guns and shit. You can only use one, right? I don't know. That's exactly

what I thought. You got all of those fucking guns. You can only shoot two at a time. And you know, how accurate is that? And then half of those guns, if you emptied the clip, you'd be deaf for the rest of your life. But the zombies would be dead. I don't know. I have a weird thing with guns. I absolutely fucking like, I like guns the way I like cars. I like the older ones. I like like a glock to me. It's just like, you know, when they started rounding off every four door sedan. Let me see here. Classic guns. Classic firearms. Jesus Christ. First tipsy elves, now classic firearms. Like somebody's got to be concerned here. All right, I don't like the German Luger. I'm not into that thing.

Just makes me think of evil shit. Yeah, I like a fucking revolver. Old school revolver, a 38 snub nose. I like all that shit he's to see in all the fucking cop shows. Whenever they had an evil person, they always had the, so they always had one of those Lugers. Wow, look at those fucking World War II rifles or reissues of them. I thought I'd get some fucking images here. Come on, man. Let's fuck out. Okay, let's go images, images here. Come on, you cunt. He has the worst internet ever. Three classic guns that ought to be,

and I don't like those three musketeer ones. I'm not so, oh yeah, like, look at that dirty hairy fucking 44 magnum. Before they were like silver, when they were like black with the wooden handle, those are fucking cool. Yeah, I like a six, the old revolver, six shooter revolver. I mean, that thing is just fucking, I don't, this might be the American coming out of me, but that's fucking beautiful. A gun inspired by classic Western TV shows of the 1950s that were dominating the family room of nearly every home in America. The Ruger single six has gone on to become stuff of legend. Yeah, I mean, that's just a fucking gorgeous gun.

Look at that fucking beautiful. Yeah. Am I gonna buy this thing? Can I just buy this? Is this America? Can I just fucking click on here? What's your background? I'm working in the ice house, maybe sometime this month. All right, you seem pretty good to me. But we're only giving you five bullets for this six shooter, just so we know, you don't see what you're doing, you know, you don't shoot anybody. The first month, we'll give you, we'll give you that last bullet. Yeah, I like that. And I like those old Winchester rifles. Let me see here, Winchester rifle. Oh yeah, I mean, that's, that's just the one right there that every fucking bad ass and every cowboy

movie I ever saw. Let me see how much this 150, 150th anniversary. Jesus Christ, 2019 dollars. Add to the cart. I could just buy this. I can just buy this. Wait a minute, this is fucking insane. I mean, I feel like as an American, you have to have one of those hanging over your fireplace, right? I said, get out of here, man. 150th anniversary model, 1873 polished blue lever lever action rifle, 44 dash 40 Winchester's at 44 over 40 fucking over and under whatever the fuck you guys say, that's a fucking beautiful gun. All right, let me look up the last one, my Mount Rushmore guns. Okay, 38 snub nose. All right.

You know what? I just realized I don't like that. I just like the name. Come on. Come on. 38 caliber pistol. Let's see what this thing looks like. I shot a five shot 38 one time. Oh, that was it. Every detective had that fucking gun. I like it with the longer barrel. Yeah, I like a revolver, man. They're fucking cool looking. Oh, there you go. Well, that's a 357 Magnum. Yeah, I think anything that like Charles Bronson or Clint Eastwood had when I was growing up, I like, whoa, that is a fucking cannon. The real top five, the real top guns, five best 357 and 38 caliber guns on the planet. You know, it's funny as people argue over this, the way people argue top guitarist all,

all, you know, of all time, there's no fucking way the snub nose 1978 nickel plated fucking is the best fucking gun out there. All right. So there you go. I actually, I'm a big fan of guns. I'm scared shitless of them though, because I didn't grow up around them. So I'm not comfortable with them. But I think Glock's and all the new shit is all boring as hell. But the old school ones, the old school fucking rifles and the the old school fucking revolvers, those fucking cannons. I think those are the shit. All right, that is the podcast, everybody. This Thursday, you will hear the end of the wheel of fortune story where I was really offended by what my wife said to me. And it's been a long time since I made her laugh that hard, because it was one of those

things where she realized that what she said was fucked up, but it was just something silly. So we'll bring it, we'll bring her, bring her on on Thursday. It's going to be a don't miss podcast. All right, tonight, what do you got the Seattle Seahawks versus what the Rams is that who's playing tonight? I have no idea. Sneaky Pete's going to get into the fucking Super Bowl. That is my call. That is my call. And he's going to be playing the Ravens. Islamar Jackson fucking beat the fucking help with beat the goddamn 49ers once again, once again, tearing through the NFC. All right, that's it. That's my prediction. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.