Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 12-25-17

Episode Date: December 26, 2017

Bill rambles about Christmas in New England, the original 6, and bullet proof glass.

Hey, what's going on, it's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, December 25th. 2017. Oh, it's Christmas morning. Oh, Merry Christmas to you. Merry Christmas to you and happy birthday to Jesus. Merry Christmas and happy birthday to you. Oh, the lovely Nia, my lovely daughter, both wearing Christmas pajamas. This is my first question. What in God's name are you doing listening to a podcast on Christmas? My wife is already mad enough at me for doing one. Hey, gorgeous. How are you doing? This is how I woke up in the morning. I was laying in bed and I felt, hi, I felt these little hands, these little hands squeezing my finger. So I thought she was just sleeping, just sort of like squeezing my hand or whatever. So I took the pillow off my giant head and I looked over and she was sitting up and I looked at her and she just waved at me. I love the way she waves. We were joking. My daughter waves at you from like six inches away. She waves like she's on a luxury liner like cruise boat and you're a hundred yards away in the dock. It's this giant wave. Like, hey man, I'm right here. You got blueberry all over your face. Anyways, Merry Christmas to everybody. You know, I was going to tease everybody about what are you doing. You know, it's funny. This is a tough time of year to be alone.

Gee, Bill, you really went in deep into your brain to figure that one out. Not only alone, then they got all these damn, they got all these damn songs that just make you feel worse about yourself. You know, if your life stinks and you're sitting there going, God, what have I done with my life? I pushed everybody away. I'm all alone. And as you're thinking that all you hear in the background as you're walking through the liquor store is just, it's the most wonderful time of the year. They got to update that, right? Unless you're divorced and you can't see your kids because your wife is a cunt. Next wife, sorry. It's the most wonderful time of the year. I do actually, you know, I am envious. This is when, you know, if you don't even care that you're alone today, you are a true loner. You were a first ballot Hall of Famer. What are all the cliches? You know, Mount Rushmore. And at one time I spent a Thanksgiving alone. And this is how deep and dark my life was. I thought it was hilarious.

I wasn't sad for any moment during the day. I thought it was hilarious. I didn't have any turkey, any of the fixings, any of that stuff. And then I actually, I called up this other comic, I think it was Ryan Dalton, one of my friends from Cleveland. And I believe he just came over to my Drab New York apartment and we just sat there getting shitfaced. You know, I just, I was in the point in my life, I was just so excited that I wasn't in a relationship. So there was no, like, because at that point I didn't even know how to be in one. So the fact that I wasn't in one and he obviously wasn't either, we both would have had somewhere to go. I just remember, I think that's why I was so happy because so many years, I was in a relationship that I just, I don't know, I just wasn't ready to be in one. And then I was sitting there going, Oh God, I'm meeting their family and what am I doing?

I got to get out of this thing rather than just relaxing and enjoying the moment. So I was actually in my comfort zone being all alone. Oh, what happened, Bill? Who gives a shit? So Billy Beantown is back in Boston and haven't seen any beans up here, by the way. So funny how that nickname just stuck. I guess at some point they used to fucking make baked beans, you know, kind of how they used to go whaling. And, you know, I don't know what else. I don't know what else, what else you make buckles for hats for the pilgrims.

But for some reason, making beans has stuck here now. I don't know if you've, if you've never been to Boston, I just, I don't spoiler alert. You're not going to find a lot of beans here. All right, I went to the Big Apple, New York City, never saw really any more apples there. Why do they call it that? That's a different reason for that, isn't there? New York. Why do they call it? Yeah, right, it is right there. Why do they call it the Big Apple?

There's all those fucking chicks with the big asses down there. Apple bottoms, is that what it is? All right, Big Apple is a nickname for New York City. It was first popularized in the 1920s by J Fitzgerald. What? John J. Fitzgerald, okay. A sports writer for New York. It's popular.

What the fuck? Why is it called the Big Apple? I don't give a fuck about John J. Fitzgerald. Origin of the name. Oh, somebody's calling me. I'm not answering that. Okay, although the history of the Big Apple was once thought a mystery, a clearer picture of the term history has emerged due to the work of amateur etymologist,

Barry Popek, and Gerald Cohen. Who gives a fuck about them? A number of false theories. I don't care about those. Oh, okay, well, I actually like this one. A theory previously existed, including a claim that the term derived from a woman named Eve, who ran a brothel in the city. This was subsequently exposed as a hoax.

I love how they figure out that it's a hoax. How do you figure that out? Like, where would you start? You know, especially if they've been calling it that or that was the lie for all these years. How do you go back and fact check it? New evidence suggests the earliest known usage of the Big Apple in a book, in the book, the Wayfarer in New York. I don't even know what a Wayfarer is.

Sounds like a fat person that eats crackers. Oh, that's wafers. Those are cookies. There's literally a whole fucking page here. In which... William Safie considered in this coinage, what? Where is the answer? Kansas is apt to see in New York City a greedy city.

It's inclined to think that the Big Apple gets a disproportionate share of the national sap. Oh, so that line from the book? Kansas is apt to see in New York City, in New York a greedy city. It inclines to think that the Big Apple gets a disproportionate share of the national sap. I don't feel like I'm any closer to understanding why it's called that. What the fuck does that mean? The way that's worded, it seems like they were already calling it the Big Apple. Because if you read like Tom Sawyer and everything, they're like,

hey, if you whitewash my fence, I'll give you an apple. And they're like, boy, oh, boy. Because they didn't have any Snickers pies. So an apple was like a treat. It was a treat back then. So maybe that was their big dessert. I get the fuck out of people making pies. That's all women did back then. They weren't allowed to vote, right?

They just sat around making pies. Bitching that they weren't out in the fields behind a fucking team of oxen. Why do you get to go out there and smell that ox shit? Hey, lady, you want to do this? It's all yours. Fucking sitting here needing dough. I'd rather do that to be outside in the elements. But if that's what you want to do, by all means. All right, speaking of apples, you guys friend, you guys,

are you guys fans, I should say, of the band Primus? Well, their drummer, Tim Alexander has a cider called Herbs Cider. If you like to get boozed up, go to www.HerbsCider.com and check that stuff out. I actually had a little, oh, I can't actually have a glassy pool of it. He sent me some, but I can't have a glassy pool of it until I come off the wagon, which is probably going to happen on the day of the Rose Bowl. It's my 10th Rose Bowl in a row.

Me and Bartnick are going to be there. Maybe we'll have a little bit of Herbs Cider or whatever. Check it out. If you're into cider, if you like to get hammered and also be like, yeah, but doc, I'm also having apples. Herbs Cider is this thing for you. I'm going to check out his website here. Go to the page. Yes, that's what I want to do. Please, for the love of God. For the love of God. Slowly opening.

I should have hotel internet. I always pay for the extra amount. Oh, it's got a great label. I'll tell you right now, if it's as good as that goddamn label, I'm going to be drinking some of this stuff. I love how all these musicians now can like branch out and actually have like other businesses and stuff. It's like they had their hit songs and then some greedy bastard would steal from them. And now they got like clothing label, clothing lines and all of this shit.

This guy's making cider. You know, do you know the Smothers Brothers have their own vineyard? That was like unheard of back in the day. Maybe John Elway would have a couple of car dealerships or something like that. But usually the performers, when we were done performing, we were screwed. You know, if we weren't out there tap dancing, we were fucked. What can I come up with? What should I make?

Bill Burr's big book of cunt and like all the different ways to say it. And I'll go around the world, you know, find out, I'll find out the origins of it. Back to J.F. Scott Fitzgerald. You know, people in Tupelo, Mississippi think that the big cunt gets more of its share of the sap there. I'm sorry. Anyways, I don't know what to talk about. I don't know why the fuck I'm doing this today.

You shouldn't even be listening to this. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Do you know how much shit my wife's going to give me? She was like, are you doing the podcast today? Why are you doing the podcast? I go because it's fucking hilarious that I'm podcasting on Christmas morning. Is there something funny about that, right? We already had Christmas breakfast.

We're going to go to my parents' house for Christmas dinner. I got a window here. Snowing outside. Oh, the weather outside is frightful. But your smile is so delightful. That's really something a serial killer would be singing, right? As you're tied up in his cabin. Oh, the weather outside is frightful.

But your smile is so delightful. You're sitting there all gagging. Sorry, I don't know what it is about Christmas music, but I always just think creepy shit. There's something about it. I think when I was growing up just watching it, you know, past a certain age, and you start to figure out adults a little more,

and you're just like, you know what, nobody's really that happy. This is all bullshit. This is all part of the lie. Huh? Full Christopher Kringle. How about those patriots, huh? How about those patriots? How about those Buffalo Bills?

That's one of the best teams I've seen them have. Both games. You know, we kind of kicked our ass the first time, but I mean, they're eight and six when they came in. They're looking at their ninth, they might be nine and seven this year. You know what I say? I say good for them.

Good for them. I don't know who the hell their safety was in that cornerback who jumped that route, timed it perfectly, and got a very rare interception. Pick six off of Tom Brady. But you knew we were going to win. Anytime Tom Brady throws a pick six,

that's when he gets pissed. All you did was piss him off. He's going to come back and just blow the game wide open. Huh? Nobody knows that better than people down in Atlanta. Merry Christmas, Atlanta Falcons fans. I love you guys so much. I brought up the biggest choke and Super Bowl history once again.

I apologize. Okay, and happy Hanukkah too. If you're a Jewish fan, happy Kwanzaa. If you're an African-American fan, and I don't know what the transgendered people celebrate these days, but whatever that thing is, I'm going to make sure I know what that is. So I don't cause a big dust up on social media.

I watched the Bruins win, and I went to the Celtics, and they won against the Bulls. We got a great young team, and a buddy of mine has tickets right behind Mike Gorman and Tommy Hindson. So for one quarter, I got to sit down there, and, you know, Hindson's like six, seven, so he's sitting behind him.

You can barely see the damn game. At least a transition game when they're bringing it up the court. But I have to tell you, it was... Back in the day, I kind of wanted to be a sports broadcaster. So actually watching them, they both had a guy on either side. Like, you know when they sit there and be like, he's got 16 points?

It's like, how the hell do they know that? It's like, as they were scoring points, whoever scores their whole line of stats, the player would light up, and the points is all the way to the right, I believe. And I was just kind of watching how they were able to do that. I mean, just there's so much stuff,

you've got to know what's going on, and then understand, like, the importance of what's going on. Like, when you watch a game at home, you know what's going on. You're into the flow of the game, and then you're talking about the next day at work, and so much of that is because of what the announcers are telling you. This is a big play here.

They've got to convert this dirt down, and then they don't. Oh, that was devastating. You've got to work like, that was the biggest part of the game. They need to convert that dirt down. And you don't even realize, you're just saying what the fuck they already said.

It's when you go to the game by yourself. You know, there's so much, there's just so much crap going on. Good Lord, every time there's a stop at your play, they had this group of kids, little funk. They always have these kids dancing. Like, I hate it. I hate seeing kids in show business that young.

It's like you should be out building a goddamn snowman. Going out doing this whole dance routine. How long did you work on that? Just picture some mean fucking teacher. We're not leaving till we get it right. From the top. Five, six, seven, eight. Right?

They have that. They got fucking Santa Claus coming out, break dance and spin it on his head. And it really kills like feeling like you're at the game. Like I was heckling the bull's coach. Guy's name was Fred something or other. You know, we were sitting down low. So he kept standing up in those damn coaches.

They like block your view. So I'm going, hey, Freddie. Grab some fire. Grab some pine there. Fred Rick. Hey, Freddie, you know you can coach sitting down. Hey, what does hands on your hip means? No, no defense.

Fred Rick. Just doing that shit. And everybody was like looking around. You know, my father-in-law was getting embarrassed. I'm like, dude, this is what people used to do. This is what used to, this was, but so there was also people laughing. That's what used to happen when there was a stop at your play.

Fans would yell out what they thought should have been going on. You know, hey, D, why don't you let him get to the fucking elbow again? How many times you got to get that shot on you? And everybody would laugh. Now the second the damn thing's up, are you ready? Get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get. All these fucking kids run out on the court. It's like I'm trying to get drunk and yell at people that I don't know.

Why are you bringing kids into this? But I was stoned sober. Anyway, so we went, but either way, the game was great. And just seeing the Celtics live how young they are, even our bench is great. I've keep forgetting the name. What's the name of our sort of center? The big white guy.

He looks like a yoga instructor that moon lights as a lumberjack. You know, he's got the man bun going. So, you know, he's spiritual, he's progressive. And then he's got the giant beard. So you can't tell it's this guy like a hipster. Is he from the Pacific Northwest? And he and his grandfather used to get on either end of an accident. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, right?

You can take a fucking tree down, whatever the hell they did out there. What's his face? Rozier had this monster fucking dunk towards the end of the game. Explosive. Something you never used to see on the Celtics. We used to be a bunch of slow white guys. Even our black guys were slow. Just hanging out with the white guys.

They didn't have to try as hard in practice. And then they sort of became like, you know, almost not black anymore. They were like mixed. They had a little bit too much white in them. Next thing you know, they had developed an outside shot. This is all true. This is why we had a tough time keeping up with the showtime Lakers. Too many whiteies.

All right, I'm just making up shit. I don't have any reads this week. You know, I don't know. I guess when you, when you piss off Sherry's berries, the dominoes just fall. No, I think people are just like, no one's going to be listening, nor is anybody going to be podcasting on fucking Christmas. You know what? Everybody thought that and here you are listening.

And you know what else knew it? Tim Alexander from Primus. So that's my only reader this week. Why don't you sit down, ignore your family and drink a nice jug of herb cider. If you'd like to drink some, go to www.herbsider.com. This is going to be a shorter podcast than usual. All right. It's going to be in a bridge version.

The kids want to open their gifts here. All right. Let's get to the reads here. Comedy bubble. Hey, Billy. Hey, Billy Barotta Toast. I like that one. Speaking of Barotta, I went to the North and had a lovely, lovely Italian meal.

I had a little Barotta in the app. It was unbelievable. Then I went down to a cigar bar, a bunch of relatives. We smoked a couple. It was this fucking asshole. I always go to that cigar bar in the North end. And I always forget the name of it. It's an Italian name.

The fuck is the name of it? Cigara is the last thing. Let's see. Cigar bar. North and Boston. What is it? Stanza del Cigari. Oh, D. Cigari.

We're there. We're having a great frigging time. And for some reason they have this bell there. Like you'd ring between rounds and this fucking jerk off Boston guy. He's got this fucking bell there. Like you'd ring between rounds and this fucking jerk off Boston guy. He's got this hammer and he keeps hitting the bell. And I'm watching this dude in this bowling shirt coming over, you know,

with the Boston angry face with his eyebrows up, going, hey, buddy, knock it off, stop ringing the bell, right? And the kid keeps ringing the bell. I'm like, what the fuck is with this kid? And then I peeked over and I saw you had like the earring in his ear. Like, oh, that guy, oh, that guy, he's going to be that guy. And the guy just would not stop ringing the fucking bell. But I appreciated the fact that the fucking, the one dude was trying to get him to stop.

But then the other dude there with the man bun in the fucking beard kept laughing, thinking it was funny. And I was like, right there, there you go. That's, there's the generation gap right there. The millennial kid thinks it's funny. The other dude who was also kind of young, but probably had an angry dad, did not think it was funny. So I was rooting for him.

But either way, I had a great time and I want to thank them. They always treat me great when I go in there. Cigars weren't, were amazing. That's sort of a tradition. I always end up there at least one night, if not seven. All right, comedy bubble. Hey, Billy Barattos, huge fan from Pakistan. Saw you at the Atlanta punchline a few months ago and it was amazing.

Thank you very much. Recently, I've noticed some established comedians on social media, shitting on open micers and newer comedians for trying their luck at comedy. Yeah, that's not, nobody funny is doing that. I get that there are a lot of comedians around now and comedy in general is very trendy, especially with Netflix releasing a special every week this year. But is it fair to say there is a comedy bubble now? Is it even worth it for an aspiring or up and coming comic to try their hand at it?

Wanted to get your take on this. Love your stand up, the podcast and episode family, thanks. And go love yourself. Look at that for the holidays. Great, great, great question. All right, stand up comedy is always going through some sort of up or down as is any business. You know what I mean? Look at the NBA.

The NBA was through the roof popular right through the Jordan era. Then it made a dip and now it's starting to come back and then LeBron and all those guys. It brings it back up and down, up and down. NFL is on a little dip here. Tom Brady towards the end of his career. Peyton Manning's gone. Andrew Lux hurt. Aaron Rodger gets hurt.

Parody and all that. They got to figure it out. There's always ups and downs, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go after your dream. I started comedy March 2nd, 1992 after the big eighties bubbles burst and there was a bunch of, not a bunch, but there was a number of older comics. When I started out that tried to discourage me from starting. None of the funny ones. They go, look at this. Look at this crowd.

This place is like half full. Fucking two years ago, there'd be a line around the block. There's a line around the block. You know, they used to get me all depressed and that type of stuff. Any established comedian that shits on an open micro and tries to discourage them is not even worth your time. Like how pathetic is that? What else are you going to do? You're going to make fun of a toddler learning how to walk.

Did you just give her a bath? Oh. All right. I need to get off this because she's getting more annoyed by the second that I'm on here. Whatever. It's my Christmas too. I enjoy podcasting. Yeah.

Those people are not even worth your time. And is there a comedy bubble right now? Yeah, absolutely. You put out 50, one network put out 52 hour long specials in a year. You can't do that. It stops being special. It becomes like a, like a, like a fucking log jam. And, you know, you need to have space.

It has to breathe. It's like a song. You can't have everybody doing a tap on solo at the same time. It just becomes noise. But, you know, this is the, I think it's gone up twice since I've been doing it. You know, it dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. All in the beginning of my first eight years of my career. And then after 9 11, it went up.

It went up. It went up. It went up. And then it started to come back down again. And then the ability for comedians to shoot their own specials and sell them, made it go up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. And I would think that the peak of this, it's like a housing bubble with standup specials that one network has 52 of them.

But the thing about Netflix is it's also global. So it's not like they're just doing it for the United States. You know, which would be insane if you just did that for one country. It's for everybody around the world. So maybe that levels it out. I mean, from what I've heard from Netflix, they're going to try to have more of an international flavor next year when they do it. I have no idea.

I have no idea. But I don't, that's, it's beyond my control. I'm not the one who decides, nor should I be how much, how many specials get put out there or whatever. But it's not going to discourage me from trying to write my best hour. But it's definitely making me think about how to release and when to release my next one. Yeah.

I hope I answered your question. But dude, if you want to do standup, you got to do it. It's the greatest fucking job ever. If you're good at it. If not, it's, you know, I'll tell you it's a rough one. Okay. But yeah, don't ever listen to any fucking ass. Don't listen to anybody in general, whatever business you're in, somebody discourages you.

What kind of an asshole does that? Hey, I want to do this. I don't know why you want to do that. I mean, unless you're talking about trying heroin, you know, other than that, I think I want to start my own business. Probably going to go under. It's actually, I will tell you, it's actually good that somebody's doing that to you, that you're getting that this early in this business, because the key to success is tuning those

people out and being around positive people that say things that make you feel better about what you're going after. Now, I'm not saying that at some point you won't have an idea that is, you know, you need to think about again. You know what I mean? So somebody be like, Hey man, you might want to watch out because of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not saying that a negative response.

It's not even negative constructive criticism. There's always got to be a place for that, but you can't have people who are just being negative just because you're going out and doing something and you'll be able to tell the difference. All right. Nia, I'm almost done. No response. All right.

Rush reaction video. Hey there, Billy five, four time. Love you. Love Nia. Love your freaking podcast. And I thought you'd love this. These guys review albums and apparently listeners asked them to do a video on Rush's YYZ. They do a lot of rap albums, but have reviewed metal bands like I can't say that's Sepultura.

It's really fun listening to them react to the drumming and the guitar changes. Merry Christmas. You beautiful bastard. I actually, uh, I didn't get to see this video until you, uh, till right before I started this. My mentions are building with my Christmas here. Um, I watched a little bit of it. Um, I'm definitely going to watch the whole thing.

It was cool to see that they liked it. I knew that they're going to be like, what the fuck is this in the beginning? As I mentioned before, that's YYZ is the, uh, the call letters for Toronto International Airport and, and YYZ is the Morse code. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, they're playing the Morse code of YYZ. It's one of their, one of them in the band was flying a plane and they heard it and they thought it sounded cool.

So they put it to music. Um, there you go. That's what that is. Anyways, so it's funny watching them listen to this shit going. Yeah, they haven't dropped into the groove yet, which basically means it's not in four yet, essentially for a lot of people. If that's all you listen to. All right.

Six nonsense. Hi, Bill. I want to know what your thoughts are on the original six. I call it the original, who gives a fuck? Oh, this sounds like somebody doesn't have an original six team. Uh, no other sports hold clubs up on a pedestal above the rest of the teams in the league. It's like all the other clubs in the NHL are less than because they weren't from the beginning as a Ducks fan.

Now, Jesus, you're not a Ducks fan. You're a mighty Ducks. Wee. You're named after a Disney movie. I get it. No, but you can't win enough cups to try to get some sort of fucking manly vibe on your team. Um, as a Ducks fan, I know you hate them.

I don't hate them. I don't. Uh, I went out and supported them with those gay uniforms and gay name. It was always humiliating playing the wings or Boston in those egg plant fucked up green colors with the cartoon duck on their jersey. Well, it made sense. It was named after a kid's movie. Uh, I think we've earned some respect for going through the shit.

You did. You did. You did. Team Uselani and had all those guys that angry bastard from, uh, was, was it from a Vancouver you have down there? What the hell's his name? Ryan or some shit. Um, cartoon duck on the jersey.

I think we've earned some respect for going through the, that shit. I was like, it was like wearing a dress to a biker bar every game. I can't stand every time we play the Leafs or Montreal. They always mentioned the original six bullshit. Anyways, I wanted to know what your take is on the original six. Um, well, I love sports history. So I like it. And even if I didn't have a team that was in the original six, I like the expansion six.

Uh, let's see if I can still name them. That's the flyers, the penguins. Oh boy. The California golden seals. The St. Louis blues. I used to be able to rattle this off. Every team is from the Minnesota North stars and the Los Angeles Kings. Whew.

By the skin of my teeth. I did that. And those, um, who don't know the California golden seals moved to Cleveland, became the Cleveland barons. And that went under and I believe merged or something with Minnesota. I can't remember. I don't remember any, I used to know all that shit. Um, I like the original six.

I wish more leagues would talk about that type of stuff. Um, you know, like the NFL and that type of stuff. I just think, I think it's interesting. Personally, I wish the NFL actually acknowledged NFL titles. The way baseball, basketball and hockey all count. They all count titles to the beginning of their league. I mean, the Montreal Canadians, they, like they won Stanley cups against the, the Montreal maroons and the Stanley cup was like the size of a shot glass.

I mean, it is the history. They probably played the final game on a fucking pond, but I mean, that is the history of the league. What I don't understand with the NFL is how the Green Bay Packers are not the Yankees of the NFL. They was talking about the Pittsburgh Steelers because they've won six Super Bowls, but the Pittsburgh Steelers were around back in the early days of the NFL and had an opportunity every year to win an NFL title and they didn't.

And Green Bay did. And for some reason, Green Bay is like, Oh, what do they got? Green Bay, you got four titles. So it is four, five, four. And for some reason they just go, Oh, they got four. They're, they're two behind the Steelers and they have like 11 NFL titles plus four Super Bowls. So in my world, they're up around 14, 15, whatever it is.

And then you got the fucking Lakers who count a BAA. They went some league, the BAA or something like that. And they want a title there. They count that as an NBA title. I mean, that's one of the biggest bullshit stats in fucking sports. How the hell you win an NBA title before there's an NBA. The NFL felt like, look, the NHL, like, you know, when the WHL went down or the AHL, they've absorbed teams as did the NBA, right?

But it was still the NBA, right? When they absorbed like the ABA, you know, those ABA teams went into the NBA. The difference with the Lakers is the NBA didn't even exist. There was no NBA. It was like wrestling before it got unified. There was a little bullshit league here, a little bullshit league there and another bullshit league. And the Lakers were in one of those bullshit leagues.

And for some reason they get to count that bullshit league title as an NBA title. Because eventually all the leagues combined, the two leagues or something combined and it became a stronger league. And that was an NBA title. Not your bullshit league one. You know, that's like counting like when they had the AFL, like the San Diego Chargers claiming that they won like a fucking Super Bowl or some shit because they won an AFL title one year.

But whatever, that's what it is. It's very LA to pad your fucking resume. So for some reason nobody calls him on it. So I love the original six. I think it's cool. And it's also, you know, there were more teams than the depression hit and then they went down to six teams. That was the deal.

According to Bartnick, the Pittsburgh Penguins were around or some team from Pittsburgh and they had black and gold because the Bruins always said the Penguins took their colors. He goes, no, we had that in the 20s. The Penguins did. He said, no, it was a different team. It's like, all right, well, then you went belly up. And at which point you forfeit the colors and then the Bruins got them back.

You don't get to come back and be like, oh, we get them forever. You don't. They were already taking your bastards. Great organization though. All right. My daughter's boyfriend is a loser. Oh boy. Dear Billy the Kid.

First, I want to say that I love the first two episodes of efforts for family. And I can't wait. Oh, the first two seasons. Sorry. And I can't wait for season three. Thank you. I don't like my daughter's boyfriend. I like how this guy gets right to it.

And I want to make her break up with him. Let me tell you about my girl. She's 28 years old. She has a great job. She's living in an apartment with this guy. The problem is that she pays for everything because he's air quote between jobs. And also sometimes she calls me to fix some stuff for her. And when I get there, I find this ass just playing video games or watching a movie.

Oh my God. He doesn't even put on a show for when is the father of his girlfriend shows up. Yeah. This guy's a bum. He doesn't do shit. I really don't understand why she's still with them. My greatest fear is if she marries, if she marries that guy, can you please give me your opinion as a father?

Oh my God. Dude, I'm brand new to this. You're like a grizzled vet with a 28 year old. I got an 11 month old. I'm going to give you advice. Can you please give me your opinion as a father on how to deal with this problem? Should I tell her to break up with him or should I just keep my mouth shut? And I would also love to hear what the lovely Nia has to say about my situation.

Thank you. Keep up the good work. Well, unfortunately, she's a little pissed at me right now. So I only got one more question here. I think I probably would have given him shit when I went over there. I would have just been like, really, you're just going to sit there playing video games while the father of your girlfriend comes over to this apartment where she's paying for everything and you don't even have a job.

You're just going to sit there and play video games. Who raised you? I probably, you know, now I'm not the smartest guy and I also fly off to handle a lot. I would have said something along those lines and then if he mentioned it to her, I just say, listen, I probably shouldn't have said that. I love you. I want the best for you. And, you know, it just as your dad, it bothers me that you're paying for everything and then

I came over to the fixed stuff and this guy couldn't even stop playing video games. You know, something, don't say anything because then you look like the asshole. That was bad advice. All right. Swing and a miss. Strike one. I would say that to her. Just say, listen, I'm just going to say this and just say this.

I'm just going to say this one time. I have to get this off my chest as your dad because I love you and I want the best for you. Okay. I understand that the person you're with right now is between jobs and really try to fight the urge to do the giant air quotes between jobs and just say, listen, okay. I understand that, you know, people have ups and downs in life, but it was just kind of a red flag to me that I went over to your apartment where you're paying everything with is a man there.

All right. And he sees the father of the woman that he's dating come walking in to fix something that he's not fixing. He didn't even help me. He continued to play video games. I'm just saying I'm a little concerned about the overall drive of the man in your life. And as men, we can't give you children. All right.

What we do is provide. Okay. So he just looked like a giant 12 year old to me. Don't say that last part, but just say I'm just a little concerned. Do you share those concerns? And if she says no, just say fair enough, maybe I caught him on a bad day. But just as your father, I felt like I had to say something. If you're okay with him, then I'm okay with him.

And then you, then you go because now you put it out there. All right. But if you come at her and you just say, listen, you need to dump this guy, this guy's a bomb because I said, Joe, and she's going to get a backup and be, you know, and it'll become actually more romantic to her that she's, you know, it's us against the world, baby. Did you hear what I said? And the kids can be like, well, sorry, I'm trying to get to level seven. That's the way I would handle it.

And then after that, you just got to wash your, oh God, that's difficult. You got to wash your hands of it. I don't know if I could do that. I mean, I would just start at some point if she stayed with them, I would just start openly teasing him. Hey, what do you say their couch face? What are his names, Mike? Hey, Mikey, what's your favorite couch to sit on when you're not looking for a job?

You know, hey, Mike, what's your favorite? What's your favorite movie? No, let me guess. Peter Pan, right? Well, you get to be 12 years old for the rest of your fucking life. That's what I would just, I would roast him. I would roast him. You're so progressive, you know?

Hey, Mike, what do you want for Christmas? You want an apron? Oh, that's right. You don't even cook. How about one of those inflatable donut things that truckers wear when they sit on their ass all day getting hemorrhoids? You want to stand up desk to play your video games on? I would just, yeah, maybe do that.

I would just start roasting him. All right, Bulletproof Glass, dear Billy Bullethead, writing to you from the great city of Philadelphia, a brief background. I am Korean. Oh, dude, I was just watching a great movie last night on Netflix, a home of 52 stand-up specials this year, including one from me, called, I think it was called Big Bang. It was called, it was by the guy just, this movie starts and his wife's just like, yeah, I'm fucking out of here.

And he's a really nice guy and he never breaks the rules. And he just sort of snaps. It was watched at the beginning of it. Really good acting, shot really well. I'm going to start. I'm trying to fuck with my main page here. You know, I'd like more shit on music and I would like a wider variety of movies rather than just the American bullshit that I already know is out there and I probably already saw.

What is killing me is that Ryan Gosling movie and the dude from fucking The Gladiator, 20 odd foot of grunt lead singer there. What the fuck's his name? The guy threw the phone at the person downstairs, which is one of my favorite stories ever. He shouldn't have done it, but I just can't imagine the satisfaction. You're not helping me with the phone. I'm not going to bring the device. You're not helping me with it.

I'm going to throw it at the person that didn't help me. It's all wrong, but like it's so right on so many levels. Russell Crowe, the nice guys. It's one of my favorite fucking comedies of the last few years. Sort of a modern day, midnight run. I love it, but it's not on Netflix, so I'm hoping it's going to get on there soon. All right, dear Billy Bullethead, writing to you from the great city of Philadelphia. Philly, a brief background.

I am Korean and my father owns two convenience stores, both started by grandfather and grandmother in the mid seventies. God, am I that old? Your grandparents started businesses in the seventies and I was alive then. Wow. Already watching football and collecting cards. They worked their asses off to provide for their family. That's right.

Old school. I love it and make sure my dad and brothers had a good life. One of the stores is in a very bad part of town and in the mid eighties while working, grandfather was shot at and robbed. Oh no. The bullet went over his head and missed his head by inches. This wasn't the first time he'd been robbed at gunpoint, but the first time he'd been shot at. This obviously scared the shit out of my grandmother and eventually they installed a bulletproof window.

Since installing it, they've had zero robberies and my grandmother sleeps a bit better. My grandfather is 78, looks 55 and still works four days a week. I love this guy. Just this week, a law passed saying that bulletproof glass is illegal. The reason a city council woman said that it made customers feel uncomfortable and passed legislation to make them illegal. What is going on in this country? That has got to be the what fucking neighborhood does this privileged asshole live in? For starters, it's insanity that they can dictate something based on feelings and emotions that will have physical repercussions on the store owners.

Not to mention that if we're talking about these barriers, not to mention that if we're talking about how these barriers affect emotions, they certainly keep my family's emotions in check worrying about other members working in the store. The woman who passed the law is a huge cunt, agreed. I'm not a social justice warrior at all, but this woman's legislation is racist. Yeah, this sounds just like I live in a safe white neighborhood. I don't like going in being reminded that people who don't look like me are being shot. I just had a latte. It's only going to affect the mom and pop Asian and other immigrant owned stores,

and it won't have any effect on the corporate change who don't have any family working the counter and won't feel the financial repercussions of a robbery. None. The problem is she's black and no one has the balls to call her racist. Oh, I assumed she was white, so I guess I'm racist. She is, though. My question is, I don't know how she's racist to you. Is should I stand outside Silly Hall City Hall? I said Silly Hall with a sign stating she's a racist or just a twat.

No, what I would do is I would try to contact the local news people because that's a great story. And if you still have the bullet hole and all that stuff with your dad almost got grandfather almost got killed. Is this Oprah? I mean, who said this? This is crazy. Is she a huckstable? Is that racist? For me to assume that just because she's black that she at some point must have lived in a tough neighborhood, right?

Is that racist on my end? Or are there not enough huckstable black people rapping? So my idea of what their neighborhoods are like, I mean, who knows? I mean, this just opens a giant can of worms. At the end of the fucking day, I think that you should be able, I think that that should be not the decision of the government. That should be the decision of the person who got shot at. Are you comfortable with rolling the dice that the next one also won't hit you in the head? This is what I would do.

I would not take it down. I wouldn't take it down. And if they force you to take it down, I would make a giant stink about it is what I would do. And I wouldn't say she's racist. Don't say she's a twat. Don't do any of that. Just what you want to do is you want to keep the story about how the bullet missed your grandfather by inches and how much more comfortable your grandmother is now with the bulletproof glass. And just say, you killed the other person with kindness.

I respect her opinion and blah, blah, blah, blah, but we work here. She does not work in these stores. I'm sure she does wonderful work. You just keep doing that. And then I would have to think that someone in the state department or whatever they are is going to be looking at the story going, OK, now, if we take down the bulletproof glass and God forbid somebody in there gets shot and killed. What is the state's going to get sued? I wouldn't mention that. Just say, listen, I'm not trying to cause a problem here, but like if something happens to anybody working in my store because, you know, the bulletproof glass is taken down, then I am going to hold, you know, whatever the state of Pennsylvania, the city of Philadelphia, and that woman specifically.

I'm going to hold them responsible. That has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Who installs bulletproof glass? Who does that? Places where people get robbed at gunpoint. OK, and they still have the balls to stand there the next day and, you know, so I can walk in and buy a paper and a fucking Kit Kat. Don't they have the right to feel comfortable? I mean, yeah, that's that's that's fucked up.

I got to tell you, as a white person, I'm actually psyched that that was finally not somebody white doing that. Hey, finally, it wasn't us. So that's the way I would go about that. I'd kill him with kindness and and then just sort of, you know, vaguely put it out there, maybe have a lawyer down there just going like, I can't see how this the city of Philadelphia would not be held accountable. If something like this happens, I mean, you need to have some sort of stricter gun laws. We need to solve a whole bunch of other problems before you have the hardworking honest citizens of this great city being put into this level of peril because it upsets one person in their mood that they're reminded that there are bad people in the world. Okay, because what you have to remember everybody is that there's two things. There's there's the way you wish the world is and the way it really is and you have to act accordingly.

All right. And that's it. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. I'll check in on you on Thursday. And I hope you guys all have a great Christmas. I don't know, is Hanukkah still going? How many days are in Hanukkah?

I don't know. I have no idea. On a ninth day of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me Kwanzaa, whatever that is. I don't pretend to know. I don't pretend to be informed. Okay, but I hope all of you enjoy your day. All right. That's it.

Okay. And if you got a gun, leave it at home. Just go and buy a fucking candy bar you can't. All right. I'll see you on Thursday.