Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 12-26-16

Episode Date: December 27, 2016

Bill rambles about woman removers, NBA hoop and blaming the year 2016.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, December 26th, 2016. What's going on? How are you? Oh my God, it's the last Monday of fucking 2016. George Michael passed away on Christmas Day. Wake me up before you go, go, condolences to him. And you know what the best thing about 2016 being over is, is you no longer, you're going to have to listen to people blaming a year for bad things happening. That's a big thing. Fuck you 2016. I saw Madonna tweeted that. Fuck you 2016. Fuck you, you fucking year, man. Why do people keep blaming the fucking year? You know, it has nothing to do with the fucking year. You're talking as people's genetics are

involved. There's lifestyle choices. There's substance abuse. I mean, that's what's going on here. I don't know why you're, you know, we're picking on 2016 like it's a religion from the Middle East or something. I have no fucking idea how it's getting the blame for all of this. You know what I mean? It's fucking 2016 with your liver cancer. You know, let's blame 2016 rather than the pharmaceutical companies that fucking was given out opiates like Flintstone vitamins and created a fucking heroin epidemic. Fuck all of that. 2016 has robbed us of some of the greatest artists of our time. 2016 did like it's a fucking person. How to fucking Madonna Madonna is world travel. She's been around the fucking world. Haven't you talked to enough people to not know to blame a fucking year? Well,

maybe she's saying it metaphorically, Bill. I don't give a shit. You know, if I try to see her side of the things, how can I come up with the comedic angle to try to fill out this next fucking 60 minutes? Fuck you 2016. Oh yeah, you didn't like seeing the Cubs finally win a world series. Nothing good happened to you this year. You're just going to focus on the bad. Anyways, I like people also than try to have like a religious thing. Like when a prince's backup dancers had this whole fucking religious thing that she went on saying like, you know, like, wake up people, you know, that's, that's when you know you're out of fucking mind, you know, when you start telling people to wake up, like, like you're reading the

fucking, you're reading the tea leaves better than anybody else and you're fucking, you know, garrison colonial, wherever the fuck you live, wake up people. He capital H is is taking a robbing us of some of our greatest artists. You know, like that's a sign, like all these these great musicians are leaving us, which means like what? Like Jesus is mad at all the fucking plumbers and electricians and shit. Granted, they fucking overcharge you and they lie about when the date, the date of whatever's going to be done, the job's going to be done. Yeah, I don't fucking, I mean, I don't understand. I don't understand blaming them fucking year. You know,

dude, I just can't wait for this year to be over and then it's going to be 2017. I'm not going to do any work on myself and I'll basically make the same fucking decisions I made in 2016, but somehow 2017 is going to be better without me having to make any effort whatsoever. Jesus Christ, I mean, why don't you just get out your rosary and say all your fucking prayers rather than fucking making a positive step towards trying to make a real change? Anyway, so I talk about them a daughter thing when she was shaking her phone, she was twerking with that fucking woman. Jesus Christ, I mean, unbelievable. I just like, I hate that she does that because it makes me feel old.

You know, when she was a hot piece, it was a fucking day. Anyway, so let's plow ahead. This is not, this is not why I wanted to do this thing here. Did you guys have a nice holiday? Did you have a nice Kwanzu? Did you have a nice Chahanukah? Did you have a nice Christmast? Did you? Hey, Jewish people, do you guys, like how many, you actually, when I was a kid, people who weren't Jewish told me how you guys celebrated Chahanukah and I realized, well, they weren't really Jewish, were they? Let me ask you this. Do you do, how many people do the traditional thing? Is it a one day thing or is it like a nine day thing? How many candles are on the menorah? Is it the same as a baseball team? And if so, do you give fucking one gift a day for nine days, like total

old school, you know, we're baking our own bread here type of thing, right? Is that actually, is that a religious story? Isn't that there's always bread. There's always bread, there's always fish, there's a fucking leper, you know, and then there's always the one guy, Abraham, Muhammad, or Jesus, right, hogging up the whole fucking budget like the same way they make movies nowadays where Tom Cruise gets all the fucking money, right? He gets all the fucking money. And what about those character actors that go fuck yourself, right? You know, back in the day, you could you could make a living as a character actor, you know what I mean? Not anymore. That's not how it works. Not in the age of

the fucking superhero movies. So anyways, let me see how many days of Hanukkah? Why don't I look this up? Happy Hanukkah, happy Hanukkah. All right. How many days in Hanukkah is eight days, eight days a week. All right, so it's eight days. Sorry, nine guys on a baseball team, eight days of Hanukkah. Do you fucking give a gift every that's the traditional way as far as the non-Jewish people told me that they give a gift a day. Now, if you do that, my question, my question to you is how do you give out those gifts? You know, how do you do you do it like how I do a stand-up set? Well, you got to start with something strong. You got to establish that you're the fucking man for the job, right? I don't mean to be sexist about that. But when you really think about it,

men do a better fucking job. Just generally speaking, you know what I mean? Women have been nowhere near the fucking moon. Okay. And we were there like fucking, how many years? I'm fucking years ago, were we? You know? Oh, Jesus, I just felt, I just thought of one of the worst fucking jokes ever. And I will not say it, but I'll describe it to you. Okay. I will describe it. I can't do it. The only way to get away with it is if Nia's here also laughing. I was going to say, you put the guys out in space, you know, we get all the way to the moon, you know, you try to bring a lady up there, right? You see where I'm going. I can't do that. It's a day after Christmas. I would not do that. Anyways, eight days. So what do you do? Do you start off with the fucking

something strong? You know, and then you establish like this is the level of gift giving, and you gradually start your ascent through days two, three, four, five, six, whoa, we're going to another love of seven, then eight, you give me all hands, you fucking gift. Now fuck off for a year. That's how I would do it. If I was Jewish, all right, me and Nia were Jewish and I had to get Nia eight gifts. All right. What would I start off with? I'd start off with some shoes, right? Because bitches be loving the Jews, right? I'd give her the fucking some shoes. Then Jesus Christ, fucking eight gifts. Then we gotta go close. No, you know what? I would start right out of the gate. I'd start with something silly, you know, like her stock and stuff for this year. Like, I

know like she, you know, certain kinds of food she likes. Like one year I told her, like I said, I know I'm going to get you for Christmas. She go, where you going? I'm getting you a bag of Fritos, right? She just kept laughing, you know, thinking it was the funniest thing ever that I wasn't actually going to do it. So of course, the first gift I gave her, she opened it up. It was a bag of Fritos, and I gave her a big bear hug. And I was like, Oh, this is the greatest Christmas ever. She thought it was the funniest fucking thing ever. So if we were Jewish, that's what I would do. I would start off with stupid fucking gifts. Because who's kidding who I'm not going to fucking broke here. All right, as a Christian, a non-practicing Christian, I don't get my wife eight

gifts a year. You know what I mean? Dude, you guys should do it like a game show. Okay, do you want eight pretty good gifts or one fucking great one? That's like when you win the lottery. Do you want to get it all at once or have get paid a hundred grand over 20 years? And anybody who always takes the payments doesn't understand money. And also, you know, it's just like, well, don't give it to me all at once. I'm going to blow it. You get it all at once, even though you're in a bigger tax bracket. You know what I mean? It gets you over the hump into being a fucking millionaire. I don't give a fuck how much money you make. If they give you 200 grand a year, you're never going to get up over the million because they're going to fucking, they're going to tax this shit out of you.

If you take it all at once, roughly, I mean, you could do it if you just fucking sat there eating cornflakes and shit. But like, if you take it all at once and then you invest it, but you're not going to know what to do. And there wasn't there a whole documentary on that? I have no idea. But my wife fortunately liked the gifts that she gave me this year. And you know what was funny? I made fun of getting socks for Christmas. And she got me socks. And she was all embarrassed. She goes, you said it on Thursday that you didn't like it. I like socks. I'm just fucking around. That was that was the only thing in my stocking this year. She bought me a little box. Three pairs came in this little box. It was going to be cookies and

I opened it up with some Tay Baker, Tay Baker socks. And I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Like I said, I'm an adult. Can you give me a choo choo train? It's over. It's fucking over. So anyways, okay, I'll tell you this quick story. Fortunately, Nia liked her gifts. And I always have a little bit of anxiety whenever I give Nia gifts. Because the first my first girlfriend I ever had, I think I told you this story before, did I? My first girlfriend I ever had, I had to get her a gift. Now, I didn't grow up around the ladies. I just had brothers for the longest fucking time, right? And I don't mean black people. I mean, I mean, I had like, I was related to these people.

I had brothers. So this cough is never going to go away, by the way, because the fucking prescription I got, you know, just fucking put it down on the mat. And now it's just fucking hanging around like this thing that won't leave. I know you guys are thinking, Oh, you must be smoking like a chimney. I'm not, I'm not fucking smoking at all. Slash, I might be done with cigars. And I'm kind of, I'm kind of done with booze too. I just can't fucking do it anymore. You know, I love it and all that shit, but I just hate waking up in the morning. Like, I'm over, you know what I'm over hangovers. Fuck you 2060. Um, yeah, I'll have like a beer. I'll, I'll have like, you know,

like one glass of scotch at this point, but I can't do the fucking, uh, I can't take the ride anymore. You know what I mean? And it just hit me one day. Like, you know how quickly Brett Farve got old, just bam, done over out of the fucking league, you know, he hung around and he hung around and he hung around. Then he took that last fucking hit when he was on the Vikings, you know, and just looked like his clothes were just laying on the ground. Didn't even believe there was a person in it, you know, and all the really religious people got all concerned that, you know, that they got left behind. And it's like, no, that's what it looks like when a fucking 42 year old guy takes a hit from a fucking defensive end. Um, yeah, I'm fucking done with all of that shit.

However, let me tell you the story of the first girlfriend I had. So it was her birthday was coming up and, um, I had absolutely no idea what to get a, uh, a female. So I go to the mall and I'm looking around, I'm looking around. I had no fucking idea. And I came up to this table and they had all these polo style shirts, nice shirts, shirt I would wear and they were on sale and all that stuff. And it just, all these different colors. So I bought her like four of them and I wrapped them up and I gave them to her eyes, odds and polo shirts and shit. And she fucking unwrapped these things and the level of disappointment on her face. And she just was like, what, what, what is this? What the fuck? And dude, she just fucking went off. She flipped out. She started

yelling at me like, like, uh, you know, like a head coach mad at halftime, you know, you know, I said, kick the ball away from him. You kicked the right toe of your jacket, you know, flipping out on me. And I literally did, I was so embarrassed. I like kind of put my head down. I looked at my feet and then just sat down on the edge of the bed as she was yelling at me. Right. And, uh, I don't know what happened. Like I was so fucking embarrassed and she, you know, was young. I didn't know anything about women and shit. And she was just going off on me and about three quarters of the way into her rant, which was really a good 90 seconds long, by the way, which is fucking forever. I think she was kind of coming to her senses that she was taking in what she was doing to me

by my body language and the fact that she had just given, gotten a gift and the way she was reacting. And, uh, she started to try to pull back on the stick and be like, oh, no, you know, it's kind of, and that's when the anger fucking hit me. That was one of the first times in my ute that, um, I actually addressed my feelings in the moment. You know, I was fucking one of those people brutally like three days later, I'd be like, Hey, wait a minute, that person took advantage of me or that person was being rude. I should have fucking said something, right? Um, this fucking wave of anger came up and, uh, I just, you know, handle it classically like the German Irish guy I am. I didn't communicate anything. I just stood up. I walked over. I started putting my jacket on

and all that. Now, of course, she's fucking, no, no, don't leave doing all that shit. You know what I mean? And all you want to do is the, you know, the, you know, the swim move that a defensive lineman does, you know, you fucking push to the side and then you fucking bring your arm up and over. That's what I wanted to do. So of course now I'm walking towards the door and she does what all, what every fucking woman does in that moment. She's blocking the door and now she's crying. She's crying. You know, it's like, what are you crying about? After everything you just said to me, I'm holding it together pretty fucking good here. So she's crying. Now she's between the door. I say, you know, I want to leave. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. No, you know, and then that said

awful thing. They're standing there holding onto the fucking door jam and you can't put your hands on them or else you're going to go to fucking jail. Even if you're just trying to remove it. So weird. You know what I mean? It's like you're a human being. You want to leave the room that you're in. You're in a free country. There's another human being preventing you from doing it. They're, they're holding you there against your fucking will, but they're a fucking lady. So it's totally fine. So what do you do? You just have to sit there, not looking them in the eye, just staring at the fucking door like I'm fucking leaving. You can stand here as long as you want. I am going to fucking leave. Right? Miss Brutal, you can't, you can't put your hands on them.

You can't even try to like, you know, with the outside of your arms, sort of try to, you know, kind of shoehorn your way past them. Because then they start flailing around like deliberately trying to get themselves hurt during the altercation. So then you'll feel bad and then you won't fucking leave. They're fucking lunatics. I want to leave. Right? Look at me. It still bugs me. So, you know what? I swear to God, you know, I've always wanted to come up with something that you could sell for $19.95 late at night and all these mouth-breathing fucking morons that think Trump's going to make the fucking planet great again or fucking or United States great again and all these fucking dumb bras that thought that because Hillary also had a vagina

that somehow their life was going to improve, those fucking morons, right? There's yet another day of disappointment has gone past and they fill themselves up with buying absolute shit for $19.95. I've always thought, how can I take advantage of these people for $20 a pop? And I've, you know, every time I've come up with something, I find out somebody else has already invented it. Like, I came up with this fucking thing that, you know, you stick between the car seat and the console. So every time you drop something, it doesn't go between the seats. Someone already came up with that, right? That was the only thing I ever came up with, but somebody already came up with it. So it'd be great if for like $19.95, you could come up with a device that gets the woman

away from the fucking door so you could fucking leave when they're blocking it. What that does not involve like hurting them or her at any point also being able to say that you put your hands on her. So figure it is like, I don't know what you have. Like you have like giant fucking like these nerf hands, okay? And you just put them on either side of her, right? And once you stick them on, they just stick on like, you know, when they have like those plastic explosives that you just slap on the side of a tank, it's like, once they're on you, they're fucking on you, you're gonna owe her a new shirt. All right, but at the end of the day, that's worth worth the fucking price of just getting the fuck out of there. Okay, so you put them on either side of her and then you have, you know,

those blood pressure pumps, as you can't fucking move, you know, and then you got an inflatable beanbag, right? And then you just guide her over, you put it down on the fucking beanbag, you open the door, and then you fucking bring the blood pressure pump just to the outside of the door, you close the door and right as you're about to close it, you release it, you close the door and then you're fucking run to your car, right? You know that thing where you're fucking running and if you feel lightheaded and shit, and she's gonna become running down the hall after you, now it's like you're in a horror movie, you're trying to get your keys out, and here she fucking comes, you get in the fucking car, hopefully you get the car door closed before that fucking lunatic

comes up to stick her fucking arm in, you close the door, you lock it, and then you know what she's gonna do, she's gonna stand behind your fucking car, then all you do is you just start the car up, right? You rev the fucking engine, get those emissions in her face, you listen to some tunes, eventually she's gonna have to go to the bathroom, and who knows, maybe an hour later, maybe a fucking hour later, you know, you get the fuck out of there, right? 1995, I can put that in an infomercial, not even infomercial, that's too much money, I can do that in a fucking 30 second spot, right? Fellas, have you ever wanted to lead your girlfriend's apartment but she won't let you? What do you do? You've tried moving her out of the way, right? She yells fucking rape,

that the cops come in and fucking tackle you, and then show you in a cell with a fucking giant cellmate looking at you, like he's gonna bang you in the ass, right? That's the first six seconds of the commercial, and I think you guys can do the rest of it, maybe that's a reason to have a four-wheel drive vehicle, so when she's like standing behind you can't back out, you just put it in drive, go right up and over a curb, I don't know, I guess what I'm really getting at here is I hope you guys all enjoyed your holidays, your nice fucking days off here, you know, it's been so long since I've had a day job yet, do you guys have to go back to work today? That sucks, man. You know, the day after Christmas you're right back, and then let's see, what is it?

New Year's Day is what? It's Sunday. Yeah, New Year's Day is Sunday, but then they play the bowl games on Monday, so maybe next weekend you get the fucking three-day weekend. I have no fucking idea. All I can say is fuck you 2016, glad this year's over, man. You know, a while ago when they came up with the college football playoff, somebody playoff, somebody asked me to comment on it, and I was too fucking busy editing the goddamn show, I never really looked at it, and it just dawned on me that Ohio State is in and Penn State is out, how the fuck does that work? Somebody please explain that to me. Penn State won the Big Ten championship, and they beat Ohio State. Penn State's in the fucking

Rose Bowl, and Ohio State's in the playoff, and I got a friend of mine who's a Buckeye's fan, and he's bitching about Alabama, oh, they had an easy schedule, all this fucking, he's whining, it's like, dude, you shouldn't even be in there. Ohio State should not fucking be in there. That makes no fucking sense whatsoever, and all you fucking cunts who are gonna go, well, Alabama had a really easy schedule, SEC sucked this year. So what? SEC was the whole fucking year, was basically playing a national championship game, like fucking two, three times. The conference was that good for 10 years. Alabama had to fight through all of that, so one time they get an easy year. Anyways, having said that, I'm still rooting against them,

because you have to, they're so fucking good, it's fun. It's fun, and I told you my favorite thing in sports, Alabama down at the half, and then Nick Saban has to talk to one of those sideline reporter women, you know? All he wants to do is fucking slam some lockers and chew out his punter or some shit, and he's gotta sit there, like I'm telling you, if anything is gonna put that guy in an early grave, it's that fucking interview he has to do. So anyways, yeah, I don't, I mean, I'm not like anti Ohio State, but that does, that does not seem fair to me at all. How does a team that didn't win the big 10, didn't even win their fucking conference championship is in the final four? It's all bullshit. It's all fucking money. It's all money. Ohio State is gonna

get better ratings, I bet. It's gonna give them better ratings than fucking Penn State. Other than that, it makes no fucking sense on paper, you know? And I love those kids that are gonna sit out their bowl game and everybody's just like, well, what the fuck are all these sports talk radio guys? It's like, dude, it's fucking slave labor. Remember that dude on Ohio State? Played that fucking Penn State. Was it Willems McGay? He got his fucking knee blown out for free, cost him a career in the NFL. If he didn't have such a great fucking agent. Yeah, fuck you. You're gonna sell a jersey with the kid's name on it. You're gonna make millions more. The fucking players are selling out 100,000 seats stadium and don't get a fucking dime.

Figure that one out. All those players throughout the fucking century of the damn team that have created the excitement, gone out there, blown out their knees, got concussions, got paralyzed, died early fucking deaths, do not get one dime. Fuck you and your bowl game. They got to start giving these kids money, man. It's fucking brutal. It's brutal. I love all the fucking nerds that actually go to class and they get mad at the athletes because they don't show up. It's like, hey, fuck it. If it wasn't for that kid out there, you would have a class in a tent right now. What do you think paid for this fucking biology classroom? People showing 100,000 people showing up to look at you, look through a fucking microscope.

It didn't. All right. You don't have a sexy job. Deal with it, right? I don't get it. Having said that, I'm still gonna watch and I don't know. I like Clemson too, but I don't know. I'm kind of a big 10 guy too. I probably still root for a house date, but that's so fucking. It doesn't make any fucking sense. I mean, there's always going to be a reason to complain because football is such a violent game that they can't have like March madness. They just can't be too many fucking games and too many kids getting hurt, right? So every year someone's going to get mad. And so I usually blow it off, but this year Penn State got fucked. I mean, maybe it's leftover sand dusky shit. You know what I mean? Like not enough time has gone by. I'm just going to pause here to listen to all the Penn State

fans go. You know, it's funny is the fucking Tom Brady deflate gate story lasted longer than that sand dusky shit. And that's the world that we live in. Fuck you 2060. All right, let's get to some of the questions here for this week. Shall we? Oh, how about the fucking Celtics, man? That Celtics next game was great. The NBA too, by the way, Bravo for saying, all right, NFL, you get Thanksgiving, we get Christmas. They actually muscled the NFL out of position on a football Sunday to the point that all the fucking games were on Saturday. Saturday. Were there any NFL games yesterday? I didn't even look. The NBA games were so fucking great. I missed the first one. I watched the Celtics, Nick's great fucking game. Then we almost blew it. Here's a funny thing is

Michael Rappaport still owes me dinner from the NBA finals. And that because he's a cheap motherfucker or anything is because we're both fucking busy and we just we run into each other like months every six months. So Celtics are playing Nick's on Christmas day. And I saw I text him, I said, Hey, Mike, you want to go double enough? I'll take the Celtics straight up. And he goes absolutely. And then he goes, wait, he goes, so if, if I lose, do I owe you two dinners? I go, no, you owe me breakfast, you owe me dinner and now you owe me breakfast and then we'll bet on the Super Bowl. And if I win, you know, if you, if you win, you don't owe me shit. And if I win, you owe me breakfast, lunch and dinner, and you're going to fucking take me out. We're going to do a YouTube

video of you taking me out of the town for the entire fucking day. And so he said, all right, so he's in. So what I'm hoping is that there's going to be a Patriots giants fucking the trilogy. And of course I'm taking my Patriots and I'm hoping this is the year that our defense doesn't let Tom Brady down. Because the first two times we played the Giants, he drove them at the Patriots down the field for the go ahead score both times. He is six for six in Super Bowls. When it is counted, right? The time when Donovan McNabb fucking throws up, Neil O'Donnell throws a pick, Peyton Manning throws a pick six, Tom Brady has manned up all six. He's gone six and oh, unfortunately his defense has gone four and two. So I want to see that rematch. And

of course I'm going to take the Patriots and I text them. I said, okay, so Patriots and Giants play each other. What's going to happen? Are the Patriots going to go 0 and 3? No, the Giants going to go, I said, the Giants going to go 3 and 0 against the Patriots, or is Michael Rappaport going to go 0 and 3 against the menu? So hopefully that's going to happen. You know, I want the Patriots to play. If we go back to Super, we have to play the fucking Giants. I don't give a fuck about Seattle. We already played them. We already beat them. I don't give a fuck about anybody else. We got to go back. You got to do it. I talked to some fucking Patriots fans. They're like, oh my God, that makes me sick to my stomach. So what are you going to do? You're

going to quit? Now you're going to put your Paul Revere hat between your fucking legs and go home? You know, I think the biggest thing this year is they as their coach, even though their coach is doing like a good job and everything, but you know, I don't know, I just still, this is so stupid. I just look at a coach. I judge a book by its cover and I just look at that guy and I'm just like, yeah, you know, I'm not feeling it. I'm not feeling this guy. This guy just looks like he looks like a diehard Giants fan. That's what he looks like. He does not look like a head coach. Um, so anyways, we shall see. And I told you, I'm not buying into the, I don't, I don't buy, I'm not, I don't believe in the Cowboys. I don't like that coach. I look at him. I'm like, I do

not, I just don't like that guy. Not like personally don't like him. I just look at him and he just doesn't look like a head coach, like a head coach. You got to look at him. You got to be like, oh man, I would not want to get yelled at by that guy. I know what you guys are thinking. What about Pete Carroll? Pete Carroll looks like he's going to Bible study. Yeah. But if you look into it, Pete Carroll has sharp eyes. Okay. I'm telling you that fucking guy, you know, I'm not trying to put rumors out there, but if that guy had like a dead hooker in his past, okay, or at least, you know, one that lost consciousness and he brought her around, you know, it would not surprise me. That is so fucked up to say, I'm sure he's a hell of a guy.

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slash burr Jesus fucking Christ. Those ads are so overwritten. All right, hold on one second. All right, I'm back. I'm back finally to fucking clear my goddamn throat. You know what happens? I woke up this morning, but do we do do and I just started doing the podcast because I got to do a bunch of shit today as always, as always. Hey, Billy Balden, Billy Baldan, you get it? Billy Balding. This is Billy Baldan is brother. I heard you ranting about how New England keeps offloading defense, defending players. You're half right, but this year is a big year for salary cap. Don't we mean I'm half right?

Name one person that has finished their fucking career with the Patriots on the defensive side since fucking Teddy brusky or fucking Willie McGinnis. We never keep them. I'm not half right, dude. Richard Seymour, lawyer, Maloy, Ty Law. Who's a big fucking? Oh my God, I can't believe I forgot his fucking name because they're only with us for a few years. Who's the big fat guy? Our nose tackle. He's gone. I don't know. Anyways, he said you're half right. Dante Hightower, Malcolm Butler are both in their mid twenties and in contracts years. Expect both of them to get big contracts in the off season. I don't expect that. I don't expect that at all. Maybe one of them will. So what you're

saying is I'm half right. You're saying expect them. So on your forecast, I'm telling you what has happened. You're saying on your forecast that what you are projecting, that that's one of your points. Okay. Your first point is out the fucking window. All right. That's science fiction there. Okay. Expect to see both of them get big contracts in the off season. Patrick Chung, the strong safety is 30 now. And we have a great young backup in Landon Collins, who was also in a contract year. Okay. So expect Patrick Chung to get the fucking heave hoe because he's 30. And now we'll probably be like, Hey, I'm a veteran. I played in this league. I've demonstrated that I can do the job. And that's when they go, okay, fucking see you later. Finally,

the pro bro free safety, Devin McCordy is getting top dollar. So it isn't just the offense. Okay. So in all of that shit, you just said you only named one guy who's getting top dollar. Okay. Everything else was projecting shit. Right. Hope that brings some clarity to Billy Superbowls, a pre-trade deadline move, sending Jamie Collins, another middle linebacker entering a contract year who was underperforming compared to high tower. Thanks for a great podcast underperforming. All right. Whatever. I like how you, I like how you ignored, uh, uh, Chandler Jones, who's having a fucking pro bowl year with Arizona. Um, you basically told me that Devin McCordy is getting paid. That's basically what you told me. And, um, they've always paid

guys who were in their mid twenties. What I'm talking about is that next contract, that next one, they're like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. You out of here, Patrick Chung, get the fuck out of here. All right. Um, here we go. I mean, look, as much as I'm complaining, it is working, but it does get frustrating to see these guys that just shut down their side of the field and every couple of years we get rid of that guy. And, um, Mike, I always feel like, you know what? I always feel like our defense, you know, sense the McGinnis, Vrable and, uh, Teddy Bruce, key years. I always feel like it goes in. It's like my pie. It looks like it's done, but inside it's still soupy. You know, so when we go up against the Giants, I just feel like we don't know those two times

we went up again. We didn't match up well against them. They had a monster defense, you know, and we're coming in there. You know, we had like, I don't know. I just, I don't know. I love, I, that's why I love the Giants. I love the Giants because they always have a great fucking defense. I always have a great fucking defense. I, that, you know, that's why I like the Steelers back in the day, the doomsday defense, the Cowboys. You got to love those teams, you know, because then your offense can just be like good and you're going to win the fucking game. That's how fucking Mark Sanchez, everybody else, they started calling him Sanchez. Their fucking defense was great. Then they lost everybody and all of a sudden, you know, uh, uh, USC boy there couldn't just

manage the game. He had, then he had to play from behind and he's like, Hey, where'd I go? Where'd I go? And he runs right into the fucking ass of his alignment and got a concussion. Well, you would have got a concussion. No, I probably did get a concussion. That guy probably did too many squats. His ass is probably like an elbow. All right. Podcast inspired girlfriend to quit job that was making her miserable. Oh Jesus Christ. This should be on the Oprah Winfrey network. Are we, are we actually going to have like a feel good fucking story here? What the fuck is going on with these blinds? Open the blinds. Okay. What do we get here? 40 minutes in. Okay. Somebody got to stretch this shit and do another 20 minutes of ignorance.

Okay. Well, Bill, you've been doing great for the first 40 minutes. All right. Podcast inspired girlfriend to quit job that was making her miserable. Hey, Billy Billichick. Um, my girlfriend and I love the podcast and we listened to it together whenever we're on a long road trip. A few months ago we put on your interview with Joe Rogan. Uh, when you guys started talking about jobs you hated and how you knew, uh, and how you had to, to know when to walk, my girlfriend started crying. Oh Jesus. Up to that point, I knew that she had issues with the job, but had no idea that our company was putting it through so much grief. Um, so much grief that it was making her absolutely miserable deep down inside. Once she heard the interview,

it convinced and inspired her to take action as quickly as possible to seek new employment. Good for her. Yeah. And that's a great habit to get into and you do it when you're fucking young because you don't have any kids, no wife, no husband, no mortgage. That's when you fucking make your moves. Um, not to say you can't do it after that, but it's obviously, um, you know, there's, there's no reason not to do it when you're young. Okay. Now she's on the right track for a really great job and the possibilities of a permanent hire with a really good company seem to be in the works seem to be in the works, knock on wood. I would like to personally thank you, Mr. Rogan for not only providing us with great

entertainment, but also inadvertently helping out someone I truly love and care about to seek a positive work environment. Dude, is there going to be anything I can make fun of in this? This is just like a nice letter. She is also, she is already in better spirits than ever before. And it's in part, thanks to you. Hope to see you come through the Carolinas next time around. Thanks again and have a wonderful holiday. Well, that's great. All I can do is reiterate. I can't even remember what the fuck I said, but yeah, um, you know, I, I had a friend of mine that was working for, uh, was working for the Nestle company. I think it was Nestle. It was one of those fucking corporations and they were running this person ragged and I literally

watched this person go from a positive person to somebody that I started to avoid his phone calls because like it was getting so fucking negative. And then, uh, one day this person just said, fuck this quit and actually started working for like a nonprofit and was happy as fucking hell. And it's now back in the corporate world at a company that he fucking loves and like you have to fucking do that, man. You know, that whole fucking fear of like, you know, how am I going to pay for shit? We'll keep you in these bad relationships with these horrific fucking companies, right? Um, but what you have, you have to always be willing to sacrifice for your own happiness. And if that involves downsizing your fucking life

and just getting, just looking at all the shit on your shelves and all of the stuff that you fucking have and be like, how much of this shit do I even fucking need? Cause I'm sitting here, you know, in our guest room where I have all my drum videos, my magazines, all these fucking books, they've just sat on the shelf for fucking years. Like if you literally took everything off of these fucking shelves, okay, other than the sentimental value of a few fucking things, I wouldn't even, you can empty all the fucking, there's little cabinets that if you emptied all of it, other than when I walked in and I didn't see it, I wouldn't miss any of it. Um,

except for, I have the 1970, is it 1972? It's the most expensive years of football cards. I have the complete set that I would miss. That I would miss. There's a couple other things I got up there, but other than that, I said, you know what, I'm, you know what, I'm going to get rid of all that fucking shit. I'm going to downsize my fucking, I'm saying, you can do that. Think about when you first fucking, you know, moved out of your house. What did you have? You had to close on your back, a couple pieces of shit, things of furniture, right? And then other than that, just over the years, you get subscriptions to magazines, you say, they just start collecting shit, people give you stuff, you go on fucking trips and you

buy shot glasses. And then all of a sudden what you really, your house is just this giant storage shit for a bunch of shit that you don't need. Your apartment becomes the same way. So if you downsize all of that to get out of a fucking job, you don't want to be in and you reduce your fucking overhead. In the meantime, you can actually make less, you know, there's all different ways to get out of the job. Start spending less saving up fucking money so you can quit your job and live for months without having to fucking work or whatever or making a little bit less money. In the meantime, just get rid of a bunch of shit that you don't even fucking need. I got to do that with the baby coming any fucking day now. I got to, I got to get rid of

a bunch of shit because God knows she's going to have a bunch of shit too, right? I don't fucking know. Anyways, here we go. Let's fucking, let's, let's plow ahead here. Return gifts. All right, dear Bill, I got to get into a debate with my fiance. I got into a debate with my fiance. She seems to think it's rude. I don't want to be rude. It seems to be rude to ask someone for a gift receipt for a gift they did not like. I told her that it would be worse to keep the gift and never use it than to return for a better size or something different altogether. I take you for the type of guy to just say thank you and throw it out if you don't like it. Good call, man. I absolutely, if I don't like something, I would never, I just don't do that. I just,

I take it down to goodwill. I got a jacket for my aunt that I don't like and doesn't fit. She thinks I should just exchange it for a proper size and call it a day. I know for a fact that my aunt wouldn't be offended because we're close enough that I can tell her that thoughts on this. You know, this is one that is up to you. I think it's a good exercise to tell somebody what you're really feeling at the price of their feelings. I just don't know if it's with a Christmas gift. I think you can do it once to somebody, but if next year if they come back with something ugly again, then you're just saying, you know, you have bad tastes, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think there's anything wrong with it. And look, I gotta be honest with you,

if I got somebody a fucking gift, right? Now, if they didn't start screaming at me and make me sit down, like if I ever got, if I ever got my wife a gift, she was like, you know, I don't like this. Can I exchange it? I'd be like, yeah, fuck yeah. Absolutely. Here's the receipt. Have fun. Go into those crowded malls. I'm done. I have fulfilled my end of the verbal contractual agreement that we have that I will buy you a Christmas gift. But you know, when you go to return the fucking thing, I mean, that's on you. You can go back in there with all those fucking animals again. I'm not doing it. Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think that's maybe that's a preference thing. You know, if you want to fucking, if you want to go that route, you know, God bless

you. You go that fucking route. If you don't, I respect that too. All right, I slapped my sister on Christmas Eve. I don't believe this. I don't believe this at all. Dear Billy bitch tits. I'm bitch tits and you slapped a woman. Hey, Billy, recently my family celebrated my dad's birthday, which is on Christmas Eve. And like every year, we went to a local Mexican restaurant. My mother bought him a very expensive bottle of Middleton triple distilled Irish whiskey. Never heard of that shit. I hope I said it right, which we proceed to drink once we return to my parents house. All right, how many of you are on this bottle? And there's a woman slapped in the end of this Jesus Christ. This is like a fucking country music video. Once we were back, my sister,

who's 30 asked if she could collect pictures of us as little kids. She could make an album. I see I knew exactly where some great ones were of her as a baby and my mother's drawer where she, my mother had previously shown me. You know, I don't know what's going to happen in this thing, or if it's even a true story, but I'm already saying at some point, somebody should have said fair enough before somebody gets slapped. Okay, he goes, my sister has a different father than I, and from what I gather, her dad was a not so great guy. And my mother doesn't seem to have any fun memories of that relationship. Okay, I presented the pictures to her, expecting her to have either seen them before, or to be thrilled to be seeing them for the first time. The pictures were of her

and her father with my mother's family. I'm getting lost here. Okay, okay, you guys have the same mom, but different dads. Okay, also her birth certificate was in the envelope, which apparently she had never seen. She's 30, she never had to produce a birth certificate. Once she saw them, she freaked out. She began to berate my mother for never showing them to her in a full blown fight ensued. Of course, I was mortified. I had no idea this was going to happen. I'm going to go out on a limb here, sir. I say at this moment, this is not about you anymore. Okay, I mean, she didn't have a good relationship with her dad. This could be, you know, something that she needed or something. This seems to be between her and her mom. And if you're going to

go third man in, that's a game of conduct. And I would say a fucking 10 game suspension, at least she said horribly hurtful things to my mother and tried to storm out. Once I stepped in and tried to stop her. Oh shit, now you're doing that thing. So women need this product to fuck. I'd make a zillion dollar the male or female person remover. How ignorant am I that I never thought that a woman ever had to fucking try to get through the door with some fucking asshole guy stand. My apology to all the ladies. All right, once I stepped in and tried, once I stepped in and tried to stop her, she began to attack me and shout out everything that was wrong with me in my life. I defended myself yelling back all the fucked up shit she's done. That's not defending

yourself, sir. What you did was you went to her emotional level, which you should have done was just laid on the fucking ropes, let her go. And then afterwards she would have owed you an apology. Anyway, she goes then with my this is this is why you don't go home for the holidays. This shit always ends up happening. Then with my mother and father there. She charged me and punched me square in the eye with this insane look on her face. Well, she wanted to leave and you weren't letting her. I was trying to keep her at arm's length and telling myself over and over, don't hit her. The final straw came when with both my parents trying to hold her back, she managed to kick me in the face with their boots on.

Aren't you standing up? How the fuck did she do that? Oh, they held her back and that gave her leverage or she like Anderson Silver. And she just gave you that front up kick that you didn't see. What the fuck you call it in MMA terms. Then I proceeded calmly and coolly to pick the exact moment when to reach in and give her an open palm slap right across the whole left side of her face. You did that calmly and coolly. Jesus, she immediately stopped at tirade and went in her car to pout. Wow, dude. You slapped her in the face. I don't think she's pouting. She later chilled out and fell asleep on the sofa Christmas being tomorrow. I need your help.

Did I do the wrong thing? And how can I keep things from being fucked up from here on out? Thank you and go fuck yourself. Did you do the wrong thing? You slapped a woman. Yes. I mean, she's coming at you with a knife. Then yeah, you can go close-fisted at that point, but I mean, all she was trying to do was leave. Here's the thing, dude. She had a valid reaction to something that really hurt her. In her pain, she said a bunch of mean things to her mom. All right? Now, she comes from a broken home. I mean, this shit's going to happen during the fucking holidays. You're fucking drunk on whiskey, right? You guys, from what I can tell, there's only two of you on that bottle, maybe three or whatever, but you know, three, four people

killing a bottle of whiskey, you're all going to be hammered. All right? Then she wanted to leave. Now, if she's drunk and she wants to drive, that's one thing. You did not put that in there. If she just wanted to leave to go be by herself, there's nothing more frustrating than when you're hurt and you're emotional and you want to leave a room and people won't let you leave. It's fucking annoying. All right? If she has no history of trying to hurt herself, she's not drunk, you got to let her leave. The fact that you just said you calmly, coolly waited for the fucking exact moment to reach in and slap her across the face means you contemplated this shit. It's not like she hit you and then you reacted

and did it. You made the decision, you thought about it and you waited for them. So that went from like fucking second degree to first degree. So yeah, no, you didn't do the right thing and you should, I would feel terrible if I fucking did that. And how can you stop things from being fucked up from here on out? Well, I would sit down and I would just keep playing over and over again. How it escalated and you kind of zigged every time you should have zagged and just try to think of what you can do the next time. But calmly, coolly picking the exact moment to slap your sister in the face on Christmas Eve is, yeah, I would say you did the wrong thing. I mean, like I said, literally, unless she was literally going to be doing physical harm to, well, I guess

she hit you. God, that's so fucked up. I'm not even thinking that she kicked you in the face and she did all of that type of stuff. I still got to say, because they were holding her back. It's just one of the things that women get to get away with. They get to get away with the salt and batter and you're like, you shouldn't fucking hit them. But how fucked up is it that even as a guy, I wasn't even validating the point that she kicked you in the face and punched you square in the eye with an insane look on her face. I think it's very easily for me to be sitting here in bed, not emotionally invested in any of this to say whether the fuck you did the right thing or the wrong thing. Your family's going through a fucked up time.

You threw alcohol in there and some old fucking pictures and you know, your sister, you know, puts her hands on you and you hit her back. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I would have to look maybe because you said you calmly and coolly picked the exact moment when to reach out. I don't know. Maybe that's what fucking threw me off. But like, if this all went down in like fucking three seconds, you know, I think you guys all need some fucking group therapy. All I can say is I'm glad I wasn't there. I'm glad I wasn't at that party. That's all I can say about that one. However, I do feel that I owe you an apology for judging

your actions without even taking any consideration that you took two hits to the head, to the face. You hit me in the face, right? And you know, I've seen women like that and I know how hard they punch and kick and all that shit. They have no fucking concern for the fact that they're wearing shoes and they kick you in the face or just said, you know, if they weigh over a hundred pounds and who wants to get hit by somebody weighs a hundred pounds right in the fucking face, you don't. And that the natural reaction to getting hit is to hit back and they got that whole, well, because I'm a girl, you can't do it yet. I can just fucking break all the fucking rules in the, you know, it's, it's, it's one of the things. But you know,

something I, maybe that's just one of the, one of the perks you get for being a woman, you know, they got to have their period every month. They got to go through fucking labor, you know what I mean? They got to get all those free drinks. They always get the house during a divorce. I mean, there's a lot of things that they have to go through that maybe, maybe it's okay that they can hit us. I have no fucking idea. All I know is that, you know, if a woman ever hits you, you just, you just fucking walk away. You just walk away. And if they're not related to you, you just end the relationship. Like this is over. Yeah. You know, are you coming back to, are you going to give me a gift now? I'm like the battered woman now. I'm like, oh, she's usually

not like that. She shuts a good person go fuck yourself over. All right. So what I would do if I, okay, did I do the wrong thing? And how can I keep things for being fucked up from here on out? Okay. This is the first thing you do. I would not drink whiskey around volatile family members. I wouldn't do that. I would try to be the sober person. I think if you were more sober, I probably wouldn't have done that. Or at the very least, she would have saw the punch coming. Sounded like she threw a straight right, you know, should have made a little slip that, you know? I'm fucking with you. Sorry that that happened. And, you know, I don't know. You guys had kind of evened out. She hit you twice. She only hit her once. Maybe that's fair.

Who the fuck knows? I don't fucking know, but I don't, I don't buy into that whole shivery thing that, you know, the, you know, once somebody starts swinging on you, it's they have, they've, they've fucking, you know, they've waved all rights of shivery and, uh, and rules between the sexes in my own opinion. But like it's the fact it's, but for the guy though, is, is if he reacts immediately, I give you a pass. But the fact that you thought about it, it shows to come back to even though she deserves it. She's still a lady and then you don't. I mean, personally, I could, I could, uh, well, I guess you never say never, but I've never run into that. And I've had a lot of women hit me. I mean, I'm an asshole. I've had a lot of women hit me. Uh, I've had women throw

shit at me. Um, but it's never, uh, it's never gotten to that point where I, I would, I couldn't do that. She doesn't be like, it's like hitting a fucking kid or a dog or some shit. You know, I couldn't, I couldn't do it like an animal. They're defenseless. You know what I mean? Unless it's like Rhonda Rousey who's fighting this fucking weekend, everybody, you know, the fuck, if you, if you're, there's a question for you. If you're dating someone who is not just takes karate or fucking MMA shit is actually in the UFC, then what does that become? You know what I mean? If she fucking hits you, say you survive that. Oh God. There's not a woman who's even remotely thought about getting into the UFC that couldn't

kick the shit out of me. I can't imagine fighting one that was actually in the UFC. That'd be fucking hilarious. Then later they're apologizing as I have a stake over my eye. I'll make it up to you freckles. All right. X girlfriend is a cunt. Jesus. Fucking James blunt here. X girlfriend is a cunt. Hey Bill, I am a lady and a huge fan of yours. I love Nia as well. Get her on the case if possible, please. Oh, well she's still downstairs sleeping. Okay. I dig other ladies and recently I broke up. I broke a very important relationship in my life. I was dating this girl on and off for many years and felt totally in love with her. All the while she claims she loved me more than anything, which she still does claim by the way,

by the way, and says I am the only person she has ever wanted to spend her life with. However, she's one of these people who just needs her freedom and can't function in a fucking relationship. Well, then you got to let it go. Before we broke up, we had this huge fucking argument about commitment and I said, I didn't see the point in continuing this relationship. She reflected on it and said, I was absolutely right that I don't deserve to dedicate my entire life to someone as complicated as her. Well, yeah, agree with her and walk. I agreed. She then said, she tried, but can't reciprocate my feelings in the same intensity. All right. That was eight years before this broad was jerking me around saying I'm the love of her life and she wanted to marry me

and live with me forever. All these years, every time I confronted her about her troublesome behavior, it was never cheating at least. She didn't tell me, hey, I don't think our feelings match. This may not work. She led me to believe she loved me enough. She's still saying I'm the love of her life and whatnot, but feels horrible for all the pain she's caused me and the time I wasted. I said being in love, the love of her life wasn't enough to make her act like a good girlfriend and that I wanted to move on with my life. So we parted ways. Good for you. Strong move. I like that move. Now I'm not sure what to do. Way to start. My identity is so intertwined with this person and how we used to be in the beginning. I want to start over, but I don't know who I

am outside of this relationship. I like to hear your thoughts about it because I think you guys give some good advice. All right. I would say this. What you're feeling is totally normal. And what a lot of people do is when they feel those feelings of like, well, now what do I do? Who am I? How do I pick up the fucking pieces? There is that initial feeling which does not feel good. And your natural reaction is to go for the quickest fix, which is to go back into that fucking horrible relationship. What you have to do as the song goes, you got to walk through the fire here. I would write down, you know, I'd start a journal or something. So you can kind of, you know, it's something to just be feeling your thoughts versus writing them down.

And then you can see them and then you can kind of get outside of yourself, which is what you need right now. And, you know, friends help with this too. We have to be like, look, you can't go back to this person. You know that. Okay. But right now is like the worst part is now you're going to be lonely and heartbroken by yourself. And this person that usually comfort you is the cause of it. So you can't go to them for comfort because it's going to fuck you all up and get you back to square one. So you're asking what you should do is I think that you should acknowledge the fact that you're going to you have to go through some pain, you're going to go through some pain over the next like, you know, certainly three months. But what you do during

that time is you gradually build a new life without this person. So the first month, you're going to be in the fetal position crying and just, you know, going through the next, it's like going through detox of this person. But what I would try to do is introduce a new fun activity, you know, that you could do like, I don't know, whatever the fuck it's into, even if it's like a fucking TV show that you meant to binge watch, something as simple as that, that is something that you do and that it's yours that you don't do with this other person. And then you just introduce something else when you're ready for something else. Maybe you always want to learn how to ride a horse. Go fucking do that. God knows you got the goddamn time. Something fun, like there's

something that you've always wanted to do, but you didn't have the time with work and being involved in a relationship. Go do that fucking thing. Take a trip, do something and all the time when you're feeling sad, give into the sadness and cry some of that fucking pain out. I'm a big believer in crying. It's something that guys are not allowed to do. It's why women get past shit and guys carry shit. Women still can look back and see the sadness, but they're done feeling fucked up over it because they didn't hold onto the emotion. They let the emotion out. Guys hold the fucking thing in like, I believe that guys should, you know, cause it's too embarrassing for people to see us cry. They should in every house, the way you have a bathroom, a bedroom, a kitchen,

there should be a crying room for the man he goes into closes the door. It's soundproof and he's allowed to go in there and wail out all of his fucking pain the way women are and everyone flocks to him and hugs him and gives him comfort. And, uh, you know, I'm a big believer in it now that after, after half a century holding it in, I believe that you should fucking let it out. You should go Chris Bosch if you're a guy. Um, so that's what I would say to you and just acknowledge the fact that this is going to hurt. I'm proud of you that you got out of this relationship, you know, eight years of this person jerking you around and you know what you did? You got out of something toxic and you opened the door for the right person to come into your life.

You know, something that's going to respect you, make you laugh and you'll have a great time. You know what? And one day you're going to look back on what the fuck that I waste eight years with that person. You know why you did? So you can realize how great the person that's going to come into your life is going to be. And there you go. There's your pep talk. All right. You can do it. I believe in you. All right. Here we go. Let's read the last two fucking ads here and then I got to get the fuck out of here. All right. Um, oh, blue apron everybody. Hey, there's something you could do by the way, the person who just, I just read, because one of the things you might want, you might do is, uh, eat a bunch of food and put on fucking weight. You don't want to do that.

You know, that's like another being another bad fucking thing that this person created. They broke your heart. Now they're going to put more stress on your heart because you're going to be eating bad food. You know what'd be great thing is you ate healthy meals and you know what you're crying. You're in the fetal position when it'd be great if somebody just brought the food to you. Blue apron. This is like the fucking, this is the best move you can make if you're going through a breakup right here. Blue apron. They're going to bring you healthy food. It's easy to fucking cook. You're going to stay in shape. Right. As you get over that fucking last asshole, a cunt that was in your fucking life and, uh, you're going to be in good shape.

Thus baby attracting somebody else in your life. Who knows, but do not just jump into something. I forgot that part of the advice. Do not jump into another fucking relationship. I would stay after an eight year thing. You need to stay single for at least a fucking year. I would think, uh, and that'll make you so fucking strong. You, you, you'll be looking back on. I can't believe I used to be that other person. Okay. Blue apron. Not all ingredients are created equal. Fresh high quality ingredients make a real difference. So it's important to know where your food comes from. Uh, it's affordable for less than $10 per meal. Blue apron delivers seasonal recipes along with proportioned ingredients to make delicious home cooked meals. Choose from a

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including postage and a digital scale. Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, type in burr. That's stamps.com enter burr. All right. That's the podcast for this week. Enjoy, um, between, uh, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa in the new years. Um, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. It's not a Sunday snack or Hout van Klassikers. Download the Maiden leise app and cook me.