Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 12-30-13

Episode Date: December 31, 2013

Bill rambles about buying a file cabinet, Beyonce and hosting a prized pig contest.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, December 30th, 2013. Oh my God, it's the last Monday of 2013. You guys, what are we going to do with it? I'm actually still enjoying the holidays. I don't know about you guys. Usually at this point, I'm so fucking sick of everything and I do mean everything that I'm kind of like, I'm almost excited to go back to work, but this year has been a great thing. Other than seeing that fucking have yourself a merry little Christmas commercial like 58 fucking times every goddamn hockey game, you know, or that one with the douche, who, who he's got a family, right? So already he's hateable, you know, Oh, is that your

little fucking fake television family? You know, that didn't notice the film crew watching you guys having a Christmas and he makes the home videos and everybody fucking gets around, you know, the TV and they're all tearing up. Oh, what a sentimental little sad thing you made. We're crying because we're so happy, right? Nobody trashes them, calls them a little sensitive little pussy, something homophobic, like it would really go down. No, everybody is tolerant of this fuck and his little, uh, what was that movie with the chick with the rose petals coming down on a tits, right? Remember that and the kids filming the trash and nobody understood a man. That's who he should have been. You know, getting shot in

the garage, whatever the fuck happened, something happened in the garage, didn't somebody get shot? You know, I thought it was a little on the nose that the hard ass guy across the street was gay. You know, that whole thing that people who hate gay people, it's secretly, secretly because they're gay. You know what I mean? I'm not saying that doesn't happen, but I mean, people who hate the al-Qaeda, is that because they're secretly the al-Qaeda? Well, metaphorically speaking, maybe. Oh, who gives a fuck? I don't need to see the commercial anymore. That's all I'm saying. Is that all you're saying? Oh, I think it is. I think that's what I'm saying. You want to start an argument and ruin my fucking holiday week?

I just told you, cunt, I'm in a good mood. What more do I have to do with holidays? With the holidays comes family members. Dude, the reason why this podcast is extra late is one because I'm on a vacation and I don't give a fuck. You know, I don't give a fuck. All I'm trying to work, but it's a half day for me too. Just like if your asshole boss made you come in today to do the end of the year spreadsheets, whatever the hell you got to do, right? And all you're hearing is fucking bowl game music in your head. I understand you. That's where I'm at. Okay, so why don't I do a little longer podcast this week and help you limp through your fucking half day? You know, you're the only poor bastard that's

in the office right now. You know, the boss trying to make you feel like you're special. I'll tell you, I only brought in my best employees today and you six are at the top of the list of people that I knew were in debt just far enough and were raised just well enough to not tell me to go fuck myself. So that's why I asked you six. I was wrong about the other two. So anyways, I couldn't do the podcast today because I have, you know, some relatives over here crashing with me and I don't have a podcast studio except for the All Things Comedy podcast studio, but I only use that when I interview people like Dave Kekner. If you've missed that one, other than that, I just do it in my fucking house. So all my

shit's downstairs. You know, one of my cousins is asleep downstairs. I got the shit in there. I don't want to wake them up or whatever. So, uh, I'm also doing my end of the year shit where I have to get all my paperwork together, you know, to make sure all the, all the eyes are dotted, all the T's across to make sure if ever there's a knock on the door from those cunts who are on the legal side of stealing come up to me and say, Oh, do you have your paperwork so we can take this money from you and then do whatever the fuck we want with it? You know, so, um, I've been avoiding doing this, but over the years, the paperwork has just gotten too big. And I went down. This is what I did this morning. Okay. During

my vacation, I drove down to Staples and I bought a file cabinet. And I got to tell you, it was, uh, if you two wasn't playing over the speakers and thank God for you two, by the way, that somehow something of that level of quality can actually seep into the, uh, the, whatever the, the, the place selection at a fucking office max, you know, it's brilliant, but they can still be that uplifting yet still be pop and still be played in a department store. You know, that was the only thing keeping me going because it was fucking soul-crushing. I don't know what it is about buying a file cabinet. And I don't want to hear any cut to the first world problems. You know, you're not a fucking people who've never left the

first world and don't even know anything about the fucking third world other than what the fuck they see on TV, which is basically some fucking reporter with an army helmet on standing and we're trying to get more bamboo and have a fucking world built. I mean, what do you know about the third world before you tell me that before you lean over your potato skins and a fucking apple bees, you know, and act like you're appreciating your, your fucking lot in life. You're eating potato skins. Okay. They should be doing that. The third world. If they have nothing to live for, stick that down your throat and have a fucking heart attack here. You are living in the fucking best goddamn situation you can possibly be

in. And what are you doing? Huh? You drain the oil out of your ass. Sorry. So I go there and a lot of people too, who I think even use that expression first world problem. They don't even know what it means. They just heard enough people say it and then they get a gist. Oh, you kind of say it during this part of a conversation. I do that all the time. I have all kinds of words in the English language that I could not give you a definition of, but I could use perfectly in a sentence because I heard enough other people doing it. You know, it's like all those people who can do Michael Jackson's fucking leg kick with the loafer. You know, can they go beyond that? No, but they can do that part. They've seen

that enough, right? Okay. But if you notice when they walk down the street, none of the fucking sidewalks lighten up and that's what I'm, that's my point. If you can't do the fucking math on that, then I can't help you. So I go into this staples and it was a good you two song. It wasn't one of their douchey ones, like beautiful day. It wasn't one of their douchey ones, like beautiful day. And they fucking start slowing it up. Good. I can fucking relax. Then all of a sudden Bono starts screaming at me what a beautiful day it is. It's like, yeah, Bono, it was a beautiful day until you started fucking screaming at me. Why don't you tell the edge to take it

down? Tell Larry to get off the fucking crash symbol, maybe ride on a fucking high, maybe take out the brushes, you know? Anyway, so I walk in there and these are my selections. There's either the staples. Okay. First of all, you have the company that all we do is we make file cabinets. All right. And they have this fucking bandaid beige, four drawer fucking file cabinet. You know, I just looked at it and I might, you know, I just, I just felt something in my chest just gave way. You know, I think it was hope, some form of hope. I don't know something like say I lived 80 years, you know, I would have lived 80 years and a half a day if I didn't do what I did this morning. You know what I mean? I really, I believe that shit too.

I think anytime you're doing something in life that you don't want to be doing, I think that adds up and the other end, you know, you would have been 90, but in the end of your life, you die at 82 because if you add up all those fucking moments that go into staples, you know, we need batteries and standing in line at the fucking drugstore with the skeleton shift, you know, and there's nobody there to fucking unlock the goddamn thing to get you the fucking batteries. You got to wait till the fucking lines done. So the chick behind the register can come over, all of that shit ends up adding up to like eight and a half years of your life. And that's just trying to buy shit. You know, forget about if you're living with the

wrong person. I was speaking to which not to fucking not to air the dirty laundry of my neighborhood, but I got to tell you something. All my neighbors, I've lucked out fucking great people, but I got to have like three, three doors up the fucking street. Is this older couple? I don't know how old they are. They sound like they've been together forever, but the way that the energy they have when they scream at each other, I still think they're in their fifties, you know, like they got one more big contract. They're going to ask for four years. You know, life's only going to give them three and then they're going to fucking, they're going to move to Seattle like, you know, right? So when they yell at each other, I swear to

God, the, the, I can't even, the hate, the fucking bile when they yell at each other, like they are so done with each other. Every time there's a pause in the argument, like he says, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, from like the fucking, I can't even do it. It's like, it's not quite blood curdling scream and it's not quite just like maniacal rage. It's somewhere between the two that the only way you can duplicate it is if you have that sort of pain in your heart and they scream at each other and every time they pause, when there's that pause, I've just, I wince because I'm waiting to hear the gunshot. You know what I mean? I don't know. And then there's that weird part too that it also makes me feel good. Like,

wow, I have a great relationship. I mean, I know we have a battles. I know I've been a fucking idiot. I've done everything I could to steer it into the fucking, fucking son. But at the end of the day, I come home with the chocolate chip cookie. I do what I gotta do, right? So, I mean, I didn't know how the fuck, what the hell was I? I was back at Staples. I'm back at Staples and I'm looking at these things. So I, and as always, they got like one person at the register and then one other poor bastard who's got to cover the whole fucking floor. So I walk up there and I'm like looking around. There's nobody to help me. All they have is the shit on the floor. I don't, there's no box I can grab. It's in the back. So I just walk up and I say

to the lady at the register, because I see there's a guy with a two-wheeler helping somebody else with something heavy and I set it over his shoulder. I was talking to the fucking lady behind the register, but he didn't realize that I go, um, is anybody who can help me get a file cabinet? And without turning around, he goes, I will help you, sir, when I'm done helping this customer. So I immediately get it. The old me would have been like, hey, first of all, I wasn't talking to you and I understand that you can't do two things at once. All right, but I didn't. I understood the whole fucking thing. This had nothing to do with him and nothing to do with me. I guess I had to do with me. I could have stepped more to the side,

you know, had more of a straight-on conversation with the register lady, but I knew what was going on. This had, this came from corporate. They were running as few fucking people as possible. This guy was having to do way too much for what he was getting paid for. So that caused him to come at me the way he was coming at me and I was coming at them the way I was coming at them, because I couldn't get any fucking help. And in the end, the real cunts that created it are sitting on their Christmas yacht. So I let it go. I just laughed or whatever. And he came back and I made a joke about how, you know, he ought to have another five guys out there helping him, which relaxed the situation. So now here we are, the two of us, him having to cover way too much

square footage, you know, like a five on three and hockey, except it's the Staples version of it. You know, maybe like more like a five on two, if that was possible. So, and there I am standing there trying to pick out which file cabinet I want, both of us minutes, just, just falling off of our lives. And he got, all right, so what's, I guess I need this one here. And I told him, I go, dude, I can't believe how depressing this is to buy this thing. And he just started laughing. And I go, all right, so these look the same. Why is this one $50 more? He's like, all right, that's so and so they're known for making file cabinets. They make the file cabinets. And that's just the Staples version. So I go, all right, I start pounding the file cabinet, you know, listening to the sound,

hitting either one of them, you know, trying to figure out which one sounds more solid. Obviously, the guys that that's all they do, this sounds more solid. Staples is trying to undercut them, being such douchebags, they put theirs right next to it. They make it the exact same color for like 50 bucks less. Now I should say, you know what, fuck that file head cabinet people. I should just save myself 50 bucks, but that's not how I'm wired. I don't know why. I said, fuck those Staples cunts, like the file cabinet people actually give a shit about me. I don't think they do, but they give a shit enough to make a fucking higher quality file cabinet. So I go with that one. And I don't know, we wheel the fucking thing out. I'm sitting there

going, can this fit in a Prius? I have a truck. I didn't realize I was going to buy this thing. I was hoping I was going to buy something else. I realized somewhere between the fucking U2 song and the fucking boy band that I had to buy a goddamn file cabinet. We'll laugh and we put the thing in the back of the car. I tried to tip him. He goes, no, no, no, no, because this is what I do, right? The guy, we fucking won't even take the goddamn money. So he leaves and I'm driving this fucking thing home, you know, feeling like that dude in the end of the movie and last American virgin when this fucking chick cheats on him with the douche who knocked him up earlier and he's driving away in the purple fucking station wagon with the tear coming down his

eye. That's what I feel like. So I was like, how can I turn this shit around? So anyways, I get back to the house. The relatives are still fucking sleeping. I got the file cabinet back of the Prius. I'm an old man. I got a bad back, you know, but I got that German Irish blood. I'm like, I'm all fucking doing myself. I'll put it over my head. I'll open the gate with my foot and I'll slip another disc. And I was finally like, you know what? Fuck this. I'll wait till my cousin gets up. That's how they say in the Western mass sometimes my cousin. I don't even know if it's Western mass. I don't know where the fuck I heard that in my travels. I just said, I'm just going to fucking leave it there. So I sit down to put on the TV and low and

behold, low and fucking behold what's on television as I put it on my favorite goddamn show. All right, fast and loud, the gas monkey garage guys. So I'm sitting there watching them and everything they got to customize it and all that type of shit. And you know what? I'm thinking about my stupid file cabinet, how fucking cool their lives are, their motorcycles, and there are some cars and how they make everything look fucking cool. And I was like, you know what? Why don't I have somebody fucking paint this goddamn file cabinet? I live in Los Angeles, California. We're hot rotting, hot rotting allegedly started. Oh, they do the best interiors out here. They do all these fucking great paint jobs.

Why don't I get somebody it's fucking soul crushing, band-aid, light brown. It's even lighter than that. Throw a little bit of cream in there just for you lactose intolerant people to make everybody puke on this podcast. That's what it looks like. So here's my question for you. Does anybody know anybody in the Los Angeles area where I could bring a file cabinet over there and they could paint it a color that's gonna, that's gonna make me happy. And I don't, I don't even need, you know, I don't need some fucking design. Just put maybe the, just M M M P on the side of it. It's just something fucking cool. So I can look at it and not just like, I mean, just have my shoulders slumped down like, like that fucking quarterback for the Cowboys when he threw that

last interception against the Eagles, man. Jesus Christ. Are the Cowboy fans paying enough for their five fucking Super Bowls? Good Lord. A buddy of mine texted me God's team before the, before the, before the game started. And I don't know what you guys did to him. You know, were you guys too arrogant after your last Super Bowl win? What did you do? To take out your 10 gallon hat, take a shit in it and fucking put it over a Steelers fans head or something. I don't know what the fuck you did, but Jesus Christ. I've, I've, you know, I was a Cowboys fan right up till they fired Tom Landry and Texture, Texture left and they fired Tom Landry. And it went from this stoic. We do things the right way over here

to he ha. How about that Cowboys? Hey, wait, it just got too fucking cartoony for me. Even though I like, I like everybody on that team. And I think I rooted for him in all the Super Bowls, didn't I? Played the bills twice. Then they played the Steelers. Yeah, I had to root for him against the Steelers because I lost money. First fucking Super Bowl, I bet was the 78 game. Arguably the greatest, a massive talent ever when the Cowboys played the Steelers and lost to him. I lost 75 cents, which was a lot of fucking money to me in the fourth grade. It was, you know, that was a hot lunch back then. So anyway, so here's the deal. If you guys know anybody out here that would do it, would take

it off, you know, an up and coming painter or something like that. I have some ideas. I definitely have some ideas, you know, of some shit I want done. And it would probably be great if I could give you a fucking, just hit me up on Twitter or hit me up on Facebook. Just send me a message or something like that. I don't know, turn this fucking thing into something I want to look at. I'll pay you a top dollar. I don't give a fuck. Just I have to have a file cabinet. All right, that's the end. I don't know what else to do with all the papers I'm supposed to keep for these fucking goddamn people running shit. I just can't look at this fucking thing anymore. All right, I even left it in the box. All right, what else? Oh, speaking of that,

fucking lane on the floor. Bring this over here. Somebody sent me this. Well, how far into the podcast are we 20 minutes in Jesus Christ built 20 minutes, you bitching about a file cabinet, you fucking pussy. All right, let's, let's, let's get the reads out. We only got two this week, people to very special ones. All right, number one out of the gate, dollar shave club. All right, for a couple of, for a couple of bucks a month, geez, right out of the gate. That's like a false start. Let's do that again. Dollar shave club everyone for a couple of bucks a month. Dollar shave club.com delivers amazing quality razors right to your door.

Not only does it save you a ton of cash, it saves you from trudging your sorry ass down to the drugstore for a pack of blades. All right, I've talked to you this before. I always go there late at night. They'll have one person working on the floor. They're behind the register. I gotta wait till they get through the line to go over and unlock the goddamn things like they're made out of gold. You don't have to deal with that anymore because now with dollar shave club for just a couple of bucks a month, amazing quality razor blades are delivered right to your door. That's right. That is correct. Thumbs up. No more wasting time and no more getting hit up for 20 bucks every time you buy razors. Everybody here is getting that

dollar shave club blades and you should too. And here's a genius idea. Try replacing your old shaving cream with Dr. Cabez easy shave butter from dollar shave club.com. Trust me, your face will thank you later. Close. Oh, sorry. I wasn't supposed to read that. Here's the big close everybody. But I don't, uh, don't waste time at the drugstore behind the lady paying in pennies. Go to dollar shave club.com forward slash or go to bill bird.com and click on the dollar shave club banner. Keep your stress level low and your bank account balance high. Shave time. Shave money. Go to dollar shave club.com forward slash bar. I literally had to close one of my eyes to get through that without fucking up anymore.

Um, legal zoom. Some things like starting a business or protecting your family with a will aren't like, yeah, I just can't, I just, I went blank in the middle of that. There's too many words with W's. All right, start over again. Um, me, me, me, me, me, me, me legal zoom. Some things like starting a business or protecting your family with a will aren't like your other's new other New Year's resolutions. You can't afford to blow them off. I can fucking suck at this. Fuck. All right. Number three, take three on two, ready, break legal zoom. Some things like starting a business or protecting your family with the will aren't like your other's new year. This is written so fucking difficult.

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headaches legal zoom step by step process was created by a team of experts in law and technology. Legal zoom is not a law firm, but you can, but can connect you with a third party attorney and provides you with self-help services from wills to business formations, trademarks, powers of attorneys and more go to legal zoom.com for even more savings type in burr burr into the referral box at the checkout. Don't put off things you need to do. Go to legal zoom.com now and use discount code burr burr that's legal zoom.com discount code burr. Jesus fucking Greg Norman on that one. Um, on Sunday. All right. What am I talking about now? Uh, what did I do this weekend? Well, I did some sets around town getting ready for my bucket list show at the will turn theater.

And I got some new ones for you sons of bitches. Oh, do I got some new ones? I was out last night. I went down to the comedy store and I got to run my set twice because they're awesome. They got like two, three shows going at all times down at the wonderful comedy store and they put me up twice and I had a great time and, um, I was doing that all weekend. I did take Saturday night off because I wanted to watch that UFC UFC championship of the world. Um, UFC 168 Anderson Silva versus that other guy. I still don't know his name. I haven't even taken the time to learn his fucking name because I was so convinced that, you know, that he lost the first one just cause he was fucking around. And I, I shouldn't know the champ's name here. Let me look

this up. Anderson Silva versus Chris Wideman. Hope I'm saying that right. Weaveman, Wideman, I'm sorry. All right. I thought the writing was on the wall because, uh, Matt, the terrorist Sarah was in his camp and I'm like, Oh man, that's like when he, he knocked out George St. Pierre and everyone was going, Oh, George didn't fucking train and yada, yada, yada and then, uh, Matt, the terrorist Sarah was going, ah, let him eat, let him drink wine or whatever. I thought it was hilarious, but he ended up coming back and beating him. Um, you know, I'm not trashing obviously Matt Sarah at all, but I'm just saying, so I just thought that maybe this was gonna happen again because the first time they had the fight, like I've watched Roy Jones Jr. like, uh, make fun

of people or clown them as the youth says, I never seen it done at the level of that first fight. It was like fucking ridiculous. Um, and he ended up making a stupid face at the guy, punched him and knocked him out. So it's like, all right, you know, he's coming in this time and he's just, he's gonna handle this business, right? As the youth says, how do I get all this fucking hip hop shit in my, I don't even know, I don't even listen to this stuff. Um, so anyways, maybe because it's ruled the charts for 15 years Bill and it is mainstream. Maybe you heard it in its staples, you red cunt. Um, so anyway, so I get this fight because I want to see the rematch to see if this Chris, uh,

we'd been a wide man guys for real crushes. It kills me that I don't know his fucking that I'm not pronouncing his name correctly. Um, but anyways, I wanted to see that. And then also I wanted to watch that, uh, that Rhonda Rousey, uh, Misha Tate fight because me and the lovely Nia were watching the UFC, uh, fight club fucking show the whole season. And I gotta tell you man, it was an unbelievable night, unbelievable, unbelievable night of fights. If you haven't ordered it yet, it's totally worth the money. And I had a bunch of people come over and we watched the fight and I'm not, there's no, all right, spoiler alert. If you, I don't know if you're living under a fucking rock, you weren't paying attention. Uh, Anderson Silva fucking snapped

his goddamn leg. Oh, the second time this year I've seen it, the kid on Louisville and now that it's just, it was not, uh, it was not pretty, but I gotta tell you that, that the other dude, Chris was, was, was winning the fight at that point. You know what I want to, I want to ask Joe Rogan, I got a call in his podcast cause he said something during that fight that I thought was, uh, really interesting where he said, once you get knocked out, you know, you're never the same as far as your ability to, I guess take a punch like that again. Like I, I don't, I didn't quite understand it because that's not like you lose brain fluid. It's still sitting in the same amount of fluid, but maybe you have your, I don't know what's going on. So I wanted to ask him about that

because I found that really fascinating because I remember Roy Jones, Jr. No one could ever touch him. And then he finally got knocked out. And after he got knocked out, it seemed easier with each time to knock him out. And people were trying to say, oh, you know, uh, the, the, the air of invincibility is gone. And I didn't think that I just, it seemed like something, there was something different about him. I don't know. I found that really interesting. So next time I run into him, I'm definitely going to ask him about it. I thought I had a lot to say about that, that UFC shit. I guess I didn't, I always just get blown away how tough those guys are. You know, like I'll tell you one thing, that, that guy who came in, the guy, the lumberjack guy

who was really in bad shape for an ultimate fighter, right? We were sitting there watching and going, this guy has the fucking torso of like a regional manager. If he didn't have that, I will murder your whole family and then sit down and eat soup afterwards, look on his face. One of the most terrifying looks I've ever seen, he came in like, not like I'm going to beat you. He's like, I'm going to, like I was, like he was going to kill the other guy. So they end up having their fight and, uh, all fucking, uh, awful torso, takes a knee to the head, drops to his legs, grabs the other guys, drops to his knees, grabs the other guy's legs. And this guy rains like, I don't know, four elbows.

And he must have been using the perfect technique because when they showed it in slow motion, it was almost like this beginning of a break dance move. It was very, uh, fluid the way he was doing it with, uh, with a little bit of flair. You know, it wasn't like he was just bringing it up, like how a jerk off like me, like, it was like, it was like this aerodynamic, I don't know what he was doing. It looked fucking great. He should have a little pinky out. It was like six of the classiest fucking elbows to the side of the head I've ever seen. And that was the end of that lumberjack and any murderous thoughts he ever had. Had. Why is my voice cracking? Um, I don't know. I always like seeing that. I love seeing when a guy goes into the octagon

and I just see the look on his face and I feel whatever manhood I even possess, just drain out of me and just see the other guy just across the ring like, oh, that's a tough look you got there. And then it's fucking over. You know, then you wish that you could do something like that. You know, maybe there's some terrorist on a flight and then you land the plane and they want to give you the key to the city, but you don't show up because you're too fucking cool for it. Anybody else just go on those long fantasies like that? I do it. I do it all the time. You know what? I want to apologize for it. I like living in my own little world. Between my two years, in my two years, I am a hell of a fucking guy. I'm a war veteran. I'm a hero. I know how to

fuck well. I'm good at math. It just, it's endless. Anybody watching the NFL football yesterday? I actually went on a hike yesterday, you know, like the half of twinkle toes I am and went with another buddy of mine just to make it even more homoerotic. And I don't know, I wasn't interested in any of the earlier fucking games. And plus I've been eating like shit, you know, with the holiday food and everything. So I was like, I got to get out at least try to walk around a little bit. So we decided we're going to go on this hike and we just kept extending it and extending it and extending it. And I knew I was going to pay the price for it. Long story short, we got fucking lost. We tried to cut down this one

ridge and it just ended up getting so fucking steep. Like I was just like, if one of us falls, I'm not saying we're going to die from the fall, but we're going to die from laying there for four days until coyotes finally find us and like just pick us apart, you know, as we try, we're just laying on our backs and, you know, making those noises you make as you're trying to fight off jackals with a stick. You know, I would stab myself with a stick personally. I always take the coward way up. Not going to feel that wild animals breath up against my ear lobes. Just trying to get a better fucking lock in my neck. I don't, I don't need that. I don't need that. Um, oh, speaking of that, for some reason, that made me think of Ronda Rousey, how she just fucking

gradually got the arm bar going there. Um, people flipped out when she didn't shake hands afterwards. They were booing the shit out of her. I thought it was a great fight. I'm all right if they don't shake hands afterwards. Hey, how about after you fucking break their arm, you show a little bit of class and shake the fucking arm that he didn't break? Who gives a fuck? You know, I liked it. I enjoyed it. I liked that she didn't shake the hands. Well, what does that teach the kids? What does that teach them? You know, when they're done punching their friend in the face and then fucking snapping their arm. If they don't get up and shake their fucking quivering hand, I liked it. I enjoyed it. Oh, the lovely Nia, everybody. She was going shush, shush. I have

things to do. Look at you with your fancy shoes. That's it. You look great. All right. Um, anyways, the fuck was I talking about? Yeah, I enjoyed it. I didn't have a problem that she didn't fucking shake her hand, but I like both fighters and I wish him well. Oh, look at me being a goddamn diplomat here. Um, anyways, what the fuck was I just talking about? Oh, it's talking about NFL football. Oh, no, the hike. That's right. So we ended up getting lost, went 20 minutes in the wrong direction. So those of you who are halfway decent in math, that's a 40 minute fucking mistake. And, uh, we would just laugh and by the end, it ended up being a four hour hike. My buddy's like one of these dudes who's like really into

technology. So with every hike, he has something else. You know, I got an app on my phone that I'll tell us how far we went. He starts with that. And the next I got a bracelet that's, uh, measuring all the calories I'm burning. Give you some sort of indicate. It's like, because the fuck he gives a fuck. He's into, he's into that shit. So, um, I think the hike ended up being like 11 miles. We like walked half a marathon and the running joke was I was going to be back in time for the one o'clock kickoff, one o'clock out here for the Pat's game. And with every mistake we made, I just kept saying, like, am I going to have to have Nea tape the fucking game? We ran out of water. And, um,

but you know, we were nearing up to civilization. There was other hikers there and that type of shit, but it was, uh, I don't know. All I know is I ate like shit when I came back and I still woke up today with a flatter stomach than I had yesterday. That is how far we hiked. And you know what, people? That's the end of my mediocre hiking story. We're taking collars. Does anybody else have a mediocre hiking fucking story? Um, all right, let's get to some questions for this. I didn't talk about the Patriots game. Um, fucking great game. Could not finish him off. Um, should have lost the game if the bills didn't, I don't know. I don't know what they were doing. I actually tweeted in the end of the third quarter actually tweeted, did the bills bet the Patriots? And I got to tell

you the amount of people who thought, who read that is, did the bills beat the Patriots? And I got all these people, why don't you just look it up instead of tweeting about it, you dumb cunt? So I get, I got to write back to a bunch of people going, bet not beat. I didn't say anything mean. I didn't trash them at all. I just corrected them because I knew that that would hurt more. And you know me, you know me from Twitter's to Fatties, I'm all about shaming because that's how I was brought up. Um, Patriots bills, everybody. Uh, I don't know what to say about the game other than it fucking rained. I'm happy that we won another unbelievably successful season for the Patriots. I think Tom Brady had his arguably his best season, just considering

what the fuck he was working with about the defense route rose to the occasion. But having said all of that, I will be surprised if we win more than one playoff game and I won't be surprised if we're one and done just because, uh, well the FC is kind of weak, but I don't know. It's just, it's different. It's different when it comes to January. So you probably got to be asking yourself, well, then who you picking bill? You staying with the fucking dirty birds out there, the Seahawks? I guess dirty birds are the Falcons. Yeah, I think it's the Seahawks to lose. It's huge that they got the home field because for some reason, I don't know why they don't quite play as well on the road, but they still ended up at what 13 and three. I definitely think

it that it's theirs to lose. I don't know. I was in Europe for fucking three weeks, so I missed a lot of the football. I can't really even talk intelligently about who I think could beat them. You know, my buddy's saying the 49ers. That's always a good pick to pick a division rival because they know each other so well. But I definitely think it's theirs to lose and it would be nice to see them finally win a Super Bowl and give their fans something to actually be loud about. I know I've trashed a lot of the Seattle fans for that dumb record, but it just annoyed me that your owner fucked you so bad on those premium beers and you guys busted them for it. And then immediately, he just gets back in your good graces by just stroking

your fucking balls, taint and asshole with this loudest fan's horseshit. How much money did he make off of that fucking beer? Fucking you guys over as you sat there screaming your fucking heads off. You know, that's all it takes a couple of trinkets, a little placket on the wall and everybody goes actually somebody said tonight that last night I was talking to this other comic and he was telling me how he likes the Pope. You know, I like the Pope. I like this guy. He says he's cool with atheists. You know, they don't mind if gay people get married and blah, blah, blah. It's like that's because they're hemorrhaging cash in the fucking west in the northern hemisphere. It's a business. They're only adding people down in South America, but as far as up here,

they're fucked. They're losing people day by day. So they have to adjust their message the same way when BP was involved in that horrific oil spill, all of a sudden now their logo is painted in the color of grass and corn or sunlight. Hey, man, it's green. They care about the environment, man. That's, that's, that's what the Seahawks owner did. He was doing that boss hog shit and you guys caught him or somebody caught him. I got to give you guys the link to that video. They had the thing, right? They had the tall beer, the premium fucking beer, the cost more than they had the short fat one and somebody finally sucked down a short fat one and then poured the tall one into the short fat one is the exact same amount of ounces. They didn't have the decency to make it

two ounces more. So it kind of spilled over and that would have ended it. They was so fucking cheap. I'm going to halfway through this and I'm forgetting if it actually was the Seahawks owner, but I'm too, I'm in too deep now. I just got to go with the lie. Maybe it's the truth. That's what they did. So what does he do? He starts getting fucking former celebrities, people from Top Gun to come up there and ring that bell to get the 12th man thing going. He just stroked your fucking balls and you bought into it. He's not your friend. All right. And having said all that, I hope you guys went to championship because I like the Seahawks way back when they had Jim Zorn and Steve Largent, David Craig, Kurt Warner.

I like those teams. I actually, I'm not being a do share. I don't mind your new, you know, they're one of the few teams that had a nice uniform and actually was sort of a lateral move, but I like the older ones, man. I like that silver helmet. I thought it was fucking cool. All right. Enough with my half ass, half ass fucking NFL talk. I am going to the Pro Bowl again this year, people. And this time I'm hoping I'm going to make it. Last year I ended up getting some acting work, but it was actually, oh, I never told you guys this story. It was the final episode I got to do on Breaking Bad and I won't ruin it because I know people are watching the thing, but it's basically, it's a scene in the, well, you know what it is because you'll watch the

last half of the fifth episode and you'll see the last one I'm in that scene where I'm sitting in the car with those two other characters. That was, I had a gig Saturday night in Honolulu and then the next day me and Jay Lawhead, Rose Bowl legend and one of the comedians on the show tomorrow night at the Wiltern. We did the show and then the next day we were going to go to the Pro Bowl and I don't know, this is a running joke in show business that if you want to book acting work, you know, book some sort of vacation, book some sort of fun because if you're sitting there watching the phone like you will not work for 10 years, but if you go, you know what, fuck this. I'm going to go, I'm going to go, I'm going to go, I don't know, I'm going to go on a fucking

vacation. I don't know what money you'd go with if you weren't getting acting work or whatever. Do you just plan something? Hey me and my boys, you're going to go to this game immediately, you're getting acting work. So it's kind of, it's kind of a good thing, but so anyways, I did the gig and then I literally had to fly back to LA the very next day and then from LA to Albuquerque, New Mexico and then we were the first one out of the gate. That's why I couldn't go to the game. I remember that we shot that scene at like, God, what was it? I think the call time was like five in the morning, five in the morning. And I think we started shooting at six and we were done by like six 30. Like that was the thing about when you did that show is that everybody

was so goddamn good. They just had the coverage. They had the dialogue. They just had it down. And I don't know, they made you look great. So all I did was just make sure I always knew my lines, know your fucking lines, say what they wrote, hit your mark and they're going to make you look great. And the other two guys were regular. So they were, and awesome. So they knew what the fuck they were doing. So we're in and out of there and like, in and out of there in like 30 minutes. Oh, back to back mediocre story. I'm fucking crushing it. Just slapping signals to the opposite field, hitting for average here, people. Anyways, all right. So let's, let's go here. All right. Let's, let's read some of the letters. Some of the letters. How come there's not a New Year's song?

I feel like singing this week and all there is is that awful one. Awful fucking one. What is that? He's a jolly good fellow, right? Isn't that how it goes? Should all the quaint inch be forgot and never brought to mind. I never understood what that meant. I don't know what old angzine means. It's just a sad fucking grapes of wrath kind of shit. Just, you know, I just feel like I'm in the dust bowl when I sing that fucking song. It's just, it's not a happy song. Oh, Jesus, Bill. Jesus Christ, who pissed in your Cheerios? All right, newsletter. Hey, Bill, do you have a newsletter to let me know when you'll be live in the South again? I announced them on this podcast and I, I announced it via Twitter and

Facebook or whatever. That's basically how I do it. Speaking of which, we have almost got all the dates for the Canadian tour lined up. And I'll let you know, I'm going to some fucking places that I never thought I'd go. So it's not just the hockey cities. I'm also going to other ones just to get your Canadian hopes up that you're not going to have to drive over to another province. I probably shouldn't have done that, but there's definitely some, some pretty fucking, that's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. And I'm bringing my hockey stuff up there. I'm going to figure out where there's a pond hockey game or someplace where I can play. And I want to go up there and get embarrassed. I want you people up there in Canada to show me once and for all

that it is in fact your game. Okay. I don't know. I'm going to figure out that I want to do that. I don't want to get drunk and do some curling. And I feel like my time up there will be complete. Okay. I want to do that. And I want you to help me do that. So next week, within the week, I'm going to announce the dates for the Canadian tour and at least the cities. And then I don't, the reason why I don't do it is because then people go, there's there a link and then there's not a link. Well, when is there going to be a link? I just like to put it out there when I have all the information like, Hey, I'm coming to Canada. I can tell you this. It is going to be in March. All right. There you go.

All right. There we go. Okay. Friends cheating wife. Hey there, Billy bad as a long time fan. Love your comedy. Thank you very much. I'm currently in the air force and one of my coworkers wife is a total slut. Now wait a minute. Let's see what she's done here. My wife and his wife friends. Oh wait, my wife and his wife's friend are friends. So she shares a lot of details with her. She's sleeping with numerous guys on base and a couple of guys in our work section. Oh no. And she's telling your wife about it. Well, she wants to get caught. The messed up thing is that he knows all the guys that she's messing around with in the past. My coworker was a real dog,

but has cleaned up his act since getting married. He did all his dirt before marriage or before marriage, but she sees this as a payback. Oh, oh, well what the fuck? Then they never should have gotten married. I mean, I'm not going to judge anybody in the story. You know, for the grace of God, go, I was a piece of shit, you know, but they, they shouldn't have got married. He did all his dirt before marriage, but sees this as payback and even told my wife that she only married him for the benefits. Yeah. Well, what are you going to do? This thing was built in sand with some toxic waste in it. It's so crazy that one of the married guys she's sleeping with sat at the table,

the same table with us during our annual Christmas party. That's not the bad part. They have two children together. Every time we deploy for six months, she brings the guys to their house. Wow. Dragging the kids into it. All right. She went Jordan on that. She just took the fucking, she should change the game there. I'm leaving this base soon and I feel that I should say something. If not directly, maybe indirectly to help him figure it out himself. What do you, what do you think? Maybe you think, maybe you think about making a stop and go on. Oh, you went the other way. Okay. I'll be there for the next three months and I know that you'd

kill with the military community. Dude, I'd fucking go to Guam. Isn't that from the Spanish American War there? Jesus Christ. So obviously he was fucking around before they got married. And now, or now he stopped. This is a, this is a friend of yours. I'm currently at force and it's my coworker's wife. So he's a coworker. All right. Well, listen, I think this is up to you. If you want to get involved in this thing. I don't know. How about anonymous letter? No, I don't do that because then he's trying to think who knows and who doesn't know. I don't know, dude. I don't know how to cross that one. I don't know how to cross that one. Tell him.

I don't look at, you know, it's hard to have sympathy for them. I mean, you can't sit there and do that to somebody and think they're not going to do it back to you. I've learned all the lessons in this fucking story in my horrific fucking single life. So, uh, I, you know, sorry, how do I tell this one? I knew a guy. I know a bloke who knows a bloke who knows a bloke that, uh, how do I say this? He was going to get married to this girl and he knew that she was fucking around on him and he went and told the dude and the dude didn't believe him and then got mad at him and then stopped being friends with him. And then he went on and had two kids and she continued to fuck around and 10 years later, he's paying alimony and child

support. So, um, it all depends on your peace of mind. I mean, this guy isn't a friend of yours. What the fuck? Just say like, look, dude, we're not friends. I'm leaving. I don't have a dog in this fight. I just feel like you should know. I guess that that's what I would do. Um, you should do it. You should do it for the fucking kids. Good Lord. Good Lord. Good Lord. Those kids are going to be fucked up. They're already fucked up. It's over. It's over. Jesus Christ. If they were dogs, they'd put them all down on the street. They're all, they all got rabies at this point. Terrible, terrible, terrible things, terrible things that done. Jesus Christ. That was a horrible fucking story. Uh, Burstock, whatever that means, Bergenstock. Um, long time, uh,

Billy Freedom Trail. Long time fan. I was wondering to myself the other day, how much longer until we get a Bill Burr event, some type of festival, an event where you're the ringmaster and master of ceremonies. You could host pie eating contests. I'd make the fucking pies. Uh, judge a beauty pageant. Actually a pie eating contest. They don't really make good pies, do they? They just sort of bullshit. You just eat out the filling. Um, judge a beauty pageant and cut a ribbon with the novelty sized pair of scissors. Dude, if I could judge a pig too, I would do this. You set it up. I'll do it. Vendors will sell turkey legs, cotton candy and fried dough. Babies will get their faces painted. Uh, and while you're not hosting an event, you'll be walking around the grounds in

a seersucker soup. Dude, I'm fucking in. You'll probably say something about not many people coming out for it. That's not true. A few thousand people would come out. Uh, Liz Walker will cover it on the six o'clock news and the following year there'll be 10,000 people will fly in from lots of places if they get enough notice. Don't bother explaining why this is a bad idea. Every one of your listeners is adding up their vacation days. Dude, this is fucking, you know what? I don't know if I want to host it, but I want to go to it. I want to go there with this. I want to go to something where there's fucking a prize pig. That's what people are fighting for. I would do that in a second, sir. You set it up. You set it up and I would change it. I would bring

in, uh, what else would I have? You need some sort of music. You know, I bring more in like street performers. I know a couple of them from back in the day in my, uh, when I was living in New York. There was a couple of guys that I knew that were fucking great and I actually did a comedy show and I had one of them come down and perform and, uh, he crushed it. I'd add that element to it. So what you do is this is what you do. You have little backwards shit going on. You do it in the backwards. So all the backwards people show up, but then, you know, what about the people who live in the backwards and then, but they're into shit beyond the backwards? That's when you're

bringing the street performers from New York, right? So people think that even though it's down home, it's also a little dope as the kids used to say that are now older than me. I would do something like that. Any of that shit that's considered fucking, I don't know what it's considered. It's looked down upon by a lot of people out here in Hollywood, you know, who think that, you know, those, that's a flyover state stuff and that they're cut above because they write jokes for four camera shoots sitcoms with wacky next door neighbors. Um, I like all that shit. Yeah. Do it. Set it up. You get the ball rolling. I'll fucking do it. Throw in some fucking, some sort of car show, a prize pig, right? There's got to be

some sort of blue ribbon one for a farm animal. I already know there's like a zillion of these things. Just tell me where to go. I want to go to one of these things. Do I get to shoot a fucking gun? Hey, by the way, I just saw, um, somebody recommended this last night. I just watched, uh, Bobcat Goldwaith, Bobcat Goldwaith. Can't even talk today. Yeah. I made this movie called God bless America. Uh, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's a dark comedy. Uh, it's on Netflix. Check it out. I'm still working my way through the first season of the killing. Just giving these people all free fucking, uh, what do you call it? Shoutouts here. You know why I do this? Because then you guys go, oh, you should check this out. You should

check this out. Um, you know, I actually, somebody told me a book I should order and I ordered the fucking thing and it never, it never showed up. I ordered shit and it doesn't show up. I think I don't hit the, uh, complete the deal button, but what do you, there's no store to go to. It's fucking genius. I mean, where is Amazon.com based out of, where is that store? Does that information exist? Where in the Dubai? There's no taxes. Everything's free. This is wonderful. Oprah, turn your fucking head to the left and see the tent city on the horizon. All right. Yeah, I would do that. I would do that. I would go to a rodeo. I'd do any of that shit. All right. Girlfriend hates you. Well, she should. Uh, dear Burbank, read slowly, buddy. I know you can do it.

He wrote it in all capital letters too. Ah, you ball busting cunt. That was a funny one. It's not 201. Is it? Holy shit. Where did the day go? Um, all right. I travel all over the country as you do, except I don't do it to make people laugh. I do it so my cunt boss can make money. Anyway, lately I've, lately I've been listening to your podcast in my truck and my girlfriend can't stand it. She literally hates your guts simply because you curse. What the fuck? Uh, we end up making deals where we listened to 10 minutes of bullshit Beyonce, then 10 minutes of your podcast. God damn it. I try to tell her that your podcast make my day and that you are hilarious and generally a good guy, but she totally disagrees. Can you tell her a few things

that you do that are nice? Uh, besides the fact that you make people laugh for a living, which should be enough. No, it shouldn't because I get paid for that. Uh, like charity work, going to the make a wish foundation or whatever the fuck, let her know you aren't a cunt, even though you are much love from your Canadian friend. Olay, Olay, Olay, Olay. He wrote, um, Oh, first of all, sir, I don't need your girlfriend's approval. I don't give a shit what she thinks about me. Reach for a risk. Make sure she doesn't shut this off. Okay. Hey lady, look what you're doing to the man in your life right now. You're making him so fucking miserable. He enjoys this podcast. He likes that. I fucking curse. He likes it.

Can he just have that? What's worse in all honesty, the horseshit that I do on this thing or listen to somebody say, I don't think you're ready for this jelly. You know, at least I take the piss out of myself every podcast. I don't walk around like some arrogant ass talking about how fucking great I am and all the shit I have. Does she do that? I don't even know if she does it. I don't listen to her stuff. Um, you know, at least I fucking, I go in one direction. I don't come up with something that's funny and then or whatever interesting and then say 50 times in a fucking row. Do I? If you like it, then you better put a ring on it. If you like it, then you better put a ring on it. 20 minutes fucking later. If you like it, then you better put a ring on it.

Or else what? You're going to go suck another dick. If I don't give you something shiny, like this, give me something shiny right now or I'm going to go blow somebody else. Hey lady, start walking. Go do that little mime walk. Like you're going down a fucking escalator right down to the dude's dick next to you. I don't give a shit like this country. I don't respond to threats. Okay. Actually we do, but not terrorist threats. I don't respond to that. Okay. Listen, first of all, if I sat here and listed, you don't do nice shit to tell people you're doing nice shit. Okay. Isn't that in the Bible? Heathens pray in public. Ooh, look how holy we are. Look what the fuck we're doing.

If your lady thinks all I do is bad shit, I don't give a fuck. Okay. Okay. Good Lord. What kind of world do you live in? You're driving a truck and you listen to Beyonce. Oh my God. I gotta be honest with you. I can't watch performers who don't seem like at any, like they have this look on their fucking face that they just, they can't even believe how fucking amazing they are. At that point in the crowd, I'm just like, well, you don't need me. You know, that's like when these fucking people, like they score touchdowns or they, they athletes, right? They fucking dunk balls and do this shit and they start thumping their fucking chest. I can't match that energy. You know,

Pogasol dunking a ball or whatever. There's a layup and then goes, like you're in 300, you know, I'm not disrespecting their level of athleticism, but you put a ball through a fucking hoop. Jesus Christ. Punching your own chest. Deuce chills. All right. A lot of that, that type of shit I can't get into. You know, like JZ, I really enjoyed JZ, but at some point you're like, I get it. You have a lot of stuff. Your life is amazing. I could never hope to have a life as amazing as yours because you are that amazing. Please, by all means, tell me about your next big purchase. Yeah. So dude, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck whether your woman likes me or not. If your woman's listening right now,

you're a selfish douche. Okay. Does he sit that going off on Beyonce? Maybe he does. I don't know. Maybe the two of you just need to have a little more respect for your playlist. Okay. They do make headphones. Why don't you put the fucking headphones on and listen to Beyonce while he's driving the truck? He can't have headphones on. That's illegal. And then you could listen to her, you know, making financial deals for her vaginal area. New Year's everybody. Here we go. Dear Billy Baldrop. I'm not going to ask you what you're doing on New Year's because I already know. You and your Rose Bowl crew will be tap dancing at the Wilton over there. I'm going to be there with a girl

I'm 50% into. Okay. Well, then that affects what you should be buying her that night. I go, she's cool. She's hot and I don't have any major complaints about her. I'm also not in love with her and really can't see anything beyond hooking up. My plan is to laugh my ass off and see what happens. All right. If we hook up, that's great. If not, no big deal. Dude, you're in the zone. You're in the zone. This is some demon shit. You don't care if she comes, stays, lays, or prays. Now you got the attitude. I don't, I told two friends and they both advised against hooking up with her. All right. Well, I don't know your friends and I don't know what their motive is. Let's see if you explain this here. He goes, I would never let that decide whether or not

I would. But the interesting thing is that they both said independent of each other that hooking up with a girl on New Year's Eve might give her the wrong impression and that she's going to be a leech afterwards. Oh, that's fucking, that's just fear mongering. That's bullshit. What? Cause your finger as the ball drops, all of a sudden you have a relationship. Okay. I had a good time. Had some laughs. So like you don't want to go to the farmers market? No, I don't. Do you have something against farmers markets? Not really. Well, then why don't you want to go? Cause, you know, I, I don't feel like going with you. I don't feel like a spark. You're fucking asshole. For what? Being honest? Fuck you. And there it is. It's the end of the

relationship. Anyways, he goes, I can't even fathom why New Year's Eve would be, be considered a special occasion that would lead to her thinking that this whole topic is ridiculous. And I can't even stand to waste time talking about it. But I wanted to hear your opinion. I think I just gave it to you. My question to you is, do you agree with that? And also, do you think there are any days on the calendar that would make a girl think you were into her? Oh yeah. If you took around on Valentine's Day. Yeah, it's about it. Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day. That would be it. What else? What other day? St. Patrick's Day? You know, you're sitting there eating a fucking meat pie next to her hammered out of your mind

with a green plastic hat on. I think he really likes me. The key, and if I could, if I could do my single life over again is I would have been way less fearful to be honest, you know, when relationships were starting, you know, women are not as psycho as you think. I mean, a lot of times when you say that women are psycho, it's because you are being deceptive. And yeah, then they go fucking psycho. Yeah, they definitely do. But you, a lot of times created, if you just tell them straight up front when they're like, so what is this and just be like, look, I'm not looking to I'm not looking to get in a relationship right now or like, listen, I enjoy your company, but I'm not feeling like this spark like there's something to that next level. I just feel like

you should know that and you'd be surprised at how well they take that. You know, then it's not that always, you know, if you say that the second you feel it, it's usually pretty early on. So there's no really deep feelings and that's all people just don't want to get hurt. Okay, believe me, I heard a lot of fucking people believe me. And so that's what I learned. I remember Jesus Christ years ago when I was just a lad living in New York. I remember I hooked up with this woman and she was just like, you know, so what is this? Where's just going? And I was just like, nowhere. I'm like fucking 12, I was like 35. She was 23. I'm like, I'm like 12 years older than you. You know, by the time you two in 30, I'm going to be like 60.

What do you think it's going? And she actually laughed. And I was just like, you know, she goes, so what are we doing? We're just hanging out having fun. So whatever crazy thing you want to try, but you don't want to do it with your husband, do it with me. And that was it. And she was just like, all right, cool. We had fun for a few weeks. And then that was fucking it. And nobody got hurt. And, you know, lost touch with her. And that was it. No harm, no foul, had a great fucking time. So there's no like, but look, you take them out on Valentine's Day and you get them a rose and all of that shit, you start leading them on. So what you're really talking to, I feel is you're talking to two younger guys like me, probably at that, like me,

like how I was, I mean, how am I trying to say this? You're talking to two guys who at their age right now, their skill level was what my skill level was, what they don't know how to set it up. So they're sitting there going, Oh, don't do this. Don't bring them out on this day, because that makes them think this. All that says to me is that they don't know how to communicate. What's going on? So they feel like they, and they're also in that thing where they feel like they have to fucking throw their jacket over a mud puddle and let them walk on it in order to get fucked that night, which you don't, you just have to be honest, because women enjoy sex too. And they also enjoy you telling them what the fucking deal is. All right, so there you go.

So you don't have anything to worry about. Just don't give her a card saying, I love you. How many kids do you want? I want to meet your parents. Just don't do that shit. Feeling like you have to say that shit to them. All right, you know what? Just look, the fact that you, you know that those guys are full of shit. I don't need to keep going on with this. And it's already past fucking two o'clock here. So I got to get this podcast uploaded. That's a podcast for this week. Happy New Year, everybody. Once again, thank you so much to everyone who came out to my shows this year. It really was the best year of standup I had. I had the most fun on stage. I got to go to the most places, perform to the all kinds of people. It

was absolutely phenomenal year for me and can't do it without you guys showing up and thanks to you to everybody who writes into the podcast, listens to it and all that. All right, giving thanks like it's Thanksgiving, but it's fucking New Year's. All right, so get out there, pace your drinking, pick your target early, close in, make her laugh. Okay, take it down before 10 o'clock. There you go. Happy New Year. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you next year. Oh, yeah, that was a spaghetti bolognese with a lot of garlic. Download the Maide Leise app and cook me. Yeah, top the leise. Me with a cleave.