Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 12-31-18

Episode Date: January 1, 2019

Bill rambles about missing shows, country clubs, and gypsies.

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Okay, she thought there was 32 days in December This is the last day of 2018 What are you going to do with it? Are you going to seize the day? Seize the day, aka cram too much shit into a 24-hour period So you're fucking stressed out for the next day That's how I do it That's how I do it

Oh, by the way, guess what? I finally got that little fucking piece I needed for my headphones And it works great And as you see, I sat there and I fucking pitched about it for what? Six fucking, it felt like nine years I just ordered it on Amazon, it showed up, you know Some fucking eight-year-old put on a welding mask and made it And then somebody else flew it on a fucking...

What do you call those goddamn things that hover over your neighborhood? Drone? You know? I don't know Anyways, happy new year to you Happy new year to you If you're going to get shit-faced, call an Uber or a Lyft I'm actually going to be going out tonight

For the first time in a long time I'm going to be going out with my old family My family back east We're just going to go out to dinner It's cool being a dad, you know what I mean? Rather than go out and go booze and all that shit You just fucking called two days before Do you have a reservation at four in the afternoon?

Four thirty? Like, why yes, yes we do It's like any other day here at four or four thirty in the afternoon However, you know, starting around seven No, we don't, we're completely booked And everything's going to be jacked up the A-hole So we're all going to go out and have a... Hopefully a pleasurable meal

Enjoyable dinner and all that type of stuff And then I go to the Rose Bowl the next day And then the following day Give me a ticket on an aeroplane Gonna go fly to fucking Eastern Europe Gonna go to Cologne, Germany And then it starts And I am ready, baby

I put in the time I did the fucking work I was down in the comedy store every night The last three nights and the ice house You know, I fucked up Thursday night I fucked up twice on my gigs this week Which I never do I actually was headlining the ice house

And I forgot and I put in at the comedy store So I'm pulling into the comedy store at like nine o'clock And I just happened to look down at my phone I see a Joe Rogan phone call And he was the one who told me that You know, that they wanted to book me at the ice house Then I was like, oh fuck And then I saw I had a bunch of messages from the club owner

And I called up I was like, what time was I supposed to be on stage? He's like right now Ten minutes ago So I drove out there like a maniac I finally learned how to use the supercharger in my car You know, so I was in intense mode Whatever the fuck they call it

Like I drove that car for fucking two years Never using the supercharger Because I didn't know you had to push a button I just thought when I stepped on the gas Like the old days it would just engage over there But it didn't So I finally learned how to use that thing And what is going on with these fucking wires?

Why can't I get them ever not to be just I just don't understand how this fucking happens Every single time Every week Every week You know it's weird you could take a handful of wires And throw them on the ground And then once you pick one of them up

They all tie together You know, it's so weird that you can do that with like Wires but you can't do it with snakes If you throw them on the fucking ground And you just picked one of them up There wouldn't be a bunch of them all tangled up in it They'd all just fucking slither away So what I'm saying is

Is we need to start making wires The way the good lord makes the snakes Anyway, so then I had to drive all the way back To the comedy store Because I was so fucking late at the ice house I hung out and took pictures and signed shit You know, to make up for that Did the full hour

Then I went all the way back to the fucking comedy store I got there by like a quarter to twelve At night and I got to tell you And I haven't gone up, you know I never went up really late at the comedy store Because I never got past there To go through that And I went back to the, you know

I auditioned for Mitzi And she said, I mean she didn't say anything She left in the middle of my set That's so fucking awful She thought I was And she's probably right If I'm going to be mature about it And then I just, I moved back to New York

And I sort of did the late night thing in New York And I never got to do it at the comedy store And that's probably the latest I've gone on there Since I can remember And it was just a completely different animal I went on in the main room And then also in the original room And in the main room

I was on stage and I was thinking about Richard Pryor For some reason Because I know that there were some older guys They had told me how I used to work out of stuff Late night there And then when I went into the OR I was, you know, I just went up there And I had like this fucking set

Where I was just totally free And riffed and said all this shit Didn't tape any of it And just shit that I would A few things I remembered that Now in my act, but like And I remembered here in this story That Jim Carrey came up with Fire Marshal Bill

Late night in the OR At the comedy store and all that shit So it was really, ended up being really cool And then I worked two shows Friday there Two shows Saturday And then last night I was running my hour in the main room And then I was running over to the whiskey

Because Steven Adler was playing And I also had another spot in the OR But instead of just doing an hour I did like an hour and 40 in the main room And I was going to be late for the Steven Adler show So I was like, is it cool if I just don't do that spot? Because I didn't know that they advertised me In that room too

I thought they just advertised me in the main room But they had also advertised me in the OR Had I known that I would have gone over there and done it I just thought I had a spot And I missed it Because I was supposed to go up at 10.15 And by the time I got off stage in the main room

It was like 10.40 I was like, I don't want to fuck it up over there You know, for the other people So anyways, long story short I saw Steven Adler's fucking great show at the whiskey And then I'm walking back to the store And I'm walking in front of the store And these four people are standing there

Like fucking 2 in the 1.30 in the morning Going like, you got to be shitting me Are you going to go on now? I go, what are you talking about? I was on in the main room I was like, no, we were in the OR We were sitting there for five hours The whole crowd was fucking pissed off

So, I don't know I got to try to figure out how to fucking make that right But I felt like a fucking asshole So I took a picture with them And, um I don't know I was thinking, why the fuck did I do that? Because then I went over to the Adler thing

And it started like, you know, 20 minutes later I would have had time to do it Then I wouldn't have disappointed those people And now I feel like a fucking asshole Um But I haven't said that You know I basically did like seven sets

And missed one So, what are you going to do? But dude, the fucking Adler Appetite show That thing was fucking great, man And I was just sitting there The whole show I was just watching Stephen Because I started listening, you know

I don't know, I kind of tuned up my drums And I got some different heads and shit And they sound fucking killer And then my drum teacher came over And he fine tuned it And now it just sounds fucking unbelievable And I was listening to just that Appetite album again

And I'm such a drum nerd Do you realize that Stephen Adler Does not hit his rack tom until like Like the fourth song Like halfway through the fourth song He crushes that album Just with the bass drum snare And his floor tom

The only time he really hits the floor tom Is the breakdown during Welcome to the jungle Out to get me is all just kick snare No, I'm sorry, what's the next song I always say it's out to get me It's so easy, it's all kick snare And what's the next one

Da, da, ba, ba, da, da, da, da No, that's on the other side I don't fucking know But anyway, so I was watching him And then when I watched him last night The fill that I thought he was doing In one of those fucking songs He actually didn't do on the rack

He actually went from the snare Over to the floor So I actually think he goes maybe To Mr. Brownstone Nobody even then that's a floor tom But I remember seeing this whole fucking thing I'm sure this is boring a lot of you guys But I remember seeing this whole fucking thing

On him that for a while He only had a three piece And it's just amazing how his host style Came out of being a broke musician And just crashing at people's places He couldn't have a big drum kit If he wanted to He started out with a double bass kit

I remember reading in his book And then they got rid of that He got rid of that somehow Somebody said, don't play double bass You just play a single bass drum With some shit Almost like a Bonham thing And then he was down to like

Just a floor kick and snare And just the amount of music That that guy got out of it But it was awesome It was just, dude What a bunch of characters At the whiskey last night Jesus Christ

There was this fucking guy there, right? And I just, he looked He looked like he was like in his fifties But he looked like he had a hard life So he was probably like in his forties And he's just standing And all of a sudden the bouncer comes up And he just hits him

Like slaps him on the arm Like what the fuck And then the guy kind of gestures Like, hey man, you know I mean, it's so cool, whatever And the bouncer just grabs him And fucking throws him out of the club So my buddy I was with went up and said

Hey man, just out of curiosity What did that guy do? And I guess the guy had taken out his lighter And was fucking Lighten the ass of the person in front of him Like some other dude So when the bouncer hit him Like, what the fuck are you doing?

He was making this gesture Like, yeah, it's kind of funny, right? And the bouncer just gets the fuck out of here You fucking lighten people on 40 What are you, giving somebody a hot foot? 50 years of fucking age? And my other buddy was with Was laughing his ass off

It was so loud, I mean I could have just gone to him But he was sitting there going like Was laughing going, yeah I saw the whole fucking thing Like he didn't even try to hide it It was a complete fucking asshole So anyways, that's what I did

And my apologies to the people That came down to the OR last night I really feel fucking badly about that, man I mean, there's a hand I don't know how many times in my life I've missed a spot I would think it's under 10 My entire fucking career

The first nine times Nobody gave a fuck So my apologies I hope that somehow I can make that up to you guys Anyways, plowing ahead here Speaking of shows We've added two more amazing comics These guys are kids to me

But they're not They're fucking, they're like legit I'm just old as shit Joe List and Mark Norman Have been added to the lineup For the 7th Annual Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit I had the privilege of working with both of them Mark Norman, I worked at the Westside Comedy Club

In New York City And Joe List, when I did Gotham About a month ago I got to work with both of them And just fucking Like they're like the next guys Just legit, legit Straight up fucking comedians

And we'll be monster headliners So come down and see them now While you still can Also on the show As I've been mentioning Michelle Wolfe, Chris Red, Jim Gaffigan Gary Goleman, Rich Voss, Cypher Sounds Big J. O'Kersen and myself

It's gonna be a monster, monster, monster show And thanks to the Joe Rogan experience We had 800 tickets to sell And now we're down to like 150 So people can buy tickets at www.New York City Oh sorry, NYCityCenter.org Or on my website Which is billburr.com

If you just click on events Or whatever the hell it is Road gigs or some shit like that If you just click on that shit You'll see the link right there Alright, so there you go Speaking of Rogan I mentioned when I did his podcast

How I took a sauna with them afterwards And he has like a legit sauna You know the ones with like the coals and shit That you dump the water on So I felt so great after that That I was kind of jonesing for another one So I went to this fucking place out here I'm not gonna say the name

Because I'm kind of gonna like Not shit on the place But it's just more like It's a different kind of Different kind of sauna Where Joe's is the old school one That like you know The heat hits you from the outside

And you sweat like that I went to one of those infrared ones The clear light fucking ones Which I realized there's this whole debate On whether or not those things are healthy or not And they say yeah you know We checked out the fucking rays on this thing It's fine and then you're supposed to ask them

Well how did you measure those rays Is there any radiation Because they were like This thing like heats you from the inside Is the way they described it And I go really I go I feel like I'm getting into a microwave And I gotta tell you

I stayed in there for a fucking hour And when I came out I definitely felt better But afterwards I didn't feel right It just didn't feel right It wasn't that same peaceful feeling That I had coming out of the other one So I didn't like the infrared ones

Although I heard there's some Hollywood starlets That just swear by them I guess they use it for weight loss And I will tell you I came out of there My stomach was definitely flatter But I was like isn't that all water weight You know You go out and have one sasparilla there

Your fucking belly comes right back Isn't that how it works But anyway So I'm gonna go do this Europe tour And I'm hoping to hit a couple of those places When I'm over there This is gonna be an unprecedented road trip for me

In that I won't be drinking I don't even know that I'm gonna smoke cigars I had like fucking 90 over the past week You know, catching up with everybody at the end of the year Hey, let's get a fucking cigar So I won't be smoking cigars I got vitamins with me

And I'm gonna try to be hitting saunas And fucking getting eight hours sleep Just because it's my fucking age, man I can't be doing like city to city to city to city Ten days, two shows, almost every fucking night You know Oh my god, I was gonna say that At the end of the tour, I'm gonna have a fucking cane

I saw a guy last night You know those people that have fucking canes And it's just like, dude, you don't need a fucking cane This guy was like walking with this cane And he would take like three steps Before he put the cane down, you know It was like watching a point guard dribbling the ball up the court Where you're just watching the whole time going like

The guy's fucking traveling Have you ever said on an NBA game Like you fucking watch these guys They're bouncing the ball like so fucking high And you watch him, one, two, three, bounce One, two, three, bounce One, two, three, bounce One, two, bounce

One, two, three, it's just like, aren't you supposed to I mean, that was another step and a half I don't know how it fucking works I'm done bitching about sports in the way it is nowadays I've finally given into the fact that his has changed And speaking of which, my Patriots Beat the New York Jets, who I was impressed with their quarterback I don't know if he's gonna be the guy, but he, uh, you know

You never know, it might be coaching, it might be his line I have no idea, but he made some good throws And there was a lot of fucking heavy hits by their defense You know, they're having another rough year or whatever But, um, we handled them We got a playoff spot, we got a buy for the ninth time Nine years in a row, we got a buy But that fucking motherfucking stupid ass fucking

Dolphins game Now, now we're gonna have to go through KC If we win our game and they win their game We're gonna have to go through Kansas City We have to try to beat those fucking guys again In their own goddamn building And, um, I don't know, I just don't see that happening With the, I don't know

Which is weird this year, we actually have a really good running game it seems Um, but it's hard to gauge because we were playing the Jets And they were all banged up on defense So I don't really know where the fuck we stand here But, uh, who knows, Kansas City, you know, they also have to win Which is not something that they've done in the postseason for a long fucking time But, uh, they're Mahomes guys on a whole other level And I don't know that, you know, Paul Verzi made up a great fucking point

Um, just saying that, you know, I don't, I think this is the first time Andy Reed has ever had a quarterback I know he had Dunovan McNabb and all that shit But I really think this Mahomes guy, he has that, he seems to have that You almost have to be, like, not human at the end of the game Where you just don't feel emotion, you know Verzi basically said, alright, I don't like, cause I like Dunovan McNabb He goes, this is the first time, you know, he's got a guy like Mahomes

He didn't have a guy, you know, you know, he was in Philadelphia And had a guy who puked in the fucking huddle or whatever Which I don't know, that's probably overblown Who knows, he probably went out party the night before I'm sure fucking Ken Staber puked in a couple of fucking huddles Anyways, and congratulations to the Cleveland Browns on just a great season And, uh, I was really pulling for you guys yesterday just to see you have a winning season and all that shit Um, I don't know, we'll see, this is gonna be a great post season

Of course I'm gonna be overseas and miss some of it And if my Patriots aren't gonna win at all, I almost want us to lose in the first round Just so I can sit there and fucking enjoy it I know I'm gonna enjoy, uh, the NFC, um, playoffs Just as far as, like, you know, the Saints have home field I still don't think Drew Brees has ever gotten the fucking respect he deserves He's one of those guys where he's gonna have to win two for people to be like, oh yeah But then again, Eli's won two and they're treating him like a fucking stepchild

I don't know, and the Rams were just killing it the whole season And then they kind of had that little dip there and now they're kind of back But they also played the 49ers, so I don't know, I don't know And then you got Seattle and they got Pete Carroll as a great fucking coach Anything can happen and then Chicago has that great D This is gonna be fucking fun It's gonna be fun I was always kind of wondering too, like, what Brady must feel like

Being this far into his goddamn career Where he must feel like a fucking, a townie at the bar And everybody else has kind of gotten on with their lives Just looking around the locker room like, where the fuck is everybody that I used to know? They're all fucking gone And like, there's no quarterback left in the league that was playing when he started out I mean, I almost think like, I mean, he makes fucking Eli and Drew Brees look like youngsters Kind of the way the Rolling Stones kept Aerosmith young for so long

Where they were able to kind of breeze through their 40s, 50s and into their 60s Because the Stones were always 10 years older than them So everyone was always making the old jokes with them So, I don't know And for all you fucking Europe cunts over there I did watch Liverpool Arsenal I watched until it was three to one and then Daddy Duty took over But Arsenal goes up one to nothing and I'm thinking, okay

You know that fucking guy does his little dance He slides on his knees and I'm like, oh, here we go Arsenal, Arsenal's actually a team that I fucking heard of They must be one of the good fucking teams And then the Liverpool guys, they just went right down the fucking field Like fucking three minutes later, bam 90 seconds later, bam, which you never see in fucking soccer, football, whatever the hell you call it It's the same guy, who I guess hadn't scored at all in the Premier League

Just weak ass fucking defense The one where Mo Salah kind of fucking weaved his way through And then made that sick pass for the third goal or something When they showed the defense in slow motion It literally looked like they were extras in a movie And Mo was like the star that they had to make look good So they were doing these half-hearted sort of, I don't know what Trying to get their foot in the way

It's like, don't they usually just fucking stick a cleat right in the back of your fucking Achilles? I don't know, I don't know shit about these goddamn sport But I have been watching, or whatever Alright, let me read a little bit of advertising here In the mountain, in the kitchen, even in the living They're really lying everywhere, riding those empty boats But now we're going to the finish Bring them to a B-Bat-Inzamo-Punt

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If you're still allowed to do that You know? Are you still allowed to do that? You know after one of my shows, this woman came up to me She's like, ah, I just want to give you a hug And I just put my hands straight up in the air And the whole time I was like, ah, me too, me too Oh my god

That's the whole thing That's how I'm handling every fucking situation like that I'm literally putting my hands up Like a cop has a gun on me The fuck away from me Until they bring back due process and burden of proof That's I'm telling you as a man, that is the fucking way to go To stick your hands up in the air

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He's a member at a country club Now this is some shit that I would never do I would never think to do I would never think to join a country club I don't golf Although I watched this thing on Tiger Woods Tiger Woods last night He was fucking 30 for 30

Basically on his return to finally winning His body was all broken down And all that shit And he came back and he won And now the ratings went through the roof And all of that It was just fucking awesome That he was back

And people love to watch greatness If you don't love to watch greatness That reflects more on you Rather than the person that you're fucking watching Because you just pissed off about your own life Why wouldn't you want to see somebody go out And be the greatest of all time Anyways

So I went over there To smoke a cigar And I went over there It was a fucking utopia Like I would literally join a country club And never play golf I went over there They had all the NFL games on

They had all this food They were pouring booze The way I pour booze at home I call it like a home pour They were pouring them like that Fortunately I wasn't drinking Because I drove over there And that would have been a situation

I would have left my fucking car there But everybody just hanging out Breaking fucking balls It was great And I gotta be honest with you It was nice as a guy To know that that still existed It was just fun, you know

That's like one of those things That feminists go after And it's just like We're not doing anything wrong And then I hung out over there For like three hours Hanging out with all the guys Everybody breaking balls

Telling stories, watching the game Trying to fucking coach What was on the TV Smoking cigars Classic guy shit And then I was done And then I came home to my wife And I was psyched

And then I was around this female energy It was perfect It was like, dare I say, balanced And, you know This is this whole fucking weird thing Going on right now That if everybody is not included Meaning both sexes

That for some reason that means That there's something wrong about it You know, I don't know I don't fucking get it Like, you know A bunch of women going out to brunch Is great for them They get to be around that

They totally vibe with that fucking energy Then after a while I imagine Hey, you know Go home to my fucking dumb guy And with absence Makes the heart grow fonder You know I understand to a certain level

Where there was just like, you know Entities and business And schmoozing and all that That weren't letting, you know Forget about women But other races and people and all that You know I'm, you know

Obviously not down with that I think everybody ought to be able to Go wherever the fuck they want to go As long as you're not a fucking jerk off But I don't But I draw the line at that thing Where it's just everything has to have Men and women mixed together

I think that a lot of shit should But there's definitely There should just be some shit That's just for women Or just for men And even then Just for men, you know When you color your hair

I even, when I worded that I made sure that I said Just for women first Before these fucking lunatics With, I don't know what the I've been doing this bit right now Talking about how these private schools work Now

Where you have to like Get your education Your kids over there And they're trying to like Get this perfect balance Racially and gender And all of that And it's just like

It's like Their heart is in the right place But it just feels like This giant fucking Like experiment Like some weird Nazi shit Like what are you doing What the fuck are we

They're kids Just let them be kids And this is all going to work out itself They're trying to like They're trying to curate the The painless childhood I think that's what they're going for They're going to try to like

Have kids have, you know A childhood without any pain Which I guess then the theory is Is that then they would go out into the world And they wouldn't inflict Any pain on anybody But it's just like Eventually, you know

You're going to go out in the real world And there's going to be pain There's going to be disappointment There's going to be people Stealing your shit And you're going to have to know How to deal with that And that's kind of like what school is

You learn how to stand up The bullies and all that I'm not saying the kids should go to school And have miserable fucking experiences But like there is like A certain element of it That you got to let them Fucking handle it themselves

Right? The only way that you could possibly I don't know how it would work You would have to get rid of All the sociopaths And all the selfish fucking people In the world first You would literally have to

And you'd have to kill them This whole fucking thing That you're going to stick them On a fucking island You know, all they're going to do Is just fuck each other And make like fucking Royed it up sociopaths

Selfish people And then eventually One of them is going to know How to make a boat And then that's going to be it Then they're going to come over And we're all going to be over here Like, you know

Put your right hand in And make your right hand up Fucking singing a hokey pokey And we're going to get steamrolled You like how I put myself Not on the island? You like how in that story I was the fucking hero

And I wasn't a selfish cunt Like I wouldn't be over there? I don't know It is weird But I already know what I'm going to do I'm going to Get my daughter enrolled In some sort of like

You know, anti-bullied jujitsu Fucking shit Just so my daughter knows How to handle herself And then that's it And then just make sure You don't abuse the skill set That you now have

And if anybody comes at you You know, you fucking handle it It gives you confidence And then you don't have to spend Your whole fucking childhood In this depressive fog Of dreading going to school And shit

You know, and I think back Of some of the periods I went through And some of the shit Some other kids that I picked on Went through I fucking was like, oh man That's it I'm surprised too that like

Teachers didn't intervene A little bit more Not to the point that they're doing it now To the point that they're doing it now Where they're just fucking like It's almost like Reverse Hitler Where everyone is included But they're also deciding

Like who is the number one draft pick They're still, you know Boxing out other people It's weird It's just a really fucking weird I don't know It's just such a weird goddamn time All right, that's it

With my little fucking pontificating there Let's do a little bit of the Some of the reads here for the week All right, what do we got here? Who's first? Who's first? All right, good times, bad times How I learned Hey, Billy, bass drum balls

I learned good times, bad times When I was 12 or 13 You motherfucker! Thanks to my drum teacher No, that's awesome, man He taught me heal down He taught me heal down technique And showed me that the trick

To getting those fast flutter kicks Was to move your foot halfway down the pedal Your heel should be completely off the pedal Oh, yeah, I've seen that You just slide up and down This counteracts the spring tension And helps you play faster at the expense of power Oh, at the expense of power

All right, eventually by doing this enough You will be able to play those flutters Without this... Without this trick It's like training wheels If you play heal up You should be able to make the swivel technique work It's a valuable trick I have

To have up your sleeve And you don't lose any punch I've included a link on how to do it If you aren't too sure I also recommend playing cashmere As a warm-up before jumping into good times Bad times He does some slower flutter kicks

That will loosen you up I hope... I hope I could help you out Happy New Year and go fuck yourself What I learned finally Because I was doing it the wrong way The first way I did it Before I took any drum lessons

When I would do it I would do this weird thing When I would curl my toe down Push and then almost like I was almost doing that slide move With like my toes And I got plantar fissuritis in my foot My technique was so bad

Then my drum teacher Was teaching me his technique And I didn't understand it And then I didn't go in for a while And I learned it... I was almost doing like a reverse slide Like I was bringing my foot back And that was the slide

And then pushing forward down So the first one was like light Was almost like an unaccented beat So it was like da da da da And then another time I was doing it The first one was louder It was like da da da da da And it never sounded even

So the way he just taught me Which has been a total game changer In like the last fucking three days I've been messing with this shit Is... Alright, I play a DW drum pedal Alright So when you're just playing a single

The ball of your... First of all, you sit back And you should be able to see your ankles a little bit I was sitting too close So my knee was directly above my foot And that was fucking with... You know, my technique And it was passed up to a certain tempo

It was getting in the way So he had me move back Which felt really fucking weird at first And now it feels great So basically If you were playing a single You just, you know, lift your leg up And boom, come right down on the DW

But when you're playing... Hang on a sec... Ah fuck Hang on, she's coming in here Alright, the lovely knee is here Let me... I've got to finish explaining something here Okay

How are you? I'm great You know, your shirt oddly matches The windscreen there It does Yeah So anyways, the windscreen that I use When I'm inside

So anyways, so if you're playing a single You just lift your foot up All that hot air you're blowing That's right You bring it right down on the DW But then if you're going to play a double All you do is you slide your foot back Where you're right below the nine

I play the nine thousand So if you play the five thousand Right below the five And then you just bring your foot down Like you're playing a single So that first one is strong Okay, like a single And then as, as, you know

And you let the beater come off the head And you catch the rebound as you slide it up And then they're both strong And both even And sound powerful And it was just a completely different thing And what I ended up doing At a slow tempo was just play

Like in my time of dying Not playing sixteenth on the hi-hat I was just playing dung Something like that, whatever So it makes sense to drummers Okay It makes sense to drummers So what's, is key in that

It was whatever you played Like the immigrant song Is if you're playing singles and doubles You get that muscle memory That if you're playing a single You just keep your foot up at the top of the pedal And then when you play the double You're bringing it back

And what happens is your muscle memory Is as you're playing Whatever the fuck you're playing Right before that first note of the double Your foot's already moving back into position It'd be the same thing if you're playing a double pedal Where after, like when you first go from a single To a double pedal

The fucking brain power that you have to use To move your left foot from the hi-hat Over to the slave pedal If you play like a double pedal Is like fucking ridiculous But then after a while You just, your foot just knows To just sort of just slide

Just to come over that, you know Literally four inches But when you first start out It's kind of the same things like that Alright, I'm done Sorry Nia You literally just fucking glazed over Like probably eighty percent of the people

Listened upon you Boom boom boom Ka ka boom Yes Boom boom boom Ka Now those were all singles Sorry

Boom cha Boom cha boom Boom cha Da da da da da da Whatever, it's soundproof It's something that I do It's something you should hear How good they sound

Oh, I've heard it You can't hear it Can you hear it? No, I can't hear it From the house, no Yeah, perfect That's fucking perfect So how are you?

How was your Christmas? It was lovely How was your Christmas? It was wonderful How was your New Year? We had a nice Christmas Yes, we did Yeah

Oh, Cutie Pie still doesn't get the whole concept She was more into like opening the presents Yeah, she liked the opening And the ripping of the wrapping paper But after that, she was like done I was like, come on, open some more presents And she was like, no presents No presents

No presents So that was that And I also love What does she call the Christmas tree? Mumma tree Mumma tree Like Christmas tree Mumma tree

Mumma tree So cute She's so manipulative already I know She knows how to get you You know, because she knows how desperate we are For her affection and her hugs and kisses So she just uses that

They know that already, don't they? Yeah, absolutely So it's like, you know, she'll ask for something That she knows you're not supposed to have And I'm like, no, you can't have that This and that And she'll wear me down I'll be like, all right

You can have a little Pui mama Pui mama Or she sees that I'm about to do it I've given in And she rushes over and gives me a kiss And a hug So it's like she just knows

She knows what to do So what's happening over here On the old podcast there Track suit Oh, I'm loving this track suit Track suit, track suit I got Bill all the A couple of track suits for Christmas

Because it's just like What he likes to live in Slash travel in So you really do like that I never do What's Verzi's been telling me to do forever And I never have You always had like track pants on

And stuff at the airport And like a zip up No, because you know what happens Because I forget my wallet or phone Because most of them don't have back pockets That was that time I went to the airport And I missed my flight

Because I had my phone in my front pocket And I wasn't even thinking I didn't have my wallet And I didn't have my license And then I had to fly fucking private That cost me a zillion dollars Oh, that's right Because it was an afternoon gig

Yeah So I get super paranoid And then I don't like I don't like sweatpants when I fly Because shit just slides out of your pockets And then your wallet goes underneath the seat And somebody has to find the fucking thing So

But other than that They're great to fly in So I just, you know something I put it in the Hopefully, yeah, see these Don't have zip up pockets They don't have zip up pockets Oh, oh well

Yeah, so this is a very vulnerable This is like the thing That the gypsy's over there Are you not supposed to say gypsies, by the way? I don't know Let's look up Let's see if that's now offensive I don't think so

I think you're not supposed to say I got gypped anymore Because I think that's offensive To who? Gypsies? Gypsies? But I feel like you're not supposed to call them gypsies I don't know

Isn't there a TV show called like Gypsy Nation or something? I don't know I think gypsies is fine But maybe you should associate them With like pickpocketing and being scammers Oh, you mean like what happened to us When we were over there?

Is rude And you're not supposed to say that You're not supposed to say what the fuck is happening No All right, hang on All right, well then fine I don't need to get involved in this Because I'm going to fucking Eastern Europe

Right, exactly I should probably lay off the old Okay, the harmful history of gypsy This is on bitch media So I don't think that this is going to be What is with all these fucking people asking for money All right As a Romanian woman

Right More often called by the racial slur gypsy I didn't know that was a... That's a racial slur Yeah, I feel like I learned that a couple years ago But for Romanian people I watched the new network's original series Gypsy Yes

With some trepidation The show is a psychological thriller For the most part without many thrills That's about the Naomi Watch show That I watched two episodes before All right And then forgot about that The show takes its inspiration from Stevie Nicks song Gypsy

About a free-spirited woman who loves and disappears To me, that's what a gypsy was A gypsy was just a nomadic person I didn't know any of this shit about Pickpocket and all that shit The mythos Is that how you say it? Mythos

Of the gypsy is a stew of stereotypes The thief, the fortune teller, the free spirit The seductress and the liar And Jean hits all of them Rebranding them as characteristics of A wealthy white woman Just trying to find herself That's kind of true

Wait, what's that song? Ooh, gypsy woman What's that song? It's from the 70s, right? No, it's witchy woman Oh You're so racist against gypsy You're throwing that word in

Wow I'm not No, you know I try to be sensitive to stuff like that So... What is it now? It's witchy woman? Yeah Ooh, witchy woman

Witchy woman It's not gypsy woman She how-ha, she fly-ha Okay, well, you obviously know the lyrics More than I do Well, I think just for, you know Just don't call anybody a gypsy All right, outside of a Stevie Nicks song

The Romanian people are an oppressed ethnic minority Whose disparate roots date back to the 10th century India and are currently in the midst Of century-long human rights crisis See, now it's interesting to me Because they have their own country Who's oppressing them? Romania, right?

Don't they? Is that in their own country? Yes I feel like everything that I'm saying Is fucking offending somebody here Probably Who is oppressing them? I don't know I mean, I know Russia controlled a lot of that part

I was gonna say, is it Russia? Is it the Russians? Can we blame them? I feel like you can blame the Russians and it's okay I don't know Probably not Long human rights crisis One part is, one that is

In part perpetuated by the stereotypes of the gypsies Yet almost no one but the Roma themselves Are pushing back on the series Title slur The writing to the network and producers Are creating petition to change the show's title Along with simple ignorance Anti-Romanian sentiment is so normalized

That in 2017, a premier streaming service Can release a show that takes an actual racial slur And it's title and no one bats an eyelash Well, in defense of Netflix, over here Gypsy's sort of a cool, hey man Like, I'm not stuck in the matrix kind of thing Like over here, it doesn't mean that Like, I never thought like

Gypsy yet was definitely fortune teller It was also Yeah, that's what I think I don't think of like, just a free-spirited hippie I wouldn't, like growing up You hear like a gypsy person That's someone who is, you know Yeah, doing like scams and stuff

You heard that? I didn't hear that That's what I associated it with And then when you go to Europe and people were like Be careful of the gypsies or Robbie You know what I mean? And then I didn't know that gypsies were an actual Ethnicity

Right I just thought it was like a hippie Anybody could be a fucking hippie, man You get a tambourine and grow your fucking hair And smoke a little grass That's a hippie Yeah, all of a sudden you're in the drum culture, right? That's not a hippie

That's not a gypsy You're in a drum circle Yeah, hippie, but I'm no, no, no, no, no, no But I'm saying, I thought gypsy was like that Well, I could become a hippie If I got some hair transplants And started smoking some weed, man And just did, you know, wearing Bergenstocks

I could be considered a hippie I didn't know that it was an ethnicity Right So we're learning something here Wait, would you ever get one of those scalp Try, I wouldn't let you do it One of those scalp, what do they call it? Scalp transplants?

Like the tattoo scalp Oh, yeah, I know That's different than a scalp transplant Off a murderer And then I have even more of a temper Scalp transplant Not a scalp transplant Yeah, I forget what it's called

Anyway, someone on Instagram Does it for people Like it's a new thing that he started to do And he calls it like the scalp shop or something And so I was watching a video of the process No, it's not a new thing That's been around for a while Oh, it has

I know, yeah It's a tattoo? Yeah, I knew a guy that did it Is it permanent then? No, it actually fades And you're supposed to keep your head out of the light But what it looks like It ends up looking like

I have a full head of hair But I just tried to shave I decided to shave it down You just have like a five o'clock shadow on your head Yeah, but then what's weird to me Is like, now I gotta shave my head every fucking day Right Because then it's gonna be weird

Because then the stubble, the real hair Is gonna be coming up Oh, yeah And the rest of the shit I think you can go like a day or two Before it starts looking stupid Yeah, I don't know I am not a big believer in fucking with nature

Okay, so if nature is making your head fall Your hair fall out, then let it go You play the hand that you are dealt And you play it to the best Right So I keep myself in shape I grew the beard, I just shaved it off And you know, this is who I am

We were talking about shaving your beard off The other day I was just like, why would you ever do that? Because I miss my face Oh, Jesus Nia, you may be familiar with the word gyp Which means to cheat someone Right

As a gypsy would It's as slur as obviously offensive as Jew down And yet people still say it Say what? Jew down You never heard that? You grew up in Massachusetts for a while? I mean, I lived there until I was like six

I grew up in Atlanta I wish you would think Yeah You down there, they're Jewish people They got tails Like they went to a whole other level down there And yet people still say in every day Imagine replacing gypsy

As the show title with another ethnic slur The show would never have been made And yet gypsy was made Riding on the back of the romantic Population of the world of fashion, beauty And social media Yeah, that's how I view it Alright, so I didn't know

I will stop saying gypsy Yeah And stop saying people getting gypsies out of things I will say Romanian Wait, speaking of tails Cause you mentioned tails earlier Did you see that video on Twitter? Romanian woman

Did you see that video on Twitter of the raccoon This is in Florida A raccoon, you know, like one of my least favorite animals Like attacking a lizard Like one of those big fucking lizards And like chasing it through a parking lot Oh my god, me and the heebie-jeebie Just thinking about it

Chasing it through a parking lot And just like sinking its like Teeth into its neck And just holding it down And then like dragging it out of frame And then the person pans over To what looks like a snake flapping around And you're just like

What the fuck is going on Then you realize it's the tail It's the lizard's tail That has somehow gotten like Away from the lizard's body And it's still flapping around on its own It's the most fucked up video ever I love it

First nature video I've ever seen I gotta watch it I fucking hate reptiles It's so awful It's so awful I don't hate reptiles Reptile woman Reptile woman

Can you imagine calling a show reptiles? Uh, yes Did I come in here to answer a question? No, no, no I want to see, uh Just hanging out Raccoon Versa

Lizard Yeah, Florida Cause you know all that should always happen Oh, yeah Florida It's fucking crazy Raccoon kills iguana Iguana

Aw, man, I like iguanas Iggy You're about to get your heart broken Oh, no Oh, yes Aw, I like it It's brutal It's so brutal

Dude, what the fuck does Gordon Ramsay Have to do with the goddamn lizard Oh, I see, he's fixing these people's restaurant That's hilarious Dude, my favorite part about him going to those restaurants Is when Gordon Ramsay starts gagging There's always something in the fucking freezer So over the top

No, it smells that bad Oh, when they have meat from like, you know 2002 in there Yeah, oh my god One time, like he I thought he was just acting And then the cameraman almost puked And I was like, oh, wow, that's real

Alright, here we go Oh, no Oh, no, he's going Wow Oh Should I stop the fight? No Yeah, he's dead

Yo, let him go, dog I know, it's him Where the fuck did that goddamn Holy fuck, dude Holy fuck Aw, Jesus Christ Let me ask you this, Chris Nobody has an iguana, it's a pet

Somebody just let that thing go What you just saw was how long I would last in prison You know, I was really, like, that guy was saying That fucking lizard did not have a goddamn chance It's not natural to fucking Florida Somebody got sick of feeding it grasshoppers And it just let it go And then it got eaten by a fuck

You imagine that lizard being like What in the fuck is this thing? You would survive in prison Based on your wits Good looks Yeah, well No, because you, like, have so much anger inside of you That you would be able to channel it

And you'd be able to, like, the funny, like, killer guy He'll make you laugh, but oh, he'll make you cry No Sorry Anything I've learned from anybody in prison is just like Some of the toughest fucking guys I've ever met They were like, do not go in there Acting like you're the toughest fucking guy

Because you're not Who has conversations like that? Like, why do you even think about, like, how you would do in prison? Like, is there something that you need to tell me? No, it's just you just watch those things I mean, it's a fucking option Yeah It can happen

I never think about that I never think about how would I do in prison Well, I don't live in your privileged world Oh, here we go Wait, but I wanted to say something about the, um We'll try to say less Oh, wait, wait So that guy on the video was saying

Oh, should I break up the fight? Should I stop it? And I said no I don't understand why people Feel like they need to get, like, involved in nature I was reading this article Because we already were involved What do you mean?

Because whoever fucking bought that lizard to Florida Was a white person on some levels What I'm guessing Well, I'm just saying, like, sometimes you just have to let I left this comment on the New York Magazine Instagram page Because they had a whole article about how seals are snorting eels Seal, sea lions are snorting eels as like this They're, like, they're young and they snort them

It's like, for fun or something like that And someone left a comment like Oh, I hope whoever took that picture, like Put the camera down and, like, intervened And, like, helped that poor sea lion And I was like, sometimes you just got to let nature, nature Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait There's snorting eels?

There's snorting eels Wait You have to Google it Sea lions are snorting eels Like, like, doing, like, a line of coke Yes There's a picture of a snail with, like, a sea lion With a very satisfied look on its face

With an eel up its nose That's just what they're doing now I don't know why But someone was like, oh, somebody should intervene And pull it out And it's like, just let nature do what it's going to do That's them planking or, like, throwing the water bottle And having it land

That's like their little Instagram Yeah, that's exactly what scientists were saying They're like, it's a new thing that they just apparently Are just doing for fun because they can do So it's like, just let them snort Like, you don't have to get involved to, like, seal Like, what is, I don't know I don't understand that impulse

To intervene when nature is natureing Those white people are control freaks It's one thing if you see a coyote Attacking your cat or dog, of course But I mean, if it's a sea lion and an eel Or an iguana and a fucking raccoon So what you're saying, you're saying That a dog and a cat is more of an animal

Worth saving than a lizard or an eel That is animal racism Animalphobic Speciesm You're wild-a-phobic You don't like wild animals No, I'm saying if they're in the wild And they're doing their thing

Just let them do what they're going to do Why do you need to get involved? And, like, how do you decide who's side to be on? Just because the iguana is losing All of a sudden, you're anti-the raccoon Like, you know You go lighter skin You pick the lighter skin animal

Okay, on repairing electronics I'm not saying Gypsy anymore My apologies to Romanian people Or Gyps Yeah None of that Screwed But then that's offensive prostitutes

I thought you were going to say like Toolboxes or something Carpenters, alright He screwed me Hey, I've been a carpenter And I've never screwed anybody On repairing electronics Hello, Bill

You mentioned in a previous podcast That you like getting electronics repaired And even knew a guy that did that It's amazing With a quick YouTube video People can repair their own products Well, guess what? Apple, like always

Is that one company that likes to shit all over that They see shipments with quality third parties Party parts from these repair shops Because they want you to pay the 800 plus You would otherwise be saving Wow Trusted repair shops get third party parts illegal But Apple likes...

Legally, sorry But Apple likes to have customers Hold them from these guys And make them pay obnoxious fees To receive the packages When you have the time Take a look at this short video You know what?

We should ask the people That we go to for our electronics repairs Like our computers and stuff We should ask them about that You know what? We found a repairman Who just fixed our stove And it's fucking amazing

What did you say? He made that stove his bitch He did He took the whole thing apart So now we have a 10-year-old Viking stove That is now 2018 It's basically a resto mod If you're into cars

Which is if you had a 1965, whatever And on top it looks like 1965 Oh wait, so it doesn't do... It doesn't do that anymore No, it doesn't I wish you wouldn't either I don't have time to watch this But I'm definitely going to watch this

It's called... The name of this video is Apple under fire for allegation Of controversial business practices Did you get this for the baby? Oh wait Is this yours? Oh yeah, I was going to give that

To Bert Kreischer, I forgot That is a Florida state half-shirt That I bought in 1981 or 82 I'm looking at it I never wore it A crop top I never wore it A vintage Florida state crop top

Yeah, half-shirt Crop top No, they were called half-shirts back then You're going to give it to Bert Kreischer? Yeah Wow, can he fit like an arm in here? No, I didn't realize it's a small You know what, Nia?

I'd like to see you wear that Oh god, no I am so not in the crop top shape You know what? I'm not in crop top shape But it is what it is I think you are Also, you mentioned your DVD

Or Blu-ray player Didn't have HDMI for your new TV You can buy an RCA to HDMI converter For a couple of bucks To plug in an old video equipment Or RGB to HDMI Depending on what you have RCA is the red

Is the cable with red, white, and yellow RGB is the cable with red, green, and blue So this is a real fucking nerdy-ass podcast today, huh? No, this is... As-hole Bitchy woman, bae Watch it, watch it Alright, we got time to read two more here

Home sauna Merry Christmas, Billy Big Balls Merry Christmas to you and yours And I hope you're having a lovely restful festive break I just wanted to weigh in On your home saunas... Home sauna comments I couldn't remember...

I couldn't recommend getting one more I live in wet whales And built a sauna three years ago It's the perfect way to level your body and mind Three times a week is perfect, but I generally do two The best way I've found is Fifty minutes in the sauna Two, a cold shower

Cold outdoor shower Three repeat steps One and two Three times in all The level of chill I have afterwards Can only otherwise be obtained by illegal means It's awesome, I'm telling you, Nia This is gonna help us

If I get something like this Looking forward to seeing you in Manchester I fucking love Manchester Okay Yeah, they're like... I went there, I was like These guys like the same kind of fucking lunatics I remember in Boston

Same thing Ball breakin', drinkin', fuckin'... I love it And I'm thinking Liverpool's gonna be the same way Like all up to there I'm not doing Newcastle, I don't think But I just feel like all up there Is that type of shit

Where London is more like Manhattan Where it's all refined Oh, it's refined Thanks for brightening up my work week And look after yourself I would love to figure out a way to do this I just don't have the room here What's wrong with the steam, though?

How is that different from... Well, a sauna, you can go way harder Because with steam, it's so wet I mean, with steam, you can actually sit in a sauna At like close to 200 degrees And if you were in a sauna Where it was just all... Not a sauna, a fucking steam

Yeah, you'd literally be getting to the point Where the water on you was getting close To starting to boil Like you could burn yourself Oh, okay I never understood this And this is also me speaking Just trying to remember repeating

What people were talking about saunas But I am sold on them To the point, there's one... I know that maybe you could go take a sauna today If you wanted to And they have the finished one Not like finished, I'm done Like Finland

And they're known for that shit Although recently, they just had a competition And somebody fucking died over it You're not really big on sitting in a big hot box You can't say I didn't try No, I would try But I don't know It's never been my thing to just sit in like

Well, very hot It's not really... My thing to just sit in the hot... The old hot box I like the hot box To sit in the hot box Alright, I gotta wrap this up Cause I got a phone call in a minute

Alright, threesome with my ex-girlfriend Dear Billy Barron Skull Burr Oh I've recently been going through Some of your catalyped podcasts And highlights And I've become a huge fan I always have your podcast playing

At any opportunity I get But without further ado Here's my dilemma He's 16 in high school I've been starting dating this girl at school We've been going steady And pardon my graphic This has been doing it like rabbits

Now these are like underage people Am I allowed to read this? I feel like this is the point Where you stop Stop, this is where I stop Right? Okay, alright I'm gonna stop with underage threesome

Um... Whoop whoop Is that the cops? I'm not cool Yeah Hey Nia Let's not go there Why don't you hype your Instagram page

Hey everybody Follow me on IG Sorry You're looking at me Just make me laugh Everybody knows my Instagram It's Nia's alter ego Everybody

How cocky is that Nia's alter ego Nia's alter ego It's the same on Twitter As it is on Instagram Um... Yeah There you go

Follow me There you go As you build your brand As I build my brand Can we come to England When you do that When we go to what? Build your brand in England?

No Can we, me and the baby Come to your England run Uh, yeah Sure, you kinda put me on the spot here Yeah, I know Askin' me on the mic Okay, evidently this trip is gonna cost uh...

Well, I figure you do your shows And then you can stay a little bit longer And you know, I don't know You know I love London Yes I love London Don't make me laugh Don't make me laugh

Every channel with a long face Um, no I was... Glued me That's our favorite movie of all time Oh yeah I'm sweating here Roasting Bacon

Boiling Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop It's like a sauna It's like a sauna? Yeah Oh, he just came full circle That's me and BB's favorite movie I'm having a calamari

What you havin' What you havin' What you havin' And we ran into them that time Yes, round tree Yes, round tree Yes You will

You will No No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Make me look like a right cop Fuck off, you're doin' it I hope this plane crashes That's my favorite line Dirty DD

That movie's so horrible I love when he talks about how you get molested He touched me Oh, on the plane, yeah I was scared, I didn't know what to do I've been mo- I've been touched I've been touched He totally fuckin' gets out of it

Go see Sexy Beast, if you haven't Not go see it, I guess, Rented Or, I don't know how you procure old movies nowadays, but I'm sure it's on one of these streaming services Yes, streaming services Streaming services If it's not on Netflix, we need to have a conversation with Ted Sarandos about that Ted Sarandos

Sexy Beast on Netflix That's right And I was also hoping they were gonna have What is it, The Good Guys? What's that Ryan Gosling movie that I fuckin' love it? I'm obsessed with that movie I fuckin' loved it I still haven't seen that movie

Ryan Gosling and Russell Russell Crowe Russell Crowe will always be my favorite Because he threw that phone at the fuckin' guy I wouldn't help him with the phone And I always thought how satisfying that would be When someone is not helping you with something

And you throw the thing Literally the thing they're not helping you with You throw it at them Sure there's regret afterwards But in the moment In the moment In the moment It feels so good

It feels so good Oh, the release That's an angry sauna Alright, I gotta go Happy New Year everybody Thank you Happy New Year Thank you, once again my apologies to the people in the OR last night

I fucked up Had I known That's all on me, that's not on the comedy store So send all your complaints to me Alright, that's it, go fuck yourselves And I'll check in on you Hopefully on Thursday I think I'll still be traveling

I'll be ahead of the game I'll be ahead of the game See you in 2019 Oh Jesus Alright, bye bye You'll always find one in your neighborhood on Beepat.be Beepat Together, better for nature

And for all of us Campaign in cooperation with the ORVAM