Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 12-4-23

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

Bill rambles about 2024 Tour Dates, Ozempic, and starting a book club. 2024 TOUR DATES: www.billburr.com/TOUR Pre-Sale Dec.6 with code: BURR On-Sale Dec. 8 Zip Recruiter:  Try Zip Recruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Policy Genius:  Get a free quote by going to www.PolicyGenius.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday, December 4, 2023. What's going on? How are you? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, OZAMPIC! You know! Jesus Christ, how many who either got the jab or didn't they're still gonna take this shit Right everything has a side effect, you know you fall in love. There's a side effect. You lose your friends So I'm sitting there thinking like who the fuck saying that that's all it's the real song is oh Oh, it's magic It's the real song is oh, oh, oh, it's magic. When you're blowing me, I don't know, I don't know how the fucking lyrics go, but whatever, it's a romantic song.

So I go to look it up because I'm like, who the fuck sold their song to this drug company? Did they have a bunch of hits? Did they only have one, there was a Scottish band named Pilate. And evidently, they had three hits, one of them called January and something else, I don't know what. I never heard of this shit. Wait, I actually got my information in front of me this week. Look at me. Double

click. You got to use the two fingers or else you're not going to have it. All right. Let's see here. Pilot is a Scottish rock group formed in Edinburgh. Best known for the song January and O-O-O-O-O-O-Zampic, just a smile and call me round. But only January and Magic have their own pages. So I'm imagining that those were much bigger, much bigger hits, whatever. So yeah, they're like basically two hit wonders. They had to hit back in 1973 or 75, 77 around there. They need some money. So along comes these drug peddlers, sons of bitches, ozempic. And they go, hey, hey buddy, buddy,

cause they're like 70 now. Hey, over here. What? Aren't you the guy from pilot? And they're like, yeah. Listen, I got this new drug to lose weight. You know, common side effects are nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, constipation. Serious side effects are pancreatic, hypoglycemia, gall bladder problems, allergic reaction, kidney failure, changes in vision.

Other people say it could possibly lead to thyroid cancers, pancreatic and pancreatic cancer. Could we have your song? What's all this? That magic song. And the guys probably like, I'm sick of singing it. You're okay. Except we're not going to go, Oh, it's magic. We're going to like, oh, I'm sick of singing it. You okay? Except we're not gonna go, oh, it's magic. We're gonna go, oh, Zampic.

And they're gonna, and he's like, what the fuck is that? And then they jab it in his neck. A week later, he dies of pancreatic cancer and then they don't have to pay him residuals. That's my conspiracy theory, which I'm big on this week. I'm big on the conspiracy theories this week because they slid in this thing. They slid it in,

lubed up this bill. They always have shit attached to a bill. Why can you attach shit to a bill? I'm just a bill. Yes, I'm oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's a big, really, that was a mashup for all the kids listening. Oh, shit, you saw what he just did

I will never understand the fascination with mashups. It's like oh my god It's like you found two songs that were the same tempo. What is the fucking odds of that? pretty high Pretty high why cuz white guys hate dancing so they they try to keep it at a certain amount of BPM so we can just sort of walk around the fucking dance floor and do I required one dance at a wedding? Do you have any white guys have that contract with their wife? I'm gonna dance to one song at the wedding and then I'm going back to the bar, right sweetheart?

All right, here I go again on the dance floor. Walking around in a fucking circle till it's done, right? You name one fucking thing that your wife hates as much as you hate dancing, that you could possibly get her to do in public in front of everybody. It's fucking amazing It's amazing that they do it, right? So anyways, oh, Zambic. I've seen that fucking commercial like 98 fucking times um I want to write an answer song. Why don't you have a salad?

You fat fuck. There are no shortcuts. There you tubby. Hey, there tubby tits. You wanna lose a fucking, you wanna lose your tits? You sick of having tits. You sick of looking like a half a bull and a fucking, you look like a bull that's transitioning to be a cow.

What? What? What? Why don't you just fucking eat right? They don't want to do it. They literally, this is a classic example of they literally want to have their cake and eat it and have abs. It's not how it works. All right.

I got two words for you when it comes to desserts. Lay off! You think that I started drinking coffee again, right? I got two words for you when it comes to desserts. Lay off! You think that I started drinking coffee again, right? I'm not. I'm not. I'm just, I'm high on sobriety right now. No cigars, no coffee. Those are my two things. Any occasional weed gummy that occasionally gets out of control and then I fucking, you know, smoke weed like every night for like 10 days and I'm doing what am I doing? I'm not cheap. I'm not strong control, and then I fucking smoke weed like every night for like 10 days, and I'm doing what am I doing? I'm not cheap, I'm not chong.

All right? I'm Billy Redface, I'm a drunk. I laid off the booze, don't start another bad habit. So I don't know. I know I got a good fight with my wife, my wife. Before I do that, before I bring this up, before I bring this up, let me do, I gotta do my tour dates for 2024 are coming out. I love promoting, right?

Is I take a fucking break, promoting more goddamn work than I'm gonna have to go do? All right, all my tour dates, what is it here? Tour date announcements for MMP. All shows pre-sale starts Tuesday, December 6th with the code burr, B-U-R-R. All right, and let's see where all bills are going to go. How? No road again.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, just can't wait. I actually can't wait. I can wait till February. I have the Rancho, in Rancho Mirage, California. I am at the show Agua, Calente Rancho Mirage. That sounds like it's gonna be a bunch of white people eating salsa.

All right, I got that one in February. Then I'm just going to read where I'm going to be. You can look all of these fucking things up. Okay. Portland, Oregon, Vancouver, British Columbia. Salt Lake City. I haven't been there in a long time. I love the Mormons. She's still

a virgin. She's just taken it in the ass. Gary Indiana in March. Oh, why are you going to Indianapolis bill on March 9th? Because I got a show at the Game Bridge Field House. Detroit, Michigan at the little Caesars Arena, St. Louis, Missouri, these are all fun blue collar, fucking baseball, football, fucking town, basketball towns, St. Louis, Missouri, Phoenix, Arizona, Columbus, Ohio, this is in May, Nashville, Tennessee, Winston-Salem, North Carolina, getting down there to tobacco road Denver, San Jose, Winnipeg, London, Ontario, and then I have a I have I

Can sort of tease this. I'm going to a different continent. I'm going to a continent That I've never been to before. That's also coming up next year. Oh, it's going to be fun. Trying to line it up with a Moto GP race, giving you some hints here, giving you some hints. So anyway, I had a great little fucking battle with my wife, right? I'm sitting there about ready to go out to dinner, friend of ours, it was a birthday, right? And I'm laying there and I'm watching, I'd watched Alabama. Roll, tied, roll! Over them fucking rescue dogs and Georgia, the Georgia Bulldogs. I was rooting for Georgia, you know?

Because I'm just not, I mean, I love, I've always loved Alabama and I've always, you know, got a respect Nick Savon. I loved Alabama back when they had Bear Bryant, but like I didn't watch college football for a long time. So when I came back just to give you the backstory, just in case you knew the podcast, I wasn't gonna just ban wagon and jump on the juggernaut that is Alabama football, but I have respected them. So, you know, I thought when they had that exchanged

in the fourth quarter and they fumbled the ball and Georgia didn't, Alabama recovered it, I literally sent to all my buddies on the football text that Robert Shaw and Jaws when he goes farewell and I do my little Spanish lady farewell and I do all ladies of Spain, whatever that whole thing. I was just like, that's it. They get a punch in here for touchdown this game's over. Unbeknownst to me, they only got a field goal and they kind of went back and forth you guys saw the game So they won it

I mean unbelievable. Tell me there's an unwritten rule Alabama can only have one loss and they have to be in the playoffs playoffs and then Washington beats Oregon And then all of a sudden you start hearing Ohio State's name being brought up and I'm just like you got to be fucking kidding me these fucking guys And then all of a sudden you start hearing Ohio State's name being brought up. And I'm just like, you got to be fucking kidding me. These fucking guys, they get in even when they don't get in every fucking year. And then I started thinking the conspiracy is if Michigan and Ohio State ever met each other in the playoffs, playoffs for the championship, that would be the highest rated, I would think, right?

That would be like, I don't know, Alabama and Auburn, or you'll see it, shall I? So I'm watching the Michigan Iowa game, which once again, the under came in. Got to give a shout out to my buddy in high school keeps telling me the Iowa under, the Iowa under, the Iowa under this year. And ever since he told me that it was 27 and a half, the Iowa under came in. It was 25 and a half, the lowest under, over under college football history, final score, 13 to 10, 23 points, Euro winner. I guess with the Michigan game,

I remember they were up 10 to nothing at the half and they're going, well, there's this effect, Michigan's rating. It's like, Iowa has an incredible defense and they're off-fend stinks. If you're up 10 to nothing on them, it's like you're up like, you know, 21 nothing. It's like three goddamn scores there. So Bill, are you going to get to the part where you had the fight? Yes, I am.

Yes, I am. So I ended up, I don't know, they went to some side, some sideline reporter, this lady who does a wonderful job or whatever. I got to say this because so she's sitting there going like, and Jim Harb I was saying at the half, you know, I asked him about this player on Iowa and you know, he said he didn't hit me. He still didn't have an answer for it. And I yelled to the TV, I'm like, well, he's not going to fucking tell you, sweetheart.

Why would he say on TV what he's going to fucking do? And then I just was like, I just don't fucking get. This is like football. This was a way to get away from women. And now they did, they're all over the place. Like they fucking, you know, you just can't get away from them. And I saw it caught a nail. I'm like, why can't they just fucking?

Why don't they do the WNBA in women's sports and just have all the guys do guy sports? We'll watch our shit. You watch your shit. We'll be away from each other. Absence makes the hard-grow funder. And she's like, you know, ignorant. You thought I'd now and Dada, and I starts reading me the right, actually. you know me, you know me, I'm like a fucking ginger Wolverine, I fucking, I just dig in, and I go even harder. And I basically started making the points I made in my fucking bit, going like, whatever,

the thing I did on Red Rocks, whatever, long story short, how the fight ended, I just looked at her, and I go, do you realize how far feminism has come that I literally have to sit here and act like I'm excited that there's a woman on the sidelines at an NFL football game? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I have to pretend that I'm happy about that.

I'm not like overly upset about it, but like, she goes, why don't you like him there? I go because the coach has to change his fucking demeanor because he's talking to a lady. You know, I liked when Parcell's, when a guy would ask a dumb question, he go, what did you say? You stupid fuck, I'll rip you dick off and feed it to your mother, right? Next question, whatever he used to say, you can't do that with the woman. He goes, well, it's a woman.

I think it's a dumb question. But if I tell her that she said something stupid, I'm going to be considered misogynistic. There's got to be a place. Where can you go? You know, do we infiltrate your brunch? I don't know. It was just, it was a stupid fucking argument, right? So then, so then it's just like, you know,

we're experienced, we're an experienced couple at this point. So she's just go, I'm really gonna do this before we go out and bring this energy to dinner. And, you know, in my head I said no, but I didn't say anything to her. So then she starts going like, ah, you know, like when they're over it and you're not quite over it,

and then they just start to have like a fucking like small talk conversation, trying to like bring it around like, ah, you wanna do maybe some Christmas job in for the kids tomorrow? And I'm just like, yeah, all right, cool. Ask me a couple more stuff questions. I'm just like, yeah, all right, cool. Ask me a couple more set of questions. I'm just like, yeah, all right, cool,

but I'm not looking at her. She's like, are you like, still mad at me? And it's like, well, I'm not happy. I'm like, no, I'm over it. She goes, well, you're not looking at me when you're talking to me. So I just fucking look at her and stare at her. You know what I mean?

It's just like, how much of the, why don't you just get some batteries and put them in my back and just fucking remote control me? I don't know. It was just one of those things for, you know. It was stupid, I shouldn't have said it, I fucking said it. I meant it in the moment, but afterwards, I don't give a fuck that they're on the sideline.

I don't give a shit. You know, I don't, I just want to, I really think, I don't think anybody's beyond the sideline. I don't like when the fucking, the guys run into the, I liked the mystery of it. I don't want you to, guys like run in half off the field and then he has to fucking talk to you. Like this whole weird thing, you know,

I was watching a little bit of that Duke Georgia tech basketball game. And they got this camera angle where you're just hovering over the fucking game. I'm like, what am I doing right now? Am I losing oxygen to my brain? Am I fantasizing that this is happening right now? I feel like I'm writing in a drone. Oh, Billy Oldman is coming out in force. So I mentioned earlier that conspiracy theory,

I'm trying to stay away from it because last night I went to dinner and there was a couple of people like talking conspiracy, you know, saying like sunblock is actually all bullshit. The sun doesn't cause cancer, what causes cancers, what you eat, and actually skin cancer,

what actually causes cancers, putting that shit on your skin. I'm like cancer, what you eat, and actually skin cancer, what actually causes cancers, putting that shit on your skin. I'm like, guys, I'm trying to fucking, try to have an appetizer here, all right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Of all the conspiracies you could bring up, are you really gonna talk to a ginger about sunblock and say that it's gonna give him cancer?

I don't fucking eat that. So, and of course I'm taking it all in going, yeah, this is fucking this, yeah, but this is true, right? So, I wake up this morning and I end up seeing something online where it says, all cars in 2026 are gonna be required to have a kill switch that the cops and the government can basically shut off

your fucking car. And of course, then this is the thing, they attach it to a bill, which is about something else. Probably should kids have healthy drinking water, you know? Well, yes, they should. All in favor, yes, and then attached to it is this another level of fucking control. They're saying that it's for drunk drivers. And it's like, all right, well, what do you have to do?

Take a breathalyzer to get into your fucking car. I mean, I wouldn't mind that. I don't give a shit about that. You know, but at kill switch, so you can't like leave or escape. So then all of a sudden, it becomes this thing where if all of a sudden, if they wanna like, make sure nobody goes anywhere, they can shut off everybody's car in like 10 years,

once 90% of people are driving like a car that's by 2036. So here's how you beat that everybody, because what we're gonna do right now, is we're all gonna, like everybody on the right is gonna be, thank you Joe Biden for the kill switch thing. Like he came up with this. Like Joe Biden comes up with anything. He's lost his fucking mind.

He should be at a home, right? They're gonna blame blue ties and red ties. If Trump had won the election, this shit would still be happening because the president doesn't run anything. I've been telling you this forever. The president is basically when you have a delayed flight at the airport, you know, that person behind the counter that you yell at, you know, when you say, I'm never flying your airline again, like it's their airline, it's not their airline. Whoever owns the airline, you're never gonna meet him, you never gonna know their fucking name.

They don't even fly the airline. They fly private. That's what the president is. So this is easily defeated. If people would do it, all right. All you do is everybody just starts walking to work. You just start walking everywhere and everybody just uses less gas, okay? And the oil companies other than the banks is probably the biggest dick that the fucking

politicians have to suck, you know, other than the banks. So if all of a sudden they're not getting their money and they can't buy their yachts, you know, the fucking guys at that level that are competing with like the Amazon guy. Like, why is this nerd with his package company, living across the street from me. I'm an oil baron. I'm an oil baron. I should have a big house in this motherfucker. They probably get involved in petty shit like that. You know, they sit at night and they're upset because on one side of them is the guy from Amazon.

The other side is the guy who created fucking two guys a girl in a pizza place And they're like I just like these people are beneath me you fucking You're a glorified UPS guy and and you made a fucking sitcom and you're next to me My company starts wars I need a bigger fucking house, right? So it's a deal if you everybody just starts fucking walking nobody's gonna do this right because that'll be He starts wars. I need a bigger fucking house, right? So where's the deal? If you everybody just starts fucking walking, nobody's going to do this, right?

Because that'll be too hard. I live too far away. You can ride a bicycle. Buy one of those little fucking electric bikes, right? And then if we all go to work, if we all walk to work. Guess what you won't need anymore. O-O-O-O-Zampic. You know we're right into work. This is what we should all do. Over the next, what do we got?

We got two years to get ready for the kill switch. Everybody goes out and buys a bicycle. All right? And you get extra points if you buy the three-wheeled one. So you got a big basket in the back for your fat neighbor and you can fucking, you know, get them down the hill or whatever, on the level ground. Helped the guy, you let, I don't know.

Let's go say let fat people try to work. I have no idea. Anyway, there is ways around, we could defeat all of these things if they hadn't divided us with politics, race, sexuality, nationalism and all of that. It's one of the most brilliant things. It's just fucking brilliant evil.

So now they're gonna be able to shut your fucking car off. But is a thing, they ain't gonna get me because when I buy a car, I fall in love with it and I drive it into the ground. That's it. So I'm just going to keep my car. And then at some point, you know, will you be required? Oh, dude, that's a fucking movie right there. A movie right there, 20 years from now. It's up to fucking... It's up to old people and broke-ass people that are driving at least 20-year-old cars that don't have kill switches to rise up against an oppressive new world order and they end up defeating it.

Driving like 2019 fucking challengers and fucking, I don't know whatever, whatever, I don't even know what the cars names are anymore. They all look like fucking ovals to me with wheels on them. I did go out and get the Christmas trees today. Oh, Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, but abdu-bub-bub-bub-bub. I took some ozampic, my stomach hurts. I bought the tree.

And I feel like a jerk. Anyway, yeah, this is the first year I didn't take the F-100, I had the F-250 with the full-size fucking bed. I'm like, oh, you are the cunts with your glorified station wagon set your call in a truck with your Ford or fucking trucks with that little hot tub fucking bed you got back there. You don't have a truck. If your Christmas tree is hanging off the back,

like fucking Ace Ventura is sticking his head out the window. That's not a truck. If you can't stick a fucking eight foot god damn Christmas tree in the back. So I had that one in the back. And then I always get my my daughter one. My son is an old enough for one. I think that by next year I'll have to get him one too. So I put it in her room and you know I bring the tree stands back right. They hook it up. Everybody's cool. I fucking tip everybody because I'm a big shot and I'm driving down the street in the lovely near love of my life right. My best friend who I fucking argue with about fucking checks on the sideline which is so stupid. I fucking she with about fucking checks on the sideline, which is so stupid. I fucking, she texts me.

And this is the best part about being married. Man, woman, they, whatever is when the person you fucking married goes, make sure you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you already did it. She sent me a text message. She goes, make sure you get our daughter a Christmas tree. Don't forget. And the next red light, I turned around and I took a picture of both trees in the bed of my truck and I sent the photo to her and then I wrote,

don't ever insult me with a question like that again. Hahaha. I fucking think I'm gonna forget to get her the tree. I'm not gonna lie to you, I forgot for half a second, but I remembered up with the register, I'm like, oh wait, I gotta get her one. But I was also in my, I don't want to upset anybody because the parking lot was full, all right? I had my big rig! You know what, my truck is had in the bed, in the bed. Let me see here, it's had two Christmas trees.

This is not much my time to get out of the car. You know what my truck is had in the bed? Let me see here, it's had two Christmas trees. This is how much my truck is like, when I, if I ever go to sell this, like how much money it's gonna be worth because it doesn't have a kill switch. That's gonna be a whole section of mecha options. Coming up next, we got some no kill switch,

fucking power coming up. We got a two two thousand fucking twenty three F two fifty. You're gonna be able to like fucking bid on those things probably in the future. Any I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about here. I just realized I'm got a bunch of cards out here. I'm writing another script. And this is the experience after you've written one movie. You know what I did when I had these things all laid out?

I numbered all of them. So that way, inevitably, when they get pushed around or something like that over the course of the months, I could just put them right back together. See, what you're dealing with here, people is the thinking man. over the course of the months, I can just put them right back together. See? What you're dealing with here, people, is the thinking man. So, anyway, I got most of my Christmas shop and done. I got two things lined up to get my wife. I'm going to get it one more thing.

All right, she's getting the old three-piece here. And then what do you do? You always gotta get them some stupid fucking, and I'll extra shit, just so they have something else to open. And this year, I asked for, I wanna take a barista class, and then I also wanna take one of those fucking driving classes where they teach you how to drive a car around the track using the throttle rather than turning the steering wheel the whole way like I was telling you guys on the last podcast.

I'm going to like the experience. And I'm going to start giving away shit in my office. I got all kinds of books and stuff like that. Whatever you want. If you're into them, I'll sign them. If that's what you want to do, I won't sign them. I just don't want to throw them out and have them in the fucking ocean.

You know, although they are trees, they will biodegrade. I'm basically gonna keep like my high school yearbooks and what else is a couple here that I'm gonna keep? All right there. Nothing that I'm going to keep? Right there. Nothing that I'm looking at. Bill Walsh, find the winning edge. I got to keep that, right?

Anyway. Plowing ahead here. Do you guys watch the past fucking charges? I had that game on Jesus Christ. Both of those teams, man. This guy in the booth said it. I had that game on Jesus Christ. Both of those teams, man. This guy in the booth said it. He goes, these teams just cannot move the ball down the field. Defenses are looking unstoppable today in the chargers.

Wow, what a couple of setback years for those two teams, huh? So this week, I picked the Lions. These games haven't happened yet. The Lions happened. I picked the Lions. These games haven't happened yet. The Lions happened. I had the Lions. I got the Eagles plus three. I think I took the Packers. I can't remember.

And then I got the Rams minus three and a half. I hate the fucking point five. I hate the fucking point five. And I stayed away from the Texans. And they ended up, I think they ended up I think they covered I think they beat the Broncos who knows who knows anyway all right let's do the uh let's do the reads here walking all around my friggin office slash garage here oh by the way Dean Del Ray sent me this fucking thing I gotta I gotta show you this he sent me this fucking thing. I gotta I gotta show you this. He sent me this all-star band

With Dave Grohl It's just a half hour the most epic fucking music. I think I'm not and now that he brought it up Let me just look so I can find the thing here I can just do that instead of being like, what fucking, cause then I'll forget, and then I'll get all these emails going like, Bill, what the fuck? You brought the shit up and then you didn't say anything. Here's something, and this is great.

If you wanna do a half hour on the elliptical, it says, Dave Grohl play Warren Hayes presents the benefit concert volume 20, vinyl volume one or something. Just whatever. Just Dave Brogel, Warren Hayes presents. It's just some of the most fucking, some of the most epic fucking, I don't know, the whole vibe a bit and just everybody could play. It's Chris Cheney on bass.

And then I think it was that that extra guitar player that they brought out. I want to say it was him on the them crooked vultures tour, which I was there. I saw it. I was at the well turn. I saw that speaking of that, I'm going to go to the Queens of the Stone Age concert. I'm excited about that, but I have reads I have to do here. Oh, Billy reads. Oh, oh, oh, fucking a zippic.

Stop singing that song, I can't get it on my head. Where am I fucking? Where's my emails? Where are my emails? Yes, I still have a mouse. Yes, I still have a desktop computer. Yes, I'm fucking old. All right, yeah, well, you say what you want, motherfucker.

They ain't got no bitch switch on my car. That's what they're gonna call it. And if you remove it, you know what's gonna be a fucking felony? I'll tell you what's funny, is these fucking hackers, they're going to figure out a way to just push that thing, just to fuck with people as you're going down in the goddamn left lane.

Like, how much more fucking control do they have to have over us? I just, I don't understand it. It's like, you got us. We're going to have a kill switch on the car. We're going to microchip all of them. You know what this is for? It's for when they come up with the robots to replace us. And when we try to rebel, we're not gonna be able to go anywhere.

We're not gonna be able to drive anywhere. They're gonna know exactly where the fuck we are. And then your fucking twin, your AI twin's gonna come in and fucking, just choke you out. So there's no bodily fluids, no, man, you might shit your pants when he does, but there's no fucking, there's no mess. And then they just like, you won't even know it. Like your neighbors all got killed and

were replaced by, were killed by their AI fucking replacements. They are all going to be fucking gone. And you're going to be coming across the street talking about him. Talking to him, he's not even gonna notice it until you offer him a coffee and he says he doesn't want one. And it's that's weird. Frank loves coffee. He can't drink it. Then you go to the house. He can't drink it. Well, that doesn't mean anything. Yes, it does. He loves fucking coffee.

You know? And then what if he, what if Frank just decided to lay off coffee for 10 days like I just did? And then you go out and you go to blow his robot head off and you're in all of a sudden brains come out. You're like, oh, fuck. You know, and you're jumping your car, you drive halfway down your driveway

and they flick the kill switch. With the flick of the switch, whaaay. That's what they should have done in the Senate. They should have played ACDC flick of the switch and then they could have sold it. Then we all would have been cool with it. All right, look who it is, everybody, it's all zip. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr host ad lib talk about some of your favorite holiday movies um favorite holiday movies once upon a time in Hollywood that has a christmas scene isn't it doesn't it? No?

I don't know. I just think a guy hammered in his pool drinking fucking margarita's out of a picture. To me, that's it's a wonderful life. I'll tell you one that I saw the other day. The one that I saw the I saw a little bit of it. I don't know what the name of it is. It's got the guy in it from the movie who's married to that chick. Oh my god. How long have I been fucking... I gotta stop poking the cell phone up to my head. I can't remember anybody's name. What fucking holiday movies do I like?

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Like that he just he comes back. It's like he never stopped playing You know, I don't know you know what it is. I just know what it's like when I don't play drums for a while. For some reason I would think that he would have the same problem. Yeah, Bill, yeah, I would say you're on the same level as Dave Grohl, you fucking guitar center, fucking dad, you, I'm an idiot. Anyway, you gotta check that out though.

I'm telling you, his playing in that that everybody's playing the dynamics, the vibe. Um, I got to find out more about that concert where it was why I missed it and all of that. I've only seen Dave grow, played drums live. I've seen the food fighters a bunch of times, but I've only seen him play drums live once. And that was when I saw that them cricket vultures concert. I blew it so many times. I should have seen him in Nirvana. I should have seen him when he did that tour with Queens of the Stone Age.

The amount of shows that I've missed. Anyway, but that's what not what life is about. You don't think about the shows you missed, everybody. You think about the shows you went to. You know, like when I saw Fleetwood Mac when Lindsay Buckingham had already left, I think that was a good one. Peter Green was gone. Lindsey Buckingham came back and dad just I don't know. I don't know what version of that one that I saw was. That was like the, you know, when they have a strike season

and they have like scabs, they had like two scabs in the band and then the rest were sort of 70s hour to original members. Anyway, why don't I shut the fuck up and read some of the ain't putting a goddamn kill switch on my fucking truck. Do you know what I do love about gear heads? Is they'll figure out a way around it. You know, and what I do love about gear heads is they'll figure out a way around it. You know, and what I actually respect about hackers is they'll figure out a way around it too. That's why I think, you know, maybe while we least always steal cable, you get one of those

little black boxes, this gotta be a way. You know they'll make it a felony. Well, so what? I'm self-employed. What? I can't vote anymore. It doesn't fucking matter anyways. I voted for Bernie Sanders.

He's last two fucking elections and you made it impossible. You just said, no, fuck you. Hillary Clinton. Fuck you. Joe Biden. Fucking cunts. Anyway, saying hello. Hey, Billy Beluga tits.

Come on, man. Dude, you guys are gonna be impressed with me in 2024. You're gonna think it's AI bill. I am doing really well. Oh, Billy, no bread. Billy, no sugar, Billy, no desserts, Billy, no fun. Laying off the coffee. Laying off the cigars. Look at all the fucking energy I have.

I mean, it's safe to say, I've been a, I've been a loud fucking idiot to this whole podcast. Say hello, okay, saying hello, Billy Belugatitz, longtime fan slash podcast listeners, I've seen you with ton over the years. Thank you. Thank you for coming out. But my favorite show was one year when you performed in a white suit at the Orphium in NLA for New Year's Eve. Oh yeah, I remember that. You know what was happening simultaneously was Motley Crew was having their farewell show

at the Staples Center. Remember that? They signed that contract. We will not come back and tour ever again. If we do, we will sue ourselves. And they're back. I'm glad they're back. Okay, fucking hilarious show. My quaff and I had a great time. Old dads was great man. We enjoyed it, especially myself as a new dad.

32 years old with the four month old. That's not old. I mean, maybe it's old for your first one in a military town or something. That's not old. You're good. I saw you at the LA Auto Show with who I thought was Dean Del Rey, as you did.

I wanted to stop by and say what's up and also tell Dean, he has a six singing voice. Yes, he does. I saw you guys jamming out in an Instagram video, and say what's up and also tell Dean, he has a six singing voice. Yes, he does. I saw you guys jamming out in an Instagram video while back and I started following Dean since then. All right, this is just all complimentary so far. It's almost like I wrote it.

And you're also one of the most underrated 55 year old fucking bald ginger dad drummers out there. No, he didn't write that. Anyway, for the question, are you fine with fans coming up to you and saying hello? The way I read the situation in the moment, it didn't seem like the time or the place might be different if I ran into you at the store

or after a show, although I did run into you at the comedy store once and you were less than pleased, but probably was due to how I approached. Yeah, that's probably what happened because I don't, I usually don't, it usually doesn't bug me when I'm at a show. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the LA Auto Show, although it was a bit of a bust this year with so many brands not there. It has not the truth. Thanks and go fuck yourself. I don't know. I don't mind if people come up to say hello to me

as long as they're not weirdos. If I'm out with my kids and everything like that, I mean, that is not my favorite thing, but I also understand that I've brought this on myself by being in this business. So, this is what, if you're cool, I'm cool. If you're fucking weird, I'm gonna get weirded out cause I don't know what you're gonna do.

So, you know, and then there is the outside thing, you know, I am a human being if I'm not in a good mood, if I'm in a rush, if I had a bad set, like I won't be as cordial, but the thing that you guys have in your favors, I have a crushing need to be liked. So there's a few times I said, no, not now, and then I walk by, ah, wait a minute, wait a minute,

I can't do it. So yeah, but I mean, it's a great problem to have, you know, because I've lived the other thing, being in this business, nobody knows who I am and doesn't give a fuck, so I mean, if that's the price I have to pay that is, all right? So there you go. But if I'm with my kids, I would appreciate it

if I could just have the dad time. But other than that, I don't mind. I usually just start breaking balls when somebody comes up to me. If they seem cool, like I said, if you come up and you seem weird, I get fucking, you know, I get all a skit. Like, what is this?

What is this person gonna do? All right, converted my husband. Oh, Jesus. Hi, Bill, longtime, I like how open ended, converted what? To listen to my podcast, converted him to my comedy, brought him into some religious cult, converted my husband.

High bill, long time podcast listener and a huge fan. Unfortunately, I'm no longer allowed to listen you on loudspeaker because my husband is, and I quote, Tired of this old man just yapping and complaining about absolutely nothing. It has to be unhealthy for him and you. I mean, I can't argue any of that. Your husband sounds like a fucking smart guy. So now whenever I listen to your podcast on my earbuds, I feel like a fatty sneak in a big Mac.

Is this cheating on my husband? No, he can't tell you what you can and can't listen to. No longer allowed. Jesus Christ. I mean, you know, I'm not trying to cause a fight, but you know, it's a podcast. I'll just, I just won't listen to it when you're around, you know? Anyway, she says, I forced him to come to your show with me in Syracuse to convert him to the dark side. He did feel out of place in the sea of car heart, hats and flannel shirts, despite him looking just as pale as everyone else.

In the end, he loved your show and laughed out loud a couple of times. Ah, look at that. Fast forward a couple of weeks later, he was the one who pointed out that old dad is on Netflix and we should watch it together. He's a, he's a, he's a, he's a Billy Old Director fan now. Look at that. During the Thanksgiving break, we all show watch Leo together with my in-laws and my three year old daughter. We loved it. Such a great movie for aged three to 73. Congratulations on everything so far. I can't wait to watch your special when it's on Netflix.

Loving this bill, old dad error. Sincerely a Singaporean fan in New York. Well, that's great. I'm psyched that you converted him, but he also wasn't wrong. I felt like I was in a bit of a funk for the last couple of months because I was just really overworked and I was smoking cigars every day and fucking drinking car.

I was in survival mode when I was out on the road and I wasn't paying attention to shit. I had nothing to really talk about. So I probably was just going on bitching about fucking nothing as opposed to this week when I feel like I'm bitching about something. You know? Oh, Samtrick, I can't remember the name of it. Oh, oh, oh. What the fuck? Oh, Samtrick, is that no, Samtrick? I can't remember. Oh, I was singing it early. Oh, good. It's out of my fucking head.

Oh, Billy, no short-term memory here. I talked about kill switches. I talked some conspiracy theory. And I talked and I talked. I returned, returned to reading. Hey, Billy Bookworm. You've been bitching a lot about how you fell out of the habit of reading. And I think a lot of people sympathize. It's too easy to get quick doses of stimulation with our phones. Oh, by the way, you know, I got a message from my phone, said my cell phone usage, my daily usage was down by 30 something percent and said, I only looked at my phone for six hours and something.

I was like, what? There's no way I'm staring at my phone for six hours. I think, well, I play games on it. I go to the gym. There's like listening to music count. Six fucking hours. You know what happens is I watch TV and when I'm watching TV, I watch a lot of old shows and I just start going, who's that actor?

Are they still alive? What did they end up doing? And I start looking them up on my, I'm doing research on the show that I'm now not watching. It's really bad. All right, so this person says, my hot take is that all shorts, all shorts, SHORTS, forms of media like Instagram reels,

TikTok, YouTube shorts, et cetera, should be banned entirely. They are a poison. And it breaks my heart to see corporations feeding kids this addictive content before they have the wherewithal to even recognize what addiction is. Kids, I mean, I felt for it too.

I know, you know what, my new philosophy with my phone is me being on my phone in front of my kids is I might as well be smoking in front of them. It's just a bad thing to show them. It's showing them that you know sometimes my daughter will be like, Dad, Dad, and I'll be like, what? You know, because I'm watching somebody fucking killing it on drums or something like that and I get like upset for half a second that she's that my daughter is talking to me and then I go, oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I gotta put this thing down. So anyway, I agree with you. On the bright side, a group of 40 states is suing

META meta for knowingly making dopamine manipulating features and fueling the youth mental health crisis. We are experiencing fueling the youth mental health crisis we are experiencing. So hopefully something comes from that. Here is the link if you're interested in MPR article. I love that 40 states got together in sue, a corporation. Do you know, I went into what the fuck, Nordstroms. I go into Nordstroms.

I go into the fucking toy section, you know, pajamas for kids and everything. And then they had like this little like artsy thing that looked like kids made and there was a few spaces open. I was like, oh, is this something for kids to do? I came up and I told you guys, I fucking was right near the register and then I look where I think there's a sign way in the corner. And I think it's explaining the little art exhibit thing that they had. And I look at it and it says warning something about like there's mercury in our glasses.

That could cause cancer and blah blah blah by them at your own fucking risk. And I'm thinking like, well, why don't you sell different glass frames? You're not talking about drinking glasses. Like, what are you talking about here? And why does that little sign make you exempt? I'm telling you people, we really got to stop this conservative liberal horseshit and we need to all get on the same page, which will never fucking happen. But it would be not if you're intelligent. If you look at things, if you look at things rationally, if people are calling you as centrist,

that's all good things. All right, that means you look at shit rationally, because sometimes you need to look at it conservatively. Sometimes you need to fucking let it run a little bit, you know? Sometimes you need to hack a kill switch on your 2026 camera. If you want help, fuck I'm going to porky pig there. If you want help maintaining your habit of reading, maybe you can leverage the listeners

to keep you on track. Why not start a Billy Book Club, BBC for short, you can read along with listeners and it would give you something else to talk about on your podcast. That's actually a fucking great idea. If it gets popular, you could start awarding your favorites a stamp of approval like Oprah. I never thought Oprah read those books. He was too busy like ruling the entertainment industry.

How does she have time to read a foreign and page book every week, except instead of a fat oh, it's a pair of old freckled ginger balls. I love every aspect of this idea. A fun book to hear you talk about that's been brought up on the podcast before is catch 22. It's a very fun. It's a very funny satire punctuated by incredibly moving insight into the gravity and futility of war. It also has cars, planes and horse. So you should have the ability to keep up just fine. The offer, the author, the author Joseph, I just said offer and I thought this guy's last name was Hitler. The author Joseph Heller has an incredible comedic mind that I

think you would appreciate. Just make sure you buy a version with chronological references as the order of events in the book is difficult to keep straight. Thanks for all the laughs. Love those dads and go fuck yourself. Well, that's a good idea. I'm currently reading Reggie Watts's, the brilliant Reggie Watts's autobiography. You know, I got the kids. I don't have time to, I read like a chapter a night, like I'm not going to be somebody who's going to be like burning

through books. Like I read that book on a flight from here to fucking Missouri. Like how did you do that? Was it a joke book? These fucking people that can just burn through it. Like that's, I'm not, I'm not built that way. All right, you might be built that way. That is not how I am built. Anyway, just like that, look at that. We did it. We did it. God damn our. And you know what? I'm gonna say this is one of my better podcasts in recent memory because I'm

fucking clear, clear-minded here. So today is my 10th day. This is what I used to do. I used to go 10 day, a 10 day fucking cleanse of none of this bullshit. And I think I might start doing that with like social media. You know, I'll just make some videos of whatever the fuck I need to make.

You know, give them to the great Andrew Thamelis. Have him post them. Or I could just post them. That doesn't mean I'm on it, right? I'm not looking at it. Look at this. I'm already fucking cheating. I could just have one drink, right?

I could do a line of blow. Um... Anyway, uh... I kinda like this, man. I like the, uh, I don't miss coffee. But for some reason, I feel compelled that I need to go back to it because I have nothing else to do, whatever that means. So I don't think that's a good reason to go back.

I'm definitely going to go back. I mean, I got, I mean, what I'm not going to drink coffee. I'm never going to fucking drink bourbon again. The sweet taste of bourbon. The sweet sounds of a senseless argument afterwards. No, I had my fun with booze. I have no problem not drinking booze. And I got to be honest with you, when I go out every once in a while, I get one of those alcohol free beers and they just have hop, it's hops flavored, hops flavored fucking soda water and they're, they're

good. They used to be terrible. I don't know, maybe I just haven't had beer in so long. Although last night, oh my God, at this dinner, there was this Irish guy there. And he was talking about how he went to an Irish pub out here in LA and that they didn't pour his Guinness right. They didn't have the glass at a 45 degree angle. Had it straight up and down. You saw all the bubbles and he just said, you can have to report that. And you know, he was an Irish guy, so we had the accent. And I was talking to him about it. And oh my God, out of all the booze that I miss on a fucking cold day, a pint, a fucking Guinness, you know, something if I ever go off the wagon, I would be in Ireland and it would be a Guinness. Oh God, imagine if it was fucking rainy out, you know.

Oh, just fucking sitting there with some old guy cracked up face and fucked up teeth. In the middle of nowhere, out in the countryside, not saying a fucking word to each other. It's just fucking drinking. Oh my God, I got a shut up, or I'm going to go off the fucking rails right now. I used to love that in Baudin Tens. I used to love in the can with that little fucking marble rolling around, whatever the fuck that thing was. Black and tan.

That was the shit. I remember when, oh fuck, my mouth is watering right now. I remember one time. It'd be funny. Imagine if I just kept going. And like in this podcast, it became like an hour and 40 minutes long and like the last 40 minutes of it was me walking down to a liquor store and you hearing it opening opening up and then I just went off the rails and totally ruined my fucking career but like you would

just have you you would have it documented like when it happened you would have the audio you know and none of you guys would give a fuck. You would just animate the whole thing and have a great time and turn it into memes, right? Which would be perfect, right? Right? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Anyway, I was an Antwerp Belgium. And they take beers so seriously there, like every...

You go into a bar, they would have like a hundred different beers with a hundred different glasses, like each glass specifically designed to bring out the the the the optimum level of flavor of The like the way the beer is supposed to taste. It's just It's amazing. It is amazing. All right, Jesus Christ. What am I doing next? Talk about cigars. All right, so I'm going to, yeah, tomorrow, technically I could smoke a cigar. I could have coffee, but I don't feel any desire to do it.

I'm definitely not smoking cigars. I might have a coffee later on this week, but I don't feel any pressing need to. And you know what I do like is I'm back to taking naps in the afternoon and that's good for the old brain there. Jesus, but what are you gonna talk about next? Your problems with your feet? I mean, this is what's, you know, I'm aging naturally people, all right? I'm not taking O-O-O-O-Fuck.

What is it? O-Zamprik? No. Is it o-Z-Fuck. What is it? Oh, ZamPrik? No. Is it oZamprik? Maybe it is. That doesn't sound right. Anyway, I'm not fucking looking it up. Anyway, that's the podcast, everybody. Go fuck yourselves and I will check in on ya!

On Thursday. Number 31, Jingle all the way to Bobcat of Toronto and Brampton today.