Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 12-5-11

Episode Date: December 5, 2011

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioPatrice O'Neal's first radio single

IKEA Tip of the Week Do you like to get a gift? You can count on us. Because until April 15, IKEA family members get a free children's menu at the purchase of a warm meal for adults. Cops are here for people that own shit. I don't hate cops like I used to hate cops.

Because there's no one else to call when a nigga... When you own shit, this is a young table. When you own on shit, you like the cops. Trust me. When I was your homie, bro. 26? Well, you're getting close. What's your credit? Credit good?

Credit's good? Did you buy anything yet? You own anything? What do you own? Nigga, that don't count. You know what I miss, slick bastard. But it's alright. There's a lot of white people here. Pick up yourself. I own shit. What do you own?

And if this... You didn't want a straight line, so you set a car. And you know those white people sitting right here going, Oh, boy. Congratulations, nigga. You own a car. Yes, you work hard here, man. Sorry, man. You don't see how much you like the fucking cops

when you just... When you live somewhere and all that. But I don't like cops touching me. I'd rather you just, you know, arrest me. You know, I'm not against the cops. So, look, you're under arrest. Cool, let me put my hands just... Don't be checking me.

And I'm gonna tell you why I don't like people checking me. It's because of me. First, I'm a... You know, I'm getting old. I'm getting... My mind is filthy, man. And I'm not a terrible guy, but I know I have filthy, fucked-up thoughts, man. And...

But I have filthy thoughts, and my face be like this. I know how to keep dead serious. I'm not creepy-faced. So... There's something about a woman's ass-crack, man. Like, if I see a woman's ass-crack in public, that shit, that does something to me. I'd be like, that is dirty.

So... You know, you get a girl bending over Tana's shoes or some shit in her ass-crack show. I'd be like, damn, man. So, if I'm walking through a mall and I see that shit, my face be like, hmm... But my mind be like, ass-crack, nigga. Oh, my face. I want my face in that ass.

I just want to slip my hand down there. And I just want to... I just want to do that. That's why I tie your shoes, man. Just keep tying your motherfucking shoes. But my face be straight-up... Serious face. But I'm like, delicious ass-crack. That ain't mine. That ain't my ass-crack.

I'm a creep, nigga. So you don't think... So what you think? They're no creepy-ass police. You don't think there's gay police, lesbian police, creepy TSA motherfuckers? Who got this face? Protect the world face?

But they just like, yeah. Is that a bomb under there? That's your balls, huh? You got a bomb in your balls? But I like bomby balls. Big, terrorist nuts. But... But their face be...

Protect the world face. This nigga smelling his shoes and shit. Take your shoes off, please. Shoes. Women's shoes. But you're hiding on your titty, man. What's that on your titty? I have a protect the world face. We must protect the world and stuff it on your titty.

We must find it. I don't want them touching me. I don't want them touching me.