Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 12-7-15

Episode Date: December 8, 2015

Bill rambles about Christmas, buying a car and the Patriots.

English translation by Hey, what's going on is Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, December 7th, 2015. Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but you who hustle delightful. So if you don't fucking mind spread your legs. Hey, it's December, everybody. December to remember. Happy holidays. Oh, it's the holiday season.

So Merry Christmas. I don't give a fuck if you find that offensive cousin. You're kind of shitting on my religion. Is Merry Christmas still offensive to people? I can't wait for somebody to wish me a happy honey gun. I'm going to blow a gasket. How dare you? Well, dare you say something nice from your religion.

How fucking dare you? I kind of fucked up this year with my Christmas shopping where, you know, who's getting who when you're married. It's all about getting your fucking wife something that's going to keep her fucking yab shut for maybe two, three days. Who's getting who, you know what I mean? Are they ever really happy with you? I'm asking. You know something, let's try to spend this in a positive way. If you have a wife, okay, if you're a gay dude and you know, you feel like you're more the dude, right?

And you're your fucking your your husband is always pitching a fit of just average, you know what I mean? And you're just sitting there going, what the fuck is with this dude? Why can't he just fucking? Can you just can you get a run together of four days of just being generally happy with me? Okay, if anybody is in that situation and you have figured out a way to somehow get that to get that person to the fifth day. Could you please email me and tell me what your strategy is? I don't give a shit male females. I think there's some bitchy guys out there.

You know, I'm sure women deal with that some moody motherfucker. I should talk. I'm pretty fucking moody, but generally speaking, I like to think I'm in a good mood. But I'm just saying, you know what I mean? So anyway, so I go out, you know, and I got my wife, the gift and you know, the gift, you know, everything else is just to fill up the space underneath the tree. You know, you get her some fucking sweatpants. You know, no, no, no, I just, you know, I forget you could wear them hanging around the house. I'm not saying you got to go to the gym.

You know, you get her, you know, some mittens, you know, some beef jerky is sticking in the stock. And you're just trying to flesh it out at that point. You've already dropped a ton of cash, right? And God knows what the fuck is she going to, what's she going to get for you? Huh? One of those pumps to fucking pump up that sports illustrated football you got like fucking 15 years ago when your team won a championship. Well, what the fuck? I can't even like, I'm trying to think the last time I heard a guy friend of mine get excited about whatever the fuck he got for Christmas.

You know what I mean? What were the broads do? They were expecting something big from their husband and then they go out and they blow the cash on all the kids. They don't give a fuck about you. You know what I mean? You like that fucking third shift night, you know, security guard of the house. That's basically what it is, you know? I mean, if she could, if she could build a little fucking outhouse, you know, right next to the front door and you could just sit in there all night with a clipboard checking people in and out and say, walk in and out of the house, you know, wearing a little uniform.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Me. How are you? I'm really being overdramatic right now. My situation isn't that bad, but you know what? You exaggerate for comedic effect. So anyway, so I got the I got the big gift out of the way. I got the big one, you know, the one that, you know, won't make her sulk until Valentine's Day. Generally speaking, all right, I don't give a fuck how cool your wife is.

They just they slide into sulking, you know, just the way like those mid 80s Jaguars always had fucking electrical problems. It's the same fucking thing. They can't help it. It's a design flaw. Um, geez, I'm going hard this week. Um, what am I trying to say here? So I went and I got the big thing and I kind of just, I don't know. I just felt like because I got the big one out of the way so early, I had all of this fucking time.

All of a sudden it's December 7th. There's only fucking whatever. 17 more shopping days before it's, you know, unless you got to shop Christmas morning, then I guess you got 18. But at that point, what are you doing picking lemons off your fucking neighbor's tree? Um, so I got to get some shit done, but I have to hype my my cartoon that's coming out F is for family. This is the big push. In fact, this morning it starts. I'm going to go do some radio here and, um, I'm going to New York City next week.

And then I come back out here to LA and I do a whirlwind tour of, um, you know, doing some press. So I'll definitely be going into opium Jimmy before everybody asked. They always ask, why wouldn't I? When have I not? Um, Bill, maybe they're asking because they want to hear you on the show. All right, you know, fair enough, fair enough. So, um, today I'm doing the podcast, then I'm doing, um, I'm doing, uh, the press. And, uh, then I have to do a little bit of Christmas shopping.

I got to fucking knock it out over the next three days. I got to get the, you know, I got to flesh out the cast here. Right. It's like I got a shitty fucking sitcom script, you know, and I already signed on the movie star that isn't selling tickets in the movie theater anymore. So I got my fucking lightning rod of fame and now I just got to flesh it out with shit that's going to prop it up. That's going to compliment it.

You know what I mean? So that's what, uh, that's what my goal is. And, um, you know, I'll tell you another year without kids. It's starting to fuck with me, but I got to be honest with you. After watching that whole fucking, not even watching. I got in the car. My wife listens to and fucking PR morning becomes a classic. That was the electric eel band doing their version of ACDCs back in black on a Viola.

You'd like to download that that's available at go fuck yourself.com. Um, so I had, uh, she had on NPR and I got in the car and I was driving down the street and I was, I guess there was some big global warming summit. And at this point, not even the corporate cuts can deny that we're having an effect. And now that they finally came around and said, yeah, we are affecting it. They then quickly said, but at this point it's too late. So basically we might as well continue on what we're doing. And it's just like, what?

I mean, that's the same thing. Like I remember when Pete Rose finally admitted that he was gambling on baseball after 20 fucking years. No, I know. I never gambled on baseball. I never gambled on baseball. I never gambled on baseball. I never gambled on baseball. Five years later, I never gambled on baseball.

Ten years. I never gambled on baseball. No, I know where he just goes. Yeah, I gambled on baseball. Okay. There now. Now let me in the hall. It's like, wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait a second. You know, he was already rounded second thinking he was gambling on baseball. He was already rounded second thinking he was going to the hall. Helmet flew off, right? I'm going to slide in head first to third. Same fucking thing. So that just made, so it's just going to get worse. And they just sort of nonchalantly talked about the hellacious world in the future that our children and our children's children are going to have to live in.

And I just kind of made me feel like, you know, maybe it shouldn't end with me. So that's uplifting. Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells. Jingle bells, jingle all the way. We don't like that song. We feel that there's sexual undertones jingle all the way as in going all the way. And, you know, the snow is white, you know, technically speaking, so is your jizz. If you were to draw it, it's more of a Hoosier cream pie sort of color.

Oh my God. What am I doing? I'm talking about not having children. I'm comparing snow to jizz. This is just, what is this? You know what this is? It's fucking entertaining. The listen to somebody slowly going off the rails during the holidays.

I got to tell you, it's got to be a fun thing. Oh, I did a podcast. I'd hit that podcast, which is actually a drummer podcast. And if you saw some of the guests that they've had on there, professional fucking drummers, you know, of the highest order you'd be like, well, what the fuck did they have this clown coming on there? I'd say, you know, that's one of the great things about it being a comedian. You know what I mean? Every once in a while, they just bring you on some shit that you have no business being on, sticky on a food channel or some shit like that. But it's called, I'd hit that podcast.

I want to thank Dave for having me on there. We talked about everything, man. A little bit about drums, but I just got done doing a flight flying the helicopter, obviously. And I've been soloing everybody. I find the thing about once you get your license, you know what I mean? And then you can legally solo. There is that pit in your stomach of like, dude, you're really going to let me go up there by myself. You know, this is a whole weird thing when you're learning to get your pilot's licenses.

Like you get to a certain point when you start getting a little cocky and you're thinking like, when is this guy going to solo me? Dude, I'm fucking ready. When the fuck is this going to happen? I could do this. Look at him. His feet, everything is off the controls. I'm flying this fucking thing. I'm bringing it in right on the numbers.

I'm doing this shit. When the fuck is this guy going to solo me? And then one day they go, all right, you're ready. And then you're like, really? You really think so? Your balls shrink right up into your fucking gut. So, you know, I got my license in the end of May. And I had not done a solo flight since I was still a student, just being, you know,

a combination of busy with travel on the road and editing the efforts for family. And then also I didn't want to solo until I took the advanced auto rotation class, which is what I did in August and September. Then I had my big run coming up to the New York City gig. So now I finally had the time and I did three flights last week. I did one with an instructor and then the flight I did with the instructor, I did it twice solo. And I had to say it was fucking awesome. I flew up the 710 and actually this time I had a Dodger Stadium and did a, I fly in the right hand side, right? So I just did a right orbit over Dodger Stadium and then flew over to the Rose Bowl.

Did a right orbit. So I'm working on the field, crossed El Monte at midfield and then went back to Long Beach. And I did fuck up one time with the radio calls because that's the big thing. It's the radio calls. I thought I was talking to Long Beach Tower, but I was actually still talking to the LA Basin, which is just basically this big giant area where everybody's flying around. I swear to God, dude, you get better at listening, but you can't hear what some people are saying. Like those fucking people have been flying forever. You're like, what the fuck did you just say? These fucking people who fly around mumbling into the goddamn fucking radio.

It's just like, I don't, for the life of, I speak, I annunciate, you know, I fucking annunciate. Every, you know, I do basin traffic. This is helicopter one Sierra hotel flying northbound. I fucking annunciate everything. I go slow. He's one guy. I don't have a base traffic. You know what I listen to at that point? I just listen for the number. I am go 1.5. I'm like, all right, I'm at a thousand feet. He's at 1500. Even if that fucking asshole's flying right at me, he's going to be 500 feet above me. But if I just have 1000, all right, you're at the same level as me. I have no fucking idea where you're at. So then I either go up or down 300 feet.

So anyways, doing something like that really just as far as flying just sent my confidence through the roof. And like, it's just like starting the thing up and shutting it down to the whole fucking thing, just doing the whole thing. And you would think that that would make my confidence just in general go through the roof, you know, flying a helicopter solo, you know, over the city of LA with all that fucking traffic that's up there. I was able to do that twice last week for about collectively two hours by myself. Yet I'm going to make lasagna today and I'm nervous to make the noodles some scratch. Does that make any fucking sense? You know, I can't possibly die doing that. It just doesn't make any fucking sense, right? I don't know what I'm talking about. All I know is F is for Family is coming December 18th.

The same day is like the 15th installment of Star Wars, okay? So you got a choice to make, all right? And I'm obviously going to lobby for the F is for Family side, okay? Now picture this. All right, you can either stand in fucking like a four mile line next to some jerk off dress like Boba Fett or fucking Chewbacca. And people acting out lightsaber fights and all of that fucking thing, shivering as homeless people come up to you, hitting you up for money, and then fucking, you know, Ian or Tamas down there. Hi, I'm Billy Bush down here with a bunch of jerk offs who don't realize in three days they could walk in like a fucking gentleman and just sit down and watch this movie. It's not going anywhere. You could get involved in that shit show or you could just sit in the comfort of your own home.

You know, maybe pour yourself a glass of eggnog with some fucking bourbon in it, you know? And just sit down and binge watch all six episodes of this cartoon, get the fire going, you know what I mean? Turn on the heat. Whatever the fuck you want to do. Eat a pot cookie in the privacy. Are you ready? Sit there in your underwear. Do whatever the fuck you want to do. Or you can go down to the goddamn movie theater and stand in a fucking, or maybe you have to go down there the night before, you know, whatever the fuck they're going to do. I mean, I don't understand why they're still making those things other than money. Darth Vader's dead, right? He took off the helmet. He died of the good side one. It's fucking over. You keep going.

But what happened before the before? What about after the after? You know, listen, the original Han Solo was like seven years old. Okay, the original Luke Skywalker, he's well into his 60s. You know, it's over. Okay? Star Wars people? When are you just going to admit that it's fucking over? It's like my generation. Can you really sit down and watch Sesame Street once Jim Henson was gone? And hearing that weird voice coming out of Kermit the Frog. It's a fucking rap. It's a fucking rap. You know what I mean? You know what I like? Sesame Street. I like when they're skating around on the fucking ice. Just how weird that looks.

How fucking tall they all are. Who knew Burt was like six, eight? I had no fucking idea, right? Just out there skating around. But what I love is he's not fucking saying anything. As far as I know, I've never been to it. I've just seen the commercials. They just sort of skate around. I don't understand how they don't think that's going to scare the shit out of children. Hey, I have a great idea. Let's have fucking eight foot puppets skating around with the exact same look on their face and their eyes don't blink for fucking an hour and a half. Playing weird circus music. You want to take your kid to that? Well, no, I don't think so. I would like my kid to become a productive member of society.

Jesus Christ, Bill. Alright, let's read some advertising here for the weekend. Then I'm going to tell you this story about Jesus, this fucking lady who fucking... I didn't want to get into it because I got to put on a happy face for the advertising. What do you got this week? We got one, two, uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco. Alright, I got five. So I'll do three and two. Alright, Dollar Shave Club everybody. DollarShaveClub.com's boiled an amazing shave down to two simple things. One, use a fresh blade. Two, use the Dr. Covey CC Shave Butter. My wife's sleeping downstairs. Maybe that's why she's not in a good mood.

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Blue Apron, a better way to cook. All right. Oh, jeez, before I get into the story about the fucking lady. Let's talk some NFL football. Hey, so the Patriots lose another one. And I just have one thing to say about that. I'm actually psyched. I'm psyched that they lost another one.

And you know why? You know why I am? Because right now, I know all of sports talk radio is completely ignoring the fact that for the past two weeks, Tom Brady has been driving a rental car. All right, the fucking Maserati's in the shop. The Lambo's getting some rims put on it, right? Everybody thinks they're out there beating the Patriots.

Who the fuck is he throwing to? If one more fucking Patriot receive a twist to their ankle, I was going to be out there. You know, Tom looking at me with his steely eyes in the huddle. I have that look of doubt like, please don't throw it to me. Please don't throw it to me. You know, I have too much shit to do. I want to listen to sports talk radio today,

because yeah, all this shit that they're going to be talking about. First of all, you know what that gut wrenching bears loss? Oh my God, there's another balding white male. I really felt for that kicker. You know, but I also liked the fact that he had the balls to just walk around without a helmet on being like, yeah, this is what I look like. And God knows as a fucking kicker,

I make enough money to get a hair transplant. But you know what? I'm playing the hand I was dealt. To me, that said confidence. To me said that thing was going right through the fucking uprights. And what did he do? He fucking hooks the thing. And it goes in over time.

So you know, every fucking guy on sports talk radio today is stating the obvious. I'll tell you right now, you could not give teams a second chance in your national football league. I mean, I mean, I mean, you start doing that shit. I mean, you got to hit that. I mean, you got to hit that. I mean, I mean, I mean, the playoffs are coming up.

I mean, I'm a coach of the Bears. I could not confidently say that if I get in with field goal range that I'm not going to go for it on fourth down after that display. I'll tell you right now, if I was a head coach of the Bears, I would be really concerned about the kicking game because if your kicking game is not firing on all cylinders, if you're not on the same page, if you can't dig down deep and strap it on,

you're not going to win in your national football league. So you know what the Patriots right now? They're already... It's hard to worry in New England. They've lost two in a row. It's fucking great. I hope they talk all kinds of shit about the team. I am psyched.

I am psyched that we have two losses right now. It's fucking perfect as we're slowly getting more healthy. Almond's going to come back. Cronk's going to come back. Amandola will go back to be in the third fucking choice. Right? You know what I mean? We'll get our running backs back.

Hopefully we'll get a couple of offensive fucking linemen back. And we'll go into the playoffs healthy. Maybe even as an underdog. At least not with the all I do. An undefeated record is a fucking albatross around your goddamn neck. Everybody gets all amped up. Everybody wants to fucking knock you off. Look at that fucking game with the Saints yesterday that the Panthers played.

There's no fucking way the game is that fucking exciting if the Panthers come in with one fucking loss. I'm telling you, it gets people extra amped up. I taped that game. I saw the highlights. I'm going to watch it today. I can't even tell you how much I'm rooting for the Panthers to go undefeated. Unless they play the Patriots in the Super Bowl. But I don't think we match up well against them.

But we do obviously have the experience. But I want to see a team go undefeated. Well, I mean, there's a couple that I don't. But anybody else other than like two fucking teams. I don't want to see that. Well, is it two? I wouldn't give a shit if the Giants did. I give a shit if the Jets did.

I wouldn't give a fuck. Maybe. I don't think I would. Seattle would bug me. Seattle just bugs me. Could one more fucking talking chimp on TV be like, I tell you right now, Seattle's a team that no one wants to run into in the playoffs. One guy said that and then 50 people have said that.

I'm literally sitting on the, I tell you right now, Seattle Seahawks is a one team. It's like, I got it. I got it. We get it. They were in the fucking Super Bowl the last two fucking years. We get it. Yeah.

Yeah. They know what they're doing. Who doesn't know that? Who wouldn't rather play a team with a shittier fucking coach with less expert? Really? Is that a team that could possibly be dangerous? Thank you for that analysis. I'll tell you right now.

I mean, they were like one play away from winning two times in a row. And I'll tell you right now, do not be fooled by the Seattle Seahawks record. Okay. They got it through a slow start. They've had some injuries. They had a lot of, they lost a lot of talent, but I'm telling the team is starting to come together. They are starting to gel. And I'll tell you, there's an excitement building in Seattle that I'll tell you right now.

I wouldn't want to run to. Here's the big thing about Seattle. If they play on the fucking road, I mean, it's, it's a completely healthy. Marshawn Lynch comes back a healthy and rested Marshawn Lynch. We got it. We get it. Who doesn't know that they're a good team? My thing is, if they're on the fucking road, there's no way they make it to the Super Bowl.

If they have to go on the fucking road, they're not going to make it. You know what I mean? The only way Seattle is truly like Seattle is if they're playing in their own fucking stadium and they have all that extra help from that stadium that makes their fans sound louder than they really are. And I know I'm being a cunt, but hey, I'm a Patriots fan. If you guys are going to question our entire legacy because we stole some signs and let a cunt's hair with the air pressure out of a fucking ball. I mean, you know, you play every fucking game, every home game with that stadium.

I'm not going to break your balls back. Fucking unbelievable. They were stealing signs. Yeah, that's what you do. Anyways, I'm telling you, watch the Baylor Baylor Bears. You watch when you see four people sending in signals simultaneously. You realize everybody's fucking on and on. It's just the Patriots.

Okay, okay. Santa Claus exists. He's up there right now with those little fucking elves making a toy for you. A little fucking birdhouse for you to stick your fucking head in right to that little hole. Anyways, but I'm loving the Panthers, man, watching them go undefeated. And it's also how great is it to watch Cam Newton come into his own? And he's like, you know, when Brady and Peyton Manning are gone, and the next wave is what?

Andrew Luck, Steve Marriotty, whatever the fuck his name is up there in Seattle. I never know the names anymore. I used to know the names. I used to collect football cards. The guy was in two Super Bowls in a row. What is his name? Rayman Genie. The fuck is his fucking name?

All I know is he's one story or another about what a fucking boy scout he is. I actually think he's still in, I think he's in the wee-belows at this point. And he's a football player. And he actually got into scouting after he started playing football. That's how good a person he is. I heard he called Time Out last week to help an old lady get back up to a chair in the fucking upper deck. That's the kind of person. That's what this kid is made up of.

And I'll tell you right now, that is contagious in the locker room. The fuck is his name? I can't even fucking remember. You know, you got that kid Jameson down in Tampa. You got the other fucking dude there on Titans. But Cam Newton's the dude, man. You know? That guy is the fucking...

We know this. What are you going to tell us right now? Seattle's not the fucking... There's a team that no one wants to run into in the fucking playoffs. That's another thing that they always say. I'll tell you right now, this is a two-in-seven team that nobody wants to play. Like, what's funny is they always say that nobody ever says, I don't want to play them. Can you imagine if a coach said that after...

What do you got next week? Oh, we got the fucking... We got the two-in-seven Jaguars. I'll tell you right now, I don't want to play them. Coach, why don't you want to play them? Because they're the two-in-seven team that I don't want to play. Why wouldn't you want to play? The amount of money they make per game, I would fucking play anybody.

I'd take an ass-kicking. Go ahead, beat the shit out of me. I don't care. Do you realize the Gucci ice bags that I can fucking buy from my body afterwards? I'll fucking play in a second. My Boston Bruins, my beloved Boston Bruins are working their way through a West Coast trip right now. I had to come from behind twice against Edmonton and then Calgary to get one point. But, you know, they're playing all right.

They're playing all right. I'm liking watching them. And I got to tell you, I keep threatening to do it, but I have to do it. Because of a certain team, I'm not going to try and jinx them here, but I'm going to get the NBA package. Even if they don't break the record of the undefeated streak, which I really would love for them to do. You know, come on, man. Steph Curry, I got to start watching this guy every night. Like, back in the day, you know what sucks is they didn't have the NHL package.

So as much as I got to watch Wayne Gretzky, I didn't get to watch the guy. You know what I mean? There was no national fucking game of the week. I had to wait until like Edmonton played the Bruins. You know, and I'd have to watch the fucking highlights. And you'd have to score like five fucking goals for Bob Lobel. They actually even talk about it because all they would show is basically Bruins highlights. Unless there was a bench clearing brawl, you wouldn't see it.

But the fact that you could watch somebody of Steph Curry's greatness night in and night out, like the fact as a sports fan that I'm not fucking doing that because I don't want to drop a hundred bucks is an excuse. As Paul Verzi would say, from the Verzi effect, it's unacceptable. It's fucking unacceptable. So anyways, oh, let's tell a story about delay. So anyways, I as you guys know, I've been driving a Prius for a long fucking time for a long fucking time. I got it in 2007. All right.

And the great thing about driving an eight year old paid off Prius is that it's an eight year old pay off paid off Prius. It's taken all the hits. It's taken all the lumps. It looks like a fucking prize fighter 10 years after it's fucking retired, you know, and you just see the scar tissue around the eyes. You see the nose has been broken. You can fucking park that thing anyways. So anyways, for years, I've had that and I've had the old 68 F 100, you know what I mean?

So the go to thing was my Prius, but if my wife needed the car and I had to drive to it became a situation because, you know, I don't want someone to steal my truck. It's a classic car, you know, some asshole out here might take it. So there was always like questions of where I could take it at night. And a lot of times I would end up just taking a cab. So finally we've decided I actually went out and I got my wife, you know, I got her, I got her a car. All right. Nothing too fancy, but nonetheless, it's fucking new and she loves it.

Right. So now I drive the old car smart fucking move. She drives the new one. She's a happy. She's all cushy. You know what I mean? You keep them cushy. You keep them happy.

All right. When you're breaking your fucking balls, you just fucking tear open the curtains and point at the car with your eyebrows up. Huh? Really? What is the problem? Then they get mad. You don't do that just to bring it. Yeah, you do.

Yeah, you do. Um, so anyways, you know me. Okay. I don't go too big when I fucking doing that shit. So I got, you know, I got her a nice comfortable, sensible fucking car, you know, with a couple of gadgets on it or whatever. Right. So anyway, so we decided we're going to take it out last night. We're going to somebody's birthday fucking party.

And, uh, for whatever reason, my wife goes, Hey, can we stop off at the supermarket and get flowers? And I go for what? She goes, Well, I feel weird. You know, showing up at a birthday party without like bringing anything. I just feel like weird. I go. So why would you get a flowers? Like what was she?

She's sick in the hospital. Did somebody die? You know, what are you going to flowers for? She goes, we just shut up and let's just go to the supermarket. So I go, fine. I go, you're driving. Right. So she drives.

We could take her car. I said, Hey, should we take the fucking beat up Prius? She goes, No, I want to drive the new guy. I said, All right, fine. We'll do that. Right. So we drive down the fucking street and we pull into the grocery store and I'm immediately thinking, don't park next to anybody. Please don't park next to anybody.

And lo and behold, she doesn't. She goes, okay. She goes, I take it. She not going in. I go, no, I'm not going in. I'm not going to stand in line watching you hold flowers and then pay for them. I'll never get that. I'll never get that six minutes back in my life.

I'm going to sit here and look at the scores on my phone. So she says, fine. So she goes into the grocery store and all of a sudden this dude fucking pulls up and his piece of shit beat up fucking car. It looks like a dinner roll. Just the classic four door sedan. His fucking wife is in the passenger seat. Now we're faced opposite ways. You know what I mean?

We pulled straight. We pulled in, you know, did that thing where there's two parking spots and you pull past the first one and into the next one. So now it looks like you backed in, but you drove into it. They came in from the other side and parked right next to me. Like me and the lady were going to start shooting the shit and she just opens the door until she hits the car. Looks at me and closes the door and doesn't say anything. Okay. And I'm like, what the fuck?

So I want to open the door and say something, but the fucking dude's there and I'm so fucking mad. There's no way for me to communicate to the woman in any sort of tone where he's not going to then have to fucking Google. Oh, yo, what's your fucking problem? And I just sat there and I just decided to just not say anything because I've done it before and it gets you nowhere. All they do is they go fuck you and give you the finger and you get into a big fuck you fuck you scream any yelling thing. They still open the fucking door into your car. Like what do I do? So they fucking walk in there and it literally just like ruined my fucking evening.

I just was thinking like, can you have anything nice? Can you fucking have anything nice? The fucking animals. There's people out there that literally when they get out of their car, like that that's completely acceptable to them. Because it's all about them getting that fat ass out of the fucking car that they know that they've opened the door far enough when they hit your fucking car. I had some woman do that to me like, like two, three years ago when my priest was actually still kind of new. I was actually doing a phone or I had a conference call and I was sitting in my car. She pulls up next to me, just opens the door into my car, like boom, then closes the door, walks into the bank.

And I'm like, what the fuck, but I'm on a conference call, right? Talking, talking, talking. She comes walking back from being in the bank, opens the door, boom, into my car again. So I go, I tell everybody on the phone, I go, hang on, I should have hit mute. So I put the window down, I go, hey, I go, you just opened your door into my car on the way in and on the way out. She just goes, well, did it leave a mark? And I go, I don't know. Why don't you look?

Wake. And I said something, something that I told her to wake up. You know what she did? She goes, she gives me, she stares me for half a second and then gives me the finger and says, fuck you. Like I'm the asshole. And all I did for the rest of that conference call, other than to apologize for people for, you know, having them listen to that. And then me, of course, looking like a lunatic you don't want to get into business with. All I could fantasize about doing was fucking following her home and just absolutely destroying her car.

And I would lie to you. And at some point I didn't think about taking a fucking extension cord, wrapping it around her neck until right before she passed out and then let her up. That's how fucking annoyed I was. You know what I mean? Which is why yesterday I'm a couple of years older and I was just like, Bill, don't say anything. Because at the end of the day, if they did any damage, they're not going to pay for it. It's not going to stop. She's not going to change.

And all you're going to do is possibly get into a situation where the other guy calls you out and says, come on out here so I can beat the shit out of you. And you're not going to get out of the car. You're not going to fight this guy. You're 47 years old. You're going to go out there. You're either going to lose or you're going to win and get sued and you're going to lose. So you just have to sit here and fucking take it. And I sat in that fucking car just looking at their car thinking of like, I just wanted to fucking like.

You know, if the car was more of a piece of shit, I would just open the car and door into their fucking door, but it's a new car. So I can't do that. Then I'm like, what am I going to do? Am I going to kick the door? Am I going to do it when they're not here? That's a pussy move. You know, I just there was there was no way to win. So now I'm in a fucking mood.

So then we drive over to go to the birthday party. It's the wrong fucking address. Now I'm in more of a fucking mood. My wife is feeling the fucking tension. So I'm fucking trying to drive over to where we're supposed to be. And all of a sudden I can't make a left. I'm going to pissed off mood. Fuck you.

I'm taking a left as I go through the intersection and make a left. I look over to a right. What's sitting there? A fucking police car was fucking cops sitting right in and I'm like, ah, fuck, you know, I drive. And of course he stomps on the gas way over. Reacts the fucking driver. I was literally fucking 10 feet away from the guy turns on the fucking lights. So I pull over and he goes, do you know why I pulled you over?

No, he walks up. He goes, do you know you can't? You made a left back there at the light. You know you can't do that. I was like, yeah, yeah, I did. I did know that. I saw the sign and I did it anyways. I was mad because this woman opened a door into my new car.

And he goes, all right, let me see your registration. And you know, we're giving her the fucking shit and everything. So he goes back, you know, I got a big, I don't lie to cops when it comes to shit like that. Do you know why I pulled you over? No, no, why? Because I know why. I know why. I know why.

You know why. And I know that you know, then I know why. Oh, I know you know, Norton. So I just say, yeah, yeah, I know why because I did that and I knew I wasn't supposed to do it. I did it anyway because I was in a bad mood. And he ended up coming up to the car and he was just like, all right, you know what? I'm not going to write you up, but don't do that again. And I said, you're going to let me go.

And he goes, well, do you want me to give you a citation? I'm like, no. He goes, well, then don't do it again. All right, thank you. Thank you. I put it in the glove box and then I drove away and I looked at my wife and I did a fist pump and I went white. I didn't do that, but it did cross my mind that she was probably thinking like, because I want to be like, you know, I wanted to brag. Like, see that?

You just be honest. And I know she's sitting there giving me those black lives matter eyes. So I couldn't brag in that moment. What a fucking great move I just made. You know, does that make any sense? All right, let me get to the questions for the week. I didn't do this right. I do this every fucking week with my stupid combination.

I can't talk and do my combination the same fucking time. Just I just need you guys to be quiet. And there it is. There it is. Okay, here we go. All right. Let's all before I get into that, the questions for the week. Let me do, let me do the, the last two reads for this week.

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All right. All right. Oh, before, before I get into the, the question for this week, here's an opportunity to do something nice for some people during the holiday season. All right. Children's hospital information. Comedian Steve Simone. He's a comic and podcast host on the all things comedy network has been visiting the children's hospital and spending some, a lot of his free time there. He's had the chance to meet some great kids.

It's really rough spots and Steve's goal is to keep them in good spirits and make sure they have as much fun as any kid should have during this time. There are a few kids in particular who's become particularly close with as they need some serious help. So here we go. There's a kid, William, who's battling cancer. His mother is recovering from cancer. His father was recently in a car accident and is on disability. This is not a good times episode. I swear to God, this is actually happening to somebody that no lie.

They soon, soon they're going to be homeless. All right. So the money raised will go directly towards paying their rent and making sure they have a home at least through the holidays. The kid with cancer is only four years old. He suffers from a rare disease called ALD. Last week. This is brutal. Last week he received a second bone marrow transplant.

This Christmas when he wakes up in the hospital, you want to have him surrounded by toys and have no doubt that Santa is real and actually have a home to go back to. So now that I got all the sadness out of the way, I'm going to share a link on Facebook and Twitter. You know, donate a dollar, whatever you can do. We've already raised a thousand bucks. Our goal is only three grand. The new goal is somewhere north of 10 grand if we can so they can actually stay there for the entire year. All the money will go directly to the quality of life items for the kids. No middleman will give updates and whatever you guys donate, I'm going to try to match unless you fucking send some ridiculous amount of fucking money.

You know, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I'm not going to go bankrupt here. All right, but I'm going to throw in a sizable amount of money too. Wait, do we have the fucking link? Oh, we're going to share the link on Facebook and on Twitter. All right, there we go. Sorry about that, guys. I usually don't do stuff like that, but it is a great thing to do.

And unlike a lot of charities, this is actually going to go directly to the people that need to help, which is what I've always said here on this podcast, as opposed to going into the pink twat infrastructure and getting reduced and then spitting out a couple of coins on the other side. This is actually going to go directly to this wonderful family. All right, here we go. Questions for the week. Hockey and football. Bill, who's your underdog pick for the Stanley Cup this year? Oh, the Boston Bruins.

We're going to gel right after the All-Star break. The underdog. Well, you can't say the kings of the Blackhawks. Guys, I'm so fucking busy. I can't give you an intelligent one. Underdog would be maybe the Canadians. They definitely have the gold tender, but I just, I don't believe in the East. The Eastern Conference.

I guess in underdog, I would say it would be the Dallas Stars if they had enough in the tank to get past. Well, you figure, I hope with any luck, the Blackhawks and kings would face each other and they'd knock one of the other out, but I don't think that's going to happen. They'd probably be, you know, top two seeds, so you'll probably have to go through both of them. Yeah, maybe Dallas Stars. Dallas Stars in the West, and then I would say the fucking Canadians in the East. I don't know about that. Yeah, there's two safe picks.

All right. Some people think Casey, oh, how about the Super Bowl? Some people think Casey's D could get them far. Casey's not winning shit. They're not winning the fucking Super Bowl. Cincinnati's not winning it. They're not winning it. I think it's coming in the West.

I think of the Packers, I don't know. How do you not say the fucking Carolina Panthers? I know they're like a young team, but like, I believe in Cam Newton Swagger. He's an act like that dude in Seattle is always jumping up and down, screaming and yelling, saying how fucking great he is. To me, that's a massive inferiority complex that he compensates with a huge fucking ego, right? I think Patrick Peterson's every bit as good as Sherman, you know, he doesn't need to jump around. He just fucking does his job. Maybe he's got to scream like that because it's so loud in that stadium.

Anyways, I like the Panthers. I believe in Cam Newton. He's afraid of the fucking moment. I just think that I'll tell you right now, you gotta have a car with that kind of confidence. You win and you're in your moment. Even though they're undefeated, they're not really like an underdog, but I think in a lot of ways people are going to think that they're an underdog. Because Seattle, you got to respect them. They went there the last two fucking years.

And who's kidding who? If they handed it off to Marshawn Lynch, were we really going to stop them again? You know, they fucked it up. Pooch last year slash Malcolm Butler made one of the great defensive plays of all fucking time. Still wasn't a bad call as far as considering 60% of the time it was a touchdown. The other 40% it was like incomplete passes. That was the only interception of the goddamn year. And I would feel bad for Pete Carroll, but as a Patriots fan, because he doesn't get shit for being a fucking cheater,

and we do, then I don't. I don't have any sympathy for them. So fuck him, old sneaky Pete. He could get in there again. Yeah, so I still think in a weird way that the Panthers aren't underdog just because they are a young team. And I'm going to be safe. I have no fucking idea. What do you want me to say?

Tampa? Do I really? I don't believe in anything. I think that the Patriots are in trouble unless we get healthy, obviously. We lost to the Broncos without fucking Peyton Manning. So I think that kind of lets you know where we're at right now. So I don't know. I don't fucking, I don't fuck guys.

I don't watch to that level. I have no fucking idea. What else did he ask me? I don't know. I'm really becoming a Panthers fan though. I like the Panthers. I like the Saints. I don't know what it is.

Those fucking, is that the NFC South? I don't know what the fucking teams those are, but I really like both of them. And I'm liking the fact that Tampa Bay is getting good. I don't know. I like new people that are good. And I just always liked the Saints because they sucked my whole life. And I love that fucking city. And I also think the Superdome is one of the original domes out there.

One of the great ones. And they refurbished the whole thing. And it's the shit now. It's got the Mercedes-Benz emblem on the side of it. So many of the stadiums are at Jobbing.com and these fucking horrific names. They got the Mercedes-Benz emblem on it. That's the shit. So anyways, there you go.

How about that? I danced around that. I just exposed myself for how little football I've watched this year. I've been fucking busy. I got this cartoon coming out, man. This is my shot. All right. Car shopping.

Billy O'Billy. I'm shopping around for a calf of my wife as well. Me and my friends were talking about what the first question should be for the salesman. Do you have a first question? Yeah. I'll steal what my brother says. Yeah. Whatever his name is.

Hey, Randy, what's the real price on this car? He goes, I feel like it sets a precedent for the whole wheeling and dealing. My top choice is how much invoice can you sell me this car? I've paid under invoice. It's not a crazy thing. Lots of times. Oh, you're saying like before the options, you've paid under that? What the fuck were you buying and when did you buy it?

I've never done that. My big line is what's the out the door price. And by out the door, I mean everything, the warranty, the tax, everything, the final number that I'm paying you. And I just have the number. I just go, I always, what I always do is I always go, I always pitch like two grand above. Is it called stays? Not the one after all the options. It's that first number before they add the options.

I always, I always go two grand above that number. And I'm probably still getting fucked. I always get like, I always get half a dick fucking thrown my way. I always do, you know, I always get fucked a little bit, but I actually enjoy the process. Like I have fun with it. Each time I get fucked a little bit less like I did. I did real well on this one. I felt and but who knows?

You always feel like you're going to turn around, see them all laughing, slapping each other in the back. And then they're going to quickly stop and, you know, sharpen a pencil as you look at them, you know, you know, after you leave. But I would just, I don't know, read up on it, watch some YouTube videos. I had a lot of fun this time because I didn't give a fuck and I wasn't trading in the Prius. So I just kept saying that. I just kept saying, listen, dude, like we'd like to buy this car, but we don't need to. I mean, I can get in that car right there and it drives great, man. It's a Toyota, you know, I've kept it maintained.

It's all beat up. I can park it. Nobody's going to steal a fucking eight year old Prius. It's a goddamn gem out there. So I had the guy laughing. So I go, look, this is what I want. Right. So he goes and he fucking, you know, grab asses with his manager and comes back.

He's not even close. He comes back with this big grin on his face. He goes, that's all right. This, this is a great deal. This is a great deal. And I just go foho foho you. I mean, I'm not going to lie to you at this point. If you look around the table, you're the only guy smiling.

Then it kind of like, I can't, I can't pay that. I can't pay. I got to check in my pocket right fucking now. I will, I will, I tell my wife to, you know, and you always got to send your wife. If you bring your wife is a good thing because they think it's a weakness. Right. Okay. And you got to get your wife on the same page.

And at some point you got to tell your wife to screw. Okay. You do it in a respectable way, but with the, with the dash Archie bunker. The honey, you'll go, uh, do me a favor. You could just go, uh, you know, go look over the cars over there, blah, blah. You make it look like you got this old school fucking relationship. Like she actually has dinner prepared when you come home. All right.

And as much as your wife isn't going to like in that moment, that feeling, it works good for you in the negotiation because now it gives this guy the perception that you actually are making decisions in your relationship because they buy on the fact that the emotion of the female, but I like it. Right. When you send them off and just species like, look, I want to get this car for my wife. All right.

But I'm not a dope. This is what I'm paying. Okay. This is what I am paying. I'm willing to pay this. If you get me this number, I'm going to buy this car today. You're going to make a sale and you're never going to have to look at this car again.

That's the deal. That's my number. Okay. Dude, my brother's amazing at it. He always comes in his, his line is he comes in. You know, just, he always gets the guy's name and I feel like that gives him power. He'd be like, what's your name?

And the guy would be like, uh, Steven. And he goes, Steven, you see this right here? This is a large coffee, an extra large coffee. As we said, you know why I got this? He goes, cause this is going to be a long negotiation until I'm going to get what I want. He comes hard right out of the fucking gate. And he's like a fucking, a comic that never stops writing.

I used to, when we were kids, we used to go down to, uh, car dealerships and pretend that we were going to fucking, this is way back in the eighties. We used to pretend that we were going to, uh, buy a car so we could test drive all these cars. And my brother used to just fuck with all these salesmen. I used to do with him and I used to do with another one of my, another one of my friends one day we skipped school, high school, and we went down and we said that we were seniors in high school, which we were.

We said we were, we were step brothers. It was hilarious. You know, I had like fucking fire engine, red hair and my butt, my buddy was like fucking six, two, you know, look like a movie star, tall, tall, dark handsome. We looked nothing alike. So we said we were step brothers and initially the salesman looked at us like, what the fuck? And we said that, uh, we were both going to be going to the same college next year and that our parents were going to buy us a, uh, buy us a vehicle to share and they're both

really busy and they told us to come down and, uh, pick out a car. So immediately they thought that we were a couple of fucking rich kids and that we did no shit. So, you know, we went down, we took out a Chrysler laser. I remember we took out the Chrysler laser and I think that that guy actually knew, no, the LeBaron was like the LeBaron. I remember the big deal was it had a digital speedometer, which we thought was fucking amazing and like fucking 1986 or seven, whenever the fuck we did it.

So my biggest thing and the thing that I learned is when you go in there, you have to be prepared to walk. You have to know the number that you're going to pay and, um, and to definitely go in there and have fun. And when the salesman tries to buddy buddy with you and do all that type of shit, I mean, I don't know, there's a couple of different ways you could play it. You can laugh along with them or you can just kind of stare back at them and just literally do.

My brother would literally just be like, like Steve, I'm not here to try to like, you know, listen to jokes. Like this isn't a funny thing here. I know what goes on down here and I don't want to be a part of it. You understand? This is what I'm paying. And like, dude, how great is this is an extra large coffee? Do you know why I got this?

Cause this is going to be a long negotiation until I get what I want. That's a fucking classic. Um, all right. So once again, I really didn't give you any information. I, I'm still learning what to do, but I used to be really intimidated by it, but this last one somewhere in the middle of the negotiation, my wife's car, I actually really started having fun and realized the power that I had and, um, I just said, I'm not paying any more than this.

I'm not paying any more than this. And then I got the number that I wanted and then I, I went and then when I went to get the warranty, they tacked that on and I was like, don't, and then they tacked on the tax down. So I ended up getting fucking two right there, Fred. So I still got fucked. But now I know, I know for the next time it's like bombing as a comedian. So I had him, I had him dead to rights and we let him off the hook.

So I still, I still, I still got fucked. Um, but you know, at least this time I had fun. Um, so watch, watch out for that. I would just say, you know, know the number that you want and make sure you just say the out to door price and make sure that you say that this includes the warranty and all the bullshit and the tax, everything. This is the final fucking number. I walk out, I get the car, you washed it, the whole goddamn thing.

This is the number. You have to say that repeatedly, repeatedly, um, and that's where I fucked up. All right. You know what? I'm man enough to admit it. All right. Thanksgiving pie. Oh, Billy.

Oh, speaking of which everybody, I made the, uh, the pie crust video like promised, the pie crust video has been made. Um, I dressed up like a baker. Um, we went all out. So that thing should be edited and done in the next couple of days. So hopefully towards the end of the week, um, you can watch old Billy freckles fucking make a pie crust and you can maybe, uh, I don't know, maybe show another side of yourself. Maybe have that beautiful woman, you know, the Sally to your Harry, right?

All of a sudden see you as something else all of a sudden there's mistletoe, you know, she had a slice of pie. The sugar's going through the roof or emotions are a little off. She doesn't know what she's thinking. You move in the next thing you know, she decides to spend her life with you. All right. That poor woman, um, you guys ever hear that tears for fears, uh, women, women in chain, women in chains.

What were women in chains? Something like that. My drum teacher was telling me about cause Phil Collins plays drums and he plays this great drum fill in the end, you know, both like a minute left or something where he just goes over the bar line and ends on the end of one and it's just classic fucking awesome Phil Collins drum, drum fill to that song is the most pandering fucking song I've ever heard in my fucking life written by a guy to women in general. It's just like, we did not get enough pussy at the end of your fucking show.

Uh, when he starts singing, so free her. Okay. And at one point he just starts going, men of stone, men of stone, men of stone, unfucking believable, men of shit. It's just so fucking, I listened to that song blown away by Phil Collins drumming while laughing hysterically the way he says men are stone. He sounds like he's going to start crying. You know what I mean?

I don't know. I mean, I got a lot of nerve, all the sex of shit that I say, but it just, I don't, that's, but I mean, it's another reason why I fucking do it. There's nobody policing the other fucking side, but I guess it is a guy doing it. So I don't know. I don't, he's a weird looking guy anyways, even though he's a fucking rock star, he still had to fucking, he still put the old fucking, please give me some pussy out there anyways, Thanksgiving pie, Billy boy, I baked a couple of pumpkin

pies after being inspired by your recent podcast. I was invited to a friend's house for Thanksgiving and there happened to be a really cool girl there. Well, let me tell you, it didn't hurt that I was the guy who made the pies. That's what I'm telling you. That's what I'm telling you. This is weird thing about women where they want you to be a guy, but as much as a fucking, if you just show that on some level that you can also not afraid to

look like a pussy, I don't know what it is. It melts them a little bit. He goes, uh, the compliments started building up. I brushed them off like it was no big deal. That's the way you play it. You go Patrick Peters. You don't go Richard Sherman like, yeah, I made those pies. You don't do that shit.

You just, yeah, you know, it's my job. It's what I do. So questions came in like, do you bake a lot? We're answered with no. This was just a first attempt. Hopefully they'll, they'll get better. Ah, dude, you're crushing it. Good man.

He goes to which the crowd responded with, get out of here. Oh my God, it's great. Oh, let's do it. It's just reeling them in. The fish are jumping into the boat at this point. I love this guy. He goes talking to the girl later was much easier and came off totally competent. Uh, I thought you would say natural.

Uh, what girl doesn't want to know slash data guy who could pull that off. Thanks for the assist. Ah, somebody scored a goal that night. He's heating up. It's going on a little bit of a run. See that I'm telling you right now, all of that stuff. Remember that bit he used to do? What are you a fig?

How guys always say that anytime you do anything remotely like that. I'm telling you, right? Fuck it. Who gives a shit? What, what your guy friends are saying. Okay. I'm telling you right now, it's women love that shit. They love that shit.

If you have a garden, I'm going to make every guy in the podcast right now. Be like, oh, just make feel uncomfortable as a man. If you have a fucking garden, right? If you fucking know how to bake, what is something else? You know what I mean? If you actually learned how to sew when you sewed a button back on your shirt, I don't know how you weave that into conversation. I don't have those skills, but if they knew that, you know how to sew, like

they just find that the last thing they want is another to talk to another fucking guy sitting there with the bud tall, talking about why the Patriots. It's good that they're 14 and two basically everything that I do. Yeah. That last thing they need to do, I tell you right now, fucking Seattle. No, I swear. Oh, he's on my fantasy team. Like that's literally I, I can't speak for women, but I would think that

them hearing that is literally like you approaching a woman where you're like, oh my God, she's beautiful. And as she walked up, she's going like, oh my God, real housewife Kardashian. Oh, the shoes on sale. And you just immediately just your dick just fucking starts looking the other way. Like, no, I can't, I mean, I'll do it. Who's getting who, but you know, one and done, one and done. This is not a home and home.

Okay. All right. Girlfriend had sex with another guy. Oh, Jesus. Hey, Bill, I'm a huge fan of yours from. The country of Georgia, not the state. All right. I know where that is in Eastern Europe.

Is that that cluster of countries? No, that's the one that rush every once in a while. When they get annoyed, they drive a couple of tanks into, isn't it? Isn't that every country over there in the Eastern block? All right, here we go. So here's my story. I have a girlfriend. We know each other almost.

Oh, I love these guys. We know each other almost five years. And we've been friends all of these, all of these times until we discovered our mutual love and affection. Is there anything better than the way fucking people in Eastern Europe speak? First of all, they speak in English. It's just tremendous. That's amazing.

I wish I could be bilingual. I just don't have the fucking patience. Um, and I also love that they don't have the word for the, so they don't use it. And it just makes everything sound so much for so much more direct. We've been friends all these times until we discovered our mutual love. Affection four months ago, and now she is my girlfriend. I study in Poland. She studies in Germany.

So that means we don't see each other frequently, but we had our business time a lot. I think that's means banging each other. A few days ago, my girlfriend told me that she was on MDMA. Oh, that's a drug, I guess. But to be clear, drug did not pull the trigger for her to make such a thing. I'm sorry, man. I'm trying to help.

I'm trying to go with your English here. I don't know. I know MDMA isn't, isn't that? Well, DMT is that one that makes your fucking go into another dimension. I don't want MDMA is I don't want to know. Anyways, uh, my girlfriend told me she was on MDMA the previous night and had sex with a random fucking guy. She was crying and shaming herself on the phone, telling me that she is wrong.

Loves me. I'm the special one for her. And she told me that now it's my decision how our relationship will go on. Bill, I want to hear your advice on, on these point. The thing is that I really love her and my love is higher than that fucking sexual act, which she had with that random fucking dude. Bill, I want to hear your advice and what would be your approach in my position. Fuck you and eat a bag of shit.

PS, love you from Georgia, country, not the state and sorry for my grandma mistakes. Dude, you crushed your fucking English. I can't do that. I could barely write that well in my own, my own language. All right, what to do here? What to do? What to do? Um, all right.

Obviously my gut just says you got to get rid of her. Um, you know, when you're not around, she's going to be on drugs, going to raves and fucking a random guy. Um, she does give points for actually telling you that. Uh, I mean, I don't, I don't know what to do. This is hard. This is hard because you said that you actually love her and to the level that you could look past that, but dude, I would say watch casino and see

De Niro's relationship with Sharon Stone. I mean, do you have a potential for getting involved in that? Um, I don't know if you can forgive somebody for that. Uh, okay. But if it happens again, um, you guys don't live near each other. And then she goes to raves and does drugs and fuck somebody. Um, dude, I think it's very, at least you need to take a break. I think maybe you should just take a break and be like, I need to sort this out.

And when she says, why? And it'd be like, well, because what you did fucked me up so bad that I had to send an email to a podcast on the other side of the planet to try and get advice. That's why. So, um, you sound like you're young. She sounds like she's young. God knows there's plenty of fish in the sea that wouldn't do fucking. Whatever the fuck she just did, uh, I got to put this back in your court, dude,

like just being where I'm sitting and the fact that there's distance between the two of you, I just don't see this thing working out. You're in Poland. She's in Germany. And while in Germany goes to a party, does drugs and fuck somebody else. Um, I don't know. That just sounds like the tip of the iceberg, dude. I think you got to pull the cord.

Um, that's what I would say as a friend. And I think if I was in that situation, you would say that to me too, because you weren't emotionally involved in it. However, people are human. They do make mistakes. Uh, you know, this woman better than I do. If you feel like it's worth it, give her another chance. But I would sit on this thing for about at least six weeks.

Uh, I wouldn't have contact with her and I would just try to get yourself back into you and not the us mode. And after six weeks or something, I don't know. I think you really got to like, uh, you got to, you got to, you got to, this isn't one of those, well, all right, you know, all right, shake it off. Um, that's what I would do. Okay. And like to say what the fuck do I know?

Um, and I'm sorry that that happened to you, man. That's fucking brutal. Um, you know, I've been there and I've made both decisions. I've stayed in it and then got burned again and I've walked and then thought, what if, so, uh, it sucks right out on the holidays too. Jesus Christ. Anyway, so let's plow ahead. Uh, girlfriend wants me to quit a quit job.

Dear Bill, I'm in a very strange yet fortuitous situation. My girlfriend and likely soon fiance inherited a large sum of money. She has asked me to quit my job and travel with her for a year. Uh, my girlfriend inherited a large sum. She's asked me to quit my job and travel for a year. Yeah. Fuck. No.

No. No, no. What are you, are you a fucking mind? Well, wait a minute. What kind of job do you have? All right, let me finish this. This is amazing, of course. However, I don't want to leave my job permanently.

I have a great job in sound engineering and I'm not sure it would be available to me after a year long absence. Yeah. It seems like a no brainer, but I'm definitely apprehensive. Can you help me weigh the pros and cons? Thanks. Yeah. You're going to fucking throw your goddamn career away for one fucking year on the

goddamn dude, you're going to spend a fucking year on the road with the same person. Jesus fucking Christ. Johnny, Apple see, did it solo Marco Polo did it solo. I'm telling you, take a fucking hint. Dude, bands travel like that for a fucking year. They travel the world for a fucking year, living their dream, not quitting their jobs and most bands don't make it through. And they're not even involved in an intimate relationship, like, you know,

a couple thing, it's a business relationship and they don't even make it. I think to save your fucking relationship, you don't go. You're going to be fucking sick of each other and you're going to have no fucking job to go back to this could be the end of your relationship. Just say, listen, I would love to go to it. But like, I mean, don't say this, that other shit. I just said, but dude, just like, honey, not for nothing. I don't work at a fucking, you know, a juice bar.

I'm an engineer. Okay. I'm designing bridges and shit. All right. I got a job here that is going to, that's going to make us financially secure for the rest of our fucking lives. And I know that you just inherited a large sum of money, but Jesus Christ, where can we put that?

We're going to put that legitimately safely, that we are 100% guaranteed to not lose it in the future. I know in my country, you stick it in the stock market. You might as well put it on a crap table. I know you stick it in a bank. They're going to give you a half percent interest. And for all you know, that bank goes under and gets bought out by a bigger bank and everybody's too big to fail.

And you're in that fucking line stand there next to a farmer with your little fucking, you know, your little book like Johnny Depp in that fucking drug movie that he made the fuck was it called Jesus Christ. I saw it twice and he gives those people all that, all that money. And then they gave him a little fucking book and he goes, I gave him, you know, he goes, I gave him fucking would have a 10 million in cash and they gave me a book with a number on it. And what's hilarious is that cash represents gold that you can't claim anymore.

So you just basically gave them a bunch of piece of paper. Oh, fucking thing is a lie. The only thing that you can count on is money still coming in. All right. And that's what you get with your engineering job. So I would not quit it. I would not. I would say, listen, if you want to take a couple of long vacations, absolutely.

But, you know, this is my career. And, you know, if she gives you shit, it would just be like, listen, sweetheart, if I had, if I didn't have a career, if I had nothing going on, I would do this in a second. I would love to see the world with you. I would love to spend 365 fucking days with you in a row. Oh my God, doesn't that sound like fun? Um, dude, nobody is meant to spend that much, that amount of time with one another.

They just, it's nobody is, there's not a, there's nobody I fucking know other than myself that I could spend that amount of time with 365 days in real. And the only reason why I could do it with myself is I don't have the option of leaving myself unless I try and meditate, you know, and float across the fucking room. You don't get that wonderful feeling of leaving your body and then you start thinking, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. And then that ruins the meditative thing. And then you're sucked right back into yourself.

All right. All right. You know what? That's the podcast to everybody. Hey, if you'd like, if you'd like to donate to this podcast, you know what? Don't, don't donate to the, uh, to the, uh, the kids we were talking about earlier that are sick this time of year. It's a great fucking thing to do.

Donate it, give it, don't give it to Bill, give it to William. We're going to tweet the link. Uh, that's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. Don't take any shit and I'll check it on you on Thursday. Albert Heijn and Kijk, zeker ook naar de tweede aflevering op de wereld in het klein.be. Dat is het Lekker van Albert Heijn.