Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-15-16

Episode Date: February 16, 2016

Bill rambles about old house, wearing a suit and the c-note next door....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Ikea, tip of the week. If you'd like to get a gift, you can count on us. Because until the 15th of April, Ikea family members get a free children's menu at the purchase of a warm meal for adults. How was your Valentine's Day, huh? Did you get her something special? If you're a smart son of a bitch, you're either not in a relationship or you're not taking her out until tonight or tomorrow or whatever, whenever the prices go back down again, you know?
Starting point is 00:00:47 And by the way, if enough people start doing this and the old fucking restaurants get wise to it and they start making their prices higher, Valentine's Day prices a few days before, a few days after, then fucking wait a week, wait a month, do it a month earlier. It's the biggest fucking rip-off, probably of the year, other than probably what's going on to Bernie Sanders, but I don't really understand.
Starting point is 00:01:13 I guess she has some super delegates, you know? Old fucking Hillary Clinton's got the super, she already has the super delegate, she already has 100, she only needs 120, whatever the fuck that is. Jesus Christ, it's like playing bridge, trying to keep up what's going on. I have no idea, all I know is I like that Bernie looks like an old dog trying to eat a meal when he's talking, the fucking jowl's going and the weird things that his fingers do.
Starting point is 00:01:40 I like it, I could look at that for four years. I got to admit that as much as I don't like all the racist shit Trump is doing, I do love some fucking jerk-off yelling at other politicians, so that part has been enjoyable. You're a liar. There weren't any weapons of mass destruction and they knew it. I mean, he sounds like he's quoting some podcasts. I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:02:11 At some point I'm going to start paying attention. There's got to be some even-keeled so-and-so out there. I have no fucking clue. I have no clue. Last week I said that I hated when people in the public eye talk about politics. That's not true. I hate when they fucking tell me why I should vote for somebody. Oh shit, were you the guy from Interview with the Vampire?
Starting point is 00:02:33 Oh yeah, who should I elect for leader of the free world? It was like when Tom Cruise was talking about psychology. It's like, oh yeah, you pretended to be a shotgun warrior and a NASCAR champion. By all means, let me listen to you talk about modern medicine. As long as you're preface it with like, I'm a fucking moron. I don't know what I'm talking about, but here you go, you know? But when you really start believing it, that's when you get in trouble. And maybe I believe it.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Maybe this is the way I'm just sort of soft pedaling it to you. Playing the moron is I'm fucking feeding you. Let's put in a little ringworm in your fucking ear, whatever people say there with the fucking earworm. Some song you can't stand gets in your fucking head. You know, it's kind of a weird one is what a song you like gets in your head. And then you don't mind and then you drive everybody nuts around you. Like Steve Gorman from Steve Gorman Sports sent me this link to this country star that's been struggling for a long, long time.
Starting point is 00:03:40 And he finally got a big break. I believe he's a distant cousin of Rory Clark. I'm not sure. But his name is Wheeler Walker Jr. And he sent me a clip that I'll send you guys. It's a great fucking song for Valentine's Day if you're not in a relationship for a man or a woman. And the hook has just been stuck in my head. And I really want to sing it to you, but it's going to ruin it for you.
Starting point is 00:04:02 So go look up Wheeler Walker Jr. Well, I guess the song kind of ruins it. It's called a fuck you bitch. And it's really catchy. And it's, I don't know, it's kind of poetic. I really think the chorus really sums up what you feel when somebody breaks your heart. So, you know, country music, those country music stars, they can do that to you every once in a while. And it's nice to see someone go to the left, you know, those fucking country singers.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Those poor bastards for all these fucking years, you know, they've been abusing drugs and, you know, going to clan meetings and beating the shit out of their women. But when they get on TV, they got to do that family values thing. You know, they got to get, I just want to thank Jesus. And I'm just, I just feel blessed. Y'all just taking me into your heart. You know, hey, you want some potato salad? That stupid, phony fucking southern thing where if you're from up north the first time you see it,
Starting point is 00:05:06 your heart melts when you hear that twang and you just think that they're the nicest fucking person. Nobody can stick the fucking knife in your back. Like a fucking southerner with that fucking, hey, y'all, aren't you, you know, aren't you just fucking, they downplay it, they play dumb, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And next thing you know, you're laying in a fucking pig trough about ready to get fucking eaten alive. That's how it goes down. All right, that guy from fucking 50 snatches and 40 smoking barrels. That's where we got it from.
Starting point is 00:05:38 Okay, not from that cunt. You know, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Anyways, I watched a brand new TV show last night and I was really fucking disappointed. You know, I fucking turned it on. I needed a new show and I thought it was going to be the one, you know, I was like, this is going to be it. It's Valentine's Day night. Okay. Me and the lovely Nia, we're not going out.
Starting point is 00:06:07 I had a fucking one of those Tomahawk steaks frozen in the freezer. The fucking freezer. Right. Defrosted that bitch all day. I watched like 30 YouTube videos. This had to, this had to, you know, if you're going to do a Tomahawk steak, there's only one way to do it. As far as I'm concerned, I watched like 50 of those fucking things. And I just sort of like, I took a survey with temperature and time, flippage and all of that stuff.
Starting point is 00:06:35 And I went down the middle and I got a little impatient with the big green egg. My temperature was a little higher than I wanted. So it came out of the medium rather than a medium red, but it was still fucking delish. And there was a new series that I tried to get into last night and I put it on and it looked good. The acting was great, but the dialogue just wasn't there. And I tried to fucking fight it out for the first 20 minutes. And then I just looked over at Nia and Nia did one of those. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:09 You know, big inhale and the fucking eyes like, God, this is, yeah. And then I was just like, well, let's shut it off. She's like, no, you know, we got to at least watch the pilot episode, you know, which is how she ended up marrying me. Because I believe 20 minutes into our relationship, she was like, yeah, but she fucking stuck it through night. She kept panting for gold and she found a little nugget and she stuck with me. I didn't. I was just like, fuck this. I'm out and by 40 minutes into it, I was imitating people in it.
Starting point is 00:07:45 And the whole thing just went down the shitter. So once again, but you know what? You know, I'm not finally going to do. I'm finally going to start watching Game of Thrones now that they're fucking five, 10, 15 fucking seasons into it. I've been trying to watch it for the longest time, but Nia is just not into it. You know, she doesn't want to see a bunch of white people running around chasing dragons. It's just not what she's into. And I'm not really into dragons either.
Starting point is 00:08:14 But like, if you're going to cut somebody's fucking head off, like, you know, you got to do a lot to lose me after that point, you know. I don't know. I don't know who the fuck knows. Maybe I remember watching the first one and there was some sort of spooky thing going on. And there was some little kid that was supposed to watch him be heading and he looked away and then his, I figure what his dad did, put him on the rack or something. I don't remember. But then I don't, I don't know what happened. And that just kept, it kept going and, you know, it was like a train that was coming, right?
Starting point is 00:08:47 And you could have ran and caught it, but I, but you don't, you just stand there and you watch it disappear. And in that moment when that train disappears and you realize you're late for work in that fucking moment, you question everything that you're doing in your life. Why didn't I run for that train? Because I have this job that I don't like. What am I doing in this relationship? What happened to me? What happened in the last six years of my fucking life? Right?
Starting point is 00:09:11 It's a critical moment there where you have to beat all those thoughts down, bury them and go back to being the zombie that you are, which brings me to the walk and dead. No, I'm kidding. Anyways, I want to thank everyone who came out in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I kept doing a Southern accent the entire time I was out there and I was addressing it, but I don't know what Wyoming people sound like. Cheyenne, Wyoming and Denver, Colorado. I went out with Dean Delray and we had the great fucking time. We played this Cheyenne Civic Center. How cool does that sound?
Starting point is 00:09:49 Had all this amazing woodwork inside of it that really looked like one of those log cabins that either an oil man or a fucking Hollywood starlet goes and buys. You know, like when people get a huge amount of success pretending to be other people, at some point they have to get out of LA and they always end up in like Wyoming or Montana. It's fucking hilarious. And they buy what looks like a log cabin, sort of. It looks like a log cabin and like a fucking resort all at the same time. You know, and then they go out there and they buy their designer. I'm a fucking cattle rancher. Wardrobe.
Starting point is 00:10:30 And then they do the fucking interview right with that big stupid cowboy hat on an older wiser so and so steps back to evaluate the last six years. That's six years of a whirlwind, whatever the fuck it is, right? You know what I mean? And then they pretend that they can live this little fucking life out there before they go nuts after three days and they call up a G five to pick them up and take them right back, you know, and they end up back down the chateau. Right. The chateau mama doing blow in a bungalow. That's what you do. You're finding a little bit of balance.
Starting point is 00:11:05 Oh, speaking of fucking before I go back on that shit, speaking of fucking sick ass houses. I was I went on this Paul Newman kick. You know, he's my favorite of all time. You know, a lot of people go Steve McQueen. I like Steve McQueen, but Paul Newman's my guy. He's my fella. I just, I don't know. Once I look into those blue eyes, I just I melt just say anything.
Starting point is 00:11:27 I believe it. Are you a pool shark? Are you a lawyer? Do you play hockey? Um, I watched, um, well, I guess the first thing I watched, I watched the man with the golden arm, which, which Del Ray was telling me to watch, which was a movie about Frank Sinatra playing a heroin addict who, uh, you know, comes out of jail and he gets clean and he plays the drums and he wants to get a gig playing drums.
Starting point is 00:11:56 And, uh, I watched a great fucking movie. There's some brutal, brutal overacting. Um, you gotta, I don't know. I would definitely recommend seeing that. So once I finished that, you know, it's like the next thing that was coming up was, uh, somebody up there likes me, which I'd always heard of when I was growing up. And then once I saw it was Paul Newman, I was like, all right, I'm going to watch it. And it was him playing Rocky Graziano, the Rocky Graziano story.
Starting point is 00:12:24 And, um, and I literally forget what I was talking. Oh, that's right. That's right. So it just got me on this, this, this Paul Newman thing. And you know what's funny is, uh, this, this thing, actually Steve McQueen is in that movie for fucking two seconds. And, uh, it's right as, uh, Graziano is getting out of some fucking, uh, you know, juvenile detention home that he fucking escapes.
Starting point is 00:12:50 So he's going around the neighborhood, tapping all these guys, all this tough guy friends on the shoulders to be like, Hey, I'm back in the neighborhood. And all of them turn around like, who the fuck is this guy? Right? Cause cause they're tough street kids. So fucking, uh, fucking Steve McQueen is shooting pool. They, Rocky taps him on the shoulder and he fucking turns around with a knife out. Just within two seconds.
Starting point is 00:13:13 And then he realizes it's, he's like, it's Rocky. And he's like, Hey, Rocky. And he does this stupid fucking thing with his hand that I don't know who fucking, there's certain things in movies that the first guy who plays that guy does. And then it's this weird fucking thing where every other actor after it starts fucking doing it. And you know, nobody ever did it. Who's actually the guy that they're playing.
Starting point is 00:13:40 But then it's done enough in fucking movies that the people who are actually a guy, then they start fucking doing it. And that's when it becomes a circle and you don't know who the fuck it is. It's this fucking thing. Like, uh, it's almost like, say you were getting a manicure, right? And you wanted to dry off your nails. And you do just, he's like, Hey, Rocky, and he's doing this stupid fucking thing with his hand.
Starting point is 00:14:00 Um, I don't know. I'm going a really long way here to tell you what I really want to tell you. But like one of my favorite things is to watch actors during that era playing tough street kids. Um, like it's just, it's fucking. Cringe worthy. That fucking movie that Marlon Brando did, he's on the motorcycle. What the fuck was that one called?
Starting point is 00:14:20 It's not the wild bunch. That was a cowboy movie rebel without a caught. Now that's James Dean. I can't remember, but just the, you have to sit there and watch that shit. Um, how fucking brutal it is that West side story, which I don't think I've ever seen. I'm just going to throw that in there because I need three of them. Um, I don't know, whatever.
Starting point is 00:14:44 So I started watching that. So then I finished that one. And then the next one that came on, I can't even remember the name of it. Fuck. Hang on a second. I got an IMDB fucking Paul Newman. Um, he just has the bluest eyes. Paul Newman.
Starting point is 00:15:00 I am D fucking B filmography. So anyways, um, I think it was called not Hudson. The long story was this next movie comes on, right? And in the beginning he's driving in this car and he's clearly in Los Angeles, which was one of my favorite fucking things ever to just see old footage, black and white or color of LA. And you just get to see like, you can usually tell by the Hollywood Hills and sometimes the highways and shit, kind of where they are.
Starting point is 00:15:33 And, um, you'll see like train tracks and shit that they ripped up those fucking cunts or you'll see, um, you know, you'll just see how less populated it is. All right, here it is Harper Harper's the movie, the very beginning of the movie. He goes into a house and, uh, Lauren Bacall's in there. Lauren Bacall who married, uh, Humphrey Bogart, Bogey and Bacall, one of the great couples in Hollywood history. And, uh, you know, Humphrey Bogart, somebody that Frank Sinatra stole a lot of his swagger from.
Starting point is 00:16:05 They were also the first rat pack Humphrey Bogart and all his fucking crew. And, uh, not only did Sinatra steal a lot of Humphrey Bogart's swagger, he actually ended up fucking Lauren Bacall later on after Humphrey Bogart died, which is really fucked up. But anyways, I digress. So at Harper, he pulls into this fucking house that I could not believe. And, uh, I actually looked it up and it still exists. Look it up right now if you're at work, pretend that you're doing, uh,
Starting point is 00:16:37 that you're doing some sort of, um, busy work. It's, it's on 1011 North Beverly Drive, 1011 Beverly Drive. And, uh, this fucking house, I think it's just called the Beverly House. Beverly Hills probably has one of the sickest fucking pools I've ever seen in my life. It's like a three tiered thing. The first two tiers I believe are just considered a waterfall. And first of all, it has like a half mile driveway that he comes up around. And what's hilarious, which looks like the first year they had the Porsche,
Starting point is 00:17:13 which at this point by 1965, when they shot it, was just considered a piece of shit. Who would know that years later, some baby boomer would play like fucking 900 grand for it. So he's driving up one of, you know, one of the fenders is like that fucking, you know, what's that, that paint that they primed and all that shit. So he pulls up in this fucking house. You got to see the backyard of it. So actually I looked the fucking thing up. I found out where it was.
Starting point is 00:17:39 And the next time I fly a helicopter, I'm going to fucking fly over the house and check it out. It's actually just a little bit north of the Beverly Hills Hotel, but you got to check this fucking thing out. One of the great things about living in Los Angeles, a lot of people, you know, always shit on living in LA. But one of the, I think LA arguably has some of the most amazing homes in the country, just for the simple fact that for whatever reason, I don't know if it's the weather out here or what, they haven't been torn down.
Starting point is 00:18:14 So many of them, you know, other places that I've been to, but they have like craftsmen's houses out here. And then they have all the Spanish, the Mediterranean style ones. They have, they got, it's just incredible houses. So you got to check this one out. This house is actually kind of ugly, you know, when you pull up, they shot the Godfather part two there, this is actually the house where the horse's head seen. Spoiler alert, if you're one of the two people who've never seen that fucking movie, they shot that scene in there and JFK and his wife, Jackie, had their honeymoon in this fucking house.
Starting point is 00:18:55 I just saw it recently, the last time it sold, it sold for $135 million. And all I'm doing looking at it after buying my old ass house that was made in 1923. All I see is fucking 50,000 square foot of galvanized pipe and cloth wiring that they're going to have to somehow fucking redo. Well, sections of it, you know, there's a little bit of copper pipe here, a little bit of wiring that was done correctly. But anyways, that's another cool thing about these fucking houses out there is that they've been around so long, and if they're in a desirable area in Hollywood, like the stories of like the people that live there, like how cool, I mean, that's $135 million house, obviously be a fucking amazing house, but how fucking, you know, amazing would be to have that house and be like, you didn't see a movie,
Starting point is 00:19:47 and you're watching Paul Newman walking across your fucking terrace that you now on. I don't know. I think that shit's cool as hell. But, you know, while you're at it, you can check out a lot of those and also just look up famous Hollywood homes. I told you, there's a house about not even like, I don't know, maybe a 15 minute drive away from me. And in Los Angeles, 15 minutes is a big fucking deal. Sometimes just, you know, 15 blocks, it can go one way or another. It can literally go like, I'm going to get stabbed to how the fucking you ever afford to live in. How many people did you steal from to get this fucking, this guy's got a moat around his house. That's the way LA is. It's like really like patchwork.
Starting point is 00:20:36 So like a 15 minute drive away from where I live, my neighbor told me there's a house that went up for sale. I think I told the story before. And it's an old ass house. It's pre prohibition. And basically, when prohibition came around, this house had a pool and then it had a cabana. And in the cabana, this guy, he built a bar during prohibition. And he had illegal booze, or I don't know if he was making beer in the bathtub, whatever the fuck he was doing. But he used to have all these famous people come over there and they would just booze it up. And he anybody who came over there and drank that was famous, he would have him carve their names into the bar. And evidently, according to my neighbor who went and looked at the house, even though he couldn't afford it, he just wanted to see the bar.
Starting point is 00:21:27 He went and looked at it. And it's one of those things if you buy the house, it's that bar is obviously protected by the historical society is some shit. But you go in there and everyone from like Louis Armstrong to like fucking Humphrey Bogart have to have carved their names into that fucking bar. So whatever, that's some sort of nerdy Los Angeles house shit. But yeah, definitely rather than work today, just go on Google Earth and just look at some of those fucking houses or just Google like famous Hollywood homes. Dude, this homes were like, you know, when I was watching that, you know, somebody up there likes me. I should really know the name of the fucking actress. The one who plays Paul Newman's love interest, obviously, is an absolute fucking knockout and I had never heard of her. So the fact that I never heard of her.
Starting point is 00:22:23 I'm like, ah, fuck, I've looked up enough of those those old movies, like I got this creepy thing that I always look people up like an older person. Like, all right, that person's definitely dead. Let's see how long that they lived for, right? Or you try to find a cast where like everybody's dead, you know, which is a very difficult thing to do. So anyway, so I started looking up, you know, the people that were, you know, this woman, I hope I say her name, right? It's P I E R. Is it Pierre Pierre? I don't know. And and jelly. I have no idea. I looked her up and I was immediately going like she probably died of pills. Because back then, like, I don't know, like getting given people pills. Like it seems back then, every guy either died of a heart attack in his fifties and sixties, or he died of cancer.
Starting point is 00:23:13 And like 90 percent of the women died of an accidental, like, barbiturate overdose. Because back then, like, you know, the woman came in and she had some emotional issues. You know, the doctors are like, for God's sake, get a hold of yourself. And they would just give her some pills to relax her. It was like in that movie airplane where they were just slapping you and giving you a backhand and shit. So she was just gorgeous, amazing actress. And then, of course, I looked it up and, you know, she died accidentally. Some people say suicide. Some people say accidentally at 39 years of age.
Starting point is 00:23:49 And then I look it up and sure enough, the place where she fucking overdosed is still there. That's another one of those things. It's a really fucking, you know, it's either cool or creepy. All these fucking houses that people died in. There's another actor in there, this guy is Sal Minio or whatever. I swear to God, who's a dead ringer for Ralph Macchio. He's in it. And he ended, he got fucking stabbed to death in like the mid-seventies. It's fucking unreal, man. Like, a lot of people, a lot of stars back in the day, they didn't make it. They didn't fucking ride it out. It seemed like just crazy shit happened to him.
Starting point is 00:24:28 And I guess what I'm saying is that a lot of these houses still exist. And if you're sort of, I guess I'm becoming morbid in my older ages, I realize, you know, you know what I mean? Your mortality, you start looking, how long does this person live? How do they live? How did they die? Fuck, is that going to happen to me? You know, that type of shit? I don't know. All right, let's, let's read a little fucking advertising here for the week. Oh, Jesus. Would you look at their MVMT watches, movement watches? This company, ladies and gentlemen, was started by two college dropouts
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Starting point is 00:27:35 Use a fresh dollarshaveclub blade with Dr. Covey's Easy Shave Butter. If you wanted the most gentle shave imaginable, dollarshaveclub.com slash burr today. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash burr. Oh, by the way, I'm doing my first solo flight through Bravo Airspace. So if you're still on the map, if you're still on the Google Earth math, I love looking at this shit, right? And you go on to, you go on to, what do you do? Well, you click it on the fucking globe there. All right.
Starting point is 00:28:13 Now go over to the ocean. Okay. Follow Santa Monica Boulevard over to the ocean. All right. Right where it says the 10. Now go down a little bit and you'll see something that kind of looks like a tree, but it's made out of water. That's Marina del Rey. All right.
Starting point is 00:28:33 Now if you're flying south, that's where Bravo airspace begins along the coastline. And when you're there, you have to be at 150 feet or below at a below 150. And then you transition the Bravo airspace. If you go a little bit further south, you'll see LAX. All right. And that's to the south of it is two five right and two five left. And to the north, there's two five right, two five left, those two runways. And those are where the big boys are taken off.
Starting point is 00:29:04 So you fly underneath those guys or ladies and you stay at or below 150 feet until you get to. And then you got to zoom in the Manhattan Beach Pier. And which is almost a beam, as they say, the comedy and magic club down on Hermosa Beach. So you want to be, you want to be right down there, 150 fucking goddamn feet. No, wait a minute, wouldn't that be her most? Yeah, I'm sorry. Hermosa Beach Pier is where the comedy clubs at. But the Manhattan Beach Pier, that's where you want to be.
Starting point is 00:29:46 You guys from from there to Marina del Rey, you got to be at a below 150 feet. So if you come out here and you're on the beach as a tourist, you see these helicopters flying by really low. They're not buzzing the beach looking at your whatever they are. They are transitioning the Bravo airspace. So I'm going to be doing that. I don't know on what day, but that's my big goal this week with the helicopter thing there. But anyways, let's get back to the, let's get back to the podcast here. Where is it?
Starting point is 00:30:19 What else did I want to talk about? Oh, how about those Boston Bruins? And I know we lost. I know we lost to the Red Wings. I didn't get to see the game yet. I have a tape. I'm a game behind. I watched the, I'm actually game in two thirds behind.
Starting point is 00:30:34 I watched the first quarter of of us beating the wild and Brad Marchand scored again his 12th goal in 12 games. And I actually looked up the ticket and I saw that he scored his 13th fucking goal. And in 13 games, the guy's on fire. And I saw his goal in the, the Minnesota wild game, a short-handed goal, just a beautiful pass. And I was fucking awesome. And he's going to have like, he's on his way. He's going to have like 40 goals this fucking year. And I got to say, just the Bruins and the Celtics this year, both of them, I was just going to be like that.
Starting point is 00:31:14 This is, you know, after all the moves they made, you know, I just kind of felt that neither one was going to be that competitive and it was going to be tough to watch him this year. And I am, I think they're both overachieving. It's been fun to watch him. Although for some reason, my fucking recorder stopped taping the Celtics games. I was really getting into it. I was watching Isaiah Thomas and Crowder, Jake Crowder, and who was the jam band guy? I finally learned his fucking name there. Kelly Olenek, right?
Starting point is 00:31:46 I was enjoying watching it. And our young coach there, who I still don't know his fucking name because I always taped the games and they talked to him. And I just fast forward through all of that shit. And then they just show him, I think his name's Stan, Stephen, something with an S, Sean, I don't know. But he looks like a baby man. The guy's like fucking 15 years younger than me. And he's coaching the Celtics. He's doing a great job.
Starting point is 00:32:07 And evidently we got a couple of number one draft picks. We're in a great fucking position. I missed the All-Star weekend stuff. I saw some of the dunking stuff and Kevin Hart. Did anybody see Kevin Hart? He went up against some other NBA guy. I can tell I don't watch fucking NBA. He went up against a professional basketball player in a three-point contest.
Starting point is 00:32:34 Should I give you a spoiler alert or should I do the clickbait? And the results will surprise you. That gives a fuck. He actually beat the guy. And what I loved about it, besides being a big fan of his stuff and everything, was when he went to start shooting his three-pointers, they were playing disrespectful music underneath him. They were playing this, oh, isn't this like, oh, it's adorable. Or isn't it silly that this little man is going to come out here and try and beat one of our professional athletes.
Starting point is 00:33:06 And they were right through the first two racks. And then he fucking closed strong. And I think he might have beat him on the last ball. You got to see it, Matt. I mean, it's pretty fucking impressive. If I remember correctly, a long time ago, he was telling me that before he was a comedian, he went to a basketball camp that had a young, unknown Kobe Bryant and that type of shit. But still, man, it was a long fucking time ago.
Starting point is 00:33:36 Since then, he's gone all the way to selling out the Eagles football stadium doing stand-up comedy. You'd think that his basketball game would drop off a little bit, that maybe he'd be a little rusty at the Y, forget about being able to beat a fucking NBA player in a three-point contest. It was pretty goddamn impressive. So anyway, let me get back. Jesus Christ, Wyoming. Cheyenne, Wyoming. So I go there and, you know, this was the last of the 50 that I had to do.
Starting point is 00:34:08 So of course, I'm reading all up on Wyoming and all that type of stuff. And I see that Yellowstone Park is right in the northwest corner of it. And I'm like, well, fuck, I got to go up there and go do a gig in the middle of nowhere at some point. And maybe I'll do a nice run through Montana, Idaho and all that shit, the Dakotas. You know, I get into all that fucking nerdy shit, right? So we do the gig. We have a great time. I take some pictures with some people afterwards.
Starting point is 00:34:35 And when I was on stage, I was saying, hey, where should we go tonight? If I want to go out and have a pot, right? So of course, everybody's yelling out everything at the same time. And I can't hear anything. So I'm like, one at a time, one at a time. And then just in the back, this guy yells out, the green door said to go to the green door. And then the whole crowd just goes, ah, like, you know, don't go there. And I was like, I was like, I didn't even need you guys to say that the green door just sounds like some creepy serial killer place.
Starting point is 00:35:05 So I go, I'm not fucking going there. So then somebody said, but I forget the fuck it was called the Cadillac lounge or something. I took a picture of it. So I decide, you know, all right, that's where the fuck will go. We'll go over to this thing. I'm actually looking up the picture right now on my, on my phone here. Come on, come on. Where is it?
Starting point is 00:35:31 Where is it? There it is. The Cadillac, Cadillac ranch, sorry. So we go in there, you know, there's a big American flag lit up on the side. I'm like, all right, here we go. Let's fucking go in there and see what this place is about. And we went in there and I got to tell you, man, it was the most diverse group of fucking people I've ever seen in my life. And I think for the simple fact, there was no other place to go.
Starting point is 00:35:57 So there was like a group of bikers. There was, there was soldiers. There was like ranchers. There was a group of lesbians. And then there was just filler people that you couldn't really tell what the fuck they were. They was older, younger, the whole fucking thing. So we're in there like, wow, man, look at this is fucking, this is nuts. And then it had a real like cowboy kind of feel to it.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Yet there was like a fucking DJ playing like modern music. It was this, it was fucked. So we're in there and Dean for whatever fucking reason is just pointing at shit and people going, look at that fucking guy. Look at this shit. Look at this fucking bar. And I'm sitting there going, Dean, stop pointing at shit. Stop pointing at shit. You know, and Dean's been sober for like 20 fucking years.
Starting point is 00:36:44 So he's got no excuse. He just kept pointing at shit. And then finally, you know, I had a, you know, I was talking to a couple of the people in there. I was talking to this guy that was in the middle of taking a two year welding class, which of course was really interesting to me. I was talking to about that shit. I was talking to some other people and then at one point somebody said, Hey, you want a whiskey? So like my thing now when I go on the road and I drink, I have a beer and a whiskey or a Scotch. And then that's it.
Starting point is 00:37:14 I call it a fucking night and it's been working out great for me. You know what I mean? So I have a nice little taste, but then I don't get hammered and then I'm fine the next morning and I can work out and shit. Okay. So, uh, this guy offers, you know, he comes over, Hey, you know, I got to buy a drink. I said, well, I'm just getting a beer. And I said, all right, well, you know, I was going to get a whiskey too. He goes, what do you want?
Starting point is 00:37:32 He goes, we got a local fucking Wyoming whiskey. I was like, all right, when in shine, let's fucking do it. Right. So he gets me this fucking shot and he brings it over and it looked, it was almost like see-through. I don't know if they did whiskey and water or what, but I fucking took a sip of it and I had no bite or anything. I was just looking. I'm like, dude, what the fuck is this? And he goes, he goes, well, it hasn't been aged at all.
Starting point is 00:37:58 I got to tell you, dude, it was the worst whiskey I've ever had in my apology to the person who bought me this shot. I couldn't finish it. I said, Dean, I go, look at this fucking thing and Dean was just like, yeah, dude, that looks like piss. So, um, and then at that point I wasn't looking, but Dean was saying that the biker people were mean mugging everybody. I was like, dude, let's get the fuck out of here. So we get out of there. And, uh, oh, as we were driving over there, I noticed that there was a drive, there was a liquor store with a drive-through. So I was like, oh God, I got to get a picture of that.
Starting point is 00:38:30 So I get it, I pull over, I get a picture of it. And then I'm just like, dude, I got to do it. I got to go to a drive-through liquor store. So I fucking pull up. We actually, I posted video of this and I just wanted to get one beer and the guy goes, well, I can give you like the 24 ounce. So I got like a Budweiser. I'll repost the video on the Monday morning podcast Twitter page. So I went up, I ordered a fucking beer.
Starting point is 00:38:56 And what was really cool is it had the old fucking, remember the old air hoses when you would pull up at the gas station and it would ring the bell like ding, ding. As your car pulled in, it was so fucking cool. And, um, we were sitting there and then this dude just sort of walked into the place or whatever. And as we drive out, there's an Arby's across the street, which I never fucking eat, you know, fucking fast food roast, roast beef. I mean, I like to think I'm a courageous person, but that's just a little, that's, that gets a little too shady for me, right? I'd rather eat the pink slime. Um, so anyways, uh, Delray's going like, hey, man, it goes, let's hit the Arby's. I'm hungry.
Starting point is 00:39:38 So I go, all right. So we go into the Arby's, right? He ordered some shit and then I ordered like some chicken sliders, which I shouldn't have fucking got. They were fucking disgusting. It was like eating the heel of some chicks, fucking boot, boot, you know, just the way they were shaped, like clogs. They were just fucking gross. So, um, we go around to the drive through and this is right across from the drive through liquor store. And I look across the street and I read the sign and what does it say?
Starting point is 00:40:04 It says the green door. So the drive through liquor store is part of this shady fucking titty bar called the green door. That urban legend said that there was a one legged stripper. And now the younger me would have been like, I got to go in and go see that shit. The older me goes like, Oh my God, that's somebody's daughter. So, um, so technically I kind of did go to the green door. I didn't, I didn't go in there. I just fucking pulled up or whatever.
Starting point is 00:40:33 So I'll, I'll post some pictures of that shit. Um, let me see if I actually took them. So, and then the next day we got up, right? And we wanted to go to some local place to get a, uh, to get breakfast and we went to this local place. And I don't know if the regular chef was out of town, but I ordered eggs over easy and I cut into him, dude. They were so undercooked, like it came out clear. Like the white part of the egg was still clear. Like, you know, when those people drink like egg whites, it was like that.
Starting point is 00:41:04 And so Dean's eggs were the same way. And, uh, I just never sent food back. So I just stirred him in with the fucking hash. I mean, they should have just served the eggs in a glass like fucking Rocky Balboa. And I just suck it down. I noticed a woman diagonally from me. She sent her eggs back too. And then in the end, when I went to, uh, I went to pay, she was just like, how was it?
Starting point is 00:41:27 And when I said it was great, I kind of stumbled on when it was great. And then she goes, and then she immediately looked up. She goes, is everything okay? Was everything okay? So I'm just guessing that the, the normal chef was out of town. So I'm not going to out this place as being a, uh, as being something bad, but, uh, it was pretty rough. It was one of the worst breakfasts I've ever had. But, uh, when we, when we came back down, um, we were driving down to Denver.
Starting point is 00:41:55 I literally feel like a little kid right now. Like I'm just telling you every moment of this fucking, this tour, but, uh, Dean's a big motorcycle guy. It's been riding for 30 years. So they had this huge fucking Harley Davidson dealership right on the 25 as we were coming down. So we stopped in and I didn't know, but Harley has a new bike that's just right out of my childhood. It's called the 72 and it's got the big spoke front wheel. It's got the handlebars. It's like fucking Arthur Fonzarelli's bike, which obviously was fucking, uh, from the, you know, the fifties or whatever.
Starting point is 00:42:29 But, um, I haven't ridden in like a year and a half and, uh, I don't know, man, I think I got to ride that bike. I think I'm going to rent it just one day. There's a park up around where I'm at. I rented on like a Sunday and just go up there in the morning time and just fucking ride around and bring it back. I'm too much of a pussy to ride all the time because, uh, you know, I got too much to fucking lose. And, um, oh my God, they had one in this black and gold metal flake. It was fucking good. It's just perfect, man. As much as I love the road king, like every wannabe motorcycle rider who watched a couple episodes of, uh, whatever that fucking show was,
Starting point is 00:43:09 what was that fucking show there that everybody watched about, about the bikes? Um, you know, like every fucking wannabe badass who doesn't have a tattoo and it's not a motorcycle guy. Like Delray took a picture of me on the fucking 70, the 72 and I just started laughing. I was like, how much, how much am I not a motorcycle guy? Like, do you realize if what a fucking nerd you have to look like to sit on a Harley and still look like a fucking, to still look like somebody you could bully? I look like every fucking just white dude having a midlife crisis. Like, you know, who watched it? What is that fucking show?
Starting point is 00:43:50 What is the fucking show that was all about the motorcycles that everybody watched? I never got into it. Um, God damn it. It's the perfect reference for this shit. But, um, anyways, I might have to rent one coming up. Uh, might go ride a dirt bike and get my fucking, my skills back up to the ridiculously low level that they were. I just go to a local park out here and I just drive this loop around and around and around. It's actually good because there's a lot of downshift and that shit. A lot of turns you got to look your way through all this shit that I learned in the safety course and everything.
Starting point is 00:44:24 But like, I told you guys, one time when I rode a motorcycle down sunset all the way out to the beach, just like I wanted to just thinking, uh, this is going to feel, you know, freedom man, America. Right. I was going to see all this shit, dude. I didn't see shit. I was fucking terrified. There was just too many fucking people and, um, you know, we went later than I wanted to go. I rode with Dean and Dean, you know, I'd done spots so he didn't get up to like 10. So we didn't get on the road to like 11 and I wanted to go at like seven in the fucking morning when there was nobody on the road and really just be able to relax a little bit and not have somebody right behind me.
Starting point is 00:45:00 Um, and I just remember getting off the bike and I was like shaking and I was just like, I had to have that fucking get out of your ego moment and just be like, Bill, this isn't in you. You don't have this in your blood. You're not a motorcycle fucking guy. You're just not. So don't be that shithead. And, uh, I immediately sold the bike or got rid of it. Whatever the fuck I did. I don't even remember, but, um, I don't know. I think every once in a while, if you know, I smoke a couple cigars a month, I got that under control. If every once in a while I ran a motorcycle and I know everybody's going to fucking be like, oh, that's actually more dangerous because you're going to be fucking rusty. All right.
Starting point is 00:45:37 Taking all the fun out of everything. Um, all right. Oh, also, uh, this week, um, I got back into like drinking juices and shit and there was this fucking algae shit, which was disgusting when I drank it, but I felt amazing afterwards and I'm trying to, uh, you know, like Dean said, you know, it's a good addiction to have. Like you get addicted to shit. I realized that. And if you're addicted to like working out
Starting point is 00:46:09 good stuff, that's obviously a much better thing for you. So I might try to get back into that type of stuff. But anyways, um, this, uh, this past weekend on Saturday night when I got back, I went to a, uh, this music, music cares event. And, um, every year they honor somebody and whoever they're honoring, everybody comes out and, um, just does this person's music. So say they were honoring AC DC, a bunch of famous fucking musicians that
Starting point is 00:46:41 are into AC DC would come out and do all their songs and switch them up and do different versions of them. So it was Lionel Richie, right? Oh, what a feeling. Right. So I go to this fucking thing and, uh, it was unreal. It was like Lenny Kravitz Usher, who I couldn't believe how small he was. He fucking crushed it. Um, John Legend, Stevie Wonder. Alright, all these monsters and then Stevie Wonder. And I knew Dave Grohl was going to
Starting point is 00:47:13 go on and I'm like, how the fuck is Dave Grohl going to follow us? Is he going to play drums and sing? Is he going to do the come out with his blue guitar and sing? And he just went up and just sang a song. That was it. He told this fucking story about, you know, when he broke his leg, remember he fell off the stage where he broke his leg. He was talking about all the outpouring from the fans and all that. And then one day he just got this giant fucking basket of muffins, the biggest basket, I guess ever, this fucking giant thing. And there was no note or anything on it. And as he's telling this story
Starting point is 00:47:45 that the band sort of just playing, you know, some music underneath it and he's telling this story. He's got people laughing, but they're listening and all that shit. And then like two days later, I guess he got a call from his manager who said, yeah, Lionel Richie, Lionel Richie just called up to see if you got the fucking giant basket of muffins. And then he just goes, so I just, you know, I forget how we fucking ended the story. I'm butchering it now. Right as he
Starting point is 00:48:17 ends the story, you realize that it was Lionel Richie. They kick into that his song, You Are, and Dave Grohl just crushed it in the lead song, You Are the something, You Are the rain. And he just was up there singing it, fucking crushed it. Went on after Stevie Wonder and crushed it. So I got to do that. You know what was funny was I went down there and you know, I'm not a suit guy, but you had to wear like a shirt and tie, dude. And I
Starting point is 00:48:49 swear to God, like, I don't know, just like me when I was on the motorcycle, when I had on that suit and tie, dude, I don't know what it was. Sometimes I look all right. But the thing about suits is if you, if you, you got to buy them, like they go out of style really quick. And this one was like three, four years old. I just got in a dry clean to some show the last time I wore it and I put this fucking thing on and I was talking to Nia, I was like, and I just kept going, I look like an asshole, right? Like, she's like, no, you look fine. Yeah, I don't think so. I look like an asshole. So the whole fucking night
Starting point is 00:49:21 you know, anytime I would walk into the bathroom, you know, it was a long fucking night. It was like a four hour fucking thing, you know, and anytime I would go in there and I would wash my hands and I would just sit there and I would look at myself in the mirror. I just kept laughing. It would have fucking jerk off. I look like, I don't know, wasn't a good scene. You know, I don't like hating myself. It's not a good place for me to be. I just say, I think it's time to retire that soup. Alright, let's get into some of the
Starting point is 00:49:53 some of the fucking questions here for the week. Here we go. Judge Scalia Bill listener from Virginia here, the death of Judge Scalia brought out some jokes on social media and a lot of people took the angle that they were happy that he died. Now I'm assuming this is somebody on the Supreme Court because I don't pay attention to this shit, but I did see some stuff about this is the first time the Supreme Court won't be conservative. He goes, what's your position on making jokes about being happy
Starting point is 00:50:25 people died? Thanks for, for that laughs. I'm thinking me. Thank you. Thanks for the laughs. My position on making joke about, well, yeah, I think you got to be, I think you got to be like a dictator for people to do shit like that. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say don't do it because there's always a joke. I mean, someday when I die, there's going to be a joke. I mean, I'm, I know, and if I'm
Starting point is 00:50:57 hovering around as a ghost, I'm going to laugh about it. What the fuck do I care? I'm a ghost at that point, right? I didn't go to hell. Alright, I'm floating around. I could deal with this. But yeah, I don't do that. Well, look, if you just make a joke, joke, that's fine. But if you're doing it because you didn't share like their political views. Yeah, I'm not into doing that type of shit. Like, you know, some, some shit head. I'm going to start doing this like the shit head tweet of the week. Somebody sent me a text today telling me that I needed to distance myself. Bill, just to let you know
Starting point is 00:51:29 you need to distance yourself from so and so and then sent me a link. And this is somebody that I've been friends with for 20 fucking years. And then I see this link and it has to do with being a vegetarian or eating meat. And the name of the video is so and so is an ignorant moron, which right there, I love like that's your angle, like to get someone to listen to your opinion. Right there, I just look at it like this is just, this is just somebody trying to
Starting point is 00:52:01 make a name for themselves, trashing somebody that has made a name for themselves, you know, with some over the top title. First of all, I love is an ignorant moron like that's like redundant. You know, he's a stupid, not smart person. Like I need to distance myself from someone who's been a great friend for 20 years because of their dietary decisions. You know, because they talk about food and nutrition in a way that's a truth
Starting point is 00:52:33 that they believe in all this, you know, like, and then in what you're a fucking genius, you know, and it's just, you know, I don't know. I don't know why people do shit like that. So that kind of ties into, you know, I would never obviously you know, that's, I don't know, I would never tweet at somebody like that. You need to distance yourself from this person because I don't agree with their workout regimen. And the same thing with like that like if I wouldn't be happy that somebody died because I didn't like their political views, you know what I mean? I always have that in my head. They had
Starting point is 00:53:05 somebody's dad, somebody's husband or some shit, you know, whatever. He was a gay judge that somebody's boyfriend, right? I don't fucking know. Yeah, I don't do shit like that. But if somebody does, you know, I'm not the comedy fucking police. All right, summer home. Bill, my wife wants to own a home by a lake in New Hampshire. That's fucking awesome. I'm trying to convince her that it's cheaper to just rent a sick house every summer for a couple of weeks instead of paying 15 grand a year
Starting point is 00:53:37 in taxes on top of the mortgage. Help me sort out this business, please. Go fuck yourself. Well, what I would say is you know, you can rent out your house, your summer house, you know, this is what I would do. Okay, I would buy that house on the lake and then I would just rent the whole fucking thing out. And then whenever I wanted to go, I would rent some other place. You know what I mean? And this is how I'm weird.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Because I wouldn't want to go into a place that I owned knowing that everybody fucked in my bed. I would rather go to a place knowing that a bunch of people fucked in somebody else's bed. It makes no sense. What you should do is buy it and then rent it out. I mean, buying property is always great. However, if you're having a rough time, like I'm a big believer in though, paying down your first house, you should really pay that thing down and get it under control
Starting point is 00:54:41 before you go and get a summer house. And I do know that in relationships, when it comes to money, there's usually one person understands it and the other person doesn't understand it. And they want everything yesterday. And you might be a little more conservative, which is what you sound like. So I would just sit down and just say, look, first of all, you're in a great position because it doesn't sound like she can just go out and pull the trigger herself. So I just say, listen, I definitely want to do that. But we need
Starting point is 00:55:13 to pay down this house a little bit. Or, if we can't afford it, let's buy it and then we'll rent the thing out all the weekends that we're not going to be there. I think that's definitely a smart way to do it. But I would just sit down and write out all the points that you want to make and then draw a smiley face. This is what I do when I'm being a smart person because I know how short a fuse I have.
Starting point is 00:55:45 And I write all this shit out, everything that I want to say and all that stuff. And then I draw a smiley face reminding me to not lose my temper, reminding me that other people are entitled to have different opinions and not to be a cunt. I didn't do that a couple days ago and ended up having a big stupid fight over the bathroom sink. I'd gone on the road and it started to clog up. And I didn't have time to
Starting point is 00:56:17 fucking fix it. But, you know, we had drain out. So I figured, you know, my wife would fucking handle it. And I come home to brush my teeth and I turn it on. And within fucking two seconds, it's already filling up. There's a puddle that's completely backed up. And, you know, it's usual shit. Usual shit in a relationship. You say to somebody else, did you notice? No, I didn't notice. And in your head you're like, how the fuck did you not notice this shit? But what I learned in that argument is I have to understand that this shit that she's looking at me
Starting point is 00:56:49 at, looking at me at about like, how the fuck do you not notice it? It's just because I'm just not wired like that. And that's why you get married. Hopefully you're a yin and a yang. I finally said it right. I didn't say yin and yang. I said yin. Why yin? I think that's the first time publicly I've ever said it right. Yeah, they're going to be good at this shit that you're not good at. And I actually had a great day with Nia yesterday. Like I didn't do shit for once and we just hung out all day. And, you know, we watched some
Starting point is 00:57:21 movies and shit. You made a little bit of food. And I always forget that. That every once in a while you guys, you got to hang out with each other rather than just being roommates to remind yourselves like, oh yeah, that's right. We actually really love each other. I forgot about that shit. And I don't, the amount of times I've had to fucking learn that, you know, if you get married, you really start doing the math like, dude, fuck this shit. I don't need anything. I will literally give her everything. I will fucking
Starting point is 00:57:53 just give you fucking everything. And I will walk out with the shirt on my fucking back and I will start all over again. Like I think that that's the way to fucking do it. And just walk down the street after it like Johnny fucking Apple seed. And because I really think you just get into having all of this fucking stuff. But if you just let go of all of it, then you don't have it. I think getting divorce could be a really light feeling. This is how far I went over an argument over a clogged up sink before I came to my senses.
Starting point is 00:58:25 I was walking down the street with a stick with a bandana and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in it. And then I was just finally like, what am I doing? You know, stop being a fucking idiot. Alright, let's get to some advertising here. Alright, meundies everybody. Oh, I gotta sing this quietly because we have company over here right now. Meundies. No more sweaty nuts. Meundies. Keep it dry with your butts. What? That doesn't make sense. I said nuts. I was thinking butts would rhyme.
Starting point is 00:58:57 You know what? I gotta retire this fucking song. I need some new bits on this goddamn thing. Alright, meundies. Alright, this year don't be predictable and show up at your Valentine's Day dinner with some last minute box of chocolate or bouquet of roses. Bouquet? Bouquet? I don't know how to say it. They're gonna die in a week anyways. Give the gift everyone's talking about. Meundies Meundies taking care of your taint. Meundies. Meundies. Your balls
Starting point is 00:59:29 will say you're a saint. Show your special someone. Tell you that fucking guy up there, he's a fucking saint. Just keep it dry over here. Show your special someone just how much you care. With the present, you'll both love a gift that looks great and feels great. Something that says you deserve the best. I have to tell you right now, if you give somebody underwear for a gift you better be fucking them or they better be your kid because other than that it's fucking weird. You know, give your kid underwear, you know, you say
Starting point is 01:00:01 oh Jesus Christ, straighten up and fly right. Have a little respect for yourself. Then if you're with the person intimately you can give it to them. There's no fucking way. Actually as a joke you can do that. You know, I was actually thinking the other day when I went to buy my wife a Valentine's Day card. I was looking for the blank ones because I hate the fucking Valentine's Day cards. They're either over the top gross or they're just fucking like too distant. It's very hard to find that one. That's the nice balance of I love you but let's not be gross.
Starting point is 01:00:33 So I was looking for the blank ones and I came to the sympathy cards and I just was thinking like you know what I really want to stand up with Joe DeRosa again and then send him a sympathy card afterwards. You know, tell him I hope he feels better and everything and just basically write, Joe I saw your set last night. I know you're going through a rough time. I don't know. It was funny to me. Anyways, let's get back to the Miandis thing. Treat yourself and your boo to a matching pair of Miandis.
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Starting point is 01:01:37 Well, it's over. Grab yourself a pair and celebrate the holiday sporting matching underwear with your sweetheart. How do you do it? You go to miandis.com slash burr now to get 20% off your first order. That's 20% off at miandis.com slash burr. Alright, stamps.com. Sometimes it feels like there aren't enough hours. Sometimes it feels like there's not enough hours in the day. You know what? You're just flustered. Even when you're working past the 9 to 5. So, if you're still making time consuming trips to the
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Starting point is 01:02:41 $110 bonus offer that includes postage and a digital scale. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone on top of the homepage and type in Burr, B-U-R-R, that's stamps.com, enter Burr. And as always, if you want to contribute to this podcast next time you're going to buy something on Amazon.com just go to my website, billburr.com, click on the podcast page and there's a link to Amazon. All it does is take you to Amazon. It doesn't cost you any more money. I just get credit for driving traffic to the site. All right, Trashman everybody.
Starting point is 01:03:13 Hey, Billy Bubbles. Billy Bubbles in the rain. I went to high school with a guy who picks up my trash. I get along with him and I always wave and sometimes if he's not rushing, I'll have a short conversation with him. Last week I saw my neighbor yell at him. He wasn't a jerk back, but he wasn't a dick either. What? He wasn't a jerk back, but he wasn't a dick either. Later on that day, my neighbor came over and asked me if I'd make a statement about the
Starting point is 01:03:45 issue that he harassed her. I saw the whole thing go down. He didn't harass her. She yelled at him for coming a day late during a week when a holiday pushed everything back a day in terms of sanitation pickup. What a cunt. She said that even without my statement, she's going to press charges and file a complaint. I'm going to call the town or police and let them know what's going on. I'm so livid that she would ruin this guy's life. He's a great dude. Thoughts on how he should handle this. Should I report her for lying? Apsa fucking Lutely.
Starting point is 01:04:17 I would take time off from work to testify that she's a lion whore. Apsa fucking Lutely. Who the fuck yells at a trash man? The service that they're providing, fuck her. Fuck her, dude. You know something? I would 100% do it and I would even fucking tell her that you're going to do it at some point. Not in the beginning, because you don't want to weaken his case, but I would do it without a doubt. And when the whole fucking thing goes away, I would let her know that you did that and I would let her know what a small person you think she is and that she's
Starting point is 01:04:49 disgusting and to stay away from you and anybody else that you love because she's subhuman. There. How was that? Dilemma. Dilemma. Dear Bill. Oh, what a fucking whore. You came in a day late and then you harassed me. You know what? I bet she does for a living. She sounds like a blogger. Always playing the fucking victim and always going down and just trying to get somebody in trouble and trying to fuck over their ability, you know, to earn a living. What a fucking
Starting point is 01:05:21 twat. Alright, dear Bill. Would you rather have to live in an air balloon for a month, never having sat down? Or would you rather live in a submarine never breathing the surface for a whole month? Both scare the shit out of me for a whole month, but I think I choose the submarine. Seems more natural. Yeah, and there's also a bathroom. I wouldn't want to have to shit on people. Well, I would obviously wait till I was over a rural area.
Starting point is 01:05:53 Yeah, plus you'd be inside. You'd have a bed. If you, when you're in the submarine, you have a blanket, you know, you get to be down there with all the fellas. Hey. No, man, I mean, I think it would be cool to fucking look out the window and see all the fucking, the sea life and all that shit. I would go fucking nuts down there, but I don't know, fucking
Starting point is 01:06:25 up there in an air balloon gets cold or hot. You're really dealing with the fucking elements when you're up there. It starts fucking raining. Yeah, I don't know. I would be, I would get over that really quickly, but I think being in a sub, you know, you're down there, you could play cards, you could fucking break each other's balls or whatever. I don't know. Yeah, I definitely, I would think I would much rather do a sub. And if I had to die, either way, I'd rather die in a sub. I'd rather
Starting point is 01:06:57 have it just fucking, you know, if you're gonna die in a sub, it's gonna be quick. It's just over, right? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Sometimes maybe it might not be quick if they close that door. Yeah, those are two terrifying things. I gotta go with you. Gotta go with you on that. All right, dilemma. Billy Boy, if you had to choose which holiday to get canceled and never celebrate again, would you choose Valentine's Day or President's Day? Who deserves
Starting point is 01:07:29 more recognition? Your girl for doing what you do all year without a holiday? That's lairs. Yeah, we don't get a holiday. Or maybe I read that wrong. Or presidents who may or may not be horrible people who hurt the country. I'd cancel President's Day because I'd rather keep the one that involved chocolate being around. That's a good reason for it. If I had to get rid of one, I don't think anybody really celebrates President's Day. I don't really consider it a day off. It's kind of like Flag Day. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:08:01 Or Buttermilk Pancakes Day. Isn't that one of those fucking days too? Jesus, you want me to cancel a holiday? I wouldn't cancel Valentine's Day just because women like it so much. Believe it or not, I am a cunt, but I'm not that fucking bad. So I'd keep that one. Yeah, you know what? Fuck President's Day. All those guys are bought and sold anyways. You're seeing it with Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. You're seeing how the Democrats are just going to pick her because she's going to play ball. They're all tied into the fucking
Starting point is 01:08:33 the fucking, I don't know what you want to call it. Bernie Sanders is too fucking radical. He's going to switch shit up too much and then they're not going to work with them. Even if Bernie Sanders gets elected, they're not going to work with them. They're going to show their fucking true colors. They're just a bunch of, they're all bought and paid for it. How the fuck do the Clintons got $3 million to throw their kid a wedding? You know what I mean? Give me a fucking break. Because you went out and you gave speeches to all the people that fucking
Starting point is 01:09:05 financed your campaign and then you hooked them up and looked the other fucking way. I swear to God. I swear to God. Do you wonder how the fucking pharmaceutical companies and the people who fucked up the food supply are able to do it and there's nothing behind it? It's because they fucking paid everybody off. I swear to God. All right. I'm on my stomach. This is why I always vote for that third party guy and everybody goes, oh, you're throwing away your fucking vote. How is throwing away my fucking vote voting for someone who's a decent fucking human being? I swear to God. People, they don't want to try to do what's right. They just want to win.
Starting point is 01:09:37 They want to be like, oh, my guy won. Oh, I want my stump again. See that? Every time I sit there and I trash people for fucking giving their public opinion and look at me, look at me. I do the exact same thing. I am what's known as a hypocrite. A hypocrite. All right. That's the podcast for this week. I want to thank everybody that came out. Cheyenne, Wyoming. I know it was last second, but I had a great time. Had a great time in your state capital.
Starting point is 01:10:09 It was just a really, really cool fucking town and I had a great time in the Cadillac Ranch there. That sounds, I swear to God, like the fucking bunny ranch. It sounds like a fucking whorehouse, but it wasn't. It was cool talking to the people there and thank you to everybody that bought me a beer and a shot and all that shit. Thank you everybody in Denver, by the way, which was just a fucking insane show. That was another special one just because I've done so many fucking gigs in Colorado in the middle of nowhere. I always bring up a wrap a whole community college.
Starting point is 01:10:41 I'll never forget that nooner where they had me standing in an area where three hallways met right before class ended. That was a fucking nightmare next to a popcorn machine and five people scattered out about 40 chairs, empty chairs. Anyways, that's the podcast for this week. I'm going to try to watch some Celtics and get caught up on the Bruins games and keep drinking my juice. All right, go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you later on this week. I'm Emily Lede, a children's menu free at the purchase of a warm meal for adults.

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