Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-20-23

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

Bill rambles about the Federal Reserve, the great Richard Belzer, and giving your wife free flowers. Rocket Money:  Cancel unwanted subscriptions – and manage your expenses the easy way – by going to www.RocketMoney.com/BURR Stamps.com:  Use promo code BURR for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale at www.Stamps.com

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 20th, 2023. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Um, hope it's going good with you. I hope it is. You know, that's all I can say. I just hope everything is, I hope everybody's being safe. I think that the persons that are in perpetuity with the solilo, whatever the fuck they say on, on these shows, I hope the first responders in your life are responding first, you know, and you're just holding them a little closer as you think and you thought and you prayer in that order. Um, I'm going fucking stir crazy. Half of my family is sick right now. I've got some sort of, whatever bug is going through

my daughter's school. And, uh, the other half is not, I'm not sick. You know why? Because I'm a fucking ginger. And according to the internet, you know, anesthetic doesn't affect us the same way. We're a little weird. We're a little off. You know, personally, I think God thinks to himself, well, you know, if I'm going to give this fucking thing orange hair, the least I can do is give it a stronger immune system because it's going to get the shit kicked out of it on the way up. Um, yeah, I was not a redhead as a kid. I had orange hair and then it became red and then it fell out. So I mean, that's basically it was kind of like if Manchester by the sea was, was hair, you know what I mean? Manchester by

the sea. I mean, it was just like, there was just no light at the end of that tunnel. It was just like I fucked up. I was getting high and I killed my kids and I'm never going to get over it. How about now? Are you over it now? No, I am not. All right, dad. Nice talk. And that was, all right. It was great to check in with that person. Um, you know, it was like that too was that movie blonde. I saw that that was another one. There's no cavalry. There's the sun is not going to shine. There's no white light to walk towards. I don't know what those movies are called. There's like a certain something, but I respect the hell a lot of them. Um, you know, I respect all the job is just some of them aren't for me. Like fucking horror is not

for me. All right, watching a guy kill his family and then hate himself for the rest of his fucking life. It's just like, yeah, that's what I would think would happen. I don't know that I want to live it with you. He at least could have got a hooker. Um, but as always, KCF, Affleck killed it, killed it in that role. But Jesus Christ, that was like fucking leaving Las Vegas was another one. Fuck. You just kind of walking out there. That's why you know what I would, there's a, there's a, I'm not going to ruin an ending here, but there's a movie out that's nominated for an Oscar that seems really bleak and dark, but it actually has a happy ending. So don't be afraid. All right. I'm of course talking about all quiet on the Western front. All right. The Germans lose

that one too. Anyway, Germany, uh, twice, twice in 20 years, they tried to take over the world. And you got to give it up to them. They kind of knew that window was closing. You know, I feel like probably in World War one, they had a better shot at it. But when people, most people was still riding around on horses. I think you could dominate, you know, if you actually had like motorcycles, the first motorcycles and cars, there was a chance that you could do it. And then the window closed. It was sort of like a dot-com bubble of like ruling, ruling the world. Uh, did anybody ever do that? There wasn't, there's never been a worldwide empire. Oh Jesus, Bill, you getting into history? Like you fucking

know what's going on. I'm sorry. There's no more football. It's over. Football is fucking over. I don't know what to do with myself. Jesus Christ, this Sunday after fucking the Super Bowl, it's like you jumped into an ice bath. I mean, the emotions were so fucking high last week, just building, building, building, building all the way up to the Super Bowl. And then it happens, it's over the connect confetti falls. And you know, it's the last game of the season, but it doesn't hit you until the first Sunday after, you know, you're trying to watch college basketball. All of a sudden you're trying to pop in on like, what's going on? Why is the ACC not ranked anywhere? What the fuck is going on? Did this guy just say

the Mountain West is actually ranked higher than the ACC in college basketball for the first time and forever? I did watch NC State versus UNC. I went to NC State for two semesters sort of way back in the day. So, which was funny because before I went down there, I was a fucking Carolina fan. And then I moved down there and I was an NC State fan and the Carolina fans were such fucking cunts. It was just this one particular guy. I went to a NC State Wolfpack game against North Carolina in 1987 and it was at NC State. I think it was one of their first games of the year and there was this little raspy fucking, you know what he looked like? Do you remember the Super fan that wore that rainbow wig in the 70s? And he was at every single major

sporting event wearing that rainbow wig and he was actually like low-key famous and he ended up ended up somehow having a standoff with cops in a motel. I think there was a woman involved. I, you know, it was fucking pretty wild. But anyways, I mean, I don't know how he got those tickets before StubHub and the internet, you know, I don't think there was Southwest that he could have flown around on. That shit was expensive. It was before planes would, the aviation world was deregulated, you know, and they was fucking expensive. So, you know, that's how a lot of his eccentric people's lives end. Have you ever noticed that? A standoff with the cops. You're inside like a motel. It really ends like a fucking Cohen brother movie, doesn't it?

Speaking of which, this week I watched New Jack City, which I had seen the beginning of it. I had never seen the entire fucking thing. And, you know, some of it's dated or whatever, but I will tell you this, fucking Wesley Snipes kills it in that movie. I think that guy is brutally, brutally underrated. As far as like the last 30 years of cinema or whatever, just as far as like a full-on fucking movie star can't take your eyes off him, just fucking steals every scene he's in. You gotta, you gotta put Wesley up there. I think he gets looked over personally, you know what I mean? Ever since he actually didn't pay his fucking taxes, you know, we all ran up on the Federal Reserve. We all knew it was bullshit, but very few people had the balls to follow through

and be like, yeah, I'm not fucking paying you. I love those YouTube videos where they show the people going, you just show me where legally I have to pay you. And these, these videos are allegedly real. And then the agents like leave and the person isn't arrested. But then you see other people like they do get arrested for like not paying taxes. So like, I don't understand how that works. I don't, you know what, I really don't want to know how it works because I'm not going to go down that fucking road, you know? I'm just a man who's dealing with football being over, pathetically trying to run and catch up to college basketball before March Madness, and then we'll be into baseball. Oh, take me out to the ball game. Take me out to the crowd.

Buy me some peanuts and cracker. Was that supposed to be a kid? Buy me some peanuts and cracker. Yeah, fucking buy your own shit. I do love baseball, but every year I have to look up why it's okay, you know, to make the second out at third base. It's okay to make the second out. Just don't make the first, the third. Why would you want to make the second out? That means I could have been in scoring position on second base, but I tried to stretch it into a triple or I tried to go to third on a, on a, on a, from first base on a single to right, and I got thrown out. Why is it okay to do that? I should have stayed on second base with one out. Could move me over on a force and me, you know, or a single to fucking

the outfield I could score. It doesn't make, I don't know. It just doesn't make, you don't want to make any outs at third base, right? Why does the runner go halfway on a fly ball to the fucking outfield? He's not going to drop it. Stay on the fucking bag. If the wind catches it, he goes all the way in the warning track. Maybe he could fucking tag up. I got to look all of this shit up again. So I don't know. I actually was so Jones and for football, I knew it was going to be that I put on the NFL network and they were actually showing like the fast version of regular season games. And it was all the Kansas city chiefs games. And what a fucking season they had. When Tyreek Hill went to fucking Miami, everybody was like,

that's it. That's the end of the chiefs. Nice knowing you. Nice fucking knowing you. Now, what are you going to do? What the fuck are you going to do? And well, they went out and they won the Super Bowl. So hats off to them. What about Andy Reed getting his second? This taken me a minute to really put this in historical perspective. Andy Reed was sort of like, you know, the punching bag for every regular Joe that never achieved anything. Like he was the guy that people like to pick on like, oh, Andy Reed can't win the, he can't win the big one. Hey, Andy Reed, he's a good coach, you know, but he can't win the big one, you know, some fucking losers sitting in a bar talking about how

someone else can't win the big one. What fucking big one have you ever won? Andy Reed has now won two Super Bowls. Ben to three with the chiefs. And let's see, I want to say he went to one with the Eagles. Fucking Eagles, man. They either win or something weird happens. You know, somebody throws up. There's always just something fucking something weird happened to the, with the Eagles and then that chiefs game. I already forget what the fuck it was, but I was laughing going like, well, they always have some fucking something stra- Oh yeah, their coach is crying during the national anthem. There's always some

sort of bodily fluid tears, puke. There's always something, that's the sign for Philly fans that they're going to lose. You know what I mean? And when they beat my Patriots in 2018, nobody puked, nobody cried. There's nothing weird going on. So anyway, I'm sad that the entertainment league that is the NFL is over, but I am excited for baseball. I don't know what the fuck my Red Sox did in the off season. We got that fucking ginger from the Dodgers, but you know, we lost Xander Bogarts to the Padres. The fuck are the Padres doing down there? They're loading up like North Korea over here. They're going for it. I actually watched this great video on the whole history of Jack Murphy Stadium.

And a lot of it was the history of like, you know, the Los Angeles Chargers then going down there and Jack Murphy was some great legendary sports writer in San Diego, which I didn't know. I assumed it was the owner, but they named the stadium after him because he was the guy that sort of sold, I guess, the politicians on making that stadium, which would ensure that the charges would stay there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and all that stuff. I watched a couple of cool documentaries. There's one on YouTube. You guys got to check this. You don't have to check it out. I mean, I don't operate that like that. Like I tell you, but this guy does these interviews of like former cops, former hit men. And there's one with this woman who's the daughter of that mob boss that

used to walk around in a bathrobe and try to pretend he was insane. So he wouldn't have to go to jail. I was living in New York during the time and he would be walking around the village. I never saw him. I would just see pictures of him in the New York Post and shit. So this woman, Rita Giganti, I hope I said that right, was just talking about like what it was like growing up as one of, as the daughter of a mob boss, which was really fascinating. I'm kind of like, I was like listening to going like, this is actually a really like fascinating like movie. They've kind of done, they've done the mob guys. They've done the Donnie Borosco with a cop infiltrates it. They've done the cops trying to catch the mob guys. They've done it from like sort of every

perspective, but I don't, they've never done it from the perspective perspective of a kid. So check that out. It's Rita. Let me see if I can look it up to spell it. Giganti. I think it's G-I-A-N-T. I don't fucking Irish. I'm going to fuck it up. But anyway, check out that interview. Really, really interesting. And she seems cool as hell too. Some kid was in school. She was talking shit about her dad being a gangster. She just got tired of it and went to the bathroom and beat the shit out of her and could have really fucked her up, but stopped short of that because she didn't want to kind of go down that road, which was fascinating to me, but I was kind of like amped up listening to the story. Fucking hit her head on the sink. Dude, I've said for the longest

time, the worst fucking place to get into a fight is in a bathroom. There's just nothing soft for your head to hit for anything. It's just all porcelain sinks, toilets, that fucking floor, the concrete floor, like the whole thing is just like split your head wide open. Never, never get into a fight in a bathroom. Anyway, oh, I got to stop and do this here. Rest in peace, Richard Belzer. Absolute giant of a standup comedian that a lot of people don't know because he spent a quarter of a century on law and order. But that guy, when I was coming up, there was nobody like him. He was completely different, totally edgy. Nothing about his specials that I saw. Did I see a guy trying to get a sitcom on must see TV? This guy was sort of like

in a way, almost like a Rogan thing where Joe will entertain conspiracy theory to a point. I'm not saying he thinks the word, like, hey, when you bring that up, you think, oh, what does he think? The moon's made out of cheese? No, no. It's just a lack of trust from people who are saying that you should trust me. I've never fucking understood why can, like, I understand on a certain level why conspiracy theorists get a bad rep, but they were really, like, we're really sort of defined by like flat earthers and like the just the most wildest of us. But like, meanwhile, the Federal Reserve just sits right there and that gets lumped into that you think the fucking moon is made out of cheese and that there's shapeshifters and all

of that type of shit. It's just like, no, that's a private corporation that's fucking over this country. And why don't we just go in and stop it? They're just a bunch of suits. Like, what is the problem? You always saw this money. Well, guess what? Now we don't. How about that? All right? We don't. I'm a politician. The army does what I say that they have to do what I say. And I say they go in there and they fucking take you guys out in cuffs and we start prittin' our own money again. Why can't we do that? I just don't understand it. I don't fucking get it. Why does the President sit there trying to guess what the Fed is going to do? Clearly the Fed is beyond whatever power the proud. I'm not going to get into this shit. Anyway, he had stuff like that in his act.

And I didn't see anybody like him. I'm talking about Belzer. And that's funny. I never connected that when I would watch Joe's stuff. But I always liked Joe's the conspiracy that Joe would be into. I always liked that one that we never landed on the moon. I always just, you know, it always starts with the kind of stuff like just the sheer amount of people that would have to keep their fucking mouth shut is incredible to me. It's why I can never 100% believe that sports are fixed at the commissioner level, even though I think sometimes they are. I don't know. But listen, how fun is this shit to talk about? And this is what I loved about Richard Belzer. Like he just was completely different, dark, edgy. And unlike anyone I saw

him just a fucking funny as hell. And I'm also look up to that guy because he made the transition from doing stand up into acting and then he retired and then lived in France. I mean, the guy absolutely crushed it. So rest in peace to an absolute giant. And one of my favorites when I was coming up Richard Belzer. All right, do I have anything else before I get into the advertising here? The advertising here. Oh, MotoGP is coming up. I'm definitely going to try to go to that fucking race this year in Austin, Texas. I kind of, I missed all of last season. There's something I could do. I could just binge last season's races. How many on it? Like 20 or so as I get rid of, maybe I'll do that as I get ready for this season. I just completely missed it last year.

I was hoping Marc Marquez was going to come back. I mean, I got spoiled when I first started watching it. It just seemed like every three races. It was Marc Marquez versus Andres DeVizio. So they pass each other like nine times on the final two or three laps. It was just fucking incredible. So we shall see. We'll see what's going on with that. I'll watch a little bit of Formula One and stuff. I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. What a fucking stupid thing to have a problem with, huh? Oh my God. What am I going to watch on TV? My shit head. All right. I think I'm done beating myself up. Oh, by the way, I did a show last night at the new ice, the new ice house out in Pasadena. And I loved it. I know a lot of comics were nervous because that

was an absolutely magical room out there. One of the great rooms in standup comedy history. And I know there was always this, this urban myth, this legend. I was never able to, some people say it's true. Some people say it's not true, but there was allegedly back in the day, the Tonight Show stopped accepting tapes from the ice house because it was such a fucking hot room that it just made everybody look like they were hilarious and killing. And then people would go down to the Tonight Show and not do nearly as well. I don't know if that's true or not. So anyway, people were nervous about what they were going to do with it. I didn't get to see too much of it, but from what I saw just doing standup in the room, it's still a fucking amazing place. And

they did it upright. It's places beautiful. So definitely check it out. If you're in Pasadena, check out the new ice house. It is open. Yeah, go down there and check it out. All right. So with that, let's let's do a little bit of fucking the, oh, rocket money, everybody. Do you know how much your subscriptions cost? Most Americans think they spend around $80 a month on subscriptions when they actually, when the actual total is closer to $200. Do you know I have, I have no fucking idea what I spend on these things. If you don't know exactly how much you're spending every month, you need rocket money. The average person has around 12 page subscriptions. Think about that. Pause for two seconds while they fucking wrap their heads around it. If you think you're only

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started. If you need a package pickup you can easily schedule it, schedule it through your stamps.com dashboard. Set your business up for success when you get started with stamps.com today. Sign up with the promo code BIR for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts just go to stamps.com. Click on the microphone on the top of the homepage and enter code BIR. Oh, you know what? I got to talk to you guys about some music here. Somebody suggested this band that I'd never heard of, the Backseat Lovers and I downloaded live from the Troubadour and I really enjoy it. Thank you to whoever suggested that on Twitter. Greetings from Nepal. Namaste.

You red-haired cunt. Is namaste like a yoga thing or is that just from that's the yoga people act like they went to India and learned from masters? So now they know how to say like adios or like I know how to say thank you when I'm in Sweden, talk. Namaste, you red-haired cunt. I've been a lawyer listener for quite a while now. As the title suggests, I'm from Nepal. The tiny little country sandwiched between the China and India. I thought Nepal was a city in India. Talking about politics, we're basically the bitch that's bullied by both the top dogs in Asia. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's got to be a hell of a situation. Anyway, apart from that, you're like the kid in a divorce having to choose a parent. You're like Finland in World War II in between

the Russians and the Germans. Have they ever made a movie about the fact that the Finnish people finished the fucking Russians but because that they were in business with the Germans at the end, they still had to give away the bottom third of their country. Isn't that what happened? Anyway, apart from the depressing geopolitical situation of my country, it's actually beautiful. We're home to eight of the highest mountain peaks in the world, including Mount Everest. Is that where Mount Everest is? It's in Nepal. I don't know shit about Nepal. You know what I'm going to do? I've got the internet shut off. I'm going to look it up. I'm going to look it up. I'm going to memorize a few things about Nepal and then I'm going to

bring it up at a fucking social event. I figure you like to learn cool facts about the world, so I thought I'd drop that in. That is cool. Also, here are a few... Is everybody in your country in really good shape with all of those fucking... There must be insane hiking out there, huh? Or do you guys just blow it off and just take all those mountains for granted? Also, here are a few things that my convenience convince you to come visit. It's just a 90-mile 90-minute flight from New Delhi, India, so if you ever want to do a Southeast Asia tour for your third world country fans, it's pretty easy to drop in. We love tourists. Nepal's chief source of income is tourism. Besides that, it's remittance, which is basically all the money

sent by our countrymen that have gone abroad to earn. I don't know what that means. Since we have some of the worst salaries, for example, a registered nurse starts with the salary of Nepal Rupees $10,000 to $15,000. That's about American $75,000 to $113,000 per month. $75,000? Jesus Christ, buddy. You know I'm dumb. What the fuck are you bringing the fucking exchange rate into this? All right, number three, we're currently ruled by a known terrorist. I'm not fucking going there. See, this is the thing. I've known, you know, my country has done so much fucking shady shit that it really gets fucking, you know, when I start, you know, it's shady enough when I go to a country that's run by white people, meaning Europe. I really have to

fucking keep my head on a swivel and understand like what is going on, you know, what are the suits in our country saying to the suits over here? I start going to the non-white countries. I mean, it's a pretty good bet that some corporation run by white guys in America have been there, taken the natural resources, fucked people out of farmland and all that shit. And then I fucking show up with my little snorkel in my brochure. The next thing, you know, Billy Boy goes disappear and fuck that shit. Fuck that shit. What do you do if somebody has like a fucking, you know, a look on their face like maybe they saw somebody smoke weed at some point? Do you throw them in jail forever? That's another thing I get worried about over there. Over there, meaning any place

that isn't here. Okay, so you're currently ruled by a known terrorist. Our prime minister was the leader of the Maoist regime that fucked with the country for decades after we killed out royalty. That's an entirely different email. Oh, killed our royalty and switched to democracy. The Maoist regime came into power. All right. So you ruled by some kings and queens, some family, you whack them to get democracy, and then you end up with the terrorist. Well, I mean, that sounds a lot like over here. There's a fine line between a terrorist and a war criminal, isn't there? Speaking of which, Jimmy Carter, it sounds like he's towards the end here. And it's really going to turn my stomach when I watch all of these other former presidents

give him a tip of the cap when he passes. And, you know, I don't know. I just, I wish that they had the integrity of that guy, like what that guy has done for people throughout his time in political office and then after. He didn't do the stupid speech door and go get himself a fucking aquifer or a house in Martha's Vineyard. The guy was out there swinging a hammer until about a week ago, it seems, building houses for the needy man. What a great guy. Anyway, now our government is a coalition since none of them can ever win the required majority in the parliament, which means the prime minister position often changes every two years or so. Any chance of a stable government is fucked. Well, that sounds like the CIA's behind

that. That's their big thing. Keep it unstable and put a lunatic in power. You know, maybe the Russians did it. Who knows? Also, fun fact, this is so, this so-called communist leader has a Swiss bank account. Dude, this is fascinating. Everyone knows it, but no one does anything since they're all working together. Jesus Christ. Do you guys have waffle houses and subway sandwiches? This all sounds very familiar. We have amazing coffee. All right, I think I'm going. And I know you love your coffee. From what I've heard, the coffee culture was introduced in Nepal by Christian missionary. Thank you, Jesus. Today, you get bean coffee at every turn for as cheap as a dollar for an Americano. Also, the outflow of Nepal students that go abroad to study has caused a

massive growth of barista schools because it seems that getting a part-time job as a barista is pretty easy in most countries. This is like the most information I've ever got about a country I don't know enough about. Anybody else want to chime in in countries that I think are cities in other countries, but are they're actually individual countries? Okay, hotel rooms are cheap. The top boutique hotel price range from $100 to $150 per night. Also, opt for a boutique hotel over the regular international chains like Marriott, Radisson, Hyatt, etc. I remember hearing you bitch about how one of these chains you stayed at was disgusting and dirty. boutique hotel trend has been growing in Kathmandu. Oh my god, Bob Sega and they're gold.

20 to 40 rooms. Amazing details in architecture and peckable service. Also, stay in the city center. T-H-A-M-E-L. So, you can walk to all the best stuff the valley has to offer. All right, I'm turning my internet back on. I'm going to take a peek at what this person's talking about. Let's take a look. This is like one of these. Okay. This is one of these things. Sorry, my fucking phone's telling me to turn. Shut off airplane mode. I know. I mean, that's what I was trying to do. I know. Uncle Fetty. Where is it here? The fuck is the internet? All right, here we go. Nepal. Nepal earthquake. Images. Let me see. Nepal plane crash. Jesus Christ. Oh, here we go. Nepal best places to visit. Oh my god, it's fucking gorgeous.

Isn't that wild? Some place that beautiful can be run by a terrorist. Congratulations. You live in a, that's like, closest we got to that is New Hampshire, maybe Utah. Anyway, let me get back to the other fucking email here. What the hell is it? There we go. Let me do one of the hotels. All right. We're one of the few countries in the world that the British couldn't conquer. Look at that. But they did bully us into certain degree. Also, it wasn't us. It was the white people we came from that also needs another email. Well, keep sending the emails. We did end up giving them access to the world's deadliest war warriors. The Gherkas as claimed by the show deadliest warrior in their fine finale, which was the Gurkha versus the French foreign

Legion. I always feel like emailing you when I hear your podcast, but get too lazy when I actually get down to my laptop. Hope this one makes it to the podcast. I've sent a few when I was drunk, but I probably, but it was probably shit because I was hammered. Tell Nia I miss her. She should come on more often. Also, as your view on marriage and kids has evolved, so is mine. I'm still on married at 33, but plan to get married soon. That's awesome. I had the same view on marriage and kids, but listening to you talk about Nia and your kids, I can't wait to share my life with the mother of my kids. Thank you for all the laughs. You bald gingerbread man. Well, thank you for all that information about named Paul. That's incredible. I always just get

nervous when I, you know, I always feel like somebody's going to plant drugs on me or someone's going to try to kidnap me. I just, you know, I grew up with those, you know, Jean-Claude Van Damme movies, the fucking Steven Segal, all of that shit was really horrible advertising for all, for basically any country that wasn't like a white country, to be honest with you, just is what it is. That's what's always so funny about those awards shows. You know, when Hollywood talks, you know, gives like lectures to red states about race relations and shit and like so much, so many of the racial stereotypes were actually created by Hollywood. And then not to mention, I keep saying, Hollywood looked like major league baseball in the 1950s,

right up until about 2016, 2017. So I don't know what they're going on about. It's always funny to see though. It's always funny to see an actor go up there and fucking say this and change the world. All right. The road or the destination, dear Bill, love your podcast. Thank you. So I'm curious to get your thoughts on my Valentine's Day gift. My wife and I live in New York City and when I was walking up Madison Avenue on my way back from work, some fancy clothes shops were giving away flowers. The first one gave away a single rose and the second was giving away beautiful bouquets. I would have passed on the single rose had I known there was a bouquet, but I didn't. And they were both the last ones being given away.

Definitely felt a little bad for the next guy walking behind me. When I got home, I had my three year old son give the flowers to my wife on behalf of me and his one year old brother. Well, that's adorable. It was a very nice three minutes. My wife then started needling where I got them. I tried to change the subject, but she continued to push. I then told her the truth because there were no florists on that walk. I couldn't say it was on my way to one. We ordered nice food and opened a nice bottle of wine, but she was still not pleased with me. I feel like it's either the road is not long enough or the destination isn't good enough. What do you think? I think she's an asshole. Not her specifically, but I think women are assholes on fucking Valentine's Day. They just

are. It's like, what the fuck did she get you? You know, if she showed up with a six pack that they gave her at the port authority, would you be grilling her where she got it? Or wouldn't you just be psyched that she got you some beers? Like what is the fucking price? I swear to God, I think part of their game, the genius of their game is like never being happy. There's something about never being happy and like controlling the sex life that the combination of those two are like devastating because you're just thinking like, you know, keep it happy so it will still fuck me. That's what you think when you're young and when you get older, you just think keep it happy so it won't ruin my weekend. Um, I'm not saying your wife is an asshole, but she was being an asshole.

Yeah, the fuck do you care where I got him? You know, what do you care? And then I gave him to our son. It was fucking adorable. Did you get me any flowers? Did you get me anything? Yeah, the whole fucking thing is so like, they're so much of this shit is just zero effort. Like you're just supposed to be thrilled that they're that they're fucking there and paying attention to you. No effort whatsoever. Having said that, my wife got me a great Valentine's Day gift. What did she get you, Bill? None of your goddamn business. All right, wedding guests, advice. Hey, Billy Bongo boobs. You know, come on guys, I'm trying here, huh? I'm looking for a little

advice on or perspective on a situation with my fiance. We've been together for five years through college and we're getting married this summer. I love her to death and we've always gotten along really well. We normally see things from the same perspective, except for this one thing. She's in grad school and is always studying with a group of friends. One of these friends is a guy I can't stand and has always been a grade A douche nozzle. He's always talking down to people. He's made fun of multiple guys, girlfriends for being overweight and is generally a dick. My fiance wants to invite him to our wedding and I keep saying I don't want him there. She brought it up multiple times and every time I explain that I don't want to see that douche when I look out at

our wedding, I can't even imagine doing that to her if the roles were reversed. Any advice in communicating would be great. Thanks and go fork yourself. PS, more drum talk, always appreciated. Yeah, I don't know what her problem is because if it was the other way around, if you wanted to invite someone, especially if it was a woman and your wife to be didn't like her, there's no fucking way she would be there. Stick to your guns. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. If you don't want that guy at your wedding, he's not at the wedding. That's it. It also sets a bad precedence, dude, for your fucking relationship. If on your goddamn wedding day, your wife's going to bring some guy that you fucking hate. They're like, no, this is the beginning of our

relationship. This isn't going to be me, our legal relationship, I should say. It's not going to be me compromising the entire fucking time and you doing whatever the hell you want to do. Try to say it like that without being angry because that's what I always end up doing. I end up getting fucking mad. Don't say it like that. Just feel like, listen, all right. If you invite that guy, it's going to ruin my day. All right. I would never do that to you. I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't do it to me. That's what I would just say. You know? And then when she's like, is it really going to be like, is it really going to upset you? Just reiterate it. It's going to ruin my time at the wedding.

I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't do it. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm communicating to you. I would really appreciate it if you thought about it and thought about me and the fact that this is also my wedding. This is the fucking annoying me. What the fuck is so special about this guy that he has to be at the fucking wedding? Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. That's annoying. The fucking hovering around your wife fucking douchebag. Anyway, my parents hate my stripper girlfriend. Well, okay. There we go. It's a bit of a left turn here. All right. My parents hate my stripper girlfriend. Hey, Billy, the fat kid. Long time listener, first time writer. First off,

I was at your show in Atlanta. It was awesome. You killed it. So keep doing that. All right. Thank you. My parents hate my girlfriend. I'm a 26 year old chemical engineer. And I accidentally had a baby with my girlfriend who just happens to be a part time stripper. Part time stripper. No, part time stripper. What song was that? Part time lover. Part time stripper. Is that Stevie Wonder? I think that's Stevie Wonder. Part time lover. Oh boy, dude. Chemical engineer. She's a part time stripper. We met at the gym, comma, chill. Oh, telling me to chill. Well, listen, buddy, I'm not the one coming at you, your family is. So don't fucking tell me to relax. I'm happy for you. I mean, I don't get that kid with everything. Okay. It's been causing a lot

of strain on our relationship as I'm trying to make everyone happy. My parents hate her and she hates them. Oh boy, I'd love to hear the advice from an older man who obviously has everything figured out. As always, keep up the jokes and go fuck yourself. Um, well, if you want to make your relationship work, all right, you have to choose your partner. And if that means, you know, putting your parents in check, that's what you have to do. This kind of goes back to the other thing. Like that woman inviting this fucking asshole that her husband to be doesn't like. If a relationship's going to work, she has to hear him and has to honor what he's saying. That's it. So, um,

well, hate's a strong word. If they hate her, why do they hate her? Is it because she's a stripper? Do they feel she got knocked up on purpose? Um, I mean, I got to be honest with you, there's not too many, I don't know, too many 26 year old chemical engineers that knocked up a stripper. You know what I mean? I mean, that's like, uh, that's still just like your girlfriend. I mean, dude, you got to be the fucking wildest chemical engineer I've ever heard in my life. I mean, this is like some rock star shit. Um, it seems like you're sort of like in this zen place in between the two of them. Uh, I would just go to your parents and just say, listen, that woman's in my life now. We have a kid together. She's not going anywhere. All right.

If you hate her and she hates you guys, this is just going to like end up affecting our relationship. So I need you guys to be adults about this. All right. I mean, I don't know how you feel about this woman. You know, you're just calling her your girlfriend. You didn't say once that you loved her. You just said you'd love to hear my advice. Um, so I'm assuming that you love this person. But you said you accidentally had a baby. Oh yeah. Okay. You met at the gym, but she's only a part time stripper. Pa. Well, if you stop knocking her up, maybe she could be fucking full time, bringing some money into the house. Um, yeah, I would just sit, look at it. This woman is in your life at least for the next 18

to 22 years is basically it no matter what happens because you guys have a kid together. So you need your parents to fucking relax and just deal with the fact that she knocked up a part time stripper. I met her at the gym when she was at the squat machine. She wore spandex and my dick got hot. We banged outside by the dumpster and the steroid fucking needles. We had a kid. Now my parents are pissed. I do it. I can't solve this fucking problem. All right. You're a chemical engineer. You're smarter than I am. You can't reverse engineer this shit and get your parents to fucking like her. I don't know what to do with this. What the fuck is a part time stripper? I mean, are you doing it?

And now what does she do on the other? She like a geologist? She can't commit. You know, it's like, I really like geology, but stripping pays so much better. Part time geologist. What does the geologist do? Huh? It's not a paleontologist. You know, there's actually a period of time in my life where I wanted to be a paleontologist. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I took liking dinosaurs to a whole, you know, every fucking kid, boy or girl loves dinosaurs. I don't know what it is about them. They just fucking love them. And I was so into it. I actually thought that I wanted to spend my life fucking digging around Egypt, but there's some shit trying to find these goddamn things.

Thank God. I really feel like the only thing worse than not finding any bones would be finding the bones. And then you got to be like, Oh, let's start taking out your little brush, gradually fucking excavating it. How the fuck do you even know where to, I guess nowadays, there's probably some sort of like a fish finder, but like for dinosaurs. But how the fuck did they do that back in the day? I don't think you could do it. You just had to wait for a fucking farmer to be planting turnips or something. And he came across a, I don't know, a skull or some shit. I don't know. I really don't know a lot of things. All I know is the football season is over. My mouth is dry as hell because I didn't bring a fucking water down here to do this goddamn podcast.

Half my family is sick. I'm fucking hanging in there. Dude, I've been crushing it, crushing it, watching the kids, you know, they finish up in a room, I clean up all the toys. All right, I don't put them down for a nap and then have to come downstairs to a fucking tornado. All right, we play with shit, we put it away, we put it where it fucking goes. And that's it. All right, we sit down, we have breakfast. When it's done, nobody fucking goes anywhere until dad does all the dishes, dries them and puts them away. That's it. That's how it's done. All right, we don't fucking pour him a bowl of cereal and leave the box of cereal out with the flaps open and all of that shit. I just, you know, it's a fucking pet peeve of mine, adults that can't wash

dishes. I would rather that you don't wash dishes. It makes me even more upset that you can't even fucking, you can't wash it, you can't fucking see, you can literally see the food. You can't run your handle on it and just see that you did a bad fucking job. Like who the fuck raised you? Children, fucking children. Anyway, that's another subject. Hey, Paul, man, looks cool as hell. We're going to be great if countries just got along with each other. You know, you could just go places and not have to worry that you're going to fucking get kidnapped, caned, or get put in jail for a little bit of weed. Yeah, that's why you really got to be careful who the fuck you travel with.

Speaking of which, I think I'm doing a run through Europe in September. I've been teasing that. It's definitely going to happen. It's going to be a nice little run there. And I'm going to be going through, I think, the Midwest, as I call it, of Europe and down along the Mediterranean to a country I've never been to before. That's all I'm going to say about that. That right there in the business is known as a teaser. All right, that's it, people. That is the podcast. I can't believe it. Another goddamn football season is over. Just like that. Just like that. Just like that. So anyway, I'm getting geared back up. I'm starting to do spots around town because my tour will start back up again in April. I'll start posting dates soon. I'm very

thankful for all this time that I've got to spend so far because I'm only halfway through this break with my family and my kids. I've been having a blast. My son is crushing it on the drums. He absolutely loves them. We go out and play every day. Boom, boom, bap. Boom, boom, bap. It goes out and just fucking, just wails on him. It's so fun to see. He really loves them. Like the other day, I said, all right, that's it, buddy. We got to go on for lunch and he cried. I was like, oh my god, are you crying because you want to play drums even longer? This is the greatest thing ever. I'm not going to lie to you. It is going to hurt me a little bit when he surpasses my abilities in about fucking three months because he's cruising right along and my daughter's turning out to be

quite the artist. You can draw and it's really into learning how to read and stuff like that. She's so damn smart. I really lucked out. Definitely feeling blessed, all right? And with that, now that I said some very nice things, go fuck yourselves and I'll check it on you on Thursday.