Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-22-16

Episode Date: February 22, 2016

Bill rambles about winter, the NBA and Hitler.

Even though woolly mammoths have been extinct for tens of thousands of years with the metaverse students will be able to go back to the ice age to visit them The metaverse may be virtual, but the impact will be real learn more at meta.com slash metaverse impact Hey, what's going on? It's bill bird. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday February 22nd 2016 what's going on how? How's it going happy Monday to air chin every one of you I Was gonna say to every one of you then I decided to throw in each so that's why the each sounded weird there Just to let you know It's another beautiful day out here in Los Angeles

Getting ready to go out to Fox Woods this This weekend right yeah Friday. I'll be in New York City and then Say and Sunday, I'm gonna be at Fox Woods and It's gonna be hopefully gonna be a good time. I'm gonna do a bunch of stand-up this week So I'm not rusty. Oh freckles can't be walking in there rusty and Definitely looking forward to getting back there although I heard it's fucking freezing But whatever, you know, I can visit winter. I'm a big fucking southern, California softy now

I get there my teeth chattering when it gets in the 40s It's actually not true and that shit too where they go your blood thins out, you know, your blood thins out Then you go back you can't handle the cold. It's like no, that's not what happens You you have access to information in a beautiful life that you could be living still within the parameters of this great country You know all you people back there shoveling that wet snow. I'm just letting you need you don't have to do it You know, I took my dog out this morning by do about do do it. You know what I had on I had on a windbreaker Just walking down the street, I could sit on my back porch in the sun right now

Okay, and burn another couple of cancer cars and freckles into the top of my head Well, I had a little bit of cord flakes, you know sitting out there like that douche in the grow great nut commercials There's always some guy right he come out It was like he was a man's man, but a pretty boy You know like Tom Brady except he couldn't throw a football that guy, right? He'd come out with the the impossible impossibly white robe Brand new white robe they even fucking bleached it right the whitest shit ever and he you know He's got a little fucking bowl of great nuts

Always had some fruit in there because he had that kind of time This guy was so successful He had the time to cut up fruit into his fucking great nuts and he'd go out on his back porch and just chill I remember as a as a little boy as a little orange-headed fucking freckled pussy I remember watching that just going like that guys. Hey guys live in the life. Look at him Look, I got white that robes. He's got fruit in his fucking Great nuts guys crushing it Who's he fucking come on? I want to I want to see the rest of his life

Let me see as And that was the genius of that commercial they never showed his bra. I don't think they did maybe she came out afterwards You know, I don't think so, but that's the genius of it It left you wanted more and you started thinking about his life and you started thinking you know what you know If I start eating great nuts, maybe I'll have an impossibly white robe and I'll come out I'll actually have pigment in my skin, you know nice full head of hair and I'll walk out on my deck barefoot, you know Look at like I got all the money in the world. I got all the answers confidence hell And I even have time to cut up fruit in my cereal. I

Want that life, you know, here it is years later To this day, you know I'm still eating great nuts Sure, I never got the pigment. Yeah, I lost the hair You know Had some structural damage to my house, you know, but I have time to cut up some fruit man Sorry anyways, uh, yeah, so your blood doesn't thin out It doesn't thin out you just know what it's like to experience an 85 degree day in fucking February

And then you go back you just like what what the You know what it's like. It's like you ever see a rich person have to stand in line It's the combination of Frustration and confusion. It's more confusion than frustration. It's more like wait. I don't wait. I Got money like who here who wants this? Who do I give this to so I can go around this? I Don't want to be with these animals These are the people that make my dreams come true. They show up at my factory All right, they put the fucking the nut and bolt in the widget

That I bought off of somebody else they came in with the design they didn't have any money I made him sign a piece of paper. I owned the patent to their idea. I go around all this Right rich guy thoughts And then that's just that confusion. It's like well, why am I I don't do this anymore? That's what West Coast people what we've lived on the East Coast then when they go back East, you know When we parrot troop into fucking winter, that's that's what would they like. I don't do this anymore These chap faced fucking animals back here. I'm not fucking doing this shoveling wet snow stretching out your back you know

All excited cuz you got a new snowblower, you know, that's your winner That's for you. I go around that man. I don't do that shit. I'm out of my back porch You know bathrobe eat some great nuts That's how I'm doing it Do my fucking dog is laying on his bed right now, okay? It's like from the neck down It's on the bed and then like its head is hanging off of the bed Onto the hardwood floor. I mean it looks literally like it got hit by a tranquilizer All right, and you know what I did with it with the dog today

This is why she's so exhausted after at least 11 hours sleep last night the fucking thing goes to bed at like seven at night Telerious like whenever I'm watching the game and I'm just sitting there. She's like over in the corner just Curled up in a ball sound asleep Okay, which is why now for so I can't get her off this clock here. She keeps I Don't know how to keep her up, you know, because she keeps waking me up at like 5 30 quarter to 6 in the morning It's driving me nuts. So anyways, so now after 11 hours of sleeping. I took it around the block That's it. She looks like she ran a marathon. I

Don't fucking know I don't understand why they're so goddamn sleepy all the time. I've never I mean I've had dogs my whole life I've never seen a dog sleep the way this fucking thing sleeps Then it gets up at 5 30 in the morning like a goddamn drill sergeant The only thing it's missing is, you know Remember in full metal jacket when the guy came walking in and he was beating the Billy Club against the empty trash can That's basically what she does to me every morning except it's way more adorable I'll be like sound asleep and then I'm woken up to a cold nose Doing that that fucking

Psycho way they sniff that Does that shit? Fucking her paintbrushed tongue And I'm like, yeah, that's how I wake up every morning. I'm one of those people once you wake me up It's fucking over. All right, just just to let you know in case you ever sleeping next to me, you know, keep it quiet All right, let's move on as I mentioned on the Thursday afternoon podcast just before Friday That I was going to the the Warriors game I was going to the Warriors

Clippers game And I was taking the lovely Nia and because I wanted to go see Steph Curry in his prime You know You got to see him when they're young Before they get the first major injury or before they just get old and remind you that you're gonna die someday, you know You don't need to see that But doing that, you know, I saw Michael Jordan back when he had hair. I see him early

All right, when he was still skinny and the pistons were beating the shit out of him And he was dropping 60 on the Celtics. I saw him then he's probably I saw him when he was they were probably I Think was right before the Jordan threes came out. It was probably the second pair By the way for the record when the first air air Jordans came out I thought they were the ugliest fucking things I had ever seen in the red and black Bulls colors. I thought they were the ugliest fucking things I'd ever seen and by the way Celtics fans How much more likable is power saw now that he's not on the Lakers? I don't know what it is My hatred of the Lakers really just made me hate that guy way more than I needed to

Anyway, so we go down in the game and I'm Yeah, I'm like ridiculous excited like I'm seeing one of the great NBA teams of all time and I'm seeing Arguably the greatest shooter this early in his career. You can actually make that argument. This is this guy is the greatest Shooter in NBA history and in my lifetime. I've watched Andrew Tony Larry legend Reggie Miller And I even throw Kobe Bryant in there. I never saw a guy have two people hanging on him Out by the three-point line and just with his back to the fucking hoop and he still somehow gets it in, you know God knows he's not looking for the open man trying to beat the double team. Why would you do that?

Anyways So I go there. I get on stub hub, right? I fucking pay through the nose. You know what I mean? Fuck it Pay through the nose. I get a six row behind Not behind the bench, but almost behind the Warriors bench, but whatever the fucking table whatever the announcers are and shit I'm like somewhere in there

Six rows back and one of the great things is when you go to an NBA game Is like if you're six rows deep you can like literally hear them calling for the ball you know If if like if the coach if Curse Steve kerf he fucking cursed at the ref like oh what the fucking he gets teed up. I know what he said All right, that's what I paid for That's why I went on stub hub and I said fuck it huh

You want a wheelbarrow barrel full of cash? Here you go. I'm not fucking sitting all the way the staple center is the fucking worst You got to sit down low or else it's like they got this this brownstone of Corporate boxes three decors three three fucking levels of them all the way around It's like a moat between the fucking halves and the have nots and then all the real fans They're up by the fucking air conditioned ducks So it's like that's what's the option. I see the way the fuck up there pay through the nose So I said fucking I'm gonna pay through the nose, right?

So And I'm gonna get there. I'm gonna hear him talk and I'm gonna watch the one of the great shooters of all fucking time And I get there dude, and I I know during all of this. I'm gonna sound like a grumpy old man, but what the fuck Happened to to go into an NBA game Dude, they they didn't there wasn't one moment of silence The entire fucking game they even play music when the fucking games going on I didn't hear one sneaker squeak. I heard a couple of yo calling for the ball. That was it. I heard nothing Because the entire fucking time the game's going on

Some fucking douche is playing everybody clap your hands The whole they played that fucking 50 fucking times First of all, I walk into the fucking building, right and I'm all excited. Where's my seats? I paid through the nose Here we go, right? It's like when you go on vacation and use all your fucking miles. We're sitting up in the front of the plane You can't fucking wait to get on a plane Where's my big comfy fucking seat that I fucking paid for right? That's the level of excitement I had and I go in there And I'm coming down to the seats and first of all, there's some dj guy

There's always a fucking dj. You can't even buy a pair of fucking pants now You walk into a store. There's a fucking some sad looking dj there. Just sitting there, you know with his bad posture You know some hack dj just fucking play in music. I love too with like curse words in it, too Like you're in like a place of business You know Because I'm fucking you tonight, right? They're playing like biggie and shit, right? So, um anyways, this is fucking dj And he's I don't know what the fuck he's doing

Every five seconds make some noise People at section 300 and you can hear me make some noise and everybody's like The game hasn't even started. What the fuck are we cheering? Huh? Are you getting us hyped for the game? You fucking dope. We're about ready to see the clippers and the warriors the warriors got five losses This is like watching the 96 bowls the tear that they're on I don't need you and your richie cunningham varsity fucking clippers jacket out there screaming and fucking yelling Oh, it gets worse. I might blow a fucking Might have an aneurysm on this one. So I'm walking down going. Oh my god. How long is this guy going to be yelling at us?

And meanwhile meanwhile by the way, meanwhile, you know, the clippers are out shooting around And the warriors are about ready to take the court. I'm gonna get to watch Steph Curry fucking hit like 18 three pointers in a row You know, that's what I want to see. That's what I want to hear Okay, I don't need make some noise. I don't need that shit, right? But you know, it's a new day It's a new generation. It's their time. I'm just a grumpy old man, right? So I get down to my seat That I paid through the fucking nose for Right on the fucking aisle and what looks to be it looks like Steph Curry's mouth guard that he's constantly fucking chewing on, right?

And it's like this bracelet And I didn't know what it was. It looked like a fucking it looked like One of those things they stick in the bottom of a men's urinal, right a urinal cake Said if he could stick your fucking you could put it on your wrist So it's taped to the back of my seat. So I immediately just flipped the fucking thing over the other side of my seat Okay, immediately. I'm not participating All right, total contrarian country fucking stand up loner comic. I'm not being part of the group immediately Right, and I'll take that

I'll take 40 of the blame on the rest of this fucking Wine and shit. All right, but the other 60 percent. I'm fucking right So I fucking flipped that thing over and the fucking dj guy with the richie cunningham varsity clippers jacket is down there And he's he's like everybody hold up your fucking urinal cakes And when you hold it up, don't forget to make some noise Everybody clap your hands Dude, this is all going on, right insanity. Oh and by the way, there's a bunch of fucking, you know Like I swear to god, what's that? Who's that fucking guy who does the uh

He sells the nice comfortable t-shirts But for some reason he shoots like 12 year old girls in like sexual positions The fuck is the name of that company? It's not amber comrade and fish. They were into like fucking Wasn't it like a white supremacist Kennedy children? I can't I you know, they it all blends together It begins with an a that's all I know. So they got these fucking like preteens. It looks like coming down You know Dressed like prostitutes and fucking like a b hollywood movie, right?

You know like the ones in uh pretty woman You know the only exciting part of that was when he was looking for a hooker and then he runs into that fucking, you know Mola show and fucking champ there, right? I always hate it when he fucking closed it shut. She goes Fucking laugh at all those fucking teeth. Jesus christ I swear to god that clip right there Was why I never dropped acid because if I ever ran into a woman like that and she did that I swear to god I don't know what would happen. I think my fucking head would explode

so anyways Jesus I haven't got to the start of the fucking game yet. It's how much this fucking bugged me so They're doing dance routines all the shit So in the meantime the fucking warriors take the court and everybody boos him and everything and I'm just literally going like oh my god There he is. There he is. Here he goes and he starts hitting fucking threes And the second he does Every fucking jerk off in the fucking building, right?

Who wasn't making some noise came running down the fucking aisle Everybody with their cell phone cameras out taking fucking video standing up in front of me here I am paying through the nose for my seats. I have them in the sixth row. I gotta stand up to watch a shoot around What are you filming it for the fuck are you filming? I Can't you just fucking just sit there and watch it I saw larry bird do a shoot around in 1986. I still remember I got the video right my fucking head He's fucking dopes all these fucking yolo douches come down right with their fucking phones

So i'm just going oh god here we are you know bill You're the old guy now. This is this is how the youngsters do it. This is how they fucking do it, right? So mercifully people finally end up sitting down It's the end of the goddamn shoot around and we're getting ready to start the game, right? And i'm thinking like okay finally this fucking this this seizure of shit of tumblers and Hoochies and fucking screaming and yelling and making noise and in

Braithlet's fucking blinking is gonna end and I can watch the fucking game, right? There's no way this horseshit goes on During the game there's no fucking way and evidently it's okay that they play music through the whole fucking thing I'm watching steve curry bringing the ball up and i'm listening to drake You used to call me or myself fall you you do you you do everybody clap your hands make some noise, right fucking I can barely hear the speakers squeaking Dude the nba used to be the greatest fucking game if you sat down low To see the game live there's there's no it's not like hockey where you're behind the fucking glass You know it's almost like it's soundproof and even that's still amazing to be down that close

But still there's like this barrier you fucking sit right down on the court And they're right there the fucking ball could bounce into your lap was insane and and you know look Like I said, I'll take 40 percent of this that this is just me being a grumpy old man, okay? You got to keep the game has to keep evolving These kids are growing up with djs People are asking them to make noise and they like to make noise. This is what their fucking generation does fine Fine, but can can you just dial it back a little bit? Every time there was a timeout all of a sudden there was all these fucking

People running out and by the way the kids out there to have a kid dance team. Can you have them do a fucking kid dance? You know what I mean? Jesus fucking christ Half those fucking moves I've seen in a titty bar and I'm a fucking looking at an eight-year-old Everybody clapped your head. It was the whole fucking thing was insane and um so Anyways, and what one of the funny things was I'm sitting there with Nia, right and you know She's a great person. She's not a grumpy person. So she's just enjoying all of it. She's taking it and she's enjoying the game

You know and when all of a sudden they started like I swear to god in like little parachutes they've dropped down um Gift certificates to something that evidently we couldn't afford I don't know what it was I can't even what the fuck it was and everybody's jumping up like leaping up trying to catch these things like it's You know the end of the vietnam war and this is a ticket to get on the last chopper out of there, right? Oh and the fucking t-shirts all of this shit I hate when they sit there and they got one t-shirt left and they start looking at the section

Whatever section can make the most noise and just watching people Like a fucking dog begging for a treat For a free fucking clipper a clippers t-shirt. This isn't even a lakers t-shirt. This is a clippers t-shirt Just watching all of those people Taking all of their self-esteem all every shred of integrity And jumping up and down over a fucking eight-year-old to get a free t-shirt. I don't know So anyways, so nea points out. There's some guy sitting in the front row that she follows on uh

Snapchat I believe it's called I keep calling instagram snapchat And he's this dude who just goes yo, they don't want you to fucking blah blah blah blah blah He's always doing whatever they say he can't do and she goes look at him. He's down there He's right there. Oh look. He's making a snapchat video She's watching the guy make the snapchat video and then she takes out her cell phone two seconds later She watches the thing and i'm watching the guy down there And and doing a snapchat. I just watched the guy film it now I'm watching on her phone and by the way in the meantime

Steph curry is going up and down the flat everybody clap your hands, right? I got 80d. I don't need all of that shit. So anyways As if that isn't bad enough As if I haven't been going on and on You know Needing an entire fucking box of tampons at this point. How much i'm bitching At least I even though I can't hear it Even though there's going to be somebody standing up in front of me

Even though they're shooting t-shirts at me telling me to make some noise and clap my fucking hands Like I don't know where i'm at Okay Helen keller should get like this level of fucking direction if she goes she's dead whatever anyways Steph curry goes out there Immediately gets a file I'll give it to you. It was a file. All right

Three minutes later. They call some tiki-tack horseshit on the guy He's got two files in the first quarter now. They sent him down An old fucking freddy stomp up is sitting there going dude. What the fuck? This is the guy ain't paid to sing Everybody yo-yo still yo-yo still makes some noise after I'm fucking beside myself Fucking beside myself going this is why I fucking hate that this is why this is why these games get fixed This is why the nba is fucking fixed because this is the only

sport of the four major sports That the goddamn fucking referee can take the best guy out of the game. Just give him two quick ones in the first quarter Can you imagine if you want to go to a football game, right? Oh, freddy stomp up. I'm gonna see fucking I'm gonna see tom brady versus Peyton manning the last time I'm going to that fucking broncos fucking patriots playoff game and whatever Tom Brady gets two quick ones for intentional grounding or some shit and next thing, you know He's standing on the sideline and the fucking backup quarterbacks in there. You're just standing there like dude. Are you fucking serious? The guy spent like the whole first half on the fucking bench

It was brutal and the refs were calling fucking everything Teen everybody up and I actually the only cool part about sitting down low that I saw was at one point Is it Steve Kerr said his first name? He fucking looks over at dock rivers and they he gives dock rivers. I like dude. You fucking believe this shit and dock looks back at him Like yeah, what the fuck? Like sharing this moment just as coaches Like sharing this moment just as coaches Like what the fuck are these refs doing?

So I don't know what happened at halftime If somebody called them up and said hey, man, this is like one of the best games of the weekend. You're fucking this up. All right Put your goddamn whistle away in the second half. They let him play and it was it was beautiful It's a fucking amazing game despite the fact all of that shit was going on um I know I know I went on and on I probably went on too long. I understand but like, you know, it's it's such a great game and uh You know, I kept thinking about me always watches all like those fucking uh

You know reality shows and stylish shows and all that shit And uh, you know when they trash people for what they're wearing If somebody comes out and they be like, oh honey too many accessories You need to take a couple of things off and just go out like You know They have like like too many fucking bracelets and then the fucking I don't know a hat And a scarf just too many accessories and they go you just take a couple of things off before you go out into the world

You know be more Parisian. Don't be Tampa, florida. Okay. I don't know why I said Tampa I just want to think of no class. I just think of northern florida Yeah, I just said that You fended why don't you look out your fucking window? Pass the crocodile over to your truck with the steel balls hanging off the back of it I'm fucking with you florida Come on, man. You can't be all bad if Walt disney decided to put his world there. Um That's what I feel like at those basketball games. They just just dial it back a little bit. Okay

Could the booty dancers be maybe, you know, could they at least be in junior high? Could could that happen that that could be nice, you know Could you play everybody claps their hands? Maybe just 18 fucking times during the game You know, if somebody pays through the fucking nose to get sixth fucking row Could I could I at least hear the sneakers squeaking? They don't give a shit You know what they should have done at the end of the game You know like you know that when you go to the joke shop and you just open the thing up and all the snakes would come flying out

That's what they should have done to the whole crowd. Just give them a fucking facial a fucking t-shirts and You know, I got to be honest with you even for me. That was extra cunty. Um But once again, dude, I always stay to the end of the game. I don't know why people leave and um The warriors were up by like fucking 12 15 points or something I think it was no wait, they would see They were up by 11. They were like 15 points And they cut it to 11 and people are leaving because there's only like a minute and a half left Everybody's like well, fuck this

Gotta beat the traffic, which is understandable in la and everybody starts leaving and i'm psyched because it's getting quiet and I could finally hear these guys out on the court, right? and um So the clippers bring the ball up And they this is like they've taken all the stars around the game at this point They just got the bench in for both teams. What the fuck even they're saying this game's over clippers bring it up. They hit a three Right, so now it's like a fucking eight-point game

Warriors whatever they inbound the ball clippers steal it run to the three-point line I'll uh fucking reggie miller boom hit another three Now it's a five-point game now the people left like oh, shit the fuck the warriors like okay Settle down settle down get it past half court. They get it past half court Fucking clippers steal it again go to the three-point line. Boom hit another one. It's a two-point game And the crowd's going crazy The people who are left are going fucking crazy. This is what I wanted Now all of a sudden they're fucking putting all the a-listers are coming back in to save the fucking day

Chris Paul's back out there fucking Steph Curry the whole fucking thing The warriors bring the ball back up again. They somehow lose the ball Three two the clipper guy's bringing it down. He jumps up in the air looking for somebody to pass it to And then sees like oh fuck. There's not enough time yet and then launches An attempt that it looked like they brought me out on the fucking court And it fell like got off way short. It was just the wrong guy with the ball At the end of the fight. I don't know who the fuck it was, but uh even Nia looked at me. She just goes like what what what was that? I don't fucking know

I don't know and then that was the end of the game and then they were like thanks for coming out Make some noise um But anyways at the end of the day I I feel like I saw Steph Curry I got to give it up to the warriors though, man Like just watching the watching them the way they move with the ball around and all of that and even with You know their star on the bench, man. There was a Thompson. I don't I don't know shit about hoop as you can tell

Thompson that guy was fucking killing them and then they got this other dude They had like backup center or something this guy is a fucking house. He looks like a defensive lineman if you know You put six inches on him and he had one dunked during the game I can't believe he didn't fucking yank the whole rim down It was fucking hilarious. He got ahead of steam and everybody just got the fuck out of the way um And if only they weren't playing drake during the time when it happened, man I could actually could have heard that fucking earth shatter and dunk

It was literally 30 feet away. I couldn't even hear it All right, I'm done. Okay. I just had to vent. I'm sorry guys. I just you know, just had a rough time All right, let me fucking I've been talking so much. I've gone into screensaver I can never remember the fucking password You know, you know what it is. I can't talk and do this at the same time these stupid fucking capital letters Come on one time one time Then the 52 fucking numbers that come at the end

And of course it's wrong Why would it be right? Do I literally have to hit pause? Hang on Hang in there with me. Oh when he gets it. All right, let's get to uh Let's get to some of the uh the advertising here for this week Uh, dude, that was literally like a 30 minute fucking bitch fest I literally should pay for brunch right now Thanks for listening guys. I feel so much better. All right blue apron

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I don't like it. I don't like reading out loud. I'll admit it um All right, let's continue on here with the fucking bitch fest that is that this podcast has become this week. Um By the way, the fucking boston bruance, you know Had a boring game against the predator's lost two to nothing and then we uh Uh We went down three to one Against the great dallas stars team one of my favorite fucking teams to watch that's a team

I'm rooting for out in the west even though I still love the black hawks and the kings And I know what you're thinking hockey fans. How the fucking you like the black hawks and the kings their rivals It's because I'm in the eastern conference I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit that you guys hate each other or respect both your franchises All right, excuse me Full liking what you're doing in both teams um But I like the dallas stars because uh

I don't know. I just I just um You know, they're the upstarts It's always been kings and black hawks. So you got to go for the underdog, right? and uh I know I just like watching to play So anyways, why don't I feel so defensive right now? I just enjoy watching a place So they go up three to one and my god, this sucks. I'm going to swatch my team get their ass kicked But at least I get to watch uh

I get I get to watch the stars But uh, that was it and I bet all you fucking uh cowboy fans watching uh hockey. I can get into this man They're up three to one. That's four goals in one fucking period. It's called a period, right? Yeah, I'm enjoying this man I'm really enjoying this and then that was it. They got the old right there friend Right there friend from fucking the Bruins a little cold lotion for you fucking cowboys Bruins went on and scored six unanswered goals Brad Marchand Marchand However, the fuck he's supposed to pronounce it. They switched it halfway through

um Scored goal number 29 and 30. I thought he had 29 goals the other day, but he's got he scored 29 and 30 So he's never scored 30 goals um That's good man. We haven't had like a big goal scorer in a long fucking time I'm hoping he scores 50. Obviously it's not I don't think he's gonna make it to there, but he's he could get 40 I'm trying to think the last time Who is the last Bruin to score 40 goals?

Since I've been getting the uh You know, I'm gonna look that up right now My my only guess that I could make would be cam nearly because there was like a five-year period I barely watched a Bruins game because I was just I barely watched any sports Because I was sleeping on a futon and I was Rapidly approaching my mid 30s and I had to get some shit going in my career here. All right, uh last Bruin To score 40 goals

Do you know something it just came up Before I even typed it out. Is this fucking thing listening to me now? These things are so creepy All right, who's the last Bruin to score 40 goals in a season? I'm gonna say cam nearly that's the last one. I remember When was the last time the Bruins won the cup 2011? We know that who scored the most own goals Why are the Bruins named the Bruins the named after a bear? I'll fuck you They don't even that's sorry about the audio that they don't even have the fucking

Jerome McGillna the next 40 no list of players with 50 goals Boston Bruins Yeah, it's not even here. All right some fucking NHL nerd If you could fucking answer that one for me Um Joe Thornton I don't fucking know anyways, uh, all right Let's get on with the uh, let's get on with the questions here. Oh by the way fucking donald trump is this guy's crushing it He just said that he feels it's gonna be him and hillary clinton Bernie sanders doesn't have a chance and hillary will make it unless she gets indicted dude. He that guy

Is so fucking brilliant. He just told everybody that this is what's gonna happen And the amount of dopes after watching people dive in over each other for free t-shirts They're just gonna listen to him and then that's what's gonna happen And then he fucking throws a little fucking You know a little fucking Whatever pipe to the knee of hillary going unless she gets indicted which gets that shit store. I'm going again Will hurry quit getting died it I have to tell you if those are going to be our two choices. This is it has to be a low point in this country

You know what I mean? When we have the star of a reality show On one side and then the filthy fucking clintons Oh my god, and it's not even bill Clinton. You know what I mean? It's just it's just fucking unbelievable It's like you're literally like I said, why would you hire the plumber's wife to come over and fix your sink? I don't understand politics I don't get how you can just start at such a high fucking level with no goddamn experience. Like how do you just start as a senator? You know or that fucking the mayor in new york. They're bloomberg. I got a billion dollars. Yeah, I want to run this city now

Yeah, get those cars out of there. I'm gonna put some chairs down. It's like who the fuck is this guy? How come you don't have to start in the mail room, you know, you don't have to start off as like an open Micro like a comedian. Well, I was married to a president and I'd like to be senator Shut up Oh god, listen to that fucking voice listen to that voice who looks at that Oh, Donald Trump with that fucking wigwam Be a manager shave your head, you know, all right two reads for this week Oh, no, I already got past this. Let's get into the uh

Let's get into the questions here for this week. Let's try to fucking calm me down Um, you know, it's funny is to listen to this podcast. You wouldn't realize what a fucking great mood. I'm in Uh, I'm actually uh, you know, I'm in a great mood This is what I sound like when I'm in a great mood. Believe it or not And I still had a great time at the fucking game All right, just so you know that okay. All right, all all things comedy announcement All right, this is not happening returns to comedy central tuesday night friday, uh, February 23rd at 12 30 after midnight this season features long-form storytelling from all things comics al madrigal

uh, christina presinsky and steve samone and philippe asparza to check that out on uh What I say February 23rd. Oh, that's tomorrow night unless you're listening to this in the future and then you missed it Um, this is not happening. All right All right. Now this is happening. I'm reading a question here All right, this guy, you know This guy had a bunch of shit. So I edited the whole thing. Here's his question. He says i'm 35 years old

And still living with my father pathetic. I know believe me. It's not by choice I'm finally recovering from Lyme's disease which sucked away 10 years of my life And I will have my student loans paid off in a couple of months months What's also sucked away 10 years of my life. Jesus christ, dude Coming with the misery here in a couple of months My father is selling the house that we currently live in and moving into a cheaper fixer upper so he can be mortgage free I love that. It's a great idea provided. You know how to fix it up um

Speaking of which I got all all the door the last two interior door locks are going to work. I got a skeleton key for all of them I'm so ridiculously excited and for the life of me. I can't find anyone else who gives a shit I've had people over the house and I go look at this. Isn't this great and they're like, yeah Why would you want to walk doors in your house? You know loved it my mother-in-law She came over And she she freaked she was just like oh my god. She goes that is so cool. She totally got it And that that made it worth it right there. So anyways, let me uh, let me continue on

He goes so anyways, yeah, I paid off his two loans. He goes I can so my here's the choice I have to make I can either live With my dad even longer than I already have and be rent free in this fixer upper so that I can save up money and get my own place Or I can rent a shitty apartment and burn a grand a month which would clearly be better spent on a new house If I was in my 20s or early 30s I might be a little more open to the idea of renting which I did in college The upside of renting an apartment is having a little more confidence and integrity when I'm out on a date

Knowing that we can retreat back to my own place instead of my parents house Well, dude, why don't you just hit him with the lime disease fucking story? You know And just tell him yeah, I'm living at home because I'm not dropping a grant I'm going to be buying a house as long as long as you have a game plan Women will fucking they'll they'll they'll ride it. They'll ride it out with you for a little bit feel the same. Listen, yeah I had lime disease for 10 fucking years And uh, I finally got over it and I had to move back in with my dad

And that's brutal right there had moving back in with my dad. You almost want to have that part of a whole Another arena run on sentence. You just got to plow right through that Had to move back home with my dad, but um, I'm on a How the fuck do you got to say you got to say I moved back home with my dad But I I almost have enough money for a down payment on a house So I'm not throwing a thousand. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's it. Oh, it's a rough one, you know um Now, you know what fuck these fucking fuck them

Fuck them. Just tell them what you're doing. Yeah, I'm living at home because I'm saving up to buy a house Yeah, I am 35 just own it Yeah Listen, I have my own back entrance into the house. My dad won't see Anyways, let's plow ahead if I was in my 20s or early 30s I might be a little more open to the idea of renting which I did college. Sorry. I already read that The upside of renting an apartment is having a little more. Ah, Jesus Christ bill um

All right, it's also the freedom of coming home to a quiet house and knowing that my goddamn food will still be in the Refrigerator when I get home. My brother is also still living at home. He suffers from migraines Um, dude, what the fuck where do you what do you live near what sort of fucking? This sounds like one of those fucking movies where they're you know, they're You guys eating the lead paint in your house. Like what's going on here? Is that how you get Lyme disease? Where do you go on a fucking hike? Not wearing any shoes and get bit by a tick. I can't remember. There's too many fucking diseases

Anyways, he goes, so should I get on with my life and start pissing money away? On rent or should I stick it out a little longer and continue to live with Father so I can get my own fixer-upper love the podcast. Thanks and go fuck yourself in the a with the d jk um All right, I would uh Look if you just have to stick it out a little longer who gives a fuck at this point. You already did 10 years You know if if if you can get yourself in a situation where you can actually own the place where you're living um

When I should I shouldn't say that you're basically you instead of having a landlord the bank's your landlord You have a mortgage and people say do you rent or do you own? I own I own a house. We bought a house. Oh, yeah outright No, no, we're making mortgage payments. All right, then you don't own it somebody owns you Right, that's what happened You used to be you used to you used to be in a situation where Somebody owns you month to month but at any point you could just take off you could leave the plantation

Okay, now you just signed up for 30 years With somebody fucking putting it in you every fucking month So what I would say is I would stick it out a little bit longer with my dad and uh, I would buy a house where You know, it's not one of those deals where you can just make the mortgage payment You got to get into a situation where not only do you're making the mortgage payment, but you can throw something at the principal You know You got to beat the fuck out of that and you got to beat the fuck out of it quick

Because they front-end load all the interest which to this day. I don't know why it's legal. Oh, yeah, that's right That's right. The president only makes 400 grand a year that oh, I think that's right. That's right Yeah, and bankers go out and have like 400,000 dollar fucking You know Like I wouldn't even say Christmas parties I mean, that's what they probably play the outfield to come and play their daughter's 16th birthday There's no way they pay for them 400 grand green day You can get green day for 400 grand right play a half hour in your backyard. That's a that's a that's a trio

It's 125 133 thousand dollars each 134 for the lead singer because he's he's playing all the guitar parts and singing. All right I'm gonna do a startup. I want green day to pay my play my 48th birthday. All right, uk United Kingdom dear bill When are you coming back to the uk and are you watching any football parentheses soccer in between Bruins games? No, I've been just I've been really fucking busy. So I haven't gotten to watch any of that. I saw a little bit the other day I don't know was in some pub. I always watch it man when I could you know if I got

If I stumble upon it, I will watch it, but I'm hoping to do a european tour Towards the end of the summer Maybe like in august it'd be really interesting to go through scandinavia You know when the sun's not going down at three and three in the afternoon, which to be honest with you I actually think it's pretty fucking cool you know I Got to admit when I went to iceland in december

That's the fucking time to go. Don't go in the summertime when every jerk off is there You go in the summertime when nobody wants to go And then you go to that blue lagoon fucking spa It's just that's naturally Heated by the fucking volcanoes or whatever the fucking it's it's incredible Fucking incredible one of the uh One of the coolest places i've ever been to But yeah, i'm definitely going to be coming back

Doing a big stand-up tour and i'm going to be adding some uh Eastern european countries um And i'm really excited about that a buddy of mine just went to germany was saying what a great time they had and he was actually in a bar And uh met somebody that knew what my stuff was or something do some of my stand-up jokes or something So i'm mostly german so i would be excited to uh to go back to the uh to the motherland there Um speaking of which i actually watched this documentary my wife tape was talked to that the charisma of adolf hitler On uh pbs

And it was this fascinating thing how they talked about just what is charisma You know and They had this whole thing we're saying how like hitler could not Had just no functioning relationships with anybody One on one But he just crushed it in front of a crowd and now he would make them wait And all of that shit was fucking hilarious like he's waiting to start his speech everyone's cheering And he's just standing there until they're dead silent, you know

It reminded me one time a neah took i took neah to go see erica badoo And she comes out and everyone wants her to sing and she spends the first five minutes just walking around lighting the incense So i'm watching hitler she got she got this from hitler It's the same fucking thing everybody's like oh oh we need to behave ourselves and then The performance will begin But they had all these creepy fucking speeches That he was getting he was doing this thing where he was going there's a group of people among us Who

Can basically live anywhere they do business anywhere It doesn't matter them to them they live in paris next month. They'll live they'll live in fucking vienna Then they'll live here and blah blah blah blah with no ties to their homeland. He just keeps spoon feeding them You know, he won't come out and say it This group of people because they have no attachment to germany You know, but blah blah blah and then finally somebody in the crowd goes

Yelled out jews And hitler never addressed it and then just kept going It was you have to see this. It is the creepiest Absolutely absolutely the creepiest fucking thing i've ever seen in my life And then uh, but i would i would Be lying to you if i didn't tell you that i learned some things As far as performance in front of a crowd I mean you got to give it up the guy was a beast

I don't i don't even remotely agree with the guy's message, but jesus christ The guy's going out in front of a crowd, you know a kevin hart sized fucking crowd And it doesn't say a fucking word. He doesn't get to do the exact opposite of the clippers game makes a noise, right? Jesus christ Hitler's got to come back and start running the nba there. I said it I said if he can just get past the fact that 99 of the players are african-american I think he could do some great things for the league. I think he quieted it down All right, sorry anyways So I will be going to eastern europe. That's what I was trying to say or europe in general the uk. There we go

All right apple fives the fbi dear big brother billy What are your thoughts on the battle between apple and the fbi regarding hacking into the the Phones of the sand Bernardino terrorists also just the fact that the fbi has the phones for two months And can't get into them put a dent into any government overreach conspiracy theories Now he says the situation with apple is fbi wants apple to create an operating system that would allow for them to hack Encryption on the phone They would upload the system to the terrorist phone to allow them to unlock it. However

If apple does this the operating system can be used by the fbi and others to totally Compromise any security on any iphone in the future. Oh the solution is simple It's just like just bring the phones to us and we'll hack into it and whatever information you need on the phones We'll do that for you Yeah, once again Because of these terrorist cunts What you're going to do is you're going to hack into the phone and you're going to hack into the phone Yeah, once again because of these terrorist cunts

What you're going to do is you're going to allow all the you know These fucking lunatics at the top to take even more power and privacy away from you and I could just Simplest way to tell you this is just like You know the the amount of people out there that can that can actually handle power Uh, it's very rare. I mean look in my business. Okay, you see what happens, you know, everybody's down to earth Everybody's cool. And all of a sudden you get your own sitcom and next thing, you know You're banning people from the set you're tipping shit over and nobody's saying shit because you're making all this fucking money You don't handle it. Well, right

being like Being like in the top levels of government and security. It's the same fucking thing I don't think they handle it. Well, I think it's way too much freedom And i'm sick of people saying shit like well, hey, man, if you're not doing anything then what are you worried about? I'm worried about the fact that you know just, you know Well human beings do we're awful. We're fucking terrible people We're terrible with the amount of access that we have now. You don't need to give people more access and I don't feel like

You know, they keep just hiding behind this whole fucking thing of like You know, well, we're just gonna use it for the bad people. It's like, yeah, but you get to decide who the fuck's bad That snowden guy He had to walk away what they were building was like the fucking batman movie They spy on their own fucking people. They're lunatics. I don't know what they do. I always picture them just sitting there fucking Dude, you know, like that snowden guy he says when he stays in a fucking hotel room He unplugged the phone because they had that speakerphone. Do you know that down at the front desk? They can turn it on And just listen to whatever you're doing in there, you know, fucking you lady talking to yourself

Rubbing one out Whatever the fuck you're doing in the privacy your own fucking hotel. They can just listen in on that shit It's fucking it's just the whole thing is creepy and Yeah, no, it's I can't imagine You know what by the time, you know, if I live, you know, to be like 90 100 years old like I would like to Um, I want to see the fucking I want to live in every fucking decade You know, I want to get to the 60s again. I was born in 1968. I want to make it. You know, I just keep thinking shit like that

I want to make it, right? So Um, I can't imagine like the lack of privacy that there'll be if if you live that long Just with like people with like drones and shit like that like the cameras and just how like I think in the future, right? They're gonna have like these, uh Like microchips like misters, you know And like somebody walks by And somebody just hits you with a little mist and all these little microchips go on you And when you shower like most of them come off

But like a few will still stick on you and then your next door neighbor can just watch your whole fucking life There'll be no more tv shows. We'll just be spying on each other I don't know. I think it's all fucking creepy and I think that's way too much I don't think the fbi needs to fucking do that. I think apples should work with the fbi And uh, if there's ever like somebody that they want to fucking check in on, you know, let them do it. So I'm gonna call them up Um, hang on one second Hey, I'm finishing up my podcast. Let me call you back in five minutes. All right Cool. Um, all right, let's get on to the next one. All right gay friend

Hey bill first off. Thanks for the laughs. Well, you're welcome I'm 30 years old and decided to go back to school two years ago to study Chemistry I'm an idiot like you but with enough effort anything is possible. Yep. I believe kevin garnett said that During my first semester back I befriended a gay guy. I am not gay myself nor am I homophobic I've also never had a gay friend. We have a lot in common except for the fact That he likes to give and take it up. Yes. Jesus christ, dude You could have said except that he likes gay sex. All right, I don't proofread these I just stumbled on the sentences Here we go during that first semester

I started to get the feeling that he liked me Uh, I started to get uncomfortable studying with him and stopped answering his phone calls for a few days After those few days, I decided to call him explain my concerns. I told him that I've never had a gay friend before I think he's a cool guy, but I also explained that I'm getting the feeling that he thinks he might have a chance Dude, that's you handled it perfectly. He goes he laughed and he assured me that he wasn't hitting on me and knew I wasn't gay He also told me that if he feel he if he if I feel he crosses a line to tell him Tell him okay. Great. I said I don't know dude. He said he wasn't hitting on you and then he's kind of like yeah, but if I cross the line

I The way I look at at the end of the day, it's a guy All right, and guys think you know if you're talking to him you want to hook up, right? That's why women, you know when they walk down the street guys are like smile. Say hello It's like I can't or else you think I want to fuck you and then I got to deal with that level of interaction That's why I got to walk down the street with this donald trump look on my face, right? The same thing I always I feel that would like gay guys you can't you can't you can only be so fucking nice Or they're gonna think they got a shot because they they they were born with a dick

That's what I told I did a bit about that your dick's a dreamer Your dick believes man It's fucking waving everybody around the third base. All right now. I'm in my second year Of school fourth semester and we have more of the same classes, but not together over the winter break He called me and asked if I wanted to go to the bar with him and some other friends from school I happily said yes and drove to the bar after about two hours He asked me if I have any weed and if I'd smoke Smoke him down

Are we still talking about weed here? What are we doing? He's I said sure let's go to my truck and smoke a bowl during this drunken stoner session He proceeds to get where get out of the truck get out Yeah, you got it. So yeah Listen, dude, you know what your gut was right You called him on the shit and he said that he wasn't and I I knew it with that fucking line But if I ever crossed the line, let me know

Dude, he was trying to wear you down He was trying to hang in there long enough that you finally just said, you know what fuck it So basically okay He proceeds to get where he goes basically telling me that he knows I'm not gay But I'm the kind of guy he likes and I'm one of his best friends and now his life sucks because he's gay I just started laughing and saying what the fuck I'm too nice of a guy To say get the fuck away from me. So I let him finish his thoughts

He was drunk at being emotional too, which was annoying. He reminded me of my ex-girlfriend. I'm just glad he didn't start crying Anyway, after what after after he was done. I said that's great, but I'm not Wired that way. Sorry He kept going on and on asked me if I'm sure There isn't any secret hidden desire buried deep within me. Oh, yeah, dude. It's it's late night It's late at night. This guy he's going all in Uh, I explained to him that if I was doing the same thing to a girl that I had a crush on I would be considered a creep and that the girl wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore

Dude, why are you writing me man? You got all you handle in all of this perfectly um I already failed because the second he got weird in my truck. I would be like get out get out This was about two months ago and I've ignored him since he called me three times and I ignored them Two of the calls were in the middle of the night. Oh Jesus 130 at 230 a.m. Which leads me to believe He was being drunk and emotional Exactly. He goes just like a 23 year old girl

He goes I don't see him at school anymore because I avoid him on purpose My question to you is am I doing the right thing? Yeah, you're totally doing the right thing It's just because you're both guys And that because he's gay and he's like basically in the media They're always considered victims if there's any sort of soul like you got to be more accepting You know at some point if somebody's making you fucking uncomfortable and you fucking address it and they still cross the line If that's something you're not comfortable with that. Yeah, fuck off It's over beat it

You're fucking creeping me out You know Anyways, he goes my question to you is am I doing the right thing? I've never gone out of my way to avoid someone like this except for a girl after I break up with them I have no desire to hang out with them anymore. It's not that big of a deal It's not like a work friend you hang out with But then one of you gets a different job and the two of you stop hanging out I do feel bad though because he has had a hard life

He's the classic gay guy who grew up in texas and was harassed and is hated by his dad It sucks, but it's not my problem. I used to listen to his problems and try to give him advice on life And happiness and be a good friend, but after that whole trucker's incident I don't want to do that anymore. Thanks for the help. Hope you and the lovely knee have a great day. Yeah, no, dude You're you're fucking You handle it perfectly you never a jerk to the guy you told him exactly how you were feeling at the end of the day You had respect for yourself and your own boundaries, which he didn't so fuck off You know, yeah

Teach him a uh, you know, teach him a lesson next time he has a straight friend, you know, just be be a friend Don't get high going to his truck and try to fuck him. You know It's pretty straightforward. All right germaphobe bill the I can't I don't know lucasite. What the fuck does that word? I gotta look that word up Is that some fucking spaceship? Is that a uh I don't know what that means. I feel like half the podcast is laughing at me and the other half is pretending pretending like they know

What the fuck it means lucasites a colorless cell That circulates in the blood And bodily fluids and is involved in counteracting foreign substances and diseases. It's a i'm a white cell Dude, that's that you didn't realize how fucking original that is I hope I said the word right. Jesus christ. That was fucking brilliant My hat's off to you

And also ties in with germaphobe You know, whenever you get sick, your white cell count goes up. Do you realize on how many fucking levels that insult is working? Jesus christ tip of the hat to you All right a few days ago. I was stretching in the gym with the girl. I was dating She picked up her phone from a bench looked at the screen and said God my screen is so dirty and then proceeded to use her tongue To lick the phone screen and wipe it off with her sleeve What the fuck

Gee just when you thought getting high with your gay friend and he goes for you dick in your truck was the fucking weirdest Almost uncomfortable thing you were gonna Jesus He goes I dry heaved and she got mad at me Claiming that she was a medical student And done things like that Doing things like that was good for for my immune system Fucking med students always got to tell you they are med students He goes I couldn't get over it. I had to get away from her

Now it's in my psyche that maybe I am a germaphobe When I use an ATM or debit card pin pad, I always have to wash my hand touching those things grosses me out Am I a germaphobe? P. S. How many hands do you shake a day? um No, dude your girlfriend is a med student, but she's also gross. That's fucking disgusting That's fucking disgusting period

Okay, there's so many other ways where you can just going to the fucking gym is enough to keep your immune system up You don't need to lick your phone. You're fucking pig Disgusting that's fucking gross. All right End of story. No, you're not a germaphobe. You're an intelligent human being that's you know, you're just aware Yeah, I don't like touching those fucking things When I go to the airport, I got it like I got to get on that little shuttle bus thing And they're like hold on before the fucking thing starts I always pull down the sleeve of my jacket and I hold on to it like that. Yeah

I don't need fecal matter and mucus and jizz and god knows what else is fucking on that thing all right gross You're not a germaphobe. All right, how many hands do I shake a day? uh, I don't know Sometimes zero Sometimes uh, if I do wish I don't I don't fucking know I I know but I go and I wash my hands afterwards And I don't touch my face after I do it because I'm afraid I'm gonna get pink eye

But uh, I don't shake a lot of hands But I will say people love coming out of the bathroom and then be like hey bill and then shaking your hands I I really got it in the moment get better and be like dude. No, you just came on. Come on. Give me the elbow, dude You just came out of the bathroom. I don't know you. I don't know if you're good at washing your hands I want to know you like that. All right Dilemma hey bill. Oh, that reminds me a long time ago. I worked the improv in Dallas And I pissed off this fucking. Oh, I think I pissed off this older Texan guy Or maybe this was his weird idea of humor. He came up and shook my hand right at the end of the show

I said, hey man. Thanks for coming out. He just goes I just paid I was like, all right, well, you know, I'm not gonna do anything with my hand my hand is you could have your urine on it It's fine. I'm not gonna eat. I'm just gonna shake a bunch of other hands now And they're gonna have you pee on it and then I'm gonna wash you my hands and it's gonna be over You know what I mean? You don't think you got you just went into the bathroom. You don't have any idea what's on your fucking hands Um, that's now on my hands. Yeah, we're all filthy. All right dilemma Hey bill, uh, so I'm in a bit of a tight situation me and some buddies were playing to take on taking a weekend trip down to Austin to attend a music festival

My ladies Grandma is getting married the same week the same weekend as the concert. Obviously I have to pick My ladies grandma is getting married the same weekend as the concert. Obviously I have to pick which event I'm going to attend Your girlfriend's grandma is getting married Well, when the fuck did grandma have her mother when she was like 12 My girl, there's no choice here. This isn't a dilemma This is like an obvious He goes my girl left it completely up to me with no hard feelings attached

At least from her. I'm afraid of upsetting her family by not going to the wedding. Fuck that go to the fucking wedding Look, if you're gonna marry this girl, you have to establish early that you're not going to every stupid fucking function You have to do that He goes, but I should mention that my my girl's grandma doesn't really care much for me or so it seems she tells my girlfriend That she should explore her options a bit while she's still young also And I also have not been formally slash officially invited My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years. So it's not like I'm a new boyfriend or anything What should I do? I'd love to hear the lovely Nia's take as well if she's around. Unfortunately, she's not around

Um Dude, fuck that you go down with your friends and you go to the concert. You have a great fucking time Okay, and if this woman doesn't like you at the end of the day, she's gonna die soon. So who gives a fuck Okay, it gives a shit It's not like her mom doesn't like it Then that's a problem because she's gonna be around and you're gonna have kids and she's gonna fucking show up And it's gonna be a big fucking pain in the ass Grandma gives a fuck, right?

She should explore her options. Is she still running around single in her fucking 80s, you know, she's just projecting her own regret of that fucking Oxen driver she married back in the 1920s, whatever the fuck she did. Yeah, go to the concert. It's not a dilemma dude. Go to the concert Just tell your girlfriend. So you know what? I decide I'm gonna go to the concert Have a good time at the wedding and just fucking leave it at that and if she gives you a rough time about it Don't bring up the fact that your grandma or grandma doesn't like you and blah blah blah because then she's gonna try and fix it No, you guys just need to spend more time together Just tell her I would just I would rather go to the concert Yes

And just leave it at that if she gives you a ton of shit, just be like listen, you know If I invited you to something, you know, also I had plans to go to a concert and you chose to do that I wouldn't give you a rough time about it. I would want you to do what was going to make you happy I would appreciate if you extend me the same courtesy Yeah, I see now I was gonna say you fucking sound so and so don't don't don't don't do the last part. All right. That's what I would do All right. Okay. There you go. All right. That's the podcast for this week. Everybody everybody back your heads um, thank you for listening um, and thank you everybody that's uh

you know Coming out to the shows this weekend at foxwood's um You know I some people were talking about, you know, the ticket prices and everything I can't control that people go on and buy some these fucking Scalp and ticket things, you know the stub hop peoples of the fucking world So I got to figure something out with that. I know louis ck does something where he sells tickets You know on his own website But my thing is like well, then how do you stop them from just going to your website and buying up a bunch of tickets?

and sending The fucking price through the roof like how do you do that because I don't want you guys getting fucked over Um, but I can't tell you this if you do go and you do pay through the nose There won't be anybody screaming and yelling and shooting fucking t-shirts at you while I'm doing my dick and shit jokes. All right Okay, that's the podcast go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on thursday Some people say the metaverse will only be virtual But one day firefighters will use augmented reality to navigate burning buildings faster saving crucial seconds when lives are at risk Doctors will use the metaverse to visualize scans and make quicker decisions in a and e

And though woolly mammoths are extinct in the metaverse students will go back to the ice age to visit them The metaverse may be virtual But the impact will be real lemmel at meta.com slash metaverse impact