Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-24-20

Episode Date: February 24, 2020

Bill rambles about flat-Earthers, Joel Olsteen, and dog training.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday Fack in February 20 foe root foe root 20 foe Go down to Brockton What's going on? How are you? How are you? How's it going in your world? That's fucking great Sorry Usually trying to be soft mark. I just try to be fucking silly, but anyway, let's let's get on with the podcast I once again have another fucking early day tomorrow

Just trying to make it too much All right, let's let's right out of the gate I just want to address something that you know, it was really fucking annoying this shit out of me So this fucking guy, right? He was a flat earther Which I got to be honest with you, where did these people come from? Who are these people? You know It was proven like we were flat earthers and then somebody finally said wait a minute It's it's round and then the church decided to kill the guy, right? Oh, no way

When he said the Sun was the center of the fucking solar system It's like no where the earth is we are because God made us like in his fucking thing his image, right? Wasn't something like that I don't know I Don't fucking know but anyway, we kind of sailed around it Pointed in one direction and came back on the other side and these guys are trying to say I don't understand why What is the benefit? To lying

What is the end game we have to tell them it's round man Why I get all the other ones Saying that money has value saying these people are evil doers Saying these people just want to give it to the poor saying these people just want to keep all the money I get I I understand the motives in that I just don't know what is what is flat earthers? Let me ask you this Flat flat earthers are the same people who want one watch one of those fucking Netflix documentaries and like you know I don't think that guy did it

And a buddy of mine one time fucking He watched that stupid curtain in Courtney Love documentary and by the end of it. They had convinced him that Courtney love killed Kurt Cobain And I was sitting there going dude. Do you really think? That a fucking drug addict from three states away Fucking organized a hit in the Seattle police department couldn't figure that out Haven't you ever watched the first 48 you ever see a mobster on that now

You see a bunch of fucking dopes who killed somebody for the first time getting caught Anyway, why the fuck would she kill me he wrote her whole album Makes no sense so flat earthers I don't understand can somebody explain to me because I'll be honest with you I don't know if the earth's round Okay, any more than anybody else does all these fucking people are going do you fucking more and it's round You're doing that. You're you you know, it's round not because you figured it out All right, you know, it's round because somebody told you it was round Everybody acting like they fucking built their own steam rocket went up in the fucking air

Well, you took a flight to Disneyland and that's what you were checking out. You weren't even checking it out I'll tell you this right now when you hit when you when you fly when you actually fly commercially you can't tell it the earth is round I think if you're sitting up front, you can't you can't look out the side of the fucking thing I don't know what you're seeing but I don't see anything that says it's definitely flat or it's definitely fucking round now I know it's fucking round because the goddamn astronauts who have fucking balls You know that FF, you know You know, it's fucking that guys come back from space and the whole thing everything burns up You know if they fuck up everything that the design fucks everything burns up except for the balls of the person on that fucking thing

Yeah, they took the pictures and like well there it is there it is I've never tried to sail around the world You know and looked at my compass to make sure I was still headed west and I kept heading west and all of a sudden I was back in my driveway again All right, I'm just like you I know it's round because smarter people figured it out people died and then they fucking told me what was right Okay, and I choose to believe it I've flown around the world not all at once But you know I slept for a lot of it. How do I know he didn't fucking turn around? So This gets me to this steam rocket guy, so I'm drinking tea. I'm an old man here

All right, so this fucking guy Rather than just being like you and me who just accept what these fucking people tell us is true All right, and know that know that you know that it's fucking round because somebody taught you that Not because you figured it out the amount of fucking assholes on social media the way they're going off on this steam rocket guy about because he believed the world was flat These fucking assholes who've never accomplished anything in their fucking life like let me ask you okay So this fucking guy if you don't know the story he builds a fucking steam rocket Which I don't even know how the fuck you do that

I have no idea how to do that this guy knew how to do that He got himself into it when it took off I guess the parachute ripped off and he was flying all the way up into the fucking air Which by the way, I don't know what radio call you make in aviation that you're gonna fucking do that Be a reverse lawn dart and just go straight up in the fucking air I guess they were filming a TV show, so I would like to think some producer called somebody To make sure they weren't gonna hit a fucking commercial flight with fucking 400 people on it 300 people on it right so he shoots up in the air the parachute comes off

You know I feel like right now. I feel like one of those fucking YouTube stars You know how they always do these intros that you just don't need it's like I just want to see the video Like all right, you know I could believe this okay, so this fucking guy's good a steam rocket, right like how do you make that? It's this show the fucking guy Taking off right sorry it's a podcast, so I guess I get away with it So the fucking thing takes off very impressive velocity something flies off it evidently it was the parachute he got up there Okay, and if in all fairness this guy for all I know he proved that the world was fucking flat with his goddamn pictures I've never been as high up as this guy went allegedly, you know, I've never checked it all out. All right

I went into a science class. They told me it was fucking round So I said yeah, it's round so I would pass the fucking test So I didn't have to go to fucking summer school, but I know I never fact-checked it You know this post me to error where he's supposed to vet everything this guy's vet and shit, right? So he fucking shoots up in the air the goddamn parachute comes off and I guess I don't know if he knew it at the time. I Hope he didn't know it so maybe he was up there on the way up He had a good time took some selfies when he was excited that he proved that it was flat And then he was coming all the way back down. I can't believe the fucking pussy

I'm gonna get now that I'm the guy that fucking Told Copernicus that Copernicus is out of the guy to go fuck Magellan. Do you go fuck himself? Santa Maria and he fucking He died So what happens what does everybody do everybody goes on the internet and they start fucking laughing at this guy talking about this guy Like he's a fucking moron People who are in a fucking cubicle Who don't have a dream who aren't leaders who've never made anything fucking happen in their life not even a fucking lemonade stand All right

They're sitting there judging this guy and they're doing that you know Darwinism or fucking, you know, the the whole fucking Whatever that stupid nature thing is where it's like this this what the fuck is it the strongest people survive? You know natural selection in all of this shit Let me ask all of you fucking cunts that are making fun of this guy who had balls of fucking steel. Let me ask you this Who's smarter? Actually ask my wife this a guy who thinks the world is flat and builds a steam rocket That shoots himself up into the fucking air and he dies or the guy

Who doesn't know how to build a steam rocket and doesn't get in it and doesn't really fucking do anything in life other than not die Until he just croaks of old age who's who's fucking smart. Are you just smarter because you're still alive? I mean he fucked up he might have fucking brilliant people look all his fucking astronauts who died Trying to get fucking orbit the earth and all of that shit. Do you think they're fucking morons? and Everybody's like, um, there should be no Fucking do it yourself fucking You know rocket fucking thing or whatever the hell they're saying. It's just like why not?

NASA's had the exact same fucking problems and it cost the taxpayers billions of dollars when this shit blows up God bless this guy He did a start. I lost no money on that one All right And he was trying to do flat Earth there's a solid and then all of these fucking cunts You might be one of those cunts sitting there laughing at this fucking guy You want to laugh at him? I get it. It's kind of funny But to sit there and talk about him like he's a fucking moron the guy made a fucking rocket

He had a malfunction, but like I said, so did so did NASA numerous occasions So what are they all dumb at NASA I don't get it I was fucking amazed I like when I saw that they take off I could it's like that fucking guy built that thing and had the balls to get in it By the way, 99% of the shit that you use every day Somebody fucking died as they were figuring out how to fucking How to make it happen? Any sort of transportation anything that moves planes trains boats fucking anything rockets the amount of fucking people that died

so your dumb ass That the only thing you know is what the fuck you read, but you've never fucking you've never broken any ground yourself Go easy on that guy. He's fucking dead. Have a little fucking respect for the guy I'm not even how you make fun of my give a fuck if you make fun of him, but don't fucking talk about him like he's a moron You know unless you're gonna shit on you and you're fucking boring ass life. What the fuck are you doing? Why am I talking to you guys like you were all people on that thread? I should be you know I'm talking to the fucking assholes who trash this guy Natural selection and you know what's I fucking love about it is somebody always says that somebody and it's the exact same

Fucking memes anytime a name is trending. Oh my god Thank god the I thought the person was dead and then they got the stupid Denzel meme How many fucking times can you can you do that before you just like why would I why would I subject people to this again? Unless you're doing it just to annoy people You know like all the people who are now gonna send me that meme thinking that I'm not realizing that you're gonna do that Which by the way, I never checked my fucking feet anymore This is what I check it when like Occasionally check it but then I also when I have something that's coming so if you want to get me

It's it's right after I have something come out because I do a quick survey I scroll like two pages and then I just do the math like alright What percentage of that was positive? Okay, that sounds seems like it's a good thing. All right I missed the fucking mark on that one or something, but rest in peace steam rocket flat earth a guy I Don't know I don't know what to tell you I could tell you right now that guy's smarter than I am You know I

There's nothing I've ever done in my life That is the equivalent of what the fuck that guy did in the last fucking 10 minutes of his life None of you guys are ever gonna feel that or myself that level of fucking adrenaline He's a fucking moron he had his own goddamn TV show This guy's fucking fascinating to me Fucking fascinating. Why would you just tap out on he's a fucking moron? You know He's a fucking more the amount of people that text while driving myself included

Any moment could take out a school bus full of fucking kids, right? I'm sitting there calling this guy a fucking moron as you drive to work every day What do you see on the side of the road wreaths and crosses and frosted fucking bikes? I don't know This isn't all just that this is also I'm kind of dealing with fucking show business right now I've been doing some shit and I just like just it's not even show business It's just business the amount of stealing that goes on in fucking business. It's just it's so fucking gross So fucking gross and I swear to God it's always some fucking

155 160 pound fucking little fucking pussy who's never gotten a shit kicked out of in life And now it's never gonna fucking happen, right because there's fucking cameras everywhere So the fucking beating that this person should be taking they're never gonna fucking take I swear to God It's either that or it's some fat fuck in a goddamn suit You don't even realize how fatty is until the company picnic where he actually has to wear a t-shirt And he takes off the layers of fucking haberdasher in his big dumb fucking love handles I

Unreal Unreal and you know what business rewards it rewards those same fucking people who've never done anything and shit on the steam rocket guy Those people who just fucking just sit there and don't get themselves killed They don't have a vision. They're not taking any risks. They're not leaders. They're just fucking there Agreeing and saying what they have to say those fucking people ascend Oh God freckles is in a fucking mood today Anyways Fucking Celtics and Bruins lost this weekend Celtics. I guess I had a nice class another classic game

Against the Los Angeles Lakers Lakers winning an exciting one. I guess Jason Tatum just went off He hasn't already solidified himself as a You know the future of the league One of the guys, you know when they fucking debate who's the best guy out there? It's looking like he's gonna be one of them, which is exciting as a Celtics fan And then the Bruins got absolutely smoked by the Vancouver Canucks Disappointing ending to that fucking

Western Canada swing I was hoping maybe some of the players on Vancouver Maybe they would fucking take the Bruins lightly and go out the night before you know and have a bad game evidently not evidently not fucking nine goals Jesus Christ It's goddamn three goals a period That's a that's a fucking goal every Was it 20 every fucking six minutes and something seconds? Jesus Christ can you imagine all those fucking

Sticky syrupy fucking Canadian peoples have me they had to keep getting out of their chairs for once It wasn't difficult to get up after the game. They were standing up nine fucking times during the game I'm gonna have to watch a replay of that You know when you go in the NHL channel they fucking they got You know when you watch the replay they have like all like they have like the little dot Where a goal is scored? You know what I mean? I've never seen one that had nine dots just don't know you know top in the bottom You know one teams on top ones on the bottom

Depending of their home or away, and you know, I've seen four or five. I've never seen nine Nine goals I mean, that's just a fucking ass-kicking unless you're talking football. I Guess basketball too, but whatever it's two out of the four sports. You got the shit kicked out of you So whatever that's a good thing. So Vancouver Canuck fans were giving me shit about that. Hey, we have to focus up into the Bruins I don't know They lost a regular season game Why the fuck would you give me shit when we fucking

Drank from the Stanley Cup in your building while you were burning down your city This has nothing to do with any any any of the shit that I'm talking about this has nothing to do with it It's the fucking mood I'm in right now And this always happens when I work too much. All right, but I got a nice little fucking You know little four or five day Little getaway with my wife coming up That's what I'm working towards everybody's working for the weekend That's what I'm working towards. All right, and

What I'm just gonna realize you just realize that some sometimes in your life your life isn't yours And you just fucking ride it out, but you know something I had a great time today though I'll tell you that I went over a buddy's house and he had a little pizza party, right? And fucking pizza was delicious. He's got a fucking wood fire Thing he made in his backyard and then they had this giant inflatable slide That was so big that my daughter started going up it and then decided she didn't want to do it And I was parking the car course doing the dead shit, right? So I came in Lovely Nia tells her she doesn't want to go up. She's afraid. I say you want to go up with me

She's like, all right, so then we went up together. I said you want to go down and just seem like really I was even looking at it Like goddamn. That's uh, I'll be going down a little fast here And she was just didn't want to do it. I said what if I I'll hold on you I'm gonna hold on to you. So she goes, all right, so we started going down and immediately she screamed in fear and by then within a half second was over and Then she just laughed and goes I want to do that again and I think we went down that thing like 30 times And I was having such a good time the look I gotta tell you man being a dad is awesome the look of sheer joy On my daughter's face and then we stopped and we ate pizza and then she's looking at me, you know afterwards just being like

You know listening, you know because we had to get her home for the nap And I was you know anytime we talk about her. She just looks at us because she knows what's going on So I was like, we're gonna you know, we got time to do it again. You just want to go I don't know but blah blah. Do we give her ice cream? Then she's gonna be up. She's not gonna nap And I just like, all right, I'll go again and then I just looked at I said, hey Yeah, you want to go down the slide again? And she just like eyes lit up. She's like, yeah, like freaked out I said, all right, five more times, which of course was like 10 and I

Don't know he's one of those cool moments in life You ever be experiencing something and you know, and like, you know in the future I'm gonna think about this a lot how awesome this day was and how amazing This experience was you know, I'm telling you that's gonna be one of those things someday when she gets older It gets married. That'll be the thing that I think about and cry at our wedding never be able to do that Oh, she grew up so fast. It's gonna be because of that right there Just a fucking awesome day You wouldn't know it from the first fucking 18 minutes, but I did I did have a great day

I swear to God, man, there's nothing better than that There's nothing better than being a fucking dad and a husband and then hanging with your family on the fucking weekend Everything else is fucking bullshit All right, zip recruiter everybody I got one read one read or another. All right zip You Know hiring used to be hard man Multiple job sites stacks of resumes a confusing review process But today hiring can be easy take it easy and you have to go to one place to get it done that zip

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Fucking cook the dinner gave her the bath Fucking books. I'm tired of shit But it was awesome because she's getting to that size were pretty soon. She's not gonna want to get picked up anymore and It's the greatest thing ever It's the greatest thing ever. I gotta tell you I am fucking up my back though putting her on my shoulders I realized, you know when as his little dad advice when you go to put your kid on your shoulders, right? First of all, always make sure there's like a fucking bed or a couch behind you so you can abort whenever you want, right?

so I Don't know how big your kid is but like if you lift them up underneath your underneath their arms Their armpits if you pick them up there, then you're gonna when you go to pick put them over your head You're gonna have to duck your head down and ducking your head down. We're putting your fucking arms straight up over I don't know what it's doing, but it's giving me a fucking backache So now I grab at the waist lift straight up and then you got to do that when you go to take them off, too It's also a good way to keep your hat on and not get it knocked off Now that I've been doing it the wrong way for like a fucking year I finally like broke down

I probably put two and two together. Why is my center of my back bothering me? It's like, oh You know And I always say yes every time dad. I want to write on your shoulders. I absolutely absolutely every single time is a yes Because someday she'll be too big She'll be too big and I don't ever want to be there going like, you know, I should have put on my shoulders more I'm gonna be fucking walking around with osteoporosis going I did it every time They have no regrets There are my keys

All right guys, this this one's gonna be I swear to God next week my life slows down and I'm gonna have more quality fucking podcast But I am under the gun for time here. All right ain't so bad Kind of sounds like Tom Popp is special right you're doing great, which I haven't had a chance to see yet but I know four people that saw it and they all were like not only is it is it Fucking great. It's the best special Tom Popp has ever done and Tom Popp is a beast. So check out his special again If you haven't already all right, yo Bill I Agree that some levels of socialism are necessary ie policemen firemen, etc. I Okay, I'll tell you I don't know what socialism is. I

Just know that that's what Everybody any time you want to help somebody out you they say you're a socialist All right, capitalists wouldn't be so bad if our currency wasn't constantly fucked with I Agree, I don't understand how they do it but inflation before the Federal Reserve aka families with old old money the bank cause It's all really one bank

What the Federal Reserve all parentheses aka families with old old old money The bank because it's really only one bank, right? Okay was three percent after the first 150 years Since the Fed took over it's inflated over two thousand percent The dollar loses two percent of its value a year the stock market trades on future prices Government votes to allow more ways for them to rip off the middle class. This is corporate capitalism Honest capitalism would be a fish for a fig And if you catch a hundred fish you can trade for a hundred figs because you fished a little longer

What what the fuck want to want to give some fish to someone you know in need great Does the town I live in need three or four of my one hundred fish to help keep things running? Wonderful that they need half the fish. I just worked all weekend to fish Criminals. Oh, okay. I see what you're saying here. Yeah Well my point about governments why none of them work is because human beings run them And just the kinds of people that are attracted to positions of power a Position of power where you you are telling other people what to do

And they have to listen to you because they work for you, right? Does that make sense? Or they're under your power of some sort of a government. I just think inherently Like I don't want to do that to people. I don't fucking know. Why would I want to tell people what to do? I'll give you some advice. I'll give you some advice I Mean I'll do that What the fuck what's going on I'm playing like nine of them I mean, I'll fucking do that

I'll give some advice here or there, but I'm not where in the fuck did my goddamn oh There it is. I just said I see I try to do something slick here and all of a sudden it all goes out the window Criminals, yeah, I agree with that criminals Okay, no system is perfect communism is a small group of people deciding for the masses Isn't that what's going on in this country? Historically, it's been a nightmare. Please look up the gulag Archie polago a RCH I

PEL AGO I would actually like to read about that Communism to people is what Google is to information one central system and no way out. I would say it's like LAX One way in one way and then there's no way out because everybody's going to the same place Also, you've talked about how the super wealthy buy up all the land and resources The other half of that coin is that they own all the ports Overseas shipping is still as important as it's been since the days you read about in your history books No spices anymore. Just laptops cars food and everything else. All right So we were we saying the same thing?

Hmm, I can't tell I don't know what the point of that one Ain't so bad. I agree with some of the socialism unnecessary capitalism would be so bad. Yeah, I think it's I mean, yeah, it'd be great if The brilliance of How cap our country works is how underpaid politicians are so they're susceptible They don't have any money and then they got to run for office and they need money And then the richest people given the money and then they owe them the favors and then with each You know Generation they just keep buying more and more power

and get them to pass shit that Legally gives less of a fuck about what they're doing You know What are you gonna do I'll tell you what you're gonna do you're gonna go down a slide with your kid while you still can't Because it's fucking awesome All right, Joel Olstein bashing this guy said I was bashing Joel Olstein I was being funny just talking about him like he was a comedian and how he's fucking brilliant and how he doesn't have to travel You know he bought an arena and he sells it out

He's a fucking genius is what I was saying and I make fun of anybody who's up there acting like they know what happens when you die Nobody does Nobody does you have to die in order to figure out what happens you need to die All right, but I haven't said that I don't think there's anything wrong with believing in a higher power If that's working for you, but like I kind of reserve the right to just fucking make fun of shit I mean, that's all I'm doing here. I'm not saying don't go. Anyways, dear Billy Bible basher I'll be honest with you. That was the fucking old me. All right. I went through, you know, a lot of dark periods I don't trash women the way I used to like so much of that shit. It's just me

You know, I Don't know what the fuck maybe maybe you're right. Maybe there's a religion that's actually right out there I don't fucking know. All right. I know it's fun to rag on Joel and He makes an easy target, but I think you should at least be accurate with your jabs. No, I shouldn't Not nothing I'm saying on this podcast is fucking accurate This is just me fucking going off on shit This is like if you were fucking in a goddamn bar and there was some guy in a fucking rant and you're gonna sit there and fact-check them

And say that he can't blow off steam while he's having a fucking bear in a shot. I'm just fucking around here I think that you know something's funny is I do this to every single topic out here But you're into Joel Olstein or you're into religion. So now this is fucking, you know, twist in your fucking undies here All right, I see lots of people spreading lies about him as if it was Dick Cheney Or and if it was Dick Cheney, I could understand but I'm not sure why he deserves that level of hate Well with Dick Cheney, he didn't have to spread any lies. He could just say what the fuck the guy was doing All right, and I didn't have I spread any little what lies did I spread about the guy? I've just fucking teased him. That's all and saying I want to fucking buy an arena and never leave town

He goes first of all, he doesn't collect a salary from his church He's rich because he's written multiple selling books. All right, that's not accurate That's not accurate dude. His fucking sermon is on television There's commercials. He's getting paid Just because he he fucking papers the room and gives the gives it away. You can show up for free. Is that what it is? I don't know I'll tell you right now, buddy. If it's on television, he's getting paid Um, he doesn't collect a salary from his church. Oh my god. Oh that thing. Yeah, so he doesn't have to pay taxes

Jesus christ, dude That's one of the oldest ones in the book And not the good book either the bad book Anyways, I've actually read one of them and it was an inspiring book with a positive message I can see why some people might not like it or would find it Cheesy, but it wasn't mine comp Nobody said it was mine comp. I I didn't say it was I don't even know what you're talking about a second Who cares if churches don't pay taxes?

Uh, I do How come they don't have to pay taxes, but I do He goes, you know who else doesn't pay taxes amazon and walmart I it's well known. This is all well known, sir That's like who cares if this guy rapes You know who else rapes At least the church is going to use some of the money to do something good for the community Well, so does amazon and walmart they're always having fucking charities to talk about, you know

To make up for the fact that they have guys driving 18 wheelers 17 18 hours a fucking day Uh, but does your government? But what does your government do with your tax money besides bomb little brown kids to protect those poppy fields in afghanistan? Here we go. Jesus. No Here we go. Um What else did I do? Well, they also repair bridges with it. They give a little bit of money I mean, you're kind of like In agreement with me and you're like giving me shit like I don't realize that our foreign policy

Uh is a little perverted All right Third he didn't open the compact center during the hurricane because it had a history of flooding during hurricanes Oh, Jesus christ Well If you're buying all that other shit, why wouldn't you buy that? Oh, okay? I've chased hurricanes all along the gulf coast for years. I was in houston during hurricane ike I saw the condition on the ground when things got bad

It takes a lot of people to run an emergency shelter Especially when it's a former basketball star. I don't disagree with any of that And most people are busy sheltering with their families at their own homes. I dude. I get it I get it. Okay, but I got to tell you something. Let me ask you this Okay, if you had a fucking arena And you're super fucking famous would how hard would it be to reach out to the national guard and say hey i'm offering my stadium My arena if you want to use it

If you can provide me and I can get some volunteers down here, whatever I mean, dude, and I wasn't even talking about that. I was talking about him like he was a fucking comedian Anyways, I don't go to church every sunday, and I'm not a huge fan of religion So I'm starting to feel like joel olstein wrote this but I will admit Uh That during a really dark time of my life his sermons actually helped me out. Oh my god. This guy's like guilting me here When that inner voice was dry. Okay. I'm not reading the rest of this sir or ma'am I was saying I was envious one of the deadly sins. I was envious. Is it one of the deadly greed gluttony pride sloths morgan freeman

That was just saying okay Having being a part of a corporation Okay That doesn't pay taxes and then you don't take a salary is a double Fucking like you've you've shrinkwrapped yourself into just completely not paying taxes. Oh, I don't even take a salary The corporation doesn't fucking let me get so he doesn't take a sound he makes all his money on books the fuck out of here Okay, if you want to believe that one. All right. I mean yeah, okay. All right

All right. Hey, maybe maybe you're right. Maybe you're right Maybe maybe you're right Maybe that's exactly he doesn't he doesn't take a salary. Why doesn't he take a salary? Ask yourself that is it because He doesn't want to pay individual fucking taxes or because he gives a fuck that much I didn't even want to talk about this shit. I was just saying it was the shit that he bought his own fucking arena I have no problem with the guy. I don't

good for him And where do those taxes go most of them go to a fucking Bank that acts like it's part of the government that isn't Okay, I mean can you really steal from people that is from thieves? I don't know. I guess you can I don't fucking dude. You really just took all the fun out of this. I was just fucking around Jesus fucking christ The next time somebody gives me shit about one of my fucking bits should I sit there and be like You know, I actually do a lot of benefits for troops and people with with

Fatal diseases, you know, I actually I'm actually a good person and I pay taxes It's literally his fucking sermon is on television. He's trying to tell me he's not making any money off of that He just broadcasted for free. Is that what you're telling me? Um, coronavirus that might be the story. I don't buy it. All right, coronavirus I'm not concerned about that because I I never enjoyed that beer. Thank you. I'll be here all week Coronavirus. Well, it's definitely not scurvy. They stick that little lime in there, don't they? Yo, oh my god, there's corona beer all upset my Jesus christ. Why couldn't they call it fucking Budweiser virus? Yo, billy coincidence toes. I've read some articles with some substantial ideas implying that china unleashed the coronavirus

To keep hong kong in order Yeah, well, this always happens whenever some shit like that's happened. I imagine other people have Talking you have their bibles out and they're talking about locusts People in the streets fighting for their freedom are now at home hoping not to catch the virus Unrelated I bought a house in the middle of nowhere with tons of trees and a stream for not a lot of money I'm 43 and retiring in three years. Can't wait to escape the office and any potential viruses Well, that's well, wait a minute Can you please write back and let us know what you did for a living?

You're gonna retire at 46. I want to know what are you gonna do? What are you gonna fucking do? I gotta tell you right now if I was 46 Again And I retired and I wasn't married and I didn't have any fucking kids I'd have to have a companion Me and Nia was still boyfriend girlfriend. I would fucking I'd have the grill going and I'd be getting fucked up And uh

What do you guys think about this like this? This is a way to go out All right, now that we started off with that guy dying in his own steam fucking rocket If you do that you buy a thing in the middle of nowhere, right? You retire in your mid 40s And you just fucking party yourself to death Okay, you still have a house. You still have money. You're not gonna be out in the street sucking dick to try to get another fucking You know pack it a fucking whatever, right? You got your own money. You're drinking top shelf booze. You got some great weed. You got some great wine All right, you're eating steaks

You know The surgeon general is calling you letting the machine take it I mean I don't know There is something to be said To going out that way Don't listen to me people. You're I'm just dealing with the fact that I've gotten rid of all of these fucking vices And uh

I don't know what to do about it, man I don't know what the fuck to do about it. Um Can more people write in about retiring like this is fucking amazing It's about a house in middle of nowhere with tons of trees and a stream for not a lot of money I'm retired and I'm 43 and I'm retiring in three years I I so want that to be true. I hope I wish that for that option for every person on the fucking planet Um I just know I would go out on my mind

I love doing what I do too much. I had so much fun by the way up in vancouver Thank you guys for coming out. I got to do four fucking shows up there I had such a great time and I don't know what happened to my act like I thought I had the brand new 90 minutes or whatever I went 15 90 minutes Back in september and like I feel like 40 percent of that just left And all this other better shit just took place of it. I'm so fucking excited

Just to get through this month and then fucking get back out on the road and do some goddamn dates And uh, just to see the direction that this thing's gonna head it. I really fucking like in my act right now. So I'd like to retire at 70 though or just at 70 be like fine, you know Be able to do whatever the fuck I wanted to do that would be cool and then just be cool walk around be a cool old guy Walking by young people. I like your music Good luck in life. I hope you find love just be a positive guy Um, all right dog troubles All right, so check it out. I need some advice

I've been dating this girl for a couple of years now And it's going great except for one thing her dog She has this awesome dog that she has had for years way before she met me She says the animal saved her life. She talks about How this dog really understands her and is a huge emotional support for her The only problem is now that we have moved in together The dog sees me as the alpha and will only listen to me bill. It's driving her fucking nuts. Oh my god. That's hilarious She gets so pissed because she will try

and Prove that it's still her dog and try and make the dog choose between us and the dog always comes to me Always jumps on on my side of the bed at night. I mean this dog even sits outside the bathroom while I'm taking a dump Holy shit. That's fucking hilarious She can't stand it. This is what blows my mind Is if I had a dog and then nea moved in with me back in the day and that happened I would I would see the humor in it. I wouldn't give a fuck It's a fucking dog. Well, this is what she gets for fucking trying to have an a human relation with a goddamn animal

Anyway, she can't stand it. Now. She's telling me I should be doing doing more the More doing more to help Her get the dog's loyalty back And then I am sabotaging her relationship with the dog I don't know what she wants to do wants me to do. I'm not going to treat the dog badly. It's an awesome dog It's not my fault. I'm bigger and I have a beard And feed the dog and take her on walks. She sees me as the pack leader. So I told her she's just got to step up her game Anyway, tell me what you think. I think that that's exactly what you should tell her what you just said

You know, you moved in and she stopped fucking I guess she was obviously doing that shit when you weren't there Yeah, there you go Just be like, yeah, I would at least say so what do you want me to do be mean to your dog? What are you talking about like There's plenty of videos on youtube that talk about how to be the alpha fucking presence in the house Do that and I'll fucking follow you along, you know, shit Think I want to be out there every morning and my fucking pj's picking up fucking shit dog shit in a plastic bag

Thought I was doing you a favor By the way, how about a fucking blowjob every once in a while? It all depends on how far you want to take it, sir Anyways, p.s. When are you gonna come up to Alaska? I've only been there once I played chill coop charlie's way back in the day in the late 90s Thanks to Doug Stanhope. He hooked me up with the gig The closest I get to comedy Is when mark marin talks about how he used to live in anchorage. I didn't know that Um, come on up here with the lovely nia and your wonderful kid and see some of the amazing glaciers before they are all gone I'm a boat captain so I can get you guys out there on the water to see how wild those alaskans salmon really are

That's fucking that's god damn tempting Um, all right. Oh jesus look at this fucking question To vaccinate or not Dear billy freckles my wife and I are 31 and 30 years old and have our first kid in june I'm from boston Was a marine officer and completely vaccinated for everything She comes from a poor highly religious family in the south and is not vaccinated at all. Oh my god Needless to say

She doesn't want our new baby to get vaccinated either. Well We did that with our kid and our kids find Uh, that's fucking insane not to do that. There's a reason why vaccines came out It was because kids used to die all the time Her parents are nice people, but they have filled her with misinformation over the years Just the other day, I heard my mother-in-law say that our four-year-old nephew has trouble speaking Annunciating because of the vaccination his parents decided to give him Um, this has been debunked a bunch of times

I can sympathize with the distrust of powerful institutions Even though i'm a Vanderbilt MBA who did an internship at amazon I definitely agree with your rants about corporations in the food industry However, I think we've taken it too far in this country Second opinions are common in medicine, but there's not a single reputable doctor who will tell you not to get your kid vaccinated I know You're fucking crazy Much like listening to sports hacks who have never played the game

Half the people in the country insist on giving medical advice Contrary to all the people who actually went to fucking medical school. Well, there's your argument right there, sir I Just say you you get me a fucking reputable doctor that says you're right and I will do that and this is my kid too And my kid is getting vaccinated My kid is not going to get fucking polio Jesus fucking christ, I read that most of them Most of the people not back is vaccinating our super rich cunts and misinformed working class people

The exact groups of people that have given us our current politics Uh, no, it's the you're oversimplifying it. I think 224 hour new air quote news networks That are not even remotely unbiased okay, and deregulating everything and allowing super rich people To buy up any amount of tv radio and newspapers and magazines they can own as many things You know used to not be able to be a rule of seven you couldn't own More than seven in a market or total. I can't remember what because you could influence public opinion

Um from someone who doesn't trust institutions, but believes in science. What do you think I should do? I think that you should you should it's your fucking kid too And this is this fucking thing out there where they sit there and they act like women have no power Okay, because I can tell you this right fucking now that if you're a guy and you don't want to get your kid vaccinated But the mom does the kids getting vaccinated All right, 99 of decisions go the way that the female wants in the house because It's her way or the fucking highway That's basically it

You're gonna have to deal with her fucking emotions. That's it That's it. So you just cave But you can't cave on this one and it's just like Who are you listening to? Your parents. I love your parents. They're not doctors All right, let's let's go down to a fucking hospital Let's go to the best hospital in the country Let's go there or the best one in our city and let's go there and let's ask them

And see what they say Okay, and if you can find me some fucking information Contrary to that to somebody who's actually a fucking You know what she probably will be able to because there's always a couple of fucking nut jobs out there Yeah I I you know Yeah, there's it's your kid too, buddy So stand your fucking ground

Stand your fucking ground That's it. All right Um, that's an easy one. All right What isn't easy is I have to fucking end this podcast a few minutes early here because I have to be up here in another fucking couple of hours um Yeah, get your kid vaccinated and then

Fucking put the kid on your shoulders your healthy kid on your shoulders and fucking go to the playground and slide down the slides And fucking run around and fucking wrestle and just just have a fucking great time Being a parent is fucking awesome all right Don't fuck it up By letting your kid get the fucking bubonic plague All right

God bless all of you And joel olsteen. I don't have anything against the fucking guy. I was just teasing the guy. That's it. I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck that he doesn't pay taxes if you figured out. I'm not to do it. God bless him I don't give a shit. Okay. He made all his money selling books Jesus christ, I should write a book, huh? Jesus christ. All right. Anyways, all right This that's it. I don't want to get into this bullshit. All right Have a wonderful couple days everybody and I'll check it on you On thursday and go fuck yourselves

But not joel olsteen because he's a great guy