Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-28-11

Episode Date: February 28, 2011

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about weed, the all star game and some c note at the bank.

PASA & RAMADAN Traditions and customs, I don't care about that. As long as you're mad at me, who else would you like to see? PASA, Prince of Ifts, chocolate eggs, all of them in the promo, so I'll have a sip on my lips. I'll take two, no man, no way, with the Eric. From us, PASA will pass. Ramadan Mubarak.

Enjoy PASA and Ramadan with the surprising and diverse assortment of Albert Heijn. And watch the second episode on TheWereldinhetKlein.be. That's the nice thing about Albert Heijn. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 28th, 2011. And that's it for this month. Pay your fucking rent.

Let's do it tomorrow. All right? All you potheds out there, sitting on the couch, man. Whoa, is it like February? I like making fun of potheds. They're really fucking defensive individuals. Every once in a while, I make fun of potheds on here, and I get a plethora of emails.

Speaking of emails, if you'd like to send an email to the podcast, send it to bill at themmpodcast.com. That's the new email. Bill, B-I, B isn't Bill, I-L-L, at themmpodcast.com. All right? And yeah, I make fun of the fucking potheds. I make fun of them. I was actually having a...

I mean, I don't give a shit if you do it or not. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck if that's your ritual. That's what you have to do. Do what you just do, having a beer and smoking a joint at the end of the day, huh? Why don't you answer that one there, freckle face? I'll tell you what the difference is.

What I'm doing is legal. What you're doing is, don't you throw your pot-smoking fucking hands in the air. Let me finish my point. All right? You hemp shirt-wearing motherfucker. Yeah, that's the difference. That's the only difference,

because I don't even think, like, as far as health goes. I was gonna say health-wise, but that word doesn't exist. I remember from my vocab improvement class, way back in high school, this guy used to talk about the wise guys. Health-wise, sports-wise, weather-wise, the wise guys. Those words do not exist. Although, lately,

ladies, lately, the dictionaries just said, fuck it, you know, we can't keep up with the overwhelming level of stupid people using words that we say don't exist, and then they just give in, you know, like they'll make LOL,

like a legitimate word. An abbreviation, maybe, laugh out loud, initially seen on the internet in 2003. They'll do shit like that, you know, for that example. But then again, I'm not exactly a great host. All right, you want something better?

Go to another fucking podcast. I don't need you. Your attitudes? What the hell was I talking about? Oh, I was talking about weed. The difference. The difference. I was talking to a buddy of mine last night.

We were out in a sports bath. We're actually watched the Celtics Clippers. Great game, awesome to see the Clippers are good, and I'm also really, really, really nervous about getting rid of Kendrick Perkins. I don't get that.

I just felt a big sigh of relief from everybody on the on the Lakers bench. Oh, thank God we don't have to deal with that guy fucking making us be men, you know, bitch slapping us in a fucking paint like we deserve.

That's why Paul Gasol's face is so fucking thin. He's on both side of his. He gave him a double, remember Killer Con? He gave him one of those during the first time we met him in the finals. Then he had that deer in the eye look for the rest of the fucking series. That's what happened.

Yeah, we traded him away. But don't get too excited Laker fans because I got a feeling those fucking the thunder are going to take you out. You know, I think you guys are right. I think you've had your moment. You had your moment in the fucking sun. Don't worry. I heard through the fucking grapevine

that what's his face there? The goddamn... He looks like one of those transformers. Who's the guy applying? I'm so bad when I talk about who. Dwight Howard. I heard through the grapevine wants to be

a fucking Laker. Can you believe that shit? Can you believe that shit? Can Kobe have any more championships just laid at his fucking feet? Overrated. Kobe Bryant, three out of his five fucking rings.

Fucking... That was stupid Laker fans. MVP. MVP. Anytime he does anything just drives me up the fucking wall. The guy got Shaq in his prime with Phil Jackson. You know, and all these moron

Laker fans would be like, will Jordan had him? Jordan had him when he was a fucking nobody with no experience. Okay? Other than as a player. Okay? He became Phil Jackson with the bulls. You know what I mean?

You fucking morons. He knew how to win. He knew how to take big stars and mold them together. That's what the fuck he got. And that's what he got with Shaq. And then he still pulled the fucking team apart. Still pulled him apart. I don't know. He gets fucking Dwight Howard. Fuck him. The last two championships I respected.

All right, but those first three. Give me a fucking break. Okay? You take Kobe out of that lineup and you put me in there in that little frilly golden purple uniform with my ghost white legs. We're still going to win 50 games. I'm just going to be feeding Shaq. And he's going to turn around

with his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth like some special needs kid trying to put blocks in a round circle. Right? Really? Did you have to attack those people Bill? Sorry. I'm going off the dome.

Anyways, let's get back to fucking pot here. This is the conversation I had. Oh, I know. I went to this Boston sports bar last night and for the first time since I can fucking remember

I had a good experience as a fan because I mean almost you guys will listen to this. Even over there in Joliel Dinglin you're cozy smug cunts, right? If you're a fan of Liverpool you pretty much live in Liverpool, right? Isn't that how at least when you're young

but then you move away and not only do you feel weird rooting on your team, people are telling you that they suck, it's unreal. Since 1995 I moved to New York City and then it went from everybody loving the Red Sox to absolutely hating their existence and then I moved out

to LA and everybody hates the Celtics and not to mention the awful vibe of sports fans out here on the West Coast. They are fucking horrific. I don't know why ESPN spends

the lion's share of their time when they talk about awful fans just talking about Philly. You know? Just recycling those same two fucking stories about Santa Claus and I don't know what else they did. They fucking

what did they do? Then they raped like Kathy Lee Gifford. Is that what happened? I can't fucking remember. Anyways, just out here it's just not fun out here. I don't know. I can't explain it. It's like back east obnoxious, shit-talking

morons, right? And I include myself as one of those but eventually it dies down and you'll start talking about the game, you'll start talking about games you went to, you'll start talking sports.

It goes beyond, hey fuck you, you fucking chowder eatin' fig. It goes beyond that. Out here it never does and when it does it goes on to I'll stab you in the parking lot. It's not fun out here. I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is. It's that I will stab you in the fucking parking lot. People get stabbed at games out here. It's hilarious. Like that movie The Warriors. It's fucking ridiculous. UCLA and USC

played at the Rose Bowl and people got stabbed. And they're talking about Philly because they threw batteries at Santa Claus. What would you rather have? Would you rather be dressed like a holiday icon with a steak knife to the gut

through your game-worn jersey out in the parking lot to bleed out on the fucking 17th hole outside of the Rose Bowl? I don't fucking know. So anyways, can I... What am I... I don't know what I'm saying.

So I went to this sports bar. It was just a Boston sports bar and it was fucking great. The Celtics did something good and I was almost self-conscious to cheer. I'm so beaten down by living out here and everybody was going nuts

and it was just such a fucking relief. It was awesome and I've decided fuck Staples Center. I'm not going to the games down there. Even Dodgers games are surprisingly not fun. I had a buddy of mine showed up to a Dodgers game

and he was playing some other national league team and he's from Cleveland. He had a Cleveland Indians hat on. The teachers and this guy started legitimately saying I'm going to kick the shit out of you if you don't take that Cleveland Indians hat off. Fucking Indians. They haven't won since 1948.

Who gives a fuck? So anyways... Fuck, I'm never going to get back to the weed here. I'm going to have to stick with this fucking story. So last week I cut the podcast short because someone hooked me up and I went to the All-Star game to go down there and watch some of the greatest athletes

on the planet and of course and I was not disappointed. Fucking amazing basketball and the level of horror just every fucking tear. The desperate horror. The horror lived down the fucking street all the way up to the horror

who flew in for the fucking game who's been doing P90X for the last fucking eight months. Did some sort of cleanse and was just in unbelievable shape just fucking trying to figure out how to get into an after party, to get into the hotel

and it was fucking awesome. So anyways, I get this insane hookup. Right? I'm not trying to big league you guys here. But I got a great fucking hookup and I was in one of those one of the luxury boxes. One of the 90 million luxury boxes that they have

at Staples Center. They have like three levels of them. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh finally I'm in Staples Center. It's not a Lakers game, it's not a Clippers game and I'm playing the Celtics. I don't have to listen to Boston sucks the entire time I'm here, right?

And all of a sudden hang on a second. Is that my phone? Can you hear that? Where the fuck is my phone? Hear that gay little ring? That's my phone. Where is it? Anybody else have the fucking droid?

You hear that? The reason why I picked that is because there's like ten options for a ringtone on the droid. And the first nine sound like an air raid. You know? This ringing that just puts me on edge.

So the only thing like that one is called Waterfall. I think it is. So I have it set on that. Every time I do Nia goes, what are you a fig? But I say I like that one. Anyways, so I got box seats for the fucking All-Star game.

It's ridiculous, right? I'm sitting here and I got a whole you know, I bought like an All-Star T-shirt and you know, a total fucking nerd fan and I go to the game and I'm thinking this is great. So finally I have to deal with shit talk of people, right? I'm sitting there watching the game

and all of a sudden this little kid voice seven, eight year old when Doc Rivers put out the big three from the Celtics. And this kid going anytime a Celtic shoot the ball he go Brick! Busted sucks!

Damn Busted, you suck! Yelling this shit, right? The entire fucking time I go you gotta be shitting me. You gotta be shitting me. Really? You gonna heckle at a fucking All-Star game, you idiot, right? And then they go to sit

the big three from the Celtics, right? And then I hear this guy's voice go go sit down Busted! I'm like what kind of a fucking moron yells that in an All-Star game? And I look over I'm not gonna say who it was

but it was a rapper very famous rapper who was transcended being just a rapper you know, has traveled the fucking world and I'm literally sitting there going cause I was looking at the kid

going, this kid sounds like a 35 year old asshole you know, who calls in like a sports talk radio kind of thing, why is he behaving that way? And then I look, oh, cause his dad is an asshole

just kind of ended up, you know, the experience but I will give this to them, at least they were making some noise I don't know if you guys watch the All-Star game it was the worst crowd I've ever seen in my life the problem was because the entire lower level was either former players, whores

or some form of celebrity or somebody managing a celebrity and everybody just sat there I mean, I could have yelled from where I was sitting and someone on the court could have fucking heard me but I don't know, I still like that rapper's albums

at least the stuff from the late 80's, early 90's you're eventually gonna figure this out but do you ever have the urge to throw an eight-year-old off a fucking mezzanine level? I didn't want to do that, but you know

you shut the fuck up just shut up, all of you all of you shut up and he can make a fucking layup, just shut up already it's a fucking All-Star game so anyways, let's get back to the weed let's get back to the weed so I go to the sports bar

and I'm hanging out and we started talking about I'm still not boozing for fucking days here people this is getting serious this is like I sort of hung out with somebody in a cult and you're like, yeah, Bill's too smart for this shit and then one day I show up with the shaved head

and that glassed-over look at my eye talking about waiting for the spaceship I'm 135 fucking days in people I don't know if I'm coming back you fucking boozehounds out there, I think you might have lost me the urge is still there, oh god beer's dead

so anyways, we were talking about the difference between you know booze versus weed and I basically told him I said, yeah, I don't think there's anything especially now with like a vaporizer I don't, you know

that has to be way more healthier than drinking like three beers and that's seriously, that's another thing too like when potheads go like, you know, you come home after work you have a beer I smoke a joint, it's like, no dude, that is different I drink a beer I'm not drunk

you know you smoke a joint, that's like drinking like what three, four beers, I think it is anyways, whatever so this is what I think the difference is I think the fact because weed is not legal that's why it leads to other drugs you basically you left the legal world

and now you've dipped your toe into illegal and I think it's really easy to go from weed to be like, eh, shrooms you know it's his cousin it's no biggie I have you, you know and then cocaine is kind of further

in the back of that room and then right behind cocaine is a big steel fucking door like that maniac used to come out of in the Texas chainsaw massacres you slide that fucking rope in and in there

that's where heroin meth oxy and all that shit is in there all right, which I don't think just because you smoke weed that you go to that, but there that's what I will say when people who smoke weed go, dude it doesn't lead to heart of drugs

and yeah, it does I think it does, it doesn't always you know, there's people who smoke crack and they don't become addicted, they try it once I was like whatever and then other people lose their entire lives there is exception to it, be honest with me potheads, all right this is what I want to know

how many people out there have just tried just been drunk tried alcohol, I guess is what I'm trying to say never tried weed but did try mushrooms, like I've done two drugs alcohol and

mushrooms alcohol and coke I bet you would be hard pressed to find somebody who doesn't have weed in there it goes beer, weed shrooms or beer, weed, coke

depending on what you want to feel, right you want to hallucinate if you want to feel like Charlie Sheen how fucking amazing was that whole thing I'm on twitter by the way I finally gave in, Joe Rogan signed me up to drop a fucking name there I was doing his awesome podcast which you guys should all check out

I was doing his podcast and he was beside himself that I wasn't signed up to twitter and I've been shitting all over twitter tweeting and all that type of thing saying I don't want to fucking do it and I'm gradually becoming addicted to it and of course I don't have we'll have it up on themmpodcast.com

where I'm located I've been I've learned how to attach pictures and I feel like a little schoolgirl right now I'm all excited I'm cutting, I'm pasting, I'm typing socializing

ah fuck what the hell was I talking about weed, coke, Texas Chainsaw Massacres oh you cunt bill what is wrong with your brain my brain goes in a straight line if I try to go back I'm fucked the fuck was I talking about

oh Charlie Sheen there we go, thank god Charlie Sheen I'm doing this thing live so I can start taking college just for that specific thing that when I lose my train of thought they could just tell me what the fuck I was talking about or I could get an assistant you know, could do something like that

Charlie Sheen, I was amazed at the amount of people that took what he was saying at face value Kathy Lee Grifford to bring her up again she was like I thought his statements were selfish they were self centered it was like you don't think he was high I can't say he was high cause that would be slander

what the fuck why is my voice cracking? oh I know because I was yelling in that sports bar what the fuck when it's time to change that guy he sounded like he sounded

for the legal department not like a low coke he sounded like somebody high on cocaine right when you're hitting that peak before the paranoia comes in from what I've heard not so you guys think that I'm out there doing coke you know that I'm the shit right up the mountain

would be very short for me and then it would just go right down to I think everybody's watching me I'm gonna go hide in a fucking broom closet yeah he just sounded like he was fucking high out of his mind and I was actually kind of annoyed by the guy who was interviewing him

cause I just felt like he was sort of enabling him you know at least I'm totally judging this cause who knows I don't know either one of those fucking guys but it was like you see how celebrities OD because people are just so psyched to be fucking around them

that they look the other way the guy at one point goes like you know I saw you the other day you seemed fine you know we were at your house in your media room watching apocalypse now you seem fine it's like you fucking star fucker

give me a goddamn you're with Charlie Sheen watching apocalypse now in his media room in his fucking mansion there's no way you're gonna criticize him in that moment that would be like me hanging out with Jimmy Page watching the song remains the same

he's falling down drunk and he looks at me like hey mate you think I got a drinking problem ah Jimmy you're fine hey can I play one of these guitar I can have the guitar dude you're awesome who the fuck I mean there's no way you're gonna criticize anybody you know if I could go

fucking watch the godfather over Al Pacino's house well I guess that's not the same because Charlie Sheen's not in apocalypse now whatever Al Pacino have any kids you know what the fuck I'm saying I don't know so whatever

I felt bad for the guy I hope he uh you know I hope he turns his life around I thought he made some decent points there was a lot of points and I was just like hey you know skis he's sort of hands on I'm I'm lying to you actually I only listened to half that shit

alright before we get into the podcast here can I tell you about the cunt at the bank that I ran into this week can you hear it can you hear it what a fuck is my fucking phone what the hell is it

alright do you guys really want to listen to me hunt for my fucking phone the hunt for red october um alright so I'm sitting outside my bank you know because I worked hard all weekend why would I want the money when I can just go and give it to these thieving motherfuckers

oh sure I can have it at home right then I gotta worry that people will figure out that I'm caching my checks and I'm bringing them home and next thing you know the outside of my apartment looks like the end scene at the end of fucking Scarface right a bunch of sweaty

long haired psychos you know climbing over my non-existent walls and behind all of them some guy who's walking as slow as Jason on Friday the 13th knowing that he's gonna get the fucking kill shot um so anyways

I'm sitting outside the bank and I'm on a conference call you know talking about some bullshit you know pitching some fucking idea you know alright you know we'll take 10 horses we'll stick them in a house and we'll call it the fucking whore challenge and if I can we'll get fucking Bob Saget

to host it whatever the fuck I was saying right so as I'm sitting there outside the bank in the parking lot in my car uh this woman this lady pulls up in this Mercedes right and I'm on the phone

she opens the door right into my fucking car boom doesn't look at my car closes her car door and just walks into the fucking bank and I'm sitting there like beside myself going did she just open the car door into my fucking car

because she sort of mind fucked me because I heard it but she didn't do a ooh or oh my god I'm sorry she didn't look she just act like it didn't even happen I was like you know you know the hybrid because it goes from like the gas engine to the electric engine sometimes when it

when it turns over it causes the car to shake a little bit and sometimes like when I'm on a podcast that time when I thought that guy rear-ended me that's what happened so I was like is that some sort of hybrid shit or whatever so I go back to the phone conversation here she comes out again and now you know I'm looking at her

you know she's got a little midriff showing you know a little blondie and I'm like already starting to judge her and she comes walking again opens a car door right into my car so I'm on this conference call with like fucking industry people I go hey can you guys hang on a second I should have hit mute and I didn't

alright so I beeped the horn and I go hey hey I put the window down she's like what you just opened your door into my car I did yes you did it on the way into the bank and on the way out she's like well I didn't chip the paint

that's what she said and I was like what do you mean you didn't chip the paint you didn't even look how would you know how would you know why don't you be a little more considerate next time and look what the hell you're doing boom and I slam the door shut right

so I go back to the car I go sorry about that guys I'm like ooh it's everything alright oh man that built no it isn't alright you heard what happened you fucking jerk you don't have any you don't have any uh you know confrontations right so

she goes uh then I just hear her with my window up I can just hear her going have a nice day smile she starts doing that shit like I'm this asshole like me getting upset that you opened your fucking car door into me twice

without a care in the world like my natural reaction is not supposed to get upset you know what I mean I don't know you know I don't believe in that whole heaven and hell shit but I think that episode right there is

you know if there is this whole judgment that was one in favor of me the fact that I didn't call her a cunt you know right there you know what I mean she ends up giving me the finger like somehow she's been wrong I swear to god dude I just wanted to take my fucking passenger

side door open it up and fucking like three fucking times right into her goddamn car and then just go I didn't chip the paint this is why I didn't two reasons one because it was a broad alright

if it was a guy I wouldn't do it because what if he comes over and beats the shit out of me who's getting who okay you know if you want to have like a street fight like a brother on brother fight where we both end giving each other in you know in simultaneous headlocks going you give you give

I'll have a fight like that but I you know average random dude I'm not fighting the guy I'm 42 fucking years old okay gonna get my ass kicked but now there was a woman I can't do it because she could get out of her fucking car and just start smashing up my car

and there's really nothing I can do to try and physically stop her because she's a lady right and that's the first reason and then the second reason is I've watched enough sports to realize that the refs

always see the retaliation they never see the initial thing so it's like she fucking hits me twice nobody sees it and then I fucking slam Mike and then I you know I would be like hey she did it to me first and I would fucking lose so I didn't do anything and

ugh the fucking thoughts I had after wishing I followed her you know in my quiet hybrid to wherever the hell she lived and we wanted to carve into a driver's side door either

cunt and I was like that's unoriginal I wanted to carve in I didn't chip the paint into the side or maybe I did chip the paint LOL laughing my ass off OMG or some dumb shit you know

ugh what a fuck she's out there she probably told the story later on that day I would love to hear her version of that fucking story of how she was the victim you know it's just I can't tell

because she was hot and she's not used to somebody actually calling her on her shit or if she's a product of the combination the timeout generation and that generation for the last fucking 35 I don't know 35 years for the last 25 fucking years the parenting

at least in this country I don't know what happened it's like it went from when I was a kid where whatever your neighbor said you did your parents believed whatever your teacher said you did your parent whatever an adult said

that you were doing and you were out of and you were out of line parents just said oh is that what he's doing I'm gonna have a talk with him Mr. Robinson down the street says you jumped over his fence you were jumping in his pool

and he tried to lie ah don't give me that shit get upstairs and go in your fucking room whatever they don't do that anymore the last like 25 years it's like if somebody says something to somebody

hey basically your kids being a fuck head right now they just automatically defend their kid straight through the whole thing they defend their kid you can't go over somebody's house you gotta have a fucking play date you don't get the shit kicked out of you

you don't get hit or anything you get a time out you know and then I think you know 25 fucking years later you're in a bank fucking opening your goddamn door into somebody's car you're a surprise that they're mad and b you don't think you did anything fucking wrong time out

look at hockey they beat the shit out of somebody they just make the guy sit down for five minutes you know does he learn anything he fucking beats him up again hey by the way how about those Bruins

beating a very very very very strong vancouver canuck team that was a big fucking victory for us but I think before in the fucking road trip dude alright let's get to the topics for this week topic number one is it racist

racist racist racist oh before I get into that before I get into that here's something you might want to read up on last week when I was talking about the the whores that go to the all-star game and that type of shit there's somebody sent me an article

that we will have linked on the mmpodcast.com it was an article that came out in 2006 in gq magazine where one of the writers hung out with some groupies some NBA groupies and that type of thing and what is really

it's a really interesting article and what is also really interesting is she never really gets to talk to any of the whores that are really doing the dirt you know what I mean she talks to three girls who well we might if it happened but who knows we're just here to have fun

that's how tight that circle is it's a really interesting article I'll have to link up on the mmpodcast.com to the fan page of the Monday morning podcast and now let's get to the topic is it alright Bill while flipping the channels the other night I happened to catch

the end of America's funniest home videos America's funniest home videos the family that won on this particular night was a white family with what I assumed was an adopted black daughter who was maybe six or seven years old anyways after they announced the winners the host shook

each of the family members hands but when he got to the little girl he put his hand up and asked for a high five which immediately made me livid I'm not saying it was necessarily racist but I hate it when white people call me brother or want to give me

complicated handshakes when they barely know me can you please tell your listeners to knock that shit off lol you know what's fucking funny about that is yeah I agree with you it isn't racist but it is annoying

sort of pandering or ingratiating yourself to black culture I know what you're saying I just don't know how to verbalize it the only way I can really describe it is do you guys anybody out there buy that

p90x I recommend it it's great I just go on the road so I can't do the diet so it didn't work for me she's been doing it lately she brought up something I forgot what's really funny on those tapes I can't remember the names of the people there but there's like

a white guy two white chicks and then a black dude so he goes around the room saying hello to everybody this is Pam they call her blam and he's just going this is Jerry he's a taekwondo guy watch out for this guy you know this is so and so

blah blah blah and then he walks up to the black guy and let's just say his name is like you know whatever James and he goes what's up James my brother hahahaha every fucking disc he calls him my brother and then he goes

like high pitched my brother and it's it's so douche chills from the opian anthem I didn't believe opian anthony came up with that expression or that's at least where I heard it first douche chills every time I hear that I agree with you I don't think it's racist

it's just some sort of it's like if you met somebody asian would you bow you know yeah I get that I get that that's fucking funny I and I've been guilty of doing a semi you know that the

the handshake the I don't know the mainstream one was it grab the thumb slide to the hand the snap thing was there for a while I don't fucking know but I will not do a fist bump with anybody even if

even if there's a black guy there I still won't do it I'll just assume that he's still hanging out with too many white people that's why he's still doing a pound alright next one I just finished up a conversation on Facebook with some female friends

of mine long story short I asked if they were on twitter they replied we don't twitter and I replied alright well whenever you ladies realize that you're missing out on the greatest social network since the underground railroad just follow me at

and he wrote his twitter name he said what was my comment racist in your opinion um no first of all you guys you gotta let me know what race you are too so I'm assuming that you're white no that isn't racist that's what overly sensitive people would think that it's racist because

you made a reference to something that involved uh they do this happens to me a lot in stand up where people don't look at the context in which you're saying something

you're basically saying the underground railroad is the greatest social network or twitter is the greatest one since the underground railroad so doesn't that mean that you think that the underground railroad was a great thing the underground railroad was africans escape in slavery

so no I think it's actually it's a good reference I think you're guilty of making a good reference but if you're around a bunch of overly sensitive people they would immediately think because you brought up something that had to do with slavery on some level

that you somehow advocated advocated slavery um that happens a lot in stand up where people don't listen to what you're saying you made a reference to slavery they then think that well because you made a reference to it then you obviously

advocated um so no I don't think that that is a I don't think that that's racist alright let's plow ahead next one is it racist uh bill here's one for you I'm 35 but when I was about 23 for some reason I went

to a bunch of stores looking for a specific cd cds back when they had those things from a middle class family and went to high school high school that was like 90210 it was almost entirely white so I find myself in this store looking for what I thought was a cd

by Snoop Dogg I felt like an idiot and I'm standing in there in khakis in a polo while the other white kid behind the counter reads a list of available cd titles by Snoop Dogg um as I try to remember the name that I'm looking for

alright he didn't really set that up so he goes into the store he finds another white kid who works there he's dressed in khakis in polos and says that he's looking for a snoop dog cd so now the white kid behind the counter is reading off titles of Snoop Dogg albums he goes try to imagine him the white kid

looking down at the computer screen and him reading the title he goes snoop upside and then looking at me straight in the eyes finishing sarcastically with ya head snoop upside ya head I guess was the name of the album he goes I never felt so white

lol discourage I leave for another store across the street in the mall as I walk in I immediately spot one of the token black kids that I graduated with me um now right there that's an offensive that's offensive to a lot of people

token black kids you know that's when you go to the all white school and then there was like one black kid that kid's always called the token so that's offensive all the way to racist depending on how I would think um but whatever let's plow ahead here um so anyways

he sees you know the one black kid he basically went to high school with he said I was like thank god lol I stop him and say Antoine listen man listen man he throws in a man I have a question for you what is the name of that snoop dog cd

with the blah blah blah song on it of course there was the awkward what do you ask him you ask me because I'm black right is the question he asked and as I'm standing there stumped for a response he said it's not snoop it's not snoop dog it's dr. dray and the cd is the chronic

uh he said now feeling like a true idiot I try to make some ridiculous small talk that's fucking hilarious um I knew I went to the right source as he confirmed but what are your thoughts is that racist no no it's

not racist the token black guy I thought of everything you said was the thing that I would raise the red flag where I would if I was in a conversation with you you know that shit where one white guy is talking to another white guy he doesn't know they're not a know where or something sort of in the gray area comes

into the conversation and from you know then there's always that tense moment of like is this gonna take a fucking right turn down to an unpaved road down to a shack um no it isn't it's not racist at all and it was proven because

he knew the fucking answer yeah I mean maybe you're guilty of racially profiling I think you you went really efficient it's not like you didn't try to ask another white kid he had no idea and he was a cunt he almost seemed like he was judging you because you were uh

you you were you were buying the music or in general he just didn't like rap music but you saw the black dude you went to school with that's fucking what he asked me because I'm black you should have said yes what am I supposed to ask some redneck what would what would happen if I walked up to you and asked hey what what's what's the name of that

new Travis Tritt album he'd probably be like what the fuck are you asking a black guy that question for you know if somebody came up to me and said hey Bill what's the name of that beer that that's famous that Ireland makes I wouldn't get a fence I wouldn't get offended by that you know or if they assume that

I drank because I'm Irish even though I'm mostly German all right but I but because I have I don't get offended when people assume that I'm mostly Irish it's not like I don't look like a fucking leprechaun I think that that falls into

being overly sensitive but I feel that guy's entitled to considering considering he seemed like he was the only black guy in his school and other white kids referred to him as the token and despite all that he was still nice enough to tell you what CD to buy see that that had a nice warm

fuzzy ending all right another one dear bill hey by the way my reading is getting a lot better I gotta pat myself on the back pat pat myself on the back my speaking still sucks dear bill I recently moved to downtown Denver from Fort Collins is that up near Greeley

Colorado where they have the bad smell day I know I've talked about this before in the podcast but just in case there's new listeners out there in Greeley Colorado they have a slaughterhouse up there where you know if you ever wondered where your fucking hamburgers and steaks

and all that shit came from Greeley Colorado is a good guess and some days when it's really windy up there and they've murdered a bunch of fucking steer they have what's known as bad smell days and what you do

is you call up the slaughterhouse and you say hey can you can you fucking cool it a little bit up there we can smell it all the way down here we can smell the murder this way and then they actually sort of I don't know what they do

take a 15 minute break from killing the steers or whatever I don't fucking know a steer by the way is a bull without balls I had no idea what that was I knew what a cow was I knew what a bull was I didn't know what a steer was steers a bull without balls

and those are the things that they use for all your steak and hamburger I believe I don't think they use the cows they use the cows for the milk they use the bulls to fuck the cows to make more cows and to make more bulls and then they cut their balls off and they make them steers

does that out works right did I learn that in my travels out there on the road correct me if I'm wrong they are southerners what are you asking me because I'm from the south yes you pig fucking jackass answer the question dear bill I recently moved

to downtown Denver from Fort Collins a small college town north of Denver the only black people I had been used to seeing were either exchange students from Africa or Colorado State football basketball players my new home in Denver

is a neighborhood that is known for having a high black population to cut to the point I've noticed while driving around my place that black people generally younger black guys do not respect jaywalking laws at all I noticed that this I noticed this after the fifth time in one day that a black

dude had walked right out into traffic expecting that the drivers would hit their brakes and wait for him to cross the street now I see now I see this happen every day when I got home I brought it to the attention of my roommates and girlfriend and they thought I was crazy but soon enough they all began to notice

this phenomenon and now it's a big inside joke amongst us also I don't know if you've seen that there are quite a few popular YouTube videos that show exactly what I'm talking about one video that I think you may have talked about showed a black guy dance his way into traffic until an ice cream

truck put a stop to that is it racist that I noticed this also is this just a Denver thing or does it happen elsewhere jaywalking happens I think all over the world and every race does it as far as I know this one is a little complex because there's a lot

of levels to this because you don't seem like you have hatred in your heart and also I haven't been to your neighborhood if that's what people do you know then that's what they do there I lived in New York City and we all do it

all everybody 80 year old fucking women from the aster family jaywalk when then you know over to their fucking town car to go visit their bars of gold everybody jaywalk so I wouldn't

I wouldn't yeah obviously black people aren't the only ones who jaywalk but in your neighborhood if that's what everybody does I mean that's not racist to notice that I think to just say that it's just black people you know what this is these these are getting these are getting difficult because I gotta hear

what you're doing with that information you know you did have your little clan moment where you convinced the people that you're living with I'm telling you go out there go out there and look at them and then they came back holy shit you're right how offensive is it that just because you know

you're from Denver why am I giving you a southern exit see we're all full of shit here fuck I just had a point there what the hell was I gonna try to make yeah I mean I'd have to know if you were just saying like you know if you take it to the level I guess where you you're going like you know

you know the obvious level to take this where it would obviously be racist if you were just like we gotta get we gotta get all the black people out of this country they're all these jaywalking sons of bitches they're ruining this country or uh you know I don't want my daughter dating

a black guy why because they're jaywalking sons of bitches of what I mean I don't fucking know if you just sort of noticing this and you think it's funny that they do this shit kind of like when I do that older Asian thing I don't have anything to get Asians or old people

if you fucking around like no I mean it's probably offensive like my older Asian thing which I guess that that game is offensive to some people yeah is it racist that you noticed I mean it did happen I guess it's when you start thinking that

all black people in general like Bill Cosby is walking out of his mansion and jaywalks across the street to I mean I don't know I don't know where to go with that one yeah I know but I'll tell you this dude

everybody jaywalks and I am one of the major offenders of it I do it all the fucking time alright I don't have fucking time to walk down to the goddamn corner I don't understand what the fucking point is I get it look both ways

and if there's nothing coming then go but if something's coming don't go I get that alright jaywalking I think those laws are basically invented they're basically so that A can keep traffic moving and B

don't have to clean up a lot of dead people in the street because there's a lot of bad drivers and there's also a lot of people who can't see that well or cross the street correctly maybe that's why I don't fucking know alright now we're into advice is this one of these ones where I'm just reading too much

rather than riffing is that what the fuck's going on here you know what I'm gonna talk about youtube videos maybe they'll fucking stir up some sort of some sort of comedy here I feel like I'm on fucking meet the press youtube videos check this one out remember a few weeks ago

when I showed that dude Johnny Mack the QB doing all those trick shots fucking football helmet into the ring some guy Alex I don't know if I'm gonna say this right tanny this is what I gotta say about all these trick shot QB things the ones that are most impressive is when they do

more than one trick without an edit those are the ones that I like but you know other than that these are pretty impressive so check that one out here's a classic youtube video woman beats up boyfriend keeps yelling fight back

all these videos will be up on the M.M. podcast and this is some inside information that I'll give you I never name names alright but there's a friend of mine who wrote a very successful movie after watching this video

and in this video there is a woman beating the shit out of a guy a big woman so think of some comedies that came out and the last shit what was it I think it was like 5 years ago

it came out and I wanna just tell you the movie's Norbert the guy I know who wrote the movie wrote the movie after seeing this video he thought this video was fucking hilarious and said that's a movie and then he wrote it and then it got made and I remember standing there going wow it's that fucking easy

you just have to sit down and do the goddamn work you know next one magnetic kid what the fuck is that did I even watch that one 7 year old kid claims he's magnetic I somehow missed that one

drunk guy on the news you have to see this is the best one of the week I think as far as fucking hilarity this guy is out of his mind and speaking of races this guy gets real he's really drunk and he starts talking about his neighbors and he goes now I'm telling you

I'm just warning you right now I never liked those people I'm gonna say I'm gonna say something racist right and he's so drunk he never gets around to it but one of the funniest things in this video

aside from the unbelievably long pauses this guy takes between talking is how the reporter keeps trying to give the guy the out he's like did you start drinking because you was so distraught from the fire and the guy's like no

you know like I've been drinking all fire I was drinking before the fire during it and after it you know that's basically his whole vibe now here's a video people keep sending me I don't know why people find this thing funny I find the voiceover to be unbelievably annoying it says crazy nasty

as honey badger and I guess it's making fun of all the videos showing how badass the honey badger is but this guy sounds like he's doing a really bad impression of a sitcom character that's gay and he just he's annoying after a while

conspiracy theorist out there new world order documentary we have and I actually got this one Chevy 1991 S10 commercial one of the people I follow on YouTube he does a bunch of

really good zeppelin covers and he throws up random videos every once in a while on his channel I was bow for shard I believe his name is BEAU just type in that and then look up zeppelin if you're a drummer he fucking

kills a bunch of different zeppelin tracks and alright those are the YouTube videos for this week and do I have anything else to talk about I think I'll just go into fucking advice and then we'll wrap this goddamn thing up we will wrap it up oh this week by the way I'm gonna be in Miami

alright I'm gonna be in Miami at the uh the fucking fuckfest theater what the hell am I gonna be hang on a second let me get the information for you alright you just sit tight you sit tight your goddamn cubicle

alright starting fucking scratching your chin as you're looking at those spreadsheets like that's odd alright I'm at the new world symphony 517th street Miami Beach Florida also for those of you in Utah I added a date

in March March 18th and March 19th I'm gonna be at Wise Guys in West Valley City Utah probably gonna hang around for another day to go fucking skiing oh I know what I want to tell you guys I finally committed to the sport of hockey told you I've been playing ice hockey out here

and all I had I had the helmet with the full cage in the front because who's kidding who my dream of making it to the NHL died sometime I believe about 1984 um I was never good I always sucked

so I've been playing helmet I have the full face mask and I had the glove stick skates obviously that's all I had and I gotta tell you as a 42 year old man falling down on the fucking ice that is not a good feeling so I finally just said the hell with it

and I went out and I bought all the gear head to toe I have all the fucking pads and it made made all the difference in the world dude you go down you don't feel anything you don't feel anything it's fucking tremendous it's like falling

uh falling on it not pillows but it's it's the shit so uh so anyway so what I've been doing is you know I hate going to the fucking gym so I either take my dog for a hike or recently for cardio they have you know they have the public skating thing so I'll go down there like a

fucking pedophile you know 42 year old single white male never married no kids I swear to god I won't even look at a child when I am in there I won't I fucking I just skate around and I fucking mind my own business

so anyway I go down there and uh I basically work on shit that I suck at that you can work on during a public skating thing which is basically I suck at stopping on my right side so I just started working on that and uh I can turn around to skate backwards but I'm not good I'm more left handed

than I am right handed so I'm not good yet I shoot the puck right handed I'm fucked so I can't turn around to the right side good so the only way you improve in life is if you attack your weaknesses so I start learning it right and I'm crossing over and everything's going great and then what happens I get a little cocky

oh Jesus right and I'm fucking my version of flying I'm probably going three quarters of the speed that uh that I can skate and I fucking turn around and dude I don't know what the fuck happened because I you know I'll fall but I can fall gracefully

at this point this was like I had a beginner fall and I was going backwards at about 17 miles an hour and I didn't fall on my side I didn't I didn't get my hands down nothing I fell I fell like a fucking tree and I landed

right on my ass and then I got my right elbow down at the last second so my head didn't hit the ice but my brain still smacked and like I was dizzy when I got out but dude I swear to God I don't know how I didn't break my tailbone I fucking like

my ass was killing me I had to I I I skated off the ice that was it I was done I went off the ice and I sat down and I collected myself you know and I had snow all over my backside oh I missed the best part

and when I fell down and I I fucking went to try I just kind of stayed there for half a second like did I just break my fucking tailbone did I really just do that and I and I didn't feel any sort of you know pain beyond I just busted my ass on the ice so

as I roll over some like 11 year old kid skates by and does this simpson ha ha and then keeps going I got admit I didn't get even get mad at him I was like I said I know it I went I know it and then I got up and it wasn't till I was driving home

that that kid actually annoyed me and I dreamed of cross-checking him into the glass you know which is which is childish but uh yeah so I'm playing again this week and definitely having a good time it's so much better than going to the gym and I having

fallen on the ice there by myself I have a whole new respect for like contact sports like people who play him at like you know professional fucking levels or even just pick up games like you know I was seriously like there was like I had to

collect myself like I said like I can't imagine doing that shit for a fucking living I mean skating is hard enough forget about some guy trying to knock you over when you're not looking it's just it's unbelievable it's unfucking believable so it's unbelievable I couldn't believe it

I'm bored with it already alright let's let's read some advice and then I'm getting the fuck out of here um by the way recently I've actually thought I've considered about having some advertising here on the podcast and I know what you guys are thinking oh Jesus

here he goes he's gonna sell out man you're absolutely right I am gonna sell out you know what do you think I want to keep it real and stay broke I'm not broke I'm doing alright but give me a fucking break

okay eventually people I'm not gonna want to jump on a goddamn airplane okay and I don't want to charge you cunts anything you know so I've been thinking about it so but I think I can still do it in a creative cool way where I'll just have advertisers on here of shit that I like

drum companies booze you know shit like that as long as I can read it and make fun of the copy I will do it um and I'll charge everybody $1.75 per episode I don't know I'm gonna try to figure something out alright let's go to advice bill advice

um so for the last 5 years I've been teaching guitar lessons full time at a very large music school in Chicago there are over 100 music teachers at this school with about 5000 students every session half of those students are under 18

the school has been around for over 50 years and is globally recognized let's see if I can figure that out oh Chicago I don't know that one I was gonna guess Berkeley now I get an email from the new director of the school saying all of the staff are required to get their thumbs scanned by some company

called biometric what biometric scans your thumbs into their watch system we all already had uh background checks done when we were hired

but now they argue that we need to have this done apparently all of the public school teachers in their entire city are being forced to do this as well basically anyone who is around any younger who is around any younger please people please proofread your shit you make me sound dumb

I am already dumb enough basically anyone who is around any younger people for a profession is now mandated by their employee to get in this creepy biometric system you see this shit have you guys noticed this all this

screaming and yelling we do during every single election that comes around to pick the democrat or the republican it doesn't make a difference because when the real shit goes down like approving giving biometrics the right to do this we don't get to vote on this

they don't even tell us about it so they just go it's a law it's mandatory you have to do this anyways he says I don't have anything to hide but the mental picture of all of us harmless musicians lining up like fucking cattle having some stormtrooper assholes scanning my thumbprint into some super computer

where it will stay forever is really depressing obviously this is all done in the name of air quote protecting the children but at what cost here's my question for you I feel like this is my moment to take a stand should I make a deal big deal about this

should I try to rally all the other teachers to fight this or will I just look like I have something to hide it is really really hard to get a job at this school so I'm scared to make waves do you feel like this protects kids from creeps I should mention that in the school's 50 year history

no incident of a teacher student misconduct has been recorded everyone knows that pedophiles can't play an instrument lol and do you think they are making priests get thumb scans I fucking bet not

all joking aside I'm really bothered by this situation what should I do Bill the first thing I would do is I would talk to other teachers and see how they feel about it I think that's complete horseshit dude they have been basically working their way towards this

since they first came up with photo IDs and social security numbers and all of that shit it's all done under the whole guise it's all done under the realization in your own fucking safety and it's complete horseshit it has to do

with them eventually trying to have a very few people be able to make the decisions for all of us that's basically what's going on ok and the more information they have about you the easier it is to be able to find you

I mean think about that shit they're gonna have your thumbprint they know what your fucking fingerprint looks like alright they're gonna have an ability to freeze your fucking bank account and your cell phone has a goddamn microchip in it ok so the second they I mean

this is like end of day shit and they got these fucking robots that they've been working on that can outperform human beings I'm telling you our days are fucking numbered they had on Jeopardy the other day they had two human beings playing against a fucking computer those two people

they're helping human beings get phased out you should see I'm not competing against a fucking computer so you can figure out how it does against me and you can figure the computer's weaknesses and strong points so it can come back with even more game

and you can pump it back with more fucking information so eventually I become fucking useless unless of course I know how to build a robot or know how to grease its fucking joints yeah dude I think yeah I think it would be a very noble thing if you complained about that

I think people need to complain more I'm guilty of it I fucking rant here on this podcast but I've never been to a protest but I don't think that it's right that they pass a lot like whether you agree with that or not that's not something that they should be able to pass without the voice of the people we should be able to vote

on something like that it's fucking ridiculous I just found out from my account the other day after years of saying I'm not doing my shit online because I don't want to put all that information online I now have no option I have to do it online you know

I don't want to put all my fucking information online my tax ID numbers my social security numbers you're out of your fucking mind you're letting people into your entire financial history you're letting into your whole fucking god knows

what they can do with that and they can ruin you alright all I'm doing is bitching here but that's shit really that's fucking creepy as hell I would talk to other people and be like dude hey what do you think about this sort of get it going just like how they started the revolution in this country hey what do you think about those redcoats

they're kind of yeah dicks right they're kind of dicks yeah I don't like them either alright question number two hey Bill this has been bothering me for a while now and I'm not sure what to do I'm 19 years old I go to UMass Amherst dude that place

is insane do you guys still party the time out generation do you still party the way they used to where they would actually have fatalities at that school people used to ride the elevators it was that classic urban myth about those kids bringing the cow up to the roof of the building and they didn't know how to get it off so they just pushed it off the side

and it exploded into hamburger heaven anyways I had a girlfriend my first semester of college that was still in high school we both knew that I was going far away but we agreed that we would stay together however I guess her feelings

changed and she wanted to be single I was devastated when she broke up with me and I've been really down because she was the first girlfriend I had that I really liked and I wasn't just trying to get laid I actually like this girl so after a few weeks I found out she was hooking

up with this kid that I considered to be a friend oh boy because we had been hanging out over the summer and partying together what's fucked up about the whole situation is that this isn't the first time this guy has done this to me alright you know what I just thought of when I read that

sentence was what was the name of that movie Dead Presidents you know when the dude comes back into the pool hall with the stick and he beats the shit out of Terrence Howard I'm not saying to do that but that's the first movie scene that came

to my head anyways at the end of my senior year I broke up with a different girl and this kid was hooking up with her about a month later I let that one slide that's your fault then he said because again I didn't really give a fuck about any other girlfriends I had before this previous one

I don't want to be a crazy ex boyfriend that gets defensive over girls that no longer like him but should I or should I not tell this kid to back off and stop going after my ex girlfriends you definitely need to have a talk with that dude you need to clear the air with him

and then you need to stop fucking with him that's what I would do and I would go somewhere along the lines of describing him as like you ever see those little fish that swim under the big fish you know they're not planked in I don't know what they fuck they are they swim under the whales you know

just ask him it's like dude do you have an ability to get pussy without drafting behind me like somebody in the tour to France you know if there was like pussy at the finish line the fuck is wrong with you you know I don't know don't listen to me on how to say that stuff because I say fuck

a lot and I'm an angry dude you'll end up getting into a fist fight but yeah I would definitely say something to the kid you know it'd be funny if you called them up like I don't know where you're from you know just say you're from just say you're from LA just call them up and say hey listen just to let

you know I've been recently hooking up with this chick from San Diego you know just want to let you know send your picture just to show you the next person that you're gonna be fucking because evidently you love my sloppy seconds you fucking pervert are you gay from me or something do you just want to be where my

dick has been the love of God go get yourself a boyfriend there you go hit him with the homophobia that's a good one not that I advocate homophobia but when you use it it can be your friend that makes sense alright Bill hey Bill I'm 24 and have four kids Jesus

Christ what is it the fucking 1800s what do you got what do you got some fucking do you need some farm hands sir somebody go clean out the silo or fill it up oh good lord you guys make your own

clothes I'm 24 and I have four kids I'm married I feel bad for this guy I should make fun of him I work for public utilities doing very hard manual labor and I work hard for my money which goes straight to my wife and four kids basically

when politicians run for office and they try to stand on the shoulders of hard work in Americans this is the guy right here this is the guy that like Sam Elliott talks about speaking of that I recently saw one of those course commercials have you seen that the Rocky Mountains

go down this country like a backbone and we make our beer the way the fuck we want to and that's what's having a backbone is all about you gotta have a backbone to make a light beer that looks and tastes like piss a watered down shitty

beer that comes from the backbone Rocky Mountains you know something I think whenever you have a pussy product you know one of the red flags is you get Sam Elliott to do the voiceover you know cause you're like oh my god people are gonna see right through the fact that

I mean come on people course it's one of those beers when like you're hung over that you actually drink that's like vitamin water for an alcoholic they're trying to tie it into the fucking Rocky Mountains I mean I know they they get their fucking water

from the Rocky Mountains go down this country like a backbone but her tough guy shit give me some of that skull band cause a lot yeah Jesus anyways

what the fuck am I how the fuck did I even start talking about that the other day I got a call from work the other day I got a call from her okay let's let's let's let's let's reset this up again the guy's 24 years old he has 17 kids no he has 4 kids he's married works with public utilities does very hard manual labor he works his fucking ass

off and all his money goes straight to his fucking wife and his kids alright the other day I got a call from her at work and she told me to meet her at the doctor's office cause she doesn't like taking the kids to the doctor alone when I get there she starts yelling at me as usual red flag and they and then said

then she said all you know how to do is work so why don't you just go back to work and saying all I do is pick up after you and the kids and basically calling me a loser for working and making money I'm doing my

best to provide for my kids she takes my money she spends my money on stupid shit we've been married for a year and 4 months now but you get 4 kids did you have quadruplets sir what happened I don't know Bill I just like to hear your take on the situation

and give me some advice alright okay oh Jesus here we go alright alright first things first I don't know what you said before she said all you know how to do is work

so why don't you go back to work that could have been anything from her actually being a jerk to her saying yeah Phillip has a cold and you said which one's Phillip we got so many fucking kids which one which one is easy you see the little

rusty haired one then she oh you know how to do his work you know if she said it like that then what can you do but it doesn't seem I don't know the fact that she's saying all I do is pick up after you and the kids

this is what you need to do the worst thing that you can do when you want somebody to hear your point is to be a fucking asshole like me it's like when I when I approached that lady at the bank you know

I she didn't hear what I was saying because she's she's a cunt alright who's kidding but beyond that I was a dick to her so no one's going to listen to you if you're a dick if you want to stay with this woman

you're going through a rough period in your relationship what you have to do is you got to walk away from that situation you know go scream into a pillow that you want to say to her or go yell at your windshield as you drive around the block 15 fucking times

a couple of drinks whatever you got to do unwind and this is how I do it because I have a brutal temper and just write down on a piece of paper what you want to fucking convey alright and then practice it

I know this sounds crazy to people who don't have this problem but that's what I have to do because I'll sit there and like that bank thing I tried to practice it my first attempt at practicing I would start off slow and eventually get pissed all over again

and be like hey listen I noticed that when you went in you opened your car door into my car and then you came out and then you did it again and it's like what the fuck and each time I would get further and further to the end so that's what you have to do with this person

you have to sit down for a couple of minutes how fucking long is this podcast you have to sit down with her and just be like look I mean I don't know what you're just say listen we have four kids that's the situation

you know the place is going to be a mess and I am working okay obviously I'm not giving you what you need what more do you need from me okay that's probably a good way alright we need to talk I'm really upset with me blah blah blah blah

what more do you need from me than what I'm doing since she sees that you're relaxed you're going to hear what the hell she wants to say then when she says what she has to say fair enough alright here's what I need from you alright

and then in a nice way you got to tell her to stop spending all your money on stupid shit alright that's what you got to do and I'm telling you when you're fucking trying to make some headway in your relationship is with the woman is you can't

lose your fucking cool alright and they will if you back them into a corner sometimes when they're doing something wrong cause they're humans they're going to do something wrong when you back them into the corner and they did something wrong watch out if they start attacking you alright

with shit that has nothing to do with what you're arguing about like you're arguing about you know you know whatever like you fucking she keeps leaving the TV on and going to bed and it's on all night she's fucking whatever whatever the fuck that that causes the electric bill to go up

if all of a sudden she starts going well you know you're just mad cause you know you're just short or she attacks you for that or some other bullshit or just you're just a fucking asshole right there she just abandoned her argument and what she's doing now is she's just trying to make you mad so that she can steer

the argument into some other bullshit hopefully gets you to say something so fucked up that it just totally camouflages you know the bullshit that she did to start the fucking argument basically so just keep it cool you gotta sit down you gotta do

you got four kids with this girl you're attached to the hip with this woman okay so what you want to do is try to have a good time you're a good guy you're working your fucking ass off okay she needs to appreciate that and she has to appreciate that you know what do you want to do you want to fucking whatever the fuck you're doing

you want to walk around picking up SpongeBob SquarePants stuffed animals all day you know you gotta be like sweetheart you had four fucking kids see this is why I'm not good at it sweetheart you had four fucking kids

the fuck do you think was gonna happen you know get your tubes tights quit bitching at me see that's the first pass that's the first way I would say it and by you get to the end you just say listen you know I love you you love me we have four beautiful kids we have to work together

it's definitely a trying time at being this young with all these kids and I'm telling you your life will be it'll be better if you work it out but the worst thing you want to do is come at her after you've had a few pops and said listen let me tell you something you dumb cunt alright I'm the backbone of this fucking country

you don't want to come at her that way you stupid bitch I'm fucking working my balls off why don't you go out there on that goddamn fucking oil rig all day you know why don't you get on the pharmacy and get on the fucking pill maybe you wouldn't have to be picking up so much shit alright or they'll let me know to pull out

you'd say dumb shit like that and then you're gonna have a fucking horrific relationship you don't want to do that so that's it that's the podcast for this week everybody and as I mentioned I am up on Twitter now and actually enjoying it I have made peace with the tweeting you know what I feel like right now

I feel like Johnny Damon when he went to the Yankees after trashing twittering but now I'm fucking you know shaved my beard got a haircut oh yeah I'm just gonna try to come in and contribute on twitter wherever I can ah no it's not that bad it's not that bad it's just typical me

I am uh I'm an old soul I'm a crabby 80 year old as a 42 year old I am I look ah something new I don't like it I didn't like Facebook I don't like it but I'm at the mercy of you guys

you guys all go to Twitter what the fuck am I supposed to do you know I stayed on my space as long as I could I felt like I was in a ghost town like some old minor town that dried up and I was just sitting there listening to the rusty hinges you know is the door swing swing back and forth

oh Jesus Bill we get it stop being so fucking dramatic you're a twittering fig you're a tweeter that's the podcast for this week you guys all have a you all have a wonderful week and go fuck yourselves alright see ya from everything I take two new men know I'm with the Eric

from us here Zalch Pase Ramadan Mubarak enjoy Pase and Ramadan with the amazing and diverse assortment of Albert Heijn and check out the second episode on TheWerldInHetKlein.be that's it for Albert Heijn