Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-3-14

Episode Date: February 4, 2014

Bill rambles about the Super Bowl, Dark Side of the Moon and surviving the apocalypse.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday. Monday, February 3rd, 2014. How the hell are you? How's it going? I'm a little bit handicapped this week because my internet isn't working. I don't know why. I don't know what happened. I hit the little reset button. You know, you take out the little pin and you stick it in the side. You do a little fucking five count and you sit there staring at the goddamn lights. Blinky, blinky, blinky. And then what happens? It's supposed to all be good. Well, not this week. I don't have any. So if you think my reading is bad when I'm reading it off a nice giant computer screen, wait till you hear this week when I'm reading off my fucking iPhone. I'll wait till

you hear it. Spoiler alert. All right. Well, let's get down to it. How about that fucking Super Bowl? Was that awesome or what? I'm speaking as a Patriots fan, by the way. I gotta be honest. Like if Peyton Manning won his second Super Bowl and then he had two and Brady had three, then that stupid ass debate is going to start again, which I have not heard since Peyton lost, I should say the Colts lost when they played the Saints and I didn't want to fucking hear it. All right. And I love it. So all you Peyton Manning fans for all these years who've been telling me that fucking Peyton's better than Brady. Look how many yards he had in fucking October. You know, it was a classic, a classic Peyton Manning stat yesterday is despite the fact

that they got the living shit kicked out of him. He still set the record for most completions in a Super Bowl game, right? He completed 33 passes. 33 passes. So you gotta be like, Jesus Christ, what do you throw for 500 yards? 400 at least. 33. You know what he threw for 280 yards. That's less than nine yards a catch. It was eight points up in yards a catch. Dinking it, dunking down the damn field. And he got half those fucking yards in the, uh, the end of the third quarter when Seattle went to like a fucking prevent, just gave them the middle of the field and gave them those six fucking points, which pissed me off. I wanted them to shut them out. Right. It's embarrassing how much I root

against Peyton because it's like, it has nothing to do with the guy. I think he's a great fucking quarterback. It was just, what I really, I'm doing as I'm hating on Peyton is if I can be am I too white to use that expression? As I dislike Peyton Manning is I am, it's really just all the sports fans that I've run into over the years who just, with Peyton Manning, it was always individual stats and then blaming everybody around them. The coaching, the defense, the ready and game, all that fucking crap. Give me a goddamn break. Give me a fucking break. Did you see that look on his face about three quarters of the way through the first quarter in my family that is known as Peyton face. And that's when he

starts pouting and he gets frustrated and he gets upset and you can't have your fucking later looking like that. Now nobody on ESPN is going to say it. None of them are going to fucking say that shit because they fucking drop down at the stats God and suck its dick every day on fucking sports center. They don't watch the game. All right. None of those people on ESPN are even human beings. They walk in as human beings. Right. And then something happens. They drill into their head and they stick a chip in there and then they just become like these, you know, like I don't think, I don't even think like their lips should move. I think like their jaws should just open and close like one of those wooden puppets. You know, those ones that

are dressed like those guards, they're in the nutcrackers. Right. That's what, that's what the one they're going to do. They should just be doing that shit. I can't even tell you, I had no idea how hard I was rooting for Seattle until the game fucking started because I thought, you know, as you guys all know how much I hated that stupid 12th man. And like, you know what, been a great drinking game was how many times Joe Buck said, it's really loud here. Right. With the stupid sound of meter and all of that shit. And I actually got a lot of people on Twitter were giving me shit going, yeah, how, how dumb do you feel now? I never shit on Seattle. I never said they were a bad team. If you listen to my podcast,

you dumb cunts. I said it was yours to lose. I bet on you guys to win it, but that doesn't change. And even your championship does not change that that 12th man thing and everybody dressing up like characters and bringing fucking new year's whistles to the goddamn game is not the dumbest thing that I've embarrassing, embarrassing ball washing thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. The 12th man stinks. You have nothing to do with the victory, despite what the players and the owners are going to say, they all make millions because of your dumb asses. That's why they say a nice shit to you. All right. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you really think there's some running back in the other huddle as he's listening to the

play gone? You know, I'd really like to execute this play the way we have all week in practice, but golly, golly is that crowd loud. But congratulations to the true fans of the Seattle Seahawks, the real ones, the real ones, the ones who showed up when they sucked to the ones who when they got better, didn't go out and buy a bunch of shit and start dressing up like fucking a green Ben Franklin or whatever the fuck those people were doing in the stands. I got to ask you, be honest, Seattle Seahawk fans, now that you actually have something to crow about pun intended, you know, don't now you actually have a Super Bowl trophy. You guys are actually champions. You can actually sing. We are the champions. Now, doesn't that loud thing seem a little fucking

ridiculous? Didn't that just kind of seem like, you know, that mother that can't admit that our kids not talented. So they got to like somehow come up with everybody gets a trophy. Everybody gets a ribbon. You know, what you guys have created up there, I hope is over. Not as far as like your run on on championships. I'd never wish that against you, but as far as that loud horseshit. If Kansas City next year tries to break the record again, if that whole fucking thing starts like who is the loudest crowd, and I guarantee it will. I can't say again, I wouldn't surprise me if it would. It is embarrassing. You have your Super Bowl trophy for the love of fucking God, please stop looking each other in the street going 12th man. Okay.

Was that really even a congratulations? I was I was losing my fucking mind watching that game. Absolutely. A lot of people, I guess, didn't like the game or whatever. I thought it was boring. I fucking loved that game. That game was the biggest fucking beatdown. I'm trying to think if it was as bad. This is bad for like Bronco fans. I'm not rubbing this in. This really has to this goes back to the Patriots Colts like 10 fucking years ago, when Brady had three rings and Peyton had none and they were going to tell you, but you know, I know Brady's got the rings, but if I got to start team, I got to build it around this guy. He's got all the intangibles, right? He's fucking losing every year in the first goddamn round.

Anyways, but last I hope you got an awful people who didn't give a fuck about the game. I hope you you took my advice and you let the game go for 90 minutes. 90 minutes is the magic number. That is the magic number. If you want to avoid everything and actually watch the game and be on the edge of your fucking seat, provided if it's a good game, is you let it go for 90 minutes. 90 minutes, you're hanging outside, you're drinking beers, you're doing whatever the fuck you're doing, hanging with like three, four other people tops who are also into the game. All right, we come in, we sit down and we just start when everybody shut their phones off so we don't know anything, right? Press play and then for the rest of the game, we didn't watch

one commercial. We didn't have to sit through one challenge flag. Anytime anybody got hurt, we fast forward through it. We fast forward through the entire fucking halftime show. Didn't see any of it. All we saw was the game and the second it ended and the coaches were walking out and they're going, all right, we'll go down to the field. We shut the fucking game off. Didn't watch one second on ESPN, nothing. I'm guaranteeing you everybody there was going, that's like one of the most enjoyable Super Bowl experiences I ever had. It was fucking great. Anytime they cut down to Pam Oliver, that other chick, you just fast forward, the whole fucking, it was tremendous, absolutely tremendous.

But anyways, let's talk about the fucking game. So anyways, the rest of the world is 90 minutes ahead of us and we're still downstairs, you know, out my backyard, smoking a pork shoulder, right? I made one of my famous apple pies, law heads fucking killing it on my grill. You want to talk about losing your man card? I had another man come over my house and smoke a pork shoulder on my grill. I couldn't believe I woke up this morning. My wife was still next to me. Do you realize like in the South, like I would legally be considered a homosexual if I did something like that? I knew it. I fucking knew it ever since. I'm telling you right now, I ain't no man who likes himself a piece of pussy allows another man to come over and fucking

smoke on his grill. Grilling, that's okay. Smoking, that's a whole other thing. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't be surprised if not only if he's one of them homeo type sexuals, if he's also one of them terrorists. He's probably building a dirty bomb shaped like a dick. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, I just, you know, one of the keys to being successful in life is knowing what you suck at and then being able to find talent in that area and then delegating. That's what you do. But delegating, you have to be like, you got to be careful though, you can't delegate so much of your job that you're just sitting in your office twiddling your thumbs because then you're fucking useless. There's a fine line between putting a team together and then just sitting in a fucking

room like a fucking goddamn mop. So I still made an apple pie. I put on an apron, took out some flour and some sugar. I don't give a fuck. I'm good at making desserts. All right. I don't know. It's embarrassing, but I like sweets. And my mom always made great pies and when I moved out, I missed them. So I learned how to make them fucking sue me. I can't even look myself in the mirror after this fucking podcast. What do you want from me, people? I'm flying blind here. All right. I don't have the internet. I'm doing a podcast without the internet. This is like a pilot flying at night without his instrument panel. Am I in a spin? Am I am I level with the horizon? I don't know. Am I going up? Am I going

down? God, I wish I had a beverage so I could actually look at it to try to figure out which way I'm going. Isn't that what you do? You just put like a glass of water on the on the airplane's dashboard and then you just you just use that as your fucking horizon. Come on, man. That's pretty ingenious for a comedian who has zero hours up in the air. Anyway, so let's get back to the game. So the entire world is like 90 minutes ahead of us. And there's something cool about that, right? Like they all got on the spaceship and they went to a better planet and we all sat back like, yeah, go fuck yourself. We're tough on it out here, gnawing on cigars and shit, pretending we know how to fight. Right. So we go upstairs and they

finally like, you guys want to watch the game? Yeah, let's fucking watch it. All right. So we go upstairs. We put it on. I fast forward like, you know, get right to where right before the kicker is going to kick the ball and I hit pause. You guys ready? Everybody's like, yeah, we're ready. Let's go. Boom. Fucking kicks the ball off. Right. Broncos get the ball and the very first play from scrimmage. All right, Peyton calls an honorable the fucking Manny Ramirez, who I thought, you know, when you get kicked out of baseball, I didn't think that you could then just go play football. But once again, Jesus, what a fucking talent this man is. Manny being Manny hikes the ball over Peyton's fucking head into the goddamn end zone, whatever

the guy falls on it, they get his safety. Very first play from scrimmage and I'm not going to lie to you. I literally put my hand over my mouth and I was stunned. Absolutely stunned because, you know, I'm not going to lie to you. You know, you guys know what my prediction was last week. I thought that game was going to be a classic. I knew the AFC was weaker. I definitely kind of felt that Seattle 49ers might have been the Super Bowl, but it's fucking Peyton Manning. And I knew Seattle had a great defense and all that. I just thought it was going to be back and forth through the first half. This is what I thought. And I thought it would maybe one team of the other was going to be up by like two, three points, maybe four at the half.

And then in the second half, I thought that the Broncos defense was going to cave and that Marshawn Lynch was going to fucking run all over him. That obviously did not happen. I think the Broncos went in there. Obviously we're like, all right, we got to start, we got to start Marshawn Lynch and they did. They did. And they were like, that Wilson guy is not playing well. If we're going to get beat by our offense, it's going to be with that guy's fucking up. And other than a couple overly excited throws, you know, where he overthrew that guy right out there in the flat, other than that, that kid fucking settled down and had the game of his life. I thought he made some great fucking throws, had no picks, no fumbles, no nothing. He did

not hurt the team. All he did was move it forward. He played a great fucking game. Dude, it was total 100% fucking domination. I mean, think about that. They had two field goals. They had a safety, they had a touchdown, offensive touchdown. I think it was a run, right? Yeah, Marshawn Lynch, that was a run. That's 20, what, two field goals at six. How fucking annoying is this me going through the whole game? That's 20 points. No, that isn't. Oh, here is the comedy. Be trying to add this up, right? Three and three is six plus seven is 13 plus two is 15. They had a kick, special teams kickoff return. That was fucking 22. What else did they, I don't fucking remember. They had a pick six. That's 29 points.

Then they scored another 14. I don't even fucking remember. And I'm telling you, I mean, I might be wrong, but they could have shut them out. They went into the prevent and at the end of the third quarter, which was fucking brilliant. Just give up the middle of the field, let them burn out the rest of this fucking quarter and we're up. Even if they score a touchdown, we're still up by almost 30 points. There's no fucking way they're scoring 30 in the fourth quarter. It was over. I've never seen the starting quarterback get taken out of the game. Like, well, there's no sense risking you getting injured in a fucking Super Bowl. I can't, I'm trying to think,

did they take Troy Aikman out that year when they won like 50 something to whatever against Buffalo or did they take Joe Montana out in that 55 to 10 game? I don't think Jim McMahon came out when they beat the shit out of the Patriots that 46 to 10 game. So this is what I'm doing during the game. This is how much of a psycho I am. Every time Seattle scored points, I stood up and I high fived each person I was watching the game with every time I'd go Tom Brady, Tom Brady, Tom Brady, Tom Brady as I was going around the fucking room. I just look, I'm too dumb to follow politics. I'm not good at math. I don't understand science. So sports is all I have. So when I put on ESPN, it has been an absolute dream for me since 2010 to not listen to the who is better

Peyton or Tom Brady. And if he won yesterday, I was going to have to fucking listen to that again. So this is completely just selfish, totally selfish, because I didn't give a fuck about Seattle either. And then there would have been nothing funnier than after all that screaming and yelling, if they didn't win it, the whole fucking thing. I mean, I didn't give a fuck. It would have been hilarious. But the second the game started, like when Seattle started playing well, first I saw Peyton, right? And then there was the safety. And I was like, I was literally nervous at the beginning of the game going, Oh my God, is he going to just carve up this fucking unbelievable defense? And then this argument's going to start again. I'm making this whole

Super Bowl about me. I realized this, this was all this is all I gave a shit about. And then, and then Seattle started doing well. And I started seeing, you know, Pete Carroll very surprisingly, I don't think I saw him went, whoa, the whole game. I don't think I saw him do that once. But I got it. And then I was looking at him like, ah, fucking Pete Carroll. I don't want to see this guy win. Like I was just fucking, I was like this little gargoyle in the corner, just sitting there like, is there any way both teams could lose so I could be satisfied as a sports fan? I was just like one of the biggest cunts that ever watched a fucking game. And then I just realized that it was more, it was more about a, oh yeah. And not only that, Versey picked

the Broncos and I picked Seattle. And that's back to back years where Paul Versey has been dead fucking wrong. And this is the thing about Paul. And this is why you should never, ever, and you can, you can call in the Versey effect if he has callers and you can tell him, I said this, don't ever, ever take gambling advice from that man. I'm not saying he's a good guy. I'm not saying he's not a standup guy. I'm not saying he's got a great husband and father. Not saying he's not a great comedian. I'm just talking about the gambling part of Paul Versey's New Jersey brain via New York. All right. That fucking guy, he's never going to learn. He is, that guy loves offense. It's a cliche at this point to say defense

wins championships. Paul just, he can't hear it. Paul's like that guy that's had fucking 19 beers and he's, and you're trying to go, give me your keys and he just will always think that he can drive. That's what he is. I hope he listens to this. When it comes to being a gambler, that fucking guy loves, he's flash. He likes to flash. He likes pinky rings, offense, throw the bomb. That's his big thing. Air it out, scare the defense. He loves it. Waste of play. Just throw it 70 fucking yards. He is, he is a time square fucking kind of guy. He likes the lights. He loves the fucking offense. I on the other hand, am a miserable middle-aged Andy Rooney cunt. So I of course love defense. I love a 10 to seven game. I love it. I love it when people sit there.

It's so fucking boring. I absolutely love it. I love a pitcher's duel. I don't know why. I know why because I'm the kind of guy that will watch a Super Bowl and root for both teams to lose. So anyways, congratulations and all seriousness. Congratulations to the fans of Seattle. That's gotta be, it's great. You guys haven't fucking won a championship. When was it? Let's see. 77 was the bullets. No, 77 was Portland. 78 was the bullets. 79, I believe, was the Super Sonics. The loudest fans. They are the loudest fans. Hey, Seattle Seahawks fans. Do you ever think if you cheered that loud for the Sonics, they wouldn't have left? It's just never going to get old teas in them. They don't give a fuck. They have a championship

parade. So now they're actually talking because they're so young. I mean, dude, that was fucking. That was seriously, I know I'm still breaking their balls just because it's fun. That was seriously one of, I knew the AFC is weak, but I mean, they're only so weak. That was still Peyton Manning with one of the most prolific offenses in the history of the modern era. Fuck the whole game because the game has changed so much. But like, Jesus Christ. I mean, that game was over, over. And like, even I who never, I always say it's never over. It's never over. It's never over. Even, I mean, it was just, it was fucking over. The fucking game was over. Joe Bartnick was sitting on my couch just laugh. He started laughing in the, when the guy

when the guy was ran the fucking ball back to start the second half. Cause he's sitting there going like, what did he say? He said, Bill, he goes, I'm glad you have money on this game. Because if you didn't, I would be back outside drinking. And I start laughing. And then, you know, and as we're doing that, we're fast forwarded through all the fucking, you know, um, half time show. And as he's saying that, I'm laughing. We hit pause everybody, you know, bathroom break and then we hit play. They kicked the ball off and the dude starts running back and and Bartnick has this high pitch laugh. I just say, I'm going, this guy runs the fucking thing back. Dude, it was an absolute beat. I have to think that

everybody in Washington, the state of Washington has to have laryngitis. Like for fuck, especially if you watched the game and you didn't miss any commercials, you just watched it like, like a nerd and just sat there like a good little fucking TV viewer and you watched the whole half time show. I mean, everybody in the state of Washington has to have laryngitis. I'm trying to think the only disappointment you had was that you didn't shut them out. And even then it was just like that was they did that on purpose. They just gave up the middle of the field. Jesus, Bill, how many fucking times are you going to, we got it. They gave up the middle of the field. You cunt. Oh,

you know, who would have thought I'd be so fucking elated to see Pete Carroll win a championship? I just, it just, he pretend, there was a couple of fucking things this week. I didn't hear it, but I guess on Bill Simmons podcast, he interviewed Larry Bird and Larry Bird, they asked him who he would want to play with the most in today's NBA. And he said, Kobe Bryant, Kobe Bryant. He just said, no, the guy plays hurt. He just fucking just went on and on about how awesome the guy was. So I have to retire trashing Kobe Bryant. It took Larry Bird to let me know that I was wrong. But isn't that why you listen to the podcast? Doesn't it make you feel better about yourself? You know, it's so funny, but I'm so fucking arrogant. I still don't think

I'm wrong about that guy. I can't get past my blind hatred of the fucking, it's not even the Lakers. It's their fucking stupid ass fans. God, they're dumb. They're so dumb. You just, you just, there's like 8% of them even remotely under, could even explain a pick and roll. I got to tell you, if you're not from out here, you got to come down here and go to a Laker game and just sit amongst them just to see how fucking dumb they are. God, they're dumb. I mean, I'm talking like not even summer school dumb. I'm just talking about fucking learn a trade, drive a truck dumb, right? And I know there's people out there learning a trade right now. And I know what you're thinking. What I just said was insulting. And I don't care that you think that

because I know you're too dumb to figure out where I, where, where you can find me doing stand-up, even though it's on my website. You're just too fucking stupid. I really shouldn't say shit like that because there's always one dumb fuck who takes me seriously. Do you remember last week when I was saying how Hawaii is not part of this country, even though it is, I'm just saying it just nobody, nobody black or white looks right on that island. You have to be Hawaiian or Asian and you look fine, but we, we, the rest of us do not look right on that island. We just don't. And then the joke was when I fucking come here, you know, I lean up against the tree. I look like an American. Like you can't tell me that. And I said,

I'm so sick of these Native Americans complaining. If I have to argue with one more Apache, it was completely ridiculous and over the top and everybody one fucking moron on Twitter. He said, Bill, the reason why you look normal in this country is because capital letters, you get, you killed all the Native Americans. It's just like, dude, arguing with the patches didn't give it away. There's always going to be that one fucking person that just has to fucking take it seriously and ruin it for everybody else. All right. Am I done whining? What else did I do this week? Oh, what did I do this week? I thought I did something. Oh, you know what? I haven't drank. I haven't drank in seven days. It's been a week and I realize now that it is

that basically I have to go once I go seven days and I go and I get past something like going to a Super Bowl party and I don't drink, then at that point I can go a year. Like now I could, I could go a fucking, it's that first week where I haven't drank in two days. I haven't drank in three days. Then I just think, well, if I drink, I can start over again. I can easily go four days and beat my streak. Once personally, once I get seven days in, now I got a hit in the street going, you know, I got the hot bat here. I don't want to end the streak. I don't want to start over again at one. So I got through the Super Bowl and it was brutal trying to get through it. Oh man, we had such a fucking great time. And then in the end, right,

because we were smoking this pork shoulder and the last time we had the temperature too high and by we, I mean, lawhead, this time we slash lawhead had it lower and it took a lot longer, which it was totally worth it. But we watched the game and like two, it took us two hours to watch the game, just flew through the whole fucking thing. And then by the end of the game, the pork roast was ready. And the pork shoulder, I should say, was ready. And we just sat there and fucking chowed down, laughing that we missed all of the bullshit. And it was funny, Nia comes home and she's like, what do you think of the game? We're like, yeah, we just finished it and blah, blah, blah. And then she starts talking about Bruno Mars and all that. We're like, yeah,

we didn't see it. She's like, you didn't see it? Oh my God, it was unbelievable. It's just like that. We didn't see it. So then she goes and we recorded the game. She goes and she rewinds it or fast forwards, whatever the fuck she had to do to get to it. I guess rewind, rewind. Yeah, because we watched it. Yeah, I hit stop. Yeah. So she had to rewind back there. And she goes to put it on in the lawhead sitting in my living room and it comes on and there's this creepy fucking singing of children. And like, and they're like all their backlets, all you see is their silhouettes. And they're singing like what the fucking Grinch music, whatever the fuck they was singing, sort of holy, sort of creepy that like that pedophile music. Oh, they're so innocent.

Let's let them sing innocent, creepy fucking church music. Right. And I look over at lawhead and I go, Hey, Jay, this is what we miss. And Jay was over in the corner and he just fucking looked up and he just made this face. He just goes, but I got to tell you, I actually watched it. I did night then I watched it. Now that the game was over, I didn't give a fucking I actually really like brutal Mars. I watched it. And oh, what a halftime show that was. That was a tremendous show came out with the DW green sparkle. Played a fucking drum solo. Oh, he was tremendous. What an entertainer. Did the James Browns dance? Chili peppers came out with their shirts off. I fucking called that. I called it. I called it on Conan. I did Conan this week. I said,

Flea was going to catch a cold because he wasn't going to wear a shirt and he should be the only one complaining about the weather. So anyway, so it was, it was fucking a absolutely phenomenal Super Bowl some Sunday and I did not have one fucking drop of alcohol and I feel great. And I got to be honest with you. Not drinking is it's really hard right around four o'clock in the afternoon till about two in the morning. Those 10 hours are hard. The other 14 are easy, you know, eight of them I sleep, you know, and I just got to get through six hours. But those are the 10 men. I got to tell you, those are fucking brutal, but I'm a nice little streak here. So I'm going to try to go until my Canadian tour and then once, you know,

the Canadian tour starts, I mean, they got Cuban cigars up there. It's just going to be, it's going to be cold. Who wants a heater? So whatever. So I'm going to, you know what's funny, as I overheard somebody who was an adopter say that, that basically to cleanse your liver, it takes 42 days to cleanse your liver. So like an idiot, I just don't drink for 40 days, thinking I'm cleansing my liver as I'm putting in all these fucking, you know, I'll eat at McDonald's once or I'll fucking just be eating processed fucking food. I'm not cleansing my liver, but at least I got the alcohol out of there, right? I'll drink a little water with some lemon, you know, I do what I try to do, but you know, anyways, let's, let's get to some

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convenient this is. Go to proflowers.com. Click on the blue microphone in the top right hand corner and type in Burr. B-U-R-R. That's proflowers.com. Click on the microphone and type in Burr. Order now. This deal expires soon. All right. We got two more. We'll do those a little bit later. All right. Yeah. The people at Nature's Box weren't happy. Why weren't you happy? Because I said the obvious, just eat a fucking banana. All right. Let's get into the questions for this week. How far are we? I'm feeling 40 minutes. Ooh, $39.19. The internal clock of a comedian. All right. Los Angeles Water Shortage. Hey there, Billy Waterwell. I heard Los Angeles is going through a drought. But what are people doing about it? Are people shutting off sprinklers?

No, they're not. My friend says they still run the sidewalk sprinklers in his neighborhood every night unless it rains for a few nights straight. How does this area come back from something like this? How's your doomsday bunker coming along? All right. Here we go. Yeah. Well, basically, people will run their sprinklers until the government says, hey, don't run them anymore. So we haven't gotten to that point in the drought where you can't run your sprinklers. So that's why people are still running them. And it rained yesterday. So I think we're going to be all right. But I would ask you the same question. How is your doomsday bunker coming along? Personally, I don't have one. And I take great comfort in knowing that I can only die once and

that just without water, I'll be dead within three days. So I've had an unbelievable life. I have no desire to survive the apocalypse. You know, just at the very basic level, the lack of toilet paper, toothbrush and toothpaste, that alone, you know, watching my teeth turn in brown, having to slowly yank them out. You know what I mean? The loss of electricity and listening to your stereo, that alone, it's just, it's not worth living anymore. You're going to go back to fucking living in a clan, some goddamn cave or some shit. I guess the garages will be the new caves of the, I guess, of the millennium here. Do you know, oh, you know what? After the, after the Super Bowl was over, we all sat around a

dining room table. I told you, Neil hooked up the stereo because I was too stupid to figure it out. And we put on dark side of the moon, which I have not listened to wire to wire in years. I would, arguably, that might be the greatest album of all time. I don't think anything can touch it. Okay. And you know something, I hope that you got, can somebody out there tell me, and this is a vinyl question. I want to know on album, what is there a better album to put the headphones on, lay in there in the dark and just listening to that album. And if you're young right now and your whole life has been digital downloads and all that, I highly urge that you get a stereo

and you buy that album and put the fucking lights out and put the headphones on. You got it. You have to experience it. Like that's, that's, you know, we were actually, it was a bunch of old people there, you know, my age and a little bit younger and older or whatever. And we were talking about how fucking great the album was because nobody had heard it in a while. And someone there was just sitting there going like this. That's what you did. Like back in the day, like your parents would be like, where are you going? I'm going upstairs to listen to music. Like you just listened to music. You weren't on a fucking treadmill. You just, I don't, I mean, I, you did listen to the radio in the car or whatever, but it was different. You didn't have like your whole fucking playlist

and Bluetooth and talking on the phone. It was, it really was, it was an activity like, hey man, I got the new whatever record. You want to come over and listen to it and everyone would sit on the floor and do some drugs, man. And you'd put on the fucking album. I missed that. I never had that level. I never did the drug thing. But I don't know. I just maybe think of Philip Seymour Hoffman, man. What a fucking tragedy that is. Huh? Jesus Christ. You know, I actually saw him. I was dating this wonderful girl and I fucked it up, of course, because I'm an idiot. And like the late 1990s and Philip Seymour Hoffman and John C Riley did a play called True West and they would switch parts every other show. And I went down with the woman I was dating at the

time. She said, you got to go, we got to go see this. And I was just like, I don't want to go see some, I'd see play, right? I was too busy doing standup. And she's like, no, you got to fucking see this thing. And went down and got to see both of them, of course, were unbelievable. And just, it's just the fucking worst. It's the worst. If I've learned anything in this business as I've gained a respect for addiction. And just, I don't know, just how fucking powerful it is. You know, I actually, in a way, like with, like even like with, with like booze, like I'm trying to think the last time, maybe like in November, I went longer than seven days. But even then I fucked up after 10 days. And I was talking to Darrow, oh man,

we went over to DeRosa's house apartment the other night. Me, Keith Robinson, DeRosa, I'm naming a lot of names here. I usually don't do this shit, but we got into this fucking debate. I don't want to do this because you guys are going to blow up Joe's fucking Twitter. And he gets all fucking sensitive about that shit. But we, me and Joe are going to be doing uninformed again. We have to have the debate. It was basically, it centered around a certain artist, certain artist and his unbelievable young wife and whether or not this person was a creep or not. And oh, did it get heated. Joe actually got so mad. You know, like when you get so mad, you're standing up and you imitate the other person in the argument while you're doing a dumb dance.

Like, I know what you're going to say. Oh, what a bummer. He started doing this dance and everyone started laughing at him. It was fucking, I mean, it started at 1am. I finally had to leave. I was like, I have a dog. I got to go home. Okay. I got to take my dog out. I think I left a little bit after too. And I guess it kept going. You know, of course, the next day we fucking laughed about it, but God damn it. Another fucking great guy. When was the last time? Well, I guess sometimes somebody who stinks overdoses. That's, you know, you don't want to fucking wish that on anybody, but everybody's talking about Philip Seymour Hoffman's amazing movies to talk about how great he is. How about how awesome he was in twister?

That guy was such a great actor. He was even, he was even great in twister. I remember the first time I saw him was incentive a woman. And I don't, all I remember was I who is that actor when he was sitting at that table and they had the council there for the school. I can't, I can never remember what the fucking movies are about. And it was all the shit that he was doing when he wasn't speaking. Oh, like in boogie nights when, how subtly they let you on that his character was gay. When he was holding on to that clipboard and he was biting on that pen, the total phallic fucking, you know, he came up with that shit. Then I also loved the way he was standing in one of those scenes. He had like his right arm was down and then his

left arm was across his body, grabbing onto like his right elbow or vice versa, which I remember was like how many kids who were really insecure used to stand like, you know, I mean, you're a kid, you'd size kids up. And I remember whenever I saw a kid standing like that, I'd be like, all right, I don't have to worry about that kid trying to fucking kick the shit out of me. Anybody who stands like that is the guard. I didn't know that it meant guarded. I just thought it meant like you were a pussy or something like that. But I never saw an actor make a choice. Even though I've seen a zillion human beings do that. I saw him do that in like, uh, boogie nights, uh, how great he was in Big Lebowski, just everything. I've never even seen

Capote. I'm embarrassed to say that, but, uh, it just sucks, man. He was one of my favorites and fucking blows. All right, that isn't, that isn't funny, right? This isn't what this is about. This podcast, this podcast is supposed to be making you laugh. Get your great start to your day. All right, let's, let's continue on here. So in answer to your question, sir, I have no plans for, uh, for the doomsday. Um, I'm going to get a bat. That's what I'm going to do. I get a gun, but you know, I'm going to shoot it without earplugs. My ears already ring from playing drums and, um, I, you know, then what? Then I win the battle and then my ears ring even more. And I'm walking around with tinnitus and there's no fucking hope for a cure. Forget tinnitus.

I'm just praying for toothpaste. I mean, fuck that. I don't want to live. All right. Sochi. Is that how you say it? No, she, uh, Billy SSR, have you heard how much the Olympics have cost so far? 5 billion. That's more than the last 12 Olympics combined. What do you think all the extra money is going? Oh, where do you think all the extra money is going? Um, do you have any Olympic predictions? Um, what do I think all the extra money? Well, they got to make all that snow and that extra snow in case it doesn't snow. I mean, just to cover a mountain in snow when it hasn't snowed. I mean, I figure that's got to cost at least 2 billion, right? And, you know, I know it doesn't. I don't fucking know. Where do I think it went? I think it's an unbelievably corrupt country

even more than the one that I live in. So I imagine all the scams that go on here go on over there because they're human beings just like us. And I think it's probably even fucking 10 times worse over there because of where their jump off point was. We at least had a nice phony jump off point in this country that all men are equal and everybody has the freedom to speak of speech and everybody has the right to protest and no taxation without representation. We had a great fuck. We had a way better lie than they had in Russia. You know, Russia's was just, Hey, everybody gets the same amount of meatloaf, man. Right? At least from day one, we knew that there was going to be people gorging off high on the hog and the rest of us were getting pig feet. We knew that shit.

But as long as someone else was just getting the tail, we were happy in the middle class. And that worked for a long fucking time. And now it's over up to how about like these fucking how about how about these fucking three major bankers have killed themselves in the last week? And if we can get past, well, bad things happen in trees. Um, that scares the shit out of me. I'm not going to lie to you. Those guys were probably all making seven to eight figures, I would think, and they fucking off themselves. And there's no sign that a woman was involved that broke their hearts or, you know, I just that that is scary. Were they going to go rogue and say what was really going on? Are they just looking at that Ponzi scheme and

just thinking like, yeah, there's just, there's no way to fix it. The wolves are at the door. I'm going to be the Oswald. I'm going to be the fall guy. So they fucking came out. Just insane. What are the odds? What are the odds of that? When was the last time like three major oil people all killed themselves within the same week? For the love of God, can I get some conspiracy theory on this one? I would love to hear your theories. I'd love to hear, you know, because that's the kind of guy I am. All right, where are we? Let's get on to the next thing here. Long distance hiking follow up. All right, here we go. Hey, Bill, a few weeks ago,

you asked for advice on how to deal with animals and the wilderness. Most people that get mauled, either left food in there. Oh yeah, that's why I have this massive fear about going into the woods and accidentally stumbling upon a mama bear with their cubs or a mountain line. I'm always on a trail and to the left or the right of me is a higher like, like cliff and the thing is just sitting there. You know, you know, when they sit there and they put their head down and their fucking shoulder and back muscles go like fucking, like if they were in a muscle competition, like that would be like the Schwarzenegger stance, they put their head down. You know what I'm saying? Just waiting the pounce on me. This is what the person says. Most people

get mauled either, most people that get mauled either left food in their tent or tried to pose for a picture with the animal or did some other dumb shit you would never do. But yes, on very rare occasions, an animal will attack somebody who did nothing wrong. Here is my advice if that happens. First of all, you did do something wrong. You ventured out into the wilderness. You left the tribe. You put yourself at risk. All right. I mean, I guess if you're in your backyard and there's a bear there, but if there's a bear in your backyard, you, that's urban sprawl that went, he's not in your backyard. You're in his front yard. There's no fucking reason a bear

should be outside your house. You need to move back down towards the village. You're right there, antisocial, get a hobby, say hello to somebody. You know, have a couple of drinks, get some alcohol, courage in you and go walk up to the pretty girl and say hello. Okay. Stop trying to live with the fucking owls. All right, bears. If you're attacked by a bear, you should leave your backpack on to protect your back and use your hands to cover your neck. What about your face? Usually the bear will leave after a while, but if it starts to chew on you, that's when you need to fight back. Oh really? What should I go with? Should I set up the, you know, the overhand right with a couple of jabs or should I try to kick him in his bear balls? What if it's a woman?

What do I do? Do I try to stick my toe in its vag? It's bear vag. It's badge. Mountain lions. With mountain lions, playing dead will not work. You need to fight back right away. Your best chance is to aim for the nose and eyes. Dude, this is fucking hilarious. I mean, I think I would have a, this is none of this shit work wouldn't work against Mike Tyson. Forget about a fucking bear or a mountain lion wolves. Playing dead won't work in a wolf attack either. You can either climb a tree, put it in a headlock or shove your fist down its throat. I'm not joking. Look it up. You know what I always thought you could do? I don't know about a wolf. I always thought against, this was my, you know, when I'm laying in bed and I'm thinking about

getting attacked by a fucking, you know, some rabid dog or whatever. If somebody was sick that dog on me, when I'm laying in bed, totally relaxed and have my wits about me and I don't have urine running down my leg as I run towards my Prius like I wouldn't real life. My plan of attack was when the fucking dog is coming at you, you stick your forearm out and you just feed it to him. You just jam it right into his fucking mouth and right as it climbs down and it has you, you then take your other fucking forearm and you come up over the top, smash down on the top of the thing's neck as you push your forearm up and you break its neck. You go bam, which is the sound of a broken neck. I'm sorry. I don't know how to make the snap noise. I don't have a

twig in here. That was my game plan. Either that or just stick your arm in there and you just start stepping on the dog's feet. Because dogs are kind of pussies, man. They'll go after you, but the second you fucking do something back to you, you know what it is? They don't have any shame. They don't mind going, and then getting hit and then going, like they don't give a shit. It's not like other dogs, they can literally do that and then go on the other side of the block and get laid. There's like no, and they don't even remember what just happened unless there's still pain in their little dog paw. So I don't fucking know. I don't even know what I'm talking about here. These, these are all like, these are all creepy fucking questions.

I always felt if I was on a boat and I saw an alligator swimming towards one of my friends and it went by the boat or a shark, I would just try to time it where I jumped down and I just fucking land right on its head. And I just figured that that alone would so freak it out, they would leave or, you know, the shark or alligators would be, would be feasting on two people. That's what I would be worried about after the shock, after the shock, you know, when the shark's like, what the fuck, you motherfucker, when it's coming back, that's what I think. Like sharks, I think just leave alligators. They just seem fucking relentless to me. All right, killer bees, here we go. With killer bees, Africanized honey bees, you're supposed to run away for at least

half a mile. Now this I know, do not flail your arms and do not kill one. They will swarm you if you kill one. But honestly, they, they look just like normal bees to me. So I don't know how to tell when you're in danger. Oh my God, run for a half a mile, for fucking half a mile. What's the fastest, fastest mile I ever ran was like a 618, like freshman year in high school, when I weighed about 140 something pounds and now a buck 75. So I think I could run maybe a seven minute. And even with the fear, just the pain is going to offset the adrenaline. That's going to be a long 15 minutes, people. Oh God, can you imagine me? A balding, stung up fucking swollen redhead.

Just coming over the hill. Jesus Christ, what a sight. All right, spiders kill almost nobody. Most can be very dangerous if you catch them at the wrong time. Some snake bites obviously require immediate medical care, but I would be more afraid of lightning if I were you. So yes, it can get gruesome, but these attacks are very rare. Absolutely. I mean, I know shark attacks are very rare, but it's just like, I would love to try surfing, but just, you know, just the fact that, you know, you're going to stand that surfing is a sport where you're risking getting eaten alive. I mean, it's just fucking, I mean, it's just not worth it. God damn it. It looks like fun though, doesn't it?

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That's evoise.com promo code bill. See then I talked a little bit of shit and then I fucked up a lot on the last one but still much better than the than the past there. All right let's continue on here. All right basic travel advice. Good morning to our fearless leader Sir Billiard of Bald. I am 24 I'm a 24 year old and me and the wife are taking a trip to Chicago. Wanted some advice on a couple of things. Neither of us has ever planned on has ever been on a plane before. You are a frequent flyer so I wanted to know exactly what we can expect at the airport. When to be there, what clothes to prepare to take off, at what time, problems we will mostly most likely run into etc. Jesus Christ dude.

All right well go ahead and pack and then take a third of that stuff and throw it over your fucking shoulder because you're never going to wear it. Depending on how long you're leaving if it's just a weekend I would go with the carry on. If it isn't I would check everything. Walk on to the plane with a couple of magazines and order a drink and watch and just enjoy watching everybody else fighting you know for that overhead space. Fuck them. That would be my advice. And also just know that your wife is going to bring half the fucking house and it's not worth telling her that she's not going to need it. All right. The only thing worse than having to pay for extra bags is watching her cry that there's nothing to wear and then having to go

downstairs to the fucking lobby mall there and pay 10 times the price to get her a fucking dress. All right number two. Best places to eat there. Best burgers, slice of pizza, personal favorite too. I would like to add that I am milk white and redheaded like you so a place that is not in the stabby stabby muggy muggy part of town would be preferred. Really wanting some advice from an experienced vet. Thanks and go fuck yourself. I don't know where the best place is already in Chicago. Like I visit there and I just eat at the closest place and then I go and do my show. According to Jim Croci, the south side of Chicago is the baddest part of town. But if you go down there, you better best be aware of a man named

Leroy Brown. And I believe he has a custom continental and he has a Cadillac too. He got a 32 gun in his pocket full of fun. He got a razor in his shoe right on and he's bad, bad. I don't know where to fucking eat there. All I know is that what you should do, you can find all of that out on a website. One of those foodie fucking websites, they'll tell you where to go. So but those foodie things can be wrong. A lot of the times what you want to do is ask a local. Whatever you stay, just find somebody who has a heavy Chicago accent and just say, listen, I'm a tourist. I don't want to go to the touristy place. Where do you go to get whatever the fuck you're looking for? You want a pizza? You want a burger? And that guy will tell you. All right, that's the way to do it. Okay, here we go. All right.

Oh, by the way, you know, I forgot to mention when I saw that drum clinic, the Common Thread one, there was a musician there, Drew of a band called Drew of the Drew. If you like not mainstream music and you'd like to see somebody who's really trying to do something different, check that guy out. I was, I was very, very impressed. It made me feel old. Like they would, they were drawing from shit that like, to me, I already considered like new music. Like all that DJ dubstep shit, like to me is like, came out in the last six months, even though it's probably been around for fucking 20 years. Anyways, Drew of the Drew, check it out. Anyways, Jynophobia, maybe I'll put up, I'll put up a link actually. Hey, Billy

Bo Baggins. Is it Gynophobia? You afraid of the gynecologist? I don't fucking know. I am a 20 year old college guy who has, was it Gynophobia? The fear of women. I've never heard of this. He said, when I was a kid, I used to get the shit kicked out of me and girls would always spread rumors about me and it would really screw with my mind. Wait a minute, you didn't get along with men or women? Well, what were you doing? You know what? That's the last thing you needed to hear. Well, what's wrong with you? I'm sorry. Forgive me. I'm not a trained professional. So, you know, you're asking them more on, and you know, I'm going to behave accordingly. Here we go. As I grew up, I started to resent and hate all the people around me that my mother tells me about

false rape accusations. And that makes, oh, and that makes females look even more scarier than they already were. See, guys just kick the shit out of you. Females psychologically fuck you up bad and don't even have a tint of remorse or empathy. Oh, Jesus Christ. All right, dude. So your mother's a psycho. She put all these fears on you. Yeah, you got a, maybe I would seek some professional help before you turn into Norman Bates. All right, let's continue this. Then I hear about all the women raping men in the divorce courts and in general, adding more fuel to the fear. Dude, you're overthinking this shit. I mean, you probably heard half of that from me, but I'm an idiot. Don't listen to me. He says, it's gotten to the point

where when a female introduces herself to me, I just see her as a potential mind raping and prolonged exercise of getting verbally abused. So I just always say, sorry, but I have somewhere to be right now. Goodbye. And I walk away. Sir, can I steal that from you? I want to use that next time I get pulled over. Got a license. Sorry, but I have somewhere to be right now. Goodbye. And you just act like the rain man and they'll fucking leave you alone. That's actually brilliant. He said, they scare me so much, but I'm still attracted to them. Oh my God, dude. Listen, you got to, you got to, you got to get past this. Hopefully you're still young and this is early on, but this is something where you are, you know, everybody is trying to go towards the, we'll

just call it whatever planet live happily ever after. But if you're off by just one degree, you're not really going to notice when you're 22, 24, you know, but by the time you're 40, you're going to be about a million miles off course. So let's try to get you some help. I would go see a therapist, sir. And I know I've been joking around, but I kind of have to do that because this is a podcast, but they'll actually, because it's a podcast that's supposed to be funny. Not saying you can't have a serious podcast. Yeah, I would go get some help quickly. And I would get rid of all those fears. And I would say a lot of the fears are probably put into your head by your mom when you're really young. And you need to try to get those out of

there before they take any more root than they already do already have. Well, let's finish here. He said, my mind says, stay the fuck away while my dick says, do it, do it, fuck it, do it. But in this climate of unrestrained female hypoagency, I didn't want to fuck. I mean, the shit that makes women invade male spaces and makes them change everything to suit them. Dude, dude, you're taking your fucking fear of women. You're blowing by me. Listen, are you a great guy? If you're a great guy, there's a great woman out there for you. And it's a beautiful thing. They're not all like this. What you're doing is you're taking the worst of the worst of females and you're painting it with the broad brush. All right. Jesus Christ, I'm relating to this guy here.

He said, I'd rather stay celibate for life. All right. No, I don't relate to that. I am a loner to a vast degree, but I got a loving family to back me up. So I ain't on the fringe or anything. I plan on just working towards my career. And did I write this like 20 years ago? Jesus Christ, plan on just working towards my career in education, but either way, I'll have to deal with women. And it's been hard to do since lately, do so lately since my social skills tanked over the last nine months. Trauma conga line of horrific events happened. And I am working on getting the confidence back through Brazilian jujitsu. I already lost 11 pounds and I'm starting to feel a lot better. All right. Well, just don't go choke out any women. All right. I tried to put

them in the triangle. He said, anyways, is there any way, but martial arts are a great way to build self esteem from what I've heard. Anyways, is there any, is there any way to get rid of the insane fear I have about women or is it just 15 years of hurt that'll take almost forever to undo? Thanks and go fuck yourself six ways from Sunday and good luck with your stand up. All right. Oh, so you're only 15. Is that what you're saying? All right, dude. First of all, it's great. You took up Brazilian jujitsu. You should know how to defend yourself and don't be a cunt about it when you become a black belt. Use it to save nerds and protect yourself, but never be a bully. And then as far as women, I would actually try and talk to somebody about this

and I would try to have more of an open mind because right now, if you're only 15 years old or even if you're young in your early twenties, mid twenties, you're basically, you got the lottery pick as far as women goes. All right. They're all available. All first round draft picks, bunch of first round draft picks just sitting there. And you know, depending on when you open your mouth and start talking to one is when you pick in the draft. If you know what I mean sooner rather than later, but I would just talk to somebody about, um, about, about some of your issues. Maybe it's school. They got some free fucking therapy or something like that. If you're too young to pay for it, but, um, I don't know. I would talk to somebody, I would talk to some of your guy

friends about it. I would, you know what I would do? I would openly talk about your fear of women to, um, to friends, you know, and I would, I would sit down with your mother and just say, listen, I have major issues with women right now. And I think some of it stems from a lot of the negative things that you've said about them. And I need you to stop doing that because it's, it's fucking with me. Don't, don't say that part, but say it in a nicer way. Um, but if she's, you know, I don't know, that's the hardest fucking thing is because you are born into the religion of your parents, you know, and into all of their beliefs. And hopefully they have more good than bad, but they're humans. So they're going to be wrong. And you know, when you're a little toddler

all the way through like seven, eight years old, your parents are Godlike. You just think they know everything and they have all the answers. They never look unsure. You do everything that they fucking say. So a lot of that stuff just really takes deep root. Like it's, it's law in your head. And then in your teenage years, you start breaking away. You realize some of his bullshit and that's when some anger can come out and that type of stuff. So I would say what you're going through is normal. It's just that you maybe had an extreme, uh, helping of some fucking anti-woman shit, which I can relate to because I did too. And I had to fight through that shit. I mean, it took me, I didn't get married until I was 45. I had major fucking issues, but, uh, it's like

anything. Look at just use the martial arts thing as a, uh, metaphor or a simile, whatever the fuck you're supposed to, whatever the right terminology is. Look, you did that. You stuck with that. You lost 11 pounds. You work towards that. Look at, look at what you're, you're getting. You're getting positive results and it hasn't been easy, right? But you keep showing up, you get positive results. I would do the same thing with your women issues. I would just start working on it. Um, you know, next time a woman comes up and says, hello, don't say I have somewhere to go. Just say hello back and stay in the conversation for as long as you can. And when you feel like bailing, just say, listen, I'm really shy around women and it's something that I'm

trying to work on. Just put it out there. And you know what? I guarantee 80% of them are going to say, you know, when they do that, they're going to love it. And next thing you know, you're out there watching a romantic comedy with some lady having a good time, but I would, I would address it sooner than later. I'm telling you, dude, it's, you literally, it's, you think it's a mountain, it's, it's a fucking, it's stepping up under the curb. It's all in your head. And that's totally normal because I would guess that your fears started when you were in your, my mom's godlike phase of your life. So you think, you think it's, uh, what's that fucking mountain? Everybody, Everest that everybody tries to climb up. It isn't,

okay. It's a little fucking anthill and you can do it. All right. I believe in you. Good luck, sir. There you go. Well, that's the podcast for this week. Congratulations to the, to the Seattle Seahawks. All right. You finally won. You fucking won the Super Bowl and now I can't give you any more shit. Actually, I still will just stop doing that loudest crowd ever. Right? You got the fucking trophy. You've been there now. Act like you've been there before. Do not disappoint me next year. You know, it's good. You know, it's coming next year. You know, it is. There's going to be so many people dressed up like characters. You're going to make the Raider fans. I don't even know what the expression is. I don't know what happened, but Jesus Christ, whatever happened

to that Raider fan base, that crushes me every time they pan to the end zone. Everybody's out there. Somebody dressed like Fred Flintstone. It's like, what are you doing? All right. That's the podcast. Oh, by the way, and I forgot to, I've been watching, actually, I watched a bunch of hockey this week because of, uh, you know, I didn't watch any of the Super Bowl hype, but oh Jesus with that Bruins performance against the Canadians. Jesus Christ. How do you not get up for a game against the Canadians? I know the Canadians have a good team, but Jesus Christ, we look fucking horrific. Um, but it's good though. It's all good. Canadians have a good team. So hopefully we'll meet each other in the playoffs, playoffs, and we'll have

another classic. That's what I'm open for. So, uh, all right, that's it. I'm at, where the hell am I this week? I'm going to be in a casino outside of Minneapolis. It's already sold out. So thank you to everybody in Davenport and every other goddamn city out there in Minnesota. And I can't wait to get out there. Hopefully it doesn't fucking snow too bad and I'm able to land without incident. All right. That's it. I'll talk to you next week. Go fuck yourselves. Revisit vanaf nu, boarden voor receptet die lekker, makkelijk en goed koop zijn, voor u eens naar iets anders snakt of hout van klassiekers.