Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-4-19

Episode Date: February 5, 2019

Bill rambles with the lovely Nia about the winning, serial killers, and accidentally ruining a threesome.

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I wasn't going to call you. Information and information on Proximus.be. Proximus. Think possible. February 4th, 2019. What's going on? How are you? Oh, am I in a good mood?

Sorry for the late podcast. I'm still wrapping up acting on General Hospital. And what, I'll tell you, what a nice day off I had yesterday. What'd you guys do yesterday? Ah, did you sit around? Did you watch The Bowl of Super? Um, Patriots win again. Unbelievable.

I absolutely love the game. Even if we lost that game, I would have loved it as far as just the defensive battle. It was a punters clinic, a punters duel. But a lot of people didn't like the game. Like, oh, it's boring, you know? They like those 50 to 48 games. I don't like those games.

I love the Rams Front 4. I love their defense, their coach, their whole team. I just think they're going to get there soon. And I cannot believe that the Patriots won again. Man, I don't know what. And people go, aren't you getting sick of it? No, I'm not. It's fucking awesome.

I love it. I hope they win it again next year. The same way you would if you were in my position. I don't give a shit. I'm so happy as a sports fan and satisfied as a sports fan. I was talking to a Canadians fan. They were like, oh, I'm going to bring up all the Stanley Cups that we've won.

And I'm like, God bless you. I'm glad you got them. I don't give a fuck. I don't. Maybe the Lakers are the only ones that bug me just because they count one championship that isn't a championship. I so hate that Bill Simmons let me know about that

because it was another stupid thing for me to fix eight on. But anyways, Gronk with a big catch. Edelman, the MVP. Our defense played unbelievable. Obviously, it helped that Todd Gurley was hurt. And then the game kind of got put on golf's shoulders and we were able to, I don't know, I don't know, disrupt it enough.

But we definitely got lucky. I thought they were officiating overall was good. A couple of tiki-tak calls on both sides. A couple of shit calls on both. A couple of non-calls. Unfucking believable. But I don't know what else to say other than I hope this keeps happening.

Sorry. Other than that, if my team isn't in it, then I always root for, you know, I don't know, Kansas City or the Browns if somebody hasn't won it in fucking forever or ever. So that's it. I had a Super Bowl potty. Yesterday I got on the grill, just made some burgers and dogs.

We smoked a cigar and I did what I always do is we taped the Super Bowl. We shut off our phones and we let the game be 90 minutes old before we went in and we did it perfectly this year because we fast-forwarded through every single commercial. We only watched two commercials because I had to go out and go flip a dog and I was running the remote. So they actually watched two commercials.

Blew right through the halftime show. Didn't see a second of that. And what's great is the drama of the game stays with you instead of having all these fucking other people and analysts and all of this shit. I mean, the game takes like what? Like four hours to play or something. I mean, it's already long enough at three.

I don't need another extra hour. But fortunately, all the things that I missed, all the commercials in the halftime show, I actually have an expert on the Super Bowl halftime show. She's not listening because she's looking at her phone. Nia, I saw the game. You saw the... How was the halftime show?

It was a mess. It was? What about Maroon 5 guy? What about him? He's taking control of me. I have tattoos. Yeah. What about when he took his shirt off?

You ladies didn't all go like, oh my God. No, no, we did not. At least I didn't. You know what? When I first came out, it was like, oh, this is some nice fun, good harmonies, nice music. He could dance to it. No, no, not about dancing.

But it was just kind of like, oh, this is some pleasant, harmless white boy kind of poppy music. Rock stuff is fun. I'm going to have to get all racial about it. Jesus Christ. I'm going to tell you what it is. So that's fine. He started to feel himself a little bit.

And Adam Levine is an incredibly talented young man. And I wish him all the best. But yeah, it's just, I wasn't really like my cup of tea. Travis Scott was on there, which is like, OK, fine. I like that song, I guess. Big Boy was there, so that was cool. But it's like, if you're not with Andre 3000, do we really care?

Jesus. Yeah, I'm going in. But I did hear that there is a dungeon family tour that's going to be going on starting in the spring. So that's very exciting. If you're from Atlanta, you know what I'm talking about. This is the most fucked up podcast I've ever done. Because you had no idea what I was talking about.

I don't know where any of those people are. I know Maroon 5 is. Do you know who Travis Scott is? He's a rapper. Do you know who Big Boy is from Outcast? Yes. Right, so he performed too. I'm sorry, Miss Something.

Miss Something. Jackson. Miss Jackson, sorry. Roses really smell like boo boo boo. What's the one song where the white girls always clap two times? Hey yah, right? Yeah. There's a point where they clap two times

and all the white girls are excited when they know how to do it. And then look at each other. Three times, whatever they do. You know, I mean, it was pretty boring to me. It was pretty uneventful. You should have watched the fucking game. The game was amazing. I was kind of.

I was in and out, you know. Hey, what about the city of Boston, New England and all that? We've won 12 fucking championships since 2001 there. I mean, that's like getting a facial. 12 days out of... What kind of facial? 18. No, what's nuts is...

I'm listening. Our four little teams. We have won... In our history, we've won 38 championships. And New York, the state of New York, because this is where most of my friends are, and they're always breaking my balls, is they have 10 professional teams

that include the Islanders, the Sabres, and the Bills. And all of those 10 teams combined, they have like, I think 41. We're only three behind them. It's ridiculous. And, you know... Well, I can say thank God we also have this cell. Because I'll say thank God they have the Yankees,

but thank God we have the Celtics to get our number up there. But I know this... Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So when does basketball season start? Next year. They take a year off. What? Every other year they have basketball season.

No. No, it has to do with the polar vortex. No. No, it does. No. That's not true. It's been happening since... No, they don't take every other year off.

I'm not that fucking clueless about sports that you're going to make me think that. No, now I'm being honest. I was saying that the season started in October. That's not next year. I know, it's happening right now. What is? Didn't you say when is basketball?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's happening now? Pro and color. Oh, cool. Can we go to a Laker game? No. Why? I fucking hate the Lakers.

Oh, Jesus. I don't hate the Lakers. I just can't stand their fans. Can we just go? If I could sit in a section with some old school Laker fans from the 80s and they could talk to me about what it was like to go to the L.A. Forum and what it was like back then when they actually had knowledgeable basketball fans as opposed to that staple center where it's just one of the worst arenas

where it's like you have the whole downstairs section for all the haves and then they have like a three-story of luxury boxes and then they stick all the regular people way at the top of their building. Well, what if they were playing, I don't know, what if they were playing the Celtics? Could we go to it then? I'm not into that. Are you serious?

You're not going to take me to it. No, because I like going to the game. Yeah. And enjoying the game. You go out here and it's just like, you know, listening to all of that shit. And then if you wear any Celtic stuff, just the whole fucking game, all I'm going to be thinking about is punching the person behind me.

They just cunts out here. It's weird because I used to wear Red Sox at the Yankee Stadium and they'd break my balls, but after a while, we'd just be laughing, drinking together. And we would have a good... I know. Out here, you get stabbed in the parking lot. Yeah, they're just fucking...

It's just not... True. You should have heard when Ice Cube did the fucking voiceover on like a 30 for 30 for the Raiders. Mm-hmm. He sounded like he was like trying to... Like he was in fucking... I don't know what.

And some Steven Seagal movie. That he was in NWA. I mean, you know, it's Ice Cube. Yeah, but he was like talking about going to a Raiders game. He's not going to like, you know, do like... In 1980s, like that's not... He's going to be like, yeah. No, but it wasn't like that.

It was like... It's terrible. He's terrible at Ice Cube. But he was like upset. Like, I was listening. It was like, this guy's literally angry talking about going to a fucking game. And they like, they won championships.

Like, I don't get it out here where it goes to that level of like, it's like, hey, I'm into this team. And then all of a sudden you're like in the middle of like a blood and grip fight. It's just like, we can't set that aside and just go to a fucking game. We're going to a game. You say that like Boston fans aren't like...

I don't know. You don't die at a Boston game. You don't. Philly, they'll do shit to you. You don't die. You fucking... You don't die out here. It's fucked.

I think all sports fans are crazy, but... I mean, I don't know. Somebody got shot at a pre-season Raider 49er game. I mean, what are we doing here? Uh, yeah. That's... No, that's terrible, of course. Yeah.

Guy takes his fucking kids to a Dodger game. He's wearing a Giants jersey. He gets brain damage. These guys stomp them down in front of his kids and the guy dies. I know. That was terrible. That was terrible.

So, what you're saying is we're not going to go to a Laker game. It's just based on the fact that it's the Lakers. Even if they play the Celtics. Um, no. You know, look, if you really want to go to that... Yeah. I like basketball games.

I think they're fun. I mean, I go to Clipper games are more fun, but I'll go to a Laker game. Like a game is just like... It's like going to like a fucking nightclub. You'll be out there with their fucking botox and shit. It's just... It's weird.

Yeah. But if you sit up top, it's cool. I like the Laker fans. I'm not shitting on all Laker fans. I'm not shitting on all... Gonna get a lot of tweets after this, baby. I'm not shitting on all L.A. fans. I'm not.

I'm just saying that they're... You know. You know. The fact that they had to bring body bags to a parking lot. It's just fucking... I don't... Oh, it's terrible. No, the older I get, the more...

It's funny how loud I am and how much I scream and yell, but I have this weird thing now. Like I don't like watching horror movies. I... I know. You could become such a little scaredy cat with the horror movie. No, it's not. It's the peril.

You don't... Bill doesn't like movies where people are in peril. Because he feels... It's annoying. He feels helpless. And he feels like... Like that heightens... Like anxiety of a film.

He doesn't like that. Like he can't... Like he doesn't feel comfortable. No. I go to movies to escape that. I walk around feeling that. Peril? Yeah.

And panic. And what the fuck? And how old am I? And should I see my parents more? And what the fuck am I doing? And did I wait too long to be a dad and all that shit? And then I'm gonna add a fucking horror movie anxiety to that? But it's not real.

It's a movie. Dude, I buy in, do ya? Yeah. I buy in. Okay? Blair Witch scared the shit out of me. The Ring scared... All these people, dude, you fucking scared me.

It scared the fucking shit out of me. Those movies are legitimately scary though. Yeah. Oh my god. Asian fucking horrors, they're insane. Oh yeah. They're no joke. Did you ever watch the Babadook?

No, you didn't watch that. I couldn't get through that. I watched it. Because there was a kid in it. Oh, it was so good though. It was so good. Fuck that movie. I'm saying that with all due respect.

All due respect? Yeah. Fuck your movie. No, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. You know I went to an All Star game one time? I went to an All Star game at the Staples Center. And it was the year after Boston had won it.

So Doc Rivers was coaching. So he was the coach of the East and the West. And I remember it was a fucking All Star game. Everybody's just down there having a good time. So at one point he put the big three out there. Garnett, fucking Paul Pearson, Reggie Lewis or whatever, right? What was it? I got it.

Reggie Lewis? What was his fucking name? That doesn't seem right. Was it Lewis? No, Reggie Lewis was the guy who died. Yeah, I was going to say. No, Alan. Ray Allen.

Yeah, I was going to say Reggie Lewis is not right. Even I know that. Okay. All right, Ray Allen. Yeah, some with you. So they put the three of them out there. This is an All Star game. And then they had their minutes or whatever.

And did their little alley-oops and bullshit, right? They're going back to the bench. And I just hear this guy just go, Sam Boston. I'm thinking, who the fuck does that? And an All Star game. I looked over and it was Ice Cube. Ice Cube strikes again. It's like the game doesn't count.

Like what are we doing here? That's the thing about it. Well, you know what's killing me is I got some New York fans, friends of mine, that the last time the Red Sox, when we had Bobby Valentine, we had that lead in September and we choked it away. I mean, I had fucking friends of mine. I had not heard from them in fucking, as far as sports go,

eight years. And they came out of the woodwork. You fucking brought your fucking chokers and all that shit. This is what I love. Since then, we've won two World Series and two Super Bowls. I have not fucking heard from them. So I'm not saying there's not cunts on the East Coast, but I just never feel like I'm going to walk away with like

some sort of physical harm. I don't know. I like, you know, I don't get to be home a lot. So I like staying home. You got a flat screen TV at this point. I don't need some fucking mouth-breathing moron who plays fantasy football fucking sitting behind me. You know, having that fucking, you know,

that fucking vibe where they're just looking. I mean, I'm just going to fight a fucking San Diego charger game years ago, years ago. We literally, the security came up and I was rooting for the charges. I just wore a Patriots hat. This was like, I don't, we'd only won three at that point. It was a long time ago. They were playing the Colts and of course I was rooting for the,

you know, it was Peyton Mills. They always rooting for fucking the charges. And I wore that hat and I didn't think it, I didn't understand how much they hated us down there, but I wasn't being an asshole. And we weren't fucking playing. The pages weren't even fucking playing. And I still almost got into a fight.

It was fucking insane. So I turned around to square off with the guy, the fucking pussy, right? Then he's got a whole other row of people that fucking back in him. I remember in the end when we finally squared off, he took his fucking Sean Merriman jersey off and fucking threw it down somehow. Oh, that's not how you know it's really going down.

No, because he was a pussy. He was all like, he was all like, yeah, he was doing the big, you know, half and puff. Well, not lunging at you. And then someone would grab him. And then all of a sudden he's the fucking Tasmanian devil. Right.

All I know is somehow, you know, the pushing and shoving and they were behind us. So they were going to be punching down. It would have been bad. And fortunately security came up. And, uh, and yeah, I'm telling you, like I was in, I was in like my late 30s. Yeah, late 30s.

I was like, I'm not looking to get into a fucking fight. I was excited. Like, oh, this is another football stadium I went to. I was excited that I'd been to a Padre and a San Diego, uh, uh, charger game. And I could check off both those stadiums of my quest to go to all the stadiums. Right.

And I love Joe Robbie stadium. I loved air Coriel and Dan Fouts and all of those fucking guys. That's what I, that's where my head was at. And next thing you know, I got this fucking asshole. So somehow security comes up and literally had to escort, like make us wait until they left because it was the end of the game. But, but somehow my buddy swiped that kid's fucking Jersey. And it was like an official, I don't know how we grabbed it.

But then we had to walk out to the car with literally with like your head on a fucking swivel. And I think that's where somewhere you take your hat off as you're walking out as to not incite more violence. My, you know, I think I might have, I think I might have. Yeah. I mean, I'm not trying, I'm not trying to fight 10, one of my fucking Lex Luthor over here.

I was trying to think of fucking action hero. Yeah. No. Yeah. Any one of those, even that fucking pussy who took his jersey off, he probably could have beat me. I'm old. But I'm just saying that.

Speaking of beating people, like I've been working out with my trainer again. Sorry. Are we done with your story? Yeah. Okay. Great. So I've been, um, I've been working out with my trainer and we've been doing a lot of like the boxing and stuff.

And he's been like, I, you know, I've been working out with him for years, but I still sometimes have like a weak wrist when I punch him when we were running like our drills and stuff and doing heavy, like my wrist will bend and stuff. So he was trying to show me like how, you know, when you're punching somebody, you know, you're meant to really kind of get them like on the chin with your first two knuckles. And that's the middle finger.

Yeah. Yeah. Which I didn't know. I kind of thought, yeah, I thought it was just sort of like this flat part of your hands that you're supposed to like connect with. I didn't realize, duh, a knuckle sandwich. That's what you're meant to like clip them with. So when I was punching him, I just, I didn't have my hands,

gloves. I just had them wrap and he had his, like his bare hands up and he was just, I just tapped me. And when I was really like connecting with that shit, it was like, oh, that's what it feels like to punch somebody. And then to put like the weight behind it. It's like, I don't know. I'm looking forward to using it in real life.

Most people, when they do throw a punch, they actually usually get their ring knuckle and the pinky and they end up, you know, cause just, I also think it's if your arms, you won't break your wrist or something like that. Yeah. You're supposed to keep it because he was showing me up against a wall like this, like that. And he was having me like push against it with my knuckles. And he was like, that's, that's what you want to feel.

There's another thing too. Like you haven't, since, since, you know, I was a young man, it was just people squaring off. Nobody did kicks and shit. There's fucking kids sitting with this, all this UFC shit. You know, and this is the thing. There's no ref to jump in and break that shit up. You know, somebody's going to get, you know, choke hold.

And when you go out, you know, and he's adrenaline's going. I mean, the guy could give you a brain damage or kill you. I mean, it's just fucking, it's just a whole other level of shit that, I don't know. I'm just, at some point you become an old man and I am an old man. And I don't mind going to a baseball game, but not out here. I just had, I, you know, where it was, I think I had too many bad, I had a bad experience at an angels game.

Dodgers games, I always had good experience because I really liked the Dodgers. LA King games I had because I liked the Kings. And I liked the Rams and I liked, I actually liked the charges too. But I think it's, maybe it's just like Laker games. I don't fucking know. I don't know. Yeah.

I mean, my whole fucking job is just getting heckled and getting yelled at. I don't need to fucking go to a game. Does that make sense or no? Sure. Yeah. We were going somewhere with that, that, that watching that horror shit.

No. I was saying how you don't like peril. That it gives you anxiety when people are in like very tense. Like, are they going to make it out alive? Yeah. I don't like documentaries about real violent shit that happened either. Like everything, dude, you see murder mountain. People's kids go up to the mountain and they get murdered.

You want to watch that? You know, it's weird. I'm like, watch people's parents crying. I don't want to watch that. Yeah. It's weird. Like I'm on the fence because I like it. True crime stuff.

Like I like true crime podcasts. I like documentaries. I've read books on true crime. I love a serial killer. So I did. I love a serial killer, honey. But, but no, it's a little disturbing now because especially because Netflix has like the Ted Bundy tapes and then they have

another Ted Bundy movie coming out. And it's sort of like, I don't know. I haven't watched any of it because I'm just like, I don't know. Am I just supposed to be like so fascinated by this like horrible man that goes around the world? Like raping and killing all these women? Like, is that supposed to be like intriguing to me?

I don't know. I was just reading something though on Twitter where they found the same jail cell in Texas where Sandra Bland allegedly committed suicide. They found another black man hanging in there. And it's just like, really? This is the second time. Anyway, that's kind of off topic.

Who's Sandra Bland? Who's Sandra Bland? Yeah. She was the black woman that was pulled over for making like an illegal lane change and the cop went nuts on her and like went completely overboard. And then all of a sudden she was like hanging in her jail cell over like a traffic fight.

Like it was just like this whole horrible, horrible story. So they just found a black man was hanging in that same jail cell where they were like, oh, I don't know. She took a, you know, a fucking trash bag from a trash can, like a trash can liner and like hung herself. And it's like, I don't know. My point is. Yeah.

What is the point? I don't know. I went off a tangent because no, I'm kind of outraged by that, but no, because I've been going back and forth about whether I'm going to watch this Ted Bundy thing because I do like crime stuff, but I don't know. Fuck Ted Bundy. Yeah.

Fuck Ted Bundy and fuck like watching a whole thing about him. He's a bitch too when they went to go kill him or whatever. Then he started fucking, oh shoot, the bodies are, you know, there's all the fucking, like all of those children of people that he took away. Yeah. Fuck that guy. Why are we making documentaries about him and people being like,

he was so handsome and it's like, are you kidding me? This was like a depraved, horrible psychopath. I don't like that. I don't like when they fucking show like these fucking mass shooters, they show the person and it's like, fuck that guy. Fuck that person. Yeah. Like I honestly think that they shouldn't even report it.

The only people who need to know are the people trying to catch that fucking piece of shit and the next of kin, other than that, you keep sensationalizing that shit. And it's, it's, it's like, I literally think like that's, you know, like how, how I watch stand up comedy and it made me want to do comedy. I think when psychos watch mass shooters, like that's like them watching evening at the improv being like, oh, I want to do that. The copycats and stuff.

Yeah. I don't know. Your career aspiration. Career day for psychos. I don't know. Well, this podcast took a sort of a dark turn. Yeah, it did. What should we talk about tonight?

And first you talk about Valentine's Day. Oh, Valentine's Day. Yeah. Well, so we never go out on Valentine's Day. No, wait, but I have to talk about this really quickly because on Twitter, someone tweeted me and was like, Hey, show us the bag, the toothpaste bag that Bill was talking about. And I just wrote back, dare I?

Because I don't even know if I want to put it out there. No, don't. You got it. You've got it in my head now. And no, you know something? I actually started looking at the bag and I'm starting to see it. I get it. You're more advanced than I am is when it comes to like looking at art

and not letting me finish my sentences. You're more advanced when it comes to that shit. You can go to a museum and actually have an experience where I just sit there going, oh my God, I got to get the fuck out of here. You're like, where's the bench that I can sit on? That's not a piece of art. No, but you, I told you like sort of the significance of why I wanted a piece from that collection, right?

Like I text you that. Did you get that? Did you get that text from me? Do you check your text messages for me? Do you read them? I know it was part of the douchey fuckhead collection. No. You're a big fan of his and he decided to loan his art to that.

None of this is true. Bag. Virgil Abloh's first collection for Louis Vuitton men's wear. Okay. Who the fuck is Virgil Abloh? He is the first black creative director for Louis Vuitton. So this is kind of a historical thing. This is a piece.

He does like the men's wear. So it's not like he does the women's clothes. He just does the men's wear. So these bags. Wait, that bag's for a guy? It was created for the men's wear collection, but anyone can carry it. Yes, Bill. Okay.

It looks like a gender neutral bag. I guess. It's a bag. So does he do really socially progressive art pieces? I wouldn't say that. Is that what it is? No, I wouldn't say that. When is the hashtag something, something?

Myself also? Coming up. What do you call me to? Hashtag what? Myself also. Yeah. That's a new one. Anyway, but I don't know.

You got in my head now. So I don't know, but so we got to figure out what we're doing because we never go out on Valentine's Day. But your schedule this year is kind of like a screwy. So, you know, we might have to go out on Valentine's Day. All right. Sorry, Charlie. I'll take you out for a hot dog.

Hot dog. You take me to Pink's Hot Dog and. Take you out to Howlin' Rays Fried Chicken Sandwich. You know what? I wouldn't mind that. It was fucking, there was always 7,000. I remember when it was just a food truck. You just walk up and get it.

We went down there that one time. It's in Chinatown. There was like 7,000 fucking people. It was like. Yeah. Yeah. I was like sleeping out for tickets, concert tickets in the 70s. I'm like, it's a fucking chicken sandwich.

Did you bring me one of those chicken sandwiches one time? No, you've always told me about it, but you never brought me one because it used to be when you got your haircut. RIP Bill's hair. I mean, just me. But anyway, have you thought of something like romantic to do for me? Yeah, my take out to dinner. That's it.

You have somebody come over and sing, oh, solo mio. I have an idea. I'm trying to see if I can pull it off. But that person that I am, he didn't get back to me. I'll take you out to dinner and afterwards we'll do night quills shots as we look each other in the eye. We'll see you in eight hours. Say goodnight, the baby.

I know. I know. What else? What else you got there? Freckles. I got to read some fucking advertising here. I can do that. You always call yourself freckles, right?

Yeah. But where are your freckles on your face? I don't even see them anymore. Do you have them? You have them on your arms, but like... I think they all combined into one sad freckle. Oh, freckles. A giant birthmark.

All right. Oh, look who's... Oh, my God, they're back. I thought they were done with me. Sherry's berries. Oh, my God. Just the time for that. These guys dumped me.

They did. They came back to their old flame. Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Talk about what plans for Valentine's Day this year, what you would do if you weren't procrastinating. Well, I don't like the insinuation that I'm procrastinating. Your sons are bitches. Have you planned anything?

No. All right, then. Sherry's berries. What are you talking about? I told you who to call. Set something up. No, you didn't. Share a personal Valentine's Day story.

Oh, the classic one. When we went out for the sushi and you were staring at that celebrity, we got that big fight. Oh, my God. And then you punched me in the face. No. Wait a minute. You're telling it all wrong.

And that's what happened. No. You're telling it all wrong. What? You're telling it all wrong. Thank God you didn't have that personal train of that. You punched me with your pink hair. You punched me with your pink hair.

Thank God you didn't have that personal train of that. You punched me with your pinky knuckle. Yeah, you were a little tiger back then. I'm still a tiger, baby. Do you remember me? I didn't have the ultimatum. Which was why? If you throw something at me again during a fight, I'm breaking up with you.

And you know what? You stopped abusing me. Yeah, I was definitely a lot more volatile when I was younger in my younger days. We met when I was 25, Bill. So come on. Yeah. But college graduate, you were an adult. That's right.

You were well- At my apartment, I paid rent. I had a job. No, I was a fully formed adult. You were well past the age when you throw shit at people. But it was also, I mean, listen, it was also 15 years ago. Bill, we've been together for 15 years. Can you believe that shit?

Yeah, it's been great. All right. What would you do? Okay, share a personal Valentine's Day. I just did. What are your must-gives? What is a must-give? You must give me what?

Attention. Jewelry. Oh, fuck off. This whole bullshit that I got to buy you something. That's why I love sherry berries. Here's your chocolate strawberries. Get out of my face. All right.

So you're met with the excitement and enthusiasm. Wasn't met. Okay. What are you? Wait a second. Where did it go? No, they're definitely not coming back to you now. What?

Yeah, they will. What do you, what do you to look good? What do you do that was missing? No, the word's missing. It says, what do you to look good on Valentine's Day? I don't know. Dipped in milk, dark or white chocolate. You're definitely dipped in milk.

Hey, what's going on? They have milky. No, no, no. You mean white chocolate. Yeah. Milk chocolate is lighter. Okay. All right.

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Policy genius is the easiest way to compare it by life insurance. I need to learn how to make that funny because you're over there staring at your phone. Look, Nia, it's 1-800-PRO-FLOWERS. All right, by now, most of us have started racking our brains about what Valentine's Day gift is truly going to make her day special. Why isn't there anything about the fucking guy? This is such a stupid fucking holiday. It's an at stake in a blow job day?

Huh? Isn't it stake in a blow job day? No, that's allegedly in March. It's not official. There's no pressure. I mean, but even before this me too shit, there's no way you could be like, honey, what the fuck? Who's my stake in a blow job?

You know what she'd say? 1-800-PRO-FLOWERS. These are the best of the best flowers, Nia. Most of them, they're dream died as a flower at the college level. By now, most of us have started racking our brains about what Valentine's Day gift is truly going to make her day special. Yeah, like that's going to make her happy. She'll find something with 1-800-FLOWERS.com.

No, shut up. Well, you guys are inherently not happy people. You know what it is? You're inherently unhappy? Well, you're too smart for your own fucking good. That doesn't make any sense. That's not a real... When people say that, what does that mean?

You're too smart for your own good. Does that mean that I'm smarter than you? Yeah. And you're like perplexed by it. You don't know what to do with it. So sometimes somehow you're going to take my intelligence and use it as an insult against me. It's not going to work.

You're too smart to be happy. That doesn't make any sense. You never heard of Fat Dumb and Happy? What? No, I haven't. You never heard of that? He's Fat Dumb and Happy? No.

What are these old timey sayings that you just trot out in moments when it's convenient to you? You ever heard of Fat Dumb and Happy? No, Bill. Because it's not a thing that people say. Fat Dumb and Happy will return. Do you want me to look it up? Not really.

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I'm sorry. No, I guess they are. What's your favorite kind of rose? I should know this by now. I would bomb on the newlywed game 15 years into this. What's your favorite rose? I don't know. Roses aren't really like my favorite flower, though.

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1800flowers.com that I just joined a religion. To order Valentine's bouquets, arrangements, and more, starting at 29.99, go to 1800flowers.com. Click on the radio icon and enter Burr, B-U-R-R, order today and save at 1800flowers.com, code Burr. Actually, the greatest Valentine's Day gift that you guys give men is that you don't have one for us. Because then we would have to get dressed up and go out and go do some more dumb shit that we don't want to do.

If you could just let us sit on a couch and eat something while watching a game and actually feeling like that affects our lives in some positive or negative way, if you could just let us do that, that's enough of a valid, I'm speaking for all men right now. Yeah, wow. You guys really are very simple creatures. We are. Okay. Well, I am not, so I don't know what to tell you.

You know, I know you well enough here to know that there's something else really fucking bugging you. What do you mean? I don't know if it's something I'm doing or if it's just something going on with you. Yeah. Oh, that is me. What do you mean? What are you basing that on?

What the fuck did I do now? Nothing. You're full of shit. I'm going to tip you over that fucking chair. Let's read some emails. Fucking get this stupid fucking look. I know that look. All right, Bill, great emails.

Last week you announced the new California dates right after mentioning that you were filming a special soon. So a bunch of people thought maybe you were filming at one of them and were emailing asking which one. Can you clear that up for them? Thanks. Yeah, I'm not filming a special right on the 15th, 16th or 17th, but I am going to give my darndest up an effort.

Those are the shows to get ready to do a special. I'm plowing ahead. I'm obsessed with Santa Barbara. I feel like I want to come to that one. That's where all rich white people move to, to be neared Oprah. Who wants some hatch clover? Isn't she in Montecito? I don't know, a stalker face.

Rams names. Name. I was wondering why the Los Angeles Rams are originally from Cleveland, Ohio. I'm like, how the fuck did they get Rams and the Rams are named the Rams because the Cleveland owner, the original owner of the Cleveland Rams went to Fordham University and their name was the Rams. And I guess he liked it. Coincidentally, I am from Cleveland and I'm a freshman at Fordham.

Vince Lombardi also went here. All right, that's, well, then now this is like now I'm to Fordham. So how did Fordham, is that Fordham, the college in New York? I don't fucking know. All right. NFL titles. Dear Billy bitch balls. On your podcast this past Monday, your audience had to listen to you bitch once again about

how football championships prior to the AFL NFL mergers aren't counted. Do you realize that you can't complain about this almost every fucking week? No, I don't. Enough already. I listened to the second half of the podcast last Thursday, which was from 2011 and you were whining about it then as well. Let's play off time. You fucking cunt.

You've been bitching about this for at least the last past eight years. So what? I've also been talking about the population problem. Get the fuck over it. You sound like the creepy uncle who at family gatherings tells the same stories over and over again. Please stick a tampon in, pull your panties out of the crackier ass, straighten up your skirt and just let it go.

Who the fuck is this person? Somebody who doesn't have a fucking answer for what I'm saying. Who the fuck is this person throwing out that kind of language and that kind of insults? How dare you? Nia, it's the internet. That's like a joke. Don't write into my husband's title, pull your tampon, pull your panties out. Go fuck yourself.

You know bad you're making me look. You couldn't handle a fucking period every month. You piece of shit. Shut the fuck up with your lame ass like sexist fucking remarks. Jesus, Nia. Fucking hashtags we read today. He's just trying to be funny. And not succeeding.

Well, you know what I like is that's so lame to be like pull the tampon and put your panties back on. Put your pants. It's like so fucking unoriginal. Why don't you comb your hair, get a deep conditioning and put your rollers in your hair and put a bonnet on. Like, you know. I don't think anybody goes that deep.

Well, they should. Maybe they should like try something new. Try some find out some other stereotypical shit about women that you can throw in there. Huh? What happened to you today? I don't know. That letter bugged me and it's lame ass insult something they want you to take your tampon out.

To say, all right, currency. Hey, Bill, remember a few years ago? I loved it. I love that that guy wrote all of that shit because he could not answer it. I will. I have an open forum to the guy wrote dear Billy bitch balls and I want you to explain to me. The thing about it is is no one can answer to me why they don't count them.

It doesn't make any fucking sense whatsoever. That's the usual reaction I get. Currency. Hey Bill, remember a few years ago when there was a bit of attention on how fucked up the banks are? No, that's still a problem. This country is bankrupt, which is why it was, which is so fucked up that Trump was trying to get us out of Syria, which would have saved us money and even Democrats were

voting against that because they all get paid by the corporations there near all these fucking cunts who want to raise our fucking taxes, they who all make 150, 200 grand a year. They're all multimillionaires. How did they do that near? Huh? Hello. All right, there were documentaries made about the housing crash in 2008 and that movie with Christian Bale, the big short was a hit so much so much of the middle class wealth was

transferred to huge banks in that time. It's really the worst thing that happened to this country. All violence aside, it's the only issue that if exposed properly would actually unite the country. No one likes being taken for a sucker and that's all the banks have done to this country. Of course, the news won't pound away at the issue the way it needs to be done because they're heavily influenced by the powers that be. What do you think?

Why do you think there hasn't been a grassroots movement about this? Because I think just generally speaking, people can't get along with each other and even if you're starting a movement, then somebody doesn't like your version of the movement and then there ends up being like fighting amongst yourselves. You know what I mean? We did that happen to Malcolm X, Nia? I'm just trying to wake you up there. Yeah, there becomes like infighting or whatever.

You literally said that to me to get me a pay attention? Yeah. Wow. But there was also a point I was trying to make there. Oh, okay. You're saying like why don't regular people just get all mobilized and on the same fucking page about these banks, how come there hasn't been this grassroots movement? Like it doesn't exist somewhere?

Well, I think the powers that be always turn it into a becomes a Democrat versus Republican issue. And then if any time, you know, people would, you know, that Wall Street thing, everybody was trying to say that they're a bunch of hippies and fucking privileged white kids and it just gets labeled and then then you just, you start fighting about the labels and then the issue just goes away. It just fucking goes away. And I was just saying how I don't know, just human beings in general, we just don't get

along with each other. Sad. Sad, true. And people choose self-preservation like all these fucking politician pieces of shit on both sides that have allowed like a handful of corporations to literally bankrupt this fucking country in never ending fucking wars. And then they put the pressure on all of us to support the troops and support this and support that.

And so you got to stand there and fucking salute everything while not questioning it as they basically vacuum up your kid's future. You know, the supports to sports troops, they fucking bring him back and they treat him like shit. I can't even I can't even like fucking get going on that subject. It's such it's the biggest crock of shit ever. All right, stuck. Stuck is a Mormon.

The way they treat fucking veterans. It's unbelievable. It's fucking. What are they just wheel them out at football games so they can sell, you know, whatever the fuck they're trying to sell. All right, there you go, buddy. Now, good luck with the rest of your life. Stuck is a Mormon.

No, buddy, this is bad. Hey, Billy, burnt tits. I don't even know what the fuck that means. I'm feeling kind of stuck. Hang on a second. I got a fucking blow on my nose here. I'm sorry, everybody. All right, he's back.

OK. Stuck is a Mormon. Hey, Billy, burnt tits. Can you get off of your goddamn phone? Make me feel like half my audience doesn't. I'm feeling kind of stuck. I'm 19 years old and I've grown up Mormon my whole life. Recently, I've sort of stopped believing in the church, but here's the problem.

I go to BYU. I didn't plan on going there, but due to the fact it's super cheap and it's a good school, I decided on going here. Anyways, parentheses. I'm a dumbass. No, you're not BYU is a good school. I still don't believe in any of this stuff or any religion in general. The problem is that I don't want the whole rest of my life to be determined by the Mormon upbringing.

I would rather not get married to some Mormon chick or anything. And I would rather not get married to some Mormon chick or anything. And I don't want all of my friends to be Mormon after I graduate college. I don't want to leave the church and lose all my friends in dating prospects. Unfortunately, I can't really afford to transfer anywhere else. And my whole family is all in on the church. So I would be majorly disappointing my whole family by leaving. Any advice from you or the lovely Nia would be much appreciated.

Thanks. And as always, go fuck yourself. You know, one day I was at the airport and I saw this white woman wearing yoga pants. And on the side of it, it said, do you boo? And I remember. You got to do I swear to God, I did see those yoga pins. Really? Oh, it was so bad.

It said, oh, no, no, no, I took a picture of them. It said, do you boo? And it was something like something, something, but take no shit. You know, people like how like who have to like say like what they are on their clothes. Like warrior. I mean, it's just like I just. Um, but the fact that someone would breed with that, do you know what I would fucking do? If you came home with pants that said, do you boo one?

Yeah, I would rip them off of you. I would do that in public. Oh, so you're telling him that he should do what he want? I mean, I think you should finish your education, work, save money. And I think you should get the fuck out of there and go expand your horizons like you want to. And you can always come back. You can always change your mind. But if you have this impulse that you have a bigger destiny than what's the church and

this sort of like small group of people. How about a different destiny rather than a bigger destiny? Because then that's going to put people at odds. Just you have, you have a different agenda. If you have a bigger destiny, you feel like then just that small area that you're in, I think that you should follow those instincts. And I'm sure every other Mormon kid, your age at Brigham Young, that's what it is. We revisit that.

No. What does that have to be bigger? I'm sure that they're all thinking the same things you are. What are the Mormons of right? About what? The afterlife. What happens in the afterlife? According to the Mormons, I don't fucking know.

So why would you say the afterlife? Is that what they're known for? One of them has to be right. Aren't they known for like, I don't know, polygamy and like. You don't know shit about Mormons. I mean, listen, I watched every season of Big Love on HBO. Okay. I think I'm pretty, I think I'm pretty knowledgeable about Mormonism.

Okay. Chloe Samming, he was very, very convincing. This guy, yeah, this is like he's, he's eating the same food every fucking day. It's driving him nuts. Yeah, he's eating like, you know, fucking mayonnaise sandwiches. And he wants to, no, I didn't mean to buy that. Oh, wheel out the podium. I didn't mean it.

How did you mean it? How did you, why did you pick that condiment? Talk your way out of this one. No, I just meant like, like a bland, like a non-exciting. Sack of shit. You, you're lying your ass off. Mormon Utah, it doesn't get any whiter than that. That is mayonnaise white.

I mean, and you said it and you have to live with it, man. I need to know, can this person follow up? Is it true that Mormon people don't like black people? Can I, can we just, I just need to know. I'm just curious. Well, why would they? When you're calling them mayonnaise faces, whatever the fuck you just said. Why don't you get the mayonnaise off your face, Nia, before you fucking judge this guy?

Oh God, their wives looking like, looking like goddamn little house on the prairie. Air down to their feet. Come on in, Jebediah, Ezekiel, Isaiah, Mary, Anthony, like them and all their fucking 20 children. I'm sorry. That's not nice. They're not, they're not like those people in Pennsylvania. The Andorondack people, whatever they're fucking.

The Amish? The Amish, yeah. Okay. I mean, no, they use electricity. Yeah. The Amish don't. Yeah. They just, they look like, you know, if Hitler was gonna have a summer camp.

Ye olde, whatever it is. No, no, no. They, they drive around in cars and shit. Yeah. The Mormons do. Yeah. Yeah. They're totally modern.

Yeah. They go to school. I'm talking about, no, I'm, I'm just being cheeky because I'm talking about, I'm talking about the fundamentalists, which are not, you know, they're not, they don't do that anymore. It's just those crazy people. I did a college gig a long fucking time ago at a Mormon school and I had to work totally fucking clean.

Some college out there. Yeah. Yeah. They were all virgins, but they were like, they were saying the ones who did bang was they, they would bang the girlfriend in the ass and she was, she was still considered a virgin. That doesn't make any sense at all. Well, I mean,

no sense because you can't get pregnant if they like pop you in the ass. Well, I think as long as your hymen is still intact, right? Oh God. All right, I guess. It's sort of a, the fender bender of fucking. But it isn't. Anyway, this young man seems like he wants to explore life outside of this Mormon church life. And I encourage him to do so.

Like I said, get your education, work, okay, make money, save your money, and like go to New York and have your mind blown or LA. Have your mind blown. Man. Hey man, it's going to blow your mind. Giant bedbath and beyond. By the way, Michael Rapport so hates on, I love Michael. He's, he's so shits on fucking Boston sports, but we have won so many championships.

He's now been reduced to like making fun of our skyline. He's like, uh, Boston has all the championships. We can't front on that, but you know, just a little shit as one horse town. Yeah. Okay. What else are you going to make fun of the big dig next? How far away from the sports are we going to get here? Uh, sorry, Sonia, what would you say about a woman?

She never been had vaginal sex, but she's been banged in the ass. You've had sex. It was anal sex, but you've had sex. Well, if I could equate this to baseball, it's like she skipped the base. Right. And then you're out. Okay. So yeah, you don't get credit.

Yeah. No, you're not a virgin. If you got fucked in the ass, I'm sorry. That's just not how it works. What base is that? And what world are you a virgin if you had anal sex and like, but you're like, how are you still over that? Doesn't make any sense.

First base is kissing. Second base is you feel them up. Okay. Third base is you figure them. Kids don't use that terminology. 00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:25,600 All bases and stuff. Is, is you, you had, you fucked him.

It's anal. Is that your back in the dugout? That was a long way to go. Long way to go. Be me with your fucking heckling. Can you come along for the ride? You're supposed to be a cub. We're supposed to be a comedy team here.

Oh, sorry. All right. Good night, Gracie. All right. Ruin my brother's year. Hey, Billy, but dunk and dunk love all your work. Super excited to see you perform in New York this February. Oh yeah.

The Patrice O'Neill benefit. Okay. So here's where I fucked up. By the way, do we have any fucking Nyquil, something that I could just fucking suck down here? Sure. Go to sleep. What is going on with you?

Nothing. Just the way you said it, like, sure. Just made me like, you're not pouring it. You don't fucking put something in it. I don't know why you're mad at me, but you are. All right. I'm not mad at you. God, you're such a fucking egomaniac.

It's like every mood I have has to do something with you. Did I not ask a half hour ago, is this about me or is it something else? I don't remember. You? What are you, Ronald Reagan? I don't recall. He knows that. Well, I'm fucking rewind it for you.

All right. You know what? Fuck your mood. I don't give a shit then. All right. How about that? So that's not nice. Huh?

That's not nice. Is it enough? I have a fucking cold. I mean, you don't have like the plague. Like, I don't know if I'm supposed to. It's like a cold. It's like, wow, you're acting like you're dying. You're a little stuffy.

Blow your nose. I'm supposed to take care of my Valentine's Day, right? Because I'm so sweet. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to order a fucking giant meal for you, Ed, for me, and then I'm going to excuse myself and go to the bathroom. I'm going to leave you there.

Oh, no. Let you fucking pay for it. All right. So here's where I fucked up. This past New Year's, my family went to Burlington, Vermont. Oh, Burlington Coat Factory. I have a twin brother that we had our own hotel room for the night.

Is this where you start banging a chick and you excuse yourself and then he comes in? Is that this game? No? I mean, let's find out. Don't twins do that? Oh. What base is that?

The switch, the old switcheroo? The old switcheroo. The old face off with your dick. Is that John Travolta? Yeah, the dick off. Is it John Travolta or is it Nicholas King? No matter how much you hate me, yeah, we still laugh.

We still laugh. All right. Okay. I have a twin brother. We had our own hotel room for the night. We're both in college. You get the pictures. So New Year's night, we go out to a bar

and the place is fucking packed. Ladies everywhere and cute ones too. I see this girl with some fat titties busting out of the top of her sweater and my animal instinct kicks in. He's just being honest, Nia. He's just like, you know, oh, shut up.

Like you guys don't look at some Johnny Wad. Comes walking in. You're like, oh, I wouldn't mind swinging from that trap. Peasy there. Johnny Wad. Basically. Okay. Some animal instincts kick in.

Basically, we had an absolutely amazing time, but got separated assuming we meet back at the hotel room. After a long night, I stumbled back to our hotel alone. Wait a minute. This is not going this direction. I admit I had a wee bit too much to drink. When I opened the door,

my twin brother was shirtless with not one, but two girls in his room. Now I'll admit I was a little surprised, but good for him, right? I thought he was going to say that she was fucking his brother, his twin brother, the girl with the titties, not realizing that it was the other person anyways. As I'm grabbing my stuff to go chill in the lobby

while he plays a double header, one of the girls says, your twin is pretty hot directed towards me. Immediately I start thinking, what the fuck did I just walk into? I kind of laugh it off and continue getting my shit. My twin brother comes over to me and asks for a condom. This is all very weird.

I give it to him and all my way out. He's, again, she says, you're not staying. It's like we're related. Wait, can I just ask a quick question? Is it like one of those twin things where like, when your brother ejaculates, like, you can feel it too? Creepy twin shit. Something like a Jim Carrey movie.

As soon as I heard this, something in my gut said, they are hookers. Or I could have been, or I could have been, or I could have been all the booze I had that night. It just didn't feel right. Gotta go with the gut dude. Anyway, I took a closer look and to me, they looked kind of trashy,

like Lady Gaga after one too many bush lights. Immediately, I say, and what I thought was a low voice, bro, don't do this. They are hookers. Oh God. I know, I know it's fucked up, but I'm in a foreign environment. I don't know what goes on around in Vermont.

Oh, sleazy Vermont. No, Vermont has a massive heroin problem. Wow. Yeah, you wouldn't want to fuck anything without a condom out there. See that, Mia? You don't know everything. I don't.

Why don't you make another mayonnaise comment? Unfortunately, the girls heard me and got really mad. Oh God, did you fuck up his threesome? I said fuck it and left him to do his business. I came back an hour later and all three of them are gone. The next morning he comes in and tells me, I fucked the whole thing up for him. Oh Jesus.

Oh dude, there's no comeback from this. After I left, they said fuck this and left. He convinced them to go back to their place, but once they got back there, they just put on their PJs and went to bed. Bill, I know I was wrong for messing up a threesome on New Year's Eve and I feel terrible about it. My brother wouldn't talk to me for days after it happened.

All he would say is you fucked up my whole year. So I was thinking of paying for two actual clean hookers. What? This is your solution? He's got to go to cleanhooker.org and have them pick him up from a bar without him knowing so he can have a threesome. Is this wrong?

Oh my god, are you kidding? If it is, how else can we make it up to him? Oh my god. It is wrong. Your brother needs to get over it and if he could pull two chicks before, he can pull it again. And quite frankly,

he must not have had that much game to begin with if he couldn't convince them to stay. So, you know, he could have been like, oh my brother's fucking asshole, don't listen to him. But here, let me eat your pussy. And then boom, it would all have been like done, but he didn't think fast enough in the moment.

He couldn't keep the thing going because he just got dumb luck that he had. He knows. He knows it was dumb luck. That's why he's mad because he knows. He knows. He doesn't have the fucking ability, the skills, the pimp game to pull two bitches again.

So that's why he's mad. But you can't do anything about clean hookers and have him pick up and orchestrate this whole fucking thing. And now you got to pay five grand or whatever the fucking going rate is. Would be my rate if I were a hooker. But, you know, all that, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

He blew it. You didn't help, but he couldn't keep the thing going. Not your fault. I have so many questions. First of all, they sound like they're young. Yes. Okay. He's getting a threesome.

There's no way to pay this back. All right. And he did fuck it up. But this thing, like, seriously, there's. If he was a really good brother, he would have been like, yes, stay and he could have taken the other girl and he could have banged him in that bed

and then he could have banged him in the other bed and then they could switch off. That's gross. And then they could just like take turns with each girl or whatever. That's what a real brother would have done. That's fucking disgusting. But he wanted to be, he wanted to be selfish

and like keep them both for himself. Would you fucking do that with your sister? No, we don't get down like that. Well, what, what, what the, well, why the fuck were these guys? Because because who kicks out their brother so that they could bang two girls. That's so rude.

You can't share. I don't know. What are you saying? I don't even know anymore. I'm just talking. Yes. He fucked up the threesome. There is no comeback.

Don't get hookers. Yeah. Don't get hooked. That's not, that's not necessary. There's no such thing as a clean hooker. You're gonna get a hooker on her first day. She's gonna suck at her job. No pun intended.

Why wouldn't there be clean hookers though? I feel like if you're a good, responsible hooker... I don't know, Nia. Why wouldn't there not be a whole of the ozone layer? That's like, there's, there's, how you wish the world was in the way it is. Okay. There's no fucking clean hookers.

What, right out of the box? Well, I mean, if they get tested and they use protection and stuff, it could very well be that they don't have any STDs. I mean, I don't know how you would check that, but... In what? Why was your price fibrid? I don't know.

I just threw it out there. Because I'm thinking of like the high-class girls, you know, the ones that have like the really nice websites. No, I don't know what world you're in. Okay. Who like dress really nicely. That's, that's a cool enough line for you. You're in that situation.

Let me eat your pussy. Oh, okay. Just like that. I mean, I don't know. Something, something that just kind of like, ah, forget about him. It's all about us. Ladies.

I think I like to eat your pussy line better. All right. Dilemma. Who would you... You buy some giving us gold, by the way. I'm sure it is. Okay, so... So what would you do?

How, how is he gonna make it up to him? He has to own it and just be like, yeah, I did. I was drunk and I fucked it up and they have to laugh about it. And then eventually, you know, hopefully his brother will get another threesome and then that'll be over.

He won't. He won't. No, he will. Yeah, he won't. That's why he's so mad. He knows it's not gonna happen again. Isn't he's mad because his brother fucked up a threesome under his eve?

He's gonna be telling that story when they're 50 years old. I tell him I could have banged those two brats at the fucking thing and you came in. No, but he'll be laughing. He'll be laughing. He'll be laughing because he's gonna get another one.

He'll get another one. Why being so fucking negative? He already pulled it off. His brother just came in to fuck that up. That's all. Dumb luck. I'm telling you. I know.

I just have a feeling. All right, you go with your gut. Well, I have a gut feeling this guy's, you know. Hang in there, tiger. You'll get that threesome you always wanted. You are such a hating mood. I don't get it. All right.

Dilemma. Who would you revive from the dead to talk to for one hour? Jesus Christ or John Bonham? Oh, Jesus Christ, without a doubt. Just so I could watch them talk to everyone in the world being like, I never said that. I didn't do that.

What? Jesus Christ would definitely be the more fascinating person to talk to. Oh, yeah. Because you might be able to unravel an entire fucking religion. He said, Bonham, your idol, even as a guest on a podcast, maybe jam with them the most fun you ever had.

Or clear up a couple of things with the savior. Roast him for walking on water, thing, et cetera. Ask him on the podcast if he minds your old Jesus. If he laughs, then pious cunts the world over can never say another world. Yeah, I would definitely go with Jesus. I would definitely go with Jesus. You know what I mean?

No disrespect to John Bonham, but like, I wasn't friends with John Bonham, you know. But Jesus, whenever I had one pair of footprints in the sand. It was then. That he carried you. Yeah. Like tonight, I'm going to ask him to take this cold from me. You're sleeping in the guest room, right?

With all those germs. Yes. I really am in like a weird mood. I'm sorry. Yeah. I don't know what to tell. I apologize, everyone, for this crazy mood I'm in on this podcast. Making sure you're fucking cool with me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get there. That's a fake laugh. You're fucking crazy right now. I'm not crazy. I'm tired. I'm a little punch drunk. I'm a little drunk.

I had that little cocktail earlier. Oh, you did. So I'm feeling a little loose with my words. Taking fucking booze in my fucking goddamn face, aren't you? Oh, Billy Freckles over here. 72 fucking wonderful days without alcohol. Good for you. Don't I look better?

You look great. Well, your skin is clear, but your skin has always been clear. You've always had good skin. My head hasn't always been clear. That's how I met you. All right, listen. God bless you, Nia. Thanks.

Bless your heart. Thank you for doing the podcast. Congratulations to the real people who won the fucking Super Bowl, the New England Patriots players and the whole organization. It's just it's fucking unbelievable that I thought this this year was a rebuilding year, the fact that they somehow and they, you know,

they beat the San Diego Chargers, they beat the Kansas City Chiefs, and they beat the Los Angeles Rams. There's not a soft team in any of those. So it's one of the best champion chips we've won. And go Celtics, go Bruins. Let's keep the train rolling. I want to see what Rappaport makes fun of us for next.

Dude, I went on the Freedom Trail. It's fucking overrated. All right, that's it. Have a great week, and I'll check in on you on Thursday. Hey, so you're shooting? Amai, do you feel my heart beat? Oh, that's still a good ringtone,

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