Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-5-18

Episode Date: February 6, 2018

Bill rambles about Eagles historic win, man titted c-notes, and F1.

Hey what's going on, it's Bill Byrne, it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 5th 2018, what's going on, how are you? How you doing? I'm actually doing pretty good after a Super Bowl loss. Congratulations to the Philadelphia Eagles winning their first Super Bowl championship of all time. Their first one, first one's the best one. If my team hadn't lost, I would have gone online or something like that just to watch grown men crying in Philadelphia over sports, which is one of my favorite things ever. I remember when the Patriots won their first one, I was actually at the game, having gone previously to when we lost to fucking Brett Favre. He took off his helmet and ran down the field. I bet his agent cried on that play,

we're going to make so much money. Look at him, he's so adorable. Have you seen a picture of his dick lately? No. I just remember when we kicked that field goal and we won, and I'm going to say we by the way, and people go, you weren't on the field. Yeah, well I get shit when my team loses. All right, whatever your team wins, people go, you weren't playing, but if your team loses, then they go, ah, fuck you guys, you guys lost. So suck a dick. All right, we lost yesterday. Anyways, I remember when we kicked the field goal to win the fucking thing, and everybody, everybody tackled each other and I got up. There was this guy just standing, just standing, like tears in his eyes, like he was going to fucking start crying, and my eyes

met his and he was looking at me. It's so weird to this day, it's the weirdest moment that I've had with another male. I can see if we were at a fucking funeral, Jesus Christ, you know, man the fuck up. And I also remember if I was in Philadelphia, I would want to hear from that guy, one of my favorite things this year in the football season was when, that when Carson Wentz went down and that Eagles fan called in the radio station and started breaking down crying to the point he freaked out the radio host. He called up, he was like sort of complaining that all of a sudden he's just like, I mean, when's it going to happen for us? You know, every year, it looks like they're going to win the fucking radios. It's going like, buddy, buddy,

you're crying? It's great. It was just fucking great. So I would love to hear that guy's follow-up call. He's probably crying even more. So I really wish when I finally saw the Eagles win the Super Bowl, that they weren't playing my team. So I could have enjoyed it more because that is something as a sports fan that I really enjoyed because there's only two fan bases that I just wish eternal misery on. And that's the Yankees because I have to, the same way they do it with Red Sox fans and the Montreal Canadians. Other than that, you know, if you, I, you know, I would never wish that, you know, a fan base never got to feel a championship. So congratulations to you guys. All right. Now, having said that,

I've had that, that Don Henley song in my head this whole morning, just thinking about the game, because there's always that fucking devastating shock when your team loses. And the song I woke up hearing today for whatever reason was Don Henley's last worthless evening. And I was walking around the kitchen. I was just singing that was the worst fucking defense that I've ever seen. Dude, that was the, you know, it was an exciting game. But if you really look at it, that was arguably the ugliest fucking Super Bowl I've ever seen. It was like both teams were in a fucking prevent defense the entire game. That was a fucking Super Bowl people. There was two punts, the entire game and no sacks, unless you call, call, count the Brady fumble, which I don't know how that works.

If you slap the ball out and then you tackle the quarterback, if that's considered a sack, I heard them kind of a looting saying this was the first sack of the game. I was at a Super Bowl party, which I usually don't do, but I got a kid now. And I went and actually, you know, I had a good time as a bunch of kids running around throwing balls and all that stuff. And I was being the lunatic sitting in the other room by myself trying to watch the game. Or whatever. But anyways, you know, it's great about having a kid. You don't have to watch a halftime show. I'm gonna put her in the stroller and go for a walk. So I don't even know who played the halftime. I just kept walking by the front door and I kept hearing music. And when the music

ended, I came back in and then somebody goes, Hey, great timing, great timing. It's like, Hey, you know, I've watched a few of these, watched a good 40 of them. Anyways, I've never seen anything like the defense was so fucking bad in that game. It was literally like, how did either one of these teams even make it here? I don't know if it was the weird matchup or what. I mean, I don't know anything about the fucking Eagles, considering I thought that fucking Sproul's guy was still playing. But I did call it with the running game. I just didn't know it was that fucking dude you got from the Dolphins, whatever, right? But I knew that that was going to be a problem. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck happened to the Eagles, but I will tell you the New England

Patriots, the game this season, where I went like, Oh, boy, oh, Jesus, we ain't winning it this year was when we played the Pittsburgh Steelers. And we went down, we went down and we scored. The fucking game was over. There wasn't enough time left, even with big Ben, and then we gave up a 90 yard screen pass. And the only reason why we won that game was because of that stupid fucking, is it a catch? Isn't a catch? Now, when he catches the ball here, and he turns and starts running with the ball, we don't know if he has possession as he possesses the ball and reaches over the fucking goal line. The my number one thing I want them to fix in football is that fucking rule. I don't remember there really being a huge is it a catch? Isn't it a catch

controversy before they fucked with that rule? So every once in a while, you know, you try to make the game less controversial, and you do dumb shit like that. Or even the tuck rule. I mean, that was fucking stupid. That was a fumble. It's just stupid. He tucked it in. I don't know. But I don't know the rule book the way they do it. It's fucking dumb. And all you rate of fans who are jumping up and down because of Patriots fans said that that was a fumble. Go watch the fucking roughing the passer call that you guys got back with old Kenny stable and Ray Hamilton jumping in the fucking air that gave you a goddamn Super Bowl. Okay. So why don't you take off your fucking Rocky horror picture show scary rate of costume and shove it up your ass. All right. Sorry. Still

a little upset that my team lost tacking fucking Raiders fans who are about to become the most profitable fucking franchise in the modern NFL era era, the second they go to Las Vegas. They're going to do so well in Las Vegas. This is my prediction that I'm going to say the Rams will eventually move to Reno or Laughlin, Nevada or some shit, right? So anyways, getting to the game that was the ugliest fucking game collectively of team defense I've ever seen in my fucking life. I don't remember seeing a punter the whole game. I haven't looked at the stats, you know, because my team lost. So, you know, you go on fucking radio silence. I'm not going on social media because not one Eagle fan talked to any fucking shit. And I already looked at my feed

last night. So it was like, good fucking dad, all this shit. It's like, where was that before the game when your green knees were fucking shaking? I think there was two puns, no sacks other than I guess that Brady thing if they count that as a sack. Okay. If you told me before the fucking game started, I'll just say because I don't know what happened. I'll say the Eagles punted once and the fucking Patriots punted once. You just told me, all right, you're not going to sack Nick Foles once and the Eagles are only going to punt once and you'll have one turnover. I'd be like, oh boy. Oh, this is going to be ugly. We're going to get the living shit kicked out of us. And I bet if you told Eagle, I mean, what the fuck happened to the Eagles defense?

I thought they were going to kill us. I was like, Jesus, this fucking team looks like those giant teams. So they got that great front four. They got a fucking running game. They're going to fucking make Brady move. And we're going to be frustrated and punting and all of that shit. And then they're going to have the running game chewing up the fucking clock. There was still a great game. And I know there's a bunch of Patriots fans whining about that trick play who, by the way, Chris Collinsworth just couldn't get over that play going. They kept going back to it. This guy here, Chris, who owns iconic play. It's a little history. It's like, you mean the one the Patriots just ran five minutes ago? You see that at least five times a fucking year

in the NFL regular season. It wasn't like this unique trick play. And if you watch college football, you see it about 40 times a year. It's just this standard fucking play. Now, I guess the legal formation is if there's, you need six guys on the line and the Eagles had five, and there was one guy a cunt hair back. So I don't know if you want to say that's a legal formation. I'll tell you this with the defense played yesterday and they, if they actually called that the Eagles would have scored on the next fucking play. All right. It'd be one thing if we were actually stopping them. I would actually look at that and be like, well, wait a minute, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, my buddy said something funny goes, you know, if the Patriots

scored on that and we actually won the game, they would be calling it a formation gate for the next three fucking years, which is hilarious. We probably would have lost a draft pick because of that play, but there's no fucking way on any level. I would ever take that victory away from the Eagles. They, they totally won the fucking game. All right. And this is how bad the defense was. Even on the last play of the fucking game, they still had to give the Eagles fan base a fucking heart attack when they batted the ball all around. I mean, like there was like three Patriots that had a shot at the ball as it was like hanging in the air. Just a really weird, weird fucking game, but I can't say this. I am really happy for, for Eagles fans and the city of

Philadelphia. And I know that I will always be sort of connected to that city as if I fucking hate them. I don't, I never did. It was just, I had a bad show. I was in Philly and I went after this shit that you loved, but I really, the only time I ever really hated a Philadelphia team was when the Celtics and Sixers had that great rivalry. But other than that, you know what I mean? We're in the AFC. You're in the NFC. We were in the Adams division. You were in the Patrick's division. I actually used to like the Flyers back in the 80s because I liked fights and I remember rooting for them. I think they played Edmonton. I forget who they played, but they were going to lose the game. And out of nowhere, Ron Hextal had an absolute shit fit. And for whatever, I've never

seen a goalie do this. Just skated out of the crease and started fighting somebody just completely spasmed out, ran out, skated out, I should say. But after a while, I couldn't become a flyer. I couldn't stay a Flyers fan because they reminded me of how I was living my life. Or it's like, well, this worked fucking 30 years ago. Let me, let me keep trying it every year. You know, they kept trying to beat their way to the cup because it won and because it won him a cup at 74, 75. And then they continued to do it well into the 2000s. So anyways, what else? I made a couple of notes here. I think that was it. I think that was it. Anyways, but this one, it doesn't hurt the way those giants once hurt.

This one is just, this one just kind of sucks. But anyways, congratulations. That's fucking great. So now the Philadelphia Eagles in the last 10 years, the Philadelphia team, the city of Philadelphia has won a World Series and they won a Super Bowl. So now they need the Flyers. It's 76ers to win, which I don't know how the fuck that's going to happen. So anyways, there you go. There's my Super Bowl chatter. Once again, congratulations to the Eagles feds. And you know, Patriots feds, here's, here's the, here's the positive that you can take from it. All right. The team come 100% overachieved this year. All right, not having Edelman the whole year, having Grant concussed and Brandon hooks, cooks, I should say hooks, Brandon cooks,

essentially knocking himself out of the game. I've never seen anybody do something like that. When he peeled back, I literally yelled, what the fuck is he doing? I've never seen a guy peel back with the ball and be looking the wrong way and get himself knocked out of the game. This should have been like Benny Hill music playing. I don't know what the, I think he was so surprised he was that open. He didn't know what to do with, he was like, he had his own public park to himself. Anyways, here's, here's your, as Patriots fans, how you can get past this. Just be happy, you know, every, every time the Patriots win the Super Bowl, you know, when you really think about it, you know, have you ever gotten a ring yourself? You don't get a ring.

All you have to do is now go out and buy a championship t-shirt and get a subscription to Sports Illustrated. So it's nice, you know, to avoid that expense. Anyways, so there you go. And now the worst feeling ever, almost as bad as your team losing the fucking Super Bowl is that football season is officially over. No college, no pro, no Canadian, no nothing. Whatever, you got March Madness coming up, Formula One starts next month or whatever. But anyways, congratulations to the Patriots on a great season. And once again, congratulations to the, your Super Bowl champion, Philadelphia fucking Eagles, man. Who would have ever thought? Now, wait a minute, let's go around the league. So who's left? We all know the Cleveland Browns.

And they certainly didn't take a step towards winning one this year, but you never know. Sure, they got a bunch of draft picks. Let's go around the league. Patriots obviously have one, Giants obviously have one, Jets one, Super Bowl three, Eagles have one, Pittsburgh has one, Ravens have one, Washington has one, Carolina Panthers, 0-2, Tennessee Titans, lost to the Rams in one of the great Super Bowls of all time. All right, and they never won as the Houston Oilers. They did win an AFL title, I believe, the first year. Jackson Dill Jag was never won. So there's three teams that have never won. And the Browns, that's four. Bengals never won, that's five. Lions never won, that's six.

Dolphins have won Tampa Bay's won. Atlanta never won, that's seven. Oh shit, there's still a lot of teams left. New Orleans has won. All right, moving on up. Minnesota never won. Bears have won. Kansas City Chiefs won, Super Bowl four, Cowboys have won, Houston Texans have never won. That's nine, Broncos have won, Arizona Cardinals never won, that's 10. San Diego, Chages never won. Jesus Christ, this is really saying about how many dynasties there's been in football. The Rams never won. Fuck, Raiders have won, 49ers have won, Seattle have won, I probably missed a team or two there. So 12 teams haven't won it. 20 teams have. Well, I guess you know something, when the Patriots, we say the Steelers have won six, Patriots have won five, 49ers won five,

and Cowboys have won five. That's 21 of the 52 Super Bowls right there, spread out against, with just four fucking teams. Giants got four, so that's 24. Packers have four, that's 28. So that's one, like six teams have won 28 of them. Well, I guess that kind of makes sense then. So I guess there's really no shame at this point, you know, having never won a fucking Super Bowl, considering like a lot of those teams I mentioned were expansion teams like the Panthers, Texans, and fucking Jaguars. All right, there you go, another goddamn season out the window, and I have to be honest with you, I am really fearful, you know, with Tom Brady going to be turning 41 here, that it might be a long, long time before we ever get back to another one,

if we don't get back next year, because I'll never forget, you know, everybody talks about Dan Marino, who undeservingly gets all this shit for having never won a Super Bowl. I mean, the game had passed his coach by, he never had a running game, he never had a defense, he still did what he did. Was he supposed to tackle people too and come up with the fucking game plan? The man would literally throw for 6,000 yards a season, if the rules of pass coverage were the way they are. All right, now that guy went to a Super Bowl in his second year, I believe, in 1984, not only did the Dolphins never get back during his career, they've never been back, period, since then, so that was 34 fucking years ago. Dan Marino was 23 years old, he's now 57.

That's how fucking nuts this is, so I'm telling you right now, when Brady and Belichick leave, you know, I'm going to be 50 years old, if we go through what the Dolphins go through, I will be 84 years old, still waiting for them to get back, so I don't take any of this for granted, because there's a lot of people who hate the pages going, I mean, you guys, you must not even be exciting anymore. It's like, no dude, it's fucking unbelievable. I'm trying to enjoy every second of it, because I always think, okay, this is the last time we're getting back. Thank God we won, this is the last time we're getting back, ah, fuck, we lost. This is the last time, oh, we lost again, oh, we won, we won again, now we fucking, I don't know,

I don't know, it's fucking, you know, for all you patriot haters out there, I mean, you're really, Paul Verzi said it best, he goes, it's like you're literally watching something, you're probably never going to fucking see again, that level of dominance, but I do understand, you know, if you love your fucking team and all that shit, but anyways, I, we had, I don't know where we are in the run, we're definitely in the final 10% of it, I don't know if that was the last of it, we shall see, we shall definitely see, but you know, here's the thing, if they never get back again in 34 years, or they do, either way, I'll be sitting there watching, because I have nothing better to do. Deleize, Meme de Gleve.

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yesterday in that Super Bowl. I can't explain. They should have been Benny Hill music playing during that game. Can you give us your breakdown, honey bunch? What happened? Pushing the microphone away. You don't even want to talk about it. You're so devastated. That's because you're spoiled because this Hi. Hi. The Patriots won the Super Bowl every year of your life until this year. That's right. She's one years old. They've already been there twice. Oh, and all she knew was winning. Sorry. Sorry that you had to learn this ugly lesson. Oh my God, if they showed Nick foals wife one more frigging time, I get it. Isn't it unbelievable? I guess I have to say as a redhead, the way blonde people get treated. I swear to God, if she was a brunette, maybe they would have

pan-passed her face to some fat Eagles fan, eating a cheese steak. Are you going to say anything? You just throwing your hands up. Is it weird that I have headphones on and a microphone here? You can't say hi. You say mama. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. She's speechless after that loss, right? There you go. There's the mama. Can you say hi? Can you say hi, buddy? You can wave. Hi. Hey, who played the halftime show yesterday? Justin Timberlake. Oh, it was Justin Timberlake. Oh, shit. I should have watched that. I was pushing her up and down the driveway, having a grand old time. All right. All right. Let's stop trying to show off here. Let me finish my podcast here. All right. Come on. Say bye-bye. They haven't showed a quarterback's wife that much

since Kurt Warners, you know, although she was a brunette. So there goes that theory. All right. This stupid pom-pom hat on. You're in an indoor stadium. All right, Bill. Don't be a bitter douche. All right. I won't. Congratulations to Nick Foles' wife. I was hoping that the Patriots were going to kick the shit out of the Eagles, just so I could have seen the sports headline, you know, and if Nick falls through like three interceptions, they would have said Nick folded, but it didn't happen. All right. Formula one. Let's get to the questions here this week. Oh, no, I got to tell you about my show in Reno. So I want to thank everybody that came out in Reno, even the douche that tried to interrupt my show and have a YouTube

moment. I fucking love that city, man. I had such a great time. I went up there and I worked with my buddy, Rick DeLea, who we started out together way back in Boston in 1992. I think he maybe started like a month before. We were trying to figure out who started before, but I always remembered seeing him and, you know, seeing a friend, you know, Jesus Christ. I've known him for 26 years. I've actually known him longer than the age we were at when we met each other. So it was, you know, just all the stories were coming out. And when he brought me up, he actually made a reference to this fucking hell gig that we did. Nick's Comedy Stop, where I started, they, I remember that was such a big deal to work at that comedy club. It was just a legendary

place. It was the house that, you know, Steve Sweeney and Don Gavin and all those guys built. And we were both, you know, no name comics, just past being open. Micers had started hosting in, like, you know, outside rooms, like Dictority rooms and all of that. And Rita from Nick's called us up to do a private gig for Nick's Comedy Stop. And I couldn't believe it. I was like, oh my God, things are finally starting to happen. And, you know, me and Delia found out, you know, we were working with each other, which should have been a red flag right there. Going like, they called you too. Oh my God. They believe in us, right? That should have been a fucking red flag right there, because both of us should have been opening for somebody who knew what the fuck

they were doing. But instead, we show up, it was the Fisherman's Feast in the north end of Boston, which is the Italian section, or at least it was back in the day. I don't know what goes on there now. Everything, the prices, they just driven every, any sort of like culture has been removed, which is why I like going to be so-called BC and D level cities, because there's still that unique vibe there. You'll go there and see stuff that you don't see in every other fucking city, you know, the same 10 fucking corporate chains and whatever. Everybody walking around with their Instagram look on their face, you know? So anyways, we show up to this gig, it's outside, literally in the fucking streets. Did I tell this story last week? I can't remember. And there was like a fucking band on

stage. And all the Italians are sitting there singing, and you really just see that feel this great sense of family, tradition and culture. And now you got these two pasty faced, you know, at least Rick was half Italian, you know, I'm fucking German, Irish, just standing there with my fucking fire engine red hair. So Delia goes on, nobody has any idea what's like, this fucking guy's like, now we got a little comedy, people like, what the fuck is this guy talking about? And then Delia goes on stage, trying to smile through probably the biggest panic of his life. And I remember wanting to laugh at him, but I couldn't because I knew I had to go on next. So whatever he was feeling, I was about to feel, but at least, and for me, it was going to

be worse. Because at least before he went on stage, he had fucking hope, like, well, maybe this will be good. But when I saw Rico on stage, I had confirmation that this was not going to be good. I just remember him just fucking interrupting this great fucking party, which is so many of the early stand up gigs, you know, just interrupting something that everyone was totally enjoying, and they really don't need you. And then they don't know that you're coming up there, and then you go up there, and they're like, what the fuck is this? All I remember was when I went on stage, bombing and just looking up and seeing all these old Italian ladies like hanging out the window, just looking down at us like, like, what the fuck is this? And just afterwards, I forget, we

probably walked out of there. There's no subway stop. We walked over to our cars. I don't even remember. Anyway, it was great to work with him. But I was in the middle of my set having a great time. And I do this bit where I make fun of the troops a little bit, you know what I mean? And it's not even, you know, it's not even fucking remotely. It's like a fucking hilarious bit. The first time I did it, I did it at a VFW to make sure that, you know, the way I was doing it, I did it in front of the troops, they were all fucking dying laugh. And I mean, those guys they that lost their legs over there and shit, and they were still laughing, they love the fucking bit. So I do the bit there, you know, and I've moved on from the bit. And at this point, I'm

making fun of ISIS. And all of a sudden, this guy walks all the way up from the back of the room. And fortunately, the chairs were like, where he couldn't get all the way up to the front. He starts yelling at me pointing at the stage going, huh, show some fucking respect. That's what he started seeing. I'm trying to have his fucking YouTube moment. You know what I mean? And I was like, what, show some respect for what he's like the military. He's doing one of those fucking things. Like, yeah, I love other military is just so fucking off limits now that were supposed to do it. You just have to constantly be blowing the fucking military that you can't even make fun of somebody in the Navy who all he does is swap

the fucking decks. And it's getting a standing ovation walking through the fucking airport. I've done that fucking bit in front of so many troops, they've all found it funny. This fucking, you know, this fat fuck. Oh my God, I went off on that guy. Show some, why don't you show some fucking respect and lose some weight, your fat cunt, for your fellow American for every time you get the middle seat on a flight and your fat fucking mantis spill into the other. I'm so fucking sick. I'm so fucking sick of everybody being so goddamn fucking offended at comedy shows and just making the whole moment about themselves. You fucking mouth, breathe and chimp. Jesus fucking Christ. If you can't fucking

see through the fucking, whatever that fucking expression is, see the forest through the fucking trees with all of this shit. I just can't fucking help you. And considering all the shit that I had said up until that point, I didn't show any remote respect for anything, every fucking subject. That's what kills me. I blamed women for sexual harassment. That's how I started my fucking show. Where was the rest? Where were the fuck was he during that one? Fat fucking cunt. Oh my God, I was so mad at that guy. I hated that security escorted him out. I appreciated that they did that thinking that I wanted to it. I wanted to talk to that guy for the rest of the fucking show, walks all the

fuck way up. You know, he was waiting for his Oprah round of applause. When I told him to go fuck himself, everybody left. I can't believe that, you know, that's the classic thing at like a comedy show that usually ends up on the fucking internet. You know what I mean? That self-righteous fucking douchebag. You know what I mean? Where everything else that I said up to that point was so fucking ridiculous and absurd. And then that's the one that you're going to take fucking seriously. Like what kind of a fucking moron? That's what I'm saying to this guy. It's like, do you really think I'm anti my own country? You dumb fuck. When you guys come out to my show, when you see the bit, okay, it's so fucking pedestrian. It's ridiculous. I want to even

know when I did the fucking bit at the VFW, the troops came up to me and said, can't we say that to each other? But this fucking guy had to fucking, you know, take his hair out of his ponytail, toss it around and come and have his big fucking head rolling moment. Fucking kill yourself. I hope you fucking have a heart attack, you fat fucking cunt. You know what it was? Was if he didn't like the bit, then heckle me. The fact that he came up there and he's like pointing at me, yelling at me like I'm his kid, and he's my fucking dad. Anyways, anyways, let me just fucking plow. Other than that, the gig in Reno was fucking awesome. And I gotta be telling you that that was actually

more upsetting to me than watching my team fucking lose the Super Bowl. All right. Anyways, here we let's get into the questions here for this week. Formula one. Oh, by the way, Oh, Billy's getting in. It's continuing with his getting in fucking great shape, man. My goal is, you know, turn 50 in June, you know, through years of doing stand-up comedy and trying to get a positive out of a negative five people showed up. What do I do here? Do I give into the fact that there's five people? Or do I make those five people which they brought another 50? You know what I mean? When you're fucking, I don't know, when you're in this fucking business, the greatest thing about this business, unless you knew somebody when you got into it,

most people get into it and they don't know anybody and they have no idea what to do. And they're standing out in the street in broad daylight in the Italian section of Boston eating your red dick. I mean, if you don't figure out a positive mindset, you're really not gonna, you're not gonna fucking, you're not gonna survive. So I'm turning 50, which I used to think was going to be devastating. I'm actually really excited to try to get myself in the best shape I've been in in about 20 years. So I'm trying to get down to my, basically the weight I was at when, in the shape I was in when I started. Now, I'm obviously gonna fall short because no matter what I do, I'm still fucking about 30 years older. But that's

not what it's about. It's about going for it and I'll still, you know, so anyways, I have a weight that I want to get into by fucking shoulder. The rotator cut feels great. And I finally have been able to get a regimen between all the information that I've gotten over the last year. And I've put together a program that is really fucking working for me. And I have to tell you, you know what I did the other day, other than taking my beautiful daughter to the park on the swing, which I think I'm going to do again today. It's my favorite thing ever is she was on the swing. And I was able, you know, once I got the swing going, because I can finally lift my right arm over my head, I've been able to take my shirt off with both, I've had to take it off my left hand. I've been

able to take my shirt off with both hands in like over a year and a half, which has really fucked up my closing bit, everybody, you know, because I really try to get sexy in the end, you know, I was actually able to reach up and hold on to like the bar above the swing. And I made sure I didn't put any weight on the arm. All the weight was obviously my feet were still on the ground. And I just gave it a little bit of a fucking stretch and it was just this tightness, but not pain. Because what happens I found anybody else going through this shit is when you have an injury like that, you get into this protective like the way you hold yourself. And it's fucking crazy, man, like having not put my hand

above my head for over a year, like I can't physically do it anymore, because those tendons don't get stretched and all this fucking shit just, I don't know, grows over or whatever, they just, it's weird. It feels like it doesn't feel like pain. It's like there's a doorstop and I just or a governor, I just can't go any further. So after doing all these other exercises, I end with that. It feels tremendous. It was funny. I was doing that while watching the Super Bowl and one of these other Patriots fans was laughing at me like, dude, you're really getting into this game. And I was like, no, no, sorry, man, I'm just fucking working out my shoulder. So anyways, I hope that helps anybody out that that has that that issue.

So I will actually be able to work out. But the great thing is I've discovered bands working out with bands, you know, in a doorjam and all that, which is really going to help me on the road. And I think I'm done with the weightlifting for a long time. That's kind of what got me into this years of weightlifting and not doing enough back exercises. And the front part of my body was way stronger than the back and it pulled my shoulders forward and one of them came up. And then I, you know, was bench pressing and just the bones. I don't know that the rotator cuff tendon just rubbed on it and got inflamed. And then I was just fucked. And it's really something that if I if I if it ever happens again, I'll be able to get out of it

in like, you know, six to eight weeks. But I just didn't know what to do. I thought, ah, this will work itself out. And then they just became all fucking glued up. So anyways, if you haven't gone through anything just remotely physical like that to finally just be able to fucking take your shirt off or brush your teeth, you know what I mean? Or put the shaving cream on my head when I go to shave my head. I always had to put it in the left hand, you know, I'm fucking messed. All right, here we go. Formula one, everybody. Hey there, Billy, the red face cunt. I've been a long time listener for about 10 years now. And the podcast has always been a great break from the drudgery of everyday life, especially back in my university, the university days. Okay, I'm done blowing you

now. Anyways, my grandfather, father and I are all car lovers. That's great. I remember falling Formula one closely as a kid when Jacques Villeneuve and Michael Schumacher back in 1997. I'm so pissed I missed that because everybody tells me I missed the great days of Formula one. Listening to you get into Formula one had me thinking of getting back into it myself. With that in mind, I decided to buy myself an early birthday present and bought tickets for the Spanish Grand Prix in Barcelona for this upcoming season for my old man and I do that's the shit. I'm trying to go to two races a year. So I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do. It's either going to be Mexico City in Brazil. Or if I do some tour dates over in Europe, I'll just

bookend them with a race. We shall see. Obviously, Mexico City is deceivingly far away from LA. Like I always picture that it's just south of Los Angeles, because you just go south and you're in fucking Tijuana. Let me look that up. Where the fuck is it? Ah, you know what? I got to hold the microphone here. Can I can I do this? Do I have this ability? Here we go. North America. I see a map. Here we go. Come on. Come on, slow internet. All right, clicking on it. Oh, yeah, it's like south of like fucking Houston or New Mexico or something like that, right? All right, where do we go? There's Australia with a fuck am I? All right, zooming in. I really should have hit pause. Oh, yeah, Mexico City is like south of San Antonio.

So it's like flying all the way to San Antonio. It's like basically flying all the way across and then all the way south again for almost the same distance. It's probably, yeah, the equivalent of flying to like Tampa or something like that. But then Brazil, if I go to Brazil, I mean, that's all the way you always I used to think that when New York where my buddies used to go to Brazil that they were flying due south and that due south actually would get you into like Peru or the western side of South America. I would love to go down there too. Yeah, maybe I'll do that. And then I would actually be done with all the races on this side of the world. Who knows? That's such a cool thing that you're doing doing that with your dad

though. Anyways, plowing ahead. I know you like the Air India team. I also like the Williams-Martini team. I just like their colors. And I don't want to pick a perennial powerhouse like Mercedes or Ferrari. So my question is, which team racer did you enjoy watching most? My father and I are going to pick a team to root for during the upcoming season to make our father's son weekend a little more fun. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Who did I like? I actually, Daniel Ricardo is probably, you know, the closest to Lewis Hamilton. And I would also say I really liked, jeez, I'm so new to the sport. And I haven't thought of the name that that guy. Oh, I know in his teammate there, his teammate was a fucking maniac. Hold on a second. I got to

make sure nobody switched out of the team. Let's see Red Bull racing team that kid was like 20 years old. Drivers. Here we go. Unless he switched teams. Max Verstappen was really fun to watch. I would say out of the young drivers, he's probably the best. I don't know if he's still on the team. These guys seem to jump around like free agents. And then it's all about getting on the Ferrari or the Mercedes team, which, you know, two seasons in is getting a little boring. So I would like to see somebody else win, you know. So Max Verstappen, I guess that's what I would say. That's such a great thing to do. I've never been to Spain. That's amazing. I am going to be doing a gig. I believe to celebrate

my 50th birthday. I believe it's coming together over in Europe. I'm going to go, I think I might be doing a gig somewhere in England. And then I'll be with my lovely wife and beautiful daughter. And maybe we're going to go to France again. I'll try to polish up in some of my French. But if there's any races over there, you know what, you've inspired me. I want to talk to my, the guy who books me today. And I'll be like, we got to, we got to figure out, you know, what formula one race is going on over there. Because I got to add that 50th birthday and go to formula one race over in Europe, man, that would be sick. All right, more formula one shit, formula one grid girls. Hey, William Wallace, big fan from Glasgow, Scotland. Formula one just

announced that they're getting rid of the grid girls because they feel this custom does not resonate with our brand values. And clearly is it odd with the modern day social societal norms? Same thing has happened with the darts. And it's looking likely for boxing and UFC in the future. Are these probably are these probably ugly feminists doing nice looking girls out of a job? Or are they doing the right thing? All right, I don't know what the fuck I kind of know what you're trying to say. What are your thoughts? Cheers and go fuck yourself, you cunt. Yeah, that's just all, you know, lip service, no pun intended, it's just bullshit. You know what I mean? And, you know, I think it's all bullshit. Here's the deal to say this custom does not resonate.

To say it's clearly is it odd with modern day social norms? It isn't. It's 100% at odds with with the public horseshit political correctness, which all political correctness really is is being phony. You know what I mean? It's just just denying what you're really feeling, denying what you really want to say, denying what you're really fucking thinking. That's why comedians seem so fucking outrageous. They always say, Oh, you're saying the things that people think, but afraid to say, they're not afraid to say it. They say it in their cars, they say it with their friends, they say it at home. You know, I'm not, I'm not talking about being a racist fucking moron. All right. They're basically trying to say that men do not enjoy looking at beautiful women.

This is against the societal norm that people do not gravitate towards beauty, both male and female. Like if you're a good looking guy, you're not going to have your pick of the litter when it comes to women and vice versa. Like if you're a beautiful woman that you're not going to have to fucking, you know what I mean? I mean, you can look at it like a negative way. I always thought that because it was outside of this country that I always thought that they had a better way of presenting beautiful women that it wasn't just like that Hooters vibe that we have here, like to stick my dick between those knockers, you know, the ugly way that we fucking do everything over here, you know, I just, I think what that is, is they probably got enough crap from these women's

groups and they just don't need the headache. So, and I also feel that a lot of, you know, when they say the, you know, you're exploiting women and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think there's a lot of truth in that. I don't think it's that way with this. I think that's, that's, you know, what are they doing? What exactly are they doing? Are they fucking, you know, twerking and all that shit? It's just a beautiful woman walking around with a ring card. That's it. You know, getting attention in a very safe fucking way. I mean, what is the fucking problem? You know, and I do know that, you know, the way guys can't handle a good looking guy who's fucking jacked out at the end of the bar, you know, a better looking guy with a fucking pussy.

Yeah, come on, go fight him. You know, women do the same thing with a better looking woman that comes walking into the bar. They fucking hate him. That's, that's it. So I think it's pretty fucking childish. However, formula one is on ESPN and, you know, ESPN used to be great, but now they kind of ruin everything. So I'm going to blame them. They are, they obviously were too fucking stupid to keep Will Buxton, who was, was phenomenal at his job. I don't know. So yeah, I think that's all. The whole thing is, is fucking dumb. And eventually there's going to be a backlash. God forbid there's a beautiful woman walking around on stage. God for fucking bid and guys are like excited by it. Like, you know, fucking whistling a little bit.

Who gives a fucking, who cares? You know what I mean? Well, this is my problem with feminism is that all the corrections are made for them, which is really kind of putting it out there as if that women don't need to adjust their fucking behavior in any ways when it comes to men. You know, and feminists get to speak in these unbelievable, like broad, no pun intended, blanket fucking statements, but guys cannot. You know what I mean? I'll speak in some blanket fucking terms for men. Hey, how about you earn your own fucking money? How about you buy around every once in a while? How about when you go through a fucking divorce, you try to do something fair and try instead of trying to take every fucking last dime you possibly can, you greedy cunts.

All right, we're moving on to the next one. No, they don't need to adjust that at all. They don't need to adjust any of their fucking behavior whatsoever. They don't do anything wrong whatsoever. I tell you right now, if women died that much sooner than men, you don't think that there would be a study. You don't think that there would be a fucking ribbon. You don't think some way that they would blame men on some level that women die that much earlier than men if it was that fucking way. I don't know. I think that that's why guys are so funny is because nobody gives a shit about us. They really don't. You know what I mean? They just don't. Anything that happens to a guy is, ah, dude, yeah, but so and so, I hate to be here sucks to be here, right?

That's it. That's the level of support we have for one another. All right, deported father, dear Billy justice. Two and a half years ago, my father was deported to Mexico. He had been in the US since 1978, since he was 13. My family struggled without him financially and emotionally. It's been very rough. I must have been brutal. He's healthy and not dead, but he can't be with us. Yeah, that's gotta go. Man, that's fucking brutal. It's been very frustrating and words can't describe it. I'm getting married in a few weeks and he wasn't able to be at the wedding. Every day I see people criticize Trump and can agree with their reasons for doing so, but my father was deported under Obama. My family knows three other people who were also deported

under Obama. My white friends think they're good people because they liked Obama, but never looked to see what was happening. They didn't care then, but they care now. It makes me feel very mad because it feels insincere and lazy as a white man who seems fairly progressive. Can you tell me why this is? What would you suggest I say to them? It's an emotional thing for me. So it's hard to choose the right words. Congrats on your child. I have two nieces and it's really the greatest thing to watch them grow. Thank you. What can you say to them? Oh, it depends on how open-minded they are. People who are really into politics, which means they 100% watch CNN or Fox News all fucking day as if they're getting some sort of fair and unbiased news feed. You really can't

say anything to either one of them. I mean, they're a lot like sports fans where I try to see, you know, I try to the best I can to see both. Like I can legitimately be happy for Eagles fans. You know what I mean? I can legitimately look at fucking Derek Jeter and say that guy's fucking great and I can set aside my hatred of the Yankees or my wanting for my team to beat the Eagles yesterday. But you know, it took me a long time to get there. So I don't know. I mean, knowing the way I was wired, I would just walk right up to him. You know, just so you know, you're fucking angel there Obama, you know, who for some reason gets no shit whatsoever. I mean, it probably doesn't hurt that he went that his presidency was between two of the fucking

two of the biggest fucking dipshits I've ever seen is fucking I say dipshits. I haven't said that because I'm trying to think over the fucking word. I could say it and not be too fucking offensive and think that I'm a fucking lefty here 100%, which you know, most of the times I am, but I mean, went after that. And then this guy who fucking tweets all the time. And then before that, you had a guy shoving cigars in his fucking people's twats. I mean, I'll tell you, it's been really rough since the first George push, who actually had the, you know, when we pushed Saddam out of Kuwait, didn't go into fucking Iraq. And we was strong enough to push back against the fucking corporations say, Hey, look, this is not what we were doing

over here. We accomplished our mission and we're going home. That's it. You know, so it's been a long fucking time. So I think that there's a, uh, there's a thing with Obama, at least he wasn't Bush or Trump, uh, kind of thing. So they people have a hard time seeing them. And I think he gets handled with kids gloves in the media. You know what I mean? They, they, you know, every image of him, he's like kayaking or fucking playing highlight and all of this shit. Like the joke I was doing in my act, it looks like an erectile dysfunction ad. And they're really kind of ignoring that that guy for all the hope that he said and everything. And I know that that job is, you know, I don't know, like literally know, but I understand that it's an incredibly difficult

job. And they always say, if you can get one thing done, which he did, he did get Obamacare through. So I guess it was, uh, an achievement, but I have to tell you, as someone who does lean left to watch him go on tour now with $70 million of tour dates to go talk to a bunch of fucking bankers and corporations, you know, and all of that. And, and just, I don't know, it just, it's as far as the way I read that, that's just those corporations washing their bribe money. Like we got you in office, you did what we wanted you to do. Now come talk to us for an hour and we'll give you a nice six figure paycheck and we'll all do it. And then you can be worth over a hundred million dollars, like the Clintons, like the Bushes and all like it's so fucked up that

none of them get called out on that. It's like the Bushes, the Clintons, the Obamas, it's like, you guys dedicated your life to public service. And the presidency is the highest paying job, which now is like a half a million dollars a year. If you do two terms, you're going to gross tops, you're going, what is that 500 times fucking eight? What is that? That's four million bucks. And somehow they, they, they all, they're buying giant houses and they all end up being worth nine figures. And everybody just looks the other fucking way. I don't know. So maybe it maybe there's someone within your group that is understanding enough and can see both sides of that. You know, like if I said what I just said about Obama to a Trump person,

they would be like, they would be going fucking bananas. But then if I even remotely suggested that Trump seemed a little emotionally unstable and that it's, he's really doing the country a disservice to be tweeting and arguing with people on social media, like a seventh grade girl, I don't even fucking respond to people on Twitter when it comes to, occasionally I do, but this is supposed to be the leader of the free world, trying to get a Trump supporter to admit to how pathetic and embarrassing that is. I mean, that's just kind of the world that we're in right now. But maybe one of those Obama supporters, maybe you could, you know, I don't know. But then also we live in such a fucked up world. I'm going to believe that you're actually Mexican and you

wrote this and that you're not some white person that wrote this shit because they hate Obama. I have no fucking idea. You never know. There's no way for me to vet. So if what you just said was true, that is horrific. And I understand what you're saying about Obama, because, you know, I think the best thing he had was he could deliver a speech better than Bush or Trump. But at the end of the day, I even know the, you know, the needle kind of leaned more left when he was in office, the ship stayed on course, if you know what I'm saying. Now when I'm right now, I want that guy from Reno to come walking into my fucking room here. All right, boyfriend's best friend. Dear Billy boy, lady here. Uh oh, here comes some red shoe diary shit. I have been seeing

slash dating my best friend for almost a year now and we love listening to your podcast together. It's almost it's absolute. It's going absolutely fucking wonderful except for one thing. Oh, oh, this went in a completely different direction. I thought you would say you wanted to bang your fucking boyfriend's best friend. All right. Okay. It's going absolutely fucking wonderful except for one thing. His best friend sends him pictures of naked slash slash half naked girls from Instagram to him. We recently became long distance. So I'm not sure of the frequency still, but before I moved away, he did it almost daily. My issue is one, his best friend, girlfriend's complained to me about it instead of taking it up with him. And I tell her to just talk to him.

Wait, wait, wait. There's too many fucking pronouns in here. I don't know who the fuck you're talking about. Oh, his best friend's girlfriend. So the girlfriend of the guy sending the pictures complains to me about it instead of taking it up with him. And I tell her to just talk to him. And number two, it's actually hard to take that advice because I don't want him to think I'm trying to control his life. Some of these pictures are actually girls that they know and not just pictures from the chive or the coat of man. I don't even know what that is. My question is, do I have the right to be heard about this? Well, are you heard about this? Yes, I'm going to say yes. Are you a free person? Yes, as much as they'll let you be. So I would

say yes, you do. If so, how do I bring this up to him? I've lost over 30 pounds over the course of us seeing one another and frankly thought it would stop, but it hasn't. That's not why I lost the weight, by the way, did it for myself. Okay, well, that was weird. I thought all of a sudden you were stressing out or thanks for the advice and kind of go fuck yourself. Well, that's great. First of all, you got yourself in great shape. You know, who's giving you a standing ovation right now. You're fucking vitals. All your major organs are loving you as we live in a world now where everybody's a hero, including overweight people. You know what I mean? I'm telling you right now, if your vitals were standing in an airport, you got off a plane, they would not be giving you a

fucking round of applause. Saying in shape is the greatest fucking thing you could ever do for yourself and you fucking deserve it. All right, and fucking stop playing the victim and do something about it and admit to the fact that you're the one with the hand shoving that fucking cupcake down your fucking throat. Sorry, I'm getting off track here. I would actually absolutely bring it up to him. That's completely fucked up. If that bothers you, you should say something. And that other guy sending the photos is being completely disrespectful to you and your boyfriend. You know, he's happy in a relationship. Why the fuck is he doing this shit? Maybe he's jealous. Maybe he's a moron. I have no idea. I would absolutely bring it up to him

and just say it the way you said it. Like, you know, this is something that's bothered me for a long time. This is so weird. I actually think if you don't get emotional, if you don't like cry and do the woman thing, which literally freaks most guys out, or maybe I'm superimposing most guys with the way I feel, like when a woman starts crying, I just start thinking, oh, Jesus Christ, here we go. Now, how do I argue my side now when you as an adult are actually crying about this right now? And I'm a pushover. Okay, because anytime my daughter cries, that's it, I'm done. And my wife just rolls, rolls her eyes at me just like she's not even crying. She's whining, Bill. I'm like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I just matter of factly just say,

oh, you know, that really hurts me. And but I didn't want to bring it up to you because I didn't want to seem like a nag, but I'm just letting you know that that really bothers me. And I don't think it's right. And just imagine if we turn the tables and one of my girlfriends was sending me pictures of guys with their dicks out every day, like how would that make you feel? Okay, I'm not saying you have to stop doing it. I'm just telling you that it bothers me, just put it on that and let him make the fucking decision, rather than comment, because I can say it, tell you as a typical fucking guy, if you come out, I need to talk to you. All the guys thinking is like, Oh my God, Oh my God, how the fuck?

I mean, I understand that women are more emotional, but when you fucking do that, in a lot of ways, it's not fair to the guy because there's no way you can argue with another adult that is literally breaking down crying. Okay, I've been in relationships and I've seen women crying, you know, talking to me about something to this level crying. And I'm thinking in my head like, I haven't seen people crying like this at a funeral. So it really takes away your ability to argue your side if you have a side and that causes resentment. You know, not to mention the fact that women can cry on cue, I swear to God, I feel like some of the time it's a manipulation tactics. But if you were able to just say it and just say, I don't want to be a nag and I'm not

saying that he has to stop doing it. I'm just letting you know that it really bothers me. And then if it was going the other way, and I was getting dick pics sent to me every day, I don't think that you'd be too thrilled. And then just let him deal with that. And then be like, I'm not going to say anything else about it. I'm just letting you know. All right. And then let him fucking deal with it and see what he does. That would be my advice. All right, girlfriend has higher sex drive than me. All right, dear Billy fuck nuts. That reminds me of that classic Louis CK joke. Do you remember that time when he was dating the nymphomaniac? And she kept going, let's do it again. Let's do it

again. And it goes and she was really just backing into me. And it really fucking hurt. And I wanted to say, Hey, can you stop banging back into me before you rip my dick off? You fucking psycho. But instead I said, Hey, take it easy. All right, girlfriend has higher sex drive than me. All right, dear Billy fuck nuts. I started dating an old girlfriend from high school after 10 years of being apart. Oh, like when Harry met Sally, right? I'm now 26 and she's 27. We've been going steady for about seven months. I love you said we're going steady. This guy's like an old soul. And everything has been great up until around Christmas where the problem began to give you some background. I worked from seven in the morning. She doesn't go to work until five in

the afternoon and gets out at one. Oh, you go to work at seven in the morning. You didn't tell me when you stopped them. She doesn't drive. So I have to pick her up every night. The only day we have off together is every other Saturday. By the time we get back to my place, I'm completely exhausted and pretty much falling asleep while she's wide awake and usually wants to have sex. Recently, my sex drive has plummeted. Yeah, if you're not getting any sleep, it's gonna. And I can tell you that having a kid now. That's totally true. The sex in your relationship, it just takes such a backseat. Your kid goes to sleep and it's like, hey, we could hook up or we could get like 50 minutes to sleep and sleep at that point. It's like gold.

Anyways, recently my sex drive has plummeted not because I don't find her attractive or because I don't care about her, but I'm just drained of energy after working 50 hours a week with maybe four hours of sleep every night. And after about five months of sex every other night, it starts to feel like a chore. Sometimes I've been turning her down lately. This has caused a lot of arguments and fights in the past two months. That's probably because she doesn't know why. You know, guys, you know, generally speaking are horn dogs and any, you know, you could be in the middle of fucking having chemo and your girl be, hey, you are fucking doing, you know, banging her while you stand up with that fucking drip in your arm. I feel like she doesn't respect my

desire to get some rest and I've suggested sex in the morning. But at that point, she's already pissed at me. All right, well, if you communicated it and she's still not willing to work with you, then she's kind of being immature here. She seems to think I don't care about her and that when I try to suggest maybe sex a certain amount a week, like three or four, she gets mad at me and that she always wants to have to initiate it. I've been trying to be more consistent with being sexually available and more affectionately like visiting her on lunch break and getting her small glyphs like flowers to show that I care. But the problem is still here. Yeah, because this is all you're not communicating. When we do actually have sex sometimes, it's just boring for me because I'm

not in the mood or really don't have the energy to do anything but lay there. I really love this girl and don't want to lose her due to something like this. Do you have any advice for my problem? And when we come back, you bald ginger ball bag, I would say this, you guys need to sit down and have a talk and just say just say everything you just said to me. This is the problem with most relationships is people in it say the things that they should be saying to each other to other people and then they expect the other person to be a mind reader. She has no idea that, you know, how tired you are. Just tell her and just tell her that you love her and that you're afraid that you're going to lose her and all of that type of stuff. And just say the reason why I'm doing it

not been in the mood is not because you it's because I'm fucking exhausted. I'm like a zombie. I'm getting four hours of sleep and and just tell her that it hurts you that you're hurting her. So I really needed to clear the air and just sit down and clear the fucking air. All right. That's what the fuck I would do. Okay, that's the podcast. Once again, congratulations to your Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles. Like I said, you know, I hope you guys know all these, you know, I had one bad fucking show in Philly and everybody thinks I hate the fucking city. I actually love the city other than the fact you have 58 one ways going to the left before there's one going to the right and then another 58 going left and then 60 going right after that. It makes

no fucking sense other than that. Yeah, I really don't have a beef with you. And a lot of times, you know, I wish that show happened in North Carolina, because I would have just stood on stage making fun of them for losing the Civil War. And the fucking Charlotte bobcats and hornets and all I just make fun of all that losing their fucking team and all of that. That's what I would have done. I just happened to be I was actually in New Jersey. That's the funny thing about all of it. All right, that's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. I will check in on you on Thursday. All right, see you.