Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-5-24

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

Bill rambles about his fast food dreams, Escape from New York, and losing to the market. ZipRecruiter:  Try Zip Recruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Stamps.com:  Sign up with promo code BURR for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale.  www.stamps.com 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday. Yeah. February 24th, 2024. What are you going to do today? This is the only February 5th, 2024 you're ever going to get. What are you going to do to make it special? I want to start doing some Instagram shit where I just fucking sit there and act like I know a bunch of shit. Fucking ladies sitting there going like, you know, 70% of divorces over the age of 40 are initiated by women. And you know, what happens over 40?

Their hormones go crazy. It's like, who the fuck are you? What credentials do you have? Are you still married? Does your husband like you? When his friends bring up hey house house house Sarah doing does he kind of give him the look Does he shake his head? Does he smile warmly? Who the fuck are you like all of these fucking Instagram thing all these fucking cooking videos and all that like oh my god

This is the last poached egg recipe. You're ever gonna need You're doing this exercise and now your back is cured. I don't think I'm looking at the video with your dumb sound effects. And then all these fucking guys, all these gas combustion fucking guys who can't just drive a gas combustion engine, they gotta sit there and trash electric cars and they're all afraid of them. You know I love about the fucking right. I love how they always act like they're these tough people that you can't fucking hurt. And like they're in their feelings just as much as liberals.

You know fuck your feelings. It's like what about your feelings? Hey do you really need that machine gun? Oh yeah you can't take my guns. Where? This is my favorite thing about these fucking dumb gun owners. Which I have no problem with somebody owning a gun. I think it's a smart thing to do, right?

But these fucking people, when they sit there, I have a gun collection to protect myself from a tyrannical government. It's like, well, what the fuck are you waiting for? What do you wait? What, what do they have to fucking do before you're going to protect yourself? What more could they have taken? It's just like the level of fucking greed, the disappearance of the fucking middle class,

they can record all your conversations and listen to them, the amount of rights you've lost, sense of fucking 9-11, taxes, inflation, all of this shit. One corporation buying up all the fucking houses and they're like, not yet! They ain't tyrannical yet! It's just like, I don't think that's why they have their guns. I think a lot of these people who act like they're paying attention to the government are really not doing it. They're just making sure a

group of people that are not the same color of them, if they come up the street, they can mow them down. I think that that's what they mean. Oh, Bill Burke coming in hot, baby. What else am I gonna do? This is the experimental Sunday before the Super Bowl. It kind of lets you know what it's gonna be like until the end of August with no football. Just goes by so quick every goddamn year. Anyway, I don't know what the line is, but I'm telling you, bury the fucking Chiefs.

Chiefs don't lose, they just don't know what the line is, but I'm telling you, bury the fucking chiefs. Chiefs don't lose. They just don't. Patrick Mahomes, Brock Purdy. I mean, they're not even in the same fucking conversation. The amount of help Brock Purdy is going to need from the rest of his fucking team. Look at Patrick Mahomes. You saw him the other day without a shirt off. He has that little fucking, I eat donuts, belly, and people are giving him shit about it. I'm gonna tell you right now, that's what quarterbacks look like in the 1970s. Nobody had a washboard middle. They was smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, and having a fucking Danish.

There was a few jacked people, but there was a lot of fucking fatties. I'll tell you who was jacked in the NFL in his whole life. The late great Kyle Weathers. Have to give a shout out to him. The passing of an absolute legend. Legend. Transcending show business. The fact that that guy made you know, made it in two completely different

areas. He made it to the NFL, became a pro football player, played for the Oakland Raiders, and his career ends, and he goes to Hollywood and becomes one of the biggest stars they ever had and one of the biggest franchises ever. You know, there's a lot of people that try to go from sports into being like a movie star. And I'm trying to think of somebody else who did it. Maybe the rock, I guess, you'd say sports entertainment, wrestling or whatever,

but I'm trying to think of a football or a baseball player. Oh, maybe the rifleman. I'm trying to think of a football or a baseball player. Oh, maybe the rifleman. The rifleman was a, uh, was a pitcher, I believe, in Major League Baseball. All right, I'm babbling. Anyway, rest in peace to him. Thank you so much for the incredible movies, the unbelievable work. Um, I mean, he was one of those guys.

You just saw him in a movie in the 80s and like you went from the movie theater to the gym It was just inspiring Um Anyway, I'll tell you what wasn't inspiring The other night, you know a lot of people, you know when I tell them where I'm from And I tell them, you know, I watch sports and everything they say, hey, you're Celtics You Celtics are going to the finals like it's a done fucking deal. And as I've said forever, the regular season is the regular season.

The playoffs is something completely different. And I saw something that did not give me a lot of faith in this team. The Boston Celtics are at home playing the Los Angeles Lakers. All right, first things first, LeBron James and Anthony Davis aren't playing, which is fucking ridiculous to me. Cause back in the day, magic and Kareem

would have to be missing a limb to not play in that game. Not only are they not playing, they're hanging at the end of the bench. They're cracking jokes laughing and shit I'm just fucking joking around and shit. It's like you look good enough to play to me You should be laying there in fucking agony if you're not playing in this fucking game. So then I played in the game They're two biggest stars So now it's like, you know, I don't know what it's like the summer league Lakers versus the Boston Celtics, all of our guys Tatum, Holiday, everybody, you know, Jalen Brown, everybody's playing

Przinga, Przinga's everybody's fucking playing and we come out flat. Like it's all their big guys aren't playing. Bum bum-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba there, Lakers are 500, you know they're gonna make a bunch of moves, they're playing for a spot on the team, they came out and just kicked our fucking ass the whole game. They were up by 15, close to 20 at one point, and then the end of the game they went by like fucking nine. That is not a good sign. In order to win a championship you have to have a killer fucking instinct Michael Jordan would have taken it personally that LeBron and ad weren't gonna play and he would have gone out there and scored like fucking at least 40 He wouldn't be like oh, they're not playing the It's kind of hard to get up for this game. I just think that like to get up for this game. I just think that hopefully our coach said something like that

and that loss is used as a catalyst to get their fucking heads right because that was just a needless pathetic fucking loss. I don't like that, what that says about us. We should have got up for that. Remember that year with the 96 bulls? We're fucking Jordan just came up with that thing, said the third quarter is ours. And most of the time they would be up at the half,

but they would come out in the third quarter and just kill any sort of idea, dream, hope or will that you had to win that fucking game. And they were doing that in the regular season. And I don't know. I'm not saying, you know, you know, who the fuck knows what's going to happen. But that was not a good, that was not a good sign. That was a,

that was an embarrassing, embarrassing loss. And congratulations to those Lakers players that went out there and treated it like a fucking game. Having said that, I've been watching Paul Verzi's nicks. And for the first time since I've known Paul Verzi's nicks and for the first time since I've known Paul Verzi I believe in the nicks. That is going to be a dangerous team. I think they're going to upset somebody in the playoffs.

All right, now this is Billy Redface. I'm usually a fucking hockey guy. I usually don't watch the fucking NBA but I've been watching it a little bit, you know, with the kids. They're always watching all of these talking, trained fucking shows and everything. So every time I go to put on, you know, the hockey, the center ice package, you know, the Bruins don't seem to be playing. So I know they're at the All-Star break. So I got to get in, I got to get in some fucking ice time here and watch the Bruins.

But I have been, I've been lucky lately catching the Celtics or whatever So that's my take on it. I'm not quitting the Celtics. I'm not saying I don't like the Celtics I'm not saying they got to get rid of their players. I'm just saying that that loss was not a good message To the league they should have come out You know to the league. They should have come out, you know, and shown no mercy. I feel. Who knows? Well, maybe this is just me because I'm on the third day of my fast, which is going to be ending here in 11 hours. And I don't know, when I do these fasts, I always like wait for that moment where I'm supposed to be, have that feeling of euphoria or that feeling of peace.

Granted, I don't meditate or anything. When I fast, all I just think about is what I want to eat, you know? So I don't feel like I'm fasting. It's more like I'm starving and you're just sitting here thinking about food. As far as like, I feel like fasting probably came from like India. There's so many great things. So many great things came from India before England came in and just fucked the whole thing up. It was probably, you went on a fast, you sat in the lotus position, you centered yourself, you quieted your mind,

and then after a couple, two, three days, you saw things clearly. The one thing as opposed to when I do it, I just sort of continue to live my life. And then I just start every day in my head, the breakfast burrito that I'm gonna get gets bigger and bigger. Hey, New Yorkers, when you come out to LA, okay, it's not New York, just they keep making these fucking videos.

Get a breakfast burrito. I can tell you where to go. They don't have anything like that in New York. The ones that they have out here are, it is like two or three fucking places, just like in New York. There's like a half dozen unbelievable places to get pizza and then there's the rest that's you know anywhere from good to just drunk food, right? Same thing with the same thing in any city. So if you'd like to know where to go, I can give you the heads up, all right?

Or if you come out to my show, I can give you the fucking heads up. And that's what you do when you travel. You don't go and try and get what you can get right outside your fucking door. For some reason, New Yorkers, they just don't understand that. I think people that live in Paris are the same way.

You know, they live in such an amazing city that they just like, they just look down on every other place that they go to and they really fucking miss out. So anyway, that's all I've been thinking about is like the first day of the fast was I wanted a burger and then ever since yesterday, I just keep picturing this glorious breakfast burrito

that I want to eat, which of course coming off of fast, you can't do that. I usually have like a little bit of like cantaloupe and just some avocado, just easy to digest like fucking baby food. And what I do like about that is it's not like a shock to the system because believe me, believe me by nine o'clock tonight, if somebody said, do you wanna go to McDonald's? I would say, apps are fucking lutely. And I would get, oh, what would my McDonald's would it be?

Two quad, no, two double cheeseburgers, they would make them. Okay, that's my favorite McDonald's sandwich. A close second is the quarter pounder with cheese. So if they weren't making the double cheese, I would get two quarter pounders with cheese. All right, so what am I up to now? I like immediately, I think I'm over 2,000 calories. That's not even with the fries.

I get one large fry. Like nobody needs to eat that many. It's too much fucking potatoes and shit. It just fills you up. And then I would get maybe two cheeseburgers. And maybe a vanilla shake. Some reason not chocolate, which I usually go, I'd get a vanilla shake.

And I would sit there in my car, barely getting out of the drive-thru. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I have to tell you guys how much I fucking used to love McDonald's when I was a young man. That was my favorite, my favorite fucking thing to do after boozing was to go to Mickey D's, hit the fucking drive-thru in order like $11 worth of food in like 1986. So that's like, you know, 25 bucks. I remember one of my buddies, we went there, he ordered three quarter pounders with cheese back when they came in the Styrofoam fucking box. And my buddy was in and then there was one of my buddies in front of him who was so stoned he ordered a medium French fry before they had one. and that person was looking on the fucking keyboard trying to find it.

Anyway, by the time I got to my food, and I ordered what I ordered, I came back and he was polishing off already. He was polishing off his third quarter pounder and he had all the Styrofoam boxes were open stacked on top of each other and he had such a look of satisfaction on his face I just started cracking up laughing. I was like Jesus oh my god that fucking weekend that fucking weekend I believe we were going up to New Hampshire and we had rented this place

and we just were underage, we were drinking and then we just left and didn't pay. It was just bad. I mean, I wasn't into doing that, but everyone was doing it. So I was like, all right. All right, I guess this is what we're doing. You know, even that fucking happens

when you just sort of, you just kind of go with it. Like, cause I actually had the money. That's the one thing. I've had a job since third grade. I had a paper route in third grade. I never had a fucking allowance. It was a brief time. I'd shine my dad's shoes,

get your fucking shine box freckles. He wasn't consistent with the payment, so I had to drop him as a customer. And then I got a paper route in third grade, and I kept the paper route right up until as a freshman in high school, I started getting taller than some of my customers. And then I got a workers permit to get a job,

oh my God, that job at Morse Shoe. Ugh, and I was pulling these computer tickets. It was the most mind-numbing fucking job ever. And then by then I could be 16, then you could legally work, and then I just started working in warehouses. I've had a job ever since, but what was great was I always, I remember all my friends are always having a bum money

off their parents, you know, they'd be at fucking lunch, high school lunch, they didn't have any money, and I always had, you know, five, 10 bucks, which was like having like $100 bill on you when you were at that age. I always had money to feed myself, you know? So, yeah, I've never been, I always had money to feed myself. Yeah, I've never been,

I've always worked so I've never been broke. I've had times where I was thinking I didn't have enough money to make my rent, but I always had gigs and shit and I always saved the money. I was always smart, always drove like a fucking piece of shit car until I could afford a fucking nice one. But I will say, I probably took it too far when I was younger. Going back, there's a few things, I was like, man, why didn't I just get one of those fucking cars? Just to have a cool car when I was younger, I didn't. I just had a fucking nerdy two-wheel drive Ford Ranger,

but I always had fucking money. I always had money. Always fucking worked. And speaking of that, I was telling you guys how, I'm really entertaining this idea of just buying a classic car every year and then after a year selling it and then getting something else. So I can just enjoy these cars that America, Europe, Asia,

just these works of art. I posted one today on Instagram of this BMW and it's just, I mean, it's as fun to drive, I would imagine, just as it is to just look at it. It's just absolutely gorgeous. But anyway, I'm going to these fucking websites and every car that I look at, they all seem like they're 25, 30 grand too high. I don't get what the fuck is going on

with these prices. Like Porsches, I saw this guy, he had a 1986 Porsche 930. So I'm like, God, let me see what those things go for. So I look up in 86, it was a, you know, the guy was just showing a barn find, right? Not a barn, wasn't a find, he just had it in his garage. And I was just sitting there going, yeah, I wonder what these things,

what's the Hemmings price on these fucking things? So I saw that there was a turbo. I'm like, well, shit, if you're gonna do it, let's do it right, let's get the turbo. Fucking 1986 Porsche 930 turbo. 130,000 to $170,000. It's like, what? For a 38 year old Porsche,

that's, I mean, maybe it's a classic, I don't fucking know. Doesn't make any sense. These, I'll tell you what I really like is, I love a fucking car with a, I like when it's not matching numbers. is I love a fucking car with a, I like when it's not matching numbers. I don't, that once it's matching numbers, all those fucking baby boomer fucking bankers

and oil men come in and start bidding 200 grand for a fucking 83 Bronco II, whatever the fuck it is that they're doing. I like like one of those horrifically underpowered Olesmobiles. Once they had the catalytic converter and all of that fucking shit and they would call it like a fucking Hearst Oles 442 and it had like a 190 horsepower. But the thing about those cars is they have a giant engine bay. So I've just been going on the internet searching those years with big block in the search

and lo and behold, there's a bunch of people that threw the fucking engine in it that, you know, they couldn't legally put in it. And I'm looking at it like that's what the fuck I'm talking about like something like that like a late 70s Oldsmobile Cutlass 442 with those bucket seats That only had 190 horsepower So none of these fucking baby boomers want that shit and then some you know You either buy it and fucking take the engine out and have it done right or some gear head threw something in there. Just fucking drive that thing around for a year.

I don't like that. Whatever that fucking shifter is with is like three fucking shifters. I don't even understand what the hell that is. It's like you're flying a plane from the 1930s. But anyway, anyway, we got the Super Bowl coming up everybody. And I'm going to Las Vegas and I'm gonna put a thousand bucks But anyway, anyway, we got the Super Bowl coming up everybody and

I'm going to Las Vegas and I'm gonna put a thousand bucks on the Kansas City Chiefs. That's what I'm doing I just think they're gonna win this fucking game it's You know the 49ers I've listened. I would love to see the 49ers win This is just my money talking and what the fuck do I know? All right, so I going like, dude, I know this shit. I'm just telling you what I'm doing. Take a thousand bucks. I'm putting it on the Kansas City Chiefs. I think at this point Travis Kelsey is just, he's just not coverable. He just cannot cover the fucking guy. Because everybody knows because everybody knows you're going to him and not only not only is he open he's fucking wide open and every fucking game it's like well you know the linebacker thinks he has help over the top and he passes him off and then

Kelsey's just running alone you know with this fucking hand in the air like that guy in the Colts right at the half where What's His Face didn't see him. Earl Morrill didn't see him. Down the sidelines. Anyway, I think it's going to be a great game. But I'm actually really excited to go to this. I've never seen Patrick.

I'm going to the game with Verzi. I've never seen Patrick, I'm going to the game with Verzi. I've never seen Patrick Mahomes live. I am not excited to sit there for those ridiculously long commercial breaks. And I just have a feeling that, you know, because it's the Super Bowl, like during those, those, you know, those commercial breaks, oh my God, the fucking air quote entertainment

that they're going to have. Some cancer survivor with the fucking ukulele that was in the Coast Guard, you know, he's the first responder, he's got a ukulele, and he survived cancer. Take your hats off and stand up. It's just like, I don't know what they've done to sports. Sports used to be an escape. Now it is a reminder of how cruel God is and how cruel man is to one another. It's just fucking, you know, it's just like enough already. And I swear to God, if I'm at the Super Bowl and there is some jerk off on the microphone

going, you know, that's our first down second and seven ball on the 42. I love how they got to be like, we're watching football. We're men. That would be like one of you guys out there that's good at hacking. Can you guys fucking just hack into that? And just be like first in ten on the 36th. Look at the buns on that guy and just do it until the FBI shows up at your house No, I should embrace it break embrace it. I should embrace it. I'm really looking forward to it. I wonder who's going to be DJing the fucking Super Bowl. Anyway, they just take all the drama out of it with those fucking 10-minute commercial breaks.

It's so fucking, it's the most important game of the year. I still maintain this. The last two football games of the year, the AFC and the NFC Championship game. And then the Super Bowl is a football game wrapped in a shit show. My goal is, I don't know who the fuck is singing to start it. My goal is to miss that.

And right as they're going, shoot that poison arrow through my heart, shoot that poison arrow, thank you, goodnight. You know, and then are you ready for the Yuma-ba? All right, I can't hear you. All that dumb shit. I got me earplugs in and then I walked down to my seat. I Got a dime on the game, you know, I got a little coax spoon

So I can be as amped up as the fucking guy screaming in my ear is gonna be on the big thing that I am really I'm excited about this weekend is on on Saturday night at 8 p.m. Paul Verzi and myself are going to be at Brad Garrett's Comedy Club doing a live anything better and I can't wait for that I feel like it's it's just gonna be our people it's gonna be football fans gamblers and you know just sports fans and all that it's gonna be everything that the Super Bowl isn't where it's just gonna be a bunch of fucking other people that don't even like you know watch football they've got some sort of corporate hooked up or something. All right, let's do the, let's do the reads here for the week. What do we got here? Where

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People have questions, man. They got a lot of questions. I went on a good flight the other day, though. Flew out to Bracket. Bracket. I saw this thing on Instagram there's this cool bowling alley out there I want to fly out there with one of my buddies and go check it out once I'm done with this fast I will tell you this though right after this I'm going to the gym and I'm doing my cardio you know

doing a little bit of cardio here and oh Billy fucking little middle still got a little bit of dough here I got enough to make like a personal size pizza that's the kind of fat I have on my stomach I still I got to get that down to a cannoli all right and then get it down to like a garlic knot and then just be done with it all right MMP forMP for two five, Bill, great emails. By the way, there's a few tickets left for the Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit, the 11th annual. Incredible lineup with an absolute monster

for a special guest who will not be advertised. And let's just say you're gonna be very excited. And it's March, I believe, 26th. That's a Tuesday at the New York City Center. Put together every year by the amazing Maureen Tarran. She is the engine behind the whole thing. She's the captain of the ship. So thank you to Maureen Taryn, the best in the business and incredible taste in comedians. And every year she helps me put together the roster. And by helps me, I mean she basically doesn't. So thank you to her. All right. Escape from New York slash St. Louis. I actually watched that movie the other day and I really enjoyed it. I hadn't seen it in a while.

It was fantastic. Excuse me. Hi Bill, big fan and thanks for all the laughs. You're welcome. I heard on the podcast that you just watched Escape from New York. I really liked that movie too. It's a classic 80s sci-fi action flick that I think still holds up if you don't take it too seriously, which I honestly think is the way Carpenter and Russell intended it.

Yeah, it's a lot of, uh, it's a lot of fun. It's, it's 100% still held up. It's on the Criterion channel. It's obviously a quality movie, right? The music is great and love all the little details too, like Isaac Hayes Cadillac with the chandeliers attached to the front is amazing I like that too I don't know if you know this or not but it was actually shot in St. Louis you know the brains hideout that's actually the Fox Theatre get the fuck out of here I play that place the place you've played and are about to play again in a couple of months. The part of town, that part of town had a big fire in 1976 and the city just never cleaned

it up so it worked perfect for post-apocalyptic dystopian New York. I finally learned what dystopian means. Means it takes place in the future and society has unraveled. It's worse than it is now. Something like that. I probably said it wrong. Carpenter convinced the city to shut off electricity to that part of the town for shooting and the rest is history. I didn't know that. Thank you for that. Thanks for everything and go make sweet passionate love to yourself. Also, if you're interested, here is a like a link, I think it meant to an article and a short documentary.

Of course, I don't have the link. I'll get it from Andrew. By the way, by the way, by the way, I watched a couple of more Oscar-nominated best picture movies. I watched Anatomy of a Fail, which the performances and the writing in that movie are so next level. Everybody in that movie is just absolutely amazing and I just love what you're left with in the end of it rather than leading you by the nose and you're like you know you know this is right and this is wrong here's your happy Hollywood ending blah blah blah it's just a fucking one of the realest endings to a movie I can remember. And all of the performances right down to the kid who's like 11 years old, he's amazing.

The guy who plays the prosecuting attorney is incredible. The defendant, the whole frigging thing is just fantastic. Big thumbs up to that one. And then I also saw Killers of the Flower Moon, which I was intimidated by, because it was three and a half hours. Like, it flies by. And then, you know, once Jesse Plemmons character shows up

and you wanna see how it's all sorted out, like I kept going like, all right, I'm gonna watch this in two days. I'll watch an hour and 45 and an hour and 45 and I just couldn't shut the fucking thing off. The only reason why I ended up having to shut it off because I had to go out and do a set last night, I got 40 minutes left.

It's unbelievable. It might be, it's up there with my favorite Martin Scorsese movies. Just, first of all, every shot that I'm looking at, I'm just thinking like, how long did he have to wait for that light? How did he get those horses to be, so there's one just like opening shot, like on this like cabin,

out on this, the prairie in Oklahoma and it's just gorgeous the the the topography meeting the sky perfect clouds in the sky and then these horses right down in the lower left hand corner I'm just go look look look at that will you look at that you know what that reminds me I saw I saw the hateful eight and 70 millimeter. And that opening scene when the guys, they're driving the fucking stagecoach and 70 millimeter with a full team of horses is one of my favorite shots of all time.

Oh, Billy Hollywood, look at it, he directs one fucking movie and all of a sudden he's James Lipton. So anyway, highly recommend all those. I'll tell you, the best pictures this year. So I've gotten through almost half of them and there's not one stinkeroo in there. They did a really good job with the nominees. There's usually one where you're just like, what?

That got nominated for best picture. All right, what's it about? There's gotta be somebody has to have fucking AIDS or something, you know, there's always like the themes that they always gravitate. Is it cruelty to animals? What's going on here? There's gotta be a reason they picked this

cause I don't understand, you know? But not this year, everything's fantastic so far. All right, farmers revolt. Hey, belay, Roy, greetings from London. Have you, I love doing a bad London accent, and then them telling me that I do a bad, like they do a good English accent. Have you been following the farmers revolt? I haven't. To catch you up, in case you haven't,

To catch you up, in case you haven't, psychoclimate activists are trying to get farmers in Ireland to cull, which basically means to thin the herd by killing a percentage. Oh, because of the cows farting. It's usually done if there's a drought or food shortage. It's much more humane than letting it starve. Plus, who wants to haul off slimy dead cows? Anyways, all these multinational corporations and politicians have schemed to control the food supply so much that they're using the law to tell farmers to kill their healthy cattle.

It's really disgusting. They claim it reduces carbon. Bill, killing these cows, hurting farmers' income, and reducing food supply won't even put a cunt hair of a dent in the total carbon in the atmosphere. No, it won't. Dude, we're heading to some dark days here. There's one volcano that erupted last year that admitted more carbon than all of humans in the last 1000 years. It's a scam so they can keep making plastic and dumping chemicals while they're telling us what the fuck to do. Yeah, that's 100%

it. And I'm going to tell you all you fucking idiots who go on social media and say libtards and conservatives fucking their sisters and blah blah blah and all of this shit, you're playing into their hands. What we need to do is we need to come together. We have to be on the same page because make no mistake it's us versus them and that's why we're fighting so much with each other because that's exactly what the fuck they want. They literally have bots that go on social media to start fucking arguments. These people are pure fucking evil. And that's one of the things that I loved

about Killers of the Flower Moon is not only do they show the greed of some people when it comes to money, it also kind of shows how it goes down where it's like with all of those things you have the devil and the dummies, the devil and the devil's dummies. So the devil comes up with this scheme and then he gets the dummies to fucking carry it out and frames it in their head so they can make sense of what it is that they're doing. And it's Robert De Niro's my favorite performance of his since I don't know what. I can't remember heat. Not saying I haven't enjoyed his performances, but like this, he's just so unbelievable in this movie.

And Leonardo DiCaprio, of course, is always great. I'm gonna give a shout out to everybody when I finish this movie, but yeah, we need to, we need to all get on the same page and stop yelling at each other about, in in this country about fucking Joe Biden and Donald Trump It doesn't fucking matter Those two fucking idiots don't matter. They're the matriosh Welcome to the United States. Can you know what do you need a foretop like that? That's they don't own the restaurant is what I'm saying

They work for people is what I'm saying. They work for people. So I don't know. I think that the common man needs to be nice and respectful to one another. We need to listen to one another and we need to stop yelling at each other and just looking at this small group of people at the top that are absolutely out of their fucking minds the direction that they're driving the bus in. All right, that's my little fucking, you know, my little soliloquy for the week. All right, what do we got here? This says, Bill, you called it. Oh, did I?

You called it all steroid Olympics. Oh yeah, I did a bit about that a long time ago. Hey, Billy the buff, look like some billionaires have been listening to your podcast and now they're funding and all juice Olympics. They call it the enhanced games enhanced in certain areas, but their balls are all shriveled up and the press release says the enhanced games,

the modern reinvention of the Olympic Games that does not have drug testing. Oh my God, I wanna see a bearded lady clean jerk like a thousand fucking pounds. Billionaires like PayPal founder Peter Thiel see the vision of a new model of sports that openly celebrates scientific innovation and honestly represents the use of performance enhancements in sports today.

Well that's interesting if you don't demonize steroids and you let, I mean it's weird like steroids are demonized in sports but if you're a singer you know and you got a sing tip throw through the tulips that night and your voices you know under the weather they'll give you a steroid right so your voices under the weather, they'll give you a steroid. Would you watch an all steroid football league? Are these billionaires just testing new drugs for their super soldier private militias? Are we in an 80s sci-fi movie? I would say yes to all of that.

I would watch an all steroid football league. I think I kind of do already. Are these billionaires just testing new drugs for their super soldiers? Probably, oh, 100%, 100%. CVS is doing that. The grocery stores are doing that. Like we're all fucking lab rats. Well, that was the funny thing about, you know,

people drawing the line, like I'm not gonna get the vaccine, which really was just a booster. People drew the line in the sand there, but you know, I just watched the thing the other day that said like Quaker Oats was I've eaten my whole life, like the level of poison that's in that. And I'm like, okay, now do I believe this? What do I, if half the shit that they're saying is true, like they're, yeah, the whole, this

whole thing is an experiment. But I maintain they can't stop you from having a good time and they can't stop you from deciding to be a sweetheart and just be nice to people, just be empathetic. That guy's trying to come in your lane, just let him do it, give him the fucking thumbs up. That's it. I'm trying to do that. Next time, why did you fucking learn how to drive?

You'd just be like, yeah, you're right. Sorry, I didn't see you. It's a bonehead move. You're 100% right. Sorry about that. You just see. They don't know what to do with it. I don't know.

Or maybe I'm just fucking oversimplifying it. I mean, that's my only solution. Like, I can't watch. I mean, did we just go to war with Iran? Is this Joe Biden's way of trying to stay in office? You know what I mean, which is another funny thing that I just love how liberals think liberals are liberal. I mean Bill Clinton didn't he bomb a country to get the whole dead-old blowjob

shit away from them, you know, I mean these people, they're not human. They're not fucking human. It's like you decide to do this and you drop bombs. They don't just land on the people. You're killing people's families. Like they're fucking unbelievable. He's a liberal. He wants to give everything away. Now he's over here bombing a fucking country.

That guy's about as fucking liberal as, I don't know what, Eastern Europe in the fucking 80s. All right. A hard one. Dear Bill, this is going to be a sad letter, so if you don't feel like dealing with this today, I understand. All right. Yeah, fuck this letter. I'm not reading it. No. Truthfully, I think I'm writing you for the same reason Catholics go to confession. Don't worry. I know you can absolve me of my sins. Five years ago, I switched jobs. When I did, I rolled my company 401K into what's known as a self-directed 401K.

My family and I also moved that year and I took the proceeds from the house sale and dumped those into an individual account with the same broker. Oh God. It wasn't much by some people's standards, but dude, if it's all you have, it's a lot. It wasn't much by some people's standards, but between the two accounts, it amounted to our life savings. I did what any sane person would do and bought a bunch of safe stuff and tried not to look at it very often. Then came the pandemic. I actually sold everything at the perfect time. Yes!

Okay. Oh, please tell me you didn't get into Bitcoin. I think I was the second or third, it was the second or third week in February before everything really went to hell, but I took a long, long time getting back in and when I did, I didn't play it safe anymore. Oh boy, this has fucking too many twists and turns here. For a year, I did very well and doubled our life savings and during that whole time, it never occurred to me the real risk I was taking.

Q, the oh Jesus, fast forward to yesterday and spend two solid years of bad decision after bad decision after bad decision. First, I was long when everything was going to down hard. What? First, I was long when everything was going, I think going down hard in 2022. Then I was short when everything was just kept going up, up, up in 2023. An absolute epic meltdown brought by tens, on by tens, if not hundreds of individual bad decisions. So here I am. It's early February and there's basically nothing left. I know you're probably thinking I'm some degenerate gambling addict, but I swear it's not true. I don't bet on sports, only been to casino twice in my life and probably lost $150 combined. I drive a 20 year old SUV and live in a regular house. Don't drink, don't smoke.

I just got overwhelmed slowly at first and all at once. My question's simple. How do I forgive myself? How does a man forgive himself when his selfish and foolish actions cost the people he loves? Thanks for any advice you can give and thanks for all the laughs over the years. God bless and go diddle yourself. Easy. You take responsibility for your actions.

You apologize to everybody and you promise that you're going to do everything in your efforts to make it right. And then you go out and you promise that you're gonna do everything in your efforts to make it right and then you go out and you do that and the worst thing you can do right now is act like the game's over, your life is over. This is a moment in it and you know what? You've built yourself a great preamble to the story of your success, of losing it all and coming back. Do you know how many successful people I know that have lost it all and then came back? Success is not trying something, going out,

being successful and being, and then that's it. It's not a linear thing, journey. Success is just stepping out into the abyss and free falling into something, hitting the water and then trying to swim. And there's moments where it's fucking white water and then it becomes calm and then there's a fucking waterfall and

What it is Is not allowing yourself to get too down or too or too high and Keeping between your ears positive, which is what you need right now because right now you're beating yourself up It's time that the pity party is over Just tell your wife that. Just be like, listen, I want you to know that the pity, you know, I still feel unbelievable shame for what I did, but the pity party is over and I'm going to make you proud of me again. And then you just go out and you just fucking whatever the direction is that you want

to be going in. I don't know what you do for a living. And you build it back up again. And I'm going to tell you something, you will get, you know, if you do that, if you don't just look at this like this is the end of your journey, it's the beginning of your big comeback. Okay. I feel that, you know, your family's always gonna love you. They're gonna be, now they're gonna be like, looking at you like you're gonna teach them. You can actually give them a life lesson here. So the life lesson here is, you know,

you don't stick all your eggs in one basket. And I hate to tell you this, but Wall Street, you might as well go into a casino. Casino, it happens quicker, but Wall Street is 100% fucking rigged. I mean, the House and Senate voted that they can't get tried for insider trading. They make a couple hundred grand a year.

Their portfolios, generally speaking, are worth upwards of $20 million. Okay, they're getting all kinds of insider trading. There's a bunch of different ways to make money still in this country. And I think the fact that you're conservative at heart is a good fucking thing. It seems like you just got a little crazy. So just learn from this lesson and tell yourself you're going to figure it out and go fucking figure it out.

My stand-up career, I mean, I've had so many fucking ups and downs in this thing where, you know, sometimes things that were supposed to be good, this happens, it actually leads to like a down period or whatever. And I like, I had periods starting off, nobody knowing who I was, and then all of a sudden people knowing who I am, you know, getting big gigs, having a fucking manager and big agency, then all of a sudden shit cools off. My agency, I've been dropped by, I don't know how many agencies have dropped me. I've been fired by managers. I've gone all the way from being out here in LA and having a one-bedroom apartment and driving a car to losing all of that, going back to my

walk-through bedroom apartment, living with Bobby Kelly now, and we shared the walk-through bedroom part like he slept in the living room on a pull-out couch, you know, becoming unincorporated and just went through a six, seven year period of just like trying to put it all back together again, just not being able to get arrested before I started to get it going again. And even then, like I still have like setbacks, you know, I got a really good role in this movie and I was thinking like, oh, this is going to be a great thing. I'll get to do the talk show circuit. You know, maybe I'll get some good press. I can start getting some better acting roles.

And then the pandemic comes and the movie comes out during the pandemic does really well, but you know, didn't get to do the hype. I do old dads. I'm all excited about it. I'm really blah, blah, blah, blah. And it fucking comes out during the strike And it was this massive fucking hit That no one really talked about because it did that and it's just you know, those are like little gut punches I mean the amount of time that me and Ben Teschel put in that fucking movie. It was like a It was like four years of our lives and And it just kind of, you know,

came out and very quietly crushed. I mean, it did amazing. And it's definitely opened some doors, but you know, I didn't get to do like what everyone was telling me, oh my God, when this thing comes out, we're gonna get you on this show, you're gonna be on the cover of this magazine, and nothing, nothing of that happened.

So even when you're like being successful, like shit like this still fucking happens, you know what you say? You just go, what am I fucking special? Is no bad shit supposed to happen to me? Every fucking person in the business that I am in can sit down and talk way longer about getting kicked in the business that I am in can sit down and talk way longer about getting kicked in the nuts than they can about going over the moon because that's kind of what life

is. Do you know? It's like this fucking, you know, you win and then the next day there's another game and you might lose at that fucking game. So that's where you're at, man. You know, you win and then the next day there's another game and you might lose at that fucking game. So that's where you're at, man. You know, you had a bad season. You lost some games, you wanna lose in streak, you just gotta fucking turn it around.

And success is really, so much of it is how you handle when you get your dick knocked in the dirt. And if you could just fuck it. Go, all right, nice shot, dust yourself up, you know? Hulk Hogan, that fucking, they go to drop your hand that last time and you stop it, you fucking put it up in the air, and you start fucking nodding your head,

you get up to one knee, that's just what you gotta do. It just really is, and I'm telling you, man, don't believe all of this shit that people say about Hollywood where they, you know, because these fucking idiot actors got to ram their politics down everybody's throat. So now everybody's like saying fuck Hollywood. This whole idea that everybody is out here just fucking sitting around a pool, not doing anything.

Like, when I get into business to do a project, I am always astounded at how hard people work. They are like, they're psychotic, the level that they work. They're fucking like workaholics. I mean, I'm talking 13, 14 hours a day and they don't get paid overtime. It's just, it's just what it is. Day in and day out, Monday through Friday and then on the weekends, your phone is blowing up with fucking a zillion goddamn questions when,'re trying to shoot a TV series or a movie. It's like they're out there. Everybody is busting their ass. But what does the paparazzi show?

They show people fucking vacationing in whatever the fuck they go, some island. And even then that's worked because they call the paparazzi. They're not the fucking feds. They don't know where you're at. They call the paparazzi. They're not the fucking feds. They don't know where you're at. They call the paparazzi, you know, they don't eat for fucking a bunch of days. And then they put on a bathing suit and then they got to have that, oh, you caught me fucking. It's all bullshit. That's even their vacation is fucking work.

So anyway, I'm sorry this shit happened to you, but you're going to fucking turn it around. Okay. happen to you, but you're gonna fucking turn it around. Okay, and what's great about life is when you get the mindset that your success and your failure is nothing more than your decision. So whatever you decide to do, you can make the decision that this fucking event in the stock market is what destroyed you. And then you can go down to some stupid bar

and tell you sad sack story to some other fucking sad sack who's also decided that they're a loser in life. Or you can just decide that, hey man, I fucking took a nice shot, got knocked on my ass, and I'm fucking getting up, and I'm gonna come back even stronger this time. Alright? That's what I hope for you. Okay, there you go. There's your fucking half-time speech. right, and that is the podcast everybody That is the podcast Yeah, I don't know what else to say go fuck yourselves have a great couple of days I'll check in on you on Thursday the all-star NHL weekend is over and

I'm looking forward to watching a little bit of hockey. I'm enjoying watching the Celtics But I had to be honest about that fucking loss that was not That's not what a championship team does so I Don't know that's my fucking two cents. All right, that's it. I'll talk to you guys in a few days In a world where cloud is the new currency, you're interrupting my stream. Are you getting any followers with this one girl? What's your name? At June forever. Your real life actual name.

We'll have to find a way to clear her name. The police question me. You're the common denominator June. And solve the crime. Watch too many movies. Esther Bovitzky is Drugstore June. Also starring Bobby Lee, Hayley Joel Osman, James Reimar, Beverly DeAngelo, and Matt Walsh. In theaters this March go to drugstorejune.com.