Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-6-23

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Bill rambles about stealing playbooks, childhood movie experiences, and getting locked in a shipping container. Indochino:  Go to www.Indochino.com and use code BURR to get 10% off any purchase of $399 or more. Butcher Box:  Sign up today at www.butcherbox.com/BURR and use code BURR to get a 100% grass-fed chuck roast and a whole chicken FREE in your first box plus $20 off SimpliSafe:  Go today and claim a free indoor security camera plus 20% off your order with Interactive Monitoring at www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, February 6, 2023. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? I hope everything's going good in your world. My world was going great until I couldn't get this fucking four-wheeler to starting it backfired and now my ears ringing even more than it ever did. I'm hoping that's gonna go away. You live, you learn. Anyway, where to start this week? You know, guys, I just had such a crazy weekend. I was watching TV last night, right? And my kids, they think sports are boring. It's just funny to me because I'm totally into them, but they're, you know, they're young. They want to watch like cartoons and stuff. My son actually enjoys like car racing

if he sees the car as he, you know, he's like, dad, cool cars. Like he does that for a minute, and then he gets like bored or whatever. So anyway, I was watching, I was like, listen, I can only listen to one more monkey fell off the fucking times getting listening to that before you start to slowly go insane. So I'm like, all right, we got to put on a dad channel now, right? So we go, you know, flipping through the channels, I'm trying to figure something out. I stopped on a Jean-Claude Van Damme thing. My brain said, don't stop on this. I'm like, it's as Jean-Claude. His stuff wasn't too bad. Let me just take a peek at this movie. And he was running on top of a train and he threw some guy off the train. Well, first of all, my daughter was

like, I don't want to watch this. I don't watch this. I said, okay, I hit guide and I didn't realize it was still in that little window. So Jean-Claude Van Damme fucking throws this guy off the train and my daughter just like freaked out. I felt like an asshole. I had to be like, no, it wasn't a real guy. I mean, it was a real guy, but it's not like, you know, it's a movie or whatever. And she's just like, well, I just want to see if he's okay. And I'm just sitting there. That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my life. And like, what happens? How do human beings go from that? I don't know. You know, it's funny, some kids are already assholes, just like right out of the gate. You know what I mean? Like you can't teach that. Well, actually, you can with your fucking parents

behavior. So I felt bad about that. I gave her a hug. I explained what was going on. And I said, you know, there's guys actually make a living stuntman, at least back in the day they did. I don't know about now with the green screens and Tom Cruise. I don't think there's any fucking work left. So we were flipping through and I got to sports. And I saw that Kyrie Irving got traded from the Brooklyn Nets to the Dallas Mavericks. Shout out to the Brooklyn Nets for being like, fuck you, you're not going to the Lakers. I wish more teams would do that. You know what I mean? I mean, how many fucking years are the Lakers going to have a star player that pouts and then they just bring in every fucking free agent in the world for the guy? You know, I mean, what is there

a fucking rule that like everybody eventually has to play for the fucking Lakers? I better be honest with you, though, I'm going to tell you this, like, I am going to slowly just get out of being into sports because there was this 30 for 30 on the other night about that great Ravens team in 2000 that won the Cleveland Browns slash Baltimore Ravens first Super Bowl with at Modell. And they were doing this whole thing where they had all the guys that played on the team doing this retrospective, watching video and, you know, 20 years later, whatever. I don't know. Sarah Goose was still there. Rest is soul. So I know he died a few years ago. So I don't know when it was. Some probably last decade. And they were looking back talking about it, telling all these funny

stories. And it was all this great video and everything. And they had a playoff game playoffs playoffs. You kidding me playoffs. We lucky we get first down. They played the Tennessee tight and right before the game playoff game, the Tennessee Titans, one of their assistant coaches stole the playbook, stole the fucking playbook and everyone on the Titan side was fine with it. And they looked at the playbook and they knew everything that they were fucking doing. They still lost the game. But once again, this is just as a Patriots fan. I'm like, where the fuck was a playbook gate? Where was all of that shit? Why do people now, you know, why don't people fucking call their feet to the fire? It's just fucking.

Anyway, and what I'm starting to kind of realize is that you know what I mean? Because like if you stole the playbook, like what sort of fucking satisfaction do you have winning that game? Like what kind of a fucking person are you? That you stole the playbook, right? Or the guy in your organization steals the fucking playbook and then you're kicking this team's ass because you know everything that they're going to do. And let's just say they went on to win the game, right? And then you go to the press conference, you just had a really great gate defense and you're just going to sit there being like, well, you know, a defense, you know, I told them they really had to step it up this week and

everybody's just going to go along with the bullshit. Everyone's just going to go along with the bullshit because there's so much money, so much like accolades, so many fucking whores at the end of winning that game and possibly winning a Super Bowl that you can go to bed and be okay with that. I don't know, the longer I watch sports and the more I watch these guys talk about sports and you just see shit that people do and pretend their headsets went out when they didn't really go out because they called all the plays in the first half and all of that shit. The more I just watch this shit and now you see that they're in bed, you can like, they're making money off of sports gambling. And I guess they're all kind of like registered as entertainment leagues. I thought

it was just the NFL. It's just starting to make me think like, what the fuck am I watching here? Look, I'm not going to be the guy that says it's all fucking fixed. I've just maintained for a while that it is a business and certain teams get more ratings than other teams. The Lakers evidently fucking Mr. Stern there. Who's your dream final? Lakers versus the Lakers. He said that, right? That shady motherfucker who leaked the Donahue story so they could get out in front of it and all of that shit. I believe all of that stuff. I don't know, man. I always bitch that I don't have any free time. What if I just walked away from sports and was just left with my own demons and I had to work those out and then I had to actually figure out who I am as a person.

Or I could continue down this road and tell you guys that I saw a clip of an interview with Patrick Mahomes dad and he seems like the coolest dude on earth and also seems like just like a throwback. Like they don't make guys like that anymore. Like that guy sounds like guys sounded like when I was growing up. Just sounded like the coolest dude ever. So that was funny because I was sitting there going, who do I want to? Because, you know, I don't give a shit about either team. I don't know. That's the great thing though about this. You know, my team had a great run a couple of decades there and it sucks that we kind of suck now. But this time of year is actually kind of enjoyable. I find it was just like, that's not my team. I don't have to, I can

just sit here and eat dip and enjoy this shit. Oh, it's going to be phenomenal. Underrated your team not making the playoffs. Then you can just enjoy the playoffs. I got like most of my friends out here. A lot of 49er fans. Who else? Mainly 49er fans and like they were in a walking depression for like three fucking days after that game. And I'm sitting there. Well, I know what the fuck that feels like. You think that's bad. Try losing a Super Bowl. All the Super Bowl losses. The Bears. Oh, the Packers. The Giants. The Giants again. The Eagles one was just weird though. We'll tell you that. The Eagles one was like, what the fuck did I just watch? There was like one punt the whole game. Anyway, listen to me. I'm just babbling on like that person that you

like, you know, you pretend to be asleep next to when you're on a plane and they just sit there talking to the side of your face. Here I am 10 minutes in done nothing but talk about sports for the most part other than shitty kids, I believe. All right, here's the deal. I think the I think the Kansas City Chiefs are going to win. I think in order for the Eagles to win for some reason, I just feel like Jalen Hertz is going to have to have the Vince Young first USC game. Which he very well could. I don't know. I got two kids. I barely watched this shit anymore. I just, I like the BTK Killers brother Andy Reed. Just them being there before and I think Casey actually has a halfway decent defense, which they usually don't. Their defense usually

sucks, but they're actually playing pretty good. So I don't know. I have no idea. I'm going to root for the Eagles though, just because I hate the fucking purse throw. It's a forward lateral. I think there's enough advantages. You know what I should do? I'm going to post this picture of Ben Davidson tackling Bob Greci. It's a classic NFL photo of what used to be able. They used to try to break quarterbacks in half, like literally, like they wanted to snap you in half at the fucking waist and have you carried off in a stretcher like you were, like you were on a battlefield. I don't know. Anyway, so that's the deal. Kyrie Irving went to the Dallas Mavericks and I don't know. Am I happy about that? I don't give a fuck. Do I give a fuck? I don't think I give

a fuck anymore. Maybe I just be that guy. Hey Bill, maybe you can stop being so self-involved and talk about something else. All right, I got something for you. This weekend, me and a buddy of mine went to go see Paul Anka at this theater that nobody seems to know how to pronounce. I think it's S-A-B-A-N or S-A-B-B-A-N or E-N. And I never, is it the Saban? The Saban? The Saban. The Saban. I don't know how to say it, but I went there to go see Paul Anka. He has one of my favorite albums of all time. This guy, you know, he wrote the theme of the Tonight Show. He wrote the lyrics to My Way, the whole arrangement and all that for when Frank was going to retire in 71. He wrote songs for Sammy Davis Jr. He wrote songs for Barbara Streisand and oh by the way, he wrote a bunch of

songs for himself. The guy was born in 1941. I think he made it by the time he was 15. He's been famous for like 70 fucking years, been singing his ass off for 70 years. And this guy came out there and I'm telling you right now, like if you ever seen Tony Bennett, how Tony Bennett sounds like he did in the 1960s still, like one of the only guys ever, Paul Anka is the same way. He absolutely, absolutely destroyed. He destroyed. Me and my buddy were just looking at each other. First of all, we just kept going. He wrote this song too and then he would sing it like the recording. He did this thing where he, he did a video thing where he was showing Sammy Davis Jr. in a song he wrote for him and Sammy was singing the song and Paul comes in and sings the high harmony

on it at 81 that Sam is singing like 40, 50 years ago. Absolutely killed was in an incredible shape. You could tell he looked thrilled to be there. I'm not going to tell you too many things because I don't want, I don't want to, you know, go see the show. I'll tell you this, if you got a, you got something coming up, you know, that you got to take your wife to or something like that, you're just like a nice classy evening of music or whatever. Like me, my buddy, we dressed up, we wore suits and everything. You know why? It was out of respect. Some people just showed up looking like animals, man. It was a guy a few seats away from us. I swear to God. He had a leather jacket from like, I think 1991, maybe 89 waist length. Do you know

that? Remember when they had like the shoulder pads? It literally, you know, and they would have like a different design for the shoulder pads. It looked like waffle iron imprints. And I will tell you this, that was a badass jacket in the late 80s, early 90s. There was some, there was some hideous. There was a lot of cows that laid down their fucking lives for some of the ugliest leather jackets ever made. I'm just waiting for some hipster will bring it back. We'll bring back, like the mullet is back, but I also think, I don't think the mullet will ever come back with hipsters because I think they align that with like conservative thought and voting for Trump and Bush and all of those guys. But that would be funny.

Liberal hipsters dressing like, you know, they always like dress like a character. I saw these two just, I mean, there's no other word for them, just two fucking jerk offs. And they were looking at some old church and I was thinking like, oh God, they're probably going to turn it into a club, sort of a closed down church or whatever. And just one of the guys, the way he was dressed, was a combination of like James Dean and Little House in the prairie. But you look at the guy, you could tell he never had a fight in his life, right? Just fucking, one of those guys that, you know, those people that go to a coffee shop and they come out and it looks like they went to like an ice cream factory or something, ice cream factory, a parlor.

I bypassed where the regular guy goes, they're buying, they're buying that ice cream and gulp and bulk and gulp. I said, now, you know, these people like that, the Frappuccino, you know what I mean? I love the Frappuccino. It's just like, just in case you work at enough fucking sugar in your diet, let's just start off, let's just start the day by drinking all the calories that you need in a day, none of which your body can use. Wouldn't it be amazing if the government just stepped in? We wouldn't let them do it though. You know, I'm an American, I can eat what I want to eat. I want freedom of choice, you know, I will pick my poison, which I believe in a lot. But I will tell you though, the fucking, to start your fucking day with that shit,

it's almost like the government needs to step in. Some people like a government that leaves you alone. I don't. But I think they shouldn't, but my problem with our government is not that they don't leave me alone. It's that they don't, that they don't, that corporations aren't saying the same thing. I mean, they do say it. But this whole fucking thing where everybody goes, you know, like, you know, let business build and blah, blah, blah, these guys are fucking lunatics, fucking lunatics. Someone was telling me the other day that all of this shit that they're making that we're buying and it's destroying the environment, they're going to put it on the consumer and they're not going to change anything. And these fucking politicians aren't going to say a

fucking word about it. And neither is, you know, oh, fucking, hoity, toity, CNN. And then the red cunts on fucking Fox, none of them are going to say anything. They won't say a fucking word about it other than blaming each other's channel. It's one of the worst card tricks out there. And somehow, I don't understand how people, so many, well, I do. Actually, I do understand. Because there's just a lot of people out there that are not smart and God made them. All right, and he and we have no one to blame but him. I'm into that right now. I'm into blaming God. I think it's high time we hold the man upstairs accountable for his work. You know, listen, I can forgive a mouth-breathing moron. I am one, right?

But a mouth-breathing moron with no empathy that walks around thinking they know everything. That's, that's the one that I, I don't know. You know, not those fucking complete moron. You ever see like, you know, when you know it's worse, you ever see like these motivational speakers and they'll be in some conference room in some shitty hotel. And they're up there and they're just fucking talking to these, these, these people, they just, they don't have a fucking prayer. All right, they're smart enough to know that they're not going to get it from church. All right. And why is that? Because the devil wears Prada. You know, I've never, I've seen this same scene in that movie about 40 times. My wife loves that

movie, loves that movie and Meryl Streep, you know, playing, I guess the devil. There's like four or five of those movies that they're on TV all the time. And I've seen bits and pieces of the whole movie, but I've never sat down and watched the whole thing like, I've never seen Greece, but every time it comes on, they're always in the LA river. Get ready to have the race. And I always watched the race. I always forget who wins. It was a black car and a white car. And one of the cars, I think the white car was Greece Lightning. It was John Travolta and the guy from Taxi, rest his soul. Yeah. I think that was it. I never seem to see that one. I finally fucking saw West Side Story.

I watched Steven Spielberg's remake of it, which I loved. And then I watched, I went and I watched the original one. I love that one too. Just beautiful shot movies. I don't know, you know, it's probably people like you guys out there or like me, I should say. It was a lot of that when I first started comedy. People like, you never saw Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory. It's like, I didn't. I didn't. We used to go to violent movies. It was funny. Like my mother took us to fucking two kid movies. And she told me years later, she was like, yeah, we went to them. I just thought they were stupid. I know I've told this story before. We saw for the love of Benji, which I imagine my mother watching it was like for the love of God, kill that fucking dog and

let's get out of here. And then there was for the love of Benji. Oh my God. I mean, could there be a more saccharine fucking movie out there? That's like, you know, what really made like Bugs Bunny and Sesame Street, like all of those like they knew how to entertain kids and and but also kept in mind that there were adults watching the kids or within earshot and they made it entertaining for them. But then there's just people they were just like, let's torture the adults and just make this 100% for the kids and they made shit like for the love of Benji, which was some sort of it was like home alone with like a fucking Beagle or something. I don't know what it was. It was I don't remember. I just can't imagine the poor people who had to shoot that fucking movie,

try to get that fucking dog to do whatever the hell it was supposed to do, you know. And then we saw Herbie goes to Monte Carlo, which was basically Knight Rider in a Volkswagen. So Knight Rider was cool because it had David Hasselhoff with a cool, you know, David Hasselhoff had a cool leather jacket in the 80s. But I think that when did they get bad? There was some time when they started doing the designs on the fucking shoulders, different texture just to sort of break it up for the eye, keep it interesting for the eye, whatever the fuck they did. Yeah, we saw those and then the next

movie we saw was some disco movie about a vampire. I can't remember. I just remember it ended with the vampire finally bit the chick on the neck and she turned into a bat and the final movie was he was kind of like, yeah, sorry, I just brought you to eternal life of killing people, you know, and her line was just like, you know, I could never get my shit together by Tuesday, anyways. And that's how the movie ended. And a lot of movies ended like that. It was fucking fantastic. I was telling you guys, I watched the ending of Hooper. Spoiler alert. The guy he doesn't like apologizes to him and asks him to accept his apology. Bert turns around, looks right down the barrel, the camera smiles at you as the audience member and then punches the guy in the face and

knocks him out. His friends all laugh. They all put their arms around each other and they walk by the camera and Bert looks right into the camera gives the okay sign and it frees frames. And that's the end of the fucking movie. Now you know, that probably sounds like a shitty movie. You know, I'm not gonna lie to you, a lot of it didn't age well, but like you got to understand what movies were before that like nobody was that I guess that was a reverent. I don't know what it was. It was fucking amazing though when I watched it, I was like that's how they ended it. And we are fucking audience. Can you guys, because I'm watching a lot of movies lately, I don't know why. I'm going through this, you know, back in therapy, I'm trying to

fucking get rid of the fog. You'll never really get rid of it. You just learned how to live with it. I've been going through all of this shit. And um, so I've been watching movies for whatever reason. And I always watch the old ones because I like the cars and that type of stuff. But if you guys like, give me your like top five movies all time and then top five, what the fuck endings and it can even be like a what the fuck like great ending. You know, like when Sylvester Stallone in that movie where he had the beard and the guys like sneaking in to kill that chick, washing the dishes. And then he fucking turned, you know, the chick turns around and it's it's it's Sylvester Stallone and drag with his with his

like, you know, when Hulk Hogan is a bad guy, the black beard, he's got like a black beard close like that, you know, but no yellow fucking, uh, full man shoe blonde. That was a great ending. I remember that. So anyway, we went from those movies. We saw a disco movie. If anybody can find the name of that movie came about 78 79. So when they were totally like basically exploiting disco for as much as they could. Then I think the next what did we see? I used to know this. We saw Stripes. We saw Scarface. We saw Jaws. They brought Jaws back to theaters because Jaws two was coming out. I know we saw that. Um, yeah, we just immediately went to like rated our movies. My parents were just like, fuck this.

We saw Shacky's machine. You know, we did see Raiders of the Lost Ark, but we didn't see Star Wars. When did I finally see Star Wars? I think I saw Star Wars when Empire Strikes Back came. When that came out, then they brought back Star Wars, but I saw Empire first and I liked that and I saw Star Wars and, uh, somewhere in that when they're out there on the desert, I just fucking, I checked out. Um, yeah. So I think that's what basically what we saw. Then I just started seeing all the Brad Pack movies as I became a teenager, breakfast club, uh, and then other ones, Weird Science and all of that. Then I was just off to the races with whatever the fuck I wanted to watch. But when my parents took us to movies and went to two kid

movies and then it was just all Al Pacino, Bert Reynolds, Bill Murray, um, just fucking insane shit that you probably shouldn't have seen at that age. It was awesome though. I remember when Saturday Night Fever came back, they brought that back for whatever reason at this local theater. We said this local theater in my town was called the Oriental, you know, back when you could just call shit that, right? Hey, let's go down to the Pollock, taking a picture. It was called the Oriental and, uh, and it had like a little like this cloud that would float over the, like on the ceiling, you know what I mean? Which was supposed to enhance, like if you were on drugs, we're trying to get like the kids to come down and they, and they had the rated R version

of, uh, Saturday Night Fever, which I have to see because that fucking movie is a great movie. That is a great movie. Um, I'd like to see that one again. Hey, I'll tell you, I'd like to see that one again. All right, but anyway, um, Paul Anka, let me get back to that. Absolutely blew me away. Um, he, he just, I'm at one, but he told this story going, you know, when I was a kid, he had, you know, he just told this whole story about, you know, just slow dancing and that was the big thing. And if the girl put her head on your shoulder, that was the biggest thing ever, the biggest thrill ever. And then he said, and then I went home to back to the apartment and I

wrote down this lyric and he just goes, put your head on my shoulder. Fucking place goes nuts. I mean, it was just, it was awesome. And he looked great too. He had this just all black suit with the tie, the pocket square. He just looked, he looked sharp, man. He looked really sharp. Um, highly recommended. He's, if you're out here in LA, I think he's got a few more dates out here out in the desert in, uh, in March, but my God, inspirational show. All right. With that, let's get to some of the reeds here for the week. The Andy reads the BT, the beat, the, what is it? BTK burn torture kill. What a fucking piece of shit. Oh, really, Bill? Do you think that serial killer was a piece of shit? Oh, there's a hot take.

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by the time you get up and read the fucking thing, it's already half the day, half of the next day that didn't even happen yet when that paper was printed, what they're talking about is happening. But whatever. I enjoy it. I'll tell you what I don't enjoy is how my fucking garage with this fucking heater. It's either sorry. I mean, slam that down. Well, I meant to slam it down. I wasn't thinking about you here. It's either hot as fuck or it starts to get cold. God damn it. I'm a man of a certain fucking age. All right, the heat is coming on the heat is I'm a dudududududududududududududu Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, caught up in the action. I was fucking all right. The Monday morning podcast content for February 6. Everybody. Great emails.

Dada. Okay, rugby. Oh boy, we have started something here with this rugby shit. By the way, you know, all of these sports that I make fun of, I'm just trying to get you guys going. I respect all of these. So like, just have fun with this. Okay. I watched a part of a Premier League game. I turned it on at 75 minutes and it was one nil. And I'm just saying that this is this is the game the whole world loves. They love sitting there for a fucking hour and a half to see the ball go in the net one time. They understand that less is more. You know, they must look at American basketball like Roy, where's the fucking excitement and fucking ball goes in the bloody ball goes through the fucking net every five fucking seconds. All right, rugby,

everybody. Dear Bill, I am a Kiwi who lives and breathes rugby. I love that they say I'm a Kiwi like New Zealand. You got to fucking understand that, you know, most people don't even know who you are. All right. What they think about when they think of New Zealand is they think Lord of the Rings. They think Fantasia. They think Adam and Eve. They don't even know what the fuck it is. And I'll tell you, that's a great thing. I'm jealous of these off the fucking radar countries. New Zealand, Australia, Canada, they get all fucking upset to Iceland. If you say they're off the radar, it's a good fucking thing. Nobody's paying attention. What was the last time somebody bombed New Zealand? I don't want to give anybody any ideas. I'm just saying it's a fucking paradise.

Having said that, you know, I'm a Kiwi. I didn't even know what a Kiwi is. I did when I went over there. I already forgot. I know it's some sort of fruit. Sort of looks like an old turd, but it's green on the inside. As an overseas listener, my knowledge of the American sports is pretty much limited to what you talk about on your podcast. Well, I will tell you this. Our sports are probably just as dumb as yours. You appear to have an encyclopedic knowledge. I did. I don't know anybody's name for the last 20 years. I don't know what happened somewhere in the 2000s. I just, I don't know. I got too busy. I was drinking. All right. Where am I here? I understand most Americans don't know or care about rugby. I currently live in Canada and nobody cares about it there.

When you said Americans are no good at rugby because they don't care, I wonder if it's also that they don't care because they're no good at it. No. That's not it. Dude, come on, dude. We fucking crush it. Every time there's the Olympics, we fucking crush it. Just stop it. All right. Just stop it. Okay. We have unbelievable fucking athletes here and we have an endless amount of money that we print with no gold behind it. If we, if we actually, if we gave a fuck. I remember LeBron James said that one time when they were talking about the scoring title when early on, they asked him about this other player because LeBron was passing a lot and he just looked at me, just said, listen, man, if I gave a shit, you know, if I really

wanted that, I could get it. All right. So I'm just saying if we gave a fuck. Anyhow, the Rugby World Cup is the third biggest sporting event by ticket sales after the Olympics and the soccer World Cup. Well, I can't think of three more boring things in the fucking world. Oh my God. Skeet shooting on skis. I'm just talking personally. I always try to get into the Olympics. I just, you know, then I'll just, I'll watch something fucking weird. I like curling. Okay. I like the Olympic hockey. Sorry. I'm in comedian mode here. I respect all of those. I'm just saying like Rugby is that big. Rugby has hundreds of thousands of players all over the world

and around the world a billion spectators for the World Cup. All right. Well, what does the Super Bowl get? Wait a minute. Hang on a second. Hang on a fucking second. How come on? How many people watch the Super Bowl? It says, come on. How many people? I did see. All right. It says 92 million. I didn't like that answer. Hang on a second. 92 million. Okay. Worldwide. Let's see if that's worldwide. Oh shit. They just recorded that. I am so bad at these fucking things. How many people worldwide are watching the Super Bowl every year? Okay. There you go. Over 208 million. All right. Give me a fucking break, buddy.

Over 208 million people watch a sport that's only in our country. Rugby is all over the world and you can only come up with a billion. Oh, fuck out of here. Get the, all right. Jesus. You see, it's all how you look at the numbers, sir. You know, I mean a billion people. Yeah, that's very respectable. I find it weird that you landed right on a billion. That sounds like sort of a estimate rather than the 208 million that I had, which sounded a lot more believable to me. Anyway, it's not some minority sport. It kind of is though, dude. I fucking, when I travel around the world, around the world, I see more goddamn shit. I see more fucking stores selling Yankee shit overseas than I see any rugby shit. Maybe I just don't know that I'm looking at it. I see

all kinds of soccer shit. I can't remember the last time. I don't know. What was the last time that a bunch of spectators killed each other at a fucking rugby game? I don't remember that. Maybe it happened. I don't know. Bill, maybe you could fucking stop being an American cunt and open your fucking eyes. All right, I can try that. I don't know why some people like to compare it in with the NFL. Well, because it's the same game without pads in a lot of ways, right? I mean, you just run in the wishbone the whole fucking game. They are completely different sports, and I don't think anyone at the elite level has succeeded in transitioning from one to the other. Yeah, well, I mean, they're two different, they are two different sports, but you can see

how they're related. You can kind of see how we sort of did, we took soccer and combined it with rugby and came up with American football and everybody has a problem with it for some reason around the world. Anyway, my girlfriend started watching rugby with me 20 years ago, and she's still your girlfriend. Dude, Jesus, you're fucking stringing her along. And now she's a huge fan. Now my wife, okay, there we go. We watch games together every weekend. It's the greatest sports, greatest sports. So there, I like the so there. Dude, I gotta be honest with you, when I was fucking in Ireland and they were having when rugby was on, I would watch it and I loved it. I loved it. It's fucking brutal.

It's a fucking brutal sport. NFL football used to be a brutal sport, but then, you know, all of these guys were dying in their 50s and 60s. Now I'll enlighten you cunts overseas as you guys all think because they have helmets on, you know, and pads on that they're a bunch of fucking pussies. Well, what is the average lifespan? You know, I don't see anybody going like fucking, they tackle with their shoulders. You know, they're not slamming their fucking heads. I know it happens. That happens in every sport, but they're not doing it on purpose. And I don't want to hear your fucking fist tales about, oh, yeah, they do. They're fucking not. I've watched the game. I've watched the game. It's, it's, you know what it's like? It's kind of like

the difference between watching like when you watch like boxing and they have gloves on or the UFC, it's not as bad as watching people bare knuckle punch each other in the fucking head. I don't know why. Cause all it does, all the fucking glove does is protect the hand. You know what I mean? It's like you've seen people's faces at the end of a boxing match. They're fucking horrific. And you can literally knock somebody out open hand just slapping across the face. If you fucking hit them the right way and their brain slams, you know, your brain sitting there in the fluid there, right? You got, you got to basically a snow globe inside of your head. So that's the myth that I would like to dispel to all you fucking around the world cunts is

we actually had to change the rules of the game and how we played it to the point that's not even like an all star game anymore. They play like flag football because nobody wants to go in there and risk getting fucking CTE. There was like football players retiring, going nuts. There was a guy killed his whole family on the chiefs a long time ago. One of the guys that played with Len Dawson just fucking had major, major, major brain damage. I remember seeing another football player had his foot cut off on purpose because the pain was just so fucking unbearable after a while. You know, they don't live a long time. So say what you want about it as you don't play professional football or rugby. Talk about what pussies they are. They are not. And I think they would kick

the shit out of any rugby player out there. There we go. That'll get things going. Kid gets locked in shipping container. Bill, did you hear about this? I'm fucking with you about that rugby shit, by the way. I don't think that they would kick the shit out. I think they're equal level lunatics and everybody deserves respect. And if I wasn't such an asshole, I wouldn't have started this conversation going in this direction. Or did I start it? Maybe you guys started it. I don't know. Kid gets locked in shipping container. Bill, did you hear about this? No, I did not. I don't watch the news. I'd sleep outside for the rest of my life if this happened to me. A 15 year old boy who locked himself in a shipping container

during a game of hide and seek has been found a week later in a different country per Malaysian news agency. Bernama and the India Times. The teenage boy has only been identified by his first name, Fahim, and was discovered in a shipping container in Malaysia six days after he fell asleep inside of the container in the city of Chittagong, Bangladesh, on January, January 11th. Bangladesh. What the fuck is that? Is that up near India? I know roughly where Malaysia is. Singapore, Philippines. All right, I got to look this. Anyways, what the fuck am I? Six days after he fell asleep inside the container, blah, blah, blah, on January 11th, the boy was just believed to have entered the container,

fell asleep and found himself here, said the Malaysian home minister, the Tuck, Sarri, say, Fudan, Nessushan, Ismail. Jesus Christ. What if you don't pronounce his name right? Do you get put to death? Bill, can you imagine dealing with anyone shit about anything after having gone through that? Well, I like how they acted like he slept for six days. What did he do for water after three days? No water, you're dead. That's fucking wild. Maybe he drank his own tears. I have no idea. That's fucking terrifying. Well, at least he's all right. My God, I can't imagine what his parents were thinking. Where the hell is he? They probably thought he was kidnapped or killed or something. Fuck. All right, as a parent,

I don't need emails like that. Wait, now, he said he fell asleep in there. He locked himself in a shipping container during a game of hide and go seek. All right, I'm back. I don't know what happened. I hit something that stopped it. And I really wish I could stay calmer in moments like that, rather than, like my hand still hurts from how hard I was slapping my table going, God damn fucking piece of technology cocksuck and fucking shit. Whatever the hell I said, whatever childish fucking shit I just did. My neighbors much think I'm fucking nuts. Hey, forget about my wife. Okay. All right, I was talking about this kid getting locked in the container. I don't know where

it cut out. All right, really quickly, a 15 year old boy who locked himself in a shipping container during a game of hide and seek has been found a week later in a different country per Malaysian news agency, Burma and the India Times. The teenage boy who has only been identified by his first name, Faheem, great fucking name. That's like Bob or Bill over there and was discovered in a shipping container in Malaysia six days after he fell asleep inside the fucking container in the city of Chittagong, Bangladesh on January 11th. The quote, the boy was just believed to have entered the container, fell asleep and found himself here, said Malaysian home minister. This is my second time trying to do this right. This is this guy's name. Dutuk Seri Sayfudin Nassushan Ismail.

One, two, three, four, five. Five names. That guy's not fucking around. Bill, can you imagine dealing with anyone's shit about anything after having gone through that? My thing was, I thought after three days, you know, with no water that you would, you know, expire. You can go like whatever, a little over a month with no food, but I think no water after three days, you fuck. So maybe it rained or some shit. I don't know what, as a 15 year old, I just can't imagine being there and going, where am I going? Am I, I must be going somewhere, at least that the country's friendly enough with that they, they can trade with them. That's what I'd be worried about, aside from dying. Jesus fucking Christ. Well, I'm glad he's all right. I don't like, as a parent, I don't want to

get emails like this. This is fucking brutal. That's all I think about as my kids. You know, earlier today, we were like killing some time and, you know, trying to get the kids tired, wear them out or whatever. And we brought them into this department store. We were walking around and I just, the whole time I'm there, I just fucking, I like going to like CIA fucking secret service fucking mode. Well, I just don't let my kids out of my sight at all, at fucking all. Somebody told me some fucking horrific story of somebody trying to take their kid. And what you do is when you can't find your kid, you just yell out what clothing they're wearing, you know, red shirt, fucking whatever pants. And that's what she did. And the woman that was trying

to take her just let go over and fucking ran out of the store, some shit like that. It's fucking terrifying, but something you do have to deal with. All right, that's not funny, but it is what it is. All right, wearing red skin gear. Dear Ginger McFuckface. I am writing, seeking your advice on fashion as you're obviously an expert in that area. All right, take it easy. I was born and raised in the DC area and I'm a die hard DC sports fan. One of my hobbies is I love to collect vintage clothing items from all DC teams. I'd be careful with that and not for the reasons you think it's just someday you're going to have all of that shit and it's going to mean so much to you. And it's just going to be taking up all

this space and it gets to the point where you start to wish that you didn't fucking do it. And then that's when you got to hire a stranger to sell it because it means too much to you. Anyway, the tricky one is this person says is the redskins. There are loads of nice redskins, starter jackets, jerseys, et cetera out there that I'd love to add to my collection. The problem is my girlfriend thinks I shouldn't be wearing red skin items. She supports my hobby and even looks for things for me, but she doesn't love the idea of me wearing any red skin gear. I grew up with the redskins and have no ill will, ill will towards any ethnicities or group. I just purely like the item because they look cool and remind me of my childhood. Plenty of people in the area

still wear redskins gear, but I worry I will piss off my girl if I buy anything redskins. Is she overthinking it or am I just out of touch? The Patriots changed their name because the Patriots were somehow, people found it offensive. Would you still wear Patriots stuff? Old school Patriots stuff. You mean curious on what you think? Thanks and go fuck yourself. The big thing that I got out of that was, you know, you want to do something, but you're worried that you're going to piss off your girlfriend. I mean, basically, as long as you're not going out to go fuck another woman, like why does she have this level of say in your hobby? You know, I mean, I don't, I don't think it's a problem. I mean, if you just like it because you grew up

with it and I don't know, I mean, I don't think it's that big a deal. And I also think that like, I guess maybe if you like wore it to a redskins game and, and like you're doing it with like malice, like fuck you. I don't think, you know, I don't care if this offends you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But, you know, if you're just like collecting it and shit like that, I mean, I don't think it's a problem. And if you wear it out or whatever, and you're wearing it because Joe Gibbs had it and reminds you of that era, I don't think it's a problem. And I think there's a lot of this type of stuff, these, these grand gestures, but there's this to make up for genocide and slavery and all this type of stuff. But I don't think there's

much work being done on individuals to change the way that they think. And I don't, you know, it's not that the people in power don't care. It's no, it is that they don't care. It's not that they want us to be fighting with each other as everybody says, I just think they're just so focused on fucking money that they just don't give a fuck. So it's kind of up to you as an individual to go out and not be an asshole. So that's all you have to do. It has nothing to do with your fucking football jacket. So if that's what you're into, I mean, I mean, granted, you're asking a white guy. If I was you, I would ask somebody who's a Native American. That's what I would do. So as a white guy, the only thing I can relate to in that,

that that that stood out to me was that you're going to piss off your girlfriend if you fucking buy some stupid football jacket. You know what I mean? It's like, all right. Okay, well, let's see a little little tit for tat here. They're fucking titties there. Little titties for nuts here. How about I won't buy this jacket, you fucking lay off the shoes. It's not the same thing. It's not the same thing. Would you like to meet the people that actually make those shoes and see the living conditions there? And what do you fucking support? All right, flying stories. All right, hi, Bill. The flying stories are great. Just wanted to say when you've been when you've been coming to LA for IVF over the last five years and until the first MR 15 month year old came along in the

COVID winter of 2020, 2021, I don't know what any of that means. What do you mean? Is this like some sort of aviation talk that I don't understand? We've been coming to LA for over the last five years and until the first MR 15 month year old came along in the COVID winter of 2020, 2021. I don't know what any of that means. We got to we got out to all different areas around Southern California. There's no capital letters. There's no like periods or anything. Okay. The flying stories are relatable. And I love hearing about the helicopter experience, your description of approaching different airports or roaming around different areas

was interesting, even suspenseful. I used to love flying the helicopters in GTA, Grand Theft Auto, and once hired a helicopter to take, fly around Melbourne to get aerial photographs. One of the scariest things I've ever done, flying on an on an R 44. Yeah, it would be scary, scarier than in one with the door off. Oh yeah, banking over to get the photos. Yeah, that's that gets a little gets a little hairy. You know, what's weird is if you're looking long out the windshield, you don't really think about how high you up you are. But when you look to the side and look down at the ground, that's when I always think fuck, banking over to get photos straight down over skyscrapers in the city. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that literally I don't know,

that makes my palm sweat. That shit freaks me out. I'm a big fan of doors on flying. The CBD is a major airport path to Tola Marie Airport, Melbourne, biggest airport, we would duck in and out of the approach path to allow 737s and 777s and a three a three 80s, as I said, go through Jesus Christ as we left a smaller airport north of Melbourne. Yeah, if you get underneath those things, the fucking the vortices, if I remember from my training, um, that gets a little crazy, like, you know, the times I've soloed into like Burbank Airport, they'll be like your number two after the jet blue or the Southwest or whatever the fuck is landing there and how it works. If you're a lighter aircraft, maybe it works. I think it

probably works with all aircraft. No, that wouldn't make sense. They probably just have the spacing. Um, it's basically if you're in a little shit fucking helicopter like me and you're behind a Southwest aircraft that's landing first, what you do is you just, you just watch where they land. They usually land, you know, right on the numbers basically a little bit after and what you do is you just come in above that and you land beyond it and that way you'd never get into their wash because it's enough to push you down and knock you out of the sky basically, which is sort of terrifying in itself. So, um, I do remember the first time I was trying to solo up along, um, the coast down Manhattan Beach and you go through, you got to pass through the Bravo airspace of, uh,

LAX. I was at King's Habba and then I got to Manhattan Beach and I made my call LA helicopters, helicopter, bah, bah, bah Manhattan Beach pier, uh, requesting transitioning through the Bravo. What was it? North North shoreline transition through the Bravo at a below 150, which is 150 feet. It's basically the beginning of Magnum PI is what you do. And of course my fucking radio is cutting out. I think I was just too low and I was inexperienced. I didn't know what was going on and I just knew the guy talked long enough. I didn't even think, well, I didn't hear the clearance. So say it again. I just thought, well, he must've told me to fucking do a holding pattern. So I just did a holding pattern and I think I accidentally went higher so I could hear him. And as I was doing

the holding pattern, I saw one of those double-decker jets taking off, you know, I was going out to fucking like France or something. Going to go fly to fucking Moscow. So that would have been interesting. Um, but you know, every pilot has those fucking stories. It's the only way, you know, you learn by fucking up. You just don't like, because here's the thing is as much as that might upset you guys to hear that story. It was like, there was no fucking way I was going to go into Bravo airspace unless I clearly heard the guy read my whole tail number and say that I was cleared in. So, um, I was more freaking out going like, okay, my radio isn't working. So what do I do now? I squawk. What is it? Fucking seven? Oh, Jesus. I don't even, I should brush up on this stuff.

What the fuck do you squawk? 75 stay alive. 76 need a fix. Yeah, need a fix would be 76 or something like that. Jesus, I should brush up on that. Anyway, glad you wrote in, sir. 7600. I think that's what you squawk, right? I'm a helicopter. I'll just fucking set it down. Get out my phone, look it up and then I'll fucking do it. Anyway, uh, joking, of course. As we left Melbourne, small airport, the pilot told me to look around and speak up if I saw another aircraft coming at us. And if I didn't have enough to think about it, as if I didn't have enough to think about, so we land and I had to just sit for a while just processing it all. I really just killed the momentum of your story. Laughable thinking about it though. It was only 35 minutes in the area,

in the air. Haha. No, dude, that's fucking scary. Because that's all analog gauges, like if you got the gammon 750 or the 1000 or something, whatever the fuck, I got the 750. It shows you where the traffic is, so you at least know where to look. Nothing is failsafe, but that would have been a great story if I just read it straight through. Sorry about that, buddy. All right, seeking wisdom from an old ginger. It was still a great story, by the way. Keep those aviation ones coming in. Dear Bill Burr, I am a 23-year-old male who feels lost and directionless for my future. Hey, buddy, welcome to the party. You are not alone. Most people at 23, myself included. That's exactly where I felt probably the most lost, because I was after college and I was just

like, what did I major in? What the fuck am I doing? Anyway, I am currently working full-time and finishing my master's program part-time. However, for the longest time, I've felt a strong desire to pack up everything and move to a new area. I'm from upstate New York and have lived in the same zip code my whole life. I'm not sure where my desire to move came from. It has always been something I wanted to do. I don't want to ignore this feeling because I know I would look back and regret it if I never tried. Right now, my plan is to finish school, save what I can, and move to a different state once I graduate. However, I have recently told a couple of friends of my siblings these ideas and they all took a shit on it. Yeah, well, that's what people do. That's something

that you're going to learn a lot. Like, hey, you know what I want to do? Especially if you tell it to somebody who's not doing anything, they're going to shit on it. Take a big fucking shit right on it. My friends have told me it doesn't seem like a good idea because I won't know anyone. Yeah, these are all fearful thoughts of people who are afraid to go anywhere. I have no family anywhere else and will be abandoning them. I have no real reason to move, but I've always wanted to live on my own in a new area while I still have the freedom to do so. This sounds like a great idea to me. I don't have anyone older than me to get outside an outside opinion on this, so I thought I would email an old bald dude for some advice. Well, you come to the right place. I would appreciate

any advice or guidance on the situation. I think that's fucking great. If that's what you feel like you want to do, you should do it, and there's a way to do both. Why don't you take a trip somewhere? You know, just you can literally get on a fucking train and pretty much go anywhere and, you know, bring like a backpack. You can go real cheap. I don't know where you live. Where's the nearest big city? Do a little research of some things you want to go to. Here's one. If you're a sports fan, if you live outside Chicago, go in and go to a White Sox or a Cubs game. Live outside New York, just take the train, go to a game by yourself. It gives a fuck. Go get a sandwich, hail a cab, just, you know, go down there and just see how it feels. And I would kind of go from there.

Traveling is an unbelievable thing to do for you as a human being. It opens up, it opens up your mind. And I think it makes you a better person if your, if your mind, if your ears are open when you go there. I mean, if you travel like most New Yorkers do, like New York, people live in New York City are the worst fucking travelers I've ever met in my life, because they get upset everywhere they go that there aren't as many buildings and they can't get this exact same food that they have where they live, which is fucking hilarious because the whole purpose of traveling is different experiences to experience something different. They're like, how come there ain't got a fucking slice of peach doing in my fucking neighborhood?

They're the worst. They're like country people that live in the city. Exact same mentality is somebody who lives in, is somebody lives in the middle like, why the fuck I need to go anywhere? I'll get everything I need right here. I ain't going in that damn city with all them gender neutral fucking transitional fucking people, those idiots. I'm not saying you're an idiot if you stay where you're at. It's if you shit on somebody else because they want to leave. Well, let me just talk to this kid here. When somebody shits on your idea, you just have to know that what they're saying has nothing to do with you. It has to do with what you're, how what you're doing makes them feel. So right there, you just cancel all of that. All right, let me ask you this. If somebody,

somebody you knew said, Hey, you know what, I always wanted to start a band or I always wanted to do this or I always wanted to go here. Would you shit on it? If the answer is no, then you're a good guy and you should get some better fucking friends. You don't need to get better friends. Just I remember a long time ago, Tom Papa, the great Tom Papa once told me said, you know, I realized in life, whenever I was making a big move, people's reaction to it had nothing to do with what I was doing. It had to do with them and where they were and if they felt stuck, they, you know, you, you leaving makes them kind of feel like left behind, I think, or something. Who gives a fuck? All right, I say you do it. And I would,

I would start, you know, as you're getting through your master's degree, which I relate to that, because, you know, I had to work my way through college and then pay off the loans and do all of that shit. So it took me forever to get through college. I didn't, I didn't finish my, all my classes until I was 24 and a half. And then I walked when I was 25, but I was out in December of 92. And then I just went through the formality in June. So you're ahead of the game when it comes to that shit, but like you're still really, really, really young. And a great way to find where you want to go is to take a couple of small trips, you know, and check it out. And it, you know, you could end up being like, you know what, maybe I'll just stay where I'm at and I'll just, I'll

travel more. Or you could be like, you know what, there's just something about this city that I connect with. For as much as I shit on New York City, I really connected with that city. And then somewhere in the 2000s, I connected more with LA. And now I keep having a reoccurring fantasy of living in the middle of nowhere, sitting on a porch, drinking coffee, smoking cigars, reading a newspaper and having a little bit of whiskey, and just not doing anything. And but I have kids. So, you know, I'm not I'm locked down. So you're 23, you got your whole life ahead of you. This is one of the best times in your life. They're all great times in your life. If you know how to live, though, if you are enjoying them,

you know, if a four wheel doesn't four wheeler doesn't backfire in your fucking ear. But you know what? My ears kind of gone down. Hopefully I didn't fuck it up, whatever. Just something you deal with, right? Anyway, that's it, everybody. Enjoy the podcast. Don't listen to your friends if they shit on your drapes. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. And I'll talk to you on Thursday. I hate this part where I gotta slide the mouse across. It's so anticlimactic. You