Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-11-19

Episode Date: March 12, 2019

Bill rambles about Direct TV, meditation, and the Beatles.

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Oh, how are you doing? I'm in a great move despite the fact that I missed that fucking the first MotoGP race of the year. I found out Direct TV doesn't have it on fucking television anymore out here, which was very disappointing to me. You know, I couldn't find it. I was scampering. I woke up in a sweat going, wait a minute, wait a minute, does F1 start today? I know something starts today. Hey, hey, am I going to miss it? Right? Freaking out. OCD. Fucking 20 goddamn races. God forbid you miss one. So I look up F1. That doesn't start till next week down in Australia. Okay, I already have that recorded. That's easy because that got picked up by ESPN.

So I'm like, all right, where the fuck's the MotoGP? I have Direct TV, all right? I'm not trying to talk down to all you people. That's right. I can still afford to pay for cable. That's how fucking hard I am crushing it out here in these streets. All you fucking cord cutters, huh? Just backing yourself into a fucking entertainment corner, just sitting there with your apps and your little Netflix fucking subscription. That's your world. What are you going to do? Watch every episode of Narcos and then some stupid documentary to try and press your friends. You need those 700 fucking channels that they have, 300 of which are radio stations.

What are you walking away from, millennials? What are you afraid of? They're all proud of it too, because when I couldn't find it on Direct TV, I went on to the Twitter and very nicely, dare I say eloquently, I just put out to the Twitter sphere. I said, hey, does anybody know what channel the MotoGP is on on Direct TV? And oh, oh, did the cunts come out of the woodwork? Jesus Christ, you would have thought I put a fucking piece of cheese down in a bun. All the fucking little rats that came running out, right? Do rats even eat cheese? Don't they kind of eat anything? You know what I mean?

Like if you just put like a severed finger in a mousetrap, wouldn't a fucking rat eventually come up and try and eat the fucking thing? I mean, I don't give a shit, right? They're like that relative that always shows up to the event, never brings anything and just hovers, right? Hovers around the fucking table, doesn't use that fucking spoon, you know, to scoop it out. He's just reaching in with his fucking mitts. That's what rats are, right? That's a rat and social uncle. Anyways, plowing ahead. So I put it out there nicely. Okay. I like to feel like, you know, being a man in my fifties now that I am refined. I am a man of the world. All right. I drive a four-door sedan. I still pay for cable.

Okay. So I'm like this close to buying a pair of loafers. Do you want to stand it like that? That is like how established I am as an adult. So I put it out there nicely. Does anybody know what channel the MotoGP race is on, uh, on direct TV? Oh, these fucking cunts come out of the woodwork. And first of all, you know, channel 69, huh? You get it? Huh? Are you going to try that? Uh-huh. Right? Then they start doing this one birth. Then they start speaking and Twitter speak. I didn't know that direct TV was still a thing. Oh, wow, man. You're like so cool the way you, the way you get your entertainment. Jesus Christ, you wouldn't, you would have thought I showed up with a fucking, I don't know, the wrong pair of

sneakers on it. I went down was like in fifth grade. The fact that I actually suggested I, I had no idea there was so much shame and still having direct TV. I pay like 200 bucks a month for cable. That's what I got. What do you think I went from one fucking podcast a week to two? I got to pay for my direct TV. I do. You know, somebody told me one time he goes, dude, you're paying way too much money. Just have me come over there and I'll yell at him. I'll cut it in half because all these fucking people are cord cutting and shit. You can, you know, I have all the sports packages. Oh yeah, I'm talking shit here, people. Okay. I pay for direct TV. I have all four sports packages. All right. And I miss most of the games.

Okay. You want to talk about taking hundreds and just throwing them into a fire, a light and a cigar. That's how I'm rolling. Anyway, so it turns out that direct TV no longer carries MotoGP, which in my world is the best fucking racing out there, as far as if you want to see excitement, if you want passing. Okay. You fucking NASCAR guys down there, huh? With your fucking still that also doubles as a smoker during the tailgate. You want to get drunk. You stand on this side. If you want some buffalo butt, you get on that side, right? You guys want to see fucking excitement. If you want to see passing and that type of shit, you want to see a, you want to see a wreck, watch a fucking guy high side on a motorcycle,

go in like fucking 200 miles an hour. Like once every three races, there's just something that would make evil. Can evil be like Jesus fucking crowds. That guy's still alive. At which point you say it's called an airbag, evil. You know, they watched your little jump there at fucking Caesars. Who am I talking about? Evil can evil would laugh at that bullshit. They're little light bikes and they're fucking airbags. You know, he went out there wearing a fucking pair of leather underruised and got on a fucking chopper. You could fucking buy down at the local store. Fucking bike weight more than my goddamn head. Anyway, you want to watch this MotoGP. So I fucking ended up going online. Everybody's

like, why don't you watch it on Reddit for free or whatever? So I didn't. I go to MotoGP, their website. I signed up for this season, 139 bucks, right? More money, more money. Just fucking, just flying out the window, right? So I signed up for it and then I'm such an old guy, I couldn't figure out where to watch it. I finally figured it out after the race was over. You got to click on, there's like four lines on the side and one of them says live. And when you click on that, that's the fucking race. And by the time I figured that out, you know, it's counting down like fucking, you know, 9,000 hours until the next goddamn race. So I missed it. And like all MotoGP races that sounded like it was exciting as hell. And it came right down to the

end. And to Vizio, so be mock, mock as like he did last year by like the length of his bike. And I don't know, I'm hoping if anybody, you know, watches it on MotoGP site, if they replay it, I can't even find a fucking highlight of it. But anyways, so all you read next down there who like your stock car racing, just it's 20 something laps, it'll go by in two seconds. And I know it's a bunch of foreigners out there on their little Moto scooters. I ain't ain't nobody named Kale or Harry or Dale. You know, there's a mark that's kind of an, you know, Andres De Vizio. So Jorge Lorenzo close the fucking border. I'd like to build a wall around that fucking racetracks. What the fuck I'd like

to do jump over that motherfucker. So anyways, I might seem a little like my energy is a little higher, a little more giddy. It's because I ain't doing shit. I got a special in the can man. And I'm just I haven't done stand up since I said good night on the second show. And tonight I'm actually going down to the, to the comedy store that it's closed to the public. It's just for comics only. And it's the Memorial for Brody Stevens, which I think is going to be, I think it's going to be great. It's going to be sad. But I really think it's like he's such an uplifting guy. And there was so much to learn from him that I am really looking forward to going down there and celebrating that guy's life and the work that he that he did down at the comedy store, one of the

legends, one of the legends. There's a place out front where they put all the all the names of the people that really built that place and kept it going. I hope they move his name up there. That's what I'm going to suggest. So anyway, yeah, all I did, I took my daughter down to the park, you know, we went on the fucking all the rides and all that stuff just had like the best time hanging out with her. And we've said we watched the Bruins. We watched the Celtics. I watched the Bruins. I watched three Bruins games this fucking weekend. The Panthers, Ottawa, which both ended great. And then Pittsburgh, I had a feeling they were going to get us. I mean, we literally won like

18 or 19 in a row undefeated, you know, we were like, we were like 150 and four, I think. So at some point, someone was going to have to stop us. And the Penguins always play as tough. And as much as it sucked that the streak ended, it was our longest point streak since I guess the early 40s. But I got to tell you something, Sidney Crosby's pass in the second period. Did anybody see that? Jesus Christ. I mean, that's one of those things you watch. It's just like, what do we need robots for? Like that's like the kind of thing like a robot, you know, skating that fast, trying to get around a defenseman. And then he has another guy streaking down on the outside of

another defenseman. And then he got the goalie who could poke check the pass away. He put it the only place where it could fucking be like a top ready fucking pass to the quarter of the end zone. Right on the tape, bang, bang in the back of the fucking net. It was just one of those. It's one of those things, even though the other team did it, you can't even get mad. You're just like, Jesus Christ, that was fucking, that was a thing of beauty. So I don't have another fucking gig other than one quick benefit in New York that I'm doing on April 2nd, garden of dreams. at MSG in the theater where Eddie Murphy did raw. I always think about that when I when I go down and do the show that that this is where he did that special. And I saw him on that tour.

Yet what used to be called great woods in Mansfield, Massachusetts with the weather girls opening up I for the life of me cannot find any record of that date when it happened. I think I finally found it. When do you when are you fucking millennial nerds find that? All right, it was like 85 or in 1986. Great Woods had just opened Mansfield, Massachusetts. And that summer I saw I saw Rodney Dangerfield. And this was post back to school. He was that movie hit and he was on this huge tour. And then I saw him and then that a couple weeks later, I saw Eddie Murphy. And I remember that that really was something that stuck with me. I was like 18 years old. And I remember when I went to see Dangerfields watching him and just looking

around at the crowd. And it didn't dawn on me that was an all white crowd because I'm white. I just like this is what the world looks like to me at that point in my life, you know, living in the safe suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts was just a bunch of white people. So it didn't really dawn on me that was an all white crowd. And I remember looking around thinking, wow, man, this guy's making everybody laugh. He's killing. This is amazing. Right. And then a couple weeks later, I saw Eddie Murphy and the crowd was mixed. And I remember that stuck with me. I was like, this kid, but this guy, this guy's making everybody laugh. I had lawn seats for that. I had seats for Dangerfield. So I actually saw him and

it kills me that I didn't try and pony up some more money back then, but I didn't have any money to not sit in the fucking field. I mean, I didn't really technically see him. I was just watching him on the monitors. But he was wearing that purple Mariachi suit that he wore. So anyway, fuck am I talking about here? How the hell did I get onto that? I don't know. And I watched the Celtics versus the Lakers. And at the risk of sounding like an old man, just I fucking hate NBA hoop now. You know, it's just Jesus fucking up and down the fucking court, everybody launching a three. There's nobody underneath. You know, the other teams on a 10, oh run yet just keep launching threes. There's no feeding the big

man down low anymore. Nobody can stand in the fucking paint. You know, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck is going on with the Celtics. I haven't watched too much, but I watched a bunch the last couple of years. And I can tell you this, when we had fucking Jay Crowder and Kelly Olenek and everybody was fucking listening to Brad Stevens, we were a tougher team to beat. We didn't have the level of talent, but we were a tougher team to beat in this whole fucking new era. And you hear the announcers just like, you know, they condone the behavior that people get so good that they don't have to listen to the coach anymore. And I'm not just picking on the Celtics like that's like around the fucking league. And I don't know. I don't know, you know,

he's going to have to get his touches, fuck his touches. They're going out here to win the fucking game. Drives me quick. We have this unbelievable chance right now. With the talent talent that we have, we should be able to at the very least scare the Golden State Warriors. I know we beat him the other day in regulars, but that doesn't mean shit. It's one game, regular season, like those guys are the fucking champs. They're in the middle of a fucking dynasty and they're going to have an entirely different energy when you meet them in the finals. All right, as opposed to fucking one game out of 80 or whatever that you happen to catch them on a fucking Wednesday night and you beat them. We have this great opportunity to win another one

while the Lakers are fucking rebuilding. And I love how everybody's like in panic mode. Like Magic Johnson and those guys are doing exactly what the fuck they said they were going to do. We brought in LeBron. Okay, this is a two year plan. Like the fan base is they're so fucking impatient. Now like a two year plan is taken too long. So it's literally you're bringing fucking LeBron the first year and then he's going to attract all of this free agent help. And then they're all going to go out there and pile on because everyone wants to be part of the Lakers fucking, you know, great history and they want to fuck models and famous women. You know, that's the fucking thing that they have over the Celtics.

They got the weather and they got the pussy. We just can't fucking compete. You know, you want to go racist city to racist city. We're right there. Oh, we got your eyeball to eyeball. You want to go championships. We got two more than they do unless you count that BAA one that they count. But they have the weather and they have the pussy and that that right fucking there. You know what I mean? The fuck are you going to do with that? How do you beat that? Location, location, location. How many titles do you think that the fucking Lakers would have had if they stayed in Minneapolis? Okay, and they had the exact same ownership. I'm asking, can they still attract the level

of talent that they attracted being out there in Hollywood? Now all of a sudden you're in the frozen tundra of Minneapolis, Minnesota, right? You got fucking farm fed chicks wearing their overalls coming in from Duluth, right? You got some hay seeds making the trek in from fucking the Dakotas. I mean, I just don't see it. I just don't think there's enough pussy and you don't have the fucking weather. Weather and pussy have caused more goddamn athletes to make stupid fucking moves to jump out of the NFL and join the fucking World Football League. Well, money too. Money, weather and pussy. The trifecta. So I don't know. I'm just hoping people listen to Brad Stevens. Just listen to what the fuck this guy says. Play like a goddamn team,

fuck your own stats, and just go out there and get it done, and let's fucking win another one before the Lakers are coming because the Lakers are coming. They're always coming. Okay, it's almost like a rule. They can only suck for like five fucking years before they're going to re... And you know they're going to re... Their whole fucking history is free agents. Free agents. Right down to Kobe Bryant, who was a fucking Charlotte Hornet. But what kills me, you know, look at that Antonio Brown, like, yeah, you're going to the bills. Yeah, I'm not playing for them. Well, get the fuck out of the league. I don't understand. The bills just made a move to get one of the top receivers in the league, but he doesn't like where the fuck they are,

so he's not going to fucking go. I mean, that... I don't know. What happened to Parity in the fucking league? Listen, I'm all for like players not getting fucked over by ownership, but they're at the point now where they have too much power, you know, kind of like where the unions were when I was a kid, which caused all these fucking corporations to be like, all right, well, we're just going to move the corporation out of this fucking country, and go back to sweatshop labor, you know? And I'm, you know, I don't mind union unions. I'm not saying don't have a fucking union, but who's kidding? No, you know, most people don't handle power well, right? And then became too greedy, too conty, too much leaning on the mop, and then the fucking rich guys were like,

yeah, we're fucking out of here. I got to tell you something. All of what I've just said here, I don't think I've ever really read on it. I've just, this is all me just pasting together conversations I've heard throughout my life. Okay. Like I've said before, if you want clear and accurate information, you listen to the Joe Rogan podcast, by the way, I have to give that guy a shout out, right? As far as like that, what that guy has done with his part, have you been looking at the fucking guests that that guy's getting? He's like, Elon Musk and the Dr. Phil and the David Lee Roth, and then like some scientists that I've even heard of, who then blows my mind about like some sort of like, I don't know, I don't know some scientific shit, I don't fucking I'm too stupid

to understand it. But like, that guy is like, I don't know, I don't know what's where this podcasting world goes. But like, at this point, if you do, if you're a guest on his show, you get more heat than if you do like, like a fucking legendary talk show. It's I don't know, it's unbelievable what that guy is, is has done. I was just thinking the other day, what the fuck guest did I see? I think was it David Lee Roth? I think it was just the, the variety of guests that I mean, getting Dr. Phil. That's fucking huge. I mean, that is like a big mainstream, old school guest, I'm going to go do the talk show circuit. I'm going to fucking go do terrestrial radio and all that you get that fucking guy. I mean, that I thought that that was

a big, you know, I don't know, that's a big moment. That's that's right up there. You know, when Marin had Obama on, I think when they look back at like, what are these podcasts come from? But what were some of the watershed moments like, I would say, I don't know, stamps.com starting to advertise. And then it goes Obama on Mark Marins. And then it's Joe Rogan's numbers and his wide variety of, I mean, he had like Elon Musk on his show. The guy took a hit of a joint and it affected his stock prices. That's fucking amazing. Anyways, but meanwhile, here I sit in my fucking sweatpants talking to myself, stubborn, stubborn, German, Irish guy, just going to do it this way. I don't want to talk to

people, man. I'm fucking with you. If you've noticed when I do interviews, I'm a lot of times I'm too busy thinking about what the fuck I want to say or somebody says something and I drift off. And then it becomes like that Chris Farley thing where I'm just fucking grabbing the side of my pants going, man, when you did this, that was awesome. All right. So, oh, Billy, no booze bag. Okay. 107 fucking days. And I went to the gym yesterday and for the first time in like three years, I did a dip testing out my shoulders. Fortunately, where I go to the gym, they have like this, the dip machine, you can actually remove the dip bar and adjust it to your height. So I have it just way down near the floor where my arms are actually straight when I'm holding

onto it. And then I just sort of went up on my toes, you know, supported my weight with my arms and went up on my toes like Michael Jackson, you know, and, you know, minus that documentary or whatever the fuck is going on with that. And I was just lowering myself down. And every time I felt a little bit stronger. And then yesterday I was like, I think I can do one. I did one felt all right. And then I kind of did three in a row. And I was just like, why did I just do that? Because I'm finding what the the rotator cuff it's a is it rotator or wrote rotor cuff rotator cuff, rotor cuff. Jesus Christ, I mean, I've had this injury for three fucking years. And I don't, it's one, you know, I just have these words that I don't really know how to say. So I just say them

fast. So Oh, people don't notice rotator cuff. Yeah. Oh, and first I used to think is it rotator cup or rotator cuff? I don't know what the fuck it is. If you're still listening, God bless you, that's all I can say. So anyways, I was able to do that. And then they have one of those, those, those pull up machines that you can, you know, be on your knees with like the weight and all that stuff. So I did like two or three of those. And now what's fucking hilarious is I'm kind of feeling a weird feeling in my other shoulder, because I think this one got worn out because of the other one. And I think I'm finally, I'm just going to go to get an MRI on both of my shoulders, figure out what the fuck's going on. And then I might do a Rogan. But Rogan's been telling

me to do is go fucking check out this guy that does the stem cell thing, and they just shoot it in there. And all of a sudden, you're like a fucking X man. I think I might do that, you know, I think I deserve that. I didn't get the hair plugs, right? I'm not doing Botox. I'm aging naturally. You know, I don't think there's anything wrong with rebuilding the engine in my fucking shoulders. Oh, geez, my kids screaming down there. But anyways, I haven't been drinking. I haven't really been smoking. And I don't know, I'm actually calling a fucking therapist today to find because I've been staying on my on stage, I've been working on my anger, but I've been kind of doing it on my own. And I'm finally going to get some help here. And I've been doing this joke in my accent,

like, you know, if I just didn't have a temper, like, as far as like, you know, your wife's always, you know, trying to we'll say in a nice way tries to always trying to help you become a better person. Like, I think if I got rid of my temper, she would be out of suggestions. You know, because other than my temper, I mean, I'm fucking crushing it. Do you understand that, guys? Do you understand that I am a man that can still afford to pay for direct TV? 900 channels, 350 of which are radio stations. I don't even listen to those. You know, I'll fucking I'll pay for that direct TV subscription and then I'll order a UFC fight and a sports package. I don't give a fuck. I'll fuck off. I'll fucking stay right at $300 bill.

Pay it. Just like that. I'm sorry I'm doing this. I just was so shamed for still paying for fucking cable. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't know that I'm gonna fucking doing this shit where I got everything's like, I like it all right there on my fucking TV. I watched this on my laptop. I watched this on my phone. I got this thing on my fucking pad. Bill, they're all the same technology. You can watch them anywhere. I don't want to figure it out. I don't want to figure it out. Used to just fucking turn it on. That was it. Three fucking channels. All right, you knew all the fucking songs. Making the way in your world today. Who can turn the world on with their smile?

Who can take her hairy muff and warm some cock up there in Minneapolis? Well, the fucking Lakers have left now. The only show left in town is Mary Tyler Moore's fucking warm pussy. Sorry. All right, let's read some, let's read some advertising. All right. Oh, look who's back everybody. All zip. You know, hiring is a challenge, but there's one place you can go where hiring is simple. Sometimes you want to go where hiring people is fucking simple. Boom, boom, boom, boom. And it's fucking fast and smart. Boom, boom, boom. You want to keep on fucking boozing without anybody giving you shit. You want to hang with more alcoholics. Yeah. Sorry.

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of the homepage and try and type in burp. That's stamps.com enter burr. That was that was relatively painless right? You know, I realized halfway through this. I need to let somebody know that I'm not going to be able to get to where the fuck I'm supposed to be. Anyways, we pl lifecycle Okay, creepy Lenin mannequin. All right. A couple weeks ago, I was in Liverpool, and I went down to this, this. Oh, it says right here magical Beatles Museum. Okay, this I actually and I was making fun of that fucking John Lennon statue. Well, if you missed the episode, you come so literally the one of the first fucking things you see. And it's like the white suit like, Oh, fuck, is that the white suit? Why would that be out here in the open where

anybody could just take it? You walk up, you realize it isn't the white suit. You realize it doesn't look like fucking John Lennon at all. It's got this awful beard like tape to the things face. I mean, it just, it just looks like a rip off. I mean, they might as well, I had a fucking two headed goat standing out there or something. So I made fun of it. So anyways, it says hi, Bill. I work at the magical Beatles Museum and parentheses. I like most of the staff agree with you. The mannequin should be thrown in the river mercy mercy. Okay, the guys from cheat trick found it weird as well. Alright, so that's a major fucking band with I believe that bands in the rock and roll Hall of Fame and they are looking at it like,

dude, what the fuck? It's unfortunate you and your pal decided not to come in as the mannequin certainly does not represent what is inside the museum is on three floors and is filled with 300 and counting genuine Beatles artifacts from 1959 to 1970. So you know, this is making me wish I went in there. You got to get rid of that fucking mannequin. These include the medals John Lennon wore on the Sergeant Pepper cover. Wow, George Harrison's future Rama guitar. I don't know what that is. The spotlights from Abby Rhodes studios. Ringo stars snare drum. Jesus seats from Shea Stadium and the cello from the blue J way video, etc, etc, etc. The owner of the museum also the guy responsible for the creepy mannequin is rogue Aspinale best. I didn't couldn't tell if that was an affliction

or a name. It's a name. Okay, he is the son of Neil Aspinale. Beatles roadie and head of Apple records. He's also brother of Pete Best original Beatles drummer and is a great guy. Next time you're in Liverpool, come in and we'll give you and your pals slash family a free tour. All the best bill fuck that dude. I'm going to pay. I'm going to pay. Although I would ask him it does Pete get upset that he started a fucking museum to the band that fired him fired his brother. It's got to be kind of weird, right? I don't know. I'm sure I'm sure Pete Best is over it at this point, right? Is there any other, you know, that's another thing to you know on on on Twitter. I'm an old man. I'm still on Twitter, right? I'm still on the Twitter. Somebody had this this hashtag going

around that said not popular opinions. And people would say like, you know, I don't know, pick somebody like I don't think Adele has a good voice. You know, stupid shit like nobody said that by the way. I'm just happy I know what a surname I was calling her Adelaide for a long fucking time. But somebody wrote the Beatles are overrated. That's another one. That's a big one. When millennials want to appear edgy. They go they're overrated. Oh, are they? Okay. Okay, well, maybe if you read up on the history at some fucking point, oh geez, I got a phone call. Hang on a second. All right, here's the thing about that. I understand if the Beatles you're young and the Beatles music doesn't move you. Because I mean, it's music from literally

50 fucking years ago. At this point, that's the end of their career to and then the other stuff is coming up on 60 years. Okay, so in defense of you guys, I understand that. If you don't like it or it doesn't, but they're not overrated. I mean, they just they influenced an entire generation of of bands to get started. They made the whole fucking thing possible. And because of them, you're listening to the music that you're listening to today, they are an undeniable part of music history. But I would never, you know, be this old guy going like, you know, if you told me that music sucks, I'm not going to argue that. That's just like, I mean, if I fucking grew up now, I would like some of their songs. Even I remember in the 80s, like liking them in my

teacher being like going like, dude, you don't get it. You don't get how fucking huge it was. When a Beatles album came out, it's like, though, the fucking world stopped for younger people then and you bought it. And people do it. I got the new Beatles album, everybody came over and fucking listened to it. I mean, I wasn't even part of that. So, but as far as like, like Verzi always, Verzi hates the Beatles, and he's just like, yellow submarine bill, yellow. So it's like, dude, everybody's got a bad fucking joke in their act. Come on. Anyways, you know, Verzi, you know, whatever. I get it. I get it. It's too much time has passed. I've heard younger comics talk about some big comics that way and not get like what the big deal is. But what happens is, is the further

like, look, look at Beethoven. Can you fucking imagine when that shit first came out? Like it just, you're fucking sitting there. You got a goddamn boil. The size of my foot on the side of your fucking head. You're fighting off typhoid, yellow feet, whatever the fucking goddamn plague. And also this guy just shows up with a hundred of his friends. Like, dude, what the fuck? You know, and now you're just sitting there eating a subway sandwich in an elevator and in the background is going, but it doesn't have the same fucking impact. But that it doesn't mean the dude's overrated. Does it? I don't fucking know. Anyways, moving ahead here. Or if you look at you, if you look at what is the soul, you've watched Soul Train. Do you watch some of the people dancing from

way fucking back then? There's a lot of them that compared to today's standards. I'm not talking about the legendary dances, just people on the dance floor. I just, when I watch, because Nia loves that show and I'll be just watching, I just laugh going like, you know, there's a lot of people on this show that are dancing at a level that awful white people dance at today. Like the bar just keeps getting raised off of the work. So if you go back, the hardest thing to do when you go back in history is to block out what has happened since then and try to put it into historical perspective, which is practically impossible. It's like going back and looking at Johnny Unite is how he threw for over 40,000 yards in his career. And like the next closest guy had half

as much as that. But now I like the way the rules have changed, like a fucking goddamn backup quarterback will throw for 30,000 in his career. So it doesn't seem like a big deal. So I don't know. I'm just defending the Beatles. That's all. And now I feel bad that I trashed this fucking museum and I judged it by that goddamn mannequin. I think the whole purpose all that was me just realizing that I'm a bit of a cunt. Hey, he's a bit of a cunt. There he is. He's a bit of a cunt. All right, cheesy, teasing babies. Dear Billy Badge, have you seen these pussies throwing cheese onto their kids' faces? I saw one of them. It's just the fucking desperation for people to get views

on the internet to the point. I mean, look, I'm a performer. I have a desperation for it. I get it on some level. But when you start like the amount of videos I just see of like parents with like their kids, right? And they're starting to fall and they don't do anything and they just film it so they can laugh and they just like let their kid get hurt is, you know, the real ones like you can tell it wasn't set up is because right as the kid starts to fall like that you see the fucking phone flies out of frame and you actually miss the kid falling down. You can tell the parent lunged and tried to save the person. But yeah, I don't get it. Anyways, it's like how the person said, how much do you hate yourself that you throw cheese on a baby's face?

Just imagine what type of memory is sublimely stored where a baby sees a camera and then something hit their face. I'd arrest all these asshole parents and throw fire hose water at their faces. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it does like psychological damage to the baby if you can even fucking remember it. Like someday it's going to be in Philly and they're like, Hey, you want to get a cheese steak? It's like, Hey, Jesus fucking starts slamming the sandwich into its face. I don't know that it does that there is just the thing where when you are or you become a parent, just I like defenseless and helpless. Your kid is look, I'm not advocating being a helicopter parent. I'm not saying that, but

there's just something about filming it like because it's the kid obviously doesn't enjoy it. It obviously startles the kid and the fact that you're putting your own fucking adult needs ahead of that. I mean, I all of that that whole category is giving you kid a stupid fucking name like coat hanger or some dumps Hollywood celebrity fucking name or or or putting your fucking political agenda like your kid is going to live your political agenda. I'm raising my kid gender neutral and then all of a sudden you kid ask your son has to wear a fucking dress just so you can show off how fucking progressive you are, rather than asking the kid if he just wants a football instead. You know what I mean? Like you're going to make that decision. I think all of that stuff is

I don't know what the I'm not a psychologist. I just it's not how I would do it. You know, I think you should if your kid starts to fall, you should try to catch your kid. I think if there's cheese, you should hand it to your child. If your kid wants to eat it, they eat it. If they don't, then you finish it and get a few more pounds like a dad, right? I don't know. And I also just like if your kid fucks up and then you put it on the internet, it's just like it exists forever. And kids are already mean, you're literally giving like ammunition. Like somebody showed me this video, this woman, her kid was being a class clown and dancing at school and she gave him the option. She says, I'm either going to give you the belt

or you can dance. So the kid is crying because he's scared and he's sitting there doing this half ass like dancing while he's crying and everybody thinks it's funny. It's like this fucking kid has to go to school. Not to mention you should have hit a kid with a belt. There's like so many fucking things that are wrong with it. I don't know. So yeah, I don't I don't like and I think, you know, your instincts that you're that mad that you I could feel the anger that you have towards it. Yeah, like you shouldn't do that. I imagine with your level of anger, like some shit was done to you as was done to me. And I think you go one or two ways. You either repeat it slash try to take it to the next level or you just go back to

like, Oh, I remember what that felt like. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Why would I do that? But you know, there's a lot of morons that, you know, you don't have to be smart to know how to fuck. That's the thing. If they just made it like something like, like if it was as difficult as getting like a degree in something, I think the world would be a better place. But anybody can be like, Oh, my dick standing up. I want to stick it in there. Next thing you know, you have a fucking kid and you're throwing cheese at it and you're filming it. I don't know. I wouldn't do it. We'll see. We'll see what the fallout is. But my kid's not going to be part of that fucking experiment. All right, Premier League soccer soccer is in quotes. So

I'm imagining this is a fucking somebody who doesn't live in the US. Hey, Billy ball breaker, I've been listening for a long time and really enjoy your podcast, especially during football season. As I find your analysis is put more in layman's terms for us Brits being a fellow patriot fan. Nice. Here also gets me shit as most people follow the Seahawks. Wasn't that interesting? Hey, if you don't mind, right back in, let me know, why did they follow the Seahawks? Because it's always cloudy over there and they have the same kind of weather in Britain as they do in Seattle. That's really interesting. I've enjoyed your recent ramblings about the Premier League and Liverpool's battle with Manchester this year. So I thought I'd share a few facts

you may enjoy and help you understand more. Liverpool were actually the more successful team in history with 18 league titles. Oh yeah, I heard about this. This is like before the Premier League existed. It's almost like pre Super Bowl era. They had five Europe, okay, so 18 league titles, five European titles and a bunch of other cups until recently when their biggest rivals, Manchester United overtook them and have 20 titles, but only three European titles. So that's basically the Celtics and Lakers of Premier League football. Given your gripe about the Steelers, I thought you'd be interested to know that all 18 of Liverpool's titles were before the Premier League era, but are still very much counted here, as it should be. Yes, it should. Their

Wikipedia page is very interesting as they have also faced tragedies along with other clubs and still cake out on top. Never heard that expression unless that's a typo. Secondly, Man City are only recently a good team. As 10 years ago, they were about, they were, I think you missed a word here, as 10 years ago, they were about over by Arab, I think they were bought out is what he wanted, Arab billionaires and have basically paid extraordinary amounts of money for the best players and are still not quite good enough to win all the cups. See, this is, this is what you need to get into it. It's already a beautiful game. And now all I need is the backstory and the drama. So I think that's really interesting that Man City, all of a sudden they have all this money,

which who gives a fuck? Because, you know, before then, everyone was probably going to Man United or Liverpool if they wanted to win a title. Now, hey, they come out of nowhere. I like it. It's good. You know, you guys all got money that Boston Red Sox own the Liverpool God knows they got fucking more money than God. What about Man United? Did they got a bunch of money with that legacy? I feel like they need to do something soon. Or all of a sudden, it starts to fade a little bit. Like the Michigan Wolverines, like, thank God they got, what's his face there? Captain comeback to save the, and he did, even though he hasn't beat No House State yet, Harboss saved that fucking program because you can only be bad for so long

where all this if you suck for kids in recruits entire life, they don't give a shit. That becomes beetle ever stuff. Like, yeah, whatever, that's yellow submarine football. I don't give a fuck about it. And they're going to end up like Oregon came out of nowhere because all of a sudden they started having these cool uniforms and started winning games. Abbot on a total tangent here. So let's see, here we go. Thirdly, going on what you said about the offside's rule and the defending player slowing down, they can do this, but if the attacking player is behind them when the ball is played, they are still on side and can score. Wait, how does that work? The attacking player is behind them when the ball is played. Well, doesn't that mean he ran past them with the ball?

He can't go past the last defender without the ball, right? So the attacker must time their run with their other players, making the pass and the defending players must do the same, but also be aware that if they get, oh, I see what you're saying. So like if he's like parallel to, or is it perpendicular, if he's parallel to the defenseman and somebody kicks the ball past the defenseman, he can take off as the ball's kicked and then he will still be on side. I get that. All right, that's a little more, okay, I guess. So it's sort of like a moving blue line, I guess. I really appreciate you taking the time to explain this to me, though. So let me read that again slowly. When the ball is played,

that means kicked, I guess, then they are still on the outside and can score. So the, wait, wait, wait, what the fuck was, thirdly, going on what you said about the offside's rule and the defending players slowing down, they can do this. But if the attacking player is behind them, when the ball is played, meaning kicked, then they are still on side and can score. So the attacker must time their run with their other player. I like that. There's a finesse to that, I have to respect. Making the pass. Oh, do you have to respect it? You fucking arrogant cunt. Whatever. I'm trying to be nicer. And the defending players must do the same, but also be aware that if they get, if they get wrong, they have to chase back and stop the goal.

There are also other factors such as the other player isn't involved in the play. He isn't offside and can stand anywhere. All right, apologies for the length. No, man, you actually cleared it up a little bit more. I still don't think I 100% understand it, because I don't know how far away you have to be from the play and you can still be on side. Hope you found this interesting and please do a show in either Belfast or Dublin, so I can go. Thanks and go fuck yourself. I was out in Dublin last June. I haven't been at Belfast in a little bit, but I have to tell you how excited the two tours I've done this year through Europe. It's been incredible. And I got one more that starts in Iceland at the end of April.

I don't know. It's just incredible. The people showing up, the venues I get to play to. Yeah, I don't know. I'm still kind of blown away by that. So I'm looking forward to it. And I still have not been down to Australia. I keep saying if something always ends up coming up, I got some acting work, had to push some dates. But after I do my next Europe run, the next one I do, I have to go back to Australia because I haven't been there in a couple of years. All right. And now I just take the special. So I got to build the fucking hour back up again. And I can't go over there when it's weak. I got to make sure, you know, because those Aussies fucking people don't screw around, right? So I got to make sure it's where it needs to be.

But I will figure all of this out. All right. All right, binaural beats, b-i-n-u-a-r-a-l beats. Dear Bill, have you heard of binaural beats? They are a great alternative to silent meditation and have the same benefits. All you need is a nice pair of headphones and YouTube on your phone. Just wanted to let you know, because I'm also an angry cunt sometimes. I found these and they really help with every negative emotion. There are even a few that apparently help with migraines. Check them out. Thanks for the laugh. Is this a real thing? Is this a thing? Let me see. Here we go. Let me look this up here. b-i-n-u-a-r-a-l for the people looking it up to beats. All right.

All right, this is for meditation. This is three hours and 15 minutes. Let's listen to a little bit of this. Vegetarians healthy. Well, they eat french fries, don't they? Here we go. Here is some binaural beats. Sounds like a horror movie. No, no! Get away from me! All right. You know, I can get into that. Start off a little scary. Start it off. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was a little, oh, speaking of scary movies. If you see Jordan Peele's The Trailer for his new movie, that movie looks so scary. I'm almost angry at him,

because I'm gonna go see it. I saw that and he was like, oh my god. And I was like, fuck that movie. Fuck that. I'm gonna go see it, but Jesus Christ. Oh my god. I fucking hate scary movies, but I love Jordan, so I'm gonna go see that movie. I also love this is the last one he did so, but like this one looks like it's just full-on fucking horror. And I don't need that, but you know, I'm gonna go see it. All right, boyfriend's family is silent during dinner. We should go see it. Me and Nia and then we'll come on the podcast and talk about it. She'd be like, oh my god, I love that. I love being scared and I'll be fucking pissed that I went through that shit. You know, I told you when I saw,

when I saw the Blair Witch, I had a set at the lab factory and I went to the movie, like the midnight showing by myself and then I walked down to the parking garage by myself to the car, just totally freaked off like, I don't like, I'm not one of those people that can just sit there and be like, this is the movie. I fucking buy in and it scares the shit out of me. All right, boyfriend's family is silent during dinner. Okay, let's see. What do we do with this one? Dear Bill, I need some advice about a guy I've been seeing who is great, but his family are kind of strange. They are lovely and quite nice, but they are incredibly awkward when together as a family. It's not that they say or do weird things, it's that we basically sit in silence when we're

together. When I first met him, when I first met them, Jesus Christ, I feel like I should be playing that meditation music while I fucking, as I read this. There's nobody there stirring coffee slowly, are they? Or tea, whatever it was. Now, when I first met them, I thought that they must have just came from a funeral because we went out for lunch and it was eerily silent. I was trying to be nice and ask a few questions, but I was just getting one word answers. I asked my boyfriend about this and he had no idea what I was talking about. He even started to get a bit defensive. Oh, all right. Well, there you go. That's just how they are. We've been dating about six months and I dread seeing them because it feels like I'm being tortured and under threat of

speaking. My boyfriend is completely oblivious to it and loves seeing his family, which is crazy weird because I would say he is reasonably outgoing and fun when we go out with a group of friends. Yeah, that is, that's really fucking weird. Should I stop seeing him or do you think you missed a word, you think would be some good techniques for dealing with them? Please give me some advice. Hey, you're single. You're not married. So this is all about you. All right. You just have to, you have to figure out, do I love this guy? You haven't even said you loved him. Am I into this person enough to put up with this? Like these people, you have a kid with this guy, these fucking non-talking motherfuckers are coming over to your house. All right. It seems like you're

early on where you're like, should I stop seeing this guy or should maybe it all depends on how much you like the guy. That's so, it's so weird that they're, it's not weird that they're like that and it's not weird that he's oblivious because, you know, your family just seems like your family, you grew up, but the fact that he loves seeing them, that's what's weird to me. Like if they're just like a not close, cold family that barely talks, like that's usually would mean that, you know, I see him once every year, year and a half. I come around during the holidays and then that's it. But the fact that he goes there all the time to sit there and then not say anything to them, I don't know. It starts making me wonder if they're like fucking aliens or something,

they're communicating through the center of their foreheads or some shit. Yeah, that's definitely strange. And the fact that you're so uncomfortable that now you're thinking maybe there's some good techniques that you're going to go in there and Dr. Phil and fix the whole fucking family in one segment, it's not going to happen. So I think you need to, you got to make a tough choice there. All right. Me either let this great guy go and try to find another great guy. You sound like you're still young. You're still drafting in the first couple of rounds. So there's plenty of good talent left out there. Maybe you could have more of a normal family, but that is or

you just learned to deal with their creepy horror show fucking vibe. But I don't know what good techniques you're going to use to fix that, especially when you brought it up to him, he had no idea what you were talking about and was like defensive about it. So there is that. Anyways, I'm going to try that that fucking horror music chanting shit. I think I would actually like this better than I have a meditation app and it's just this guy just keeps talking throughout being like, hello again and welcome to another beautiful day with an opportunity to clear your mind, meditate. I'd like you to find a comfortable chair

and just sit in it. Feel the chair up against your body. Are there places that it's touching you too much? Or does it feel just right? It's fucking that shit. It's just like, oh my God, dude, just shut the fuck up. All right, just tell me to breathe and then just shut up, please for the love of God, shut up. So I think I would rather rather than listen to that guy, I'd rather listen to this shit.

All right, I don't mean to end this so fucking in such a creepy goddamn way. Maybe I need to listen to this shit so I can go see Jordan Peele's new fucking movie and not be overly freaked out and traumatized by it. How great is it that that guy's making movies? It's every once in a while, somebody fucking like that comes along. It's just awesome. It's awesome. If you love movies, it's fucking awesome. All right, that is the podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, I'll check in on you on Thursday. Go Bruins, go Celtics. If anybody knows how if I can watch a replay of the MotoGP race, I would love to watch it. Send it to my Twitter account. Please let me know. I would

love to see it. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll see you on Thursday.