Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-13-17

Episode Date: March 13, 2017

Bill rambles about do-wop, heaven and half-a-dude wrasslin.

Hey what's going on, it's Bill Byrne, it's time for the Monday Money Podcast. Monday March 13th 2017 what's going on? How are you? You know what I ask you that every week how are but this you know this Monday I would really like to know how are you? What's going on? Mandy what's going on with you? You're scaring me you know that's the type of shit you can do when you're abroad but if you're a guy you can't do that you can't be like Mike what's going on with me what's going on with you you're scaring me you know we should take him by both his hands all right I got an hour here to do and I gotta be honest with you I don't

have shit to say because my life has become very compartmentalized being a dad here daddy oh she's asleep downstairs man she's fucking awesome anybody who says that being a parent is hard is a fucking pussy you know I'm not saying that's not tedious I'm not saying it's not like walking around with a little fucking kettlebell all day long you know especially if you fucked up one of your rotator cuffs I gotta keep her in close on the right hand side you know keep her in tight tiki barber don't fumble but we just sat around we listen a lot of music with her I was listening to fucking there was I

listen to you say just like they called malt shop oldies it's basically like doo-wop from the 1950s and I kind of settled on that channel and after a while I wanted to turn the channel but I couldn't because she was sleeping and the remote was like across the table once they once they fall asleep dude it's just like you know I don't care what position you're in you're not moving because they're fucking sleeping right so I just sat there and listened to on a loop to all this slowly going out of my fucking mind do what's great for about four songs in a row and then it just becomes the same song over and over and

fuck it over again I was listening shit for like a fucking like an hour and like half of those songs have been in Scorsese movies you know it's always like some guy's name and then the name of a card you know so-and-so in the Fleetwood something something in the Belmonts down in the Belmonts you gotta love them they're still fucking great you know the wanderer that fucking song is so applicable to anybody who didn't get married you're in your 40s you know well I'm the type of guy who will never settle down it makes you feel great about the choice you made until if you know if you realize he sang it in his

20s he like oh fuck what was another one you talk too much you talk too much you worry me to death you talk too much I think he says you even worry my pet it looks like they can't be the fucking line but they played it twice speaking of talking too much just what the fuck I do on this podcast oh I know what I could I know what we actually had a date night this is how much of a fucking dad I'm becoming you know still playing drums you know schedule a helicopter thing so you know I'm still trying to keep the hobbies going but they're starting to wobble on the sticks here so we were watching a commercial the other day no

we were watching we help the other day and they always get to the fucking the last prize and we'll fortune is so fucked they're notoriously cheap first of all you're basically spinning this giant roulette wheel and even on the roulette roulette wheel they got it you know green zero and the double green zero and just that alone that alone will completely fuck you over now obviously you guys hopefully have listened this podcast long enough to know that I am not a mathematician so I cannot explain why but just having those two will fuck you over but what's that face is the Wheel of Fortune they got like fucking I swear

to God it's like two or three bankrupts lose a turn just constantly every two seconds you just hear that fucking reverse flute they go bankrupt and then it comes to that big prize when they try to act like they're gonna they're gonna throw down some goddamn cash the last one it's so fucking difficult but we're gonna guess some letters for you then guess some letters for me guess some letters for me you know the fucking answer and they act like it's weird when only like one letter they only guess one letter right and if you like okay give me three fucking letters in a vowel P F L and A and then it's always

like great guesses but you're not gonna like this we only got one letter it's just like you know do the best you can they always fuck them over but this lady this lady she actually did okay and she won the prize she didn't do okay she fucking crushed it I can't imagine I keep your hands to yourself or something like that was solving like no this is a phrase it's like who would ever come up with that on a fucking game show keep your hands to yourself was something on that level was like semi-aggressive slash you know date rapey and it's on a fucking game show and she somehow got it there is a point at the end of this

right and she ends up winning this fucking to see some sort of Mazda some shit not a Miata I don't know what the fuck it was Suzuki I have no fucking idea it was a two-seat sport car and immediately my first thought was I looked at Neal I was just like he can't get a kid in there and then she laughs she's like ah look you're becoming a dad I'm like no I'm not I'm still young and cool but she was right you know not becoming a dad I am a goddamn dad but I'm not gonna be one of those douchey dads that talks about how far our parents who talks about how fucking difficult their life is it's fucking awesome but

having a kid when you're in your 20s and you're broke sucks you know but when you travel in the country and they're paying your money to talk about your dicks and do fucking shdicks talking about your dick and do shit jokes it's not that bad I'm only on the road like six days a fucking month you know unless I fly in a night early to go watch the fucking Bruins or Celtics or some shit if our schedules line up and other than that that I'm here and she's cool as shit man she doesn't really cry she only cries you know it needs a diaper chains wants to be held you know it's hungry other than that she totally

chills she's met a bunch of people she doesn't freak out with strangers one of the best compliments I got she's like oh your kids really there's a really relaxed healthy baby you know what I mean which I'm fucking psyched because that's what I want it obviously healthy but I want to fucking chill baby I don't want like I basically don't want my kid to be like me that's why I gotta keep up with this meditating because I didn't do it for a minute and the old the old gray mare she ate I started fucking going back to what the fuck I was you know like I fucking I was trying to you know sneak out of the bedroom because I was gonna go work

out because I'm a fucking fat cupcake eating douche and near just opens her eyes and just goes could you change it really quick I just stopped and I looked at her and I said you really need to work on your good mornings she's like sorry good morning and even though I was right my tone was just it was way too you know I was like that I would say Liam Neeson neum neum Leeson Leeson I don't know whatever I took it too far which kills me that's why I love meditating because I don't take it too far and if I make a point I'm still right but when I don't meditate you know I basically I walk around at a six you know like

saying ten is completely losing your shit I walk around I'm just walking down the street with a fucking balloon on my wrist at a six to a seven so it's very easy for me to go right to ten unless I meditate then that backs me down to about four or three which still is pretty high but it's kind of cutting my number almost in half but what kills me is when I'm not meditating and I'm up around a six or a seven you know it gets that point even if I'm right my reaction gives them this this wiggle room you know some Bill Clinton wiggle room to get the fuck out of it you know some Trump executive order thing to go around some

shit so you know so I gotta I gotta keep I gotta stay on that type of shit dude speaking of fucking Neum Leeson Neum Leeson why can't you know it's one of those fucking if it goes by so fucking quick you never really even hear it no bill we all hear it you don't know I'm gonna look I'm gonna get this guy's fucking name right he's a great actor here at Neum oh no it's Liam Neeson his first name is not Liam yes it is Neum Leeson whatever I'll never get that right I'm never gonna get that fucking right anyways the fucking head of hair on that son of a bitch anyways I saw a fucking great movie this week so Saturday

night Saturday Saturday we go out and we actually have a date night so we're like all right we'll get maybe like dinner and a movie we're basically turned about appetizer and a drink and I'm sitting there like you know I'm on the wagon I can't do it he is like I'll just fucking have one so I was like all right I'll have one you know still on the wagon you know I'm not like a fucking alcoholic where I just got to shut the whole thing off you know what I mean so I had one I had a cognac a fucking cognac and I just said you know I just ordered the best one that they had you know so it tasted amazing but it was

also like drinking gasoline so I could only sip it and we got like an appetizer and then we just sat there you know shooting the shit it felt weird because we hadn't been out together in a while and then we just started talking about our daughter and looking at pictures of her it's like two addicts going out you know I mean at some point you're gonna start talking about blow and how much fun it is so then you know after that we walked up the street we went to the movie theater and we saw get out the Jordan Peelefein film dude it was fucking up that was amazing you gotta go see it I know there's you know

you know there's always that movie everybody's like dude you got to go fucking see it and it doesn't live up to the hype it lived up to the hype man it was fucking great and what I love what I loved about it and what I love about all fucking movies like this is there was a bunch of shit in there that you had he left you to figure out yourself and I saw the movie like two three days ago Saturday that was a Monday two days ago you know and I keep even though I'm driving I'm still thinking about the movie I was like oh fuck that was this and this meant that and this is over here and this person's

ad like you know it was the perfect length the whole thing and the acting in it was unbelievable dude that fucking guy I swear to God man that's like one of the most talented people to come around in a long long time you know to be that good at like you know the characters they did on a sketch show and the writing and then on top of that you can direct I mean he's kind of fucking limitless as far as this talent goes but if you haven't seen it yet before somebody ruins it you got to go check it out alright there's my I never do a movie plug so there you go there's one for you so we ended up going to that

thing and I remember what the fuck we did after that I think we just came straight home oh I know walked up to my car and for some reason the fucking lights were on because cars are so goddamn confusing like wherever the fuck my lights used to be was the automatic you just turn the car on and they fucking come on at night like somehow the lights sense night fucking creepy as that and I did the manual one and now that it's on the manual one I can't figure out where the fuck to put it so now I always have to do it and now I'm like you know but you know it kills me with today's technology is I left

those things on went and had a drink and an appetizer and then saw like a fucking whatever whatever that movie is 90 minutes I won 45 minute movie and I came back my car still started up back in the day you were fucked everybody had jumper cables do can give me a jump do you mind if you can't ate the body it can give me a jump and it was always like the shittiest fucking car ever and you're like that man nah man I can't I can't now you can just say no I can't the big why not it's like well with today's technology it's pointless for me to ever look under my hood I just take it down to the dealer and they deal with

everything I don't even know where the battery is I can guarantee you when I when I fucking lift up the hood I got I probably have to remove something to get to one of the terminals so I don't know why you're not a member of AAA but you know I don't want to tell you and I leave and I get my car and I drive away from a fellow American you understand me do what's going on with the fucking Celtics they've lost six of their last 11 games they're five and six and now the Wizards the Wiz he's on down he's on down the road I never really realized that till a buddy of mine has been giving me shit you know because the

Wizards have been playing well against the Celtics and just playing great this year they slid into second place and I just keep trashing about the name like the bullets is too violent you know which I understand because this city was so violent back in the day you know but to go from being the bullets which I used to think you know number one with the bullet that's how I always looked at it or faster than a speeding bullet Superman shit I didn't think like you know the team was embracing gang violence out on the street it was like pro-crack that's such stupid shit I fucking hate when they so then what do

they do what are the soccer moms fucking political correct police who for some fucking stupid reason think that they're these progressive people and think that they can just oh we'll change words if we change words it changes to reception no it doesn't know it doesn't if your parents with dopes racist cunts that's what you fuck your kids gonna be that's it unless your kid is lucky enough to interact with somebody within the group that your parents used to fucking trash then maybe you got some daylight you don't just change a word and it's this fairy dust that sprinkles over somebody's heart and you change

their thought it's so fucking dumb all it did would just become a way to lose your job because you said the wrong fucking word and then what the person who uses the word then they realize it after they lose their job oh now I'm not racist or homophobic it's so fucking dumb so they've gone right down to these stupid fucking team names I love how they change the bullets but not the redskins you know I think we got you get like the fucking if they haven't changed the redskins I'd be like yeah I get that I get that like the Indians you know it's like all right you know we weren't from fucking we weren't you know

Columbus didn't understand that there was a real world if this shit's even real who the fuck knows there was no tape recorders this guy didn't have a fucking diary but how the story was told was that he was like no man the world is fucking round this guy had the balls this guy had the fucking balls to start going towards where they thought you'd go off the edge of the earth in a fucking boat you know I don't know why the water makes it more scary but you know if anybody just sat around thought about Saturday the world is fucking flat how isn't the water just running off the edges here do they not have counters and

sinks I guess they didn't do they have plumbing at that point again you know the Romans did fucking eatings banging each other in the goddamn bathrooms there whatever they did eight until they had puke rooms just eat until you fucking puke so I would actually think well at the very least even if it is flat the fact that there's still water in the ocean there's got to be land on the other side holding it in right but not old Christopher Columbus not old Chrissy he was like no fuck that I'm gonna get to the West Indies whatever the fuck it was I'm gonna get to India going the other way me fucking sky the balls to sail out

that way sails out that way and then he thinks oh fuck these people must be Indian you know that's just sort of like oh are you Arab I thought you were Italian I mean it's at that level of offensive like I mean would you really get that offended like no I'm fucking Arab how dare you and be like well what do you got to get to Italians you cunt sorry anyways speaking of which I don't understand all these people going on to Ancestry.com why you would go to a fucking website and let them take a swab of your saliva are you a fucking dumber people oh my god I didn't realize you know I'm also

Swahili whatever the fuck why do I always pick Swahili I was thinking Romania I didn't understand I was also Hungarian great now I know why I like goulash one eighth of the time at this point you're so fucking far removed and I don't understand why people are sitting there acting like there's any sort of culture there isn't all right it's just like what I saw in the greater Phoenix area there's a new patch of land you know you fucking clear it out you put a bunch of houses down and then you slam down a fucking strip ball sorry I got to do this podcast before my daughter wakes up here yeah they slap down a fucking

strip mall and they just continue to progress that that's basically you know then there's a cheesecake factory they get a frozen yogurt place and that's what it's become okay there's no there's no culture left is there I mean that is the culture I just sounds like one of the douchey talk show right now there is no culture and this is what needs to stop we have to stop these strip malls all right do you have a solution I know I don't I just don't like CVS anchored strip malls there was a bunch of people out the other day you know you know when you just have like shit to do like a Saturday right and it's rained a bunch

when we were out here and some fucking idiot politician said the droughts over it's like no it isn't it's never over it was just in a good place right now when is it gonna rain again you don't know so now you're gonna let people go back to taking long fucking showers I never do that out here I shut I turn on and shut off the water like fucking five times when I take a shower turn it on you know get yourself wet you know and then you shut it off sudge yourself up then you turn it back on rinse yourself off you shut it off and that's it so instead of standing there under the cascading water you know like you some

sort of God I like to think a lot of people try to do that at least my wife doesn't she fucking turns the thing on it's fucking walking around you know she's one of those chill people she doesn't think about shit like that you know I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm a better person than my wife and I don't know how to bring that up if you guys know a good way to word it like how can I basically say you know what it is honey I guess at the end of the day I'm just I'm just a better person than you are I just already pictured her rolling her eyes anyways the fuck was my point all right yeah so Indians okay that's

like fucking that's almost kind of funny like now you fucking dope you're like 6,000 miles away from where you think you are I guess it was probably funny at first he started chopping people's arms off because they couldn't fucking get some gold for the holes in his teeth and who the fuck am I to say what's offensive way but you would think that red skin would that would be at the top of the fucking list over bullets you know it's the worst one the fact that the Tampa Bay Devil rays are now just the rays you know that's when you know you gotta move that's when you just sit like wait a minute are there enough Jesus

freaks in this area that the local team has to appease their you know hocus pocus bullshit I mean devil rays that isn't that isn't that an actual name looks like some sort of stingray I have no idea maybe it is maybe it isn't all I know is that that guy's first name is Liam that sounds too close like lime like lime disease all right devil ray here we go yeah let me see here all I'm seeing is pictures of fucking stingrays giant ones with the fucking you know like they're flying through the water if somebody can explain to me how that makes you move forward when they make you go up to the surface do these things

are fucking gigantic they're badass look at the thing it's getting air it's jumping out of the water unless somebody photoshopped it I got to go video now they just change it to the rays we're just a ray incredible flying rays so I guess devil ray was the nickname protect your business data from oh Jesus Christ I don't need a commercial I do the commercials not you on the west coast there's always some fucking English accent and the show plus it's the BBC sorry oh Jesus what are they showing that I somehow I got a fucking pelican 20 abnormally large animals that actually exist this is how you fucking go down

up you go down just like a what are they called to go down the fucking rabbit hole let's see come on man oh that was us that was a school of them I'm an asshole right is it fucking got good Jesus those things are ugly as shit huh alright so that they're in a helicopter I imagine they're flying over this this whole school of them it's like a fucking devil ray or gee that's why I bet the other ones are like more like what do they call it if you're just monogamous these things are out of your fucking the shit out of each other and the local Jesus freaks down in clear water Florida they couldn't have it they fly out of the

fucking water they're not too graceful with the with the landing there alright I'll repost that fucking video in case you want to watch that while you listen to me ramble about it yeah they changed it to the rays the Tampa Bay rays the Tampa Bay devil rays two syllables two syllables okay they went from four four time to three four they turn their fucking team into a was I don't know I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about in the berging in the keuken as in the living they're really over all the empty batteries but now we're going to finish brings it so fast to a bay what in Samo point you

think they're all that inch in your beard a baby baby but summer is he clear better for the nature and for us all mal campagne in summer working with the ovum can I can read can read you guys want to listen to me read out loud hey everybody it's time to feel better about your the brain you were blessed with just it right here it's somebody explain to me why it's not at the font I need I like a nice fucking 18 font that's good for me all right oh dollar shave cover everybody oh Jesus Christ there's no reason to use a cheap disposable razor your stupid cunt or pay a ridiculously high price for gimmicky for a gimmicky

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then belly flop back into it all right you're unique okay yeah there's something about you I guess you know I guess if I talked to your mother she could find something you don't walk like everyone else talk like everyone else shoot chat or sleep like anyone else so why the fuck is your mattress one size fits all they've ever thought about this of course you haven't who the fuck has time to think about this because it truly customized mattress will cost you five to ten thousand bucks Jesus Christ has it come with a couple of who is until now go to helix helix sleep calm answer a few simple questions do a saliva swab and

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it this reminds me when i started out like a comedian i didn't have any jokes so i i i sat down and wrote something then i went up on stage and uh you know i did okay does that remind you of watches all right movement watches started at just $95 at a department store oh i'm sorry 95 movement watches started just $95 dot dot dot at a department store you're looking at four to five on a box movement watches well movement figured out that by selling online they were able to cut out the middleman and retail market we figured it out everybody knows that jesus christ these guys are geniuses providing the best quality price classic design quality construction and styled minimalism over one million watches sold in over 160 countries

that's almost 50 000 watches in each country get 15 off today with free watches and free returns by going to movementwatches.com slash burr this watch has a really clean design seriously i've been getting compliments ever since i put mine on now is the time to step up your watch game go to movementwatches.com slash burr join the movement now what a fuck would they say that i'm walking around wearing them i would wear that if i was like 20 years younger okay let me tell you something if you're in your late fucking 40s and you can't afford a fucking you can't afford a decent watch because i don't i don't go for the flash you know what i mean i don't i don't understand that that fuck i mean i get it i guess i get it that Rolex thing that hacky thing i got a Rolex as

you can see i've made my dreams come true i'm a man of the world you know there's a lot of guys out there you know my dad always said a man should own a nice watch what else did he say and i get the fuck out of here i'm taking this shit you know what else did he say that was so fucking deep maybe you know maybe you had a nice calm relaxed relaxing person in your life maybe you did i'm always jealous of that when i see like calm families they got to be born shitless though there's gotta be you know i would actually be willing to guess that the child that is more likely to just go fucking nuts you know what i mean take out the family car you know throw a hatchet over somebody's head it's gonna come from a calm family after a while that's stupid no it isn't i'm just saying

it's possible just the fucking monotony of it like you ever go to disneyland and you're fucking worn out and then you just start hearing it's a small world and it just keeps going over and over again and you slowly feel yourself like losing your sanity that right there is why i don't believe in heaven or hell you know what i mean i just don't believe in it it doesn't make any fucking sense you know like if heaven was if it was just heaven the whole fucking time heaven would eventually become hell because it would just be so fucking nice and everybody would just be walking around isn't it's great oh my god it's great can you believe how great this is this is just fucking great it's probably every fucking day you know at some point you're

gonna be like i did it it's fucking great you know like what do you do for the rest of your fucking life you're just sitting there and it's always the same it's just awesome it never rains there's no disappointments there's no challenges there's no funny stories to tell anymore hey you remember remember remember that time when it was awesome yeah it's always awesome right then if you're in hell i'm on fire i'm on fire god i'm on fire i'm on fire after a while you know i'm yeah i'm on fire i can't yell anymore this has just become normal i don't even remember what my fucking life was like before i got here i don't know i guess hell hell you can actually see how that would suck i just don't get heaven i don't want to fucking be like you know at some

point you know something has to happen i'm so as i'm riding around in my fucking all angel white bicycle at some point you got to get a flat right then immediately somebody would be there to help at help you out they'd be saying a bunch of nice shit to you i would slowly just start crying i would just whisper at some point you'd be like jesus i know this is weird i understand i'm not i'm not trying to be that guy who's not appreciative but could you just say you know could you just call me a cunt or something could you fucking just slap me with your your sandal you know can you just imagine the look on his face as he just sits there you know not saying anything as you talk yourself into a corner he's just sort of looking at you know people look at you when they go from

one eye to the other right eye your left eye your right eye your left eye and you're like this motherfucker is trying to get in my head right now the son of god is trying to get in my fucking head then you got to explain that to the boss's son why you don't like heaven i think you don't like it but it's just like can can you make it rain every once in a while can you make it rain every once can it be that dog that's just fucking barking right as i'm going to sleep can we just have that does every fucking dog have to behave itself why can't i say that word jesus why can't i say that word my disrupting it what are you gonna do now send me down to hell it's over i already passed the test

all right can somebody be annoyed with fucking something up here look at everybody look at them come on these fucking goddamn smiles on their faces it's creepy jesus i don't know would you want to be like it's like you joined a cult all of these fucking you know what i mean if i was running shit i would make religion illegal it would just be fucking i would just take it all away from everybody you know i that's what i would do i would have a i would have a fucking crew robots you know to infiltrate every fucking religion and then when i made it illegal they would join the radicalized people in every group right and then they would just wipe

them all out you know and then you'd have to listen to the whining and the crying of people that remembered fucking religion and all you just you just take the whole fucking thing away and the new religion is hey i don't know what the fuck happens after you die you know but you know let's be nice to each other then that's it okay no walking on water no never running out of fish part and seas i don't know about anybody else's religion i don't know what the fuck but i know there's always some fucking crazy thing that you know didn't happen and everybody acts like it happened it didn't happen it was painted on a fucking cave wall and somebody elaborated on it

i don't know i'd get rid of it personally i'm just i'm just talking for myself personally i would get rid of it um by the way guess what i'm doing on march 29th out here in los angeles all right if you're um if you're in los angeles and you're a guns and roses fan uh and you like reading their books about the band i've read every fucking one of them um i read slashes i read steven atlas i read uh the kid from cantors do you know knew the band took all the pictures i have that fucking book and uh recently i don't know i don't know when she put it out but deanna adler steven adlers mom wrote a book sweet child of mine and um especially if you if you you should read this you should

read stevens first you know you get his version of the hell he went through as an addict and then you get his mother's version which is unbelievable and you know what would be a fucking amazing is if you could go down and meet her at a book signing it bonds noble at the grove on march 29th i believe it starts at 7 p.m and you go down there and you could fucking meet the mother of the best fucking one of the best drummers of the eighties my personal opinion you know it'd be even more fucking amazing is if all of them came on my podcast and i got to interview him oh shit is there a special monday morning podcast coming up this week wouldn't that be incredible what would it be like if if steven adler and you guys all know

how much i fucking love him his mother deanna adler and then that brother jamie adler all came on my fucking podcast what would that be like what would be like if they all came on at the same time and they were this big happy family that just sat there interrupting each other and you felt like you were at their fucking dinner table how fucking cool would that be if i did a podcast like that well it's gonna happen it already happened i already recorded it and i'll wait till you guys listen to it but um i had so much fun with them and their mother is an absolute salt of the earth sweetheart and she has a book signing and um she's all excited slash nervous that no one's going to show up you know as you know same way when i put out a special

what if nobody watches it so i'm going to be hyping this right up until march 29th it would be such a great thing if there was a bunch of people down there i'm going to be down there standing in line with the rest of yous probably get down there i don't know probably like around eightish i think it starts at like seven but i'll be down there around eight just because i got i got some fucking thing i'm taping right before but um yeah i did a special podcast i got to meet steven adler and i'm still freaking freaking out and uh and i'll wait till you guys listen to the interview and then i'll tell you all the fucking cool stories all right here we go let's let's plow ahead here oh my Bruins beat the fucking flyers oh with that little fucking

prayer of a shot at the end not a prayer just put it on net and somehow found its way to the back of the net Bruins pick up a huge two points Bruins are playing great um and as are the Canadians which um i don't like the Canadians but i'm happy for clode julian you know and uh i'm actually you know what i think the Bruins might have been right to make a move at this point i think uh it's just one of those things with coaching after a while even if the person is great even if they won your cup it's just it's just part of coaching at some point they just show you the door but um we're playing great we look a lot better than we did so i think maybe both it's worked on the fucking Canadians are playing better with clode julian all my friends in this business who i have

fans they keep texting me saying that they're loving the guy so i guess it worked out for everybody so there you go and clode went from original fucking six to an original six um there you go all right so anyways let's plow ahead here um let's read some of the uh some of the fucking whatever you call them for this week the uh the questions all right ddp yoga hey bill first of all thank you very much for your consistently amazing podcast well thank you for listening thank you for doing what you do sir or ma'am i absolutely love it to be honest with you i feel like it's getting it's i feel like getting it for free is too much i'd gladly pay five to ten bucks a month for all the content you're releasing you don't need to do that i'm fucking

i'm doing great with the advertising you know that's why i fuck around during the advertising because that's how i fucking make money but i know you guys are going to fast forward through it unless i keep peppering it with fucks and cunts that's it it's a very simple formula so anyhow he said i wanted to get in touch and address your self-proclaimed dad bod have you ever heard of or looked into ddp yoga uh if not maybe the name diamond day dallas page rings a bell former wc w wrestler and all around great guy after leaving the wrestling business he devoted himself to getting his body back in peak condition even through wrestling even though wrestling is is quote fake it definitely takes a toll yeah they beat the

shit out of their bodies um long story short he went from being a guy who wouldn't be caught dead in a yoga studio to trying it after all else failed to develop his own system and helping thousands of people completely revitalize their lives and i can tell you from personal experience it's fucking great no bullshit no fluff no instructors structures calmly whispering about chakra alignment is that what you say chakra chakra it's about consistently performing the physical and mental exercises that will have you operating at your best this is a commercial healing nagging aches and pains increasing your endurance gaining mental clarity etc like i said no fluff here's the video that got me to take a chance on it it's not too late for your billy

i hope you'll check it out thanks again for the god damn podcast all the best to you and your family uh that actually read like a commercial but you know what i don't give a shit it's a physical fitness thing and so many people have taken yoga and done it in a different way you know because there is that thing if you're really like a wound up psycho to go into a yoga class and the tone with which that they speak is a little jarring you know to be in your car going go you fucking cunt the lightest thing you could have made it to then being like how is everyone feeling today i know the traffic was kind of bad i hope i hope you're not bringing that energy in here is it slowly walking around lighting these smelly fucking things

you know and as they're talking the person next to you just goes and immediately you just want to like i don't know just slowly roll up your mat and just walk out like i can't like i get it i get that i need to chill out but i can't feel like you know you know where it just becomes like this asexual thing where everybody's just kind of like hey man we're just kind of you know everybody's just like we're all like one you know we're like plants um that's a little fucking jarring i'll give it a shot i've actually been meaning to do it because i keep having setbacks with my fucking shoulder um which is really frustrating but um most of it is diet so uh whenever i get in shape the first

thing i do is i cut out the booze and um all i really need to i need to go like four to six days without any booze even just having that one cognac didn't really do anything like i had the one and then immediately my body's like hey why don't we have 15 more but i had to go to the movie and then i was fine um and then the second i'm in there and the buzz starts to wear off i think oh thank god i didn't have 15 more not to mention i got to drive right um i'm going to give it a shot i just think if i did yoga i'd have to do in the morning before the little one wakes up she's so fucking awesome dude i'm telling you right you'll never regret it i guess you know when you regret it if you have a kid with somebody that you're not in love with i guess that that

would suck but at the end of the day the kid's still awesome it's a hell of a door prize i'll tell you that right oh i'll tell you all right trans wrestling hey there i'm already gonna watch this if this is what i think it is hey there billy boo uh did you hear the story about the trans girl going through home hormone treatment who is still wrestling girls in high school his slash her defense is that it's a low dose of testosterone and it does not allow for any competitive advantage wait a minute isn't that what hgh is that's human growth hormone well i guess they don't do human growth hormone i don't know i don't know what kind of hormones they take um having said that i'm not sure i'd let my daughter wrestle a girl who had any edge at all

even if it's a tiny bit of extra strength it could be the difference in breaking a bone thoughts would you let your daughter wrestle in that situation uh yeah yeah i would then they're gonna break a fucking bone you know what i mean how many times do people break a bone in wrestling does that really happen they're just fucking on each other the whole time it's like uh you know like that official level shit not not not the fun shit the stone cold shit the the actual official college shit it's like uh it's like competitive spooning you know what i mean it's like one person is trying to spoon with the other person the other person's like i want to be this the spooner not the spoonie that's basically what's going on they don't like you know no i wouldn't

be concerned about that yeah i'm one of those dads when the kid's crying going you know she's already half a guy i'd be driving her as far as i know she's still a girl so suck it up you want to be the best well then you gotta wrestle half a dude that's that's that's it i don't i don't want to hear another word out of you i'd be like that why don't you embrace the opportunity to be like well here we go if this is actually a fucking advantage all this is gonna do is make me better you know what i mean and then you can go up there and give your record 27 and 0 against 100 chicks and 1 and 2 against someone who was half a dude right you gotta embrace it i mean what is that person supposed to do there's not enough

fucking people that are going through what the fuck she's going through to fit in either side you know i think i think it's a cool thing fucking who gives a shit look there's already gonna be that fucking monster anyways so some woman's gonna walk in there and just gonna be blessed with frontier strength you know what i mean chop and wood strength there's gonna be that person anyways i mean i guess if she was actually if she was trying to get a scholarship in a loss could potentially affect it um maybe but i gotta be honest with you i think um i don't know i would as a father i'd be like slightly hey man let's see how you do if this is actually an advantage this is a great fucking opportunity to you become a

better wrestler there's no money on the line who gives a fuck let's go let me tell you something brother come this Saturday when my daughter wrestles against that half a dude what are you gonna do when these pathos run wild on you right i'd get up for it i wouldn't give a shit fuck it um yemeni guy in europe so the person's from yemen yemeni yemen and ye how the fuck do you say that guy in europe all right hey bill i'm a yemeni guy who has been i hope i'm saying that right no disrespect here who's been living in europe for the past six fucking years although everything is going all right i want to ask your advice because i can relate to your personality hang on a second sir or ma'am i want to fucking figure out whether

if i'm assuming you're from yemen what is yemeni what is a yemeni whom to whom is a is a yemenite oh you why did that all disappear what is a yemeni come on all right relating to yemen or its people holy shit i was right that's a nice flag i got a nice flag i like just the three bars i'm a big three bar flag guy france italy ireland yemen um all right what do you guys think of the new russian flag i kind of like the old one the old one was the

shit all red with that sickle i thought i thought that that one was fucking dope the new one's all right what is it red white and blue holy shit they got the same colors as us is that what is it something like that i don't know i was watching this whole thing about vladimir putin poisoning these guys and shit allegedly i have no idea i was watching it on 60 minutes so it's gotta be true right all right yemeni guy in europe all right i've been over there for the last six fucking years i want to ask you a question because i can relate to your personality my family has been living in a war zone in yemen for the past two years our old house

our old house there was bombed and my father was inside but the lucky bastard came out without a scratch i missed them and wish i could help them but that's kind of not possible now all right before i already feel like this is going to be way over my head before that i lost some good old friends that i knew for more than 10 years because of some stupid incidents was beaten by a gang of more than 15 men in malaysia on a trip there for no reason and my two-year ex-girlfriend at the time cheated on me with their current boyfriend isn't this fucking amazing this guy's from the other side of the planet and he's the exact same shit gang violence and your fucking girl got sick of you and fucking bang somebody else

cheated on me with her current boyfriend while i was on that trip i guess to malaysia and didn't have the decency to break up with me before that she was my first you know what are you gonna do people are young they don't know how to break up so they wait till you go to malaysia and they fuck somebody i mean this is a a time-honored tradition of how to break up with somebody all right so if you're with your first love what have we learned do not go buy yourself to malaysia i don't know how many times i brought that up on this podcast you cannot go to fucking malaysia all right i just graduated from college have a beautiful girlfriend which i love and feel blessed with what i have i know that i was an asshole at certain moments of my life but i have

changed a long time ago and i'm still trying to be more honest clear and focused well welcome to the club sir i'm currently looking for a job in germany and will try to apply after that for a german passport which will make my life much easier and allow me to start a company and sustain myself without being dependent on others exactly you want to work for yourself i know that you have lived certain moments in your life where you were faced by challenge faced with challenges that might have taught a lesson but at the same time left a mark on your self-confidence how did you empower yourself and what advice would you give a young man like me confronting life's challenges that's it fuck face congratulations on your baby and fuck you now there's a guy okay who speaks at least three

languages and still is able to break balls isn't that amazing he probably speaks yemeni yemenite yemenasian whatever the fuck he speaks right he knows that one he's in germany so he's got to speak that language why are you in this space right and he can also speak english um how did i empower myself uh i used to just say shit out loud to myself you know when i would feel the dark cloud of doubt coming in i would just you know it took me a while but i would i would i mean i wasn't facing what you were you're facing being an immigrant so i mean you're facing way more than i did in the but the fact that uh i don't know you're trying to become a better person you know you know to reach out for help and all that i think i my gut says you're gonna be fine well

you have to do in general is when the doubt comes in you got to beat the shit out of it you know you have to the the biggest thing is is that you're conscious that this of the self-doubt so once you're conscious of it you can then address it it's when you're when you're really young and you're not conscious of it and that thought comes in and then you start dwelling on it and then it just washes over your whole body and you can literally you know have a fucking panic attack what you have to do i did anyways is um you know you try to cancel it out with the positive thought i know this sounds like hokey shit but i used to just say shit out loud i read some book one where and it started off with like i would just be walking down the street you know walking

by other people and i would just randomly be just to be like yeah fuck that fuck that looking at me like i was nuts but i was like fuck that negative thought i mean i wouldn't yell it but i would i would kind of just say fuck that fuck that no it isn't no what is it right no it won't oh whatever the hell it was and then it just became like when i moved to new york and um trying to get in at the clubs i knew i was going to get in but you know the day to day just seemed like uh like impossible and you know the club owners and everything and you know some of them were cool and others enjoyed the fact that you were desperate and just really enjoyed that position of power over you and uh i would walk out of the club dejected you know i was afraid you know am i going to run out of money

i don't have a job right now i'm doing these driving back to massachusetts to fucking feature in dick dory's rooms that was not barely covering you know living in new york every time you stepped outside you blew 20 bucks 30 bucks you know and um i just for i started i what i said was i'm tougher than you new york is what i would say is hokey is that sound that's what they you know the city would kick me in the balls and then i would just mumble that to myself you know sometimes like six times in a row until i got that thought on my head and i would just say and then i would just be like i'm gonna get in the clubs i'm gonna get in and i'm gonna make a living i'm gonna be fine i'm gonna be fine everything's gonna be fine fuck that fuck that fuck that i mean something like that

that's what i had to do and um and then it just you know and that continues throughout your fucking life and uh you know then you get to my age you know and i'm doing great and everything but there's also there's always your mortality around the fucking corner and how i've kind of mentally dealt with death the inevitable death is that like um that i just think it's going to be a great experience you know what i mean that uh i don't think anything bad happens to you when you die either you just go into the ground and then that's it and uh then that's it you know you got to be a person on this planet as opposed to like a fucking mosquito you got the best fucking experience hopefully you did um and then that's it it's fucking over or you become something else and i

just don't think that is bad you know i just don't think it doesn't make any sense that it would then just be bad i don't know i hope that helps you i got a little off the rails there so what i would say is you just baby step your way you know and like for me making it as a comedian was like a 20 year fucking 15 20 year process i was obviously i was not the overnight i didn't have the hook i didn't have any of that fucking shit and i just basically every day you know was fucking hacking at the tree until it came down and um you know you just don't quit you just that's it you just don't quit you don't give it a negative thought and every day you just fucking take a few steps towards it and then one day you just wake up and you're where you wanted to be and you're like

how the fuck did that happen you know it's funny you don't feel any different you know so um but you'll be alright i think you're gonna be alright you know you speak three different fucking languages you can break balls in english i mean you sound you sound like you got a great sense of humor and you're trying to get you're gonna be fine just say that to yourself i'm gonna be fine this is gonna work out and uh then that's it and you can try to fucking help somebody else out along the way all right last one here documentary recommendations hey oh billy oh billy beat down i was wondering if you had heard of the this new documentary that just came out called ice guardians it's about the history of enforcers and hockey and i would love to hear your take on it if you haven't seen it

i watch all of these fucking things um i haven't seen it but i watched the trailer and it looked great i don't know about the name ice guardians that sounds somewhere between a superhero movie and um a musical a musical on ice coming to madison square garden it's ice guardians fossey hands skating around the ice um he said thanks for all the laughs and for always making me feel better about the way i read things out loud thanks and go fuck yourself here's a link to the trailer okay i'll i'll send out this link here to the trailer by the way um i'm gonna be at the south by southwest on tuesday i'm flying in tuesday i'm doing a podcast with al madrigal for all things company network and then i'm uh flying right back out that night that's it boom doing a

landing doing a podcast jumping back on the plane and flying back that's my dedication to the goddamn network and also my dedication to fucking coming back to see my daughter that's it and after that i got three days a monday a tuesday a wednesday at the improv in san jose cruz um and i think that that's my um that'll be my fucking uh that'll be my month that's it all right thanks for listening to the podcast go fuck yourselves i'll check it on you on thursday and uh i think that's it that is all right go fuck yourself