Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-16-20

Episode Date: March 16, 2020

Bill rambles about humanity's true colors, 'sending the wrong message', and dome earth.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday match 60 2020. What's going on? How are you? Is this up too loud here? Maybe a little bit. Let's turn it down a little bit. There we go. I don't want to have the volume up at apocalyptic levels. Huh? There's a segue. Speaking of segues, how dumb do all the people feel who blew all their money on a fucking segue instead of fucking on some bread and milk? Huh? Is all these fucking people lose their minds? Jesus fucking Christ. I swear to God, man. I swear to God. I after watching people's behavior since the last podcast, the run on food at grocery stores, the absolute ridiculous level of food that people bought, most of which

will go bad within a fucking week. You fucked over your fellow man. I actually, there was a sense of freedom to it. I have to admit, you know, all of these fucking goddamn liberal cuts that live out here and I'm liberal too. All right. I'm liberal too. Just like I'm a fucking sports fan, but I'm not above saying my team got a call. They shouldn't have got. All right. That's the kind of liberal I am. And if you got a problem with that, then why don't you just take out your fucking goddamn 12 days and go shoot a fucking squirrel? Anyway, all these fucking liberal fucking twats out here, going on award shows, telling everybody how they should be and how to be a better person. You saw who the fuck they really are

when the shit didn't even hit the fan. There was just an odor of shit in the air, right? These fucking people, all of their fucking, you know, this is a safe space. This is a place of, this is inclusive. You need to be canceled. I don't like the way you talk to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all of that went out the fucking window. It went from fucking progressive. You know, do you boo to fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck they, I am buying up all the butter and eggs and bread that I can fucking carry. Fucking hilarious. And I'm not, I'm not just coming down on the blue tide people, the red tide people too. All right, all you support the troops, America, love it or leave it. None of you are Americans. Who did that?

None of you are Americans. You're individuals. You're Americans when it's, it's good to be a fucking American, but at the end of the day, when just the whiff of air, whiff of shit was in the air, you fucking shit yourself in the fucking foxhole. You were that guy when the plane fucking crashed and you're sitting in the fucking Himalayas and you're waiting for the rescue group. You were the one who took more than you share. Anyways, this is the Monday morning podcast and that was so goddamn funny watching everybody go down to the fucking grocery store. I did not kind of regretting that right now considering what was left when I finally got down there, but I didn't stand in line. I went down to

my butcher. The only thing left was like a fucking Brontosaurus size slab of fucking corned beef. So do you want to celebrate St. Patrick's Day for the next three months? I got the fucking slab of it. So I guess I don't know, I don't know what to do with that, but it just, it just blew my mind. I was sitting there scratching my bald head going, all right, if you're really afraid of this virus that has affected less than 1% of the people in this country. All right, not saying they're doing the wrong thing because they are doing the right thing. Okay. Why the fuck would you go down to a grocery store with 300, 400 other fucking people all breathing all over your food, touching your fucking food in close

quarters with all of them? Why wouldn't you just postmate some food and roll the dice with one fucking stranger? You know, come to the door with your little spritzer, have them set the bag down. How are you? God bless America spritz the fucking handles on the bag. That's it. They lost their fucking minds. Here's the deal, man. All right. I think the government is doing an unbelievably great job at handling this whole fucking thing. Okay. And I think this is one of the few times where I am pro authority. You just do what they say and everybody pulls in the same direction and then this thing will be over. But what the fucking problem is, okay, is there's too many mouth, breathe and fucking morons.

There's too many panicked people and then there's too many people living in their ego. The ego people are my favorites. You know what I mean? It's like every time there's a hurricane, there's always that handful of douchebags who have to go out and go surfing and then they get themselves in trouble. And then these fucking responsible citizens at the Coast Guard now have to risk their life and ever seeing their loved ones again to get your dumb ass out of the fucking ocean. You know, all of these young kids doing what I would have done if I was young, not judging, but all of them going out to bars and day, you know, YOLO, dude, I give no fucks. That's one of my favorite fucking internet expressions ever,

especially when it's self awarded. You know, I give no fucks. First of all, if that was true, you wouldn't, you wouldn't be wasting time announcing that to other people because you give no fucks, but you actually give a fuck enough to announce to people that you give no fuck. So you do give a fuck. Everybody gives a fuck. All right. Those people you see out at bars are young and nothing bad at that level has happened to them. Nothing bad at that level has happened to me. All right. But you know, I've got to, I've had enough frozen shoulders in my life. I've pulled enough hamstrings to realize I'm not special. Those young kids, they got brand new bodies. All right, they're out there fucking, they're not even using condoms.

And plus I actually think that it's a conspiracy by young people. If you, if you, if you have your finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist, if I'm using that word correctly, of social media, there's been a lot of back and forth between baby boomers and anybody under the age of 35, which boomers all consider to be millennials when the reality is what a baby boomers again, I always like, I mean millennials are like 1980 to 1995. So they're actually turning 40 all the way down to like 25 years old. So they call all college kids, all them, that generation Z or Y, whatever the fuck they are. I don't even fucking know. I don't give a shit either. But I think they're like, Hey man, I think we can ride this shit out. But these older

people can't. So they're going to do like a generational Menendez thing. Remember the Menendez brothers men and men and men and Nendez. So they say the name men and men and men and Nendez. They fucking killed their fucking parents. And then they said they got touched funny by the dead. So they blew both their parents heads off. Let's see, see NC 17 version of the Sesame Street song manamana. Anyway, yeah, I think that they're trying to kill the older generation. All right, which is funny, because that's what the baby boomers try to do. Right? You remember fucking Jim Morrison. They got the power. We got the numbers. I think that's why he got killed. I think they killed him because he sang that song. And the fucking greatest generation,

there's other people, they were all whatever came before the great, the silent generation, they all got you know, they killed him silently, you know, but it ended up being a great thing for his fucking legacy because I've always maintained that if Jim Morrison had actually lived, he probably be bald, you know, had a really bad hair piece, you know, with his long stringy fucking tumbleweed hair at that point, playing casinos, you know, walking up to chicks in the fucking Generation Z, whatever the fuck they are, just being like, Hey, man, the Lizard King, right? That was me. I said that shit. I'm the guy who said we can't get no higher on the Ed Sullivan show. I'm a rebel, right? Me definitely fake fucking hips and shit and knees from all the drugs he

did. It's probably a good thing. What am I talking about? I don't fucking know. Anyway, but this is a great opportunity, everybody, to practice being in a panic situation and maintaining your cool. You know, I think we should all just be nice to each other. I don't think you should buy all fucking 58 things of milk because they're there and fuck everybody else. I don't think you need to go Ted Nugent on this one. How psyched are all of those people? By the way, shout out to Ted Nugent and all of those other people who for years have been laughed at by the people who live in cities, the people on award shows, they call them flyover states and all of that shit. Ted Nugent has enough fucking bare meat in one of his 58 freezers in his panic room to fucking save an entire state.

All of those people, God bless them. All of those people that all the doomsday preppers, everybody that they saw this day coming, right? And then everybody gets mad at him. It makes fun of them because they don't like to, because you know what it is in the back of their heads? I think that they knew who they were. That as much as they were out there going, you know, we need to be inclusive and, you know, use the right terms or I'm going to cancel you. This is a safe space. They all knew in the back of their heads that when the shit hit the fan, they knew what they were doing. They were going down to the supermarket and they were going to buy all the fucking food they could possibly carry and fuck everybody else. That's what they were going to, they knew.

That's why they were, that's why they were campaigning so hard. It was like the joke I did in my special, right? About the fucking male feminist. Any guy that said, you know, I'm a fucking male feminist had like the dead hooker under his, did he did something? All right. Anyway, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about here. So let's get back to this shit. So I can tell you this, the government is doing a fucking amazing job around the world. The governments are doing an amazing job with this and they actually have your best interest. Okay. Not because they care about you, but like I said before, if you're dead, they can no longer exploit you. Okay. And then they would have to fucking start digging shit up out of a ground,

out of the ground and fucking putting shit together. They don't want to do that. They want you to be alive so you can continue to do the jobs they need you to do. Okay. I'm actually making rich people into a cartoon, right? I mean, you know, when you do run shit, you work seven days a week. Believe it or not, that's how it is. You don't sit around smoking cigars, laughing your ass off, ass off. You don't, you don't, because then you make a bunch of money and everybody tries to take it away from you. It's basically, it's just you can never let your guard down. I think that that's what it is. So you know, I do a podcast network, all things comedy network, and I can tell you

just trying to run that thing and get everybody to pull in the same direction in a direction that we feel is beneficial for all is a very difficult thing to do. And I'm not, I'm not even saying that I'm always saying what the direction to pull in is right, but I'm just saying it's very difficult. Forget about trying to tell an entire country of people to just stay home and fucking chill out. And the amount of people that they, I told you some of my friends were like, dude, yeah, I wouldn't give a shit if they told me not to go to college. I hated school. Dude, I would be sitting at home with all of my friends playing cards and drinking booze like you fucking read about. And it just cracked me up. It's like, then you,

then you just negated the whole fucking reason why they sent you home. But people they get into this whole fucking thing of like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. And I'm not just saying it's young people. I know a couple older people older meaning older than me. And, you know, these news junkies on the right are trying to say that this entire fucking thing is a conspiracy theory and as a conspiracy to take down fucking Donald Trump. I mean, how fucking funny is that? I mean, this thing is hurting everybody. I don't know. I don't understand. Well, actually I do. I kind of got out of, you know, what's funny is I got out of all that doomsday prepping shit. I just got tired of living in that heightened state of what if.

And so I was, I was not prepared at all. But I can fly that helicopter. I don't own somebody actually sent me a picture of this giant helicopter said, you know, let's load this thing up, Bill. Do you know how to fly this thing? It's like, look, if you can, if you can figure out how to start it up, I can fly it. I'm not going to say I can land it. I can get that thing up in the fucking air and I can keep it straight and level and I can make those fucking radio calls. But we might be looking at the, the fucking, what do you call that? What the fuck you call that book that comes with every fucking helicopter showed you how to

start it up the operation manual. That was always great about Rambo. He knew how to fly and fucking drive everything. He didn't need to figure it out. The man knew every form of transportation. Get that guy in a fucking locomotive. He would have got that thing going. Anyway, plowing ahead here. Yeah. So I don't know. I'm just chilling here at home. I gotta be honest with you. I mean, I am fucking bored out of my mind. I have been begging for fucking two weeks off a month off for fucking 28 years being in this business. You know, when I first started out, I obviously still had a day job. So I had my day job and then at night I did stand up.

And I don't know ever since then I've just been working and I finally have the time off. This isn't, this wasn't how I wanted it to be. I'll tell you another thing. I don't have any cigars. And I was just thinking, you know, if this thing is going to fucking kill everybody, right? This is the time to smoke up. And I have nothing, by the way, I have not smoked since I smoked with Verzi. So I've smoked one time in like, I don't know. I don't even know how long it's been. I don't even know. I'm not even counting fucking days. It's some in the 60s. So I have conquered that habit. I am now on an amazing diet. Uh, that was going great. And then I went down to the fucking supermarket and everything I needed

was gone. So now I don't know what to do. I just been post mating from like healthy, healthy fucking places. I don't know who the fuck knows, but whatever, guys, we're all going to get through this. I just want to, I'm hoping, I know I was teasing some people there, but I hope you come away from this feeling better. All right. Um, it's hilarious. I just said a bunch of negative shit, but like, we're going to be fine. Okay. If China, the size that it is with all of those people stacked up the way that they are, was able to, um, stop it, you know, and then, you know, have it, the cases start to decline. We're going to be able to do it. All right. And this fucking bullshit, the fucking media is absolutely, I love this shit because you can put it on one person,

that hand sanitizer guy, the amount of shit that that guy got, and that will follow him for the rest of his fucking life. But all of these fucking news anchors who are scaring the shit out of you, you're going to come right back to sit there and fucking watch them. The second this thing's over, um, they're terrible fucking people and it is a horribly perverted fucking industry. This is coming from a complete fucking cunt telling you this. All right. For the last fucking time, CNN is not news. Fox news is not news. Okay. That is the opinion of a very small handful of fucking people and they are not holding people accountable. All right. Do you remember the big fucking, you know, banking

crisis in 2008? I want you to name me one fucking banker's name that took a fucking bonus after that shit, which was all of our money after they did what the fuck they did knowingly doing what they did. Name one fucking banker's name. This fucking poor bastard. It is the thing about the hand sanitizer guy. All right. I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but the, he, he's has the ultimate dude. I called it. He took a major fucking risk. This guy bought $17,700. What the fucking hand sanitizer? What if this shit didn't happen? What in the fuck was he going to do with that? All right. He fucking called it. He got ahead of it. This is where he fucked up. He price gouged. He shouldn't have done that. He got greedy. He got greedy like all fucking crooks

do. All right. I'm not, I'm not fucking, uh, I'm just being funny about this guy. I just love how he got shit, but all these fucking cunts in the media who scared the living shit out of people. Like the way they're reporting, like if you look on Twitter, the way they go death, uh, deaths from fucking Corona virus increasing in Italy after they showed you that the streets are barren. Yeah, that's what's going to happen. Everybody's quarantine. The death rate's going to go up. It's going to crest and then it's going to come back down again. All right. The media caused the run on food. They fucking flipped everybody out. They freaked everybody out and, and they do nothing, absolutely nothing other than fanning the flames to try and get you to continue watching so they

keep making fucking money. Those cozy cunts, right? And then what do they do? Then they take the hand sanitizer guy who's doing the exact fucking same thing they're doing, profiting off the misery of people during this fucking pandemic. And then they throw is the bad guy. There he is. Say a night to the bad guy. Right? How could you do that? I just wish he was like the same way you guys can get after you can make the whole fucking herb run over the cliff. God, I wish he said that instead of, did he wear a shirt that said family man? That's one of the greats. That's right up there with Harvey Weinstein using the walker. Huh? How much is that fucking vindictive son of a bitch fucking praying this thing just burns through the whole country? I bet he's getting

all the other prisoners in Rikers Island all stirred up. I don't even know what he sounds like. I don't know if that's what we talked about. It's going to burn through all of them. The guards are outside. They're going to catch him. We need to steal a key. Let them all die. Then we'll let ourselves out. And we'll rape who's ever left. Anyway, sorry. Anyway, how much time have I done of this shit? I know there's a lot of people on sports junkies out there like, Oh my God, what am I going to do? What the fuck am I going to do? Just fucking they're showing all the old games. MotoGP just put up the top 10 motorcycle races ever. You know, there's something to do. Oh, you got a little keyboard, little piano in your house. Yes, someday I'm going to learn how

to play it. Sit down and learn how to play it. Right? You think I'm not playing drums like a fucking lunatic? I'm having a great time when I don't think about the food situation, but here's the thing. They're going to like what the government's doing is great. They shut everything down. You're going to be able to fucking order takeout. All right, they're still going to deliver water. Even if you don't have fucking water, they can fucking you got tap water, right? You can boil it, sanitize it. You're going to be fine. We're all going to drop some pounds. We're going to be leaning mean for the first time in a long time. America's going to be leaning mean and make no mistake. People around the world. I'm not talking about you. This podcast is not for you anymore.

It's every fucking country for itself. You could do some yoga. You could come back to work. Fucking writ. Like granted, everybody's going to be too afraid to touch each other intimately. You know, sexual tension is going to be crazy. You're not to have fucking jerk off boots. This time next month, hopefully we all come back to work. Everybody's looking like fucking little gaunt. They got stubble going. The guys, right? The chicks got the thigh gap going. I think this is my call. After this pandemic, there is going to be another baby boom. It's going to be another baby boom. That's what it's going to be. You know, the first time it happened was because people fought a world war for fucking five, six years,

right? With us nowadays, we're so fucking pampered here. It's just going to be because we had to stay inside for like what? Six weeks, I guess? I don't fucking know. Anyway, it's a good time to get arrested. Anybody out there? If you're really in a jam for food, three hots in a cot, you know, there's always a solution. So anyway, I want to hear from some doomsday preppers. How psyched are you? Or other people that have like the panic room that had like that fucking pantry with all the cans of beans in the keen, right? Good on you. You did it. Especially, you know, the men and women who are with somebody who were like, Oh my God, you're crazy. You're acting crazy. You got your

tinfoil hat on, right? Like you guys used to always say to me, I should have had a bunch of beans set away. I didn't. Why didn't I do it? Now I got all this fucking corned beef. I don't know what to fucking do with. It's going to be bland people. I only got a salt and pepper left. I don't even have a freezer big enough to fucking put the thing in. So I'm going to have to cook it and then stick it in bags and then fucking freeze it. Whatever, we're all going to laugh about it. I mean, if they could survive the depression, the grapes, the wrath, fucking, you know, the Spanish flu, we're going to be fine. So I'm just fucking around. I'm joking. All right. How funny is advertising now on a fucking podcast? All right, everybody. Zip recruiter.

Oh, zip. Recruiter. Sorry, that was the coronavirus version. Zip recruiter, everybody. According to zip recruiter research, nearly three quarters of employees say they're finding it difficult to file open positions. Nearly three quarters of employees say they're finding it difficult to fill open positions. Example of bold steps they have taken to hire. 68% of employers have raised their wages. 23% have increased their benefits. If you have a difficult role to fill, no matter what your industry, hire with zip. Get away from me. Recruiter. And now you can try zip recruiter for free at zip. Recruiter.com slash birth. Sorry. This is the apocalypse version of this. Zip recruiter sends your job to 100 job sites, but they don't stop there with their

powerful, powerful matching technology. This is a great way to try to hire somebody through the internet where they won't breathe on you. Zip recruiter scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right skills and experience for your job and actively invites them to apply. You can even add screening questions to your job listings so you can filter candidates and focus on the best ones. Zip recruiter is so effective that four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter can get a quality candidate within the first day. To try zip recruiter for free, my listeners can go to ziprecruiter.com slash birth at ziprecruiter.com slash birth, Z-I-P-R-E-C-R-U-I-T-E-R zip recruiter the smartest way to hire. Here is one of the advantages because living in the middle

of nowhere right now is great. It's always been great. And for a long time, I have envy people that live in the middle of nowhere, you know, who can look at nature the way I look at a skyline and be like, wow, isn't that beautiful? It isn't beautiful. It's a fucking pandemic waiting to happen. And they're out there in the middle of nowhere, right? They got all that game and all that food, right? They got berries and shit coming out of the fucking grass, whatever a fucking berry grows on a berry tree, right? Strawberry trees forever. Strawberry fields forever. I ain't making no strawberries. What are you saying? I live an alternative lifestyle. I'm eating fucking meat. You don't know who you're dealing with. I gives no fucks either. I'll go head to head

with a fucking Ram. You watch me. You fucking watch me. Give that Ram fucking concussion protocol. He ain't starting next week. You can bet your fucking sweet Bippy on that. Anyway, there's a bunch of fucking hostile emails that I got. It's funny watching just people like the level of hostility in the fucking emails, right? That I got this week. Just fucking people angry. They're afraid. The herd is running and they need a target. I know who to go after. I'm going after a podcast, podcast host. People try to maintain. Maintain your cool as there's plenty of food to order. It will be brought to your house like a king. I think that, you know, here's the thing too. If you're worried about money and rent, nobody's going to pay that fucking rent.

All right. That's it. It's going to be fine. Okay. Shout out, Joe Bartnick. If you watched the morning skate, we're seeing all the NHL teams except for the Buffalo Savers for whatever reason are taking care of their employees, which is inspiring me to do the same thing at all things comedy. I think we can all fucking help each other out and I don't know, be the person that's keeping everybody calm. Cause I gotta be honest with you. Flipping the fuck out is really not going to help anybody. So, so I went down to the grocery store and there was like fucking nothing left. And by nothing, there was still stuff. I mean, I bought, I got some gavel. I got a little fucking cheese sticks. I got, I got some peanut butter. That was a big score. I got some almonds.

And I got some butter, you know, so I'm all right. I don't mind coming back lean and mean just in time for the summer. People, this pandemic hit us at the perfect fucking time. We are all going to be in swimsuit, swimsuit. We are all going to be in swimsuit safe shape. I can't even talk. We were all going to be in swimsuit shape. The reason why I can't talk talk is because I'm fucking, it's not because of the lack of calories that I'm fucking taking in. It's because I wear that fucking and visa line thing and visit line. All right. Now let's talk about a visa line. It's fucking tremendous. It definitely straightens out your teeth, but they don't talk to you about the back nine. All right. They act like, okay, this is going to suck.

It's going to be a little fucking annoying with the pain moving your teeth or whatever. It's going to be a pain in the ass to eat or whatever. But in the end, you're going to have these beautiful fucking straight teeth, right? Like a military fucking dress rehearsal. It's going to look great. Right. In the end, it's going to be worth it. Okay. Which it is. And I'm not anti-invisa line, especially during times like these. They just don't tell you about the back end. The back end is that once your teeth are straight, they're not going to stay straight. If you stop wearing them, you have to wear your invisible, you get like a retainer that you have to wear like you're supposed, you know,

you're supposed to wear it. Like I just wear it at night and I try to go two days in a row. I usually go a day, but if you, if you'd skip two days, that third day, it starts to hurt again when you wear it. All right. There you go. I think this is a time to be truthful and honest about information. And that is the most honest thing, but it's totally worth it. It's absolutely worth it. My teeth, I look like, I look like Farrah Fawcett if she transitioned. I always thought she had beautiful teeth. You know, she probably didn't, but when I was a kid, in the seventies, those were beautiful teeth. Uh, you know, although I will tell you, right, my, my favorite of all the Charlie's angels was definitely Kate Jackson.

You know, and I still think she's a looker, man. I had a crush on her from the time she was on the rookies. She was married to Mike Danko. That's one of the great fucking TV character names of all time, Mike Danko. Um, it's cause he couldn't say Mike Coco. We get it. He's got a, he's got a long fucking, he's got a dick. He names it Hank. It was all in there. Oh, does he bang that fucking nurse Mike Danko? Um, anyway, by the way, um, as I gave credit to all those, all those fucking people too, that, you know, we're about owning guns and all this type of shit. Now it all makes sense. I gave my wife shit for it. I go, you're still happy. We don't have a gun watching these fucking people two days into this fucking thing to send on the grocery store, like chickens all

have fucking the Corona virus. Like they're not going to keep laying eggs. Like they're not going to keep slaughtering fucking cattle. There's going to be food. There's going to be more shipments of food. If everybody would just fucking relax. You know what? The funny thing is, is people are going to fucking keep hoarding food. Is that throwing out the food that they hoarded from the week before? That's how fucking nuts people are. Stop doing that. All right. Just fuck. If everybody just chilled, went down to the grocery store, bought a week's worth of fucking groceries, went back, stayed away from each other. We could have a wonderful two week vacation. You know, but that's not how it works, man. The people like the drama talking all kinds of shit

people. I don't know if there's no fucking sports. I just got to keep going with this. So just, just fucking bear with me here. All right. They like the fucking drama. The same way, you know, is if you fucking, if you watch one of those guys, we're watching this cooking show, right? Yesterday, we're watching this fucking cooking show and it's a stupid goddamn contest thing. And now they got it with kids and they have them freak out and run around all over the kitchen. And I finally just said to my wife, my lovely wife, I was like, yeah, can we just put on a show where they, they, they have time to cook it. And they just show us how to cook it. And I put on one of my favorites of all time,

the Rachel Ray show. Back in the day when I was a single man in my early thirties, way, way, way, way back, almost 20 fucking years ago, I used to watch her show and I'm Rachel Ray. I make 15 minute meals. Dude, I fucking called it with her. I knew she was going to blow up and we watched her make fish tacos. God damn. It was fucking tremendous. Why do I keep hearing this noise? What is that? It's this fucking wire running on my goddamn sweatshirt. Can you guys hear that? You probably can't hear it. It's probably just in my fucking headphones. Not that I just shut off the recorder. All right. Okay. Everything's still going. And is another thing too. You can watch some movies that you haven't seen in a while or always wanted

to watch. I watched one of my favorite movies of all time. This is required watching this week. You got to watch Jack Lemon and Shirley MacLean in The Apartment. It was made in 1959, written by Billy Wilder and somebody else who I can't remember, came out in 1960 and the subject matter of it is just so far ahead of time. And it's also just to see like how people behaved that way back then. Like, wow, I just thought that was more like after the summer of love, everybody walked around with their dick out and shit, but you got to watch this fucking movie, The Apartment. All right. Jack Lemon, amazing. And then if you want to see how great Jack Lemon is as an actor, as great as he is in that movie, if you then watch Glenn Gehrig, Glenn Ross, which

is 30 years or so after he did The Apartment, he is 30 years better. He never stopped improving. That guy was a huge inspiration. Checked out. Anybody got any movies that you can recommend? You know, that's another thing too, that you could fucking, you could do that list that they always come out, the hundred greatest movies of all time. Oh, you know what? I actually have a list from Pete Davidson's dad. He made an incredible list when we were doing that movie, which is supposed to be coming out in June, I believe, you know, if we're not all dead first. It's the flu. It's it's the flu rebooted. That's all it is. It's the flu rebooted. And like, remember when they bought Will and Grace back? It's the same fucking thing. It's the same thing. We just don't have

a vaccine for it yet. We're going to get a vaccine for it. All right. This is a bit, here's something comforting. AIDS didn't kill us. Wipe us out is what I should say. Killed a lot of people, but it didn't, you know, a disease spread, a fatal disease spread through fucking didn't kill us. Everybody fucks everybody. You know, how psyched were asexual people when that happened? I'll tell you right now, man, if you are an asexual doomsday prepper with a gun license and you're over the age of 45, 50, you don't have a line on your face from stress. I don't fuck anything. I will shoot if you, if you come on my property, I've got a panic room. That's the way to do it. Hey, what do you think my buddy Joel Osteen is

doing right now? Huh? Do you think he's hoarding like Eucharist? I think that that's how he stays so fucking thin anyway. You know, I think he just eats Eucharist every week. The body crafts, right? And he just fucking slides him in there. You know, he eats him the way I eat fucking Girl Scout Cookie Mints. He eats a whole sleeve of fucking Eucharist every day. And then that's it. And then the stress of what the fuck am I going to tell these people this week? I mean, the genius of that guy and all preachers, I got to say the fact that there's this fucking book that has been devoured. It's just been fucking devoured and you're picking the same fucking stories, the same fucking stories, right? And you got to come with your fucking angle, your spin on the

thing. It's really, it's an, it's an amazing art form. And I think that that's why they're all saying he's coming back because they need the guy to come back. They need some new stories, right? But then you got to be afraid when, when, when Jesus comes back, if you're a preacher, he just shut you down. Nobody's listening to your show anymore. They're going to listen to Jesus Christ, right? Jesus Christ coming back to preachers personally is, is for me as if Eddie Murphy started doing standup again. It's like, I don't matter anymore. I am the Joel Olstein of fucking standup comedy. And I challenged anybody. That's actually not true. I deliver my jokes with my eyes open because I'm too dumb to know that

I'm full of shit. Actually, I kind of realize I'm full of shit. Anyway, so what have I been working on drum wise, you know, my life's work, the good times, bad time thing, and my foot has never been faster. Not saying it's fast, but it's never been fucking faster. I've been getting caught up on some podcasts. You want to listen to a great fucking interview, Mark Marin, WTF podcast, what the fuck, what the fuckers, what the fuck? You got to listen to his interview with Don Gavin. I had Don Gavin on my podcast, too. I actually think Mark has a better interview, if I'm going to be honest, like I just loved how marked he talked about like, like, I don't just because he Mark was there. Okay, Mark was fucking there. I mean,

I came in in 1992. I started after the boom. Mark was fucking there. He opened up for these guys during the height of the booze and coke 80s. I mean, it was fucking bananas. I mean, I used to sit there when I started out and I would listen to guys. Once Mark finally decided I was worthy of talking to you go, Bill, there you go. I love him who by the way, man, he fucking I forgot to give him a shout out on the fucking Dean del Rey AC DC thing. Mark Marin fucking murdered it. Mark Marin is a guitar player who does fucking stand up. He's another guy. He could have fucking done that if he fucking wanted to, you know, um, anyway, uh, he fucking murdered. But his, his interview here of, uh, of, uh, what's his face of fucking Don Gavin is incredible because when

he brings up the drinking, uh, you know, Don is one of those guys who just fucking, you know, he likes to have a few. And I think on Rogan's, he, Rogan asked him, he goes, did you ever tried to quit drinking? And he was like, no, no, I haven't. He's doing fine. The fucking guy's doing fine. And he's absolutely fucking hilarious. And he is the reason that I have a fucking career because guys like him started the Boston comedy scene. But if you want to just listen to an incredible, incredible fucking interview, uh, listen to Mark Marin's podcast, uh, where he interviews Don Gavin, I absolutely fucking loved it. Um, all right. So let's, you guys ready? You guys ready for some fucking, um, some hostile fucking emails?

Uh, here we go. All right, cancel, uh, be responsible and please cancel your dates for the rest of the year. This undeniably affects the whole world. Oh my God. I, I so want to talk to the person that sent me this fucking email. Who are you talking to? Well, what, what, what fucking panicked mind state are you in? Huh? Do you think it's up to me to cancel all of these fucking dates? You fucking dope. I haven't canceled any dates. They were all canceled for me and they will be continued to be canceled as the government sees fit. I'm doing exactly what the fuck they're telling me to do. And the second the government tells me it's okay for me to be dancing monkey boy again,

I'm going to put on my little hat and go out there and do my dance. I don't fucking need you to give me a goddamn fucking lecture on some shit because you're assuming that I'm not going to fucking listen to people. So you can feel, does it make you feel like you have control? Be responsible and pick, oh fuck yourself. How much fucking butter and milk did you buy the other day? Be responsible. Shut the fuck up. I fucking hate. I hate people who like something's already being handled and then they fucking act like, you know, I don't, I don't need a talking to. I know what the fuck to do. I didn't go down to the supermarket and buy nine months worth of fucking food like a fucking moron, a bunch of perishable fucking goods. I didn't do that.

If you just bought beans, I respect what you did. Be responsible and please cancel your dates for the rest of the year. Shut the fuck up. Okay. Is that what you and your lack of a medical degree have fucking surmised after watching 24 hour fucking news that tried to scare the shit out of you. Really? Should I cancel a date? I don't even have any fucking dates in December. You dumb cunt. All right. Here we go. And here's another one. Don't cancel. Hi. Reno is a low risk zone. According to this other person who was in a doctor and no events are being canceled at this time. Please come. It's a family event for us. Okay. We got to the motivation in the end. It's a family event for us. They've all been

can't it's all my shit through March has been canceled. I was going to the masters that has been delayed, postponed, whatever you want to call it. And my as of right now, my Atlanta and Nashville dates still exist. I highly doubt they're going to happen. But if the government decides by the end of March that this it's fucking safe, I am going to go do them and I believe a bunch of people are going to want to go out and laugh. But March is a wrap. March is a wrap. So there you go. All right. Be a leader. All right. Be a leader. Oh, look at this shit. Be a leader. Like how fucking desperate is the world right now that somebody is writing me to be a leader? I don't lead. I'm not a leader. I'm a fucking idiot. I went to summer school

every fucking year of high school, except sophomore year, because she hooked me up in senior year. What was the point? I wasn't getting into a good school anyway. All right. But yeah, I love you, Bill, but you are sending the wrong message to all your thousands of fans by downplaying the COVID-19. I like when people, they want to sound fucking, you know, COVID-19 virus. You mean the coronavirus? The Rona, as the young kids call it. It's true that 80% of people that contact the virus will be fine, but it's also true that this strain is 10 to 15 times more deadly than the seasonal flu. And how do you know that? How do you know that? Because of shit people said, and then it'll change tomorrow. I'm just telling everybody to not fucking

panic. Okay. I'm not out there running around. I've stayed home. What the fuck are you doing, giving me a fucking lecture? I'm the one telling everybody to fucking calm down. I never said, don't do what the fuck the government said. I'm actually saying, do it. All right. And not to mention shit is also fucking is changing by the day. Be a leader. All right. Let's, let's continue through. This is really fucking annoying me. I really hope somebody sneezes on you, sir or ma'am. Okay. This, this put the, okay, this puts the other 20% at risk. You know, first of all, I just love that the numbers work out so perfectly here. 80%, 10 to 15 times 20%. Whenever the numbers are round, that's usually like me all the time. 90%. I love that number. I don't know why. It's just

my favorite percentage. I always use that whenever there's round numbers. Okay. And the person is not standing in front of a wall that has a bunch of doctor. It's behind it and wearing a fucking lab coat actually at a real hospital. That means they're pulling shit out of their ass that they have spliced together through watching 24 hour news networks, panic fucking text threads with their friends and shit that they overheard whispered at the ground zero of panic grocery stores. All right. This puts the other 20%, not 19, not 21%, 20% at serious risk of hospitalization. I realize all of this. I don't need your lecture. I get it. Not to mention hospitals could be overwhelmed by the millions of elderly citizens and others. You mean if they all came down within

a week, that would present a problem and others with weak immune systems that need attention. It isn't about you or me, but rather the other 20%. No, dude, this whole fucking email is about you. This whole thing is about you. You don't give a fuck about those fucking people. Anyways, please be considerate. Real people are dying. And if the world didn't take such drastic precautions, millions more would die. Just think world leaders are willingly putting us into a recession because they think that's the best option. Oh boy, just think about that for a minute. Anyways, Bill, please be more careful with the things you say on Twitter in this parking. Go fuck yourself. People take your version of the facts as truth. Who are you talking about?

My job is to be a fucking comedian. And that's what I'm doing, joking around, trying to keep people loose and calm. I never said I was going out there. I have done every fucking thing that they said. Okay, I still think it's ridiculous that a bunch of people went down and bought a month's worth of fucking food, fucking over everybody else. All right, so go fuck yourself. Be a leader. Go fuck yourself. Anyway, all right, I think I handled that in an adult way. What did I tweet out? I tweeted out, you know, I think when Tom Hanks doesn't die, everybody's going to fucking chill. And that was right to say in that moment with what we

knew about the fucking virus, because everyone was acting like it was going to kill everybody. And now we know, okay, now what is really dangerous is people with weakened immune systems and older fucking people. So he's going to be fine, even though he's an older fellow himself. He's a famous overfella with fucking millions. Okay, so if fucking HIV age doesn't kill magic, I'm going out on a fucking limb. The coronavirus doesn't take old Tommy boy. All right. Once again, okay, it's a great joke. Okay, these are pandemic jokes people. You're going to have to fucking deal with them. I am not a fucking leader. All right, grow the fuck up. The leaders are the people that you elected. Listen to them. Why the fuck would you listen

to a standup comedian about what to do during a fucking pandemic? Who do you listen to? I don't I don't listen to anybody who doesn't have a medical degree. Okay, I don't. I listened to the government who's listening to the guys with the white coats. And that's what the fuck I'm listening to. And I'm hoping that they're doing the right thing. That's what the fuck I'm doing. All right. Fucking goddamn dope. All right. All right, we got all right. Now what let's say we go some more panicked emails. All right, from a real flat earth. I love this guy staying on the subject. Billy boy. The thing is, there is no space. That's what people mean by NASA stealing stealing money. S T E E L I N G stealing money. The sun and

the moon are inside the firmament. Dude, this is fucking amazing. I got to look this up. What the fuck is a firm? You know what? I don't know what I love about this shit, this flat earther stuff. That was the first time I just went eight straight seconds without thinking about the pandemic. People, do yourself a favor, get a flat earther in your fucking life. Okay, firmament, the heavens or the sky, especially when regarded as a tangible thing. Oh god, I need to know all about the firmament. Okay. And big biblical cosmology. I didn't really did facials back then. Sorry. Biblical cosmology is the biblical writer's conception of the cosmos as structured entity, including its origin, order, meaning, and destiny. I'll back when they were

writing the Bible. Okay. All right. Where are we in the biblical cosmology? The firmament is the vast solid dome created by God on the second day to divide the primal sea called to home, to home, to all into upper and lower portions so that the dry land could appear. Then God said, oh my God, I'm going to start quoting scripture during a pandemic on my podcast. This is really going to freak people out. I'm just reading firmament on Wikipedia. You can follow along. And then God said, let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters and let it divide the waters from the waters. It doesn't make sense. This is why I don't go to church. How do you divide the waters from the waters?

Thus God made the firmament and the divided and divided the waters which were under the firmament. Do you mean the land? I thought this guy's talking about the sky from the waters which were above the firmament. And so it was. Sorry, actually, actually shut off the recorder. So it was and it was so sorry. And God called the firmament heaven. So the evening and the morning were the second day. I mean, if anybody can tell me what the fuck I just read. God said, let me let there be firmament in the midst of the waters and let's let it divide the waters from the waters. Thus God made the firmament and I don't know what it is. The word firmament is recorded in middle English narrative based on scripture dated 1250. It appeared

in the Kim James Bible. The word firmament is used to translate a word in biblical Hebrew in Hebrew. What the fuck? Meaning to beat or spread out thinly. The process of making a dish by hammering thin a lump of metal. Like most Asian people, the Hebrews believe the sky was a solid dome with the sun, moon, planets and stars embedded in it. Okay, now I know what it is. The Hebrews regarded the earth as a plane or a hill figured like a hemisphere. That makes God a lot scarier. Like he's right there swimming on water. Okay, the earth was a planar hill figured like a hemisphere swimming on water. Over this is an arch, arch the solid vault of heaven. To this vault are fastened the lights,

the stars. So slight is the elevation that birds may rise to it and fly along its expanse. That's fascinating. That's a whole different way of looking at the world. All right. Okay, there is no space. It does not exist. There is a dome over the earth, basically a force field. People believe this is the firmament from the Bible. Now you were caught up on the motive and I understand this, but you can't deny the facts based on not knowing the motive. Did you just prove something there? I think I need to eat some corned beef or something. I can't even think today.

A detective doesn't walk into a room, see a dead guy on the floor who was shot in the head with no gun in the room and say, well, nobody had motive to kill this guy. So he's not dead and nobody did. I could go right back with that analogy. A detective doesn't walk in on a murder case that was already solved and then try to resolve it. There's my gum shoe fucking metaphor. How do you like that one? All right. No, the fact is he was murdered. So now try to figure out the motive. This is what people did. At first they thought it was flat, evidently, and that there was a firmament that you could, you know, if you could tall enough, you could reach up. If you're a bird, you could fly into it and then people like, Oh no, wait a second. Wait a second.

Well, how do you explain like telescopes and shit? Seeing all of this stuff. Are they just misinterpreting other galaxies and black holes and all of that? Or is that all just bullshit? Because I got to be honest with you. I will agree with you on this thing. I don't know if Chubert is out there. I've never seen it. I've just been told that it's there. Okay. So I'm not going to wag my finger at you that way, but I mean, I'm kind of going out on a limb here that, you know, trying to get everybody on the same page around the world with the same lie, you know, to finance NASA. Why does Vietnam give a fuck about NASA making money? Are they getting a cut man? All right,

money is the only is only a small part of this description. There's a much bigger and more important reason for it. Oh, here we go. I can drop the bomb on you, but you probably wouldn't believe it anyway. So I won't. Oh, come on. Don't, don't take your bomb and go home. Now Bill, oh, I'm getting a lecture here. There has never been an experiment done to this day to prove that the earth has a curvature or is moving. That is 100% fact. Okay. Dude, you're really fucking with everything that I've been told. Um, because I got to be honest with you, uh, in defense of what you're saying, I never looked up whether there's ever been an experiment. I thought when they got in boats and

they sailed that away and came back around the other way, they were like, well, goddamn this motherfuckers ramp. Uh, that should be a major red flag for you. I just love how you assume that just because you now say this, that you just proved something to me, send me a link, send me evidence to back up what you're saying. Other than that, this is just crazy talk. Anyway, it's a theory, which is a fine, which is fine theories are good. But if you point out that this stuff is just a theory and was never proven, people get pissed at you. Well, it's what's okay. Well, then where is, where is the study that proved what you're saying is true?

Okay. Why, why isn't there a link to that? Maybe he gets to it as smart as we are today. And if the earth really was a globe, there would be a thousand ways to prove it. Uh, have you ever flown around the world? Cause I have. All right. What did the pilot do? Did he just suddenly just sort of like suddenly go to the right to fly all the way back the long way and we didn't run out of jet fuel and we didn't have to refuel video. It isn't evidence because it can be faked in the same way that big foot, a Loch Ness monster videos aren't proof of them.

NASA and space videos aren't proof of space. I believe in the scientific method, observable, testable, repeatable. All right. Well, then let's do this with your theory. There are many ways to, okay. Here we go. There are many ways to prove the earth is flat and stationary water always finds its level, meaning the top of still water is always flat. No matter what scale they use to use water as a leveling tool before lasers as earth is 80% water. There are many cities, mountains, lighthouses, et cetera, that can be seen way farther than I thought it was gravity. I don't, I don't understand. I don't get any of this. I mean, I'd be honest with you. I don't, I don't know why water's level. This is beyond my pay grade.

I don't think about this shit. All right. But videos can be faked and then videos can also give evidence. You know, if I showed you a video of a dead body, you wouldn't believe that the guy was dead. I like when you, do you think World War two didn't happen because you're not there to witness it? You can't touch it. You can't test it. It never happened because all there is now is just movies of it. So does that mean that didn't happen? You can't believe it because it's fake because it can be faked. I don't know. This is, this is when I just wish I had some sort of scientific background because then I could tell this guy is actually 100% right. And that, or what I think is right

is what I've been told. I don't fucking know. And earth is 80% water. There are many cities, mountains, lighthouses, et cetera that can be seen way farther than would be possible on a globe with dimensions they give us. I 100% disagree with that. 100% fucking disagree with that. That, that is the first thing that I could 100% disagree with. So the earth is either flat or astronomically bigger than they say it is. The North Star does not move in the sky ever. This proves we are not moving. Well, what about everything else that is moving? Everything else rotates around that something is moving. This proves we are not the North Star. They picked that out because it's at the fucking epicenter.

I think of the way we're lined up. And that's how you use to guide yourself by the stars in the northern hemisphere. Let me ask you this, sir. Do you sail or ma'am? Do you sail? Do you know how to fucking? Anyway, there are many ways to book a, I just, I am I supposed to keep reading this? What about the rest of it that turns? So what does the sun do? This is fascinating. Where, where does the sun go when it goes down? Is that God just putting on a dimmer? Does he move it across the sky? Who's moving? We're not moving. What is moving? So the earth is either flat or astronomy than stated. The North Star does not move in the sky ever. This proves we are not moving because the earth is supposedly, supposedly moves

an astronomical distance around the sun each year and tilts on its axis each year also. So this would be impossible. Gravity does not exist. This is just a theory that it was never proven. Am I being trolled here in a stupid one that makes no sense at that? Gravity supposedly holds down skyscrapers and boulders and stones that weigh hundreds of tons, but can't hold down a blackbird or a flute fly or butterfly. How does that makes? Oh my God. And this is where I tap up. Okay. You need to take a science class buddy. Okay. All right. Hypocrisy from Bill Burr. All right. And more angry emails. The pandemic is my fault. I need to be a leader. I need to cancel all of my shows for the rest of the year. All right. Hypocrisy is from Bill Burr.

Long time listener. Got nothing but good shit to say about you and the family. Oh, this is, here comes the windup. Helped from being a heavy drinker to less than a moderate amount. That's awesome. Effors for family is amazing. Enough of the dick sucking. You are so full of shit. Oh yeah. Admittedly admitted. I always say I'm full of shit. I can't read out loud. I can't spell. I'm a moron. I went to summer school. I'm an idiot. I say this all the time. It's your dumb ass that took me seriously. What are you going to take me to task for, sir? Because there's no eggs left at your fucking grocer. You are so full of shit. When you talk about all your corporations and how horrible they are, you are in bed getting fucked by one that you do your

specials with. You probably even get priority shares for Netflix. Oh, do I? Do I get stock options? All right. I didn't know that. I left the cash in on some of those. It's amazing how you talk about massive amounts of shit, but still sell out to the corporate man. Oh, you know, I deserve a lot of fucking finger wagging, but not on this one. Don't get me wrong. I do the same shit if Netflix came with some money. You wouldn't hear me bitching about corporations like you do. Oh my god. Oh, this guy, this guy's getting a talking to at the end of this, but you're a little full of shit in this one area. You go Disney. I'll watch prior on sunset for the rest of my life. Nothing new ever again. Trying to explain yourself out of this would be just as fun as hearing you talk about the

Federal Reserve, which I completely agree with and completely please tell Ms. Nia to go fuck you and go fuck yourself. Just a foo YouTube ATC. I don't know what that means. Okay. I don't know what, I don't know what the, I don't know where the fuck to begin on this. Okay. First of all, as far as the Netflix thing, do you know where I tried to take my last special? Do you have any fucking idea? You don't do you? Do you? I tried to put it on YouTube. I was going to try to make a deal with YouTube, which is that also a corporation? I believe it is. I don't know. I was trying to go there because I was looking at Netflix like it was too fucking crowded over there. All right. I'll go over to fucking YouTube and I'll put it here.

Right. And they were all about doing it until they saw my act and then their balls pulled up inside of them. And they're that me too stuff. We're getting the advertisers going to get flagged and the whole fucking thing went away. So I tried to go somewhere else. And by the way, also I have the all things comedy fucking network. We created a fucking company to help out comedians who were getting picked apart by these businessman cunts. I'm fighting the good fight out here. All right. I tried to go to mom and pop stores, but the bottom line is corporations are fucking taken over. I have to fucking play ball on some level. I'm not a hunter. I'm not a fisherman. I don't know what to do. And yes, I am fucking full of shit. But let me tell you this is you

sit there fucking sitting there acting like I'm fucking over there wearing a fucking a Netflix varsity jacket cashing in my fucking stock options. I don't have any of that. All right. So go fuck yourself. And I love that Disney entered the fucking the fucking streaming thing. This is great. You can't just have one world bank. You can't have one streaming service. It's great that there's going to be competition out there. Okay. That's all I'm saying. I don't know what else what what the fuck do you want from me? I'm playing the game just like everybody else, but am I going to fucking sit there and not make fun of corporations in the way they treat people? Absolutely. I'm running a company,

the opposite fucking way of a corporation. I do my best. That's all you can get from me. So if you didn't think I'm a fucking hypocrite, you know, as a hypocrite is you listening to me. Why don't you put your fucking thumbs where your goddamn mouth is as you're sitting here trying to tear me a new fucking asshole about what a fucking dick I am as I'm sitting here trying to fucking raise money for public schools. You fucking cunt and I'm fucking bringing shit directly to homeless people. You fucking cunt and you're fucking paint me out like I'm sitting there with my fucking, my, my, my, my gold lame fucking loafers, my feet up on a fucking desk over at Netflix. Is that what the fuck you think you're talking to here? Them's fighting words,

buddy. I'll tell you right now, I will virtually bitch slap you with a, with a fucking whatever I have fucking left with a fucking handful of uncooked corned beef. My favorite thing is you probably have, was it stock option? I want to, I want to go back to that. You're so full of shit when you talk about corporate, you probably get priority shares. You know what? I have not ascended to that level. Yes, I work for corporations. I do and I get fucked by corporations. If you knew right now how bad I'm getting this guy's trying to fuck me in some other fucking deal right now. It's fuck. It's, it's like, it's just this fucking guy's trying to charge me $1,200 to

use the copier at his office and we're like, we have one at ATC and then they do that shit. You know, I'm insulted by this line of questioning. Anytime anybody says that I'm offended. I'm offended. It's like, that's cause you can't defend your position. This is how business is done. All right. Wrapped getting your car wrapped so you don't have to worry about chip paint reminds me of my grandmother wrapping your couch in that 70s thick polyurethane coating. Fair enough. Fair enough. I don't know. I hang out with Dean Delray. He gets me to buy shit that I probably don't need to buy, but that's the genius of Dean. Anyways, that is the podcast. Jesus Christ people, one fucking eight days into a goddamn pandemic and then everybody,

you're a fucking hypocrite. You should be a leader. I mean, look at this, this fucking hilarious. I can't wait to see what you guys fucking take out on me next fucking week. All right. Oh, by the way, I forgot this shit. Let's do a little extra long here. God knows where else fucking staying at home. I have gen X shut up. Yes. You know, it's been great as watching millennials and fucking baby boomers yelling at each other and then generation X we're just sitting right, right in the fucking middle. Nobody giving a shit. And now some stupid generation X people now have to start spouting off that we are perfectly built for the pandemic because we were latchkey kids and doing all the dumb shit that you do, which is you basically

you're creating us versus them. You could have made a funny joke about, Hey, I grew up in generation X. I was a latchkey kid. I think I'm ready for this. If anybody wants some advice. God knows I got the time I'll give it to you. Instead of coming at it was like, we're fucking better than you are. So now I'm looking, I'm predicting right now a giant generation X backlash because I just think millennials and baby boomers are running out of ways to trash each other. I mean, baby boomers are calling people who aren't millennials, millennials, millennials and people who aren't millennials are calling boomers who aren't boomers, boomers, you know, anybody who's old is a boomer. I've actually been called the boomer.

Okay, boomer. Anyways, and then I just liked because that what I do like about okay, boomer is I think it actually bothers baby boomers. So I'm all for continuing doing that. And I also like being called the boomer. It's fucking great because it's like, Oh, that's cool. I was just a cunt and somebody else got blamed. All right, so anyways, people do what the government says, stay away from people, stay home. We'll knock this fucking thing out. Don't get freaked out by the news where they say death tolls are rising, they're going to rise and then they're going to cascade they're going to do this isn't going to take us out. We're going to be fine. We fucking survived Y2K the AIDS epidemic says the Spanish flu tuberculosis all the plagues since the beginning

of time we have survived. All right, we're going to be fine. Just everybody pulling the same direction if the government the leaders tell you to do something just fucking do it. If everybody does what they say, this thing will be over sooner rather than later. Do yourself a huge favor, take advantage of the time to hang out with your loved ones. Stay off of social media unless you're watching some silly shit like fails, fail videos or whatever. And I would not watch the news. There's no reason to watch the news. All they're going to do is freak you out because that is the business that they are in. All right. And my business is not to lead you. It's just to make you laugh. That is it. I love the flat earth or stuff. Anybody got some good corned beef recipes?

Let's fucking help each other out. Hey, let's say we have a good time during this pandemic. All right, let's say it only lasts two fucking weeks. I'm going to tell you this right now. Most people hate their fucking job. You should take advantage of the fact. If you can stop freaking out, you should take advantage of the fact that you don't have to fucking go to work today. Huh? You don't have to smell your boss's bad fucking breath as he tells you, you got to work another fucking Saturday. You know, God, I wish I knew how to fucking do this and twist this while I did a fucking podcast. So when you yank my big head down to the ground. No, I think that this is a great practice for something even worse. And one of the worst things

you can do in a situation like this, I think is not listen to the people leading you and also act as a fucking individual. There's going to be that behavior, but try to limit it. Limit it. Try not to fucking give into that fucking when the herd starts running. I'm telling you, don't watch Fox News. Don't watch CNN. Just don't watch that shit. All right. Don't watch it. Just fucking, I don't know. Well, Bill, if we don't watch it, how do we know what the government's telling us to do? Good point. I don't know. I don't know where you go, but just know that you're just watching people who are trying to fucking freak people out. All right. Everybody's going to be all right. Some people are going to fucking die, but not as many people who die every year from a bunch of

other shit. All right. That's it. Okay. I think we're going to be okay. But then again, I'm not a leader. Okay. So I don't know what to tell you, but by the way, how great is it going to be when sports come back? How fucking great, how great is it going to be to go out to go see live music? This is good. It's a good thing. You're going to have this appreciation. You know, are you like me? We're eating every fucking morsel of what you cooked. Huh? Sipping out that last little bit of liquid. You know, seeing how wasteful you've been. I went to reach for a paper towel and was like, you know, I can wipe that out with a fucking rag. It's actually going to be good for the environment. Not as many planes are flying. A little bit of fresh air. A lot of positive

things environmentally can come out of this. All right. So that's it. You know what? I usually say, go fuck yourself. I'm not going to say that. You know what? I will say that. So I don't cause a panic. Why isn't he saying go fuck yourself? Does everyone going to die? Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. Enjoy your days off. God bless.