Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-2-20

Episode Date: March 2, 2020

Bill rambles with Paul Virzi about sneakers, flying, and food.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, March 2nd, 2020. What's going on? How are ya? This is today is my 28th anniversary of being a standup comedian. Oh, young Billy Burr, way back in the day, came out with his big giant red fucking Afro. Out on stage at Nick's Comedy Stop at the Emerson College fucking Comedy Night, Talent Night or whatever new Talent Night, I didn't win.

As usual, I didn't win. I can't think of a better way to fucking celebrate my 28th anniversary, which really isn't a big one. It's 25 or 30, I would think would be a big one. Then to be with a longtime friend, it hasn't been on the show for a long time, the wonderful, the always, the always decked out with his latest pair of fucking Jordans, Mr. Paul Verzi. What's going on? What's up, man?

Dude, those are some shiny-ass fucking, those are like tuxedo fucking shiny black. What number are those? These are actually the 72s, the 1996 Jordan 11s, and Michael Jordan's personal favorites to wear when he played, because of the support. These are actually his all time. If you ask Michael Jordan where his favorite is, those 96s. I will do that next time I see him, when he's walking through an airport on his way to a private jet.

Hey, Mike! What do you like? The threes? Or do you like the 11s? Yeah. Yeah, dude, how much did he crush it at Kobe's memorial? Crushed it. It was great.

Crushed it. Absolutely. The joke with the meme. He goes, I told my wife I'm not going to cry, because now I'm going to have to see this meme for the next three or four years. Isn't that funny? And he crushed, like he like stand up crushed. I know.

I just think it's so funny that like, that people who can't even fucking catch a Frisbee can actually annoy the greatest basketball player of all time. Because you know that was bugging the shit out of him. Yeah, yeah. Who the fuck are these assholes? Did they ever even have to fucking hit a foul shot in a rec league? You're giving me shit? Everybody cries.

Yeah. Yeah, what are you going to do? But that was a... Well, happy anniversary, 28 years of doing stand up. When I first met you in 05, you were, that was, wow, dude, I was like 11. 13 years in. I was 13 years in. That wasn't 11 years ago, Paul.

It was 15 years ago. It'll be 15 years in November. So it's been four... I've known you for 14 years. Wow. I've known you for 14 years and you've probably had probably 14,000 different pairs of fucking Jordans. Yeah.

You know, I went to the comedy. They're always brand new. What? Yeah, I don't like to wear them a lot, you know? I don't like to wear them a lot. Special occasions. Yeah, but... It's like you're breaking out.

You find China. One of these days, I'm going to have you and Yanis. Who else is a big sneakerhead on here? And I just want to fucking... I want you guys to make fun of me, my dad fucking jeans and shit. You know the theory I have? Yeah, you always have... You're one of those guys where it's like you look like you just wear a casual and then

you show up in surprise with just like... Like last night you had, I saw you last night, you had those Jordan 1 gray and blacks that go with anything. But you know what that was? That's Pete Davidson got me those when I did his movie last summer. That's the only reason why I had this. I remember one time we were working together when I opened for you a long time ago. I know before you became a fucking headliner in your own right, selling out clubs.

Oh well, we're trying, thanks, but no... By the way, where are you going to be? Oh dude, let's plug the dates because I got a big date I got to plug too, good. All right, so... What do you got, Paul? This weekend coming up guys, I'm going to be at Levity Live March 5th through the 8th. Great club. Great club.

It's... It is in a mall and it's one of those where you go, and then you walk in and it's like jacked up and beautiful and everybody does it. Great food. Come out. Great food. Great club. Come out.

I'm also going to be... 5th through the 8th? My 5th through the 8th. That's why you're becoming a monster, dude. You're getting all those reps in. Getting... Thank you. And I'm...

Guess where I'm going to be? June 27th. My first theater date guys, the Wilbur Theater in Boston. The fuck, Paul? The Wilbur Theater in Boston. You're all grown up. Where I actually went, I couldn't be with you on your whole run there. But we did a bunch there.

I was also at Salva Connell, former practical jokers there, and I told people I'm going to be out June 17th. But if you're in the Boston area, come out. One show Saturday, June 27th, and I'm going to be in Baltimore, Salt Lake City, and Cincinnati, all on paulversey.com. But this weekend, March 5th through the 8th, get tickets. June 27th, Wilbur. And for all the other dates, like I said, I have Cincinnati, Baltimore, and Salt Lake

City all on paulversey.com. I haven't done Salt Lake. I haven't been to Utah in my career. I haven't been there forever. It's fun, man. Those people are fun. It's great. That's one of those cities.

It's one of those states. It's just an easy one to make fun of, because everybody think, oh, these religions fucking done. I'm not doing that. Yeah. Why would you do that? Let's say going to Houston and making fun of the fact everybody's fat out there, which is something I do every time.

I just can't let it go, the fact that they won back-to-back years. How difficult. It's a dynasty with fat people, because usually the people that put you over the top are dead a year later. So it's like losing them to free agency, except they die. Yeah. People in the South know how to eat, though, dude. I went down there.

They do. I mean, they pay a price. You know what they are? They're old wrestlers and old football players, where they love the game and now their body's paying for it. Instead of like CTE and shit, they got fucking clogged arteries. Oh, dude. Yeah, these are blown out from weight.

They're just limping around. They're just fat. Oh, yeah. And Houston, they had these nachos, and it was just like, that's nachos, man. And I was like... That's how you make nachos. No, but it was on a platter, dude. It wasn't like New York nachos.

The fucking pig in the middle of it with an apple in its mouth. Yeah. You just, the chips down here, we let them sit out in the sun for an extra day, so they're strong enough to get that swine meat off the middle. But you know what they own it. You could be like, you guys eat like animals down here, and they'd be like, that's right, start clapping. They don't care.

They don't care. They don't care. That's why they drive trucks. Wisconsin people are animals, and they're the best. They drive trucks, Paul, so they can get in the fucking vehicle. Their workout is stepping up into it. But once they came out with that thing with the head, like, you know that electric step that you open the door and it just kind of comes down?

Yes. Yeah, that was for people down south. You just see that truck. The wheels are still on the ground, but you see the whole truck moves. The rest of the truck moves as the guy goes to get in. Dude, speaking of that, me and Bartnick, Joe Bartnick, our buddy, we were walking in Pasadena, and there was a giant, dude, I swear to God, there was a giant dog in the back of this RAV4, and it was, and they only had it like this, and it was going, oof, oof, and dude,

the car was just... What do you mean like this? So people at home, like the window was down? Like, I think they didn't want people to like make eye contact with it, and the windows were really tinted, but it was just a little bit so the dog had air, but you can see the silhouette of the dog was gigantic. It was going, oof, oof, and the whole seat, it looked like people were like fucking in the back.

Dude, I never, dude, I never saw a truck sway from a dog barking, and it was like, oof, and Joe Bartnick, you know Bartnick's big, Bartnick's big upper body, and I just started laughing and Bartnick's like, dude, this thing made the truck go like this, back and forth, dude, it was awesome. What you described that, I was picturing that, you know that vague picture of the Loch Ness monster? You're looking in, you're looking in, to see what the fuck is in there? No, dude, like, there are some dogs in my neighborhood, I don't know what it's like

out here, I mean, I'm sure it's the same, but where I'm up in the cunt, like where there's like farms where you have to have your dog fenced in, like your dog has to be fenced in the house. And a mountain lion will get it? Mountain lions and packs of coyotes and shit, and dude, there's like a couple of dogs that when you go by with my dog, we know to just take another road. Coyotes are like B level, like headliners, you know what I mean, headliners, like they're not quite wolves.

You know what, coyotes get confident with more, with more of them. Well, there's always two of them, well wolves fighting packs too, but there's always fucking two of them, but you know what, they don't really fuck with people, they're gonna be like super hungry to fuck with an adult, as far as I know. Like I've seen, because I looked it up, because we got a lot in this area, and I was just like, all right, you know, like late at night, you'll just hear some little dog. Yeah, and I was like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck is that? It's like, hey, you know, he's either saw a coyote or he's getting eaten by one.

No, they sound like they're screaming, but somebody told me they go, when you see one, it's scared and wants nothing to do with you. So if you see two or three and they continue coming, it says, you know, get the kids inside. Yeah, I've never seen that. There's usually like two, they're like, they're like shit. Gary looking, they look like sick, they look like gray, sick shepherds. I know. But dude, they have a look.

The girls all have that look. I always joke. It's like a prostitute. Yeah. A prostitute looks at you. That's the real deal. She will fuck you. There's no joke.

She's throwing fastballs. Yeah. She's throwing nothing but fastballs. I go, dude, I don't know, dude. I think she's, I think she's into me. You're like, dude, there was no bag. We were at a football game. I know people don't even, people don't, oh, I have to tell this one story.

No, we're at a football game. And we go outside. We Ubered there. We, what? We Ubered. Tampa Bay. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. It was the last one I needed to go to.

Yeah. And me, you, Bartnick, Burke, we're all out there and there was a blonde lady and she's going, guys, come here. By herself. By herself. And she goes, guys, can you help me? I lost my bag, like somewhere in the purse, my purse, like over here. And we're like, where?

And she like pointed to this like little strip of grass and bushes. And I'm like really looking for, really looking for it. And then she like was like talking and I told, you could see before whatever she went through, she was gorgeous, but she was looking road weary. Oh no, she looked weathered, dude. She was looking like, I mean, when Steve Grogan had like the fucking neck brace sewed into the top of his jersey, she was like in that part of her career as a beautiful woman. And she was like saying nice things to me.

And I said to these guys, I go, dude, she's, she's, she's this chick, I think she's into me. She's throwing fastballs. This chick's throwing nothing but fastballs over here. And we're like, Paul, she's a hooker and you laughed your ass. Now you were trying to do anything. You were standing with like five other guys, but you just, as your ego is just like, Hey, I still got it.

This chick thinks I'm beautiful. She's just throwing nothing but fastball. Paul, she's a fucking hooker. When you guys just looked at each other, laughed and go, she's a hooker and I go, no, she's not. How funny is it? Like I just totally got caught. Like, I didn't realize.

It was your ego. You wanted, you wanted to still be good looking. I was just like, I think she's into that. So funny. I've been there. We've all fucking been there where it was just like, you think it, you know what happened today? What fucking ego is that?

I went to a fucking farmer's market and this woman, I had no idea what she was. She goes, Hey, and I immediately thought she recognized me from TV and she was talking to somebody behind me and I almost said hello to her like, I know, I know I'm the guy who does the shit jokes. Oh, that's so funny. I'm just like you. I come down here to get my salary and she wasn't even talking to me. It's just one of, and it all went on in my head.

I forgot to tell Nia cause Nia would have laughed her ass off. Dude, that is so funny because like for the first time ever, ever this year. Somebody's like in front of my wife and it took a long time. One time my wife wasn't there. Two people came up to me at the same place. Dude, are you Paul Verzegra? Dude, I'm a huge fan. I saw you in this place and I'm like, where's my wife?

Right? So one time me and Stacy are sitting there. Guy interrupts us with her friends there and he goes, dude, dude, I saw you in Connecticut and like everybody and I like, I had that moment. So then like a month after that, I walked into a place and two people just looked at me and I in my mind, I'm like, they recognize me. It's like, nobody recognizes you. No.

17,000 followers. Nobody recognized you. Nobody. You have nobody. Um, no, dude, I got to tell, I got to tell, I got to tell your listeners the story because this is one of my favorite. This might be actually one of my favorite moments with you and then comedy interrupted it.

So here's what, here's the story. I don't know if you've ever mentioned it. So I had the pleasure, the first picture, first major motion picture I was a part of. Is this the guy we thought? No, no, no, you don't know this. First major motion picture I'm a part of is a Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson thing with you and unbeknownst to me, me and you were on it, you know, together, which was a very nice thing, right?

The first time I take part in something and I go there the first day and it was when you guys were doing the camera stuff and I had to do all these pictures for the movie and I see you stand there and you got, you got your look and I got my look and I got my mustache that we're taking pictures and everyone's there and you were like, I'm going to be done at five o'clock. I think I'm going to be done around five thirty. You go, I'll wait for you. So you waited for me to take pictures and you just go, I go, dude, you want to go, this

is like a great day. Let's go get some Italian food, right? So, so, so, so you go, yeah, you go, you know what, I'm hungry too. So I go, you know what, I go, you know what, I go, I don't know, but so I go, I'm hungry too. I go, you know what, I could go for a nice glass of red. I could go for a nice glass of red and let's get something. You go, let's do it.

And we're walking and we go and we sit in this nice Italian restaurant, bills across from me. Big deal from me just because I'm being a part of something. I've done sketches and funny or die shit. Never, never got an opportunity to take part in something like this and we're sitting there and you said something, you go, dude, I can't believe like you're on this thing and you're a part of this thing. That's so awesome.

And we're having this meal. So I get veal and penne. I forgot what you had. You had the chicken palm. You had the chicken. Side of pasta with some spaghetti sauce, marinara, marinara. And I have my wine and we're just talking and we were dressed up and Bill's going, dude, I can't believe we're on that.

That's so cool, man. It's just such a great, and we're having this moment and it's like you being like a kind of a, you've been like a mentor to me, all this stuff. And as we're talking, Bill's hand slips off of his silverware. He literally punched a plate of red marinara sauce. Not only it splatters on my face, on my polo shirt, but the miracle was like the law of physics were defied because it was on the wall behind you and your face. Dude, it looked like we both got shot in the back.

Right next to us got their fucking brains blown out. What happened was I was cutting the chicken and it just, it got, I was pushing down too hard and it hit the plate and the knife just slid and the way my hand was, I just, I like literally punched this cutlet with such force. Like it was like blood splatter. It was almost like somebody slipping down the stairs, but you did it with your hand and you punched the ball. Dude, it was, it was behind you on my face.

It was shocking. Like neither one of us said anything for like a second and a half and then I was just like, oh my, oh I got embarrassed. Like I never sleep like you were borderline blushing and then the waiter kind of looked over. I didn't say anything. Then we started laughing. You're like, dude, I'm so sorry.

You got a polo shot. No, I said, I can't believe I just did that. Yeah, you were in shock. You had this gorgeous Paul Versey track suit. No, it was like some, no, it was white. It was something like angelic white. You know you Italian, you don't just go white. You just go like, Jesus is showing up white for the love of God.

I don't know how the fuck splatter got behind your head. It was still to this day. I remember it was behind your ear on my head. No, it outlined my head. My face stopped the other shit and the waiter came over and he was cool, but even he was kind of like, what happened here? Oh dude, that's one of my favorite things ever because we were just having a moment and then you just punched sauce.

I actually was upset that there wasn't more people there that we knew to see that. Oh, they would have, I mean, I would have, first of all, I never would have heard the end. You know, I thought you were going to talk about that time. You know, we try and have a moment. I've never told this story before. We were standing outside that fucking hotel. We did some gig up in Maine.

Wolverine. Oh, you just blew it, dude, because he came out and we thought he was, he thought he was dressed as Elvis, but he was fat and turned out he was dressed as Wolverine. Like I thought he was an Elvis impersonator. We were smoking cigars and then you go, he looks awesome. That guy looks cool. And I thought, I thought he looked like fucking, I thought he was an Elvis impersonator. He came out and turned on, he looked them closest.

I said, oh, fuck, he's supposed to be Wolverine, but he looked like Elvis when he was all fucking on pills. So we was standing there and he was smoking a stick and he was cool as shit. And we were in the middle of telling a story and he just, he's telling a story and just fucking ripped, farted like, like he knew, like, like we were his kids and we were in his house and never broke the story. He was just telling, hey, fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, and then he did, he tried to impersonate it was like, it was just like a fucking, it was a windy, wet fucking like what the fuck.

And he just kept going and I fucking left you and because I turned around, I turned around and left you with him. Dude, you turned around like a fifth grader who, who like a fifth grader fucking around in the back of class and you just started laughing. I've known you 14 years. I've never farted in front of you like that. This guy who's been outside. This guy just ripped ass and then just kept talking and Bill, you turned around and walked

away and we went from this guy being cool to get him the fuck out of here. Do you remember? We're like, what? Get this guy. I didn't. Cause I couldn't regain my composure. It was like one of those things, it was, you know, when you, when you want to laugh as hard as you ever laugh, but you can't make sure you go into like almost like hyperventilating.

That's what was happening. And I was, for some reason, I don't know why I was so concerned. He didn't give a fuck. I should just laugh. I was like, dude, did you just fucking, what was I worried? What was he going to do? Throw an Elvis Karate kid? I would see that comfortable doing that with two strangers.

Well, I mean, it wasn't like a, like a slipped one. He was one of those guys where it was like, Hey, there's no ladies here and we're outside. That's, it was a very old school. Yeah. Like, yeah, fuck it. Like he just didn't give it. He was very comfortable with himself. Yeah.

Was he in a, was he in like a wife, Peter? Was he in like a weird, wasn't he in like a weird, do you have like an open button down with like a wife, Peter? It was one of the Harry, it was one of the, the, uh, the Wolverine outfits. It was like, he had, he had the mutton chops. That's what fucked me up. When he came out, he had the, he had the pompadour and the fucking thing. And I was thinking, oh, fuck, he's going to be like, you know, maybe I never loved you.

I thought he was singing some Elvis shit and, and yeah, he did look like a character. Speaking of characters, congratulations on being in last season's Mandalorian. My wife was like, so she doesn't like Star Wars. And she saw it and you were like, I was a badass thing. It's funny cause you don't seem like, you know, you don't seem like you in that was be like, me and Harry Potter would be like a Star Wars fan on ESPN like me and Harry Potter. I know.

There's no Italian wizards. I have no, that's, no, that's dope though, man. That's dope to be a part of that. Was it fun? Yeah, it is. I've always, I was kind of telling somebody the other day, like when I go onto a shoot, I have to get, it takes me a minute to get into that mindset just cause as a comedian, you have such freedom.

I can do whatever the fuck I want whenever I want. I go on stage, I say whatever I want. It works or it doesn't. I plow ahead and I don't have to do it again. And then you get into that thing and they're like, okay, your call time is this, your lunch is here, we need you here for this and stuff. So like the first three days, I'm like a fucking cat on a leash, like just like, I can't fucking handle it.

And then, and then it's like you say something and then the script person comes over. It's actually like paging Mr. Herman, Mr. Herman. You said Mr. Herman paging Herman, you just for half a second, like, well, it gives a fuck what I say. And I says, oh yeah, that's right. I'm doing this. So it takes me like three days. I have my little meltdown, my little hissy fit of, of like, why does it take fucking

90 million hours to do this shit? And then after like three days, then I settle into it and then I just have the time in my life. I really, I really have a good time. I really appreciate, you know, getting the gig and all that. But the first three days, I don't think I say anything when I'm on set. It's just like I am in between my ears going like, I could just be at the fucking movies right now and I could tonight go out and do a shit joke and I would be done and I would

have enough money for my cornflakes in the morning, pay my mortgage, yada, yada, yada. But do you feel like it's something like where you, like, let's just say like you get, you get booked in a Star Wars thing and you're like, wow, this doesn't feel like something I would do. But then when you do it, you're like, holy shit, that was dope as shit. Like do you like, No, everything that I've done is it takes three days, but the first three days, okay, got it.

And about three days in, you're on average, you'll be about 36 hours into doing it. Yeah. At that point, you know, people on set, you're fucking around. And all I do is just bust balls and just act like an idiot. The entire time or else I will go, or else I will fucking go insane. So when I'm on there, not in a bad way. I just fucking sit there, part of it when you're here though, too, I think, I think part of it is fear.

I think that's your thing and you're projecting it onto me. So let's talk about your fear of being on set, Paul, why does the comic have fear when it's just like what they're going to fire you and then you can go, what, what, go back to what not sitting in a fucking trailer waiting to be a police officer. No, I don't think fear like that. I think firefighter, whatever the fuck it is I'm doing on this one. I don't know if it's fear like that. I think it's like just being out of your comfort zone and doing something that you

really haven't done, especially if like, let's say you were typecast early on. Yeah, early like if you're typecast or like, let's say you're always the cop. You're always a teacher. Who gives a shit? I joke that I always play a cop or two. But I should. I'm not fucking Daniel Day-Lewis and I look like a cop in a fireman. So like what the fuck it's like.

And that's when the only fucking dickheads out here who sit there and bitch that that typecast. You look like you drive an ice cream truck. Right. So if you want to go against type, right something and put your own fucking money up against it to sit there and think that some fucking guy with his house in the hills is going to roll the dice on your fat fucking ass. Yeah.

Or your weird looking thing on me, a bald, redheaded guy. Yeah, that's not their job. The job is not to take those kinds of risks. I'll go with Brad Pitt over you for that role. Yeah, if you don't mind, if you don't mind, I like the life that I fucking earned because there is a big thing that somebody came home. My wife, she just came home. There is this thing that people have just a natural.

I had it for a long time. Just and I still do like people with like just a resentment to rich people that they automatically means that they fucked people over. And I found as I've gone up that, you know, so many people that I've met, especially in this business, are self-made men and women and they're really cool and fucking funny as hell. Dude, I met this guy one time. I did a private gig.

It's a fucking weird one because it was out here and it was with that weird combination of super rich and super liberal. So you don't, you don't know up is down black as well. You don't know where the fuck the room is. Yeah. It's like they're fucking bleeding heart as they're sitting there eating like endangered species and a cocktail glass or some shit. Right.

And I did that Michelle Obama bit. I love that bit. Yeah. I did it out in Malibu. I fucking love that. Yeah. And dude, that's the, oh my God, dude. I mean, I'm surprised they didn't throw me into the ocean when I finished that one.

And, uh, but the fucking, but the guy that I did, it's not fucking. I hate when it comes to it. Fuck yeah. No, I'm saying, these comedy fucking nuts. It's a private gig. Dude, I didn't turn into Tony Soprano like that. I just said, what are they going to do? It's a good joke.

Somebody doesn't like it, but it's a private gig. If I was that comment, if I'm you know, if I'm a comedy club, if I'm in a comedy club, it's fucked up. If I go to a private gig. At some point, read the room. Stupid. Like doing a private gig is an art that I don't know how to do. Cause I just go up and I do my shit and all I hear is the sound of silverware.

But don't they know what they're getting when they book you? Like if it's like, Hey, Bill, dude, just so you know, this is a little just what, you know, I gotta tell you something, dude, there, there is a level of wealth out there that you don't even know who they are. They don't know who you are. Was it Santa Monica? You said Santa Barbara? No, it was in Malibu, but the long story.

And the long story short was the guy I was working for was a billionaire. He was a self made man. And he was the coolest guy ever. And I said, Hey man, sorry about it. Cause you know, it was kind of an up and down set. And he goes, nah, he goes, I love that. I think you said a lot. And he was looking at this guy, he said a lot of shit out there.

People need to hear. That's great. I'm just like, this guy's fucking cool as shit. And he was, you know, it's something to drink or whatever. Like, Hey, no, I don't drink anymore. He goes, Oh, that's cool. And he just sat there shooting the shit with me. Yeah.

And, uh, and just like, I felt like I was in like a bar with the guy. And we were in this amazing fucking place in like Malibu, whatever. Yeah. Not everybody who has a shitload of money stepped on someone's throat to get it. Yeah. You know, not everybody's a hedge fund kid. Like sometimes people just worked hard and kind of had a good idea. Yeah.

It's one of those things. Yeah. It's the same way, like not everybody who's fucking like broke is, is, is like, I don't know what, what are the stereotypes of that, that you're fucking this, that and the other. It's just the whole thing is fucking stupid. But, but if you have money, if you're rich, it's okay. It's, it's considered punching.

It's the same ignorance, but it's considered punching up for whatever reason. Don't, yeah. Don't you notice that everybody is on one side so far? Like everybody's like, like, uh, like this coronavirus thing, which I woke up today and I, which by the way is curable. I, yeah, I figured it out this morning. I go, I go, yes, it's curable. I love when you say I figured it out.

No, no, no, but this, I like my favorite thing is when you preface it with, I thought about it, I figured it out. No, no, listen, no, I won't, I figured it out. Bill, you know, I thought about it. I figured it out. I just realized something though. I remember Matt Damon and you just did the math problem. And you continued pushing your broom.

I woke up today and I go, you know what? I go, it's funny how this shit happens during an election and I'm not saying it's a political thing, but they're really, the media keeps talking about this. So I looked up today, you know how many people are on, on the United States? 328, over 328 million people live in the United States of America. You know how many cases are in the United States right now? 76 cases of coronavirus. Only people died one and she was 89 years old.

So they're basically like, this is like a really bad flu that is airborne. And if you get it, you need to be, if you're healthy and you get it, you could be treated for it. But I'm looking, the media is actually making people like panicked about it. For, it was funny, this guy at the farmer's market, he had this fucking mask on. Like I swear to God, I went to the movie theater the other night. Like we all fucking were wearing everybody had them on. I'm going like, I'm going like, I'm like watching an Adam Sandler movie.

Hey, you know, something God bless him, God bless him. God bless him for doing it, because if they have it, you're not going to get it. I don't mind, I don't mind people being overprepared. But I just look at it like that shit is in China where you can't even fucking roll over in your bed without running into 36 people and they've been able to fucking contain it just to a couple of thousand people. I think we'll be all right. I think so too.

And I'm not saying it's not something to be concerned about. You fucking run out of it. Throw this microphone cover out. No, I just, yeah, I was like, it's this whole media thing where it's like, and, you know, and then it's funny because like somebody was like, oh, yeah, the stock market took a dip when the media kept talking about it. And it's like, stop scaring people. Like I was literally talking to somebody.

They go, hey, man, I just let me like scroll through the phone. Like I'm just checking this corona thing, dude. Hold on a second. And they were like reading it like something was going to and I wanted to be like, dude, like it's it's weird. It always happens. Remember SARS? Yeah, I had a person back East go like, hey, man, just checking in on you out there

in LA, everybody back here. That's all they're talking about is LA and the coronavirus. I was like, yeah, no one's really talking about it out here, dude. That's like every time there's a fire out here, dude, just check it out. Make sure you're all right. Every time there's a fire, it's supposed to be like right behind my house. Not saying it can't happen, but it's just like, you know, there's a riot in a mall. Bill, you guys good or yeah, I don't call Kansas every time there's a fuck.

I don't know anybody out there. Every time there's a fucking tornado. Hey, man, take six hours to drive through the state. Hey, man, just making sure, uh, yeah, it's like people are so fucking dumb, man. You know, it's like, stop people in Kansas have so much land. There could be a tornado on their property. And I don't, unless they watch the news, I don't think they know what happened. Just their barn.

That might be a bit of an exaggeration. They shoot their neighbor the next day. He took half my fucking cattle. God damn it, Mark. There was a fucking tornado on the Northeast corner of your property. You weren't paying attention. You fell asleep before the news. Anyway, you know what I, uh, I don't know what I wanted to plug is to you.

I'm doing this fucking show, man, with Dean Delray. Oh, that's fucking rad. We were talking about that when we were up in your helicopter and you, this is rad. Yeah, I love when he says it. Whoa. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All the Dean expressions are the best. Cool story.

And there's a big part of the story or a twist. He'll go, whoa. Or he sits there. I like when he would be like, I was, dude, the other night I was riding on my motorcycle in the tent and this fucking guy in an SUV, he's like, for a half a second, squirreled over and I was just, it was like, whoa. Dude was fucking rad. Whoa is always like, whoa to me is like, I almost fell out of my chair.

Whoa to Dean is I almost lost my leg on a motorcycle. Whoa to Dean is my holy shit. Yeah. No, I think it's, no, but attributed to like something life-threatened. But anyways, you know, I used to, he used to front a rock band and he knows all of those fucking guys and so he does this show every couple of years. He does like a tribute to AC DC, right? And he'll sing a whole album.

Like when he turned 50, he sang the whole highway. He did a whole fucking comedy show. All right. Had all these guys come on, had nice enough to have me on there. And then in the end, he goes, I'm going to sing the highway to hell album. And I think the crowd thought like, all right, this is going to be like a dad band or whatever. And dude, he just had these monsters crushed it.

Yeah. He had Tracy Guns from LA guns. He had, I've got him fucking, I think he had Scott Ian on that one. Fuck you from anthrax. He had Rudy Sarzo from Aussie Osborne, White Snake, all the fucking monsters. Yeah. And all of a sudden there's this fucking band on stage just destroying. And the crowd is just like, dude, what the fuck, right?

So we're doing this. He's nice enough to ask me to be down on it. So it's been 40 years since Bond Scott, the first. Well, actually, technically, if you're an AC DC had the second singer in AC, but the first famous guy and lead singer in AC DC, he died in February 1980. So it's the 40th anniversary. So he's doing the whole live, if you want blood, you got it album. And dude, the guys that are coming down on this fucking thing.

I don't want to spoil the surprises, but the fucking names is kind of like who's especially of drummers that I loved and guitar players and all of this and bass players and shit are coming down. It's going to. So it's me and him are going to do the show. I don't know who else is doing stand up. We're going to do like a legit fucking stand up show. And then in the end, you're going to get like this alive AC DC album. It's at the the Avalon right across from Capitol Records, March 10th here in L.I.

to people like flying in because they saw clips of the last one. And Dean fucking kills it. He's got a killer voice. And anyways, there's like 150 tickets left, I think, and it's going to be next week from tomorrow, March 10th, a Tuesday. And it's one of my favorite things ever. So I'm going to sit in for a song or two. Oh, nice. Yeah.

After like some absolute beats, I think Steve Gorman is coming in again. Steve Gorman of Black Crow's Frame and Steve Gorman Sports Podcast, Radio Show. And I always loved his drumming in the Black Crow's Dude. And I saw him playing live doing the AC DC shit. Like, first of all, he came out there and when he showed up for like sound check, Dean was just going, he was like, oh, man, he goes, this is going to be fun. And he just looked at him, told you seriously, he goes, you see this out here. He and he was just pointing out to where the empty seats are.

He goes, that's going to be fucking carnage tonight. Like he came out like fucking like game seven. Who said that? The drummer, Steve Gorman, because this is going to be fucking carnage. Like he didn't he wasn't fucking around. He's like, no, we're doing this justice. Oh, I love that. Yeah. So that's the attitude of people on this.

It's going to be fucking. That's yeah, yeah, I'm very excited. I'm very excited. That's awesome. Slush nervous because I'm playing one song. So what always happens is, you know, once I get out there, I'm cool. But then after once I do my bullshit, then I can enjoy the rest of the show. Being nervous is great. Being nervous is part of it, man.

If you're not nervous, you're fucking up, I think. Yeah. You know, I would I would say so. Hey, I got to actually read some fucking advertising here. I totally didn't listen to what you're saying because I was so busy. Like being nervous is OK or something like that. And I'm just going like, yeah, I'm like, listen, Bill, I don't like you anymore. A friendship's over. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I left.

You heard steps. You just. All right, I got to do the. I got to do my funny. I'm literally looking at the ad reads. I can't even do that before you start looking at your phone. This is how it is now. It's how it is nowadays. Oh, hey, by the way, have you seen if you've seen the the E 60 drew blood cell? Yes.

Oh, how great was that, dude? I didn't understand how hard he got hit. And did you hear what happened in the ambulance? Yeah, when his brother sitting there, his brother goes, he just he faded out. We were like, we don't know if he died because his lungs were had a clot in his lungs. Dude, they were about the fact that when he came back and they didn't give him his job and he didn't lose the job, he got hurt. So the job was his and Belichick goes, I'm sticking with Brady

and tremendously embarrassing and he has to fucking stand there and he could have been the biggest nightmare ever. And we wouldn't want you could have divided the team and we would not have fucking won the Super Bowl that year and gone on to, you know, what? And he that yeah, he was just took it like a champ and was like, I'm not going to be a jerk. But at the end of the end of the season, you know, he sat there, he smiled away, didn't go to the parade and fucking out of here.

And he took out, I remember, took out a full page ad, thanked everybody in Boston and then went to Buffalo and through the end to I love when he's I don't spoiler alert here when they were saying, do you think Belichick made a mistake? He goes, absolutely, if he stucks with me, we would have won eight. And it's just like, I love hearing him say that. That's awesome. Yeah, dude. And I love that he's just like drinking wine now, relaxing. He was still in shape.

He looked fucking great. Was a really, really good quarterback. Parcells loved him. Everybody who played everybody who played with him loved him. Like he was a good dude, but it was crazy to hear. They were like, it was the loudest hit they like ever heard. Yeah. What's the game? Mo Lewis played it in real time, dude.

And it just looked like he just went down like a dude. It was brutal. Yeah, no, it was bad. It was just it's unreal. Now that clip and then Brady comes out. It's just like about Brady going. Yeah, he's not unfortunately, he's not getting his job back. When Bletzo's like telling his mom, like, oh, he's going to get a job now. It's so good. I'm glad he's getting happy for it.

He's going like he's never this is it. He's never come. He's never getting his job back and he didn't. Yeah. Didn't that guy in the Cowboys do the same thing? He said he's I don't know what that wasn't Bletzo. That was Tony Romo. He's like, he's not getting his job back. Who's who's who's the Cowboys Square quarterback?

Now it's Dak Dak Prescott. Isn't he the one who said that? By the way, you think Tommy T that you think Tommy terrific's coming back or no? Dude, if I was him, I'd try to get if he's good at broadcasting. I'd get into that game because Tony Romo just got one of the sickest contracts. Yeah, but Tony Romo's like he got that contract because he's just ridiculous. He's amazing. Yeah, like. But that's what I'm playing the same game.

Well, I'm half as good as him. Yeah, fucking eight and a half. But Brady's something's wrong with Brady. Like Brady wants to keep playing. It's like like Brady wants to keep proving it. And it's like he can't shut it off. He can't shut it off. It's great. Yeah, it's great until he's

you know, you know, you don't want to see that guy getting scraped off the fucking field the way they did Brett Favre, you know? Yeah, but he's not Brett Favre, but he is a certain age. I mean, he's 43, man. He's 43. Yeah, he is. He is 43. But it's like. I just got a feeling. I don't know. But like. They protect quarterbacks more than they used to.

He also doesn't throw back over the middle against his body, which was a big Brett Favre thing. Gun to my head. No, he would never throw gun to my head. I love Brett Favre. Brett Favre wouldn't get Brett quadruple cover. He's like, yeah, I can get it in there. And I don't know if I want to see this.

But gun to my head. I would say I think that Brady goes somewhere else for a year. Like I think Brady is going to do a Montana did you or no. You always say what Montana did. Montana didn't do that. Didn't Montana go to the Kansas City Chiefs? No, they fucking forced him out and said, we're going with Steve Young.

That's why he left. Oh, oh, OK, see. No, not OK. I've told you that like 40 fucking times. Did you? Yeah. And then all those times when you were going like Brady's. But no, but no, but Montana. Fucking Montana.

When it took him four times to get fucking. I saw four super. No, no, no. You would say this when he had like fucking. No, I said it when he had three. First of all, when he had fucking three, you was still saying Peyton Manning was better. I said Peyton Manning was the best regular season quarter.

I said, no, you didn't. No, you didn't. You said you had to pick somebody to 05-06. When I first got to know this, when I first got to know you, you told me that and everybody in ESPN, I'm like, yeah, if you got a pick, I got a fucking data. The guy had three fucking rings and couldn't get arrested. I did say that I did.

I did in 07. I said Peyton was better. Then I flipped it. And I did say when Brady had three. This is how hard you flipped though, Paul. You went from Peyton is better to Tom Brady. And in an 11 month period, you went to Tom Brady as the greatest quarterback of all time,

which in the end you ended up being right on. But like this is why I did flip quick, but I felt like I did, I did get it right. Well, Paul, this is the thing. If you fucking shoot a zillion half court shots, one's going to go in. But you're not, but you're not deadly from that range. I could not get one of these guys, dude.

You have a mountain of chips and every hand you push them all in. And one of those times you can be like, dude, I want 10 million in that hand. But Joe Montana didn't have to go to Kansas City. Joe Montana could have left. What I'm saying is Joe Montana could stop playing at that time, right?

Could have finished the San Francisco 49er for his career. This is a different argument. No, but what I'm saying is, I hear what you're saying, but what I'm saying is Joe Montana said, I'm gonna go to another, I'm gonna go put another Jersey on. I'm gonna go to another team after my legacy in San Francisco. And he actually ended up. But he was forced out.

The Patriots are not forcing Tom Brady out. They're letting him see what is out there and then they're just gonna match it and then just see what he does. Yeah, because he's been a good guy. They've always had him locked down. He's taken less money and everything. Let the guy do this.

It is a thing too. If he does leave, no Patriot fan should have a fucking problem with it. No, but it's a tough thing to see as a Patriot fan. It would be a tough thing to see. Like if Eli went to the Jaguars or did something like that, I'm not comparing Eli and Tom Brady by any stretch, but seeing that guy.

Well, he beat him twice. So I think he's in the conversation. Seeing Jeter in a, you know, it's like, we've talked about this before. There's been some bad ones. And you know, seeing Jeter in another uniform, it's like you can't. That's why I love Eli.

Yeah, but then you know something then years later, Mitchell and Ness makes the fucking Joe Namath, Los Angeles Rams fucking Jersey. And it's the shit of the Johnny United's charges Jersey. And then it's, I mean, it's, it's hard to see, I guess as a sports fan. I don't know. Well, you know, I think it's harder like in some sports,

but not in like basketball. Let's talk basketball, Paul, and what they can do to fix the fucking NBA and get out of this era of the fucking super teams. Cause if I see one more team loaded with free agents and listen to them afterwards, you know, we just need one more piece. It's like, how many good guys from other teams

do you fucking need before you guys can fucking get on the same goddamn page and win something? Like I, it's always like, they have like three monster teams. Yeah, it's like every jock in your grade, all piles on one team. And then they play the math team every other fucking night and win by 40 fucking points. Dude, that thing, let me, let me, let me do the,

let me do the fucking reads here. Oh, look who's here, but I bought me on these me on these. You got a pile and fucking team, me on these me on these. It's a nightmare. It's not a dream watching you win by 45 over a team. You used to fucking play. Sorry. Come on, man.

KD going from fucking Oklahoma to the Warriors. I mean, what the fuck is that? They had a three one fucking lead. They didn't know how to win. And then the bitterness would set it. And then the next year you would get to see the work and they finally put the demons to bed. Now they'd be like,

if Jordan just joined the fucking Pistons. Yeah. And Jordan stuck with it and ended up magic joins the Celtics after they, the Lakers lose to fucking in 84. A bird joins the Lakers after they lose to the Lakers in 85. They'd be the dumbest thing ever. You want to know, I'll go ahead. Do your, do your, I mean, you keep luring me in here though.

I'm not going to lie. I know you're sitting here going me on these. And then you're like, it'd be like if Durant and I'm like waiting to jump in, imagine your fifth grade self looking into the future and learning that as an adult, you got a me on these membership. They would laugh hysterically, but jokes on them. Cause me on these is known for their super soft undies

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and apply at policygenius.com. Policy genius, we will always get the future wrong. Better get home insurance right. Have you ever pointed fucking fortune cookies stop being a fortune and it just started being advice? Yeah. It kind of used to be like, hey, you know, you're gonna fucking...

They're delicious though, no? The glaze, the sweet glaze on a fortune cookie is pretty nice. I don't know. It's kind of like, it seems like it's something that's not edible that they put sugar on and then you eat it. There is a fakeness to the feeling,

but it still tastes good. It's like something that was... What's your favorite dessert, dude? Like someone was trying to make a pot or something. I mean, can we talk food? Yeah, we can, if I can read legalism real quick. All right, legalism. It's still early in the year.

Can we talk food? If we already talk sneakers, and sports. We talk sneakers. Wait, we're running out of topics. It's... Ah! Ah!

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Go to LegalZoom.com today and enter the promo code Burr in the box at the checkout for special savings. That's LegalZoom.com, code Burr, B-U-R-R, LegalZoom, where life meets legal. Paul, this print is so fucking small. I gotta tell you something. I refuse to get glasses and I'm telling you.

Yo, you read that like you were in the back of the class and you just had to read a paragraph out loud while being nervous. Dude, look how small this print is. Look at that print. No, that is, that is, you gonna do the Bartonix squint? Yeah.

No, but I'm a big believer in not getting glasses because they just fucking ruin your eyes and then you need them. I agree with that because they gave me prescription just for driving and then it made when I took them off it, like I was just like, I'm not doing this. Yeah, you have like a fucking hay.

I had this adjusting thing and I'm like, why would I just do it for driving? I kind of feel like it's a scam. I kind of feel like Lasik eye surgery, like they know how to do it better than they're doing it, but they're like, if we just fix it, then they're not gonna come back and you know, have to fucking do it again.

Isn't there something about that? I'm just waiting for them to perfect that. I'll tell you what's fucking bullshit, Paul. As a fellow guy who's fucking bald here, the fact that they can put a laser on your eye and all of a sudden you can see all the way to Kentucky, but they can't figure out to get high, to make your hair stop falling out of your fucking head

is bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, but it would be, how weird would it be? They slow down fucking age. How fucking weird would it be though if we took a pill, we just puffed out all the way. Oh, it'd be the greatest thing ever. What hairstyle?

Dude, I would have Andy Gibb hair. You take a pill Monday and by Saturday you just gotta fucking mop. The excitement of coming back would be just, it would be ridiculous. I mean, actually, to be honest with you, I love having a fuck. Once you shave your head, going bald sucks.

Once you shave your head, you're fucking cool. I mean, I say you're a cool person, but you're fine. I just miss being in a barber chair where the guy actually had the brush and like you felt the comb and he cut it and you looked at a picture of a style and you just talked to him. I miss that.

I actually don't. I miss the barbershop camaraderie, man. A cool barber. That I do miss. Yeah. But you can go down and just hang out. All right, listen, I got one for you. Gun to your head.

One's gotta go. One's gotta go the rest of your life. Sushi or pizza, you could never have another one again. Oh, there's no brain to do. What? Paul, there's like no fish left. Stop eating fish. I meant taste-wise.

Forget, take that away. Sushi, let's say there was a surplus of fish forever. I could have pizza like 15 days of the month. I could not eat sushi that much. And I gotta be honest with you, Paul, there's very few good sushi restaurants. There's a lot of people out there doing the sushi thing, just like pizza.

Yeah. All right, but here's the thing. Dude, I just had a tuna roll at an airport. Yeah, bad pizza I can handle. I can get through a bad pizza. Bad sushi is fucking sketchy. This people out there, they'll make fish taste like butter. It'll like melt in your mouth.

And then there's the rest of them. There's the rest of them. When we were at Nobu for my birthday, it blew my mind. But I just had like a spicy tuna roll at JFK. And it was like, you know. Well, Paul, who the fuck gets sushi at an airport? What do you do? It was like a nice restaurant, though.

Was it? I mean, no, but it wasn't awful. You know what I mean? I see that, there you go. I'll go with that. That's what you're getting at an airport. It wasn't awful. Europe, that gets a little crazier at the airports.

Southeast Asia, I've got to tell you something. Southeast Asia, Singapore, I was fucking there. They had these dumplings, dude, that was just like, how the fuck is this at an airport? And I'll tell this story forever. There's fucking dumpling eating motherfucker. He went back like 19 times. He ate most of them.

The cunt, the fucking cunt. Like this fucking guy, and he was so fucking funny. When you're in Southeast Asia, right, dude, it's like you're on another fucking planet. Yeah. It's their own airlines, their own pop stars, the hope that's so fucking far away, completely different race of people.

There's barely any fucking white people that you see. And you're like, wow, man, this is what they feel like when they're fucking over here. It's just like, you get this great experience and you go over there, right? And it's just, but then what happens is after you're over there a couple of days, you just start seeing people you know.

Like if that fucking cunt in the lounge, that's, it's like, I get it, you're in the lounge, you're trying to get your money's worth, but you're being fucking rude. And I'm not gonna say who the guy is. We know who the guy is, right? And I was just like, oh my God, this is fucking Southeast Asia's fucking Eddie fucking,

whatever, that I know fucking back from Massachusetts. Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't like that shit. I don't like it either. Yeah, I don't like that, I don't like that shit. Nothing, nothing worse. Nothing worse. Dude, these dumplings, Paul.

Yeah, but they're not doughy, are they? No, Paul. They can't be doughy. They were, yeah, the ones over here are doughy. Yeah, they're too doughy. They didn't know how to make them. And Southeast Asia said, get the fuck out of here and serve that to Americans.

Dude, Southeast Asia. I love how you're pointing and taking it that seriously. Paul, he's fucking dumb. You're a kid that takes food really seriously. Dude, these dumplings, Paul, these things, it was almost like they were hovering above the fucking plate, they were so light. And I was like, of course they are.

This is where they came from. It's like going to Italy and being like, oh, this is what a tomato's supposed to taste like. This is how Italian, this is Italian food. You go to fucking Southeast, to those fucking people throw, everywhere around the world they throw down, but it was so great after all these years

of thinking I was having authentic this, authentic that, to fucking be there and even at an airport, the fucking dumplings at the airport were better than any fucking bullshit I've had over here, no boo and all of those, fuck all of those. Go over there. I will. Put on your fucking mask.

Yeah, go over there. Yeah, I gotta deal with that at the airport going back home, seeing that. I wanted to go up to the person, I wanted to like go up to the person in the mask. I would never do it and be like, are you really that worried? Paul, there's nothing-

You know how arrogant you have to be? No, there's nothing wrong with being worried. No, but it's almost arrogant to put a mask on. It's almost a little arrogant. That if there's 328 million Americans and 76 got them and you think that you're that fucking important that it's gonna catch you wherever you go, isn't there a little narcissism there?

Isn't it a little fucking arrogant? I don't know if arrogance is a word, I would say maybe you're beyond- A little self-involved? Hyperkondriac. Yeah, and then I saw somebody with like a jacked up mask. You're not good at an airport, so. What?

You're not good at an airport, so. I'm getting better now. I'm getting better in a, I'm getting better. No, you, no dude, now they have like a jacked up mask. You fucking, you like, you, only a few guys that I know that you have to see the pilot and feel okay about what the guy looks like. Yes, I do.

That's true. I like to look at the pilot. I like to look at the guy who's doing it. I like to look at the guy who's doing it. And I can't even say half the shit that you fucking said. What, you can say it? No, I can't. Oh, okay, okay.

No, I can't. All right, all right, yeah. I guess we're, yeah. All right. Yeah. All right, yeah. Put it basically, Paul wants a fucking James Bond. Yes.

Vibe. I do. That's what you want. I do. I do, man. I don't want a fucking doughy. Dude, I saw some. You don't want that.

No. You don't want a reboot of James Bond where James Bond is a woman. Dude, I saw a pilot for American Airlines just like crushing. I used to do a joke on, he used to crush in a Big Mac with like fries and McDonald's and his gut was just protruding over his thing.

Oh, that's, yeah. And then he was just like walking to the plane. And I'm just going like, this guy, I know what this guy just put in his body. And now he's got 200 souls that he's taken across the country. I know. And you know what's fucking nuts about that

is how hard it is with the turnarounds and all that for those guys to try to, where the fuck is he going to the gym? No, no, dude. This guy was no, this guy was just crushing fast food and he's, you know, yeah. I told you, I was online one time and this pilot, this guy was going to Hawaii or something.

It was funny. It was like a heavy set black dude. And he goes, I go, can I ask you something? Just when I, early when I was nervous flying, can I ask you something, man? It's like, I was like, is it, like, is it okay? Like weather, does weather matter? He goes, oh, today's actually a good day.

Cause you know, it's a little hazy, planes, small planes won't go up. So it's, you know, it's, it's less, you know, and everything like that. And he was, you want to know how I learned, man? He goes, I learned on a video game, man. And like set it like that. It's like, I learned on a video game, man.

He's like, this is all computers, man. These things fly. And I was just like, I go, what? And he was like, yeah, but I just learned on a, and I was like, yeah, the autopilot. It's like, it's like, it says the computer to fly as a plane. And then until it comes to, you know, it's just-

Yeah, the take off and then you probably take off and then they tell you to turn whatever heading and then you just put it on the autopilot. I mean, I don't, obviously I don't know how it works, but I mean, you can literally just set the altitude that you want to go to. And then, you know, you have, there's another button that just automatically pressurizes the cabin

and all that, which during your pre-flight, you got to make sure that that fucking thing's on or all of a sudden you're going to start talking to your co-pilot and nothing's going to make sense. You can make weird radio calls. Then you're going to pass out and eventually run out of gas. Did I tell you Mark Tashara was on my airplane? You ever see that one?

Mark Tashara was on my airplane. And I had an abort, it was the first like real, real abort landing where we almost touched. I'm not even joking. We were probably, I'm not even kidding. We were, everyone's getting their shit together. And we probably like, we were right there. I thought the wheels were going to touch.

And all of a sudden it just went, it went right back up and nobody said shit. And everybody was going like this. And I was like, I just saw my car dude. Like, I just like, I was, we were there and people were going, one guy's going like this. And I told you the wind shear. So the guy came on, he told us, he goes,

listen, there was some dangerous stuff. He goes, we got a, like a rough wind shear. He's like, we're going to come around, I'll be down. And then when he finally hit the second time, everybody just like went forward and somebody's people's heads were hitting. And he just had to do it. And it's like, you were saying,

I think you said to another people like, you know, that guy probably saved our lives. Yeah, cause people end up, I don't know people bitch about a hard landing like the guy sucks or the woman sucks who's flying the plane. A lot of people will talk about wind shear and they don't even know what it is. It just means you're going,

you always take off and land into the wind. Okay. And what happens shears is it goes from like a headwind to a tailwind. So now the way the wing is designed, the way the wind is flowing over it, you know, you're not going to get that low pressure, high pressure going to low pressure lift unless you fly faster.

So then when you start to fly faster, you're landing faster than you normally do, which means you could possibly run out of runway. Oh, okay. There's all kinds of fucking aerodit. And then as far as, I mean, I obviously don't fly fixed wings. So I don't understand a lot of that shit.

But I know with like helicopters with us, that there's wind shear, you know, it won't, it will spin us around like a fucking weather vane. Oh, Jesus. Oh, you could have like loss of tail rotor effect, all of that type of shit, but like... Where's aviation going to go, man? In like 15, 25 years, something like that.

It's going to get even safer. It's just getting, it's going to be safer and probably faster, you know? Whatever happened to that concord, remember that concord plane? That plane went from like New York to London in two and a half hours. It's such a tragedy.

And then there was like two acts of... One fluke fucking thing happened. That thing... A fucking tire came off and it was taken off and it somehow went up into the air. It went out of building, right? Yeah, it went up into the engine. He lost an engine, it caught on fire

and then he fucking smashed it into a fucking hotel. Yeah. And then what happens is like, I don't know, see that one's a fucked up one because that was actually not human error. Like pilot error is the thing that like, you know... That's a mechanical failure. Yeah, that's the scary one.

Because for me, pilot error is not nearly as scary to me like say like, you know, the Kobe thing happens, everybody's just like, oh my God, this is fucking dangerous. It'd be like, if the guy was just flying in the main rotor, fucking just came off. Right. And then a few days later

on a completely different model, the same thing happened. Then it's time to be like, what the fuck? I'm not flying. Right. Yeah, of course. But if somebody, you know... If somebody's like,

that guy shouldn't have been up there and he made a bad decision, rest his soul. Yeah, somebody like a fucking, yeah, a little Cessna decides to fly into... Like I saw when this guy flew and whatever he had, he was looking at an old, whatever his, I don't know, I don't fly in weather like that,

but whatever he was looking at was not an updated map of the weather system that was going on. So he had something from an hour ago. Yeah. And so he was flying by that and the guy's on there going, you're flying right into this fucking thing. And he was just in one of those little ass fucking Cessnas.

And there was, he flew into some shit that would throw a DC 10 or a fucking 747 around. And that was just it, ripped his fucking wing off. Let's not talk about this, Paul. Yeah. Let's talk about the Houston Astros and how is fucking, I don't give a shit about that stuff.

I'm so glad they did that. Fuck them, fuck everybody. Fuck anybody. You know, it's just like... Not fuck them. No, fuck everybody. No, the Yankees deserved that. They deserved it.

You know, who didn't deserve it though, man? That fucking kid who came forward on the Dodgers and goes, yeah, I guess they're right what they say. Kershaw. Yeah, he goes, I guess they're right to say, I choked in the playoffs. And then they went back to the tape and they said, every breaking ball in the playoffs

when the Astros were home against them, they hit. Every batter against Kershaw when he threw that breaking ball, which was one of the greatest breaking balls. Got it hit. Got contact. And they said, it's never happened before. And then they showed the numbers

when they were playing at Dodgers. Fuck the Dodgers, fuck the Dodgers. They spent a ton of fucking money the Yankees and the Red Sox. Dude, how many fucking World Series did we win? The Yankees and the Red Sox combined with 180 to 200 million dollar teams with roided up free agents.

Absolutely. I mean, like that wasn't cheating on something. That wasn't an unfair fucking advantage. And as far as like also knowing what pitch is coming, you know, I just look at it like the, you know, the Astros never won one. They finally brought a gun to a gun fight. People are cheating every fucking game.

And there's another thing too. And the NBA is fixed. That's the funniest thing. You want to talk about cheating. I would say it's finessed in that they do everything that they can to have the two monster teams be there in the finals. No, not calling the foul on a big guy,

but that manipulate, dude. That mean, and- Oh, absolutely. Do you hear what Kevin Garnett said on Bill Simmons? When the Celtics get that game seven. That's crazy that he said that. We were not part of the NBA's agenda. Is the closest thing you'll ever hear a player go like,

this shit was fixed. Yeah, absolutely. You know, come on, Jordan got calls. I think LeBron's gonna get calls too, you know, in a big moment. They want, they want, dude, they want Laker Celtics. They want, they want that. Or, but the thing, but what they did though

was they rebranded Laker Celtics with, they learned that it worked when the Heat was a monster team. They learned that when the Golden State Warriors were a monster team. Where it was just like people peeked in because they wanted to see the, you know, David versus Goliath.

Well, dude, after that Donagie thing, when they said like they had meetings going, if Rashid Wallace and Allen Iverson opened their mouth once, tee him up even if it's not worthy of if another player did. It was just like, they had these like rules. And then dude, when you watch that Kings Lakers-

But that's the kind of thing though, with that individual shit though, that's like one of those things where like, it's kind of an earned reputation by the player. That happens in baseball. If you're going to be like a cunt and show up the ump, you're not going to get that call in the corner. You're just not.

Yeah, if they don't like you. But that Kings series, when they're just looking confused and you're like, this game is completely fucking manipulated. Right. You know, you just got to be, yeah. You just got to be like now these guys, you got to be like undeniably good. Just like comedy.

You told me that by the way, like, you know, it's funny. And I wanted to, I wanted to get your take on this too. Cause, but I don't remember. I call you, I remember calling you up like years ago and being like, and being like, uh, yeah, dude, Montreal said no. And then the next year I was like, yeah, dude, I had a good and they said no.

And you go, Paul, you go, you have to get undeniable. A guy like you has to get undeniable to get into that festival. And then the next year I got in and I, because I just had undeniable things. And I feel like everybody in comedy, I don't know how many comedians listen to this and shit, but this is something I wanted to say. I'm sure they do.

But like, I hear everybody going like, you got to get on that podcast and you got to go and do this. It has changed. And you got to go and do that and like, get on this. And it's just like, nobody seems like, it just feels like, I think just getting good at what you do will eventually getting.

There's two ways that I see that roads that people take. There is the, I'm going to be in the mix guy and whatever's the hot thing. I got, I got to be in that. And I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that. I mean, I agree with that. That's people do that, but I don't agree with that avenue.

That works for some people. Right. What worked for me was to let go of all of, I mean, I still went for it and shit, but I just was not the guy they were going to pick. So the shit that I was doing, the way that I looked was like the business was not looking for it. Like, you know, they're looking for good looking people.

And then, and then now they're looking for people that will make them not look sexist and racist and homophobic, the exact same white people that were not giving those people opportunities. They're now going out of their fucking way. And what's, what I love about it is they're still not doing the work. The same way like when they were picking white guys,

they would always pick the wrong fucking white guy. Wouldn't get the legit dude. They just poked their head in. All right, let's just take this guy. He's got a nice square fucking head. They doing the same thing. So, which is what gives all things comedy. Not, not the fucking pet.

My own company, you know, partial company on its back. But like, we actually. It's a little too bad about it. Yeah, I mean, I got to talk a little shit about it. Yeah, we try to, we try to picture spit the fucking. If you just try to pick the best people, you're going to accidentally be progressive. But yes, but look, I, you know, I was coming up,

I was told, I mean, dude, there were times I was down and I think you going through the path that you went through and then me having a guy like you go like, dude, you just got to, you just, they're not just going to pick you. And I'm like, yeah. And then I'm like, okay, and you got to go harder. It's better, but like, no, do what you love. I love doing stand up and getting better at stand up

every time, right? Every time I just like getting better. Like, I didn't get in, people like, oh dude, podcast. It's like, I didn't get in this business to be a fucking radio host. Right. Like, like some guy, I didn't. I didn't, I got in the business to like, I'll jump.

I have my podcast, the Verzi Effect, and it's fun. But I did it just to shoot the shit, have my fans listen to it if they want to. Me and you can shoot the shit. I go on my friends, but listen to people going, you got to get out, you got to get on this podcast. You get on that podcast. And I'm like, what do you love?

I love stand up. I love, you know what I love? I love doing a bit and having one of my peers go, dude, that's a fucking killer bit, dude. That's a top, one of your top jokes. And then fucking working on that. And I feel like if you do that, Chris Rock said something dope where he just goes, he goes, I got, he goes,

I got great when I stopped trying to be famous. He goes, I just fucking did like, I just stopped trying to be famous cause he's like, all I wanted to do was try to get something famous. Well, I, that is, that's where you also tap into your own power. It's like, when you're chasing it, then it's just like, you're going to start, oh, they like blue shirts.

I'm going to wear blue shirts. They late though, they're like, this is the, this is the hairstyle. This is the fucking topics. And I saw like all of the, you know, I saw, you know, I saw these fucking guys run into those alt rooms. After the club comics who started those rooms, kind of moved on to the next level of their careers.

There was all these people that just ran to those fucking rooms cause they were hot. And then those same fucking people when those rooms got cold ran away and ran back to the, it's just such a, it's, it's, that's so fucking hard. That's such a harder way, I think, to try and get there than to just be like, you know what, I'm going to get what I'm supposed to get.

And I'm just going to say what the fuck I want to say. And if this doesn't get me all the way to whether I wanted to be, I won't like have regrets cause there's nothing worse than going down, swinging with somebody else's idea of what you should have said. That's, that's worse. If I go down, if I go down,

it's going to be going down with my plan, my avenue under my fucking terms. And for me right now, like that's been awesome. And it's been worth- Which for young comics listening, that does not mean self-sabotage. No. Cause there's a bunch of people that I came up with

and I still see to this day where they're just sabotaging themselves. And then they do this fucking business so they can't handle a guy like me. They can't handle a guy like me telling the fuck. It's like, dude, have you seen what's on the internet? Anybody? They can't handle a guy like me is really fucking funny.

It's taken yourself so ridiculously seriously. But the self-sabotage is always going to be there. What about these comics that are fucking brilliant? And I've seen it a million times and obviously I'm not going to mention names, but I've seen comics that are fucking brilliant and just fucking drink themselves out of the business. They just drink themselves.

They're either at the party getting hammered, slurring words, and then, you know, they're not getting up writing because they're all hungover. And I'm like, dude, that was me. Like when I first came up, I hit the scene doing shots and everything. I'm like, oh, this has to slow down.

You know, like this is like, you know, you got to fucking, I think it's a certain type of person though. I think that like rest is soul. I think that the Kobe Bryant's. I think that the Tom Brady's. I think the Derek Jeter's. I think the Michael Jordan's.

I think there are certain people, okay? And, you know, in comedy, and I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, but I think you're one of those people. I think I'm one of those people that I don't accept. I always constantly want to, you know, like. Paul, I'll be forever chasing the perfect shit joke.

Yeah, but you're one of those people. You're just a, you're like a relentless lunatic it with what you do, right? You're a relentless, you're a relentless fucking animal. And I feel like, I feel like, like guys like that just want to keep, you know, dude, look at Tom Brady, grab his fucking lineman's face mask

and fucking crack it. The guy's got six rings and he's like, let's go looking at the crowd, let's go. That's not a normal, that's why he is who he is. Dude, when Kobe Bryant was tearing, congratulating the Celtics, and he was fucking holding it in and like literally weeping, and I'm going, dude,

that guy's coming back next year or like something. Do you know what I mean? Like, I just saw like, you don't see that. And there's a lot of athletes that don't have that, dude. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think what they do is a lot harder than fucking telling jokes though. I mean, I don't have to fucking.

No, but I think, but I don't think it matters when it comes to work ethic though. You think it matters when it comes to work? You throwing some big names around here, Paul. No, but I think it matters when it comes to work ethic. Do you know what I mean? Like getting on the plane and doing the radio show in the morning

when it's already sold out. That, that's something that I. I will say that I don't understand. I never understood the New York comic. The guy that just stayed. Hey, I'm a New York couch. No, I mean, the guy that was just did the New York clubs waiting for that agent or the manager

to come in to sign them. And then they would say, what happened? Yeah. And then they, I'm just staying here till I get on TV and then I'm going to do the fucking road. And it's like, I never understood that. I was always just like, no, you do the road. Now you build up your following

and then the following gets you the TV show. Or you got half your following and then the TV show puts you over the fucking top. Yeah. Because you're half a following, and then it just tunes into your show and gets you ratings. Or I just, I just never understood that, like there was all of these guys when I came to the city

that would fucking destroy in the city, but could only do like 30 minutes. I would go on the road and they would get on the road and they would date at jokes about Alphabet City and riding the fucking e-train and fucking bottleneck. And nobody could relate to him. And they were just like, what the fuck is this guy?

I had owners in the middle of the country going, you knew York guys, man. He one time he said, he goes, oh dude, you had time. I go, what do you mean? He goes, you did your time the whole way. And he's like, you know, New York guys, you guys got that set, that 12 to 15 minutes. And like they were saying,

he's like, that's why we don't book too many New Yorkers. And that's when I realized you need to do them both. Like, I feel like- Well, there's an arrogance with you guys. What do you mean? You guys think every other city sucks? You think, yeah, you think just the other, Bill, I fucking, the fucking place shuts down

if I can tune, I can fucking drink two, five in the morning. Like you guys kicking a slice out of here, right? Yeah, it's the dumbest shit ever. Yeah, you go to like San Antonio and you're pissed because you can't get a good slice. Rather than going out, they're like, Paul, they're into barbecue. This is what the fuck they do.

Although we did have a good time in San Antonio, but yeah, I just think that there's like a, that was one thing that I didn't understand. And I thought, and as a young comic too, I knew I was like thinking going, that doesn't make sense. They might be right. Cause I did see a few people do it, but I was just like, or you could fucking become a monster.

Out here by doing hours, the fact that you only have to do 45 minutes, now you do have to do an hour to close, but doing 45 minutes, then you come back to the city and it's like, what, I gotta do what? It just spots 12 minutes, 15 minutes. I can do this my sleep. Yeah.

One thing I have to actually credit is my wife. Cause my wife was just like, I believe in you and like go ahead and I told her, I was like, look, I'll try to contribute what I can. But let's just say I wasn't with Stacy and I didn't have kids and I was in the city. I would have probably gotten a car and had a one bedroom apartment or something

and try to do the road and all that. But I think that I could have ended up either being distracted. I mean, I probably still would have figured it out. I've lost some years in New York. Every comic does. Yeah. Yeah, you have those.

Yeah, you have those relationships and shit. My wife, dude, my wife fucking held it down. My wife held it down and supported me, dude. My wife is the best. So. From the love she did. Oh, hey. Oh, the lovely Nia.

Speak of it. The love she did. Speak of the, speak of the wise. Hold on. What's up? The lovely Nia. Oh, I timed that. Pop it in.

Hey, I'm just, I'm just giving my wife credit on the pot. Oh, the male listeners are so mad. I was like, no. They're, they're, oh, they're tuning out. They're like, oh, what is this woman praise right now? What is this woman praise? Good to see you. No, you crushed it the other day.

She crushed it on the podcast. She goes, we were watching real sports with Brian Gumbel. We love that shit. Yeah. We love that show. We're fucking sitting there watching it. At one point we're just watching, you know, after the guy does the story, he comes in

and he's talking to fucking Brian Gumbel. And she just looks at me. She goes, what is he writing down? Always with a pencil and a legal pad. Yeah. Put the mic so she's thinking here. I'm just like, what are you, what are you writing down? The story's done.

It's over. It's wrapped up, you know. It's like on the fade out. Yeah, exactly. And he's sitting there making notes. I feel like, I feel like he does that because it's a power move. Like you're coming, you're answering to me.

And it's just like. But I just have a few more questions. But I'm going to talk to you after this. After you've done some research, interviewed people, months we've been working on this. The piece is over. Yeah, but he's still got, he's still got some follow up. It's not enough for him.

Oh dude, I love when Stacey hears this and I'm going like, you know, my wife really like supported me coming up in comedy and then you just hear Nia coming up and I say, of course she did. That is like, that was like, I swear to you, you would have thought there was a director going, all right Nia, come down now.

Come down right now. That is your cue. That was perfect. I just had to come down here and say hi and give you guys a little bit of shit. That's great. It's all right. How's it going?

What are you talking about? What are you chatting about fellas? Well, you know, unfortunately it's the end here. Oh, it's the end. I know, it's an hour. That's too bad. 14 minutes in here. Oh, another hour with Nia.

I know, I know. I won't hold you. I just came to say hi and say. How was your night? You had a good night? Yeah, I had a good night. But I'll chat with you when you guys wrap up. Sure, good to see you.

All right. I got to show you when we're done here. I got to show you. I went to Big Five Sporting Goods and I got a T-ball set for my daughter because she saw the song Take Me Out to the Ballgame and she loved the song and now she wants to go to a baseball game

and she was imitating swinging a bat. Oh, yeah. And she was doing it lefty. So, oh my God. She's gonna make the big leagues, you know. Second, anything left-handed of a dad just thinks, oh my God, she's gonna make the Olympics, right? I wish that I could be there

because you're on the West Coast. I'm on the East Coast, dude. And I wish I can be there when you watch her compete in a sporting event. Like when I watch Lucas, like my son is getting really good in basketball and like everybody's like, he's got the shot in the school. But like when my son shoots a three

and you're just sitting there and like you hear other parents go, hey, this one, that one can shoot. And like he makes it or something, you're just like, there's a feeling. I just want to see your face when he hits the game winner and the gym goes nuts. I'm gonna be one of two things.

I'm either gonna be like standing up going, that's right. That's fucking, that's a versey right there. He's got my shot. Or I'm just gonna have my hands over my face like, ooh. Yeah. Dude, you should have seen the cuts. I gotta show you the video, the cuts she was taking. First of all, she holds the bat upside down.

I'm going like, I'm like, sweetheart, you want to hold this? She goes, no, dad, I don't, I want to hold like this. And then I was like, all right, all right. And I don't want to be the overbearing person. But I'm like, all right. And she's just killing the ball and I'm going to, I'll go, you know,

the day you turn that bat around, she already has like a level swing. Yeah. And we had like, and it was great too, was she was like, I want to do it myself. So she was like setting the ball on the tee, doing the whole thing. I was like, oh my God, she's out here.

She's doing this activity. I can enjoy it. I can also lay down. This is awesome. Oh yeah. I had like the best dad day ever today. We went to a farmer's market other than that weirdo with the fucking SARS masks.

That guy, we went to big five. We got the tee ball thing going. Took a stroll around the block. We just had the best day. Just had the best friggin' day. And then we watched a little tube in the end. Had some chicken pot pie. I read her a couple of books.

No, it's just a bed. And then the end of the night, she was like, dad, I want you to come sleep in my bed. I was like, I can't, I can't fit in there. Oh no, I just went so. You gotta come sleep in my bag. I can't. And I go, listen, tomorrow we're going to ride bikes.

We're going to do this. We're going to do all that stuff, right? But I have to go to sleep now. But you can't cry. She goes, okay, no crying. I go, no screaming. No screaming. No screaming to cry.

Then of course, second. Usually when I close the door, the second she does, she starts going, da, da. This was the one that, I can ignore those. But the ones when she goes, da, da, where are you? I go like, oh God, I gotta go. I'm right here, buddy. I'm right here.

And she just goes, rub my back. The best is when they cheer, right? When you don't work. Like, like Sophia, are you going to work tonight? No. Yes. Or like when I go, she'll go, why? Why do you gotta go and I go, you know, I gotta go.

All right, but I'm not working tomorrow. Yes. She's told me the other night, she goes, da, da. I don't want you to work anymore. When you work, it makes me so upset. Oh God. And then she goes, I want, she ended it with going, I need you.

And I just look, when she said I need you, I go, I was like, need a coach to this. You just fired her. And then I said, and then I said to Nia, I go, I go, did you tell her to say that? She goes, no, I'm like, where did she get this? She's like, I don't know. Oh my God.

When you go to work, I so upset. That's like, that would just make me want to, yeah. So I try to explain to her, I was like, I have to go to work. She's like, why? It's like, well, so I can keep buying popsicles. I try to get on her level. Oh yeah, yeah.

There's going to be no more popsicles. And she's like. No, Sophia wants a guinea pig, but she had a hamster that got her out. So now she wants a guinea pig. And she's just like, she'll do it. And her bottom lip was quivering. You promised me.

I said, I said, we would go and look. I would say, I know everybody's saying that. They're fucking filthy. The thing is, Sophia comes in our bed every night, right? They shit all over the place. And yeah, and I go, you don't, if you sleep in your bed for two weeks straight, and she didn't, she didn't, you know, she goes,

but I don't, I'm uncomfortable sometimes in there. Like, you know, she did the whole thing. I'm like, yeah, but that wasn't the agreement. So then now, so now we got all these, it's funny. You become like an agent where you're like negotiate, you know. I was gonna say that was a good one You gave her the illusion of choice.

Well, actually, no, she could have stayed in there, but you knew that was a stacked, and the NBA, you got a job in the NBA, dude. You finessed that one. I knew because she needs, she wants it. She doesn't like to stay in there. And here's what we do. We hear a little rustle with the doorknob.

And then we hear, and then you hear a little foot pattern coming down the hallway. And then you just see her silhouette and then, hi, can I just, and then she just gets in. And then I'm just, and then she go, hi, daddy. And I'm like, hi. No, the other night, my daughter had a nightmare. So I went in there, I don't know what, you know,

what her age, what you have a nightmare about. Like your tricycle doesn't work or something. So I was like, all right. She just was so upset. I was like, all right, come on. So I took her down in the bedroom. My wife and I, and she just, it was like, remind me the old day when I was trying to,

when Cleo would get up in the bed, like a fucking pit bull was in the bed, moving around, hitting you and all this stuff. So finally my wife's like, all right. So I pick her up and I bring her in. And she has like a big girl bed that she's not big enough to be in yet. So I go to set her in the crib

and she starts fucking crying. So I'm like, all right, fuck this. So I put her in the big girl bed, I go to the guest room, I get the quilt, and then we lay in the, I sleep next to her. But for two hours, dude, thrashing around elbow and me, knee to the leg and all of that stuff. And at one point she was just rubbing the top of my head.

And I'm fucking like trying not to laugh like, what is she doing? Cause she's half asleep. And then finally she finally fell asleep. But what killed me was I ended up sleeping through my alarm. I had to early thing cause she has like the sound of like rain, you know, the background noise or whatever. And I have my alarm on low.

So I don't, you know, wake up my wife if I have to get up early to do radio or some shit like that. So I don't know, but it's still fucking awesome. I don't know how we got on this subject, but being a dad, you know, overrated, underrated is still underrated. How fucking great it is. But hour and 20 minutes, effortless,

we're always with the great colors. Who asked that question? That's a crazy under over. People don't have kids cause they always oh man, it seems a lot of like a lot of work. It's like, it is, but it's fucking awesome. I'm going to say this. And also you don't have time to do a bunch of other dumb shit.

I'm going to say this and I don't mean to sound arrogant on your podcast or arrogant to the listeners, but it's like, if you're not going to get a kid because you really feel like you're not going to be a good parent, I get that. But to not have a kid just because of your fear, it's like you're losing out on a part of life, dude, that I think is fucking, it's unreal.

You know what I'm saying? Then you have, there's a weird trajectory to that life where it's just sort of, what I felt like all of those years before I was a parent that I was like, you know, I was like a 40 year old fucking 18 year old in a way. Cause it was just like, no, like a college student who's finally moved out from his parents house

and I can drink whenever I want, man. I can do whatever I want here. And I'm just like, how long am I going to live like this Peter Pan fucking lifestyle? And then, you know, when you have like a kid now, like I kind of love now that when I go down to a comedy club, I have this great excuse to not go down, to not hang out.

I mean, I don't like hanging out with commerce, but I don't want to fucking get involved in the, let's do some shots. Like I'm like, I can't. Yeah, I can't. She's coming in at seven 30 in the morning with a fucking bat. Yeah, she's coming in hot.

Yeah, she is. Yeah, she's coming in hot. You're tired. I want breakfast. I want to go fucking play T-ball and shit like that. They're like tireless puppies that just want to keep playing fetch. You know, they just, you know,

my kids fight sleep and stuff. I got crazy energy and I am fine until what gets me is the bath. After dinner, okay, then there's the bath. And after the bath, somewhere during the bath, it's just because I'm in my head, in my head before the bath, I'm going out, I'm doing a spot tonight, blah, blah, blah, blah.

By the time she gets out of the bath and she still has this crazy energy and I'm trying to get her pajamas on and do all of that shit in that. And then I read her the stories. Yeah. All these stories. By the way, that Robert McCloskey guy.

No, who's that? Make way for ducklings, fucking one morning and one day in Maine. Well, is it the books? Yeah, oh my God, dude. And he had blueberries for sale. Yeah, but dude, those guys are just, those guys are stealing money, dude.

Who are? Those kid books. No, no, dude, these are like classics. Oh, no, but my kids have like an eight pager where it's like the geese ate the food. Then Mikey was sad that the geese ate the food or the geese had no more food. Oh, those ones are a joke.

So he went to the grocery store and got more food for the geese. Then the geese were happy. Mikey and the geese had a great day. Just like, what the fuck? How much money did that guy get? It's like in every school, like Mikey and the geese. What's guys, my wife got a library card.

He just go down and you rent them out and say, why do we keep doing this? Cause it's, what are they going to be fucking reading that when they're 10, Mikey and the geese? But there's some good ones. Do you Irish German guys plow through shit? Like you guys take a hangover. Like you guys will just wake up with a hangover.

That's why like you guys are good like dads. Like dude, I got that Mediterranean. I'm like, dude, Stacey, you got to take this til 10. Yeah, Mediterranean guys, you guys are too in touch with your emotions. That's why you guys are better cooks. Northern Europeans can, yeah, we can, there's a lot of shit we can block out,

but we also suck at cooking. Thanks for having me. Come and see me. Levity live, man. March 5th through the eighth. March 5th through the eighth. The Wilbur theater, June 27th, one show. I want to sell it out.

In Larry's, you said June 27th, then you said June 17th and now June 27th. No, Saturday, June 27th, eight o'clock Wilbur theater. Get tickets for that. But this weekend, March 5th through the eighth, I'll be at Levity live, but also Salt Lake City, Cincinnati, and Baltimore, all on paulverzi.com.

Please get those tickets. And this is the best hour that I'm doing, best stuff I've ever done. So come out the new hour, new specials coming out soon. Quick Verzi story. You remember that time we were in that fucking theater? I'm not going to say where. It was a super old theater.

And one of the guys used to be on the road with a very famous early rock and roller. Not going to say his name either. And you said to him, he go, this guy was a super old guy. And he goes, man, you must have had a lot of fun. And he goes, man, we fucked them all. Oh, wait a minute.

Oh, I think I know where we were. Wow. Yeah. He's like, man, oh man, we fucked them all. Yeah. Oh. I mean, there was one of those things like, all right, no more stories after that one. I don't know what the fuck am I going to talk to.

Yeah, like I didn't. Yeah, he just said, yeah, that guy was wild. All right. All right, dude, I got to jump off here. I got to go to fucking. Thanks for having me, man. Brother, always great to see you. All right, Paul Verzi, everybody.

Check him out. Levity Live, The Wilbur Theater, Salt Lake City and fucking Cincinnati. I'll check in on you on Thursday.