Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-20-23

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

Bill rambles about 'leave a book, take a book', the solar system vortex, and Newfoundland. Zip Recruiter:  Try ZipRecruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Liquid Death: New iced teas are available now with free shipping on Amazon and retailers near you. As an added bonus, [Monday Morning Podcast] listeners get 20% off their first Liquid Death apparel purchase available exclusively at www.LiquidDeath.com/BURR Butcher Box:  Get free Chicken Nuggets for a Year and 10% off your first box when you sign up today at www.ButcherBox.com/BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, March 20th, 2023. What's going on? How are you? Oh, man. It's been a glorious couple, three months off, and it's all coming to a close. But you know what? I'm not going to do what I did as a kid when summer vacation was ending, and you just start counting the days down, going like, only 11 days left. I'm going to go back. This is going to suck, you know? And that was always like a one brief moment of excitement when you went out and you got some new clothes for school. You know, how it worked back in the day was you got a pair of sneakers that were like at least a size too big that you were eventually going

to grow into. And those were your sneakers for a year. And there really wasn't that, I don't know, sneakers. It was really simple back then. They was like, there was white sneakers and then they had a red stripe, a blue stripe, a black stripe. It wasn't until 86 when the first Jordan came out, which I'll be honest with you, I thought that was the ugliest fucking sneaker I'd ever seen in my life. I thought it was absolutely hideous. That in nine million other things I was wrong about as a kid. Well, I still know I'm still not really the biggest fan of that one. I like the style of the Jordan one, but not the original colored one. Anyway, yes, you had that brief excitement that you get some new clothes. And then you also had

the excitement of seeing your friends and all the pretty ladies, you know, see who was in your class, hoping you'd have a good class, you get some class clowns in there, you could fucking joke around, because you didn't want to be there. Remember, you used to get in trouble all the time and they would fucking, I remember one year, there was four of us, and we were having such a good time, the teacher had to prevent it from happening. You know, what are you enjoying yourselves? So, you know, those like four or five rows of kids, probably eight rows. You know, there's always like 35, 40 kids in a class. So she had us all sit at each corner. Like I sat first row front desk, then my other class clown buddy was in the same row last desk. And then

the other one, we set all four corners is basically where she put us thinking that that would stop. But every time she turned around, I just couldn't see the dude behind me. But I still remember looking at this dude, Brian, rest his soul. He was fucking hilarious. And his thing was he knew how to make the fart noise with his hands. He didn't have to go under his armpit. You know what I mean? He could just he could fucking go. He would do that. But he would really squeeze it out and make it sound like a fart. And the teacher couldn't figure out where it was coming from. And you know, I'm in the third grade. All right, you make a fart noise. I mean, that's like, that's Richard prior to me at that age. So oh, and we the desk got moved around and there were notes, and

all of that shit. Why am I talking about this? Because I feel like this is the end of my adult summer vacation. Getting ready to go back out on the road. But I'm most excited. I am totally rested up. I feel like I have a cold or something. I don't know what the fuck I got and fighting this thing off. I haven't been sleeping well lately. And been holding down the fort here with the kiddos been having a great time with them. And I've been watching a bunch of match madness. I worked actually watch the first couple of days. My bracket has disintegrated. You know, the two teams that I love, the Kansas Jayhawks, Indiana Hoosiers, they're out of it. There goes two fucking conferences. I don't even know who the hell I had. I know Versey's got Tennessee, they're still in it.

Is that Ivy League school Princeton still in it? Please still be in it still please still be in it. What did they lose? They're in it. Princeton's in the south. All right. Here's one for you. This is how you know how you did in high school when you have no idea where Ivy League schools are. I know that I know a few of them just because they were in my state. Havids in Boston. And then Brown was in Rhode Island. And then years later, I learned that Dartmouth was also in New England. There's one in New York City. Oh, Princeton's in New Jersey, right? They used to be a holy shit. I did a gig out there a long fucking time ago. The late great Vic Henley. That was a good gig. Oh my god, I haven't thought of that in forever.

I mean, Princeton's still in it. The fucking smarty pants. Who says athletes can't fucking hoop? I got this song in my head. I got a song in my head. I can't fucking get this song out of my head. I mean, it might fucking chest x-rayed. I think when I got pneumonia, I still got fluid left because I can't stop fucking hacking up. I don't even smoke anymore. Oh, I got rid of all my cigars, everybody. Got rid of all of them, brought them down to the comedy store. They got a humidor down there. I just put them all in there. I had like boxes of cigars. I couldn't even fit them in the humidor. What's word got out that I smoked? Fucking I go on the road. Hey, welcome to fucking Peoria. Here's a fucking box of cigars. I'm not going to lie to you. It was fantastic.

And thank you to everyone that gave me those cigars, but it just got out of it. I had like enough cigars here to start my own store. So I finally was just like, all right, I got to get this shit out of here. And I said it to you guys that I was getting that shit out of here and I'm looking over. They are all gone except for this box of 25 Cubans that somebody gave me, those I kept. And those are in my humidor in my bedroom. And I've had them though for nine days and I haven't smoked any of them. And I look at them and I like them and they smell good, but I just keep saying to myself, you don't want to do that. You don't want to do that. Wait till there is an event and invite a bunch of people over

and hand them out and then they'll smoke most of them and I'll just have one. That's what I do. There's 25 there. So what I need to do is invite seven people over to smoke with me three times and then there'll be one left and I'll only smoke four of them. Is this even a podcast anymore? Like what am I talking about? I'm looking at my fucking bookshelf. Anybody want a book? Give them away. And finally admitting to myself that these books that I've read, I'm not going to read again. And they got these things around town here in LA. Well, you just donate books and people come walking by and they leave a book and they take a book. I know where there's like three of them. I'm going to start dumping my books there.

Like three, four at a time. It's going to be funny too because my book, my book, my books are like from morons. You know what I mean? And there's probably like, you know, classic books that people are dropping off like the fucking Piglet and the Bird. One of those fucking, one of those classic books that use for the Prince and the Popper, right? Turks and Caicos. I can't literally know the Count of Montecristo. That's all I got. And the rest, all I have is fucking rock autobiographies. That's it. I've already been through my bookshelf. I'm not doing this again, but I'm getting rid of all of that shit. Do you realize how stupid it is that someone like me that I don't read and I

actually have a bookshelf with books on it? I mean, what am I doing? That's like having signed football jerseys and shit up on your wall and you can't throw a ball. Oh, wait, do I have one up there? I don't. No, I don't. Oh, good. I got a fucking, I got a scared recently. Recently, just now I got a scared. What the fuck? Yeah, I still got a bunch of shit. I got a bunch of cigar paraphernalia. I have to get rid of. I have like 9,000 lighters, 9,000 cutters. They're all like refillable, so I don't want to throw them out because they're plastic and they're just going to go in the ocean and float around for fucking 900 years. So if you come out to my show and you want to light or just ask me, I'll bring them with me and I'll

just start, I'll hand them out. I'll hand them out like a, like one of those people on Instagram that tries, you know, that shows what a good person they are by making an Instagram video about what a good person they are. People, have you seen these things when people go on, they make an Instagram video of them helping out people? I mean, I guess on some level you're inspiring people to do stuff like that. I just think it's funny that you go out and you, not only do you like, you help somebody, but you got to film it and then put like sad piano or string music underneath it. That's another thing people do. Like when they, there's always just some fucking

idiot like me running his app and when they're trying to give you life advice. If you notice those fucking, do you ever notice? I'm really going 80s comedy on you guys today. That they always fucking have, they got to put this music underneath it. Like if you're really, really giving me good life advice, it should be able to stand on its own, right? Why are you scoring your opinion? Calling up fucking John Williams. And then, you know, I always got to have the other person sitting across like someone on an infomercial. I never looked at it that way. That is fascinating. Yeah, we know it's fascinating. We can hear the fascinating music that they're playing

underneath your fascinating point. Oh, I am in a mood today. I'm in a fucking mood. What is going on with that? You know, life, life fucking happens. You know, people, you know what happens when you become an adult is you constantly, you got to be the bigger person. And I can tell you that it is a thankless job. Just be the bigger person. Go over there and do this, you know, don't do that. Don't get involved in that. You got, you got to be a bigger person. What are some of the other adages? They'll appreciate it. They'll, they'll, you know, when they get older, they'll appreciate it. You know, that shit. It's all like down the line. It's like trying to get paid by a record label.

Next one, next album, next album comes in. That's when we give you your fucking money. But anyway, I've gone for, I've gone like 0 for 32. I think 0 for 48. However, any, however many games they've played in this basketball tournament, I don't think any of my teams, Alabama I had going, San Diego State I had losing to Charleston. Did I pick Baylor? I probably picked Baylor just because I saw a three next to him. I picked Arizona. They lost. Jesus Christ. I mean, I just fucking, all right, who's left? Craton's left. I know I didn't have them. I know I didn't have Princeton. I had Alabama. I didn't have San Diego State University. All right. So I went one for four

in the South, Florida, Atlantic, Florida, Atlantic. They're the 31 and three team that was actually for real. Who did they beat? Wait, Purdue got beaten by Farley Dickinson? Jesus, what the fuck was I? Duke got beat by Tennessee. All right, those numbers all match up. I didn't have any. I might have had Tennessee, but I think Versey did. Kentucky, Michigan State. I had nothing in that bracket. I'm now one for four people. I had Houston. I didn't have Miami. Definitely didn't have Xavier, and I definitely didn't have Texas. Went one for four again. Jesus Christ. This is like me back in the day multiple choice

test. I had Kansas, so Arkansas blew that up. That was a great game, by the way. I didn't have Yukon. I didn't have Gonzaga. I had UCLA. I got two and no, I got one in that one. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. Man, I might as well have been blindfolded. I didn't watch any games this year, Bill. What the fuck did you expect? All right. All right then, just be the bigger person. Just try to be the bigger fucking person. You know who never was the bigger person? Everyone in jail. I can't say everyone, but a lot of them went out and did what you fantasize about doing. I wonder why they never made a documentary on that. You know what I mean? Like the amount of times, okay, somebody has done something to you and you want to be like,

you know what? I would love to just go up and fucking beat the shit out of, throw a chair, throw a glass, slap them in the face, you know, do something like, you just don't do it. You're like, well, I can't because I'll get sued. I'll get arrested. But you know, people in jail don't have to fucking sit there going, you know what? I should have slapped that guy. They probably sit there going like, I shouldn't have slapped that guy. I should have been the bigger person. You really can't win. Oh my God. I don't think I've ever been clearer in my life that I don't believe in God. You know, I don't. I do believe you should be a good person and that type of stuff, but not because there's some invisible guy who's going to get upset if you don't because that

person just clearly, clearly does not give a fuck or is just totally bored. Just the way this game has been set up that, you know, turning the other cheek is the way to hold on to what you have. If you actually do or say what you fucking think, more times than not, you end up paying for it, you know, doing the right thing versus choosing more money, never, or choosing the money, is never the right thing. It's unreal. Pizza and ice cream make you fat, Brussels sprouts keep you skinny. It's just, I don't understand. I gotta say, I really respect an obese person that's walking around slapping people. I mean, I think there you are living your best life. I like pizza. I'm eating it. I like ice cream. I'm eating it. I don't like what

that person said about me. I'm slapping them in the face with your big trans fat hand, you know, it's fucking waterlogged with cholesterol. You know, it's just not worth it. You know, you're getting a relationship with somebody and you just have to just, you know, you know, it's good. It's about compromise. I'm all over the map here. Anyway, so I always give, you know, my kid arrived to school, right? And she has this song that she listens to. And whenever it gets in my head, I can't, I can't get it out. But what's funny right now is now I want to sing it. I can't remember it. And I shouldn't sing it. Oh, there it is. Oh, it's back. It's like,

you know, super positive. It doesn't matter if it fucking rains you something something and it goes away to pain. Come and join the fun squad web web web. Oh, mindless. And she loves the song. And I love the look on her face when she listens to it. So I play it every day. And then I walk around for like the better part of the morning with that fucking song in a loop jumped out of bed and something and something. Come and join the fun squad. You know, there's a formula for that. Like they got it like corporate people that like just sit in a fucking office. And they have an algorithm that they plug into a computer and they go what notes

will just like turn into like a sideways tornado and just float into your inner ear and just stay there and spin around in your fucking head until you finally give in and buy the song. All right, I realize this, this is a little dark. I'm going through a lot of shit right now, people. You know, it's one of these fucking times in life, you just go through a lot of shit and then you just try to get to the other side. Oh, that's it. Live life out loud above the crowd. You can choose to be happy. Come on, join the fun squad. I love that they say you can choose to be happy. You know, I'm waiting for fucking people with clinical depression to say that they find that line offensive. You know, if being happy was just a choice when I'd be sitting here,

putting my face into a radiator. We're sorry, sir. We didn't realize that you were clinically depressed when we tried to make a song to make children happy and give them a positive outlook about their life. But by all means, let's fucking stop the song and let's address you in your life, your unfixable life. That's a good name for a show, the unfixable life. Oh, Billy Freckles is going back out on the road. He's back. He's back in the saddle again. All right, I got some new dates coming. I didn't sleep last night, sorry. May 5th, 2023. I'm in Las Vegas, Nevada at Dolby Live. May 5th, September 29th, 2023. I'm in Portland, Maine at the cross insurance arena. Cross insurance, they got insurance for Jesus there. September 30th, 2023. I'm in Manchester,

New Hampshire at the SNHU arena. So, New Hampshire University, Southern New Hampshire University, maybe, is that what it is? I'm going to go with that for 500. I've almost had a cold for like three days. I keep taking this shit that like holds it at bay, but it doesn't knock it out. It's like when Bone Crusher Smith fought Mike Tyson and he just kept holding on to him, throw a few and then he just tie him up, throw a few and just tie him up. Bone Crusher Smith, one of the scariest fucking looks on a boxer's face walking into the ring. He used to make his eyes all wide and grit his teeth and just look like he was absolutely fucking crazy. All right, Artist Presale is Wednesday, March 22nd at 10 a.m. local time. I still don't understand what that means.

Like local time. All right, so if you live on the West Coast or you live in Hawaii, you got to wait to 10 a.m. your local time. Is that what it is? While everybody on the East Coast buys up all the tickets? Well, why would they do that? Oh, I'm an idiot. 10 a.m. Vegas time. You'd go to the Vegas show. You're not going to try to buy the Manchester, New Hampshire ones. Wow. I want to say that that was a bit. It wasn't. All right, 10 a.m. local time. I finally figured it out. Thursday, March 23rd at 11.59 p.m. local time. Oh, that's when it is. From March 22nd at 10 a.m. local time to Thursday, March 23rd at 11.59 p.m. local time. The code is BRRR. The general on sale is Friday, March 24th at 10 a.m. local time.

All right. What am I going to do now? Do a little advertising here? What do you say? What do you say there? I started to watch an F1 race last night. I didn't realize they were already on the second race of the season. I was going to try to watch a little bit of that. I'm just focused on the MotoGP because I'm going to the third race this year down in fucking Austin, Texas. I'm very excited about that. What the fuck is my email here? All right. I'm going to get funny at some point here in this podcast. Right now, you're just hanging out with me. All right. Zip recruiter. Oh, look who it is. It's old zip. Zip.

I also realized how thin these walls are. My neighbor could hear me when I'm screaming. I'm going to stop doing that. If you were to start a new business, what would it be? Examples, a taco truck business, a bouncy castle backyard party business. I can tell you those are two businesses I would never think of starting. I don't know how to cook taco meat. I don't want to stand in a truck while drunk people come up to me and say that I fucked up their order. A bouncy castle backyard parties. I just bunch of fucking kids draining out of their nose. Animal rescue shelter. There you go. Some kind of charity. That's what you should call it too. All the proceeds from tonight's show goes to some kind of charity.

Selling handmade wood products. All right. All right. Those are, that pretty much covered it. There are three flavors of iced tea. Grim, leafer, rest in peach, and armless Palmer. Liquid Death's new ice teas are available now with free shipping on Amazon and retailers near you. As an added bonus, Monday morning podcast listeners get 20% off their first Liquid Death apparel. Purchase available exclusively at liquiddeath.com. Burr. B-U-R-R. Exclusions may apply. That's liquiddeath.com. Burr. Okay. Oh, look who it is, everyone. It's butcher box. Butcher box. You know, cooking at home is important. And so is having the best quality food to do it. Well, yeah. I mean, that's, it's pretty obvious. Did we need to say that?

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All right. Okay, we're back to the podcast. I wish you guys could have read, listened to that last read. I had to do a dynamic read. That's a read that I don't know. I guess it's a makeup read for something else. These fucking assholes. It should be, it should sound friendly, clear, calm and reassuring, not like a laugh is being stifled. And it says intro verbatim. And it's about erectile dysfunction. So evidently they haven't been appreciating my jokes. You know, why does it have to be so serious? They have a solution. A bunch of humorless cunts. You know, how do you sit there working with flaccid dicks all day and not have a sense of humor about your fucking job? That's what you're looking at all day.

I think it's great that you're out there helping people, but you know, you can't fucking laugh about it. Oh God, you know, maybe, maybe the world just isn't a fun place anymore. I mean, what fucking world do we live in that I'm talking about medicine for your dick that actually works? And I have to, I have to do it in a serious tone. Fucking laying there like a flounder. What am I supposed to? All right. Come to Newfoundland, Newfoundland. All right. Hey, Billy, ginger tits. Yeah, you keep complimenting me like that. I'll be in the next flight. In light of our recent show announcement, in light of your recent show announcement in

Halifax, Nova Scotia, I wanted to bring this up as a long time listener of the podcast. I have heard you say numerous times you've got, you've done all of Canada from Vancouver, all the way to the East Coast and Halifax. Well, I live in St. John's, Newfoundland, which is even further East than Nova Scotia. In fact, we are the most easterly point in North America. Well, Jesus, I won't have to take a fucking tour of this town. All of these, all this information you've given me. Oh yeah, what's your fucking bird? What's the state bird up there, the province bird? We have a capital city of around 200,000 people. This is fucking amazing. I wish more people would do this when I was going to their town.

This is our population. Here's some fun sights to see. Now that I don't drink and I don't fucking smoke cigars. Drink coffee. Oh God. What happened? You know what happened, Bill. You had too much fun. That's what happened. You used up all your fun days. Now you just have to sit around, do nothing and wait to die. Oh Jesus, that was dark. We have a capital city of around 200,000 with a great downtown scene with a 7,000 seat arena right next to the most famous nightlife street, George Street. This person's hooking me up. It would be great for you to come check us out and have a show. St. John's is very similar looking to Boston or Dublin with a big Irish background and a lot of funny bastards living there. Well,

I've got to tell you, you sold the hell out of that. St. John's. I learned a lot of shit in there that I already forget. You live in St. John's. Is that the capital of Newfoundland that has 200,000 people and a 7,000 seat arena? That's a lot of tickets to selling Newfoundland. I've never been there. I thought, which is the one that has like the outside oval? One of those places out there, Median Versey Skate, they had an outdoor, like a public, almost like a speed skater track. Jack Eric Hyden would go around. Remember that? How the fuck did that name just pop in my head? But it was like a public skate. I mean, it must have been like, it was like a quarter mile track.

Maybe they just flooded it. They probably did that. They flooded it. And I got on and go, oh my God, this is the most amazing thing ever. And I did like one lap of it and I was like, I'm fucking exhausted. It was also snowing up. So the ice wasn't that good. There's the excuse you were looking for, Bill. Does that make you feel better that you can't skate a quarter of a mile without being exhausted? Anyway, so if you can muster up the dad's strength to swing down after your Halifax show, that would be incredible. PS, fuck the Bruins, go Leafs, go. All right, well, I don't know why you hate us. Oh, I guess I know why you did have his beat in that playoff series. I was at that game too. Yes, I was. Shouldn't you really be saying,

fuck your front office? I mean, how many goddamn years are you going to go without winning a cup? You guys, I'm 50, I mean, 55 years old in June. The Leafs have not won a Stanley Cup in my lifetime. I think that's a little bit of misdirected anger there, sir. Anyway, all right, solar system. Oh boy. Hey, Bill, a month ago or so, you talked about the solar system. I talked about the solar system. Okay, flying through space while rotating. I said that. I can't back that up with any fact whatsoever. I'm sure I said it. Or isn't like it, it's still expanding from the big bang or something. I don't know. I always start to watch those things. And then I just can't handle them after a while. It just gets

too big for my little brain to handle. That's why I'm always Neil deGrasse Tyson is suspect to me. Because it's like he shouldn't eat. Wouldn't he be like fucking just absolutely tortured talking to someone like me? This guy understands how the whole universe works. And I'm down here. I can't even fill out a March Madness bracket to the fucking sweet 16 and not have most of my teams out of it. Right? Like even that, just that I would compare what he knows to that, I would think would be enough to make him fucking want to get up and walk out of the room. Yet he does it all the time. He's always talking to people that aren't scientists. And we all sit there going, Oh my God, you're so fucking smart. But it's like, we're all dumb. Right? So that's my thing with that guy. I'm holding

out on whether that guy's smart enough. I want to hear another scientist say that that guy's smart. And he's not just spewing out a bunch of shit that he read in a science book. Right? Does that guy invented anything? Has he changed the way we look at stuff? Or is he just reading science books and then saying it to someone like me who only reads autobiographies of rock stars? I have no idea. Or is he a smart guy and he just makes me feel insecure and not like myself. So now I'm lashing out at him. There's a lot. There's a lot going on here, people. All right. Solar system. Hey, Bill, a month ago or so you talked about the solar system flying through space while rotating. That already sounds like whatever I said there was wrong.

That little animation made the rounds a few years ago, but was eventually broken down by physicists as not the most accurate representation. I love that you feel like I actually think about this shit. I don't even know why I said it. I probably was just riffing about something. Anyways, there's a lot more math involved apparently. Who figured? Here's a link. This is at bigthink.com. Slash starts with a bang slash our motion through space isn't a vortex, but something far more interesting. You know what? I'm going to leave that heavy thinking to other people. Oh my God. Should I do it? Should I click on it? All right. I clicked on it. Open the link. Oh my God. Here we go. My chest is already getting tightened. It's tightening up here.

All right. Listen to this article. They already know how many dumb people are coming here pretending to be smart. Listen, we know you don't like to read. Maybe we could just listen to it. Would you like to listen to science on tape? Get smart on tape for 1999. You could sell that late night. Are you tired of saying things at a party and the conversation stops and whatever circular in gradually just becomes a circle of one as people slowly peel off. Wouldn't it be great to go to a party and say things that made people's eyebrows go up? Like, wow, I never thought of that. Well, you can do it now with sound smart on tape. That's right. Each month you would get it. You're going to get a tape where a bunch of people spew out smart facts that you can then say at a party.

And then maybe you can convince some woman to breed with you and you can make a little dumb fuck kid. One of the most popular because you got to think that guys are moron and whatever woman was dumb enough to not realize that he was just spewing out smart facts. She has to be an idiot too. And unfortunately, two negatives don't make a positive when it comes to making a baby. If you got two morons, your babies are moron. And you can ask Neil deGrasse Tyson about that. Okay. You could even ask even his brother probably knows that one. One of the most popular viral videos about space is Dead Wrong, but it gives us a chance to learn something incredible. Oh, that was really fucking. That was really fucking.

What did the kids say? There was a lot of shade in that, huh? One of the most popular viral videos about space is Dead Wrong, but it gives us a chance to learn something so incredible. I think they just buried that in there. Then they went went positive real quick, super passive, aggressive. You guys don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You got your fucking heads up your asses. And this is such a great opportunity to learn something. Wait a minute, did you just tell me go fuck myself about a half a sentence ago? I don't know what you're talking about. There are a lot of moving parts to the universe. I love that this website BigThink is already realizing that morons like me are going to

read it. There are a lot of moving parts to the universe as nothing exists in isolation. All right, the water's getting colder. I think we're getting into the deep end here. There are literally trillions of large masses in our solar system. Large masses of what? All orbiting around the galactical center on a time scale of hundreds of millions of years. But there's a viral video part one and two that claims that the solar system moves through the galaxy. It makes a vortex shape pulling the planets behind it as it does. But our true cosmic address and our real cosmic motion is far more complex and interesting than a mere model such as this. Jesus Christ, can you shit on those last people anymore? It's a little

more complex than their fucking remedial diorama that they came up with, which is fascinating because it's all covered by one simple law, general relativity. And I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Theory of relativity. It's all relative. All of that shit. That word, oh my God, that word and this word meta. Someone's going to explain it to me again. Hey, hey, big bad Billy badass. Meta is a fun concept to dive into when it comes to entertainment. All right, this is one of those words. I was talking to Joe Bartnick the other night. We really should have recorded the conversation is both of us have had the word meta explained to us numerous times and we still don't quite get it because the definition, it's when something

is commenting on itself. Like when I go like, oh my God, Jesus Christ, look at me. I need to iron my shirt. Is that meta? I'm talking about myself, right? I know it's not that. Commenting. I was talking about myself, commenting. I think bill is really missing alcohol. Is that meta? I'm just commenting on myself. Put simply, meta breaks the fourth wall and shatters the suspension of disbelief by simply stating the actual reality of what is happening. Oh, you mean like hipsters? Breaks the fourth wall, shatters the suspension of disbelief by simply stating the actual reality of what is happening. Another way to phrase it is meta just simply

just means the actual actors or performers as themselves, simply commenting on the reality and truth of what is actually going on. For example, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for an example because that's usually where it stops. Me saying, I'm writing an email to Bill Burr's podcast right now is technically meta. In your standup comedy special, Paper Tiger, you went meta when you noticed your mic clip fell off the stand and you mentioned that you needed to screw it back in, back on for continuity. That's meta. That's not just stating the obvious. I don't understand. Did they just come up with this fucking word so you could just sound like, yeah,

he's talking about what he's doing. That's so meta. All right. This just seems like an extra step in the English language that doesn't need to be happening, I feel. Anyway, by mentioning the mic clip and continuity, you called attention to the reality that this was a filmed comedy special. You are actually a performer performing and that the special would be edited requiring continuity. Had you not mentioned the mic clip or had your editors just cut around the mic clip mishap and cut out you bringing attention to it, it would have maintained the suspension of disbelief for us watching your special on Netflix that the entire routine happened the way we saw it. So if I didn't say that, people wouldn't have known that there were

edits despite the fact that we're cutting from one side to another and you know, all of a sudden you're at the back of the arena. All right. So look, okay, I think I get that. I get that now. So look at that. You went meta and didn't even know it. Thanks for always making my life seem a little less shitty. Go fuck yourself. This is me ending my email and that was meta. Okay. So like being honest about a moment is kind of like being meta. Let me look at this again. You know, and you mentioned that you needed to screw it back on for continuity. No, I had to do that. What I was doing was I was addressing what was going on,

which is page one of stand up comedy. And then I had to put that back on and I had to make it funny. So I was just imitating like the direct I was still performing stand up comedy is what I is what I thought I was doing evidently. Oh, look at me. I was being meta. All right. Well, you know something, I thank you. That's the best way that somebody has explained it. I do find it hard that if I didn't say that, that people watching at home wouldn't have realized that they were watching a stand up special and that it was edited. I kind of find that hard to believe, but I guess, I guess I get that. Fed renovation. Dear Bill, did you know that the Fed Federal Reserve had office renovations in works in 2019? The budget was $1.9 billion,

but due to inflation, it's going to cost $2.5 billion. Can you imagine the shoulder shrug in the accountant's office when they heard that? I wonder they'll let me use the bathroom since I helped fucking pay for it. Wait, that Federal Reserve building, you know, the Federal Reserve has had office renovations. It costs that much money. Wow. I mean, you can build a fucking sports arena for that amount of money, but you know, they do control the money supply. Hey, good for them. Good for them. I bet it was a lot of work printing out all that money. That's funny. They didn't print it out. They had us fucking pay for it. God damn it. I have to go see a fucking document.

This has got to end here. Hacking up a lung. Hacking up a lung. Woke up and hacked up a lung. Got in the car, had some fucking fun, come and join the mucus crowd. Yeah, I guess I do have a little bit of a cold, but like this fucking, since I've had pneumonia, it hasn't gone away and I don't smoke anymore. So like what is going on? Maybe it's just all the evils just coming out of me. Oh no, what did I, what have I done here? What is going on with my podcast? Oh shit. I got two different bands going here because I hit pause earlier. So you didn't have to listen to me hack up. Oh fuck, who knows?

Who knows? Come on, join the fun. I'll let Andrew figure it out. Um, adoption dilemma. Hi Bill. Long time fan here from Southern, oh Southern Ireland. Really enjoy your comedy and your advice for listeners. Here's my situation. Oh, God love me. I'm 51, happily married, three great kids, et cetera. All good. However, I was given up for adoption when I was three years old, when I was just a wee cunt. All right. You were given up for adoption when you were three weeks old. A few months ago, the Irish government changed the laws and gave adopted people access to their birth records for the first time ever. Holy shit. Long story short, I've just found out that my birth mother is

alive in Ireland and I have two half brothers and a half sister, uncles, aunts, et cetera, none of whom know I exist. Jesus Christ, she's got to be sweating bullets now, huh? My birth mother doesn't want any contact with me and never told anyone about me. I was told this by Irish social services. Well, maybe she's changed over the years. I don't know. I mean, at this point you're 51. It's not like she's got to fucking support you. My dilemma is whether or not to reach out to my siblings and run the risk of rejection or potentially ruining their family by giving away my mother's dark secret from back in 1971. It's weighing on my mind a lot. As I said, I have a good life, but I feel like something is missing now that I know these people

exist. They live about one hour drive away. Oh my God. Advice would be appreciated. Love the podcast. Keep up the good work. Thanks. I wouldn't go to anybody other than her. I would go to your mother and I would talk to her and then just see where she is with it. I can just say personally, if I found out that I had a 51-year-old half brother at this age time in my life, I mean, I'd be like, oh, didn't know that, like, all right. But I wouldn't look at my mother in any sort of way or anything. I'd be like, well, it must have happened when something was going on in her life and I'm sure it caused her a lot of pain and, you know, I don't know. But I don't think it wouldn't rip apart my family like, Mom,

how could you not tell me that you didn't have somebody else? But it is, I feel like more of a respectful way, not like you owe her that. I don't think, but like, yeah, I would go through the mom. Just show up. Hi, yeah, whatever the fuck you guys say over there. Is that English? Hi, yeah. Excuse me, Miss? Yeah, I was, remember that baby you gave away when it was through? Yeah. How you doing? Guess who? I mean, how do you even go about that? I mean, this is above my pay grade. I would ask somebody to pub. I wouldn't ask a fucking therapist about this. I don't know why.

They're just going to make it a lot longer and arduous, you know, just being like, you know, there's a lot of different things and emotions, you know, try to drag it out into seven sessions so they can make some fucking money. I would go out, I would ask her, I would meet up with her and I don't know, if I found out that I was adopted and well, that's not a fair game to play because I would never know what that void feels like. You can only try and guess what it feels like. Yep, that's it. I'm done with this. That's what I would do. I would ask her. I would go to her. I mean, I think she said she didn't want any contact with you. I'm guessing that that's what

she said in 1971. I imagine I would think if I ever did something like that, I would not want to know that you're okay and that you're happy and that your life worked out and I'd want the opportunity to say sorry. That's what I would want. This make me sad. Good luck with that, dude. I'm sorry that that's going on. I'm happy that they let you find out about your life there. You know, it's funny. There's the amount of people that aren't in your situation that aren't adopted kids that are going to chime in and start saying, this is why they shouldn't do it. It just causes more bit. It's like, hey, this isn't your fucking thing. Shut up. Anyway, all right, that is the podcast, everybody. I hope I'm just hoping that this

fucking thing is going to be able to splice this thing together. Oh my God, am I being meta? I was just meta. I know what it means. I know what it means. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.