Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-21-22

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

Bill rambles about rich families, incorrect use of words, and evil nerds.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burton. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, March 21st, 2022. What's going on? How are you? How's things in your world going? Is it going good? Is it all right? Is everything fine? You know what I said? I didn't even know. I attempted to record the podcast. I actually didn't upload it. I was looking at all the teams that were in March madness. And I was like, yeah, there's a lot of teams you don't see in there. I go and one of them I said was Baylor. I'm like, when the fuck did, you know, where'd Baylor come from? I guess they won the championship last year. Oh, you don't come. You don't come to me for facts, people. If you're new to the podcast, this is, this is,

you know, whatever all these other podcasts are, you know, whether they're telling you, you know, what you should be doing and what's really going on, man. Yeah, this is not that podcast. If you're new to the podcast, if you, you know, if you've listened for more than, you know, half an episode, you know that that's what this is. So yeah, evident congratulations to the Baylor Bears. I guess they won the, that doesn't even sound right. I didn't think they were good at anything. They had RG three my whole life. That's all they ever had. They had RG three guy with the Heisman trophy. I think Baylor last time they won an football championship like Eisenhower was in office. The late 1950s, for those of you

keeping score at home before Richard Nixon, his pasty skin and his sweaty upper lip lost to a JF Kennedy, one on the radio, crushed it on the radio, lost on television, which makes me wonder, is John F Kennedy sort of the first Kardashian? Like if you wonder where, at what point did it tip? You know, when you used to have like, that's not true. There was always cunts, right? If you go back, if you look at the, what do you call it? Like back in the day, like celebrities were like rich people, Robert Barron's and people be all fascinated about the homes they lived in and they gossiped about them and the asters, the Vanderbilt's, the Rothschilds and all of that shit. Then I think then they got, they, they wised up and then they're the whole

big thing. Now they just walk around. You know, we, our family doesn't have as much money as, as we used to. With all the descendants and all the inheritance and all of that shit, keeping a lot, much more low profile. You know, we've given away a lot of money. That's what it becomes. I actually saw that, you know, I think the Hilton's married into the Rothschild family. Okay. Now I don't know what that means, but you definitely want to rent the penthouse and that fucking hotel chain. I wonder if they let you, they probably always say it's booked. Some sort of sacrifice going on up there. Anyway, I think I fucking cooked my head today. It's so amazing being a redhead my entire life. Like I just know better.

Sun was only kind of out, was hanging out in a parking lot. You know, I just made a mistake. You know what I mean? I made a mistake just every once in a while. I just, I'm like, there's no fucking way that I got my 41,999th fucking sunburn. Did I really do that? Did I really do that again? I thought the last time, this is the last time, but I don't know, my head, my head's a little pink today. Looked like one of those fucking Easter candies. They had the peeps, except the pink ones. It's not a good look, you know? I mean, general, generally speaking, I'm already not a good look. I don't need to add the Easter flair to it, but you know what? I know there's a lot of religious people out there, you know,

who do not want you to say that Jesus didn't come back from the dead after three days, you know? Just don't say that. You can make the little kid thing, you know, the Easter eggs with the Easter bunnies and shit. Easter bunny for the kids. You do that for the kids, right? That's how you get them hooked. It's like baseball teams and football teams having mascots. That's how they get to fucking the fan hooked. The next thing you know is ignoring his wife and kids on the holiday because he's trying to watch a playoff game. He's telling them to keep it down as they're in the other room trying to sing happy birthday in a little choir to fucking key. What's a choir key, Bill? I thought that was about dynamics. Actually, there are more quieter keys. Everybody knows

that, you know, Drop D is fucking louder than standard tuning. Everybody knows that shit. And if you don't, then, you know, I don't want to tell you, go put on a fucking Pantera record and you figure it out, right? You figure it out. That's what I love doing. I love bailing on a point with a big statement and then saying you figure it out. You figure it out because I can't help you. Well, you could just explain your point, Bill, in a way that makes sense. You could always do that instead of fucking acting like you have like some sort of speaking engagement that you're late for. Anyway, guess what? I'm finally right as rain. My digestive system is back after whatever the fuck happened to it last week. My God. I finally just plowed through it. I was like,

fuck this. I'm eating regular food. I can't eat another plain half an avocado, white rice, you know, fucking unseasoned oatmeal. Jesus Christ. That has been amazing, like discipline to eat that bland all the time. And you're not addicted to salt or sugar. You're just walking around even keeled. I bet the average human being must seem fucking insane to you. Just a crazy emoting fat fucking mass of like junkies except for food. Just walking around screaming and yelling at like a fucking red light and you're just sitting there with your fucking half an avocado with nothing on it, sitting in your stomach, getting enough fiber. You know, not late, not early, just fucking just sitting there just being

Toyota Camry. Anyway, as you know, during this film shoot, because I'm wearing a lot of hats over here, God knows my fucking pink head needs a break here. I'm doing like basically podcast sliders here. So these are only going to be a half hour long until I get out from underneath this thing. You know, this fucking movie has just been it's just coming together, man. I'm getting excited. I'm getting excited about it. All right. Let's do let's do some of these. We'll go right to the reads, man. Let's go to the reads. I hope March Madness has been a go fuck the fucking Duke. God damn fucking Michigan State games on. Wait a second. We just fucking wrapped.

Did I get home in time? Oh, Billy ball game. Oh, the say hey kid with the pink fucking forehead. That's going to look good on camera tomorrow. Jesus Christ. How many fucking buttons do you have to push to get the thing that you just just literally just the fucking channel to CBS sports. Did I miss it? I probably missed that. I fucking miss everything. I just found out Baylor won the championship. 2022 women's basketball tournament. You know, I'm really trying to watch that shit, but I swear to God that they run like

50 year old white guys. It's unbelievable. And I'm taking that from fucking watching myself run today on film. All right, I must have missed it. God damn son of a bitch is over as coach K we're doing it one more time. Let me look up the score. Let me look up the score spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. If you're fucking, let's see here, Duke versus Michigan State final score of the blue devil's got him. Coach K gets Izzo in their last meeting. There you go. There you go. I know he hated losing to Carolina his last time at Camden indoor. At least he gets Izzo the last time. Wow wins by nine 85 76 to advance to the sweet 16. I believe the Duke blue devils never really took the foot off the gas

up by four after the first half dirty night 35 and then outscored him in the second half 4641 congratulations to the Duke blue devils of Durham, North Carolina, which by the way has one of the best soul food places. If not the best soul food place I ever ate at best fucking waffles I ever had in my life. I forget the name of the place, but they had like this, this butter that you put on it, they had like fucking cinnamon in it or something. I mean, I'm not gonna lie to you, I almost passed out before I had to do my show, but it was worth it. It was worth every bit of it. Oh my god, it's March madness. So you know what that means? Sports gambling, ignore your loved ones. Bet MGM everybody. It's tournament time. It's March madness time one shining moment. If you

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All right, just make sure you use the bonus code burr B U R R when you sign up. Headspace, hey man, how are you today, man? Really? Go on. Have a think. Have a think, everybody. Seriously. How you doing? Me? I'm exhausted. How you doing? I'm generally speaking. I'm happy. Just take a minute, everybody. You know, just shut life off for a second. If you're feeling hyper or tired or annoyed or just, eh, it's time to connect with your feelings by starting. What are those? Are your feelings? Is tired of feeling? I think it is. Is it an emotion? It's time to connect with your feelings by starting your mental health journey with Headspace, man. We all say fine when we don't mean it. Yeah, because we don't want to dump our day on somebody.

That's why you say that, but you shouldn't walk around sad though. That's why Headspace is great. Fine isn't really an emotion, is it? How many times have you told yourself you're fine when all you've really felt is anger or sadness or nerves? Well, I usually say, dude, it's fine. Let it go because, you know, you don't want to fucking do something stupid. Headspace is specifically proven to help you manage your feelings and your mental health. Once you download the Headspace app and try their mindfulness routine, it takes just a few minutes a day to change your relationship with stress and anxiety. You start feeling better from waking up happier to getting your mind ready for bed. In fact, a recent study proved in just two weeks, Headspace can reduce your stress by 14%.

Why don't I do this more? I'm getting stressed out reading this. Whether you want to relive, relive, relieve stress and anxiety, sleep better or improve your focus, Headspace is your everyday dose of mindfulness for reals, man. However, however you're feeling. That's a great word, however. If you pause, however you're feeling, as opposed to however you're feeling, try Headspace at headspace.com slash burr and get one month for free off their entire mindfulness library. That's the best Headspace offer to, so come on, Bill. Maybe you need to meditate so you can read better out loud. This is the best Headspace offer available. So go to headspace.com slash burr today, headspace.com slash burr. Headspace, man. All right. What do we got here? Oh,

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And I love the modern style of the frames. I have to get some more of those. If you want to elevate your look with style that doesn't break the bank, then join movement and get 15% off today with free shipping and free returns by going to mvmt.com slash burr. Again, that's mvmt.com slash burr for 15% off. So in the last podcast, me and my lovely wife were talking about words that we've said wrong for a long time until we corrected each other. Like my wife, I didn't realize because she doesn't watch sports. She said athlete, instead of athlete. And I, she got me to stop saying, uh, pillow. We need some new pillows for the bed. She's like, it's pillow, not palo. I'm like, I didn't say palo. I said

pillow. She goes, what's not that either. And I'm like, well, aren't you just great at saying what I do wrong? All right, wrong. So that inspired this person to write it. Wrong word said for 30 years. Hey, Billy saggy sack. I like that one. I'm a 30 year old slow brain from Idaho up until a year ago. I was always, I always said a crossed instead of the, the correct, the correct word across like across the street. He said a crossed A C R O S S E D. There's so many words. I do that. You guys get on me for saying any ways instead of anyway. Uh, another was ompon instead of open open open O M P O M P. How would you say that instead of open ompon?

I don't know. Bill, please have an ompon mind and try to understand. I'm just trying to make it across the river. Thanks, you old bag of soup. I don't even know what that means. That's fucking hilarious. Why would you put soup in a bag? Shut your mouth, you old bag of soup. That's one of those ones makes no sense, but it a hundred percent works. And if somebody said it to me like they just did, I'd fucking laugh. All right, driverless car convention. Oh, conversation. Dear Billy front wheel drive in the snow. I work for an engineering firm that has a big contract with a large tech company. We work on a small part of driverless technology.

I won't get into the weeds, man, of the tech or the problems, but I would like to comment on something that hits close to home with you. Nerds, those evil nerds you talked about years ago are out of control. You are way ahead of your time on this one, uh, Billy bright idea. These guys come to conferences and investor meetings and they espouse the most maniacal shit. To put it simply, they speak about the world as if it were their spare bedroom and they want to redecorate. Isn't that fascinating? Because nerds have really been like glamorized that they're like these harmless fucking people. Um, you know, I think they can affect more people than a meathead where a meathead just sort of destroys what's in front of them and these guys,

nerds can reimagine a whole fucking society here. This one guy came in and started telling everyone that choice was a privilege and that tech is going to remove that choice for the greater good to harken back to less. I mean, what in the fuck? I mean, that is just, that's one of the most insane things I've ever heard. And as always, that's why I'm telling you, stand up comics are a distraction. All of this shit where they get offended by stand up comedy and comedy late night and films and shit, it's all just a fucking distraction. Choice was a privilege and that tech is going to remove that choice for the greater good to harken back to last week's email on the topic. You will have no choice but to ride in a self driving car and take the route it wants you to take. Joy riding would

be a thing of the past. It's not just private nerds. It's the government too. They have their hands in how all of this will get rolled out. Fuck these nerds. Driverless cars would be amazing for people who can't operate a vehicle due to disability or age, which is why I don't completely hate my job. But forcing it on everyone is fucked up shit, Bill. Love you. Love the podcast. Yeah. And the bottom line is, is if the fucking politicians can line their pockets enough with it, they'll tell us it's a good thing. And I don't know. I don't think that that's something that you can sell. I like, I feel like the right that's going to be hard for them all to get on board with that. You know what I mean? You take the average like fucking redneck out there. I mean, that guy

can turn a lawn mower into a fucking usable car. I mean, those, those guys are amazing. So I mean, and there's nothing they like doing better than fucking riding down the goddamn road, you know, all over their property. Nobody telling them what the fuck to do. I don't think they get on board with that. I think the liberals get on board with that one. We all, and by the way, I'm not trashing levels because we all get on board with dumb ass shit at some point. There'll be each year, the amount of wildlife that gets killed by people driving cars, they'll get on it somehow like that. All right. Bad ass thing. I shouldn't own professional video. Well, here's one for you.

If everybody is microchipped and somebody kidnaps your kid and puts them in the car, then you know where the car is. And then they could tell the car to drive the police station. That's how they'll sell it to you bad. That's why you should microchip your kid and have somebody else drive your fucking car because nothing bad will ever happen, except we'll control every decision that you ever make. All right. Bad ass thing I shouldn't own. Oh, I was talking about, you know, I own a number of guitars, which I think I'm going to sell some of mine. You know what I mean? If you can't play guitar, don't you only need one that you fail on? Bad ass thing I shouldn't own, but do professional video gamer. That's what he does or she does

with a sniper rifle. Okay. I kind of get that though. Like if you're like playing those war games, you just wanted to have the real thing. You know, I'm a dad drummer. At one point I had a green sparkle. John Bonham Ludwig kicked from the early seventies before I realized that it was one of the dumber things I could have ever done. Like what else are you going to do, Bill? You're going to fucking, you know, you're going to start dressing like the guy? Why don't you get your own drum kit? You think he'd respect you if you just fucking bought exactly what he had? He'd be weirded out by a single white female with your pink head. All right. Sniper rifle. Hello, Billy bald balls. First time, long time. Yada, yada, yada.

I'm writing in about your prompt for bad ass items that you own for which you have no right to own. I own a 1943 Mawson Nagant, N-A-G-A-N-T Russian sniper rifle. Wow. It is a five shot bolt action rifle developed in 1891. These guns are so bad ass that they are still used to this day. There have been photos of them being used in the war in the Ukraine. Wow. I wonder how many bodies that one has on it. 1943. That probably went right to the front. Probably shot some Germans. The reason I own this spectacle of human engineering is because of my odd job, which I think you get a kick out of. I'm a Twitch streamer slash pro video game player. Pro video gamer. Sorry. I know what a video gamer is. I don't know what a Twitch streamer is.

Besides the obvious. You smoke some meth and fucking do a zoom call. Sorry. I play a zombie survival video game while anywhere between 400 and 700 viewers watch and chat along with me. In this game, you can loot, grow food, hunt animals, team up with other players, rob other players, etc. I once even killed another survivor by stealing all of his blood with blood bags until he fell unconscious and eventually died. It's an interesting game. Jesus Christ, you know, but you know, don't fucking do a joke about feminism. In this game, my favorite gun is the Mawson Nagant. So when a viewer offered to sell me his, I jumped at the offer. This makes sense to me. It's a fun gun to shoot at the range, but it's mostly a collector's

item hanging on my wall above my PC. I'd be nervous in some states to bring that to a gun range. Got ourselves a fucking Russian up. Let's see the picture, picture of the Mawson in PC. All right, I'm going to take a look at this. Open the link. Oh, dude, that's a beautiful badass gun, man. I 100% appreciate that. And you're hanging above your screen when you're fucking doing that, then you got the real thing above you. I think that's sick. I think you 100% deserved to own that thing. Dare I say it's beautiful. Good for you, sir. Once while shooting at the range, at least you go to the gun range with it. I joke with a friend about my poor shooting saying, well,

I do make a living shooting this gun at video games, which the range supervisor overheard. I don't think I've ever seen someone so confused in my life. You might find yourself wondering, how the fuck can this nerd make a living playing video games while people watch to which I respond? How the hell does Billy Thespian make a living talking to himself in a room while googling the news and calling his listeners cunts? Too shit. You thought I was getting out. My god, some one of his favorite shows to watch is watching this kid on YouTube playing this video game, just kicking ass doing it. I mean, it's weird as that sounds to my generation though. We used to go down back in the day. If there was somebody like just unbeatable at Pac-Man

or asteroids, people would gather around the video machine and watch them. I never did that shit, but I used to watch it on the news and I used to hear stories like, yeah, he gets so many free guys. If you're standing there, he lets you play while he goes to lunch and then he comes back. The guy played for like nine straight hours. Once you beat it so many times, half the screen goes black like that shit. I think you deserve that gun, man. I think that's cool as shit. Badass thing I own, but not made for me. Hey, insert funny insult here. I'm not creative. Sorry, but you're honest. You are honest. That's great. Last podcast you were talking about, badass things you own, but that you secretly know weren't made for you. I have a dirt bike

that I know was definitely not made for me. Dirt bike. That's a badass thing to have. I'm 26 and live in Norway. When I was 19, I decided I was going to trade in my then almost brand new dirt bike for this piece of junk 30 year old dirt bike. Why? Well, because for some reason, I had to get myself a two stroke. So for those of you who don't know what a two stroke is, that's basically every time the piston comes up in the cylinder, the spark plug fires and sends it down and then it comes back up one up, bang, down, bang, down, bang. As opposed to a four banger where it spark plug fliers, fliers, it goes down, comes up, comes down, goes back up, fires again, basically two strokes. I don't know if they environmentalists didn't like

was they were, they were burning like twice as much fuel, obviously I think, or burning more fuel and they were bad for the environment. But everybody know that rides bikes is says as loud as they are and shit. They're awesome because they have like this fucking jump to them. So anyway, so I ended up with a neglected and worn down KX 500. Back in the day, the cake of the 500 CC two strokes with the top class and motocross and just about anything else dirt bike related. Basically, I spent way too much buying this bike and I spent an even more insane amount of money just restoring it in a shed on my parents property. Dude, this all sounds like badass shit. You bought an old bike and now you're fixing it up. Anyway, when I show up at the local track,

everyone looks at the bike like, holy shit, it's a 500. Then when I actually ride it, they're like, holy shit, this guy sucks. Oh, we are the mechanic. All you have to say to them is, did you build your fucking bike? I restored this thing. Okay, maybe I'd ride better too. If somebody gave me one that was already built. All right, you blonde dirt bike, driving cunt, whatever the fuck you say in Norway. But honestly, I don't care. The reason I wanted a two stroke was because I think they're more fun and I'm having fun. And when I'm riding my 500 and why should I care what everyone else thinks? You shouldn't. I remember vaguely something about you asking for advice on dirt bikes, particularly two strokes versus four strokes. Neither of those matters. At the end of the day,

they both require regular maintenance and the better care you take of your bike the longer it lasts. The only thing that matters when buying a dirt bike is ergonomics. Get a bike that fits your size and then replace the springs with springs that fit your weight. Look at this guy, he's a gearhead. This is great. By the way, I hope that you make it back to Norway soon. I loved your show in 2019, especially the one story you had about the Icelandic lady that asked you to push her down a hill. I was in Norway in 2019. I guess I did. I did that. I did a run up there. Yeah, the Icelandic lady asked me to roll her down the hill. I remember that fucking weird, oh man. Anyway, we're getting up against it here. I actually was on the Ducati website the other

night. I want to buy a Ducati, buy like a street bike and just ride it around the little fucking airport where I fly helicopters and shit and I'll just be safe there. It's just too cool a thing to not do. I just don't want to get killed. So I basically don't have the balls to do it. So if I did that, that would literally be a thing I should know. But at some point in my life, I do want to ride a Harley Road King on the street and I also want to ride a Ducati at some point. I just rode for so little in my life. I'd be afraid to get on a bike of that stature and fuck it up. Not even myself. I mean, just do something stupid and fucking, I don't know what. But I definitely miss it. I got a little four-wheeler.

I bomb around on every once in a while. All right, underrated slash overrated, underrated yogurt, granola and honey for breakfast. I've been on this kick since I came back from vacation. I no longer eat a blueberry muffin and coffee every morning. Yeah, dude, that's going to kill you. When lunch comes around, I'm less hungry and I've lost 15 pounds in three months. I look great and can see my dick again almost. That's great. Also, I haven't had the stomach problems I was having. I think you should have some to help heal your raging gut. I'm tired of looking around my office at all these fat fucks and feeling good about myself because I'm not fat just out of shape. I fucking hate sloth like atmosphere. I hate the sloth like atmosphere I'm in every day.

All right. Oh, I thought you'd have an overrated. Yeah, underrated. You got to get the Greek yogurt without all the sugar and all of that shit. Yeah, it's great for your probiotics from what I heard. I've never heard of a probiotic until the other day, so I'm not going to lie to you. All right. And with that, that is the Monday morning podcast slider edition. I hope you guys have a wonderful couple of days. Go fuck yourselves and I will check in on you on Thursday. We're getting down to it, man. I only got two more weeks left shooting the movie and then I'll be back to full scheduled podcast, regularly scheduled podcast. All right. That's it. I'll see you.