Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-25-19
Episode Date: March 25, 2019Bill rambles about vegans, reading, and angry teachers....
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25th, 2019.
What's going on?
How are you?
I'm in a fucking great mood this Monday.
121 days.
No fucking bouge.
On Wednesday, I'll be a third through the year already.
33 fucking percent.
33.5.
Whatever the fuck you need.
33.3333333 repeating through the year.
Just like that.
I feel great.
You know what's funny?
It was, we had some people over here yesterday.
I got some family in town, so we had a little cookout.
And, you know, I needed some space on this table so we could prep some shit.
So I took all my booze and I just I brought it out of the kitchen.
I just took it upstairs and put it in the bedroom.
And, you know, just so we have another area.
You know, it's not the biggest fucking kitchen, right?
It's a fucking little prep area to cook.
So I fucking last night, I'm going to bed and my new thing.
I swear to God to go to sleep rather than have three fucking scotches like I used to
is I actually read.
I swear to God, I'm reading.
I'm sober and I'm reading.
How fucking funny is that?
So I finished this book on Bob Cousy and Bill Russell that I really enjoyed.
And I'm going to give it to a buddy of mine because I don't like keeping books.
They're fucking heavy.
They take up space and I always act like I'm going to go back and read them again.
And I don't.
So now I'm reading the Beastie Boy book.
Had cover edition.
And as I was taking the plastic off, I was thinking like, is this going to affect
the value of it?
And it's just like, Bill, when do you sell anything on eBay?
Never.
All right.
Cool.
So I was reading that and all I had was my little reading light on at my bed and I
looked over and I had a bottle of the Yippee Ki-Yay, right?
The bourbon.
Absolutely delicious.
Unopened, just sitting there and the way the light was hitting it and the way it
was passing through the bottle.
It literally looked like it like like a sunrise.
And I would be lying to you if I didn't sort of sit up in bed and just look at it
for a hard 20 seconds.
And I was just, oh my God, I was like, that looks fucking delicious.
But I didn't, but I will tell you this.
I'm going to get it out of the bedroom though.
I don't need to be staring at that late at night.
You know, all I need to do is have a tough day and then have those bottles
looking at me sitting there like, hey Bill, we'll help you take the edge off.
Come on.
One drink every 121 days.
That's not a bad thing.
You see?
It's a little taste.
Come on.
Come on over here.
Anyways, plowing ahead.
So I'm going to get that shit out of there.
I also, I ordered a one of those pitch backs, which I haven't had since I was a
kid.
Well, you, you know, you, it's, you throw the ball.
It's like basically just like a net and it ricochets back.
You can either get grounders, fly balls or it can come back straight.
You know, like you actually have a friend to play catch with.
And I've since my fucked up my shoulder, which is feeling great now, by the way.
Um, since I messed it up, I've been, uh, I switched to becoming a lefty and I
just want to get my mechanics down.
I'm almost fucking there where I can get a little velocity on it.
So that's basically what I'm basically living like a goddamn eight year old and
I love it.
I absolutely love it.
And, uh, you know, we're up this week.
We're doing episode number eight of, uh, efforts for family 408 written
by yours truly, um, eight out of 10.
So, uh, this season, as far as like the heavy lifting, the writing aspect of
it is almost over.
Very thankful for that.
And, um, we've always had a killer writer, writer's room.
And I think this year is our strongest room.
It just keeps getting better and better.
I think that it helps that the show has been on for as long as it has.
So writers come into the room now, just hitting the ground running.
They just understand the characters and all that.
So it's been, uh, it's definitely been great.
So with that, I have some new dates.
I have to announce, uh, let's see here.
I am going to be at the cosmopolitan in Las Vegas on September 6th.
Uh, venue and ticket master presale is Thursday, match 28th.
Uh, the public on sale is Friday, March 29th.
I don't know what that means.
The public can't go to ticket master.
Oh, presale.
Jesus Christ.
There's always somebody bored and before group one, isn't there?
Um, anyways, yeah, I'm going to be out there.
I'm going to do a gig.
And then the following day, I'm going to go see Elton John.
Cause I know this is like his last tour.
A lot of people wrapping it up out there, a lot of people wrapping it up out
there on their fucking tours.
And, um, so I'm like, fuck, I got to go see these people before the date.
They just don't tour anymore and then they die.
And I, I know what you're thinking.
How many times can he get suckered into that bill?
How many fucking times can somebody say it's their last fucking tour?
And then they come back around again.
You know, listen, I forgive it if you get into some sort of tax trouble.
Um, you know what I mean?
Fucking taxes.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus, did I start a shit storm on fucking Reddit?
When I was talking about the, uh, that taxing people 70% money north of
$10 million and I am passionately against that.
I don't make north of $10 million, but I also know how taxes work.
All right.
So they'll create that.
And then a few years later, they'll be like, well, people who make eight
to 10 should pay this people who make six to eight should pay this.
And it's just going to trickle all the fucking way down.
Um, yeah, dude, 70% there's no justification for it on any level.
That is absolute fucking rape.
Um, and people who are saying that, uh, that $20 trillion that is in offshore
accounts is a complete separate issue.
Isn't I completely disagree?
That's basically like you have a house and the foundation is cracked and you're
worried that the house is going to fall into the front yard and you're sitting
there going, we need to raise money to paint the fucking thing.
And it's like, no, dude, we need to fix the foundation and you're like, that's
a separate issue.
Technically, I guess it is a separate issue, but it's like it's, it's a more
important issue.
You're going to paint something that's going to fall down on its fucking face.
All right.
If you're going to sit there and ignore that and you're going to ignore the
fact that corporations are dictating our foreign policy and have bankrupted
this country, this country is fucking bankrupt right now.
And they're not bankrupt.
We're not bankrupt because people who make $10 million or more are not
paying 70% taxes.
We're fucking bankrupt because we're spending a billion dollars over a
billion dollars a fucking month.
Fighting some shit that we could actually solve here.
We could just convert to fucking solar power.
If oil companies didn't own the politicians, you could convert to
that, give the solar power, give the fucking son to the oil companies so
they can still have their eyes wide shut fucking parties.
And I'm not saying solar power is cleaner.
It doesn't fucking fuck up the ocean.
When you throw the big fucking things in there or whatever, I'm not saying
that, but I'm just saying it would solve the Middle East problem because
all of that fucking terrorism is funded with oil money and nobody uses
more of it than us.
So let's just switch over.
I know it's a, it's a, it's a fucking not an easy endeavor, but do it.
Let fucking Elon Musk's put his little fucking glow sticks in the
goddamn road.
We'll do that.
Not for a cleaner Earth.
Just to get us the fuck out of there because right now they have us all
walking around like zombies going.
I support that you support to support the troops, right?
Who doesn't support the fucking home team?
But they take it to the point where you can't question where you're sending
the troops and for how fucking long and you can't even bring up like, hey
guys, we're fucking bankrupt.
This isn't working.
Separate issue, separate issue.
Let's fucking rape the guy that started Dollar Shave Club.
That's the solution.
And let me guess, let me guess.
These are the tax dollars that are actually going to make it to public
schools.
These are the tax dollars that are going to pay for nationwide healthcare.
These are the tax dollars that are going to fucking take over our food
supply again so it's not, you know, little girls aren't getting their period
at 10 years old because of all the fucking hormones in it.
Like you're going to sit there, you want to put money on that this is the
tax dollars that's going to be spent, right?
That these fucking assholes, correct piece of shit politicians aren't going
to steal the fuck out of here.
Dude, there's people in this country making 80 to 100 million dollars that
are paying 0% taxes.
0% taxes.
Go look up Apple.
I got an Apple laptop right here.
It's sitting right in front of me.
Go look up how they successfully avoid paying 50 billion in American taxes.
Hey, gay guys, separate issue, separate fucking issue.
All these corporations making money, hand over fucking fist, and as such greedy
fucking cunts, they won't pay dollar number one on 50 billion dollars.
Oh yeah, no, no, no.
Fuck that.
Fuck that.
Let's go after fucking individual Americans who had the balls to go after
a fucking, let's just look at stand-up comedians.
If somebody told me the percentage, I can't imagine the percentage that
actually make it, you know?
And I was that guy in my mid to late 30s sitting on a fucking futon, no wife,
no kids in a fucking studio apartment, sitting, knowing that I'm in a young
man's game, going, where the fuck does this go?
Dude, if I don't fucking make it, you know, I'm going to end up on fucking
cruise ships in my 50s and 60s fighting every night to not throw myself over
the fucking railing, all right?
And I had the balls to stay in it.
But because I did, you're now going to fucking punish me and demonize, you
know, and I'm not saying I don't make that money, but I know how this game
works.
That is going to start at 10 and then it's going to fucking work its way down.
And then what you're going to have, as my voice is cracking, what you're going
to have is a literally a wall between ridiculously unbelievably fucking rich
people who are paying no fucking money in taxes.
And then you're going to push the rest of everybody else back down and have us
all fighting with one another with all of these fucking people who sent me
emails who were just saying that they've never heard me be so greedy.
Like, I'm greedy.
How fucking funny is that?
I'm greedy with what?
My money?
The money that I earned?
I'm fucking greedy with that.
And you, who it isn't your fucking money, are telling me to give it to you and
I'm the fucking greedy one.
And meanwhile, you're going to completely ignore this other subset of people who
are paying no fucking taxes and tell me that that's a separate fucking issue.
I'm not the guy who poisoned the fucking food supply.
I'm not the one who's pouring shit into our drinking water.
I'm not the one who runs a company that makes 50 billion fucking dollars and I got
lawyers, a team of fucking lawyers, figuring out how I can pay zero dollars.
Okay, I don't have a fucking sweatshop where people are trying to jump to their
death and rather than pay them more fucking money, I put nets outside of the
fucking factory.
So they just land in that and I can yank them out of the net and stick them back
at their fucking workstation.
I'm not the guy doing that, but you're going to sit there and tell me that
that's a separate fucking issue.
Is it a separate issue or is it just more difficult to police?
So you're going to go for the fucking layup.
It's unfucking believable.
It's a separate issue.
I'll sit there all day and listen to your fucking point until you say it's a
separate issue.
Paying taxes and paying your fair share is fucking straight across the board the
same issue.
And if you're going to go after people who are already paying more than 50% taxes
on their fucking income, which is fucking criminal in my world, that the person
who does the job has to give away more than they made.
They get to keep less than what they fucking made and they did the fucking job
and you're going to sit there and tell me that that's fair.
The fuck out of here.
I'll never agree with that, but I will read your fucking emails.
All of these fucking politicians are all in these fucking people's back pockets.
Don't fucking believe these goddamn fucking people who come along and say,
like Trump, I'm going to clean up the swamp.
I'm going to drain the swamp.
He hasn't taken a fucking, he hasn't taken a Dixie cup worth of water out of
that fucking swamp.
All right, because this is what we all want to fucking to ignore.
To really change that, you would have to have an all out fucking revolution and
there would have to be bloodshed.
And the only people that really have the ability to do it would be those lunatics
in black water.
They would be the only guys who'd be able to do it.
And all you have to do is cross your fingers and pray that they're decent fucking
human beings because they actually have the weaponry to pull it off.
Other than that, all you're going to do is fucking go after innocent fucking people,
which is what you guys are, some of you are fucking advocating.
While you ignore the fucking 9,000 pound gorilla in the room who's paying zero
dollars in taxes.
All right, I'm done until I read it more later on.
Did you guys watch any of the, I think someone who makes 50 grand a year should
be paying 59% taxes?
All right.
Did you guys watch it?
Did you guys watch the Duke vs. Central Florida game?
Oh my God, what a fucking heartbreaker that was.
I didn't know what to do because I love Duke, but I also root for an underdog.
And it was in the end of that game, it was like the basketball gods just chose fucking Duke.
You know that alley-oop.
I don't know if it looked like it was mistimed.
I don't know what.
And then the fucking Duke misses it and then gets the fucking rebound.
And then the shot in the end and the tipping just didn't, just didn't want to fucking go in.
You know, I'll tell you right now, if you're a fucking NBA fan, you're missing out.
You're missing out in what's left of college basketball because there's so many wanting done.
It's just a pleasure to watch that level of talent and they're actually listening to their coach.
Because that's just what's missing in the fucking NBA.
This fucking shit where it's just like these guys in the end, they make so much fucking money that they feel like they don't have to listen to their coach.
I just don't, I'm not saying all of them, but just, it just blows my fucking mind.
It's like you're a platoon and that's the general and he's coming in with the fight plan and you're like, ah, nah, nah, we're just going to improv this.
We're just going to go, we're all going to go in there and just start open firing, you know, in the same general fucking direction.
I just feel like when you do that, that's when a team that on paper isn't as good as you can come in and you're open yourself up to getting beat.
That's what it is, man. That is, that is, that is how the NBA game is played now.
It is the individual fucking game.
It's the and one influence on the game, which I'm not a hundred percent against that level of fucking creativity and one on one and all that type of shit.
But like, you know, when you have like a coach just sitting there with his fucking thumbs up his ass because he can only talk to the lower fucking 70% of the team.
You know what I mean?
It's almost like those superstars are like Apple, right?
Don't want to pay their taxes. They don't want to. They think they're above being coached.
Um, anyways, everything's going to go back to that.
I've been paying attention to the Premier League.
Liverpool is still two points ahead, but I looked up the schedule this time because I thought that they were in the lead.
It's just they've played more games.
They have nine games left and Man City has 11 games left.
And as far as I can tell, none of them really have that much challenge in games left other than Man City plays Man United.
That could be the fly in the ointment game there.
So I'll try to pay attention.
I'll watch that game because I figure that's going to be a big one.
And then I'm going to be watching the Bruins vs Tampa Bay Lightning tonight.
That's going to be my that's going to be my little fucking my little evening tonight.
And, uh, I mentioned, uh, last week I went, I went to the premiere of that Motley Crew movie, The Dirt.
Uh, definitely check it out just to fucking off.
I really loved the movie.
Uh, didn't pull any punches.
And, uh, I actually saw some woman in the LA Times was was given one of the band members shit going like, how could you put a movie out?
Post me to how could you put a movie out like this?
And the dude was like, well, I mean, it happened.
You want us to rewrite history?
It was like the perfect fucking answer.
And if you watch it, what's so fucked up is it's, it's all consensual sex.
It's just a bunch of people overindulging.
So have we gotten literally to this point that a, that a bunch of guys playing in a band who have a bunch of groupies who want to fuck the shit out of them?
So they do is like a bad fucking is, is like somehow like that there was something wrong there.
I mean, you could say there was something wrong as far as like, uh, what everybody was doing there.
If you want to get into some sort of religious debate about morals, even if you want to get out of religion and just talk about the emptiness of living a life like that.
How it's exciting in the beginning, but then afterwards there's a profound loneliness to living a life like that.
For both people, the groupie and the fucking rock star, I can have that fucking conversation with you, but I don't understand how the fucking, you know,
I thought me too was you took your dick out at work and just done a plan, right?
It was in that world, right?
Wasn't playing some songs and chicks in the crowd is showing that titties to you.
And then afterwards you bang them.
I didn't think that that fell under that fucking umbrella.
Does me too basically also get to the point of like, you know,
that men can't go out and enjoy themselves.
If they're out there and they, if you're playing a band, it's going to, it's raided pussy.
You know, that's going to happen.
There's actually people that got into bands just for the chicks.
And all of a sudden they're fucking their band somehow fucking made it and they're standing up there without a,
within their passion is pussy.
Look at Gene Simmons.
I've never heard that guy talk passionately about music.
He just talks passionately about women.
And he's so obsessed with it.
He literally says dumb shit like anybody who says they got into a band for the music is a fucking liar.
They got in it for the pussy.
I mean, that's how far down the fucking road that guy is.
If everybody doesn't share my opinion, then they're fucking lying.
Anyways, yeah, it was, it was 30, 40 fucking years ago.
And, you know, I don't know.
Marley Crue did what a lot of bands did and they made a fucking movie about it.
And even then it's sort of like they kind of glossed over a lot of it.
So I don't understand what the fucking problem is.
There's always somebody now that's got some sort of problems.
Don't you think that, that movie about seagulls doesn't, doesn't misses the mark about the main issue,
the main issue being the issue that I'm concerned with.
By the way, my favorite thing right now on the internet is crystal is that thing he did,
that thing he's trying to start jokingly or not called the unfollowing.
Follow Chris Delia on Instagram and scroll through.
I'm sure he's made a couple of videos since his last one.
He did this fucking thing.
I was talking about, I think I just talked about this, but I just want to promote it again.
Because I think it's like all those Instagram models, you know, he goes, hey, he goes, make no mistake.
If you're on Instagram and you're taking pictures of your booty and your titties, you're hooking.
And he literally breaks it down to all of this shit that I didn't even know existed.
I guess, you know, hot chicks biting into a giant sandwich, like looking up in the air,
trying to be, trying to be cute or something like that.
And it's like, I don't know, he's just saying to unfollow them, which is fucking funny to me.
Because I'm not in that world at all.
But I was talking to younger comics about this and I, you know, they run into these people, I guess,
and they were saying like, yeah, they actually come up to you and have like an attitude like they're doing something.
Now they are doing something.
They are going to the gym.
They are keeping themselves in shape.
And God bless them in an entrepreneurial way.
I respect the fact that they're building a brand here.
But I don't, I don't co-sign on then walking around acting like an egotistical maniac,
if that's what the fuck they're doing.
I don't fucking know.
There's so much shit on that.
That's fucking hilarious.
I saw somebody made a post where they were talking, it was Women's Day.
And of course they were like, you know, fuck that, it should be Women's Day every day of the year,
which is hilarious because it's just like, and when would it be guys day then?
Does that seem fair to you?
And the person like took like a fucking picture and it's like a sexy picture.
Like they couldn't just make their statement.
They also had to show off their fucking, you know, their flat stomach and their fucking ass and stuff.
It's just like, it's like, what are we doing here?
It's like, if that exact picture, if a guy used it to sell like, like, you know, some Coca-Cola,
it'd be like objectifying women to sell soda.
This is what needs to change.
But then, you know, I don't know, but then you can do it.
If it's you doing it to yourself, selling Women's Day, I don't know.
I don't, I don't get how the fucking math works, but you know something, I was never good at math.
All I can tell you this is I don't think LeBron James should have to give away 70% of his money over $10 million.
I don't.
I don't.
I think he's already fucking paying well over 50.
Tom Brady, all of these fucking people.
And I think, you know something, I think you're paying your fair share at that point.
How much more fucking money do you want to take from these fucking people while ignoring people who are paying no money in taxes?
Why ignoring companies that are leading us off into war, that has no end, that bankrupts the country?
That's a separate issue.
Oh, Jesus.
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Oh, Jesus, we got a lot today.
What do we got here?
What do we what do we have here?
You know, I got one, two, three left.
So I'm going to break them up.
I'll read the third one here.
We'll get over the hump.
This is Wednesday here.
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All right.
Let's plow ahead.
All right. Cubans roll too tight.
Hey, Billy suction face.
If your Cubans turn your face purple when you smoke them, then they are probably counterfeit.
I know people tell me that, but you know something I have to be honest with you.
I get a lot of Dominicans.
I get a lot of Nicaraguans and I run into the same problem, not the same problem with the Cubans.
So is somebody making fake Nicaraguans and Dominicans?
Anyways, the demand for Cuban cigars far far outweighs the availability.
Another thing too, sir, I fucking I've smoked them in different countries and I've had run into the same problem.
Maybe you're saying the worldwide demand, which you're probably right.
So they are often faked in nearly indistinguishable from the real deal, even for the trained eye.
It's only when you start smoking them that it's noticeable.
Rolling a good cigar is a true art, which is not mastered by counterfeiters looking for a quick buck.
The demand for Dominicans, for example, is a lot lower and they are not and they are not considered extremely rare or valuable.
They are rarely counterfeit.
Greetings from get Belgium and as per usual, go fuck yourself.
Well, he is in Belgium.
So yeah, yeah, I got to be honest with you.
I'm kind of getting away from the Cubans because they're they're really expensive.
And I'm in one time when I was in Australia.
I must have got the real deal because I bought these cohibas.
And when I came back, they were they were incredible.
Like they were a cigar that as you were lighting it like the first couple puffs, you went, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That's really what you do.
Your whole body fucking relaxes and it's amazing.
Having said that, I would like to quit those that might be the next thing that I want to do.
And I am.
I would like to just replace all my vices with something a little more healthy and then eventually come back to a vice that isn't a bad vice.
What's your vice?
You know, I guess I think I read too much in bad lighting.
I have to stop.
I know I'm so bad.
I need to go to meetings like I'd love to be that fucking person.
You know, so eventually I think I'm going to like get down to maybe like three, four cigars a year, the Rose Bowl, the big college game, my birthday, and then something around Christmas.
And just sort of leave it at that because I am really getting into living like a fucking nerd.
You know, it's underrated, ever overrated underrated.
I'll tell you underrated reading a great book at night to make you sleepy rather than staring at a screen.
And I've kind of realized that one of my vices is the amount of time that I spend on my phone.
I want to get used to like not being, you know, like I'll be in the car and I just find myself going over and picking it up like like a fucking child with with its little favorite teddy bear.
I'm fucking sitting there looking at the goddamn screen and it's like I'm driving scrolling trying to find a song.
So I think what I'm going to, I try to put it in airplane mode, but then most of my songs are on the fucking cloud and then I lose all my goddamn music.
So now what I'm going to do is I'm going to have a playlist, download those, you know, 10 songs or whatever and then put it on airplane mode and then literally take the thing and fucking throw it in the backseat.
I would like to do that and but I'll tell you man underrated fucking reading.
I'm back into it and and I told you I had this woman tell me that I wasn't going to be able to learn French so I'm back to the flashcards and stuff.
And I got a couple friends of mine that can speak French so we only text each other strictly in French and I'm now I'm really starting to learn this shit.
I can't speak it well, but I can read it really well now, or at least to another level.
And it's, I mean, I could fucking be doing that rather than slowly killing myself and killing brain cells and shit.
And I don't know, man, I think, you know, like I had that cookout yesterday and there was a bunch of people over and shit, and I was stone fucking sober.
So then, you know, as I'm walking around and then I run into my kid, hey, how you doing? I'm not like buzzed.
There's a low point in your fucking life, you know, having a little buzz going and then you see your fucking kid is just like, what am I doing?
What if something happens right now and I need to react and I'm a little buzzed right now?
I just can't fucking do it anymore. The guilt of it. I can't handle it.
So anyways, I agree with you, sir. I like the the Casa Magnus, the I swear to God, I think they're called Caliglias like that fucking half a porno movie.
I like the Aurora Emeralds and there's a couple of my father's cigars that I really like.
But I don't know, I'm going to be basically trying to phase those fuckers up.
All right, card games and board games.
Hey, Bill, catching up on the podcast. I heard you had fun playing cards. Yeah, I loved it. Played with my mom. It was awesome.
You should check out the word, the world of card games and board games.
There's a regular popular game called five crowns. That's a Rummy style game that is fun.
Also, board games have come a long way. I feel like you may have been a risk guy.
I was. I love that game taken over the world.
Though I don't recall you saying it. Oh, I love that fucking game.
There are great strategy games out there that are fun to play with friends and cigars.
People love settlers of Kitan or Katan, a game that is probably sold thriller like numbers in the tabletop game world.
I'm going to check that out. Hey, you know what I missed? I lost.
Let me see if I that meditation fucking music. I lost it.
You fucking asshole, Bill. I was really looking forward to that shit.
God damn, I'll be able to find it.
I guess it's just that music that goes on for like fucking three hours or I can just go back and listen to my old pot.
You know, is amazing here. I don't even know how to fuck. Sorry, just unplug something.
I don't even know how to fucking listen to my own podcast. How pathetic is that?
All right, I'll definitely be checking these things out.
There's a game called Secret Hitler that's pretty involved.
I'm not sure you'd have time in your schedule, but it's worth looking at.
Secret there's a game called Secret Hitler.
Object find the person in the game who's who's starting the final solution again.
Even the classics are fun to revisit monopoly life, etc.
Yeah, I love that stuff. My kid gets a little bit bigger. I want to start playing those games.
Have a game night. We already have the night where we go out.
This will kill my stand up career game. I can't I can't do that gig. I have game night.
I can't do that gig. I have to go out for I have to go out take my family out for dinner.
Hey, by the way, anybody who lives in LA and you know some really good mom and pop places that doesn't have to be healthy or anything.
What in the fuck is that? Oh, it's a cat. Jesus Christ. I thought it was a raccoon.
I just saw a fucking cat.
It came up in the fucking window through the blinds.
It was like looking in like it was going to do something.
Cats are creepy, man. They just they just are man. They just always think they they think too much.
You look at a dog. It's it's not fucking thinking about anything.
Cats just have that fucking that they're plotting.
You know, very female energy.
You ever just sit next to your girlfriend and you just feel them thinking you're like, ah, fuck, here we go.
Here we go. What's wrong now?
What the fuck is wrong now or a girlfriend forcing me to go vegan, speaking of which I bet that guy felt her thinking.
First of all, before we even get into this, your girlfriend cannot force you to do anything.
You need to fucking eat a steak in front of her and say, listen, you either love me or you don't.
I already know the solution to this.
All right.
Hey, Billy, longtime listener and first time I've written in as I desperately need some advice.
My girl and I have been together for about eight months.
She's awesome and I get laid about three times a week.
All right.
Weird sentence.
Things have gradually gotten more serious and we now spend most evenings together eating dinner, even though we don't stay over with each other every night.
Well, that's good. That's healthy that you still have a little bit of independence.
We mostly eat dinner at her place so she does the grocery shopping and she's also vegan, which isn't bad, dude.
She's, you know, provided she's buying, you know, I guess organic.
How do you even tell if it's organic because I've heard from a lot of people and this might come from the meat industry.
I have no idea, but I've heard from a lot of people that, you know, the amount of pesticides they spray on them sometimes actually eating some iceberg lettuce might be worth for you.
You know, fucking pig.
Who knows?
Also, she's a vegan.
She recently decided that she was not going to buy meat for me, so it's easy to cook.
Plus, it's better for the environment and my health.
Basically, all the fucking arguments vegans use against us carnivores.
Yeah, all the cows farting it up into the atmosphere.
I do love meat, but also love this girl and would honestly go vegan for her.
Should I just be done with it and cut, cut it meat?
I think you meant to say cut out meat.
Or am I setting the tone for the whole relationship to get treated like a little bitch?
Appreciate your advice.
All right.
I like that you're asking these questions, sir.
So you're still in a healthy place mentally.
That's what I would say to her.
Just be like, listen, I'm willing to do this.
For us, but I'm also, I would be lying to you.
If I wasn't nervous that I was setting a tone that, you know, if say you don't like March madness that I'm grad, I'm eventually going to stop watching it.
So you got to do it in a funnier way than that.
I don't know.
I don't think going vegan, if the person knows what the fuck they're doing.
Because there's a lot of fat vegetarians out there who are eating chips and she's made from potatoes.
But the, you know, they're not necessarily healthy, you know, when they carbonate up.
I know there's a lot of fake meat and shit out there.
Now there's a lot of, there's a lot of ways to go.
I am not nearly read enough on this subject to give you any sort of advice as to which way to go.
But I think your concern is correct.
I would just go slow.
I would just say, all right, look, if you just want to cook vegan here and then I would just, which isn't bad.
It's not bad to take a break from meat.
I wouldn't think.
I don't know.
But I also know that to really do the vegan thing correctly.
I actually, you know, something to be a meat eater and just really eat well is you borderline need a fucking degree in something.
First of all, you got to be half a fucking private eye to try and figure out where the organic shit is because everything now is free range.
Everything is fucking organic.
The amount of chickens that they say are fucking free range, but there's still those fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger roided up fucking chickens.
Because I remember when I watched that documentary, I forget what the fuck it was called.
Not you are what you eat.
Something about food.
And I was like, man, fuck this, I got to go find an organic chicken.
Dude, I mean, I had to go to a farmer's market and then I had to sift through all the bullshit there and get people to honestly tell me this guy finally almost like he had the Cuban, the actual real Cubans in the back.
And when he held up, when he showed me a, what a real chicken looks like, it looked, I was like, is that a, what is that a fucking pigeon?
It's like, no, that's, that's, that's what they're supposed to look like.
It looked like a play a football player in the 1930s versus one in the fucking 80s and 90s when they were fucking all roided up.
Not like they're not doing roids now.
Oh, speaking of which football players, congratulations to Rob Gronkowski going out as a champion.
Thank you so much for all your fucking everything you did over the years playing for the Patriots.
And I actually think it's a great move, especially when you see, you know, the results of playing the game and all that, I think he's leaving at a perfect time.
He's got his money.
He was really taking a lot of hits basically below the waist, which was the only way to get them down and they were just chopping his fucking legs down.
And he was probably sick of going into surgeries and being hurt and all of that.
And just the fact that the last game he played, he made the biggest fucking play that big catch that got us the touchdown that put us over the top and won us our six Super Bowl.
Yeah, Hall of Fame, New England Patriot, without a doubt.
I don't know, you know, I don't collect football cards anymore.
So I don't know what his, his numbers are, but I got a good feeling about the actual pro football Hall of Fame and cat.
And so, and I also did a roast with them one time and he was such a fucking cool guy.
And there's a lot of people out there that think he's this big dumb guy and he isn't.
I remember I was talking to him about, we were talking about going to concerts and he was saying how much he fucking hated how people were sitting there videoing their experience rather than having the experience.
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:17,800
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:22,800
And I remember thinking in that going, I wish people could hear this fucking conversation.
So, you know, because they always just think, they always think that about big fucking people that they're, they're fucking dumb.
He was not, he was not, and he did great on the roast.
And he was funny, you know.
Anyway, so plowing ahead here, I would, you know, I would use this thing as an opportunity to basically, yeah, set some boundaries in your relationship in a funny way and just be like, all right, you know what?
I'll be vegan when I'm at your house.
And if, you know, if she's pushing you to become vegan and your house, just be like, you know, I really enjoy a steak.
I really do.
And I'm going to keep eating it.
And if you're going to break up with me over a pork chop, then there probably really wasn't love here in the first place.
Meanwhile, you know, read up on fucking nutrition.
I mean, I'm giving you advice that I should be taking.
I should read up on it too, because I've been eating really well over the last year.
And now that I've, I should say since July, and I had somebody put together a diet for me and I pretty much loosely use that with some of my older bad habits.
I'm not going to lie to you.
And, and just cutting out the booze has been really easy to sort of maintain a decent body weight.
It's probably the smartest thing that you could fucking do.
Learn how to defend yourself and learn how to eat right.
You know, figure out why you fucked up so you don't take it out on somebody else and go out and go find a great person and then work on the relationship like this person is doing rather than bailing.
Because I actually have a theory about divorce where I think a lot of them, they could have fixed it if they just were working on it along the way.
And then you just start thinking like, oh, this person's a fucking asshole.
And then you just have this fantasy that you're going to meet.
You're just basically chasing that feeling you had when you both met each other in the beginning.
And you just never going to be brand new.
You just have to accept that, but you can get back to different levels of emotional heights if you actually work on it.
It's the smartest thing ever.
Just doing shit like family dinner night and everybody puts away their phones or whatever.
And it's just you or if you're single or whatever you're not married, you can go out to a movie.
And I'm telling you, turning off your phone is a fucking huge thing.
Then I've discovered, especially if you get fucking massive ADD like me.
Okay, where are we here?
Big sugar.
All right, I can't tell if this is a place to go skiing or this is more stuff about food.
Hey, Billy bald balls.
Last week or so, you went off on one email proposing a massive tax on the rich.
No, I didn't.
No, I did not.
I went off on a massive tax on honest Americans.
Okay, this is not a tax on the rich.
This is a tax on people who are not smart enough or corrupt enough to have their money in offshore accounts.
That's what I went off on.
He said, then I learned about how tax dollars are feeding billions to sugar industry.
The US government has subsidized the domestic sugar industry so much that domestic sugar prices are up to 50% more than their international counterparts.
Separate issue.
Separate issue.
The government does this by establishing quotas that limit imports.
So now more domestic production means that there is more farmland to take up by sugar.
Yeah, which is people are starting to say is a carcinogen.
Here's another thing too.
When you cut sugar out of your diet, like I've been having this fucking almond butter.
I know big Hollywood fucking phony.
You have to apologize for trying to eat right, right?
It's like when I drove a Prius, everybody fucking, you know, San Jose homophobic shit to me.
Because I was, because you're just reminding people that, hey, man, the way we're doing this shit is steering us into the fucking sun here.
Anyways, and my wife had bought some peanut butter for my daughter and it was just the regular kind.
And I, you know, we ran out of almond butter and I put some on some toast and I bit into it.
And I have fortunately such little amount of sugar in my diet that I bit into it.
Like I literally like my fucking, my mouth puckered like Jesus Christ.
I had no idea how much sugar is in fucking peanut butter.
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:06,800
So anyways, he goes, if you are wondering why kids are getting beards at 10, then this might be why these companies don't want to pay for real sugar.
So they just make another sweet poison and call it sugar free.
The environmental impacts are also dire with sugar beets causing worsening soil quality and water pollution that is much worse than other crops.
The worst part of all is the insane amount of money these bastards get.
Like one Florida farm family is getting 150 to 250 million that comes out of the taxpayers' pockets.
Separate issue. Also the increased sugar prices make companies in food processing have to lay off 10,000 to 20,000 employees a year while sugar growers can usually make up to $750,000 a year.
Sorry, 750 million a year. No, 750,000 a year. That doesn't make any sense.
I think you put the wrong number there.
The American Sugar Alliance is one of the most funded lobbying groups with a handful of companies bringing in the mass amounts of the 4 billion in subsidies the taxpayers give.
I hope you found this important and interesting and as always go fuck yourself.
Yeah. Handful. Look at that. It's one of the most funded lobbying groups.
Yeah. Then where do you think all that money goes? Do you think it just goes to the lobbying or do you think it goes into politicians pet projects?
It's fucking ridiculous how corrupt that is and you're going to go after the people who create an app or people who start movement watches.
These people are the fucking, yeah, they're the fucking problem. You're going to ignore all the corruptions.
So here's a guy here who's basically going to fucking tear me a new asshole.
All right. And I love the title. Why I stopped listening.
And this is the classic baby that exists now.
You have a difference of opinion. So you're going to stop listening. You fucking child.
Is if my word somehow affected your life, like I said that.
And then what the IRS is actually going to be going after these fucking people did not.
All right. Why I stopped listening. Bill, I've stopped listening to your podcast.
What are you fucking eight years old?
I felt that I should tell you why.
Much like a restaurant who loses a loyal customer wants to know why what went wrong.
You know, you love how he's putting those words in my mouth.
Like I give a fuck that an absolute child isn't going to listen to my fucking podcast.
So no hard feelings, but here it is.
You should like flip your hair right now like D Schneider.
Is that his name? The guy from Twisted Sister when he made that point, you know, when he was in front of Congress about the PMRC man.
I have never heard a more selfish mouth breathing uninformed money grubbing cunt speak in my entire life.
This is what I love. I don't even make $10 million a year.
I don't make $10 million a year.
So I was actually defending people whose tax money would actually go, I guess, to help me and somehow I'm money grubbing because this person's so up the ass of their own fucking point.
They can't even listen to what it is that I'm saying.
He goes, sometimes you say something halfway smart, but it is surrounded.
He says my so much bullshit. He's calling me dumb. He didn't even hit the spell check by so much bullshit.
It makes me feel you stumbled into saying it by accident.
Yes, sir, because no one could ever be as smart as you.
Like how a monkey banging on a typewriter might somehow type out Shakespeare.
I don't think a monkey banging out a typewriter might somehow type out Shakespeare.
I think what you meant meant to say is that he might accidentally spell a word correctly.
Like might accidentally spell the or act.
I don't think you meant Shakespeare.
All right, you know what I'm finding?
I think you wrote this in a very high emotional state here.
So I'll cut you some slack.
And I've always said I'm a moron.
Okay.
And even now that I'm reading, I'm reading like the fucking beastie boy autobiography.
I'm reading the fucking, which actually is I'm finding up.
Is is a history book on a certain genre of music that I believe the kids call hip hop.
All right, the biggest problem is you cannot see beyond your own experience.
Making $10 million a year is not my experience.
I've never made $10 million in a year.
Okay.
And this is most evident in your recent diatribe about the 70% tax rate.
I don't know.
I like to think I, you know, I don't always, but I like to think, you know, I try to listen to both sides.
I guess, I guess, I guess I don't, in case your memory is blinded by your own rage.
What about your rage?
Let me go over some dumbass things that you said on Monday, March 18th.
First of all, sir, you're calling me a mouth breather and you're saying that I have rage and you're literally misspelling words.
And you're so angry at me right now that you can't present your opinion without calling me names.
Anyways, you call people making $10 million plus a year regular guys who are deserving of empathy.
Sure, some are.
You're always me lament of these poor, poor millionaires made my blood boil.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Look how you just phrase that.
Look at these poor, poor millionaires.
You're judging them and who they are because of how much money they make.
And you're going to turn it into a Disney movie where anybody who makes money is fucking evil.
Makes my blood boil.
Fuck you.
This guy literally just said blinded by rage.
Fuck you.
You implied that money tax from millionaires goes directly back to lazy cunts making less.
I don't remember saying that.
Maybe I did.
Maybe I did.
All right.
You said it isn't fair that people being honest with their income have to pay this rate while rich people hide their income.
It comes overseas.
You also said that tax money is being wasted.
And then it just says corrupt bullshit.
I agree with both of these things.
These are separate problems that also need to be fixed.
You're often being dumb bullshit like this.
Up.
What?
As if the government can't do two things at once.
Okay.
I think with your fucking half written email calling me a moron.
Sir.
They're not going after these people.
They're not.
Okay.
It's been deemed too difficult.
Okay.
Because what they do is I already explained this shit is how is it explained to me in layman's term.
You have a fucking company.
Okay.
You have a pile of fucking money.
So you create so you fucking either incorporate.
In a different country or you you create a fake phony fucking company in that country which bills your legit company a ridiculous amount of fucking money.
So then you're then able to show that your company somehow lost money.
So now you don't have to pay any taxes but now your money is in this fake company.
So how do you get it right.
You have it in this foreign fucking island right which is a different country.
You pay some people off there so that the money go there.
Then you start another company in a different island and then they bill that company and you just keep going hops got you through the fucking Caribbean or whatever the fuck this shit goes down.
All right.
And then the last company goes back to you and gives you like 50 million hundred million dollars in the form of a loan.
Which is untaxable and then you're allegedly going to pay it back which you don't.
And when you don't that phony fucking company forgives the loan.
That's the base in layman's terms.
That's the way it was explained to me.
And the problem is is that with each one of those islands that it goes through it's it's a whole new fucking.
It's a different country a different government and you have to go through a mountain of red tape.
So they have 7 10 14 of these fucking companies all ping pong and all through the fucking islands.
And it just be it just it's too difficult.
It's too difficult.
And then what you have is honest fucking people who took a fucking chance.
OK.
And risk basically sleeping alone on a fucking futon with no wife no fucking family maxed out their fucking credit cards.
Most of those people lose.
And then you're going to come in to take.
There's no way that you can present an argument where 70 million dollars 70 percent paying taxes on one fucking dollar 70 percent.
You cannot set that fucking precedent by the government.
OK.
Considering they are complete corrupt pieces of shit.
A stand up comedian is not a corrupt piece of shit.
OK.
He's not looking the other way with all that shit that person just said about sugar.
These are not separate issues.
What you have is a broken fucking system.
Which is now going to take put duct tape on the fucking problem and go after innocent fucking people.
And for you to call me a moron because you just sit there and you oh these poor poor millionaires.
If somebody's fucking honest they shouldn't have to fucking pay for it.
Look at the Clintons.
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:18,800
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:19,800
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:21,800
Look how fucking corrupt they are.
The most they ever made was four hundred fucking five hundred fucking grand being president of the United States.
And they're all worth millions and millions and millions of dollars.
Go look go look at who they fucking give their speech to.
Go look at who Obama's first two fucking speeches were to like two of the biggest fucking banks that were behind the 2008 scandal.
And they're going up vacuuming up all that fucking money.
It's fucking Michelle Obama has the fucking balls to put out an inspirational book on how to be a better fucking person and make your dreams come true.
She has all that corporate money fucking falling out from between her fucking titties. Get the fuck out of here.
I want you if you're still listening what I know you are.
What poor poor millionaires.
Why are you judging somebody because they fucking had the balls to put their entire future on the fucking three zillion to one dog with the limp at the back of the fucking race and the thing came in.
So now they have to give away 70% of their money north of ten million dollars.
Listen if you're saying that that's what the number is and everybody's going to pay 70% north you know north of ten million dollars which once again I'm not making.
So I'm literally arguing for fucking people that I'm not.
OK but I plan on making more than that and I'm in a country that allows me to do it thank Christ.
All right and I hope that you fucking do it someday and it's not my fucking fault that you don't have the fucking balls or an idea or the charisma or whatever the fuck you need to get to that level.
I haven't had it yet but I'm not going to just because I haven't I'm not going to fucking punish these other fucking people and here's the thing if every motherfucker in this country.
OK making north of ten million dollars had to fucking pay that.
Then you are going somewhere but here's the fucking thing though.
Here's the thing though.
Where is that money going to go.
Are you going to fix where the fuck it's going to go.
Because are you going to somehow fix our fucking foreign policy so we don't get broke fighting thirty five hundred jerk offs on a fucking jungle gym.
You're going to ignore all of those fucking problems and just take a select few group of fucking Americans who did nothing wrong.
Made it in a sports created a watch company created a shaving company.
Fucking created some something in their stand up act that fucking made enough Americans want to go to their show that they're making you're going to punish them.
You're going to cosign on they have to give away seventy percent of their fucking money.
I just can't get behind that.
In all of these politicians blowing these fucking people who aren't paying fucking taxes.
And then they're going to come out the other side and then go give speeches to people who don't pay fucking taxes and companies that don't pay fucking taxes and take that money and stick it in their fucking pocket and go buy themselves a big mansion on fucking taxes.
That's all fucking fine.
Unfucking believable and to sit there and say that separate issues that's all tax issues.
That's all the same fucking issue.
Anyways you said it isn't fair that people being honest with their income have to pay this rate while rich people hide their income overseas you also said tax money is being wasted on corporate corporate bullshit.
I agree or I read this this half a fucking paragraph that this person wrote you said we should pay politicians fuck you money.
You don't think if that happens even every money grub and corrupt cunt will do anything possible to run for office and win an election including promising corporations special deals in exchange for campaigns.
I do believe that.
I do believe that you've been saying this for years.
Yes I believe that.
I can't believe nobody's called you out on how fucking stupid it is dude.
What you're doing is you're basically going to be like this.
Well listen we can't get these guys so let's get the people we can get who haven't poisoned the food supply who don't who don't dictate our foreign policy.
Yeah fuck all of that shit.
Fuck the twenty trillion dollars sitting in the islands in the Caymans.
Let's go after the third basement on the New York Yankees.
Yeah fuck this guy.
This doesn't make any sense dude.
What could you can put a name and a face on that fucking guy.
And because he was better in gym class than you you have this underlying resentment that you call him a poor poor millionaire.
Anyways he goes I think the biggest issue is that you come from comedy and you can't see beyond that business.
I seem to be talking about a bunch of business here's don't I.
I'm talking about our foreign policy.
I'm talking about the food supply.
I mean how much further do I have to go.
I think everyone in this country should be in the position where their success is measured by how hard they work and how much they contribute.
That is mostly true in comedy.
Dude first of all I'll throw you a hypocritical bull.
What the fuck do you know about comedy.
Right.
I know as much about comedy is I mean I know as much about your job as you know about comedy.
So why is your opinion on comedians more valid.
Anyways if you are a millionaire and your daddy was a famous comedian notice how they use the word daddy.
Right.
That will only take you so far in comedy if you're not funny.
This is not true in every single business.
For example if Donald Trump had just invested his father's money in the stock market.
He would be richer than he is now.
What the fuck is that based on.
Like what is the stock market guaranteed you're going to make money.
The stock market is corrupt.
But he is a very successful hard working man deserving of all our empathy just like every other rich asshole.
Yeah dude you know what you have a problem with you have a problem with anybody who's rich.
Because you're all you're putting all of them you're using all the buzzwords daddy rich asshole poor poor millionaire.
Anyways I graduated from Harvard in 2015.
I'm a public school teacher.
One of the people you say tax money should be going towards.
Yes tax money that was already collected sir.
That was wasted on a never ending fucking war.
Yes.
Yes but let's not go after the people that wasted that.
Let's take more tax dollars from somebody who fucking played the game.
Let's take more tax dollars from somebody who fucking plays fucking power forward for the fucking Cleveland Cavaliers.
Anyways unlike my classmates making millions no matter how hard I work no matter how much time I spend on my students.
I don't earn another cent over my forty eight thousand dollars salary.
OK.
And did you not know that going into that fucking business.
Like what do you want me to do here.
I don't think you should earn that.
I think you should earn way more than that.
But I don't think that regular fucking people who don't stick their money in the Cayman fucking islands are now required to pay for you because all these other Americans are paying no taxes.
I don't I don't feel that that's where that money should come from.
I feel that you should make way more money than that.
I think that you do one of the most important jobs in this country.
And I think you should get you should get paid.
I don't know 200 fucking grand a year to do it.
And I think you should have all the supplies that you fucking need.
I just don't agree with where you want to get that money.
He goes I can earn less than a thousand dollars in the next year pay.
I can't believe you're a fucking teacher by the way by the way you read you wrote this fucking thing.
But I'm going to I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you were fucking pissed off and fucking fired this thing off or this is a giant voice text.
I can earn less than a thousand in the next year pay increase based on how my students do on statewide standardized text test.
In fact if I want to spend money on class material it comes out of my own pocket can deduct a maximum of 250 dollars a year.
Meanwhile some of the richest cuts in this country are using their money to try and make public schools worse.
Yeah I got to tell you something dude these aren't the guys you're going to get with that 70 percent tax thing.
And here's another thing dude rather than call me a fucking dumbass and a monkey hitting a fucking keyboard.
You know an idea that I had was I would like to as a comedian to do this public schools in my fucking neighborhood here.
And I was walking by one the other day and I saw an auditorium and I'm thinking wait a minute they have an auditorium.
They got seats they got a stage.
Why don't I do a fucking fundraiser for the public school.
That was my thought and I know I'm a mouth breathing fucking moron.
Dude you and I are on the same fucking team here and we should not be fighting with each other.
We should be joining forces and demanding that these corrupt politicians go after all these fucking asshole corporations and individuals who pay no taxes.
Rather than fucking as we're both like fucking trying to scamper out of the boiling water pulling each other down by each other's ankles.
All right but here's the funny fucking thing is the second I thought about doing that show all I thought was of the hashtags by the fucking parents and all of these fucking lunatics whose minds have been poisoned by social media
and all it's going to take is fucking one of them to go out there.
I can't do my fucking act in a public school auditorium in front of the fucking parents.
How the fuck do I do that.
I know how I do it.
What I do is I get those cell phone bags and everybody has to put their fucking cell phones in the fucking bag before you go in there.
That's how I'm going to have to end up doing it.
And unfortunately that's some of the money that I could have given that I could have given back to the public school.
So here's the thing.
All right sir.
And I know you're not listening anymore.
I'm going to start doing those fucking shows.
I'm going to start doing shows.
I'm going to pick a fucking school and I'm going to give back that way that way.
I would rather do it that way than eventually having to pay 60% fucking taxes on my income because I'm already paying 50.
That's just on my income.
That's not property tax.
That's not fucking sales tax, tax on gases, all these fucking hidden taxes that I'm already paying.
I'm lucky at this point if I'm keeping 30% of my fucking money.
I would cringe to see what the fuck I'm paying and fucking taxes.
And I know you have no sympathy for me because I had the audacity to have my fucking 300 to one fucking Greyhound come across the finish line and I won.
And that you fucking resent me for that.
You know, and you lump me in to people and I'm not even at that fucking level.
All right, but I've been around the block enough times to know that if that 70% thing gets fucking past dude, they're not going to stop at 10.
And they're going to keep going down.
So what I got out of this is, you know, something I'm going to do one of those fucking shows at the public schools.
And I'm going to start doing those fucking things.
And I'm going to get those fucking cell phone bags and I'll stick them in there.
And that's the way that I'm going to fucking give back.
And I'm going to get a positive out of this.
All right.
And I think what regular Americans need to do, which is what I still am.
And you can fucking demonize me all you want because I'm the finally fucking making money 27 years into this fucking shit.
All right, where the fuck were you when I was sitting on the futon, waking up having panic attacks?
When I had no manager, no fucking agent and all agents were telling me I had a weird look.
That's what he used to say to me.
By the way, there is an unwritten rule in this fucking business that if you are a redhead, you are not the lead in a movie.
I don't know if that's gradually changing, but I remember I used to go to fucking auditions and like they would be prepared three scenes.
It was back when I had a black and white photo.
So I kind of look like I had brown hair.
It was a 90.
They had moose in there.
Oh, right.
And I would come in and as they looked at me, I would see the look on their face.
They'd be like, okay, we're just going to read the first scene.
Yeah, it's like, dude, you're a redheaded male.
You're not the lead.
You're the friend.
You're the friend.
You're the one who doesn't get the girl and all of that fucking shit.
So anyways, we should be helping each other out, sir.
Okay.
And here's the thing.
If I became a comedian and I didn't make it, I wouldn't be crying to you about it.
Okay.
So you were the one who went to fucking Harvard and decided to become a public school fucking teacher.
You knew what the deal was.
Okay.
That's what the fuck you wanted to do.
And I'm going to believe you that you went to Harvard and that you are a public school teacher.
Cause you know, on the internet, people can be like, I fucking, I hate Trump and I'm a Republican.
People can do that all the fucking time.
I'm going to take all this face value and that you're actually a teacher and that you wrote an email that was filled with this many spelling mistakes.
This, this much fucking hypocritical behavior where you're yelling at me that I can't see past the end of my own nose.
And the whole fucking thing was about you and your job and where the fuck you sit in the world.
I didn't really see, I didn't really see how you were, you were stepping outside of yourself.
So here's the thing, sir, or ma'am, whoever fucking wrote this thing.
I'm going to start doing that.
All right.
I'm going to start doing fucking shows, raising money for some fucking public and our high schools or whatever, get them some money for some computers or whatever.
And actually, in a way, I'd be helping myself cause I get a kid now and all the public schools suck out here.
So now you got to go to private schools from the beginning, you know, and you're like hundreds of thousands of dollars down the fucking drain.
Because once again, people who didn't pay taxes and all the money that, all the money that we've already, all the money that they already fucking collect does not go where the fuck it should be.
So I appreciate your input.
I hope you're mature enough to, you know, I hope you don't decide not to keep listening to this podcast because of something else, because it sucks, because it's not funny, because it got boring to you after a while.
But if this is the reason why that you're not listening, you're, you're, you're a fucking baby.
You're a big fucking baby and you're really not solving the fucking problem.
And I think it's really ignorant to, to demonize people that, that made it on their own.
Made it in a sport, started a company, you know, but I draw the line at, you know, if you made it in a sport, you don't pay taxes or you started a company.
And now with that, your next move is to get your money outside the company.
I don't support that.
And if you're a comedian, you need to do that.
I don't support that.
I don't.
I love Willie Nelson.
Not paying taxes.
Don't support that.
Okay.
And I have no problem paying my fair share.
And I think at 56% plus all the others, I think I'm more than doing it.
Unfortunately, my tax money that I'm paying is getting nowhere near your school.
And that is not my fault, but that is the problem.
And those are not separate issues from where I'm from.
All right.
That's the, that's the podcast.
Go fuck yourselves.
And I'm going to, you know, I'm going to make do on my campaign promise.
I'm going to find a fucking school and I'm going to do it.
All right.
That's it.
Go fuck yourselves.
And I'll see you on Thursday.
Thank you.