Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-3-14

Episode Date: March 4, 2014

Bill and Virzi ramble about Canada, time machines and bad baby names.

In the mountain, in the kitchen, even in the living, they are really everywhere to ride the empty boat. But now we are going to the finish, bring them to a Bebath collection point quickly. You will always find one in your neighborhood on Bebath.be Bebath! Together, better for nature and for all of us. Campaign in cooperation with the OVAM. I am recording live, as I always do, live to tape here. Live to digital, whatever the fuck it is, here in Toronto, Ontario.

And that person yawning in the background, like a fucking old man, is the pride of New Jersey. Paul Verzi. What's going on, brother? What's up, man? What's going on? How are you enjoying Canada so far? You know, dude, the food, right? We were talking about the food here has been... When have you heard me say, I gotta tell you, put New York aside, because you know I'm a big New York food guy. The food here has been knocking out of the park. It's been incredible. Yeah, in Moncton and Halifax, one of them was at that ale house place.

Oh, the first place we went to? What's it called? The Triangle? Triangle, yeah. We went over there for lunch. Well, first of all, let's just back up for a second. One thing I did want to bring up, what's been fucking hilarious, is Paul Verzi going through Canada. Eastern fucking Canada. Literally, we're driving to Moncton and Halifax. I've never seen this in my life.

Like, instead of a school crossing, they literally had that same yellow sign with the fucking moose on it. Yeah. I've never seen that. Okay, so typical Paul Verzi, typical fucking New Yorker. You just go places and you... This guy has been trying to order an Arnold Palmer. Everywhere we've gone. What's funny is you've gone from saying confidently, can I have an Arnold Palmer, to now you're just describing the ingredients.

You're just downstairs. You started off like, can I get an Arnold Palmer? And they would be like, what? That's so true. That's how you felt if I did that. And you'd be like, an Arnold Palmer. And they'd be like, I'm sorry, I don't know. You know, iced tea, lemonade, Arnold Palmer. And then they're like, no, we don't have that. You got an iced tea? No, we don't have that either.

So then the next time you ordered it, they're like, what do you want? Then we got to Halifax and you ordered it this way. You go, yeah, you got an Arnold Palmer, you know, Arnold Palmer. Iced tea. I was squinting my eyes. Yeah, lemonade thing, you did that. And then downstairs in Toronto, you just go, yeah, I was wondering, do you have lemonade and iced tea? And you could maybe put those together and they're like, yeah, no, no, we don't. Yeah, they don't. I'm all for three.

I'm all for three with the Arnold Palmer. Why don't you order a Stan Makita? That's probably some sort of fucking drink up here. Absolutely, of course we do. Yeah, I'm just, I give up. It's just going to be lemonade or iced tea from now on. Fucking hilarious. You have ordered that everywhere.

The first time when you said you have an Arnold Palmer, they're like, yeah, yeah, mostly lemonade and then just a splash of iced tea. And I'm like, all right, you hang out with Lawhead because that's how Lawhead. Well, he gets more lemonade too? Yeah. That's actually, that's one knock I'll give Canada. That's, the food's been great, but you know, they don't, not having lemonade is unacceptable. Fucking hilarious. How do you not have lemonade?

Because it's sub zero up here. That's like some, that's some summertime shit. Lemonade's, you know, lemonade's year round. Lemonade's incredible. I'm not saying it's not good, Paul. Yeah, the first lady, did you see her face when I said that? Do you have stock in the lemonade? No, but.

Lemonade's year round. Lemonade's wonderful. The kid, the kid. Step right up. No, the girl in Mockden, I go, can I get an Arnold Palmer? And she froze up and she goes, an Arnold Palmer. And that's when I realized, dude, you're out of the country, man. You got to, and then you kind of just smirked and put your head down.

I knew you were like, this is going to be a disaster. Yeah, like they don't even golf up here. They don't have golf up here. If you notice, there's no golf courses. Yeah, I guess it was a little crazy. We drove by one the other day. What? People golf up here.

Like they know who Tiger Woods is. No, they do, but it's just funny that I use an American golfer as a drink thinking that some kid Waitress would know. And an American golfer from like the 60s. That would be like you, somebody from Canada going to like South Carolina and ordering a rocket recharge. And she was a 19 year old Canadian Waitress. Oh, how about the little stuck up chick at the fucking airport this morning in Halifax?

Dad didn't like her. The one, the one jerk we've met in Canada. How nice are the people in Eastern Canada? It's beyond. They're unbelievable. They're over the top nice. They've been great. And I agree with you.

You know what? You said something and I didn't say it because I thought you were going to be like, you know, fucking Verzi complaining, but she, you know, I, you ordered a juice and then I ordered one. And I asked, how's the root beer? I mean, how's the ginger one? Remember? Right.

How's the ginger hammer? And she just kind of just goes, she just looked at me dirty. She goes, I don't like ginger. So, you know, I don't like it. But if you like and I was out right then, I was out when she said that. Yeah. No, she went immediately to texting and I just started thinking, oh, she must. I didn't even see your text.

She was at one point. She's one of those bored hot chicks. She's working at the fucking airport. She's done. Yeah. She looks in the mirror. She goes, I'm better than this, but I can't figure out a way out yet. You know?

Yeah. I mean, there's got to be a dick to jump on or something. Right. She's probably going to, what she's probably going to start fucking stripping out there in Eastern Canada. What's, what's a good name for a titty bar in Eastern Canada? The caribou clam. Shack.

Whatever. But dude, it was, you were fucking hilarious when we got, well, we first, first of all, I flew into, uh, I flew into, uh, Halifax. No, Moncton, first night Moncton, um, which is M-O-N-C-T-O-N. I finally can fucking spell it. I hope I did it right though from LA, right? Yeah. And this fucking, you want to talk about having Tourette's?

I, I land in Montreal. All right. And I don't know if I mentioned it last week, but I actually brought my hockey stuff. I brought my hockey bag with my fucking, my, my, well, because I set up a bunch of, I tweeted that I was, I wanted to play when I was up here. So all these people, you know, come here, play, come here, play. And everybody's going, Hey, I got stuff. You can use stuff.

Don't worry. We'll buy it. We'll buy you a new jock. And I'm like, that's fucking disgusting. I'm going to lug my shit up here. Right. So I'm thinking, all I got to worry about is I'm going to drag it out of the car at LAX.

I stick it on one of those little fucking $2 things. I wheel it to some guy. He takes it. And then I'm done. And then when I land in Moncton, I just fucking throw it on another one. It's, it's not going to be that big a deal. It's, it's annoying, but it's not that big a fucking deal. So what happens?

I get to Montreal, right? There's no cart anywhere. I'm fucking, I got the hockey bag on top of my wheelie bag. And I got my computer shit from all my, my mixer in the podcast, looking like a complete asshole. And in Montreal, right? Oh, no, no, wait in Montreal. That's what you have to do.

I figured I, you know, I'd land in Montreal, I go through customs and then I jump on a fucking plane. You got to claim your fucking bags. I don't know why. I was like, I guess it's like, do you think I assembled a fucking bomb when I was on the plane? So I had to claim both those two asshole bags, then drag them back over to someplace else right?

That part wasn't too bad. That still sucks though. That's that. No, but then I got back upstairs. I had to go back through security again. It's like, did I just assemble a fucking gun on the plane? No, he admitted that to me there. That's funny.

You said that because I said when I had the connection, because I flew from New York to Montreal and then from Montreal and I said to the guy, I don't have to go. He goes, and I said, he was really cool. The, the, I guess TSA, I don't know. But he goes, he goes, yeah, he goes, our systems kind of screwed up here that we don't have it right here yet. That's what he said. Oh, he said that?

No, he said that. He was like, and I was like, oh yeah, because it doesn't, what am I going to do from, from here? The TSA guy was cool with me too. And I went there. I actually had the paperwork. What are you doing up here? I'm doing stand up.

And he goes, yeah, the paperwork and gave it to him. He goes, he just goes, great. I wish everybody was like this because I'm doing just for laughs. So just for laughs is like the big comedy thing up here. So they know exactly what you're supposed to have. So it was so nice to come to this country and not lie because I always lie when I get it. What are you doing here? I'm visiting friends.

Yeah. Where do they live? Near the stadium. I got so I always do that because I don't want to deal with because I, you know, I never have the right paperwork that happened to me when I was fucking going into Scotland. I downloaded everything. God knows, you know, I'm fucking it up, but I'm blaming my, my reps. You guys didn't send me the right stuff.

Yeah, we did. We sent it three times. So I always lie when I go into a country. I just say I'm visiting friends. It's weird when you buy yourself, but if you say you're visiting friends and then they go, where do they live? And all you need is a fucking address. Well, no, but I had that backfire because I came up with a comic.

I came up to do the comedy nest up there, Jimbo's room and, you know, I probably should mention as an actor. It's fine. It's his room, right? It doesn't matter. Yeah. You're not going to say the room sucks. Right.

No, it's a great room. It's actually when you do the festival, you work out there and stuff. But we went there. We went there. We went there. What a host. We went there and we went there and they go, what are you doing here? And the comic I'm with goes to just, just let me, I'll just, you know, we're telling

you, I'm visiting friends for the weekend and they go, yeah, all right, just wait here. Came back, got the websites online, saw that we were working at the club and me a fucking no. How did they say that? I called them in and said, next time you're not getting in. Don't lie. How did they figure that out? Typed in a name.

Bullshit. I swear to God. One of you guys said. No, I swear. Oh, typed in his typed in the name and then saw it and goes, huh, that's pretty, you know, you know, because anytime it's so fucking annoying, how you can't get away with anything anymore. I mean, Jesus Christ, back in the day, you had to do some Peter Fox shit.

But I got to just tell you, listen, it's not, it's just not adding up for a second. You mind just standing here? I mean, I might be crazy, but they had something, they looked at your shoes and they could figure out you were fucking lying. Now they just, they have the answers to the test, Paul. We're coming to your country to enjoy ourselves. You know, what the fuck? It's, you know.

Hey, Paul, God forbid you come to Canada. Yeah. And they don't squeeze a couple of nickels. You know what? Fuck these people. Yeah. I thought I was having a good time. You're lucky you're bringing my dick, jokes up to your fucking frozen tundra.

So anyways, so, so I land the night before land, the night before anyways, and in Moncton and then the next day, a buddy of mine that I met at the Mario Lemuel, things camp said, if you have a fucking come up here, I'll, you know, I'll take you out and went up and played the middle of the day. Dude, I've never done that on the road. Played a pick up game, a hockey. Right. Right.

And of course I was, I was such a fucking non-factor in the game as I always am. I can skate. Okay. No, you can skate good, man. I can skate good compared to you, but not compared to a fucking Canadian. I can't. No, dude, you were, you're fucking, but I got to just tell, I don't want, let me, let me finish real quick, let me finish real quick just to tell the people listening.

So I was such a non-factor. And the last, you know, time I'm out on the ice, I actually blocked a shot just so I would somehow have some positive thing in one shift and I took it right off the toe. Dude, I showed you my toe, my, I'm going to, I'm going to put up, post a picture of it. My, my whole toe is purple. Now part of that's cause I'm a redhead and I got alabaster feet here. So it really shows up with your Greek skin. I don't think you'd notice it as much, but dude, it's like, like they should, for

in medical school, like if they ever just want to show like, you know, what do they call it? Contusion or a bruise, whatever the fuck they want to call it. They should punch your redhead because all the detail comes out, man. It's perfect. Well, no, you're pale white. So when you were like, I got to show you the toe yesterday, I was just like, let me eat first.

I'll look at it, but let me eat. But no, I just, I just wanted to tell your listeners that the size of Bill's hockey bag is so funny that like you travel with this, you know, we're, we're out here hot hockey bags are in general, it's just the fact that you have that, like you brought the equipment, like you care that much. And I love that. I love that. Cause you got to do it to have fun.

I mean, you inspired me. No, and this is the thing too. I have the, remember some old school podcast listeners, remember, I used to advertise skate fenders on my, on my podcast. And there's, you know, it's, it's one of the few places you don't have protection. If you get hit by the fucking puck, if you were in the whole bird cage thing is, is on your feet. And this guy did a study where like all these, like how many manpower games, you know, how

much manpower you lost per game in the NHL due to foot injuries and people getting hit with the puck. So we came up with these things, skate fenders, and they basically fit right on the side of the plastic thing. And I just, I brought them and I psyched myself up going, I don't give a fuck. I'm a comedian. I can't be limping around on stage. I'm not trying to get anywhere in this sport.

I'm just having fun. I'm wearing these things. And I got there and I fucking gave into peer pressure. I'm like, nobody else has them on. I've never even seen anybody with, I guess some people in the NHL wear them. So I don't, I don't wear the fucking things. I've never taken a shot like that off my foot ever. Did it hurt when it happened or did it hurt after like, it hurt like hell.

And then all of a sudden it felt really warm and it actually felt kind of good. Yeah. I finished my shift and then I fucking sat down and then I was thinking like, is this thing going to make me limp? Unfortunately, I haven't lint, but, uh, you know, my, I could bend it and everything. It's fine. It's just, it's barney, the dinosaur purple. Fucking gross.

Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking bad. So I wouldn't have worn them either. I would have done what you did. If I saw nobody with the guards, I'm like, I'm not putting this fucking box on my foot. Yeah. And then on top of that, I was in another country.

So it's like, oh, these, these pussy Americans, they fucking come out there dressed like Lindy Ruff. That's funny, man. Hang on a second. I actually for sure said fucking all Samuels and he's the way the most fucking pads. I just remember a long time ago, Fred Cusick, somebody gave Lindy Ruff a cheap shot and on the Bruins and then it was such a fucking cheap shot that even the color commentator had to be like, well, you know, that was kind of cheap there.

And then Fred Cusick goes, well, you have to hit him. He's so well protected. So anyways, we're up here and I'm trying to see how much time we're doing because I got to know when to fucking read. Yeah. I got to read a little bit of advertising here. Um, well, we're not when, when we come back from the advertising, I'm going to talk to, I'm going to talk about Paul Verzi actually bought a pair of skates up here.

Oh yeah. All right. Hang on a second. Hang on. Hang on. Okay. Where are we? Paul, you ever heard me read out loud before?

No. This is bad. Oh, maybe I know. I'm just like, no, all your respect for me is going to go out to the window. All right. Stamps.com everybody. Getting your mailing and shipping done can seem like a no win situation. Going to the post office takes up valuable time leasing a postage meter expensive with

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at the top of the homepage and type in Burr, B-U-R-R, that's Stamps.com, enter Burr. That's not bad. That was good. I was one over. That was good. I hit the fucking sand trap once. All right. Dollar Shave Club, Dollar Shave Club.

You keep the score here, Paul. Whenever I fuck up, that's a stroke against. I start off even. All right. Here we go. Dollar Shave Club. Okay, guys, you've heard me talk about how much I love. Love, dollarshaveclub.com.

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their door. Go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash burrow, shave with their razors. I'm a forex guy, but my buddy swears by his executive. That's supposed to be me? Why do they do that? Why do they just have me lie? Are you Ron Burgundy or you read everything that's on the prom? I'm a forex guy.

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Jesus Paul, I'm in the water. I'm a member of DollarShaveClub.com. Now it's your turn. Shave time, shave money, DollarShaveClub.com. Go to DollarShaveClub.com forward slash burr to let them know that I sent you. It's DollarShaveClub.com forward slash burr, B-U-R-R, or go to billburr.com and click on the DollarShaveClub banner. What was my score on that one?

Four slip-ups, not bad. Yeah, but that's on one hole. Multiply that times 18. What do you have there, Paul? Oh man, that's tough. Huh? What is that? What would that be, Paul?

Come on, you're good at math. That's like four under 80. It's like, what is it? Like 66? 18 times what? What did you say? 18 times 4? 18 times 4.

Is it 76? 18 times 20 would be 80, minus 8. It'd be 72. 72. But you know, just shoot now 76 was I know. What do you care? I mean, who are you? I mean, who am I?

I'm just a... Johnny Sanchez. Yeah, I had to get... Oh, so anyways, hey, I got a dude. I called it this week. Oh, yeah, what was it? This ain't gonna mean shit to you because it's not sports, but it's a different thing. It was a drummer.

I've been telling people for years to watch this guy, Mike Johnston. MikeJohnston.com, Mike'sLessons.com, sorry, his drum lessons. He was just, he was the best guy right out of the gate when YouTube started. He just immediately had the best, like most informative, explained it the best, played the best. As far as the instructors, the guy was just head and shoulders above everybody. And I've been telling people to go to this guy's website and sign up for his lessons and all that.

And this month, he's on the cover of Modern Drummer Magazine. They've never had, they've never had a drum instructor on the cover. That's a good dude. I called it. Ever. There you go. Look at that. Paul, it's not just with sports.

That's a good dude. I called it. Ann is even better. So I get the issue and I, you know, I, of course, you know, open it to read the whole article on it. And as I'm going through, I see this other article and I'm looking at this guy's face going, I know that fucking guy. Who was that?

And it was Sandy Gennaro. Sandy Gennaro taught at the, he's laughing about something else. He taught at, or still teaches at the Drama Collective and I took lessons from him like 10 years ago. Big time Yankee fan. I was taking lessons with him. How old is Sandy Gennaro? What'd you say?

I don't know. I don't know how old he is. Paul, you don't do that in show business. He looks phenomenal and he plays even better. He's a great guy despite the fact that he's a Yankee fan. So I used to take lessons from him. This is how long ago it was. Like I was taking lessons with him when Don Zimmer tried to attack Pedro Martinez and he

grabbed fucking Don by his head and just used this momentum into the ground. He did not push that, man. That's still fucking, that's still, what was he supposed to do, Paul? Just step out of the way, you know. And then what? A guy by his head. And then what? He pushed him down on the nice soft grass.

Did you ever see us in Elm Lake? That grass, that grass at Fenway Park is a blend of Kentucky bluegrass and Argentina green. What would you have done if Don Zimmer would have died? I'll do the bet that I was doing back in the day. And I used to do this in New York and it would kill in front of Yankee fans. All right, go ahead. I was like, oh man, you see what Pedro did to Don Zimmer and then I'd be like, boo, boo. And I would say that I was a Red Sox fan and this is how I explained it.

I said, look, when Don Zimmer ran at him, he had three options. Either one, run away, and then he's the pussy that ran away from an 80-year-old man. Two, punch the guy in the face, which you're not going to do that because then you punched an old guy. Right. Or three, grab him by his macy day's head and just sort of guide him down to the ground. You saw him afterwards. Don Zimmer was crying saying he shouldn't have done it.

He lost his composure. No, he did lose his composure. He looked like an old bulldog and you took his chew toy. Yeah, that was bad. You know, the whole thing was bad because Don Zimmer, he's basically, you know, from the top of his head to his toes, his baseball, then he got, he got married. How cool is his wife? Like he got married, like at a baseball park.

Like they were walking, like all the players were standing there with bats making like an arch. Yes. And he would walk in underneath it. So that was the bad thing. But, you know, his legacy after that many years, though, is Pedro Martinez. It isn't throwing. No, but they, I mean, they talk about it.

You can't mention Don Zimmer without thinking that I do because he also, he coached us. He played on the bums that won it in 55. You know, Paul, if you know your history, I don't know if you know your sports history, you always give me shit. I was born in 68. How the fuck would I not? How would I know the 55 Brooklyn Dodgers? How would I know that?

You know, I'm one of those guys that I guess I just cared after I just cared when I was able to watch. Yeah. Selfish. Yeah. So anyways, so I read through and I see Sandy Gennaro, I'm like, holy shit, this is the guy I used to take lessons with. He's such a great guy.

He's the first guy that showed me a technique to try to do some of that. Those Bonham triplets, just a fucking great guy, um, journeyman drummer who's, he's played with everybody. He's fucking played with every his first group. He started off with a lead singer was Michael Bolton. It was like a rock group. I figure what they were. I was watching.

Yeah. They got some of their videos up there. And then he became like a hired gun, a Pat Travers band, Cindy Loper, the monkeys, like all that pops. He's done the pop. Pat Benatar. Pat Benatar. Was it Pat Benatar or Joan Jett?

I can't remember. He's got a bunch of great stories or whatever. So, um, so anyway, so I'm like, holy fuck, Sandy Gennaro, I gotta, I gotta watch some of his videos. So I look it up and I find this fucking video that I sent you. This is why Paul was laughing when I brought up Sandy Gennaro because Sandy is from Staten Island and there's this guy interviewing him from Staten Island. I gotta, I gotta put this video up there because when I, when I think of a stereotypical New

Yorker, dude, it sounded like, who's that kid Bobby on SNL, Bobby Moynihan, this like right in his wheelhouse. Like this is a character he would do and that was so excited. He was so excited to meet Sandy Gennaro. This is how he does the interview. He goes, oh my God, I'm standing here with Sandy Gennaro. This guy, he's played with everybody. Sandy, tell us about some of the interviews.

Genn, Genn. He ends his question going, Genn. Go ahead. Everything he said. So when you were like coming up in rock, you know, in rock and roll and who, who, which drummer has really influenced you again? Go ahead. Yeah.

I think he only said it once, but I was like, when I saw that, I was like, Bobby Moynihan would take that little, little thing and would, would turn that into. Well, I told you Moynihan did Guy Fiery. I got to see that diners, dives and whatever. Yeah. He does it. He's got the hair spiked back. He goes, I got the chin hair and he does the whole, he goes, this is Guy Fiery.

He's got the enthusiasm. That's, that's. You know, my favorite, my favorite thing that Bobby did was when he was doing, they were showing the different kind of drunk people at the concert and he did the drunk pointing guy and they started playing the song and smarching that dad dad dad dad dad dad dad. And he was doing that thing where he's drunk and he was like pointing towards the stage. It's a fucking visual. You got to see him do it.

And you know what's funny is I've been doing a zillion concerts and seeing that guy and I never really thought about it. But when he did it, I fucking died laughing going like, I've seen that guy a zillion times. So anyways, so there you go, Paul. That's my big, my big, my big week in the, in my, my hobby there, the drum world. I got a. Well, I came into your little hot, you got me into this hockey thing this week, man. To you fucking buying those skates was the funniest shit ever.

It was like my wife trying to find a pair of shoes, the fucking guy tried on like, you're supposed to. Well, first of all, only Canada has a, has a selection and a wall like that. We go into that. And that was a shit one too. Cause they said the best one was down in Halifax. That was a shit one. Well, they were shit as far, you know what it was?

It was a shit time to go in because it was, it's almost spring. It's fucking hilarious. It's like minus 30 out here and it's like spring time for them. They had a wall top to bottom every brand and there was $700 skates there. There was $700, $300. And I'm like, look, I haven't been on skates since I'm 11 years old. So I'm thinking I'm going to go in and get like $60 and you, you kind of like, you kind of, yeah, I hope my wife doesn't listen to this.

I spent a little money, but she goes, I'm kidding. I'm not afraid of my wife, you know, listen Paul, you're afraid of your wife. That's okay. No, no, no, no, no, but listen, it is kind of crazy to spend money on skates when you haven't done it since, you know, in, in how many years and then you're going, listen, you're good. You go, you go, you, you didn't like peer pressure me into it, but you just go, those are good.

They'll last forever. And in my mind, I'm like, I'm going to have these for 20 years. Yeah. So then I was like, get me this, they get me this pair and they didn't have my size. And then I finally got these and you were giving me shit saying I was being a diva trying to get a pair of ice skates, but I had to literally walk away because I'm one of those people Paul, like the second I finish a meal, I get up and I leave and I've been working on doing that.

You've noticed on this, this tour that I've actually sit there, like, dude, I'm scatterbrained. Like I'm already, I'm like finishing my last bike. Stacy says I get up and leave and she goes, can we enjoy this or water? Can we just enjoy the rest of this? And I, but I like to sit too now. Okay. Yeah. So I'm trying not to do that shit.

So I'm seeing you just keep like, like some wine connoisseur keeps sending these fucking skates back. So I literally, and I want to get down to Halifax because I got something that's another place where I could skate because my old things. I'm not going to booze. I'm going to skate on this fucking thing. I'm actually going to lose weight for once and not become Billy fat face on the fucking row.

You could do that. You could do that having a couple of drinks, but we'll talk about that. Hey, hilarious. Paul's trying to twist my arm. I got, I got, I got 35 days in Paul. I'm 53 today. Okay. I haven't hit my wife in seven weeks and you're going to have me go back to the drink.

No, we can't not. So anyway, so I literally, I'm walking out acting like I'm checking the car to make sure nobody in unbelievably friendly Canada is going to steal. You didn't hide that well either. You go, you, at first you go, I was going to go check the car and then you go, no, the car's fine. You even said, no, the car's fine. And then when the third pair, when I had to change the third pair, you go, I'm going

to check the car. So he's a deal. So I come walking back in and I'm literally just going, all right, stay calm, stay calm, don't lose your shit. Don't pressure this guy. He's buying skates. He's going to fuck up his feet if he buys the wrong ones. Don't be a selfish dick because you want to drive down to Halifax right now.

So I come walking in there and you have on another pair of skates and I'm thinking like, okay, he looks pretty happy. I'm like, I'm like, how do they feel, Paul? And you're like, you know, the right one's good, but the left one is, there's something is pushing against my toe. It's kind of pushing against my toe, but he even felt it and he went in and he said, they're all like that. And then he goes, they're all like that.

And he goes, put your heel back. Lamp your heel down and then tie it tight right around your ankle. And your toes, your toes supposed to be feathering the end there. We were, that's what he said. Do you let your toes, for how excited were we walking? Cause we don't, so we drive down to Halifax. I'm driving fucking Verzi nuts cause I'm doing, what is I doing? Like 140 kilometers, 140 kilometers and what, what kilometer zone was it?

I don't know, but you were speeding and it was snowing out and we even saw a truck fishtail. You were scaring the shit out of me. Oh yeah. There's always a guy in a pickup who fucking goes off the road. It's always in a pickup because I got four wheel drive. Don't worry about it. And he went right off.

But you, at one point I go, you fishtailed one at one time and I'll go, man, you gotta. Yeah, that wasn't me. That was the snow. No, that was, that was you. You know how dumb what I just said was, yeah, that's why you're not supposed to be speeding, you fucking idiot. Yeah. You even said you, I could feel your nervousness.

I was scared, man. No, you have a way when I'm driving too fast, you have a way about you. You sit in this fucking way where you don't grab your leg, right? But you put your hand on the side of your leg and all your fingers are all spread apart like you're getting ready to fucking squeeze the material in your pants. I do that on an airplane too. Like it's going to matter. Like the grip of my hand is going to stop.

I slowed down to about 120 kilometers. You were like in a rush. You were in a rush to get to hell. Just the public skate was at four o'clock and then we had two shows. So we show up down in Halifax, right? Get another fucking unbelievable meal. Unbelievable fucking thing. It wasn't even the best place.

No, let me tell you something right now. It was the fucking hotel place. It was incredible. Let me tell you something right now. If you guys are ever in Halifax and you, and you stay at the Atlantica Halifax, it was the best fuck. Is that what it was? The Atlantica?

Yes. It was the Atlantica. Yeah, there's. The best fucking seafood chowder I've ever had in my life. In my life. I couldn't believe what I was eating. I couldn't believe what I was eating. I told you, I said, if my dad ever bit this, he'd start crying.

So yeah, and I had scallops or something like that was unbelievably fresh, right? So then we go down to the front desk and I go, yeah, we wanted to skate. I'm waiting for them to laugh at us. They go, yeah. I go, where? How do you drive there? They go, it's right over there. You can walk to it.

It was right there. Just point it across the street. So we fucking go there. It's sleeting outside. Not sleeting. It was more snow. Snowing, right? Yeah.

So we fucking walk down there. And all of a sudden I just see in the distance out in this field this fucking Zamboni driving around and I'm going, Paul, I think it's, I think it's outside. Yeah. And you're like, nah, nah, nah, nah, it's inside. It's inside. I'm like, I don't think that guy's like fucking doing donuts with that thing. I was in denial about it.

I go, maybe there's one next to it inside. I know you didn't have gloves or anything. It was fucking hilarious. So we go down there and it's this giant oval. Yeah. Giant. Yeah. Just wish it wasn't snowing because the ice stumps.

It's like a racetrack. It wasn't like a big open rink. Yeah. It was like you go around. It was like, like in the Olympics, a speed skating thing. Yeah. It was fucking unreal. I was nervous though.

I was nervous because like, you know, when they go inside with a rink, I could fall into the boards. I could skate onto the boards, a grab, and then I knew that there was nothing. Yeah. That's why you're supposed to skate on the outside. That's what he said, skate on the outside. Because they had the railing. And I felt good, but I was joking last night on stage.

I go, I go, Burr's one of these guys, you know, he's not admitting he's good. I go to me. I go, he was spinning around like Dorothy fucking Hamel out there. I picked it up though. Right. You did. You did great for your first time. Your first time out there.

You were great. I told you, I was glad I didn't have a helmet because I felt I was like, don't crack your head. Don't crack your head. And if I had a helmet, I might be like, well, I spent, you know, I spent $80 on a helmet. You know, no. Yeah. What are you going to use it?

Right. No, it's been good so far. So I got a, uh, I got a couple more games lined up, uh, pick up games, which is the shit. Um, well, I'll watch, I mean, I'll, I'll, I'll go skate in the corner like the, you know, I'm well, yeah, you know, watch me fucking play hockey with people who actually know how to play. And you'll do that whole Dorothy Hamel, uh, idea that you have of me is going to be out

the fucking window. I had to not fall on my face. What would happen if you gave me a stick and I had to concentrate on a puck, be a nightmare? Well, at least you probably wouldn't fall down as much. You didn't fall down at all. But then if you got the stick, it kind of helps you stay up. Yeah. I admit it's weird skating without a stick.

Oh, like I don't have confidence skating backwards without a stick. There's something about us. I'm just used to that. Yeah. I don't know why and having all my stuff on. So if I fall down, I don't bruise like my, my, my toe, you know, how about that guy who was dressed nice? Oh, the guy who looked like he was going out to the club guy looked like he was going

to a wedding reception. He was so good at skating. He looked like he was going to, he had like nice pants on and he was just whipping around there. That's right. He wasn't sweating at all. No. He probably went right to the club, got blown and then fucking left.

Showed up to the club, holding them. Exactly. Hey, by the way, we, we want to thank everybody who came out to the show so far on this tour. We're having a great fucking time up here. And even the New Yorker, Paul Verzi is saying that he loves Canada. We're having a great time up here. A lot of people make fun of this country. I don't know why.

I like them. You know what I like about these guys is Russia is going into the Ukraine and you can, you know, and they can sit here and shake their heads like, wow, we don't approve of that, but they're not going to be like, you know, but Canada never really has gotten involved. Right. Canada has never been one to get involved. No, no, no. Well, well, we drag them into our fucking messes.

Like a bunch of their guys have gotten, have gotten killed over in the Middle East. If you watch the hockey night in Canada, Don Cherry shows them all the time. It's fucking brutal. Yeah. Because they actually show them. And we don't show them down there because after they, all the college kids protested Vietnam and, you know, they figured out, well, don't show this shit on the news. So they just, you know, then drag them.

That's funny. They're like the neighbor that like is laid back and doesn't want to go out to the club and we're like, no, just starting to fight. We start a fight. Like, right, Paul, you write Canada. You think that too. Right. Yeah.

I mean, kind of. I don't know if we resort to violence. Yeah. So anyways, how far into this thing am I? Can I get in with the, the questions here or do I have any other stories? We're about 35 minutes and hang on one second. I appreciate you doing this fucking video, I mean, video, the fucking podcast here because I'm telling you, man, I fucked up my, my throat, I was yelling last weekend, I fucked

it up. So I'm trying to avoid here. All right. Let's get into the questions here for this week. Alcohol and cardiac health. All right. So here it is so far. By the way, that's a perfect topic.

It is, isn't it? Yes. It's a pleasant topic because Paul, this is the longest I've, and the longest I've hung out with you without absolutely destroying my liver. No, I was just on the phone with my wife and I said, stays not one drop of alcohol, not one drink. Did she believe you? No, she goes, yeah.

And I go, and I go, not only that, I had seven fucking salads. I said, I've eaten seven salads. I've eaten seven salads and I've had not one drink of alcohol. I haven't had a cigar. I have been an angel. But you know what? Yeah. The buck stops here.

Yeah. Okay. I'm telling you right now. The devil is tossing a turner. Oh, oh, one of the greatest lines. One of the greatest lines Bill Burr ever said, we were out. We were smoking a cigar without booze. No, we weren't.

No, we weren't. We were, we were, we were driving out to the fucking gig in Long Island. Oh, we've always, before the cigar, we're driving out to a gig in Long Island. The music tent. Well, yeah. The, the, the West Perry music fair and, and we're sitting there and we're talking about how we haven't drank and we're talking about cigars and Bill starts the sentence with this.

He goes, but poor man, I got to tell you, and I'm thinking the next thing out of his mouth, I feel great. I don't want to drink anymore. And he just goes, I got to tell you, man, the devil inside of me is tossing and turning. And I said, that is a fucking movie line. I said, Scorsese or fucking Tarantino has to hear that. The devil inside. I can feel the devil tossing and turning.

I can feel the devil tossing and turning. Oh, great line. Yeah. Great line. I said yesterday I go, our two devils are in some room right now, just going, what the fuck? Let us out. No, dude, we've had, we've basically been up here on a, a, a kind of a mandate is what

we've been doing so far. It's been fucking ridiculous reading salads. I'm going to bed at like, I'm going to bed early. I'm drinking water. I'm drinking water. It's just, you know. You know, it was hilarious was when we went into that bar after in, in Moncton nightmare, like how hammered those people got.

Oh my God. And seeing how drunk it, I know, and I don't judge him because I look and go, that's what I do. But you never get like that. I've done that. Oh, no, no, they were friendly drunk. They were friendly drunk. People touching your shoulder.

No, I don't like that. No, no, I yell. I can yell. Like there's a point where I get drunk. I'm a, I'm a happy drunk. But if I get drunk and there's somebody that just, I don't know what they just fucking know, you turn it to bleach your creature fan when you get like really that sporting of yellow.

Yeah. You're a yellow. Like you yell Alabama. Oh, that's, he does every syllable at the Alabama LSU get Alabama is the dream ends tonight. And all of these like crimson tide people who were wearing dockers and like are looking at him going, what is he talking about? I didn't know what there was.

I didn't know the SEC was like that. I thought they were fucking. I didn't realize it was such like, no, you said something about someone's. They're so quiet. No, one time you, cause you never, you never said anything bad, but one time you said something about someone's like a mother, but you didn't say about someone's direct mother. You were just like, Jesus. Now you're like your mother's like, no, you said something about that, like, but not

like direct. And one guy just goes like, well, like they just looked at you like that. They were so horrified. They were so horrified. It was so funny. And then, and then the time you, you actually made me. Embarrassed and blush almost when you, what you did to the kicker of the Miami Dolphins. That guy carpenter last year.

Like I'm, I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there. I'm the comic. I get, I think things are funny. I'm drinking and you're just relentlessly, Hey carpenter, carpenter. And everyone, it was at the Cincinnati bangles game and everyone's looking at Bill and I'm leaning away from him in bed carpenter. You're a liability carpenter.

Yeah. They feel go kicker. Get your real estate license. And you had half the people laughing and I'm going, Bill is fucking. The guy in front of me, the bangles fan said, get on that guy carpenter. He said kicker. Yeah, it was a close game. So, you know, no, they were all into it, but I was like, Oh my God, I was cheering for

the home team. He's going in. That's too bad. I see. That's why I got to be honest with you, like I, uh, I'm liking like living like this. I'm going to fuck it up tonight. We're actually in Toronto and we're going to the Maple Leafs game. Um, and I've been trying to explain to Paul what an absolute honor and privilege it is

to somehow score Maple Leaf tickets because I have hookups, um, like literally NHL office. I blog for them. So I still know a couple of people over there and I never hit them up for tickets or whatever, but like the Maple Leafs are the only ones. They don't give a fuck. Like they just like, yeah, no, there's no tickets. No, somebody told me, have you been to a can, have you been to a hockey game in Canada before?

And I said, no, and they go, it's another, it's a whole other level. Oh, it's awesome. Like it's fucking awesome. Yeah. And they, they, they obviously it's their game. They know the game. They, they won the men's and women's gold. No, we talked yesterday.

Being in Canada lets me know when a son and father skate together. It's like the equivalent of a father and son throwing the ball in the backyard. Yeah, playing catch. Like, you know, I've never seen a story that had that many hockey skates like everything is hockey. Dude, that oval thing. That was awesome. I thought that was the coolest fucking thing ever.

Like I always like, like that's the kind of shit. Like if I ever moved back East, I would build that in my back. I would build a backyard hockey rink. There's no fucking way I wouldn't. It's goddamn global warming. By the time I fucking do it, I'm not going to be able to fucking live in the Yukon to do it. All right.

Let's do, let's do some, some questions here for this week. Alk. Yeah, that's right. That's what set this whole thing off. Cardiac health. Um, hey, Billy cream tits, they insult me every week, Paul. This is their way of saying that they like me for a couple of years in a row during Lent. I abstained from alcohol.

It sucked, but it felt good to challenge myself. I did this because all my life I've always heard that total abstinence, abstinence is the best health. However, recent research has shown that moderate drinkers actually have reduced risk for coronary heart disease up to 29% lower than total abstainers. Although researchers aren't clear as to why it's food for thought. If I were you, if I were you, I would have a damn drink if you want one. I know it's tough sometimes to drink a moderation.

I simply try hard to not binge anymore. Having said that, you are probably healthier having the occasional cocktail rather than the occasional cigar. You might actually live longer, love the show, have fun in Canada, come back to the Bay Area and go fuck yourself. That's not a new study. That's a study that they've been saying forever that, you know, one glass of wine is supposed to be good.

And I agree with that 100%. That's the carrot cake we had. You know, that's the carrot cake. You got to do it. You got to do it. You know, because then you binge, are you going to explain to the listeners what the carrot cake was? Oh, no.

Yeah. So sorry. So I'm like talking to you. Because when we went to that place and we had that ridiculous lunch in Moncton the first day we were there and I asked for the Arnaud Popper. This isn't when we went skating together. No, no, no. This is when we had carrot cake together.

Yeah. This has been our trip, dude. This is fucking ridiculous. I'm starting to become this guy that needs a dessert after I eat. With a next Siegfried and Roy. No, you're not like this. You're not a coffee dessert guy. But as I'm getting older, I don't know what it is.

But after I eat a good meal, I need a piece of chocolate or something. My dad was the same way. So we go to this bar, we eat this great food and I say triangle, triangle thing. And I say to the letter triangle and I said, look, you know, do you have something? And she goes, we got this carrot cake and I'm at an Irish pub and I'm like, you know what? Everything was great. I bet you this is great.

This is delicious. So I go, all right. Bring the carrot cake over. She gives a big piece. I go, Bill, you want half of this thing? I don't want to eat the whole thing. He goes, sure. We bite this fucking thing.

And I'm going. And then afterwards you go, yeah, man, we were really healthy except for the carrot cake. And that question is right. That question is 100% right. You got to do it. How about the fact that it was homemade? It was delicious. All their desserts are homemade.

Sorry. That's my fucking phone. It's delicious. And I. Jesus. Come on. Come on. Enough.

I'm sorry. Yeah. So I agree with the occasional, you know, the wine a day, a couple of drinks. Look, if we go out and have three to four cocktails tonight, okay, we just stay clean the next. You know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean because I do that. And then the next time I go on a nice little run of not drinking is like two, three years

later because I just, you know, you can't, you can't, you don't have a couple. And then when this tour is over, go back on the thing. I mean, that hasn't been my pattern. I enjoyed Paul and what I'm at a point now where I haven't done it in a while. So now I'm kind of enjoying not doing it and I'm afraid to go back to doing that. Not because I, not because I'm literally an alcoholic, just because all the extra fucking bullshit that comes along with it, what you do, although whatever, who's, well, I'm not, I'm not going to fucking dwell on this shit anymore because I know I'm going to go back

to drinking. So what the fuck? Everybody's hating on cigars, dude. I got to tell you something right now. A cigar a week is not bad for you. I'm going, I'm going to say that a cigar a week is not bad for you. Yeah. And you can say that without doing any research.

I love it. No, no, no. That's 52 cigars a year. It's a joke. What is that? I'm not inhaling anything. I'm enjoying the taste of something. Yeah.

But you're putting it in your mouth. Right. You're putting it in your mouth for your mouth. That, that studies horseshit. That's not a study. My dentist said it to me. Oh, okay. So then he's, he's kind of in the medical field.

I mean, maybe he knows a doctor. Where can somebody say not inhaling a cigar is like smoking 10 cigarettes? No, no, no, no. He said for your mouth, he's saying you're not, it's not bad for your lungs. Look, dude, Michael Douglas was a big time cigar smoker and that guy, he had throat cancer. He had that. Paul, you're putting fucking smoke in your mouth. I know, but I mean, Schwarzenegger, they say smokes like four a day every day of his

life. He's fine. You know, I told you that. Well, I, I think you got to do it for a while. That guy, Homo in Boston. Oh my God. I showed you the picture of him. This guy designed, it was, uh, this guy designed a cigar jewelry.

What's North End? Is that Boston? Yes. Yeah. So the North End of Boston now only has the only, has the only cigar bar lounge in Boston now because they close the other one. So it's the North End and it's a great place and he, the mayor of Boston was in there. All these politicians were in there as hysterical and the, the owner has the fake tan and pinky

rings. Hey, how you doing? How you doing? He's kissing, you know, he's kissing guys on the cheek. Like in the mouth. It's so funny. Hey, thank you guys. Thank you guys for coming out.

Did you, did you enjoy it? I said, yeah, I love to go. Oh, come, this is the place. You come to this place and then he's got this little friend named Homo and he goes, and I go, Hey, what's that man? Is that, they sell jewelry here? It's mine. It's mine.

It's my, uh, you know, I don't own, I just own this here and he had cigar cuff links. He had a cigar, everything was cigar. He had a cigar ring and it was a diamond ash tray with a, with a white gold cigar on it and a red ruby to indicate the, the lit that it was lit in the cigar. And I go, you swung. He goes, everything's, I'm not, I'm not joking or trying to be funny. He goes, everything. I was there with the matter.

He's my brother. He goes, everything's cigar. So he got, he said to the three things he liked to go to my kids, pussy cigar. And it was the funniest and he was dead serious and he goes, he goes four or five minimum day. He goes, I smoked nine a day. Bill, he pulled out the sixth one of the night. His, I go, how, I go, hey, dude, how many is that for you?

He goes, this six, right? I swear to God, it was the size of a fucking cucumber and he's just smoking it and he's going, you want, you want $80 a stick. You want it. It's the best. It's the best. I saw a guy outside of firehouse on eighth avenue when I was in New York. I walked by and I know I smelled the cigar.

I always got to turn my head. I go, Jesus Christ. It's good. You got to look here on high heels on a floor. You just have to look, you know, and now when I smell the cigar, I got to look to see like look at the band to see what this guy, I look this guy, it looked like he was smoking a pickle. A brown, it was like, he couldn't put it between his two fingers.

He had to hold it like, like a fuck. I never seen anything like it. Wow. Fucking, I didn't know how he lit it. Yeah. It's a fireman. It's fucking. He probably lit it at his last fire.

Like a house had to be on fire so he could actually light this fucking thing. Now I would think that those guys are bad. I would think that those guys have a problem. Well, he's probably thinking I'm fighting fires and breathing this shit in anyways. God knows, dude. You go up to a building, God knows what's in it. What's on fire or what was deemed safe. Just don't light it on fire because I mean, all that computer shit, plastics and all that

stuff becomes carcinogens, doesn't it? The second it starts. Yeah. What's the most. What's the most. Jesus. I don't know. What's the most you ever had in a day?

Have you ever had two or three in a day? I've had two back to back and then somebody said to me one time I said, hey, you want to have another one? And he goes, you know, I never found the second cigar to be better than the first one. And that's just like, you know, it's a good point. So I always kind of keep it. That too. But you know what?

I smoke them, dude. I smoke them all the way down to my fingers. Yeah. You know, I thought I was telling somebody that strong one that we had in New York. I said, when Burr first lit the strong one, he goes, oh man, this is strong. And I'm thinking since I've been smoked, because you know, when law had was in town, Lloyd goes, you got five in two days, like you got to calm down. I was going.

So I thought you actually handled that one better. You got it down to the thing. I couldn't handle it. I'm like two years old. Oh yeah. I felt like I was hot. No, once I got it going, I you got it down to the, you got it down under the under the stick.

Yeah. But I wasn't, I wasn't huffing on it the way I use a lot of that was burning. So I kind of, I, I got a long, longer time out of it. But when I went to light that thing, dude, like I swear to God, if I had a couple of scotches in me, I probably would have puked. I felt like I was sucking on the tailpipe of a car. It's not like it didn't, it didn't have a good flavor. It was just, it was like, it was too rich 10 years.

It was like, it was like you're eating a piece of cake that's just, you know, it was like Paul. It was like putting smoke in your fucking mouth. You know, it's bad for you. It's just 52 times a year. I stand behind a bus. It's delicious though. It is.

It is. You know, my wife recently diagnosed me with having fucking ADD. She's told me forever that I have ADD and I never bought into it. And she finally went to the website and she read all the things, dude. And it was just like, they might as well just had a picture of me sitting there, not listening to somebody focusing on some aunt walking across the table before looking at something else. Do you have that problem?

I think a lot of, I think a lot of, a lot of myself and a lot of my comedian friends have that. Yeah, I think it's. And do you think that that's why we think in bits rather than scripts? I think it's because I think our minds constantly are going, you know, our minds are constantly going whether it's trying to be creative, whether it's thinking of this, whether it's being upset, we're just, we can't concentrate. What I would say, what I would say is that we're no different than anybody else who's

scatterbrained, which is funny scatterbrained. Maybe. You know what I mean? Yeah, maybe. Because they always try to attribute, like they had something recently where they tried to say that, uh, you know, they did, you know, some study, you know, who the, nobody knows who the fuck did it was trying to say that, uh, you know, they interviewed all these comedians, you know, for this study to figure out what makes comedians funny.

Now immediately I'm thinking any comedian worth anything is not going to be participating in that fucking thing. Or if they're new and they're struggling, they'll participate and they're going to give bullshit answers just to make their friend laugh for themselves left. So they came up with this whole thing that, you know, comedians are all sociopaths or some fucking. Oh, I saw it. I didn't like it.

That's ridiculous. It is because I'm not saying there aren't comedians who are sociopaths, but there's firemen. There's mothers. There's all kinds of people that is there's leaders of the world who are sociopaths. It just, what it is, is the, I think it's people who aren't funny. Only somebody who's not funny would try to figure out why the fuck something's funny. Absolutely. Like I wouldn't even know, I wouldn't even, like when you were talking about that guy

at the Yankee game who kept yelling out, they had this commercial where it was a bunch of Yankee fans. You were saying that had spelt out Yankees across their chest and they were wrong. Yeah. And they were hammered or whatever. Right. Or they just were wrong. They were not organized where it's at Yankee.

So it's at Ansky. Ansky. So this guy at the game, any time, any time there was a lull in the game would, out of nowhere, whatever it is, it would, there would be a lull in the game and he would go, Hey, what the hell is Ansky? And everybody would just start laughing. Yeah. And he knew when to do it.

Yes. Like that guy, he had a, now that guy was not a comedian, but he had that comic timing when there was a lull in the game. He knew. It wasn't important. Yeah. He knew probably when, if there was a TV timeout, you know, and he wanted to keep the excitement going and people's focus, like that some, you just, it's, it's like, when I look at

people who can like just fucking play an instrument, unbelievably play it by ear, you know, that's obviously just a hobby for me. So I have a tremendous amount of respect for people who can do that shit, but like they could never just break down, would you just sit there and be like, no, what, what makes this guy be able to play the guitar like that? So it's like, that's just, they're good at it. It's an envious nerd who can't do it. That's what it is.

It's somebody who wish, maybe they wish they could do comedy. But the fact that somebody would do a study saying comedians are all sociopaths, that person never picked up a microphone once in their life. And maybe they, maybe they had an issue with a comedian. No, I'm not saying that I'm not a sociopath, but you, you know, you're a family man. You got two kids. Listen. You seem all right.

Listen. Are you a psychopath? Comedians might be narcissistic, sociopath. I looked up the definition of sociopath. Okay. There are 11 things or something like that that you could have. Dude, let's look this up. Go it up right now.

Look this up. One thing I know for a fact, antisocial parents is one of them. Okay. Parents who, but like, I mean antisocial, the world's out to get you. No, we're not going over there. They think this of us. We're not going over there. All right.

Check. Check one for me. What? My parents were like that. Hey, can I go on this field trip? No, Christ, I had a patient in the other day, he went on a field trip and he fell off the bus. He's gone.

He's gone. There's nothing you can do about it. That was one of my first jokes I did in my act. Whatever you wanted to do, my dad had a patient in the other day and the kid died from it. Oh, it's funny. Yeah. He didn't want to drive us over to do it. No, my dad.

My dad would. Now I look at it. It's fucking hilarious. I wouldn't do it either with one kid. Forget about having fucking all the ones he had. Hang on a second. How to spot a sociopath. Wait.

A sociopath, sorry, with the bad mic here, sociopath trait, which I misspelled, spelt trats. How to identify a sociopath, telling signs and behavior. Oh, what the fuck? Why won't this work? Come on, man. My dad used to say people, what he disagreed with, that they were crazy. There we go.

Not crazy. They're crazy. He's a sociopath. All right. Here we go. What is a sociopath who gives a fuck? Common traits. All right.

The common characteristics and personality traits of sociopaths are based on the criteria used by clinicians who use the DSM, I thought, what the fuck, don't they realize morons want to read this? I don't give a shit. Just make a list. Yeah. There should be just a list there. There should.

Dumb it down, right? One of the most common personality characteristics sociopath is their grandiose sense of self-entitlement. No, I don't have that. No, no. I go the other way. Sociopaths also often display a lack of remorse. Yep. And most have a very manipulative personality covered by superficial charm.

Jesus, I know a couple of those. Dude, I know a couple of these guys. Me too. All right. Now, wait a minute. So I'm not. No, dude, you're a narcissist who has ADD. Yeah.

I would be that. Yeah. I would go with that. Yeah. Dude, you don't. Dude, that's hitman shit. That's hitman. I don't have a sense of self-entitlement.

No, dude. A hitman blows someone's brains out and goes eat a sandwich. That's a sociopath. Yeah, he gets mad that he got blood on his shirt, right? Yeah. That was that thing in Goodfellas. Yeah. I'm sorry about your floor.

That's it. That's what it is. I didn't want to get blood on the floor. Sociopaths. Fucked up people today. All right. Friendships and romantic partners are often frequently disregarded and replaced when the relationship no longer suits their self-centered needs.

The emotions of a sociopath. No, but even like the guy I was just thinking about, about being a sociopath, he doesn't have that. Well, I guess, can you have like most of it and then be a sociopath? What do you think they're, Dr. Versey, not Dr. Versey, being talked to by not Dr. Burr? No, I think what's it called? I think that it's the remorse thing. And I definitely think it's the first thing you said, the sense of entitlement like this.

This is the cool one here. Look at this one. Jesus Christ. This is the reptilian scary way. The emotions of a sociopath may appear to be sincere on the surface, cleverly disguised by superficial charm and feigned interest. Jesus Christ, that was me in every classroom I ever was in. Sitting there acting like you were interested, so they wouldn't fucking call on you.

Many sociopaths use manipulative measures to draw others to them. Chronic lying is a characteristic of nearly all sociopaths. Blacklessness and aggressive behaviors are other characteristics as well as impulsivity. A lack of remorse, you already said that or what is generally termed conscience is typical for sociopaths. This guy's repeating himself. The combination of at least three of the common sociopath characteristics paints a pretty good description of the common sociopath.

I don't know. I actually lost interest halfway fucking through that. Alright. ADD. I wasn't even trying to be funny, that came out of my mouth and I realized I just did that again. Why don't you look up a narcissist? See the difference.

Because narcissists is a selfishness, but it's almost like a good guy selfishness. Yeah, but dude, I'm a Gemini, so I have like, I can be really like, I mean, I think... My son's a Gemini. Lucas is a Gemini. Mainly a narcissist, but then I can be like, really considerate and generous. Dude, Lucas, my son Lucas is a Gemini and he's got... When you look at what a Gemini's traits are, dude, he's every one of them, you know. Jesus Christ.

When are you taking out the crystal ball? Alright, hang on a second. I love how I brought up fucking... What do you mean crystal ball? I love how I brought up Gemini's and then you start talking about signs and then I act like you brought it up. Oh. Alright, here.

How do you spell narcissist? Go on, Paul. I'll show you how dumb we are. N-A-R, narcissist. I would say N-A-R, maybe what, C-A maybe? I would have gone with that if the right spelling didn't come up. Narcissistic traits or... Let's go with behaviors.

Narcissistic behaviors. Alright. Narcissistic... Because narcissists have remorse. Do they? Yeah, I think so. They feel bad. They suck.

Oh, here we go. That's dumbed down. 30 red flags of being a narcissist. Here we go. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Alright.

Alright. You feel on edge around this person but you still want to... But you still want them to like you. What is this? Wait. Let me... I gotta figure out what the fuck... Who is you in this?

So what's the difference about this list? Well, for one, it's specifically about relationship but it's also about you. Each point requires introspection and self-awareness because if you want to spot toxic people, you cannot focus entirely on their behavior. That's only half the battle. Oh, that's pretty cool. You must also come to recognize the looming red flags in your own heart. Alright.

So this is saying if you're in a relationship with a narcissist. Yeah, they don't have a list? They don't just have... Paul, I'm trying to make it easy here. No, no. I thought they said 30 lists, like 30 things. Well, maybe we can actually use our brains and just figure this out here with... Okay, you feel on edge around this person but you still want them to like you.

Two, uses sex as a tool for control. Creepo. That's sick. Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems. They text you dozens, if not hundreds of times per day. You come to rely on this over communication as a source of confidence. Wow. Oh, so they give it to you and then they take it away.

You're not texting me four times a day. Did I do something wrong? Oh, did I? Is that what they're doing? No, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not that. No. I can't spell enough words to text them one 30 times a day.

Alright. Quickly declares you, their soulmate, I don't do that, compares you to everyone else in their life. You're just like my mother. Lies. Lies. You remind me of my uncle Peaty lies and excuses, lies and excuses. That's everybody.

No, no startle response. I, you know what the fuck? Can you just have a one foot dumb people? All right. Here we go. Red flag narcissistic behaviors. Jesus Christ. Look at the bitches.

Fucking picture on this. Holy shit. Is this about her? Is she going to tell me? Okay. Extreme infatuation with oneself self-centered expects to be recognized as superior. All right. Now you're getting, now you're getting warmer.

Is that you? Now you're getting warmer. No, I don't, I don't want to be superior. I mean, you know, extreme infatuation with oneself self-centered expects to be recognized. Just picture somebody combing their mane in the mirror is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty or ideal love sees himself as special. Dude, this is fucking hilarious. And should only have to affiliate.

This is a good one. It's a great one. Sees himself as special and should only have to affiliate with others of the similar stature. I should be friends with that Obama. I can't believe he hasn't called me yet. That's fucking funny, man. Takes advantage of others. Takes advantage of others to achieve his needs.

Demonstrates that's an ugly one. The other ones are funny. What's the other one? What's the one? Takes advantage of others to achieve his needs. I don't like that one. That other shit just staring in the mirror. Just thinking you should be friends with everybody.

Demonstrates a constant need for admiration or approval. You know, my dad used to be upstairs shaving. It was sort of a joke, but he wasn't joking, but he was. It was funny. We'd be downstairs eating breakfast or something. We'd be up there getting ready for work and he'd be shaving in the mirror. And then when he finished, he'd just hear me be like, Good looking son of a bitch.

And my mother would always laugh and shake her head. But I think that's more, she just liked a confident guy or something like that. I think that sounds kind of like a joke. That's a joke. Yeah, yeah, he's playing. What are you saying out loud? But I do that. Makes me laugh all the time.

I'll do that. That's great. I'll just be like, God damn it. I'm a good looking guy. I'll just do shit like that. Oh, shut up, right? Yeah. There we go.

Everybody's going to text me. What a fucking ugly bastard I am. Like I don't know that already. Fuck yourselves. Demonstrates a constant need for admiration or approval. Exaggerates personal achievements while minimizing those of others. That's fucking hilarious. I want to be around this guy.

I'll tell you, you know, it was great. It's great the way you came up with the game plan. But the way I was cheering in the crowd. I got this chant going. I tell you, I could see it in Tom Brady's face. He knew. He knew by what I was doing in the crowd that. Yeah.

And then he tries to knock the other guys. He called an audible, you know, which I wouldn't have done. I would have stuck with the play. And then, you know, but then it says he diminishes the other guy. The other guy's chant was all right, but I got more of him going. Yeah. And that guy came up to me at the end of the game was just like great. I don't usually say this, but you were amazing.

Keep going. This list is great. You know why this is because this reminds me of so many guys I used to hang out with and gamble with and all that type of shit. Like all these guys like this is a brutal. If you're a narcissist and you walk into a fucking casino, it's fucking brutal because you're going to walk in thinking you're James Bond and you have this system and you're going to take the whole fucking house down.

You know, I got to tell you, there's nothing funnier than that one that you read that said that they think they're superior. So they should only be hanging out with people that are superior. That is so fucking hilarious. Yeah. Oh, all right. It's convinced that he slash she is unique. Yeah.

I think how that just suggests that just takes it. We're all special. This website's like, no, you're not. Feels entitled to special treatment and that rules frequently don't apply to him. I don't have the first half, but I have the second half. I have problems with authority. I definitely do. I told you that story right where I didn't.

I told you that fucking story. I didn't get caught either. My proposed love and marriage within only a few weeks might may propose love and marriage. With only within only a few weeks of starting a relationship. That definitely wasn't me. Very charismatic or charming at first, but can quickly switch from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This fucking ladies.

These are all just the same thing over and over again. Oh wait. Panics cries, begs and becomes emotional if he anticipates an end to a relationship. That's not me. I swear to God, I'll pay attention to you more. I was wrong. What do you want me to do? I love you.

I was wrong. May harass or stalk you if you do break up. Oh, cause he wants to be the one who breaks up or she quick to anger or feel insulted or slighted, rages with anger or inflicts the silent treatment when upset. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I got that quick to anger. I got that. I wouldn't stalk somebody.

Denies he slash she has issues to work to work on this fucking sees himself herself is nearly perfect. I fucking love this guy. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? That's so funny. Maybe you ought to work on yourself, adapt around me, drives recklessly and way too fast, exaggerates the truth or blatantly lies. Dude, I want to be around this guy and just listen to him tell stories. This is the funniest shit.

Rarely treats anyone with respect or kindness doesn't acknowledge doesn't acknowledge or respect others boundaries. Always wants to be in control may drink and drive regularly. Yeah, because he doesn't give a fuck about other people. His slash her need for attention time and space matter. Oh, his need for time for attention time and space matter. Yours. Your needs do not. Let me just read one more of these before this gets boring uses sex as a weapon through withholding controlling or being overly demanding.

I said socket. The best dick ever doesn't appear to have a conscious does not take criticism well and becomes easily defensive is easily hurt and insulted. Jesus Christ. That's what has a fucking hilarious list. Really funny. I love that is funny though, huh? Sees himself as fucking superior and should only be hanging around superior beings. All right, let me let me read.

I got to do a little. I got to do the other fucking advertising here. Where the hell am I? All right, I got two more. Right. Two more. Two more on two. Ready break.

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Tell them what you got going on. Oh, Monday morning podcast listeners here. What do you want to come and see me? Well, you know what? I'm going to be. I'm going to be what do you mean? I'm going to be in fucking Canada with you. I'm going to be out here in Canada with Bill until March.

21st everybody away from my wife and kids and with this maniac for the next fucking two and a half weeks. And you know something the more I think about it. If you think I'm doing water for the next two and a half fucking weeks. It's on tonight. I'm tapping out 53 days. That's it. That's it. I'm dry.

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Oh, there's one more here. Sorry. Hang on, I got to get some water. Nailed that one. Did I? Yeah, that was fucking tits. You nailed that like a split hard. All right, E voice. E voice everybody.

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That's evoice.com promo code bill. Jesus Christ. I got the hiccups halfway through that. That was pretty good. I usually do. Well, you know, I read the same copy every week. You think I get it down by now. Oh, you do.

It's like it doesn't change for the most part. It doesn't where I fuck up. Where I fuck up. Yeah, it shouldn't be. It shouldn't. All right. Let's, let's go here. Time travel.

Time travel, Billy Thrills. If you could travel to any time period, period prior to 1900, but you were forced to live out your life there and you couldn't come back to the present. Where would you choose to go? Keep in mind anything before 1900 means everyone probably smells and dies at 40 years of age. That's not true. Not if you have money, you live long. Ben Franklin lived for a long time and he was a fucking boozebag out there flying his kite in the rain. Did he live long?

Yeah. Yeah. He lived to like be like 70. Oh, wow. Yeah. And he went out there with his kite in the rain and he was fucking shit-faced. So he had his house keys tied to the thing. That's the real story of how we discovered electricity.

He was fucking hammered. Are you serious? Yeah. He was out of his fucking mind. And if he was actually stone sober, he probably would have died because he would have tensed up when he got electrocuted, but because he was drunk, he was all relaxed. Like, hey man, he just rolled down the hill, landed on his ball. That's actually how he went bald.

He went down the hill like when the lightning struck, it hit the key and it blew tough his head off. What? Yeah. New studies have shown all of this. Oh, I thought it was just fucking male pattern baldness. No. He got electrocuted. No.

Like 30% of people, this is the worst thing they never talk about it. They get struck by lightning. Like, you immediately, it blows off that top part. Are you serious? Yeah. And it doesn't come back either. Well, it wouldn't make a difference with me, but fuck it. That's why, like Michael Bolton does that charity.

He does that charity thing for- Don't tell me he does a charity for people that get struck by lightning. By lightning, their hair blown off. I can't believe you believe in this shit. I'm just making the whole of this up. Yeah. The fucking top of the head. No, it doesn't.

But does he have a charity? Michael Bolton? Yeah. Yeah. But not for that. No. Oh. I fucking committed to that.

I did. All right. Let's continue. I'm sitting here like this fucking- Dude, that was getting so deep. I couldn't keep a straight face. I'm like, there's no way he's believing this one. All right.

This one. Skidded down the hill. I said, that's how he went bald. And they go, no, no, wait. Here's a better life. Is that what happened? Jesus Christ, Paul. What's the world coming to?

All right, Paul, if you could live any time period before 1900, anywhere, any time. Oh, man. Where would you go? I don't know. I would go somewhere where there was a war. But wait, but in the question, can I take things from present? I'd seek your time traveled any period 1900. Dude, what the fuck would you bring here?

If you pulled anything out, they'd think you were a witch and they'd kill you. No, what I'm saying is I would go to there with like shit that they don't have now. That's what I'm saying. And like in a war, though, and I'd fucking just lace, like if I took a side, you know, you'd go with a couple Oozies or a fucking machine gun. You'd just fucking lace. You'd win. You'd be a fucking god forever.

You'd be a hero. You'd be like, you'd be a god. So what are you going to do? You're just going to walk out in the field in your snikey fucking sweatshirt? Your Jordans? Yeah, just walk out dressed like this and they would be like, you know, when they were packing muskets and doing the whole thing. And I'd be like, no, no, no, guys, I got this.

So what year? What year? So I just fucking like, oh my god, I'd just be the fucking man forever. I'd be the man forever. You imagine that? Yeah. I'm trying to wrap my head around where they're not completely freaked out by you. You're going to go.

First of all, first of all, what year are you going back to? Well, he said what? He said prior 1900. Yeah. So what year are you going back to? Uh. The packing muskets. What year are you talking here?

Uh, well, there was a couple of them, wasn't there? What is it? Like 18, like 1870s? 1870s? Right. Well, by 1870s, they had like the Winchesters and those repeating rifles and that they actually had their first like machine gun in the Civil War, I believe Spanish American anyways, we had the little crank.

Crank? You fucking mowed them down. So I go before that time then. So you're talking like, I, if I was you, I would go early 1800s. Okay. So I'd go early 1800s. Yeah. I would bring some sort of, who are you going to mow down?

Um, what if you went in the French and Indian war and you actually fought on the side of the Indians? What year was just mowed down a bunch of French people, whichever side I decided to choose. Like when I got there and they saw that I showed up from a time machine, right? One group's going to be nicer to me. Right? No, they're all going to be completely freaked out by you. Right.

But one, there's going to be, you was a threat and you'll probably have to turn your oozy on them. Then you'd have to steal their clothes and then try to fucking do an accent. I would choose a side of the people that were the nicest warmest to me when I got there and then I would fucking become their savior. Nobody's going to be nice to you, Paul. Do you understand that if I did that, they would rewrite the book on me. They would, they would be a mythical.

No, they would kill you. No, I would kill you. They would kill you, Paul. They would kill you. They would tell stories. What happened to Jesus? No, they would tell. What happened to Jesus?

They got crucified. Yeah. They didn't have an oozy. Okay. They would run out of bullets though. No, but in the question, it doesn't specify like what I'm coming with. I'm going to go prepared. How big is this fucking time machine?

No, no, no. No, I'm going to go with like a bunch of clips and a couple of oozies. Okay. And they're going to write fucking stories about me. Mass murdering psycho from the fucking future. They're going to go some mythical. Wearing lazy clothes. Some Italian thing from New York.

Some Italian thing from New York. They don't even know what New York is. Actually, maybe the other, they weren't knowing. Yeah. Listen, Paul, this is the key. They wouldn't all kill me. They wouldn't all kill me. I would say I'm here to help you.

Listen, I came to this. Listen to what I would tell them. Okay. And then you tell them what you'd say. I'd say, look, I came from the future to help you. This machine brought me here to help you. I'm going to solve your problems. And then I would fucking pull out.

Okay. Let me ask you this, Paul. Let's do this. Let's say, okay, fucking after this tour, you can't sleep one night and you look out your backyard and you see this fucking thing appear out of nowhere. And this guy gets out and starts walking towards your fucking house from a time machine. And let's just say you have a shotgun and this guy walks up and he goes, no, no. Hey, listen, listen, Paul, Paul, he's wearing these weird workout clothes from 300 years

in the future. Listen, I'm here to help you. I'm here to do things that you're going to like. You're going to fucking trust this guy. No, no, no, because I was sleeping in my bed and I'm not, I'm talking about, I want to show up into a conflict. I want to show up to the moment of a conflict and fucking take a side and win it. I want to win the game for the team.

This is what I'm saying. It's a very narcissistic behavior here, Paul. You know, you think you're just going to show up on a battlefield. They're going to be like, show up and you fucking walk out of this thing with a hoodie, sweatshirt and a fucking Uzi. Yeah. And the union army and the rebels are not like one of them is going to win. One of them is going to embrace you.

Yeah. One of those groups are losing fathers and sons and I go, I got this. Fuck the musket. And I just fucking, I just fucking laced out an army. They're going to look at me like, dude, this guy, what are they going to do? They're going to go, we've been saved. They would, once they realized you were mortal, they would fucking, they would, they would take your weapons is what they would do.

How do they get in the Uzi from me if they're fucking packing a musket and they have knives? Because, what are you talking about? Because you're going to have your fucking back to them. If you're shooting at the other guy. Paul, you know what they're going to do? They're going to probably act nice to you. And then what they're going to do is they're going to try to figure out where the fuck you came from.

They're going to immediately confiscate your fucking time machine and they're going to try to see if they can duplicate it so it's weight so they can run the fucking world. Okay. How are they going to confiscate the time machine from me? I'm the one with the ammo. I'm the one with the semi-automatic weapons. I'm the one who's just saying, what are they going to do? What are they going to do, Paul?

Is they're going to fucking put an all points bulletin out on every fucking goddamn tree out there, wanted sweat pant guy from the future. This man alone has been in this time zone, this era for fucking 20 minutes and has already killed 600 people. No, but here's the thing. The question was, where would you go if you couldn't come back? If I survived this, I'm a legend. Paul, did you see?

I'm a fucking legend. Did you see? Forget about, I know you didn't read anything in history. Yeah, I did. Let's just talk movies. I read a lot about history. Okay. Yeah, World War II.

Like what, that there's muskets in 1870? No, no, no. What the fuck? The World War II. And they're packing the guns, I mean in 1870? I just laughed so hard at seeing dots. No, World War II I read about. I read about shit.

You literally sound like you're sitting on a stoop right now. I know stuff. Go ahead. What was the question? Paul. I was going to ask, I was going to talk about people in history, but how about like just we'll go with movies. All right.

All right. You saw there will be blood? Yes. Okay. That's based off like the robber barons of the fucking, you know, 17, 1800s, the people you got involved in oil rig. The railroad guys, the Rockefellas, the Vanderbilt's, the fucking people who like fucking started it all.

Yeah. Yeah. They came over here. Right. They fucking got it. You know, they just, it was wide open. You could do whatever the fuck you want and they, they did it. All right.

All right. It's funny. I've made fun of you for being stupid. I can't even explain this. These guys, the JP Morgan's and all these types of fucking guys, when you show up with this machine where they can fucking change the past, they can change the fucking future. These sociopaths psychos are not going to let you, Paul Versey, once they fucking sit down and they talk to you, Paul, and they, they, they see where the fuck you're at.

They will pretend to be friends with you. And when the second you sit down, you, you're Uzi to have a little bit of mutton with them at the villa, they would cut you ear to ear. First of all, I'm too fucking street smart to ever put my Uzi down and let them and start fucking drinking tea and eating crumpets with these fuckers. I don't like how you think you're street smart in every fucking era. Like you know what the signs are in 1812. You think I'm going to leave my fucking Uzi down when nobody's got one?

That's gold to those people. That's, that's, that's, that's ends, that's ends problems. I would never do that. So you're going to become friends with these people, always having a gun trained on them. So, so how about this? Are you telling me? So how about this? This is what I could also do.

I could get there on my time machine and I could befriend one person and I could let them know that I'm here to help them if they need and tell them what I could do. And then maybe they can say, Hey, listen, when we get into, you know, when the rebels come, I got a guy. You know what? I wasn't listening. I was thinking about what I was going to do. All right.

Well, what would you do? I would, I would go back to, let's say 1900. I would go back any, keep in mind anything before eight prior to 1900, I would go back to 1899. Okay. It's because I want the most up to date medical fucking shit available for when I come down with, you know, polio, whatever bullshit that's going to hit me. I, what I would do is I would try out and make a major league baseball team and I would

fucking destroy him with my, with my knowledge of nutrition, my hundred year, 120 years in the future, my knowledge of nutrition. You know what I would do? I would take some PEDs back with me before they even know how to test for it. And I would fucking right up fucking just give Bruce and I would try out for the Boston Red Sox and we would win it for every fucking year right through the twenties. That's a great idea. That's what I would do.

But you'd have to go back with sterile. Yeah. You'd have to go back. You'd have to convince these people that you're going to inject. I still don't think I could hit a curveball though. Huh? I still don't think I could hit a fucking curveball, but I just figured if I went back to the fucking, look, I couldn't make them.

I couldn't make a major league baseball team in the 1900s, but I think I could make one in the 1890s. So just, had me go back, when did it start, 1880? Join the fucking Phillies? I wouldn't want them to win a championship. Well, when did the fucking Red Sox come around? The Red Sox came around in what, the early 1900s? I'd like to play whenever they built Fenway in 1912.

I would just like to come up to bat. God damn it. I couldn't do it. So I'd have to go back, but I'm my age now. I'd be too fucking old by then. Fuck. Yeah, but you'd still kill it though. All right.

This is what I would do. I'd become totally fluid in Latin and I would fucking go back and I'd watch a game at the Roman Coliseum. That's fun. It's all sports related. I would just take my chances with, I would just go with all the heavy artillery. I would be, I would be a defense. I would be, you know, I'm going the Ronald Reagan route, just spend all the money on

defense. I would utilize me that way as an asset, military wise, you know? Dude, you're out of your mind, dude. Why? Like, just me going back thinking that I could fucking make a team, because I looked at them back in those 1890s, like they were like softball teams. They just had ringers in them. You know, those guys didn't stretch.

Dude, but you know what I'm saying is that back in a while, West days, they fucking went outside and they went back to back and then 10 paces. I fucking get rid of that, man. I'm talking about, I have everything. I'm an asset. You don't have anything. Paul, what you have is a gun and bullets. You have the best gun with the best bullets, but you're ignoring the fact that entire army

is going to go after you, that they're not going to allow, they're not going to allow you. They wouldn't allow you to take power. The way Paul, the way that you seize power is you assimilate and you work your way up through the ranks and then you strike when the time is right. That's how you do it. If you try and start your own, you come in there all rogue, like listen, I have better shit than you guys could ever dream of having, but don't worry, I'm your friend.

These fucking paranoid assholes, these control freaks, you could not live. They would be smearing you in the paper with every fucking day talking about, that you were a bigger threat than the savages that need to be, they would put you above getting rid of Native Americans at that point. You would have to be eliminated, but not before they found out, took apart the gun to figure out how it worked, tortured you for all the fucking knowledge that you had and grilled you about that time machine to figure out if you built it or you just fucking used it. So what if I lied to them and I said, I could get more of this?

I got a time machine, nobody knows where it is, but I could go back and get more of this. So if they knew that I could, you know what I mean, if I lied to them that way. That's the best move you've said out of all of this scenario where maybe you could do a play on their greed and their desire to have more. That's actually a smart fucking move, but if you just think that you're just going to show up with your fucking cigar and your oozy and come walking out on a battlefield. Dude, there's sketch. I don't want to do this and just change the course of history, depending on who was nicer

to you. What if the Germans were nicer to you in World War II? I mean, you know, they had nice uniforms, Paul, are you going to sign with them? Dude, how funny would it be just watching me going there with air maxes on Nike air maxes on a cigar and a sweatshirt? I'm like, listen, sit down. I got a gun that could travel and I just show the guy. I would love to, I would fucking love to see the looks on their faces and all of a sudden

they rebel against me. I think if you actually, if you actually went out there and you mowed down the whole other side with what you had, yeah, that was my original, that's what I would think that if I was on this on my side, on your side, yeah, I would slowly be backing away as you were doing it. And then I would slip into the woods and fucking run away is what I would do. I would get the fuck away from you because I don't, Paul, you understand what the fuck I'm seeing.

Okay, you're going to show up in your space clothes with your fucking ray gun. I mean, it's just like, I'm out of there. Fucking out of there. I'm going to leave. And if you come towards me, I'm going to shoot, I mean, if a fucking alien landed and I had a gun, fuck his ray gun, fuck all that bullshit, if it starts coming towards me, I got to shoot at it. If that happened, I'd be living in the biggest house in the 18th.

I'd have all the women would be, I would be the fucking Jesus there. They would fucking draw pictures. Dude, you know what it is, Paul? This is your own little narcissistic head trip. And that's the exact thing that would bring you down. You know something? I think that this is a great answer to your listeners question. First of all, you're acting.

You already love about all this, Paul. You're acting like you know how to make a fucking Uzi. No, I'm saying I would turn one. You're going to bring one. So all you did was bring it and they're going to figure it out because the scientists back then were just as brilliant as the scientists now. They just don't have the information that the ones do today. So they would immediately break down your fucking what you are, that you have to take

my gun, that you're a stand up comedian. That's what they would do. Well, what are you going to do? Paul, what are you going to do for food? You're going to Uzi a deer. Okay. And then do you know how to start a fire without some wood? Yeah.

Rubber and together. You know how to do that? Yeah. You know how to start without matches. Yeah. I mean, I've seen it done. I've watched it on the TV. I've seen it on the fucking, I've seen it on YouTube.

I did. I fucking see it on YouTube when we ran out of matches at the house one time. I swear to God, I was watching a clip. Yeah. I've watched it too. Yeah. The guy sat down and he gets the driest, whatever they call the grass or the dry fucking Paul, I'm going to tell you right now, and they fucking if you can make, if you can

start a fire and they twist the thing, right? If you can start a fire tonight, all right, we'll go to the Toronto's Central Park. If you can start a fight, a fight, a fire, I'll give you all the money I'm going to make on this tour with, don't watch the YouTube video again. I want to see you start this fucking fire. I need some wood or something. If you don't, then you have to walk into the fucking, into Lake Ontario with your Jordans on.

I'm going to get a little bit dirty and shit. Well, that's the point. I want you to suffer. No. You're hilarious. You're like, yeah, you did see it. Wow. All right.

Let's go with baby names here. Jesus Christ. This is becoming a long one here. Um, all right, baby names, uh, dear Billy trimester, my wife and I are expecting our first child. We don't know whether it's a boy or a girl, but we're starting to talk about names. My inclination is to go with the name that's not trendy, but not super common, like Mike up.

She's, whoever wrote this, I like, uh, but part of me is like, eh, fuck it. Between the kid Hendricks or Wolf, something he can take to the playground and build a reputation around, uh, what would be your strategy? Oh, we are the parent, Paul. What do you think? Uh, what she said about the whole Mike thing is exactly what me and Stacy said, you know, what he said. Well, what he said, um, my, uh, when my wife was pregnant with Lucas, you know, I didn't

want, I just didn't want George, Mike, you know, Joey, Anthony, I just didn't want that. You know, I wanted something different and, uh, I agree. I mean, Wolf and Hendricks is a little much, you know, calling your kid Wolf, he's going to get fucked. You know, it's, it's, it's a badass name, but if he's not badass, it's fucked. Like if he's in proscenium or if he's a fucking singer and his name is Wolf, you know, you can't have a singer named Wolf, you know, fucking becomes an opera star. But you have to fuck Wolf gang.

Um, I like that though. I, I don't like super common, but I don't like, you know, you know, what's, what's her name? Gwyneth Paltrow, Apple or fucking cocoa or something crazy. So I think it's something respectful, really nice, you know, uh, Yeah, but the thing is you got to make sure you pick the right one where, you know, like, I remember for a minute, remember those, those Dylan Dakota years, everybody was naming their kids at bullshit.

Dakota fucking Tanner. Tanner. That was a little bad one. You know what Tyler? No, I don't know if Tyler's Tyler's fine, Tyler's all right, but, uh, how about one of those? Bryce. What do you think of Bryce?

I hate, I hate the B ones. Me too. I don't like them. No. Yeah. Me too. You know, I am one. I'm a mainstream one.

I don't mind Bill Bob that bullshit, but like who the fuck does that? Like they name like they have like, or Roger Clemens, you know, named all his kids began with a K cause he strikes everybody out, talking about sociopath, fucking narcissist, right? Oh, everything. Cody, Kyle, Karen, everything has to do with his, yeah, cunt, um, anyways, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what we, you know, we actually, uh, I've talked about that type of shit. I don't know, man.

I don't know. That's, that's a tough one. I know somebody can't be selfish cause it's not about you. And those Hollywood people that name the fucking names, it's about them. It's about them and it shouldn't be, you know, this person, this, this, they have to live with that person. This person's going to school. This person's going to be traveling.

This person's going to have their name called out in public many, many times. Their name is going to be read. So you can't look at it. I got a good idea. What's it? Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.

Hang on. I'm going to look up, uh, bad celebrity baby names. All right. Bad. Celebrity. Kid names. A lot of people go with destination. Worst celebrity baby names.

You knew there'd be something out there. All right. Here we go. This is very listy this week. Um, come on, load your fucking cocksucker. I'm actually, uh, I'm loading some video right now, um, to be posted on the, on the podcast page of the oval and Halifax and actually you skating. Oh yeah.

Go ahead. Yeah. You posting that? Go ahead. Go ahead. What the fuck are they? Oh, you fucking cunt. Why, why, why won't it load the worst celebrity baby names?

Here it is. I think the first one is Apple. Oh, tomorrow. You just know that the name came up during a drunken pre-t, oh, oh, tomorrow. Oh no. Why would you do that? What is it? The guy's name is Rob Morrow or Morrow.

I don't know. And they named their kid too. Tomorrow. Ugh. That's awful. Ugh. You won't be coming out tomorrow. Ugh.

All right. Zuma. Nesta. Rock. What was that? Gwen Stefani and Gavin Ross. Yeah. Rossdale.

Here Zuma is the name of a beach in Malibu. That's lovely, but it's also a computer game. I thought it was a fucking drink. That's Zima. And the diminutive form of a term for a bad gastrointestinal, ah, Jesus Christ. Zuma. Well, what's it called, Kim Kardashian's name? Penn Gillette named his kid Moxie Crime Fighter.

That's fucking awful. That's a selfish fucking move. That's a fucking selfish move. What a fucking asshole. Um, I shouldn't say that. Jason Lee named a kid pilot inspector. Ugh. Pilot?

How do you not just be an arrogant ass if your name is pilot? Is that it? What do we got next? Well, Kardashian named it Northwest. That's more of like a. Direction. Airline. Yeah, I just, you know, this girl named her fucking kid Audio Science.

This falls under the sociopath thing we're talking about. Isn't this kind of like cruelty? Some, this is ridiculous. All right, somebody named the kid Heavenly Hranny Tiger Lily. I mean, are these jokes like, yeah, why don't you just name your kid douchebag or something like that and just get it over with. Please punch me in the face. I think it would be funny.

How about this one? Fifi, Trixie bell. These are not even like, like if a Southern guy went fucking like Bogart, Bogart, maybe a shitty fucker. Dude, I have name a dog that Bogart J. Payote, Payote. That's terrible. Let me just actually think that children have superpowers. This person, Cal L.

I don't know. I don't know what the fuck that means. I don't know. No, I don't. You don't know. I don't meant the superheroes. Cal L is Superman. Superman's father.

Oh, I believe, oh my God, something named a kid hero. How would you do that? He better be tough. Bronx, Mogil, Bronx isn't a bad name. You just can't, you just can't live in New York. Bronx is a terrible name, Bill. Oh, you know, well, I mean, after fucking seeing some of the other ones, it's not bad, right?

I mean, it's better than pilot inspector, but it's still fucking. Diva thin muffin. No, it's not. That's what it got. Ugh. What? Diva thin sounds like a way for, all right, this is actually getting, this is just sad. Buddy bear.

All right, I'm done. All right. This is just bad. Well, let's, let's, uh, what happens podcast do we just fucking sitting there going on and on here. All right. Documentary recommendation. This is the last thing.

Bill, have you seen the act of killing? Have you seen that? Paul didn't. I heard it was great. Yeah, it goes, I can't even explain it. You just have to watch it. Basically in the sixties in Indonesia, they were enforcers that murdered people for being communists in quotes who idolized American gangster culture.

So picture of five foot five Asian dude trying to walk like Humphrey Bogart. I gotta watch it. All right. Guess what people? That's the podcast for this week. Uh, Paul, thanks for, uh, being a guest and, uh, I had a blast. Thanks for having me, man. Yeah.

So next week I'll do your podcast. Yeah. And hopefully dude, I hope that it, you know, tonight when we fall off the fucking wagon, it's going to be epic. I hope it was just not a blitzkrieg of drunk stories next week. I just, no, no, no, we'll be fine. We'll be fine. Yeah.

Everything that we've done in the past is, we've demonstrated that we can handle alcohol. Right. What do we do? Plugs now? Yeah. What are you plugging? Well, I'm going to be here, uh, till the 21st with you. So just check the fucking website.

Um, then, um, going out to LA, uh, we'll talk about that on the next one, right? Yeah. I want to have like, I want to have a hair restoration. No, you don't. Uh, no, no, no, I don't want to. I want to have a fuck. I need one, but I, I, I want to have a hair restoration person, uh, advertise on this. So then, then have them come on so they can give their hairplug.

Oh, Jesus. No, when I come back to New York, if you guys, anybody, anybody listening in the, uh, New York, New Jersey area, I'm going to be at levity live on the 21st, two to the 23rd. And you could check that out. Please check out my podcast, the Verzi effect. Bill's been on it a few times. It's doing really well. Um, you guys check it out on iTunes and it's also on pod being, um, I just did my 150th

episode. So check out the Verzi. Yeah, bragging. Yeah. Check out the Verzi. It's doing well. I got to pump it. Of course it is.

The Verzi effect. And it's just Paul by himself. Not. Yeah. Sometimes I have a guest. I have a guest every like 10 episodes, but it's me. I talk movies. I talk sports.

I do an unacceptable for the week, which is something that just bugs me. Um, so check that out and get me on Twitter at Paul Verzi. That's V I R Z. You know, it was unacceptable. You know, it was unacceptable. It's the airplane thing flying in Paul fucking sitting across me on the aisle and some lady shows up and goes, do you mind switching seats so I can sit next to my daughter? Paul says fine.

Her fucking daughter had a middle seat. Paul traded an aisle on a packed flight and this daughter was like, what 1617. She's a fucking adult daughter was 1617. And I said, sure, ma'am. And then I sat in the other aisle seat and the guy goes, nah, guys, I think you're in the middle. Awful. Totally unacceptable.

We're an hour and 42 minutes and we got a game to go to and I got to get this podcast up. All right, brother. I'll fucking talk to you in the second this is over. We're hanging out. Let's see. B-Bot. Samariticleren.

Beter voor de natuur. En voor ons allemaal. Campagne en samenwerking met de OVAM.