Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-31-14

Episode Date: April 1, 2014

Bill sits down with Joe Barnick, Jason Lawhead and Paul Virzi before they kick off their MMP All In Tour.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, March 31, 2014. And I know you're bitching, you're saying this is late. You're right, it is late. I'll give it to you this week. It is late, but that's only because I'm doing a very special episode of the Monday Morning Podcast. I eluded and passed episodes about this tour that was coming together with the guys that I go out on the road with, Paul Verzi, Jason Lawhead, and Joe Bartnick, that possibly the three of them were going to come together like one of those superhero movies and do their own fucking tour. And they are, they all in tour, and it starts tonight at Lago at 7.30 tonight. And right now,

Joe Bartnick isn't here yet, but Paul, dude I called it, Verzi is here, and Jason Lawhead are both here, so I want to welcome both of you to the podcast. Oh, thanks man. Thanks for having us here at your lovely studio. Oh thank you. This is amazing. This is the All Things Comedy Studios. It's late. It's late today. What is the podcast? You take, I noticed though, you take a Wow, what a, what a, what's the matter with being knighted, I sounded weird there for a second. Yeah, but they can't hear it. Oh, okay. You take a lot of lack for that shit for like if you're like a couple hours late, I noticed like you'll post your thing and people will go Billy red fucking dick. Yeah, so it's what I I can't believe I can't believe I'm like, yeah, but it's

a pocket. I know the money money. It's like two in the afternoon. It's fine guys. It's the internet. Yeah, it's what people do. Everybody's in the bushes. So they can say whatever the fuck they want. And we just I don't read Twitter. It's hilarious. I don't think they're really genuinely mad. I think they just want to like, you know, yeah, for the most, they want to be like they want to get their little shirt. I said this today. They love doing that. Yeah, people in general, they're not big on heckling during the show. But afterwards, if you're standing out there, whoring yourself out, that's when they they'll come by and they'd be like, Oh, you're not as tall as I thought you're gonna be like that. And I always I always just give them show. I go, you know,

you had 90 minutes to say that when you're pussy. It's always good when that woman standing there to then they go home, they probably take it out on her hate fucker or something. I like to feel that I had I had something to do with that. But that's not why we're here today. No, we're here to promote your guys, your guys tour. And do you have any of the dates here that I could actually start reading? Okay, this is what we got tonight. Tonight, it's already sold out. We are going to go ahead and answer it. We'll still waiting for Bartnick. Bartnick said, yeah, answer it. Answer the phone. All right. By the way, if you hear weird noises out of Jason Lawhead, he fucked his back up. Yeah, there you go. All right. So here we go. The All Things Comedy Tour starring Paul

Versey, Jason Lawhead and Joe Bartnick is tonight. It's at the Largo in Los Angeles, which is already sold out. And Tuesday, April 1 tomorrow night, if you're down in comedy starved San Diego, a lot of comics never go down there. They're going to be at the Madhouse Comedy Club tomorrow, Tuesday, April 1. Sunday, April 6. They're going to be a parlor live in Bellevue, Washington. Monday, April 7. They're at Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Oregon. Tuesday, April 8. San Francisco. They're going to be at the punchline. Wednesday, April 9. They're going to be at the punchline. And Thursday, April 10, the punchline. So eighth, ninth, and 10th. 10th is in Sacramento. Sacramento, sorry. Eighth and ninth in San Francisco and 10th in Sacramento. There you go. There you go. And I'm

excited because I've never been to Sacramento. I've never been anywhere in California. Jesus, what are we doing here? I've never been anywhere in California other than Long Beach and LA. So I'm looking forward to San Diego tomorrow. See, this is fun for me because you're in California. I've been out to see you in New York at least a handful of times since we've been friends, but you've never been to California. All you know is that all Versey does is shit on California. I said to the left, he got hammered when we were in this cigar bar in Calgary and I was shitting on the Yankees or something. No, you were shitting on golf, I think. I was shitting on golf. I was shitting on golf. And then I because I was saying that about playing it or following

it like where I keep where I put it as far as sports competition. Gotcha. And I put it in with bowling pool shuffleboard where where it's one of those things. So he gets mad at me and he starts going he starts going like you know what Billy goes? He goes, he goes, burritos suck. He comes to me with the cuisine. He goes, all it is is beans and rice. I go, yeah, Paul, it's all it is. No one ever thought to put anything else in there. Yeah, I got but you know, you even said I got drunk. You said it hit me like it's like a smoke bomb. Like I that time you started slow. Remember that time you got hammered and you were just like you were a mess. Like, let me get my calendar. But do you think do you think that's bad though? Like so you shaking your head that that's where

I put golf. I'm not not anywhere near bowling or shuffleboard. No, no, no, I'm not saying that because there's all different degrees of difficulty. But I'm just saying as far as you're playing a sport, where it's all between your ears, between your ears, there's nobody physically trying to stop you. Other nature. It's all times. Oh, give me. I'm just saying when what I mean, there's a lot of force when you're well, no, I think when no, but I think you just say playing playing against you. Sport but playing against you. Leaves a stick is in the way of your ball. I'm not I'm not saying that the wind held that guy hits a home brother like that would have been out of here. No, what I know, but when baseball

players talk about how difficult it is, they talk about trying to hit a curveball, they don't talk about the wind. Hey, forget mother, hit the golf. Sons in your eyes. Forget mother nature. Their skin cancer. Yes. They know walking. No, but there's more than that. It's not even that. It's how about the fact that you actually do have to have a proper swing posture, your hips, your legs, you're not listening to me intact to your body listening to me. I'm not saying it's not difficult. You golfing zombies. What I'm saying is, is it's not fucking playing football, basketball, hockey, where there's somebody trying to stop you. There's not a pitcher throwing the fucking golf ball 100 miles an hour, your chin to back you off the the tee.

And then you got to come up there and settle back into your fucking swing. Right. Okay, that's all I'm saying. I know it's mentally difficult, but it's in the same family is pool, bowling, shuffleboard, horseshoes all the way down to some of the most simplistic sports there are. Tiddlywinks. Nobody's stopping you. No, I mean, nobody's stopping in jacks. You don't need to be in shape to do shuffleboard. You don't need to be in shape to bowl. That's such a terrible point to bring up with because I'll tell you I'll fucking show you do first time I watched the masters Kenny Perry. He looked like somebody's grandfather fucking came out blue. He blew it and then some other fat Argentina guy wanted they were both fat. Oh, Cabrera fat guys still and I give I'll

give I'll concede that fat guys can play golf. I get the sweat on Bill Mickelson's mantis. Yeah, but it's so unacceptable. He should always have to carry your own bag. Yeah, but they're not piles of shit. Kenny Perry is not a pile of shit. What is it? Can I be honest? Just doing what is he closer to? Just doing a sudden death playoff he is. Oh, but what is he closer to? Is he closer to an Adonis or a tub of shit? Oh, no. Yeah, he's definitely closer to a tub of shit than an Adonis. And another tub of shit beat him to fucking dude, even that guy who bought the general lead car, he doesn't look like he did a fucking pull up in his life. He had those seventh grade straight arms where you don't have you just have basically the humorous bone with a little bit of meat hanging

on it so you can still pick up a pencil or a bow to an iron. The guy the guy who hit that amazing shot. Oh, yeah, right, right, right. I love that course like drinking. Come on. Yeah, he's like the guy that's he's the he jet skis. He's totally the Kenny Powers of baseball. So I'm but I'm not disrespecting the sport. I'm not disrespecting the sport, but I'm just saying the reason why I find the sport boring as hell to play is the fact that there's nobody guarding me and I just get I get bored shitless by three, four fucking holes. I don't care. The whole thing is silly. I'm trying to put this little ball in a hole and the hole is unguarded. There's nobody trying to swat it away isn't gold tending. It's just fucking all around. Yeah, but that's a stupid

way to look at it's designed differently. It's just a different game. Listen, there's a reason why should have been in Caddy Shack too. There's a reason why a bunch of fucking old people when they start putting on weight, you know, when they need to get active, they always pick up that sport. And I'm telling you those fat fucks who if you threw a baseball, the odds of them chipping their tooth can somehow still get on a golf course. And I'm not saying they crush it like a pro, but they can hit the fucking thing straight enough that they're all right. They're okay. They're okay. They're not fun to play with. They can shoot a 105. I love how we're calling millionaire golfers tubs. Yeah, they're not fun. So John Daly used to be fucking pounding beers. John Daly was an animal.

John Daly was an animal. I heard his book like he was an animal. I used to fit. We used to go to the Firestone every year. Some buddies of mine down at the NEC in Akron. And we used to follow this is back in the like late 90s, mid to late 90s when daily was on top of the world. He was in every tournament because he was you know, he was still exempt from all of his wins. I love that guy too. Dude, he was the best. We would follow him around. He bombed the ball past everybody. This is before Tiger made a name for himself on the tour. And he was a smoke and he would jump chain smoke. You know, they don't show it on TV, but a lot of these guys chain smoke. It's like they hit the driver. They like the cigarette and he literally change when the camera goes away from

him. When the camera goes away from him, he they don't put the camera on him. And a lot of times when you do, they'll go back to be like, we'll go to daily at 16. He's got a cigarette burning in the fairway. You just don't see it. He takes his hit. They say, and then they show the ball, you know, they saw it hit the green and they show him like, you know, give his club. And then once they show like the trees and the leaderboard, he's back smoking again. He carries a, he actually smoked so much. He's got an old coffee can with a hook on the side of his bag when his, when his, when he has an asterisk. No, does he? Yeah. So because they don't want them littering up those nice courses. That's not cool. So he is like, you literally, you would follow him and his

caddy had put the bag down and he'd be waiting to hit his approach in and he'd be smoking cigarettes and he'd throw it in the coffee can or if he still had a cigarette, when it's time to hit, he'd throw it on the grass and just let it burn, wait till to pick it up. It's hilarious. Well, listen, I know it's difficult because I've actually talked to a professional athlete, Hall of Famer, who said those guys mentally are the strongest athletes because you get all that time to stand with the ball thinking, I understand that, but there's just something about the fact that there's nobody trying to stop you. But me, it's just the, the, the activity of it. I feel like I might as well just sit in a restaurant with a chopstick trying to catch a fly. It's just

like, why am I doing this? This is just dumb. I'm not working up a sweat. Like I just, I would rather play fucking horseshoes and then just walk back over to the grill and just grab a sandwich. Like, I just understand what I'm doing. Part of it might be because I'm so pasty and I'm out there. Yeah, you might. Like, dude, do you know how bad I want to go out on the course with you guys? Because you smoke it. All of you guys just smoking cigars and drinking, but then I'm just like, I'll meet you at the fucking, at the club. Yeah, but the drinking and the smoking on the course is so fun. Oh, there's not a Cuban on a golf course. I know, but this is the thing. Maybe that's hot. That's how you have to sell the sport because it's not like, yeah, you want to go play hockey

and it just be like, yeah, you're smoking Stoges. I maybe I'll come down. We should have a fucking, it's fun. We should have an annual, like we'll call it the Cuban open. We just get like, like four or eight guys get a couple of forcems. We meet at a golf course every year. And we just, absolutely, we just play like two rounds of golf over two days and just smoke Cubans and drink Scotch. I gotta tell you this. If I ever became president again, if I ever, if I ever became president, one of the first things I would do was and I would risk my own assassination by doing this because I would go against all the corporate cunts and I would basically, I would break bread with Castro and those guys and I would just be like, I listen, we were wrong to try and turn your

island into a bunch of Starbucks and casinos in the end of the day. It is your property. Do it with what you want. We'll bring you some cars down here. Just start sending us the cigars again. And we'll just leave it at that. But that's not what they're actually waiting for him to die. And then they're going to turn that place into it's going to look like Orange County. It's going to be fucking brutal. Yep. It's terrible. He, you know, I'm not saying the guy's the greatest leader. I'm not saying I want to be underneath the guy. But in principle, they were right. It was their country. They had the right to do. Okay, we're going to take college here. All of a sudden, I'm like a fucking political show. We're going to take college. No, but I get back to the cigar

and I'm so fucking sick of having to try and find it's kind of the excitement of smoking a Cuban is trying to find one. Yeah, you know, and now you know what everybody's gonna say, you know 90% of them are fakes. Yeah, where you go, they are already on Twitter doing it. Yeah, they do that shit. But what do you even know, like, you know, if you order them and they send them in, you know, they get a little hard. Well, as I'm just getting tired of people talking about like how it could get you sick and how it could give you, you know, give you throat cancer and shit. It's like, listen, man, you know, I'm not smoking these like cigarettes like a package. I'm going to smoke one or two cigars a week. That's it. That's it. I seen you smoke four and two nights.

And I don't even live in New York. Yeah, I mean, that just happened. I just happened to be there. Yeah, well, you know, no, I was like, it was, it was, it was, it was, yeah, it was a couple days. That does break down to 14 a week. Anyway, dude, I love them. I fucking love them. So now I got to ask you guys now when you go to go out on this tour, being the Scotch drinking cigar smokers that you are, what is the what is the over under on weight gained on on this the all the the all in tour here? Well, my plan coming in and I told I told my wife, just my plan coming in was to not try to hang with Bartnick. Like, no, no, no, I'm not even kidding. Like Bartnick is not like, we're gonna need Bartnick

to be a day behind the tour. When we're in Portland, he's gonna need to be in Seattle. When we're in Sacramento, he's gonna have to be in San Francisco. I've never seen. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even joking around. I'm not just saying this. You know, I've never seen a grown man endure what he can do and still be able to throw back to throw it like to hold it together. I mean, that dude, like he was going back to the bar, he's going, yeah, man, how about another heater? And remember, I had to tell him, I do listen, I'm not in my wedding, right? Yeah, at Bill's wedding, he goes, Hey, dude, you guys, you're a law adverse, you want another heater? And I literally, you did it. I go, I go, guys, I'm not gonna lie to you. I can't do it. Like,

I need, I need a break here. The bartender's at the wedding. We're pulling, we're pulling bartenders over from other bars to watch. They were like, watch, watch this guy. Watch, watch what he does. The guy walking up now, watch what he does. And the thing about your wedding, which was awesome, was there was never like it was never hard to get either a hard liquor, it was just always right there. And the guy knew what you wanted. So Bartnick would go, Yeah, you guys want more heaters? Another round of years, they would just start giving them. And I'm Bartnick's just drinking his crown. And I just patted him on the back and I was like, you are and he just had that shitty grin, but he was talking straight. I'm all the way into the bar. Well, he's for people

don't know him. He's a mountain of a man like he could give he's like Cam Neely size, man. He's a big dude. So we're all like what like five, 10 or whatever, trying to keep up with a dude who's like six, four. Yeah, I mean, me and you by the end of the night, we were shot. And he was just like, Hey, guys, you want one of these for the road? He was like helping us. He was like gleason when he comes back against, you know, a fast Eddie in the house. You know, he's just sitting there putting the carnation back in his jacket. Let's play some cool popping stuff. Yeah. Well, that's how the funny is, because like, I think over those heaters that all that drinking is how we came kind of came up with this idea for the tour that was at Bill's wedding in October.

We just started chirping about it. Bill's not going to be the voice of reason on this one. He's kind of letting us go. Bill's not going to be around to go, Hey, guys, that's a good sign. You're in trouble when I'm the voice of reason. Yeah, no, but how many times how much do you have to talk me into something? No, that's the thing. No, you know what Bill does? This is what he does. He acts like he's the guy like to like to keep it cool. He'd be like, Yeah, I should go. No, this was so funny. We were in Canada. He goes, Listen, man, I'm not I'm not drinking tonight. I'm not drinking tonight. I swear to God, I'm backstage and he's on stage. He's on stage. And I'm thinking I'm going back to the hotels again. No, not tonight. Not tonight. He's on

stage asking the crowd. You guys know where we could let's just say we did. Let's just say we were to go out. And then after after I get, you know, take clothes out the show, he'll be like, Yeah, we'll get one. We'll get one. So like he acts like he's not going to but see Bartnick is just like, I mean, every tweet crowns crown like Bartnick's in like, but he's all in. He's all in dude. Yeah. So we were in Buffalo one time. He pulled the same thing in Buffalo. It was after a Bruins playoff win. We were in, but we were in Buffalo doing Buffalo while in June, right? And then we were like talking at the whole time at the place like, nah, you know, I'm going to travel. I'm not going to really drink tonight. We get back to the hotel. He's like, you know,

that Bruins game still on. Let's just go down to that little like bar. Like, yeah, we watch it. Bruins win. We celebrate. He right there at the barton. We have one. We'll have one beer, right? One beer at the bar. Bruins win. We're kind of celebrating the barton in school. Bill goes, Hey, if we were going to go out somewhere around here, it was a good place. He's like, next door. Next thing you know, we're next door getting hammered, talking to these locals, eating bacon. Remember that bacon? They put bacon out as a bar snack. Remember that? Right. So we had to this place called Westman. I know it's Buffalo, but you're already north of Pittsburgh. Yeah, they're like, they just don't give a shit. They're like, fuck the peanuts and pretzels.

They bring hot bacon out in baskets for their bar snack. And I'm like, look, I go, bacon's not cheap, man. I know food. Like I asked the bar, I'm like, wait a minute, this is crazy. She's like, nah, it's Friday and Saturday nights only, but he gets people drinking. They make the bacon. I asked the guy, he came out. They make the bacon. They let it cool for like 25 minutes so you don't burn yourself on it. So it's warm, but not hot. And it just comes and you just eat. It's amazing. I was like, I'm not going to eat this. And then it's like literally like crack. You have a couple handfuls and then you get all, then it's all salty. And then you want to start pounding. Yeah, they were setting this up. I gotta do some ads here. Hang on one

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and type in Burr, B-U-R-R, that's Stamps.com, enter Burr. Oh, that was a rough one, you know? You can't even parrot that one. That was terrible. No, but then you guys were moving in the background and then when you guys started talking to each other. You know what? You know what? This is not a way. Let me finish. Bill, let me finish. That's what happened. No, no, no. That's also basketball. That's every other fucking sport. Were you trying to take a foul shot? No, what it was was I started thinking like, this is how uninterested people are at home listening to this shit. Because the fact that you guys actually started talking. My favorite part is when I watch, I've been watching every dribble of March Man is because I've been having this bad back. I literally have seen more traveling

calls than the refs have, but the thing is I've been sitting there the whole time and I love like Vernon Lundquist is the best because you know, we talked about like dialing stuff in like that guy, like when he's doing the, he's been broadcasting for a hundred years, but he has to do those live spots for like 60 minutes. You know, he's like, well, 12, 18 to go in Kentucky. He's right back in it on this one coming up today. It's 16 minutes. Don't forget to catch the pink Panthers. Do we get the jewel thieves or don't we tonight in 60 minutes and you're like, Oh, he hates that. I love it. You just totally. You compared reading ads on a podcast. That's golf. That's how tough golf is right there. There you go. There's your point made.

All right. Let's get into how I actually met you. How I met you assholes out on the road. The fact that I would loan the Monday morning podcast presents the all things comedy tour. For some reason, you can't be late to this thing because you downloaded it. But if you're playing this and your wife is walking around the background or husband, once again, the all things comedy tour is coming to San Diego Tuesday, April 1st. It's going to be in Bellevue, Washington, Sunday, April 6th at parlor live, helium comedy club, Portland, Oregon, and then two nights at San, and at the punchline in San Francisco, the eighth and ninth and Sacramento on the 10th. Yeah. Then we're going to swing it over to the East coast in a couple of months,

more dates to follow. I think they're working on that, but I'm looking forward to doing these coast dates are coming in the end of May. Billy Boston, but we're doing it. I call I call style. All these guys, all these guys open for me. If you've come out and seen any of my shows basically in the last shit, I don't know, five, six years, it's been one of these guys opening for me. So I'm excited for you guys. I was actually trying to think who I met first. I think I met you lawhead. Yeah, we've known each other for a long time. It's coming up on 10 years. No, it's over 10 years. You know, what's funny is I didn't want to get, I didn't want to get like sentimental about it because you know,

we did that show on New Year's Eve. We did that show on New Year's Eve at the Wiltern, and that was literally 10 years to the day we met. We like hung out on New Year's Day, New Year's Day, 10 years like New Year's Eve. You did Cleveland and then hung out. And then that's when we, that's when we became friends is like, you just came and hung out with me on New Year's Day because you had nothing to do. We were dark, but you had to stay in Cleveland for like two more nights. Oh, yeah. It was a deal like New Year's Eve was a was like a Thursday. Yeah, the Wednesday or Thursday. So then there was New Year's Day. And nobody's coming out that day. But then there was you still had the weekend. So I had this weird weekend there where I was working New Year's,

I was doing a run the whole week doing New Year's and I had a day off. So I had a day off and Nick, the club owner, the greatest guy ever at Hilarity's out there in Cleveland. He goes, you know, just just watch out for the guy, you know, keeping company, blah, blah. Dude, we fucking drank all day. They actually lost me at one point. We somehow ended up in this brutal titty bar. Yeah, brutal. Silver horse. I think it was the silver horse. And yeah, that's how boring Cleveland is. You need like the comic needs to be assigned somebody to just know that's that's how it was. I was like that guy. I was like, Hey, Jason, what are you doing? Well, entertain this guy, please. Cleveland is way better than even it was like 10 years ago. I was just recently

is growing. What's growing? Yeah, like, dude, I wish you had money back then because I was like, I'm gonna buy a frigging building because you could see it coming. It's coming back around unlike Detroit, which keeps starting and stopping. Cleveland, you could buy a hospital for like 80 grand in Cleveland. Yeah, they showed they showed how I swear I'm there. I'm closing on a hospital. You could get you could get like a four bedroom house there for like $36,000. It's insane. But I got to tell you though, but like when I first played Hilarity's in Cleveland, that was the only game in town on that street. You walked like you walked up that street like a cop. I crossed the street out of my hotel. So the cop met you at the corner and walked you up the street. And now

it's like closed off to traffic. They got the house of blues across the street. Yeah, all this stuff going on restaurants and stuff. I remember seeing this giant apartment building like right across the way. I think Mike was living there at the time. Yeah, around the corner. And I was thinking like, like I was literally thinking that ago, I bet you could buy that thing for 75 grand. And in 20 years, it's going to be worth like millions of dollars as this whole thing eventually hopefully comes back. You know, you know, they got the casino, they just built another casino like not downtown, but somewhere else. But that's not a good idea. I don't like that. I don't like that idea. I just don't like the casino idea. I think that we could have built that that there's

no reason that that city can't be built on its waterfront and its character and its position geographically in the country. The casinos then casinos. It's like nightlife for like toddlers. The nice thing about the casino, we're close to DC, we're close to New York. There's no reason we can't be successful. You know, it's funny. The nice thing was I said to, well, you know, Bo, the car, I said, I said, he loves your pet, he loves your parents and stuff. But I said to Bo, I go, I go, Bo, how come the, you know, where's the home? Because homeless is big out there. Big, big, like they come after you. And I go, how come there's just light on the homeless? And he goes, they're all at the casino. Just like, all right. Yeah, yeah, they're just all hanging

out at the nickel slots all day long. That was like the lottery for that. That's that was the lottery for that. Then you're bringing in the stretching. Yeah, this started stretching when that place. Yeah, right. Why would homeless people go to a casino? They don't have any fucking money. What are they doing there? They whatever they make, some of those people make decent money. That's amazing. I love that theory. They make like 100 grand a year. Some of them do. No, I don't know about 100 grand a year, but some of them make money. They still sit in their own urine in that fucking cardboard box. I mean, talk about committed to the free scam freezing fucking Ohio weather. It was fucking. What do you call what's that shit when your feet frostbite?

Yeah, black toes, make it 100 grand a year. You know, you gotta make sacrifices. NFL guys smash their brains around the homeless. They lose their toes. Do that scam in South Beach. You get a black foot. Dude, I gotta tell you, when I was in San Francisco, I was just up there trying to find some place where I could shoot my special and dude, I have never seen so many people laying around not doing shit than that city. I don't know what they're everywhere, but they used to have a stipend. They used to fucking give them money, because this was Larry's. They gave the homeless money, they would give them enough money to get to try to get them off the street. It was one of those things where it made sense if you were

giving it to people who thought sensibly, but they didn't. They gave it to the fucking homeless. So they would give you enough money so you could afford rent in some flop house for a month. So what would happen is the first four days of the month, you wouldn't see any homeless people. They were all inside drinking and shooting and drugs and all that shit with the money. They'd have enough money for four days. And then by the fifth day, they'd start coming out like zombies. And then you had the problem again. So they would basically were buying themselves like a four or five day reprieve. Now, of course, as always with all my stories, that's just something that like four or five people did tell me that story in San Francisco. I don't know if it's true,

but I was there and they had all these beautiful parks. And dude, these people are snoozing to a level. You actually start thinking like, what am I working for? Like, look at that. Dude, I saw this guy, like he was like face down in the sun, like some old hound dog. And I was really just thinking like this fucking guy, like, I know he's living outside, but he's eating. Yeah, you know, he doesn't have any conference calls. There's no debt doesn't wake him up. This guy dude, it was such a beautiful sunny day. It was one of those days where you actually would entertain the thought that I could like, I just fucking live outside. This is beautiful. Dude, I took a picture of the guy and I tweeted it. And what was funny is I didn't even realize

that there was another guy in the background. It's like, you can't just get one. There's so many of them when you get to the parks, just fucking lying all over the place. I saw when I was just there doing cops a couple of weeks ago and I saw a guy laying on a park bench sleeping covered up champagne bottle at his at his feet, right? Cops strolling. I was sitting in another park bench just people watching this guy's hilarious. He just bundled up. Not only am I watching this guy, he's got the champagne bottle. I have full of his feet. Two cops come strolling up towards him. They're like, Hey, let's go pick it up. Let's go. And one guy picks up and he like wakes up out of a panic and then he sees the one cop holding his half empty bottle and he's getting ready to

go pour it out. And he's like panicking like, Hey, it's not my wine. It's not my wine. The guy doesn't care. He knows. He's like, Yeah, I'm sure it's not. He's like pouring it out. Right. The funniest thing is this guy when he got up and he rattled up and I noticed it after he woke up. He put it up there. He had American Airlines eye, the patches to cover your eyes. He had an American Airlines logo flimsy little one that they probably give you on the flight. And they were so then they were up on his forehead as he was like begging for like mercy. Oh, when these cops and I'm looking at him going, wait a minute, what are you worried about anyway? Them putting you under a roof like a roof? What are you worried about? Yeah, but dude,

I would rather sleep outside and worry about getting hit over the head with a log and fucking take one of my ass. Yeah, that's true. You know, yeah. Hey, you know, I heard I just like a bed. They actually they actually I'm one of those cities when they had like the stipend other cities were flying their fucking homeless people in there to just get rid of them because they were having and then they started sending them back. I forget what the fuck happened. Maybe that's where that guy got the mask. I can't remember. I can't remember what it is if that's where he got the mask. I still had it. That's what I'm guessing. The other night in New York, I saw a lot of the homeless they sleep on the top step of the church. But the church never lets

them in. So like they're just laying there. I would you what? No, I know, I know, but it's just like, but after a while, they got to be like, listen, they're not listening. They're not opening up. Let's go somewhere else. You know what I mean? Yeah, like they're just laying on the thing. And it's almost like sad because it's almost like they have the belief and the faith and they're being shut out. Well, I think that the church, I'd be like, fuck it, dude, I'm going to Starbucks. I'm going somewhere else because it's no one someone's not listening. Right. You know, I'm showing my faith. No, but it's good business for them to let them stay there, like they give a fuck, but they're not going to let them in.

But I don't know if that seems like a safe place. You want a safe place to sleep? If you're home, I don't know if any homeless just let them sleep on the church floor. Because I don't want to sit in there. The saddest part about how this conversation got steered into is we were talking about Cleveland. It's the saddest part of it all. We've just gone to the dregs of humane. We'll have the time to start Cleveland. But anyway. No, but I find that interesting when I kept seeing you. You don't want a bunch of smelly, homeless people stinking up the church for the decent people who come in on Sundays. And that might sound like Fox News. But at the end of the day, if you smell like urine, you smell like urine.

You've got to go outside with the dogs. What if the dude doesn't smell and he's just freezing, you know, put him in one of the pews and let him, you know, fucking let him sleep in your basement. He'll start smelling when he thaws up. I didn't say, I didn't say I'm going to let him sleep my butt. He smells good though, Paul. Yeah, he just got some. I don't know. He's a stranger. Neither does the church. He's going to go in there and steal all the chalices that they stole from the other fucking people. I just feel like if he's saying that he's got faith in that church, they should do something. That's all. That's what church should be. That's what it's about, right? Listen, faith costs money, baby. Put a little in the basket on Sunday. Exactly. But

that's my point. That's my point cost money. What is your point, Paul? My point is that like they have to get deep on us here. No, no, no, I'm just saying like, you know, you know, you know, no, what I'm saying is I, I, I see them laying on the front step of the churches and it's kind of a sad thing to see because they're wrapped up in their blankets and they have so much faith in that belief, yet the doors are never opening. And it was just an observation that I found fucked up. Why do you think that the fact that they're sleeping on the stairs means they believe in Jesus Christ? I'm not saying that they I'm just saying that it's just I think the people that choose thing is unraveling. No, I think that I think the fact that these people choose to be

on the on the top step at the door of a church tells me that they have some sort of faith. Because I think I think what if it rains, you want to be underneath the arch, but there's a million you could go under, you know, awnings of places or you could go under, you know, buildings might have a little on church stairs. Yeah, it doesn't mean you believe in Burger King. But you know what the church that I saw this guy on there was no roof. He was just sleeping there, man. So I just put I just put that out. I don't think he believes in it. Okay, I don't think he does because you know, no, but you don't know me either. No, I don't. But I think it's he could or he might not. It's just because you're sleeping on church stairs doesn't mean you fucking believe

in anything. But wouldn't you think it's a good guess to think that he's got some sort of faith if that's his choice of I would think it would be safer to sleep there than outside a white castle. This is the first dude you've called it on a homeless. What the fuck is Bartnick? He ain't making it. Yeah, that's Bartnick right there. He ain't gonna make it. Bartnick is gonna make it. This is this is this is dedication. This is the dedication we're gonna have with this fucking tour. Is that what we're saying here? No, but wait, no, let's start some more arguments here. Hey, so you're a Cleveland Indian fan. I'm a Red Sox fan. He's a Yankees fan. All right, old American League East, old American League East.

Now. Yeah. What How do you feel about both of our teams and the way we spend money each year? I think it's disgusting. Now, I will say that Boston last year wanted in a way where they didn't go out and over like they didn't spend any more than they kind of had been spending. Uh, I love the fact that most of the most of the trend is all these teams that are spending money aren't really the teams that are being successful at the end of the day. The Dodgers, the Dodgers spent 235 million dollars. They outspend the Yankees. Yeah, they're the number one. The Dodgers are the number one. How excited are you? I loved it. That's you can finally say that see. I loved it. No, not because of that. I just love the fact that like the Dodgers are trying to, you know,

the Dodgers are going all in. Well, they have to, they have to all into it. But you know, but that's the thing. No, but you say yeah, because they've been they've been they've been 25 years without a championship. They've corrected their financial situation after the guy and magic's new, you know, what I forget the guy's name that ran him into the ground spending $230 million is the way to go. Well, you know, they didn't set the trend. I gotta believe that if they believe that they're going to do something that Yankees or Boston have done, which they haven't done yet in this in this economics of baseball. Yeah, you got to do it. I mean, the last time they they won was in 88 when the economics were shifting a little, but it wasn't it's it wasn't

a five mega market league. Being able to spend that kind of good. There's only five teams that can spend that kind of there's only five teams that can spend that kind of money. So why wouldn't they if they're one of the five teams that can spend your question? Why do you think that baseball allowed it to go the direction? What was the what was the thinking that it was good to let fucking the Yankees do what they did, which caused the Red Sox to have to react to it and then we became them? Well, I mean, we're not right now. I don't think but but we in oh seven, I mean, there's no fucking there's no there's nobody on the planet. They can't tell me in oh seven. We didn't buy a fucking title. Well, I think it all stems back a lot of it stems back

from obviously you can't change what happens money wise. But I think a lot of it stems back to when the owners were, you know, found out about the collusion in the late 80s and they had to pay once they paid the once they played the players union, I think $350 million settlement for collusion and the players, which was basically what owners gain together going down. They said don't pay Jack Morris is what it was. Jack Morris was on the free agent market, I think in 86 or 87. And the tiger's owner told all the other owners, don't pay him, keep him at the market value that we have and it'll sit in the long run. Yeah, we get to keep Jack Morris, but in the long run, all you guys will be able to keep your Kirby buckets and your Roger Clemens is at a price that

won't gouge us. That was fun. And at the end of the day is it strengthened the players union to a point where the salaries have gotten to the point that the players union really runs the market. And they run the market. So now the big market teams that have the money, they've opened the players unions have made has made it able to be able to spend for those teams to spend that money and the rich teams can well, that's a bottom line. The bottom line is as long as there's no cap in baseball, 80% of the teams will never win a World Series. Yeah, no, it's as long as there's no cap, the Kansas City Royals aren't never gonna know if it's that high, but I mean, it's at least 60 close. The one thing is, is what baseball's tried to do is obviously with

the wild card and now the extra wild card, right? We've tried to make it somewhat competable, whereas a team like Cleveland or Minnesota, if by the all star break, if we look like we're playing really well with the guys we've groomed in, we can go out and, you know, get a, if the Philadelphia Phillies are falling flat on their face, we can go out and get a Jimmy Rollins. If he doesn't, if he wants to wave his trade clause and be like, you know what, I want to go play for these guys, they're pretty good. I mean, at a certain point in my career, go hit, you know, win a title, whatever. That's the only thing baseball's done to kind of recoup that. But it's so why they just don't look at the NFL and be like, okay, the way they're doing it, Green Bay

can compete with New York City. Can Milwaukee compete with Boston? No, like Brewers compete with the Red Sox. They can't. So what the pleasure? Why don't we do and, and, and, and why should I watch so strong because they can get players, you need to get the guys paid. So do you think there's another lockout coming? We'll talk and walk out here on the podcast. I like talking to stuff. I don't, I don't see it looming anytime soon. I think baseball's in probably a pretty, pretty good labor, labor situation, because now the play, the players have had to kind of crawl up with their tails between their legs a little bit in the last few years with the, with the PEDs and everything else. So they've kind of had to kind of come off their high horse a bit.

So now there's a little bit of love, but there's a little bit of balance between players and owners, because the players have kind of had to go, yeah, we were doing all this. That's so fucked up that those guys actually went in front of like the Senate or whatever the fuck was going on. I don't understand. I just don't get why politics had to get involved. Why am I watching Kurt Schilling talking to some representative from Minnesota? Yeah, because it's just fucking all stupid. He should be talking to his account. Bullshit. Hey, speaking of all this, actually ties, this ties in with a question here that somebody said, I said, Bill, what team? Dear Billy Bats, if you could coach one team in history

without knowing the outcome of the season, which team would you pick? Keep in mind, stacked teams don't always win championships. And there are other teams that could have won, perhaps with some better coaching. What the fuck? That was like a brain twister, like a train's going this way. If I could coach one team in history without knowing the outcome of the season, which would I pick? Keep in mind, stacked teams don't always win championships. Yeah, but the teams won the championship. I know if I coach the Cowboys in 78, they won that they beat the Broncos. I don't get your question. I'll just drop that part of it. But what team would you coach? Because that is an interesting question. Like if you could

coach one team? No, I think the question is saying now, like I think the question is basically like what you see now, if you could coach one of these teams that's out there now, to go out and try to win a championship. Don't look who's stacked. Don't look who's stacked, but just say, well, who would you want to? Debbie says one team in history. Okay. All right, then. Look, this guy is either really smart and we're dumb, or this is a fucking confusion question. I don't fucking know if I could coach one team. How about can I play on the team instead? Look, I'd like to go. I'll go I'll go every era in hockey. If I could play on any team, I would play for the the the 80s Edmonton Oilers. If I could play if I could, I guess, coach.

Dude, you're a coach's son. Who would you coach? If I could coach one team one time, I would probably I would probably coach Larry Bird 79 Indiana State team against Magic. I'd like to I'd like to coach that game. I'd like to see if we could if I could help. I'd like to see if I could beat magic. Maybe that's his question. You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to coach the fucking 79 Dallas Cowboys and the 76 Dallas Cowboys against the Steelers in both and I would win the fucking game. Yeah, that's how confident I am because they had their number in the first half. Oh, this is why we need Bartnick. Dude, if you I want somebody somebody put up the 70 Super Bowl 10, they put that up on on the internet. Dude, the Cowboys called a reverse on the first play

reverse to Hollywood, Henderson, he ran down the field, their kicker tackled and we took a knee to the ribs fucked up three of his field goals, and they were playing loose and all that and they were up. And then they played Marty ball in the second half and they got all fucking tight. And they just they basically conserved the game away. As far as the 79 Oh, I guess I wouldn't know this. I wouldn't throw it to fucking Jackie Slater or whatever the hell's name was. Yeah, Jack Smith. Bless his heart. He's the sickest man in America. I would coach. Did you see they outlawed the dunk? You know, they made that a penalty now the dunk of over the goalpost. And you were saying Hollywood Henderson Hollywood Henderson invented the dunk of the goalpost.

They just had a big first one. They had a big thing on ESPN. Yeah, the owner's meeting over the winter. It's a 15 yard penalty. Now if you dunk the ball because Joey Graham and all these guys, you know, they dated it back to history. They're like who the first man and it was Hollywood Henderson after a reverse. Landry used to call it reverse all the time to Hollywood Henderson. And it was in 75. They called a reverse to Hollywood Henderson in a regular season game and he busted one loose for a touchdown and he was the first guy and they show it. He's the first got to go up and dunk it over the goalpost. And why did they outlaw that because they're tearing down, they're tearing down some goalposts. Guys have gotten hurt, I guess. I don't know.

One time Joey Graham from the Saints was so strong. He pulled one down where they had to come out and re level the goalpost because it wasn't, you know, so he pulled it and then the next guy that kicks in it is kicking it. Not a lot of white guys upset about that rule. Wes Welker not one way or the other. Wes Welker not bitch about that. Wes Welker needs he needs to be on Joey Jimmy Graham's shoulders. Well, this is the deal. I would I would I would actually if I could coach any team in history, what I would probably do is I would maybe the 86 Red Sox. Yeah, but no, but then I put Dave Stapleton in it first. Yeah, but that's only because I know. Yeah, no, what was going to happen. So I like I couldn't know. So

like I would I would try to pick a team that that hasn't won a championship, but I live in Boston and they just want run the table. So I don't know what to tell you for me. It's a no brainer. I would 100% coach the Knicks and I would I would make them run. Listen, I would make them run. I would make them run until they puked. I would I if they didn't play defense, they're out, they're fine. I would fucking goes nuts fast with this team. Quit on it. I know exactly. You'd be the second you'd be the second Nick coach in history to get choked. I would I would fucking I'd lay into those lazy cock suckers like I like I swear to God, dude, I would be fun actually. I would like to just take a horrible team and just be terrible. Are you kidding me? You don't get back.

Just get all my shit off of my chest. I would do what Gene Hackman did in Hoosiers, minimum of three passes, minimum of three passes. Okay, you fuckers are going to run all day. We're practicing the first month without a ball. You are running up and down Carmelo Anthony's you think I can do this with pros or they're off. Carmelo Anthony's lazy weed face would fucking get Carmelo. You want to wear that headband? Go take it off the top of the backboard. Yeah, I would fucking turn into Oh, that's what I would do, but it would be Joey Bartnick. Joey Bartnick. Joey Bartnick is a no. I totally apologize. I had to do my puck off podcast and I thought I said I couldn't be here until two. No, it's all right. Hey, between you guys like you would need

another 10 mics. I don't think anyone's missing my my. Hey, we're currently answering a question right now. If you give you Oh, this would be perfect for you. If you could coach any team in history, not knowing the outcome, if you could just be the head coach, who would you want to be head coach of? Oh, the Steelers 78 Steelers 78. Oh, I want to do the 78 Cowboys or 76 Cowboys 76. You would have thought you text Bartnick the question before you walk into the 83 Sixers. Yeah, I was thinking of them too. I said they played four on five. They just played Ivor Roney. I mean, they played four on five. They beat it. It beats anyway. Yeah, I put them up against I put them up against the 96 Bulls. Yeah, we talked about that on mine and everybody goes,

who's going to stop Jordan? I'm like, well, I think Dr. Jake had kind of offset a lot of this shit he was doing and then I got Moses against fucking Luke Longley. Yeah, I don't think anybody's beaten the 96 Bulls. That's because you're a child of the 90s. Dude, that team, I said I wanted to coach the 79 Indiana State. They were as good defensively as they were. That's a good one. But I tell you, I don't but Luke Longley would have four fouls by the end of the first quarter trying to stop Moses Malone. Yeah. And then in all fairness, I didn't see enough of that 76ers team, but how good was Pippin on defense? I mean, defensively, they were phenomenal. I mean, there's a reason I picked the 96 Bulls. They were great. Well, Andrew Tony had bad feet or Andrew

Tony would be in the Hall of Fame. Yeah, absolutely. Andrew Tony could stroke. They didn't have six pointers back then. Six year career. Yeah, he could stroke them. He could stroke them. Yeah, they were great. He could stroke them. I mean, that was the ultimate two man game. You had to double team Eminem. Yeah, Moses Malone. He went from high school to dominating the ABA. The ABA was like a fucking prison rec league. Yeah, it was. People were afraid of Moses Malone. Like he was 17. Yeah, he was a B. He was. That's back. I mean, the man of inspection, a man child. It was like him, Darryl Dawkins. He never lived up to it. Was he the first guy? Joe, was he the first guy to come out early? Yeah, Moses Malone. Darryl Dawkins

was second. Yeah. You know, the funny thing is, is Moses Malone and LeBron James are the only two guys in the history of the NBA to win consecutive MVP awards with different teams. And they both never played college ball. That's pretty freaking impressive. Yeah. I mean, if you take out the big three, you know, the, you know, the, the, the Mount, you know, Will Kareem and, and Bill Russell. And the next, I mean, it's Moses Malone. Moses Malone is a beast. And Moses, Moses was just like a six, a six, 10 truck. Yeah. Yeah. It's 17. Who just crazy. Who just didn't, he just didn't miss. What did they lose that year? They lost one playoff. That's a high school kid. That's a baby coming into that. Firstly, they lost one playoff game. They actually asked

Moses to predict that's his famous thing. He goes, what do you think about the playoff? And he just goes, foe, foe, foe, just mean we're going to sweep everybody. And they basically, but they lost one to the Lakers. It was three foe, foe, foe. Cause back then it was the first round game was a five. But his quote was foe, foe, foe. Okay. But the funny thing was is that I was a huge sixer fan, huge sixer fan back in the, cause I was a huge doctor fan, huge sixer fan. And when he got traded, cause you couldn't, they, they could never win cause Caldwell Jones and Dawkins and Steve Mix, whatever, agglomeration of shit that they put together to stop either like Parrish or Jabbar would never work. So when they got him and he was setting the cover of

Rocky, he was like sitting on the steps like Rocky. It was like, you knew it was over. There was never a lock in the history of sports like Moses going to the sixers. Like you knew it was over. It was, it was a lock. How come they only won one though? Cause Dr. J was old. Moses wasn't, no, I mean, he wasn't old, but he was, he was, dude, Moses played back in the day where that dude played 46 minutes a night dragging dudes up and down. That's I say like, because, because of black Monday is why they never won one black Monday. He trade black. The only time I ever cried in sports other than like Lemieux getting cancer, they were crying sports black Monday, dude, they traded Brad, they trade, they trade Moses Malone and the rights to Brad

Doherty for Roy Henson and Ruland. Dude, they trade, they trade it like they, their front line would have been Barkley, Brad, Brad Doherty and Moses, Moses said, I will never lose to the 76ers again. Dude, the bullets won like eight games that year. Like five of them were against the sixers. That was 25. He was like 30 and 25. Brad Doherty has probably the most epic fucking hairline. It's crazy. It almost touches his eyebrows. I mean, the fucking guy, when he gets his shape up, I mean, they got to like put a separator like a grocery store between his eyebrows and his, it's just something sad about seeing Brad Doherty talk NASCAR. You know, he's just sitting there talking. It was even Saturday. We've seen him sit on the bench at all star games.

As soon as the shack got drafted, it was like, well, they're good. Well, Brad Doherty can now make plans for all star weekend. How did he get, how did he fucking go from, he's like, he's like one of the main announcers for NASCAR now. Mountain North Carolina and he grew up in that shit and he loves it. He's always loved it. Well, that's all right. Then he ended up doing some guys, I got to read a couple of the last fucking, my last three brutal reads of this week. This, this is, this is not a I'm not not on my, my game here this week. I'm going to try to focus. All right. This is just

like golfing. All right. E voice everybody. What your business, what your business want your business? Dude, I fucked up the first word. E voice everybody want your business to make more money. E voice can help. Here's how when your customers call, you'll have your own toll free number, professional greeting, dial by name, directory and more. You'll sound like a fortune 500 company and really stand out from your competitors. E voice lets you give one number that rings wherever you are. You could be at your kid's soccer game. You'll never miss a chance to grow your business. E voice takes all your voicemail calls, transcribes them and sends them to you instantly as a text or an email, email. So you can check your voicemails before the

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is he's going to try to avoid you as far as like his drinking. He's going to try to like he's going to try to drink it either. No, no, I'm drinking. No, no, no, no, you're drinking. No, no, we were talking about. We were talking about the point. Lawhead hasn't drank it and drank it and 30 99. He just pointed at you like he was an NFL coach and you were a defensive player who missed an assignment. I I'm drinking but he said like we were talking about smoking cigars and drinking and Bill said what's your game plan to not you know to not gain so much weight and go nuts and I go listen I go I got to really just watch Bartnick because Bartnick is you know you you got that thing dude you're unstoppable. You're fucking unstoppable. The thing is like an idiot

every year at the Rose Bowl I try to go blow for blow. I don't know why I do. I was telling them I was telling them at the at the wedding you were like you guys want another heater and like after the fifth time I was like Joe man you know we just met I was like I love I need I can't right now. I need a break at the end of the night you had those crowns the shots and you're smoking a cigar and you're just intact. You were just fucking intact. It was it's the way we grow them in Pittsburgh. I was I was back home with this weekend and I told people I said I know people in Hollywood like I think I got to go to rehab. I'm like first of all you drink wine. I said in second of all my aunt's drink more than you before dinner. I mean people you know

it's like it's just food it's drink. I mean I mean but no there's there's never peer pressure because there's more booze for me. No don't get me wrong. I don't want to run out somebody's townsie stop early so we got to keep that in mind. No no I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna definitely to have some drinks with you but I guys have a rider what is the rider on this tour. I don't know. I haven't even seen it. I don't even have a ride. We're looking for openers. I think it's gonna be an amazing tour of you guys. These guys are like the guys guys they're fucking hilarious. They know sports and you know it's not gonna be trust me. It's definitely worth the money. As I mentioned earlier we're gonna have all the dates up here. They're playing San

Diego Bellevue Washington Portland Oregon San Francisco twice in Sacramento so far and then they got an east coast thing lined up. I'm really psyched for you guys. It's a Midwest shows. I got people in and I want to thank everyone that came to the shows this week in Pittsburgh. They were awesome. We're coming back as the tour. Nice. They're stoked for us and the DVE guys are stoked for us to come. Nice. Yeah if you guys met out you guys met. I told them all about you. They're gonna yeah they're gonna. They're gonna make fun of me is what they're gonna do. No we feel your pain. No you don't. We feel your pain. What do you feel? You don't feel like pain. You have six Super Bowl championships. Oh this is the Cleveland

Pittsburgh rivalry. There is no there is no rivalry. There is no rivalry. There is no rivalry. We don't we can't you can't be serious. No there isn't there. There's not a rivalry. It's your your Browns rivalry is now the Ravens that we don't even have a rivalry with you because we haven't put up a fight in 15 years. I mean it's not it's true. It doesn't exist. You think that there's people that on the outside looking in that remember that old Brown Steelers that doesn't exist. You go to Cleveland for Brown Steelers games. It's a sea of black. There's no Browns fans there. They sell their tickets to the Pittsburgh fans. There is no rivalry. You can't be rival. I remember the saddest one of the saddest moment and one of the saddest moments in

lawhead's adult life. We're watching a stealer game at a bar in San Francisco. He was up there hanging out. We're doing shows. You did some sets. Oh that's right. Walk walk walk in the boot. We look over the booth next to us. A guy grew up right next door to him. Yeah like four houses four houses down and he's cheering for the Steelers and he goes like what are you doing? He goes I just gave up. I wanted to back a winner. We see this kid in the booth next to me. I he grew up four houses down for me. I'm like holy Christ. He's wearing a he's on it's a Sunday football that different people are watching different teams. Right. He's like he's wearing like a cordel steward shirt. I went oh my god. And he just said he goes you know what I just gave up

a long time ago. I said are you wearing a stealer. Are you rooting for this stealer. I know that this is the thing. I understand just saying fuck it. I am not watching it anymore and then go go to a different conference. Exactly. I wouldn't even root for anybody in the AFC. Exactly. I would I would I mean if I could if I would root for any I've contemplated it and everybody has my contemplations are I would go and I know you hate him but they're central to me and I like the new young quarterback. If I had to quit which I thought of I'm thinking of quitting and going to Indy. I don't mind Indy. Right. Well I mean I don't mind it. I like luck. They're close by. They're a small little town. They've done everything right. I'm thinking I might have dogs. Well whatever. I've

taught. That's a plus. Exactly. No I'm saying their owner does drugs. He sits on the rules committee. He changes rules of passing to help. I don't see how anybody could do it. I think that's like a Knicks fan becoming a fucking Brooklyn Nets fan. It's despicable man. It can't it can't do it. I'm just saying if I thought about it. If I agree with Bill just stop watching it. Just stop watching it and give up but you can't just automatically take your jerseys off and go buy it go to the store and buy another fucking jersey. Then what happens when your team actually fucking wins it. Yeah then you're an idiot. Then you deserve it. Yeah. You deserve your team to win it a couple years. Well that's like it actually happened. No it has to happen. Eventually it has to happen.

We're gonna we're gonna do I guarantee we win it this year. It opens on. Dude that's a guy that rats out his friends. It's a movie called Draft Day. It opens I'm sure it's something good's gonna come out of that. That's a guy that rats out his friends. If you do that. If you do that. If you switch uniforms because they're not winning you're a rat. It's definitely it's a character. Your local Wall Street. No no you're you'll rat your friends out. You can't trust that guy. You're gonna trust that guy. No you can't trust that guy. No exactly. Guy's been going to going to a stadium with his mother and father as a kid and then he just fucking throws in the towel and throws on the enemy shirt. That kid will sell you down a fucking yeah the enemy shirt is that's that's that's that's a character

that is a character that's a character flaw something's wrong. No you're right and I think he in that person specifically I'm not gonna name names you know yeah I need to do a puck off today. I need you a puck off. There's a lot a lot of brewing stuff going on speaking my man crush what was what he did what he did what what dude hitting the guy from and the and the balls from behind with a stick. I didn't see the flyers yesterday. No Canadian game. Oh the Canadian game. Dude I was so jet lagged or not so wiped off my tour I actually forgot Monday night's usually dark not only did they have a game they play the Canadians I missed every second of that I saw the capitals game I saw the flyers game this weekend. Who else did they play. I think they

but Looch do what Looch he speared him from the back under his butt like hit him in the tank. The guy went down like a house of cards. It was it was not it was not something Looch I could have put that in the highlight reel. I got to see that. I got to see that. Yeah he stick them underneath like it was really I'm like Looch what are you doing. Well just so the people know we're not going to just talk sports on the on the tour. Yeah. No I didn't even all my sports jokes are I cut them out. The nice thing is the nice thing is they're all tagged. You know I'm fucking around just going to be great thing about this tour is like we're all alike but our comedy is different which is great. I'm clean.

All right well we're going to have to wrap this thing up here soon. I want to talk a little little hockey though. Anybody who's not a sports fan is going to be like what the fuck with this podcast. I don't care. Let me just read the last people listen to your podcast. Yeah but people still fucking bitch mode. There's always bitch. You know what it really is. It's just six people bitch and then I think it's like six million. So I mean I only have that is the math on the internet. I had a producer of a show one time he's like well like six people that's really in the internet term. That's like four thousand. Yeah it's like really what is that based on. He was a moron trying to work with. Yeah but based on how many of 10 people are listening

to six people bitch is not four thousand. You know I'm not good at math. There's something in the internet though is like one person equals. Hey let me read this last let me butcher this last one and we'll wrap this thing up here. Hulu plus everybody you've probably tried Hulu dot com. Hulu plus is so much more that with Hulu plus you can watch your favorite shows anytime anywhere. Hulu plus lets you watch thousands of hit TV shows and movies in the living room or on the go with your smartphone or tablet with Hulu plus you can watch your favorite TV shows like SNL, Jimmy Kimmel, Live Shark Tank and Scandal. Watch every episode of shows like Lost, Law and Order, SVU, Doctor Who and Community. How old am I? I don't even know half those shows.

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that's been the podcast for this week. I know it's difficult when we have three, four guys in here and all that so I hope we didn't step on each other too much for people listening out here but I'm really psyched for you guys. Thanks Bill. First of all, I mean everyone's just like amazed, you know, I mean not amazed but I mean it's really a nice thing that you did. Hey, you know, put your name to give us a kick out. You guys didn't read the fine print of the tour. I'm going to own the rights to all your acts and podcasts. You can have it. I've been trying to sell my act for ten years. Tonight, tonight we're going to be down Largo. We're going to give a great show and then afterwards I brought some Cubans back from Canada. So over my house, over my house,

you know, we'll get a lawhead of Shirley Temple and the rest of us can drink a little. It's just like, you know, you thought you'd hang out with some adults once in a while. You know, as soon as he said that we just gave him dirty looks, you know, 90 days. That's a good time. 89. 89 days. You might loosen your back up a little bit, no? I don't know, man. I heard it's good for it. The best man with backstreet, best thing if you're not going to have like the real, real drugs. Best thing is like three regular aspirin and a couple, couple big pops. Yeah. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Best thing for my back. I'll tell you what, the day I went in for it, I was so jacked up. They shot me with morphine. They put needles in my back and I'm going to tell

you something. The guy was like, well, listen, you know, I'm like, I can't take it. And he was like, it'll be a while to fill the prescriptions. He's like, how do you feel about needles? I'm like, I don't like them, but I even had a drink in like 80 days. So stick me wherever he's like, it's morphine. I'm like, please, have you ever had morphine shot India? Yeah, that's the greatest party in the world. The greatest party I've ever had. It's instant. Like, I had the morphine drip. And when you have surgery, you just have a button and you get it and it's just, it goes away. Like, it's, it's, it's, it's mine. No, you did. It's a truth. You rang it. You rang it on Jeopardy with that thing. You're like, Alex, Rebecca's like a Joe Martinic. No, no, I just, I need more morphine.

I did jam the fucking machine. I did. I jammed. I hit it so many times. That's hilarious. It only lets you like, because it's just only supposed to do that every 12 minutes. Yeah. If you get like 12 minutes here, it could kill you. It's like your lighter's out of fluid. Like he just, he couldn't get a flame anymore. Now, wait a minute. What that stuff, do you get high or do you just get numb? Oh, you get high as hell. You get high, high, not numb. It's not Novocaine. That kind of Jesus high where you're just like, Hi Jesus. Yeah, you're too, it's, it's, I never had had it before. All my life, 40 years of living plus and I've never had morphine and that was awesome. I mean, I was like three hours just like, Oh man. But I was in the car wreck three a month ago. So they,

my doctor was worried about me going to New York and walking around. So he shot me up. And I was in the hospital with like four guys. We were all lined up. These old guys like war veterans were like came back to cry and like their families were making fun of them. I went in there. My back's been so jacked. I've had so much shit done to me. He's like, you don't feel that. You don't feel that. I'm like, No, no, no. Well, that's amazing. I came back and they were like, you didn't feel nothing like no, because like, that's amazing. The machine. Yeah, indestructible. You are Joe, you are, you're one of a kind. Well, the show was tonight at 8 30. I think there are actually, we've got about 10 tickets left that we're probably going to release around

four o'clock if nobody else hits us up a ticket. So maybe you can grab some last second ones. But I'm psyched to be working. I don't think I've ever worked with all of you guys at the same time. No New Year's. We came close. Yeah. Bartnick Lawhead and Thamelis and then us three have done it. Yeah. And that's three of us three, but never all of us. There we go. So there we go. The four horsemen. You can't make it tonight. If you're listening to San Diego, San Diego, you guys got to give me a website where I can send these people as far as Mad House comedy club.com is for San Diego. I know that's parlor live.com is there's helium pdx, I think that com for Portland and then punchline SF.com and then puss punchline s a c for Sacramento

Yeah. Okay. And that's all for the first the first the West Coast leg of this tour. All right guys. Thanks for coming down on the podcast. Thank you, man. It's on the studio. You got a nice little studio. All things comedy. All things comedy. All right. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves and I'll talk to you next week. All those in the promo to see hippie cop my lusher van alles neem ik tree no man no I met the Eric van on zeer zalig pasen ramadam oe berk geniet van pasen ramadan met het verrassend en divers assortiment van Albert Heijn en kijk zeker ook naar de tweede aflevering op de wereld in het klein.be dat is het lekkere van Albert Heijn