Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-4-19

Episode Date: March 5, 2019

Bill rambles about the digging up the dead, taping a special and burping at the gym.

Do you choose the second hand car for Instinct or with your understanding? With the choice for a BMW with the BMW Premium Selection Certificate, let yourself be guided by both. Because its quality, it feels you. And that it is reliable, you know that. Above all, you now enjoy a 4-year warranty on your certified second hand car. BMW Premium Selection, trust your Instinct, follow your understanding. Information and information on bmw.be For Monday, March 4th, 2019, what's going on, how are you?

I know I'm really late, I'm really late. But yesterday was the first taping. My next special at Royal Albert Hall and tonight is the next one. So yesterday I had a bunch of stuff I had to do for like the intro or the special and all of that type of stuff. So it went great last night, had an awesome time. And I never taped a special where I always just did like two shows one night done. I've never done like a show and then waited a whole day and then do another show.

So I'm just looking tonight like I could not have been more thrilled with how it went last night. Did not have any of this stupid torture that happens afterwards where you're just like, oh, God, I wanted to do this and how come I didn't say that, is anybody going to like me after this? I didn't do any of that shit. I was just like, all right, I missed something here, missed who gives a fuck, right? Yeah, it's fine.

I don't give a shit. It's all going to be good. So tonight I'm just going to go out and have a good time and I'm as excited as I was to record this special after last night. I kind of felt a little bit of sadness of like, I'm really going to miss these jokes. I've never had that feeling before. But I know the next ones are coming or whatever, but it's kind of hitting me here as I'm doing this like, wow, this is kind of the end of the run for these jokes, you know?

And then I just move on like Bill Bixby, right at the end of the Hulk. Just walk away from the act. And the smartest thing I did was I already did a gig at Royal Albert Hall for fuck's sake. Somebody else just coming. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. What the hell is this? Sorry, head, head, pause.

Fucking rang the doorbell and then rings it again. Like the fucking hotel's on fire. Oh, sorry to disturb you. Just want to know if you need anything in the mini bar. No, I'm good. Thank you. Jesus. Are you assuming I'm not fucking here?

Two fucking rings. What if I was sitting here with my fucking balls hanging out? You're going to ring it that fast and then you walk in and then let me guess, I'm in trouble, right? Is it true you had your balls out, sir? Well, yes, I was in the shut up. There was a woman knocking on that door. You should have realized at any second someone could come walk again.

By the way, is that John Wayne stuff, the dumbest thing? What is this thing now where we're just going to dig up dead people? And did you see what they said in 1964? Well, I have, I imagine nothing good. They fucking got this documentary coming out about Michael Jackson. It's just like the guy's dead. Like, so I don't understand like what the fuck with every other day now. Somebody dead.

Somebody's got to come along and fucking dig them up and be, you know, they, you know, I don't know how much you enjoy this music. If you know that the person did this. Why do they only do it to famous people? Can all of us dig up our grandparents and be like, yeah. Remember when you said that? All of these fucking it, I just do, I do not fucking get it. I don't fucking get it.

Can you believe this, this fucking guy was born in 1907. Sounded like a guy was born in 1907. Yes. Yes, I can. Whose grandparents don't go out and say crazy shit. That's the new fucking thing. Unearthed, unearthed fucking interview from 40, 50 years ago. And then line it up with today's, you know, what's right.

You don't have to go back that far. Go back into somebody's Twitter history. Remember when you said this? Yeah. No, no. Remember when we were all saying that? That's what you're supposed to do. Oh, you know what?

You motherfucking clock sucking fucking assholes. What now? Just gonna, I just want to go. Just need some fucking bullshit. Hello. You have what? Miss who? I don't know who that is.

All right, bye. I have Miss Simi, Miss Kimmy. I don't know what the fuck that is. Um, anyways, Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's like the new fucking thing. The new fucking thing. It's to go back in time and just look up. Hey, Cory, evidently Truman Capote was,

uh, he wasn't as fucking Truman as we thought he was. Just think about someone just before all of the fucking jokes. I literally saw somebody get interviewed the other day and they were talking about the office, the American version. And they asked, could you make that video? Yeah. Yeah.

The office, the American version, and they asked, could you make that today? And oh, no, no, we, we could never do that week. Most of those jokes wouldn't work today. That was 10 fucking years ago. All right. So Jesus Christ, enough with, with the fucking shock and awe that you're going to dig up somebody

who died 40 fucking years ago and they said something surprising. It's like, if you were born in 1907 and somebody interviewed you 40 years ago, you would not want that interview to be made fucking public. You wouldn't. Anyways, what fucking world do we live in that the, the office is now considered too edgy for television?

Oh Jesus, you could never do it. It was one of the most absurd fucking shows you've ever saw in your life. I don't know, but that's where we are because, that's where we are because 8% of the fucking, that's my rough, as far as I can tell, the people that I talk to. Everybody else is just like, dude, what is the big fucking deal? Yeah. You know what's fucking hilarious?

Someday you're going to sound like your fucking grandparents. Someday you're going to be in your fucking 70s and something you said in your 40s is going to sound fucking ridiculous. Like nobody's, like it's, nobody's allowed to like, I don't, I don't know, I don't even fucking, and I don't understand all of these fucking people that are going on social media doing this.

It's just, I was really, what about you? If, if, if anybody gave a fuck about you, you no-named cunt and went back into your fucking life, they can't find somebody to say that you said something or did something. It's called being a human being. Jesus fucking Christ. I told you that shit when I was in Scotland.

That woman left that, wrote that fucking article. I was talking about commemorative statues and she's like, nothing makes my heart sink. Like when I hear there's, they're going to put up a commemorative statue. It's like nothing. Fucking genocide, child pornography, nothing quite makes your fucking heart drop

like the making of a commemorative statue. Oh Jesus. Anyways. Can you believe Christopher Columbus was actually a fucking asshole? New evidence shows. It's just like, where was that new evidence? Was it just sitting on somebody's desk

for fucking four hundred years? He's a fan of all these fucking people. Compared to what? Somebody in 2019? Yeah, I would like to think that people learn how to treat other people better each year. That's what we're supposed to be doing. You know what I mean?

If you go back and watch an episode of Solid Gold, there's a lot of people dancing today on that thing that would get laughed out of the fucking club and that was the peak of dancing back then. But it progressed. And now all those moves that were unbelievable are now kind of basic. That's what happens.

It just kind of, you know. Can you believe the guy that won the Indy 500 in 1955 wouldn't even have qualified for the race in 2019? I don't think this guy's a champion. I think they need to rethink that championship. Top end, where he was only going 140 miles an hour. I mean, the fucking pace guard today goes faster than that. I don't know.

I don't know. All right, does that do anything? Does it really do anything to say, hey, this guy who's been dead for 40 years is actually this now? So what am I supposed to do? Now go back and look at this person's sports career or their fucking movie career

and look at them differently somehow and then sit there and look at myself like I'm this great fucking person just because I had the luxury of being born when I was born and then be so fucking full of myself that I'm not looking at this guy being like, well, wait a minute, someday I'm going to be dead 40 years and then people go back and see the things that I said

and I'm like, I'm going to survive that. All right, Bill, I think you made your point. All right. You know, a lot of people think Abe Lincoln's a good guy. Apparently new evidence shows. He went to a fucking Sadie Hawkins dance and he evidently, he was fucking quite rude to his date that night.

Four score, hashtag four score and seven beers ago. Drink much, Abe. I don't know. Anyways, whatever. So I got one more fucking night. See, this is what I want to open with tonight. This is what I want to talk about. Get this out of my fucking system,

but I have to fucking document my jokes tonight. So I want to thank everybody that came out in Manchester, Glasgow and Birmingham. I had a great time and found out that I was not dehydrated. I actually had a little bit of a stomach virus. I can't believe it with this high quality food that I've been eating here for the last fucking 10 days. Oh jeez.

Oh my God, I just don't know if I'm just, I have to be going to the wrong places, but what they do to a cheeseburger over here, it's just like, as an American, it's offensive. I feel like it's one of our signature dishes. What we added to the international culinary fucking whatever. Sorry, I was trying to be eloquent there. For them to just fucking make it the way that they make it,

I'm not telling you, it's just something wrong about it. But I keep ordering them in hopes that someone's going to get it right. But anyways, it turned out I had a stomach virus. Now I think I'm past it. So I can give my all to my dick and shit jokes tonight. Rest in peace, Luke Perry. Jesus Christ, 52 fucking years old with kids. That's a scary one, man.

And the guy weighed like 130 pounds that I felt. So now I'm on the internet and I'm trying to fucking, you know, early signs of a stroke and how you can screen for it. You can do this to screen for it, but don't do it too many times because the scan isn't good for you, and it's just like, so they had the, all these lists here, like the top causes. This is for old men like me.

All right. Here we go. Top causes for stroke. All right. Here we go. Come on. Hotel. All right.

Is hypertension, high blood pressure. I was psyched when the doctor came and took my blood pressure, said I have the blood pressure of a 25 year old. He goes, do you work out a lot? And I said, I do work out a lot. High cholesterol. I don't have that diabetes. I don't have that central obesity.

That means having a belly. I don't have that smoking. I do that. So that's the one I got to get out because I'm not living for myself anymore, living for the kiddo. So, and I've come to this, this, this realization of, of my boozing. I finally figured it out. I figured out what kind of drinking drinker I am,

why it's gone off the rails. Why all of a sudden it became this guy that needed to take breaks. And yeah, the big thing that I, how I fucked up was I brought it into the house. All right. And if I can give anybody, any young man, young woman out there fucking, a young fucking transfer and humanoid, whatever the fuck you're supposed to say, one of those TR words. All right.

Yeah. Listen to this little clip in 40 years. Okay. We'll see if they're taken down my fucking monument at the innovators of podcasting and the filthy wing at the podcast museum. Right. I'm going to take down my fucking golden statue with the fucking orange leaflet over my balls. You don't want to bring your vices home with you.

Okay. You want to have to go out and get them. All right. So where I fucked up is I ended up having a booze collection at home. And because I was buying some higher end stuff, you start to think, oh, I'm like a collector. I'm a connoisseur. You're a fucking boozehound. So I'm just gradually just given bottles away.

I got some Pappy Van Winkle. I'm not giving that away. You know, but I have some couple nicer bottles of things that cost me whatever 80, 100 bucks or whatever. But like to be, I still want my kids seeing me drinking. Okay. Obviously my kid can listen to the podcast, know what I was, but like, I still, I don't want to be doing that.

I don't want to be smoking cigars in front of her. I don't be drinking fucking booze. None of that shit. If she asks me about it, I'll tell her what I did. I'll be honest with her and then tell her how fucking stupid it was. How much time I wasted and all that type of shit. You know, I did have a good time, you know, whatever. But anyways, I just, I just don't think it's a good look.

If you'd be sitting at home fucking boozing. Not that I've ever done that in front of her. I wait till she goes to sleep, but there's been nights where I'm just like, wow, dude, I am like, like, you know, rolling the dice here. Cause God forbid I'm down here legally fucking hammered. And what if my wife had some sort of medical issue? Now I'm drunk. I got to get my kid and my wife.

Now I have, what do I do here? I got to fucking call an Uber and all of this shit cause I'm too drunk to drive. Or even if I just call a fucking ambulance, I'm going to be standing there fucking hammered as somebody. That's not a good look. That's not, that's not something that dad does or not the dad that I want to be. So I'm getting this shit out of my house. I decided I'm taking the year off and then next year I'll see what I want to do.

But if there's anything that I want to do, I'm going to have to go out and go get it. And that goes for the cigars too. I'm going to drastically cut that down. And I don't know, but then I remember hearing this quote that said beware of the man with no vice or something like that. Man with no vice saying. Let's see what it is. What is this thing?

Show me a man. Here we go. Show me a man without vice. Where is it? Show me a man without vice and I'll show you one without virtue. Now, you know, that doesn't just sound like some dumb shit a drunk would say at a bar. Wait, he doesn't, he's fucking doing something for man. Let's see something here.

Vices, vice quotes. I actually, I don't understand that. It's like, so if you live like a viceless life, then you have no virtue. What is a virtue? What is the actual definition? So on virtuous I am behavior showing high moral standards. So if you, if you don't have any low moral standards, you won't have any high moral standards. So if you're not fucking blowing a couple of rails, that means you're not going to help a fucking old lady across the street.

Why can't you be the guy who's not doing blow, not boozing, eating, you know, in a healthy way and being a family man and also be a good person. I don't understand that. You know, is it because if you meet somebody that's strong enough, is this just insecurity by fucking people that have vices? Because I gotta be honest with you, if I can get rid of vinyl booze and I didn't smoke cigars, I think that's it. That's what I do, I drink and smoke. So now I'm not drinking. Since I've been over here, I've had one cigar. You know, I barely smoke.

If I get rid of that, you know, then what? Jesus Christ. Well then, Bill, you have the most boring fucking podcast in the history of podcasting, I guess. I don't know. I gotta, I'll figure it out though. But I don't want to be this guy just like, you know, I never have a drink or I never have a cigar. I just got to get it out of my fucking house. All right, I feel like I invited a vampire and, you know, like I'm in the Lost Boys except with booze and cigars.

Sort of, I'll do that. Then I'll just sit there and judge my wife every time she has a rosé. Nice, nice example that you're setting. I gotta be honest with you, London, I'm loving it. You know, I was never really a London guy. I was more a Paris guy. I don't know what happened. Now I'm starting to like London a little better, you know, despite the fucking food.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. You know, the amount of places that they conquered with all these spices, you know, I always heard that they brought them back. God knows they're not fucking using them. It has to be, I don't know where to go. You know, they got too many fucking celebrities out here, all the spice girls, the spice girls, right? Where do they eat? There's no way they put up with this food.

There's no way. I know last time I came here, I went to this Indian restaurant that was fucking unbelievable. And I also went to the Ivy the other night. I had the best Shepherd's pie I've ever had. So it hasn't been all bad, but I'll just tell you, everything else I've gone to, man. It's like comedy club green room bad. All right, but we get it. You don't like the fucking food.

I'm sorry. So what's going on in the world of America? I miss the good old USA. Let's see what when I want to go to search. USA news. Let's see what happens. President Donald Trump serves fast food to another title team. This is how broke we are after fucking these wars.

Why does he keep doing that? Does he do this to anybody else? Let's see. President Donald Trump serves fast food to another title team, North Dakota State. Another championship football team. You know what? This is North Dakota State. There's a lot of white guys on there.

He's still giving them fast food. Dude, I'd love to eat McDonald's on the White House. It's kind of fucking cool. Trump welcomed the football championship subdivision champions, the North Dakota State Bison. You get him some bison burgers there to the White House on Monday. And according to a pool report, he served them a lunchtime spread of Big Mac, Chick-fil-A sandwiches and French fries, among other fast food items. Trump served a similar meal to the Clemson Tigers while they visited the White House in January.

According to the pool report, Trump told the Bisons that he couldn't serve them a meal prepared by the chef, but I know you people. Several players laughed. Oh, that he could have served them a meal prepared by the chefs, but I know you people. Several players laughed according to the pool report. Trump said in January that he personally paid for Clemson's White House feast. It's a feast now because its visit came in the middle of a partial government shutdown. Maybe it's just him trying to be cool.

Did he go to college? Did Trump even go to college? It's amazing how little I know about this guy. Donald Trump, let's see where the fuck he went. He probably went to college where his dad went to college. My father's a legacy here. He was one of the greatest students ever of this university. Of course this isn't going to show up. I have no idea. All right, let me get to the, let me read a little bit out. BNB Premium Selection.

As this fucking thing comes together here. All right. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Honey! You ever want to buy something online only to find out later you missed a discount? Honey! Is a free browser add-on that finds me the best deals online. The app magically auto replies the best deal to my cart at checkout. Oh, Honey!

Finds discounts and coupons across 37,000 sites. Amazon, Sephora, Best Buy, Nordstrom and more. Shop like normal. Honey handles the rest. Honey has saved its 10 million members an average of $28.61. Overall, or... Oh, so it's saved $280 million, $661,000. I don't fucking...

Honey members have already saved more than $800 million. There you go. Thank you for helping me out there. Well, that doesn't make sense. 10 million members. It's like, oh my God, what the fucking, what the fucking goddamn fucking... Jesus Christ. Hang on a second, hang on a second. Who's this? Hello?

Hello, sir. Have you finished? Yeah, but I'm just recording something. I'll do it. Yep. All right. Thank you. Jesus Christ. He just can't get the fucking food out of here fast. Now they want to get rid of the evidence. All right. I swear to God, nobody's knocked or phoned the whole fucking time.

The second I turn on the recorder. Just seeing this, does the rug feel okay under your feet, sir? Where was I? Honey. Honey. Members have already saved 800, more than $800 million. Not bad for something that's completely free and takes just two clicks to install. This is fucking free. Honey has over 100,000 five-star reviews on Google Chrome, on the Google Chrome store.

Time magazine calls Honey. Basically free money. Look, there's no reason to use Honey, not to use Honey. It's free to use and easy to install on your computer in just two clicks. So shop with confidence. Get Honey. For free at joinhoney.com slash burr. That's joinhoney.com slash burr. You are our Honey, the smart shopping assistant that saves you time and money when you're shopping online.

Oh, look everybody, it's Hymns. Hymns, 66% of men start to lose their hair by the age of 35. Hey. Once you've noticed thinning hair, it can be too late. Is that hairline slowly starting to move backwards? Any bald spots yet? Is your dick still working? The best way to prevent more hair loss is to do something about it while you still have some.

It's time to get a handle on those precious locks. I ask you, do you want a bald spot to pop up on your hair or your hairline to recede? Or do you want to do something about it first? Why did guys turn to weird solutions or nothing at all? Well, hey, maybe I just accepted it. Why do you have to pick on me, Hymns? Why do they do this when they can turn to medicine and science? Well, a lot of them had bad fucking side effects early on.

Hey, man, I'm just a podcast listener. I don't need to be attacked here. All right, solution for Hymns.com, a one-stop shop for hair loss, skincare, sexual wellness for men. Thanks to science, baldness can be optional. Hymns is, how weird am I going to look when I get older? Because everybody's going to opt for this shit. They're just going to get Hymns and keep their fucking hair. Right around when I'm 60, kids will start whispering, what's the matter with that man?

Did he used to be the strong man at the circus? Why do guys turn to OK for Hymns? Thanks to science, baldness can be an option. Hymns is helping guys be the best version of themselves with licensed physicians and FDA-approved products to help treat hair loss. Prescription solutions backed by science. Hymns was created by a guy who knows some men's health conversations are easier online than in person. Well, dude, you're going bald. Everyone can see it.

You got to try and hide it. My listeners can get started with Hymns complete hair kit for just $5 right now while supplies last and subject to doctor's approval. Restrictions apply. See website for full details. Go to forhyms. H-I-M-S dot com slash burr. That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash burr. Forhyms.com slash burr.

All right. Oh, everybody. Look, legal zoom, legal zoom. Five business, five things business owners can count on from legal zoom. Numero uno, reliability. Over 2 million people have used legal zoom to start their businesses. LLCs, S-Corps, nonprofits, DBAs, and more. You can use legal zoom to get started the right way. Number two, numero dos, the experience.

I'm counting right now in three different languages if you're not keeping up. They've been helping all types of business owners for over 17 years. You can count on legal zoom to help with all the details. Numero uno, dos, tres. Numero tres. Entre trois. One, two, three. Helpful support. They have the right people standing by ready for your questions all based in the U.S.

Numero uno, cuatro, cuatro. Legal zoom. Legal zoom isn't a law firm, but they have a network of independent attorneys licensed in all 50 states. Can I say 50 in all different languages? 50. I don't know how to say it in Latino, whatever the fuck I'm supposed to say in Latin. Spanish. We don't speak Spanish.

I didn't get the fucking book, all right? Sorry, all they did was teach me about the pilgrims. They can review contracts with employment laws. And I can't even read today. And advise you on many of the hurdles that pop up when you're running a business. And finally, number five. Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco. Sang.

Five. No surprises. Legal zoom provides complete transparency with upfront pricing, customer reviews, and a satisfaction guarantee. Check out legal zoom today to see how they can make life better for you and your business. And don't forget to enter Burr at checkout to save even more. Legal zoom, where life meets legal. Legal zoom.com. All right.

What else we got here? Oh, policy genius. Policy genius. Oh, this is the last one. Thank Christ. All right. Policy genius. Getting life insurance can feel like assembling the world's worst jigsaw puzzle.

How old was somebody who fucking wrote this copy? Getting life insurance can feel like starting an old fucking crank start forward. No matter how much you blow the horn, you can feel like biting down on a bow and arrow while someone digs a slug out of your calf. It's confusing. It takes forever. And when you're finally done, it doesn't even look cool. But if you have a mortgage kids or anyone is depending on your income, it's a puzzle you need to solve. And policy genius can help you do it.

Policy genius. It's the easy way to get life insurance. It's just two minutes in just two minutes. You can compare quotes from top insurers to find the best policy for you when you apply online. The advisors at policy genius will handle all the red tape to leave and negotiate your rate with the insurance company. No commission sales agents. No hidden fees. Just helpful advice in personalized services and policy genius doesn't make life insurance easy.

It doesn't just make life insurance easy. They also make it easy. Find the right home insurance, your auto insurance or disability insurance. They're your one stop shop for financial protection. So if you find life insurance puzzling, head to policygenius.com. In two minutes, you can prepare quotes, find the right policy and save up to 40% doing it. Policy genius. The easy way to compare and buy life insurance.

All right. And with that, let's see if Donald Trump's Wikipedia page came up. It did. He was born June 14th, Gemini, 1946. His current president was born and raised in New York, borough of Queens. He got an economics degree from the Wharton School. That's a good one. I know that's a good one.

I've never really heard of it, which means that's a high end one. It was not on my radar to be applied to. He was appointed president of his family's real estate business in 1971. Look at that. He was only 25 years old and he took on that level of responsibility. Everybody else gets to go out to a fucking bar and drink, you know. Take some karaoke and he had to take over the family's real estate business. Everybody thinks these rich kids have it easy, you know.

You poor kids have no idea how lucky you are to be 25 and not have the pressures of a real estate company to take over. The company built a renovated skyscraper, so hotels, casinos and golf courses. Trump later started various side ventures, including licensing his name for real estate and consumer products. Yeah, that's the genius. That's why when everybody's like giving the finger to a Trump hotel, it's like it's not really his hotel. Early life education, conflicts of interest. I mean, this is all here, dude. This is all what usually you have on a rich guy's Wikipedia page.

All right, let's get to the questions because I got a fucking special to tape here tonight. All right, what's the first question? Soccer playoffs. So I mentioned, I was saying how weird it is that they don't have a playoff in the Premier League and how huge that would be. So evidently, this person is going to set me straight as to why they don't do it. Bill, they don't have soccer in playoffs. They don't have playoffs in soccer, is what the person meant to write. But they happen to have various cup competitions that add a different dynamic to the mix.

When you think about it, it's extremely stupid to have playoffs in the first place. Why would the most consistent and best team to top a table in any sport over the duration of a season not get recognized as the best team? Well, easily. Well, that's easy. Well, in our world, you know, you have people just the way shit lines up, who's in your division, you end up playing a tougher schedule than somebody else. You know, and it also depends like when you play somebody, if their best player was hurt, and then the other team comes to play him and that guy's player is back. You know what I mean? All of a sudden, you know, it's just like you play a whole season and somebody's one point behind you.

You're the champion and they're not. I don't know. I like playoffs. And then also playoffs adds like this pressure was the team that's supposed to win all of a sudden feels his pressure and then they could choke and you have great stories. There's plenty of reasons to have playoffs. So I don't think it's stupid. It's extremely stupid. Well, then why do you have the World Cup?

Isn't that stupid? Isn't that a giant fucking planetary fucking playoff? Why doesn't everybody just fucking stay home? Anyways, I don't understand this. Well, that's a cup competition. That's a different thing. So you're into playoffs as long as it's a cup. It's extremely stupid.

I don't think it is. Anyway, hockey is the only sport where I understand and respect the league structure because the Stanley Cup is arguably the most difficult trophy to win. All right, you're all over the map here, sir. You can maybe get away with half assing in the regular season to clinch playoffs, but you have a long way to go to hoist the cup. They actually have a playoff format in the English championship, which is the league right below the Premier League. First and second in the table automatically advanced to the Premier League while third to six have a two leg matchup to get in a final for that third promotion spot. Oh, that's cool. So that's where your playoffs are.

It's very exciting because there are millions and millions of dollars on the line with that final game playoff. All right, so now you like playoffs. Also offside is when the attacking player is past the final defender at the point the ball is played. If you didn't have this in place, players would just cherry pick all game and the beautiful game would be a shit show rat fest. Come back to Niagara, Canada. Take care. I get that shit that you can't just hang, but my thing is, is if somebody's going to run past you, they're not just cherry picking, hanging down the other end of the field. If somebody's going to run faster than you and they're faster, you can just slow down and make them offside.

That's fucking stupid. That guy's faster than you. We beat you. That's my problem. I'm not saying that, you know, you know, look in hockey, they have an offside's line. You got to clear the fucking zone when the puck comes out. But like if somebody blows past you with the puck, they don't have to fucking wait till you get into the zone. You know what I mean?

Sorry. I know it sounds like I'm drinking. I'm just drinking a giant bottle of water glass bottle. Fancy man, as Jim Norton likes to say. All right. Well, I get that, sir. I don't think, I actually think that you actually enjoy playoffs, but you also enjoy the Premier League. So now you have to say that it's extremely stupid.

And of course, because you're from Canada, you get it in the hockey. You understand those playoffs. All right. Sending food back. All right. This is what I wanted to hear from people. How you go about it. He says, I'm a 28 year old male living amongst you and all the other narcissistic transplant cons that decided they were too good for their hometowns

and needed to move to this coastal Eden that we call Los Angeles and attempt to achieve a dream of creating a career doing what I love. Parentheses creating slash playing music. Well, sir, if you wanted to play music for a living, you know, you probably would eventually move to Los Angeles to get more in the mix or Nashville. Don't you move where the industry is? At any rate, I guess he's got to be joking that that Los Angeles is an Eden. It's not an Eden. You had to steal water to try and turn it into a fucking Eden. It's a shit show that shouldn't be there.

But it is. And what we've done with it is amazing. Am I saying we now with Los Angeles? Have I been there that long? At any rate, being a musician, I worked a number of side gigs, including waiting tables. I've waited tables at cheap joints as well as fine dining establishments like award-winning chef dudes. I think this guy was being sarcastic about LA. Anyways, at any rate, I think I can set you straight on sending food back basically and maybe obviously the cheaper the restaurant, the riskier it is to send your food back.

Great point. When I work fine dining, you're primarily in a restaurant where the kitchen is actually open to the public. So sending food back is handled in front of the clientele. And thus would never be subjected to being fucked with. Another great point. That being said, as you go down in price, typically, not always, your kitchen is getting a little bit more hidden. Your employees are probably making less. And on top of that, they're probably always, again, not always because I realized some cheaper restaurants are amazing quality, et cetera.

Not as passionate about what they're doing. In that case, your food will possibly get fucked with. Okay. Here's another person. Hey, Billy Sugar Tits. Never worry about sending food back with social media today. Any decent restaurant would rather you tell them than tell the world that a meal was poor. If a dick, if a dick ed works in the kitchen, what if a dick ed like the name Ed, if a dick ed works in the kitchen, the dick head.

Oh, this person was texting. And I guess there's some sort of weird, you get the capital thing in a space button. If a dick head works in the kitchen, who's going to spit in your food, you can guarantee the kitchen's a shit hole anyways. See you at Royal Albert Hall on Monday. Wait a minute. Never worry about sending food back. And then you ended with if a dick head works in the kitchen is going to spit in your food, you can guarantee the kitchen's a shit hole anyway. I mean, it doesn't make a difference because what's already in the food.

I don't know about that. All right. It's not making me feel better. All right. Formula E, a Billy Burnout. You mentioned on a recent podcast that the sports low between football and the start of Formula One. March Madness, NBA players, et cetera, has you as you down. I tried to watch Formula E to fill the gap.

I'm watching for the first time this year and it's been great. I get the hiccups now. This is the all electric racing series. It's real easy to get up to date since the races are time to have a maximum length of 45 minutes plus one lap. The first four races this season are all up on YouTube and they are carried live on Fox Sports 2 in the U.S. There's no team or set of teams that dominate like in Formula One and there's been passing galore in every race. All right. I like this, including a photo finish in the last race.

So it's not about getting to the first corner and blocking for the rest of the race. There are no pit stops, but the team still have to strategize to conserve energy so they don't run out of power. Sure, the cars don't go as fast, but the competition makes more than makes up for it in my opinion. Jonas is in the last two races of the season. Seasons will be held back to back days in New York City in July. Oh, shit. I might be in New York in July. Chairs and go fuck yourself.

Well, eventually I feel like those cars will be faster than the Formula One cars because just looking at how regular cars are in the street, you know what I mean? What a Tesla is shaped like. The fact that 0 to 60 can beat a Lamborghini, I would think that if you applied that same shit to a race car and absolutely no weight other than the battery. All it comes down to is if the battery is going to be lighter than the fucking engine and then you don't have all that bullshit out of the car where air can get caught because you can just have that smooth fucking thing like they do underneath the Tesla. I don't know. I would think that the e-cars are going to get faster, right? I don't know. I do think it's funny that people that are into gas combustion engines will think it's funny that they can only run them for 45 minutes and ignore the fact that the gas combustion engines also have to pull over and get gas, you know?

It's also not a limitless energy source. What you've got to have is you've got to have solar power. You've got to have somebody with a giant fucking solar panel duct taped to their fucking head, all right? And a giant magnifying glass above it. The driver dies every race, but there's no pit stops and can still go 500 miles. That's how I would do it. All right, baby name. You just get people on death row to drive, so then also they won't give a fuck, you know?

If there's space or not to go into the corner, it'll be really fucking exciting. He had death row inmates with a fucking satellite, not a satellite, a fucking, not a strobe. I just set a solar panel on their head with a giant magnifying glass, all right? Right before they get in the car, they eat their last meal, whatever it is, you know? A little bit of hog and dog. It's a fucking turnip and some fucking chicken, whatever the fuck it is they want, you know? And you get them in there and that's it. It's like, all right, and here's the thing.

If you win, whoever wins doesn't get killed. Wait, no, you'd already die. Oh, they got it. Yeah, somehow, like if you win, it's like the dirty doesn't. If you win, they let you back out on the street. You can't let them back out on the street. They're fucking murderers. I don't know, it's got to be something you can do.

I don't know. What are you going to do? I don't have it all worked out. All right, baby name negotiation strategy. Bill, my wife and I are having our first baby. Congratulations, a baby girl. Oh, you hit the lottery and we couldn't be happier. The only issue is picking her name and negotiations are deadlocked.

Here's the negotiation positions. All right, I'm going to tell you this before I go any further. All right, never tell your daughter about this. All right, whatever her name is, that's her name. If you lose or your wife loses on the debate, do not fucking bring that up to your kid. Whatever the name is, is the name. All right. My wife's tastes and names could be best described as somewhere between Hollywood Diva and a 1960s flower child.

Oh my God. Think names like Apple and Moonbeam. Layla, like the Eric Clapton song is her best idea to date, but it wouldn't be my first choice. No, that song's too popular. I don't know. Layla's not bad. I don't know. Okay, I would like to get my grandmother's name Fumiko, an old Japanese name somewhere.

That's got to be a middle name, dude. Anywhere in my daughter's name. She died before I was born and would really mean a lot to me and my side of the family to get that even as a middle name. That's a middle name, dude. My wife doesn't like the name Fumiko. Specifically, she doesn't like the way it sounds and thinks it sounds too close to the word fumer, which you as a scholar of French know is the verb to smoke. As in to smoke in French. No, I knew a rocket was something like that.

I am basically willing to concede the first name to get Fumiko as a middle name. Well, that's cool because if the kids like half Japanese, I don't know if you guys are full Japanese. That's cool. So you get the little bit of that in there in the name. A lot of people do that. Anyways, he said, but I haven't gotten much headway in negotiation. Again, I am willing to concede that the first name be something kind of weird to get my grandmother's name, which is admittedly unusual, but highly meaningful as the middle name. I have two questions.

All right. First of all, if your wife is going to go all hippie, trippy, dippy. And then, you know, you can't be like fucking like weak grass shot Fumiko Johnson. You can't have that. I wouldn't think, oh man, this is tough because I have two questions. How did you and the lovely Nia go about picking your daughter's name? What is my path to getting my wife to agree to Fumiko as my daughter's middle name? Um, I think, I think you guys need to stop thinking about yourselves and think about your daughter.

Okay. As she's going to have to be this name. Somebody's going to have to say this name and she's going to have to be like, yes, present. Okay. So I would just say to my wife, like, listen, all right. I'm willing to concede Fumiko. All right. But when she's not going to have some hippie, trippy, fucking, fucking white celebrity kid,

fucking name. Can't have that. Yeah. You're not naming this kid after an emotion or a fucking fruit or vegetable. It's just a fucking, it's just a fucking asshole thing to do to your kid. It's so fucking self-involved. And it's so just like, oh, look at me. Look how creative I am.

It's just like, don't, don't you remember going to school? Don't you remember those, those first brutal years? If there was anything even remotely different about you, you were going to get the shit kicked out of you. It's going to happen anyways. Why help the other kids out? Why? The kid's going to hate the fucking name.

Um, anyways. So I would be thinking about the kid. I wouldn't be thinking about my own family and all of that type of shit. Just give your kid a fucking cool name that sounds good with your last name. And just let your kid be who they want to fucking be. All right. And don't force your fucking agenda on them from day one with some fucked up goddamn name. That's my two cents.

All right. Um, all right. Lady asked me to not burp at the gym. Okay. Uh, hey, Bilbo, saggy baggins. Um, I was at the gym the other day, uh, in my building trying to get back in shape for the summer as I've been a booze bag getting through this fucking winter. Anyways, I was on the elliptical at a nice brisk pace.

Um, 185 RPMs. Jesus Christ. I was listening to your podcast actually. And there was one other woman on a treadmill, three treadmills away, uh, walking at a slight incline and I'm guessing a speed of 2.3 and reading a novel. Oh yeah. That's not working out. Uh, my family has acid reflux.

So sometimes at the gym, when I'm really pushing it, I would inherently lightly burp every few minutes at about 25 minutes into my session. I hear something coming from my headphones and this late fifties wish lady is waving at me out of my periphery. I looked and over at her and moved my earpiece away to hear her and she said nicely, could you please not burp anymore? It's distracting me. Well, dude, if you're fucking belching while running 185, I mean, that sounds like you're

flying. Just run. I mean, what are you doing? You're in public. Um, anyway, Bill, the amount of rage I was filled with for such an insane request was unfathomable. Well, how loud were you burping? You had your headphones on.

She put up with it for 20 fucking minutes. He said, I thought about going to apologize to her asking her name and giving her a fake name for myself and then telling the leasing office what a cunt this lady was. What is with you young people just wanting to tell on each other? Did you want to make a video of it and then fucking upload it? You guys are all just trying to get each other in trouble and kicked out of things. The fucking rat generation. I refrained, finished my workout and continued all of my day.

My question for you is one. Am I just being completely, uh, am I just in just being completely flabbergasted by a lady walking on a treadmill, reading a book, telling me not to burp when I have GERD and to what, what have you done in that situation to do it? First of all, you know, how the fuck does she know that you have acid fucking reflux and stop acting like you have leukemia? You know what I mean? This is just right here.

This is what's wrong with, with, with what social media did to the individual. You're in a public gym. You're belching. No one wants to listen to your fucking burping and you're a boozy fat fuck because of the winner. I respect the fact you're trying to lose the weight. You know, maybe if you ate better, you wouldn't have this. Who the fuck wants to sit and listen to you burp?

And he gives a fuck. She's over there walking half a mile an hour with the book. That's her loss. She's not really working out, but she waited for fucking 20 minutes for you to belch it out of your system and you didn't. It's fucking gross. No. No, I would take, I'd eat a pack of fucking rollades and go for a walk around the block.

But I mean, you can't be like belching in public and then try and turn around and make yourself the victim because you got acid reflux. You know, what if she was really gassy and was just farting the entire time? You know, she says, okay, I have irritable bowel syndrome. Well, fucking, you know, go drink some of that pink shit and fucking go for a walk. Don't come in here and close the goddamn door. Yeah, you fucking gassy whore. I don't want to tell you.

I'd say, yeah, you're in the wrong there, sir. Yeah, no one wants to go to the gym. Listen to you burping, going 90 miles an hour on a fucking elliptical. And I don't care about your acid reflux and how it afflicts you as a person. I think you need to take that into consideration. You know, why don't you just go get one of those TRX bands and just work out in the house. You can easily go for a walk. You know, it's better for the environment, all the energy that an elliptical uses.

Just go walk up a hill. You can fucking burp to your heart's content. Then you're not bugging her and she can sit there and fucking slowly walk to her grave while she reads the next Harry Potter fucking novel, right? Does that work? Does that work for everybody? I hope it does. All right, I am going to have to pull up a little bit short here.

I apologize. I just have to, I got to tape this fucking thing tonight. And then I'll be back in the States. It might be a little jet lag. I know these last couple of ones have been a little fucking scatterbrain and jet lag. I've just been working a little too hard. But, you know, after tonight, I'm on the other side of it. And hopefully I'll go back to not being as scatterbrain.

I'm just the normal level of scatterbrain-ish shit that I say. All right, that is it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. And thank you from the bottom of my heart. Everybody that showed up on this run through the UK, I've been having a great time. All right, that is it. I'll see you Thursday.

BNB Premium Selection. Trust your instinct. Follow your will. Information and information at bnb.be.