Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-5-18

Episode Date: March 5, 2018

Bill sits down with musician Al Jourgensen....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Okay, before I start the podcast, I know this is weird because I'm not saying what's going on. I just got to let you guys know I got a big tour coming up this year and all the pre-sales for most of my shows are going on sale. A special password has been created for podcast listeners to get tickets first. Use the code Billy Baldwin. You get it Baldwin. All capitals B-I-L-L-Y-B-A-L-D-W-I-N. It's active now midnight on Sunday Eastern Standard Time and the public sale will be Friday, March 9th, 12 p.m. All links will be on billbird.com. Soon I will be in Atlanta, Georgia, San Francisco, Dublin, Ireland, London, England for my 50th birthday. Minneapolis, Detroit, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Houston, Dallas, Las Vegas, Maryland, Virginia, Charleston,
Starting point is 00:01:17 South Carolina, Inglewood, California, Denver, Boston, Baltimore, Atlantic City, Chicago, more dates to come. Jump on the website and whatever. Use the, what the fuck do you go? I guess we're going to have links and all this shit, right? That's right. It'll be on the website. I'm sorry. All right. So check that out. My tour for 2018. And once again, thank you to everybody who's playing on coming out to my shows. I appreciate it. And now here's the podcast. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday. I'm going to go with what's today? Thursday, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, March 5th, March 6th. You're asking the wrong person. I know. I'm asking the wrong person. I'm recording this on
Starting point is 00:02:00 March 1st. Very special guests on the podcast. We've had two in a row, two special guests in a row, which means my podcast continues to get more and more special as I drop the fucking recorder. We have the great Al Jurgerson from ministry right here. He's got a new album coming out. And for whatever reason, he wanted to come on my stupid podcast to promote it. One of the legends of really last 30 years, basically you invented an entirely new kind of music, right? You were credited with coming up with what they call an industrial something like that. I just think it was probably a bad strain of acid in the 90s. Well, you were getting credit all the way back into the 80s though, weren't you?
Starting point is 00:02:43 Well, yeah, that was the good strain of acid. The 90s kind of went downhill, but What is the golden age of acid, would you say? Oh, the 60s, definitely. When they finally figured out the DMT compounds that were in organic plants and were able to make it chemically, that was the golden age because it was pure. And before it hit the streets and they cut it with strict nine and baby aspirin and whatever else they were cutting. I mean, I lived with Timothy Leary for two years out here. Jesus Christ. You survived? Not only did I survive, I can't wait for the book to come out because what he would do is he would just have me inject like psychedelic compounds that were sent to him by universities around the
Starting point is 00:03:28 world. And then he'd take notes on me as the guinea pig. Is universities code for the CIA? What was it actually like universities? Probably a little bit of both. Yeah, let's go all Alex Jones. Yeah, let's do it, man. Let's do it. Fuck it. So wait, so how do you meet a guy and how does he bring up? Hey, you want to live with me for a while? And while you don't have to pay rent, I'm just going to occasionally inject you with some acid I got through the mail that's allegedly from a university. Well, the story of how I wound up with Tim is actually better than me being with Tim is I met Tim through William Burroughs, which was another long story on how I met William Burroughs. And we did a video. He played wide receiver for the Houston
Starting point is 00:04:12 Orbs Oilers. No, that was Ken Burroughs. Ken Burroughs. I know he's one of the beat writers that I never read. Did he write Naked Lunch? Yeah, he wrote Naked Lunch. He did. Bam. Yeah, amongst other things. Nova Express. Yeah, the guy was a genius and we wound up working with him because basically because we sampled some of his spoken word and Warner Brothers wouldn't release our record at the time was Psalm 69, I believe that was early 90s. And they wouldn't release it. And they said, well, we can't get clearance for this. And so it was a little blurb and random notes and Rolling Stone that said ministry album postponed for another year until they can figure this out. And then the burrows people called me and said, nobody asked us, we'd be happy to give
Starting point is 00:05:00 you this shit, man. Oh, wow. You know, hey, when do you want to work? You want to do some other stuff? They were all happy about it. So then I wound up hanging out with Bill in Kansas. Well, when did the album come out then? So they didn't have to shelve it for you? I shelved for about three months, but it wasn't like the year that they were saying and all this. And then we got clearance. And then William Bill Burroughs introduced me to Timothy Leary during that Lollapalooza tour. And then after the Lollapalooza tour was done, I was kind of sick of rock music. So I just wanted to take a year or two off because it was just really gross. It was just, you know, all the after parties and all this stuff. It just gets old after a while.
Starting point is 00:05:41 So it wasn't the music that was happening at the time? It was just you were burned out from all the partying and all that? Everything. So I moved in with the psychedelic master of all time to get my head together, which is not a good idea. I was trying to picture how this was going to work. Like I was sick of the partying. So I moved in with Timothy Leary so you could experiment on me with like acid and shit. All right. You know, you know, who owns the notes that he took on all of my trips? Because this was a weekly thing. So you're fucking tripping and this guy's just looking at you taking notes in the corner. I never dropped acid. Is that how you kids say? No, no, no, no. I injected it. Oh, sorry. Like a fucking lab rat. Okay. He had to inject it because
Starting point is 00:06:25 he knew I was a junkie at the time. I haven't done drugs in 15 years, by the way, except for psychedelics. I haven't done heroin and coke and all that crap. And why psychedelics? It's a cheap and easy Uber way to get to what people would call enlightenment, as opposed to like doing it through yoga and stretching and meditation. That just takes too long. This just cuts to the quick and you're right there. Do you know that's why I don't like weed? Really? Versus alcohol. I feel like alcohol, you earn it. You know, you got to get it down the hatch. You make the face and like weed, especially the shit they got now. It's like you take two or three toks and then you sit down and it's like your borderline tripping. I just don't feel like I earned it. I feel like a trust
Starting point is 00:07:11 fund kid. Well, I'll say this. I mean, as far as like textiles in the modern age, this is cutting in and out. This is my shitty thing. I can't move too much. All right. Sorry. It's one of the few things that have actually improved over these recent years is the quality of pot and obviously the quality of electronics thanks to like stolen alien technology or whatever the fuck we got going. Right. Yeah, the quality of pot has improved to the point to where it's almost like you used to really get stoked for like a weekend of mushrooms. And now it's just like you smoke pot every day and it's just like the weekend of mushrooms is just like, it's kind of the same thing. Yeah, the pot's improved, especially here. I've never taken mushrooms either. I've never done any of
Starting point is 00:07:55 the halluciners stuff this weekend. Well, you got a Vancouver show. Yeah, I'm gonna blowjob with some shrooms. I don't know if I want to do that. I think basically I think it's just my headphones that it keeps cutting in and out, but I'm watching the little bubbles here and they keep going up like I'm talking. So we seem good. Yeah. Okay, cool. Well, you know, there's a lot of people out there like myself that have never tried any of this shit. So what is it like to be on mushrooms? I'm never going to do it. Maybe when I get like my kid grows up and goes out of the house. You'll do it. No, no, no, I don't want to do it in a hacky way. Like go to fucking Joshua tree and be like, Hey, man, like look at the rock formations. No, no, no, no, don't don't do that. But I want to go
Starting point is 00:08:38 to Best Buy and get like lost freaking out looking at the screen. You need to be a veteran at that point. You don't go into a mall with with like fluorescent lights or a shop like Home Depot or Lowe's unless you're an experienced tripper. Okay, that's when incidents happen. So if you go in there and you've done this a few times, you find yourself smirking at the absurdity of places like Lowe's or Home Depot, right, strip malls or things like this. But if you go in there first time and do that as your first trip, don't call me for bail because look at all these shovels, man. They're gonna dig my grave. Yeah. No, the first time I actually, I think actually was tripping a little bit was I ingested weed and then went to the airport to board an international
Starting point is 00:09:29 flight night, two and a half pot brownies. And I was just too much. Yeah, it was way too much. And I know I did some sort of brain damage. And I just never fucked with it again. I just, it felt like I had, you know, like I told the story and I'll be an anti long time ago, you know, like when your foot falls asleep really bad, it felt like there was a ball of that, like just sitting on my head. Like, you know, those, those, those things you use in the shower, those big puffy things, it felt like there was like that size of it just sitting right on the crown of my head. And I was like weed hung over for like two days. Dude, I went to Costa Rica and I got off and I thought I was going to get arrested. All I was thinking was like Midnight
Starting point is 00:10:08 Express and all that shit. But yes, I just, I was like booze because, you know, I was a corny kid and in my world, it was legal, you know, like it's not a drug, man. It's legal. It's a simple high too. It's just like, I'm a simple guy. Yeah. Okay. It's a simple high. And there's, there's a, there's a spot for alcohol in one's life, I would, I would assume. But yeah, it gets a bit more complex with psychedelics and weed and shit like this. And, and heroin and at first, you know, is, is really actually, it's a psychedelic at first, and then it becomes a day to day dragon routine, which you're not using the drug that drug is using you all these great cliches, blah, blah, blah. How long does that take? When is the honeymoon
Starting point is 00:10:54 over with heroin? Oh, well, technically, looking back on my days, a couple of decades of doing that, I would say after the very first hit. Really? Oh, no. And then you spend the next 20 years trying to recreate that first hit. Now, were you able to like try heroin? Right? This is so bad for kids listening. Were you able to try heroin and walk away from it? Can people try it and walk away from it and just be like, you know, I did it. I just, yeah, I think, I think there are, and especially because the first time you do it, generally, it consumes the body so much that you're just so not used to this kind of like forced, almost hyperloop tunnel into the unknown that you throw up. A lot of people throw up their first time. You get like air sick as you're
Starting point is 00:11:44 teleporting into another reality. Seriously, it's, it's like that. Wow. I mean, it's a lot of people like I remember the first time I got drunk. I was like eight years old. My parents had some kind of like 60s kind of Tiki themed cocktail party for their man. It sounds like Drew Barrymore's childhood. Somebody gives you an eight ball. He turned eight. Let's get him an eight ball. Wow, great parents. Yeah. No, but like, I went around and like emptied all the drinks that people had left at this Tiki theme party. My parents, I was about eight. And I think they're mainly drinking like some kind of gin based. Oh, it's evil. And I drink that. And I got so violently sick that I never wanted to drink liquor again. But here I am. I mean, I still drink liquor.
Starting point is 00:12:34 It's the same thing with heroin. It's like your first time you're going to probably get sick because your body's overwhelmed. So you sort of lose. I always thought it just made you super relaxed. Like my only idea of it was in train spotting when that guy shot up and he just fell into the rug and sunk into the floor, which actually I was like, wow, that looks amazing. Yeah, yeah. I just can't deal with the side effects. I mean, that scene and get out where like the lady hits the teaspoon on the cup and then he floats down the chair, the black dude. I mean, you also have trips like that on heroin. Heroin is actually an opiate. I mean, Alistair Crowley and even Lord Byron from like the 18th century, they used to dabble in opiates morphine back then.
Starting point is 00:13:16 And just like, whoa, you know, and there's bad trips and good trips, but it is trips, except that a lot of the times you're not awake during the trip. So it's more like a controlled or uncontrolled dreamscape that you're having even more uncontrolled than usual because how do your legs feel afterwards? Like whenever I'm back in the day when New York was New York and like every, you know, 10th corner, there would be a junkie just nodding out on heroin. I remember Mark Marin used to do salaries a bit about how they never tip over or something like that. But like, yeah, and the thing was, but they would be in like doing like the longest squat ever. You know what I mean? You know, if you do like a set of tennis squats, like your fucking thighs are burning. So like,
Starting point is 00:14:01 how does that feel? That's, that's what I would think. I wouldn't think, man, this guy's fucking his life up. It's minus 30 out. He has no coat on and he's just standing there slowly going down to the ground like, how do you legs? Slowly. How do you legs? Yeah. All right. Well, okay. What do they feel like afterwards? Ask yourself this, man. Let's say transport yourself to the Amazon jungle. You got sloths there. Right. That sit there and hang on this one branch for like days at a time. Right. Those things only poop like once a week. I'm thinking about getting one as a pet. So when I go on tour, it's, I just put a diaper on them and I come home and I don't have to clean anything up. I just have a sloth. He's only moved three feet over. I love these animals,
Starting point is 00:14:46 but it's the same thing as being a junkie. You're very much like a sloth. And I'll say this much for sloths. You can diss them all you want, but they've been around for over three million years. Now they don't, is there a group of people out there just trashing sloths? I just like how you said, you can diss, you can talk shit about them all you want. I've seen it. I've seen it on the interwebs where like people are like downright bashing sloths. And I'm like, such a sad world. Well, well, that's capitalism. That's America. It's like, we don't like sloths. We like go getters. Get off your couch, you fat fuck. I'm trying to make money off you. So that's what, that's what a sloth is like being a junkie. And yes, you can do superhuman feats
Starting point is 00:15:31 of hang on a tree branch for three days and you can go into squat position. You probably thought like, you know what, you're in an alley, you're high out of your fucking mind on heroin. And you go, I got to take a shit. And you probably start the squat and about three days later, you finally finish up the shit. Well, you know, the one thing that the one good side effect of heroin seems to be if you survive is you're kind of in shapes, borderline shredded for the rest of your life. What is that? Dude, I every fucking guy that every rocks I've ever seen that had a 10 year period on heroin, they're like 70, they have like 0% body fat. They still have abs. It wasn't for their old skin hanging off of them. They could model underwear. Man, you just described me perfect.
Starting point is 00:16:14 Yeah, thank you. No, I asked William Burroughs about that. What the fuck is going on around here? Oh, the leaf blower. Geez, I don't even know who that guy is. Are you sure he's the leaf blower? I think he's from Terminator 5. It's probably how he breaks into houses. That's his thing. He just walks around the leaf blower. William Burroughs at 78 looked like he did at 18, which at 18 he looked like he was 78. But it's never changed after. Right. It was like this weird pickling. And no, the other one addicts get that they get pickled. Not only was I on heroin, but of course I was on the methadone program for 18 years invented by the Nazis. You know, another thing to be careful. You don't have a wrinkle on your face, dude. It's hilarious for all
Starting point is 00:16:59 the shit you did. I'm fucking pickled. And it's been 15 years since I even touched this shit. I heard your podcast last week pitching about like, oh, you're 50. Let me tell you the next 10 years, because I'm going to be turning 60 this year. You're in fuckville now, man. No, I'm going staying in my fifties. No, I don't care. Yoga, yoga, fucked. No, no, no. You treat me like a sloth right now. I resent it. You're fucked. I mean, just look, I get up and I ride 20 miles a day on a stationery. Tell everybody what you watch when you do it. Do you remember what you were telling me? At least you were last time I talked to you. The show, the reality show you used to watch when you would. Oh, oh, that's 600 pound life. So you'd sit there watching. I mean, my wife started
Starting point is 00:17:47 watching this. I was like, Nia, you have to shut this off because I watch Biggest Loser. They're funny fat. Yeah, but they don't have shower scenes. 600 pound life. As soon as they focus in on a girl named Kirsten or something, then the next seven minutes are her taking off her clothes and getting into a shower. It's literally fat core porn on TV. I know. And the thing is they don't have like, like with the guys, they don't have to blur out anything because their fat covers. It's like they have, they have like a fucking speedo made out of fat. I saw this one guy, he was like, leaned up against the wall in the shower and his stomach hung all the way down to his fucking ankles. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Oh my God. And then they come in and the wife will come in and she has like,
Starting point is 00:18:34 you know, that, that, you know, the do it yourself car wash or they got that scrub brush. She's, we have one hand is lifting up a roll of fat and she's just, and the guy's in there like, it's like he's trying to hold up a refrigerator, but it's, it's himself. I love that show that and a ride every day to either 600 pound life or body bizarre, which is another one. What is that? Oh, that's, that's things where people have tails and eight legs joined at the hip, two heads. Oh, like birth defects. Yeah. Yeah. And what do they call it? Body bizarre. You got a check. So they went PT Barnum. They were like, okay, birth defects. I don't feel like people are going to watch it if we call that totally. It's the only thing to ride to. If you
Starting point is 00:19:20 want to do an exercise program, just like watch that shit and ride and just feel, you feel better about like trying to do something for yourself. You know, it's just like, wow, these people have really gone to shit. I'm kicking ass. I would love to hear them brainstorming for that show. Weird bodies. No, no, let's get a literation going. Body bonanza, body bizarre, body bizarre. Yeah, I don't, I don't know. I actually dropped some weight since the last time I saw you. Yeah, you look good. I've been trying. I totally fucking dragged that compliment out of you. I laid off the booze for like four months and now I've been like trying to eat, staying away from the breads and all that gluten shit. And I actually, you know, as much as that's
Starting point is 00:20:03 like big Hollywood thing, I feel a lot better. But every once in a while, I'll fucking, you know, I'll eat a pizza and it's delicious. I can never just like totally walk away. Like what? I'm never going to have a pizza again. And I'm not going to eat that stupid gluten free one. I don't understand this gluten free. What is, what, what is that? I mean, it's like Vladimir gluten. That's all I know is all my friends are fucking Vladimir gluten. They're, they're dictators on there. I don't know what it is. I just know I'm losing weight doing it. And I eat that Ezekiel bread, which just tastes like ass. I mean, it's really just like, it's like, if you took bread and stuck it in a microwave and all the nutrients left. But you know, if you put enough shit on it,
Starting point is 00:20:44 if you put a little almond butter on it, it does taste good. And I am losing weight. I don't know. But I feel like I'm still eating salads and shit. It's like, I remember when people were on like that, that was that diet where it's like, dude, I can eat bacon all day, as long as I don't eat this. And it's just like, yeah, Atkins diet. Yeah, they had carbs. Yeah, no carbs, no carbs. Yeah, it spawned a whole beer industry of low carb beer. Yeah, you like shit out of cow head at the end of the fucking day, horns and all. I remember my watching my friends doing that. I just remember thinking like that can't be good. Like just eating meat all the fucking time. Like they didn't seem like they were eating salads. They were just sitting there. They were eating bacon and like
Starting point is 00:21:21 turkey and not saying any of that shit's bad. Because who knows at this point, this guy's out there that's sticking out like they're putting melted butter into their coffee. Oh, God, I know. No, but they're saying that like, that all of that saturated fat shit that they were saying is now a myth. It's like, it's like the egg in my lifetime, the egg. How many times has the egg been in and out and out in labor the month or not? It's like John Travolta's career to John Travolta, fucking Saturday Night Fever, sweat hogs, right? Then he fucking went away in the 80s, then he came back with Pulp Fiction, then he did fucking Battlefield Earth. And I don't know what he's doing now, but I feel like he's going to come back again. You know what, I'm actually one of the few
Starting point is 00:22:00 people that dude, this is embarrassing. This is probably the most embarrassing thing you're going to get me to say on this pot. I love it. Is I actually liked Battlefield Earth. Oh, you did. I never saw it. Forest Whitaker is in it, for God's sake. Barry Peppers in it. Barry Peppers. None of these guys want us to mention that. Those are all great actors. Yeah, great actors. And it was written by L. Ron Hubbard, which is basically the same thing that this ancient aliens guy, Zachariah Sitchin, wrote in his book, The 12th Planet, about how we've been colonized for 400,000 years starting in South Africa, where they took apes and genetically made them into like gold mine workers because they needed gold dust to protect their plant, the ozone on their planet or some
Starting point is 00:22:46 kind of crazy shit. Either way, it's totally believable to me. I mean, I don't care one way or the other, you know, but like, but but that included with all those good actors and this kind of tie in. It sounded like Star Wars mixed with roots. Yeah, mixed with mushrooms. Mixed with mushrooms. There you go. I actually like Battlefield Earth. I remember. Wait, so that's what that movie was about. Yeah, yeah, it was like a colonizing dumbass humans, which they just made from apes through their DNA and and had them all like mining gold for them because they needed the gold on their home planet. And this and that and John Travolta had dreads just like I got now. And it was like, no, I'm thinking that movie was pretty
Starting point is 00:23:29 cool. And I remember getting a lot of shit for it going, I'm all for this movie at the time. And now it's like, okay, I'm embarrassingly admitting that. Yeah, that was pretty cool. Well, so wait, I'm not, but the plot's really interesting. The plot is interesting. So wait, do Scientologists think that we came from apes? I thought that there was some sort of spaceship? No, well, yeah, yeah, there's a spaceship that comes down and they needed they they tried to have their own people mine these gold mines. And these people just said, fuck you, I want to go back to my home planet. This is bullshit work, man. This is like, this is like working as a barista at Starbucks or Donald's. And so get these apes to do it that are already on the planet. And so they genetically
Starting point is 00:24:08 engineered them to be a little bit smarter. And then they started mining the gold and those guys could hang out and drink. So is that where my tax money's going? Yeah, it's going to another Black projects, man. Black projects are all over the place. What are black projects? Oh, you know, all the shit like Alex Jones is on about every day except he's way off the mark. But just like what, what you don't think that guy's had the nail on the head over there? One out of 10. I mean, he's swinging big. Yeah, he's swinging big over there. I was in the major leagues his batting ever to be about 139. I know, but when he connects, but when he connects, you know, it's leaving the park. That's why you go you want to see a guy swinging like that out of
Starting point is 00:24:48 right out of his fucking cleats. That's it, man. I can't listen. I used to be into all of that shit. And like I see, what are we watching here? MSNBC. And I like how they walk around now when they're doing the news to add some level of excitement to it. ESPN does it. They all fucking they all walk around. I don't watch any of this shit. It's not going to fit right. So if you get it made to measure, you're going to look great. Indochino is the largest custom apparel company. They make suits and shirts made to your exact measurements for a great fit. Guys love the wide selection of high quality fabrics and the options to personalize all the
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Starting point is 00:30:13 hell I do at the end of my shows? And I'm a moron. If I can figure out how to help to send these goddamn things out. So can you. And right now, you can enjoy the stamps.com service with the special offer that includes a four week trial plus postage and a digital scale. Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in burr that stamps.com enter burr. Okay, and that's the ad reads and now back to the podcast. Dean, I was talking the other day on my podcast, I was at Wilshire and the 405 right there. And there was a bunch of like pro second amendment people just standing there. They just were yelling America, love it or leave it. Right. And I just like the whole thing
Starting point is 00:30:56 that's fascinating to me is that, you know, these guys wrote this amendment way back in the day. And it's just like, well, shit does evolve. I mean, it was an amendment. So they were, weren't they, that was a change to what already existed. And like, you do have to adjust because I don't have, I don't have, I don't have a problem with guns. Here's what argument right away is they're on the corner yelling America, love it or leave it. So they obviously don't love it because they're on a corner at fucking 405 and Wilshire yelling. So they don't love it. So why don't they leave it? You know, because Norway doesn't fucking want them. Oh, all right. I don't know why do they not have guns out there in Norway? How do they keep their people under control?
Starting point is 00:31:36 No guns. I know. I look, I don't have a, uh, yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with guns. If you fucking own them responsibly, they just have to figure out a way if they could just figure out a fucking way to make sure that these fucking lunatics who then go on social media saying, I'm going to do this shit. And everybody kind of ignores it. Hey, man, it's, it's, it's simple. If you get a couple of DUIs, they take your license away. Right. If you're going to get a gun, you've had a couple of batteries, assaults, domestic shit, all sorts of crappy stuff. Right. And you torture an animal as a child and you've been thrown out of five schools, probably not a good idea to get a gun. I have nothing against guns either. I mean, look,
Starting point is 00:32:19 you know, if you're some grizzly Adams type living in a cabin in Colorado shooting grizzly bears for hides, food, tents, sustenance, this and that, good on you. You know, you're probably a responsible gun owner. Oh, he's good. He's going to create the next people guys that like this all goes to shit. They got beat up too much in high school. They weren't part of the cool clique. They start making threats on YouTube, this and that and the other. They beat up their wife, their girlfriends, this and that. They beat up their moms. They, you know, don't give them a fucking gun. Yeah. Join a band. Yeah. Get into show business like the rest of us were presently hiring roadies now. Well, speaking of that, before we get all sideways here with the
Starting point is 00:32:59 politics, I can't fucking hear myself anymore. Let me take this out, put it back in. Come on, you're best. Where is it? Where's the sweet spot? There it is. You got a new album coming out. Oh, yeah. Right. Tell us, tell us the name. Tell us about it. I listened to one track. I love the harmonica on it, that haunting with the reverb on it and stuff. I don't know whatever the name of the track was, but it made me want to go play drums. That's how I know I like a song is I immediately go into fantasy mode and whatever cool thing is happening, I'm doing it. So at first I was playing drums and then when you did the harmonica part, then that was me and my fantasy. I was playing that and everybody was gazing up at the stage
Starting point is 00:33:41 going, wow, look how awesome Bill is. So you're one for one. That could still happen. We've offered you to come on stage before and you pussied out. I didn't pussie out. What are you talking about? No, at that dancing, at that whatever place. Oh, I couldn't make it down there. No, this is the thing, dude. If you want, look, like we were ready to bring you a helicopter to fly down on the stage and have you come back and play drums for us. Now that you said I'm a pussy, I'll do it. I'm playing a little bit of double bass now. I just don't want to ruin it. I don't want to ruin it because people are coming there to see you like, and you knew what it was too, because you were doing a festival. So I figured you played a shorter set. Like if you're going
Starting point is 00:34:19 then it's a full on you show. If you have some jerk off comic, come on for one song. I think the crowd can handle that. But if it's just like, Hey, we only got time for six songs and on one of them, the guy from VH ones, I love the 80 strikes back is going to play drums. Now I know you guys might get a kick out of that. I'm just worried that your fans like what what they're going to fucking throw at me when I'm up there. You know, my favorite guest appearance for us of all time was during law of Palooza. We had Kirk Hammett from Metallica. Oh, wow. Come on stage. We'd known Kirk for a while and we'd opened up for Metallica and a bunch of dates in Europe. And so we got to be friends and Kirk came out and we did a cover of a black Sabbath song called super not at a festival.
Starting point is 00:35:03 And we're playing it and we gave him the second lead in the song. So he started going crazy. I mean, his hair was flying. It looked like he had one of those industrial blow dryers on his hair and there was no blow dryer. It's just his hair was flinging around. He was into it. He was into it and all that. But it just went on for fucking ever. And so the rest of the band was just like, well, fuck it. We're out of here. So we all just walked off. And by the time by the time he realized what's happening, he's still in the middle of his lead. There's no band members up there. And we're all standing there on the side of the stage, like looking at our watches going, dude, really? This is now like going on a 12 minute solo. You fucking. Oh, no. So then wait, what? At that point, he told
Starting point is 00:35:50 me later, it's like, he didn't want to leave the stage because he realized he was going to get shit when he left. So we might as well keep going at that point. I think it wound up to be like a 17 minute solo leave because he knew he was going to get his ass beat on the stage. Well, the thing is, if you guys leave and then he doesn't leave, it looks like it's planned. Right. Well, it wasn't planned. We were just bored. Jesus Christ. Well, now, what is the etiquette if somebody goes to, so you don't fight, you better not fucking do that to me. If you guys, that would be hilarious stuff. You leave me up there and I'll be up there. Boom, crack, boom, crack. See how long I can do that before I get killed. That's when you start incorporating the
Starting point is 00:36:25 Tom Thompson shit. Oh, is that what I do? What I would do is I would just, I would do a backward somersault off the stool and crawl my way out underneath the curtain. Did he get mad at you guys? Did he think it was funny? No, he was, he was scared shitless by the time he got off. And then we all acted pissed. And then I was like, ah, that was fun, man. You know, and just, but he was kind of scared at first, but he's never come back with this ever since he doesn't come back on stage. We don't get a lot of guest artists anymore. Well, I'm sure he told that story. I'm imagining that that went around. I don't know if he'd want to repeat that story. He was pretty freaked out. I would have told it. Anyway, so you got this new album coming out when
Starting point is 00:37:10 it comes out on, on, was it March 6th when it comes out? March 9th, March 9th, that's a Friday. Okay. Yeah, Friday night. Yeah, shrooms. That's right. Shroom weekend. And where can, where can people get it? I guess everywhere. I don't know. I don't care. I mean, what are you really creative guys? You're the worst promoter with a, with a billboard and start Hawkins CDs. I mean, I don't know where these things are sold. Well, is it going to be on iTunes anymore? They just like, you know, by the time we post this, I'm sure someone will give me a link and I'll be able to tell people where to get it. I mean, you've been in this business long enough that you know that the whole purpose of this is to get people to hear your shit, man. I've been in this
Starting point is 00:37:50 business long enough to also know that I don't really give a fuck about this part of the business. Okay. I just kind of like do what I do and, you know, now you were influenced by like, I always heard those guys you were talking about, oh, Bill Burroughs, as you call them, William Burroughs, right? Didn't those guys, they would write, type out a bunch, a whole page of the story, and then they would cut up all of every word individually, they'd throw it in the air and then tape it all together. Yeah. And then they would just start writing from that. Yeah. That's what I did in 1980. Well, is it 88 or some shit around like Land of Rape and Honey? I decided to do an album like that based on William Burroughs' writing,
Starting point is 00:38:27 which is how I hooked up with him later. I just took a bunch of pieces of tape. Yes, we actually used tape back then, not just digital, and just cut it all up into various pieces and threw it on the floor, spilled coffee on them, snorted coke off of them, or did whatever, and then put them back together. Some were backwards, some were forward, some were, some not, and then put it together in an actually told a narrative, which is what Bill Burroughs was saying. I almost did it as an experiment, going, this guy's crazy. That can't just happen. Like he just throws random on the floor and it talks to you, but 90% of the time it seemed to work like, wow, like you couldn't have done that yourself. So it's like you're throwing yourself to like random
Starting point is 00:39:09 chance of it coming out good. And sometimes it does. How did you get the balls to do that? You got a record deal, and everybody else is trying so hard to do it the way that everybody's doing it. You have the ability to do it that way. How did you get the balls to be like, ah, were you independent at that point? So you could take that kind of risk. You just didn't care. I've done a couple records for major labels at that point. I did this horrific record where they took over the whole thing for Arista records. Then I did this other record for Warner Brothers that pretty much gave me carte blanche, but it was still like learning to crawl before you walk. By the time I got to that record, I was just sick of all these people. I figured like, if these are
Starting point is 00:39:50 the people that claim to know what they're doing, then I must be fucking Einstein because these people are adults. So I just decided to do what over the fuck I wanted to do. So how did you come up with the, what is that song? Ah, the fucking worst. It's that thing, Stigmata, the guitar riff on that. I always thought the guy had a slide. Is it a slide? Somebody told me you sped it up. Well, I did that too. And I also added a didgeridoo onto that to get that slide. I mean, I get really meticulous on my shit. That's one of the sickest riffs of all time. I played that for my wife and she was like, what the fuck is this? This is awesome. And then you went over the top and
Starting point is 00:40:39 then, you know, then she kind of left. Well, back then people weren't using distorted vocals either. And that was actually quite the accident because we had this cheap Sony-ass mic that ran on batteries and the batteries were low. And when I went to sing that first scream, it just sounded like a cat was being tortured. And I'm like, yeah, that sounds great. Let's keep it. And then we started trying to replicate that sound for the next 10 years. It's kind of like your first heroin hit. We should have kept that microphone in those batteries. So what did you do? You just used like the bullhorn because I've seen like the clips of your live shows are unbelievable and they're also terrifying. Like I love them. They give me the chills as I'm watching them. But
Starting point is 00:41:24 then there's a part of me going, you know, I'm glad I wasn't in like that fucking pit down front because yeah, that's the way I look back then. I look like fucking Ron Howard way back in the day before I looked like a gingerbread. Our pit is like, it's scary for us too. We look at these fucking kids and we're like, you know, like, like I said, I'm pushing 60 and I'm looking at these 20 year old kids and I'm thinking like, these could be literally physically my grandkids and I'm worried about our future. What's the pit on stage, man? What's some of the weirdest shit or scariest shit you've seen when you were on stage? You know what, no, I don't have anything that's like particularly like, like, you know, we hear about like, what was there some rap concert
Starting point is 00:42:09 the other day that they stopped the concert because they saw a girl being raped in the front row or in the pit or something like that. And I've never, how does that happen? Like other people don't see that? There's so like, what riff were they playing that everyone was so locked into it that there's literally somebody getting raped next to you and you can't see it? I don't know. I don't understand that. I've never seen anything like that. Actually, some of the stairway, stairway to heaven, maybe. People love that one. They're just waiting for that drum fill. Well, that would be like, if I saw something really weird on a stairway to heaven song at a Led Zeppelin concert, it would probably be a hobbit
Starting point is 00:42:52 being raped in the pit because I never understood this about Led Zeppelin. Don't take me wrong. I love the fucking band. But this guy, basically his lyrics, we've given him a pass. All he sings about is Dungeons, Dragons, Castles, Maidens, Horses, and Hobbits, and his dick. I mean, gotta squeeze my lemon or whatever. I mean, I mean, this guy's really coasted this Robin Flank guy for like many years. And I love the fucking band. Don't take me wrong. Did you ever get to see them? Oh yeah, of course. Fuck. And they're just amazing. What tours did you see him on? Jimmy Page. I saw him at the Chicago Stadium in like, what, 76, 77, something like that? I mean. So Bonham had the Vista light at that point, right? The orange C through one? No, he was
Starting point is 00:43:43 strutting around and he's, oh, the drum. It gets better. Well, while they were in town, okay, they spent three days in Chicago. And he did his show at the Chicago Stadium, the old stadium. And I went and saw that and then I had to work at WaxTrack. So no, so this is like 79. So he's got the stainless steel kit. No, no, no. He was walking around with like a little, like, girly top tied off around mid torso. And then Robert Plant. I think he's on the bottom. Bell bottoms, there were as wide as this coffee table. And he's strutting around doing all the stuff. And at that point, he's in his mid to late 40s. And I just thought like, I just thought, damn it, this is inappropriate. He was funny. He wasn't. He was only like 30 or 31. Well, he was
Starting point is 00:44:37 born in like 48 mid 40s. So maybe he should have stuck to heroin because he wasn't pickle. Because he was strutting around and I'm going like, that's like, he's doing like this chicken dance and stuff on here and singing about hobbits. And I immediately zoned out and paid no attention and just listened to like the tightness of the band. And you could tell Plant did get old quick, though. Yeah, he was like a young guy. And then right after physical graffiti, he just got all the lines in his face. Yeah, yeah, that's weird. I think that's genetic. So I think that's that that's kind of like a Nordic thing. I think he must be have Nordic DNA because like that's what happens to Scandinavian people that they look so awesome when they're young. And then because
Starting point is 00:45:21 their genetics tell them like when they're old, they've spent 40 years of Nordic winters. And their skin says, fuck you, I'm cracking wrinkling now. They just needed some lotion, but he looks cool now though. He needs lotion. But he looks cool now though. Yeah, he looks great. Now he found the lotion. Yeah, but he never, yeah, you can, but you can tell his face. He never did heroin. Yeah, or not. Yeah, he didn't get coped kind of guy. That's hilarious. You can look at old people and tell the drugs that they did. Well, hey, you're also a lot of people might not know this about you is you're a huge hockey fan. Are they literally in the house building shit right now? Yeah, yeah. This is destruction
Starting point is 00:46:03 zone one. This is cool. We've done, we've done almost 40 minutes before the hammering started. So now, you know, as we brought up Led Zeppelin, Hammer of the Gods. Oh, right, right there, huh? Jesus. Oh yeah, that was, that was a book that put me to sleep. I believed every word of it. Oh, I do too. It's still put me to sleep. It's compared to like the shit we did and not only just us. Are you talking, are you putting a shark in a woman? Is that what happened? Well, it wasn't a real shark. It was a dolphin. No, no, no, it was a bathtub plastic shark and one of our roadies was penetrating a girl willingly. There was no rape. I wasn't about you, I was talking about Zeppelin. Oh, no, I'm talking about our tour. I've seen some crazy shit.
Starting point is 00:46:51 I mean, that's not fucking random. That is that I brought a bringing a shark putting it in a woman. Who the fuck does that? And you actually had a story. You know, it wasn't a real shark. It was a toy shark. Well, and it wasn't me. And it wasn't the band. We had two buses. We had the road crew bus and the shark bus. And the band bus basically had some kind of decorum going on. But the crew bus was literally Dante's Ninth Gate of Hell. I mean, you walk on there and it was just like caligula and steroids going on. Oh, wow. The shit that you'd see. And I just go on there because like say I'm out of I'm out of smokes. I go in to borrow a pack of smokes from one of the roadies because none of the band smokes. And so I go and then I walk in and just walk into like Dante's
Starting point is 00:47:34 Inferno stepping through an orgy just to get a human mind field of fornication, trying not to step on anybody's fucking heads. Yeah, well, you know, I'm actually I've had the exact opposite experience on the road where it's just been a lonely, isolated thing. But I was kind of built for that. Like people, somebody was asking me about that shit, you know, about being on the road and like groupies and stuff. And it's just like, dude, that just doesn't fucking, it's different for community. It's just not it's not what like, dude, you guys go up there with a fucking ukulele and you just fucking. Yeah, but how many people you travel around and all of a sudden there's fucking panties flying at you. You know, it's true. I'm not saying you, I'm not saying you,
Starting point is 00:48:17 but you know me, I get bolts and coins and bottles flying at me. I don't get panties. I'm not stuck. I'm you know, some fucking jerk off can go to a goddamn coffee house on an open mic. All right. And he can fucking go up there with the ukulele. It's he could literally do his cover probably do a reggae version of a mama and papa song, right? Oh, the leaves of brown man, right? And then the next thing you know, there's some woman is going to fucking respond to it. You know, yeah, but how many people do you travel with when you go on the road? Nobody. I go by myself. I mean, I am like, oh, I have a handler. No, I have like, open it. No, it's just more people I got to talk to. I don't have a look if I go to another country and I don't
Starting point is 00:49:03 mean Canada. Yeah, I mean, another country. I wait. No, when I did Canada, they gave they gave like a road person. I drive, it drives me up the fucking wall. But when I'm in another country, I love it. When I was in Australia, the guy I had was fucking awesome. And I'm definitely going to use him again when I cover my bases here. So I think I'm from the States with you. In other words, you travel alone. You just go to Australia. I'm going alone. But if I'm going to Australia, what I love, I love having a tour manager because he shows up and it's just like, all right, this is what you need to be. But I don't have to worry about anything in this transportation. When I go into England, I've had a great people and all of that type of stuff,
Starting point is 00:49:41 great people, Scandinavian, all that shit. But in the States, no, I just show up and I get a rent a car like fucking Chuck Berry, drive up with my mic stand in the car. Keeps the overhead low. That's the thing. That's that's where things get dicey when like our touring party is about 17 people between band and crew. And there's generally three or four rookies on each tour. And the rookies have read too many books like Hammer, The Gods or Morrowind. And so they bring that that that shit onto the buses, mainly on the crew bus. We haven't had we've had the most boring band bus for probably about almost 1213 years. Thank God, because you guys sit there playing like cards against humanity, like that's a crazy night. You know what, no, we just we get the fuck off the bus. We stay in
Starting point is 00:50:39 our little areas and get the fuck off the bus and go to the hotel as soon as possible. And then then our like stupid shit happens at the hotel bar, not so much on the bus. The bus is like kind of like this. I'm a big hotel bar guy. I love it because it's like you're already kind of home. It's like you're downstairs in your own kitchen. And you can just drink down there and then just tell bar tenders are always like, I don't even I think they're psychologists. They're good, right? At least at the hotels he said, I'd say Sheridan's, Hilton's, this and that, Radisson's, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's where we restate that that kind of shit. Those hotel bartenders in every city are like, they must have taken a class because they're all real similar. They're all
Starting point is 00:51:26 psychology based drink pours. My favorite hotel bar is the one you can, you can be like staying on the 10th floor and you can look down over at the elevator to see if it's still open. You know, those ones rather than to have to go all the way down and you'll just see these drunks sitting down and it's still going. We got to get going down. You don't have to call anybody or anything like that. So, um, Hey, is there a, uh, cause I do want to promote your album, man. I think you're a fucking genius. So is, is there any sort of theme on this one? Is it just, uh, yeah, look, man, I mean, I've been known to bash our, uh, right wing friends before and our right wing leaders such as George Bush and Ronald Reagan and things in the past. But, uh,
Starting point is 00:52:08 this, this one is not real anti-trump. It's more like what kind of system keeps producing these people. Uh, let, let's, uh, let's cut to the quick here. It's the system that keeps producing these people that we keep thinking is a good idea to be our spokesperson for our ideals. And, uh, and the quality of these people keeps going down and down and down. So rather than attack, it is falling off where we, at least we had like low bar. We had like, we used to have career politician, then we went to like the boss's son. Yeah. And now we got like a reality show, like, uh, TV star. And now, which is causing all these people out here in Hollywood to go like, I want to run. Like the second you say you want to run for president. Yeah, you're out of
Starting point is 00:52:56 your mind. You, you're basically saying, you're saying, I want to have dead bodies on my conscience because that's what the fuck you're signing up for. And I'm not saying that you're going to have to go out and do the wrong thing, but like in the process of doing the right thing, you're going to kill people that were just in the wrong place. That's why I think they age the way they do. Because it's like, it's heavy. Yeah, fucking heavy. I get asked this question all the time in interviews. All right, Mr. Political, what would, what's the first thing you do if you were president? I'd fucking quit. I don't want any part of this shit. I put the solar panels back on the White House and then I'd leave. Okay. I would do it personally. I would do that and I would get,
Starting point is 00:53:37 I'd have the, the chef there. The chef make me a sandwich and I want to ride in the helicopter. And then that's it. I now introduce you to the vice president and the person who will now be running all of this shit. You got to throw one party in on Air Force One. One big party. That just kind of looks like a giant like fucking thing. I always fly in the Marine one helicopter. Always look badass to me. You're old enough to remember old 747 fleet. Have you ever fly a 747? Dude, I want to serve. You got to go to the Ronald Reagan library out here. I know they have that library. They have, they have literally the one that he sat on talking to Gorbachev. You never get to go upstairs to that bar and hang out with the cool people while you're flying that 747.
Starting point is 00:54:17 No, I always wanted to do that. I did that one time. I got busted twice and sent right back down, you know, it was a spiral staircase. Yes. And you went, you went up there and everybody had suits and those fucking stewardesses were hot. Yeah. When we were, I did this, this run through Asia. I did the fuck that I Singapore, Hong Kong, and then Mumbai, India, and leaving Mumbai, India, we connected through Dubai and we got on that air Emirates. Oh, that, that's not even an airline. It's like a W hotel with like wings. Yeah, it's fucking unreal. So that's even like it in. It's better than a W. W was like a W hotel, like acts like it's nice. It's like nice if you're in your 20s. You see a lot of fucking 20s, a lot of aquarium lighting around the bed and shit.
Starting point is 00:55:05 But so we were, we were, I came up, we were upstairs, whatever. All I remember was we, when, if I remember, I'm going to fly that far. I use all the miles, every fucking thing I can possibly do, make less money. Yeah, I'm going to sit at least at one of those bed shares. And and so I got up to go to the bathroom and I walked in the back to go to the bathroom and they had like this semicircular bar. Yeah, yeah. Like cause it was one of those wide bodies. So there was like chair, two chairs next to the window, then an aisle, then the middle, then an aisle, and then over. So that middle section, it was as that, it was that wide in the back where it had like a semicircle and a bartender in there. And they had a little bench seat and some stools around
Starting point is 00:55:49 there bench seat with like a seat belt that you sat down on. So I saw it. You were up there. That's where you were. Yeah. And I went back. I didn't have the one you autographed. I didn't have the one where you had like your own apartment. Like that one, that one's like 15 grand one way. So I went back and I got my wife, I said, Hey, can I, can I buy you a drink? She goes, what are you talking about? I go, come with me. So he went to the back. We were like, and she just air to air grin. And I ordered a couple of mixed drinks. We sat down on the little bench seat. I put a seat belt on, put mine on, and we just sat there. We didn't have that many, but it was just so fucking cool. It's it didn't seem possible. It's like, I'm at a bar
Starting point is 00:56:28 in the sky. I know it's flying strange flying to New York. It was one of those things where I was very excited to get back to the States. But that was definitely one that I didn't want it to end where you're just like, Oh my God, it's the exact opposite of riding in coach, where it's like, you can literally be flying from like fucking New York to Buffalo. Do you next start hurting you too? Sorry, we're sitting side by side. I came by to grab my stash. Oh, okay. And I don't know what you're doing. You're taking stuff out from underneath the okay. All right. Am I allowed to say what's going on right now? I don't know. He took legal. Is it legal? I don't know what it is. It looks like he has
Starting point is 00:57:08 Oh, that is wine. I didn't think I thought that was like liquid weed that you could pour into the vaporizer and it reaches a certain temperature. Let me tell you something, man, you're a fucking rock star because I've never had an experience that could flying the closest thing I ever had was I did an 18 hour flight to Australia once and I was on the last fucking flight that allowed smoking on nine seats only on nine seats in in business class. So it wasn't first class, wasn't coach and they had nine seats arranged on Qantas for people who smoked. And if I'm going to be 18 hours on an airplane, I want to fucking cigarette. You know, nowadays you got the e-sigs and it's really easy. Nobody knows you're
Starting point is 00:57:49 fucking like nicotine out of your mind on these planes. Because I'm a great flyer just huffing and puffing on my e-sig and nobody bothers me and I don't bother anyone else. But this was the last smoking flight Qantas ever had. It was actually in the news and I was one of the people that had those seats. And so I get there and there's this businessman from Hong Kong next to me and he immediately starts blowing his nose on the tray in front of him and there's boogers and shit all over the seat in front of him. He gets his nose and I was just like stewardess man, I can't sit next to this fucking guy. Okay. He's he was really weird. It was rude. Yeah, I think you're being really nice about this guy. Just say to just define that as weird and rude.
Starting point is 00:58:39 And the flight was booked. So they put me in one of those kamikaze seats that the stewardesses sit on right before they do the little jump seat. Yeah, a little jump seat. So they put me in there. So I was like, all right, cool. Why don't they stick the snot blower up there like that's that's the point. So like I'm sitting there and I light up a smoke and they just like flipped out like you can't be smoking here. Like what are you doing? I'm like, well, I'm not sitting next to that fucking guy. So we had this like two hour standoff and they tried to get the guy to move and he wouldn't move. And so they finally acquiesced since it was the last flight with smoking. I got to sit there on the jump seat and just change. That was like my rockstar flying
Starting point is 00:59:20 story, man. What's with Hong Kong? You know, when I flew from Singapore to Hong Kong, I'm defensive Hong Kong, this guy might have been from Singapore. He might have been from New Hampshire. I didn't talk to him. But up in the lounge there, they had they had these fucking they were making dumplings. All right. And the fucking dumplings that they make over there, dude, and they literally they if you dropped them, they would like float plane. No, like in the in the airport, right? Right. So they keep coming out with these dumplings. This motherfucker keeps going up there and he would like take seven out of eight of them. He was a skinny bastard. And he was just it was like, do you remember Paul Newman and get mad at them eggs? Cool hand Luke. He was eating them
Starting point is 01:00:00 like fucking cool hand Luke, just sticking them down his fucking throat and they were delicious. And it was just like every time they would bring them out, I would have to like look over to make sure I could go up there just to get some from me and my wife. So this guy must be done like 20 or 30. He fucking the whole time he was up there, he chowed those goddamn things. And I don't know, it kind of put me in a mood like I was going, this is what Hong Kong is going to be like, bunch of selfish people eating all the fucking dumplings. But then I had to quickly be like, wait a minute, wait a minute, there's selfish assholes from where I'm from and I'm one of them. So maybe I'm going to the promised land
Starting point is 01:00:36 a travel review, Hong Kong by Bill Burr, a bunch of selfish people eating dumplings. Fuck, this is based on one guy who was going to Hong Kong, who I don't even know if he was going to forget it. If he lived there or if he was even Chinese. So anyways, how do you watch this shit all day? MSNBC? You seem like a news junkie. Yeah, I'm kind of a news junkie. I don't watch it intently, but I like keep it on as wallpaper and periodically glance over and see like, oh, shit's hit the fan. Holy crap, it's been two hours since shit's hit the fan. It's kind of more enjoyable with like the sound on I'm loving this guy on the right. He has the exact same haircut as Prince Charles. It sticks out the exact same way. Yeah, it does except he's got more hair on top
Starting point is 01:01:23 if that's his hair. But what I like is that he's completely covered in the graphic that the stock market is tanked today. They do that to people like if I have to be on CNN in what next week. Okay. And that's my first time. Oh, nice. So I'm going to be in one of those squares. And I just hope the stock market hasn't completely gone to shit. And I get blamed for it because that's what you'll remember is this guy caused your stocks. I didn't even know that that was about the stock market. I just look at that guy going that guy's fucking is made. Well, no, that's the haircut he has. No, there's people right now that have lost their pension because the stock market's down and they're looking at this guy like it's only down 385 bucks. So
Starting point is 01:02:04 yeah, yeah, I mean, that's not what that is. $389. Yeah, it's like down 500 or something before. I don't own 500 bucks. What is 500 bucks? I don't I don't I do. And it's the worst. You can't get out of it. You can't pay attention to it. No, I don't I just look at it like I'll never get that money back in whatever's left when I'm 65. Oh, shit. I just feel it's it's like Las Vegas without all the really gaudy like decorating and buffet food. It's just like Las Vegas. I've done like I've done okay in it. But I also I invest conservatively and with conspiracy theories. So the blue chip. No, I go for like tangible shit. Like people who make tangible shit. I remember I invested in all these companies that were like digging for gold and stuff. And then because I
Starting point is 01:02:52 felt the dollar was going to collapse. But then it dawned on me one day, it's just like, well, wait, at the end of this, I don't have any gold. So I bought them a bunch of shovels and pickaxes to give the children somewhere to dig this out of the ground. And in the end, you know, I was talking to a friend in Chicago that has literally made millions of fucking dollars. This is really sick. All right, but I want you to listen to this. This is really emblematic of what's going on today. Is this place haunted or is that somebody hammering? No, that's somebody. Okay, just making destruction zone. This guy would wait for a mass shooting. And as soon as that happened, he would invest in gun stocks. And sure enough, gun stocks would go up spike 25 points on the day.
Starting point is 01:03:42 Like he'd come in there and go 100,000 bucks and just buy whatever gun stock after a mass shooting within three days, he would sell it all before it went back down. And he's made millions just doing that. Now, it's kind of creepy, but this is where we're at right now. But I'm trying, I wouldn't try to make it that way. Now, what way can we do it? Let's think of another disaster that happens where we can make some money here. Every time there's a mudslide, you invest in what? Well, I don't know about hair dryers. I'm just investing in pot futures, man. Now that Canada's going legal, I'm all in. I'm actually going to join the stock market. And I think solar and wind and all these other like new tech things are kind of a scam,
Starting point is 01:04:25 but I'm all into the pot market because we saw what like alcohol did in the 20s after the end of prohibition and all the mega giant corporations that came out of that like Anheuser, Bush and all this. And I think pot's going to be the same thing. It's not going to be a bunch of mom, pops and Marin County. It's going to be like huge giants. You know, I mean, have you watched on that? Was it vice set the name of the channel? Yeah, with a, they, they like putting it into food. I mean, it's becoming like this gourmet thing overnight. Yeah, I cook, I cook pot food. Do you think that'll ever happen for like heroin? Like today we're making some opiate English muffins. You take like two bites in and then you just sort of failed. They're urine test because they ate
Starting point is 01:05:13 poppy seed muffins or so they claim. Oh, give me a fucking break. Well, that's what they claimed, but I'm just saying. So there is opiate foods already, but they eat poppy seed muffins after they shot some heroin. That's why they fucking failed that test. That's how people talk. I used to joke about that when people like say like, Oh, it's, you know, I'm not, it's my metabolism. That's why that's, that's the big scapegoat. My metabolism, it's really slow. It's like, yeah, that in fucking 6,000 calories a day, that will make you out of shape. So anyways, all right, let's, I think we're about, dude, this is the most effortless fucking 58 minutes of my life. I'm so psyched that you made another album. I've heard the one track, the Twilight Zone thing.
Starting point is 01:05:58 Check the video out. I saw the video. I loved it. And the new video comes out on March 9th, too. Not one of these like concocted by the label lyric videos, which we have no part of. And I guess they're pretty good and kids like them and all that, but we, we don't put any really input into that. That's the label that's wanting you to get to know the lyrics and things in the most basic way because people have the attention span of a fucking bathroom, Nat and this and that. This next one is, we filmed it all on the same day, this Twilight Zone video and then Victims of a Clown. So I haven't seen it yet. I should be able to see it. Victims of a clown. Yeah, I should be able to see it tonight, actually. We get some rushes on it. And I hope it's as good as Twilight
Starting point is 01:06:43 Zone because that one's pretty funny video, man. I'm out there hanging with Gray Wolf, this Indian American guy. I met from AIM, American Indian Movement, and a pretty high level AIM guy, too. And we're out there at Campfire, just blowing harps and drinking ayahuasca tea. And it was, it was great. Tell me about your band. You mentioned some of the guys you got in there. Yeah, we got, we got kind of a pretty good all-star lineup. It's Joey Jordan, who's playing drums with us this tour. Burton Bell's helping me. Joey Jordan from, Jordan's in from Slipknot. Yeah. And Burton Bell from Fear Factory is helping me on the vocals this time. And Tony Campos from Old Static Eggs and Assasino and about a billion other bands he's
Starting point is 01:07:29 in is on bass. And then our two usual guitar players, Sincourin and Cesar Soto, which are awesome. John Bechtel, which has been with us for about eight years. And he comes from Killing Joke and the early Killing Joke days. And then DJ Swamp from Beck. This is, this is awesome. When are you going to put your tour dates up? Because I got to see you guys live. They're up. They're up. What's your website? The first ministry, I don't know, dot com or some shit. I don't know. I'm not the best homosexual. I'm finding that. I'm finding that. All right. But Al has a new album out. His band's called Ministry. You can buy it somewhere. And he has a website that has the name Ministry in it. Something like that. And he is on tour and somewhere those dates are available. It's like a
Starting point is 01:08:19 treasure map. And at the end, you get the pot of gold. Just find it. It's just right ministry. And either you'll get put to some Billy Graham webpage, or you'll get put to us. But I know that somewhere you'll wind up on our page and you'll figure shit out. Okay. Well, dude, you're one of my favorite people. I always love talking to you. And it's an honor that you wanted to come on to my podcast to promote your album. If I hope that you wanted to, and it wasn't your label making you do this, and this has been an uncomfortable hour. My label doesn't even know about this. Oh, okay. This is you, Liz and me. This is all right. And then we're just going to spring an arm and go, fuck you. So what do you do for me? Nothing. We did. We got this famous guy to come over to our house.
Starting point is 01:09:00 I don't know about that. I have a little notoriety. I don't know what I'm saying, though. It's not label sanctioned. All right. So last thing, what are you, what are you Blackhawks doing? I barely watched hockey this year. And my Bruins have made all these moves. We bought, you know, a couple guys from off the, the, the New York Rangers. You got Wiggles from us. A nice fourth line guy for you guys. You guys, we got Nash from good. Yeah. Yeah. You got Nash from the Rangers. You guys are looking good. I mean, and, and this is good for Boston. You needed this because when, when Claude Julian was your coach and shit, you guys were all down this shit. Good. I love them. I love them. Yeah. But it was real bipolar there for a while. Well,
Starting point is 01:09:36 he did lead us to our first cup in 40 years. So I know, I know, because we had three of them. My Chicago Blackhawks in there. Remember when we tied it up and then you guys fucking, no, you guys tied it up and then, then you fucking 10. Yeah, that was good. Yeah, boy. Well, for me anyways, but uh, yeah, we're, we're tanking right now. Thank God. Uh, it's time to like, get some new blood. I mean, uh, the general manager, Stan Bowman, he was his first year after the first cup and he made the rookie mistake of a GM and just like, oh, well, of course, Chicago hadn't had a cup in like 40 something years. So everyone's like, we got to keep this team forever and you know, everyone thinks that they're all junkies and they're going to look
Starting point is 01:10:18 the same 20 years from now. And, uh, and so he overpaid all these people, locked them in with no trade contracts and shit. And now we're stuck with all these decaying old guys that don't do enough heroin. Seabrook still playing for you guys. Oh yeah. I think, I mean, he, he's out there. That's the best number in hockey seven. Yeah. Well, and individuals nine, nine and seven. Nine's a good one too. Any, any like a single digit one is cool, but those all got retired because all the best guys had them. So now like the big things to have the double 77, 99, 88, all of that shit. All right, cool. Well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I can't wait to hear the new album and furthermore, I can't wait to, uh, see you guys live. If you're
Starting point is 01:11:00 doing a full show, I will come out on a toy drum set with a double bass pedal. We got March 22nd or so in Anaheim and March 23rd in Ventura. And I want to go on drums at one of those shows. If you, if you can fit it in your schedule, that'd be awesome. Absolutely. But I don't, I don't know that I'm going to be able to pull like my double bass player. I'm just starting. No, no, we'll, we'll give you an easy song to play. How's that? We'll give you some and, and we won't fuck with you too hard. I promise. Hey, it's your show, man. I don't give a shit. You want to fuck with me, fuck with me. Just the fact that I'll get to do it will be awesome. All right, Al, thank you so much. And everybody, thank you for listening and I'll check in on you on Thursday. Thanks, man.
Starting point is 01:11:36 No worries.

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