Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-9-20

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

Bill rambles with Dean Delray about the upcomingmBon Scott birthday show, flat earth, and throwing shit out.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, March 9th, 2020. What's going on? How are ya? All right. Guess what? I got a guest. I'm like the other podcasts. I have a guest. I haven't even guessed lately. We got from the Let There Be Talk podcast, and from tomorrow nights, Bond Scott Tribute, at the fucking Avalon, right across the street from Capitol Records, where all the fucking big hits were recorded. We got Dean Del Ray. What's going on, dude? Yeah, man. What is happening? What's happening is I'm trying to figure out where to put this fucking recorder. I know. I love watching your process, because I always just picture

you just like what's going on right now. Hit record before I'm ready to start. That's part of the charm. It's part of the charm. You got a broke screen on your phone. I love that. Yeah, I've given up on that. I broke the screen at the fucking Apple store, because they weren't helping me with some other shit, so I was just throwing shit into my fucking backpack, and I didn't realize that my phone was on it. Backpack. I broke the screen there. Then I was on the road, and I had some bootleg place fix it, and then I don't know what happened. Then it just sort of broke again. Yeah, I remember that. It's funny. Every time I've thrown it in anger, it's never broken. Yeah. But if I just, I don't know, I just sort of

set something down, then it broke. Because people look at it and go, Jesus Christ, you throw your phone. It's like, well, yeah, I throw it all the time, but it never breaks. It's weird. It's like a fluke thing. Oh, man. Anyway, what the fuck was I going to tell you? I was watching this thing. Well, let's talk about what we came on here to promote. Yeah. There's a few tickets left. This amazing fucking show that I still don't think people understand the level of this show, where it just seems that it's going to be like, ah, it's going to be like, okay, a standup show, and then this dad band's going to come out and do their highway to hell. I don't think

they understand. I guess they've seen some clips. Some people have. If you, if you're debating going, you should fucking go. Cause first of all, it's a deal. Yeah, it is. It is. It's a ticket. What are the tickets? $40. You get to see a killer standup show. And then you get to see half the fucking rock stars that you grew up watching. I feel anyways, all these drummers and everybody coming out. I don't want to name names because, you know, people dropping in, dropping out, adding on. And all of a sudden they're going on a fucking tour, but you know all these guys through all your years of being a front man. It's so hard to schedule because you got your dream list of people. And then they all go, yeah,

I can do it. Now, if I could have did it like a month ago, I might have got some, you know, people are getting ready to go on these tours and stuff. But now who knows with the coronavirus who knows who's doing, but you know what I do love is all of these guys because it's the bond Scott thing. Like the love that people have for arguably one of the greatest front men of all fucking time. And I, it's fucking hilarious because I still watch all of that shit. I somehow today went down this rabbit hole on YouTube and I vaguely remember this contest, but MTV had a contest. You went a lost weekend with Van Halen. Oh yeah. I love that, that little 15 minute thing on that guy. Great. Right. Just to give people the

backstory was 1984. Yeah. The height of the band, the commercial record and all of that shit. They're going on tour and who, who knew this is the last time the four original guys, they still haven't played since that tour. Yeah. They did. Oh no, that's right. Cause Mike Anthony wasn't, I forgot it was a son. You're right. So it's never been that. So you figure if that tour wrapped up in 85, like they have not, all four of them have not been on stage together in 35 fucking years. How sad is that? Such a great band. So anyway, they, the MTV had a thing as they said back when they played music, they said, you know, submit a postcard and you could, you could go on tour for a weekend, hang out with Van Halen. Yeah.

So this kid wins it. I'll put a clip out there. I'll send a link, I should say, for people listening to this. And, you know, I thought it was going to be like the, yeah, here's some T shirts and some buttons and fucking, you know, little group photo and whatever. They didn't, they like fucking parted with this kid. Oh my God. They got him fucked. Oh, they got him loaded. Oh my God. It was a real lost weekend, man. Well, what's funny is you read all the comments in YouTube on the YouTube page. It's just, you just couldn't, you couldn't do it in a liability. The cell phone cameras, everybody like all of these fucking kids, it's a, what's cool about the cell phone cameras is if anything fucking happens, somebody's got video on it.

Yeah. We're like, Oh my God, I saw this bear fucking, you know, Molda fucking guy collecting trash and then you're like, where's the video? The video somehow shows up, right? Yeah. So that part's cool. I mean, granted, the guy probably would die in that scenario, but whatever. But like, the thing that you pay for is that there's no, there's no back history on that. Well, there's no, there's no like, just hey, man, there's no jobs. You know, you know what I mean? But I can't, what is the word? Like you could just, you canceled culture. No, but you could like, sort of exist without everybody knowing what the fuck you were doing all the time. The mystique was huge back then, right? Yeah. People would have to like describe. So what happened? Where were you? Blah,

blah, blah, and all of this fucking shit. Now if somebody won that thing, they'd spend half the weekend videotaping what they're experiencing, a videotape, whatever fucking selfies. Yeah, they wouldn't even realize what they were doing because they would have the thing on the whole time. Yeah. And I'm not shitting on young people too, because I would be doing that too. Oh, absolutely. I can't imagine some of the footage I would have heard of shit that I didn't really fully experience. Remember that one they did where they gave away John Kerr, the little pink houses and TV gave away a house. They had crazy contests back then. We're going to paint the mother pink. Yeah. Yeah. Because he had that song, little pink house. Yeah. You and me. So then they gave away

a little pink house in like fucking Indiana. Yeah. Fucking hilarious. They had some really, that was such a great channel. Like I'm, I'm, I don't know, it's a shame what happened to it. And it didn't take long. By the end of the 80s, it was already fucked. Yeah. You know why that came about? Why they stopped playing all the videos and all that shit. Oh no. Because they couldn't, it was like a ratings thing. The way I heard it was like, because they play this video, then five minutes later they play that video and people, if they didn't like the song, they would change in the channel. So they couldn't get an accurate read of how, you know, ratings. Yeah. Like it, cause it wasn't like a TV show. They just play it, but it's weird because

they can do it with radio. That was the excuse I remember hearing. Right. So what they did was then they had like TV show. Yeah. They had like a TV shows and shit. And they had like game shows and who the fuck it? Jay Moore did one early on and Chris Hardwick did one like hosts. Wow. Back then. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They were hosts. Chris Hardwick did one with Jenny McCarthy. I think once that real world hit that became the blueprint of reality TV for the, for all the way to now, once they had Puck, that guy Puck and he was a lunatic and he was, he was the first guy that showed that if you're the biggest like annoying person on a reality show that you're going to be the star and people are going to tune in to watch and it equals ratings and everything,

you know, it's funny you brought that shit up because I was at breakfast this morning with my lovely wife and she gave me the sports section. They had this whole fucking thing on all the top women athletes out there and sad to say it. Like I only knew, I knew the gymnast, but I don't can't remember her name. I've seen her on a bunch of things. She's like the greatest gymnast ever. I should know her fucking name. I'm busy, whatever. But I didn't know her. I already knew Serena Williams and then there was all of these other people. There was a couple of figure skaters that I knew. So the reoccurring thing was in the article was how they don't support women's sports, the way they do the men's sport and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I saw this thing where

I think it was the female soccer players were suing some sort of soccer organization to pay as much attention to them as they are the guys. And I got this big fucking discussion with my wife going, that's not how business works. Like I know what comes off as sexist. Not saying there isn't sexism out there, but there's all kinds of shit out there. How it works is if you're making money, that's it. If you got a draw, if you're making fucking money, they're going to swoop in and try like we first started doing podcasts. Nobody gave a fuck. And all of a sudden we started making money and then all these business guys came in and they started fucking throwing advertising and all of that shit in there as a standup comedian.

My journey, I was not the guy. So what I had to do was just fucking keep slamming against the fucking wall until I broke through. And I remember seeing like the Kings of Comedy. Right? Yeah. Bernie Mac, DL Hughley, Steve Harvey, and who am I missing there? The fuck? Who's the fourth? What's his name? Bernie Mac, Steve Harvey, DL Hughley, and Cedric, the entertainer, right? White Hollywood was not fucking with them. So they were like, fuck it. Let's all do a fucking tour together. We'll go to our own markets, right? Fuck white people. We don't fucking need them. Not saying they said that, but you know. Yeah. And then all of a sudden they started selling out arenas and white Hollywood was like, hey, the fucking Rednecks,

the Redneck tour. Oh yeah. Yeah. All the fucking Hollywood elitists out here. That's a flyover state. I don't give a shit about you and your second amendment. You're probably banging your sister how they look at fucking Rednecks, right? Yeah. Then they all got together, you know, started doing arenas and then they all got their own fucking shows. Yeah. So to fucking the way to do it's the way to get something is not to fucking complain because there's always something to complain about. Yeah. The way to do it is to just get your fan base going. Yeah. And this is the thing like what I don't understand. Okay. I wish there was a woman on this podcast right now, right? They could chime in because I don't get the way they're

trying to go about getting what they should get because I believe in all of that shit. Yeah. Okay. Everybody should have a fucking at bat, right? So they're sitting there bitching. That's like a big fucking thing right now, but guys make more in sports and they act like they're catering to men. All right. And just they're completely ignoring CTE and all of the fucking damage that happens to these guys and how the owners don't give a fucking. You just a completely fucking piece of meat, right? The only reason why they're paying you that money is because they're making way more, more, more money off of you. This fucking bullshit like women should be like the WNBA those games should be fucking packed with women with their face painted swinging

their bras over their head acting like fucking lunatics. If they did that, the industry would be like, wait a minute. This is like a fucking thing, but they don't. Yeah. Where are they? They're watching the fucking Kardashians and look at her. Yeah. Huge. She fucking goes, Hey, I tried out this eye cream today. She gets six figures for tweeting. Yeah, because that's where they are. Yeah. And they're fucking sitting there wasting their fucking time. We're going to sue this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The biggest fucking thing they should be supporting each other rather than trying to become a ref in the NFL. Who gives a fuck? You're still working for guys because right now, like as far as like a guy, if you wanted to start your

own sports league, it's fucking over. You can't do it. It's too established. But with women to do like an AFL type thing or an ABA thing is fucking wide open. Yeah. Yeah. So what they should do is get their money together, start their own fucking women's hockey league, and then women should go out and fucking support it. And then it'll become this thing. And then the NHL eventually will be like, Hey man, we want to buy in. Oh yeah. And then you make your money. You got all the power. Yeah. Yeah. You don't fucking sit there and like, there would be like, uh, you know, back in the day when no one wanted me. I'm like, you know, there's a lot of balding redheaded males out there who could actually act if you gave them

a chance, man. Like how far would I get? How much longer? We're, we're going to sue the improvs. Yeah. I'm going to sue the improvs because that's redheads because you're not, you're not going to fucking book me as a headliner before I'm going to draw. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the thing about the, those, those sports and shit, it's just like, what's as much as they are, they are getting fucked and all that stuff, but it's just like, that's not the way to go about it. Like the WNBA game should be packed with women. Yeah. Fucking packed and they should be going fucking nuts and buying merch and having jerseys the same way. Meathead guys like me. Yeah. Do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the only reason why

they need to get some rivalries going. They need to legit hate another fucking female team. So it becomes Celtics, Lakers, Pistons, Bulls, whatever the fuck you want to, you got to, you got to have it. I don't know, man. Yeah. Maybe that's it. There's no rivalry between the, the teams. Cause you get, you do have to have that. You have to have that full rivalry, right? Like that's my team. Dude, I was reading this whole thing on like the NBA, right? Yeah. In what they had to do to sell the game. Like Bill Russell and those guys back in the day, when there was like eight teams, they might, I just had Don Gavin on my podcast. He used to go and watch Bill Russell, Red Arrowback, coaching, all that shit. And to play for a championship

in a half filled Boston garden. Oh yeah. Yeah. Cause no one knew about the league. Nobody gave a fuck. So what these guys would do during the off season is they would play basically like in soccer or friendly where it didn't mean anything. They would go to fly down to the south to try and sell the product. That's crazy, right? Bro basketball. Check out basketball. Yeah. Professional basketball. And like, you know, the same way the NFL, like college basketball, college football was way bigger than the NFL. All of them had to sell it. And because of what they did, the kids now come along and they're making, and like as a man, you can make all this, if you're good enough, can make all this money and all these leagues because of the sacrifices these

other guys made. So the women now have to do that. Yeah. Get out there and just sell the fucking game and then they got to put out a product that's going to make women go down there and watch that shit instead of the fucking real housewives in the Kardashians. Yeah. You got to fill a, you got to fill a venue. Yeah. Kings of comedy did it. Yeah. The fucking the redneck tour with the fuckers. The cold blue color is the color of comedy. They fucking did it. That's what I'm trying to do right now. I'm just trying to build my own thing. No one's touching me. So I'm like, fuck it. I got to build my own thing. You know, that's, it's, I just keep doing it and doing the thing about when you in that mindset. Yeah. Okay. Then you have power. Yeah. Because then you,

you still have control of it. If you're going to just sit there and be like, Oh, you can't do this because of this. You can't do that because of that. And then these fucking people are blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just like, yeah, all of that's going on. What are you going to do about it? Yeah. Nothing, nothing you can fucking do about it. You just fucking put your head down and sell what the fuck. Yeah. Fuck you're doing. That's it, man. I got to tell you though, those fucking people though, who are the guy that they're looking for, the good-looking people and all that, they, they're shelf life. They're like fucking organic food, you know? It expires. Yeah. By the time you get home, it's already starting to go bad. Like those

fucking strawberries, they'll start shriveling up. So anyway, so I found the whole thing like, like interesting. And I was sitting there going like, why are these athletes this fucking good? And I don't know who they are. Yeah. Right? They're part of it's because I have a kid and all that other, another shit. But like a lot of it is like, you know, as much as, okay, ESPN, you know, they're sexy, they don't mainly show guys sports. Well, that's where the money's at. Yeah. That's all they care about. That's where the fucking money is at. They don't care about anything else. They don't. They don't give a fuck. Not at all. They don't give, do you think they give a shit that the NBA has sold this, they're sold to the super team? Yeah. No, no. If I see

one more fucking asshole in the NBA going, yeah, we're still a couple pieces away. It's like, how many fucking good guys from another team do you need? Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's all started with the dream team in the Olympics, you know, they put that together, they mowed over everybody. And then the NBA was like, Hey man, if we do a dream team, people are going to follow that team for my theories is, is because the league almost bankrupted in the late, what happened in the 70s was the ABA came and took half their stars. And then the league also went from being predominantly white to predominantly black. And there was all these older white people like, I don't want to watch that. Dr. Jay, why wouldn't you want to watch that? The best. I don't know. Yeah. Jay man,

the best. And then cocaine came out. Yeah. And then there was a bunch of players on that stuff. And it was just a bad, like they were in this transition where it went from like 80% white guys to like 80% black guys. And then cocaine was involved as far as like, when cocaine first came out, they were saying that it was no more addictive than caffeine. Oh yeah. It was like the elitist fucking drug. And it took all of these people down. So the league was, they had drug problems. They had, they had fucking old racist people fucking not liking the shit. So they went a bad way. And then it just so happened. The luck of the draw bird goes to Boston. Magic goes to the Lakers. And then you had the 80s. Yeah. Yeah. You got, you got cream. I'll deal Jabbar. Yeah.

You got these cool marquee players. I mean, I was so into that. But the Lakers were, those were all fucking draft picks other than Kareem. Right. Right. We were all and then also shrewd trades. Yeah. And that's what the Lakers are doing. And that's what the Celtics did. And then we just old school way. There was these two super teams. And then the ratings were through the fucking roof. And then as they started to fade, Jordan, the Pistons and then Jordan came along and they had like this 15 year, I feel like 20 year windfall. And they were like, that became like their product. And they just wanted it to keep going. So then I think then that's when you got the Kobe shack, Phil Jackson, Lakers, then you got the LeBron fucking the other Boston,

big three. Yeah, we're from last, we're from last place to winning the championship in a year. It was ridiculous. Had the big three, then the heat, then golden state. Yeah. And now look at the Lakers, you know, with their big three, it's just kind of like, I don't know. Yeah. A lot of things happen to sneaker culture, but I'm saying ESPN should be going the fuck happened to this league. Yeah. You know, when Jordan lost to the Pistons, he didn't join the Pistons. Yeah. He fucking lifted weights and fucking yeah, you know, beat him. We're going to get him. We're going to get him. It became a challenge. Yeah, I don't, I don't, they don't give a fuck. They give a shit about money. So going back to that female like athletic athletics and all that type of shit, there's

absolutely sexism, this absolutely shit that isn't fair. But at the end of the fucking day, the golden ticket is money. Yeah. And ticket sales and you have to go out there and fucking put your head down and do what all these other fucking men's leagues did back in the day when they almost fold. They all almost folded. Yeah. The fucking during the depression, the NHL lost half of their fucking teams. That's why you had the original six. They were really the surviving six. Right. Yeah. NASCAR is about to fold, man. Yeah. NASCAR is going through some shit. That's going through some shit, man. Yeah. And that was from the fucking bankers is what fucked them over because they had, you know, working class people would come out and then the, the fucking couple of things happened.

They kind of had a little drought and stars. It happens. Yeah. Yeah. They did do that. Yeah. So they had a little drought in that. And then also 2008 banking scandal left so many people upside down in their fucking houses. Yeah. Fannie Mae, all that stuff. Oh, and then the piece of shit moves that those fucking banks did to force people. The worst thing ever, I told you, you know, my fucking house, right with the roof. Yeah. Collapsed with the water came in and all of that shit. When I got my insurance money, it was made out to me and the bank that owned my mortgage, and I had to sign the money over to them. That's like, wait, this is my money. Yeah. Yeah. My roof. Yeah. And it's my fucking money. Well, this is what they did. They had fucked so many people over

so bad on their houses that when, when people were getting insurance claims, like their house was never going to be worth more than what they owed. So they said, fuck it. And they went out and bought a car, had a keg party or whatever. Yeah. And then what happens, they defaulted in the fucking loan and then the bank would get it back and they had to fix the house. Right. The roof. The roof. Yeah, they just walk on it. So what they did then was they came up with this fucking thing. They just pushed through. Politicians always push it through because they're grossly underpaid, set up to be bribe by insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies and all that bullshit. They pushed the fucking thing through. Then your insurance company

went to them. And then they, and then they were doing inspections to make sure the work was actually fucking being done. So they would slowly release the fucking money. I was so fucking. As I said, they're going like, my checkbook is balanced. Who fucking you to sit there? Yeah. It is the thing. I had a guy right in and was saying like, I hate when you say that politicians are fucking under paid. And he goes, this is the average salary, you know, of a politician. This is the average salary is the average working person. It's like, well, the average working person isn't running a town. Yeah. This is running the country. Yeah. Yeah. You should make more money. Yeah. The average fucking guy bagging groceries at a fucking trader, Joe's. Yeah. And the amount of shit

they got to go through to get there. Oh, that's nuts. Especially now where they just dig into your past and everything, your whole family's out there. I know. It is the thing too. I actually think, you know, if you gave politicians fucking money, then it would, it would still just attract bad people. That's why I just love people that have a problem with fucking Bernie Sanders. The fucking shit that that guy says, he said the other day, he was talking about fucking health care. Yeah. And he was, I'm going to butcher it. He said something like, like every single day, like, whatever, like every year, all of these Americans lose their jobs and go bankrupt. And what is their crime? He goes, they got cancer. And he goes, and unless

this party is going to, and he goes, they, they like 500,000 people lost all of this money because they got cancer and their jobs and all this type of stuff. And then was saying that the health care industry made $12 billion last year. He goes, unless we as a party are going to stand up to that, you know, then basically what the fuck are we? He had like the fucking balls to say that. I'm just trying to wrap my head around somebody listening to that who's fighting for fucking people with cancer. And then you're looking at a guy who just hugged and kissed a flag and said, I love you. Did you see that latest one? Yeah, yeah. All I care about is anyone that talks about health care. Cause like in the last couple of years, I've had like health problems and I'm

like, I got to listen to this guy, you know, I just want somebody who actually has the balls to, to, to stand up to, to pharmaceutical companies, to fucking insurance companies. Cause they're fucking everybody over. And here's the thing, dude, you know what's, what's fucked up about me politically is I grew up in a conservative house. I still have a lot of that in me. Yeah. I'm definitely liberal, but I have a lot of that. And I, I like a lot of Republican candidates. Yeah. It's Chris Rock thing. Remember? I'm half Republican. I'm half Democrat. Yeah. But you definitely lean, lean to a side. But if I lean to a side, I definitely lean liberal without a doubt, right? But I just, my fucking thing is I,

I just don't want another fucking company man. Yeah. Okay. And I think that that's what happened the last, the last time out was you had one guy who was not a company man and then you had Hillary who was a company man and which was just, they were offering more of the same versus somebody who was, somebody was responding to the anger that was out there. I just do, you know what, and just as for an entertainment value, I just want to see a Trump Bernie Sanders debate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This country's really just going to go down the shitter. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's the one I want to see. That it's going to be great. And then, and then some great spoofs on it too on SNL where they're just a spoofing at the whole time. I know. I don't know. It's a fucking, it's a crazy thing.

It's a crazy thing. So what, whatever, I just hope somebody competent, I don't give a fuck Democrat, a Republican, just somebody competent that gives a fuck about people and this country and that type of shit. And like, like, dude, how fucked up is it that we have to drink bottled water? You ever think about that? They allowed these corporations to just completely pollute our fucking water. That's something ISIS wants to do. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yeah. They let people just fucking create a fucking drug epidemic. Yeah, man. Not telling people how addictive this shit is. That's fine. The fucking bankers fuck everybody over. And then, you know, I have a hole in my roof and then they take my insurance money and make sure I put it. It's just like,

yeah, nobody on either side. That's why I don't watch CNN or Fox. You know, it's fucking hilarious is I got a buddy of mine, you know, that coronavirus and shit, they're scaring the shit out of people. Yeah, yeah. You know, like that's like that's gonna that that's what's gonna take us out, right? So, yeah, you know, but he kind of bought into it a little bit. So he bought some groceries and shit. So he called up his folks home back home and all they do is watch Fox News. Oh no. So he called them up and his dad just went off saying it was all the fucking hoax started by the Democrats to try to take out Trump. And it's just like that was hilarious. It's just like I was saying to him, I was going, dude, that's why you can't

watch those channels. No, because I would I would love is as if you called up someone who all they do is watch CNN. Like what are they saying now? Yeah, you know, just as fucking bad. That's fucking crazy. They're fucking crazy, dude. It's insane. Like I was at the airport yesterday. People are people are going crazy, actually. They're actually crazy people at the airport. I'm kind of loving it though, because yeah, there's people overreacting. So like, there's nobody on the roads. There's barely anybody flying. I said, there's great parking. I was at the improv a couple of nights ago and I go, God, this coronavirus is great. Look at the parking. Yeah, it's awesome. Parking is great. And I love when I see people who go fucking going

nuts with the masks and shit. Yeah, I love it because for all I know, they got it. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, quarantine yourself. I love it. I love people doing all of that shit. I was supposed to go to South by Southwest to do the premiere of King of Staten Island, the Judd Apatow Pete Davidson movie, and that just got canceled. So that would have been fun to get together with the cast. So hopefully we're going to be able to get to do that. But you'll have to do it in a bubble like that old John to vote the film boy in the plastic bubble. Well, it seems if you, if you keep, you know, you're taking vitamin C and you keep yourself like healthy, you know, and that you can either write it out or you're not going to get it.

Yeah, I said more people died from the flu last year and no one talks about that, you know. Well, because the flu, you can get a flu shot and everything. I mean, look, they're doing the right thing now. But I mean, with, with like news agencies, like news channels, like fucking scaring the shit out of people. And then, then, then they, once they've done that, then they come back. I like, are people overreacting? It's just like, what do you mean from the information that you've been fucking spewing out? Yeah. Yeah. The fear you give us all day long. We've got another one here. I know. I got, I got to read, I got to read some, some advertising here. All right. Really quickly, then we'll get back to this. Yeah,

dude, I cannot fucking wait. I've been practicing the drums and all that shit. Oh, I've been practicing, man. That's fucking tricky song, man. Yeah. Which ones are you playing? I'm playing the jack and then problem child. Oh yeah. Yeah. You know, somebody before you read the ad, I was at Austin last night and this guy said to me, he goes, he was a fan of the podcast and he goes, you excited for Tuesday? I mean, like this is your thing, right? And I go, I said, Hey, man, you know what fucking excites me? I did this, you know, for me, it's Bill and Marin because those guys, the excitement they get is the excitement I get when I open for you guys, you know, it's the excitement I have is after it's over. Yeah,

I didn't fuck it up too bad. And I can actually enjoy what I'm saying. That's my thing of like, it's the only thing I can really give back to you guys as far as like from opening for you guys and learning from you. So it's the equivalent. Hey, did Marin buy that guitar, by the way? Yeah. Yeah. He sounded so good on that. I said, you, Dean posted this thing of Marin just trying out this guitar. He, I can really play, man. Yo, he plays it. He loves it. Yeah, he can really, he loves playing like I love comedy now. You know, so he's talking about playing. I'm like, cool, man. Hey, that one joke. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's so funny. Oh, he's in a big movie coming up. Yeah, he is. What is he in? I saw a clip. He's in a Mark Wahlberg one that

came out Friday. It's on Netflix right now. Oh, okay. Yeah. And then his specials out tomorrow on Netflix. Yeah. I'm going to watch that, man. Wahlberg always makes good movies. Yeah. All right. Oh, Max. Oh, Max. Oh, Max. Living with chronic pain is the worst. Many of my listeners probably have some type of pain that has prevented them from relaxing and sleeping or stopped them from exercising. Perhaps it's been ongoing for a few weeks now and hasn't improved with any of the treatments they've tried. Oh, Max health. I say podcast host to provide experience of recent pain. Oh, my fucking shoulder. My left shoulder. Enter Oh, Max health. If you're looking to get rid of a nagging muscle and joint pain immediately while providing long lasting recovery, then you

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if you don't like it. That's pretty nice and gross. Right now, Helix is offering up to $200 off mattress orders for our listeners. Get up to $200 off helixsleep.com slash burr. Get the best mattress you could ever fucking sleep on. All right, there we go. Oh, congratulations to Joe Roberts. The first American in MotoGP to be on the pole in like 10 years. Wow. MotoGP too. So he's one level below. Oh, I got you. He wrote a great race. You know, I didn't have the best start. It was immediately in third place, but then worked his way up to second for brief second. Did lead the race, but this Japanese kid, hope I say this right, Tetsuta Nagashima. Dude, he was like an eighth place, just worked his way up through the pack.

Oh man. Was consistently having the fastest lap. So when he finally got out front, nobody could catch him. And it was the first time I believe a Japanese rider has stood, won a race since in 10 years. And that last guy, I think he died. I'm new to the sport, but I believe he died later on that year. So it was a very emotional thing. It was a great race to see. I don't know what happened with the MotoGP race. I wasn't able to find it. I slept through it, but I go to the website. So I don't know who won that one. Mac Mac has or whatever is my guess. All right. So Dean, I got to, we got some questions here. You want to run through these fucking things? Yeah, right in another shit. I kind of got involved with the flat earth people. Oh, what's your feeling?

What's your feeling, man? Is it round or is it flat? Oh my God. I mean, I just laugh at that shit, man. So let me ask you to the flat earthers. Do they think the moon's also flat or do they think that that's round? Do they think they're looking at like a cookie? I think they're looking at a platter up there. Yeah. Yeah. It's dual platters. So then like, I don't know, man. I just, I, it's so weird how something like that just comes out of nowhere. That's like a couple years old now came out of nowhere. They're like, the earth is flat. I thought it was like a sketch or something. I'm looking for it. And then I just start laughing. I like my thing is what the end game. I understand, you know, conspiracies on like, uh, you know, bankers, yeah,

Kennedy's policy, assassination of powerful people or people like they think are going to be powerful. I get all of that. What the fuck? What is the end game? And then the amount of fucking people that you would have to get on board. Oh, it's crazy. Right. And also, why do they think that we would be hiding that from them? You know what I'm saying? How about every fucking jerk off who sails their dreams to sail around the world and then they go do it? Yeah. I know, you know, a guy flew with in Vancouver, flew a fucking helicopter around the world. Now, what do they do to stop him from doing that? Doesn't he fly off the fucking edge and come back and have a look on his face? I mean, I don't know. Anyways, motive for telling people

the earth is round. All right, here we go. Like you can't believe like this. His people, this is like a real fucking thing. Listen to this shit. All right. This is the motive. Why you would tell people, okay, hey, Billy blue button up wanted to tell you my opinion on what the motive of telling people the earth is round is. I like you understand that the only reason we know the earth is round is because we were told that I was joking about that. Like the only reason why I know it's round is because somebody told me. Yeah, I didn't figure it out. Most people just call me a fucking idiot like their Nikolai Tesla or something. The motive for this, of course, is money. The first movie made about space was a trip to the moon. It was made in 1902 by a dude named

Georges. Don't worry, neither of us can pronounce his last name. After that movie killed way back in the day, they started making space movies left and right. Space and the thought of going to space has been in the back of our minds for over 100 years. It spawned countless cash cows like Star Wars, Star Trek, and even MTV's most iconic marketing gimmick was the astronaut pitting the MTV flag on the moon. I don't know where he's going with this. So it would be very easy to get those people on board with being the first country to fly to the moon. Getting all these people wrapped up in the idea of space would be a good way of getting them to agree to pour their tax money into your space program. And if you think about it, billions, hell, probably

trillions of American tax dollars have gone to NASA. And all they would have to do is get us to give them our money is to show us some pictures of the moon from close up and the earth from far away. And then from about the 60s on, I don't know what we're going with this, we poured our money into the space program. Money would be the motive, Bill. I believe in flat earth, but I also don't know the earth is flat. And I'm not going to tell you it is, but this is my opinion. I also used to try to tell everybody that the earth is flat and argue with them for hours, but we both know that the shape of the earth is not important. What's important is saving it and making it a healthy place for our kid, regardless if it's flat, round or donut shape. Take care, Bill. Oh,

and let's go blues. Those blues are looking good. Yeah, it's just like theory. So we wanted to get tax dollars. So they showed a photo of a round earth. Yeah. But what they don't talk about is how way back in the day, we thought it was flat. And then this guy comes out, he says, no, it's round. And then they kill him. Yeah. And then we also thought we were the center of the fucking universe or the solar system. Then they realized it was the sun. They thought the sun went around us. We were around the fucking sun. You know, all of this shit has been like proven. I don't get it. So because of the American space program, the entire world's leaders have agreed to lie and scientists that the fucking thing is round. Yeah, all of them. This is one of the

worst conspiracy. I love a conspiracy theory. So do I. This is one of the worst ones ever. Yeah. It's like going back. We're going back in time. I think it's just people like to be right. It's like there's a certain level of contrarian here. Yeah. And then wanting to be right. Well, that's the whole what's going on. The election is why doesn't a flat earth or just go to the fucking edge of the earth and take a picture like there are Niagara Falls. Yeah. Yeah. A selfie on the edge. How doesn't the water from the ocean pour over the side? Somebody was joking. So it's like, they think it's a giant infinity pool. All right. Flat earth answers. Dude, and I will go with any fucking conspiracy theory or not any, but like Jesus, this is like,

this isn't, this is not even rooted in anything other than just being a contrarian. Okay. Hey, Bill, you asked about the flat earth and why they would lie about it. That's a good question that everyone who looks into it, into this ass. The answer is money. The taxpayers have given NASA billions. Oh, we got another one. Same one. But my thing is, is evidently like 500 fucking years ago, they knew NASA was coming. So that's why they started saying it was round. Well, he said they made the movie in 1902. NASA billions or even trillions of dollars over the years to get some shitty ass space videos in return. And it gets deeper than that. I didn't know we were deep. There's a video you should watch called the history of flat earth.

I will definitely watch this. If the link doesn't work, go to Eric Dubey's channel. And in the search bar, search the history of flat earth. It's easy to prove the earth is flat in stationary like how the North Star never moves. Well, what about the rest of the stars? That's why it's the North Star because it's not fucking, that's the one you're looking at. They're all spinning around that. So that's what you use to guide yourself. That's your pinpoint. Yeah. What the fuck? So if you fucking put a, if you color, if you were looking down on a merry go around and you just painted the middle's red and the rest of it was all these crazy colors, you would ignore all those other colors moving and just look at that red dot going, see, it's not

moving. Yeah. That's hilarious. Anyways, if this link doesn't work, go to Eric Dubey. Well, this is just a bunch of people who are not eggheads trying to figure out egghead shit. All right. I don't understand half of this. I would love to listen to Joe Rogan argue this. The history of flat earth, it is easy to prove the earth is flagging. The North Star never moves, or we can see way further than should be possible on a globe. Oh my God. Oh my God. And many others. Can we, how far are you supposed to see on a globe? I bet you didn't know that to this day, there's never been a successful experiment to prove the earth has curvature or is moving. I did not know that. I thought there was plenty of

evidence. Please, please watch this video. I know you're a busy guy, but it will explain the subject to you correctly and without the bullshit. All right. Well, I got to watch it then. Yeah. It's called the history of flat earth. Was that on YouTube? Yeah, they've been lying about the earth being round for hundreds of years because they knew NASA was coming. Yeah, NASA. People lied about it. Who are going to die hundreds of years before NASA came along. That's hilarious, man. Listen, if you want to say we never went to the moon and shit like that, like, because I don't get how you land and then you get the fucking thing going again. How do you start it back up? That's a classic one. You know, they said that a Stanley Kubrick shot the film. He shot the footage.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, on a Hollywood back lot. I don't, I don't understand. Why doesn't NASA just take a picture of the fucking car and shit they left behind there? Yeah. Why don't they just do that? There it is. It's right fucking there where we left it. There's the shit 50 fucking years ago. I have no fucking idea. All right. Paris Accords. Paris Accords is like a Honda Accord. All right. I want to talk a little bit about how terrible the Paris Agreement really was with the idea in mind that maybe there is some controversy to the effect and cause of global warming. For starters, over a 20 year period, the Paris Accord was estimated to cost the United States some $2.5 trillion. In what? Doing the right thing. The

entirety of the US yearly budget is $3.8 trillion. So essentially we would lose 10% of our net budget every year for this agreement. So what? So we could have a clean earth that our children and our children's children could live on. You're going to skimp on this, but are you okay with never ending wars that don't really have an exit strategy? That money has to come from somewhere. So either taxes are going up or social spending is getting cut because the military definitely isn't paying for it. I love how people are putting money ahead of fucking being able to live here. Oh yeah, that blows my mind. Yeah, who gives a fuck? Clean earth. You know, like that opening the drilling in national parks and stuff. Like what are you talking about? You know, like just

coal, bringing coal back, you know? All right. And I'm not saying that the Paris Accord wasn't flawed. All right. But you also have a guy who is in power saying that the whole thing is a hoax, which is fucking scary. All right. Am I really going to read all of this shit? Because the guys, listen to this sentence. Second, the Paris Accord was set up to collect over 100 billion dollars per year into green energy funds to promote green energy. This is a bullshit term that I despise, but I won't get into it. All right. Well then. Okay. So then what do you see? You're just going to kind of skim over your argument. Sounds wonderful in principle, but in fact, the people in charge of the commission will have final say over where that money ends up.

I bet both my testicles, if this thing continues into the future, the people getting the money will just happen to be the people related to a direct responsible for the politicians that proposed it. Why not just cut out the middle man and fork over the 10% of my paycheck to politicians and questions? Seems like a lot of hoops to jump through for what will obviously end in corruption. Well, everything's going to end in corruption. At least they're trying to do something. Third, the Accord is set to cut the emission of Western nations by about 20%, considering that these countries only account for 21% with the United States producing 14% itself of the total world greenhouse gas emission. That means that they would

have a net effect of cutting global emissions by roughly 4%. Consider, I don't know. This is like, I don't know. Okay. All right, dude. You're right. We shouldn't do anything. We shouldn't do anything. We should pull out of these fucking things. It's like no one's going to, we're literally going to sit there and argue with each other. And that's how we're going out. Yeah. That's how we are going out. It is. That's how we're going out. I don't understand why we don't just embrace solar power. I don't get it either. Okay. I don't even give a fuck if it's dirtier. Yeah. Just to get us out of that bullshit in the Middle East, to get us off of oil as much as humanly possible, because at the end of the day, you're still going to have to have gears and

shit turning and metal against metal. You're going to need lubricant. You're going to need that. All right. And the same way with the fucking solar panels, I'm sure there's some sort of fucking generator that it goes into that also fucking needs oil, but not as much. Right. So my thing is the Middle East is like, I remember there was this fucking, I always use this example. There was a store in the South Shore Plaza when I was a kid. It was called Wix and Sticks. All they sold was candles. Yeah. Wix and Sticks. So that's all they fucking sold. So basically, it was just one of those things where if for some fucking reason, no one, one day somebody decides like, you know, I'd fuck candles or some bullshit comes out with candles that there's a carcinogen.

Yeah. Or somebody burns down their fucking house. It's a terrible story. They're going out of business. They're fucked. I look at the Middle East like that. That's Wix and Sticks. They sell oil. That's it. That's their baby. That finances fucking everything. It finances the terrorist groups that are coming at us, all of us. And if we just fucking embraced a different kind of fucking energy, walked away from that shit as much as we did over there. Yeah. As much as we did over there, they would forget about us within two fucking years and would be right back to fucking going after each other. The same way when Russia fucking pulled out of Eastern Europe, how long before that whole Bosnian Serb thing? I mean, who even knew that

they didn't fucking like each other? I didn't. The whole time they were under, they had a common enemy, Russia, when I was a kid. And then all of a sudden they pulled out and then all that horrific shit happened. Not saying I want that to happen in the Middle East, but I'm just saying, yeah, get out of there. Yeah. Get the fuck out of there. I don't even get the solar power thing. Like, you know, they got it out in Vegas now. Like, you know, they got that giant solar farm out there and then all the downtown is run on solar now. That's great. I know. It's awesome. They have so much power. They don't know what to do with it. There's just free gallons of power. You know, isn't that amazing? It's free. We're still over there fucking with this dirty goop.

It's crazy. And what kills me too, all these fucking years of people shitting on an electric car that it can't even go up the hill, it's the fastest fucking things out there. Oh, yeah. I drove the Tesla. That stupid Tesla looking car. Oh, I drove it too. That dumbass looking fucking. I don't know what the fuck that thing looks like, right? It's the cotton dockers of cars. Yeah. Yeah. That thing fucking rocks, man. That thing will fucking, that thing's faster than a Ferrari. Yeah. And the new, and the new Porsche. Oh, the electric one. Oh, crazy. God, 200 miles an hour. What the fuck are we doing? The problem is, is you just have like the old boys network, they're not going to let go of this. No way. Yeah. So what you got to do is you got to give solar power to the oil companies.

Yeah. Well, that's what I got to give it to them. That's what I heard about weed. So they can still feel like they're running shit and just get the fuck out of there. Yeah. Our weed, the tobacco industry, they, they slept on the weed industry. And now they're like, well, tobacco is going to be over with one day. So they're funding to ban weed so they can get caught up. And then once it's banned, then they go, now we'll own it. And then they can be in the weed business. Oh, they're fighting to ban it. Yeah. Like secretly funding to ban weed all the time. And, you know, isn't that so that people will keep smoking their bullshit? No, it's so they can catch up because they know of cigarettes. Eventually are going to be out of

here. There's no way, you know what I'm saying? And then cigars will never be gone. So not cigars, but I fucking quit cigars. Yeah. Yeah. Sucks. I smoked one Tuesday when I went to a Laker game with Verzi. He did. So I've had like one in like 15, yeah, but this weekend, you know, I went away, I had a little staycation with my lovely wife. We had a fucking great time. And it was, fuck man, I went back to this hotel that we stayed at before where the last time I went there with her, I got fucking plastered. Whoa. Every time. Yeah. And I was smoking cigars. Like I was, you know, yeah, fucking idiot. So I went back there and it was all, all of those, I actually went into the bar and I was looking to see if they still had that bottle of Kentucky Owl that I was fucking

hitting every night. And the guy goes, can I get you a drink? I said, nah, man, I'm sober. I go, I'm just fuck. What did I say? I said something. I'm just, I'm just reminiscing or so. I don't know. I'm looking at old ghosts. Yeah. I was just checking them out or whatever. And but you know, but I went the whole weekend and I was really fighting. You know, not smoking another cigar, but then I was just going like, all right, just think it through. What are you doing here? Why are you doing this? Are you just getting triggered because this is what you did here the last time you just need to create new memories here of not doing this shit. And you'll be fine. I remember I woke up this morning and I was

driving back to the house and I didn't do any of that shit and I was psyched and now I could give a fuck about having a cigar. So it's just like, I'm not going to fully give up cigars as far as like, but like, I would like to smoke like four a year at something epic. Just a rose bowl. Yeah. A rose bowl. I go to a big college game with my buddies. Maybe my birthday or something like that. Or if a buddy's in town, like as far as he was in town, I really wanted to smoke a fucking cigar. I haven't drank since 2018. Whoa. 2018. Yeah. The end of 2018. Right. Okay. So I was like, I gotta fucking do something here, you know? Yeah. So, and I just picked the smallest one that they had smoked and I got down to towards the end. I just fucking put it out and

I don't know. We're kind of getting off the topic here, but I think that, okay, in defense of the guy who wrote in, I don't know shit about the Paris Agreement. Yeah. Okay. So, and I'm sure that there's a whole bunch of information on why we should and a whole bunch of information of why we shouldn't. Maybe we shouldn't be in it. I don't know. Let's just say that's it, but I can't deal with someone who just thinks the whole fucking thing is a hoax. Let's just even say that like global warming isn't caused by us. Just in general, what the fuck we're doing to the ocean? We shouldn't be doing. And it'd be nicer to just live in a cleaner fucking world. You know, my daughter has these books, right? You know, make way for ducklings.

Who? Robert McCloskey or something. And what's great is the illustrations. And you just see like, there's one book called, it's called One Morning in Maine. And you just see when they get up, they drew like the kitchen and shit. And everything's just made out of wood. It's made out of steel and all of this. And it's all like no plastic. Yeah. And it's just as far as like, you know, the dad's down on the beach. He's digging for clams. Okay. The girl gets like a loose tooth. You know, she's learning, you know, she's becoming a bigger girl. It's kind of what the book's about, right? She goes down there and fucking they get the clams. He packs them and seaweed to keep them moist. They go up there and then they're going to go into town because he's got to get the groceries

and he's returning the glass milk bottles, right? She goes, I'll have clam chowder ready for you when you get back. They fucking go into the stupid outboard motor doesn't start. They go into town. There's a repair guy there needs a new spark plug. He fixes that they get fucking ice cream. And there's all this wildlife. There's all this shit going on. And I was kind of looking at that. Um, McCran, you could also get fucking polio back then. So, you know, there's always something you gotta pay for. But I was just kind of looking at that, like how simple their life was. And I know it's just a book, but like, uh, that whole thing where somehow along the line where you stop getting shit repaired and it was cheaper to throw it out and get something new ocean is.

Yeah, dude. That is, that was a, that was not a good idea. Yeah. In the short run, it was a good idea. Yeah. Financially, it was a good idea. Or like these stupid fucking chargers, man, for these things, like the fact that they can't make one to just work. Yeah. I know. You know, it also, it's just going to be like they designed like that. What are they called design obsolescence or something like that? No, no. Yeah. The lineup designed obsolescence is basically you design the thing to last long enough where the person's not going to be mad and they'll still have to, they'll still go out and go buy another one rather than just making the fucking thing right. Instead of feeling ripped off and went just a amount of time, but that's like the sneakers,

man. Like sneakers are just, you know, people buy millions of sneakers every day and then they just fall apart and then they just toss them, you know, like I get those boots from the kid and they last 100 years. You know what I'm saying? And everything back then, you just, you wore it and then your next family wore it and then the next family wore it, you know? It was wild. It was just, it was, and cars, you just drove the cars. No, I'm really just looking around my house, all this shit that I've bought and all the stuff that I have and all of this shit. And I'm just like, why did I do this? Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm going to die someday and somebody's going to have to deal with all of this shit. Well, that's why I've been getting rid of all my shit.

I've been trying, but you can't throw it out though. No, I don't throw it out. Hey, you got to give it to people. Yeah, just sell it. But I, you're selling a couple of things for me right now. Yeah, yeah. I get rid of everything. All of it, you know, because it's like I had that fear when I thought I had a stroke. Alls I kept thinking was, oh, all that shit in my place. People are going to have to deal with it. I swear. I had that. So when your life was flashing before you, that's what you were thinking of. I was just saying, I was, you know what I was thinking, dude? I was thinking a lot of loose ends right now. A lot of loose ends, you know? I got it. I got it. I got to get all my shit together. And then if something. It was funny, my wife is upset

with me as far as my, my death package that I put together. Yeah. So I have my fares in order and I'm like, I'm going to be an organ donor. Yeah. And then we have to, you know, of course, take the parts out. Yeah. Cause I could literally say, like, once you have like a kid or something like that, I swear to you. You got to do that. Yeah. It's like somebody's kid. You could like, you know, everybody out here is somebody's kid and they love him to death. And if I'm done using my fucking shit, I had to take that shit. Yeah. Yeah. And then they're just going to fucking burn me up. And then that's going to be it. And she's telling me, she's like, no. Yeah. No, she goes, no, you have to be fucking buried next to me. And I would just laugh. I go,

I go, there's really no way out of this relationship. Is there? You gotta be right next to me right there. Oh man. No, but she, you know, she means it in like a romantic way. My thing is like, you know, if we're not going to do anything about the population problem, I'm not taking up a patch of fucking grass for the rest of time when I'm out of here. Yeah. Yeah. Same here. I'm out of here. Enjoy yourselves. I'm having the nightmare one where I want my friends to throw my ashes off half dome because I'm from Yosemite. You got to go hiking. You know, I figured they get halfway there and they're like, Hey, he's not around. Let's just toss these and go down to the bar down in the Awani hotel. Yeah. Like I think that you should

just like, I don't know. I'm a big believer in getting the fuck out of the way. Once you had your thing, get the fuck out of the way. You're a young person, go out to the clubs, have a good time. Then you become older. Yeah. Stay out of the fucking clubs. That's for young people that it's their time. Don't be that creepy guy. Oh yeah. I was on six street last night. It was so loud. You know, Austin, not every bar. And I was like, I'm just walking to my hotel. Like, is there a side street? You know, it was like people out there drinking and, you know, because it was like making noise. And I was, and then I just started filming like the old man, quiet down. I was filming on Instagram. It's too loud out here. What are you doing?

I don't want to be that guy. Just for comedy, you know. Hey, how many cities out there sake, you know, this keep Portland weird, this keep Austin weird. Yeah. There's another one that says keep something weird with it. I was just there. Well, there wasn't Vancouver. Somebody I was just at, they said keep it weird. It's just like, they're all jumping on that one. Yeah. It was sure. Wasn't it Portland first? I think it was Portland. Yeah. Portland was the first one that said they're keeping it weird. Yeah. Like just hippy, hippy stuff. I always just think annoying white person. I love Portland. I love Portland. I like all of those places, but I don't like, uh, I like weird too, but I don't like planned weird. No, no, any more than I like

planned crazy or planned dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, that that that's not really the dangerous comic. The dangerous comic was the thing when I was coming up. Oh really? Yeah. Cause they all wanted to be like Bill Hicks or, or like that, like that kind of edgy. Yeah. Kenison Hicks and prior and all these guys cause they, they pushed out like these, these things, they put this stuff out there that people had not heard. Yeah. Yeah. So then there was this, uh, leather jacket, smokers, cigarette on stage era and standup comedy where everybody like which is why I feel bad for younger comics because they, so much of their early shit is just on YouTube. I mean, good Lord. I mean, how the fuck do you ever outrun that stuff? So like,

I put nothing on YouTube. But I tell you, no, but like, like my generation, everybody went through their, a lot of people anyways, myself included, you go through your, am I going to be a Bill Hicks type of guy? Yeah. Yeah. Am I that guy? And then he just like, yeah, well, I don't like to read. So I don't think I'm that guy informed. Like as much as I was taking the piss out of that guy, talking about the Paris agreement, I don't even know what the fuck is in it. So he might be right. I don't fucking know. I have no idea. But I do know this, paying attention to what's going on is a great way to be depressed. So what I just, I don't know, like six, seven years ago, I just stopped paying attention to shit that I can't fucking control. Yeah. And my life became a lot

smaller and a lot happier. Now I know you kind of have to know what the fuck is going on out there, to a certain extent, but like, there's something, I don't know, it's 24 hour news networks and social media. The least amount of time you can spend on those, I feel like your happiness will go up. At least it does for me. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have, I haven't had a TV in years. So I don't know what's going, it's so funny and you're in this fucking business. Yeah, I know. And, and, you know, people talk politics with me all the time. And I'm like, dude, I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to go on stage tomorrow. I'm just like, I've been killing it though, man. You've been going out with fucking Marin. You go out on the road with me.

You fucking been doing some headline and dates. I'm saying you're going to fucking hit dude. And you're going to hit fucking hard. And this is the thing, like, and then you'll see all of those doors, they all, they all fucking open up. But it's just like, when you're not what they're looking for, you have to show them why you are like a viable fucking thing. I'll tell you, it'd be great. Oh, sorry, fucking y'all here. I can't hope for this fucking staycation is just fucking just hit the ground running. Yeah. First thing I did was I went to both our cars, they fucking reset the clocks in there. Yeah. Take a big fucking thing for me. Yeah. Right. Then I fucking the microwave you hit the microwave next microwave. I don't think I did. I just did mine. I did the one in the

kitchen one. Yeah, I literally have the old digital clock that used to wake me up for my paper route. I still fucking have the still got that. Yeah. Some of the buttons don't quite work. I got to find something that can fix it for me. Then I went to the grocery store. Yeah. Because, you know, I put on some pounds. And I want to get it off. So like, I got this whole meal plan or whatever. So I had to go out and buy all this fucking bullshit, did all of that, came home, cooked the fucking dinner, got my daughter to bed, all that fucking shit. You know, fucking tired of shit. I got to do this because I'm fucking, I'm going to see your buddy tomorrow to get my car looked at. Yeah. That's gonna be great. Get

it wrapped. Yeah, I'm getting a clear wrap. Oh, it's so nuts. Yeah. So then they'll detail my car so it looks totally clean. Then it's a clear wrap over the top of it. And then if anybody opens their door into it, it doesn't chip the fucking paint. Oh, man. I don't have to get my car waxed ever again. I can just fucking wash. Yeah, all of that shit. Oh, it's great. It's tremendous. It's great, dude. Oh, man, it's just like a bunch of shit on my car. I went over to the car wash. The guy just sprayed it down and towel dried it. The thing looks brand new here. It's amazing. Yeah, you sort of go, wow. Yeah, I actually, I don't know. I keep shit for a long time, dude. Yeah, yeah. Do you know, like, I'm only on like, I'm 51, gonna be 52. I'm on like my fourth car.

That's a lot. I've had like 700 motorcycles, 80 cars. I fucking drive them into the fucking ground. My first vehicle I got, I bought it in 85. I kept it until 90. It literally burned down on the side of the fucking road. My first car from high school. Yeah. I had the same thing. Yeah. I had this Patriots bumper sticker. Yeah. Together we win 1985 AFC champions and like my buddies would sit there going, dude, look at that bumper sticker. I remember when you fucking put that thing on. Yeah. And then I had a, I had a Honda Accord. I drove that for like fucking 10 years. That's a great car. Yeah, I bought it used to over 88. Co-authentic. No, I had that like six or seven years. Then I went back to New York.

So I sold that. Then I didn't have a car for a number of years from early 2000s to 2007. Then I got the Prius. Yeah. Right. That had a 200,000 miles on it. No, no, no, no. That thing. No, that thing. That black one. Yeah. No, I bought that brand new. That was my first one. I know, but what did it have on it? Like 100,000 or something? It had a lot of miles, right? Yeah, it's got over a hundred thousand. I drove that thing and then, then I got my Jaguar. But I mean, I bought an old truck deal, like an antique, if you count that a classic I bought. So let's see, let's see. That's the truck, the Accord, the Prius, the Jag. Humorious. I'll do it. I fucking, this fucking car, I'll drive that thing forever. The thing about

it is, is a fucking car, if you take care of it, the fucking engine block is made out of like steel. It's, it's not going anywhere. No, no. And we only drive like to the store and back for it to ever fucking die if you're taking care of it. Now, look, if you're fucking back east and there's rock salt and all that shit, that's a whole other fucking thing. But if you take care of the thing, you should be able to drive it forever. Absolutely. Right. Absolutely. Especially we're not commuting every day a hundred miles each way. That's really kills your ride too. Just nonstop commute. Yeah, it does. But if you fucking maintain the thing, yeah, yeah, you're right. There's really no excuse to now with all those Jiffy Loops and

shit. Yeah. Now that they've worked out all the bugs, that they have their checks and balances, because remember back in the day, like one guy wouldn't be fucking, the guy take the oil out, the other guy wouldn't, and then you'd fucking drive away and your engine would seize. Oh, man. Then you had to try a sewer fucking corporation. There was always those fucking horse doors. I had a guy that didn't put the oil, the oil plug in all the way. Oh man. Yeah, I'm going down five on my motorcycle. All of a sudden, my whole helmet, everything just covered in oil. Instantly just, and I almost crashed. I couldn't see. I was sliding in my own oil. I pulled over. Now I got no oil. I'm on the five. You know, there's no motorcycle oil at the gas station.

I didn't know there was something different. Oh yeah. Yeah. These different oil, you know, I'm using different viscops, viscosity, what are they? Synthetics. And it's like, you know, just a different one than the car. So then I get towed somewhere. I miss my gig and just like, fuck. And the guy obviously was just, I saw, I remember he was on the phone. Before I wrap this up here, tell people about when you thought you had a stroke. Oh man. I was at that Albertsons right here in the neighborhood. I was just walking in. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had in my life. I was walking in and then I took a step and I remember saying like, whoa, I feel kind of weird. And as I said, I feel kind of weird.

The left side of my body just shut off, completely shut off. And I just collapsed to the ground. And then I kind of sat there for a minute. I went, whoa. And then my left foot was numb and my arm was kind of numb. And then it kind of went back to normal. And I got up and I go, what happened to cash register guys grab me and they go, dude, you just, you just collapsed. And I was like, whoa. And then I just thought, I'll just go home. And they go, dude, you should go to the hospital. You just collapsed, man. And so I went straight to Cedar Sinai and I've waited in the waiting room for four hours. And they finally put me in the MRI. And then they said, you had a stroke. This woman came in, she goes, you didn't have a stroke today. It looks like

you had an old stroke. And I was like, what? And then they shot me up with some stuff and I went to sleep. And then two guys came in a couple hours later and they go, you didn't have a stroke. This is an old vein. You got a herniated disc in your neck and it popped out. And when it pops out, you know, it hit your spine and just shut you down. And that was from when you got hit by that? From ran over from the motorcycle. Yeah. That lady who stole the escalator. Yeah. I, I, I, you know, every five, six months, I'd kind of get this pinched nerve kind of thing in my, in my neck. And one time it locked up my jaw. But I would go to acupuncture or, you know, do some therapy, you know, like stretching and

shit and it would go away. But this time it just, it did, I got another Dean favorite. Yeah. The time you were fucking Odeon. Oh yeah. I'm below and Laurel Canyon. Oh man. I'm up there. This is the eighties. Yeah. The eighties. And they got like a, they got like a, seriously, the dude, we called him the shopper. He was a blow dealer and he had an actual pyramid of blow. He always liked to try to be like the scar face. And I never forgot it. Axl Rose was there. It was like eight of us and he was there playing on the piano. He played us November rain. We're like, whoa. And then I went over and just did a giant pile. What year was this? I guess it's 88. You know, they hadn't recorded the illusion records yet, but they had that song kicking around.

And then I went over and just did a giant bump and my arm went numb instantly. And I went over to the guy and I was like, dude, man, you got to, uh, you got to call him. It's my arms numb. And he's like, no way, man. We got all this blow around and Axl's here and said, we can't have the cops up here. You got to ride it out. He's already got my favorite thing ever. You got to ride it out. He handed me a bottle. I never forgot it. I'm Stoley. And he goes, just start slamming on this dude and come down. And I was like, huh? And I just went into the other room and I was slamming on it and I was rubbing my arm. I was rubbing it like thinking this will work. This will make it come back. Didn't you end up riding it out in a closet? I did. I went into

this like walking closet and I was freaking out and I was hitting the vodka. Right? I was just hitting it like, oh God, oh God. I got photos too from that night. There's a great photo of me and Axl and my eyes are just pinned just and, uh, and about an hour later, I remember I, I remember I said this bill. I go, I was in there like, Oh God, you always find God immediately. You know, Oh God, if you let me come down from this, I'll never do coke again. Right. And like about an hour later, I came out of there and I was like, all right, I feel better. You know, you didn't do another one. I didn't do another one. No way. I don't think I did coke ever again after that. It was kind of probably the end. Dude, fucking drug users, man. Wow. Like the fucking stories,

like I laugh my, the reason why I'm laughing at that is because of how fucking terrified I would be. There's just no fucking way I just would ever fuck with that shit ever. I mean, I'm from the Lenn, uh, you know, Lenn bias generation where it was just the whole story was he did it one time and he died. Yeah. Which of course wasn't ended up not being the fucking truth. I mean, the first time you try coke, you don't freebase it, right? No, no. Well, you know what, back then I wasn't afraid of dying. You know what I mean? I was like, yeah, you fucking live hard. I just love that guy. We can't, there's too many drugs. So you got to ride it out. Yeah. I didn't know you could ride it out. You ride it. But you're ODing on heroin. That's when

everybody just leaves. Oh yeah. That's the old one, right? Like we're just, hey, we're out of here. That guy's fucking blue, but you can't ride out. It was nuts, dude. How do you, like if you OD on fucking coke, yeah, you can just ride it out. Well, from what I talk to people, they say it's like a small stroke you're having, you know, like so much coke, your heart's like, so that doctor was right. You didn't have a fucking small stroke. You had one in the late eighties. You had a stroke, but not yesterday, not today, a long time ago. Yeah, the fucking late eighties. Well, man, that's, you know, you know, what's weird too is how much shit you'll just put up your nose. You don't even know who the people are. You know, let me get a bump of that.

And you know, you know, I mean, this could be car cleaner. Dude, what about Van Halen with that fucking MTV winner? They were giving them blow. He goes, he did a fucking bump off of David Lee's fucking pinky. I know. I mean, no worries about fucking liability. He never did blow either, the guy. He'd never even done it before. That's, you know, oh my God. Well, I don't think I, I still don't think I would have, but if ever I was going to do it in 1984. Yeah. I mean, you got to do it. I didn't think my parents would get mad at me. I'd be like, it's fucking Diamond Dave. Oh yeah. What was I supposed to do? Yeah. Yeah, you got to do the blow. You have to. Oh man, dude, I was doing a gig at the Fillmore and with Mark Ford from the black crows. He told this story

on my podcast. It was great. And he was sitting in with my band and we're getting ready to go on. He goes, Hey man, you know, anybody's got some chilly weather. That's what he called it. Chilly weather. I love that one. And I said, I think, I think that guy over there and the guy came over and he gave him a key shot and he's like, ah, his eyes are pouring out. Right. He goes, that, that wasn't coke man. That was meth. And they announced us right then. So he gets on stage, his eyes are pouring with water. He plays the gig of his life after the show. I go, man, I said, I'm sorry. I didn't know, you know, and he goes, that's all right. It smoothed out the mushrooms. This guy was on mushrooms without even us knowing playing sold out Fillmore show.

And he killed like, he played a gig that like you, you, you would think he was going to die after that. What's the difference? What's, what's, what's a meth high? Meth high versus you do like a piece the size of your fingernail and you're up for like 24 hours. It's like, it's tweak city. You're just up like, it's like super, super dust, man. I don't know. So what? So it's not really a high. You just a alert. You're, no, you're just high. You're tweaking. You know what I mean? You're cleaning your, your, your build models. You know what I mean? I mean, you're just up cleaning out your septic tank. Yeah. But you would do that if you were super drunk and then you could just kind of level out the booze and keep drink, you know, drinking. I give you your out part in.

Now booze, if you drink, if you're drinking, you're done in four hours. Yeah. Right. I don't give a fuck who you are. Right. Unless you're drinking at a slower pace than your tolerance, which why would you do that? The whole thing is it's like a race car. You're pushing the limit. You're trying to take that turn as fast as you can. So you're doing shots and you're doing all of that shit. I'm going to fuck who you can only go for four hours at a certain, at, at game pace. Yeah. I mean, I can fucking sit there on a dock and just sit there and sip and beers all fucking day. But I mean, if you're drinking four hours, you're done. Then you do a bump of this and you could keep going. That was the point. I see. They would level it out and then you could keep drinking

like the party would never end. Yeah, especially if you're at like a rehearsal room and you're playing music and you just want to keep going, you know, for the love of music. Yeah. Well, anyways, dude, I am so excited about this gig because not only to get to play with all those great play musicians, the, uh, mic'd up drums just sound fucking unbelievable. Yeah. And you, you rocked it last time, dude. You're playing with Nikki six last time. It's one of the funniest things to think you had posters of that guy. And then there you are. There's that great video footage of him. You're looking over at him. I forgot I start the song. I'm so like fired up that you're up there with him. Oh yeah. It's kicked in the teeth. So I'm all, all right,

it's kicked in the teeth again. And then we're just standing there. All of us had Scotty and looks at me and goes, it's you. I go, Oh yeah, it is me. You know, it was so funny and I'm looking at you and you're looking at Nikki. Dude, Scotty and fucking killed it. Oh, that guy said fucking. You know what I'm like? Yeah. And he, I loved how serious all those guys took it. Oh yeah. I remember was Steve Gorman going, showing up and just going, you see that pointed out all the empty seats because that's going to be fucking carnage today. And he was not bullshitting. And it's still like, that's one of the great like live drummers I've ever seen was what he did on your show. So if you guys are anywhere near Los Angeles this Tuesday at the Avalon right across

from Capitol records, does there a name for the show? The, uh, yeah, it's, uh, the bonds got well for years, I called it the church of bond Scott, the church of bonds. That's what I called it for year. You know, this is the 40 year anniversary of bonds, Scott's death, 40 year anniversary of back in black. But we started this back when we were kids, me and Josh Z and Billy row. Uh, we were doing this as kids in San Francisco. Oh, you, oh, I didn't know that. Oh yeah. We'd, we'd done this for years. And then when I moved to LA, I didn't really have like the, the time or whatever to do it. And then once I was a comedian and stuff, I was like, let's fire that thing up again. You know, and that's so cool. Yeah. I mean,

that's how long we've been doing it. And that guy solo Dallas, that brings the equipment, the, we, we've got all the same equipment. ACDC uses the vintage marshals, the vintage Ampeg SVT, uh, the, the same guitars. And Josh Z just kills it. And speaking of all that, you know, if, if I ever get to meet Phil Rudd, what I would ask other than talk helicopters, because he flies helicopters, that's right, right? Is, uh, I always wondered what happened to that fucking amazing kit that he had on the back and black, black sonar. No, it was, it wasn't black, it was all natural wood. Oh, that's right. I got the poster. That's right. It's natural wood. It's fucking gorgeous. More toms than he's ever hit in his entire career. Yeah. I think it was,

it was like two floor toms and it was either three or four up top, four up, two down, and then he had the single bass and the snare drum. Anyways, dude, I gotta, I gotta go to bed cause I gotta drive this fucking car out to the, yeah, yeah. I've been up since four or 30. Thank you so much for putting me on it, dude, man. It's going to be fucking awesome. And I'm looking as looking as forward to playing drums as I am doing the standup because I got all this fucking new shit that's coming out and, um, you got some new bits. Oh yeah. And dude, I might shit that's coming out right now. I'm just, it's, is as, I don't know what the word is. It's just fucking, I'm just being an idiot. Yeah. And I'm having a great time and I feel like this

fucking, the, the overcorrection has kind of gone back to the middle. Yeah. Yeah. You can have fun again on stage. It's kind of nice. Yeah. Um, with, of course, you know, all the shit that we learned over the last few years, you know, that people weren't talking about, yada, yada, yada, all that bullshit. I'm having the most fucking fun. I was telling my wife that I was like, I was like, I'm having more fucking fun on stage than I think I ever have. Oh, that's amazing. And I said that on the last, and that's like 35 years in, right? 30 years. Hey, I'm not that 28, 28, but still, man, like, you know, to be digging it that far in. No, I fucking love it. I love it at 10 years in. And the other thing too is I also love, I've been going to smaller places and just fucking

getting up on stage, you know, it's a different thing than actually going to a comedy club. Yeah. You know, it reminds me back in the day when you had to get them. Yeah. So like, that's me every night. Yeah. No, no, no, no, I don't think I'm as good as I was when I was when I when I had to get people to like me. Yeah. So now you once people get to know you, then you go on in there. It's yours to lose. Yeah. As opposed to like, how the fuck am I going to get these people? Yeah. Like, I just remember that feeling standing back that just going like, God, that's my first name my first special. Why do I do this? And that's what I would be thinking. Why do I do this? Why don't I just fucking, you know, I'm inherently a shy person. Why the fuck did I pick this job?

Why the fuck do I do this? And, you know, and then you just fucking go up there. And what's so fucking funny is even if it sucks, you just have this great story to tell all your stand-up comedian friends. And it almost in a weird way makes it worth it. So anyway, we can talk about that for a fucking hour. Anyway, dude, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm going to practice my ass off over the next fucking 48 hours. So I don't fuck it up. Can't wait. You're coming to the rehearsal tomorrow? Yes, I am. Great. I just got to get the address and then Tuesday night tickets at Dean Delray.com. There you go. And there's about 90 left. Oh, cool. Yeah, there's about 90 left. So. Oh, we're going to sell it. We're going to sell it out. It's going to be awesome.

I'm telling you guys, this is the last one too, man. It's been so much work to do this. So and the people that are playing, you know, you're never going to do this again. I don't know, man. It's a bad time to ask right now. That's like asking somebody, you're going to host the Oscars again? Is that trying to put together the fucking monologue? I know. I'm never fucking doing this again. I know. It's so much. Yeah. Merrill was like, what do you mean, man? It's like a month of work. And then like, it's great. And I'm like, yeah, but man, dude, it's, it's, now look, if I was at a level where I could just sell out the Avalon on my own, I would do it every year. I'd be like, just show up, see me. All right. So there's going to be more. Good. That's all I needed here.

All right. Love you, brother. Thanks for coming on. And I'll see you tomorrow with the at the rehearsal. All right. That's it. I'll check in on you guys on Thursday.