Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-1-19

Episode Date: April 1, 2019

Bill rambles about F1, Dumbo and station wagons.

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Trust your Instinct, follow your understanding. Information and information on BMW.be Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 1st. April 1st? Wait a minute. Isn't this when everybody fools everybody?

Look at all these fucking wires all jammed around together. How the fuck does this happen every week? Well, Bill, because you just throw it around. You throw around your equipment. It gets all fucking locked together. Happy April Fool's Day, everybody. We're into month four. And old Billy and old Booze is fucking cruising along.

Four months into this fucking thing. November 24th, so I don't know, it's 127 days. 28 days, as of today. Which is the longest I think I've gone since that time I took a year off. So my record is 367 days since I first started Boozing around 17 years old. So the first 17 years of my life I cruised. Other than, you know, I snuck a beer here or there, you know, when I was in my teens. Because I didn't want my first beer that I ever had to be in front of other fucking people.

I remember my dad had Stroze. That's what he used to drink. He had Stroze. I don't know if they still make that shit. He had it in the refrigerator and I would fucking, you know, sneak one. Not realizing, you had no idea how fucked up am I gonna get. And I would only drink like a third of it. And then I would pour the thing out, the rest of it down the fucking sink. That was my big foray.

And everything, everything I've ever done, I always stuck my toe into it. Like, oh, what bad things gonna happen? So, which is probably better for you, you know, long term. But I will tell you one thing, you know, going to bed sober really makes you kind of force, face your fucking demons, man. I was really thinking like, ah, you know, I drink to take the edge off, little stress, you know, it's nice. It's nice to just have one and just fucking relax, which it is. Who's kidding? Who? It's fucking delicious.

Oh, oh my God, I gotta, oh, Jesus Christ. I, you know, the amount of times I've gone, it's starting to fade. But you know, these first few fucking months, man, it's been a couple of bars that I've seen. And I just think, especially during the day, I just think like, what would happen if I just went in there right fucking now? Marched right in there, got a beer and a shot. It just did that for the next four hours. Came home. Then I come home to my wife and kid at 4.30 in the afternoon, hammered and then what?

You know, you'd be looking at me like, what do we in fucking Angela's ashes? Kind of an asshole in 2019 with the wife and kid at home goes out and gets fucking hammered at a bar. But I'll tell you, as much as I know not to do that, the thought is definitely there. But yeah, so as I've mentioned a thousand fucking times, and I know you guys are getting sick of this, but I just say to you, say it to you, so I'll do it. I'm taking this year off. I'm not talking to you guys right now. I'm talking to me. You understand me, you freckled cunt?

We're taking the year off. So, which I think I'll be able to do no problem. The only fucking tough day that I see between me and let's see, I would break my record. I went a year and two days, November 24th, 25th, 26th, November 27th is when I would break my record, right? My own personal best, the willpower, is I'm going to the, I'm going to be going to the Clemson Florida State football game in October. And I'm going to be, you know, we already like, we have the lodging. We're going to be out there for a couple of days. I'm actually trying to get a gig at Clemson, everybody, which is probably career suicide now with everybody with their hashtags.

Flipping the fuck out and all of that shit. I would love to do a gig at like sort of a pre football rally for the Florida State game. And I'm so fucking excited for that game, but I'm going to be there with, you know, my best friends in the world. And I know I'm going to smoke half a box of cigars. I just got to, I just can't do the fucking, oh my God, is that going to be hard? Sitting on a fucking lake, drinking fucking club sodas and lime with lime. Oh my God. I mean, you know, certain times in this country, you get fucking deported for that, but whatever, I'm going to do it.

I'll do it. The one thing I do like about not boozing those, it's really easy to keep the fucking, the old pasty belly at a, at a decent fucking level. Although I've noticed I've started to eat a little bad lately, just because just coming home, you want to catch some sort of a something. I'm just so used to something at the end of the fucking day that I've literally, I started drinking root beer. Like I'm fucking, like I still have a paper route, like I'm still nine years old. So I got to watch that, you know, because that's like hitting the crack pipe of fucking sugar, you know, it's a, it's a motherfucker, man. Like people who are like straight edge, like I would love to sit down with somebody who's just totally straight edge and just talk to them about like, can you imagine, you didn't drink, you didn't smoke. And then on top of that, you actually ate like what do they call that diet, the probiotic diet, whatever the fuck it was. Those people actually read up on nutrition, they barely work out and they got fucking abs and shit, you know, those people who truly they treat, they treat their body like a fucking classic car.

You know what I mean? Like, you know, the ones that it's just like, dude, do you even drive that fucking thing? Like every fucking nut and bolt has been chromed. It's kind of, I've just been thinking about that going like, wow, that's what if I treated my body like that, because I know I haven't. I've treated my, you know, I've treated my body in the last 15 years like a station wagon, you know, the family station wagon, the fake wood paneling on the side. That's kind of how I've done it. So I mean, it's not like I've been, you know, you know, back in the day when I went to high school in the 80s, and I remember my buddies of mine, where they go out and go by like the used fucking Transam that went from the late 70s with the fucking screaming, flaming chicken on the hood, 6.6 liter, you know, and say it on the side. And the thing was always just like, car look cool, it sounded cool, but it was driven the way it was meant to be driven for fucking eight years, nine years, and now you got it.

And those things wouldn't, yeah, would always end up fucking shit in the bed. My buddies would buy them and the fucking thing would die like three months later would need some major goddamn work. So anyway, I've been just sort of trying to think like that, like try to go more in that direction, like, all right, what if I quit cigars, or at least reign it in? What if I read a little more on nutrition? You know, what if I kept reading? You know, and I just, what if I kept reading every other word out of my mouth as you know, I'm too fucking stupid, right? I've gotten back into like learning French, and I'm doing really well with it now. I actually got a friend of mine that speaks French, and this person will text me only in French, and I can actually translate a lot of it now.

I kind of psyched, and I'm just going to keep doing that. I told you, I went to that private school we were trying to find because the fucking all the schools out here, public schools suck. So now we got to try to find a private school to go to, and we went to this one that I really loved, still love it. But the lady there, you know, they teach the kids how to speak French, right? Some real fucking aristocrat-y fucking private school shit. I said, hey, can the parents learn it with them? And they're just like, she's like, no, it's too late for you. And I want to thank her for saying that because it really motivated me.

I was like, you know what, all right, well, I'll show you, fucking show you, I'll come out of nowhere. It's going on there, except we'll say it all in fucking French. Speaking of which, I took the love of my life, my beautiful daughter, to her first movie this week. I was so excited, you know, she's all about going to the park and all of that. I bought a pitchback. Remember the pitchbacks you used to have as a kid? You know, you could adjust them at three different angles. The one I had was like sort of concave shape. So if you threw it at the top, it would give you a grounder.

You threw it at the bottom, you get a pop-up. If you threw it straight in, it'd be like you had a friend that you were playing catch with. So I bought a killer, one of those, and I was trying to show her how to use it and she didn't get it. So she would just run up with the ball and she hit it off the net and then turn around and then throw it at me. And I kind of was kind of getting her to figure out how to do that stuff. And, you know, I know it's still, it's the toys beyond her because it's going to come back and hit her. That's what I'm worried about, but I got to run the right path. I already got my, one of my relatives got us these little hockey nets and she actually goes watch hockey.

And then like while we're watching hockey, like she's running around with the stick and the ball, you know, I'm fucking with my old knees is on the floor trying to play goal and shit. So it's all coming together. It's all coming together. I just need to get her a little bit taller and then I'm going to start teaching her how to drive my fucking truck. But anyway, so I was driving around LA and I saw all these billboards that said Dumbo March 29th. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to take my kid to a movie. She's big enough now.

We're going to go there. We'll get some popcorn and candy and some fucking drinks. The whole thing's going to be great. So we went over there. You know, my wife was going to come with me and then at the last second she got something she had to go do. And she goes, you just go, you go, this would be good, you know, bonding time daughter with a dad. So we go there. And I, you know, and first of all, I couldn't find the fucking movie like which theater we were supposed to go in.

They were all numbered, you know, and you can't find your gate at the airport. And I fucked that whole thing up somehow. I'm like, where the fuck is this? You know, and I went to therapy about my anger. So I'm really trying to keep it cool. And I'm just like, who came up with the numbering system here that I can't find, you know, theater number nine or whatever. Right. So it turns out because it was like the IMAX Dolby surround sound fucking.

And I was just like, wow, they're going all out. So, you know, it's hilarious. I'm sitting there carrying all her stuff, carrying the popcorn. I'm leaving this trail of popcorn and stuff. But I'm loving every second and we get in there and we have like these individual seats that like recline. So I set her in the seat next to me. There's this old dude sitting next to me. A couple other people in our row.

I went to like the 1030 in the morning showing, right? And I sit her down and I put the big box up bag of popcorn, right? You know, she's sitting there, you know, a little cute little legs, right? Put her right between the legs, right? She's just sitting there and she's just eating it. And she's just looking over at me like, I don't know what this is, but I'm in. I love this, right? I'm keeping away from the candy though, you know, the sugar or whatever.

Right. So just the salt, right? I mean, what am I going to do? I have this weird thing where I'm feeding her healthy food, but like also I think a kid should have McDonald's. Like I'm not going to take it to that fucking level, you know, gluten free fucking pizza. I mean, at some point, you know, I don't know, it's probably a bad thing, but whatever. Everybody raises a kid the way they want to. Like I think you got to have a balance of like a little more progressive shit with also, you know, they fall down.

You say rub some dirt on it, you know what I mean? You don't want an animal, but you don't want to pussy either. You got to have that fucking debt. You got to have, you got to raise somebody that's going to be able to go out in the world and be able to stick up for themselves. And I think that starts at McDonald's. No. Anyway, so we're sitting there and the coming attractions are happening, you know, and everything's fine or whatever. And she's just eating the popcorn.

Like she's just like, like fish to water. Like, oh, I get this. I watched this and I eat this popcorn. I sit in this great chair. She's not even looking at me, right? And then the movie starts. And it didn't even dawn. I thought it was a cartoon.

I thought it was an animated thing, right? I didn't fucking realize that it was live action. And Tim Burton made it. This was not a kid's movie. And it was like PG or whatever, which is, you know, PG is a joke. But when you got like a two year old, you know, it's fucking guys like yelling at the elephants and being all mean, you know, Hollywood's whole, you know, zoos or bad circuses or bad kind of theme. You know, and we got about fucking three minutes into it. And she looked over at me and she put her arms up, which means, you know, pick me up.

And I was like, oh, shit. And it was loud. So I picked her up. No, she had talked a little bit. And the guy next to me kind of looked over me like, what the fuck? And I'm thinking like, really, dude, we're at Dumbo. I got a little kid, the kids talking. And then all of a sudden I put together, oh, he's looking at me like, what the fuck did you bring a kid to a Tim Burton movie for?

So now I put, she's in my arms with her head buried into my neck, which she does when she's shy, when there's too many people around or she's uncomfortable. And so now I'm sitting there trying to be like, oh, hey, honey, look at the elephants. Look at the elephants. And she's just sort of looking back at the screen and then, you know, going back and then after like, I swear to God, we made maybe 15 minutes and I just whispered in her ear and I just go, you want to go home to mommy? And she just goes, yeah. It's like, all right, we're out of here. So I only saw the first 15, 20 minutes of it.

All I could tell you is Danny DeVito as always crushing it. I was loving him. Colin Farrell was in it. I mean, I was in. I was enjoying it. Tim Burton was having a good time. You know what's funny? When before I went over there, you know, somebody was trying to say, you know, that thing didn't do too well on, on fucking rotten tomatoes.

And I'm like, well, what the fuck? What kind of fucking, what do they got? Five year olds going on rotten tomatoes being like, eh, kind of a rip off of Pinocchio. And once I got there and I look, you know, I don't know. I think what I got home was when somebody told me it was a Tim Burton movie. But as I was walking out and I just was, the whole thing felt bad. Like there was a fucking, there was a fight and this guy was punching this guy in the face. And I was like, this is fucking like, which is just shit.

I've always watched, but now I got a kid. Then I'm like, what the fuck? This kind of, this guy, they're going, they're going pretty hard here for a kid's movie. I'm such an idiot. It wasn't until I left that I looked around and I realized that I was the old, like everybody there was like my age almost. Well, not my age. I'm fucking, the guy next to me was like, he had like 10 years on me, but it was all adults. So a big swing and a miss for me.

And we still had a good time. She loved the popcorn, you know, she still says it. She's walking around, go movie, movie popcorn, popcorn. Yep. Yep. I go loud, right? She goes loud, loud. So anyways, I did at least get to experience that, which is, which is pretty amazing.

Considering, you know, this is my first kid I've ever had. So I've never gotten to, you know, I've never had a kid at this age before. So I never got to go take him to do something like that, which opened up this whole world of like, oh my God, I'm going to, maybe she gets into sports. I get to go to her games. I get to take her to games, drive her friends to the games and, you know, and go to movies and find out what the hell she's into. And, you know, hang out before they become a teenager, at which point they need their space, which I get, you know, it kind of gave me like, like, oh, this is a whole new chapter of this part of this ride that's going to be really cool. Because she's already stopped doing some stuff that I loved, you know, but then they, you know, they learn how to talk better. You know what I mean?

It's opposed to me. But, uh, yeah, she used to say, no, when you be like, hey, sweetie, do you want, uh, you want some more cereal? And she'd put her hand out and kind of look, put her eyebrows down, look at the floor and be like, no, no, no, no. Me and me used to laugh and just sort of joke like, well, you only need to say it once. And every time was always, no, no, no, no, no. I felt like I was like trying to hang a picture on the wall and she was like some super rich person across the room. Like that's not it. No, no, totally wrong. So she doesn't do that anymore, but she does other stuff.

You know, I've gotten to do like more like interactive, you know, and they're just like a baby just fucking carrying him around like this. It's like you have the hope diamond. You're like terrified. Now she runs around. She falls down. She's fine. I've gone swimming and shit with her and all of that stuff. So it's, it's really cool watching her become like a little person.

So anyways, anyway, you guys are telling me F1, the second race of the year in Bahrain. I watched that today. And, you know, I'm rooting for Ferrari just because, you know, whenever I take on a new sport, I can't root for the Patriots team or the, the, the gold state warriors, whoever the dominant team is, you can't just like pile on and be like, oh, I like the best team. So Ferrari, obviously there are no slouches, but they've just been, they've been in a rut since I've been watching. I think this is my third or fourth season watching and it's, let's see. Well, let's see. Lewis won it. Then Nico Rosberg won it.

And then Lewis won it. So this is my fourth season watching, I believe, or Lewis won the last two years and Nico was, Nico won the first year I watched, but I think I'm in my fourth season of watching this stuff. And I have to be, I got to tell you this right now. I swear to God, what rooting for the Ferrari team is feeling like it's, it's like rooting for the Kansas City Chiefs or the Toronto Maple Leafs, the fucking who else San Jose Sharks, the San Diego Chargers, those fucking teams that they're, they're right there. They're right there. And then fuck you. Gee, I'm watching this fucking race. And, you know, Lewis Hamilton did not have a good race the first time.

And, you know, that guy, I, I, I really like him. I like what he does, but he, you know, he acts like a fucking baby though. When he's not winning, he's always at, oh, what's, what's Botas doing? How come he's not helping me out? It's like, well, when you're leading the race, you're not thinking about helping him out. You know, I never been able to like think like, is that like how you have to be to be as good as him? You got to be that selfish. It's just really off-putting as a fan to be watching that.

So I'm watching the race. The Ferraris have won the pole in second place and then the Mercedes are in third and fourth. All right. I think this Charles Leclerc, is that how you say his name? He was on pole. Vettel had a better start. And I think Leclerc, somebody was having a problem with their grip around the first three turns, didn't warm up their tires enough. And Botas was breathing down and breathing down his fucking neck, you know.

And, but then when we say straightened out after a couple of fucking laps, the Ferraris were like in control. It was a really interesting race. And then Lewis went in early and he got some soft tires and all of a sudden he started fucking catching up, which made Vettel have to fucking pit. But like the Ferraris were just stronger. They were just better cars and just were better today. And then they just say, fuck the whole fucking thing up. You know, it's also punching up a fucking episode of efforts for families. I'm always fucking multitasking.

I don't know what happened to Vettel, Vettel's front wing, but he fucking spins out. But Charles Leclerc, he has like a fucking, he had like a 25 second lead on Lewis Hamilton. And he's, there's like 12 laps to go. The fucking race is over. And I'm like, this is great. Okay. Hamilton's going to go 0 for 2 as far as winning races. And you know, he's coming.

You know, he's going to win his races. Maybe it'll be nice and close for the rest of the fucking year. And no, 12 laps to go. All of a sudden Charles, oh, something wrong with my car. The fucking turbo shits the bed. And then you just got to watch fucking Hamilton run them down and then fucking BOTOS passes them. And now the Mercedes are in first and second. They have fucking Ferrari team.

They just fucking screwed the pooch. And then at least, you know, Renault was nice enough to have both their cars shit the bed. So then they finished under a caution flag. So the clerk was, I think did he, I think he might have stayed on the podium. And then Vettel was kind of in fifth place. What do we got here? Let me see what, let me see the positions here. I looked it up here.

F1 standings I have. And that's not what I want. It was Lewis Hamilton, BOTOS, the clerk, and then, oh, Max Verstappen and then Vettel. So he came in fifth place. And then here are the standings for the year. BOTOS has 44 points points for Mercedes and then Hamilton has 43. Max Verstappen is at 27. And then the Ferrari team, they're at 26 and 22.

Like, now I, now, so now you know what it is now? Like, all I'm going to do is root for BOTOS. Cause I did like the racing between the two teammates, BOTOS and Hamilton. Like, fuck you, dude. Like BOTOS has done being the fucking, you know, the bridesmaid of the goddamn Gimpa that team. And that could be really fun because that first year with Nico Rosberg and I hope I'm saying his name right in Lewis Hamilton.

That was, it's like watching days of thunder the way they didn't get along. So, um, let me get a drink of water here. Hang on. But anyways, when, you know, it was fucking hilarious when, um, when Hamilton passed, uh, Leclerc, I literally gave the finger to the TV, both fingers. And I was just like, why, why am I mad at Lewis Hamilton? What, cause he's good. You know, he reminds me of, he's like that.

Remember that smart kid at school had the great penmanship and always fucking, you know, did everything that you knew you should have been doing, but you weren't. You know, it's like, why, why am I going to hate the guy because he's fucking good. Just drives me fucking nuts. It's like, it just, it takes me back to being a Boston sports fan before we started winning. And it was just, it was just like, how many fucking times can these cunts get the call? How many times can just the ball just fucking bounce into this guy's hand?

Like just getting the brakes. Like Mercedes got really fucking lucky today or what I think they're just a better team. I don't know what the fucking deal is with Ferrari. They make some of the greatest cars in history that just, I don't know. It was frustrating. I was really hoping, you know, the first five, like get five, six races in and Ferrari had like a nice decent lead. And then to watch Mercedes play catch up for once.

It's just, you know, it's just not, it's not their time. So we shall see, we shall see what happens. Anyways, let me see what we got here. Andrew was asking me if I wanted to answer any more of these fucking tax questions, which I'll, you know, I'll do it. I'll answer another one. I don't know. I just have no fucking idea.

How are you going to convince me that you should basically punish honest Americans who happen to be making over $10 million a year? And the fact that you would co-sign on that as a fellow American to punish those fucking people and make them pay for all these people who don't pay any money, any taxes, all these corporations that don't pay any taxes, all these corporations that fucking drag us into ending fucking wars, never ending fucking wars and make a fucking fortune off of death and destruction. And that's all a separate issue.

It's all a fucking separate issue. And you know what? You know what? We can fucking tax these people because they actually report their fucking income. So God damn it, I'm not making $10 million a year. So fuck them. Well, I'm not making $10 million a year either. And I don't say fuck them.

I say fuck the fuck alone. And go after the fucking problem. All right? Don't paint a house that has a broken foundation or that needs a new foundation, I should say. All right? Oh, by the way, I'm going to be in New York City Tuesday, flying in Tuesday morning, getting off the plane, going right over to MSG for the Garden of Dreams. And you know what they're saying?

Dreams, okay? It ain't fucking the main room where the Knicks and the fucking Rangers play because that's the Garden of Nightmares. I'm talking about the theater at Madison Square Garden where Eddie Murphy recorded raw legendary place, the Garden of Dreams. And I'm on this fucking show, unbelievable show that has, let me read the line up here because Brian Regan was tweeting about it. I had no idea.

Listen to this fuck, Garden of Dreams, April 2nd. Come on, Bill, type faster. Here we go. At the Hulu Theater. All-Star lineup announced. All right, listen to this. We're waiting, Bill. It is.

Jesus fucking Christ. Tiffany Haddish, Michael Che, Brian Regan, Jerry Seinfeld, John Stewart, John Stewart. John Mulaney. I thought Eliza Schlesinger was on it. I don't know. And yours truly. Oh, and also Steve Sharipa is going to be hosting it. Typical me.

I don't even know what the fuck this is for. And you will all start a benefit that has raised nearly $5 million so far for what? Garden of Dreams Foundation is a non-profit with 30 partnering organizations throughout the tri-state area, including hospitals, wish organizations, and, okay, oh, Garden of Dreams, make a wish. Okay, it's like a make a wish thing. Okay, cool. So I'll be doing that.

Oh, Billy, new jokes coming to town. Woo! Did I fucking eat my fucking freckled dick the other night? Jesus Christ. I took a nice fat one at the fucking belly room. Went up there with some new jokes. Oh, God. Terrible.

Fucking terrible. I had this great fucking thing on people who were watching that Michael Jackson fucking documentary. It absolutely fucking destroyed. Destroyed. And then the very next night, two nights later, I go to do it and I never tape myself because I just, I, you know, because I know I'm not going to listen to it. I wish I taped that night because I went and tried to do the same thing and all I got was

groans. So that might just be one of those things where, you know, one night it worked and it just never worked again. Then I just sit there, you know, like somebody who had loved and then lost it. Speaking of having loved and having lost it, let's read a little bit of the advertising here. What the fuck did I do with it? MMP content.

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I love it. Policy genius. Hey, can you fucking believe it's April already? Um, do you know who says that people who don't live in towns that have fucking the winner are part of the world? You know what I mean? I remember Massachusetts, January, February and the horrific hope of March in like a lamb out like a line out. It just sucked 31 fucking days of it before I had to fucking pay, you know, rent and anything. February always fucking dragged, even though it was only 28 days.

It was still the middle of fucking. Oh, wait, you got your February vacation though. That was kind of cool when I was in school. Anyways, can you believe it's already April time as a habit of getting away. But if you have a mortgage kids are ready, what depending on your income, you're going to have to spend some of that precious time to get life insurance. If you need life insurance, but you don't want to spend a lot of time comparing it, you should give policy genius a try. Policy genius is the easy way to buy life insurance online. It's just two minutes.

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It saves you money and not to belabor the point. It should just say it's fast, not but it's fast. I don't know. Policy genius, spend less time comparing life insurance and more time doing literally anything else. All right, let's get back to the podcast here. All right. MotoGP had their second race of the year. I know Mac has won it.

I didn't get a chance to watch it yet. I'm going to try to do that. I'm going to finish this podcast and hang out with my little beautiful kid here. And then I might check that out tonight because I ain't doing shit. I'm not doing shit tonight, hanging out with the wife. Going to get a little quality time in there. I did a benefit Saturday night at the Palace Theater here in downtown LA. I got to play drums.

The portion of the show that I was on was, it's an MS benefit, rock against MS. And just a great event. I've done it twice. NCB sale puts the thing together. And it's always this great mix of incredible musicians that I grew up watching. And I get to sit in with all these fucking great people. And I played Highway to Hell, which I think I played live at this time like a half a dozen times. But this is the first time I played it where I felt like I had the least amount of fuckups.

You know what's funny? The middle, that's such an easy song to fuck up, at least at my level. Because you know, in the middle where he's going, Don't stop me. You know, it's sort of, it's like a three against four thing. So you're supposed to count it one and two and three and four. One, two, three, four, one and two and three and four and one and two and three, four. Really simple.

But in my head, whenever I'm playing the song, Because I played that song a million fucking times and never thought about it. I could just feel it. But all of a sudden I'm playing it. I'm not playing along the track. And I got fucking people. I grew up watching on MTV. It's turning around looking at me.

I get fuck. It fucks me up. Right. So that one is basically, I always hear it is one and two and three and I'm just like, Oh, no, where am I? And I was playing along to AC DC and I just started thinking about it. And all of a sudden I was fucking it up, playing along the highway. I played along that song.

If 30, 30 fucking years, never thought about it. All right. The day of the gig, I'm playing along to it and I'm thinking about this part going, I at least I got to know how to count this out, figure out what this is after all these years of playing it. And I started fucking it up. So I'm backstage just going, I'm going one and two and three and four, one and two and three and four and one and two and three, four, like I'm going to do that.

So of course, when, you know, the time comes. So the song fucking comes, you know, we start playing the fucking song. We get to that point. Now, Michael Devin from white snake is singing and immediately I started, you know, but I had to, but I had to, but I had no idea. So I just fucking went real hard with the hi-hat. So my, my one would be their one, one, two, three, four. And then, you know, ended up getting out of it.

And I had a great fucking time. I had a drum sounded awesome. And I got to watch all these guys. Stephen Perkins, who was just on my podcast. I got to watch him play my favorite Van Halen song of all time, mean streets. And was it mean street? This is home. This is mean street.

It's mean street. The movies mean streets. I got to watch him play that. And just an incredible fucking drummer, man. You know, some people look like they're working when they're playing. That guy looks up there like he's just having the time of his fucking life. And I got to go on like right after him. And he's just, he's the best fucking dude ever.

So I'm hoping he's actually going to be playing out live here where I can watch him do a full set. That's what the fuck I would really like something. Oh, what am I talking about? He promoted that thing in the beginning of April. Am I going to be around for that? I think I am. Hopefully I am that thing in downtown LA. Now I'm literally just talking to myself.

I'm not even doing a fucking podcast anymore. All right, let's get to some of the questions here for the week. I know the Red Sox have won one and lost two. I love when they said the Red Sox have given up 18 runs of their past two games. And I was like, Jesus Christ, we're getting lit up. And then I see we only let up six the other night and say, all right, so we let up 12 one night. That fucking happens. All right, let's get to some of the questions here for the week.

See what I got here. I'm hoping I'm not going to get trashed too much for my fucking views here on taxes. All right, athletes getting paid. Hey, Bill, we see on your podcast, you talked a little bit about why college athletes should get paid. Yeah, but I also think that it should be like a flat fee. So you don't have to bring in agents or anything like that. They do a straight across the fucking board socialism thing here. So you don't have high school holdouts and all of that.

Or maybe that is the wrong thing. I have no idea. I was just saying starters get this amount of money. And if you have a jersey that sells a lot, you get a percentage of it. And then everybody else who isn't a starter gets a certain amount of fucking money. And then that's it. Straight across the fucking board. Big bang.

Boom. Done. All right. Hey, Bill. Okay. And I wanted to chime in on why it's harder than it seems. Not just because of the greedy corporate cunts. Oh, no, it's it's fucking.

It'll be a fucking nightmare. That's why I'm proposing a one sort of, you know, I don't know. It's just fucked up that somebody is like selling a zillion jerseys with their name on their back, just coming from show business. I just know if I sold out a football fucking stadium that I would get paid for it. I would never do that show for free unless I guess it was a benefit, but I can't see a football stadium worth of people. This is weird thing where it's like you're coming in as a blue chip draft pick out of

a recruit, I should say, out of high school. And then you're going to Michigan or USC or Alabama, like these places, they're going to sell out anyways, because of the history. So it's almost like you're joining a super group. Right. But it's kind of like the original members leave. And now you have to carry on the name. So at first they're doing you a favor.

But once you establish yourself as a star, then you're the one that's continuing. You're the, you're the draw that people are going to at that point. They know your fucking name and that's, that's got to be some sort of money. I would think, you know, anyways, um, I'll also try to use simple language because I know you can't read out loud worth a shit and neither can I. Well, I'd like the fact that you're self deprecating deprecating too. All right. Paying athletes is all about who gets the larger and smaller pieces of the pie.

Do football players get more than basketball players or soccer players? Do physical sports or activities get more than mentally exhausting sports or activities and what counts as a sport or an athlete? Uh, should the chess club or racquetball players also get their share of money? No, you know what I mean? I'm talking fucking you're, you're already famous. You're such a big time fucking college player. You're already famous.

That's what I mean. Listen, listen. All right. I would limit it to the sports at the school that have actually built the dorms. You know what I mean? Built the new fucking swimming pool for the fucking swim team. I mean, give me a fucking break here. All right.

The amount of money that college football and college basketball brings in. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. All right. And then lesser than that is a handful of hockey programs. At least here in America and, uh, in baseball, but they don't bring in the money, the TV, the March madness, the bowl games, the fucking playoff system. They now have football. I mean, that's a whole other fucking level.

Um, anyways, uh, basically the universities are pieces of shit because they take the federal student aid money and then take a broadcasting and they then take broadcasting companies money and pay fucking nobody in return. It's smart, but it's also a total dick move. Okay. We're all in this. I'm on the same page here. My thoughts are that schools who are getting money from any source of an event like the

NCAA tournament, college football playoff or the president's cup chess championships. Well, how much fucking money is that should be contributing to the players in some way, medical travel, shoes, chessboards and so on. Um, you sound like a chess player to me, man. You're bringing up chess way too much and is, uh, for the slices of pie, the amount kickback to the athletes should be proportional. Sorry. It had to use one big word.

Jesus guys, am I this bad fucking talking to me like I have brain damage. Okay. To the amount of the universe, to the mountain, uh, the universe. And then I stumble over the next five words. All right. Point taken. You guys are right. The university received from the event.

It's fucked up. It's fucked up how to solve the paying athletes problem, but something is better than nothing. Anyways, I'm a long time listener. Saw you in Portland, Oregon last summer. Keep being great and stay safe on your upcoming travels. Sincerely, nobody, no name left to go fuck yourself. Um, yeah, they should probably do so. I would think that they, it doesn't make any, the amount of money that they're, you know,

generating. And then I love that argument. They're getting a free education. It's like, you know, it's like they're going there to play football and try to make it into the NFL. And their body and their brain is never going to be the same. They're going to do damage to their body that they're going to feel for the rest of their fucking life.

Okay. They don't have time to fucking go to class and do all of that shit, especially during the football season. Can you imagine getting ready to play for Alabama and making sure you're turning your paper in at the same time? They get a free education. No, they get an education on, uh, I feel like the music business is almost, it's, it's that much of a fuck over.

Even the music business. Jesus Christ. They back in the day, they let you keep your fucking tour money and your t-shirt, your merch money. Right? Um, I don't know. All right. The number 70.

Hey, Bill, simply put, I think the interesting thing about the 70% tax rate argument is that most of the people arguing for it don't even know why 70. Uh, I would be one of those people. The green deal doesn't really just justify 70 or make it any more important than say 65. The team behind AOC, I didn't know what that is, gave her that number. Her team is essentially socialists. They're trying to make a capitalist argument in support of a socialist idea.

In socialism, there is no end game. And like fascism, it's a small group of people making decisions for everyone. Capitalism is that way too. We really got to stop like acting like capitalism, you know, anybody can just pull themselves up by the boots. Like there's things aren't like locked down. You know, if that was true, we would not have the gas combustion engine for as long as we have.

If that was true, we would deal with global warming head on. Um, yeah, all forms of government, socialism, fascism, capitalism, whatever the fuck you want to call them. They're all inherently flawed because they're run by human beings who are inherently flawed. Yours truly one of the great cases of all time. Anyways, unless we wipe out all the Congress and replace the millionaires with average Joe's who care about the earth and people and being fair, they'll just use that power to spend all our money on selfless selfish causes.

It's human nature. It absolutely is. And that's, that's another part of my argument. It's like, okay, so these are the tax dollars that they're actually going to use. You know, so public schools are better at get health care, fix the roads, help out the people in Flint, Michigan, you know, help out veterans. This, these are the tax dollars. They're actually going to get to them.

And they're not, they're not. It is a broken system. I'm just hoping the fine folks at Blackwater, um, you know, they have the weaponry to have a full on fucking revolution. Hopefully their hearts are in the right place. Who knows? We shall see. Um, friend is a flat earther.

What, I don't understand how this, this made a comeback. I really feel like this is just people trolling. I just can't imagine that this is, this is an actual thing. I mean, God knows I'm not a fucking smart guy. Okay. What the fuck are people are going to sit here and act as though this is actually a thing. Um, how did this start? Friend is a flat earther.

Hey, Billy, global tits. That, you know, it's a best one in a while. I'm a 28 year old living in New York. One of my best friends is a flat earther, not only him, but his girlfriend as well. Well, you know, they fuck missionary style, huh? Or do they call it earth style? Uh, I know, I've known them for over five years. So recently I sent him a cool video of two space is that X or 10 rockets vertically landing.

I would expect his normal reaction like, Oh, that's so cool. It's amazing what people can do nowadays. But instead of that, he started talking about how we've been lied to the whole time that all the space program, ISIS and all of that is a global hoax. Oh man, he went way down the rabbit hole. I started down that road and I headed back. So I thought he was joking and I asked him, are you a flat earther? And he responded, do research, bro. Okay.

Wait a second. You know something? I'm going to take this guy's advice and I'm going to do a little research here. Flat earth evidence. I can't imagine with the advertising I'm going to get now. Signs sell me a hazmat suit and a fucking shelter. Frequent flat earth frequently asked questions. What evidence do you have 10 easiest way you can tell for yourself?

The earth is not flat. This is evidence. What this is what proves the evidence like only smarmy people taking all this time. Like, can you imagine? Like, if you know the world's fucking round, right? You've been in a plane. You've looked at it. You've seen it.

Flat earth. Maybe they're just fucking near-sighted people. They can't see the roundness of the earth when they get up at 37,000 feet. Flat earth. The flat earth model is an architect concept. The flat earth explained. Okay. And the weirdest part isn't just that he believes the earth is flat.

I can't find anybody that says seven ways to prove the earth is round. You know what, because I'm on page one. Why the earth is actually 100% flat. Okay, hang on a second. Is this the one? You know, I got to hit pause because I want to read these six. Hold on a second. Okay, I'm back.

All right, I just found a guy who goes, you know, before you guys say I'm a moron, I did a, I was on the math team and I won a jury trial, which are very difficult to win. And I used to think that the world was round until I met my lord and savior Jesus Christ 40 years ago. It's like, okay. All right. All right, I'm out.

Tapping out. God bless you. God bless you. God bless all the flat earthers. So what do they think? They think the earth is round, but of flat, but the moon is round. How does the water not run off the ends? I mean, I've flown around the world.

I've done it. I did a gig. I flew from LA to Australia. Then I did Australia to fucking New Zealand. And then I went to Singapore that I went to China that I went to India. Then I went to New York. I connected in Dubai. We kept flying that fucking other way.

Granted, I didn't have a compass. He could have done a big slow fucking all the pilots in on it. Uh, you know, I mean, I don't know where the fuck I'm going. You know, that'd be very, that'd be really easy to fake you, fake you out in a plane. You know, just a few times when I try to do a little bit of instrument training in the helicopter, and they have you close your eyes and they just start doing shit. And you can just, you have no fucking idea what's going on. And I got, you know, if you're sitting in the back of a plane,

you're just looking out the side of it. You don't know what's going on. Hey man, you know what? Maybe it is flat, man. I don't know. I just, Jesus Christ. This guy found Jesus and the result of it was he thinks the fucking world is flat. Okay, anyways, I've known them for over five years.

Let's just get back to this fucking thing. Okay. So he said, do your research, bro. The same day I called him and his girlfriend over to, over to my house. All right. Well, I just looked at a guy who said he was a math lead and he believes the world is flat. You believe it's round and you just wrote a fragment. So right now the flat earthers are winning.

The same day I called him and his girlfriend over to my house. Period. Anyways, I'm going to tell you old freckles, I had much fun arguing with them, but his response was, I knew you were going to make fun of us, not take us seriously. I didn't, I didn't mean to tell you it just slipped out of my mouth. Next time I'll be cautious. Now this is very unusual behavior for him. He never had been so sensitive and cautious on any level.

His biggest argument is that it's written in the Quran, the Bible and the Torah that the earth is flat. God laid the earth beneath our feet like a carpet for us to walk on. Well, he could still do that and it could be round. It's the old gravity thing, right? I respect religion, but like a, but like a comedy, I cannot take it literally. It's all written in poetic manner, right? It's been almost a week and I'm arguing with him only about this topic. My question is, is flat earth or the new gay?

Should I close this topic and accept his new enlightened perspectives? Or should I be worried about continuing to throw scientific facts at them? Is that what you do with gay people? Look, you both have vaginas, okay? You can't penetrate one another. How much more scientific fact do you need that the two of you lesbians should have a threesome with me? Anyways, I don't want to escalate this thing to the breaking point, but it feels like they're in some cult. And since they are my friends, I care.

I listen regularly to your podcast, always from Kazakhstan. Oh, all right. All right. So I'll forgive the fragments here. And this is my first time writing. Sorry for my English. Your English was great. Thanks and go fuck yourself.

I don't know how things work in Kazakhstan, but over here in the good old United States of America, your friendship with them has hit a serious snag in the road. So, I mean, you can continue to be friends with somebody that thinks the world is flat. Just don't bring it up. It's like religion. You know, there's a bunch. I mean, I'm not into it, but I don't know people. I mean, I hung out with people.

Scientologists seem to be like the only people around my age that still fucking practice their religion. They don't fucking bug me. I just don't bring up religion. I'm not going to fucking bombard them with my stupid opinions, my unresearched opinions. Who gives a fuck? You know what the funny thing is, is the only reason why you and I know that the earth is fucking round is because of other human beings that had the balls to fucking get in a goddamn boat and start sailing off into it. So, I can't only make fun of these people so much, okay?

You're talking about somebody who took his daughter, a two-year-old to a fucking Tim Burton movie. So, I mean, how far away am I from someone who thinks the fucking world is flat? But having said that, I feel like you're eventually going to slowly back away from these two people if they continue down that road. Yeah, I also get nervous that, you know, people are going to make fun of them to the point that they become angry people and then all of a sudden you're the person that they take their anger out on. These are just concerns that I have. All right, boyfriend wants to become a comedian. By the way, thanks for listening to the podcast way over there. Don't you guys have a race over there?

One of the F1 races over there? One of those K countries. Boyfriend wants to become a comedian. Hey, Billy Bald Eagle. My boyfriend of almost two years told me when we started dating that he's been torn between being a comedian or being a doctor. Yes, I knew a guy that actually quit being a comedian to go back to med school. He's ridiculously smart and I know he can do anything he puts his mind to. Sorry, Yardik here.

But I personally feel like he'd make a bigger difference in the world being a doctor and if anything could be easier to transition from being a doctor to a comedian than the other way around. Well, first of all, it's not your life and it's not your dream and I can tell you that this is a young man and woman's business. So all those years of studying to be a doctor and then become a comedian, that could be a difficult thing. I love him and I've told him that I'll support him no matter what he chooses but I personally think doctor is the way to go. Is it the underlining thing that you don't think he's funny? Because then I get this. Anyways, yes, I realize that it sounds like a fucking gold digger but that's not why I want him to go for it. I couldn't give a fuck about what he brings home.

That's bullshit. That's complete bullshit. Why wouldn't you give a fuck? That's the first thing women ask, what do you do? That's the guy's job. The guy's job is to provide. The woman's job is to stay home in the kitchen making babies. But seriously, that is the thing.

As much as women want to put on pants and go out down the street wearing a fucking hard hat, you're always going to be working with guys because we can't make a baby. We can start the fucking process but we're in the pit crew. You're driving around the fucking track. You're the ones going to have the fucking kid. Alright, my fucking recorder fucking crapped on. For some reason it's still in the left fucking channel. Why is it doing this shit?

Why does it do this? Now what about this? Does this make it better? Is this both sides? No, it isn't. No, it isn't. You know what? I'm going to have to buy a new recorder because I don't know how to make this fucking thing work.

I was saying, yeah, there's nothing wrong ladies with asking what a guy does for a living. That's what you should be asking because you want to get with a smart guy. Okay, where it becomes gold digging is if you just tell a guy that you love him when you don't because of what he's making and then you marry him and then eventually you can't live the line anymore and you take him for everything he's got in his fucking house. Okay, but if you're just trying to, because you don't want to marry a fucking dope, man, that's good for the human race. If you're smart enough to not marry a dope, then you're going to make smart people who hopefully do good things.

So by all means, ladies, keep asking what do you do for a living? You know, there's questions that need to be asked, you know? That's basically the female, look, females should ask that. The same way guys should be like, are those things real? Okay, we're both doing our research. Anyways, I think that that guy, like I said, I think he wants to be a comedian and his parents don't support him so that's always great for the comedy and he sounds like a really smart guy if he's smart enough to be torn between the two of them.

That's great jobs, you know, and they both really help people. All right, what can I end with? Let me end with this on this one fucking speaker. Why is it doing this? I have everything set the way I normally set. It's got to be something on the mixer. I'm never going to figure this out. Stereo, is this thing?

Is this what I need to do? Did that fix anything? Something just happened. Hello, hello. I like the way that sounds. Is this work and then this and then this? This is how I play video games. I just start pushing the buttons.

Nothing happens. That's how I do stand up to. I just push buttons. Congratulations to Ronnie Chang. A comic I saw a long time ago on a fucking plane. I was like, this guy's funny as hell and then he opened for me in Australia and then he got on The Daily Show and now he just booked an acting role in this sitcom. Asked it.

I guess an African American woman also books a graduation. Both of them. But unfortunately, the stars are white. So now people are saying, I'm not going to watch the, you know, 15 people on the internet are saying they're not going to fucking watch it. It's just, you know, I don't know. I'm too white to understand all of that. It's just like, all right, so you're not going to watch a show because of somebody's skin. It's just a trope.

We're sick of this. All right. Okay. So if I do that, I'm racist. But if you do it because if you add oppression to it and the fact that white people created this situation, you're, you're, I'm not going to use, I hate that expression woke. It's just been overused. So I don't know. I don't know what the fucking math is on it.

I just hope people watch it because I love Ronnie Chang. All right, there. Can everybody just fucking relax? The world is going to hell in a fucking handbasket. The first mammal is extinct from fucking global warming. Sorry, climate change. Am I in trouble with transgendered people? Did I use the wrong fucking terminology there?

And we're running around freaking out about fucking sitcoms and fucking gender neutral bathrooms are way, way, way more up on the list of priority than this. There's not going to be any shit for us to fucking argue about. Maybe that is the end game. I have no idea. I like when people go, I don't think that there's a God. Why could there be a God if he would just, if you just look at the fucking world and it's just like, well, look, you know, they made absolute masterpiece. Masterpieces of automobiles and people bought them and then they just fucking sat in a barn. Does that mean the people that made them all of a sudden it's not a fucking masterpiece?

Well, I guess that's not a good thing because the car would act like how human beings do. I don't know. Maybe God is like, you know, like a crazy artist. You know what I mean? And just like our world is just something he just, you know, those people that don't, they don't really paint. They just throw fucking paint at a canvas and they get naked and they roll around on it. They have to put turpentine in their pubes afterwards and somehow after they die, it's like worth like fucking 10 million bucks. Maybe that's what he did. I have no idea.

But anyway, I'm going to watch it because Ronnie Chang's in it. And as a white person, I love, I love a white lead. I'm not racist. I'm just a proud white podcaster. I'm fucking around. I don't, I don't watch sitcoms. I watch sports and I'm going to go watch the MotoGP, but I guess that's it, right? I'm going to do The Garden of Dreams on April 2nd.

I'll check in on you on Thursday. And hopefully I can have somebody fix this fucking recorder. I don't know what the problem is. Well, you know what the problem is. It's me. So I apologize. All right, I'll see you. All right, I'll see you. Bye.